Krampus (2015) - full transcript

I come tonight to warn
you that you will be

visited by three spirits.

What?

Was that the chance and hope
that you mentioned, Jacob?

It was.

And you have yet the chance
and hope of escaping my fate.

A chance and hope
of my procuring, Ebenezer.

Thank you, Jacob.

Expect the first
when the bell tolls 1:00.

Shut up, Beth!

I don't care who
started it, Max.



Ben Kuklinski started it
and everybody knows it.

You even have
the whole thing on video.

And you're gonna
write an apology

to the rest of your class
for ruining the recital.

What were you
thinking, Max?

That kid was
twice your size.

Yeah, but Ben Kuklinski
is always ragging on Christmas.

He even told
the first graders

that Santa was just
a cheap marketing ploy

invented to sell Pepsi.

Coke.
You know what I mean.

But not why you care.

Well, someone's got to.

Here, let me see.
Ow, ow, ow, ow.



Eh, it's not so bad.
Just keep icing it.

And was dropkicking
him into the manger

really the best way
to handle this?

Okay, that was not my fault.
I was under the influence.

All I had to eat was Christmas
fudge and candy canes.

Well, I hate
to sound harsh,

but every kid has to
learn the truth someday.

Oh, I know. I just...

I didn't want it ruined.

For the little kids.

But is this
a war on Christmas,

a war on
over-political correctness...

Looks great, Mom.

...or a bunch of people who are
just way too easily offended?

Don't work too hard,
though. Sarah bought

a bunch of cookies at the store.

It's Roger.

Thought you said you weren't
working over Christmas?

I said no traveling
over Christmas.

I still have to
take a few calls.

Hey, Roger, what's up?

Wait, guys, aren't we still gonna
watch Charlie Brown

and wrap Christmas
presents like always?

You know what? After what you pulled,
you can do that alone.

And quick. Your cousins get
here any minute.

Yeah, Roger.

It's a Christmas
cluster-eff over here.

Beth, help me hang this.

Wait, Mom, aren't we gonna
watch Charlie Brown?

I started,

but I don't know what
to ask for this year.

Because they are family, Beth.

And it's only
for a few days.

Well, I'm not sharing my
room with girls who pee standing up.

Last year I found
shit in my bed, Mom.

Human shit.

For the last time,
that was their dog!

"They're why some people shouldn't
be allowed to breed!"

Your words,
Mom, not mine!

I never said that!

I said maybe they
should have to take a test

before they're
allowed to breed.

Thanks, Omi.

Omi?
Hmm?

Do you still
really believe in Santa?

What do you mean?

Yeah.

My cousins are crawling out of
the shallow end of the gene pool,

so everyone's
a little on edge.

Your mom popping Xanax again?

Like candy.

Tonight we're making a Japanese snowflake
tree or some crap.

Takes a lot of work
to make our family

look more awesome than it
actually is, you know?

I like snowflakes,

but I like my plan
a lot better.

Very enticing,
but I think I'm stuck here.

Come on,

people have escaped from Alcatraz before,
and I'm only four blocks away.

What? What's wrong?

Everything.

Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

Will you two knock it off?

Howie, stop
ringing the doorbell!

- Well, carry something!
- Howie, cut it out!

- Help me with the bags.
- Dad, you carry it.

It's Christmas. It's Christmas.
It's Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

Hey, sis. Merry Christmas.

Oh, gosh, I'm so glad
you guys could make it.

You have no idea.

Accidents all
over the freeways,

and nothing but
crazy talk radio

for six hours.
Mmm.

Hey. We brought you a little taste
of home, though, didn't we?

Oh, wow.

Thank you. It looks...

Wow.

- You're welcome.
- Come on, Linda, move it, move it.

We don't have to keep
the traffic jam going now.

Howard, let me help you.

- It's all right, Tom.
- Thanks, Tommy.

Sorry about that.

What, you give the butler
the night off, did you?

Tom,
don't worry about it.

Yeah,
we uh, brought Rosie.

You don't have
a cat, do you?

It's fine.
It's fine, right?

It's fine.

Merry Christmas, girls.
Come on in.

Don't you look cute in
your matching jackets.

They're just
a little cranky

because the
Steelers lost, so...

Uh, Jordan, Stevie,

why don't you
tell your Aunt Sarah

about your Presidential
Fitness Award, huh?

It's a good story.

Hey, Howie.

