Kidnap Me (2018) - full transcript

Oh my God, I'm so wet, I'm gonna soak through the chair!

That's nice dear!

Is this going to be like last weekend?

Relax.
I am relaxed.

You're not gonna get left on your own again.
I promise.

I just think it wasn't much fun.
Stop fretting.

I'm not fretting.
You're a constant fretter.

You're fretting about fretting now aren't you?
Maybe.

Well don't. I think this is it.

You can go home if you like.

Right. So it's Jasmine and...
Henry.



and Henry's in...
Finance.

and Jasmine?
Rides horses.

I had to kiss a lot of arse to get invited
here tonight.

Hopefully I won't have to suck a load of...

Hi! Come in.
Let me take your coat.

Darlings! Let me take a good look at you.

Strong Aqualine nose. Soft jawline.

Short eye to eyebrow distance. Yes. Plenty to work with here.

Thank you?

Do forgive Jasmine! She's a dedicated student of physiognomy.

Right. Well, I hope I measure up.

Shall we?
Charlie, I've got you over there next to Henry.

I expect you two have much to talk about.
Excuse me.

Benjamin, you and I can make a pair here.
Lovely.



So I'm dying to know. How did you two sweethearts
meet?

Mutual friends.
Through work.

Mutual work friends.
How romantic.

Hankie and I were high school sweethearts.

I knew from the moment I saw him that he was the one for me. He was my first.

You must try the organic poppy seed with the aged Wensleydale. It is absolutely divine

I'm totally stuffed...
Choo choo!

We have a brought all the way from Saffron Walden by horse and cart.

Costs a bloody riot but makes for a minuscule carbon footprint.

Oh! Umm... Err...

Little Boy's room?
Yes, please.
Up the stairs on the left.

She's really something isn't she?
Most definitely.

Well!

Excuse me?
Oh, right. Of course!

It's going well then?
You reckon?

Well, they seem like nice people.

Don't they?

Now for the main event!

Not yet, Jazzy!

But I want to show them my basket.

The Order of Aphrodite welcomes you, Benjamin and Charlotte, to its West Surrey Chapter.

Now, as is tradition... Ladies.

Oh, a fine choice.

I've got a special treat for you and your strong aquiline nose.

I wonder what they'll do first?

I don't know...
Well why not, you booked it?

Well, yes...
No actually, don't tell me.

I want it to be a surprise.

You were right about surprises.

Oh, come on. What did you book?

I don't remember.
Ooh, I like it.

No, I really don't remember.

I hope you booked spanking?

Yes, did, definitely asked for that one.
Electrics?

Nothing over nine volts though. They have
a strict health and safety policy.

Good boy! Hot wax?
Pretty sure that was in there.

So you do remember? Cheeky boy. Well done!

So, you've got a lunch with the Marron CEO...
Can I have a black one please?

Sure. Followed by three o'clock yoga
with Barnes.

Cocktails at 5.30 I had to shunt to 6 but we have VIP reservations until 8.

The MLE veep's are in conference at 9AM Eastern so you can link in at 2PM remote

And Miss Hing is in your office.
Thank you.

Yes?

Can I watch you close?

Closing's a little like fucking, honey.

Everybody likes talking about it afterwards but very few like to be watched.

So hey, I'm going to need you to take a look at the Clifton file.

Something's gone wrong somewhere and these numbers aren't quite adding up for me on this one.

Isn't that Barton's account?

Yeah, but Barton's away on midterm training and you're my go-to guy, aren't you!

I need this sorted by noon tomorrow.
I wouldn't know where to start.

That's not going to stop a resourceful
little guy like you, is it? Noon tomorrow!

Noon. Noonski!

Well, how much...

Good to have you on board Mary.

So, you found the balls up yet?

You see that's just it. The whole thing is
a complete mess.

Look, if I didn't think you could handle
it, I wouldn't have entrusted it to you, would I?

Would I?
Wouldn't you?

I appreciate all the work you do for me, I
really do.

