Kashima ari (1963) - full transcript

A Takarazuka Films Work

A hidden best-seller that yields
stereophonic weeps.

"The Essence of a Love Affair"
is this book's title.

A raw documentary with
uncensored obscenity.

Have a look, read it.

It will make your nights truly fun.
And it's only 100 Ryo.

I'll add this photo as a service
if you're unmarried.

Those with a wife, show it to your wife.

If your wife gets angry with jealousy
I'll give your money back.

I'm also a man...

Hey Harasaku,

if you're also a man, don't do business here
without paying your respects.

- Hey!
- Hey, stop right there!

Watch out! Move!


Watch out! Watch out! Move...

Move! Move!

Watch out!

Damn it...
Hey, check inside.

- Yes sir.
- Yes sir.

Hey give me back my hat.
Give it... back...

Where the heck did he go?

- That bastard, he's fast on his feet.
- Make way! Move!

- Move!
- I'm sorry.

Hey you, give me back my hat.

Big bro, he's not here.

- Really? Okay, look over there.
- Yes sir.

English, French, German
and blah blah blah...

"Goro Yoda's Apartment Residence"

You're obviously a flunkee
who couldn't enter college, right?

- Are you...
- By the way, about that...

... an acquaintance of
this Professor Goro?

Not just a mere acquaintance,
but the disciple of the Great Professor Goro,

I am Sakuichi Nishihara.

I beg your pardon, but isn't
that advertisement a sham?

Say what?

I, you know, am the ghost-writer
of Professor Goro's thesis.

I graduated from Gakushuin's
Civil Engineering Department.

Don't underestimate me.

I apologize.


I mean, sir, I've expressly approached you
so that you could introduce me to Professor Yoda.

- Let's interpret it like that.
- Oh really?

Then, please lead the way at once.

- Here's a 300 Yen introduction fee.
- 300 Ryo, huh?

If things don't go well,
you have to return me those 300 Yen.

I know that.

But what a strange name it has,
"Apartment Residence".

What's so strange about it?

Ah, that's right,
fortunately there's a vacant room.

Why don't you rent it?

Studying with Professor Goro
will give you confidence. What do you say?


If you do, about the deposit,
I'll beat down the price for you.

It's a nice place from where
you can see the center of Osaka, like this...

- Hey, are you listening to me?
- Yeah.

And when you go outside
to take a piss,

listen here, a seven colored rainbow
will appear above Osaka.

Is that so?


Production: Kazuo Takimura

Original work: Masuji Ibuse
Adaptation: Yuzo Kawashima, Giichi Fujimoto

The swallow is on an endless journey
for a nest

Shooting: Kozo Okazaki
Art: Motoji Kojima
Recording: Koji Oshiumi

And yet it flies high up in the sky
without any concern about it

Lighting: Kazuo Shimomura
Music: Riichiro Manabe
Ceramic Art Instructor: Kazuo Yagi

Carelessly fluttering its wings.

People stand under the eaves


Frankie Sakai

With their eyes and noses slouched down

Chikage Awashima
Nobuko Otowa

Pondering over their past and future

Chieko Naniwa
Nijiko Kiyokawa
Kokinji Katsura

Kyu Sazanka, Yu Fujiki,
Shoichi Ozawa, Kiiton Masuda

They fall down in lamentation
as they go to bed.

Ikio Sawamura, Takeshi Kato, Etsuko Ichihara,
Keiko Nishioka, Hinode Nishikawa, Atsushi Watanabe

But is their lamentation
without a reason?

Their lamentation is not without a reason.

Directed by Yuzo Kawashima

Translation by bLoodZ

[Room for rent]

The Mountain of Fuji...

- May I come in?
- Come in.

Excuse me...

Are you here for the room?


Are you here for the room?


It's the four-and-a-half-mat room next door.

- I wrote the "Room for rent" sign outside.
- But I'm here for Mr. Yoda.

Oh, Mr. Goro?
I see.

I'm Mr. Goro's war buddy,
Yokichi Tani alias Mr. Yo.

I'm Yumiko Tsuyama,
from Senso's in Shinsaibashi.

Ah, from the roasted potato shop...
No, I mean the pottery shop.


Where is Mr. Goro?

Let me see...
Since he was just collecting the rent,

he must be at the landlord's place.

- Oh, he's also the administrator?
- No-no. The landlord asked him to do that.

He's the type who can't refuse
when someone asks a favor.

Including mine. When, due to circumstances,
I ended up here from Edo,

I asked Professor Goro to teach me
how to make cabbage rolls and konjac jelly.