So, what did you ask
Santa for this year?

- Really nice.
- They did look pretty good.

It looks
bigger in here.

Toy car?

Look what Max has got in his pocket.

A letter to Santa.

Video games?

Phone?

Dialysis?

- That long fucking drive.
- Thank you, guys.

Where do you
want this stuff, Tom?

- Just anywhere?
- Yeah.

Christ on a stick,
would it kill you to shovel your walk?

I could've broken
a hip out there.

Surprise!

Please don't be mad.

Oh, Aunt Dorothy,
it's so great to see you.

Yeah, well, your
sister's no Mother Teresa,

but at least she swings by

every once in a while to
make sure that I'm not dead.

So, where's the nog?

I need to get merry.

Uh, It's in the kitchen.

Help yourself.

Oh, Tom, let me
take that. I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Lord Almighty.

Looks like Martha Stewart
threw up in here.

- We left the door open. Sorry about that.
- No. No, no, no.

We're such a mess, honestly.

Six hours, I mean, come on.
Uh...

Sorry, wasn't
there another...

Mmm?

Child?

Chrissy! Darn it!

Jordan, I told you
to bring her inside!

Not my kid.

Come on, girls.

Tommy, help me
get the baby

and the rest of the girl
crap out of the truck.

Do you mind?
Thank you.

All right.

Let's make
some memories, huh?

Thank you, honey.
Thank you. Oh, my goodness.

A holiday roast
is a surprise.

Hemorrhoids are a surprise.

She is a goddamn nightmare.
What were you thinking?

Come on, she's not that bad.
Oh.

She's not!

Besides, she
tricked me, okay?

I thought we were
just dropping off gifts,

and she came to the door
with a suitcase.

What was I supposed to do?
Tell her she has to spend Christmas by herself?

No, but at least you
could have warned me

when one of your mistakes
is gonna become my problem.

You think everything I do
is a mistake.

Sorry.
Look out. Look out.

Hey, honey.
Ooh. Oh.

I think this
warhead's armed.

Wow, you're so stinky.

Okay, I'm gonna
go change her.

Let's go this way.

Just set that up wherever
you want, T.

The whole truck
smells like shit.

So, what's for dinner?

That's my boy!

That's my boy!

It sure is.

I'm getting Howie Junior
into game shape.

By the time he gets
to high school,

he's gonna be the biggest
lineman in the state.

Did you ever spend any time
on the field, Tommy?

No, actually,
I didn't have time in my younger years.

I was in training mostly.

What were you
training for? Uh...

Army? Marines?

It was the Eagle Scouts.

Eagle Scouts.

Now, Eagle Scouts, kids,

that's where you weave baskets

and help little old ladies
across the street.

Am I right?
No, no.

No, no, no. It was actually
quite a bit of survival training.

So...

Well, the only survival training
I need is my ol' smoke pole,

and a big, fat
box of buckshot

that I keep out
in that truck.

A shepherd has got
to protect his flock.

Honey, we said no gun talk
at the dinner table.

This family needs
a little gun talk,

whether it's at the dinner table,
or anywhere else.

- Wow.
- You know what I'm saying?

Looks like Chrissy's
really enjoying my gravlax.

Careful, kids.

Remember that
your Aunt Sarah likes

everything to be
clean and perfect,

and that's why she makes so
much food that you can't pronounce.

Well, I just thought
you guys might like a break

from macaroni and cheese
with hot dogs.

Yeah, okay.

Well, you were wrong.

And who doesn't make
a ham at Christmas?

What are you now, a Jew?

Maybe it's time
for dessert, hmm?

It's delicious, honey.

It's a little dry.

Okay. Well, mine's delicious.

Well, I guess
I should've gotten your bird.

You can just say
something nice.

I'll say it
when she gets back, if dessert's good.

Well, if you could
just do me a favor.

- Tell him about Santa.
- Just say something nice about dessert.

Hey, Maxi-Pad.

Hear what happened to Santa?

No, Stevie.
What happened to Santa?

Heard it on the news.

His sleigh
crashed in the Rockies.

Shattered both his legs.

Frostbite took care of his pain,
but not his hunger.

So, to survive,
he had to slaughter and eat his reindeer.

Including Rudolph.

"Ate" tiny reindeer.
Get it?

Knock it off!

Don't start anything.

Hey, guys, take it easy.

They're
just playing, Tommy.

Macaroni and cheese
and hot dogs.

