La gitane (1986) - full transcript

The GYPSY

I will not be bothered by women!

Sir, it's your ex-wife on the phone.

- Brigitte...
- I need to talk to you.

- Yes, darling...
- Sir.

- Mrs Blanchard on line 2.
- OK.

Hold on, Brigitte.

- Hello? The slip...
- Elsa.

- The black slip.
- Red.

- Red?
- Go and fetch it.

- Yes.
- That one's sexier.



OK. Sorry, I'm busy.
See you later.

- Listen, Brigitte...
- You need to come round.

- OK, I will.
- What time?

- 6:30. Well, 6:35.
- Always in a rush.

- What?
- As usual.

- What?
- As always.

See you at Christmas, then!

Mrs Chomard is here, she isn't happy.

I can't do anything,
the computer isn't working.

Why isn't it working?

Mrs Bouchereau programmed it.
Where is she?

- On maternity leave.
- Still?

It's endless!

Women are such a pain,
always pregnant!



I don't have any children.

Obviously!

Miss Chaprot, I wonder...
Have you ever tried...

changing your look?

You don't like my hair?

It's great. Very severe, elegant...

What about my control unit?

Mrs Bouly!
You're in the way!

Since when do you smoke?

- Is it a problem?
- No.

The computer stops working
once a month.

- Like a lunar cycle.
- No!

That's the explanation:

It's a lady computer,
it's indisposed once a month.

Mrs Chomard, I can't you give any cash.

My lady computer isn't working.

Lady computer?

I'm going to Almeria this evening.

Take if from your husband's account
at BNP. We'll call them.

- No, no!
- But...

Can I tell you something, Mr Durieux?

You understand women.

- Sometimes.
- Right.

I'm going with a friend.

Yes.

It would kill my husband if he found out.

Wouldn't he more likely kill you?

You'd do that? That's terrible.

I've already killed 30 women.

In my dreams.

Miss Chaprot...

organize a 15,000-franc overdraft
for Mrs Chomard.

- Check with head office if need be.
- Yes, Mr Durieux.

- Your daughter is here.
- Who?

Your daughter.

Miss Chaprot, close up.

It's 5:59.

- Dad, I'm leaving Robert.
- Perfect.

What's going on?

I said: "If you want a maid,
try the Job Centre".

Mrs Binet...

Excuse me asking, but...

is your hair natural or permed?

It's natural.

Do you think curly hair would suit me?

Thank you.

You and your car!

- What's Robert done now?
- Nothing!

I'm always shouting at him
and he says nothing.

I said: "Don't leave your socks lying around!"
What did he do?

Guess.

- Put them away?
- Yes. Do you think...

that's virile?
Would that excite you?

He should have thrown them at you.

I'd have preferred that.

But I've warned him:
if he raises his hand, it's divorce.

Nothing is simple!

He buys me flowers,
always wants to make love.

Know the latest thing?

He wants a child.

- Your husband?
- Yes.

I won'! Be a minute.

I'll be in and out.

La Petite Parisienne?

You've got a mistress?

No. I wear fishnet stockings every night.

I'm not joking.
Have you got a mistress'?

Yes, you know I do.

But I'm not supposed to know.
What about Mum?

We've been divorced for 10 years!
She doesn't care!

Is this the best time to tell me?

I've got a mistress.
So what?

- Florence!
- You're a monster!

Come back!

Florence!

Damn it! She's a pain...

Hello, Mrs Sarlat.

I don't like it when people hang up.

She's here, she's had an argument
with Robert.

- I don't know what to do.
- Who?

- Florence!
- Florence?

Your daughter! Have you forgotten
you have a daughter?

On my way.

- Brigitte...
- Quiet!

Florence is asleep.

I gave her something to sleep.
Don't wake her up.

Right. I'll be off.

Hubert...

why did you tell her about that tan?

Elsa?

You admit it!

You could only mean her.

Sleep with who you want.

It's your problem.

Thank you.

Everyone knows she's a tan.

