Kitchen Stories (2003) - full transcript

In 1944 Swedish housewives and
home economics teachers established -

- the Home Research Institute, HFI.

Here scientists perform experiments
on kitchen equipment and methods.

Kitchen machines and tools are
tested in the Institute's laboratory.

The purpose is to develop
new and improved products, -

- and better working conditions.

Here are some examples
of good products for the home:

This potato peeler
is made of stainless steel-

- and can be used
both right- and left-handed.

The dish drying rack
is both hygienic and functional.

The next study involves the kitchen
habits of single men in Norway ...



Did it break again?

Swedish piece of shit!

Kitchen Stories

Areyou all right?

It just felt so wrong
to drive on the right-hand side.

As if all my innards
were being yanked over to the left.

-In-nards?
-Yes, innards.

I've crisscrossed Sweden for years
and never had a problem.

But as soon as I crossed the border
and switched sides, I got sick.

But I tried to stay on the left
as much as possible to avoid vomiting.

One more time.

And how is Isak?

He sure regrets joining
that Swedish research project.

Don't move.



It can't hurt for him
to meet some new people.

-I have trouble getting him in here.
-I can imagine.

You're fit as a fiddle.
Disappointed?

Let the Swedish
camping season begin!

-Here he comes.
-Not likely.

-Do you have a wrench, Green?
-No. Is it the fan belt?

Yes.
It seems loose.

There you are, Malmberg!

Remember to switch to the right?

No problem.
Every one's ready for you.

We have problems
on the Eastern Front.

It's those damn Finns again.
You'll have to get things started here.

-But I can't be responsible for ...
-Sure you can.

You've heard me do it
hundreds of times before.

Let me take care of this first.
Go grab another drink.

Tell Adolfsson that I've flown
to Finland to clear things up.

We'll talk later this week.

If Mörner calls, don't mention
a word about the Finns.

Sixten? I'll see to it that your
application goes through this time.

You'll do just fine.

Let's go!

Thank you to the Norwegian
House wives' Association.

And now Dr. Malmberg,
leader of the Swedish observers.

I would like to thank
the mayor of Landstad.

I am not actually a doctor - yet.

But in Dr. Ljungberg's absence -

- I shall do my best -

- to give you a short briefing
on this study.

Could Miss Deinboll please help out
with the balopticon again?

This sketch shows the Swedish
housewife's movements -

- in the kitchen
over a six-week period.

The thicker the line,
the heavier the traffic.

And so on.

Through gleaning in formation
from our research, -

- we have managed
to rationalize the kitchen -

- and the placement of
the stations here indicated.

Sink, to wel, waste,
kneading trough, and table.

As Dr. Ljungberg likes to say:

The Swedish housewife
needs no longer walk to Congo -

- during a year of cooking.
Now northern Italy will suffice.

But we have not come here to study
the housewife's situation, -

- but the movements of
single males in the kitchen.

All our observers are of course
bound by professional secrecy.

The observer will live
in his own trailer, -

- next to the house he is observing.

I would again like to emphasize that
the k ey to this study's success -

- is that the observers be allowed
to come and go as they please.

They must not be spoken to.

And must never be included
in daily chores and routines.

No matter how
tempting that may be.

The man who lived on that farm ...

He was killed by the train.

What?

-His tractor stalled on this crossing.
-What?

You have to be careful here.

-I can't hear you.
-Be careful here!

Isak?

Isak?

Open up.

Isak!

Why doesn't he open the door?

He regrets joining the project.
Just be patient.

They were out of Prim, Isak!

Isak Bjørvik?

Can you hear me?

My name is Sixten Malmberg.
I represent the Swedish observers.

Come out so we can discuss this.

Hello?

There's always one like him.

He can't be any worse
than that lady in Alingsås.

He'll give in eventually.

Isak, are you there?

Stop being so stubborn.
It's not good for you.

Make sure you come in for a checkup
before Christmas.

He'll be out.
Just give him time.

If he doesn't open up by tomorrow,
you'll have an early Christmas, Folke.

Can't you find me a new host?

These were the only volunteers.

I had to go all the way to to win
for that filter.

But without it,
the tractor won't stop leaking.

Well, I guess it's time to head home.

I guess you're right.

He never cooks in the kitchen?

No.

He'll eat porridge or bread
down there from time to time.

But I think he prepares most of
his food upstairs in his bedroom.

I smell cooking from upstairs.

Does he have a stove
in his bedroom?

I don't know.
I've never been up there.

Of course you haven't.

Do you know what Prim is?

No. Why?