Oh, Jesus.

So, what kind of godforsaken
concoction are you whipping up now?

You know how this fancy
food clogs my pipes.

Well, how about we
go to your trailer

for Christmas
next year, hmm?

And after you've spent weeks
decorating and cooking and cleaning,

I might just waddle in and start
bitching and moaning

about everything
you've worked so hard on.

Oh, Sarah, you know...

No, Aunt Dorothy, please.

For your sake,

just stay the hell
out of my kitchen.

You know, reindeer
are actually

a sustainable
food source

in the Northern Territories
and Alaska. Canada.

This time of year

we refer to reindeer as a transportation
system for Santa Claus.

We know you still believe
in the big, fat creeper.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You sure about that?

Max, stop.

"Dear Santa,

"I know I haven't been great this year,
and I'm sorry for that,

"but I was really
hoping you could help out

"me and my family
this Christmas.

"We need you."

Oh, Maxi-Pad,
that's so sweet.

Give it back!

Stop, Max.

Blah, blah,
blah, bullshit, bullshit.

Ah. Here we go,
Maxi's wish list.

Stevie, stop.
That's enough.

Wait, you're up first, Beth.

"I wish me and Beth could
hang out like we used to.

"You might have noticed that
I don't have tons of friends."

Oh, no, really, Max?

"I wish my mom and dad
could fall in love again.

"I know they get
upset a lot,

"with Dad away
from home so much.

"I think they really just miss each other.

"Also, I wish things
weren't so hard

"for Uncle Howard
and Aunt Linda.

"So, maybe you can lend them
a hand the rest of the year, too.

"And...

"And that..."

Screw you! Dad does
not wish we were boys!

Okay. Who wants
crème brûlée?

Give me the letter! Give me it back!

Hey, Max.

Hey.

- Hey!
- Girls!

Hey! Hey!

Come on, Howard.
Stevie, Jordan.

Come on.

All right,
all right, that's enough.

Are you okay? Honey?

I just wanted Christmas
to be like it used to be, but forget it.

I hate Christmas!

I hate all of you!

Max. Max!

Oh, lay off of him.

Kid deserves a prize
just for telling the truth.

- Can I come in?
- No.

You know,
they're leaving right after Christmas,

so we only have to survive
another three days.

I don't get it.

Every year it gets worse.

Why do we have to put up with
their crap just because we share DNA?

Because that's what
a family is, Max.

People you try to
be friends with,

even though you don't have
a whole lot in common.

But why?
Because...

Well...

Okay, you kind of
got me there.

Or maybe it makes us
work a little harder

to find what we do have
in common, you know?

Put everything aside,
think of other people for a change.

Friends, family,

even the assholes
you normally can't stand.

Like Uncle Howard?

Didn't wanna name names.

Dad, do you really
believe in all that?

I want to, Max.

But, hey,
bet there's still time

to drop that letter
in the mailbox, huh?

Don't you find it
the least bit strange?

I mean, they can see
dust specks on Mars,

but no one noticed a giant
blizzard hurtling towards us.

Well, as soon
as the power's back,

you can write
an angry e-mail

to the National
Weather Service.

But in the meantime,
let's just try and stay calm.

Mom, there's
something weird outside.

I am calm.

I would just be
calmer if I knew

how we were gonna
survive Christmas

with 12 people
stuck in a house

with no hot water,
no heat, and no electricity.

Or food.

Well, there's plenty
of leftovers, Howard.

Beer it is.

Phone's dead, too.

Mom!
What, Max?

There's a snowman
in our yard.

See?

That's... That's great, Max.

But who built it?

You can barely see
across the street,

but it doesn't look
like it's just us.

I can walk over,
check with the Turners.

The Turners
are in Hawaii.

The Lamberts
are in Florida,

and the Cartwrights
stopped talking to us

after Max's
noodle incident.

After his what?

Max, please go and get Omi
out of the fireplace

before she burns
the whole house down.

I'll get it!

Fine.

Seriously,
what are we gonna do?

Merry Christmas.
Whoa!

Sign here.
Yeah.

Wow.

Honey, stuff to carry.

Some weather, huh?

Yeah, it's a ghost town
out there.

Roads are a nightmare.

Yeah, no kidding.

Hey, these, too?

Uh, not mine.

- Uh, must be from the boys in brown.
- All right.

Merry Christmas.
Yeah, you, too.

What is it?

