Klassikokkutulek 2: Pulmad ja matused (2018) - full transcript

That was the new single

Emails from the heart

from Toomas Karjend's new album.

Congratulations on the new album. - Thanks.

How was this album born then?

It's been two years since your last one.

Yes, it's quite a small amount of time.

Compared to how long it took

to get the "I do" from my girlfriend.

Yeah, you're finally getting married? - Yes.

With the world's most



beautiful and sexy woman.

The whole album is dedicated to her,

pretty cool, right?

Okay, pretty cute, yeah.

Let's listen to another one

and then on to the weather.

I predict sunshine.

There must be an easier way to die.

Tõnn said he would organize

Tom's bachelor party.

Crank-Tõnn? - Yes.

Great. - I got a great stripper as well.

Stripper? Isn't that a bit vulgar? - What?

Christmas has black pudding, easter eggs



and bachelor parties have strippers.

What is it, Andres? - You have Juta.

Tom is getting married,

but I still don't have anyone.

Men, good news.

The first reviews are out.

See? He's also got that record.

Relax, you'll find someone.

Listen, your record

is causing a real shitstorm.

Wait, what storm?

See? Others have all sorts of troubles too.

Three reviews

and no one really found anything good?

At least you're getting married,

screw the record.

Screw it? I put my whole soul into it.

And bone headed music critics are saying,

that it isn't rock,

but some kind of "babe-disco".

Screw the critics!

Fans! Fans are the most important!

The fans still love me.

Yeah, that's right.

It does show love.

The penis? It's a symbol of love.

No one can even be bothered

to draw a penis on me.

Kindergarten.

Mart! Andres came! - Ow, damn it...

Andres? What's going on? - I have a date.

Spicy relationships for open-minded singles.

Congratulations!

You see, there's 25 single women at once.

It's like the dream

of some kind of sex-maniac.

I'm like a memory stick

in the server of internet porn.

Hey, listen, how should I start?

Close your eyes

and look at me with a fresh glance!

Hello, my name is Andres.

Andres here, hey, heya, hey, heya!

Wait, don't they have name-tags over there?

Of course, then it's just "hey", "heya".

I'm going to come back from there

with at least three women.

Don't forget to listen to your heart too.

Screw the heart.

I've been on a two year dry spell.

It was very nice meeting you, Tiina.

Thank you, likewise.

Hello, my name is Andres. Hey, heya!

What's better? Hey or heya? Hello?

Dad's friend. - Mart.

Oh, yes, of course. It was a pleasure.

Dad!

Sorry! Move your hand.

It was definitely a pleasure.

It was nice meeting you,

have a safe trip home.

That's my scarf.

Dad, that's Tiina's scarf.

Oh, yes, yes. Oh, this, of course.

Hey, that's disgusting!

Did your dad have a bandage

with a Hello Beaver?

I think so.

Two stars, two fucking stars! - What?

They gave me two stars for the album.

Toomas, please stop it.

And I've gone "soft"?

Some damn egghead critics

decide who's hard and soft.

Toomas. - Do you get it, it's a wreck.

Be a good man now, focus.

I don't know, I'm sorry,

I don't think it's working today.

If I can't even do that,

then why are we even getting married?

Just focus and everything will work out.

Oh, okay, I'm some kind of

two star guy in bed now as well?

Gone soft and..? Thanks.

Oh, go f...

What kind of a film is Kalevipoeg

and how much did it cost?

We've been filming this movie

for about four and a half years now.

The initial budget for us was 30...

Hey, that's that Crank-Tõnn there.

Unbelievable, he sure does get around.

He's organizing the bachelor party for Toomas.

Ow! What are you doing? What are you doing?

Sorry.

Mart. - Huh? Oh, I know what you want to ask.

Why do they call him Crank-Tõnn?

I think he went to this

bike riding training thing.

And he was the best at cranking over there.

Well, he was the fastest one there.

Wait, you know him.

You met at work? - At a seminar.

At a seminar, yeah.

Mart. - What? Our Crank-Tõnn is such a playboy.

Hey, come on! Let's put the football on now.

Did you want to say something? - No, I didn't.

We're all together in the middle.

I don't even know how it happened.

I was a little drunk

and the hotel and the champagne...

It felt like nothing was going

to happen in my life anymore.

And he tackled him, damn it!

And Tõnn was so different

and all of a sudden it was...

It happened to you too?

You're a single woman,

you can do what you want.

I'm happily married.

Stuff like that cannot happen to me.

Ah, he let it go in!

I don't know. How could I do it with Tõnu?

But I love Mart.

Pretending, pretending.

I need to tell him everything.

Let him decide then

if he wants to be with me anymore.

This is such a porno!

Sorry! There seems to be a mistake here.

How's that? - Nobody has picked me.