And now I'm taking orders.

Amateurs shouldn't touch that.

That means he's a professor
as well as your tutor, right?

Oh, you're good, that's exactly it.

During the army I was one rank
above him though.

I see you're a "slender
and smartly shaped woman".


Let me show you the way.

No need, I'm fine.
Please go ahead with your work.


It's the tea house beyond bath room.

I see.

Ah-ah, wait-wait, don't move...

What is it?



Oh, a bee.

You darn bee, you sure are familiar
with hormone filled places. Sorry.

Mister Hochindo,
the water isn't hot enough.

Are you cold?


Excuse me, the tea house
is that way, right?

Excuse me...

Excuse me.

E-E-Excuse me...


Where is Mr. Yoda?


Where is Mr. Goro Yoda?


- It went here.
- Here?

It went here.

There's no use scratching without any nails.

It itches, get it away...

Where is it? Look at all the sweat.
You're covered in it.

Give me a second.

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Good afternoon.

It's itchy.

More, more.

- Is it gone yet?
- Not yet, not yet...

Faster, faster.
Hurry up, faster, it itches.

It must be here, it itches.


Stay still!

Itchy-itchy-itchy! Ouch!

Excuse... Oh!

I'm sorry.



What is it?

Excuse me,
I was told that Mr. Yoda is here.

Mr. Goro already went back to his room.


Just a moment.

This isn't working.

Here, Mr. Goro forgot these.

Oh, it's a flea!

Uh? A flea?



I got it! There!

Mr. Goro, come here.


- You have a visitor.
- Thanks.

Oh... What an unexpected visitor.
Please, come in.

- Mr. Goro, come here for a moment.
- What is it Mr. Kumata?

You see, it's about our queen bee,

its butt's movement is kind of strange
even though it's not the mating season.

- Hmm... I'll take a look at it later.
- I'm counting on you.


Oh! Where did you find them?
I looked all over for these.

I wonder where?


It's this way, this way.

[Hochindo's Objets d'art]

Excuse me, if you have old stuff
that you don't need, come and tell me.

Be careful.

She's a fine woman.

Dear! What are you doing?

Nothing, Ma'am!


Oh my!


I'm sorry this is just a left-over drink,
but it's your thank you gift for the other day.

Thank you.
Oh, this is a fine...

I beg your pardon.

Come in.

What's the big hurry?

It's breaking down.

- Who was that just now?
- Uh?

The lady just now.


She's Ms. Yasuyo Shima, a western liquor
broker and one formidable neighbor.

I'm not so sure about that. Mr. Goro,
I hear you're popular with the middle-aged ladies.

You must be joking. It's just
a misplaced kindness. Have a seat.

It's not that I'm any...

I'm also in my thirties...

Sit over here.

So I'm not in a position to judge.

Not at all.
There's no need to worry.

The life span of Japanese women
seems to be increasing lately.

Mr. Goro, the landlord's cat, Miko,

ended up in the mousetrap
and I don't know how to open it.

Come on, I just showed you the other day
when a stray dog got stuck.

You do like this and then this.

What a cutie.

- Come here.
- It's not that hard to open it.

It seems too big for mice.

Is it too big?
I'll have to fix it.

Do you need something else?

But she sure is a fine woman.

Is that so?

She's got a big butt like a queen bee's,
stocked with female hormones.


No-no. The woman who came to see
Mr. Goro. Ouch-ouch...

- Do it right.
- Sorry, sorry.

But, who's woman is she?

I'm sure she's still a maiden.
Yeah, you should see her walk.

Look, something like this.


We'll be sending the ceramics
from these photos to France

and I'd like to make
a 50 page pamphlet with them.

Hmm, 50 pages, huh?

But do you have enough materials for that?

Not a problem.

This is for the text.
I want you to arrange it adequately

and emphasize that Japanese ceramics
aren't all from the Edo period.

So which one of those is yours?

This one.
"A Chemical Element"

Say, is it too much?

Hmm... It seems a little unstable.
But that's feminine, so it's not bad.

That "feminine" is what
I hate to hear the most.

Professor. Professor Goro.
About that, the other day...

Ah, that?
That can wait for later.

No! What if my tummy gets bigger
and bigger while I wait for you?

Professor, please put
Noriko's mind at ease.

- Then, check the "What to do" series.
- The "What to do" series?

- Over there.
- Ah, your compilation.

Which one is it?

"What to do to become a minister?"
"What to do to become a masseur?"

"What to do to become a geisha?"
"What to do... to become a midwife?"

- Professor?
- Uh?

Does this also say
about a painless childbirth?