Hey, look at this, huh?

What?

They got more stuff.

Man, how come rich people
get all the free shit?

I don't know, honey.
Democrats, probably.

Oh, my God!

- Argh!
- Who needs this much cheese?

It's one
singular moment.

You guys, I've texted Derek,
like, nine times,

and he still
hasn't written back.

That is not normal.

It's the blizzard, honey.
Nothing's working right now.

Then can I walk over
and check on him?

It's only a few blocks.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

Well, I could see if anyone else
has power on the way.

She'll be fine.

Okay. One hour.

But when you get back,
I want you to spend

some girl time with
Jordan and Stevie.

Got it?

You call that
a reversal?

Come on, Jordy,
plant your feet!

Plant your feet.

All right. Here we go.
Right.

Again.
You know what I mean.

Thanks.

Be careful, okay?

Okay. Back later.

Love you. One hour.

Okay.

Max, I told you to
get Omi out of the...

She says hot chocolate
makes everything better.

Oh, my God.

Please!

Somebody help me!

Please!

Get anything?

No.

It's the weirdest thing.
There's no cars,

no people,
not even a salt truck.

Don't suppose
you got me

a backup generator
for Christmas, did you?

Yeah, it's under the tree,
next to your ties and underwear.

Good.

It's getting late.

Beth should be home by now.

She's fine.
She's at Derek's.

All the more
reason to worry.

Hey, hon, relax.
Just for once. Okay?

How's everybody else doing?

You know, cranky, bored,

sick of the snow.

And each other.

'Tis the season.

Oh, God, I miss us.

Me, too.

Mom, Dad.

It's already dark out
and Beth isn't back yet.

Hey, Howard.

Do you think your Hummer
could get through this mess?

Lucinda?

I could point her
due east, hit the gas,

and she'd be storming the beaches
at Normandy by sunrise.

What's on your mind, T?

Well, it's Beth.

She went to her
boyfriend's earlier

and she hasn't
come back yet.

See?

Let them out of your sight for one second,
and boom, shotgun wedding.

Aunt Dorothy, please.

Well, you ought to know.

It's probably nothing.

But I thought
we'd go pick her up,

take a quick swing
around town,

see what's
going on out there.

A little recon mission, huh?

Thought you'd never ask.

Okay.

Go to Mama.
Yep.

All righty.

Thomas. Thomas.

What? Why?

What the hell is
she so riled up about?

She says not to go.

That it's too dangerous, and that we
should wait until the storm's over.

Tom.
No, I got this.

Hey, Mom, we have to
go pick up Beth,

but Max and Sarah will take
care of you while I'm gone. Okay?

Mom. Hey, Mom, listen.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Global
warming, my ass.

Must be -20 out here.

This just
doesn't make any sense.

You try AM?
Yeah, I tried everything.

The storm probably knocked out
the radio stations, too.

I guess so.

What I wouldn't give for a little
Bing Crosby right about now.

Wait, wait, wait. Slow down.

What is that?

Is that a snowplow?

Hello?

Christ.

Poor bastard must have
sailed clear through.

Looks more like
the opposite.

What do you mean?

The glass is
punched in.

We gotta find Beth.

You packed guns
on Christmas.

Always be prepared,
Boy Scout.

It's kind of heavy.

Yeah.

It's Linda's.

Oh, my gosh.

You had Mom's angel
this whole time?

Yeah,
I thought you knew.

No.

Oh.

Remember how we used to fight
over who got to place her?

Yeah, and you fought dirty.

I think I still have the scars.

Where do you think
my girls get it from?

Wow. You saved everything.

Yeah.

I figured that's what
Mom would have done, you know.

Mom?

Probably just squirrels.

In this weather?

See?

- Squirrels.
- Right.

Probably playing
with their nuts.

Beth?

Derek!

Beth!

Quiet, Tommy.
I don't like this.

Whoever did this
is a demented son of a bitch.

Don't worry.
We'll find her, buddy.

Looks like a gas line blew.

What's that?

I've hunted
a lot of game in my day.

Those are hooves.

Big ones, too.

Could be an elk or a goat.

What kind of goat
walks on its hind legs?

Beth!

- Beth!
- Help me!

Beth!

Help!

Beth!

Beth!

Beth!

Tommy!

Wait up!

Howard!

Oh, my God!

Hold on, Howard!

Help! Oh, God!

Tommy!

Something's biting me!