No one wants to get to know you better.

What are you trying to say, that...

no one from those twenty five women...

are interested in me?

It seems to be that way, yes.

What game are you playing here?

That doesn't make sense.

What's wrong with me? Am I not rich enough?

Or am I not smart enough?

Or I'm not tall enough?

I don't fit your criteria?

You know what, watch less porn!

Please leave, now.

Yes, of course I will leave.

Damn this... nonsense!

Come here!

Never ever will I cut my nose hairs again!

Pointless!

Well, the uniform for the bachelor party.

No whining, put it on. It's ugly, but funny.

Hello there, girls.

Crank-Tõnn. - Mart, you old fool.

It's been a while, yeah.

Well, it's time for action! Rock and roll!

Get ready, assholes!

Check out what I have here!

How did that date go? - Well, well.

How many women did you get then?

All 25 of them?

That relationship stuff is so overrated.

Friendship is much more important.

Shh, they're coming!

You haven't even looked at them!

Okay, I'll take a look.

They're very beautiful. Super.

I can't deal with it

if you keep acting like an offended diva.

What was it now? I didn't look at them right?

It would be a little strange

to surprise them right now.

Okay, give me the box and describe them.

Well, they're like... round...

Great.

Hello, I am Hanna.

If you remember,

but we are going to get married.

Hey, I worked on that album for two years.

Two years and two stars.

One star for one year. Thank you!

Do you love me? - Well, yes.

Then show it!

Wait, wait, listen to me.

He's my best friend.

When he comes back from that bachelor party,

then this whining spongejaw

has turned back into the good old sexy Toomas.

A brand new chapter

is starting in your life, Toomas.

To your new stories!

You don't have to be ashamed of being lucky!

Let's go guys! To Tom!

It's always going into the wrong hole.

You try playing,

when you're rolled up in a carpet.

Tom is still reeling from his music reviews.

Don't worry.

Want me to show you something sexy?

Do you know this chick? Gitte.

Yeah. - You know, I sponsored her blog site.

Fuck... she's a crazy chick...

Wait, wait, I saw you together on TV?

Be quiet now.

I had some explaining to do back home.

Luckily she's my wife's brothers ex-girlfriend

and I emphasized the relation.

But I don't get...?

She's the most popular music blogger.

Exactly.

If you convince Gitte that your record is cool,

then all those jackass-critics

can shove their pens up their own asses.

Convince how?

Look dude, that Gitte likes men very much.

Stop it, I'm getting married soon.

Your marriage will only win from it. - Tõnn!

You can grind some

stars onto your record with Gitte.

Think about it, dude.

Alright, I'm going to get more drinks.

Bet one for me too. - One?

Place your bets, gentlemen!

Sorry, it seems like

you're trying to hit on me.

I'm here to spend time with my friends,

not to flirt. I hope that it is clear now.

What kind of a joke was that?

Women don't have to think

that only they can pick and choose.

There are fewer men, damn it.

Listen, they will be here soon.

Who? - The stripper!

She was supposed to come after dinner, no?

Guys like you go to bed after dinner.

Well, Mart, how's life?

I'm not talking to you. - Huh?

You're a slutty guy.

I know that it was very lame of me.

I... damn it, dude, well...

I can't say anything other than

I'm sorry. Truly.

If you can forgive me...

Ah, let it be.

I was just thinking that,

why did you have to try

to get Tom to shag that blogger.

Tom? The blogger?

You know, I just wanted to help him,

nothing else.

With his record and stuff...

For a moment I thought Mart knew

about me and his Juta.

What? You crank thrower...

Have you slept with Juta?

I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm getting a little hot.

Toomas, listen.

Crank-Tõnn has banged Mart's wife.

Did you know about it?

Yeah, I think there was something.

And you haven't told Mart about it?

Come on... that's like... come on...

Come on? We have to talk about it.

Maybe you want to

call Tõnu's wife as well then?

Juta should decide herself

if she tells him or not.

If we know that Crank-Tõnn and Juta...

You're not talking about my Juta, are you?

Well?

I'm not going to tell him.

You just did, idiot. - You're right.

Let Juta tell him herself.

Tell me? Damn it, about what?

In a way it's nothing bad, just that...

It turns out that your Juta has...

Juta has... - Yes, Juta has, yes.

Juta, so to say...

Juta has with Tõnn...

...they have like screwed.

Or Tõnn has with Juta.

I don't know how or where.

Maybe they weren't even in bed.

Maybe in a car? Or an elevator? Or on a table?

Man and woman... traditionally...

Hey, a lot worse things happen in the world.

Grown up people, you know.

Where is Tõnn? - He went to the bathroom.

Wait, wait, wait. Mart, Mart! Relax!

I know that you're angry,

but think about Toomas.