It's not everybody who's got the gumption, or the determination, to stay late and put their whole personal life on hold,

just to sort out somebody else's problem.

That person could be you.

I believe in you.

Please tell me you didn't tick water sports.

No.
Oh thank God. I hate that.

You're always so sticky afterwards.

And it smells.

Just as well I didn't book it then.
Great.

Did you actually say no, like explicitly?
I didn't tick the box.

If some fat fucker pisses on me tonight Ben...

No one's going to piss on you, Honey!
They better not!

This isn't quite what I was expecting though.

I think this must be what they called the authentic experience.

I thought you said it was a luxury experience?

I guess it's a genuine representation of,
uh...

Yeah, well, I'd still have expected some leather
and chains and things. Maybe even a whip ...

Maybe even a whip...

They'll probably bring that stuff out as they
go, you know, probably have to keep things tidy.

Avoid breakages.

This just arrived for you.
Thank you. Off out?

Yeah, it's my birthday.
Happy birthday.

Anywhere nice?
We've got a table at Space.

Congratulations.

We might be able to squeeze on another if...

Love to, but you know...
Yeah, I mean, they get pretty booked up.

Another time maybe?

Ta-da!

You've been shopping.

I've been a very, very bad girl.

I can see that. So what?

So?
So what?
Did you get my text?

Sorry. It's been a long day.

Come on, it's trussed-up Thursday!

What is it next week? Whip-me Wednesday?

Let's see how you get on tonight, big boy.

Can a big boy take a rain check?
With me looking like this?

I thought you liked it?
I do, I just...

Don't make me return it. I've got loyalty points pending.

Okay. So, what do you want me to do exactly?

Not that. Get the paddle.

I'm all yours, baby.

Are you buying a house?

We're buying a house.
Are we? Are we ready for that?

Yeah, it's working, isn't it?
It's a big commitment.

We're not getting married. Now hit me.

Can we even afford it?

Of course we can. I've just done the deal of
the decade. And you've got the savings.

Yeah.

I just, I just don't think that buying
is a good idea at the moment.

I can't deal with renting anymore. It's throwing
money away.

I understand that. I do. I only wonder if...

I'm just asking that we look. There's no obligation.

I heard that they're putting up stamp duty, and then there's movers' fees and solicitors' fees and...

We'd have to change the broadband.

If I moved would you come with me?
Yeah.

Problem solved. Now hit me, bitch!

Are you sure you said no water sports?
I'm positive.

Only it does kind of smell of piss in here.

It's all part of the experience.

Fine, but if I'm going to bent over and given a spanking

I don't really want to be reminded
of my grandmother.

Taking their time though aren't they?

Ben!
I know. I just...

You forgot the one thing I asked you to bring.

We could...
What, just us?

It's not really the point though, is it?

Excuse me.
Yes?

Are you two up for a fuck or what?

It's just that me stiffy's gone and
me nuts are getting cold!

Sorry mate.
Fucking hipsterites!

Child locks.
Why do you have child locks?

They came with the car!

Well, that was really embarrassing.

We'll never be able to come here again. Not that I even came in the first place.

Oh, I'm sorry are we going to get
blackballed by the dogging society?

At least I get some sort of balling.

Come on. Let's go.

What's wrong with my Malcolm then, eh?
You can't just come here and mess around.

There are rules, you know!
Excuse me?

You come here with your fancy cars and your sex pills,

shoving your pert little boobs out and then... nothing!

Malcolm's lost his hard-on!

I'll make sure I can return it if I find it.
I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding.

I know your sort!
My sort?!

Honey, I think...
Firstly, you don't stand there with your stretch marks

and your condescension and expect me
to explain myself.

Secondly, Malcolm lost his own hard-on, and don't blame me if this is the only way you two can fuck anymore!

Rude!

Here - ribbed, for your pleasure.

How unsavoury!

Drive.

It's a role play.
What?

Well, we're kidnap victims. Act scared.
I'm too turned on to be scared.

Help!
What are you doing?

Help us! We've been kidnapped!
Don't scream the fucking house down, we don't want to be rescued.

