Koko Flanel (1990) - full transcript

Like I said, boys,

I've had a good life.

Ninety–nine years.

One short of a hundred.
Damn!

But it's been good.

You've both done very well.

Especially you, Azère.

I'm proud of you.

Two beautiful children.

Just look at them.

Keep it up, Azère.



But ...

Keep an eye on your brother.

You can rely on me, Dad.
– Thanks.

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

And you, Placide,
you haven't got any children yet ...

How can I die in peace
without being certain of my descendants?

The Smellekens family is ...
is drying up.

How can I have children?
– Want me to show you?

No, no, I know what to do.

But a woman would have to stay with me
for at least nine months.

None has ever lasted that long.

I wouldn't last that long either.
– Don't interfere.



Take a leaf out of your brother's book.

But I want a good–looking woman!

Sir is not easily satisfied.

It's not for my sake,
it's for the child's.

What would it look like, otherwise?
Look at me.

If you haven't got a child
within a year, I'm coming to haunt you.

Listen, son.

I'm going to say one more thing.

Out of the way, come on.
Out of the way.

Everything for your bird.
For one day only, fresh nest boxes.

Buy one, get two free.

Best price for your old nest box
material. Roll up, roll up!

I'm only here twelve days a week.
These are my last four.

Nest boxes, bird tables,
birds from Australia.

I've got a redstart,
spare second–hand material,

kingfishers, turntables,
fully lined birdhouses.

Albatross salve, 22–carat golden
orioles, pigeon fancier's ointment

and ostrich seats.
– Can I have a nest box?

One of those?

Which nest box would you like, lad?
– That one there.

The one right at the bottom?

I might've known.

Jean–Claude.

Jean–Claude.

Hey, Pavarotti,
can you turn it down a bit?

Arlondo should've been here by now.

I don't understand it either. It won't
be my fault if his hair isn't right.

And he'll be in a hurry,
he's got a plane to catch.

A plane?
– Oops!

What plane?
– Nothing.

To Martinique.
– Martinique?

Arlondo and Orphélia
are going on holiday together.

Oh, right. Thanks, Jean–Claude.

Arlondo, we've been waiting
for over an hour.

Sorry, darling. I was at the lawyer's
with Orphélia, sorting out the divorce.

The divorce? Is it sorted out?
– Almost.

Or did your lawyer
just take care of the plane tickets?

Plane tickets? No, the divorce.

On Martinique?
– On Martinique?

Jean–Claude, the idiot.

Sarah, listen, I ... wanted
to tell Orphélia last night but ...

She'd booked the trip for my birthday

and I couldn't say anything about
the divorce, could I?

It's not your birthday for six months.
– Or was it for Father's Day?

I'll tell her when we get back, but I
can't now. You do understand, don't you?

Eh?
– Go on.

You're a darling.

Mum, can I have a bird like that too?
– There are enough birds in the sky.

You've got enough junk.
We're not buying anything else.

But this one can really fly.
– Fly away, you mean?

No, this is an Australian
boomerang bird, it always comes back.

Yes, right. Come on, we've got to go.
– No, Mum. I want to see it.

Eduard.

Ready?

EVERYTHING FOR YOUR BIRD

See? Con man. Come on.

Yes, let's go, Arlondo.

Music.

Move.

What's that bedspread doing in the shot?
Christ.

For goodness' sake!
– Hey, you!

My bird's stuck.
Got it.

Hey, you, come here.
Come here.

Come here with your bir ...

Come with me with that bird.

Well ...

Winter is over.

What's going on?

What's going on?

I might've known.

Right. Who's in charge?
– Me. I phoned you.

You! Come here.

Have you got permission
to cause chaos here?

Excuse me,
that man was getting in our way.

Come with me. Both of you.

What was the company's name?
– Aphrodite.

One word?
– Of course.

With a 'ff'.

And yo ... your address?
– 12 Eustachius Geronymiuslaan.

Eusta...

Right, thank you.

Your name?

Sme–lle–kens.

So,
you're filing a complaint against ...

What does a bird cost?
– That's a boomerang bird.

It costs 135 francs.
– Hey, birdbrain!

We've got a lot of damage to our props
and you talk about that stupid bird.

Stupid bird.

I must admit, it was
one of the stupidest I had with me.

I'll have to go and get
a new elastic band in Australia.

But ...
– Was the nest box damaged too?