It is still his bachelor party.

This kind of thing could ruin his mood.

I'm going to kill him! - Wait, wait, wait!

Wait, let him use the bathroom first!

What are you lying around here for?

During work!

Calm down! Don't! Relax!

Calm the hell down!

I know very well that you're in here.

Come out, damn it!

Maybe he's constipated?

He'll be shocked out of it in a moment!

I hope you die, you bastard!

You can't say that.

I can say whatever I want!

He banged my wife, damn it!

Come out, if you're a man!

Oh, hey, what's up?

Tõnn, damn it! Stop messing around!

Call an ambulance!

He's pretending, damn it!

Guys your age should start making sure

that your lives aren't too exciting.

Is there anything we could have done?

Heart attack, it's a matter of minutes.

If you would have let

Mart go and kill him immediately, then maybe

he would still be alive...

Did you order a stripper?

Mart.

I wanted to say, how much I love you.

Where are you going? - I'm going to bury a guy,

who slept with your mother.

You should be going to that funeral instead.

You knew him better than I did.

It didn't mean anything!

It was all just a huge mistake.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

I don't understand. I just don't get it.

Someone is coming! - What, who?

Let's go for a ride, Äpu!

Well, it was still in the car...

from the bachelor party.

When Crank...

Yes...

I'll go wait in the car then...

Mart.

Give us another chance.

No, I'm not coming.

Don't you start now.

Damn it, my wedding is tomorrow.

It's not about that.

Tõnn's mother asked him to sing in the church.

You're still worrying about those reviews?

What? No, I'm not, stop it.

I couldn't get much sleep.

Look at Mart, he's coming. - Yes.

Even though Tõnn banged his wife for hours.

So he'd get the point across better.

I don't actually think they did it

for more than half an hour.

Tõnn's heart was weak.

40 minutes, maximum.

Like a little marathon. - Shut up.

Okay, okay, okay, I'm coming.

But damn it, I won't sing, that's over.

Finished.

I'm no funeral singer, I'm a rock-star!

Toomas... - Don't worry, I'll make him sing.

I know where his "play" button is.

Sorry.

Damn it, isn't it too soft?

Maybe it should have been a little tougher?

It's good.

Mart, what do you think?

Your last record was tougher.

This car doesn't even have proper speakers.

Better speakers than these don't even exist.

Well, your current record is softer,

that much is clear.

What? Isn't it?

Mart, stop it.

His self-esteem needs a little boost.

Wait, so you also think that it's shit?

Fuck.

It's a kind of married-guy-rock.

Mar..? Stop it.

You don't know anything about music, damn it.

Damn tough guys,

keep listening to your Kukerpillid.

Three packs of Wiagra!

It was on sale!

Do you have problems with that?

Stop it, mine works like

a road barrier in an oil factory.

But you don't have anyone

to use that barrier on?

I'll use it on myself, if I want to.

On yourself? Here in the car?

While driving? - Yes.

I do what I want. It's not illegal.

Damn, that sounds a little sad.

Still better than your music... - Andres!

Damn, now we're out of fuel too.

Maybe you'll put rod stiffeners

into the tank and it'll last longer?

Damn it, I don't get it.

How could Juta do that?

Well Crank-Tõnn was a real cranker.

He got Juta drunk and flexed his muscles and...

Maybe Juta felt like she had been neglected.

What? All of that stuff is fine for us.

Damn it, I don't understand.

I helped her raise the kids,

carry her grocery bags,

pick out kitchenware.

I sow my own buttons back on.

I fix my socks, I wash the dishes.

I could go to a knitting class if I had to.

What about in bed?

Are you a virtuoso in bed

or just do old people gymnastics?

I do everything.

With hands, feet, head if I have to.

Well, maybe you're too keen?

You said keen. What did you mean by "too keen"?

Maybe she wants you to be rougher?

That you'd oppose her

and not grovel with your tongue out like that.

Have you ever asked her "Who's your daddy"?

Why was Tõnn called Crank-Tõnn anyway?

It was because of that biking thing, right?

Then his thing was... What was it like?

You went training with him.

Well, explain it to him then.

How big it was? - Well, yes.

Like...

Let's say that this is Tõnn's knob. Yes.

Really?

No, this is what Kert's one was like.

I wonder why he wasn't called Crank-Tõnn?

Who? - Kert.

Because his name was Kert.

Wait, alright, alright,

but what was Tõnn's like then?

Imagine that you're in a shower

with him in the gym.

What do you see? - Well, okay. Wait. So.

I can't see anything, his back is towards me.

Dear Lord, turn him around. - Yes.

Turning, turning, turning, shh.

Well?

That's it, gone,

that crank is gone

Hey, we forgot to buy the flowers.

Hello. - Hello.

We need to get our friend one of these...