I'm just getting into character.

Getting into character. Fuck sake!
You're putting me off, is what you're doing.

Putting you off what?
I'm trying to frig myself off.

But I've got no friction. Can you reach back?
I'm tied up.

Well, can't you reach with your fingers?
How long do you think my fingers are?

Apparently not long enough.

Look, they'll be here soon enough alright?
You'll have to have plenty of time to frig later.

Fuck it. Help!
That's the spirit!

Help us! Help us!

So, hey, I'm going to need you to look at the Clifton file again.

Barton's back now.

Well, I'm asking you to look at it.
Why?

Okay, let's just break this down.
What's your job description again?

Associate New Business Enterprise Executive.
What's my job description?

New Business Enterprise Manager.

Correct! So that makes me...
The boss.

Well done! That, as you say, makes me the boss.
The Big Kahuna! Number One! Numero Uno! The Big Cheese!

Hang on a minute. This was Barton's mistake.
It's Barton's account. It's Barton's problem.

Well I'm giving it to you.

Look, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but give it to fucking Barton!

Red Leather Days.

So what's this surprise then?

You can't bear to see me in control, can you?

Okay, where is it?
Where's what?

When you recommended the cheesecake? I thought...
You thought?

I'll be right back.

Just tell me.
You have to be patient.

I've never been patient. In fact, if you remember
I asked you out.

I was building up to it.
Oh? When?

When were you going to sweep me off my feet?

Well you didn't exactly give me much of a chance, did you?

You had a week.

I made the first move.

Drunkenly caterwauling 'Wonderwall' at the company karaoke does not constitute making a first move, Ben.

Madame, Bon anniversaire!
Ooh, thank you!

Well, I'm guessing it's not diamonds!

Luxury abduction experience. Get ready

One night of electrifying passion and role play.

Get ready for a night you will never forget as our seasoned kidnappers whisk you off the street

and take you to their secret lair.

When?
Keep reading.

Tonight?

Come here.

That was the plan.

Cheers.

This is the kind of place we should be living.
Yeah, right, how many millions do we need to do that?

Daddy will be very cross if he sees me out with a boy tonight.

I have to ride my pony tomorrow.

But um, you said that daddy was out tonight
so he's not going to catch us is he?

I can't let you come in the maid'll tell mummy!

Help us! Help us, we've been kidnapped!
We've been kidnapped!
Help!

Finally! What took you so long?
Honey, play the role.

Sorry!

Oh no, you big nasty, scary man! Please don't hurt me!

We'll give you anything you want!
Don't hit me please! And don't twist my nipples.

I wasne gonna
We'll give you anything.

Just the fuck up. Do you know why you're here?
Yes. I mean, no. Why are we here?

What do you want? Are you going to spank me?
No!

I thought you said you booked spanking.
Honey, not in front of the kidnapper please!

You sure you're not going to spank her?
This is not some fucking game, Posh Boy.

Oh yeah, that's better.

Get your shit together.

Okay, sure. Sorry!

Fuck, we've got a right pair of tossers tonight.
Yeah?
Posh twats.

Jeez, posh twats, that's all we fucking need!
They're fucking wankers, the lot of them, I tell ya!

I swear I'm getting too old for this shit.

Them two, they're on that coke, fucked in
the head.

Hope you're not texting.
I'm not.

Just put it on silent.
It is.

What did you think?

He's not very convincing is he?
Acting is harder than it looks, honey.

What, is he out there touching his makeup
or something?

He's probably doing voice warm-ups.

I could do with some warming up.

What are we waiting for, eh?

You know the score. We just let them stew for a bit, work themselves, up, then we take the ransom shot.

Stew? We're not cooking a fucking meal! When do we get to cut off a toe?

No, for real. Jake's brother chops off toes. The little
one. It's his calling card.

Well you see, calling cards are for morons.
And Jake's brother's doing time,

'cos he's a fuckin' idiot! D'ya want to leave something for the polis to follow? I think not!