Don't let go!

Tommy?

Let's go!

What was that thing?

I don't know,
but we have to move!

Oh, my God.
Oh!

Lucinda!

Where do you
think you're going?

To find them.
I don't like this.

What are you talking about?

Tom and Howard know
what they're doing. They're fine.

- Are they?
- Mom?

Honey, I'll be
right back. I promise.

Just lock the door.

Max, get the first aid kit!
Sarah, lock the door.

Girls! Make some room for your dad!
Oh, my God!

Get the door, shut the door!

Where's Beth?

We heard gunshots!

I'll explain everything,

but right now everybody just needs
to stay calm and stay inside!

Get away
from the windows!

Swords, guns, knives, pots, pans,
get whatever you can...

Howard!
What?

Not here.

Jiminy Christmas.

What happened out there?

Nothing.

It's just a scratch.

Oh, my God. it looks
like something bit you!

Nope.

Probably a bear trap
under the snow or something.

We don't have bears here.

Okay. Um...

Kids, why don't you
go into the kitchen

and get something
to eat now, okay?

You just don't wanna tell us
what's really going on here!

Everybody, in the kitchen right now, Max!
Okay? Right now.

Come on, let's go.
Girls. Come on. It's okay.

Aunt Dorothy, will you
keep an eye on them?

Why me?

I never liked kids,
even when I was one.

Please.

Oh, all right. All right!

Come on, guys,
I'm gonna teach you

how to make
peppermint schnapps.

Mom.

Mom. Will you please go into
the kitchen and help with the kids?

Come here, baby.

See?
A little sugar and a little spice

makes everything nice.

Mmm.

All right.
But don't you rat me out.

But who
or what did all this?

Your guess
is as good as mine.

First I thought it was a gang thing,

but between this and all the
crazy stuff we saw out there,

it just doesn't add up.

It could be
terrorists, right?

Yeah, terrorists.

Maybe traded their suicide vests
for rabid snow dogs?

Tommy!

Tom, God!
Sorry. Sorry.

Um...

And Beth?

Okay. She wasn't at Derek's,
but that doesn't mean anything.

She may have
found somewhere safe.

So, she's still out there.

Yes. And we will
find her, I promise.

But I had to make sure you guys were safe.
I had to get Howard back...

I don't care how
long it takes, Tom.

We have to keep looking.

We have to pair up and take turns...
Yes.

We can't go back out there!
You see this?

It's damn near frostbite.

In under four minutes!

Honey, keep
your voice down.

Besides it being
sub-zero out there,

someone's tearing through your
fancy-ass neighborhood

picking everybody off.

It's the truth!

Honey, sweetheart.
Listen, why don't we just leave?

Right? We can all
pile in the truck

and we'll just see
as far as we can get,

- and we pick up Beth...
- The truck's gone.

Torn to pieces.

- What?
- What?

Yeah. And even if she wasn't,
the streets are totally screwed.

We can't go anywhere.
It's too dangerous. You got it?

Howard, how much ammo
do you have?

A couple shells still loaded,
maybe a dozen in my pocket.

Why?

I think our best bet
is to stay put.

Board up all
the doors and windows.

And as soon as the weather breaks,
we'll go find her.

I told you we should've
gone to my brother's.

Sure, Howard.
Christmas on a pig farm.

Jesus was born in a barn!

Knock it
off, you guys!

What about the kids?
What are we gonna tell them?

I don't know. The truth?

Sure. Which version of it?

Hey, you guys.
Oh, God.

How much
of that did you hear?

Enough.

Mama, did someone
take Beth?

Are they coming for us?

No. No, babies.
No, everything's fine.

Beth's just with her
boyfriend, that's all.

And nothing bad's gonna happen
on Christmas, right?

You know what, let's have a campout, okay?
We'll watch a movie. Yeah?

Let's get cozy
on the couch.

Go get your
sister, Stevie.

Come on, baby. Come on.

We'll find her,
I promise.

"And lo, the angel
of the Lord came upon them.

"And the glory of the Lord
shone round about them.

"And they were so afraid.

"And the angel said unto them,

"'Fear not. For behold,
I bring you tidings of great joy..."'

Won't the battery die?

Gotta die sometime.

Might as well
enjoy it while we can.

Hey.

Beth's a tough girl.

Takes after her mom.

I'm sure she's fine.

Thank you.

Hey, Tommy.

I, uh...