- Anyway.
- Yes, "anyway".

Yes.

Florence is unhappy.

Did you have to take her
to a sex-shop?

I collected something
from La Petite Parisienne.

- For that tart.
- Goodbye.

Give me a hand.

Listen, Brigitte.

Put it down here.

Shit! The sink's still blocked.

Get me the plunger.

It's 7:55.

Here we go.

Do you think it's fun
living your life by a stopwatch?

Yes.
It makes me roar with laughter.

If makes me roar with laughter
being at the bank at 7:59am...

leaving at 6:01pm, every evening...

in order to get yelled at at 8:04pm...

by a woman who,
18 years and 2 months ago, said:

"I take you, for better, for worse...

"for richer, for poorer."

It makes me roar with laughter!

There!

Talking of poorer, it's the 2nd.
I haven't had my cheque.

You're so clumsy!

Shit!

Quite!

- You don't change.
- Your sink is unblocked...

your cheque's on the desk,
your daughter's asleep...

and I'm off!

No! Florence is awake,
she's on the phone.

- Go and say hello.
- Of course.

Yes, yes, OK.
OK.

And you've understood?

Know what Robert said?

He said, if I don't trust men...

it's because my father
was unstable.

No doubt.

Is that you, Huben?

No, it's Paulette.

Silly!

Elsa?

Hello!

- Here...
- Never mind that.

Oh, my little one,
you won't be little for long!

Did you arrive late on purpose
to get me excited?

Just a minute.
I've had a tiring evening.

Is there anything to drink?

A girl?

Yes. And she's very unhappy
with her husband.

I've spoken to her mother.

You've seen your wife?

My ex-wife.

Why did you divorce...

if you're there every night?

Why don't you come and sit down?

We can relax...

calm down, be quiet...

Come on. Please.

There.

- You look lovely.
- Really!

I've been thinking about us.

Your life needs to change.
You're stagnating.

Rochemaldo is getting his ribbon.

- So?
- Thursday, at the Count's place.

The Under-Secretary of State
for Finance will be there, Barjac.

- So?
- I'll introduce you to Barjac.

If you're clever, you'll be
appointed to management.

- So?
- You'll double your salary...

be given an apartment,
I get divorced and we marry.

That's all great.

- Isn't Elsa good?
- Yes.

Doesn't that deserve a little present?

- Shit. It's 7 o'clock.
- Come on.

Oh, yes...

Oh, yes!

Oh! What? OK...

Ah!

You're the only one
who's never any trouble.

I'm dying.
Kiss me.

- Kiss me!
- No...

Hey!

Bastards!

Thank you.

It's Mona Romani.
She uses a gang of kids.

- I'll make a call.
- She's just out of prison.

- Pilu.
- Yes, Sir?

- Get the van.
- Right away.

- Miss Chaprot? It's me.
- We'll go to the fairground.

- You can identify her.
- Fine.

I've had a problem.

It's nothing serious!
Listen.

Cancel the committee meeting
and put it back until this afternoon.

Apologize on my behalf.
Thanks, Chaprot.

Mr Durieux, in the back.

Seen Mona this morning?

Haven't seen her for months.
Is she out?

Didn't you know?

Right everyone, clear off.

I've got the order.
Back over the Carpathians!

If I get my car back,
I'll drop the complaint against Mona.

An old car did turn up this morning.

Let's take a look.

Pilu, surround the place!

Arrest that girl!

You'll get your car back, I promise!

And I'll get that Mona!

Pilu, combat gear!

Combat gear!

Stop!

Stop, children!

That's enough!

They're a bit boisterous!
They're young!

They should be locked up until they're 40...

gypsies, Arabs and students...

and the parents.
It would be paradise.

The bastards!

It's black!

- No way!
- They don't hang around.

Your banger would be on a boat tonight.

It's black!

- You've got the gang?
- We'll search every car.

I've got six men down.
Mona won't get away!

I'll be off.

It's the board meeting today.

Thank you.

