Kiss Me Goodbye (1982) - full transcript
Not until three years after the death of her husband Jolly, Kay dares to move back into their former house, persuaded by her new fiancé Rupert. But soon her worst expectations come true, when not only her old memories haunt her, but also Jolly's ghost, who doesn't approve of her new mate. Invisible to anyone but Kay, he tries to prevent the wedding.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
20th CENTURY FOX
HOME ENTERTAINMENT
♪ YOU'LL GO AWAY ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE ALL DAY ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER STAY ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ JUST ME FOR YOU ♪
♪ OUR WHOLE LIFE THROUGH ♪
♪ WON'T COME TRUE ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SUCH A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SO KISS ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SORRY
THAT IT WENT SO FAST ♪
♪ THE FUTURE
HAS BECOME OUR PAST ♪
♪ TOO GOOD,
WE COULD NOT LAST ♪
♪ MMM MM MMM ♪
♪ AND NOW WE SEE,
WITH YOU AND ME ♪
♪ ONE'S GOT TO LET GO ♪
[RUFF!]
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ BABY,
SUCH A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SO KISS ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SORRY
THAT IT WENT SO FAST ♪
♪ THE FUTURE
HAS BECOME OUR PAST ♪
♪ TOO GOOD,
WE COULDN'T LAST ♪
♪ MMM MMM ♪
♪ AND NOW WE SEE,
WITH YOU AND ME ♪
♪ ONE'S GOT TO LET GO ♪
♪ AND LET THE OTHER
GO FREE ♪
♪ THAT WE STILL FEEL ♪
♪ ONLY PROVES IT WAS REAL ♪
♪ IT WAS A REAL ♪
♪ NICE ♪
♪ DREAM ♪
[DOOR OPENS]
KAY, WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M IN HERE!
HONESTLY, KAY,
IF I LIVE TO BE 100,
I'LL NEVER
GET USED TO
YOUR 365-DEGREE
TURNS!
OH, THANKS
FOR COMING, MOTHER.
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO
OPEN THIS PLACE AGAIN?
POSITIVE.
IT'S BEEN
FIVE YEARS.
THREEYEARS!
WHATEVER, IT'S
A BIG DECISION.
IT COULD BE
QUITE A SHOCK.
IT'S JUST
A HOUSE, MOTHER!
IT'S MORE THAN THAT!
IT'S A PART
OF YOUR LIFE!
THAT PART
IS OVER WITH.
YOU SUDDENLY DECIDE
AFTER
THIS WHAT'S-HIS-NAME
HAS BEEN CHASING YOU
FOR TWO YEARS
TO MARRY
THAT GRAVEDIGGER.
WHAT'S-HIS-NAME IS RUPERT!
HE'S AN EGYPTOLOGIST!
I DON'T CARE
WHAT HE SAYS HE IS.
HE LOOKS IN THE GROUND
FOR DEAD PEOPLE.
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
BE CAREFUL WITH THIS!
WORK'S PRICELESS!
WATCH
THAT CORNER.
DOING FINE.
I DO NOT
BELIEVE THIS.
STUFF'S BEEN IN EGYPT
FOR 4,000 YEARS,
IT ARRIVES THE WEEK
I'M SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED.
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN
PLANNED BETTER.
ARE YOU NERVOUS?
SURE I AM.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT
OF GETTING MARRIED,
TO BE NERVOUS.
I'M ALSO
VERY EXCITED, THOUGH.
IN MY OFFICE.
AND THIS ONE, TOO, PLEASE.
YOU GOT IT.
ASK ME, YOU'RE MAKING
A BIG MISTAKE.
MARRIAGE IS THE PITS.
YOU WERE A PRIEST.
IS THAT WHAT YOU
TOLD PEOPLE?
NO, THAT'S WHAT
THEY USED TO TELL ME.
KAY AND I
ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE.
WE'RE TWO INTELLIGENT,
COMPATIBLE ADULTS,
WE LIKE
THE SAME THINGS--
LIKING THE SAME THINGS
DOESN'T MATTER.
WHAT MATTERS IS SPENDING
MONEY ON THE SAME THINGS.
YOU PROBABLY WERE
A CYNICAL PRIEST.
I GOT TO MEET KAY.
THIS HOUSE, THIS MARRIAGE--
I HOPE IT WON'T
END UP LIKE THOSE TURTLES.
WHAT TURTLES?
THOSE TURTLES
YOU'D ALWAYS CONVINCE
YOUR FATHER TO BUY YOU.
THAT SAME IMPULSE
IS AT WORK.
BUT WHO ENDED UP
FEEDING THEM
THOSE SMELLY OLD FLIES?
YOU DID.
YES. YOU LOST
INTEREST RIGHT AWAY.
YOU WON'T
FEED MY HUSBAND
SMELLY OLD FLIES.
I SHOULD HOPE NOT.
AS HIS WIFE,
THAT'LL BE YOUR JOB.
I'VE BEEN IN LIMBO
THREE YEARS,
SINCE JOLLY DIED.
I JUST WANT TO START
TO LIVE AGAIN.
I KNOW, DARLING,
BUT WHY IN THIS HOUSE?
BECAUSE IT'S MY HOUSE
AND I LOVE IT!
WHAT DOES RUPERT
SAY TO THAT?
I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.
WHAT?
I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET,
BUT I WILL.
I'M SURE WE'LL BOTH
LIVE HERE VERY HAPPILY.
I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, DEAR.
YOU KNOW THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT,
AS YOUR MOTHER,
I FEEL IT'S MY DUTY
TO POINT OUT
ALL THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS
OF THE SITUATION.
THANKS, MOTHER.
[WIND CHIMES]
[VOICES]
NICE TRY.
EMILY, HAVE YOU
SEEN JOLLY?
HE GOT A CAB
RIGHT BEHIND MINE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HELLO? ANYBODY HOME?
EMILY?
[KNOCK KNOCK]
HELLO? HELLO?
EMILY! AHH!
HI.
HELLO.
THANKS FOR COMING.
I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY.
THE MAGAZINE
CAN LIVE WITHOUT ME
AN AFTERNOON.
I BROUGHT
THE PROOFS
OF YOUR
CHELSEA ARTICLE.
DID YOU LIKE IT?
YES.
GOOD.
I LOVE THIS PLACE.
I'D FORGOTTEN
HOW ELEGANT IT WAS.
HOW ELEGANT IT IS.
IS.
HI, EMILY.
CHARLOTTE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE
SHE'S DOING THIS?
OH, THE DUST!
SOOT. COUNTRY HAS DUST,
NEW YORK HAS SOOT.
BRINGS BACK
SUCH MEMORIES.
THIS ELEGANT ROOM!
OH, THIS WINDOW!
[WHIMPERING]
IT LOOKS RIGHT
INTO THE GARDEN.
SHAKESPEARE, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
[RUFF!]
THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
I'D LIKE TO START BY THANKING
HAL PRINCE AND STEPHEN SONDHEIM
FOR NOT PRODUCING A PLAY
ON BROADWAY THIS YEAR
AND, OF COURSE,
THE IMPLACABLE JENNY,
STAGE MANAGERESS WITHOUT PEER.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING HOLDING MY HAND,
TELLING ME
MY ZIPPER WAS OPEN.
FINALLY, THE ONE PERSON
WITHOUT WHOM I COULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN THROUGH ANY OF IT,
MY DARLING KAY,
THE NIGHT IS YOURS,
AND I LOVE YOU.
WAS THIS ALWAYS HERE?
WHAT?
THIS WALL,
WAS IT ALWAYS HERE?
YES, MOTHER,
IT WAS ALWAYS THERE.
WELL, I DON'T
REMEMBER IT.
IT WAS ALWAYS
KIND OF FLAT LIKE THAT
AND HELD THE BUILDING UP.
IT'S GOING TO TAKE
SOME KIND OF WORK
TO MAKE THIS PLACE
WHAT IT WAS.
NO. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE
WHAT IT WAS.
I'M GOING TO CHANGE
EVERYTHING, TOP TO BOTTOM--
NEW WALLPAPER,
NEW FURNITURE--EVERYTHING!
KAY?
WHAT?
ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE. I JUST HAVE TO
GET MY BEARINGS.
COME ON, SHAKESPEARE.
IT'S GREAT THAT SHE'S
DECIDED TO FACE THIS PLACE,
TO START
DOING THINGS AGAIN.
BUT WHY NOT START
WITH A SIMPLER HOBBY,
LIKE NEEDLEPOINT
OR--OR ANALYSIS?
JOLLY...
[TAP-DANCING]
[WIND CHIMES]
IS RUPERT HERE YET?
NO, NOT YET!
HE SAID HE'D BE HERE
AT 4:00.
HE'S PLAYING WITH
THOSE DEAD ARABS.
MOTHER, THAT'S HIS JOB.
PLEASE TRY TO BE
TOLERANT OF HIM.
AH, HE'S SUCH A NERD.
HE'S NOT A NERD.
WHERE DID YOU
LEARN THAT WORD?
IT CAME OUT WHEN I MET HIM,
JUST LIKE THAT.
I LIKE RUPERT.
YOUMARRY HIM.
RUPERT IS A FINE MAN.
WE'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED.
WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE FOUND
ANOTHER MAN LIKE JOLLY?
MOTHER, PLEASE
DON'T START THIS AGAIN!
HE WAS SO HANDSOME
AND--AND CHARMING AND--
DEAD.
AND HE LOVED THIS HOUSE.
HE DID NOT, MOTHER.
HE HARDLY NOTICED IT.
HOME TO JOLLY WAS
ROOM SERVICE IN ANY HOTEL
IN ANY TOWN
WITH A THEATER.
CHARLOTTE, DO YOU THINK
WE MIGHT SCRAPE TOGETHER
A CUP OF INSTANT COFFEE?
WHY NOT?
I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY LUNCH TODAY.
I MEAN, EVEN
A STALE TEA BAG...
[VOICES]
OH, MY GOD!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
KAY! KAY!
[KNOCK KNOCK]
RUPERT!
RUPERT, YOU'RE LATE.
I KNOW. I'M SORRY.
MMM!
YOU OK?
OH, SURE.
GOOD.
SO...
[GRRR! RUFF!]
WHY DOES HE HATE ME?
HE DOESN'T.
HE LIKES YOU!
YEAH. I CAN TELL.
HE'S WAGGING HIS FANGS.
HONEY...
SO THIS IS THE PLACE?
OH, IT'S JUST YOU.
JUST ME.
LOVELY HAT.
ARE BATTERIES INCLUDED, UH...
HA HA HA!
RUPERT!
HEY, EMILY.
THIS PLACE IS FABULOUS!
DO YOU LIKE IT?
AH, WHO WOULDN'T?
[GRRR!]
LOOK AT THIS BANISTER!
WHAT?
THAT'S SANTIAGO MAHOGANY,
IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND TODAY.
CAN I GO UPSTAIRS?
[GRRR! RUFF!]
THIS MOLDING
IS INCREDIBLE!
DID YOU TELL HIM?
I WILL!
GOD, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT IT WOULD COST
TO BUILD A PLACE
LIKE THIS TODAY?
DO YOU LIKE IT?
LIKE IT?
I LOVEIT!
I LOVE IT ALMOST AS MUCH
AS I LOVE YOU.
OH! OH!
RUPERT, LET'S GET
MARRIED HERE.
WH--HERE IN THE HOUSE?
WHY NOT?
IT'S OUR HOUSE.
ANOTHER SNAP
DECISION.
I THINK IT'S
A FABULOUS IDEA.
[WHISTLE]
WHAT ABOUT THE CLUB?
CANCEL.
CAN'T. THEY WENT TO
ALL THIS TROUBLE
FITTING US IN
ON SHORT NOTICE.
IT WOULD BE
A BEAUTIFUL PLACE
FOR A WEDDING.
ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I THINK
IT'S IRRESPONSIBLE.
LOOSEN UP!
PLEASE.
DO IT, RUPERT.
[MOUTHS WORDS]
WELL, OK.
WHY NOT? I GUESS.
OH! OH!
THEN IT'S ALL SETTLED.
I DON'T HAVE MY ADDRESS BOOK,
AND I NEED A TELEPHONE.
I'LL NEED SOMETHING
DIFFERENT TO WEAR
IF IT'S GOING TO
BE HERE.
MMM...YOU HAPPY?
YES, I'M HAPPY.
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER'S
GUEST LIST.
WELL, I SEE, IN DEFERENCE
TO LIMITED SPACE,
SHE'S AGREED TO LEAVE OUT
THE THIRD-WORLD NATIONS.
WELL, MY MOTHER IS
A LITTLE EXCITED.
IT'S MY FIRST
WEDDING, REMEMBER?
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU AND, UH...
JOLLY.
YOU AND JOLLY ELOPED.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I HAVEN'T BEEN
IN THIS PLACE IN YEARS.
IT'S GOOD
TO HAVE YOU ALONE.
I--
HONEY, I--
GO AHEAD.
NO, YOU.
I JUST, UH...
WELL, I WANTED TO
TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING. UH--
ME, TOO.
WELL, GO AHEAD.
I HAVE A QUESTION
TO ASK.
KAY? KAY VILLANO!
MICHAEL! MICHAEL! OH!
LOOK AT YOU!
LOOK AT YOU!
OH, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL!
YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I JUST GOT
THE NEW PRINCE SHOW.
THAT'S FABULOUS!
I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!
MMM!
I'LL CALL YOU
WHEN I GET BACK.
WE'LL HAVE LUNCH.
OK. YES.
SCUSA! CIAO!
BYE.
THAT GUY...
HA HA HA!
WHO'S THAT?
MICHAEL MENSINGER,
FABULOUS DANCER.
YOU'LL JUST LOVE HIM.
NO DOUBT.
ANYWAY,
I WAS SAYING BEFORE, UH...
THAT I'M JUST
A LITTLE--LITTLE SCARED--
OH, RUPERT.
NO, NO.
ABOUT, UH--
KAY? IS THAT
YOU, HONEY?
OH! KAY!
MARK! MARK!
OH, GOSH!
KAY, OH! MMM!
HOW ARE YOU?
IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS!
OLD FRIENDS.
YOU LOOK BETTER
THAN EVER.
THANK YOU.
LET'S SNEAK OUT
AND FIND A QUIET
RESTAURANT.
AHEM! SHE'S ENGAGED.
WELL,
WE'LL FIND OURSELVES
A LOUD RESTAURANT.
YOU COME, TOO.
AHH...
UM, KAY, I GOT
A SHOW TO DO.
OH. BYE.
BYE. MMM...
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
BYE.
MARK LEWIS,
JUST A WONDERFUL DANCER.
YEAH? DON'T YOU KNOW
ANY BAD DANCERS?
BESIDES ME, I MEAN.
HONEY,
ARE YOU JEALOUS?
JEALOUS, WHY? JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE STANDING UP
IN A RESTAURANT
MAKING OUT WITH STRANGERS?
DON'T BE SILLY!
THEY'RE
NOT STRANGERS.
WELL,
THEY ARE TO ME.
YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
HA HA HA!
MMM. THANKS.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
WHAT?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
MOVE INTO THE HOUSE?
AHEM! THAT HOUSE?
YES, THAT HOUSE.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU SAID
YOU LIKED IT.
I KNOW, BUT I WAS--
KAY!
KAY!
ROSCOE AND ROLAND,
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
GEE! OH!
I SUPPOSE
YOU'RE A DANCER, TOO?
NO, I'M JUST EFFEMINATE.
THANK YOU.
GIVE ME A HUG!
ONE FROM YOU
AND YOU!
OH, GEE!
I LOVE SCALLOPS!
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY.
YOU LOOK
TERRIFIC!
THANK YOU.
WE JUST GOT OFF THE ROAD--
SOPHISTICATED LADIES.
NEW ACT TOGETHER.
COME SEE IT.
"ROSCOE AND ROLAND."
ROSCOE AND ROLAND.
I WOULDN'T MISS IT!
WE'LL LOOK FOR YOU.
BYE.
WOULD ANYONE ELSE
LIKE TO MAKE OUT
WITH MY FIANCEÉE?
RUPERT, RUPERT,
RUPERT!
LAST CALL!
SIT DOWN AND
EAT YOUR SCALLOPS.
KAY, WHY DIDN'T YOU
INTRODUCE ME TO
ANY OF THEM? HMM?
I WANTED TO.
THEY JUST ALL
WENT BY SO FAST.
OH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THE HOUSE?
THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I MEAN.
PART OF YOUR LIFE
I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, KAY.
I KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT YOURS.
BUT IT'S BORING.
IT DOESN'T SCARE YOU.
I THINK,
IN A HEALTHY MARRIAGE,
FEAR SHOULD BE EQUAL.
YOU DON'T WANT TO
MOVE INTO THE HOUSE.
WELL, DO YOU?
YES, I DO!
YOU COULD HAVE
THE THIRD FLOOR
AND REHEARSAL HALL
FOR YOUR RESEARCH.
I COULD HAVE
THE SECOND FLOOR
AND STUDY
FOR A WORK AREA,
AND I COULD WRITE
MORE ARTICLES
FOR
EMILY'S MAGAZINE.
IT'LL BE FIXED
TOP TO BOTTOM.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL--
YOU'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THIS?
YES, I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT THIS.
AND YOU REALLY
HAVE YOUR HEART SET ON IT?
YES, I DO.
I REALLY DO.
OK. FINE.
OH, I LOVE YOU.
IT'S FINE.
JUST DOWN ONE MORE STEP.
STEP BEHIND YOU.
OK.
COME ON, SHAKESPEARE.
COME ON. WAIT.
LET ME GET OUT OF THE WAY.
COME ON.
THAT'S A BOY.
KAY! KAY!
YOUR MOTHER
IS DRIVING ME
MAD, KAY.
PRETEND SHE'S YOUR
OWN MOTHER AND IGNORE HER.
YOU'RE DOING
A WONDERFUL JOB, BILLY.
COULD YOU PUT THE DOG
IN THE KITCHEN, PLEASE?
THERE YOU GO.
THANKS A LOT.
WHOOPS! WAIT A SECOND.
OK. THERE YOU GO. OK.
KAY!
HELLO, MOTHER.
I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE!
YES, BUT--
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON.
YOU GOT IT?
LET'S GO!
OK.
EXCUSE ME.
SORRY.
UH...
YOU GOT IT?
I GOT IT.
OK. LET'S GO.
MOVE, WILL YOU?
WHEW!
[SNAP]
[TAP-DANCING]
[TAP-DANCING]
HI, SHAKESPEARE.
[TAP-DANCING]
AHH...
AHH! AH AH!
HA HA HA!
IT'S AN ILLUSION, BOY,
IT'S JUST AN ILLUSION.
EMILY WARNED ME.
SHE SAID TO ME--
SHE SAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
SHE SAID, IF I MOVED BACK
IN THE HOUSE,
CERTAIN MEMORIES
WOULD COME BACK.
IF I FACE THEM...
IF I FACE THEM...
IT WILL GO AWAY.
I WILL OPEN MY EYES NOW,
AND THIS PARTICULAR ILLUSION
WILL BE GONE.
WHOO...WHOO...HA HA!
EH? NOT BAD
FOR A DEAD MAN.
WELL, AREN'T YOU
GOING TO SAY HELLO?
YOU'RE NOT HERE.
YES, I AM.
NO. YOU'RE DEAD.
WELL, I CAN'T
ARGUE WITH THAT.
YOU'RE NOT HERE.
HE'S NOT HERE.
YOU'RE DEAD BECAUSE
I'VE BEEN A WIDOW THREE YEARS.
EVERYBODY SAW
YOUR BODY DOWNSTAIRS!
EVERYBODY SAW IT!
WAS THAT PROFILE
OR FULL-FACE?
OH, I SHOULD HAVE
LISTENED TO MY MOTHER!
I SHOULDN'T HAVE
RUSHED INTO THIS!
I'M HERE TWO DAYS,
AND I'M INSANE!
ALL RIGHT, NOW.
JUST--JUST CALM
DOWN, OK?
OK.
OK?
OK.
IT'S NOT SO
COMPLICATED.
OH, IT'S REALLY
VERY SIMPLE.
LET ME EXPLAIN.
PLEASE DO. FAST.
I'M, UH, I'M WHAT
YOU MIGHT CALL A, UH...
A GHOST.
OH.
WELL, THAT...CLEARS
IT ALL...UP.
LISTEN, CALM DOWN.
TALKING TO MY DEAD HUSBAND
HAPPENS TO UPSET ME!
YOU ALWAYS
GOT MAD LIKE THIS.
I HARDLY EVER
GOT MAD!
HOW ABOUT THE CAR?
HE BRINGS UP THE CAR.
THEN YOU THROW
SOMETHING AT ME.
I'M GONNA THROW
THIS BOOK AT YOU. OH!
JOLLY?
THAT'S ME.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I LIVE HERE.
OH.
YOU?
WE'RE MOVING
BACK IN.
WE?
MY FIANCEÉ AND I.
OH. TERRIFIC.
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
WE CAN PROBABLY
SHARE UTILITIES.
I WILL INSIST ON
MY OWN PHONE, THOUGH.
DO SOMETHING.
EXCUSE ME?
MAKE A LAMP MOVE
OR SOMETHING DISAPPEAR.
OH, NO.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
NO CHEAP TRICKS,
CONJURE A RABBIT,
STUFF LIKE THAT.
I'M A MENTAL IMAGE,
NOT A PHYSICAL ONE. SEE?
Oh, I see, I see.
Jolly...
Yeah?
Whaa...
Whaa?
What are you
doing here?
I DIED HERE.
Ohh. And your spirit
is trying to get out.
WITH NEW YORK RENTS?
YOU MUST BE MAD.
