Kung Fu Zombie (1981) - full transcript
A criminal comes to town in order to kill Billy Chong over a past dispute. But instead of getting his own hands dirty, he hires a Taoist wizard to animate some zombies to do the job for him. The plan goes horribly awry, and the bad guy ends up getting killed in his own trap. This pisses off the villain's spirit and he forces the priest to reincarnate him - only they can't find a suitable body. Meanwhile, an undead fiend of sorts comes to town to kill Billy's father over some other past dispute. This is where all of Billy's kung fu training comes in handy, and he manages to kill the attacker. With this, the other bad guy finally has a body to use, but the reincarnation goes wrong and the corpse is reborn as a vampire.
(dramatic percussion music)
(clash)
- [Voiceover] In all
cultures, at all times
throughout the
world, the black arts
of magic have been practiced.
Voodoo, exorcism, vampirism,
have been known through history.
But the arts of
Malsham magic of the
Ancient Orient combine
the most dreadful
of all of these.
The renegade priests
who practice the Malsham
are feared and hated
for their unholy craft.
(symbols clang)
(shouting)
(symbols clanging)
- [Wu Lung] Arise!
- Huh?
(laughter)
- Arise!
Arise!
(laughs)
Arise!
(laughs)
(symbols clanging)
(laughing)
And now fly!
- Ah!
(laughter)
(electronic bass music)
(Wu Lung laughing)
- I told you I
could do it master!
- [Lu Dai] Get off me!
(Lu Dai's muffled screams)
- There's our master!
- [Wu Lung] Are you alright?
- Do I look alright?
- Get him off, get
him off, go on!
(symbols clang)
- Get back, get back, get back!
- You!
You fool!
Are you trying to kill me?
You incompetent fool you!
I ought to ring your neck!
I ought to ring you!
(symbols clang)
(shouts)
I didn't mean it,
I didn't mean it!
- There, I hope those are
lively enough for you.
What do you say?
- Master!
Perfect, they're just what
we need for the dirty work.
Part of our great plan.
- Yea, and we do the rest.
(bang)
Heh.
These will fix him.
Lo Yi!
- [Lo Yi] Yes sir!
- Yes?
- [Lu Dai] Deep enough?
- [Lo Yi] Sure is!
- [Lu Dai] Come on then.
Ha!
(crash)
Perfect.
- [Lo Yi] What now then?
- Cover it up with
sticks and grass
so it can't be seen.
You two go to
town, find Pang and
bring him in here.
Then we can spring our trap.
- When those zombies jump on him
and push him into
that covered pit,
the knives will do the rest.
(laughs)
- You're smart.
- You're using my
magic for murder?
- Sure!
It depends on you.
- Huh?
How?
- You'll do just what
you're told to do.
I know what kind of man you are.
You want to keep on
experimenting, don't you?
You can do it with us!
You want all this
money, don't you?
Huh?
This man is dangerous,
a deadly fighter.
I'm generous.
Those who serve me get rewarded.
(yelling)
(dramatic orchestra music)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- That was a snap!
(shouts)
- Lazy dog!
Great expense,
hired these four men
to train with you and
all you do is rest!
- Father, I need to rest.
- You'll never develop if you
keep resting in your training!
You're enemies won't
stop in battle.
This is for the long fight.
May come before you know it.
Understand?
- Yes Master.
Hey, come on.
- Hmm?
Father?
I've been working very hard.
I've had no time off, I
think I deserve a night out.
- [Father] What for?
- You doesn't need time off?
- Meditation's time off.
- I'm young, I need
to meet others!
- Heh.
There'll be time for
fun when you're older.
Now you work.
- Father, you'll force me to
go without your permission?
- What's that?
- You heard what I said.
I fight like a man,
I'll live like one.
- You think you're a
man, then prove it!
(shouting)
(crashing)
(shouting and fists snapping)
(hands thumping)
(shouts)
(shouts)
(staff whistling)
(screams)
- Huh, what's this?
Given up?
(dramatic orchestra music)
Are you okay?
You're not as young
us you used to be.
Remember your heart.
- What do you care?
No respect for me.
You're hopeless!
(high pitched ring)
- [Pang] Who's there?
- Me, Hamster.
Your father's sleeping?
(mumbles)
Hey, we're still going?
- Of course, come on, you bet.
- Oh Master!
- Over here.
- We found him!
He's mine.
- Get ready!
(shouting)
- [Wu Lung] Careful!
- Let go!
This had better work.
If not, you pay!
(dramatic orchestra music)
- [Lo Yi] Pang Fong, this is--
- [Pang] I know you Lu Dai.
- You remember.
- You never learn
to behave, do you?
- So smart, you're
going to pay for
buying in here!
(comical orchestra music)
- [Pang] And they put
you away for five years.
- Five!
Because of you!
- Oh?
And I'd do it again.
You don't scare me.
- I learned kung fu.
(shouting)
- Ha, how clumsy.
I guess you studied
in a prison laundry.
- Come here.
- You come here.
- You come here.
(Pang laughs)
- Meer at me, will you?
I'll get you!
(Lu Dai shouting)
(fist thumping)
(Wu Lung shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(eerie orchestra music)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(Lu Dai yelling)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(Wu Lung groans)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(gong)
(crash)
- What's all this?
(Wu Lung muffled shouts)
(dramatic orchestra music)
(shouting and fists thumping)
You!
(dramatic orchestra music)
I'll fix you!
(shouting)
- Master help me, help me!
Please get me out of here!
Get me out of here!
Master!
(fist thumping)
Master, that's a corpse!
(corps grunts)
Hey, the priest
must be a wizard.
- Heh, couldn't see
his face in the dark.
- Master, it's scary around
here, all this voodoo.
(ominous orchestra music)
Let's go!
(ominous orchestra music)
- [Voiceover] That this is
now a place of Malsham magic,
and where magic have been,
the forces of Hell and
nature, are attracted.
(thunder claps)
(thunder claps)
(bird calling)
- Sounds like everyone's gone!
(bird calling)
One of these days, I'll
get that spell right.
He owes me my fee anyway.
22 carat.
(laughs)
That's good.
This one too!
(Wu Lung grunting)
(crashing)
(ominous orchestra music)
He's come back to haunt me!
(shouting and fists thumping)
- You don't get
away that easily.
- I'm sorry.
I'll give you back your rings.
- Don't want them.
Want to live!
- Eh?
To live?
- Reincarnation!
You're a wizard!
You raise the dead.
You can do it!
- Reincarnation's hard!
- Start now!
- You want to be put
back into your body?
- Of course I do you fool!
- You sure?
- No more stalling!
Get to it now!
(Wu Lung shouts)
Hurry up!
(Lu Dai screams)
Take it away!
Take it away, take it away!
(Lu Dai screaming)
You'll pay for this Pang Fong!
- Look, I'm sorry.
- Sorry?
You're going to be
more sorry if you don't
fix me up!
I'll see that you rot in
Hell with me you bastard!
(dramatic orchestra music)
(Wu Lung gasping)
- Oh, all those corpses!
Scary!
Ghost!
- So while I sleep, you're out?
You fool.
News came.
News came, that
could mean death,
to both of us.
This is why I train
you in kung fu.
- [Pang] You've always kept
something secret from me,
like a child!
- Yea, and now you'll know!
Come inside!
Kneel, these are your ancestors.
Great grandfather.
Grandfather.
They were police
in this district.
I wanted better for you,
so I quit to raise horses.
- So then, what's the problem?
The last policeman
was Grandfather.
- You kids.
You don't understand.
- What's there to understand?
- Revenge!
A clan named Lung,
sworn to destroy us!
- Foolishness.
- It's true.
They'll kill me, then you.
- Then you need me to help you.
- Oh no.
That sounds like a threat to me.
- I just want my due.
Hey, no threat!
But it's clear that
you've been training me
to save your skin.
Now I want mine.
I want my due.
- You disrespectful little.
(staff whistling)
(crash)
- Wait a minute!
- This is what you'll
face if the Lungs kill me.
They'll come after you!
(crash)
(shouting and thumping)
(shouting and cracking)
(screaming)
(dramatic orchestra music)
- Ah!
No breath!
Master!
Master!
(dramatic orchestra music)
(ominous orchestra music)
- Hmm, fresh body.
Looks almost alive.
(percussion effects)
16 pounds long.
Wow, what a beautiful physique.
(percussion effects)
That's it!
What a fee I'll get for this!
Lu Dai!
Lu Dai?
Where's he gone to, where is he?
(shouts)
(thud)
- What?
Trees must be rotten.
Branches falling off so easily.
(shouts)
(thud)
(shouting)
(shouting)
(splash)
Things falling in the lake!
- Master!
Master!
Master, after you left,
you're father, he collapsed!
- Collapsed?
I must get back!
(splashing)
- Lu Dai!
(splashing)
Lu Dai?
I know he's around
here somewhere,
he's got to be.