Yes, it was solid mahogany ...

Forget it, Placide.
Not even I can catch one like that.

800,000 francs.
And this is the result?

I explained to you what happened.

Why didn't we immediately do it again?

I admit the setting is a bit unusual,
but ...

Look, the disruptive element
in the background

provides an ideal area of tension
between the model and the setting.

And the diagonal line of
the bent lamp post ...

Bullshit! There'll be a diagonal line
in your salary in a minute.

Madam Germaine,
Baron Didier de Meringue.

Didier, my dear man. Nice to see you.
– Germaine. Good morning.

Show me what you've got, my dear.
– Take a seat. Look.

The choice has already been made.

This is the one.

Incredible, isn't it?
– Yes, that is ... incredible, yes.

The disruptive element in the background
provides an ideal area of tension

between the model and the setting.

The diagonal line of the ...

The bent ...
– Lamp post.

Of the bent lamp post

ensures that the emphasis is on
your wonderful fur coat.

Yes, a beautiful fur coat.

When you look at it like that, it is ...

Didier, I used my best people,
of course.

But if you're not sure, I can also show
you all the other photos we took.

It's OK, Germaine.
Print it and use it.

Hey ...

Can't you knock?
– I was going to when I was in here.

You've bought a new harness.
– Yes. I've been promoted to detective.

Wow.

Can you give me the address of
that good–looking girl on the market?

That girl that
you'd never be able to catch.

I'm not allowed to pass on such
information to unauthorised persons.

Remember what Father said?

Yes.
Go on then.

Can I try on this canon?
– Yes, but be careful. It's loaded.

Placide, you don't know what
you're getting into with that girl.

How are you going to approach it?

What have you got to offer her?

What will you say to her?
What will you ask her?

Miss, will you have a baby with me
as quickly as possible?

Idiot! Where are your brains?

Tact is something else
they forgot to give you.

A woman, Placide ... There are
exceptions, lots of exceptions.

But a good woman opens her eyes first.

And then her heart.
And then her banqueting hall.

And that order is very important.

It's not difficult like that.
You've got to put the jacket on over it.

Or they'll see you're armed.

Freeze or I'll shoot.

Look, I think
you should take things slowly.

Don't force yourself on the girl,
try not to show off,

but be interested in what she does.
Don't rush things.

A flower now and then, that's fine.
And then ...

Placide, then.
When she starts thinking,

"Is anything actually going to happen?"

Then ...
– Bang!

You're there with a surprise.
Something ... something terrific.

Something fantastic.

She melts ...
and you've got her.

So remember, take it easy, not too fast.

That girl of yours
only gave her office address.

Aphrodite model agency.
Madam Germaine.

Oooh, Germaine.
– Take that and get out of here.

So first, the banqueting hall,
second, take it slowly.

And third, the surprise.

Hey.

Excuse me,
could I speak to Madam Germaine, please?

Are you a model?

No,
I'm an ornithological housing engineer.

Have you got an appointment with
Madam Germaine?

I wanted to invite her to my place
for a meal.

You can leave a message here.

And? What are you going to cook?

Baked receptionist, with prunes.

Hazeldreef, Velzeke. No number?

Not necessary. It's easy to spot. I've
got at least four acres round the place.

OK, it'll be passed on.

Yes, but ...
– I'll take care of it for you.

Christ Almighty ... look at that!

Damnation!

Have you ever seen anything like it?
In the animals' water!

Is he mad?
He thinks everything belongs to him.

My patience is at an end. I'm going to
fill his behind with shot, the hooligan!

The profiteer, the filthy socialist!

And a girl is on her way.

Oops.

I warned you, damn you.

My coat. Wait, wait, wait.
Caravan, come here.

No!

No!

And which one of you knows why
the May bug doesn't live on this leaf?

I'm caught up here!

Children!

I'm caught up here!

I haven't sold a single coat. Not one!
D'you know what that means?

Everyone wants the blazer
the clown on the post is wearing.

Have you seen the people in the streets?

Are you going to buy my stock off me?
– Didier.

Didier? Didier?
Good day, Didier.

You can't not have sold a single coat<i>.</i>
– Not a single one.

Because there's some juvenile
hanging from the lamp post.

My dear Germaine,
you'll be hanging next to him soon.

I've always given you the best.
Arlondo is my top model.