OH, JOLLY!
HOW LONG ARE YOU
PLANNING ON STAYING?
HERE?
I MEAN, ARE YOU
GOING TO--I MEAN...
OH, YOU MEAN
THE WEEKEND.
THE WEDDING.
I WOULDN'T
MISS THAT
FOR THE WORLD,
DARLING.
OH, GOOD.
YOU LOOK SENSATIONAL.
THANKS.
SO DO YOU.
YEAH?
KAY? ARE YOU HERE?
OH, MY GOD.
OH, YOU'VE GOT TO
BE QUIET. SHH.
WE'VE GOT TO
HIDE YOU.
SIT IN THE CHAIR!
SIT IN THE CHAIR!
BUT, LISTEN, KAY--
SHH! SHH!
KAY, I HAVE A FEELING
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
THERE YOU ARE.
HELLO, MOTHER.
EVERYTHING HERE GOES--
ALL THIS FURNITURE.
RIGHT.
THE NEW TABLES
GO AGAINST THE WALL HERE?
YES. SO TAKE IT
ALL OUT.
RIGHT. EVERYTHING GOES.
EXCEPT THAT CHAIR.
YOU'RE KEEPING
THATCHAIR?
THAT RATTY
OLD CHAIR?
YES, I AM.
DON'T BE SILLY, KAY.
LOOK, TAKE IT AWAY.
DON'T...
TOUCH...
THAT...
CHAIR!
REALLY, KAY.
IT HAS GREAT
SENTIMENTAL VALUE.
IT DOES?
WHAT SENTIMENTAL VALUE?
WHAT SENTIMENTAL VALUE
DOES IT HAVE?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
SENTIMENTAL VALUE IT HAS.
MY FIANCEÉ...
WAS BORN IN IT.
WHAT?
RUPERT? MY FIANCEÉ?
HE WAS BORN
IN THAT CHAIR.
HOW STRANGE.
RUPERT NEVER LIVED
IN THIS HOUSE.
WELL, OF COURSE
HE DIDN'T.
I KNOW THAT.
IT COMES FROM
HIS MOTHER'S HOUSE.
HE WAS BORN
VERY NEAR HERE.
OH, YES, IT'S A LOVELY
FAMILY TRADITION.
THEY WERE ALL
BORN IN CHAIRS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
HIS MOTHER
SITTING THERE,
KNITTING, LISTENING
TO THE RADIO,
AND PRESTO!
OUT POPPED
MY FIANCEÉ.
WELL, OF COURSE,
HE WAS MUCH
YOUNGER THEN.
SHAKESPEARE, NO!
NO, NO, NO!
SHAKESPEARE,
NO! NO!
OH, GOD! OH, GOD!
OH, GOD! MOTHER.
THERE YOU ARE.
THERE YOU ARE.
THAT'S MY FIRST
HUSBAND.
YES, THERE HE IS,
GOD BLESS HIM.
HE DIED
THREE YEARS AGO.
YOU THINK
HE'S CHANGED?
CHANGED? NO.
SAY SOMETHING
TO HIM.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
GO AHEAD, SAY
SOMETHING TO HIM.
HE TALKS.
HE, UM, HE TALKS?
OH, YES, MOTHER,
HE TALKS.
SO YOU MIGHT
AS WELL
SAY SOMETHING
TO HIM.
HELLO.
HOW DO YOU DO?
STUPID, YOU GOT
BRAIN DAMAGE
OR SOMETHING?
YOU'RE TALKING
TO A PICTURE.
NO, NO, NO! NOT HIM.
HIM.
WHO?
THEY CAN'T SEE
OR HEAR ME.
OH.
HE DIDN'T
SAY NOTHIN'.
HA HA HA!
WELL, OF COURSE NOT,
YOU BIG SILLY.
IT'S JUST
A PICTURE.
CAN'T YOU TAKE
A JOKE?
EVERYTHING OUT!
THE CHAIR, TOO?
THE CHAIR,
TOO.
LADY,
ARE YOU SURE?
I'M SURE.
WHAT ABOUT ITS
SENTIMENTAL VALUE?
OH, MOTHER.
JUST BECAUSE
SOMEONE IS BORN
IN A CHAIR.
BIG DEAL.
I BET SOMEONE
WAS BORN IN ALL
THESE CHAIRS.
GOOD NIGHT, SWEETHEART.
MUSH! MUSH!
DARLING,
YOU'D BETTER LIE DOWN.
THAT'S
A GOOD IDEA.
BILLY, I'M CONVINCED
THEY'VE HUNG
THE PAPER UPSIDE-DOWN.
I'LL LEAVE YOU
AT THE MUSEUM.
YOU CAN TALK TO
ALL THE PICTURES
YOU WANT.
READY, DEAR?
LET'S GO.
I'M STARVING.
I'LL MEET YOU
AT THE RESTAURANT LATER.
I'D LIKE TO FINISH
A FEW THINGS HERE.
OK. SEE YOU THERE.
DON'T BE TOO LONG.
I WON'T.
HELLO. YOU'VE
REACHED THE HOME
OF KAY
AND JOLLY VILLANO.
AS YOU PROBABLY CAN TELL,
WE'RE NOT AT HOME.
JOLLY.
JOLLY?
JOLLY?
IF YOU AREHERE,
AND I WASN'T DREAMING
BEFORE,
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
THIS ISN'T GOOD.
IT'S NOT RIGHT FOR YOU
TO COME BACK NOW.
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.
THERE ISN'T ROOM FOR YOU.
WHAT WE HAD WAS NICE.
IT WAS WONDERFUL.
BUT I'M GETTING MARRIED,
AND THINGS
JUST AREN'T THE SAME.
I DON'T NEED YOU
ANYMORE, JOLLY.
I DON'T BELIEVE
I'M DOING THIS.
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
SHAKESPEARE, COME ON!
VEGETABLES,
VEGETABLES,
VEGETABLES--
FRESH AND RAW,
AND LOTS OF THEM.
THAT'S THE KEY.
JOLLY
CONVINCED ME
TO BECOME
A VEGETARIAN.
EXCELLENT MEAL
AS ALWAYS, KAY.
I SAW WHAT VEGETARIANISM
DID FOR JOLLY.
WHAT A VIRILE MAN.
JOLLY, JOLLY, JOLLY.
THIS FELLOW HERE
SEEMS PRETTY
ROCK-HARD TO ME.
UH, HONEY,
IS THAT CENTERED NOW?
YES, DEAR.
JOLLY WAS
SO CLEVER.
HE USED TO
HAVE A MAXIM
ABOUT EATING.
I MEAN,
HE USED TO SAY,
"I NEVER
EAT ANYTHING
WITH A FACE."
THAT'S RIGHT!
AS I REMEMBER,
HE WAS CLEVER,
ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS A WONDERFUL
HOUSE FOR A WEDDING.
I HAVE A MAXIM, TOO.
LET'S HEAR YOURS.
I NEVER EAT ANYTHING
THAT SPOKE FRENCH.
I DON'T CARE HOW LONG
A HOSTESS SLAVED
OVER A HOT STOVE,
IF IT SPOKE FRENCH,
I WON'T TOUCH IT.
HA HA. OH, RUPERT.
IS IT STRAIGHT NOW?
YES, DEAR.
EDGAR'S MY FIFTH
HUSBAND.
AND I MARRIED HER
TO THREE OF THEM.
HE MADE
HIS FORTUNE
IN CONSTRUCTION.
I LIKE TO DO THINGS MYSELF.
STILL THE BEST WAY.
WHAT DID I DO
WITH THE NAIL?
[TAP-DANCING]
OH, NO.
OH, NO!
OH, NO, NO!
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THERE'S SPOTS
ON THESE GLASSES.
I THINK YOU'RE WATCHING
TOO MUCH TV, KAY.
THANK YOU, HONEY.
JOLLY'S LAST SHOW
IS STILL RUNNING ON BROADWAY.
IT'S THE NINTH
LONGEST-RUNNING SHOW IN HISTORY.
OH, YOU'RE JUST
SAYING THAT TO BORE US.
I WASN'T DREAMING.
IT'S THE REAL THING.
JOLLY...
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
THINKING?
YEAH. YOU CAN'T
STAY HERE!
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE...
BECAUSE.
NO REASON AT ALL.
BECAUSE I'M GETTING MARRIED
NEXT SATURDAY!
WE'LL HAVE
A MEÉNAGE AÀ TROIS.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I LOVE YOU.
DON'T SAY THAT!
WHAT?
DON'T SAY,
"I LOVE YOU."
WHY NOT?
DON'T SAY,
"I LOVE YOU"
WITH DIRTY DISHES
IN YOUR HANDS.
IT TAKES ALL THE ROMANCE
OUT OF IT.
PUT THE DISHES DOWN FIRST...
AND NOW SAY IT.
I LOVE YOU.
SEE HOW MUCH BETTER
THAT WAS?
THIS IS GOING TO
BE LAUGHS.
YOUR MOTHER KEEPS TALKING
ABOUT YOUR DEAD HUSBAND.
SHE WAS FOND OF HIM.
YES, AND SHE HAD
WONDERFUL TASTE.
"JOLLY." HOW COULD
A GROWN MAN WALK AROUND
WITH A NAME SOUNDING LIKE
A BREAKFAST CEREAL?
HA HA.
YES, HE HAS
A CERTAIN CHARM.
HE CERTAINLY DOES.
BUT, UM,
HE'S NOT FOR YOU.
NO?
THEN WHO IS?
ME.
HANDSOME,
CHARMING,
DEBONAIR.
AND DEAD?
YOU WERE ALWAYS ONE
TO PICK OUT
THOSE LITTLE
IMPERFECTIONS
IN EVERYTHING.
BUT I STILL LOVE YOU.
I TOLD YOU
NOT TO SAY THAT.
DOES, UH, HE SAY THAT?
WHO?
OH, OF COURSE!
OF COURSE HE DOES.
ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, UH,
LIKE I SAY IT?
WELL...
NO.
NO, NOT REALLY.
YOU SAID IT
REAL GOOD SOMETIMES.
JOLLY.
OH, GOD. GO AWAY.
RUPERT, DARLING,
LET'S START DISCUSSING PLANS
FOR THE BIG EVENT.
VERY GOOD IDEA.
YOU'VE BECOME
VERY EFFICIENT,
MY LOVE.
I'D LIKE TO GET
THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU DON'T
THINK IT'S STRAIGHT?
NO, NOT YOU,
THE WEDDING.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S NOT STRAIGHT.
IT'S NOT EVERY DAY
THAT YOU GET MARRIED,
ALTHOUGH IN YOUR CASE,
YOU COME VERY CLOSE.
KAY AND JOLLY
ELOPED.
I THINK
THAT WAS SMART.
YEAH, SO DO I.
IT WAS FUN.
WHERE WAS IT?
YES, TELL US
ALL ABOUT IT.
Kay:
ATLANTIC CITY.
TELL THEM
ABOUT THE CHAPEL.
PLEASE, TELL THEM.
ALL RIGHT. WE WENT TO
THE TACKIEST LITTLE
WEDDING CHAPEL.
THE MINISTER'S WIFE
KEPT BURPING
THROUGHOUT
THE WHOLE CEREMONY.
DON'T FORGET ABOUT
THE MIDGET BELLBOY
AT THE HOTEL.
YOU'VE HEARD THIS
BEFORE?
YES, BUT
THE 12th TIME
IS THE FUNNIEST.
THERE WAS THIS MIDGET--
WELL, THIS VERY SHORT BELLHOP,
AND HE SPENT
THE ENTIRE TIME
LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM.
OH, THAT JOLLY.
HE WAS SO MUCH FUN.
YEAH, I WAS.
YES, YOU WERE--HE WAS.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF THIS.
I'M SO GOD DAMN
SICK OF THIS JERK,
AND I'VE NEVER EVEN
MET HIM!
HE WASN'T BORN
IN A CHAIR.
LOOK, I'M ALIVE.
HE'S DEAD AND GONE.
DEAD BUT NOT GONE.
NO, HE'S NOT GONE.
BUT I'LL GET RID OF HIM.
RUPERT, DARLING,
WE WERE JUST TALKING.
I WON'T BE
DEFEATED BY A GHOST.
IF HE WERE HERE,
I WOULD CONFRONT HIM.
HE'D PUNCH YOU
IN THE NOSE.
YOU TELL HIM.
IS THAT STRAIGHT?
NO!
NO!
KAY, I HAVE
ONE QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHAT?
AND I'D LIKE
THE ANSWER FINALLY.
DO YOU WANT TO
LIVE HERE
WITH YOUR MOTHER
AND YOUR DEAD
HUSBAND,
OR DO YOU WANT
TO MARRY ME?
I'D SAY...
PLEASE KEEP
OUT OF THIS.
I SHALL LEAVE THE ROOM.
THAT'S GOOD IDEA.
COME, MY LOVE.
WHICH IS IT, KAY?
DON'T BE TOO HASTY.
WELL?
I WANT TO MARRY YOU.
I LOVE YOU TO PIECES.
I WANT TO LIVE HERE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
THAT'S ALL
I WANTED TO HEAR.
NOW LET'S GET THE DETAILS
OF THE GOD DAMN WEDDING
STRAIGHTENED OUT!
A MATCH
MADE IN HEAVEN.
I'M GLAD
YOU'RE NOT ANGRY.
NO, HONEY. REALLY,
IT WAS MY FAULT.
IT'S GREAT MAKING LOVE
IN OUR ROOM
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
HONEY, DO YOU EVER
THINK OF ANYONE ELSE
WHEN YOU MAKE LOVE?
HA. NO.
NEVER?
IMAGES POP INTO
MY HEAD SOMETIMES, BUT--
LIKE WHO?
IT'S DUMB, OK?
YOU'LL LAUGH AT ME.
NO, I WON'T.
REALLY. TELL ME.
GUY LOMBARDO.
WHO?
GUY LOMBARDO,
THE BAND LEADER.
HA HA HA!
YOU'RE LAUGHING.
NO, I'M NOT.
NO, I'M NOT.
I'M NOT LAUGHING.
HMM HMM HMM!
WHY?
WELL, THE FIRST TIME
I EVER DID IT
WAS AT THIS
NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY
AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE,
AND THE CATERER'S
DAUGHTER SEDUCED ME.
IT JUST SO HAPPENED
THAT THE TV WAS ON
AT THE TIME,
AND AT THE CLIMACTIC
MOMENT,
GUY LOMBARDO CAME ON.
DOES HE THINK OF
THE ROYAL CANADIANS, TOO?
DO YOU THINK
OF THE ROYAL
CANADIANS, TOO?
OH!
AH!
NO.
NO.
I'M NOT INTO
GROUP SEX.
MMM. DO YOU EVER
THINK OF ANYONE?
NO.
JUST ASKING.
HONEY.
NO, HONEY, I DON'T.
UH, YOU BUSY?
HONEY, RELAX, PLEASE.
HONEY, RELAX.
I AM RELAXED.
WELL, THEN
UNCLENCH YOUR FISTS.
BIG DEAL.
BIG DEAL.
MMM.
MM.
OOH, I LOVE YOU
SO MUCH.
IS HE GOOD?
YES.
Rupert: OH, YES.
I MEAN, UH,
IS HE BETTER THAN ME?
YES.
Rupert: OH, YES.
I FIND THAT
HARD TO BELIEVE.
AM I DISTURBING YOU?
YES.
I'LL JUST
SHUT OFF THE LIGHTS.
OH, GOD,
LET ME DO IT.
OK. CAN I WATCH?
WHAT?
OH. NO, HONEY,
I WASN'T TALKING
TO YOU.
I WAS JUST
JABBERING AWAY
IN ECSTASY.
"JABBERING AWAY IN ECSTASY."
THAT'S GOOD.
OH, KAY,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I NEVER LIKED
THESE THINGS.
ALL OF YOU.
THESE UGLY THINGS.
I LOVE YOUR SHOULDERS.
WHERE DID WE GET THESE?
AND YOUR BREASTS.
THEY'RE
MY AUNT EDNA'S.
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
NOTHING.
I WAS JABBERING
AWAY AGAIN.
IN ECSTASY.
IN ECSTASY. RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY
WHEN YOU'RE IN ECSTASY?
"THEY'RE MY AUNT EDNA'S"?
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
I WANT TO HEAR YOU
AT THAT CLIMACTIC MOMENT.
RUPERT, JUST
MAKE LOVE TO ME.
I'M TRYING.
OK. OK.
OK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M CHECKING
FOR SIGNS OF LIFE.
I SEE DILATION
OF THE PUPIL.
YOU'RE ALIVE!
GET YOUR FINGER
OUT OF MY EYE.
I FINALLY GOT
A RESPONSE.
RUPERT, THERE'S
SOMETHING
I'VE
GOT TO TELL YOU.
I WANT TO
HEAR THIS.
OH, MY GOD.
RUPERT, THERE'S
SOMEONE WATCHING US.
THERE IS? WHERE?
YOU CAN'T
SEE HIM.
OH. I GET IT.
YOU DO?
THERE'S SOMEONE
BEHIND THE ARMOIRE.
MAYBE GUY LOMBARDO.
RUPERT,
LISTEN TO ME.
RUPERT, THAT'S NOT
WHAT I MEANT.
WHAT THE HELL
DID YOU MEAN?
RUPERT, I HAVE
SOMETHING TO
TELL YOU.
IT WILL CHANGE
OUR ENTIRE
RELATIONSHIP.
OH, GOD.
ARE YOU LISTENING?
Both: I'M LISTENING.
THERE'S A GHOST
IN THIS HOUSE.
THERE'S A GHOST
RIGHT HERE
IN THIS ROOM
WITH US NOW.
ARE YOU HAVING
YOUR PERIOD?
NO, I'M NOT
HAVING MY PERIOD.
WOMEN DON'T GO AROUND
SEEING GHOSTS
WHEN THEY HAVE
THEIR PERIOD.
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WOULD EXPECT
A MAN TO SAY.
I AM A MAN, KAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
THINK LIKE ONE.
I'M TRYING SO HARD!
I KNOW. DARLING,
TRY THE RATIONAL APPROACH.
HE ISA SCIENTIST.
I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING,
BUT PLEASE TRY
TO LISTEN TO ME.
I'M LISTENING, KAY.
WHAT I'VE BEEN SEEING
FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS
IS NOT A FIGMENT
OF MY IMAGINATION.
IT IS NOT A MEMORY
OR AN ILLUSION.
IT IS A REAL
AND SUBSTANTIAL
MANIFESTATION
OF A PERSON WHO IS
NO LONGER LIVING.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S FANTASTIC, DARLING.
THAT'S GOOD.
THANKS.
I THOUGHT
IT WAS VERY GOOD.
RUPERT, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
I JUST SAID
I WAS IN CONTACT
WITH A GHOST.
YES, YOU DID.
A GHOST
THAT I KNOW.
YES.
A GHOST THAT IS
IN THIS ROOM.
DON'T JUST
AGREE WITH ME!
I'M NOT AGREEING WITH YOU.
I'M JUST SAYING YES.
YOU THINK I'M CRAZY.
YES.
NO.
BE QUIET.
WHAT?
WHAT?
OH, YOU WERE TALKING
TO THE GHOST.
RUPERT. RUPERT.
RUPERT.
RUPERT, I DID NOT
SEARCH HIM OUT.
HONESTLY.
HE CONTACTED ME
WHEN I REOPENED
THE HOUSE.
LET ME GUESS.
HE DID THIS WITH HIS FEET.
I NEVER DID THAT.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
IT'S JOLLY.
GOD HELP ME.
EXPLAIN TO HIM
THAT I LIVE HERE.
HE LIVES HERE.
BECAUSE I DIED HERE.
BECAUSE HE DIED
HERE.
I'M TALKING
ABOUT A GHOST.
RUPERT--
A GHOST!
CAN'T YOU
PROVE YOURSELF?
WHAT?
WHAT?
I WAS TALKING
TO JOLLY.
CAN'T YOU
MOVE A CHAIR
OR MAKE A NOISE
OR SOMETHING?
YES, ANYTHING.
A VASE. I'M NOT PICKY.
DARLING, I TOLD YOU,
NO CHEAP TRICKS.
NO CHEAP TRICKS.
JOLLY, PLEASE DON'T
DO THIS TO ME.
RUPERT!
IF YOU DON'T
WANT TO MARRY ME,
JUST SAY SO.
IT ISN'T THAT.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
IT'S ONLY A MARRIAGE.
YOU SHOULD
ASK YOUR MOTHER.
SHE GOES THROUGH THEM
LIKE KLEENEX.
JOLLY, SAY SOMETHING!
UH, DENISE
DEL FLORIO.
WHAT?
SAY IT QUICKLY.
DENISE DEL FLORIO.
BYE, KAY.
DENISE DEL FLORIO!
HUH?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
DENISE DEL FLORIO.
WHY?
JOLLY SAID TO SAY IT.
WELL,
WHAT ABOUT HER?
UH...
[IMITATES SAXOPHONE
PLAYING AULD LANG SYNE]
NEW YEAR'S EVE!
UM...
CATERER'S DAUGHTER.
THE CATERER'S DAUGHTER.
NEW YEAR'S EVE.
THE CATERER'S DAUGHTER.
SHE'S THE ONE, ISN'T SHE?
DENISE DEL FLORIO.
HOW ELSE WOULD I HAVE
KNOWN HER NAME
EXCEPT THAT JOLLY TOLD ME?
THANKS, JOLLY.
ALL RIGHT, HON.
UH, LUCKY GUESS.
DENISE DEL FLORIO
IS A LUCKY GUESS?
NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!
MAYBE I SAID IT
IN MY SLEEP
OR SOMETHING.
SURE, IN BETWEEN
THE GUY LOMBARDOS.