(splashing)
Lu Dai, I found a
perfect body for you.
- Really?
You did?
- There's just one little snag.
- [Lu Dai] What's that?
- His age.
- [Lu Dai] How old?
- He's 60.
- You filthy bastard,
I was only 35!
- [Wu Lung] He's
really very healthy.
- Really healthy!
You want me to lose 25 years?
I want a body
that's more my age,
even if it has to be yours!
- He's faked before,
but this is real.
- Master.
He...
What do we do now?
- Bury him.
That's all.
He seems dead.
(sobbing)
- Master!
- He was old.
This had to happen one day.
Hey, without him,
I'll now have my
freedom at last.
(screaming)
(slap)
- Father!
(slap)
(mumbles)
(slaps)
(shouting and staff whistling)
(screaming)
Now stop and think,
you still need me
to help you against the Lungs!
- You'll kill me
before my enemies.
- No matter what
you think, we have
a better chance of surviving,
if we cooperate.
- Huh?
- Well is he dead?
- His heart trouble.
He just seemed to be dead.
It's an old trick.
- It looks real.
- But the doctor said
one day he won't recover.
- What's all that whispering?
- [Both] Huh?
- Nothing.
- You'll pay for your
disrespect one day,
you'll see!
(thud)
- You sit here and drink?
While I'm without a body?
- Okay, okay, okay!
Waiter!
- [Waiter] Okay!
Yea?
- Tell me, where's the morgue?
Where do they keep the bodies?
- Morgue?
- You see, my uncle died
somewhere around here.
And I come to claim the body.
I can't seem to find it.
- Oh, it's up the road, there,
you can't miss it.
- Ah, thanks a lot.
- Okay, right.
- [Lu Dai] Okay, then let's go!
- Please Master,
let me finish my dinner.
I have a body to feed!
- Eh?
You want something?
- Huh?
Oh, nothing, nothing.
- Crazy.
(playful percussion effect)
(playful percussion effect)
(Wu Lung laughs)
(playful percussion effect)
(laughter)
- [Waiter] Okay, okay,
everybody settle down!
- Master?
Why are you teasing
me like this?
(laughs)
- You see that hooker there?
Just watch this!
(playful percussion effect)
- So fresh!
(playful percussion effect)
Tell me what you want.
We can make a deal,
but not in here.
The owner doesn't
like fooling around.
(playful percussion effect)
(woman gasps)
(slap)
(laughter)
(thud)
(woman shouting)
(laughter)
- Let go of me you pig!
(Wu Lung groans)
- Trying to get a feel for free?
Cheapskate!
(laughter)
(playful percussion effect)
(laughter and hooting)
Lecher!
(laughter)
(fits thump and shouting)
- Master!
- My son, you'll see.
Your enemies will be tough.
Tougher than you think.
- Master, more water?
(gulping)
- You'll face a kung fu
you can't even imagine.
And magic far more
dreadful than that.
(Pang grunting)
(splashing)
Once more!
(shouting and fists thumping)
(yells)
(yells)
(yells)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(yells)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(splashing)
(yells)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(yelling)
(yelling)
(shouting and fists thumping)
That's the end.
- Why Father?
- An omen, this
staff trained me,
my father and grandfather.
This stick breaking
can only mean
we've come to the end
of our family line.
- Less faith in your
son than a stick?
- No respect for traditions!
Hamster?
- [Hamster] Yes.
- The jug!
- [Both] Huh?
(window creaks open)
(crashing)
(Wu Lung shouts)
(crash)
(ominous percussion music)
(laughs)
(ominous percussion music)
(knocking)
(laughs)
- [Wu Lung] Lu Dai?
Lu Dai?
(shouts)
Don't scare me like that!
Come on here, come on!
Now, we're sure to
find one for you
from all these bodies here.
- [Lu Dai] Let's start
over there, I'll pick one.
- [Wu Lung] Okay.
- [Lu Dai] We'll start here.
- [Wu Lung] What's that?
(screaming)
(crash)
- He's no good, keep looking!
- No, you go on!
- Come on, come on!
Look!
Go on!
- Alright.
(dramatic string music)
- You look.
- No, you look!
- I can't do it.
You're the one's going
to choose the right one,
go on!
Well?
- No good.
- What was it?
- What a coward.
It was a pretty
girl in there, ha!
- This one?
- Ah, ugly as Hell,
I don't want that!
Nope.
No.
- This one?
- No, this one's no good.
Next!
Ah, I've got nothing left!
- [Wu Lung] This one?
- [Lu Dai] It's ugly also.
Nope.
Next!
Hurry up you!
Hey!
This is it!
- Huh?
This one's good.
- Look at it.
Fresh.
And so strong!
- A perfect killer.
- Oh, it's just perfect!
- He's just died.
- Let's not wait.
Do it now!
- You sure?
- Sure I am.
- No regrets?
- None.
Hey there, you know
what you're doing?
- Some of the pages are missing.
- [Lu Dai] What's that?
- Well don't worry.
I have it memorized, but
it's complicated stuff.
Very ancient, I'll
figure it out.
- I need it now.
- Easy now.
Musn't rush, you
got three chances.
- Oh!
And after that?
- No more.
- My God!
- Spirits don't have forever.
- You better be careful,
and you do it right.
You must do it right!
- Let's see here, it's...
Ah, here it is.
- Master?
Eat.
Master?
Eat it.
- I won't eat it!
Take it away!
You heard me!
But master, even for meditation,
you need to eat for strength.
(yells)
(ominous orchestra music)
- One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
(mumbles) sticks in a line.
Body, all magic
spells on it in place.
Looks alright, by the book.
Hmm.
Yea.
Finally, the magic coin.
- Aren't you ready yet?
- One minute.
- What's all this stuff?
- You must wait!
Always takes time
to do it right.
Now we're ready.
- Hey, hey, what do I do?
- You get on this coffin.
Go on now.
Now.
I'll say all the spells,
and the body will start to stir.
- [Lu Dai] And then?
- The corps will rise,
and on my command,
you run into it, becoming one!
- What?
And that's it?
- No.
Temple spikes, take seven.
When the corps and
you are as one,
I drive them in.
Bang, bang, bang,
bang, bang, bang.
Nailing your soul in.
- A mistake could be painful.
- Hmm, my timing
must be perfect.
I feel very good tonight.
- Uh, you sure everything
will go right, yea?
- Now, let's go to it!
(grunting)
Ready?
- Ready!
(ominous orchestra music)
(hands and feet whooshing)
- It's moving.
Like it's going to wake up.
Yea, it's moving.
(hands and feet whooshing)
(whining noise)
- Now!
(screams)
(hand thump)
(shouts)
- Hey, I'm still outside!
(shouting)
- [Wu Lung] Hey wait!
Hey, you dead or alive?
- Can't you tell the
living from the dead?
- You look dead to me!
- [Long] I'm as much
dead as I am alive.
- What's that?
What are you?
- No questions.
- [Lu Dai] Who am I?
- Who cares?
- [Lu Dai] I'm Lu Dai.
- You are nobody!
- I'm a ghost!
- I live with ghosts.
- Not like me.
- Living, dead,
all the same to me.
I have made many
ghosts from the living.
I will make more.
(Lu Dai screams)
- Stop him!
Kill him!
I'll do it!
(shouts)
(crash)
Get me out!
(Wu Lung screams)
- You worm, I don't
kill for free.
Except for one case, very soon.
- Now I know who he is!
- Who?
- I am Long!
(ominous orchestra music)
- [Lu Dai] What do we do?
- One down.
We got two tries left!
(screams)
(Wu Lung shouting frantically)
Now put me down, come on!
Hey now!
- Couldn't you tell
that he was alive?
You're the wizard!
- I was told, the man,
that his soul is dead!
He's a killer, Long, he
killed so many people,
his soul's dead!
- Now I'm going
to be a killer and
I'm going to start with you!
- Now wait, if there's
any killing is to be done,
it must be important for
him to do it, you see?
- Hey wait.
(screams)
(crash)
Maybe he'll get
killed this time.
- It's possible.
Who's he here to kill?
Must be someone important.
- Wait here, I'm the
most important person.
Oh, oh!
- [Wu Lung] What's wrong?
- Hey, I just
thought of something.
It's said that the Long clan
and Pang Fong's family
have a blood feud.
- If Long has come to
fight with Pang Fong--
- Then I take whoever dies!
(shouting)
(dramatic orchestra music)
(shouts)
- A tall man with a
scarred face is here!
Master, what to I do?
- Show him in.
- Oh.
- The time has come.
The man I told
you about is here.
And soon you'll see
why I trained you
for long matches in kung fu.
The Long clan have
a kung fu that
can be kept up for
three hours straight!
- Fight yourself.
- Hey wait!
You're Long?
- Yes I am.
- And I'm--
- I know who you are!
You bastard!
Your time has come,
then your son.
- As police, it was our duty
to stop you criminals.
- No matter.
You must pay.