Flop model.
I'll sue you for violation of copyright,

breach of confidence,
unfair competition, fraudulent ...

Goodbye.
– Didier!

See you in court.

Sarah.

Now what?

Damn it! My tow bar!

I suppose sir was busy combing his hair?

Or can't you see properly
through your Zorro mask?

What are you doing here?
Can't you see this space is reserved?

Listen. We'll settle out of court.

You give me 5,000 francs and
we'll say no more about it.

I've lost my best customer.
You alone are responsible.

He just appeared out of nowhere.

Like bird pooh.

It's getting worse.

That bearded monkey from the market
is downstairs with his caravan.

And d'you know where?

In my parking space.

Of course, I drove right into him.
– Sarah, phone the police.

Look, that's me.

Don't you recognise me?
I've worked here before.

Smellekens, that's enough of your games.
– Wait until my brother hears of this.

You won't get away with it so easily
this time.

Be careful,
it took me an hour to iron this poster.

Is that how you work?
– But, Mr ...

Confex.
– Mr Confex.

Alex Confex.

Textile giant.
I can easily sue you.

For breach of confidence, violation of
copyright, unfair competition,

fraudulent thingy ... But ...
– But what?

I've actually come to thank you.

Ten years ago I brought out a coat
that didn't really catch on.

I only sold one.

But thanks to your poster
the two million coats

that were laying there making
the place smell have all been sold.

And, even more incredible,
I've had some more made.

I said to Sarah this morning
how fantastic this poster is.

Listen, I've got a load of trousers
from the same outfit in stock.

I want to make the most of this success
and get rid of the trousers too.

You want the same campaign with posters?
– Exactly.

And the same model.
– You mean ...?

The model on the lamp post?

Bertrand.
– Exactly.

I want photos with Bertrand as quickly
as possible, today rather than tomorrow.

I don't think Bertrand is available.

Then we'll make sure that
Bertrand is available.

Smellekens.

You can go.

But ...

Make your minds up, lads.

Placide Smellekens.

Mr Smellekens. Pleased to meet you.
I'm Germaine.

Only to friends.
– That's a coincidence.

I was looking for a Madam Germaine.
– You sought and you found.

Take a seat.

Nice to see you, Mr Smellekens.
– Right.

A glass?
– Yes.

The champagne, please.

Well, my dear Smellekens,
the reason I wanted to see you.

You will have seen that you are in the
photo used in our advertising campaign.

At the side, at the top, at the back.
–Yes, something like that.

Smellekens.

I think we're going to do
big things together.

You have a lot of talent.

And we thought it a shame that you were
in the background in the poster.

Which is why we want to
make a new poster

with you more in the foreground,
as the star.

I'm offering you a contract to work
exclusively as a model

with us.

Model? Me?

But ... Come on now, madam.
A model.

What? Make a fool of myself?

That had never occurred to you, eh?
– No.

Well, Mr Smellekens. Everyone wants
to become a model these days.

They'd kill to be in your shoes.

They can have my shoes
if they want them.

And think of all the benefits in kind.

Fame, money, champagne.

Yes, where's that champagne?
– Where's the champagne?

Exotic trips.

You say that, but who's going to feed
my chickens while I'm away?

You'll soon forget your chickens.

It's all rather sudden, isn't it madam?

Could I make a phone call?
– Yes.

Help yourself.

He's probably in the garden.

Azère,
I'm here with that Madam Germaine. Yes.

But it's something totally different
that's here in front of me.

You probably gave me an old address.

Germaine!

I'm coming to work here.

For how long is the contract?
At least nine months, I hope?

Don't worry. Even longer.
– The longer the better.

A bird in the hand is better than
no hand.

Mr Smellekens.

I'm going to make you into
one of the best.

Right.

I can't do a thing with such a desert
of a head. Nothing's growing on it.

What shall I do with it, Hilde?
We're not in Lourdes.

There.

Oh.

What a disaster.

Are these ears your own?

Only a weaving or an implant
can save you. I don't know ...

Only a facelift can get rid of those
bags. Have you always had bulging eyes?

I suppose you have.
– Ready? Confex is waiting.

This could take a couple more
decades. He's not the least bit sexy.

I'll remove the beard
to accentuate your round head.

No, leave it on.
Bertrand must look natural.

Excuse me, Germaine,
my name's not Bertrand, it's Placide.

And my name's not Germaine, it's Sarah.