Oh, the swine!

Sir! I've got one.

Roadhog!
I can't see a thing.

Them and their cars!

I can't see.

Mona Lisa.

Get out.

Get out!

Come on!

What's your game?

You deserve a spanking!

This could go on a while.

Why don't we get in?

No. Hey! Hey!

Idiot!

Is she having a laugh?

Well?

- You're quite sexy for a gadjo.
- A what?

Stay there.

- What do you do?
- I'm a... banker.

That's interesting.

Not really.

I don't picture bankers like you.

Will you withdraw your complaint?

I never promised.

Why did you let me get in?

Well?

- OK.
- Take the first left.

Towards Istanbul.

Istanbul isn't left, it's to the right.

Sorry.

We'll call in to the police station
and get your passport.

Hey! No!

It's lovely here!
You can see the Eiffel tower!

Look at my nose!

Oh, sorry.

You'll pay for this.

The Eiffel tower!
Take a good look!

You won't be seeing it again for a while!

Stuff her!

Ow!

She is cute, though.

Not again!

It's so painful!
You hurt my ankle.

I hurl your ankle?

I'll take you lo hospital.

No, please.
They'll put me in prison.

You don't know what it's like.
I'd rather die.

- Farewell.
- Come on...

OK, I'll take you lo my place.

Come on! Off we go!

I'll call a friend who's a doctor.

He can come to my place and treat you.

- Is he any good?
- I think so!

Come on! Here we go.

Let's go.

- Does it sting?
- It's fine.

Does it hurt when I do this?

No. It's rather pleasant.
You're nice for a gadjo.

I'm not nice.
If you looked like my secretary, you'd already...

be in jail.
Is she ugly?

Oh, dear!

I could be your secretary.

That's the answer.

I can change.
I could wear glasses.

That would be a shame.

Oh, shit!

My secretary.

I'll get told off.

- Hello!
- Mr Durieux?

- It's 3 o'clock.
- I know it's 3 o'clock!

- You're late.
- I'm never late!

Really! No! No...

- Hello?
- You didn't hang up.

Chaprot, I said I'd be right there.

Stay here.
I'll be back in an hour.

- Sir.
- What?

Please don't give me away.
I haven't told you everything.

Why?

I don't risk 6 months in prison...

it will be life.
They'll bring back the guillotine...

for me.
Oh?

I slit the throats of 6 Arabs
who didn't want to rape me.

Can you get me some chocolate,
some herrings and a red lipstick?

You can walk?

It's the massage!

- You're going to the bank like that?
- Yes. Why?

Whilst waiting for Mr Durieux,
let's look at the Cogemap file.

We transfer the outstanding debt
to the unpaid account...

of which we are a third party.

Good idea.

- My apologies, gentlemen.
- Mr Durieux!

So...

- We're looking at...
- Cogemap.

Cogemap.

I warn you, I'm going to be firm.

We'll act on the decision
and liquidate the assets.

We can always reschedule the debt
if we receive...

additional guarantees. I'll minute that.

He's on form.

- Right.
- What's with your tie?

H's a bow tie.
I had a car accident.

Your ex-wife called.
She's worried.

- 5 gendarmes are in hospital.
- Concerning...

the variability of the guarantee and...

Mrs Blanchard called.
She's been in touch with the Prefect.

There's a disaster plan in place.

The leader of the gang is still at large.

So... It is... indis...

pensable...

to... give... a discount to Sofira.

There's a call for you on line 6.

Line 6?

Excuse me.

Yes?

I found your number on
your chequebook.

Really?

I'm so bored!
You've no idea...

Ah...

How is your nose?

Fine.

How do you open the window?
I want lo sunbathe.

Right. Stay there, my dear.
I'm on my way.

Right, gentlemen, I think that's everything.

Miss Chaprot, fix a date for the next meeting.
Goodbye.

Mr Durieux.

- Hello, Superintendent.
- You're not injured.

- No. Why?
- You were seen hurtling...

through a quarry with a girl in the car.