Still though, I reckon we should be in there getting fucking medieval on the pair of them, pulling fingernails...

See, that's why I'm in charge!
Do you want to see how I do it?

Does the Pope wipe his arse with a Rabbit?
What?

Does the Pope wipe his fucking arse with a...

All right, all right! Follow my lead, watch and learn.

Okay? Turn that phone off.
Off!

Right you two. Ears shut, mouths open!

Jesus would you check the legs on that!
Don't you fucking look at me.

Ooh. Scary.

You want your wifey to get hurt?

No, but I think she does.
Cool.

Ow! Sorry, um, no way motherfucker. You ain't getting nothing out of me.

Please don't do the American accent.

Ooh, nasty! What else you got?

This is fucking awesome!

Try twisting.
Shut it!

We know who you are. We know who your daddy is.

We know he's got cheddar.

My daddy or her daddy?

Hers!
Oh good, good. Sorry.
Just so we're on the same page. Carry on.

Thank you, now where was I?

Daddy.
Your daddy's rich, now I'm the daddy.

You're the daddy.
What?

He's the daddy.

Oi!
She spoke!

Now , you're going to do what I say, when
I say it. Alright?

I'll do whatever you tell me. Daddy.

This is no joke, lassie! If you don't do as I say, then your man here's in trouble!
Really!?

Big time.
We don't need him.

Fucking disposable!
Hang on a minute, I paid...

What we do want...
What we really, really want...

is you.
On camera!

Right?

Now, phone.

You're gonna tell your daddy to give me my money or he's never gonna see your pretty wee face again.

Really!? You couldn't have brushed your teeth before we started tonight?

Shut it, you manky wee whore!

Um, what do you want me to do?
Sit down, and keep your fucking hole shut!

By the way, you've got great cheekbones. Could've
been a model, you know? Lingerie and that!

Oh yeah!
Now, When I say, you tell daddy that your life's in danger.

We're serious men and he needs
to pay me my money.

Life's in danger. Serious men. Needs to pay.

Oh! Get this fucking thing working!

Camera loves you, sugar tits! You should see this.

She's very photogenic.
Do I have to tell you again?!
Sorry. Sorry.

Right, are we ready?
Fuck yeah!

Great. So do it.

Oh, daddy, I've been kidnapped by some scary men. Who are serious.

Look, I'm tied up and everything. You should pay them. Totally.

Like pay them by... Sorry, when by?

No, no, no, no, no, no! Stop Fuckin' about!

Aren't you scared?
I am scared.

Your man's more scared than you!

He's right darling it was a bit flat.

Are you criticizing my performance!?

Just imagine the phone's a giant Fox-Bat-Thing, trying to suck the brains out of your eye sockets.

Okay. Alright. Alright. Come on. Come on Charlie.
You can do this.

And go!
Daddy, please, I don't know what they're gonna do.

I don't want to die. Just pay them! Whatever it takes!

They're serious! Help me!

See, you can do it, that was much better!

That was excellent, darling.

Lovely performance. I'd have paid. Kind of sexy, too.

Really?
I could watch that over and over,
and then I'd use my left hand...

Right. Thanks for that. We'll be back in a
minute.

Where are you going?
What's going on?

What about me?
Hello!

Oh, she was filth man! I tell you, I'd pushing up that like a fucking rabbit, like 'ooh, ooh'!

You got the, details?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alright, send it.
Yeah, cheque's in the post!

Right. Nicely done sunshine. Now, just give
a couple of minutes, they should call right back.

Where on earth did you find these people!?
They came highly recommended.

So what exactly did you book?

I guess I booked an experience.
An experience with or without erotica?

With?
Why are we getting any? I had to practically beg him to touch me!

Fuck this! Move your fanny, shift it.

Hello? Mr Bannister? Mr. Cameron Bannister?
This is the man who has your daughter.

I'm sorry honey. Trust me. Red Leather Days are going to get a strongly worded letter as soon as we're out of here.

Strongly worded!?
I'll say I'm shocked and appalled.

Oh, they will be sorry!
Yes, they will.