We'll sort out Mr Placide's look later.

His look ...

Are you mad?
Bringing in such a freak?

Are you going to make a horror film?
– Calm down, Arlondo.

Why am I here?
– To teach him the tricks of the trade.

How to pose, how to look.
– That too!

No one else can do it like you.
– Do I have to waste my time doing that?

Please, if you won't do it for him,
do it for me.

It's no good. He hasn't got a waist.

These trousers only fit if I shorten
the legs and then they're too wide.

With these I'd have to put in pieces
at the top, bottom, front and back.

Wait, I'll have a look.

You're not keeping that vest on?

Yes, I can only wear flannel.

If my skin comes into contact with
something else

I get eczema, hay fever, asthma,
epilepsipily and I get ill too.

Keep it on then.

First day as a model and
he's already putting on airs.

Here, these will fit.

OK, hurry up,
he's got to learn to walk too.

Come on.

Watch Arlondo carefully.

Look at the self–confidence he exudes.

You try.

Here, put that on your head.
Then you'll walk upright.

It's not that difficult.
Above all, relax.

Close your mouth,
keep looking at one spot.

Not at me, there.

Pull your stomach in.

Hips further forward.

Breathe through your nose.

Madam Germaine says to come now.
It's taken long enough.

It'll never work.

I'll just introduce myself.
– No, no.

Bertrand has to be able to concentrate.

Come on,
you have to walk on the grass.

Here?
– Yes.

Is that a nest box for a blue tit or
a redstart?

The hole's far too big.

The magpies will be able to steal all
the eggs. It has to be maximum 2.5 cm.

This has been made by amateurs.

He's right,
those magpies are a real pest.

Right. Let's go. Music, please.

Go on, move.

Yes.

Great.

Smile. Go on, smile.

Is that Bertrand?
– Yes. He's a one, isn't he?

He's small, isn't he?
– We'll enlarge the photo, of course.

He's not exactly slim, either.

No, but that's the fashion.
Fat and healthy.

And these top models are expensive.

Yes. Be yourself.

We had to alter the trousers,
but they suit our Placide, don't they?

Placide?

Placide, Bertrand, it's all the same.

These models change their name
almost every week.

Come on, Koko.
– Koko?

You see, it changes quickly.
Koko, Placide, Bertrand.

What will it be next week?

He moves well, doesn't he?
– He's our best. Incredible, eh?

Wait a minute,
my shoelace has come undone.

Now we can treat ourselves
to some refreshment.

Wait.

Huh?

It turned out OK in the end,
but she needn't ask me again.

You can't even take a decent
passport photo of that guy.

All this messing around in corners.
How's the divorce going?

Is it her or me?
– Believe me.

In our hearts we're already divorced.
– Make sure the rest follows, then.

It's only a matter of filling in forms,
dividing things up.

Two chairs for her, two chairs for me,
fridge for her, cupboard for me.

I don't believe you. You've been
keeping me dangling for so long.

You flit between Orphélia and me.

Come round this evening,
we'll talk about it.

Talk about it? In bed, I suppose?
– No, no.

Or on the couch?

Or on the ironing board.

Will I see you this evening?

Maybe.
I'll think about it.

I can get in.

No way.

I'll do the washing up.
– That's a good idea, yes.

I'll water your flower.

I'll make chocolate mousse.

And if Orphélia comes home?

Book Orphélia for somewhere away.
The further the better, then we're free.

I'll do my best.
Has she got a woolly hat?

Why?
– I've got a job at the North Pole.

Hello.

Placide.

You're not staying here with that ...
in the car park?

Where else?

Where do you live?
– Nowhere.

And I haven't got anything to eat
because the shops are shut.

And you don't know anyone who ...
– No one.

What are we going to do about this?

Maybe I can put your caravan at
our place. You can eat there too.

I saw you had a bar.
– A bar?

To tow me.
– Go on. Hook it on.

Mum, you've got visitors.

Mum?

Hello. Could you help me? The music
sheet has fallen behind the piano

and I can't bend over very well.

This is Mr Smellekens, our newest model.

Pleased to meet you. Dora.
– Placide.

Pla...
– Cide.

Hello, darling.

What a lovely dress! Own design?
– Yes, a complete exclusive again.

Mum, Placide didn't know where to go
with his caravan.

I said he could leave it here until
he finds somewhere else. Is that OK?