Come fight!
- Pang, get him!
- Not me, you first.
- Huh?
You refuse?
- You're stalling!
- He's right.
Go on, go on!
Go on!
- You know I'm not well.
- Just this once.
- You mean?
(shouting and fists thumping)
(fist thump)
(fist thump)
(ripping sound)
(shouting)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(splash)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- [Wu Lung] Oh, my aching legs.
What a narrow ladder!
I'm too old for
this sort of thing.
(shouting and fists thumping)
I've never seen
anything like this.
Fighting for two hours!
Ridiculous!
(sneeze)
Well, your cold's getting worse.
(sneeze)
Now wait, come down
here, you'll get a draft!
(sneeze)
- [Lu Dai] What do you care?
- I'm only a wizard,
not a doctor.
- [Lu Dai] Not much
of a wizard either.
- Don't pick on me!
- This is impossible, how
can you last this long?
- Don't you know,
we're horse trainers.
(laughs)
My father trained me as a horse.
Now I see why.
He did it just for this day.
(shouts)
(shouts)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouts)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(yelling)
(thud)
(shouting)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(crash)
(men groaning)
Die!
(shouts)
(dramatic orchestra music)
- We have a body.
- [Lu Dai] Who is it?
- Long.
- [Lu Dai] Huh?
(both laugh)
- Hmm.
Well son, you're one Hell
of a fighter to kill him.
And for course,
there's the reward.
- Hmm.
- Here's 1,000 yin.
Now wait, do you know--
- Oh, okay, 900.
Huh?
- Great work.
I'll take this.
Well son, 10% now,
the rest when I'm dead.
- But so little!
- Not so little!
Come on.
Let's go and celebrate
our great good fortune.
(laughter)
Goodbye!
(laughter)
Come on, hey, drink
with your father!
- He's so drunk,
he'll soon pass out.
You watch.
- Until he does, we
have to listen to him.
- [Hamster] Just look at
him laughing like that!
- I did all the fighting
to save his rotten skin.
And he takes the money!
(ominous orchestra music)
(crash)
Look at him, he's out cold!
Leave him there!
- [Hamster] Master, Master?
- He'll sober up.
Soon he always does.
- Master, he's completely out.
- Of course he's out.
He's never drunk so much.
He'll be okay.
Just leave him.
- But I think,
but, but, I think--
- This is our chance!
Let's go!
We have money and Father's
out for the night.
(chuckling)
(shouting)
(laughter)
- Ah!
Look at that beautiful body!
Let's do it.
- Just let me get my book out.
- Hey, don't you know
any of this by heart?
- There's a force within
this body more than kung fu.
- Oh?
(laughter)
(drunken singing)
(ominous orchestra music)
(screams)
(shouting)
I can't get in.
I'll never get in.
(sobbing)
- [Hamster] You're as
drunk as your father was.
(mumbles)
(drunken mumbling)
(yells)
(yells)
(yells)
- You!
(shouts)
(dramatic orchestra music)
- Maybe I'm getting
it in the wrong key.
- [Lu Dai] You fool,
you've got it all wrong!
(screams)
- Now you have released
the dark forces of evil.
The living dead that
are within my body.
No one can kill me now!
(shouts)
(growling)
(shouts)
(crash)
- I've lost it!
(fire crackling)
- As difficult as he was,
I must say, he
did train me well.
Father, don't worry,
you rest easy.
I'll miss you.
I will.
- So will I.
- [Lu Dai] Is this
the one you said?
- Yep.
This is the one
I told you about.
- [Lu Dai] He's too old.
- Hey, you can't be choosy now,
there's only one chance left!
- [Lu Dai] Did Pang
respect his father?
I guess so.
- [Lu Dai] And if
I were his father?
- He'd respect you.
- [Lu Dai] And I can
use that against him?
(laughs)
His father, I shall be.
- Right, then we'll
start riding, come on.
- Why do we always come
around the cemetery at night?
- Shut up.
(mumbles) to find Master.
- Hey, what if Master's dead?
- [Lo Yi] Then we bury him!
That's our duty too.
- [Servant] What's that?
- [Lo Yi] Who's there?
- That's the master's wizard,
digging up that grave.
- I know!
Maybe he knows
where the Master is.
- Let's approaching
him carefully.
Now we know the fate of Master.
- Why didn't the
wizard help him?
- Hey, look at that!
- Yea, look at that!
(ominous orchestra music)
- He doesn't look
too old at all.
- He's kept himself
in good shape.
You'll be happy with him.
- Hey, bring my body here.
- But you got a new body here.
Forget about your old one.
That's in the past.
- Just want to say goodbye.
- [Wu Lung] You do
whatever you like.
(ominous orchestra music)
- Hey.
That bastard's going
to do something.
To Master's body!
Let's do something.
- Nah.
Can't you see, he's
performing magic?
Look at that hat floating
in the air like that.
- One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
Come on, everything's ready.
Come on!
(ominous orchestra music)
- Ah look.
We can't just sit here
and let him perform
unholy rights with the Master.
- That's right.
It's our duty as
servants to see that he's
cared for, in death
as well as in life.
- I can't stand it anymore.
- Hold on!
It's not wise to
attack him straight on.
- Okay, we'll sneak
around the side and
wait for our chance to
jump in from behind.
(ominous orchestra music)
(shouts)
- Hey!
(shouting)
- It worked!
(ominous orchestra music)
(grunting)
Get off, you don't understand!
- You think you can
use our master's body
for your filthy experiments, eh?
- You don't
understand, the body.
Oh dear!
- Look at us, hey?
(shouting)
- It was your master I
was reincarnating there.
And you spoiled
everything by stopping me
before I finished putting
the last four of all those
spikes into his body.
- What can we do?
- I don't know, without
those four spikes
I don't know what will happen.
- Look, suppose I go and
find those spikes huh?
- Hey, you won't find
those in the grass!
- That won't do
any good, the body
fell down already.
I got to try something else.
- But it's Pang's father!
- That's right.
- Lu Dai intends to use
the body of the father
against the son as revenge.
(laughs)
- What a great trick.
- What are you laughing at?
- Hey, do you think he'll
blame us for all this?
- Wait, look, he'll kill
us all for this failure.
- Kill us?
- Unless we stop him.
(growls)
(ominous orchestra music)
(shouts)
(shouts)
- You failed!
I'm going to kill you all!
- [All] Wait, no, no!
- [Lo Yi] We didn't mean to!
(shouting over comical
orchestra music)
(crash)
(shouting over comical
orchestra music)
- Why is everybody in a hurry?
(men panting)
- We failed to help
the master, and failed
to kill him, that's
worse though.
- Hey, wizard, what
has he become now?
- I don't really know.
Without all those spikes in.
- Who will he be?
What'll happen?
- Well he's got Fong's body,
but then his mind is
probably half of each.
- But the voice was
the Master's voice.
- You know, he's right.
Both halves probably
hate us now.
- You mean he could be
half ghost and half human?
- Mostly human now.
(laughs)
- That's comforting.
- What?
He can still kill us all.
He can follow you
wherever you go.
- [Both Servants] Is
there anything we can do?
- Only two places ghosts
can't go according to legend.
- [Both Servants] Only two?
- The first, in a temple.
- Oh, the power of
Buddha is great.
Sure, it makes sense.
- Second, in jail.
- Yea, the law is
the arm of God.
You sure about this?
- Well, it's written
down in the scriptures.
- [Lo Yi] Are those
the only places?
- Yea, except for
one other method.
But you wouldn't be interested.
- [Both Servants] What is it?
- A leaf hat.
(comical orchestra music)
(laughter)
- New style of hat?
Where did you get it (mumbles)?
- Ah, shut up.
- Poor man, business
so bad you can't
afford a real hat these days?
- [Wu Lung] Just
some wine please.
- [Waiter] Right.
- You must tell us
all where you found
such an original
hat, the jungle?
(laughs)
- Where are they?
- Oh, just sit
anywhere you like sir.
- Hi!
- Hi!
- I'll bring your
food right away sir.
- You may look foolish,
but you're still alive.
I wonder what those
fools are up to?
- I just can't embarrass
myself by wearing
such a stupid looking hat.
Besides, I'll feel more secure
living as a monk in a temple.
(upbeat orchestra music)
(laughs)
Nice job!
- [Girl] Father, now
why have you shaved off
all your hair?
- Ah, daughter, one always
has to shave his head
to become a monk.
- You, a monk?
- When a man get's old, her
has many sins to atone for.
Two weeks in a
temple should solve
all my problems.
And I need it now.
- [Daughter] Father,
you're really serious?
- Of course I am.
You might say I'm dead serious.
- Father, this is not like you.
I can't help but feel
something's wrong.
Look, nothing's
wrong, believe me.
- You know monastery
food is vegetarian.
There's no meat at all.
- Huh?
Two weeks without
meat is no problem.
It will be good for me.
- You don't have
to become a monk
to atone for your sins.