Oh, you're pathetic!
Sorry?

'Sorry, Sorry' It's all I hear from you.

'Sorry, Mr Kidnapper. Sorry Miss Swinger'.
Well, what do you want me to say?

I want you to be a man and grow a pair!
If this isn't the service you've paid for then fucking sort it out!

Your daughter Sophie. We've kidnapped her.

Now did you get my video?

The video I just sent ya! She's what!?

Well, what do you mean?

She's in the what? Put her on the phone!

Hello, Sophie Bannister?

Fuck!

Doesn't sound good!

They're the wrong couple! We've got the wrong set of yuppies!

Shite it!

But, we've been watching this house for days!?

Have you got the photo's?

Fucking yuppies look all the same to me. Look, they're even wearing the same shoes!

We let them go.

No fucking way! That's my fucking payday in there. I ain't letting them go.

Have you got a better idea?
Look, I've got bills to pay, yeah?

The Boss'll know what to do. Let's call him!
We're not calling the Boss.

Well we ain't letting them go.
We call the Boss, we're dead! We let them go.

Oh, come on man, we can still fix this, we can get still get some money here.

They're the wrong people. They know nothing.

They don't know who we are. Let's just start
again. Clean slate.

Look, but ...
But nothing! I'm the daddy!

Great, service at last I hope.

Fantastic, it's the spanking.
See, they are professionals!

So, should I be like this? Skirt up, or will you do that?

It's better if she's bent over.

Can I give you two a bit of advice? Stay
off the sniff!

No, no, don't answer it, I'm ready for you!
Shh!

So should I stay like this or...

No, you deal with it. Do what needs to be done.

Sit the fuck down!

We don't want those wandering hands going places they shouldn't be now, do ya sugar tits?

Ahh, so you're the bad cop.

We'll play cops and robbers alright!
Some kind of play would be nice.

Careful what you wish for sugar tits, yeah?

Hey!

I'm sure I booked the spanking.

You went behind my back!

I told you we can fix this.
He knows!

Look, we can still get their money.
We're gonna have to now, aren't we?

I can get it out of her man. I've got mad
skills you bloody have never seen!

Oh yeah, how?
Well, I dunno! Ah! We torture them and that.

Thumbscrews!
We got any thumbscrews?

Not as such, no.
So, what have we got?

Right, this is where the fun begins!

This is gonna get very nasty, very quickly, if no one tells me what I need to know.

Hello pretty boy, now you're gonna be our bitch!

Aha!

Right then, sugar tits, your husband's gonna choke to death if you don't start talking!

What?
What was that?

What the fuck have you got to say?
I can still breathe through my nose.

Let me see!

Tell me what I need to know! Talk!

Burn, baby, burn. Disco inferno.

She's my one. Jesus Christ!

Honey, it's the hot wax.

Hot, just like you!

Did you like that sugar tits?
Oh yeah!

Oh, that's dripping all over you, you're
all wet.

Oh, don't stop, don't stop! That's amazing!

That's going in the wank bank!
This is Pish!

Ugh! Lavender.

Right, we're going to have to bring out the big guns here.

Yes! Waterboarding!

What?
Yeah, what they did to the towel heads and that, right nasty stuff!

How does it work?

You chuck some water on their face, supposed
to be well fucking effective, like

What do you think?
Oh, look, it's follow the wanker day

Yeah! What?

This is it! You start talking!

Woah, what the...
What's this?

Get me the money! Get me the money!

What's this!?
Spit it out!
What are you doing?!

Red Rum! Red Rum! Red fucking Rum!

Red Rum!
What?
Red fucking Rum, Jesus!

The fuck's he on about?
Talk to me!

Spit it out!
Tell me! What is it?

Red rum, red rum, tickle tum,
Why the fuck are you singing?

Fucking shit!
Red rum, slappy bum.

What the fuck are you singing?
Red rum, reddy rum.
Oh, whatever!

You're dead!

Oh shit! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, he was shitting himself! We were getting somewhere.

What was 'Red rum' about?