Of course. And a handsome man
always comes in handy.

Sophie,
get the music from behind the piano.

Right, then I'm off.
– Already?

Right, then I'm off too.
– No, you're staying here.

I'll come and get you when I need you.
– But I thought ...

Thanks Mum. See you later.
– Right, darling.

Don't worry, I'll look after him.

Orphélia, good news.

Yes, she's staying in Milan for
two weeks and then she's going to Paris.

I understand. Thanks.

Here are your tickets.
And you fly from there to Orly.

Phone me from New York
for your schedule after that.

Thanks, Sarah. You're an angel.
– Have a good trip.

Isn't it fantastic?

Confex has now sold
two million pairs of trousers.

I'm going to squeeze all I can out of
Placide. These are all offers for him.

If you let him do all that,
no one will take us seriously anymore.

They'll mop the floor with him.
– Which is why you're going with him.

But you said I could design
the next collection.

Your time will come.
Oh yes, from now on he's called Koko.

Sounds good, eh?

Bring the corners together.
– There aren't any corners at my end.

Placide.

Champagne and caviar!

No!

He's really biting me.

Go away!

Cut.
– Go on, in your kennel.

Cut.

Bambi, down.

Down, Bambi.

Is your arm OK?
– Yes, but ...

He hasn't pierced the skin?
– I think he prefers a different brand.

Is that what you call a trained dog?

Wippy here, Wippy there

Wippy everywhere

Wippy here, Wippy there

Wippy everywhere

At last, an advert that's fun to do.
– You look delicious.

Want a lick? I don't mind.

You always said that you need to
have class to work here as a model.

Now that sack of potatoes is the star.
– Yes, but he's a gold mine.

Fifteen years of dieting and now what?
Now you can be any size, any weight.

I'm off to eat a great big
fresh cream cake.

Don't start panicking.
You should be pleased about Koko.

Now I can finally spoil you financially.

That's something we can discuss.

I won't be insulted by
that piece of belly pork with ears.

Whose side are you on, Sarah?
– Placide isn't some washing powder.

He's a pearl and
you're casting him before swine.

Look at him shine, your pearl.

Why don't we aim higher?

Let's design something for him.
– What? Flannel shirts?

Give me a chance.
I'll design something specially for him.

And you can sell a Placide exclusive
for our collection.

Forget it, Sarah.

My hoop didn't come back.
– It feels good, eh, exercising?

And just now
someone pulled my ribbon.

Practice a bit more.
– I will.

Two weeks in Hawaii.

I'd better hurry up and learn to surf.
Sarah will be pleased.

Sarah? Sarah's not going with you.

I'm doing the Pisang Ambon advert.

You don't mind, do you?

No.

It's a long flight.
– Not really.

And it's hot there.

I've cricked my back and I need to
go to the dentist for my lazy eye.

Lazy eye?
– And my wisdom tooth is coming through.

Cancel Hawaii.

Carpets dirty and wet,
I use Tapinet.

Cut. OK, very good.

No, I'm not entirely satisfied.
– It can be much better.

Sorry, we'd like another take.

The product should be in shot more.
– Then the stick will be in shot more.

Yes, but if the camera ...
– OK folks, let's do it again.

That's it. You've done 17 takes.
– Who makes the decisions here?

That's it.

Come on, we're going.

Miss, we're paying, we decide.
– Exploit someone else. We're going.

We're carrying on or
I will make sure you are fired.

The lady said we're leaving.

You could've been in Hawaii.

On a desert island with Germaine?
– No, not Germaine.

With a beautiful Hawaiian girl
massaging your back. I wouldn't say no.

I'm not interested in foreign cultures.

With stupid palm trees and the sea.

Give me a weeping willow and
a babbling brook

and a beautiful girl from here.

Placide, that's what I love about you.
You're so genuine, so pure.

At least you don't look at me
with lecherous eyes.

Most men just want one thing.
To go to bed with me.

Really?

At least you know
what real friendship is.

Without all that rubbish.

Would you like to have children?
– Two?

No, let's start with one.
– Follow me, please.

It's far too soon for children.
I'll have some later when I've got time.

And when will that be?

I don't know. I'll see how it goes
with my work. What about you?

I'll see too ...

I like taking things slowly.
Nothing is urgent.

Your career is careering along.
– I fit it in where I can, as a hobby.

Here you are.

An atlas.

You don't realise your true value.