-I was just curious.
-So he never uses the kitchen stove?

At least not while I'm there.

Interesting.

I wonder what Dr. Ljungberg
will have to say about this.

I was wondering ...

Since things are progressing
so slowly here ...

Perhaps I could change host?

-Change host?
-I'm not making any progress here.

We can't have everyone
changing hosts all the time.

-You understand, don't you, Nilsson?
-Yes, sure.

-I was just wondering.
-Hang in there.

I'll drop by again in a couple of days.

Could you mail this for me?

It's for my aunt.

-More Baltic herring?
-I hope so.

Yes ...

Same as always?

What else?

I just wanted to be sure.

You can never be sure.

No ...

Not my nose.

That's it.

-Want the hair?
-Of course.

-Need a bag?
-No, I'll just stick it in my pocket.

-How's your horse, Isak?
-We're fine, thanks.

Hello?

Hello.

Have you observed Isak today?

No.

Why won't you get better?

Time for coffee.

Thank you.

Hi.

Have you started smoking
Count Hamilton?

You used to pick on Dr. Benjaminsen
for smoking Swedish tobacco.

-I just bought a pack for Folke.
-Folke?

I was heading
to the store anyway, so ...

Well, I'd best be heading home.

But you're from Stockholm,
aren't you?

Yes.

But I was born in Malmö.

I see.

That's way down south in Sweden,
isn't it?

Yes.
Down in Skåne.

Carolus Linnaeus was from Småland.

You don't say?

That isn't far from Skåne.

My father used to talk a lot
about Carolus Linnaeus.

My mother once told me that we
were distantly related to Linnaeus.

Really?

So your name is Folke Linnaeus?

No, it was on my mother's side.

But her maiden name wasn't
Linnaeus either, it was Rosenqvist.

Rosenqvist ...

That sounds like a flower, too.

Yes, it does.

Would you want to be
a football referee, Grant?

I'd like to be a linesman,
but it's such a hassle.

Not only do you
have to know the rules, -

- you have to be able
to interpret them.

Exactly.

Your lungs look just fine.

I don't care, as long as you
stay away from team handball.

Handball?
Never.

I mean, who the hell remembers
a single handball goal?

-What did I say about your lungs?
-They looked good.

Folke Nilsson?
Package for you.

Thanky ou.

-So you're the mailman as well?
-Yep.

Do many planes land here
in Landstad?

Nah ...

I'd better be off.

''Smor-gas.''

You Swedes sure have
strange words for things.

-You sure you don't want some?
-Positive.

Help yourself.

-How are things going here?
-Fine, thank you.

We need to discuss something.

An awkward situation has arisen
at Green's house.

He and his host
have started drinking together.

The entire study
may be in jeopardy.

I've never completely trusted him, -

- but I never thought
he would go this far.

If he wasn't Dr. Ljungberg's cousin
I would have sent him home ages ago.

The question is, -

- would you take over for Green
and clear up this problem?

You had requested a host switch.

Since things were progressing
so slowly here.

But things have started
happening here now.

If it's all the same to you,
I'd rather not switch.

Why don't you ask Ekdahl?

Ekdahl has his own host.
That doesn't solve anything.

Let's just hope
Green gets his act together.

I won't disturb you anymore.

Since things are going so well here.

-Enjoy your meal, Bjørvik.
-Thank you.

Next week I have to take a bath.

Indeed.

Folke?

Folke!

-Green?
-Were you asleep?

It is the middle of the night ...

Tor and I are in a bit of a pinch.

-Tor?
-My host.

We're all out of booze.

You wouldn't happen
to have any liquor to lend us?

We aren't allowed
to drink on the job.

Not allowed to drink,
not allowed to talk ...

Shit, Folke,
what the hell are we doing?

We sit up there on our pedestals
and think we understand everything.

How can we think we can
understand anything about people -

- simply by observing them?

-That's the nature of our research.
-We have to talk to each other!

People have to communicate!
Don't you at least have some beer?

Our research is based on
a positivistic approach.

Positivistic?
I've decided to quit.

That's the most
positivistic thing I can do.

You're contractually bound
to stay until Christmas!

-Have you talked to Malmberg?
-Just a couple of beers ...

-No.
-Come on ...

No, Green!

Shit!

I thought I could talk to you.

Stupid idiot.

Observe yourself, for Christ's sake!

Wait, Green!

I have also talked ...

I have also talked ...

To my host.

Green is right.

How can we understand each other
without communicating?

It's Grant.

He's coming over for coffee.

Why don't you and Grant
ever speak on the phone?