Yes.

There was a girl in my car,
but she got out.

Would that be Mona Romani?

- Mona...
- Mona Romani.

Ah...

Hitchhikers don't tend to give their names.

I've put your home under surveillance.

- It seemed wise.
- Thank you.

Hello, officer.

Are you completely mad?

- Everyone is looking for you.
- So?

I don't want them to find you here!

OK, I'll go.

Fine!

Could you help me?

Yes...

I thought you liked me.

I've a lot on my mind.

Your mind?

Sorry about that!

Nothing must disturb your small life.

- Very small.
- Yes, I'm narrow-minded!

And my bachelor flat isn't...

a gypsy shack.
What?

For thieving pikies!

You're calling me a pikie?

You don't scare me!
Yes, so...

We'll calm down and you can go.

There.

What is a pikie?

Same as a gyppo.

This is enough for a siege!

But I am hungry.

Haven't you eaten for a while?

I make the most of whatever I can find.

I noticed that.

I know I won't have a long life.
It's written here.

You believe in that?

I'm a gypsy.
How can I...

not believe?
You?

Me...

No. I'm not a gypsy.

Destiny... his what it is.

We're just flotsam.

I always dreamed of playing piano
at the Conquistador bar...

and ended up, like my grandfather and father...

as a bank manager.

And tonight...

I'm eating herring with Calamity Jane. So...

Let's drink to all the desperados...

and sons of bank managers.

- Is that difficult?
- Backwards, yes.

I'll try it forwards.

Shit!
That's it!

Now the wall is ruined.

And my rug...

- ll was a gift from my uncle...
- Stay still.

It's understandable...

Shit, my grandfather!

- He doesn't look much fun.
- He wasn't an acrobat.

He had a wife, 6 children...

and he died at his desk in the bank.

- We'll fix the painting.
- It's ruined!

And my 16th-century rug!

Don't go on about a rug and a lousy painting.

The Conquistador is rather...

You saved my life, I won't judge yours.

Do you mind?

What? Oh, Grandad!

A rug like that...

can't be replaced. It's a disgrace.

I don't have another.

I can't afford another.

I left my wife...

taking only my toothbrush and this rug.

I'm attached to it.

You get attached to your things.

I'm off. Bye.

Hey, my bike!

Hurry. Get him! Quick!

You're leaving because of me?

It's time we were back on the road.

- We were in a rut.
- It's not fair.

Yes, it is.

I showed you how to steal apples.

Leave me alone.
I'm very cross.

Wait a moment.

I feel afraid all of a sudden.
It's true...

All these roads,
all these lights, all alone...

I'd like a house...

with cupboards full of linen and pots of jam.

I'll tell you a secret, Mona.

They say that gypsies come from Bohemia...

the plains of Hungary and Egypt.
It's not true.

They come from the moon.

The country of dreams, the country of night.

I can see that you're going to fall in love.

You won't find your dream
in a cupboard in a house.

Houses are not for us.

What about castles?

Castles are much better!

But you'll need a royal palace.

We knew you'd get away, so we stayed.

OK, let's go dancing.

- Have you eaten?
- No. Let's go.

Where is the sugar please?

Left-hand cupboard, above the cooker.

Left-hand cupboard...

It's hard when you don't know
your way around a kitchen.

Eat your yogurts, time for work.

Leave that rubbish, it's not
worth anything and unsaleable.

But that...

And you can sell a painting from a museum?

Ifs an investment.

- Ricardo, take this rug.
- OK.

- Young man, there is a queue!
- And you're in it.

I want to speak lo the boss.

Mr Durieux?

That's right.

Maybe I could help?

If I'm in the way, I'll just go in.

Right.

Oh, no!

Just a moment, Miss Chaprot.

- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you.
Am I disturbing you?

Come in to my office.

It's nice here.

Come on.

- This way?
- Back to work!

It's not much fun here.

I'll leave you, then.

That perm isn't great.

It's fine, Chaprot. It's fine!