If only I could design some clothes
for you, Placide ...

What?

I've even got a fantastic name.
– For what?

What name did Germaine give you?
– Koko.

And what sort of fabric is that?
– Flannel.

Say those two words quickly
after each other.

Germaine fabric.

No, idiot. Koko Flannel.

That doesn't sound bad, either.

What will it be?
– Koko Flannel.

Twice.

We could be a huge success,
the two of us.

Do you mean that? The two of us?
– Sorry, but koko ...

Can't you leave us alone for a bit?
We're having an important discussion.

Placide, the gentleman works here.

Sorry.

I thought he was a snooker player.
They wear costumes like that.

Would sir like to order something else?

Oysters?
– Yes, with yellow lemonade.

A carafe?
– A bottle.

Yes, a whole bottle.

How about
the steamed dory in cream sauce

with red currants floating in
a passion fruit coulis?

Romantic.

Under a blanket of mustard and
parsley sauce with vegetables.

Poetic.

With croquettes.

Croquettes?
– Yes.

D'you see yourself doing that with me?
– I see myself doing everything.

Shall I come in for a drink?

Just the one?

Have you got big glasses?
– I'll put the bath on the table.

There's one thing I know,
if a dog smiles at you don't smile back.

Because if you show him your teeth
he thinks you're going to bite him.

It's dark here but that's OK.

There's someone there.

A burglar.
– No.

I can hear something.

That's the toilet.
– It's not. Leave it to me.

The trick with the candles,
I know all about that.

I told you to warn me.
– What's he doing here?

What are you doing here?

Oh, that's how it is.

Placide, wait a minute.
– Yes, don't leave.

You can play the banjo for us.
– Tell me when you're coming.

How am I supposed to know you're
bringing your rubbish home with you?

Placide.

Come on.

Azère.

Azère, you bastard. Where are you?

Damn.

Azère.

Damn.

Stop, police.

Placide. Have you gone mad?
– I'm never listening to you again.

You and your taking things slowly.
Now someone else has got her.

What are you on about? I'm coming down.
– Stay where you are, counterfeit cop!

Murderer! Arrest yourself! Coward!

Unbalanced birdhouse builder! You're
as drunk as a skunk. Calm down or ...

Or what? It's your fault I've lost her.

Perfect–people–separator.
Painted policeman.

Hey, catwalk model.
Go and model in your caravan.

Or have I got to come down there?
– You? Scaredy–cat!

Wait a minute.
I see you've got some more windows.

If you dare to throw that, I'll shoot.

And I mean it.

I'll get you another time.

If he thinks
he can mess around with me ...

Placide?

Don't sit there fretting. It won't help.

Placide.

I've lost my faith in humanity.

Don't be so downhearted.
Come out of there.

The sun's shining.

My heart's broken and so is my tea set.

Come on, Placide. You've got to become
as tough as old boots.

No more grovelling to women.

Act like a man.
Stand up for yourself.

Show them who Placide Smellekens is.

Head up.

Clear the road.

That's the fourth. And the fifth.
Keep your wrist stiff.

Oops.

You love Sarah, don't you?

Yes.

And she's got someone else, eh?

Yes, someone who thinks
the equator passes through his rear end.

And you just let him get on with it?
What's he got that you haven't?

Speed.
I've taken it much too slowly.

Listen, if you want her
you'll have to fight for her.

You stand more chance than him, with you
it's straight from your nest box.

Being in love is
the most beautiful thing on earth.

When you're in love you can
move mountains. You can do anything.

You go crazy.
– Yes, I know the feeling.

Being in love?
– No, being crazy.

You!

Lift it up a bit more.

Push harder.
– I'm pushing but it's stuck.

There, it looks best here.

You should've stayed where you were.

I've already ordered.
– Good.

Six zeros.
Our oysters are heroes.

Cut.

Great, Placide.
– Koko.

Great, Koko.

Yes, but I'd like to do
the shooting at Arlondo again.

I've got enough, Koko. It's perfect.
Check the gate.

I don't think
Arlondo is your best friend.

Imagine they stole
the future mother of your children.

What mother?
– Sarah.

Who? Him?

I'm taking you out on the town.
– But ...

Don't worry I'm paying.
I've got his credit card.

Sarah, Placide obviously
doesn't need you anymore.

Hi, Sarah.

Orphélia.
I was just checking your programme.