For a man who stomped over

a long friendship. - He passed.

Would you like a wreath then?

That one reminds me of an asshole,

we'll have that one.

Mart. - This one is good then?

Yes, it's very good.

Damn, that's pretty fine, right?

The wreath? - Wreath...

I don't like it.

She has long hair. I like short hair.

You need less shampoo.

Shouldn't think so highly of... themselves.

Would you write something here?

Oh yes, of course, alright.

Idiot, she doesn't want an autograph.

She wants you to write something on the wreath.

Damn, you write it, if you're so clever.

You'll release a better album,

you can give out autographs still.

That didn't go too well.

Don't worry, he'll get over it.

Hey, Tom!

How long are you going to ail over there?

What the hell am I even doing here?

I should be burying my career, not Tõnn.

What should we do then?

He's a complete crybaby.

We should shock him and wake him up somehow.

A whiny disco-ass, not a rock-star.

I heard that. - The hell you did!

How are we going to shock him then?

A near death experience, that always helps.

What? What are you thinking?

Are you going to leave me here?

Stop messing around,

this is dangerous, dear Lord.

Don't worry about it.

I'll break before the impact.

Don't be stupid, Andres!

Break, break, break!

Break!

You damn idiots!

Damn it, I'm going to kill you!

Now he's fine, good old Tom.

Damn it, I completely lost my voice.

I got hit in the throat with a rabbit.

My career is over.

Let's forget about your career, okay?

Let's focus on Tõnn now.

It doesn't matter

if you've got your voice or not.

What is important is, that you sing.

Thanks, friend.

My condolences.

Deep condolences.

Very deep condolences.

I don't know, is Marleen not here?

She should be at her own husband's funeral.

You can't tell her about it.

It would make it easier for her to grieve.

Damn shithead, in that casket.

I'll go find her. - Sit down!

Sit!

I'm only here for Tõnn, right?

Don't even dream

about anything happening between us.

We are gathered here,

to say our farewells to Krõõt. - Krõõt?

Probably another victim of Tõnn's crank.

Krõõt will always be remembered

as a resilient woman.

Sorry, is that Krõõt in that casket there?

Of course.

Together with Tõnn?

Krõõt lived a long and beautiful life.

She was an active nurse.

And as resilient

and active a deportation victim.

Krõõt was one of those women,

who you could say about...

Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Bye, good day.

Oh, clear. Tõnn's funeral starts at two.

Damn it, Andres.

The ink had smeared on the invite.

I cried a little, when I read the invite

What do you think?

Mart, where are you going?

Wait, what are you doing?

You boneheads don't remember

what his thing was like.

You're not doing that...

I'll just take a quick look and that's it.

Have you gone mad?

You're not doing that!

I need to know how big it is

or it will haunt me.

Help me now.

Well, I don't know, if it calms him down.

It may have grown a little after his death.

Like his hair and nails.

It may not have been that long really.

Stop talking such rubbish.

Let him look at that saber

and he can get on with his life.

Let's go, let's go.

You need to unzip his trousers.

Damn it, I'm not looking at it,

I'll go on watch.

This is disgusting.

I've turned it into two meters in my head

and I need to get it out of my head.

Sorry.

Guys, it's not that big at all.

Crank-Tõnn, damn it.

It was probably because of his biking thing.

We might as well have called him

Handlebar-Tõnn or Saddle-Tõnts.

Mart, shall we do a selfie too?

Damn it, you're my manager, think of something!

You're a manager in both good times and bad.

The wedding stuff doesn't sell?

Come on.. what?

Someone is coming! Damn it!

Wait, listen! - Enough!

Quick! Out of here! - Enough!

Dear Lord, I think we killed the pastor.

The pastor?

Let's give this wreath to Marleen

and let's get out of here.

Here. - Wait, wait.

We were Tõnn's only and best friends.

But we promised to help carry the casket.

My wedding is tomorrow,

I can't take a risk like that.

I'll call Hanna and tell her we're on our way.

That's right,

I shouldn't have come here at all.

Well, hey, sweetheart. Hey, hey.

Listen, I've got some good news for you.

How are you going to cheer me up then?

Hello? What's the good news?

Good? I think that's a

very bad word to use right now.

We'll get out of here tomorrow.

What? Tomorrow? Toomas!

Promise me that you'll make it in time.

Of course, absolutely.

What else can go wrong?

Marleen is here.

Damn it, Mart,

you can't tell her anything. - Why?

Why I have to suffer alone,

when her dickhead husband

stuck her shriveled up pecker

into our marriage.

That pecker will get buried soon!

I don't understand anything anymore.

Listen, actually Andres is right after all.

We need to carry the casket

and we'll make it in time

to the right place tomorrow

and everything will be fine.

You said it yourself

that you don't want to sing here.