She can't get many flowers!
Poor woman.

Casing the joint?

Don't tempt me.

- What's this?
- It's a present.

It's Chinese!

And that's not all.

It's better than a grandfather.
I like it.

Where did you get it?

Looks like a Watteau.

I found it in a museum.

Ah...
A museum? A museum!

You're completely crazy!
Are you trying to put me in jail?

You can'! Keep it here.
It's for your place.

Take it straight back lo the museum...

or I'll slap you.
Understand?

Wasn't it nice of me?

It was an apology.

Please stop chewing that gum.

Sorry.

I apologise.

You have to say:

"Please accept my apologies."

Please accept my apologies.

Would you like to have dinner?

Why?

As a thank-you.

I'm sorry, but... I'm busy tonight.

It's important to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

I can tell I'm in the way here.

My family has already left.

We'll never meet again.

I've prepared it all...

in my cave, behind the car cemetery.

No one knows it's there.

No.

I can't tonight.

An important meeting...

with a minister.

- A minister?
- A junior minister.

What's a minister like?

Fat, sweaty and self-satisfied.

It seems it's important for my career
that I meet him.

Come in.

Sir, your ex-wife is on the phone.

Can't you see that I'm...

What shall I tell her?

Tell her to go to hell.

I'll tell her.

If you're not going with your wife,
you can take me.

- Obviously!
- I can waltz.

Is it evening dress?

Is it a ball?

Please take me.
I've never seen a minister.

Mona...

I'm not going with my ex-wife.

I'm going with someone I love,
and who loves me.

OK. I get it.

Go to your party without me!

- Shall we carry on?
- Yes.

Well... Er...

The Cogecip file.
Here we are.

Yes, Elsa. I'll be right there.

Hold on.

Have you collected my suit?

It's not perfect.
No-one cares these days.

- I'll change at your place.
- Hurry.

Why?
We've got 2 hours.

I'm feeling wild.
We can have a cuddle.

See you soon.

She's a nymphomaniac!

I'm off, Miss Chaprot.
Will you lock up?

Yes, Sir.

Sorry.

- Is that all?
- Your daughter is waiting.

I can't stay with Mum!

What about your husband?

Don't talk to me about him!
I'm so unhappy!

Come to my place for a few days.

With your tarts?

Sort yourself out, then.

I don't believe it!

Miss Chaprot...

My car has been stolen.
And I know who did it!

Really?

- Do you have yours?
- Yes.

- Can I borrow it?
- Of course.

- I'm running it in.
- I'll be careful.

- Thanks.
- What about me?

You should go into a convent.

This isn't funny!

Dad!

I'm running it in...

Shit!

Mona?

Mona!

I knew you'd come.

Where did you steal it all?

Moth-eaten palaces.

Do you like it?

It's like a scene from Donkey Skin.

- And the car?
- You didn't waste any time.

- It's water-based paint.
- It's dry.

Almost. It's been done well.

Yes.

And what about me?

Come on.

Donkey skin.

Is there a Prince Charming too?

There is.

And he takes off the skin.

He does, yes.

He takes her to the ball.
I'm sure.

- Are you starting that again?
- Yes.

Why shouldn't I go?

There are lots of reasons.

The cops are looking for you,
they'll be there.

We'll fire into the crowd.

- I've got my gun back.
- But...

And there's Elsa.

Who's Elsa?

Ah, yes! Your tart.

- Poor woman.
- You don't care about Elsa.

That's kind of true.

No!

Ah!

Don't do that.

You're ticklish?

I hardly touched you.

If you touch me like that, I'd give up...

my own parents.
Oh?

If you don't take me, I'll do it again.

So, will you take me?

Stop it! I can't go to the Sub-Prefects ball...

with a girl who plays the castanets!

Come on...

Get lost!

You were happy enough
to pounce on me!

- That's nothing to do with it.
- I want nothing to do...

with someone like you.

- Get out.
- I'm leaving.

I don't know why I'm here.