Yeah, take your time reading it.

Thanks a lot.
Let's go.

Take care.

"What to do..."

"What to do to become a wife?"
"What to do to become a lover?"

When is the deadline for the pamphlet?

Next month on the 5th.

"What to do to become a geisha?"...
But you won't have to deliver it.

Uh? Why?

I'm thinking of renting
the free room at the gate.


There's also an oven
near the tea house...

And I'm also interested in you.


Professor Goro?


Hey-hey-hey, the loincloth.


Hey, whenever I hear you call me
Professor, my buttocks can't stop itching.

Did you bring the rent?

Oh well, ironically, about that...


Come in. I brought you a client.
Please take care of him.

Welcome. Have a seat.

Now-now, come closer.

Yes sir.

Professor, it's an honor to meet you.

I am... Minoru Eto.

That's right...
Mister Nonomiya.

Look here. Today I got some
mesmerizing ones in great quality.

How about one?

I'll give you a good price.

You cheapskate!
You wandering insurance man!

But, that advertisement at the Tengyu Bookstore
says "exam preparation", you know.

And you're asking me
to take the test in your place?

But it's not the real test,
it's just the prep school's mock exam.

And I think it wouldn't be a problem for you.

If you want to test your capability,
shouldn't you do it yourself?

Yes, but with my current capability...

Well, my dad back home told me to send
him my total score list, so by all means...

Madam, please put a good word in...

Oh my, I'm not his wife.

I apologize for that.

Please, think of it as saving my filial piety.
I'm begging you, humbly.

What a strange filial piety you have.


But it seems that there was also
a fault in my ad sign.

I beg you! It would be a great help
in putting my parents at ease.

Here's the oil.

Professor, come here, get up here
to compare our heights.

Get on for a moment.

Get on for a moment.

Madam, how do we match in height?

Let's see, I would say
you're about the same height.

Professor. Here...

- Uh?
- Try this.

What do you think?

I think Mr. Goro looks a little younger.

Don't be absurd.
That's far from it.

So, Eto, when is the test?

It's tomorrow.
It starts at 10 a.m.

- Tomorrow?
- Yes.

I can't tomorrow.

Why is that?

"Detective Magazine" asked me
to ghost-write a novel for them.

"The Terror on Planet Vega 3"


I see...

- Can't you take the test yourself?
- The test paper will just be wasted on me.

Professor, I would like
to study under you from now on.

- But I don't really like doing that.
- Don't be like that, please.

Since there's a free
four-and-a-half-mat room at the gate

I'll rent it from tomorrow
to start my apprenticeship.

But it's been decided that
I'll be renting that place.

- When was that?
- Just now.

I see...

I'm sorry you came
all the way here in vain.

It is what it is.

Well, my loss will be zero
if I were to get back my 300 Yen.

300 Yen?

Yes. I payed that to your apprentice
as an introduction fee.

My apprentice?

Yeah, the one...


That guy...

Professor, I'd like to take a photo of you.


Come here.

Go back, back, back...

More. Back!

W-W-Watch out! Look!

I'm all right, I'm all right, I'm all right...

Professor, stay still.

Ah! Oh...

I'm out of film.
Oh, what a blunder.

I'm sorry for your wasted trip.

It's all right.
I'll come back another time.

- Thank you for your time. Good-bye.
- Bye.

Mr. Goro, this broke off.

- Could you mend it back when you're free?
- Sure.

Mr. Yo, you should take this down.

Take what down?

The room for rent sign.

Why is that, so out of the blue?

Let's see how the cabbage rolls are.

The four-and-a-half-mat room
next door got rented out.

Uh? You can't be serious!
How can you do that without consulting me?

My point is, Mr. Goro,
about the room next door...

The landlord agreed to let me
find a suitable person for it.

However, didn't every single customer
turn you down so far?

That's not good.

I have nothing against renting it,

but if it gets rented, I wouldn't be able
to hang the room for rent sign anymore.

Stop laughing.


I just met with the landlord.

I'll be moving in the
four-and-a-half-mat room next door.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, you?

- Yes.
- I see. I see...

I'll go check out the room.

Mr. Yo, these are quite good.

Stop the flattery.

There you go laughing again.

How was it?
Did things went how you wanted?

Uh? So-so, I guess.

N-N-Not like that. Let me.

This one... This... Mr. Yo...

There we go.

Step in...

Mr. Yo, you've nailed it shut, didn't you?

I'll open it.

All right!

Please, come in.

It looks cleaner than I expected.

It's because I clean it everyday.

Oh, how kind of you.