Sarah, darling, I've got some good news.

Don't find me any more work abroad.

I'm pregnant.

Pregnant? Who ...?
– Arlondo is as proud

as a pistol.

Congratulations.
– Thanks.

Could we have a bit less noise?
– Ooooh, sir is in a bad temper.

We're rehearsing for a family party
this Sunday.

If it's not the Birdy Song
it's beyond you, eh?

I can't get enough of The Magic Flute.
– Just do the make–up.

Arlondo.

Congratulations.
What d'you want for Father's Day?

Sarah!
You're not want I think you are?

I'm not, Orphélia is,
Mr Holy Spirit.

Orphélia, pregnant by me?

Come on, she hates me.
We only meet at the lawyer's.

That must be where it happened, then.
– It's not Placide's?

If Placide has ever done it,
it must've been with a nest box.

Come on, my keys.
– Sarah!

Where are my keys?
– In my trousers.

There.

Right, just comb your hair
round your ears and we're ready.

Let's go, Arlondo.

Smile.

Smile, Arlondo.

Germaine, have you gone mad?

No, but don't you see?
How can you allow that?

Koko's stupid head
on a cathedral of a body!

From now on
we'll only talk via my lawyer.

Get a second one then.

Darling.

No, Germaine, I wasn't talking to you.
Just a moment.

My turtle dove, where have you been?
I was worried.

With my lawyer.
– Your lawyer? For two weeks?

Here you are.

What's this?
– Divorce papers.

Sweetheart.

But Orphélia. Divorce? Divorce?
Who's talking about divorce?

Anyway, you're pregnant.
You can't get divorced, not now.

Don't worry. It was all hot air.
Like you.

Goodbye. Good luck with your Sarah.
– Sarah? Sarah who?

What are you on about?
– Koko, wow, what a body!

I insisted on seeing you, Didier.
I want to make amends.

Keep it short.
I've wasted enough time on you.

You know that sensational stallion
in my stable, Koko?

The man who separated us
can bring us back together.

If you're interested in Koko,
we can do business.

I'm giving you a chance to
create a line. A new line.

Specially made for him.

Koko,
exclusively for our own collection.

You design, I produce and sell.
We share the profits.

And you drop the court case.

Didier de Meringue in a new hat.

And I'll give a magnificent show
with Koko as the grand finale.

Doesn't sound bad.

But on one condition.
My son Helmut coordinates it all.

Then he can gain some experience
in the business.

And our collaboration
mustn't be spoiled by

the unprofessional behaviour of ...
what's her name? Sandra?

Sarah? I'll edge her out of the way.
– You edge her.

The same for me, please.

You're looking very smart, Placide.

You're wearing a nice dress.
Very green.

Where are you going?

That way or ... or ...
– I'm going that way.

Me too, actually.

Did you know that
frogs that live by waterfalls

never croak to attract a female?
They wouldn't hear it above that noise.

So they attract a female like this
with their rear leg.

Really? What if it doesn't work?

Who's this on work experience?

I'd like to introduce you to my son
Helmut. He's going to look after you.

All you have to do is pose and
walk up and down. A life of loot.

Er, a life of luxury!

What size are you?
– You'll have to ask Sarah.

Sarah? The time of amateurs is over,
my friend.

From now on, I'm in charge.

Yes? Hello?

Sarah, it's me.

Yes, myself.

Hello?

How dare she? Stealing my ideas.

Just to win De Meringue back.

I'm handing in my notice tomorrow.
– You'll be handed it anyway.

She's given your job to Helmut.

The cheating bitch.

It's easily solved. I'll resign too.

You? You've signed a 15–year contract,
clever clogs.

Germaine makes a fortune from you.
She'll never let you go.

My dreams have gone up in smoke.

I'll provide them with a fire
extinguisher. We'll create Koko Flannel.

You and me.

That's kind of you, Placide,
but it won't work. We're stuck.

No. De Meringue is soon going to present
his new collection soon.

So?
– Well, we'll smuggle ...

If you ask Jean–Claude and Hilde,
they'll do that for you.

What about Helmut?

We'll put something in his food.

You're forgetting that piece of paper
you signed.

You're forgetting that
I've got connections.

Hello, brother.
I was passing and I thought ...

What? Eh? What?

How dare you show your face here again?

I don't know you anymore. And Esmeralda
doesn't want you in the house. Goodbye.