I'm always getting dressed outside.

She's completely nuts!

Crazy woman!

All women are mad.

Madness!

Now it's run in!

Chaprot will not be happy.

Good evening, Mr Durieux.

Oh... Evening, Superintendent.

Are you going to this?

No.
I see your car has been found.

- It looks fine.
- I found it. Did you know?

Yes, but then it was stolen again.

That's why I found it again...

by chance, in a car park.
I've withdrawn my complaint.

- I know.
- Goodnight.

That's one case closed.

Friends, I think it is now time...

to get to the proceedings...

for which we are here tonight.

In a word, you are, Sir...

someone who contributes
to the dignity and glory...

of France.

In the name of the President of the Republic...

and the powers conferred on us...

we declare you Knight... no... Commander...

of the Legion of Honour.

If I may say:
you're the loveliest woman here.

Allow me to introduce my wife.
Miss...

- Victoria Amelie de la Pissardiere.
- Goodness!

You're wearing the exact replica
of my earrings that were stolen.

Would you mind if I had a copy made?

Of course.

Ah, Hubert!

- Do you know Hubert Durieux?
- No.

- Count of Arfaix, our host.
- We need to talk!

We do.

Excuse me.

He's a one.
He's priceless!

An ex of mine.

What's wrong with you'?
You're being odd.

I don't feel well.

I won't stay, I feel...

off colour.
Out of the question.

I must introduce you to the Under-Secretary.

I knew him when he was young.
He was marvelous.

You've gone mad!

Come on!

Excuse me.

There. Isn't that better?

You smell strange.
That's not your after-shave.

It's wild.

It's exciting!

Where have you been?

Could you pass me a glass of champagne?

Of course, Miss.

Thank you.

Oh, you have splendid hands...

the hands of a poet.

How clever of you.
I do attempt verse.

- To be sure, I need to taste.
- Miss!

I see a terrible shock!

- Mona, that's enough.
- No.

Don't listen to him.
He's after me.

Ask him to leave me alone.

- Sir!
- Oh, shut up, you!

Mind how you speak to me.

He showed his willy to the toilet attendant.

What?
I'll smash your face in!

Let me go!

I'll smash your face in for saying that!

The next time I...

- Are you crazy?
- Elsa!

Do you know who that is?
The Under-Secretary of State.

Oh, Minister!

Well, General...

There you go... It's...

We should draw a veil over this.
My dear Mona...

There!

I only wear jewellery once.

Madam General.
Good evening!

Know what I'd like?

To put back the clock.

I'm a little girl.

Very little.

That was my favourite doll.

I'm sad. Very sad.

- Console me.
- Yes.

No.
We have our whole life.

OK. That's great, but...

I want to live in this very moment.

What is "this very moment"?

Nothing.

Look.

Look at this second that's coming.

It gets closer, it's here.

Tick... took, and it's gone.

Just a memory.

That's right.

Let's make some memories.

That's all you think of!

Yes, that's all I think of.

- Know what we'll do?
- Yes.

No, you don't.

Look. It's amazing.

We're going on the road...

we'll sing in courtyards.

We'll eat potatoes cooked in the fire.

If you want champagne,
we'll have to forge some notes.

We'll blow the rest
in the casino in Enghien.

And then... we'll cross the Arabian desert.

This is non-stop,
between the future and the past...

and Enghien and Arabia...

We'll live like princes in rags.

You need money for that.

Money slips through your fingers every day.

Yes, it does.

I'm nothing more than a cashier.

And...

What?

You don't put the fox in with the hens.

It must be lovely to go to sleep
happy and never wake up.

There's only one thing to do.

Is it a love potion?

Yes, the last one.

Drink.

Lie down next to me.
And don't move.

We'll never move again.

What do you mean?

Drink it quick.

I don't want you to die after me.

What?

It never fails.

It's arsenic. But you don't feel
anything because of the ginger.

You're completely crazy!
You can't have!

Tell me you didn't do that!
Spit it out.