Oh, no, no, no, I can sing here, no problem.

I mean, it is a friend's funeral.

Because our pastor had a terrible accident,

Tõnu's funeral has been delayed until tomorrow.

We, with Marleen, would be very happy,

if you could all stay here until tomorrow.

You can spend the night here,

there's enough room for everyone.

Toomas.

Can you make it tomorrow?

Yes, no problem at all.

I also want to myself.

I can sing for Tõnn.

You're a good kid, Toomas.

It's very important for us and Tõnu.

We're going to a hotel, right?

Why do we have to go to a hotel?

We can have fun

one last night before your wedding...

...and before Mart's divorce.

Pig...

Tõnn would have wanted us

to finish the bachelor party.

That was his last mission,

his unfinished life's work.

My bachelor party was his life's work?

He did with total passion.

Maybe that's what broke him?

Why can't we do it all here?

I'll go take a look for a moment.

Tom!

It's nice meeting Tõnu's friends here.

Real friends.

Tõnu was a good friend, right?

And an even better lover.

How? - Oh, yes, yes.

Yes, oh, the way life works.

Yes. - Yes.

Mart, come please. Help me get some water.

No, no, Mart can't do that.

No, what, I'll gladly help.

Mart's back... His back hurts, doesn't it?

Back? - Yes.

His back can cramp up. I'll come instead.

We need to save him for carrying the casket.

Back in the old days

funerals were beautiful, tasteful and modest.

They used to know how to bury people.

Each funeral was a unique event.

It's all like a butcher shop these days.

You used to be friends, right?

I'm thinking, maybe you noticed,

if Marleen has been somehow sad lately?

Of course she's sad.

No, I mean before Tõnn died.

Maybe Tõnn... did something. - What then?

No, no, I mean something like...

Well something like... - Oh, hello, Andres!

Wait, wait. Sorry.

I think that people

don't quite act right during funerals

and might regret things later,

so let's keep a reasonable distance between us.

Dear Tõnn, we thank you

for always being so kind and helpful.

Damn it, it makes me sick.

Dear, Tõnn...

I hope you enjoyed...

banging my...

Banging what? - Huh? Oh.

Mart means how Tõnn used to hit him

on the head back in school.

Tõnn had this tradition, smack and smack.

I hope he didn't smack you too hard.

No, no. - No, Mart liked it.

Boys, boys...

Why are you being so stupid?

You're being the stupid one.

Do you want her to continue living with a lie?

Where is your truth going to get you?

It's not going to help Juta and you anymore.

Damn!

Huh?

Wait, is that the same Gitte?

The one who... with Tõnn?

The sex crazed music critic?

Maybe, I don't even know.

Wait, you have a thing with her? - Who, me?

No. I just want to talk work stuff.

Work stuff?

Well, about music and Tõnn.

Tõnn has banged her too...

She's well acquainted with Tõnn...

God... What? I have nothing to do

with I don't know what.

What are you..? I just wanted to chat.

That got a little complicated now. - Wait, why?

Because she just left.

Damn!

That funeral thing must be pretty hard on him.

Calm down, boys!

I have a cool surprise for you.

They gave us the hunting hall for sleeping in.

Let's go.

Beer and crisps?

Is this your mega-super-hyper-surprise?

The surprise is coming in a little while.

It's...

You'll see soon enough. - Completely pointless.

I don't even know what I'm doing here?

The guy messed up my life and I'm here

to mumble my condolences... - Calm down, man.

You'll behave nicely.

You'll be above that and forgive.

I'm not above that

and I will never forgive him. It's absurd.

I don't know what's keeping them. - Who?

Quiet! They're coming!

Andres, these girls are saying

that you ordered them.

Yes.

It's a little mistake. A coincidence even.

Toomas...

...is getting married soon and...

Very, very inappropriate.

Dear Lord!

Have you gone mad? - Give us the money,

we need to get to our next place.

What money? I've had to pay for a striptease

for the second time

and I still haven't seen anything.

Give us the money!

This isn't normal, this is swindling a client!

Start right away! - Fuck you, fatso.

What? - Fatso!

Fatso?

Fatso!

No woman that tall will call me fatso!

Andres!

Are you out of your minds?

Oh lord, what happened to you?

I hit my head. I hit a...

An arch or something... - Ow, wait, wait.

Pow! Into an arch. - Stand still.

No, listen, thanks.

I wonder where that Gitte went.

Gitte, wait, where did she go?

Oh, I know!

Dear Lord, that was horrible and vulgar.

What those women were doing there with their...

It was worse than a brothel.

How do you know that? - What?

I'm asking, how do you know that?

I'm imagining it, it can't be worse. - Shut up!

What happened there then?

What? - What did they do?

Any highlights perhaps?