MAYBE I DID, KAY.
GOOD NIGHT.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[DOOR SLAMS]
HA HA!
BOY, THAT'S A NERD.
WELL, I GUESS I'VE SORT OF
COMPLICATED THINGS, HUH?
I GUESS SO.
I SHOULD GO.
YOU SHOULD GO AWAY
AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
FOREVER.
AND EVER!
THERE'S JUST NO ROOM
IN YOUR LIFE FOR ME NOW.
NONE!
OK, I'LL GO, THEN.
JOLLY?
JOLLY?
PLEASE DON'T GO.
5, 6, 7, 8.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
RESEARCH.
DO YOU BELIEVE
IN GHOSTS?
DEPENDS.
MY FIANCEÉE
HAS A GHOST. HERE.
HER FIRST HUSBAND.
WE'RE ABOUT TO GET MARRIED.
SHE CONJURES UP THE GHOST
OF HER DEAD HUSBAND.
I BELIEVE IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
COME ON.
LET'S GO IN.
I GAVE BACK MY KEY.
WHAT KEY?
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
BREAK IN?
TSK. TSK. BREAK IN.
SNEAK IN.
[HUMMING
LULLABY ON BROADWAY]
♪ BA DOO DOO DOO
DOO DOO DOO ♪
UM. RIGHT HERE.
HERE?
YES.
JUST KICK IT.
OH, YES.
I REMEMBER THIS.
JUST A--
JUST A LITTLE JAB.
THIS, UM, RUPERT,
DID YOU CHASE HIM
LIKE YOU CHASED ME?
LIKE I WHAT?
CHASED.
I'VE HAD WOMEN
SET THEIR SIGHTS
ON ME BEFORE,
BUT YOU WERE
DESPERATE.
I WAS NOT DESPERATE.
I WAS...DETERMINED.
LITTLE HIGHER.
RUPERT CHASED ME.
WAS HE DETERMINED?
DESPERATE.
THIS, UH, FELLOW HERE.
YOU SURE YOU SHOULD
MARRY HIM?
OF COURSE I'M SURE.
I'M ALMOST SURE.
YOU CAN NEVER
REALLY BE SURE
ABOUT A THING
LIKE THAT.
NO, I'M NOT SURE.
WHO THE HELL KNOWS?
WHY DO YOU ASK?
HER HUSBAND
WAS A FAMOUS...
BROADWAY CHOREOGRAPHER,
JOLLY VILLANO.
I ALWAYS WANTED
TO BE ABLE TO DANCE.
CAN YOU DANCE?
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
THAT'S DAMN GOOD.
WAIT. LET ME--
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
DA BA DA BA DA.
DA BA DA BA DA.
DA BA DA BA DA.
HEY! THAT'S RIGHT.
♪ OH, BA DEE,
OH, DA BA DA ♪
OH, YEAH.
YOU LOOKING GOOD!
♪ DA DE AH ♪
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO, HENRY?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT THE GHOST.
MAYBE THEY SHOULD
GET A DIVORCE
LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE.
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE A GENIUS!
A DIVORCE!
THAT'S BRILLIANT.
A DIVORCE!
HA HA!
KEEP THE LEFT FOOT
MOVING!
[TAP-DANCING]
DID YOU MISS ME?
OF COURSE I MISSED YOU.
I WAS MARRIED TO YOU
FOR SIX YEARS,
BUT I GOT OVER YOU.
YOU MAKE ME SOUND
LIKE A DISEASE.
YOU ARE.
AN INCURABLE ONE.
WHAT DID YOU DO
WHEN I DIED?
I BURIED YOU...
I THOUGHT.
WERE YOU SAD?
NO.
I WAS NEVER SAD.
IT'S FUNNY.
FIRST YOU'RE TOO BUSY--
TOO MANY THINGS TO DO,
TOO MANY DETAILS.
AND THEN I GUESS IT WAS
LIKE THREE WEEKS LATER,
MAYBE A MONTH,
I WAS SITTING
IN THE STUDY,
AND I WAS READING
SOMETHING.
IT WAS SOMETHING
I THOUGHT YOU'D
BE INTERESTED IN.
I GOT UP AND RAN TOWARDS
THE REHEARSAL HALL,
AND I STOPPED
ON THE STAIRS.
IT WASN'T UNTIL
THAT MINUTE
THAT I REALIZED
YOU WERE DEAD
AND WHAT THAT MEANT.
THEN, UH,
YOU WERE SAD.
NO, I WAS ANGRY.
ANGRY? AT WHAT?
AT YOU.
WHAT DID I DO?
YOU DIED!
YOU WENT AND DIED.
GOD, I HATED YOU
FOR THAT.
I HATED YOU FOR GOING OFF
AND LEAVING ME.
AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
I HAD YOU BEHIND ME,
YOU HAD TO SHOW UP
HERE AGAIN.
[SIGH]
I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE.
WELL, I WOULDN'T
HAVE PUT IT PAST YOU.
YOU WERE ALWAYS
GRANDSTANDING FOR ATTENTION.
JOLLY.
SINCE YOU'VE MOVED BACK IN
HE'S APPEARED?
SINCE I REOPENED
THE HOUSE.
YOU AND RUPERT OUGHT
TO GET AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS.
I'LL ASK MY SHRINK
WHAT WE SHOULD DO.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T NEED
A PSYCHIATRIST.
I'VE ACCEPTED HIM.
ACCEPTED WHO?
JOLLY.
I'M NOT ASKING SOMEONE
TO MAKE HIM DISAPPEAR.
THE PROBLEM IS
I CAN'T DECIDE.
WHAT?
BETWEEN THEM.
RUPERT OR JOLLY.
THEY HAVE CERTAIN
QUALITIES,
CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT
BOTH OF THEM I LIKE.
TOGETHER THEY MAKE
THE PERFECT MAN.
I HAVE TO CHOOSE.
KAY, LISTEN TO ME.
JOLLY IS DEAD.
OK, THAT'S ONE THING
IN RUPERT'S FAVOR.
HE'S ALIVE.
I WANT SOME ADVICE
ABOUT A DIVORCE.
TROUBLE
WITH YOUR WIFE?
NO, NO.
NO TROUBLE AT ALL.
IN FACT,
I'M NOT MARRIED.
I'M GETTING MARRIED
NEXT SATURDAY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
NO, THIS DIVORCE
IS FOR A FRIEND.
SOMEONE YOU KNOW?
VERY WELL.
MY FIANCEÉE, IN FACT.
THE ONE YOU'RE MARRYING
NEXT SATURDAY?
YES. I WANT HER
TO DIVORCE HER FIRST HUSBAND.
THAT'S GOOD THINKING.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME.
IT'S IMPORTANT
TO MOST PEOPLE.
I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THEM.
THIS MAY SEEM ODD TO YOU,
BUT IT'S A HYPOTHETICAL
DIVORCE I'M AFTER.
HYPOTHETICAL DIVORCE?
RIGHT. I WANT HER TO
DIVORCE HIM TO MAKE A POINT.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
WELL, YOU SEE, UH...
THERE'S AN ASPECT
TO THIS CASE
YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T
COME ACROSS BEFORE.
LET ME ASSURE YOU
I HAVE COME ACROSS
EVERY CONCEIVABLE TWIST
TO A DIVORCE CASE.
HER FIRST HUSBAND'S DEAD.
I WAS WRONG.
I HAD NOT COME ACROSS
EVERYTHING.
INTERESTING TWIST.
OH.
LAWYERS!
GIVE GOOD MONEY
TO SIT THERE
AND LAUGH AT YOU,
TREAT YOU LIKE
YOU'RE CRAZY.
MY FIANCEÉE
IS SEEING A GHOST.
I'VE HAD IT.
THEY WORK BY HEAT,
NOT BY PUSH.
I KNOW HOW THEY WORK.
YOU GOT NO BODY HEAT.
I HAVE PLENTY OF BODY HEAT.
JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT
A BROADWAY DANCER,
YOU THINK
I HAVE NO PASSION?
HERE'S SOME.
THERE. PASSION.
BODY HEAT.
LOOK AT MY FEET.
YOU MADE US A LOCAL.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
SO WHAT DID SHE
TELL YOU
ABOUT
THIS APPARITION?
JUST THAT HE'S HERE,
AND SHE'S CONFUSED.
TROUBLE ALREADY?
DON'T YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO?
WITH MARRIAGE
AND THIS WHOLE NEW LIFE,
THIS IS A PIVOTAL TIME
FOR HER.
WHAT WE NEED
IS A PSYCHIATRIST.
PSYCHIATRIST? ALREADY?
YOU'RE REALLY
PUSHING THIS, AREN'T YOU?
LISTEN, I AM JUST
TRYING TO HELP.
LOOK, SHE NEEDS YOU
RIGHT NOW.
NO, NO. LITTLE BOY,
WE MUSTN'T SIT
ON THE CHAIR.
DO YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE THIS IS
A PRICELESS PIECE
OF FINE ART
FROM ANOTHER MILLENNIUM.
YOU ARE A PIECE
OF TEMPORARY
PLASMIC RUBBISH
TAKING UP SPACE
ON THIS ALREADY
OVERCROWDED PLANET.
KENDALL, KEEP AN EYE OUT
FOR THIS SORT OF THING.
ARE YOU WITH SOMEONE?
LET'S FIND THEM.
RUPERT,
HERE'S HOW I SEE IT.
YOU REPRESENT REALITY.
HE REPRESENTS FANTASY,
BUT SHE NEEDS
YOUR REALITY
TO KEEP FROM GOING
OVER THE EDGE.
WHAT AM I GOING TO
DO ABOUT HIM?
OH,
A HIM ALREADY, HUH?
ACCEPT HIM.
BUST IS ASS.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS,
PLEASE.
YOU MEAN ACT AS IF
HE'S REALLY THERE?
EXACTLY.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU LOVE HER,
DON'T YOU?
OF COURSE I LOVE HER.
WELL,
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
MUST HE
SIT IN FRONT?
I GET CARSICK IN BACK.
HE GETS CARSICK
IN BACK.
CARSICK, YEAH.
I FEEL LIKE YOUR CHAUFFEUR.
WE SHOULD BUY HIM
A CUTE LITTLE HAT.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
HE SAYS WE SHOULD
BUY YOU A CUTE
LITTLE HAT.
AH.
COME ON, RUPERT,
LOOSEN UP.
YOU SAID WE WERE
GOING TO HAVE FUN.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING.
WE SHOULD GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
I LOVE YOU...
BOTH.
THERE'S SO MUCH
I WANT TO ASK.
ME, TOO.
HIM, TOO.
I THINK
IT'S WONDERFUL
HOW RUPERT'S
ACCEPTING ALL THIS.
I'M PRETTY WONDERFUL.
YES.
JOLLY THINKS SO.
TERRIFIC.
THAT SETTLES IT.
ALL THOSE IN FAVOR,
SAY "AYE."
AYE!
AYE!
AYE.
OH, UH, KAY.
TELL HIM
TO ACT NORMAL.
JOLLY SAYS
JUST ACT NORMAL.
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
EXACTLY WHAT I INTEND.
FOR US THREE TO HAVE
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP,
WE HAVE TO SAY
TO HELL WITH THE WORLD.
HOW MANY?
TWO.
THREE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THREE.
REMEMBER,
TOTALLY NORMAL.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
HEY, THIS IS FINE.
THANK YOU.
ONE FOR HIM, TOO,
PLEASE.
IS THIS TABLE OK?
WHAT DID HE SAY,
KAY?
IT'S FINE.
HE'S HAPPY.
I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE
TO TAKE YOUR ORDER.
RUPERT, WE HAVE TO
ACT CAREFUL
AROUND
OTHER PEOPLE.
WHO'S ACTING?
ARE YOU ACTING?
YOU'RE NOT ACTING,
ARE YOU?
WE HAVE A GHOST
LIVING WITH US.
WE SHOULD TREAT HIM
LIKE ANYONE ELSE.
ARE YOU READY?
YES.
THE LADY WILL HAVE--
COFFEE.
IS THAT
ALL YOU WANT?
COFFEE.
AND YOU?
NOTHING, THANKS.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
HE SAID
HE'S NOT HUNGRY.
HE SAID
HE'S NOT HUNGRY!
IT'S ON ME.
HE GETS CARSICK EASILY,
SO HE SAT IN FRONT.
CHEESEBURGER.
WONDERFUL. AND I WILL HAVE
THE GRILLED CHEESE PLATE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
UH, TELL ME, HOW WOULD
HE LIKE HIS CHEESEBURGER?
MEDIUM RARE.
MEDIUM RARE.
HOLD THE ONIONS.
HOLD THE ONIONS.
THAT'LL BE FINE.
THANK YOU.
THAT WASN'T SO PAINFUL,
WAS IT?
SO TELL ME,
WHAT'S IT LIKE
BEING DEAD?
RUPERT, PEOPLE
ARE BEGINNING TO STARE.
MOM. MOM, THAT MAN'S
TALKING TO A CHAIR.
BILLY, IF HE WANTS
TO TALK TO A CHAIR,
THAT'S HIS PRIVILEGE.
BUT HE'S TALKING
TO A CHAIR.
YOUR MOTHER'S CORRECT.
IT'S MY PRIVILEGE.
MANY MEN HAVE DIED
HORRIBLE DEATHS
SO I COULD DO THIS.
SO TURN AROUND,
EAT YOUR FOOD,
AND THANK GOD WE LIVE
IN THIS WONDERFUL LAND.
GRILLED CHEESE HERE.
CHEESEBURGER THERE.
SO HOW ARE WE GOING
TO ARRANGE OUR TIME?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THERE WILL BE TIMES
I'LL WANT TO BE
ALONE WITH YOU.
HIM, TOO, I'M SURE.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S, UH,
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'M ANXIOUS TO KNOW.
IS IT POSSIBLE
FOR HIM TO, UH,
BE FAMILIAR WITH YOU?
THAT MUST BE VERY DISAPPOINTING
FOR BOTH OF YOU.
LET'S GO.
WE HAVEN'T
EATEN OUR FOOD.
MMM.
OK.
NOW CAN WE GO?
THESE LITTLE THINGS
MUST BE IRONED OUT.
WRINKLES, HUH,
JOLLY OLD BOY?
HE'S STARTING
TO ANNOY ME.
YOU'RE STARTING
TO ANNOY JOLLY.
WHAT DID I SAY?
ISN'T
THIS BEAUTIFUL?
SMELL!
HAVE YOU TOLD JOLLY
THIS IS WHERE WE MET?
SHE TOLD ME.
I TOLD HIM.
HOW DID YOU
FIND THIS PLACE?
EMILY AND I
WERE ON A TRIP.
I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
LIKE THE COUNTRY.
I LOVE THE COUNTRY!
IT WAS YOU THAT NEVER
LIKED THE COUNTRY.
I ALWAYS LOVED
THE COUNTRY.
YOU DID?
YES, I DID.
MAYBE I WAS SELF-CENTERED.
YES, YOU WERE.
I'VE CHANGED.
IT'S AMAZING HOW DEATH
CAN CHANGE A MAN.
OH, KAY, LET ME
LOOK AT YOU.
MRS. REILLY.
RUPERT SAYS YOU'RE
GETTING MARRIED.
AND TO THINK
YOU MET HERE.
OH, VIOLINS PLEASE.
THERE'S ANOTHER
YOUNG COUPLE
STAYING HERE,
THE NEWMANS,
ON THEIR HONEYMOON.
THERE THEY ARE.
THEY LOOK ADORABLE.
LET'S STICK THEM
ON A CAKE.
WILL YOU SHUT UP!
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
NOTHING.
PERHAPS YOU COULD
SHOW US TO OUR ROOM.
I'M REALLY EXHAUSTED.
OF COURSE, DEAR.
EXCUSE ME.
YOU TWO AREN'T MAKING
THIS ANY EASIER FOR ME.
WELL, I'M HAVING FUN.
SO AM I.
I LOVE IT.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS,
EMILY.
I'M THROUGH
WITH THIS SILLY CHARADE.
IT MIGHT MAKE HER
SNAP OUT OF IT.
ME, TOO.
HOW LONG CAN I KEEP
ORDERING CHEESEBURGERS
FOR MY FIANCEÉE'S
DEAD HUSBAND?
YOU HAVE TO
BE PATIENT.
I'VE LOST MY PATIENCE.
I'VE COME UP
WITH MY OWN PLAN--
THE FIGHT FIRE
WITH FIRE APPROACH.
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
WHEN WE GET BACK,
THIS WILL BE
STRAIGHTENED OUT.
PROMISE ME YOU WON'T
DO ANYTHING RASH.
I WON'T DO ANYTHING
RASH. GOODBYE.
NIGHTCAP, SWEETIE?
LOVE IT.
MY GOD, IT CAN'T BE.
WHAT?
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
IT'S MONICA.
MONICA WHO?
SHE'S THERE.
IN THAT CHAIR.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
CAN'T YOU SEE HER?
NO.
KAY,
CAN YOU SEE HER?
NO.
SURELY YOU CAN SEE HER.
WAIT. YOU CAN'T SEE HER.
I CAN'T?
NO, I JUST REMEMBERED.
SHE'S DEAD.
WHO'S DEAD?
SHE IS.
MONICA.
AH.
IS SOMEBODY THERE?
I--I DON'T SEE ANYBODY.
HE DOESN'T
SEE ANYBODY.
WHO DOESN'T
SEE ANYBODY?
HE CAN'T SEE HER,
RUPERT.
I DON'T SEE HIM.
IT'S MONICA.
I THINK HE'S TRYING
TO MAKE A POINT.
SHE WAS THE FIRST
WOMAN I EVER LOVED,
AND SHE DIED.
OH!
I'M GONNA CRY.
JUST KEEP QUIET.
WE WERE ENGAGED.
WHY IS IT YOU NEVER
TOLD ME ABOUT HER?
I DIDN'T WANT
TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.
WHAT?
WHAT?
SHE'S TALKING TO ME.
IT'S FAINT.
MONICA, TALK TO ME.
THERE WAS NEVER
ANYONE THERE.
DON'T STOP. I'M GETTING
TO LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY
PERSON WITH GHOSTS.
NO, BUT I KNOW
THERE IS NO GHOST THERE.
WAIT. I THINK
I HEAR HER.
THIS ONE'S GREAT.
JOLLY CAN'T SEE HER!
WHO'S JOLLY?
HER DEAD HUSBAND.
REALLY?
IT'S LIKE
A BRONTE NOVEL.
IT'S LIKE A COMIC STRIP.
DON'T FADE!
MONICA, MY ASS!
DON'T TALK ABOUT
HER LIKE THAT.
LET'S STAY OUT.
LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND,
SWEETHEART.
QUIT THAT LAUGHING.
SOME NICE HOT TEA
WOULD BE APPROPRIATE
RIGHT NOW.
AH, YES. LOVELY.
LOVELY.
OH! I CAN SEE
RIGHT THROUGH YOU,
BUSTER,
AND DON'T YOU
THINK I CAN'T!
YOU'RE MAKING HER UP
TO MAKE ME A FOOL.
YOU'RE NOT
MAKING HIM UP?
NO, I'M NOT!
NO, SHE'S NOT!
IT'S SIMPLE.
I'M A THREAT TO HIS EGO.
IT'S SIMPLE.
HE'S A THREAT
TO YOUR EGO.
EGO?
I HAD ONE OF THOSE.
THAT WAS BEFORE
I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
RUPERT. RUPERT,
I CAN'T TAKE
ANY MORE OF THIS.
YOU SHOULD
BELIEVE HIM.
STAY OUT OF THIS!
THIS MAY HAPPEN
TO US WHEN YOU DIE.
YOU SEE HOW SILLY
ALL THIS IS?
HE ADMITS THAT.
SHUT UP.
YOU'RE SO CLINICAL!
YOU NEVER DID
BELIEVE ME.
IT WAS ONE BIG JOKE.
NO JOKE.
HUMOR THE LADY.
THAT WAS THE IDEA.
AND KEEP YOU SANE.
WAIT. I THINK
I HEAR MONICA.
THERE IS NO MONICA,
YOU DUMB BITCH!
HE CALLED ME
A DUMB BITCH!
Both: WELL, YOU ARE
A DUMB BITCH!
IF YOU'RE LIKE THIS,
THEY'LL LOCK YOU UP.
PISS OFF,
YOU POMPOUS ASS!
WHAT DID YOU
CALL ME?
YOU HEARD ME!
SOME NICE HOT TEA
FOR EVERYONE.
OH, SHOVE YOUR TEA!
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
I'D LOVE
SOME HOT TEA.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY!
IF YOU LOVED ME,
YOU'D TRY TO UNDERSTAND
INSTEAD OF TRYING
TO MAKE FUN OF ME!
I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU.
YOUR HUSBAND
IS DEAD AND GONE.
HE'S BORING ME.
YOU'RE TRYING
TO FIND SOME WAY
OF AVOIDING MAKING
A COMMITMENT TO ME
BY USING
SOME DAMN CORPSE!
YOU'RE STARTING
TO ANNOY JOLLY.
DENISE DEL FLORIO.
SAY IT.
DENISE
DEL FLORIO.
DON'T BRING UP
DENISE DEL FLORIO AGAIN,
PLEASE.
HE DIDN'T
SLEEP WITH HER.
YOU DIDN'T
SLEEP WITH HER.
OH, I DIDN'T?
HE WAS WATCHING
GUY LOMBARDO.
YOU WERE WATCHING
GUY LOMBARDO.
GUY LOMBARDO. I KNOW HIM.
I KNOW GUY LOMBARDO.
HE FOUND HIS FATHER
IN BED WITH HER.
HOWEVER, YOU FOUND
YOUR FATHER IN BED W--
HE DID?