- Every man find his way.
(knock on door)
Well answer it.
But be careful.
- Yes.
- [Lu Dai] Lo Yi!
Open up!
Open up or I'll
kick the door in!
Lo Yi, open up!
- [Daughter] Ah, dad!
(ominous orchestra music)
(comical orchestra music)
- [Lo Yi] Come in, come in!
(gong)
(shouts)
(ominous orchestra music)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- [Pang] Who sent you?
(shouting and fists thumping)
(ominous orchestra music)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- Ah Lung, Ah Lung!
- Uncle!
Father's in trouble!
- I know all about
that, I've got to make
some trouble of my own!
- Oh uncle, what are you doing?
Ah, no!
- Shout, scream!
(Ah Lung screaming)
Shout, go on!
- Help me!
(Ah Lung shouting)
Help me!
- No wait!
- It's you again!
(foot thumping)
- What's going on here?
Arrest him!
- No, no, no, no!
It was me, I attacked the girl!
- Uncle, are you alright?
Oh dear!
- Your Honor, take
me in, I'm dangerous!
Please lock me up,
put me in jail.
- Arrest him.
- Oh no, please Your Honor.
- No Your Honor, I'm
sober and I'm dangerous.
Look at me, I don't
know what I'll do next.
- You old pig!
You'll pay for this!
(fists thumping)
(fists thumping)
- Ah, thank God, safe at last!
- [Ah Lung] Uncle!
- Stay away from him.
- Hey, congratulations,
this will mean a promotion.
You did well this week.
(laughter)
- And to reward you,
I'll introduce you to the girl.
I think Pang Fong
should see you home.
- You handle the
law, we're okay.
- I'm going to jail,
I'm going to jail!
(singing)
(ominous orchestra music)
(gong ringing)
(screams)
- Huh?
Huh?
Huh?
(zapping sound effect)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(fists thumping)
- [Pang] Now give up!
(shouting and fists thumping)
(yelling)
Next time, you think twice!
- God, this doesn't
make any sense.
Why would anybody want
to take your father?
- Damn it!
- Master, what are
we going to do?
With his body gone,
your father's soul
will find no peace.
- I know, but what do
you expect me to do?
(dramatic orchestra music)
(metal clanging)
(crash)
(screams)
(crash)
(gushing sound)
(howls)
(screaming)
(laughs)
- Nice of you two to come home.
- Father!
- Master, Master,
protect me from him.
He's a ghost, he's a ghost,
he's going to kill us.
Please, please,
protect us Master.
- Look, hey, he has a shadow.
He's real.
- Sure.
I'm very much alive.
And I'm happy to see you well.
(laughs)
- He's being
strangely nice to us.
I don't like it.
- [Lu Dai] Please come in.
- Thank you.
- [Lu Dai] One minute,
come and eat with me, huh?
- I think I'm tired, I
think I'll go to bed.
- Hey, hey, stick around.
Drink, drink, come on,
sit right down here
and have a drink
with your father.
- Father, your
voice has changed.
- Oh.
It's a cold, that
coffin was damp.
Why, the jug's empty.
I'll get a fresh one,
and you just sit here.
(laughs)
- Why is he being so nice?
(ominous percussion music)
- Father?
(Lu Dai laughs)
- Good stuff, good stuff this.
Try it.
How is it?
- Very good.
(ominous orchestra music)
Father?
- Oh, just cutting
up this melon here.
Pang, here's a slice for you.
Pang?
Pang?
Damn it!
(crash)
(ominous orchestra music)
(crash)
(yells)
(crash)
(comical orchestra music)
- Hey, you've been
drinking all night.
- Yea, I paid for it.
- This is a respectable place.
- But you let me in.
(group chanting)
I didn't think this
hat would work so well.
- You!
(comical orchestra music)
(laughs)
- Oh, I'm glad I put
that hat on in time.
Must be more careful.
(eerie sound effect)
- Priest, do you do exorcisms?
- What do you say?
- Exorcism.
It's my father.
- Hey, of course I can do it.
It's my best trick,
but it'll cost.
- It's a deal.
(comical orchestra music)
- Where's the ghost
then huh, where is he?
- He's gone.
But he'll be back.
(comical orchestra music)
Priest?
Do you think you can do
it with so much wine?
- Ha!
I've been doing
exorcisms for years,
I've been doing exorcisms.
I can do them in my
sleep, just one (mumbles).
- [Lu Dai] Where's Pang?
- It's him!
- [Wu Lung] Where, where is he?
- Your bag!
There's a bit of a ghostly
mist in the air, (mumbles).
- [Pang] Come on, do it!
There's a bit of a ghostly
mist in the air, (mumbles).
- [Pang] Come on, do it!
(yells)
- Ah, there you are!
- [Wu Lung] No wait,
don't push me into him!
- Huh?
That voice, where is that?
(screams)
(shouting and fists thumping)
It's you!
(shouts)
(hand crack)
- Where are you going?
- Get me out of here,
I've had enough.
Let me go!
Get off, leave me alone!
- [Pang] What's the matter
with you, get back here,
come here!
(growls)
(hand crack)
- That's Lu Dai
inside your father,
you've got to kill him
to release his body!
- He's still my father.
(crash)
(gasping)
(dramatic orchestra music)
You, Lu Dai's
wizard, I know you!
- Yes I am, I know,
but really I--
- [Pang] The truth!
- Okay, okay.
- The old man's gone,
I can sneak out.
(shouts)
(growls)
(crashing and yelling)
(fist thumps)
(shouting)
(yelling)
- Long!
(ominous orchestra music)
(growls)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- Wait, I'm not Fong,
I'm the ghost of Lu Dai.
Look, look at these
spikes, I'm dead!
Listen to my voice,
it's not Fong's.
We should be allies, and go
and kill Pang Fong together.
I can help you, I promise you!
- Long needs no allies.
But still, perhaps
I can use you.
You will obey me!
- Whatever you say.
I just want to see
Pang Fong suffer.
I want him dead!
- That's it?
- Isn't that enough?
- I should kill you now!
But I need you to fix things up.
- I never wanted to get
mixed up in all this.
I'll do whatever I can
to make amends for it.
(comical orchestra music)
- Come on, come on.
Come on.
Nice dog, nice doggie, yes.
Ah, gotcha!
Nice doggie.
(laughing)
I'm such a good cook I can even
make dog taste good.
I don't see why I
can't eat meat because
I'm in here.
That's stupid.
Huh?
What do you want to
do that for, hey?
- That's it, you're
through here.
- Huh?
Now hold on, it was
only a little dog.
And it wasn't very good anyway.
- Get out!
- Oh no.
But I can't go!
- Go!
- Ah!
- We've been here all evening,
and you haven't come
up with an answer.
- You'd better soon,
'cause if Lu Dai comes.
- He'll get you too!
- Okay, okay, I think
I got the answer.
- Ah, there you are!
Hey, hey, here he is!
- Now wait, is
that the right one?
- Hey, hey, hey!
They're coming!
They're almost here!
- Here's the body.
I'll take Long, you take Lu Dai.
- Okay.
(dramatic orchestra music)
- I hear voices.
- Me too, let's go.
Hey, this one looks like you.
- Someone moved by
body from its place!
- [Pang] I did!
- Pang Fong.
- We meet again.
And this time, for keeps!
- Big talk for a mere mortal.
- He's right.
You've cost us enough trouble.
Now you face your
fate at our hands!
- We shall see.
I intend to kill you for good!
- You fool.
Now I've died once, you
can't kill me again.
- You and your
ghost, I'll kill you!
- You fool, can't you
see how powerful he is?
- We will see who's
more powerful.
- See, go on, he's laid
down the challenge--
- From your own mouth,
you asked for us then?
(muffled yelling)
(shouts)
- Huh?
You three dare show your faces?
(shouting and fists thumping)
Ow!
- [Lo Yi] Come on!
- Help, help me!
(shouting)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting)
(shouting)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(foot thump)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(shouts)
(yelling)
(echoing boom)
- Lu Dai's soul's
been knocked out of
Old Fong's body!
- Help us!
- Help us!
(grunting)
(yelling)
- Hey, throw his soul
into his own body!
(kick thump)
Hey, that did it!
(slaps)
- That seals it!
Come and look!
- [Lo Yi] Hey, yea.
(crashing)
(kick thumps)
Oh no, oh no, no, no!
I didn't mean it!
(shouting)
Help me, help me!
(fist thump)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(shouting)
(kick thumps)
(shouting)
(shouts)
(fist thump)
(hisses)
- [Pang] You!
(growls)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(dramatic orchestra music)
- Buddha bless you.
(slaps)
Buddha bless you.
(wind howling)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouts)
(wind roaring)
(shouts)
(burning hiss)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(flames roaring)
(flames roaring)
(shouting)
(crash)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting)
(shouting)
(shouting)
(dramatic orchestra music)
(yelling)
(slashing and shouting)
- Pang Fong, Pang Fong?