I just wanna say
thanks for, you know,

saving my ass back there.

Oh, well, sure.
No problem.

And I just wanna say
I'm sorry

for thinking you're such a
spineless dick all these years.

Yeah.

You should get
some sleep, pal.

How?

Good point.

Hey, Dad?

Are we gonna die?

Hey. No, no.

No.

Omi's been acting different.

Ever since
the storm.

Yeah, well,
you know,

she always gets a little
weird around Christmas.

How come?

I don't know.
She never wanted to talk about it.

Max. Come on.

Time for bed.

It's gonna be fine.

All right.

You know, Linda and I,
we butt heads,

but I can't imagine
life without her.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

One of us should probably
stay up and keep watch.

That's a good idea.
I'll go first.

No. You go ahead and catch
some winks with your family.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

A shepherd has got
to protect his flock.

Night, Howard.
Good night.

Howie!

Dad! Dad!

Hang on, Howie!

Dad!

Sarah!
Hold on, Sarah!

- Mom!
- Call 911!

Howie, hold on!

Hold on!

Max, get the
fire extinguisher!

Help me! Help me! Help me!

Sarah! I got you!

Pull me down!

I got you!

Hey!

No!

Howie!

No, no, no!

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Honey? Are you okay?
Are you hurt? Hon?

What unholy thing was that?

Howard. Howard.

It's my fault.
No.

I fell asleep.

And they got our boy.
It's all my fault.

Tom, what's she saying?

This is
all of our fault?

He's come
for us all?

He? Who?

Who's he? I don't know.

Mom, what are you
talking about?

Please. Listen.

English. I knew it.

I must tell you something.

To all of you.

It started with the wind.

On a cold winter night,
much like this.

It was almost Christmas.

But this Christmas was darker.
Less cheerful.

But I still
believed in Santa.

In magic,

and miracles.

And the hope that we
could find joy again.

But our village had given up.

On miracles, and on each other.

They had forgotten
the spirit of Christmas.

The sacrifice of giving.

And my family
was no different.

I tried to help them
to believe again,

but we were no longer
the loving family I remembered.

They, too, had given up.

And eventually, so did I.

And for the first time,
I didn't wish for a miracle.

I wished for them
to go away.

A wish I would come to regret.

And that night,

in the darkness of
a howling blizzard,

I got my wish.

I knew Saint Nicholas
was not coming this year.

Instead, it was a much darker,
more ancient spirit.

The shadow of
Saint Nicholas.

It was Krampus.

And as he had for
thousands of years,

Krampus came not to reward,
but to punish.

Not to give, but to take.

He and his helpers.

I could only listen as they dragged
my family into the underworld,

knowing that I would be next.

But Krampus didn't
take me that night.

He left me as a reminder
of what happens when hope is lost,

when belief is forgotten,

and the Christmas spirit dies.

And here I thought
I was the one losing it.

Howard.
What?

You believe this senile horseshit?
I don't know.

Evil Santa?
Jesus H. Almighty.

She'll be yammering about
a rabid Easter Bunny come Spring.

Howard, that's enough.

You damn right
it's enough.

Whoever the hell's
messing with us

took my boy
and your daughter,

and we're sitting around
listening to some twisted bedtime story?

Screw that.

- I'm getting Howie back.
- Howard!

Daddy? Daddy, don't go!
Howard, what are you doing?

- Tommy, don't!
- Stay with us, please!

- Don't, Tommy!
- Daddy, don't!

Whoa!

I'm starting to like you.

I am.

But this is my choice.

Howard, what are you doing?

We've got four
other kids here to protect.

Howard.

Baby, please don't do this.

Listen, we can figure
something else out. Honey.

This is how I
figure things out.

Howard, you don't
wanna do this.

Howard!

Howie!

Howie!

No, shut the door!

Inside! Shut it!

Don't open the door.

Dad?

What are we gonna do now?

We keep the fire hot.

But what if you've
been good, like, all year?

And you leave out
milk and cookies,

and do everything
else right?

It's not what you do.

It's what you believe.

And what you've
given up

in here.

But can't we
make him go away?

What's she saying?

I'm not sure.

She says we're fucked.

Eh.

How did you...

Because I'm old enough
to know when life is coming at you

with his pants down.

Hey.

When they took Howie,
what did you see up there?

You believe
that story, right?

Do you?

I don't know
what I believe anymore.