Do you know how expensive it is?

43 øre a minute!
Need I say more?

Are you planning on
sitting over there?

I was just talking to Folke.

Oskar's observer
couldn't take it anymore.

He asked Oskar why he opens his beer
at two minutes to five every day.

''It'll be five be fore you know it,''
Oskar responded.

It'll be five before you know it!

Well, I should be heading
over to the store.

Don't forget your gloves.

It'll be five before you know it.

I'm having more and more trouble
boiling my potatoes properly.

I wonder what it must be like
for people with nuclear power.

That's a good point.

But nuclear power
is supposed to be very stable.

Yes, I suppose it is.

But isn't electricity electricity?

Whether it comes from
nuclear power or water power?

Electricity is electricity?

No way.
You can't simplify it like that.

But you don't boil potatoes
very often.

Even though you have two stoves.

No, at least not as long
as I'm being observed.

But you Swedes
don't understand that.

You were neutral observers
during the war, too.

You're right.
Unfortunately.

Whatever.
Let's drop that subject.

Our death is predetermined.

My father used to say that.

Why didn't Grant
want to take part in the study?

Grant?
Are you crazy?

Then why did you volunteer?

They said that every one
who signed up would get a horse.

A horse?

Yes, a Døla horse.

Dala
horse.

And you did.

That wasn't a real horse.

No.

It wasn't.

But you already have a horse.

That I do.

Is this really necessary?

Do you want to get well, or not?

Yes.

Then you have to wear
that catskin.

Lie down here.

Horses are nice,
but I'm not crazy about cats.

This has nothing to do with cats.

Are you comfortable?

Yes.

See you tomorrow then.

Goodnight.

Nilsson?

And where might I find Nilsson?

Nilsson?

Folke Nilsson!

Oh, Folke.

He went to the store to buy tobacco.

-His car is still here.
-His car?

Grant gave him a ride.

My neighbor.

-Did you get your tobacco, Nilsson?
-Tobacco?

What the hell is that
around your neck?

-A shawl.
-With a tail?

Yes, with a tail.

Any way, your pay checks have been
delayed, but they are on their way.

Dr. Ljungberg is flying in
this afternoon.

Bjørvik was asleep in your chair.

Oh shit!

That's putting it mildly.

-Whey cheese.
-What?

-Prim is a whey cheese.
-I see.

I dream of a bride dressed in white.

No way!

Now that you mention it, I've
never cared much for swans, either.

Swans?

White swans.

Have you ever had a good
relationship with a swan?

No, I can't say that I have.

Exactly.

No, I prefer wolves and bears.

Have you ever tasted bear meat?

No.

Me neither.
But I hear it tastes like beef.

No.
Grant has tasted it many times.

He says it tastes like a cross
between moose and grouse.

I'm ready to get out now.

Could you please turn off the light?

Could you hand me that towel?

Wait.
You have to hear this.

Listen to my mouth when I open it.

Your mouth?

All right.

What is that?

Radio.

Sometimes I pick up
foreign stations too.

Especially when it's dark, and I hold
the water pipe at the same time.

I think it's because
I have a lot of silver fillings.

And the water pipes are copper.

Listen!

No one knows the whereabouts
of Dr. Ljungberg?

He's still in Finland,
but it's impossible to reach him.

He can't just disappear like that.

He's still Sweden's leading
home scientist.

Nylander had to drive all the way
from Stockholm with your paychecks.

They didn't dare send the checks
by mail this close to Christmas.

Does he still drive a Neckar?

They are considering as witch
to right-hand driving at home.

It's crazy.
Imagine the cost.

To move all the signs, busdoors ...

Chaos!

Imagine waking up and having to
drive on the wrong side of the road!

Left-hand driving
is much safer than right-hand.

That's scientifically proven.

But no one seems to care
about such things anymore.

Anyway, here's your pay check.

Otherwise things
seem to be going well here.

-Not too well, I hope?
-No. Just well.

-Does he cook in the kitchen yet?
-No.

But he uses the kitchen
for many other things.

I don't doubt it.

I have heard similar strange stories
from the other observers.

I wonder how the standard kitchen
will look for these people.

That will be a hard nut
for Dr. Ljungberg to crack.

Whenever he returns.

By the way, have you seen Green?

No ...

I was going to fire him,
but now I can't find him.

And all he talks about is this Folke.

What's so special about him?

That's hard to say.

But they'll be leaving soon, any way.

Not soon enough.

Do you talk?

-Me and Isak?
-Of course. Isak and you.

I don't know ...