Pang Fong, wake up, Pang Fong!
Pang Fong!
- Pang Fong?
(hiccuping and mumbling)
That's it.
No more for me.
It's too dangerous.
Only weddings from now on.
(ominous synthesizer music)
(groaning)
(electronic bass music)
(clash)
- [Voiceover] In all
cultures, at all times
throughout the
world, the black arts
of magic have been practiced.
Voodoo, exorcism, vampirism,
have been known through history.
But the arts of
Malsham magic of the
Ancient Orient combine
the most dreadful
of all of these.
The renegade priests
who practice the Malsham
are feared and hated
for their unholy craft.
(symbols clang)
(shouting)
(symbols clanging)
- [Wu Lung] Arise!
- Huh?
(laughter)
- Arise!
Arise!
(laughs)
Arise!
(laughs)
(symbols clanging)
(laughing)
And now fly!
- Ah!
(laughter)
(electronic bass music)
(Wu Lung laughing)
- I told you I
could do it master!
- [Lu Dai] Get off me!
(Lu Dai's muffled screams)
- There's our master!
- [Wu Lung] Are you alright?
- Do I look alright?
- Get him off, get
him off, go on!
(symbols clang)
- Get back, get back, get back!
- You!
You fool!
Are you trying to kill me?
You incompetent fool you!
I ought to ring your neck!
I ought to ring you!
(symbols clang)
(shouts)
I didn't mean it,
I didn't mean it!
- There, I hope those are
lively enough for you.
What do you say?
- Master!
Perfect, they're just what
we need for the dirty work.
Part of our great plan.
- Yea, and we do the rest.
(bang)
Heh.
These will fix him.
Lo Yi!
- [Lo Yi] Yes sir!
- Yes?
- [Lu Dai] Deep enough?
- [Lo Yi] Sure is!
- [Lu Dai] Come on then.
Ha!
(crash)
Perfect.
- [Lo Yi] What now then?
- Cover it up with
sticks and grass
so it can't be seen.
You two go to
town, find Pang and
bring him in here.
Then we can spring our trap.
- When those zombies jump on him
and push him into
that covered pit,
the knives will do the rest.
(laughs)
- You're smart.
- You're using my
magic for murder?
- Sure!
It depends on you.
- Huh?
How?
- You'll do just what
you're told to do.
I know what kind of man you are.
You want to keep on
experimenting, don't you?
You can do it with us!
You want all this
money, don't you?
Huh?
This man is dangerous,
a deadly fighter.
I'm generous.
Those who serve me get rewarded.
(yelling)
(dramatic orchestra music)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- That was a snap!
(shouts)
- Lazy dog!
Great expense,
hired these four men
to train with you and
all you do is rest!
- Father, I need to rest.
- You'll never develop if you
keep resting in your training!
You're enemies won't
stop in battle.
This is for the long fight.
May come before you know it.
Understand?
- Yes Master.
Hey, come on.
- Hmm?
Father?
I've been working very hard.
I've had no time off, I
think I deserve a night out.
- [Father] What for?
- You doesn't need time off?
- Meditation's time off.
- I'm young, I need
to meet others!
- Heh.
There'll be time for
fun when you're older.
Now you work.
- Father, you'll force me to
go without your permission?
- What's that?
- You heard what I said.
I fight like a man,
I'll live like one.
- You think you're a
man, then prove it!
(shouting)
(crashing)
(shouting and fists snapping)
(hands thumping)
(shouts)
(shouts)
(staff whistling)
(screams)
- Huh, what's this?
Given up?
(dramatic orchestra music)
Are you okay?
You're not as young
us you used to be.
Remember your heart.
- What do you care?
No respect for me.
You're hopeless!
(high pitched ring)
- [Pang] Who's there?
- Me, Hamster.
Your father's sleeping?
(mumbles)
Hey, we're still going?
- Of course, come on, you bet.
- Oh Master!
- Over here.
- We found him!
He's mine.
- Get ready!
(shouting)
- [Wu Lung] Careful!
- Let go!
This had better work.
If not, you pay!
(dramatic orchestra music)
- [Lo Yi] Pang Fong, this is--
- [Pang] I know you Lu Dai.
- You remember.
- You never learn
to behave, do you?
- So smart, you're
going to pay for
buying in here!
(comical orchestra music)
- [Pang] And they put
you away for five years.
- Five!
Because of you!
- Oh?
And I'd do it again.
You don't scare me.
- I learned kung fu.
(shouting)
- Ha, how clumsy.
I guess you studied
in a prison laundry.
- Come here.
- You come here.
- You come here.
(Pang laughs)
- Meer at me, will you?
I'll get you!
(Lu Dai shouting)
(fist thumping)
(Wu Lung shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(eerie orchestra music)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(Lu Dai yelling)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(Wu Lung groans)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(gong)
(crash)
- What's all this?
(Wu Lung muffled shouts)
(dramatic orchestra music)
(shouting and fists thumping)
You!
(dramatic orchestra music)
I'll fix you!
(shouting)
- Master help me, help me!
Please get me out of here!
Get me out of here!
Master!
(fist thumping)
Master, that's a corpse!
(corps grunts)
Hey, the priest
must be a wizard.
- Heh, couldn't see
his face in the dark.
- Master, it's scary around
here, all this voodoo.
(ominous orchestra music)
Let's go!
(ominous orchestra music)
- [Voiceover] That this is
now a place of Malsham magic,
and where magic have been,
the forces of Hell and
nature, are attracted.
(thunder claps)
(thunder claps)
(bird calling)
- Sounds like everyone's gone!
(bird calling)
One of these days, I'll
get that spell right.
He owes me my fee anyway.
22 carat.
(laughs)
That's good.
This one too!
(Wu Lung grunting)
(crashing)
(ominous orchestra music)
He's come back to haunt me!
(shouting and fists thumping)
- You don't get
away that easily.
- I'm sorry.
I'll give you back your rings.
- Don't want them.
Want to live!
- Eh?
To live?
- Reincarnation!
You're a wizard!
You raise the dead.
You can do it!
- Reincarnation's hard!
- Start now!
- You want to be put
back into your body?
- Of course I do you fool!
- You sure?
- No more stalling!
Get to it now!
(Wu Lung shouts)
Hurry up!
(Lu Dai screams)
Take it away!
Take it away, take it away!
(Lu Dai screaming)
You'll pay for this Pang Fong!
- Look, I'm sorry.
- Sorry?
You're going to be
more sorry if you don't
fix me up!
I'll see that you rot in
Hell with me you bastard!
(dramatic orchestra music)
(Wu Lung gasping)
- Oh, all those corpses!
Scary!
Ghost!
- So while I sleep, you're out?
You fool.
News came.
News came, that
could mean death,
to both of us.
This is why I train
you in kung fu.
- [Pang] You've always kept
something secret from me,
like a child!
- Yea, and now you'll know!
Come inside!
Kneel, these are your ancestors.
Great grandfather.
Grandfather.
They were police
in this district.
I wanted better for you,
so I quit to raise horses.
- So then, what's the problem?
The last policeman
was Grandfather.
- You kids.
You don't understand.
- What's there to understand?
- Revenge!
A clan named Lung,
sworn to destroy us!
- Foolishness.
- It's true.
They'll kill me, then you.
- Then you need me to help you.
- Oh no.
That sounds like a threat to me.
- I just want my due.
Hey, no threat!
But it's clear that
you've been training me
to save your skin.
Now I want mine.
I want my due.
- You disrespectful little.
(staff whistling)
(crash)
- Wait a minute!
- This is what you'll
face if the Lungs kill me.
They'll come after you!
(crash)
(shouting and thumping)
(shouting and cracking)
(screaming)
(dramatic orchestra music)
- Ah!
No breath!
Master!
Master!
(dramatic orchestra music)
(ominous orchestra music)
- Hmm, fresh body.
Looks almost alive.
(percussion effects)
16 pounds long.
Wow, what a beautiful physique.
(percussion effects)
That's it!
What a fee I'll get for this!
Lu Dai!
Lu Dai?
Where's he gone to, where is he?
(shouts)
(thud)
- What?
Trees must be rotten.
Branches falling off so easily.
(shouts)
(thud)
(shouting)
(shouting)
(splash)
Things falling in the lake!
- Master!
Master!
Master, after you left,
you're father, he collapsed!
- Collapsed?
I must get back!
(splashing)
- Lu Dai!
(splashing)
Lu Dai?
I know he's around
here somewhere,
he's got to be.
(splashing)
Lu Dai, I found a
perfect body for you.
- Really?
You did?
- There's just one little snag.
- [Lu Dai] What's that?
- His age.
- [Lu Dai] How old?
- He's 60.
- You filthy bastard,
I was only 35!
- [Wu Lung] He's
really very healthy.
- Really healthy!
You want me to lose 25 years?
I want a body
that's more my age,
even if it has to be yours!
- He's faked before,
but this is real.