I know I'm going out there
to find Beth. I have to.

I don't even care if I die trying.
I know.

Listen. Let's get Howard
and Linda. I have an idea.

Linda.

Can we talk with you
and Howard for a minute?

Can it wait?

I just wanna get
these rewrapped for the kids.

It's important.

The snowplow?

The keys were in the
ignition and it was beat to hell.

But if it runs,
I drive it back here,

then everyone
piles in the car

and follows, while I clear
a path in front of us.

And go where?

The mall doubles
as an emergency shelter.

And if it's empty,
we'll try the police station.

And what if
they're gone, too?

Then we keep driving
till we see lights or people,

plowed road,
somewhere safe for the kids.

And then we
bring help back here.

For Beth and Howie.

You're not thinking of going
for the plow by yourself, are you?

Well, shepherd has got
to protect his flock.

I can't believe you're
afraid to come up here by yourself.

It's not my fault
Aunt Dorothy clogged up the crapper.

Hey, Stevie?

Yeah?

Do you think
they took Howie

because of the time
we painted the cats?

I don't know, Jordan.

Do you think he's dead?

I don't know.

Jordan?

Stevie?

Beth?

Beth, you up there?

Stevie? Jordan?

What are you doing?

Where have you been?
Everyone's freaking out.

Come up here
and I'll show you.

I've been
waiting for you guys.

Hurry.

Have you told Max yet?

No. Not yet.

Jordan?

Stevie!

Where are they?
Where did they go?

They were just here.

I think they went
to the bathroom.

And you just let them go?

Was there another option?

Jordan!

Stevie? Jordan?
Linda.

Listen.

Honey, who is that?

Howard, stay here.

Omi?
Hmm?

I think all this
might be my fault.

Uncle Howard?

Rosie.

Come here, girl.

Useless turd.

All right, wait here.

Jordan?

Stevie?

Okay. Okay.

Jordan.

Stevie?

You guys.

The hell is this?

God damn it.

It's okay.
I got you.

You're gonna be okay.

What...

Oh, come on!

Hey!

Oh, my God!

- No!
- Jordan! No!

Oh, my God!

Shoot it, Tom!
Shoot it!

For God's sake,
shoot it!

Linda!

We should have
gone to my brother's.

Where did it go?
I don't know!

Oh, my God.

Ow!

- Bear!
- What?

Bear!

Oh, my God!

You have got to be
kidding me!

Merry Christmas, mother...

There he is!
Charge!

That's a good girl.

Get off of me!

Stevie?

Stevie!

Hey! Give me back
my kids, you fudger!

Jordan!

Stevie. I'm coming, baby.

Stevie. Baby.

It's okay.

Mama's here. Mama's here.
There you go!

Mom, it got Jordan.

It was gonna eat me next.

Thanks, honey.

Are you okay?
Are you okay?

What?

Mom!

Max!

Come on, baby.
Come on, baby. It's okay.

Max, are you okay?
Yeah.

What happened up there?

They got Jordan.
Who?

Mom?

I think it's panicking,
trying to get outside.

Well, we boarded
everything up.

Howard, that's Jordan.

We gotta get in there.

We gotta get in
there and get her out.

Linda, what are we dealing with?
What did you see up there?

You don't wanna know,
sweetheart.

Honey, I just got
my ass kicked

by a bunch of
Christmas cookies,

so trust me when I say I can take it!

Max, what are you doing?

Go get them, girl.

Get them, Rosie.

Rosie?

For God's sake,
Howard, shoot it!

Dad!

Get it off me!

Dad!

You bitch!

Get it off me! God!

Dad!

Dad!

Omi!

Aunt Dorothy.

Finish it.

With pleasure.

Oh, shit.

Max, be careful!

Mom!

Stay behind me!

Howard, where's Chrissy?
I don't know!

Where's the baby?

Honey, where's your sister?

No!

No, Linda! No!

Howard!

Howard, the baby!

I'll see you in hell.

Twisted fairytale horseshit!

Howard, no!

Oh, great!

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Max, get the ammo.

Where did they go?

I'm more worried about
when they come back.

We need to make
a break for it.

For what, Tom?

The snowplow.
It's our only shot.

And then we're
going after them.

What is going on?

Sarah, what's going on?

Mom, come on,
we're leaving.

You're gonna be okay.

Mom! We have to go. Now!

It's him.

Let's go.

Max. Max.
Come, come, come.