On how much did the landlord agree?

A 20,000 deposit and 4,000 per month.


That's a little expensive.

Well, that sounds like the market price.

The landlord said that a reliable,
true Tokyoite lives next door.

"Considering that, a 20,000 deposit
is a bargain" he said.

All right, I got it.
I'll do my best to be a good neighbor.

These cabbage rolls are very delicious,
would you like to try one?

Thank you.

Wow, they're rolled up so nicely.

Uh? Well... I rolled them up nicely.

That's right, I have to take down
the room for rent sign from outside.

You should at least let me do that!

[Senso's Ceramics Specialty Shop]

[Yumiko Tsuyama's First Exhibition]

[A Chemical Element]

[November Moon]



It's you.

Congratulations on your first exhibition.

Thank you.

Excuse me...
Is Professor Goro Yoda here?

Mr. Goro just left a while ago.
Please come in.

To the Apartment Residence...

When I went to the Apartment Residence,
they told me he was here.


Say... I'm sorry to trouble you,

but could you please pass this
to Professor Goro Yoda?

This is...
Ah, it's the mock exam substitute request.


How did it go the other day
when you took the test yourself?

The result was bad enough
to make you cry.

I tore off the result sheet and
threw it in the boardinghouse's toilet.

Hey-hey... Let's go over there.

And yet, my dad back home

keeps writing me to send him
my grade sheets.

So that means you need to get down to work
and get some good grades.

Yes, I have my hands full.

This time we have enough time
until the exam date.

So I would like your help
in employing the Professor.

These must be the rules.


Can I count on your assistance?

Take a look on the back.

I wrote down a memo with the rewards
depending on the test grades.

"In case of an average mark above 90 points
the reward will be 9,000 Yen."

"If above 70 points it will be 7,000 Yen."

I lowered it from 70...

"3,000 Yen if above 50 points.
If it's under 50 points..." A flat 1,000 Yen, right?


That's sounds interesting.
Does that include tax?

No, it doesn't include tax.

That's right... I'm sorry but could you please
sign the receipt for the preparation fee?

For 5,000 Yen, right?

You just have to put
your sign and seal on this.

- You're such a good planner.
- Thank you very much.

"For 5,000 Yen, Goro Yoda
as Minoru Eto's substitute"

"will attend the Daito Prep School's
mock exam..." Uh-huh, uh-huh... and...

What a nice handwriting.

Strangely, my handwriting
is the only thing that gets praised.

- I was told I have a good penmanship.
- That makes it harder for me to sign it.

Uh.. No... Well...
That may be right, but...

They say that someone with
good handwriting has a weak brain.

- Is that so?
- Yes.

"Gataro's Oden", huh?
That sounds good.

Mr. Harasaku, what about the previous tab?

I, you know, don't pay debts overnight.
Are you a moron?

He always does that...


You should take care of your stomach.

Every time something important happens,
your tummy starts grumbling.

Cut it out, that's not true.

Look, Mr. Kii, the train is here.

Off I go then.

- Bye-bye.
- Take care.

See you again.


Ms. Ochiyo.

I see your business is going pretty well.

Is your patron juggling going well?

Ah, wa-wa-wa-wait a moment.

Hanging out with me sometimes
isn't going to harm you, right?

- Leave me alone.
- Ouch, that hurts!

Are you sure you're
in a position to act like this?

I know about a bimbo
who ended up murdered.

Mr. Sakuichi Nishihara!
Mr. Sakuichi Nishihara!

Stop tormenting the weak!

Pipe it down!


What the heck are you doing?

- Sorry for disturbing you at your job.
- I don't mind.

Instead, I'm counting on you
for the painless childbirth matter.

- Okay-okay.
- All right?!

Hey you, how about treating
Ms. Ochiyo a little kinder, huh?

Even man-made satellites
don't spin as much as you spin around her.

Humph... Are you also
one of her patrons?

Say what?!

Stop it!

You sure are late, Grandpa.

The train was crowded.
My denture came loose.

And I also had to look after the house
while Grandma was out for her moxibustion.

I'm exhausted.
Now we can be together.

Are you all right?
Are you hurt anywhere?

I'm all right.

Welcome back.

[Konjac jelly - 500 orders]

It's looking good.

Ouch, that hurts.

How did it go?

2,000 additional orders.
That'll keep us busy for 19 days.

All right! "Keep them coming",
is what I'd like to say but...

What to do now? Right when profit
hangs under our noses...

We're out of ingredients. Yamagen doesn't
have any and so does the Hirao Shop.

Why don't you try asking Ms. Yasuyo
who lives next to me?