- Master.
He...
What do we do now?
- Bury him.
That's all.
He seems dead.
(sobbing)
- Master!
- He was old.
This had to happen one day.
Hey, without him,
I'll now have my
freedom at last.
(screaming)
(slap)
- Father!
(slap)
(mumbles)
(slaps)
(shouting and staff whistling)
(screaming)
Now stop and think,
you still need me
to help you against the Lungs!
- You'll kill me
before my enemies.
- No matter what
you think, we have
a better chance of surviving,
if we cooperate.
- Huh?
- Well is he dead?
- His heart trouble.
He just seemed to be dead.
It's an old trick.
- It looks real.
- But the doctor said
one day he won't recover.
- What's all that whispering?
- [Both] Huh?
- Nothing.
- You'll pay for your
disrespect one day,
you'll see!
(thud)
- You sit here and drink?
While I'm without a body?
- Okay, okay, okay!
Waiter!
- [Waiter] Okay!
Yea?
- Tell me, where's the morgue?
Where do they keep the bodies?
- Morgue?
- You see, my uncle died
somewhere around here.
And I come to claim the body.
I can't seem to find it.
- Oh, it's up the road, there,
you can't miss it.
- Ah, thanks a lot.
- Okay, right.
- [Lu Dai] Okay, then let's go!
- Please Master,
let me finish my dinner.
I have a body to feed!
- Eh?
You want something?
- Huh?
Oh, nothing, nothing.
- Crazy.
(playful percussion effect)
(playful percussion effect)
(Wu Lung laughs)
(playful percussion effect)
(laughter)
- [Waiter] Okay, okay,
everybody settle down!
- Master?
Why are you teasing
me like this?
(laughs)
- You see that hooker there?
Just watch this!
(playful percussion effect)
- So fresh!
(playful percussion effect)
Tell me what you want.
We can make a deal,
but not in here.
The owner doesn't
like fooling around.
(playful percussion effect)
(woman gasps)
(slap)
(laughter)
(thud)
(woman shouting)
(laughter)
- Let go of me you pig!
(Wu Lung groans)
- Trying to get a feel for free?
Cheapskate!
(laughter)
(playful percussion effect)
(laughter and hooting)
Lecher!
(laughter)
(fits thump and shouting)
- Master!
- My son, you'll see.
Your enemies will be tough.
Tougher than you think.
- Master, more water?
(gulping)
- You'll face a kung fu
you can't even imagine.
And magic far more
dreadful than that.
(Pang grunting)
(splashing)
Once more!
(shouting and fists thumping)
(yells)
(yells)
(yells)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(yells)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(splashing)
(yells)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(yelling)
(yelling)
(shouting and fists thumping)
That's the end.
- Why Father?
- An omen, this
staff trained me,
my father and grandfather.
This stick breaking
can only mean
we've come to the end
of our family line.
- Less faith in your
son than a stick?
- No respect for traditions!
Hamster?
- [Hamster] Yes.
- The jug!
- [Both] Huh?
(window creaks open)
(crashing)
(Wu Lung shouts)
(crash)
(ominous percussion music)
(laughs)
(ominous percussion music)
(knocking)
(laughs)
- [Wu Lung] Lu Dai?
Lu Dai?
(shouts)
Don't scare me like that!
Come on here, come on!
Now, we're sure to
find one for you
from all these bodies here.
- [Lu Dai] Let's start
over there, I'll pick one.
- [Wu Lung] Okay.
- [Lu Dai] We'll start here.
- [Wu Lung] What's that?
(screaming)
(crash)
- He's no good, keep looking!
- No, you go on!
- Come on, come on!
Look!
Go on!
- Alright.
(dramatic string music)
- You look.
- No, you look!
- I can't do it.
You're the one's going
to choose the right one,
go on!
Well?
- No good.
- What was it?
- What a coward.
It was a pretty
girl in there, ha!
- This one?
- Ah, ugly as Hell,
I don't want that!
Nope.
No.
- This one?
- No, this one's no good.
Next!
Ah, I've got nothing left!
- [Wu Lung] This one?
- [Lu Dai] It's ugly also.
Nope.
Next!
Hurry up you!
Hey!
This is it!
- Huh?
This one's good.
- Look at it.
Fresh.
And so strong!
- A perfect killer.
- Oh, it's just perfect!
- He's just died.
- Let's not wait.
Do it now!
- You sure?
- Sure I am.
- No regrets?
- None.
Hey there, you know
what you're doing?
- Some of the pages are missing.
- [Lu Dai] What's that?
- Well don't worry.
I have it memorized, but
it's complicated stuff.
Very ancient, I'll
figure it out.
- I need it now.
- Easy now.
Musn't rush, you
got three chances.
- Oh!
And after that?
- No more.
- My God!
- Spirits don't have forever.
- You better be careful,
and you do it right.
You must do it right!
- Let's see here, it's...
Ah, here it is.
- Master?
Eat.
Master?
Eat it.
- I won't eat it!
Take it away!
You heard me!
But master, even for meditation,
you need to eat for strength.
(yells)
(ominous orchestra music)
- One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
(mumbles) sticks in a line.
Body, all magic
spells on it in place.
Looks alright, by the book.
Hmm.
Yea.
Finally, the magic coin.
- Aren't you ready yet?
- One minute.
- What's all this stuff?
- You must wait!
Always takes time
to do it right.
Now we're ready.
- Hey, hey, what do I do?
- You get on this coffin.
Go on now.
Now.
I'll say all the spells,
and the body will start to stir.
- [Lu Dai] And then?
- The corps will rise,
and on my command,
you run into it, becoming one!
- What?
And that's it?
- No.
Temple spikes, take seven.
When the corps and
you are as one,
I drive them in.
Bang, bang, bang,
bang, bang, bang.
Nailing your soul in.
- A mistake could be painful.
- Hmm, my timing
must be perfect.
I feel very good tonight.
- Uh, you sure everything
will go right, yea?
- Now, let's go to it!
(grunting)
Ready?
- Ready!
(ominous orchestra music)
(hands and feet whooshing)
- It's moving.
Like it's going to wake up.
Yea, it's moving.
(hands and feet whooshing)
(whining noise)
- Now!
(screams)
(hand thump)
(shouts)
- Hey, I'm still outside!
(shouting)
- [Wu Lung] Hey wait!
Hey, you dead or alive?
- Can't you tell the
living from the dead?
- You look dead to me!
- [Long] I'm as much
dead as I am alive.
- What's that?
What are you?
- No questions.
- [Lu Dai] Who am I?
- Who cares?
- [Lu Dai] I'm Lu Dai.
- You are nobody!
- I'm a ghost!
- I live with ghosts.
- Not like me.
- Living, dead,
all the same to me.
I have made many
ghosts from the living.
I will make more.
(Lu Dai screams)
- Stop him!
Kill him!
I'll do it!
(shouts)
(crash)
Get me out!
(Wu Lung screams)
- You worm, I don't
kill for free.
Except for one case, very soon.
- Now I know who he is!
- Who?
- I am Long!
(ominous orchestra music)
- [Lu Dai] What do we do?
- One down.
We got two tries left!
(screams)
(Wu Lung shouting frantically)
Now put me down, come on!
Hey now!
- Couldn't you tell
that he was alive?
You're the wizard!
- I was told, the man,
that his soul is dead!
He's a killer, Long, he
killed so many people,
his soul's dead!
- Now I'm going
to be a killer and
I'm going to start with you!
- Now wait, if there's
any killing is to be done,
it must be important for
him to do it, you see?
- Hey wait.
(screams)
(crash)
Maybe he'll get
killed this time.
- It's possible.
Who's he here to kill?
Must be someone important.
- Wait here, I'm the
most important person.
Oh, oh!
- [Wu Lung] What's wrong?
- Hey, I just
thought of something.
It's said that the Long clan
and Pang Fong's family
have a blood feud.
- If Long has come to
fight with Pang Fong--
- Then I take whoever dies!
(shouting)
(dramatic orchestra music)
(shouts)
- A tall man with a
scarred face is here!
Master, what to I do?
- Show him in.
- Oh.
- The time has come.
The man I told
you about is here.
And soon you'll see
why I trained you
for long matches in kung fu.
The Long clan have
a kung fu that
can be kept up for
three hours straight!
- Fight yourself.
- Hey wait!
You're Long?
- Yes I am.
- And I'm--
- I know who you are!
You bastard!
Your time has come,
then your son.
- As police, it was our duty
to stop you criminals.
- No matter.
You must pay.
Come fight!
- Pang, get him!
- Not me, you first.
- Huh?
You refuse?
- You're stalling!
- He's right.
Go on, go on!
Go on!
- You know I'm not well.
- Just this once.
- You mean?
(shouting and fists thumping)
(fist thump)
(fist thump)
(ripping sound)
(shouting)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(splash)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- [Wu Lung] Oh, my aching legs.
What a narrow ladder!