Alright, let's get out of here.

Where do we have to go to?

I don't know, out somewhere.

This is my last day single.

I don't know, you can go,

I don't want to go anywhere.

I don't want to celebrate anything.

I just want to sit down

and think things through.

Here we go again. You know what you need?

You need some revenge.

Toomas, Mart is a loyal guy.

No, you see, you see...

If he also cheats on her,

then it's much easier for him to forgive Juta.

You need to even the score.

Revenge is not a solution.

No, wait, wait, Tom might be right.

That could help. - Mart!

Let's go, I know a really cool

party place near here.

This is the awesome party place now then?

This is an exhibition. It's a museum.

A museum is the best place to pick up women.

Can you feel all of the repressed

sexual energy floating about?

Oh. - The air is thick with desire,

can you feel it?

Mart, can you feel it?

I don't know, feels a little uncomfortable.

Pull yourself together.

You've got nothing holding you back.

You've got diplomatic immunity,

you can do what you want.

Pull out your assemblyman

and start drilling the voters.

What are you talking about, Toomas?

Do you see that ape over there?

That monkey got six stars for that noise.

Six stars?

I thought you got 2 stars on a 5 star scale?

That means you're completely... no.

Boys, that Gitte is over there.

Oh, listen, that's perfect.

She was supposedly a nymphomaniac.

Tõnn said so.

Wait, Mart, what are you saying now?

Wait. - What? - Wait, relax.

Wait, this will be trouble, I'm telling you.

Wait, wait, wait, Mart.

Gitte won't help you even the score.

Why not?

Listen, that's messed up,

she's here for a funeral.

I'm here for a funeral too.

Okay, okay. Let me go and warm her up for you.

I'll say something nice about you.

You can go get a drink and...

Listen, you're not going to go

hit on a woman with empty hands?

Your flirting tactics are out of date.

Maybe you'll hit her on the head

and drag her to a cave too?

Wait. I trust you. Alright.

If you're telling her things, try to...

Hold on to these for me. The rings.

Why? - Maybe I'll forget them tomorrow or...

Wait! Tell her I'm a man with golden hands.

That I made a new shelter for my car,

a toilet seat...

What am I doing? I don't understand.

We haven't properly met before,

as they say, face-to-face.

Toomas.

Gitte.

What a coincidence. Cool.

Okay, give me your record. - Huh?

I assume I'm going to have

to write about your record,

because we had this kind of coincidence.

No, what...

That's not necessary.

But we could listen to it together.

What has Tõnn told you about me?

That I'm some kind of sex maniac?

What? No, he hasn't said anything like that.

But it's true.

What will you have, sir? - Nothing.

Women being irreverent is so exhausting.

You're honestly being ridiculous

with your reluctance.

Not more ridiculous than you

with your desire for revenge.

Oh really?

You're the best man then?

Toomas, we have to talk.

Well? - Yes, if you still want to be friends.

Okay, I'll explain later.

I need to handle this, sorry.

I'm going to go back to Marleen's place.

Did you tell her about the car shelter?

Wait, what did you want?

Why did you choose Mart to be your best man?

Why not? I flipped a coin for it.

I worried the most,

about keeping your mood up

and I'm not good enough?

Mart had heads and it was heads, what can I do?

I'm not head enough, huh?

I'm some kind of pathetic tails?

I'm just a tails, huh?

This guy over here is the head then?

Some kind of boss?

Alright, and I'm not a man at all, right?

Far from the best man.

Listen, okay, I don't care

who is the best man... be a grown up...

See Andres, you're the best man,

everything is alright.

Gentlemen, I'm going to go take a piss.

Well then, heads.

I wanted my album

to be personal and sincere.

Let's talk about that later, okay?

Maybe we should... - No, we shouldn't.

I write my reviews

about a different kind of performance.

Oh, listen, I've got this...

My producer is calling.

Hey, sweetheart.

Hello? - Why are you talking so quietly?

Everyone is feeling down and you know.

Aunt Maie let us know that she's not coming,

I don't know where to seat uncle Jüri.

Put him next to Paul.

That's where your aunt is sitting.

Why did you even invite her then?

Listen, I can't talk.

I need to go practice my song, sorry.

Hey, when you're done here,

come pick up your clothes.

You're singing to Tõnn then?

Hey, Toomas!

I didn't know you were doing that badly.

Do you want me to lend you a third sock or..?

I don't even want to be the best man anymore.

It's no fun if it's forced like that.

Here, take it.

No, no. He said he flipped a coin.

What am I guilty of?

Unbelievable.

They stole your stretched out underwear too.

You can get a few hundred

for those as well in Romania.

What?

Did they try to rape you as well? - No!

Rape? What.. No.

Were those robbers transvestites or..?

Romanians. - From Transylvania?