- Ms. Yasuyo?
- Yeah.

Aha! How could she have any konjac?

She deals Western liquor and cigarettes now,
so she's specialized in Western stuff.

No, it's been only 3 years since she stopped
trading rice and peanuts on the black market.

I'm sure she still has some connections.

Now that you mention it,
you must be right.

Mr. Goro, could you try probing her?

If you flatter her smoothly
she'll beat down the price.


That's right.

I mean, that Ms. Yasuyo, you know,
she's got the hots for you.

That's why it's a bad idea.
Could you at least spare me of that?

How careless can you be?

Since there's no after-trouble
with that type of woman

you should just do her once.


Uh? Hey. Hey!

Don't waste it.

1-2, 2-2, 3-2.


1-2, 2-2, 3-2, 4-2.


Excuse me... Watch out!
Watch out! Watch out...

- Watch out!
- Ouch!

Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting?

No, it's all right,
it's all right.

He's from Tokyo's Ameya Yokocho.
He always carries my luggage.

Hmm. Is that so? I see.

What do you want?

Well, can you get your hands
on some konjac flour?

- Konjac?
- Uh-huh.

Ah... The type for cleaning
the digestive system?


For the digestive...

You oafs!

I'm sorry!

Keep it quiet.


We're really sorry.

Over here, over here.

- Don't dangle it like it's konjac jelly.
- I can't help it. Heave-ho...

Hikoichiro, what do you think?

From a moral point of view, it is allowed.

The heck with morals.

Don't talk like the Ministry of Education.
How are we going to feed an extra mouth?

It's the other way around.

However, it's already been four months
since you're on the advertising car.

In the physiology book it says
that it's a big shock for the body.

Be careful, Noriko.
The baby...

Shouldn't you be asking Professor Goro
about a fast, painless childbirth?

Professor Goro is currently researching it,
he's not being idle.

Well, aren't you quite calm about it?
It's going to be a difficult childbirth.

Well then, Hikoichiro,
are you going to deliver it?

Mr. Nonomiya, are you still
stuck on the side dishes?

Everybody gets the same: 3 dried sardines,
7 potato pieces and 2 fish paste cakes.

Take care of your health.

It's expensive. It's expensive
no matter how I look at it.

How did it go with the konjac?

I've found some with 1,600 Yen per kan.

It's a little expensive, but I can't get over
this situation unless I make a sacrifice.

The imported one is 4 dollar 50 cent.

The one from Egypt, I hear it's superior
but it's expensive.

A man always counts on his guts though.

Mr. Yo, leave the teacup here.

Yuck, it tastes bad.

Tch. Mr. Yo always complains
that everything is expensive,

he doesn't eat my food and cooks his own.
He's one stingy specimen.

That may be right but the food here
is extremely poor in vitamins.

Then go with him
and fill your belly with konjac jelly.

Professor Goro, do they grow
konjac in Egypt too?

Don't be stupid, isn't Egypt
konjac's country of origin?

Konjac's country of origin is Afghanistan.

Oh, Mr. Goro, my invention
is finally bearing fruits.

- Ah, that longevity medicine?
- That's right, that's right.

- The rejuvenation medicine?
- That's it. This one. Here. Here.

- Kind of smells like pee.
- Don't be absurd.

What's in it?

In short... You know my place
with the queen bee?

A special substance
is extracted from there...

That extract is top secret though.

And that main ingredient is mixed with
a secret medicine from ancient Egypt.

- Uh?
- Uh?

- Egypt?
- Egypt?


This must be great.

Ah! Don't lick it.
That's not how it works.

This, you see, in short...

Mi, come her for a moment.

Look here. Only once per day,
you squeeze some

and apply it around the navel like this.

That's enough for it to work.

Then you must use a lot
if you have an outie.

What's it called?

Uhm, well... Though the Takebe Pharmacy
will be the one selling it...

Well... I wish to call it "Ur-Kumata-Gel".



Hmm... "Ur" huh?


Should I try using this gel too?

Mr. landlord, if you were to use this,
you'll miss the days when you were single.


You'll miss them a lot I said.

- Is it that effective?
- Yeah, of course.

- Maybe I'll buy one.
- Really?

- Hikoichiro, why don't you buy one too?
- Give me a break.

You should sell some
to the general over there.

General Hochindo was
the first one to buy it.

Stand still, I can't put in on like this.

That's easy for you to say, but it tickles.

It can't be helped, just endure it.

Hey! Don't mess around
with someone else's navel?

- What's wrong?
- It's stinging. It stings.