You don't understand. It's not what you think.

It's ringing.
No, don't!

Okay, what's going on?

Look, we can do this. We can cut off one of
their toes. The little one. Anyone you like. I don't mind!

We've been kidnapped!
I know.

No! We've. Been. Kidnapped!
I. Know.

No, you don't understand, It's for real. This is genuine.

They really want our money.
But you've paid them already.

Do what I think needs to be done.

These aren't the kidnappers I paid for.

What!?
I paid for some other kidnappers that didn't...

This is your last chance.

Look, they're gonna kill us, we've got to
get out of here!

Okay, look, we'll figure out a way through
this.

Trust me, I eat guys like this for breakfast.

Right, I'm going for the toes!

How are you, sugar tits?

You know, I've been watching him do this for years.

Hundreds of yuppies, thousands of pounds.

Get in, get out, quicker than a rabbit on speed.

But you two, you two are something else, aren't you?

Please.
You're not going to talk your way out this one loverboy.

Either you start talking, or I'll start cutting.

Ooh.

You're not seriously getting turned on after this are you?

No, it's just...

Just?

I've got a thing for knives.

Really?
Oh God. Yeah.

What are you doing?

The cold hard steel against my flesh. The submission.

My life in your hands.

You could cut me at any moment. Release a sliver of warm, moist blood running down my thighs.

Cool.

This whole situation is making me so hot.

There's not much that doesn't turn you on now, is there?

You're so much more forceful than the other one.

I am.

You know what you want.
I do.

Want to get your hands on this?
Not just my hands.

What the fuck was that?

What was that?

I was working him!

I was working her!

You were flirting!
Trust me!

Rule number one, don't fuck the hostages!

What say I can't have a little bit of fun?
That's not how it's done!

Look, she likes me. I can tell. And I can
make this work clean. Just like you said.

Have some faith.

You come to finish what we started?

Oh, I'll finish. I'll finish you like you've
never been finished before.

Hope you brought the right tools this time.
Only one I'll ever need!

Now, hang on a minute...

Hey! If we're going to come to an understanding here, I think we need to establish some ground rules.

The only thing you're establishing is how deep you can take me.

Oh, much deeper than you think.

Now, look, I...

Now, way I see it, you came here for some
fun and I've got the gear to give it to you.

Thing is, you're not telling us what we need to know.

Come closer and I'll tell you everything.

He's got savings. Thousands. Gold card.

What did you tell him?
Ben, I've got this.

Trust me!

Look, please, whatever she told you... Don't.

So, now we're alone, eh?

Is this what you're after, sugar tits?
Oh yeah!

You are fucking nasty!

You should see what I can do with my hands.

So, nasty girl wants me?
I'll take you to places you've never been before.

Paris.

Just gotta untie me first.
Oh, I'll take you to Paris!

You're gonna be my man?
Your man aint giving it to you right?

What man?
That's cold!

What are you gonna do about it?
I'm going to give it to you, right?

How you gonna do that?
I'm gonna give it to ya all night,

up tight!

You know they do in Paris?
No.

Striptease.
What!?

They get naked!
Like proper naked?

Show me the goods. Big boy.
Well, I've got the goods right here for you baby!

Swing for me baby!

Yeah! Slowly.

Yeah! You got the moves!

Ooh.!
Cheeky!

Yeah baby!

Wait, wait, stop! I really don't know what
you want!

There's been some sort of misunderstanding!

I don't know what she said to you, but ...

Show me your money. Give me your wallet.

Look, I'm telling you, there's no point. There's
nothing left.

Please, listen to me.

Pin!
I spent my last pound on this evening.

She's the one with the money.

This was my last chance to make things work! My last chance to do what she wanted

She… You know what? Fuck it!

Do what you gotta do. I don't give a fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I don't wanna do it. I won't do it. I don't want to do it.

It's not right! It's not right! It's not right!

I won't do it, it's not right.

Peppermint?

Oh, thank fuck!

What was that!?

What, and I can't even have a little bit of
fun?