Drink some milk! Milk...
A doctor, a doctor...

Is she winding me up?
Surely not.

A doctor!

Mr Thibaud!

Mr Thibaud, a poisoning, quick!

Find me an antidote, a doctor, do something!
Come on!

Hurry up!

Come on!

Quick!

We can still save her!

You didn't want to die with me.

Too bad. Goodbye. Donkey skin.

Don't worry about me,
it was Alco Cellezer.

Alka-Seltzer!

I spent an hour looking!

I've asked you not to move my things!

I can't find anything!
The paperweight was on the left.

Now it's on the right.

Why can't you leave things alone?

Miss Chaprot, where is the form?

- Here.
- Why didn't you say?

I'm tired, Chaprot!

If you don't mind my saying,
people are doing you wrong.

- Mind your own business.
- Right.

Binet!

Mrs Binet!
You've forgotten to do the transfer...

for that idiot Terzian.
It's not hard!

And do you think your make-up
is appropriate?

- Where are you going?
- Lunch.

It's not yet twelve,
so if you don't mind...

And your skin...

why not pull it up a bit,
to attract some clients?

There is a couldn't-give-a-damn attitude here.

I'm putting a stop to it!

First...

- What is it?
- 12 o'clock.

Witches!

You too, Chaprot, go to lunch!

One, I'd like you to call me Miss Chaprot.

Two, here is the bill for my car.

They've changed the chassis...

the engine...

the bodywork...

How about a new one?

I like my car.

It's Mona.

- I've something to say.
- Fine.

Wail for me.

It's incredible.

Won't you sit down, Miss Chaprot?

I've just received a call...

and at once, I find life marvelous.

I know she'll come...

she'll be bring me nothing but trouble...

days, years of trouble...

compared to the few seconds
of happiness I have...

waiting for her.

Why are you telling me?

Because you've been
with me for 10 years...

because you're perfect...

you're punctual, sensitive.

I can't find fault.

It wouldn't take much.

I don't know...

A little line here...

a bit of pencil there...

and maybe here...

to fill out...

the lips...

I could have...

chased you through the woods.
You're incredible.

You can never tell, you know.

Don't worry, Miss Chaprot.

It's stupid, but it's
the other pain I'm waiting for.

There she is.

What do you want?

Everything.

A hold-up!

- A hold-up!
- Keep back!

Thief! Thief! Thief!

- Miss Chaprot!
- Cow!

Bitch!

Keys to the safe!

All along, you...

The cash!

Will she give birth in the ambulance?

It was the same with my 5th.
I nearly had it in the supermarket.

The ambulance!
They did the hold-up!

- Here's the baby.
- How much is there?

It's a good weight.

Shit, cops!

Go in the church!

Give me the gun.

Ricardo!

Sabrina, come here.

Go on, children.

Oh! Oh!

Get out of the way!

The car!

Idiots!

Stop right now!

- What do I do?
- Jump, you twit!

Superintendent, there's talk of an inside job.

A bad business!

How much are we talking, Mr Durieux?

At least 20 million, with the business week.

12-year-old kids!

I knew they were having sex at 11,
taking drugs at 12...

but robbing banks is a first!

And you, Mr Durieux.
I'm trying to understand.

A motorbike is stolen outside your place...

you're at this reception with Mona...

we find the painting from the museum here.

I'm trying to understand.

It seems quite clear.

Great!
That makes my job easier.

I'm not one for thinking.

I hit people.

I'm an old-fashioned cop.

I organized it.

Everything...

from the start. It isn't complicated.

So you can throw me in jail.

I'll get 30 years.

30 years...

with a bad lawyer.

A pair of slippers, an ordered life,
being bored...

- Quiet.
- Superintendent, don't listen.

Please, Miss Chaprot.
Not a word to Mrs Blanchard.

My mistress. You know who I mean?
Elsa.

The... tall redhead.

The Prefect, her friend,
will have me out in a week...

and you will be sent...

to New Caledonia.