YOU DID?
YOUR FATHER WAS IN BED
WITH GUY LOMBARDO?
I NEVER TOLD
ANYONE THAT.
IT WON'T LEAVE HERE.
OH, RUPERT.
IS IT TRUE?
WELL, IT'S TRUE,
BUT I NEVER TOLD ANYONE.
THAT'S THE MOST TRAUMATIC
MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
YOU EAT LIKE
A DAMN HORSE!
YOUR FEET SMELL!
THEY DO NOT.
DO MY FEET SMELL?
IT'S TRUE.
JOLLY'S HERE.
CONGRATULATIONS,
RUPERT, OLD BOY.
NO MORE CRAP,
MISTER.
YOU HAVE A MOUTH
LIKE A SEWER!
I'M GOING BACK TO NEW YORK.
I'M GOING TO
TAKE THE CAR.
FINE.
YOU CAN TAKE A TAXI.
I'M GOING WITH HER.
TAKE A TAXI.
FROM CONNECTICUT?
YOU ARE CHEAP!
Jolly: HONEY,
I'M GOING WITH YOU.
NO.
I DON'T WANT TO BE
WITH YOU EITHER,
WITH ANY MEN.
RIGHT ON, SISTER.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
IS HAPPENING!
[DOOR SLAMS]
[SIGH]
SHE WAS TELLING
THE TRUTH.
JOLLY'S BEEN HERE
ALL ALONG.
OH, MY GOD.
[GASPS]
ONE, PLEASE.
WITH EVERYTHING.
WANT A HOT DOG?
NO, THANKS.
DO YOU THINK
IT COULD BE THE DEVIL?
YOU'RE OPENING UP
A WHOLE NEW BALL OF WAX.
THAT'S DANGEROUS STUFF.
THE ONLY REASON I ASK IS
BECAUSE YOU WERE A PRIEST ONCE.
IS IT POSSIBLE
IT'S THE DEVIL?
THAT'S A WORLD
I DON'T WANT
TO GET INTO.
YOU MUST THINK
I'M CRAZY, RIGHT?
NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE
JUST TOO INQUISITIVE.
IT'S PRIVATE STUFF.
YOU DO BELIEVE ME,
THEN?
I DON'T KNOW,
DR. BAINES.
RUPERT.
RUPERT. IT DOES EXIST.
IT'S CALLED
BY MANY DIFFERENT NAMES.
BARTENDER, ANOTHER ONE.
LET ME PAY
FOR THAT.
MAKE IT A DOUBLE.
THEY CALL IT LUCIFER.
THEY CALL IT EVIL,
THE DEMON, EL DIABLO.
JOLLY?
WHAT?
THAT'S WHAT
THIS SPIRIT IS CALLED.
A DEMON IS CALLED
JOLLY?
CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
I DON'T KNOW,
DR. BAINES.
YOU SEE, MY POWERS,
MY TOUCH...
TECHNICALLY,
YOU ALWAYS HAVE IT--
ONCE A PRIEST,
ALWAYS A PRIEST--
BUT THEY CAN
GO ON YOU.
IT'S LIKE
A GOOD FAST BALL.
ONE SEASON YOU'VE GOT IT.
THE NEXT, IT'S GONE.
THERE'S NO GUARANTEE.
I JUST WANT YOU
TO TRY.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.
I'M WILLING TO PAY YOU.
HANDSOMELY.
HANDSOMELY, HUH?
I LOVE KAY, HUGH.
I'LL DO ANYTHING
NOT TO LOSE HER.
CASH?
YOU THINK
I'M CRAZY.
I DON'T.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN
WHO CAN'T DECIDE
BETWEEN A DEAD HUSBAND
AND A LIVE FIANCEÉ?
VERY EXTREMELY
CONFUSED.
CRAZY.
YOU WANT MY ADVICE?
GO THROUGH
WITH THE WEDDING.
SUPPOSE I--
YOU LOVE RUPERT,
DON'T YOU?
YES, I LOVE HIM.
OK.
I THINK.
I DON'T WANT TO SPEND
MY LIFE COMPARING HIM
OR SHARING HIM
WITH JOLLY.
IT'S NOT FAIR TO
EITHER ONE OF THEM.
I THINK THE THREE OF US--
YOU, ME, AND JOLLY--
SHOULD HAVE
A LITTLE CONFRONTATION.
ABOUT WHAT?
GET HIM BACK HERE
WHEN I'M THERE.
THERE ARE THINGS
WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT.
WHAT THINGS?
TRUST ME.
I'VE GOT TO
REDO MY HAIR.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOU'LL NEVER BE READY.
YES, I WILL.
THERE'S A SHORT CIRCUIT.
CALL AN ELECTRICIAN.
I AMAN ELECTRICIAN.
WHERE'S RUPERT?
HE'S COMING.
ARE YOU SURE?
YES.
SOMETHING HAPPENED.
YOU HAD A FIGHT.
NO. WE HAD A SLIGHT
MISUNDERSTANDING,
BUT HE'S APOLOGIZED,
AND EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I CAN SEE THAT.
WOULD YOU RELAX?
LOVE YOUR DRESS.
THIS IS IT.
READY?
IT SAYS IF YOU SEE
A SPIRIT, YOU DO THIS.
WHAT DOES THAT DO?
IT GETS HIM SOAKED.
REMEMBER,
WHATEVER YOU DO,
NOBODY'S SUPPOSED
TO KNOW ABOUT YOU.
RIGHT.
BE VERY NONCHALANT.
I GOTCHA.
OK?
OK.
[SHOUTING IN LATIN]
SHHH!
FOR GOD'S SAKE!
THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL
BEING NONCHALANT?
I'M SORRY.
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
GOOD EVENING,
DR. BAINES.
EVERYTHING'S READY
FOR THE REHEARSAL.
REHEARSAL?
THE WEDDING
REHEARSAL.
OH, THE WEDDING REHEARSAL.
WHERE'S KAY?
SHE'S UPSTAIRS CHANGING.
EXCUSE ME.
[RUFF!]
[GRRRR!]
NICE DOG.
PLAY DEAD
FOR ABOUT A YEAR.
I FOUND IT.
HELLO, RUPERT. I FOUND
THE SHORT CIRCUIT.
CHARLOTTE, I FOUND IT.
IT'S IN THE ATTIC.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
WHO IS HE?
WHO?
THAT MAN.
OH, THAT MAN
IS THE BUILDING
INSPECTOR.
WHAT BUILDING
INSPECTOR?
YOU CAN'T MOVE BACK
INTO A BUILDING
UNLESS IT'S BEEN
INSPECTED.
I'LL WORK QUICKLY.
HELLO, INSPECTOR!
SEE THIS?
IT'S A WELL-MADE WALL,
A GOOD WALL.
EVERYTHING
RUNNING SMOOTHLY?
FINE.
NO PROBLEMS?
CHARLOTTE, GET ME
MY FLASHLIGHT.
WHAT FLASHLIGHT?
IT'S IN THE KITCHEN.
YOU GET IT.
I GOT WORK TO DO.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
YES, I DO.
ALMOST DONE NOW.
CHARLOTTE,
REVEREND HOLLIS IS HERE!
MY GOD! THE REVEREND'S
HERE ALREADY.
CHARLOTTE,
THE LIGHT, PLEASE.
AAH!
OH, CHARLOTTE!
BRING BACK THAT LIGHT!
CHARLOTTE.
CHARLOTTE.
OH, CHARLOTTE.
CHARLOTTE!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
HONEY!
OH, CHARLOTTE.
I'M STUCK!
JOLLY SAYS HE ONLY APPEARED
BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO.
IS THAT TRUE?
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.
IF SO, WHY DID I
WAIT UNTIL NOW--
THREE YEARS LATER
AND THE WEEK BEFORE
MY WEDDING?
I DON'T KNOW.
[HARMONICA PLAYING
CALL TO THE POST]
IT'S CALLED TIMING,
MY LOVE.
ONE OF MY MANY ASSETS.
TIMING WAS ALWAYS
ONE OF YOUR BEST
ASSETS.
IS HE HERE?
WHERE?
HE'S ON THE BED.
OK.
[PLAYING OLD GRAY MARE]
HELLO, EMILY.
JOLLY SAYS HELLO.
HELLO, JOLLY.
GOD, SHE LOOKS OLD.
JOLLY SAYS
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
I WISH I COULD
SAY THE SAME
ABOUT HIM.
SHE DOESN'T
BELIEVE IN ME.
SHE'S GIVING US
THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
YOU'RE GETTING
THE BENEFIT
AND I, THE DOUBT.
OLD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JUST LOOKING.
THE BOOK SAYS
THE SPIRIT
CAN INHABIT
ANY OBJECT,
ANIMATE OR INANIMATE.
WHAT'S IN HERE?
THIS IS JOLLY'S
REHEARSAL ROOM.
THERE HE IS.
THAT'S HIM.
[MUMBLING IN LATIN]
COME OUT,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
SHHH!
DON'T PROVOKE HIM.
LET'S GET OUT
OF HERE.
RUPERT.
GOOD LUCK.
WHY IS SHE SO ANXIOUS
TO TALK TO ME?
HE WANTS TO KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT.
EMILY...
THINGS THAT I THOUGHT
MIGHT INTEREST KAY.
WHAT SORT OF THINGS?
FOR INSTANCE,
IS THERE
GUILT AFTER DEATH?
CAN HE HAVE AFFAIRS
IN HIS NEW STATE?
I NEVER THOUGHT
TO ASK.
NOTHING'S CHANGED,
OBVIOUSLY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHEN HE WAS ALIVE,
YOU KIDDED YOURSELF.
NOW THAT HE'S DEAD,
FACE IT.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
HIS AFFAIRS.
AFFAIRS WITH WHO?
WHOM, DARLING.
AFFAIRS WITH WHOM.
ALL RIGHT, WHOM.
AFFAIRS WITH WHOM?
WITH ME, FOR ONE.
IT'S GOOD
FOR OPENERS.
WHAT?
YOU HAD AN AFFAIR
WITH HER?
IT...
YOU HAD AN AFFAIR
WITH MY BEST FRIEND?
EMILY, YOU HAD
AN AFFAIR
WITH
MY HUSBAND?
I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.
I WAS JUST A DROP
IN THE BUCKET.
YOU HAD A BUCKET
OF LOVERS?
THAT'S NOT A WORD
I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN.
WHAT DID YOU THINK
HE WAS DOING ON THE ROAD?
SHE'S EXAGGERATING.
REMEMBER
HOW HE CHOSE
ONE YOUNG DANCER
AND NURTURED HER CAREER?
IS THAT WHAT YOU DID?
EVERY SHOW?
NO.
WHAT SHOW WERE YOU IN,
OR WERE YOU PART
OF THE INTERMISSION?
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS,
AN INTERMISSION,
AND THEN BACK HOME
TO KAY.
WHO ELSE?
THIS IS HARDLY FAIR.
WHO ELSE?
I WANT TO KNOW.
YOU CAN START
ANY WAY YOU LIKE--
ALPHABETICALLY,
IN ORDER
OF APPEARANCE.
THERE WAS
JANINE.
SWEET LITTLE JANINE?
SHE WAS JUST A CHILD.
NO, SHE WASN'T.
SHE WASN'T
OLD ENOUGH
TO HAVE
A WORKING PERMIT.
I NEVER ASKED.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
KAY, STOP LYING
TO YOURSELF.
YOU KNEW ABOUT
HIS REPUTATION
BEFORE
YOU MARRIED HIM.
IT WENT AHEAD OF HIM
LIKE A PARADE.
PARADE?
DID YOU
HONESTLY THINK
MARRIAGE
WOULD CHANGE HIM?
YES, OF COURSE
I DID!
ALL RIGHT,
THERE WERE TIMES
WHEN I HAD
THIS FEELING INSIDE,
BUT I DIDN'T WANT
TO THINK ABOUT IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
WHO ELSE
DID YOU SLEEP WITH?
YOU'VE SLEPT WITH EVERYONE
YOU'VE HAD A MEAL WITH.
KAY.
MOTHER.
WHO ARE YOU
TALKING TO?
EMILY.
ME.
YOU SLEPT WITH EVERY MAN
YOU HAD A MEAL WITH?
WELL, NOT EVERY MAN.
NOT EVERY MEAL.
CERTAINLY NOT
BREAKFAST OR LUNCH.
JUST DINNERS.
AT RESTAURANTS.
YES.
I THINK WE SHOULD
BEGIN THE REHEARSAL.
GREAT IDEA.
GREAT IDEA.
BRIDESMAID, INDEED.
I HAVEN'T FINISHED
WITH YOU YET.
THAT'S FINE.
OK, I'M READY.
WHERE'S RUPERT?
I DON'T KNOW.
RUPERT!
HERE!
HERE I AM.
FINE. COMING DOWNSTAIRS
IS FINE,
BUT YOU WILL END UP
ON MY RIGHT
AND RUPERT ON MY LEFT.
THIS IS ONLY
A REHEARSAL.
WILL HE BE ASKING
"ARE THERE ANY OBJECTIONS?"
WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO STRAIGHTEN OUT
BEFORE WE GO
ANY FURTHER.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ME, TOO.
FALSE ALARM.
CHARLOTTE, COME AND HAVE
SOME CHAMPAGNE.
[SCRATCHING]
HELLO?
HELLO OUT THERE.
JOLLY?
I KNOW YOU'RE HERE.
HELLO? HELLO OUT THERE.
HELLO?
HELLO?
IS THAT YOU?
OF COURSE IT'S ME.
IT'S IN THE DOG.
COULD YOU
GET ME OUT OF HERE?
IS THIS YOUR USUAL FORM?
HEY, I'M STUCK IN HERE.
WHAT'S IT LIKE
WHERE YOU COME FROM?
WHERE I COME FROM?
THIS IS FASCINATING.
IS THERE MUCH PAIN
THERE?
NO, BUT IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE.
HOW ABOUT FIRE?
NO, NO. THERE'S NO FIRE.
EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE.
OH, THERE WERE
SOME SPARKS BEFORE,
BUT NO FIRE.
SPARKS?
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I'M HERE FOR THE WEDDING.
WILL YOU PUT
THAT THING DOWN?
YOU HAVE
THE ATTENTION SPAN
OF A VERY SMALL CHILD.
KAY, DARLING--
DON'T "KAY, DARLING" ME.
I'VE ALWAYS HATED IT.
EVERY TIME YOU'D DO
SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS,
YOU'D TURN TO ME
AND SAY "KAY, DARLING."
I HOPE WHAT EMILY SAID
UP THERE
DIDN'T CONFUSE YOU.
CONFUSE ME? WHY, NO.
I WAS CONFUSED
ON MY OWN.
WE DID HAVE
A GREAT LIFE TOGETHER.
YES, WE DID.
I'LL HAVE TO REMOVE YOU
WITH THE POWER
OF ALMIGHTY GOD.
I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU USE,
JUST GET ME THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.
[RUFF! RUFF!
RUFF!]
I GOT HIM!
HE'S DOWNSTAIRS.
HE'S IN HERE.
THE SPIRIT?
HE'S IN THE DOG.
THE DOG?
OF COURSE.
THAT'S WHY HE'S
HATED ME SO MUCH.
GOOD LUCK.
I'M LEAVING.
YOU'RE LEAVING?
[RUFF!]
DAMN IT!
NOW I'M THE BAD GUY.
YOU DON'T
LIKE THAT, HUH?
NO. LEADING MAN,
THAT'S MORE MY STYLE.
I'M CASTING THIS ONE.
YOU'VE SWITCHED ME
TO PLAYING THE HEAVY.
I HAVEN'T SWITCHED YOU
TO ANYTHING.
BUT FOR THREE YEARS,
I WAS THE HERO.
YES, YOU WERE
BECAUSE THAT'S
ALL I COULD SEE.
ALL I COULD
REMEMBER ABOUT YOU
WERE THE GOOD THINGS.
SUDDENLY YOU'VE
COME FACE TO FACE
WITH MY
SMALL WEAKNESSES.
SMALL WEAKNESSES?
YOU CALL BELONGING
TO THE AFFAIR
OF THE MONTH CLUB
A SMALL WEAKNESS?
YOU NOW SEE ME
AS THE GUY I REALLY WAS,
HARDLY PERFECT
AND SOMETIMES A STINKER,
BUT PRETTY MUCH
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
NO BLACK HAT,
NO WHITE HAT.
I WAS, UM...
JOLLY.
AH, JOLLY. RUPERT...
RUPERT IS RUPERT.
AND A WONDERFUL GUY?
YES, HE'S
A WONDERFUL GUY.
HE MAY NOT
BE ABLE TO DANCE...
POSSIBLY NEVER WILL.
BUT HE LOVES ME,
AND I LOVE HIM.
I WANT TO GET ON
WITH MY LIFE.
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.
THERE'S NO ROOM
IN MY LIFE FOR YOU.
RIGHT.
WHAT?
[RUFF! RUFF!]
COME BACK HERE,
YOU MISERABLE MUTT!
I SAID RIGHT.
THAT'S FINE WITH ME.
I'LL GO.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I DON'T TRUST THIS.
YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE
THAT'S WHY YOU CAME.
WHY?
TO HELP ME, TO MAKE ME
UNDERSTAND THINGS.
BE CAREFUL, KAY.
YOU'LL ACCUSE ME
OF DOING SOMETHING
UNSELFISH,
AND I DO HAVE
A REPUTATION
TO CONSIDER.
OH, JOLLY,
THAT WOULD BE JUST LIKE YOU,
TYPICAL!
TURN THIS INTO
A GRAND GESTURE.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE
YOU CAME HERE
TO HELP ME GET YOU
OFF MY MIND, RIGHT?
GOOD LUCK.
WAIT. YOU CAN'T GO.
I'M RIGHT, AREN'T I?
DARLING, HAVE
A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.
YOU DESERVE IT.
I DO?
KISS ME GOODBYE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
KAY, ARE YOU
IN THERE?
JOLLY.
[RUFF! RUFF!]
MOTHER.
OH, MOTHER!
WHAT?
I'M SO HAPPY.
WHERE'S RUPERT?
I SAW HIM CHASING
THE DOG UPSTAIRS.
EMILY.
EVERYTHING'S
ALL FIXED UP.
GET EVERYONE READY
FOR THE REHEARSAL.
OK, PAL, OK.
MAYBE I CAN'T DANCE
LIKE YOU,
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
THE MARKET ON PASSION
CORNERED.
I HAPPEN TO
LOVE THAT WOMAN.
I'M MARRYING HER
TOMORROW
BECAUSE I LOVE HER!
FURTHERMORE, I WANT YOU
OUT OF OUR LIVES.
I WANT YOU OUT
BECAUSE I'M SICK
OF YOUR INNUENDO
AND YOUR MEDDLING
IN OUR AFFAIRS...
EVEN IF YOU DID
LOVE HER.
NOW, I'M GOING
TO MARRY HER,
AND I DON'T
WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD
FROM YOU.
YOU GOT THAT?
AAH!
ADVANCE AND BEGONE!
Charlotte: IT'S EDGAR.
I'LL KILL HIM.
SOMETHING'S WRONG.
EMILY?
WATCH OUT!
YOU SEE THAT?
I SAW IT!
YOU HEARD
WHAT I SAID?
I HEARD IT.
RUPERT, I HAVE
SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
JOLLY--HE'S GONE.
JOLLY'S GONE?
FOREVER.
RUPERT...I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU,
TOO.
LET'S GET ON
WITH THE REHEARSAL.
I DON'T WANT THE REHEARSAL.
I WANT TO GET MARRIED.
RIGHT NOW?
RIGHT NOW. CAN YOU?
WELL, I SUPPOSE.
WHAT ABOUT
THE GUESTS?
WE'LL GO THROUGH IT
AGAIN TOMORROW.
THAT'S VERY
IRRESPONSIBLE.
LOOSEN UP!
IT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA.
WELL, GET ON
DOWN HERE.
HOO-HOO!
I'M COMING!
OHH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
RUPERT. RUPERT.
CALL A DOCTOR!
GET SOME WATER.
PERRIER.
CHARLOTTE.
CHARLOTTE, I FIXED IT!
I'M NOT TALKING
TO YOU.
THE KID
BEEN DRINKING?
HI.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE.
NEVER FELT BETTER.
OH, RUPERT.
WHAT'S EVERYONE
STARING AT?
LET'S GET THE SHOW
ON THE ROAD.
MOM, HOW ABOUT
SOME CHAMPAGNE?
I'D LOVE IT.
[TAP-DANCING]
KAY!
♪ YOU'LL GO AWAY ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE ALL DAY ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER STAY ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ JUST ME FOR YOU ♪
♪ OUR WHOLE LIFE THROUGH ♪
♪ IT WON'T COME TRUE ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SUCH A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SO KISS ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SORRY
THAT IT WENT SO FAST ♪
♪ THE FUTURE
HAS BECOME OUR PAST ♪
♪ TOO GOOD,
WE COULDN'T LAST... ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
20th CENTURY FOX
HOME ENTERTAINMENT
♪ AND NOW WE SEE ♪
♪ WITH YOU AND ME ♪
♪ ONE'S GOTTA LET GO ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ OH, BABY,
SUCH A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SO KISS ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SORRY
THAT IT WENT SO FAST ♪
♪ THE FUTURE
HAS BECOME OUR PAST ♪
♪ TOO GOOD,
WE COULDN'T LAST ♪
♪ MMM MM MMM ♪
♪ RIGHT NOW WE SEE
WITH YOU AND ME ♪
♪ ONE'S GOT TO LET GO ♪
♪ AND LET THE OTHER
GO FREE ♪
♪ OH, THE LOVE WE STILL FEEL ♪
♪ ONLY PROVES IT WAS REAL ♪
♪ IT WAS A REAL ♪
♪ NICE ♪
♪ DREAM ♪
20th CENTURY FOX
HOME ENTERTAINMENT
♪ YOU'LL GO AWAY ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE ALL DAY ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER STAY ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ JUST ME FOR YOU ♪
♪ OUR WHOLE LIFE THROUGH ♪
♪ WON'T COME TRUE ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SUCH A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SO KISS ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SORRY
THAT IT WENT SO FAST ♪
♪ THE FUTURE
HAS BECOME OUR PAST ♪
♪ TOO GOOD,
WE COULD NOT LAST ♪
♪ MMM MM MMM ♪
♪ AND NOW WE SEE,
WITH YOU AND ME ♪
♪ ONE'S GOT TO LET GO ♪
[RUFF!]