I don't know, from somewhere down south.

I think it was Gitte

and not a band of Romanians.

You're really willing to sleep with her

for an album review?

That's why you wanted to stay here, right?

Yes, that's why he wanted to go to the city.

The cool party in the art gallery.

Listen, she's the only person

who can save my career!

This damn marriage is screwing up my career.

We wanted to help you and you're such a slut.

You only want to help when you're not thinking

about hating women.

You damn celibate...

What do you mean by that?

Look at yourself! You're totally cramped up.

You're totally cramped up.

You're afraid that there is

no woman for you in the whole world.

None!

Andres, where are you going? Andres!

We have to go calm him down.

What can I do?

Andres! - Antu!

Andres, where are you?

Antu!

Andres!

I'm your best friend!

Let's forget about those women.

Don't shine it in my face.

Come on out!

Andres!

You go that way.

Andres!

Damn it!

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm doing fine, thanks for asking.

Damn it! If a man is laying down in a grave

and says that he's doing fine,

then he's not doing fine.

How is he? - He's not okay.

Oh Lord, that's Tõnn's grave!

You're not going to take Tõnn's grave!

That's so childish!

Really, come on out, let's talk.

What will we talk about?

You do everything you can

to make me feel like shit.

Your lives are messed up

and now you've got to pick on me too.

I have...

...everything is.

There were over 20 women there

and none of them wanted me.

I'll stay alone, you were right.

Come on out, you gigolo!

Why didn't anyone do a mark behind my name?

You talk to him.

You've got a black belt in talking.

Well, Andres, look at it...

Sometimes you have to

eat a whole bunch of "no-s",

before you get a "yes" for dessert.

If you don't eat anything at all,

you won't get either one.

Dessert?

You talk then. You write song lyrics,

I'm just a copywriter!

Be a good man, come out of the grave!

You're very clever.

You're the best friend

and a great father and...

We'll find you a woman too.

You're just at a low point in life right now...

as you can see.

Right now you're...

in a grave, to say it straight.

But it's too early

to pull the dirt onto yourself.

Come on out and let's push Tõnn in there

and everything is OK.

Give us your hand! Come here!

Oh damn it, you've eaten

quite a few of those "no-s".

Damn, how much do you weigh?

How do I know?

Last time I weighed myself, the scale broke.

Pull me up, I'm scared!

Damn, this is the communal grave

for middle aged losers.

Two losers and a Leopold.

And soon they'll throw

a dead playboy in here as well.

A playboy.

...could fall through the earth from shame.

Madhouse.

I need to go get my clothes still.

Forget about it! - Wait!

You still don't get it,

that Gitte could still fix everything?

I need to choose

between my marriage and my career.

You just arose from the grave

and you're starting from a clean slate.

Exactly, you haven't got

any problems with Hanna.

Everything is okay between you two.

Wait, I'll go get your clothes!

It's a catch-22.

Toomas misses his pants.

Did you know that Tõnn

won the bike marathon in '89?

Yes. If he would have known

his life was going to be so short,

he would have done something more reasonable.

Look what Tõnn has left here for us.

Tõnn's inheritance. - Tõnn's joint.

Athlete, my ass.

You got a light?

Where's the keys?

The car keys?

What do you want? What do you want?

You see, that Gitte is completely crazy.

I'm just a little rusty at that.

Wait.

It's your body telling

that it's not okay with that kind of cheating.

Your willy is smarter than you are.

This is a chance for me to forgive Juta.

How do you not get it?

Wait, wait.

Play my album for her too.

Wait, wait, wait.

And make sure you have sex

worth at least three stars.

And Mart, wait, wait.

Wait.

A little to the left.

No, wait. Back a little.

Be good now.

What?

Wait, damn, now it went wrong.

What are you doing there?

Wait. - Don't pull, ow, ow!

Easy, easy.

Now! - Ow, damn it!

Wait, to the right, a little to the right.

A little right, like that.

Now! - Ow, it hurts, it hurts!

Wait, oh Lord.

We're... We're stuck.

Jesus...

What now?

Hello.

Hello.

Zebra? - Zebra.

What happened?

Well... the zebra is a little bit sick. - Oh.

Damn! - Easy, easy, easy.

It hurts.

Easy, easy, wait. Wait. Wait.

Ow, damn it!

Wait. - What are you doing?

Wait, wait.

Did you play my album to her?

My understanding of making love

is clearly out of date.

Damn it, first you screw things up

and then you send that freak?

I will be looking forward to

your performance tomorrow.

Damn, now I have to be good now.

If I can't convince Gitte by fucking,

then I have to actually sing well.

Forget about Gitte.

Think about Tõnn. - Yeah, yeah.

What would be a good song

that would really touch her?

Who, Tõnn? - Gitte. - Listen.