- It s-s-s-stings!
- It stings? Don't be silly.

- Oh no, it's b-b-b-burning!
- Don't be silly!

My navel, my navel...

You're so pathetic.

It burns!

- Ah, Mr. Kumata.
- Uh?

This stings really bad.

Oh, you must have allergic diathesis.

Have Ms. Osumi blow on it
and it'll get well in a jiffy.

Shut up, moron!

- Thanks.
- No problem.

Heave-ho! There you go.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Today is rather cold.

For me it's quite warm.

I see you're full of energy.

Good morning.

Good morning.
I see you're working hard.

It seems to me that
you like pottery more than men.

Well, of course.

If I don't like them,
I can break them.


Unlike men, I can break these.

It turns purple if you pinch it

Good morning.

And crimson if you bite it.

Hey, Mr. Goro?


It's not my concern that
Ms. Ochiyo is like a prostitute...

But doesn't she kind of seem earnest
like the daughter of a vendetta volunteer?

- Hey-hey, hey-hey.
- Uh?

Did I hurt your feelings?
I'm sorry.

Harasaku again?


Then, did you fight with a patron?

I see... I mean, all three of them
seem to be of fine character.

No, about that...

I was thinking of breaking up with them.

With all three of them, you mean?

- Mr. Goro!
- Uh?

So, what are you going to do after?

You see, I have someone waiting
for me back home.

Hmm, I knew it.

I told him and my mother back home
that I'm working as an apprentice

in the house of a respectable family
in Osaka.

That's how things are.

I see, I see.



Mr. Yo, you're not a smoker, right?

No... Well, I'll take it if it's free.

Yes, thank you, thank you.


My family is so poor that we can't
even make preparations for the wedding.

So I lied and came to Osaka.

And I started doing this
to save up money...

So, this means you've saved
enough, right?

Yes, I somehow managed to buy summer
and winter clothes and save some money too.

So now that you have
the money and the clothes

you want to break up with your patrons
is what you're saying, right?

In my hometown,

before a girl that worked as an apprentice
in someone's house can get married,

there's this custom in which the madam or
the daughter of that house must visit our village.



the people will start saying that she might have
done some odd work in the streets.

Hmm, what an absurd custom.

So, in other words, you need someone

to play the madam or the daughter
to return home loaded with honors, right?

I would like to ask Mr. Goro for his help.

Uh, me?

That won't work. I know that Professor Goro
undertakes all kind of jobs,

but I think it's too much for him
to play a female.

No, I would actually like to ask
the miss who lives next door.

Uh, Ms. Yumiko?

Yes. Please help me out with that.

Well, you better give up on that.

Why is that?

You see, she doesn't seem like someone
who'd go traveling with you like Yaji and Kita.

Ain't I right, Mr. Goro?

It's nothing much, but help yourself.

Uh? Yeah, help yourself.

Thank you.

How about Ms. Yasuyo Shima?

Oh, that sounds good.
She's got more fit nowadays.

After she started roller skating
she lost weigh around here.

But that person despises me.

Besides, she lacks elegance.

Well, isn't she picky?

In order for me to turn over
a new leaf right now, I need her help.

Could you please help me out?

What to do now?
Ah, want some konjac jelly?

- It's freshly made. It tastes good.
- It's delicious.

Come on, Mr. Goro,
could you help me? Come on...

Come now, you don't have to cry over it.

Good morning.

- Welcome.
- Let me carry it for you.


Wow, you're good.

Ah, I brought you some freshly made
konjac jelly. I'll leave it here.

Hmm... Wow, it looks exactly
like a bluebottle fly.

You don't need to flatter me,
I know what you're up to.


The talk from next door
is distinctly audible from here.


I'll help out Ms. Ochiyo.


Then, you'll go with her?

Thank you very much!


It went rather well, didn't it?

That's one big help.

Say... Doesn't it seem that
Ms. Yumiko likes Mr. Goro?

Who knows...

Maybe it's safer to use Professor Goro instead,
since he's kind of an attention snob.

I'm not going for Ms. Ochiyo's sake
to turn over a new leaf.

Then why?

Accepting it means that
you owe me a favor now, right?

Huh, what do you mean?

I will put you to the test.


Is that all right?


Oh, Mr. Goro, come here, come here.

You see, I have a favor to ask you.

Could you meet me tonight in front
of the station at Gataro's if you're free?

At Gataro's?

I beg you. All right, Mr. Goro?

- Dear!
- Yes Ma'am?

- Go tell the landlord that the bath's ready.
- All right.


Why did you uncover it?
You can't go in.