- Hurry, hurry.
- Get your gloves on.

Here, put your hood up.

Okay, ready?

Everybody...

Hold onto each other.

Omi!

Be good.

Omi!

Omi! Omi, no!

Omi!

Mom!

Mom, open the door!

Mom!

Mom, you open this door now!

The window.

Dad!

She wants to face him.

She's trying to help.

Let's go.

Let's go, let's go. Go!

Keep moving!

Go! Go, get
behind me. Go.

Go, go, go!
Keep moving.

Come on, buddy.

Come on.

You have to go.
You have to go.

I need you to go!
No.

All of you, you have to go.
Do you understand?

Keep driving.
Do you understand?

I love you.

I love you, buddy.

Go! Now. Go!

Go!

Come on!

Come on.

Keep going, keep going.
God, get in.

I want you to
get up in here.

And I don't want
you to move, okay?

You stay here,
you don't move.

Okay?
You understand?

Mom! Mom, please!

Sarah!

Baby, go with
your Aunt Sarah.

Sarah! Go! Go on!

Stevie, sweetheart, it's okay.
Mom!

It's okay. Come on.
No! Mom!

Sarah!

Stay here.
I'll be right back.

Sarah!

Mom! No!

I love you.
Mom! Mom!

Mom!

Max, we gotta go.

Max, we gotta go. Max.

Come on.

Come on.

It's not starting.
It's not starting.

Why isn't it starting?
Come on.

Come on! Come on, Max, please.
I'm trying.

I don't even know
how to drive a stick!

We have a hybrid!

Come on! Please!

Get off of me!

Stevie! Stevie!

Get off me!

I said get off!

Max!

Max! Max, no!

No! No! No!

Max!

Stevie!

He left me as a reminder

of what happens
when hope is lost,

when belief is forgotten,

and the Christmas spirit dies.

Help!

Help me!

Max!

Get off me!

Hey!

Asshole!

I take back my wish!

I take it all back!

Give me back my family!

Max!

Let her go!

Help me!

Please.

I know you can fix this.

Give them back.

Take me instead.

No, what are you doing?
I said take me.

No, take me!

No, what are you doing?
Take me!

No!

Stevie!

Let me go!

No! No! Please!

I'm sorry.

I just wanted Christmas
to be like it used to be.

No!

Good throw, Sarah.

- You want down?
- Thank you. I appreciate that.

Doggie can't have cookie.
No, that's your cookie.

This dog
didn't keep you guys up?

She likes to
bark at night.

She sure does.

Thanks for making pancakes.
Those were really good.

Good girl.

Morning.

Flax smoothie
in the morning...

About time you got up.
We've been waiting forever.

Oh hey, there he is!
Hey, kiddo.

We thought the sugarplum fairies
may have gotten you.

You're all alive.

Barely.

I haven't felt this hungover
since the pope died.

What's up, buddy?
You okay?

Yeah, I just...

Just had a bad dream,
I guess.

Aw.

Enough with
the sappy crap.

Let's open up
the damn presents.

Okay. Okay, already.

Come on, Linda, let's do this.
You wanna help me?

Okay.

Okay.

Merry Christmas, Max.

Girls.

I got two beverages.

Stevie, sweetheart.

Thank you, Mom.

Are you excited?

Jordan.
Should be.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Isn't that fun?

Hey, Maxi-Pad.
Training batting gloves.

What could
that possibly be?

Oh, my God!

"Oh, my God," is right.

That's from
me and the girls.

I had to reattach the foot.

Yeah,
if you look closely,

he did a really good
job of reattaching it.

The darn thing,
when we came up on it,

it was trying to chew
its own foot.

Oh, thank you.

This is great.

You're the best, Howard.
I want travel-size.

Wow. What's
this all about?

It's nothing. Just...

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas
to you, too, Max.

Merry Christmas, son.

Right?

I cannot believe it.

- This is the best.
- Oh, my God.

You're very welcome.

Oh, man.

I just wanted Christmas
to be like it used to be.

That's what
a family is, Max.

Nothing bad's
gonna happen on Christmas, right?

I just got my ass kicked
by a bunch of Christmas cookies,

so trust me when I
say I can take it!

"They're why some
people shouldn't be allowed to breed!"

Do you think
they took Howie

because of the time
he painted the cats?

And as he had for
thousands of years,

Krampus came not to reward,
but to punish.

Not to give, but to take.