Stop thinking about your career.

Your friend is dead, think about that, okay?

Jesus Christ. - Oh dear.

That's due to your damn pills.

Nobody told you to eat a whole bucket of them.

What are you doing?

I'll pull the shirt on top of it, old trick.

It's going to be very difficult

to explain to Marleen.

While we're talking about Marleen.

Don't worry, I won't tell her anything.

What won't you tell me?

Hello. - Hello.

That... thing about Tõnn.

Yes, what he said before he died.

His last words.

Wasn't he dead when you found him?

He was. - He was. - Almost.

What did he say then? - Yes.

What did he say then, Mart?

He said that...

Tell Juta that I love her.

Juta? - Marleen.

I mean Marleen, that I love her.

And then he went.

And why didn't he want to tell me that himself?

It was supposed to be a surprise.

I mean, Toomas was going to talk about it,

before he starts singing

for Tõnn an appropriate song.

Not from his last album, right?

The one that got two stars.

Thank you, you're real friends.

In difficult times you must search for

and you must comfort others.

Sad events bring us together

and bring out our true strength.

Tõnu...

...was a good son.

A faithful husband.

And a loyal friend.

And his friends are here today,

to send him away.

Real friends,

who can be happy together,

but are also together in sorrow and grief.

A friend, who is a musician, Toomas,

has expressed his desire to perform a song,

which will express the feelings

of this circle of friends better,

than any speech or eulogy.

Please, Toomas.

Hello, friends, relatives...

As you know...

I just released an album.

It's very personal, mature

and about friendship.

Tõnn liked my album very much.

It really touched him.

Touched him during his lifetime.

And I thought that I would sing you a song.

An appropriate song today from my new...

From my new album.

From my yet unreleased album.

Which will have a treatment

of this beautiful popular song.

Wait!

It's difficult, but we must say

good bye to the the lost one now.

Friend Tõnu will always...

Toomas. - Enough, Mart.

Lord.

We have a problem.

We should have been in the car already.

We need to stop this thing.

Are you stupid? Shut up now!

From ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

The rings are underneath the casket.

They probably fell out of the pocket.

Easy, quiet, easy.

Guys, we have to lift Tõnn back up then.

Damn, no, we can't do that.

Wait, wait, we can't do that.

Wait, we can't. We can't. Wait, wait.

Damn it, the bastard isn't coming out.

Well, come on.

Damn, this is way too far.

Wait, he's going.

Oh, damn it.

Lift up the casket!

Give me that, I'll hold it.

The gravedigger is coming!

Be quiet!

Guys! - Quiet!

What's going on? - Be quiet now!

It's an emergency. - Huh?

Sorry! Sorry! Please,

give my friend a moment to grieve.

They weren't just friends.

It was a relationship

with passion and love. - Oh.

A woman? - Yes.

You're a woman?

Yes.

And I'm talking to you normally?

Mart. - What?

They're right. - Who is?

The critics.

I've gone so damn soft.

Damn it, I am a damn two star guy...

Maybe even a one and a half star guy.

Stop that!

What if...

Could I... ask you out?

And what if what?

Later, not today. I'm busy today.

Sorry. - No, no.

I have to apologize. I'm sorry.

Damn, I'm singing about feelings and love...

Not about bitches and drinking like I used to.

This whole wedding things has made me so soft.

Maybe I should stop this whole wedding thing

and really start living

like a rock-star like I used to.

Stop it, only a really tough man

dares show his feelings.

You broke the hearts of everyone

in that church with your song.

That is the real you.

Really? - Well, yes.

So forget about your stars and that Gitte.

You've got a woman who loves you

and that's most important.

I know that all too well.

Shit.

I feel like we...

Me. - Hold this.

If you also feel that way tomorrow...

...then call me.

I'm to blame that Juta did that.

I'm just a boring old log and that's it.

And I couldn't see her feelings.

That's what it's about.

So I am to blame for this.

Thanks, man!

I really needed that right now.

Wow! Guys, I got it! Yeah! Wow!

Toomas Karjend?

I'm your fan, unbelievable!

Toomas Karjend? Wow!

Toomas has a fan?

Unbelievable, you are here in person?

Well, we just missed our ferry here.

Don't worry,

I'll do whatever the hell I can for my idol.

Whatever.

Damn, I've only had

two favourites in my whole life.

You and Kukerpillid.

Let's fly!

Don't worry, daughter.

There are more men in the world.

And if you two innocent children, like you are,

have decided to join your lives together

into one flowering colourful rainbow,

and walk through life holding hands

for better and for worse,

in rain and in sunshine,

for richer for poorer

and you have truly decided to do so.

In the sunshine and in the rain.

Then confirm it by saying "I do."

I do!

Sorry!

Now, put on your rings.

Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!