What's in that parcel?

A pane of glass.

Come in.

You don't want something, do you?
– No, I just wanted to ask you

whether you knew a good burglar
we could use to ...

Right. To the right.

Here it is.
All the contracts are kept here.

Rubber Finger, it's up to you now.
You know what to do.

It's a Samson junior.
It opens like a Coca–Cola bottle.

Do we know each other?

No.

This is my brother, Azère.

Well done, Rubber Finger.

Wait.

No, this isn't it. Here it is.
Placide Smellekens.

What are you planning to do?

Have you come for a holiday
or is all that for the make–up?

Koko's demands are very high
when it comes to his make–up and hair.

I have to have everything with me or
I can't make him presentable.

Hilde, bring me the mascara.

Well?

I can't stand all that chattering. I've
got to go and unwind or I'll go mad.

Are you insane?
D'you want them to kill you?

Stay here.

That's just it. You stay here.
If you come, they'll know I'm there.

But if you stay, no one will know
I've gone and won't look for me there.

Understand? Go and help Caro.
She's got problems with her blouse.

Tut, tut, tut. I can't
keep an eye on everything out there.

Just unwind here.

Mr Helmut, shall I smarten you up?
You'll have to go on stage later.

Who? Me?
– Of course, it's your show.

It'll be a triumph.
– Please, Jean–Claude.

Fancy you thinking of that.
– Routine. Simply routine.

If you've time now, sit down.
– Now?

Of course, now.

Could you close your eyes, please?

Helmut has passed out.

Oh, you were in this one.

Come on, let's get on with it.

What are you up to now?
– The surprise.

Surprise?
– Phase three, for Sarah.

But ...

Phase three, what the hell is that?

Placide.

Placide!

Placide!

Placide! Brother!

Open the door!

Placide. Placide, carry on singing.

I'm coming!

Placide, open the door.

Help! Murder!

Hello, Tango Whisky.
Samba Cognac here. Over.

Hello, Dora. Everything is quiet here.

No one knows anything.
Onwards and upwards!

Arlondo, have you gone mad?

Azère, what's going on?

Placide's in there.
– Do something.

Phone the fire brigade.
– Go on.

But ...

Placide!

I don't understand.

Helmut is usually very punctual.
– I'll go and have a look.

No. Don't make him nervous.
It's enough of a headache as it is.

Max, we've got a job to do.

Stupid dog.

Shit!

Placide,
that hairspray is highly inflammable.

He must be careful.

Placide.

He was always in a good mood.
Listen to him.

Take that.

What's going on?
I'll have to go and have a look.

The things they do to attract attention
these days.

It's to make you forget the clothes.
They won't be much good.

Placide, what on earth are you doing?

We've got to go straight back.
It's not too late.

You take over.
I've got a phone call to make.

What are you going to do?
– Trust me.

You clearly can't count on
such an idiot. He's gone up in flames.

What an amateur!

I told you to use Arlondo.

Arlondo.

Thanks, lad.

Talk of the devil.
Didier, here is our saviour.

Placide.

Thank goodness you've come back.

Why are you all standing around staring?

We've got to start.
Or fashion will have changed already.

I'll help Helmut.
– Go and sit down.

We've got everything under control.
Otherwise you'll miss the opening.

Come on.
Get rid of those yodelling costumes.

Sarah, did you bump into something?
– But ... but you're alive.

Of course I'm alive. Look.

It's started. Come on.
– What's going on?

It's started.

Placide. That's Mum!

KOKO FLANNEL

Has Helmut gone mad?

KOKO FLANNEL

What madness is this?

I don't think Helmut is involved
anymore.

What a man!

Sarah, this is going to cost you
your head, my girl.

Koko is my model, my idea. He's tied
to me for the rest of his life.

The court is not soft on
breach of contract.

I turned your contract into confetti.
Didn't you see it flutter past?

What? You trollop!

You nursery nurse! I ...

Helmut? Where's Helmut?

Where is Helmut?

In his office, Mr de Meringue.
Follow me.

In his office?

Is that his office?
This is a ...

Thank you. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the designer of all these creations,

Sarah.

Placide, now.

What now?
– Now.

Sarah,
would like to make a baby with me?

Now? Right away?

Here?
– The sooner the better.

Does it have to be a boy or a girl?

Doesn't matter,
as long as it looks like you.

The Subtitling Company