Today the elders go first.

Going in after the denture washers
is beneath me.

I'm going in.

You can't, I tell you!

What about last time when
you came back drunk and cut in line?

And you also pissed in the sink.

- So you were watching me?
- Humph, I heard it clearly.

Stop talking nonsense.

You won't hear me telling you
to come in with me, you big pervert.

Why the heck are you undressing?
You can't go in!

- Dear!
- Hey, close that, it's getting cold.

What did you just say?
Who do you think you're talking to?

Dear, hurry up and call the landlord!

Harasaku is going in, hurry up!

Stop yelling like I'm a cat burglar!

All right, all right, I get it.

Well, the matter here is not
that I'm unable to satisfy my wife.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

To be honest, I can't really keep up
with my wife.

Here, have a drink.

But how did you two
become so unbalanced?

It's not like you got married yesterday.

And it's one hell of an unbalance.

- What a profound mystery it is.
- The soy sauce, please.

One day all of a sudden, my wife's appetite
went through the roof, you know.

- All of a sudden?
- That's right.

Suddenly all of a sudden in a flash,
things took one hell of a turn...

- Help us move over there.
- Yes sir.

That's weird.

Well, I also tried to give my best.

So I put on Mr. Kumada's gel,
morning and night

until the area around
my navel turned red.

I really gave it my best.

- It itches around here like...
- Not now, not now.

Hmm... Still...
Oh! Mr. Hochindo!


Say, maybe your wife used
Mr. Kumata's gel on her own navel...


Ah! Yes, she did.


That's right, she definitely did.

See, there you have it.


Rehearse you say?

Yes. While you take a walk,
go shopping or watch a play,

I'll follow you like a maid would.

That's embarrassing.

You just have to act like a lady
and talk to me accordingly.

Will I be able to do that?

I'm sure you'll be able too,
but I'm not so sure about me.

Good evening, you have a guest.

- I'm sorry to disturb you so late in the night.
- Welcome.


Come in, come in.

Excuse me.
Thank you.

How did it go the other day?

Thanks to you, at the mock exam that
the Professor took in my stead

I got 98 points at
English and Western History.

Apparently it's the best score
the prep school has seen.

However, it's not a perfect score.

Yes, he forgot to add one
definite article at English.

Epilepsy death?
Did someone die from epilepsy?

However, listen to me, there's no way
I'm going to do such an absurd thing.

Well, it's not exactly adultery.

You're my appointed official candidate.

It's a matter of morality.

Just leave the moral part
to the Ministry of Education.

I can't do that.

- Mr. Goro.
- Uh?

But when someone asks you a favor,
you usually agree without hesitation.

Even ghost-writing that novel right now.

- Mine is a piece of cake.
- A piece of cake you say?

Listen here, what you're asking me
and ghost-writing are totally different.

I also think that divorcing will be much better,
but we have a kid, so...

Will this cat grow any bigger, Mr. Goro?

Oh, Miko, huh?

All right Miko, it'll be over soon.

Hmm, it won't grow bigger than this.

You moron!
We're not talking about cats.

We're talking about humans here.
Please, Mr. Goro, I beg you.

Why don't you ask
this insurance man instead?

Uh? No-no...
Leave us alone. Go away!

No, I, Hochindo, with these eyeballs trained
over the years for objets d'art, chose you.

Anyone else is out of the question.

You're the only one who can face
my troublesome wife, Mr. Goro.

I beg you, I beg you. All right?

Oh my, again? Oh my,
there he goes again. What to do?


Come on, Mr. Goro, I beg you.

- No, not a chance!
- W-W-W-Wait a moment!

Wait a moment, Mr. Goro.

If she gets pregnant, your child
will fluently speak four languages...

No, give me a break. I refuse!

-It's my life's greatest request.
- No, I refuse!

- Come again.
- Wait a moment, Mr. Goro...

- Welcome.
- Oh, Mr. Hochindo, great timing, come here!

- All right, all right...
- Oh, Mister Nonomiya!

Perfect timing. Rejoice!
Let's drink for my Ur-Kumata-Gel!

No... Hurray! Hurray! Hurray!

You see, he told me he'll return
at 8:30 to fix the tape recorder.

- Tape recorder?
- It's pretty cool...

Ms. Yumiko.

You had panties
on the drying stand today, right?

So what...

Did you took my panties by mistake?

No, no-no...

I didn't.

- They were gone when I went to get them.
- I don't know anything about that.

- Really?
- Yeah.

No... W-W-W-Wait a second.

Excuse me!

There's no one in today, it's safe.