Slippers, Elsa, New Caledonia.
I'm not following you.

It's awful, Superintendent.
That girl bewitched him.

- He's not in his right mind.
- That's a good idea.

She's right.

I'm crazy!
The asylum is better than prison.

I'll never get out!
Good idea, my dear Chaprot!

Your sizzling body!

- Your lovely rump!
- No, Mr Durieux! Not here!

- Calm yourself!
- I need a shot!

Sterilize the syringe!
And you, watch out!

Oh, my! This officer is charming!

Chaprot! Give him a drink!
Where's the cash?

She'll have left some in the cash box!
Where is it?

Where's the cash box?

The bank is opening the till!

It's free and non-refundable!

Come on! Come on, ladies!

Come and get it!

Get these notes!

Go and buy guns!
Go and rob banks...

bastions of male domination!

Come on!
Who doesn't have any?

Become priestesses and cut off our balls!

Pilu, I've never been into psychology.

Never, Superintendent. Good for you!

Now I'm wondering.
Is he in on it, or is he mad?

- There's a logic to it.
- Really?

Let's take him down.

- Ah! Good evening, Brigitte.
- Good evening, Elsa.

Well?

Doctor Maillot came.
His heart is fine.

I'll get it. You look after him.

- Yes?
- For Mr Durieux.

Thank you.

I called Bresson, he's an ex, well...

a friend. The press will keep quiet.
Hubert was drugged...

by that bitch.
The magistrate -I knew his father-

doesn't believe he was an accomplice.

Barjac is being sent to Brussels...

and Huben will go to head office.

- Hear that?
- Thanks, Elsa.

As for the Superintendent,
the Prefect, a man I...

Yes.
Is sending him to New Caledonia.

I did warn him.

And that bitch can go to hell!

The case is closed. I called the Ministry.

The private secretary can't say no to me, I...

And you can have a good sleep.

- Bye, Brigitte.
- Bye, Elsa.

- I'll take over if you like.
- Don't worry.

- I insist.
- No, it's fine.

It would be my pleasure.

It's not necessary.

Goodbye, my dear.

You've got a parcel.
Do you know what it is?

No. Open it.

Come and sit down.

That's a pretty skirt.

It's not new.

You look quite good for your age.

So do you.

I don't like seeing you like this.

You're not... you're not unattractive, but...

But what?

You have the same effect on me
as a pair of carpet slippers.

So do you.

Stop saying "so do you".

But we had a laugh.

When I introduced you to my mother,
she said: "A banker...

he won't be fun".

And you turned up with your clown nose.

I loved you, that day.

Aren't I making you laugh?

No.

Life's a funny thing.

Take that off.

Do you remember the kitten
we got for Florence?

Poor Theodule.
He isn't doing so great.

He's 8. 8 times 7...

56.

Incredible.

Why mention him?

When we gave him to Florence,
he was fun.

Remember?

You had him castrated.

I feel like him now.

Like an old tomcat.

Come on!
You need lo shake yourself up.

You're right.
That's a good idea.

No, it's true...

I need to move.
Do you know what I'd like?

No.

I'd like you to run me a bath.

Yes, darling!

I'm hungry.
Can you fix me something?

Of course, darling.

As I'm not good at writing,
I'm sending you a tape.

You can give it to the cops.
They'll realise...

you weren't involved,
and you won't hear of Mona again.

Or, you can have all 3 of us...
the fortune, you and me.

Wait until it strikes midnight...
- Hubert?

I'll send you a sign...

- Can I come in?
- Yes. Of course.

Are you alright, Hubert?

Fine, thanks.

The Eiffel Tower. Quick!

Hi. Alright?

If you think you're going to lead me
on a merry dance...

What are you complaining about?

Paris - Tokyo...

Tokyo - Delhi - Cairo - Paris...

climbing up here at 6am.
And now what?

The real journey starts now.

The real journey? What journey?

The journey into hell.

OK!

- I'll tell you something.
- Yes?

I will not be bothered by women!