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ BABY,
SUCH A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SO KISS ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SORRY
THAT IT WENT SO FAST ♪
♪ THE FUTURE
HAS BECOME OUR PAST ♪
♪ TOO GOOD,
WE COULDN'T LAST ♪
♪ MMM MMM ♪
♪ AND NOW WE SEE,
WITH YOU AND ME ♪
♪ ONE'S GOT TO LET GO ♪
♪ AND LET THE OTHER
GO FREE ♪
♪ THAT WE STILL FEEL ♪
♪ ONLY PROVES IT WAS REAL ♪
♪ IT WAS A REAL ♪
♪ NICE ♪
♪ DREAM ♪
[DOOR OPENS]
KAY, WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M IN HERE!
HONESTLY, KAY,
IF I LIVE TO BE 100,
I'LL NEVER
GET USED TO
YOUR 365-DEGREE
TURNS!
OH, THANKS
FOR COMING, MOTHER.
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO
OPEN THIS PLACE AGAIN?
POSITIVE.
IT'S BEEN
FIVE YEARS.
THREEYEARS!
WHATEVER, IT'S
A BIG DECISION.
IT COULD BE
QUITE A SHOCK.
IT'S JUST
A HOUSE, MOTHER!
IT'S MORE THAN THAT!
IT'S A PART
OF YOUR LIFE!
THAT PART
IS OVER WITH.
YOU SUDDENLY DECIDE
AFTER
THIS WHAT'S-HIS-NAME
HAS BEEN CHASING YOU
FOR TWO YEARS
TO MARRY
THAT GRAVEDIGGER.
WHAT'S-HIS-NAME IS RUPERT!
HE'S AN EGYPTOLOGIST!
I DON'T CARE
WHAT HE SAYS HE IS.
HE LOOKS IN THE GROUND
FOR DEAD PEOPLE.
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
BE CAREFUL WITH THIS!
WORK'S PRICELESS!
WATCH
THAT CORNER.
DOING FINE.
I DO NOT
BELIEVE THIS.
STUFF'S BEEN IN EGYPT
FOR 4,000 YEARS,
IT ARRIVES THE WEEK
I'M SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED.
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN
PLANNED BETTER.
ARE YOU NERVOUS?
SURE I AM.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT
OF GETTING MARRIED,
TO BE NERVOUS.
I'M ALSO
VERY EXCITED, THOUGH.
IN MY OFFICE.
AND THIS ONE, TOO, PLEASE.
YOU GOT IT.
ASK ME, YOU'RE MAKING
A BIG MISTAKE.
MARRIAGE IS THE PITS.
YOU WERE A PRIEST.
IS THAT WHAT YOU
TOLD PEOPLE?
NO, THAT'S WHAT
THEY USED TO TELL ME.
KAY AND I
ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE.
WE'RE TWO INTELLIGENT,
COMPATIBLE ADULTS,
WE LIKE
THE SAME THINGS--
LIKING THE SAME THINGS
DOESN'T MATTER.
WHAT MATTERS IS SPENDING
MONEY ON THE SAME THINGS.
YOU PROBABLY WERE
A CYNICAL PRIEST.
I GOT TO MEET KAY.
THIS HOUSE, THIS MARRIAGE--
I HOPE IT WON'T
END UP LIKE THOSE TURTLES.
WHAT TURTLES?
THOSE TURTLES
YOU'D ALWAYS CONVINCE
YOUR FATHER TO BUY YOU.
THAT SAME IMPULSE
IS AT WORK.
BUT WHO ENDED UP
FEEDING THEM
THOSE SMELLY OLD FLIES?
YOU DID.
YES. YOU LOST
INTEREST RIGHT AWAY.
YOU WON'T
FEED MY HUSBAND
SMELLY OLD FLIES.
I SHOULD HOPE NOT.
AS HIS WIFE,
THAT'LL BE YOUR JOB.
I'VE BEEN IN LIMBO
THREE YEARS,
SINCE JOLLY DIED.
I JUST WANT TO START
TO LIVE AGAIN.
I KNOW, DARLING,
BUT WHY IN THIS HOUSE?
BECAUSE IT'S MY HOUSE
AND I LOVE IT!
WHAT DOES RUPERT
SAY TO THAT?
I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.
WHAT?
I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET,
BUT I WILL.
I'M SURE WE'LL BOTH
LIVE HERE VERY HAPPILY.
I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, DEAR.
YOU KNOW THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT,
AS YOUR MOTHER,
I FEEL IT'S MY DUTY
TO POINT OUT
ALL THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS
OF THE SITUATION.
THANKS, MOTHER.
[WIND CHIMES]
[VOICES]
NICE TRY.
EMILY, HAVE YOU
SEEN JOLLY?
HE GOT A CAB
RIGHT BEHIND MINE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HELLO? ANYBODY HOME?
EMILY?
[KNOCK KNOCK]
HELLO? HELLO?
EMILY! AHH!
HI.
HELLO.
THANKS FOR COMING.
I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY.
THE MAGAZINE
CAN LIVE WITHOUT ME
AN AFTERNOON.
I BROUGHT
THE PROOFS
OF YOUR
CHELSEA ARTICLE.
DID YOU LIKE IT?
YES.
GOOD.
I LOVE THIS PLACE.
I'D FORGOTTEN
HOW ELEGANT IT WAS.
HOW ELEGANT IT IS.
IS.
HI, EMILY.
CHARLOTTE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE
SHE'S DOING THIS?
OH, THE DUST!
SOOT. COUNTRY HAS DUST,
NEW YORK HAS SOOT.
BRINGS BACK
SUCH MEMORIES.
THIS ELEGANT ROOM!
OH, THIS WINDOW!
[WHIMPERING]
IT LOOKS RIGHT
INTO THE GARDEN.
SHAKESPEARE, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
[RUFF!]
THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
I'D LIKE TO START BY THANKING
HAL PRINCE AND STEPHEN SONDHEIM
FOR NOT PRODUCING A PLAY
ON BROADWAY THIS YEAR
AND, OF COURSE,
THE IMPLACABLE JENNY,
STAGE MANAGERESS WITHOUT PEER.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING HOLDING MY HAND,
TELLING ME
MY ZIPPER WAS OPEN.
FINALLY, THE ONE PERSON
WITHOUT WHOM I COULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN THROUGH ANY OF IT,
MY DARLING KAY,
THE NIGHT IS YOURS,
AND I LOVE YOU.
WAS THIS ALWAYS HERE?
WHAT?
THIS WALL,
WAS IT ALWAYS HERE?
YES, MOTHER,
IT WAS ALWAYS THERE.
WELL, I DON'T
REMEMBER IT.
IT WAS ALWAYS
KIND OF FLAT LIKE THAT
AND HELD THE BUILDING UP.
IT'S GOING TO TAKE
SOME KIND OF WORK
TO MAKE THIS PLACE
WHAT IT WAS.
NO. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE
WHAT IT WAS.
I'M GOING TO CHANGE
EVERYTHING, TOP TO BOTTOM--
NEW WALLPAPER,
NEW FURNITURE--EVERYTHING!
KAY?
WHAT?
ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE. I JUST HAVE TO
GET MY BEARINGS.
COME ON, SHAKESPEARE.
IT'S GREAT THAT SHE'S
DECIDED TO FACE THIS PLACE,
TO START
DOING THINGS AGAIN.
BUT WHY NOT START
WITH A SIMPLER HOBBY,
LIKE NEEDLEPOINT
OR--OR ANALYSIS?
JOLLY...
[TAP-DANCING]
[WIND CHIMES]
IS RUPERT HERE YET?
NO, NOT YET!
HE SAID HE'D BE HERE
AT 4:00.
HE'S PLAYING WITH
THOSE DEAD ARABS.
MOTHER, THAT'S HIS JOB.
PLEASE TRY TO BE
TOLERANT OF HIM.
AH, HE'S SUCH A NERD.
HE'S NOT A NERD.
WHERE DID YOU
LEARN THAT WORD?
IT CAME OUT WHEN I MET HIM,
JUST LIKE THAT.
I LIKE RUPERT.
YOUMARRY HIM.
RUPERT IS A FINE MAN.
WE'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED.
WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE FOUND
ANOTHER MAN LIKE JOLLY?
MOTHER, PLEASE
DON'T START THIS AGAIN!
HE WAS SO HANDSOME
AND--AND CHARMING AND--
DEAD.
AND HE LOVED THIS HOUSE.
HE DID NOT, MOTHER.
HE HARDLY NOTICED IT.
HOME TO JOLLY WAS
ROOM SERVICE IN ANY HOTEL
IN ANY TOWN
WITH A THEATER.
CHARLOTTE, DO YOU THINK
WE MIGHT SCRAPE TOGETHER
A CUP OF INSTANT COFFEE?
WHY NOT?
I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY LUNCH TODAY.
I MEAN, EVEN
A STALE TEA BAG...
[VOICES]
OH, MY GOD!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
KAY! KAY!
[KNOCK KNOCK]
RUPERT!
RUPERT, YOU'RE LATE.
I KNOW. I'M SORRY.
MMM!
YOU OK?
OH, SURE.
GOOD.
SO...
[GRRR! RUFF!]
WHY DOES HE HATE ME?
HE DOESN'T.
HE LIKES YOU!
YEAH. I CAN TELL.
HE'S WAGGING HIS FANGS.
HONEY...
SO THIS IS THE PLACE?
OH, IT'S JUST YOU.
JUST ME.
LOVELY HAT.
ARE BATTERIES INCLUDED, UH...
HA HA HA!
RUPERT!
HEY, EMILY.
THIS PLACE IS FABULOUS!
DO YOU LIKE IT?
AH, WHO WOULDN'T?
[GRRR!]
LOOK AT THIS BANISTER!
WHAT?
THAT'S SANTIAGO MAHOGANY,
IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND TODAY.
CAN I GO UPSTAIRS?
[GRRR! RUFF!]
THIS MOLDING
IS INCREDIBLE!
DID YOU TELL HIM?
I WILL!
GOD, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT IT WOULD COST
TO BUILD A PLACE
LIKE THIS TODAY?
DO YOU LIKE IT?
LIKE IT?
I LOVEIT!
I LOVE IT ALMOST AS MUCH
AS I LOVE YOU.
OH! OH!
RUPERT, LET'S GET
MARRIED HERE.
WH--HERE IN THE HOUSE?
WHY NOT?
IT'S OUR HOUSE.
ANOTHER SNAP
DECISION.
I THINK IT'S
A FABULOUS IDEA.
[WHISTLE]
WHAT ABOUT THE CLUB?
CANCEL.
CAN'T. THEY WENT TO
ALL THIS TROUBLE
FITTING US IN
ON SHORT NOTICE.
IT WOULD BE
A BEAUTIFUL PLACE
FOR A WEDDING.
ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I THINK
IT'S IRRESPONSIBLE.
LOOSEN UP!
PLEASE.
DO IT, RUPERT.
[MOUTHS WORDS]
WELL, OK.
WHY NOT? I GUESS.
OH! OH!
THEN IT'S ALL SETTLED.
I DON'T HAVE MY ADDRESS BOOK,
AND I NEED A TELEPHONE.
I'LL NEED SOMETHING
DIFFERENT TO WEAR
IF IT'S GOING TO
BE HERE.
MMM...YOU HAPPY?
YES, I'M HAPPY.
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER'S
GUEST LIST.
WELL, I SEE, IN DEFERENCE
TO LIMITED SPACE,
SHE'S AGREED TO LEAVE OUT
THE THIRD-WORLD NATIONS.
WELL, MY MOTHER IS
A LITTLE EXCITED.
IT'S MY FIRST
WEDDING, REMEMBER?
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU AND, UH...
JOLLY.
YOU AND JOLLY ELOPED.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I HAVEN'T BEEN
IN THIS PLACE IN YEARS.
IT'S GOOD
TO HAVE YOU ALONE.
I--
HONEY, I--
GO AHEAD.
NO, YOU.
I JUST, UH...
WELL, I WANTED TO
TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING. UH--
ME, TOO.
WELL, GO AHEAD.
I HAVE A QUESTION
TO ASK.
KAY? KAY VILLANO!
MICHAEL! MICHAEL! OH!
LOOK AT YOU!
LOOK AT YOU!
OH, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL!
YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I JUST GOT
THE NEW PRINCE SHOW.
THAT'S FABULOUS!
I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!
MMM!
I'LL CALL YOU
WHEN I GET BACK.
WE'LL HAVE LUNCH.
OK. YES.
SCUSA! CIAO!
BYE.
THAT GUY...
HA HA HA!
WHO'S THAT?
MICHAEL MENSINGER,
FABULOUS DANCER.
YOU'LL JUST LOVE HIM.
NO DOUBT.
ANYWAY,
I WAS SAYING BEFORE, UH...
THAT I'M JUST
A LITTLE--LITTLE SCARED--
OH, RUPERT.
NO, NO.
ABOUT, UH--
KAY? IS THAT
YOU, HONEY?
OH! KAY!
MARK! MARK!
OH, GOSH!
KAY, OH! MMM!
HOW ARE YOU?
IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS!
OLD FRIENDS.
YOU LOOK BETTER
THAN EVER.
THANK YOU.
LET'S SNEAK OUT
AND FIND A QUIET
RESTAURANT.
AHEM! SHE'S ENGAGED.
WELL,
WE'LL FIND OURSELVES
A LOUD RESTAURANT.
YOU COME, TOO.
AHH...
UM, KAY, I GOT
A SHOW TO DO.
OH. BYE.
BYE. MMM...
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
BYE.
MARK LEWIS,
JUST A WONDERFUL DANCER.
YEAH? DON'T YOU KNOW
ANY BAD DANCERS?
BESIDES ME, I MEAN.
HONEY,
ARE YOU JEALOUS?
JEALOUS, WHY? JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE STANDING UP
IN A RESTAURANT
MAKING OUT WITH STRANGERS?
DON'T BE SILLY!
THEY'RE
NOT STRANGERS.
WELL,
THEY ARE TO ME.
YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
HA HA HA!
MMM. THANKS.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
WHAT?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
MOVE INTO THE HOUSE?
AHEM! THAT HOUSE?
YES, THAT HOUSE.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU SAID
YOU LIKED IT.
I KNOW, BUT I WAS--
KAY!
KAY!
ROSCOE AND ROLAND,
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
GEE! OH!
I SUPPOSE
YOU'RE A DANCER, TOO?
NO, I'M JUST EFFEMINATE.
THANK YOU.
GIVE ME A HUG!
ONE FROM YOU
AND YOU!
OH, GEE!
I LOVE SCALLOPS!
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY.
YOU LOOK
TERRIFIC!
THANK YOU.
WE JUST GOT OFF THE ROAD--
SOPHISTICATED LADIES.
NEW ACT TOGETHER.
COME SEE IT.
"ROSCOE AND ROLAND."
ROSCOE AND ROLAND.
I WOULDN'T MISS IT!
WE'LL LOOK FOR YOU.
BYE.
WOULD ANYONE ELSE
LIKE TO MAKE OUT
WITH MY FIANCEÉE?
RUPERT, RUPERT,
RUPERT!
LAST CALL!
SIT DOWN AND
EAT YOUR SCALLOPS.
KAY, WHY DIDN'T YOU
INTRODUCE ME TO
ANY OF THEM? HMM?
I WANTED TO.
THEY JUST ALL
WENT BY SO FAST.
OH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THE HOUSE?
THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I MEAN.
PART OF YOUR LIFE
I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, KAY.
I KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT YOURS.
BUT IT'S BORING.
IT DOESN'T SCARE YOU.
I THINK,
IN A HEALTHY MARRIAGE,
FEAR SHOULD BE EQUAL.
YOU DON'T WANT TO
MOVE INTO THE HOUSE.
WELL, DO YOU?
YES, I DO!
YOU COULD HAVE
THE THIRD FLOOR
AND REHEARSAL HALL
FOR YOUR RESEARCH.
I COULD HAVE
THE SECOND FLOOR
AND STUDY
FOR A WORK AREA,
AND I COULD WRITE
MORE ARTICLES
FOR
EMILY'S MAGAZINE.
IT'LL BE FIXED
TOP TO BOTTOM.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL--
YOU'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THIS?
YES, I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT THIS.
AND YOU REALLY
HAVE YOUR HEART SET ON IT?
YES, I DO.
I REALLY DO.
OK. FINE.
OH, I LOVE YOU.
IT'S FINE.
JUST DOWN ONE MORE STEP.
STEP BEHIND YOU.
OK.
COME ON, SHAKESPEARE.
COME ON. WAIT.
LET ME GET OUT OF THE WAY.
COME ON.
THAT'S A BOY.
KAY! KAY!
YOUR MOTHER
IS DRIVING ME
MAD, KAY.
PRETEND SHE'S YOUR
OWN MOTHER AND IGNORE HER.
YOU'RE DOING
A WONDERFUL JOB, BILLY.
COULD YOU PUT THE DOG
IN THE KITCHEN, PLEASE?
THERE YOU GO.
THANKS A LOT.
WHOOPS! WAIT A SECOND.
OK. THERE YOU GO. OK.
KAY!
HELLO, MOTHER.
I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE!
YES, BUT--
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON.
YOU GOT IT?
LET'S GO!
OK.
EXCUSE ME.
SORRY.
UH...
YOU GOT IT?
I GOT IT.
OK. LET'S GO.
MOVE, WILL YOU?
WHEW!
[SNAP]
[TAP-DANCING]
[TAP-DANCING]
HI, SHAKESPEARE.
[TAP-DANCING]
AHH...
AHH! AH AH!
HA HA HA!
IT'S AN ILLUSION, BOY,
IT'S JUST AN ILLUSION.
EMILY WARNED ME.
SHE SAID TO ME--
SHE SAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
SHE SAID, IF I MOVED BACK
IN THE HOUSE,
CERTAIN MEMORIES
WOULD COME BACK.
IF I FACE THEM...
IF I FACE THEM...
IT WILL GO AWAY.
I WILL OPEN MY EYES NOW,
AND THIS PARTICULAR ILLUSION
WILL BE GONE.
WHOO...WHOO...HA HA!
EH? NOT BAD
FOR A DEAD MAN.
WELL, AREN'T YOU
GOING TO SAY HELLO?
YOU'RE NOT HERE.
YES, I AM.
NO. YOU'RE DEAD.
WELL, I CAN'T
ARGUE WITH THAT.
YOU'RE NOT HERE.
HE'S NOT HERE.
YOU'RE DEAD BECAUSE
I'VE BEEN A WIDOW THREE YEARS.
EVERYBODY SAW
YOUR BODY DOWNSTAIRS!
EVERYBODY SAW IT!
WAS THAT PROFILE
OR FULL-FACE?
OH, I SHOULD HAVE
LISTENED TO MY MOTHER!
I SHOULDN'T HAVE
RUSHED INTO THIS!
I'M HERE TWO DAYS,
AND I'M INSANE!
ALL RIGHT, NOW.
JUST--JUST CALM
DOWN, OK?
OK.
OK?
OK.
IT'S NOT SO
COMPLICATED.
OH, IT'S REALLY
VERY SIMPLE.
LET ME EXPLAIN.
PLEASE DO. FAST.
I'M, UH, I'M WHAT
YOU MIGHT CALL A, UH...
A GHOST.
OH.
WELL, THAT...CLEARS
IT ALL...UP.
LISTEN, CALM DOWN.
TALKING TO MY DEAD HUSBAND
HAPPENS TO UPSET ME!
YOU ALWAYS
GOT MAD LIKE THIS.
I HARDLY EVER
GOT MAD!
HOW ABOUT THE CAR?
HE BRINGS UP THE CAR.
THEN YOU THROW
SOMETHING AT ME.
I'M GONNA THROW
THIS BOOK AT YOU. OH!
JOLLY?
THAT'S ME.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I LIVE HERE.
OH.
YOU?
WE'RE MOVING
BACK IN.
WE?
MY FIANCEÉ AND I.
OH. TERRIFIC.
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
WE CAN PROBABLY
SHARE UTILITIES.
I WILL INSIST ON
MY OWN PHONE, THOUGH.
DO SOMETHING.
EXCUSE ME?
MAKE A LAMP MOVE
OR SOMETHING DISAPPEAR.
OH, NO.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
NO CHEAP TRICKS,
CONJURE A RABBIT,
STUFF LIKE THAT.
I'M A MENTAL IMAGE,
NOT A PHYSICAL ONE. SEE?
Oh, I see, I see.
Jolly...
Yeah?
Whaa...
Whaa?
What are you
doing here?
I DIED HERE.
Ohh. And your spirit
is trying to get out.
WITH NEW YORK RENTS?
YOU MUST BE MAD.
OH, JOLLY!
HOW LONG ARE YOU
PLANNING ON STAYING?
HERE?
I MEAN, ARE YOU
GOING TO--I MEAN...
OH, YOU MEAN
THE WEEKEND.