I'm too old for
this sort of thing.
(shouting and fists thumping)
I've never seen
anything like this.
Fighting for two hours!
Ridiculous!
(sneeze)
Well, your cold's getting worse.
(sneeze)
Now wait, come down
here, you'll get a draft!
(sneeze)
- [Lu Dai] What do you care?
- I'm only a wizard,
not a doctor.
- [Lu Dai] Not much
of a wizard either.
- Don't pick on me!
- This is impossible, how
can you last this long?
- Don't you know,
we're horse trainers.
(laughs)
My father trained me as a horse.
Now I see why.
He did it just for this day.
(shouts)
(shouts)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouts)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(yelling)
(thud)
(shouting)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(crash)
(men groaning)
Die!
(shouts)
(dramatic orchestra music)
- We have a body.
- [Lu Dai] Who is it?
- Long.
- [Lu Dai] Huh?
(both laugh)
- Hmm.
Well son, you're one Hell
of a fighter to kill him.
And for course,
there's the reward.
- Hmm.
- Here's 1,000 yin.
Now wait, do you know--
- Oh, okay, 900.
Huh?
- Great work.
I'll take this.
Well son, 10% now,
the rest when I'm dead.
- But so little!
- Not so little!
Come on.
Let's go and celebrate
our great good fortune.
(laughter)
Goodbye!
(laughter)
Come on, hey, drink
with your father!
- He's so drunk,
he'll soon pass out.
You watch.
- Until he does, we
have to listen to him.
- [Hamster] Just look at
him laughing like that!
- I did all the fighting
to save his rotten skin.
And he takes the money!
(ominous orchestra music)
(crash)
Look at him, he's out cold!
Leave him there!
- [Hamster] Master, Master?
- He'll sober up.
Soon he always does.
- Master, he's completely out.
- Of course he's out.
He's never drunk so much.
He'll be okay.
Just leave him.
- But I think,
but, but, I think--
- This is our chance!
Let's go!
We have money and Father's
out for the night.
(chuckling)
(shouting)
(laughter)
- Ah!
Look at that beautiful body!
Let's do it.
- Just let me get my book out.
- Hey, don't you know
any of this by heart?
- There's a force within
this body more than kung fu.
- Oh?
(laughter)
(drunken singing)
(ominous orchestra music)
(screams)
(shouting)
I can't get in.
I'll never get in.
(sobbing)
- [Hamster] You're as
drunk as your father was.
(mumbles)
(drunken mumbling)
(yells)
(yells)
(yells)
- You!
(shouts)
(dramatic orchestra music)
- Maybe I'm getting
it in the wrong key.
- [Lu Dai] You fool,
you've got it all wrong!
(screams)
- Now you have released
the dark forces of evil.
The living dead that
are within my body.
No one can kill me now!
(shouts)
(growling)
(shouts)
(crash)
- I've lost it!
(fire crackling)
- As difficult as he was,
I must say, he
did train me well.
Father, don't worry,
you rest easy.
I'll miss you.
I will.
- So will I.
- [Lu Dai] Is this
the one you said?
- Yep.
This is the one
I told you about.
- [Lu Dai] He's too old.
- Hey, you can't be choosy now,
there's only one chance left!
- [Lu Dai] Did Pang
respect his father?
I guess so.
- [Lu Dai] And if
I were his father?
- He'd respect you.
- [Lu Dai] And I can
use that against him?
(laughs)
His father, I shall be.
- Right, then we'll
start riding, come on.
- Why do we always come
around the cemetery at night?
- Shut up.
(mumbles) to find Master.
- Hey, what if Master's dead?
- [Lo Yi] Then we bury him!
That's our duty too.
- [Servant] What's that?
- [Lo Yi] Who's there?
- That's the master's wizard,
digging up that grave.
- I know!
Maybe he knows
where the Master is.
- Let's approaching
him carefully.
Now we know the fate of Master.
- Why didn't the
wizard help him?
- Hey, look at that!
- Yea, look at that!
(ominous orchestra music)
- He doesn't look
too old at all.
- He's kept himself
in good shape.
You'll be happy with him.
- Hey, bring my body here.
- But you got a new body here.
Forget about your old one.
That's in the past.
- Just want to say goodbye.
- [Wu Lung] You do
whatever you like.
(ominous orchestra music)
- Hey.
That bastard's going
to do something.
To Master's body!
Let's do something.
- Nah.
Can't you see, he's
performing magic?
Look at that hat floating
in the air like that.
- One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
Come on, everything's ready.
Come on!
(ominous orchestra music)
- Ah look.
We can't just sit here
and let him perform
unholy rights with the Master.
- That's right.
It's our duty as
servants to see that he's
cared for, in death
as well as in life.
- I can't stand it anymore.
- Hold on!
It's not wise to
attack him straight on.
- Okay, we'll sneak
around the side and
wait for our chance to
jump in from behind.
(ominous orchestra music)
(shouts)
- Hey!
(shouting)
- It worked!
(ominous orchestra music)
(grunting)
Get off, you don't understand!
- You think you can
use our master's body
for your filthy experiments, eh?
- You don't
understand, the body.
Oh dear!
- Look at us, hey?
(shouting)
- It was your master I
was reincarnating there.
And you spoiled
everything by stopping me
before I finished putting
the last four of all those
spikes into his body.
- What can we do?
- I don't know, without
those four spikes
I don't know what will happen.
- Look, suppose I go and
find those spikes huh?
- Hey, you won't find
those in the grass!
- That won't do
any good, the body
fell down already.
I got to try something else.
- But it's Pang's father!
- That's right.
- Lu Dai intends to use
the body of the father
against the son as revenge.
(laughs)
- What a great trick.
- What are you laughing at?
- Hey, do you think he'll
blame us for all this?
- Wait, look, he'll kill
us all for this failure.
- Kill us?
- Unless we stop him.
(growls)
(ominous orchestra music)
(shouts)
(shouts)
- You failed!
I'm going to kill you all!
- [All] Wait, no, no!
- [Lo Yi] We didn't mean to!
(shouting over comical
orchestra music)
(crash)
(shouting over comical
orchestra music)
- Why is everybody in a hurry?
(men panting)
- We failed to help
the master, and failed
to kill him, that's
worse though.
- Hey, wizard, what
has he become now?
- I don't really know.
Without all those spikes in.
- Who will he be?
What'll happen?
- Well he's got Fong's body,
but then his mind is
probably half of each.
- But the voice was
the Master's voice.
- You know, he's right.
Both halves probably
hate us now.
- You mean he could be
half ghost and half human?
- Mostly human now.
(laughs)
- That's comforting.
- What?
He can still kill us all.
He can follow you
wherever you go.
- [Both Servants] Is
there anything we can do?
- Only two places ghosts
can't go according to legend.
- [Both Servants] Only two?
- The first, in a temple.
- Oh, the power of
Buddha is great.
Sure, it makes sense.
- Second, in jail.
- Yea, the law is
the arm of God.
You sure about this?
- Well, it's written
down in the scriptures.
- [Lo Yi] Are those
the only places?
- Yea, except for
one other method.
But you wouldn't be interested.
- [Both Servants] What is it?
- A leaf hat.
(comical orchestra music)
(laughter)
- New style of hat?
Where did you get it (mumbles)?
- Ah, shut up.
- Poor man, business
so bad you can't
afford a real hat these days?
- [Wu Lung] Just
some wine please.
- [Waiter] Right.
- You must tell us
all where you found
such an original
hat, the jungle?
(laughs)
- Where are they?
- Oh, just sit
anywhere you like sir.
- Hi!
- Hi!
- I'll bring your
food right away sir.
- You may look foolish,
but you're still alive.
I wonder what those
fools are up to?
- I just can't embarrass
myself by wearing
such a stupid looking hat.
Besides, I'll feel more secure
living as a monk in a temple.
(upbeat orchestra music)
(laughs)
Nice job!
- [Girl] Father, now
why have you shaved off
all your hair?
- Ah, daughter, one always
has to shave his head
to become a monk.
- You, a monk?
- When a man get's old, her
has many sins to atone for.
Two weeks in a
temple should solve
all my problems.
And I need it now.
- [Daughter] Father,
you're really serious?
- Of course I am.
You might say I'm dead serious.
- Father, this is not like you.
I can't help but feel
something's wrong.
Look, nothing's
wrong, believe me.
- You know monastery
food is vegetarian.
There's no meat at all.
- Huh?
Two weeks without
meat is no problem.
It will be good for me.
- You don't have
to become a monk
to atone for your sins.
- Every man find his way.
(knock on door)
Well answer it.
But be careful.
- Yes.
- [Lu Dai] Lo Yi!
Open up!
Open up or I'll
kick the door in!
Lo Yi, open up!
- [Daughter] Ah, dad!
(ominous orchestra music)
(comical orchestra music)
- [Lo Yi] Come in, come in!
(gong)
(shouts)
(ominous orchestra music)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- [Pang] Who sent you?