I'd like him to come in
for a checkup, -

- but it seems impossible.

I'm concerned about him.

Could you try to talk to him?

I'm the last person he'd listen to.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

How did you know it was today?

It was in the in formation sheet
I was given.

The information sheet.
Of course.

I haven't celebrated my birthday
since I was a young boy.

About time, then.

But I go to Oskar's every year.

That isn't quite the same, is it?

No, I guess not.

Although he serves layer cake, too.

-Good?
-Yes!

Stand up for a second, Isak.

Bourbon.

-Cheers!
-Cheers!

Why did Grant take his hair,
after you had cut it?

He repairs dolls.

Something he learned in
a concentration camp during the war.

I've heard that a year in prison is
longer in Sweden than in Norway.

Even if you've been convicted
of the same crime.

-That doesn't seem fair.
-No, it doesn't.

But it wasn't fair for Grant
to get locked up, either.

More?

Yes, thank you.

Christ, that was a lot of pepper!

You have a whole room full of pepper.

Dad bought it cheap from Melchior
the Merchant during the war.

He was a Jew
who had to escape to Sweden.

But supposedly
it was a good investment.

Grant says I could sell that pepper
any time, and make good money.

They call it the King of Spices.

Cheers!

You seem to enjoy sitting up there.

Yesterday was my birthday.

Happy birthday.

Where the hell is Nilsson?

-Did he run out of tobacco again?
-No.

He was just here.

I think.

He isn't in his trailer.

You wait here.
I'll go look for him.

Folke?

Isak?

Is that where you are?
I looked all over for you.

What are you doing in there?

I should have told you earlier.

But the timing was never right.

What?

I drilled a little hole in the floor
so that I could look into the kitchen.

What?

I did it back in the beginning.

Is it any better that you observe me?

I couldn't find him.

But he can't be far off,
because he was just here.

''He was just here''?
What is the meaning of this?

What the hell are you up to?
Who is observing who here?

Nilsson wasn't feeling well.

I just wanted to help him.

Does he realize
what he is doing to me?

As soon as you find Nilsson, -

- tell him to come to my office
immediately.

Tell him it's regarding his return
to Sweden. He'll understand.

These go with me.

Shit!

What could he say?

He found the observations
you made of me.

But those notes were my fault.

It isn't your fault that I observe too.

Did you find it interesting
to observe me through that hole?

I have apologized for that, Folke.

Can't you at least go in
and talk to Malmberg?

What's the point?
I'll get fired either way.

What are you going to do?

I'll be all right.

Maybe you could stay for Christmas.

That would be nice.

Since you don't have a job anyway.

Thank you, but I don't think
that would be possible.

You probably have family
to spend Christmas with.

Not exactly.

Except for my old aunt.
The one that sends all the food.

What the hell.

Why not?

Everything's gone to hell anyway.

What do you normally eat?

Herring, of course.
And Jansson's Temptation.

Pigs' feet,
Christmas ham, and lute-fish.

-And bread and grease.
-Bread and grease?

Actually, they mostly eat that
up north. Not where I come from.

Green, red, and brown cabbage ...

So this is where you are hiding!

Didn't you get the message
to come to my office?

Yes.

But you didn't come?

No.

-I have decided to resign.
-There's no need.

You're already fired.

I'm going to stay here
through Christmas.

-What?
-I'm staying through Christmas.

You seem to have
forgotten one thing:

You are contractually bound
to return your trailer to Sweden.

Your business here is not over.

Where the hell did he come from?

Our death is predetermined,
right, Isak?

Yes, it is.

I don't know what to do anymore.

From his muzzle.
Yes, blood too.

If that's what's best for him.

Thank you.

What the hell are you doing,
Nilsson?

Who is going to return
your trailer now?

I sure as hell am not!

Do you hear me?

Answer me, Folke!

Folke!

Shit!

Stop, Folke.

Folke!

Stop!

I'll have you blacklisted!

Blacklisted!

What the hell are you staring at?

Malmberg!

Where the hell are you?

Torsten, don't you get it?
We're too late.

They left hours ago.
Come on. Let's go.

Dr. Ljungberg!

-Where's Malmberg?
-They left earlier.

Dr. Malmberg left behind
some observation notes.

-Doctor?
-Yes. Dr. Malmberg.

And you're telling me
they've already left?

Thank you.

Green!

I have some observations here
that should interest you.

He's hit on something essential here.

These are Folke's notes.

Folke has been observed.

Let's weigh anchor.

Somebody has observed Folke.

Isak?

Isak?

SUBTITLE BY MATRIX