THE WEDDING.
I WOULDN'T
MISS THAT
FOR THE WORLD,
DARLING.
OH, GOOD.
YOU LOOK SENSATIONAL.
THANKS.
SO DO YOU.
YEAH?
KAY? ARE YOU HERE?
OH, MY GOD.
OH, YOU'VE GOT TO
BE QUIET. SHH.
WE'VE GOT TO
HIDE YOU.
SIT IN THE CHAIR!
SIT IN THE CHAIR!
BUT, LISTEN, KAY--
SHH! SHH!
KAY, I HAVE A FEELING
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
THERE YOU ARE.
HELLO, MOTHER.
EVERYTHING HERE GOES--
ALL THIS FURNITURE.
RIGHT.
THE NEW TABLES
GO AGAINST THE WALL HERE?
YES. SO TAKE IT
ALL OUT.
RIGHT. EVERYTHING GOES.
EXCEPT THAT CHAIR.
YOU'RE KEEPING
THATCHAIR?
THAT RATTY
OLD CHAIR?
YES, I AM.
DON'T BE SILLY, KAY.
LOOK, TAKE IT AWAY.
DON'T...
TOUCH...
THAT...
CHAIR!
REALLY, KAY.
IT HAS GREAT
SENTIMENTAL VALUE.
IT DOES?
WHAT SENTIMENTAL VALUE?
WHAT SENTIMENTAL VALUE
DOES IT HAVE?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
SENTIMENTAL VALUE IT HAS.
MY FIANCEÉ...
WAS BORN IN IT.
WHAT?
RUPERT? MY FIANCEÉ?
HE WAS BORN
IN THAT CHAIR.
HOW STRANGE.
RUPERT NEVER LIVED
IN THIS HOUSE.
WELL, OF COURSE
HE DIDN'T.
I KNOW THAT.
IT COMES FROM
HIS MOTHER'S HOUSE.
HE WAS BORN
VERY NEAR HERE.
OH, YES, IT'S A LOVELY
FAMILY TRADITION.
THEY WERE ALL
BORN IN CHAIRS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
HIS MOTHER
SITTING THERE,
KNITTING, LISTENING
TO THE RADIO,
AND PRESTO!
OUT POPPED
MY FIANCEÉ.
WELL, OF COURSE,
HE WAS MUCH
YOUNGER THEN.
SHAKESPEARE, NO!
NO, NO, NO!
SHAKESPEARE,
NO! NO!
OH, GOD! OH, GOD!
OH, GOD! MOTHER.
THERE YOU ARE.
THERE YOU ARE.
THAT'S MY FIRST
HUSBAND.
YES, THERE HE IS,
GOD BLESS HIM.
HE DIED
THREE YEARS AGO.
YOU THINK
HE'S CHANGED?
CHANGED? NO.
SAY SOMETHING
TO HIM.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
GO AHEAD, SAY
SOMETHING TO HIM.
HE TALKS.
HE, UM, HE TALKS?
OH, YES, MOTHER,
HE TALKS.
SO YOU MIGHT
AS WELL
SAY SOMETHING
TO HIM.
HELLO.
HOW DO YOU DO?
STUPID, YOU GOT
BRAIN DAMAGE
OR SOMETHING?
YOU'RE TALKING
TO A PICTURE.
NO, NO, NO! NOT HIM.
HIM.
WHO?
THEY CAN'T SEE
OR HEAR ME.
OH.
HE DIDN'T
SAY NOTHIN'.
HA HA HA!
WELL, OF COURSE NOT,
YOU BIG SILLY.
IT'S JUST
A PICTURE.
CAN'T YOU TAKE
A JOKE?
EVERYTHING OUT!
THE CHAIR, TOO?
THE CHAIR,
TOO.
LADY,
ARE YOU SURE?
I'M SURE.
WHAT ABOUT ITS
SENTIMENTAL VALUE?
OH, MOTHER.
JUST BECAUSE
SOMEONE IS BORN
IN A CHAIR.
BIG DEAL.
I BET SOMEONE
WAS BORN IN ALL
THESE CHAIRS.
GOOD NIGHT, SWEETHEART.
MUSH! MUSH!
DARLING,
YOU'D BETTER LIE DOWN.
THAT'S
A GOOD IDEA.
BILLY, I'M CONVINCED
THEY'VE HUNG
THE PAPER UPSIDE-DOWN.
I'LL LEAVE YOU
AT THE MUSEUM.
YOU CAN TALK TO
ALL THE PICTURES
YOU WANT.
READY, DEAR?
LET'S GO.
I'M STARVING.
I'LL MEET YOU
AT THE RESTAURANT LATER.
I'D LIKE TO FINISH
A FEW THINGS HERE.
OK. SEE YOU THERE.
DON'T BE TOO LONG.
I WON'T.
HELLO. YOU'VE
REACHED THE HOME
OF KAY
AND JOLLY VILLANO.
AS YOU PROBABLY CAN TELL,
WE'RE NOT AT HOME.
JOLLY.
JOLLY?
JOLLY?
IF YOU AREHERE,
AND I WASN'T DREAMING
BEFORE,
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
THIS ISN'T GOOD.
IT'S NOT RIGHT FOR YOU
TO COME BACK NOW.
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.
THERE ISN'T ROOM FOR YOU.
WHAT WE HAD WAS NICE.
IT WAS WONDERFUL.
BUT I'M GETTING MARRIED,
AND THINGS
JUST AREN'T THE SAME.
I DON'T NEED YOU
ANYMORE, JOLLY.
I DON'T BELIEVE
I'M DOING THIS.
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
SHAKESPEARE, COME ON!
VEGETABLES,
VEGETABLES,
VEGETABLES--
FRESH AND RAW,
AND LOTS OF THEM.
THAT'S THE KEY.
JOLLY
CONVINCED ME
TO BECOME
A VEGETARIAN.
EXCELLENT MEAL
AS ALWAYS, KAY.
I SAW WHAT VEGETARIANISM
DID FOR JOLLY.
WHAT A VIRILE MAN.
JOLLY, JOLLY, JOLLY.
THIS FELLOW HERE
SEEMS PRETTY
ROCK-HARD TO ME.
UH, HONEY,
IS THAT CENTERED NOW?
YES, DEAR.
JOLLY WAS
SO CLEVER.
HE USED TO
HAVE A MAXIM
ABOUT EATING.
I MEAN,
HE USED TO SAY,
"I NEVER
EAT ANYTHING
WITH A FACE."
THAT'S RIGHT!
AS I REMEMBER,
HE WAS CLEVER,
ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS A WONDERFUL
HOUSE FOR A WEDDING.
I HAVE A MAXIM, TOO.
LET'S HEAR YOURS.
I NEVER EAT ANYTHING
THAT SPOKE FRENCH.
I DON'T CARE HOW LONG
A HOSTESS SLAVED
OVER A HOT STOVE,
IF IT SPOKE FRENCH,
I WON'T TOUCH IT.
HA HA. OH, RUPERT.
IS IT STRAIGHT NOW?
YES, DEAR.
EDGAR'S MY FIFTH
HUSBAND.
AND I MARRIED HER
TO THREE OF THEM.
HE MADE
HIS FORTUNE
IN CONSTRUCTION.
I LIKE TO DO THINGS MYSELF.
STILL THE BEST WAY.
WHAT DID I DO
WITH THE NAIL?
[TAP-DANCING]
OH, NO.
OH, NO!
OH, NO, NO!
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THERE'S SPOTS
ON THESE GLASSES.
I THINK YOU'RE WATCHING
TOO MUCH TV, KAY.
THANK YOU, HONEY.
JOLLY'S LAST SHOW
IS STILL RUNNING ON BROADWAY.
IT'S THE NINTH
LONGEST-RUNNING SHOW IN HISTORY.
OH, YOU'RE JUST
SAYING THAT TO BORE US.
I WASN'T DREAMING.
IT'S THE REAL THING.
JOLLY...
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
THINKING?
YEAH. YOU CAN'T
STAY HERE!
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE...
BECAUSE.
NO REASON AT ALL.
BECAUSE I'M GETTING MARRIED
NEXT SATURDAY!
WE'LL HAVE
A MEÉNAGE AÀ TROIS.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I LOVE YOU.
DON'T SAY THAT!
WHAT?
DON'T SAY,
"I LOVE YOU."
WHY NOT?
DON'T SAY,
"I LOVE YOU"
WITH DIRTY DISHES
IN YOUR HANDS.
IT TAKES ALL THE ROMANCE
OUT OF IT.
PUT THE DISHES DOWN FIRST...
AND NOW SAY IT.
I LOVE YOU.
SEE HOW MUCH BETTER
THAT WAS?
THIS IS GOING TO
BE LAUGHS.
YOUR MOTHER KEEPS TALKING
ABOUT YOUR DEAD HUSBAND.
SHE WAS FOND OF HIM.
YES, AND SHE HAD
WONDERFUL TASTE.
"JOLLY." HOW COULD
A GROWN MAN WALK AROUND
WITH A NAME SOUNDING LIKE
A BREAKFAST CEREAL?
HA HA.
YES, HE HAS
A CERTAIN CHARM.
HE CERTAINLY DOES.
BUT, UM,
HE'S NOT FOR YOU.
NO?
THEN WHO IS?
ME.
HANDSOME,
CHARMING,
DEBONAIR.
AND DEAD?
YOU WERE ALWAYS ONE
TO PICK OUT
THOSE LITTLE
IMPERFECTIONS
IN EVERYTHING.
BUT I STILL LOVE YOU.
I TOLD YOU
NOT TO SAY THAT.
DOES, UH, HE SAY THAT?
WHO?
OH, OF COURSE!
OF COURSE HE DOES.
ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, UH,
LIKE I SAY IT?
WELL...
NO.
NO, NOT REALLY.
YOU SAID IT
REAL GOOD SOMETIMES.
JOLLY.
OH, GOD. GO AWAY.
RUPERT, DARLING,
LET'S START DISCUSSING PLANS
FOR THE BIG EVENT.
VERY GOOD IDEA.
YOU'VE BECOME
VERY EFFICIENT,
MY LOVE.
I'D LIKE TO GET
THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU DON'T
THINK IT'S STRAIGHT?
NO, NOT YOU,
THE WEDDING.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S NOT STRAIGHT.
IT'S NOT EVERY DAY
THAT YOU GET MARRIED,
ALTHOUGH IN YOUR CASE,
YOU COME VERY CLOSE.
KAY AND JOLLY
ELOPED.
I THINK
THAT WAS SMART.
YEAH, SO DO I.
IT WAS FUN.
WHERE WAS IT?
YES, TELL US
ALL ABOUT IT.
Kay:
ATLANTIC CITY.
TELL THEM
ABOUT THE CHAPEL.
PLEASE, TELL THEM.
ALL RIGHT. WE WENT TO
THE TACKIEST LITTLE
WEDDING CHAPEL.
THE MINISTER'S WIFE
KEPT BURPING
THROUGHOUT
THE WHOLE CEREMONY.
DON'T FORGET ABOUT
THE MIDGET BELLBOY
AT THE HOTEL.
YOU'VE HEARD THIS
BEFORE?
YES, BUT
THE 12th TIME
IS THE FUNNIEST.
THERE WAS THIS MIDGET--
WELL, THIS VERY SHORT BELLHOP,
AND HE SPENT
THE ENTIRE TIME
LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM.
OH, THAT JOLLY.
HE WAS SO MUCH FUN.
YEAH, I WAS.
YES, YOU WERE--HE WAS.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF THIS.
I'M SO GOD DAMN
SICK OF THIS JERK,
AND I'VE NEVER EVEN
MET HIM!
HE WASN'T BORN
IN A CHAIR.
LOOK, I'M ALIVE.
HE'S DEAD AND GONE.
DEAD BUT NOT GONE.
NO, HE'S NOT GONE.
BUT I'LL GET RID OF HIM.
RUPERT, DARLING,
WE WERE JUST TALKING.
I WON'T BE
DEFEATED BY A GHOST.
IF HE WERE HERE,
I WOULD CONFRONT HIM.
HE'D PUNCH YOU
IN THE NOSE.
YOU TELL HIM.
IS THAT STRAIGHT?
NO!
NO!
KAY, I HAVE
ONE QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHAT?
AND I'D LIKE
THE ANSWER FINALLY.
DO YOU WANT TO
LIVE HERE
WITH YOUR MOTHER
AND YOUR DEAD
HUSBAND,
OR DO YOU WANT
TO MARRY ME?
I'D SAY...
PLEASE KEEP
OUT OF THIS.
I SHALL LEAVE THE ROOM.
THAT'S GOOD IDEA.
COME, MY LOVE.
WHICH IS IT, KAY?
DON'T BE TOO HASTY.
WELL?
I WANT TO MARRY YOU.
I LOVE YOU TO PIECES.
I WANT TO LIVE HERE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
THAT'S ALL
I WANTED TO HEAR.
NOW LET'S GET THE DETAILS
OF THE GOD DAMN WEDDING
STRAIGHTENED OUT!
A MATCH
MADE IN HEAVEN.
I'M GLAD
YOU'RE NOT ANGRY.
NO, HONEY. REALLY,
IT WAS MY FAULT.
IT'S GREAT MAKING LOVE
IN OUR ROOM
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
HONEY, DO YOU EVER
THINK OF ANYONE ELSE
WHEN YOU MAKE LOVE?
HA. NO.
NEVER?
IMAGES POP INTO
MY HEAD SOMETIMES, BUT--
LIKE WHO?
IT'S DUMB, OK?
YOU'LL LAUGH AT ME.
NO, I WON'T.
REALLY. TELL ME.
GUY LOMBARDO.
WHO?
GUY LOMBARDO,
THE BAND LEADER.
HA HA HA!
YOU'RE LAUGHING.
NO, I'M NOT.
NO, I'M NOT.
I'M NOT LAUGHING.
HMM HMM HMM!
WHY?
WELL, THE FIRST TIME
I EVER DID IT
WAS AT THIS
NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY
AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE,
AND THE CATERER'S
DAUGHTER SEDUCED ME.
IT JUST SO HAPPENED
THAT THE TV WAS ON
AT THE TIME,
AND AT THE CLIMACTIC
MOMENT,
GUY LOMBARDO CAME ON.
DOES HE THINK OF
THE ROYAL CANADIANS, TOO?
DO YOU THINK
OF THE ROYAL
CANADIANS, TOO?
OH!
AH!
NO.
NO.
I'M NOT INTO
GROUP SEX.
MMM. DO YOU EVER
THINK OF ANYONE?
NO.
JUST ASKING.
HONEY.
NO, HONEY, I DON'T.
UH, YOU BUSY?
HONEY, RELAX, PLEASE.
HONEY, RELAX.
I AM RELAXED.
WELL, THEN
UNCLENCH YOUR FISTS.
BIG DEAL.
BIG DEAL.
MMM.
MM.
OOH, I LOVE YOU
SO MUCH.
IS HE GOOD?
YES.
Rupert: OH, YES.
I MEAN, UH,
IS HE BETTER THAN ME?
YES.
Rupert: OH, YES.
I FIND THAT
HARD TO BELIEVE.
AM I DISTURBING YOU?
YES.
I'LL JUST
SHUT OFF THE LIGHTS.
OH, GOD,
LET ME DO IT.
OK. CAN I WATCH?
WHAT?
OH. NO, HONEY,
I WASN'T TALKING
TO YOU.
I WAS JUST
JABBERING AWAY
IN ECSTASY.
"JABBERING AWAY IN ECSTASY."
THAT'S GOOD.
OH, KAY,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I NEVER LIKED
THESE THINGS.
ALL OF YOU.
THESE UGLY THINGS.
I LOVE YOUR SHOULDERS.
WHERE DID WE GET THESE?
AND YOUR BREASTS.
THEY'RE
MY AUNT EDNA'S.
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
NOTHING.
I WAS JABBERING
AWAY AGAIN.
IN ECSTASY.
IN ECSTASY. RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY
WHEN YOU'RE IN ECSTASY?
"THEY'RE MY AUNT EDNA'S"?
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
I WANT TO HEAR YOU
AT THAT CLIMACTIC MOMENT.
RUPERT, JUST
MAKE LOVE TO ME.
I'M TRYING.
OK. OK.
OK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M CHECKING
FOR SIGNS OF LIFE.
I SEE DILATION
OF THE PUPIL.
YOU'RE ALIVE!
GET YOUR FINGER
OUT OF MY EYE.
I FINALLY GOT
A RESPONSE.
RUPERT, THERE'S
SOMETHING
I'VE
GOT TO TELL YOU.
I WANT TO
HEAR THIS.
OH, MY GOD.
RUPERT, THERE'S
SOMEONE WATCHING US.
THERE IS? WHERE?
YOU CAN'T
SEE HIM.
OH. I GET IT.
YOU DO?
THERE'S SOMEONE
BEHIND THE ARMOIRE.
MAYBE GUY LOMBARDO.
RUPERT,
LISTEN TO ME.
RUPERT, THAT'S NOT
WHAT I MEANT.
WHAT THE HELL
DID YOU MEAN?
RUPERT, I HAVE
SOMETHING TO
TELL YOU.
IT WILL CHANGE
OUR ENTIRE
RELATIONSHIP.
OH, GOD.
ARE YOU LISTENING?
Both: I'M LISTENING.
THERE'S A GHOST
IN THIS HOUSE.
THERE'S A GHOST
RIGHT HERE
IN THIS ROOM
WITH US NOW.
ARE YOU HAVING
YOUR PERIOD?
NO, I'M NOT
HAVING MY PERIOD.
WOMEN DON'T GO AROUND
SEEING GHOSTS
WHEN THEY HAVE
THEIR PERIOD.
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WOULD EXPECT
A MAN TO SAY.
I AM A MAN, KAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
THINK LIKE ONE.
I'M TRYING SO HARD!
I KNOW. DARLING,
TRY THE RATIONAL APPROACH.
HE ISA SCIENTIST.
I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING,
BUT PLEASE TRY
TO LISTEN TO ME.
I'M LISTENING, KAY.
WHAT I'VE BEEN SEEING
FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS
IS NOT A FIGMENT
OF MY IMAGINATION.
IT IS NOT A MEMORY
OR AN ILLUSION.
IT IS A REAL
AND SUBSTANTIAL
MANIFESTATION
OF A PERSON WHO IS
NO LONGER LIVING.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S FANTASTIC, DARLING.
THAT'S GOOD.
THANKS.
I THOUGHT
IT WAS VERY GOOD.
RUPERT, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
I JUST SAID
I WAS IN CONTACT
WITH A GHOST.
YES, YOU DID.
A GHOST
THAT I KNOW.
YES.
A GHOST THAT IS
IN THIS ROOM.
DON'T JUST
AGREE WITH ME!
I'M NOT AGREEING WITH YOU.
I'M JUST SAYING YES.
YOU THINK I'M CRAZY.
YES.
NO.
BE QUIET.
WHAT?
WHAT?
OH, YOU WERE TALKING
TO THE GHOST.
RUPERT. RUPERT.
RUPERT.
RUPERT, I DID NOT
SEARCH HIM OUT.
HONESTLY.
HE CONTACTED ME
WHEN I REOPENED
THE HOUSE.
LET ME GUESS.
HE DID THIS WITH HIS FEET.
I NEVER DID THAT.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
IT'S JOLLY.
GOD HELP ME.
EXPLAIN TO HIM
THAT I LIVE HERE.
HE LIVES HERE.
BECAUSE I DIED HERE.
BECAUSE HE DIED
HERE.
I'M TALKING
ABOUT A GHOST.
RUPERT--
A GHOST!
CAN'T YOU
PROVE YOURSELF?
WHAT?
WHAT?
I WAS TALKING
TO JOLLY.
CAN'T YOU
MOVE A CHAIR
OR MAKE A NOISE
OR SOMETHING?
YES, ANYTHING.
A VASE. I'M NOT PICKY.
DARLING, I TOLD YOU,
NO CHEAP TRICKS.
NO CHEAP TRICKS.
JOLLY, PLEASE DON'T
DO THIS TO ME.
RUPERT!
IF YOU DON'T
WANT TO MARRY ME,
JUST SAY SO.
IT ISN'T THAT.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
IT'S ONLY A MARRIAGE.
YOU SHOULD
ASK YOUR MOTHER.
SHE GOES THROUGH THEM
LIKE KLEENEX.
JOLLY, SAY SOMETHING!
UH, DENISE
DEL FLORIO.
WHAT?
SAY IT QUICKLY.
DENISE DEL FLORIO.
BYE, KAY.
DENISE DEL FLORIO!
HUH?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
DENISE DEL FLORIO.
WHY?
JOLLY SAID TO SAY IT.
WELL,
WHAT ABOUT HER?
UH...
[IMITATES SAXOPHONE
PLAYING AULD LANG SYNE]
NEW YEAR'S EVE!
UM...
CATERER'S DAUGHTER.
THE CATERER'S DAUGHTER.
NEW YEAR'S EVE.
THE CATERER'S DAUGHTER.
SHE'S THE ONE, ISN'T SHE?
DENISE DEL FLORIO.
HOW ELSE WOULD I HAVE
KNOWN HER NAME
EXCEPT THAT JOLLY TOLD ME?
THANKS, JOLLY.
ALL RIGHT, HON.
UH, LUCKY GUESS.
DENISE DEL FLORIO
IS A LUCKY GUESS?
NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!
MAYBE I SAID IT
IN MY SLEEP
OR SOMETHING.
SURE, IN BETWEEN
THE GUY LOMBARDOS.
MAYBE I DID, KAY.
GOOD NIGHT.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[DOOR SLAMS]
HA HA!
BOY, THAT'S A NERD.
WELL, I GUESS I'VE SORT OF
COMPLICATED THINGS, HUH?