Don't fuck the hostages!
I wasn't fucking her, I was wanking in her hair!

I don't even want to fucking know!

Did you get the money?
There's no fucking money! None!

Lying fucking bitch! Let me at her!

You all right?

Ben?

Ben?

Did you pay him?

No.

Why not?

Because I'm skint.

What, since when?

Since always.

I thought you savings?

I did, two years ago.
Well, what happened to them?

You did.

Look, I can't do this anymore.

Do what?

This. Us.

Look, we've had a bad night. We'll sleep on it and talk about it in the morning.

There's not going to be a morning. I've got nothing left.

No money, no credit. My girlfriend wants to shag everyone in sight, including her own kidnapper!

It's done.

I wasn't going to.

Wouldn't have been the first time.

Yeah but that's what we do!?

And I hate it!

What?

All this kinky stuff, I hate it!

What do you mean you hate it?

I hate watching you with other men. I hate
being watched.

I hate it rough. I hate getting wet. I hate it dirty. I hate it in public.

I hate telling you what to do. I hate being told what to do.

I hate sharing you with anyone, anything, anywhere

You know, love and honesty and all that.

So you lied to me.

I'm coming to you.

I called the boss.

What?

See, I know what he wants, and you're not man enough to do it, are you?

I'm the daddy now. And you? You clean up after me.

Fuck you!
No, fuck you and fuck them! They're done!

I thought we had something. Your loss!

What the fuck's going on?!

Ah fucksakes.

What the fuck's going on?

Jesus, that's freaky! You look like a fucking tard!

Who has orange saliva?

Maybe this'll turn me on, eh?

Take one more step daddy! Go on, I dare you!

Look I dinnae wanna hurt you, hen

You alright?
The Boss is coming.
How long?

He's close. Take these, I'll look after Loverboy.

Come on.

Ah, me jugglers!

Well, this is just peachy, isn't it?

Nice fucking work. Really professional. My arse.

What the fuck?

We came to an agreement.
Not fucking that!

You lied to me Ben.

Boss is gonna kill you, you know that? And
I'm going to tell him you pussied out!

The boss is going to kill you.

So be it.

Not exactly.

Not exactly?! Do you think I like fucking old men in car parks?!

Don't you?

No!
Then why?

One of us had to do something! I thought that's what you wanted.

I mean, isn't that every man's dream?

Fucking old men in car parks!?

And you never complained. Not once!

Not so much as a 'oh, not so hard' or even a 'just the one finger darling'!

You know I used to look up to you. What happened to you?

Is that going to happen me when I'm
your age? Just give up and turn shit and fat.

Don't you ever shut up?
Seriously? When did you turn into such a faggy arse-bandit?

I just wanted you to be happy. I wanted us to be happy.

Oh, and for your information,
I never cared about the money.

You turned into a big, fat, fuck!
Shut it!

I didn't...

God, I don't know how to say it…

I didn't know how to make you love me.

Ben, I do...

Let's get out of here.

What?

Come on, let's just go!

There's something I've gotta do.

Ben, please. He's got fucking sword!

Can't leave him to die.
We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him!

I need to do this!
No!

You go. I'll be fine.
We're in this together.

Hey.
Hey you.

Here.
What's this?

It was all I could find.

You alright?

Listen, whatever happens. I want you to know
something.

I love you!
That's what I was going to say.

Sorry.
No, it's fine. It would be nice to get to say it sometimes.

What's stopping you?

Moment's kind of gone now.
Just say it.

I love you.
You see, wasn't that hard.

Now let's get these Mother...

Cunts, Honey!

You can go home now. Thank you.

I said, no Water Sports!

Is this a full time job?
Up until about a minute ago.

Any future plans?
Shoot the crow.

What's that?
Go, honey.
Oh right, yeah.

Hell of a night!

So what's on the calendar for next week?

Dinner and a movie?

Are you buying?
Looks like it.

So, um, no more dogging then?
No more dogging!

Swinging?
Done.

Spanking?
Don't ruin all my fun!

Well, that was the idea...