(shouting and fists thumping)
(ominous orchestra music)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- Ah Lung, Ah Lung!
- Uncle!
Father's in trouble!
- I know all about
that, I've got to make
some trouble of my own!
- Oh uncle, what are you doing?
Ah, no!
- Shout, scream!
(Ah Lung screaming)
Shout, go on!
- Help me!
(Ah Lung shouting)
Help me!
- No wait!
- It's you again!
(foot thumping)
- What's going on here?
Arrest him!
- No, no, no, no!
It was me, I attacked the girl!
- Uncle, are you alright?
Oh dear!
- Your Honor, take
me in, I'm dangerous!
Please lock me up,
put me in jail.
- Arrest him.
- Oh no, please Your Honor.
- No Your Honor, I'm
sober and I'm dangerous.
Look at me, I don't
know what I'll do next.
- You old pig!
You'll pay for this!
(fists thumping)
(fists thumping)
- Ah, thank God, safe at last!
- [Ah Lung] Uncle!
- Stay away from him.
- Hey, congratulations,
this will mean a promotion.
You did well this week.
(laughter)
- And to reward you,
I'll introduce you to the girl.
I think Pang Fong
should see you home.
- You handle the
law, we're okay.
- I'm going to jail,
I'm going to jail!
(singing)
(ominous orchestra music)
(gong ringing)
(screams)
- Huh?
Huh?
Huh?
(zapping sound effect)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(fists thumping)
- [Pang] Now give up!
(shouting and fists thumping)
(yelling)
Next time, you think twice!
- God, this doesn't
make any sense.
Why would anybody want
to take your father?
- Damn it!
- Master, what are
we going to do?
With his body gone,
your father's soul
will find no peace.
- I know, but what do
you expect me to do?
(dramatic orchestra music)
(metal clanging)
(crash)
(screams)
(crash)
(gushing sound)
(howls)
(screaming)
(laughs)
- Nice of you two to come home.
- Father!
- Master, Master,
protect me from him.
He's a ghost, he's a ghost,
he's going to kill us.
Please, please,
protect us Master.
- Look, hey, he has a shadow.
He's real.
- Sure.
I'm very much alive.
And I'm happy to see you well.
(laughs)
- He's being
strangely nice to us.
I don't like it.
- [Lu Dai] Please come in.
- Thank you.
- [Lu Dai] One minute,
come and eat with me, huh?
- I think I'm tired, I
think I'll go to bed.
- Hey, hey, stick around.
Drink, drink, come on,
sit right down here
and have a drink
with your father.
- Father, your
voice has changed.
- Oh.
It's a cold, that
coffin was damp.
Why, the jug's empty.
I'll get a fresh one,
and you just sit here.
(laughs)
- Why is he being so nice?
(ominous percussion music)
- Father?
(Lu Dai laughs)
- Good stuff, good stuff this.
Try it.
How is it?
- Very good.
(ominous orchestra music)
Father?
- Oh, just cutting
up this melon here.
Pang, here's a slice for you.
Pang?
Pang?
Damn it!
(crash)
(ominous orchestra music)
(crash)
(yells)
(crash)
(comical orchestra music)
- Hey, you've been
drinking all night.
- Yea, I paid for it.
- This is a respectable place.
- But you let me in.
(group chanting)
I didn't think this
hat would work so well.
- You!
(comical orchestra music)
(laughs)
- Oh, I'm glad I put
that hat on in time.
Must be more careful.
(eerie sound effect)
- Priest, do you do exorcisms?
- What do you say?
- Exorcism.
It's my father.
- Hey, of course I can do it.
It's my best trick,
but it'll cost.
- It's a deal.
(comical orchestra music)
- Where's the ghost
then huh, where is he?
- He's gone.
But he'll be back.
(comical orchestra music)
Priest?
Do you think you can do
it with so much wine?
- Ha!
I've been doing
exorcisms for years,
I've been doing exorcisms.
I can do them in my
sleep, just one (mumbles).
- [Lu Dai] Where's Pang?
- It's him!
- [Wu Lung] Where, where is he?
- Your bag!
There's a bit of a ghostly
mist in the air, (mumbles).
- [Pang] Come on, do it!
There's a bit of a ghostly
mist in the air, (mumbles).
- [Pang] Come on, do it!
(yells)
- Ah, there you are!
- [Wu Lung] No wait,
don't push me into him!
- Huh?
That voice, where is that?
(screams)
(shouting and fists thumping)
It's you!
(shouts)
(hand crack)
- Where are you going?
- Get me out of here,
I've had enough.
Let me go!
Get off, leave me alone!
- [Pang] What's the matter
with you, get back here,
come here!
(growls)
(hand crack)
- That's Lu Dai
inside your father,
you've got to kill him
to release his body!
- He's still my father.
(crash)
(gasping)
(dramatic orchestra music)
You, Lu Dai's
wizard, I know you!
- Yes I am, I know,
but really I--
- [Pang] The truth!
- Okay, okay.
- The old man's gone,
I can sneak out.
(shouts)
(growls)
(crashing and yelling)
(fist thumps)
(shouting)
(yelling)
- Long!
(ominous orchestra music)
(growls)
(shouting and fists thumping)
- Wait, I'm not Fong,
I'm the ghost of Lu Dai.
Look, look at these
spikes, I'm dead!
Listen to my voice,
it's not Fong's.
We should be allies, and go
and kill Pang Fong together.
I can help you, I promise you!
- Long needs no allies.
But still, perhaps
I can use you.
You will obey me!
- Whatever you say.
I just want to see
Pang Fong suffer.
I want him dead!
- That's it?
- Isn't that enough?
- I should kill you now!
But I need you to fix things up.
- I never wanted to get
mixed up in all this.
I'll do whatever I can
to make amends for it.
(comical orchestra music)
- Come on, come on.
Come on.
Nice dog, nice doggie, yes.
Ah, gotcha!
Nice doggie.
(laughing)
I'm such a good cook I can even
make dog taste good.
I don't see why I
can't eat meat because
I'm in here.
That's stupid.
Huh?
What do you want to
do that for, hey?
- That's it, you're
through here.
- Huh?
Now hold on, it was
only a little dog.
And it wasn't very good anyway.
- Get out!
- Oh no.
But I can't go!
- Go!
- Ah!
- We've been here all evening,
and you haven't come
up with an answer.
- You'd better soon,
'cause if Lu Dai comes.
- He'll get you too!
- Okay, okay, I think
I got the answer.
- Ah, there you are!
Hey, hey, here he is!
- Now wait, is
that the right one?
- Hey, hey, hey!
They're coming!
They're almost here!
- Here's the body.
I'll take Long, you take Lu Dai.
- Okay.
(dramatic orchestra music)
- I hear voices.
- Me too, let's go.
Hey, this one looks like you.
- Someone moved by
body from its place!
- [Pang] I did!
- Pang Fong.
- We meet again.
And this time, for keeps!
- Big talk for a mere mortal.
- He's right.
You've cost us enough trouble.
Now you face your
fate at our hands!
- We shall see.
I intend to kill you for good!
- You fool.
Now I've died once, you
can't kill me again.
- You and your
ghost, I'll kill you!
- You fool, can't you
see how powerful he is?
- We will see who's
more powerful.
- See, go on, he's laid
down the challenge--
- From your own mouth,
you asked for us then?
(muffled yelling)
(shouts)
- Huh?
You three dare show your faces?
(shouting and fists thumping)
Ow!
- [Lo Yi] Come on!
- Help, help me!
(shouting)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting)
(shouting)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(foot thump)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(shouts)
(yelling)
(echoing boom)
- Lu Dai's soul's
been knocked out of
Old Fong's body!
- Help us!
- Help us!
(grunting)
(yelling)
- Hey, throw his soul
into his own body!
(kick thump)
Hey, that did it!
(slaps)
- That seals it!
Come and look!
- [Lo Yi] Hey, yea.
(crashing)
(kick thumps)
Oh no, oh no, no, no!
I didn't mean it!
(shouting)
Help me, help me!
(fist thump)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(shouting)
(kick thumps)
(shouting)
(shouts)
(fist thump)
(hisses)
- [Pang] You!
(growls)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(dramatic orchestra music)
- Buddha bless you.
(slaps)
Buddha bless you.
(wind howling)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouts)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouts)
(wind roaring)
(shouts)
(burning hiss)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting)
(shouting and kicks thumping)
(flames roaring)
(flames roaring)
(shouting)
(crash)
(shouting and fists thumping)
(shouting)
(shouting)
(shouting)
(dramatic orchestra music)
(yelling)
(slashing and shouting)
- Pang Fong, Pang Fong?
Pang Fong, wake up, Pang Fong!
Pang Fong!
- Pang Fong?
(hiccuping and mumbling)
That's it.
No more for me.
It's too dangerous.
Only weddings from now on.
(ominous synthesizer music)
(groaning)
(electronic bass music)