I GUESS SO.
I SHOULD GO.
YOU SHOULD GO AWAY
AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
FOREVER.
AND EVER!
THERE'S JUST NO ROOM
IN YOUR LIFE FOR ME NOW.
NONE!
OK, I'LL GO, THEN.
JOLLY?
JOLLY?
PLEASE DON'T GO.
5, 6, 7, 8.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
RESEARCH.
DO YOU BELIEVE
IN GHOSTS?
DEPENDS.
MY FIANCEÉE
HAS A GHOST. HERE.
HER FIRST HUSBAND.
WE'RE ABOUT TO GET MARRIED.
SHE CONJURES UP THE GHOST
OF HER DEAD HUSBAND.
I BELIEVE IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
COME ON.
LET'S GO IN.
I GAVE BACK MY KEY.
WHAT KEY?
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
BREAK IN?
TSK. TSK. BREAK IN.
SNEAK IN.
[HUMMING
LULLABY ON BROADWAY]
♪ BA DOO DOO DOO
DOO DOO DOO ♪
UM. RIGHT HERE.
HERE?
YES.
JUST KICK IT.
OH, YES.
I REMEMBER THIS.
JUST A--
JUST A LITTLE JAB.
THIS, UM, RUPERT,
DID YOU CHASE HIM
LIKE YOU CHASED ME?
LIKE I WHAT?
CHASED.
I'VE HAD WOMEN
SET THEIR SIGHTS
ON ME BEFORE,
BUT YOU WERE
DESPERATE.
I WAS NOT DESPERATE.
I WAS...DETERMINED.
LITTLE HIGHER.
RUPERT CHASED ME.
WAS HE DETERMINED?
DESPERATE.
THIS, UH, FELLOW HERE.
YOU SURE YOU SHOULD
MARRY HIM?
OF COURSE I'M SURE.
I'M ALMOST SURE.
YOU CAN NEVER
REALLY BE SURE
ABOUT A THING
LIKE THAT.
NO, I'M NOT SURE.
WHO THE HELL KNOWS?
WHY DO YOU ASK?
HER HUSBAND
WAS A FAMOUS...
BROADWAY CHOREOGRAPHER,
JOLLY VILLANO.
I ALWAYS WANTED
TO BE ABLE TO DANCE.
CAN YOU DANCE?
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
THAT'S DAMN GOOD.
WAIT. LET ME--
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
DA BA DA BA DA.
DA BA DA BA DA.
DA BA DA BA DA.
HEY! THAT'S RIGHT.
♪ OH, BA DEE,
OH, DA BA DA ♪
OH, YEAH.
YOU LOOKING GOOD!
♪ DA DE AH ♪
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO, HENRY?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT THE GHOST.
MAYBE THEY SHOULD
GET A DIVORCE
LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE.
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE A GENIUS!
A DIVORCE!
THAT'S BRILLIANT.
A DIVORCE!
HA HA!
KEEP THE LEFT FOOT
MOVING!
[TAP-DANCING]
DID YOU MISS ME?
OF COURSE I MISSED YOU.
I WAS MARRIED TO YOU
FOR SIX YEARS,
BUT I GOT OVER YOU.
YOU MAKE ME SOUND
LIKE A DISEASE.
YOU ARE.
AN INCURABLE ONE.
WHAT DID YOU DO
WHEN I DIED?
I BURIED YOU...
I THOUGHT.
WERE YOU SAD?
NO.
I WAS NEVER SAD.
IT'S FUNNY.
FIRST YOU'RE TOO BUSY--
TOO MANY THINGS TO DO,
TOO MANY DETAILS.
AND THEN I GUESS IT WAS
LIKE THREE WEEKS LATER,
MAYBE A MONTH,
I WAS SITTING
IN THE STUDY,
AND I WAS READING
SOMETHING.
IT WAS SOMETHING
I THOUGHT YOU'D
BE INTERESTED IN.
I GOT UP AND RAN TOWARDS
THE REHEARSAL HALL,
AND I STOPPED
ON THE STAIRS.
IT WASN'T UNTIL
THAT MINUTE
THAT I REALIZED
YOU WERE DEAD
AND WHAT THAT MEANT.
THEN, UH,
YOU WERE SAD.
NO, I WAS ANGRY.
ANGRY? AT WHAT?
AT YOU.
WHAT DID I DO?
YOU DIED!
YOU WENT AND DIED.
GOD, I HATED YOU
FOR THAT.
I HATED YOU FOR GOING OFF
AND LEAVING ME.
AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
I HAD YOU BEHIND ME,
YOU HAD TO SHOW UP
HERE AGAIN.
[SIGH]
I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE.
WELL, I WOULDN'T
HAVE PUT IT PAST YOU.
YOU WERE ALWAYS
GRANDSTANDING FOR ATTENTION.
JOLLY.
SINCE YOU'VE MOVED BACK IN
HE'S APPEARED?
SINCE I REOPENED
THE HOUSE.
YOU AND RUPERT OUGHT
TO GET AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS.
I'LL ASK MY SHRINK
WHAT WE SHOULD DO.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T NEED
A PSYCHIATRIST.
I'VE ACCEPTED HIM.
ACCEPTED WHO?
JOLLY.
I'M NOT ASKING SOMEONE
TO MAKE HIM DISAPPEAR.
THE PROBLEM IS
I CAN'T DECIDE.
WHAT?
BETWEEN THEM.
RUPERT OR JOLLY.
THEY HAVE CERTAIN
QUALITIES,
CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT
BOTH OF THEM I LIKE.
TOGETHER THEY MAKE
THE PERFECT MAN.
I HAVE TO CHOOSE.
KAY, LISTEN TO ME.
JOLLY IS DEAD.
OK, THAT'S ONE THING
IN RUPERT'S FAVOR.
HE'S ALIVE.
I WANT SOME ADVICE
ABOUT A DIVORCE.
TROUBLE
WITH YOUR WIFE?
NO, NO.
NO TROUBLE AT ALL.
IN FACT,
I'M NOT MARRIED.
I'M GETTING MARRIED
NEXT SATURDAY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
NO, THIS DIVORCE
IS FOR A FRIEND.
SOMEONE YOU KNOW?
VERY WELL.
MY FIANCEÉE, IN FACT.
THE ONE YOU'RE MARRYING
NEXT SATURDAY?
YES. I WANT HER
TO DIVORCE HER FIRST HUSBAND.
THAT'S GOOD THINKING.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME.
IT'S IMPORTANT
TO MOST PEOPLE.
I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THEM.
THIS MAY SEEM ODD TO YOU,
BUT IT'S A HYPOTHETICAL
DIVORCE I'M AFTER.
HYPOTHETICAL DIVORCE?
RIGHT. I WANT HER TO
DIVORCE HIM TO MAKE A POINT.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
WELL, YOU SEE, UH...
THERE'S AN ASPECT
TO THIS CASE
YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T
COME ACROSS BEFORE.
LET ME ASSURE YOU
I HAVE COME ACROSS
EVERY CONCEIVABLE TWIST
TO A DIVORCE CASE.
HER FIRST HUSBAND'S DEAD.
I WAS WRONG.
I HAD NOT COME ACROSS
EVERYTHING.
INTERESTING TWIST.
OH.
LAWYERS!
GIVE GOOD MONEY
TO SIT THERE
AND LAUGH AT YOU,
TREAT YOU LIKE
YOU'RE CRAZY.
MY FIANCEÉE
IS SEEING A GHOST.
I'VE HAD IT.
THEY WORK BY HEAT,
NOT BY PUSH.
I KNOW HOW THEY WORK.
YOU GOT NO BODY HEAT.
I HAVE PLENTY OF BODY HEAT.
JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT
A BROADWAY DANCER,
YOU THINK
I HAVE NO PASSION?
HERE'S SOME.
THERE. PASSION.
BODY HEAT.
LOOK AT MY FEET.
YOU MADE US A LOCAL.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
SO WHAT DID SHE
TELL YOU
ABOUT
THIS APPARITION?
JUST THAT HE'S HERE,
AND SHE'S CONFUSED.
TROUBLE ALREADY?
DON'T YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO?
WITH MARRIAGE
AND THIS WHOLE NEW LIFE,
THIS IS A PIVOTAL TIME
FOR HER.
WHAT WE NEED
IS A PSYCHIATRIST.
PSYCHIATRIST? ALREADY?
YOU'RE REALLY
PUSHING THIS, AREN'T YOU?
LISTEN, I AM JUST
TRYING TO HELP.
LOOK, SHE NEEDS YOU
RIGHT NOW.
NO, NO. LITTLE BOY,
WE MUSTN'T SIT
ON THE CHAIR.
DO YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE THIS IS
A PRICELESS PIECE
OF FINE ART
FROM ANOTHER MILLENNIUM.
YOU ARE A PIECE
OF TEMPORARY
PLASMIC RUBBISH
TAKING UP SPACE
ON THIS ALREADY
OVERCROWDED PLANET.
KENDALL, KEEP AN EYE OUT
FOR THIS SORT OF THING.
ARE YOU WITH SOMEONE?
LET'S FIND THEM.
RUPERT,
HERE'S HOW I SEE IT.
YOU REPRESENT REALITY.
HE REPRESENTS FANTASY,
BUT SHE NEEDS
YOUR REALITY
TO KEEP FROM GOING
OVER THE EDGE.
WHAT AM I GOING TO
DO ABOUT HIM?
OH,
A HIM ALREADY, HUH?
ACCEPT HIM.
BUST IS ASS.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS,
PLEASE.
YOU MEAN ACT AS IF
HE'S REALLY THERE?
EXACTLY.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU LOVE HER,
DON'T YOU?
OF COURSE I LOVE HER.
WELL,
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
MUST HE
SIT IN FRONT?
I GET CARSICK IN BACK.
HE GETS CARSICK
IN BACK.
CARSICK, YEAH.
I FEEL LIKE YOUR CHAUFFEUR.
WE SHOULD BUY HIM
A CUTE LITTLE HAT.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
HE SAYS WE SHOULD
BUY YOU A CUTE
LITTLE HAT.
AH.
COME ON, RUPERT,
LOOSEN UP.
YOU SAID WE WERE
GOING TO HAVE FUN.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING.
WE SHOULD GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
I LOVE YOU...
BOTH.
THERE'S SO MUCH
I WANT TO ASK.
ME, TOO.
HIM, TOO.
I THINK
IT'S WONDERFUL
HOW RUPERT'S
ACCEPTING ALL THIS.
I'M PRETTY WONDERFUL.
YES.
JOLLY THINKS SO.
TERRIFIC.
THAT SETTLES IT.
ALL THOSE IN FAVOR,
SAY "AYE."
AYE!
AYE!
AYE.
OH, UH, KAY.
TELL HIM
TO ACT NORMAL.
JOLLY SAYS
JUST ACT NORMAL.
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
EXACTLY WHAT I INTEND.
FOR US THREE TO HAVE
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP,
WE HAVE TO SAY
TO HELL WITH THE WORLD.
HOW MANY?
TWO.
THREE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THREE.
REMEMBER,
TOTALLY NORMAL.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
HEY, THIS IS FINE.
THANK YOU.
ONE FOR HIM, TOO,
PLEASE.
IS THIS TABLE OK?
WHAT DID HE SAY,
KAY?
IT'S FINE.
HE'S HAPPY.
I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE
TO TAKE YOUR ORDER.
RUPERT, WE HAVE TO
ACT CAREFUL
AROUND
OTHER PEOPLE.
WHO'S ACTING?
ARE YOU ACTING?
YOU'RE NOT ACTING,
ARE YOU?
WE HAVE A GHOST
LIVING WITH US.
WE SHOULD TREAT HIM
LIKE ANYONE ELSE.
ARE YOU READY?
YES.
THE LADY WILL HAVE--
COFFEE.
IS THAT
ALL YOU WANT?
COFFEE.
AND YOU?
NOTHING, THANKS.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
HE SAID
HE'S NOT HUNGRY.
HE SAID
HE'S NOT HUNGRY!
IT'S ON ME.
HE GETS CARSICK EASILY,
SO HE SAT IN FRONT.
CHEESEBURGER.
WONDERFUL. AND I WILL HAVE
THE GRILLED CHEESE PLATE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
UH, TELL ME, HOW WOULD
HE LIKE HIS CHEESEBURGER?
MEDIUM RARE.
MEDIUM RARE.
HOLD THE ONIONS.
HOLD THE ONIONS.
THAT'LL BE FINE.
THANK YOU.
THAT WASN'T SO PAINFUL,
WAS IT?
SO TELL ME,
WHAT'S IT LIKE
BEING DEAD?
RUPERT, PEOPLE
ARE BEGINNING TO STARE.
MOM. MOM, THAT MAN'S
TALKING TO A CHAIR.
BILLY, IF HE WANTS
TO TALK TO A CHAIR,
THAT'S HIS PRIVILEGE.
BUT HE'S TALKING
TO A CHAIR.
YOUR MOTHER'S CORRECT.
IT'S MY PRIVILEGE.
MANY MEN HAVE DIED
HORRIBLE DEATHS
SO I COULD DO THIS.
SO TURN AROUND,
EAT YOUR FOOD,
AND THANK GOD WE LIVE
IN THIS WONDERFUL LAND.
GRILLED CHEESE HERE.
CHEESEBURGER THERE.
SO HOW ARE WE GOING
TO ARRANGE OUR TIME?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THERE WILL BE TIMES
I'LL WANT TO BE
ALONE WITH YOU.
HIM, TOO, I'M SURE.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S, UH,
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'M ANXIOUS TO KNOW.
IS IT POSSIBLE
FOR HIM TO, UH,
BE FAMILIAR WITH YOU?
THAT MUST BE VERY DISAPPOINTING
FOR BOTH OF YOU.
LET'S GO.
WE HAVEN'T
EATEN OUR FOOD.
MMM.
OK.
NOW CAN WE GO?
THESE LITTLE THINGS
MUST BE IRONED OUT.
WRINKLES, HUH,
JOLLY OLD BOY?
HE'S STARTING
TO ANNOY ME.
YOU'RE STARTING
TO ANNOY JOLLY.
WHAT DID I SAY?
ISN'T
THIS BEAUTIFUL?
SMELL!
HAVE YOU TOLD JOLLY
THIS IS WHERE WE MET?
SHE TOLD ME.
I TOLD HIM.
HOW DID YOU
FIND THIS PLACE?
EMILY AND I
WERE ON A TRIP.
I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
LIKE THE COUNTRY.
I LOVE THE COUNTRY!
IT WAS YOU THAT NEVER
LIKED THE COUNTRY.
I ALWAYS LOVED
THE COUNTRY.
YOU DID?
YES, I DID.
MAYBE I WAS SELF-CENTERED.
YES, YOU WERE.
I'VE CHANGED.
IT'S AMAZING HOW DEATH
CAN CHANGE A MAN.
OH, KAY, LET ME
LOOK AT YOU.
MRS. REILLY.
RUPERT SAYS YOU'RE
GETTING MARRIED.
AND TO THINK
YOU MET HERE.
OH, VIOLINS PLEASE.
THERE'S ANOTHER
YOUNG COUPLE
STAYING HERE,
THE NEWMANS,
ON THEIR HONEYMOON.
THERE THEY ARE.
THEY LOOK ADORABLE.
LET'S STICK THEM
ON A CAKE.
WILL YOU SHUT UP!
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
NOTHING.
PERHAPS YOU COULD
SHOW US TO OUR ROOM.
I'M REALLY EXHAUSTED.
OF COURSE, DEAR.
EXCUSE ME.
YOU TWO AREN'T MAKING
THIS ANY EASIER FOR ME.
WELL, I'M HAVING FUN.
SO AM I.
I LOVE IT.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS,
EMILY.
I'M THROUGH
WITH THIS SILLY CHARADE.
IT MIGHT MAKE HER
SNAP OUT OF IT.
ME, TOO.
HOW LONG CAN I KEEP
ORDERING CHEESEBURGERS
FOR MY FIANCEÉE'S
DEAD HUSBAND?
YOU HAVE TO
BE PATIENT.
I'VE LOST MY PATIENCE.
I'VE COME UP
WITH MY OWN PLAN--
THE FIGHT FIRE
WITH FIRE APPROACH.
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
WHEN WE GET BACK,
THIS WILL BE
STRAIGHTENED OUT.
PROMISE ME YOU WON'T
DO ANYTHING RASH.
I WON'T DO ANYTHING
RASH. GOODBYE.
NIGHTCAP, SWEETIE?
LOVE IT.
MY GOD, IT CAN'T BE.
WHAT?
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
IT'S MONICA.
MONICA WHO?
SHE'S THERE.
IN THAT CHAIR.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
CAN'T YOU SEE HER?
NO.
KAY,
CAN YOU SEE HER?
NO.
SURELY YOU CAN SEE HER.
WAIT. YOU CAN'T SEE HER.
I CAN'T?
NO, I JUST REMEMBERED.
SHE'S DEAD.
WHO'S DEAD?
SHE IS.
MONICA.
AH.
IS SOMEBODY THERE?
I--I DON'T SEE ANYBODY.
HE DOESN'T
SEE ANYBODY.
WHO DOESN'T
SEE ANYBODY?
HE CAN'T SEE HER,
RUPERT.
I DON'T SEE HIM.
IT'S MONICA.
I THINK HE'S TRYING
TO MAKE A POINT.
SHE WAS THE FIRST
WOMAN I EVER LOVED,
AND SHE DIED.
OH!
I'M GONNA CRY.
JUST KEEP QUIET.
WE WERE ENGAGED.
WHY IS IT YOU NEVER
TOLD ME ABOUT HER?
I DIDN'T WANT
TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.
WHAT?
WHAT?
SHE'S TALKING TO ME.
IT'S FAINT.
MONICA, TALK TO ME.
THERE WAS NEVER
ANYONE THERE.
DON'T STOP. I'M GETTING
TO LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY
PERSON WITH GHOSTS.
NO, BUT I KNOW
THERE IS NO GHOST THERE.
WAIT. I THINK
I HEAR HER.
THIS ONE'S GREAT.
JOLLY CAN'T SEE HER!
WHO'S JOLLY?
HER DEAD HUSBAND.
REALLY?
IT'S LIKE
A BRONTE NOVEL.
IT'S LIKE A COMIC STRIP.
DON'T FADE!
MONICA, MY ASS!
DON'T TALK ABOUT
HER LIKE THAT.
LET'S STAY OUT.
LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND,
SWEETHEART.
QUIT THAT LAUGHING.
SOME NICE HOT TEA
WOULD BE APPROPRIATE
RIGHT NOW.
AH, YES. LOVELY.
LOVELY.
OH! I CAN SEE
RIGHT THROUGH YOU,
BUSTER,
AND DON'T YOU
THINK I CAN'T!
YOU'RE MAKING HER UP
TO MAKE ME A FOOL.
YOU'RE NOT
MAKING HIM UP?
NO, I'M NOT!
NO, SHE'S NOT!
IT'S SIMPLE.
I'M A THREAT TO HIS EGO.
IT'S SIMPLE.
HE'S A THREAT
TO YOUR EGO.
EGO?
I HAD ONE OF THOSE.
THAT WAS BEFORE
I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
RUPERT. RUPERT,
I CAN'T TAKE
ANY MORE OF THIS.
YOU SHOULD
BELIEVE HIM.
STAY OUT OF THIS!
THIS MAY HAPPEN
TO US WHEN YOU DIE.
YOU SEE HOW SILLY
ALL THIS IS?
HE ADMITS THAT.
SHUT UP.
YOU'RE SO CLINICAL!
YOU NEVER DID
BELIEVE ME.
IT WAS ONE BIG JOKE.
NO JOKE.
HUMOR THE LADY.
THAT WAS THE IDEA.
AND KEEP YOU SANE.
WAIT. I THINK
I HEAR MONICA.
THERE IS NO MONICA,
YOU DUMB BITCH!
HE CALLED ME
A DUMB BITCH!
Both: WELL, YOU ARE
A DUMB BITCH!
IF YOU'RE LIKE THIS,
THEY'LL LOCK YOU UP.
PISS OFF,
YOU POMPOUS ASS!
WHAT DID YOU
CALL ME?
YOU HEARD ME!
SOME NICE HOT TEA
FOR EVERYONE.
OH, SHOVE YOUR TEA!
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
I'D LOVE
SOME HOT TEA.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY!
IF YOU LOVED ME,
YOU'D TRY TO UNDERSTAND
INSTEAD OF TRYING
TO MAKE FUN OF ME!
I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU.
YOUR HUSBAND
IS DEAD AND GONE.
HE'S BORING ME.
YOU'RE TRYING
TO FIND SOME WAY
OF AVOIDING MAKING
A COMMITMENT TO ME
BY USING
SOME DAMN CORPSE!
YOU'RE STARTING
TO ANNOY JOLLY.
DENISE DEL FLORIO.
SAY IT.
DENISE
DEL FLORIO.
DON'T BRING UP
DENISE DEL FLORIO AGAIN,
PLEASE.
HE DIDN'T
SLEEP WITH HER.
YOU DIDN'T
SLEEP WITH HER.
OH, I DIDN'T?
HE WAS WATCHING
GUY LOMBARDO.
YOU WERE WATCHING
GUY LOMBARDO.
GUY LOMBARDO. I KNOW HIM.
I KNOW GUY LOMBARDO.
HE FOUND HIS FATHER
IN BED WITH HER.
HOWEVER, YOU FOUND
YOUR FATHER IN BED W--
HE DID?
YOU DID?
YOUR FATHER WAS IN BED
WITH GUY LOMBARDO?
I NEVER TOLD
ANYONE THAT.
IT WON'T LEAVE HERE.
OH, RUPERT.
IS IT TRUE?
WELL, IT'S TRUE,
BUT I NEVER TOLD ANYONE.
THAT'S THE MOST TRAUMATIC
MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
YOU EAT LIKE
A DAMN HORSE!
YOUR FEET SMELL!
THEY DO NOT.
DO MY FEET SMELL?
IT'S TRUE.
JOLLY'S HERE.
CONGRATULATIONS,
RUPERT, OLD BOY.
NO MORE CRAP,
MISTER.
YOU HAVE A MOUTH
LIKE A SEWER!
I'M GOING BACK TO NEW YORK.
I'M GOING TO
TAKE THE CAR.
FINE.
YOU CAN TAKE A TAXI.
I'M GOING WITH HER.
TAKE A TAXI.
FROM CONNECTICUT?
YOU ARE CHEAP!
Jolly: HONEY,
I'M GOING WITH YOU.
NO.
I DON'T WANT TO BE
WITH YOU EITHER,
WITH ANY MEN.
RIGHT ON, SISTER.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
IS HAPPENING!
[DOOR SLAMS]
[SIGH]
SHE WAS TELLING
THE TRUTH.
JOLLY'S BEEN HERE
ALL ALONG.
OH, MY GOD.
[GASPS]
ONE, PLEASE.
WITH EVERYTHING.
WANT A HOT DOG?
NO, THANKS.
DO YOU THINK
IT COULD BE THE DEVIL?
YOU'RE OPENING UP
A WHOLE NEW BALL OF WAX.
THAT'S DANGEROUS STUFF.
THE ONLY REASON I ASK IS
BECAUSE YOU WERE A PRIEST ONCE.
IS IT POSSIBLE
IT'S THE DEVIL?
THAT'S A WORLD
I DON'T WANT
TO GET INTO.
YOU MUST THINK
I'M CRAZY, RIGHT?
NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE
JUST TOO INQUISITIVE.
IT'S PRIVATE STUFF.
YOU DO BELIEVE ME,
THEN?
I DON'T KNOW,
DR. BAINES.
RUPERT.
RUPERT. IT DOES EXIST.
IT'S CALLED
BY MANY DIFFERENT NAMES.
BARTENDER, ANOTHER ONE.
LET ME PAY
FOR THAT.
MAKE IT A DOUBLE.
THEY CALL IT LUCIFER.
THEY CALL IT EVIL,
THE DEMON, EL DIABLO.
JOLLY?
WHAT?
THAT'S WHAT
THIS SPIRIT IS CALLED.
A DEMON IS CALLED
JOLLY?
CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
I DON'T KNOW,
DR. BAINES.
YOU SEE, MY POWERS,
MY TOUCH...
TECHNICALLY,
YOU ALWAYS HAVE IT--
ONCE A PRIEST,
ALWAYS A PRIEST--
BUT THEY CAN
GO ON YOU.
IT'S LIKE
A GOOD FAST BALL.
ONE SEASON YOU'VE GOT IT.
THE NEXT, IT'S GONE.
THERE'S NO GUARANTEE.
I JUST WANT YOU
TO TRY.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.
I'M WILLING TO PAY YOU.
HANDSOMELY.
HANDSOMELY, HUH?
I LOVE KAY, HUGH.
I'LL DO ANYTHING
NOT TO LOSE HER.
CASH?
YOU THINK
I'M CRAZY.
I DON'T.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN
WHO CAN'T DECIDE
BETWEEN A DEAD HUSBAND
AND A LIVE FIANCEÉ?
VERY EXTREMELY
CONFUSED.
CRAZY.
YOU WANT MY ADVICE?
GO THROUGH
WITH THE WEDDING.
SUPPOSE I--
YOU LOVE RUPERT,
DON'T YOU?
YES, I LOVE HIM.
OK.
I THINK.
I DON'T WANT TO SPEND
MY LIFE COMPARING HIM
OR SHARING HIM
WITH JOLLY.
IT'S NOT FAIR TO
EITHER ONE OF THEM.
I THINK THE THREE OF US--
YOU, ME, AND JOLLY--
SHOULD HAVE
A LITTLE CONFRONTATION.
ABOUT WHAT?
GET HIM BACK HERE
WHEN I'M THERE.
THERE ARE THINGS
WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT.
WHAT THINGS?
TRUST ME.
I'VE GOT TO
REDO MY HAIR.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOU'LL NEVER BE READY.
YES, I WILL.
THERE'S A SHORT CIRCUIT.
CALL AN ELECTRICIAN.
I AMAN ELECTRICIAN.
WHERE'S RUPERT?
HE'S COMING.
ARE YOU SURE?
YES.
SOMETHING HAPPENED.
YOU HAD A FIGHT.
NO. WE HAD A SLIGHT
MISUNDERSTANDING,
BUT HE'S APOLOGIZED,
AND EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I CAN SEE THAT.
WOULD YOU RELAX?
LOVE YOUR DRESS.
THIS IS IT.
READY?
IT SAYS IF YOU SEE
A SPIRIT, YOU DO THIS.
WHAT DOES THAT DO?
IT GETS HIM SOAKED.
REMEMBER,
WHATEVER YOU DO,
NOBODY'S SUPPOSED
TO KNOW ABOUT YOU.
RIGHT.
BE VERY NONCHALANT.
I GOTCHA.
OK?
OK.
[SHOUTING IN LATIN]
SHHH!
FOR GOD'S SAKE!
THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL
BEING NONCHALANT?
I'M SORRY.
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
GOOD EVENING,
DR. BAINES.
EVERYTHING'S READY
FOR THE REHEARSAL.
REHEARSAL?
THE WEDDING
REHEARSAL.
OH, THE WEDDING REHEARSAL.
WHERE'S KAY?
SHE'S UPSTAIRS CHANGING.
EXCUSE ME.
[RUFF!]
[GRRRR!]
NICE DOG.
PLAY DEAD
FOR ABOUT A YEAR.
I FOUND IT.
HELLO, RUPERT. I FOUND
THE SHORT CIRCUIT.
CHARLOTTE, I FOUND IT.
IT'S IN THE ATTIC.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
WHO IS HE?
WHO?
THAT MAN.
OH, THAT MAN
IS THE BUILDING
INSPECTOR.
WHAT BUILDING
INSPECTOR?
YOU CAN'T MOVE BACK
INTO A BUILDING
UNLESS IT'S BEEN
INSPECTED.
I'LL WORK QUICKLY.
HELLO, INSPECTOR!
SEE THIS?
IT'S A WELL-MADE WALL,
A GOOD WALL.
EVERYTHING
RUNNING SMOOTHLY?
FINE.
NO PROBLEMS?
CHARLOTTE, GET ME
MY FLASHLIGHT.
WHAT FLASHLIGHT?
IT'S IN THE KITCHEN.
YOU GET IT.
I GOT WORK TO DO.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
YES, I DO.
ALMOST DONE NOW.
CHARLOTTE,
REVEREND HOLLIS IS HERE!
MY GOD! THE REVEREND'S
HERE ALREADY.
CHARLOTTE,
THE LIGHT, PLEASE.
AAH!
OH, CHARLOTTE!
BRING BACK THAT LIGHT!
CHARLOTTE.
CHARLOTTE.
OH, CHARLOTTE.
CHARLOTTE!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
HONEY!
OH, CHARLOTTE.
I'M STUCK!
JOLLY SAYS HE ONLY APPEARED
BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO.
IS THAT TRUE?
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.
IF SO, WHY DID I
WAIT UNTIL NOW--
THREE YEARS LATER
AND THE WEEK BEFORE
MY WEDDING?
I DON'T KNOW.
[HARMONICA PLAYING
CALL TO THE POST]
IT'S CALLED TIMING,
MY LOVE.
ONE OF MY MANY ASSETS.
TIMING WAS ALWAYS
ONE OF YOUR BEST
ASSETS.
IS HE HERE?
WHERE?
HE'S ON THE BED.
OK.
[PLAYING OLD GRAY MARE]
HELLO, EMILY.
JOLLY SAYS HELLO.
HELLO, JOLLY.
GOD, SHE LOOKS OLD.
JOLLY SAYS
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
I WISH I COULD
SAY THE SAME
ABOUT HIM.
SHE DOESN'T
BELIEVE IN ME.
SHE'S GIVING US
THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
YOU'RE GETTING
THE BENEFIT
AND I, THE DOUBT.
OLD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JUST LOOKING.
THE BOOK SAYS
THE SPIRIT
CAN INHABIT
ANY OBJECT,
ANIMATE OR INANIMATE.
WHAT'S IN HERE?
THIS IS JOLLY'S
REHEARSAL ROOM.
THERE HE IS.
THAT'S HIM.
[MUMBLING IN LATIN]
COME OUT,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
SHHH!
DON'T PROVOKE HIM.
LET'S GET OUT
OF HERE.
RUPERT.
GOOD LUCK.
WHY IS SHE SO ANXIOUS
TO TALK TO ME?
HE WANTS TO KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT.
EMILY...
THINGS THAT I THOUGHT
MIGHT INTEREST KAY.
WHAT SORT OF THINGS?
FOR INSTANCE,
IS THERE
GUILT AFTER DEATH?
CAN HE HAVE AFFAIRS
IN HIS NEW STATE?
I NEVER THOUGHT
TO ASK.
NOTHING'S CHANGED,
OBVIOUSLY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHEN HE WAS ALIVE,
YOU KIDDED YOURSELF.
NOW THAT HE'S DEAD,
FACE IT.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
HIS AFFAIRS.
AFFAIRS WITH WHO?
WHOM, DARLING.
AFFAIRS WITH WHOM.
ALL RIGHT, WHOM.
AFFAIRS WITH WHOM?
WITH ME, FOR ONE.
IT'S GOOD
FOR OPENERS.
WHAT?
YOU HAD AN AFFAIR
WITH HER?
IT...
YOU HAD AN AFFAIR
WITH MY BEST FRIEND?
EMILY, YOU HAD
AN AFFAIR
WITH
MY HUSBAND?
I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.
I WAS JUST A DROP
IN THE BUCKET.
YOU HAD A BUCKET
OF LOVERS?
THAT'S NOT A WORD
I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN.
WHAT DID YOU THINK
HE WAS DOING ON THE ROAD?
SHE'S EXAGGERATING.
REMEMBER
HOW HE CHOSE
ONE YOUNG DANCER
AND NURTURED HER CAREER?
IS THAT WHAT YOU DID?
EVERY SHOW?
NO.
WHAT SHOW WERE YOU IN,
OR WERE YOU PART
OF THE INTERMISSION?
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS,
AN INTERMISSION,
AND THEN BACK HOME
TO KAY.
WHO ELSE?
THIS IS HARDLY FAIR.
WHO ELSE?
I WANT TO KNOW.
YOU CAN START
ANY WAY YOU LIKE--
ALPHABETICALLY,
IN ORDER
OF APPEARANCE.
THERE WAS
JANINE.
SWEET LITTLE JANINE?
SHE WAS JUST A CHILD.
NO, SHE WASN'T.
SHE WASN'T
OLD ENOUGH
TO HAVE
A WORKING PERMIT.
I NEVER ASKED.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
KAY, STOP LYING
TO YOURSELF.
YOU KNEW ABOUT
HIS REPUTATION
BEFORE
YOU MARRIED HIM.
IT WENT AHEAD OF HIM
LIKE A PARADE.
PARADE?
DID YOU
HONESTLY THINK
MARRIAGE
WOULD CHANGE HIM?
YES, OF COURSE
I DID!
ALL RIGHT,
THERE WERE TIMES
WHEN I HAD
THIS FEELING INSIDE,
BUT I DIDN'T WANT
TO THINK ABOUT IT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
WHO ELSE
DID YOU SLEEP WITH?
YOU'VE SLEPT WITH EVERYONE
YOU'VE HAD A MEAL WITH.
KAY.
MOTHER.
WHO ARE YOU
TALKING TO?
EMILY.
ME.
YOU SLEPT WITH EVERY MAN
YOU HAD A MEAL WITH?
WELL, NOT EVERY MAN.
NOT EVERY MEAL.
CERTAINLY NOT
BREAKFAST OR LUNCH.
JUST DINNERS.
AT RESTAURANTS.
YES.
I THINK WE SHOULD
BEGIN THE REHEARSAL.
GREAT IDEA.
GREAT IDEA.
BRIDESMAID, INDEED.
I HAVEN'T FINISHED
WITH YOU YET.
THAT'S FINE.
OK, I'M READY.
WHERE'S RUPERT?
I DON'T KNOW.
RUPERT!
HERE!
HERE I AM.
FINE. COMING DOWNSTAIRS
IS FINE,
BUT YOU WILL END UP
ON MY RIGHT
AND RUPERT ON MY LEFT.
THIS IS ONLY
A REHEARSAL.
WILL HE BE ASKING
"ARE THERE ANY OBJECTIONS?"
WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO STRAIGHTEN OUT
BEFORE WE GO
ANY FURTHER.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ME, TOO.
FALSE ALARM.
CHARLOTTE, COME AND HAVE
SOME CHAMPAGNE.
[SCRATCHING]
HELLO?
HELLO OUT THERE.
JOLLY?
I KNOW YOU'RE HERE.
HELLO? HELLO OUT THERE.
HELLO?
HELLO?
IS THAT YOU?
OF COURSE IT'S ME.
IT'S IN THE DOG.
COULD YOU
GET ME OUT OF HERE?
IS THIS YOUR USUAL FORM?
HEY, I'M STUCK IN HERE.
WHAT'S IT LIKE
WHERE YOU COME FROM?
WHERE I COME FROM?
THIS IS FASCINATING.
IS THERE MUCH PAIN
THERE?
NO, BUT IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE.
HOW ABOUT FIRE?
NO, NO. THERE'S NO FIRE.
EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE.
OH, THERE WERE
SOME SPARKS BEFORE,
BUT NO FIRE.
SPARKS?
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
I'M HERE FOR THE WEDDING.
WILL YOU PUT
THAT THING DOWN?
YOU HAVE
THE ATTENTION SPAN
OF A VERY SMALL CHILD.
KAY, DARLING--
DON'T "KAY, DARLING" ME.
I'VE ALWAYS HATED IT.
EVERY TIME YOU'D DO
SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS,
YOU'D TURN TO ME
AND SAY "KAY, DARLING."
I HOPE WHAT EMILY SAID
UP THERE
DIDN'T CONFUSE YOU.
CONFUSE ME? WHY, NO.
I WAS CONFUSED
ON MY OWN.
WE DID HAVE
A GREAT LIFE TOGETHER.
YES, WE DID.
I'LL HAVE TO REMOVE YOU
WITH THE POWER
OF ALMIGHTY GOD.
I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU USE,
JUST GET ME THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.
[RUFF! RUFF!
RUFF!]
I GOT HIM!
HE'S DOWNSTAIRS.
HE'S IN HERE.
THE SPIRIT?
HE'S IN THE DOG.
THE DOG?
OF COURSE.
THAT'S WHY HE'S
HATED ME SO MUCH.
GOOD LUCK.
I'M LEAVING.
YOU'RE LEAVING?
[RUFF!]
DAMN IT!
NOW I'M THE BAD GUY.
YOU DON'T
LIKE THAT, HUH?
NO. LEADING MAN,
THAT'S MORE MY STYLE.
I'M CASTING THIS ONE.
YOU'VE SWITCHED ME
TO PLAYING THE HEAVY.
I HAVEN'T SWITCHED YOU
TO ANYTHING.
BUT FOR THREE YEARS,
I WAS THE HERO.
YES, YOU WERE
BECAUSE THAT'S
ALL I COULD SEE.
ALL I COULD
REMEMBER ABOUT YOU
WERE THE GOOD THINGS.
SUDDENLY YOU'VE
COME FACE TO FACE
WITH MY
SMALL WEAKNESSES.
SMALL WEAKNESSES?
YOU CALL BELONGING
TO THE AFFAIR
OF THE MONTH CLUB
A SMALL WEAKNESS?
YOU NOW SEE ME
AS THE GUY I REALLY WAS,
HARDLY PERFECT
AND SOMETIMES A STINKER,
BUT PRETTY MUCH
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
NO BLACK HAT,
NO WHITE HAT.
I WAS, UM...
JOLLY.
AH, JOLLY. RUPERT...
RUPERT IS RUPERT.
AND A WONDERFUL GUY?
YES, HE'S
A WONDERFUL GUY.
HE MAY NOT
BE ABLE TO DANCE...
POSSIBLY NEVER WILL.
BUT HE LOVES ME,
AND I LOVE HIM.
I WANT TO GET ON
WITH MY LIFE.
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.
THERE'S NO ROOM
IN MY LIFE FOR YOU.
RIGHT.
WHAT?
[RUFF! RUFF!]
COME BACK HERE,
YOU MISERABLE MUTT!
I SAID RIGHT.
THAT'S FINE WITH ME.
I'LL GO.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I DON'T TRUST THIS.
YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE
THAT'S WHY YOU CAME.
WHY?
TO HELP ME, TO MAKE ME
UNDERSTAND THINGS.
BE CAREFUL, KAY.
YOU'LL ACCUSE ME
OF DOING SOMETHING
UNSELFISH,
AND I DO HAVE
A REPUTATION
TO CONSIDER.
OH, JOLLY,
THAT WOULD BE JUST LIKE YOU,
TYPICAL!
TURN THIS INTO
A GRAND GESTURE.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE
YOU CAME HERE
TO HELP ME GET YOU
OFF MY MIND, RIGHT?
GOOD LUCK.
WAIT. YOU CAN'T GO.
I'M RIGHT, AREN'T I?
DARLING, HAVE
A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.
YOU DESERVE IT.
I DO?
KISS ME GOODBYE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
KAY, ARE YOU
IN THERE?
JOLLY.
[RUFF! RUFF!]
MOTHER.
OH, MOTHER!
WHAT?
I'M SO HAPPY.
WHERE'S RUPERT?
I SAW HIM CHASING
THE DOG UPSTAIRS.
EMILY.
EVERYTHING'S
ALL FIXED UP.
GET EVERYONE READY
FOR THE REHEARSAL.
OK, PAL, OK.
MAYBE I CAN'T DANCE
LIKE YOU,
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
THE MARKET ON PASSION
CORNERED.
I HAPPEN TO
LOVE THAT WOMAN.
I'M MARRYING HER
TOMORROW
BECAUSE I LOVE HER!
FURTHERMORE, I WANT YOU
OUT OF OUR LIVES.
I WANT YOU OUT
BECAUSE I'M SICK
OF YOUR INNUENDO
AND YOUR MEDDLING
IN OUR AFFAIRS...
EVEN IF YOU DID
LOVE HER.
NOW, I'M GOING
TO MARRY HER,
AND I DON'T
WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD
FROM YOU.
YOU GOT THAT?
AAH!
ADVANCE AND BEGONE!
Charlotte: IT'S EDGAR.
I'LL KILL HIM.
SOMETHING'S WRONG.
EMILY?
WATCH OUT!
YOU SEE THAT?
I SAW IT!
YOU HEARD
WHAT I SAID?
I HEARD IT.
RUPERT, I HAVE
SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
JOLLY--HE'S GONE.
JOLLY'S GONE?
FOREVER.
RUPERT...I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU,
TOO.
LET'S GET ON
WITH THE REHEARSAL.
I DON'T WANT THE REHEARSAL.
I WANT TO GET MARRIED.
RIGHT NOW?
RIGHT NOW. CAN YOU?
WELL, I SUPPOSE.
WHAT ABOUT
THE GUESTS?
WE'LL GO THROUGH IT
AGAIN TOMORROW.
THAT'S VERY
IRRESPONSIBLE.
LOOSEN UP!
IT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA.
WELL, GET ON
DOWN HERE.
HOO-HOO!
I'M COMING!
OHH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
RUPERT. RUPERT.
CALL A DOCTOR!
GET SOME WATER.
PERRIER.
CHARLOTTE.
CHARLOTTE, I FIXED IT!
I'M NOT TALKING
TO YOU.
THE KID
BEEN DRINKING?
HI.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE.
NEVER FELT BETTER.
OH, RUPERT.
WHAT'S EVERYONE
STARING AT?
LET'S GET THE SHOW
ON THE ROAD.
MOM, HOW ABOUT
SOME CHAMPAGNE?
I'D LOVE IT.
[TAP-DANCING]
KAY!
♪ YOU'LL GO AWAY ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE ALL DAY ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER STAY ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ JUST ME FOR YOU ♪
♪ OUR WHOLE LIFE THROUGH ♪
♪ IT WON'T COME TRUE ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SUCH A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SO KISS ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SORRY
THAT IT WENT SO FAST ♪
♪ THE FUTURE
HAS BECOME OUR PAST ♪
♪ TOO GOOD,
WE COULDN'T LAST... ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
20th CENTURY FOX
HOME ENTERTAINMENT
♪ AND NOW WE SEE ♪
♪ WITH YOU AND ME ♪
♪ ONE'S GOTTA LET GO ♪
♪ BUT IT'S A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ OH, BABY,
SUCH A NICE DREAM ♪
♪ SO KISS ME GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SORRY
THAT IT WENT SO FAST ♪
♪ THE FUTURE
HAS BECOME OUR PAST ♪
♪ TOO GOOD,
WE COULDN'T LAST ♪
♪ MMM MM MMM ♪
♪ RIGHT NOW WE SEE
WITH YOU AND ME ♪
♪ ONE'S GOT TO LET GO ♪
♪ AND LET THE OTHER
GO FREE ♪
♪ OH, THE LOVE WE STILL FEEL ♪
♪ ONLY PROVES IT WAS REAL ♪
♪ IT WAS A REAL ♪
♪ NICE ♪
♪ DREAM ♪