They are definitely mine,
no doubt about it.

I see.
Then it must've been Hochindo's wife.

The nerve you have to stuff yourself
outside and here drink only water.

That was one weird treat.

You have a guest,
he's waiting in your room.


Professor Goro,
have you seen my husband?

Huh? N-N-No.

- Say...
- No, I don't know.

- Come on...
- I didn't hear anything.


Excuse me.


Are you wearing my panties?
They're imported.

What's that?


I'm not wearing that kind of nuisance.

Then you're not wearing anything?

- Yeah.
- You're going commando?

- You want to see?
- Yes, show me.


However, Eto, overdoing it
puts me on the spot.

No, it's just a token of gratitude.

And also, for Miss Yumiko...

I'm also indebted
to Miss Yumiko for her help.

- You have something for me too?
- Yes.

Some light-brown miso from back home.

My parents were so happy that they sent
sake fresh from the brewery for celebration.

- Hey!
- Oops.

And also, since he doesn't drink or smoke,
here's something sweet for Mr. Yokichi Tani.


Isn't this castella sponge cake?

This is hard to make. It's a recipe
from the Portuguese Jesuits.

It smells good.
Thank you, I'll enjoy it.

And also...
These, from the exhibition the other day.

Photos? Let me see, let me see.

It's Ms. Yumiko.

What about those?

What's this?

- Hey.
- That's my foot.

But, you're good at this.

Yeah... Then, let me take a photo of
the Professor and Mr. Yokichi Tani.

- Uh?
- Uh?

I couldn't ask for more.

Do you have the film for it this time?

Yeah, I brought a lot this time.

No hand on shoulder.

Don't smile.

At least take one like this.

Oh no...
Take your hand off the shoulder.

I'll take another one.

What's that? English?

Isn't this castella sponge cake?

This is hard to make. It's a recipe
from the Portuguese Jesuits.

What a funny voice.

It smells good.
Thank you, I'll enjoy it.

Isn't that my voice?

You're so cruel.

However, Eto, you sure are
a devoted person.

Excuse me?

You don't have to go this far.
It's just business to me.

Professor, I want you to take
another exam for me.

Another one?

Yes. Here's the same contract as before
with the date and rewards revised.

Mr. Eto, you coming here,
it seems to me as if it's just a hobby.

No-no, it's certainly not a hobby.

I want good grades to send them home
to please my father.

Oh. What a rare filial piety
for these days.

Excuse me... Miss Yumiko,
could you write the contract this time too?


Because it brought me great luck
when you wrote it the other time.

Hmm, I see.
He sure is a rare one for these days

Luck, huh?

Mr. Goro, what do you say?

I won't write it if you say that you won't
take the exam in his place anymore.

Miss Yumiko,
I'm not asking him to steal here.

Visiting a grave in someone's place
is pretty common in my home town...

You mean like Ishimatsu's visit to
the Konpira Shrine in his boss's stead.

Don't compare the Professor with Ishimatsu!

Come now, calm down.
Then, Ms. Yumiko, go ahead and write it.

Now that it's all settled,
let's have a drink.

Oh, Mr. Yu, you drink sake?

Just a little if it's normal sake.
Besides, we should celebrate the contract, right?


Umm, this is some good sake.

Oh, we don't have enough cups.

- I'll bring some.
- No-no! Writing that is more important.

Don't drink that.
Oh yeah, I'm taking this.

Mr. Yo, we need some snacks too.

- Want me to bring some konjac jelly?
- Hey-hey, I've had enough of it.

I'll run down to the station then.

- Thanks.
- No problem.

Was it you?

That's ridiculous.
What about these?

They're too small.

Make way, make way.

What are you doing?

- Here.
- Boobs?


Excuse me!


Here's the money for this time.

- So, where's the next exam being held?
- I don't know yet.

I'll know soon after they set
the date and time.

Thank you very much.

- Thank you very much.
- Yeah, no problem.

But, Mr. Yo...
for celebrating the contract...

Excuse me, but the boarding has a curfew,
so If you'll excuse me...

Oh, see you then. Good-bye.

Hey, need some help with that?
I see. Bye.


That's strange.

This sound... is it Whistler?

There's no way there's an aurora tonight.

Wow... What an incredible starry sky.

You sure are whimsical, Mr. Goro.

You mean about Eto's matter?


I'm not whimsical.

I just went with the flow.

Do you always go with the flow?

Is that how it looks?

Mr. Yo also said that you are the type
who can't refuse when someone asks a favor.

How should I put it...

Undertaking all kind of jobs isn't for
the sake of being a model people pleaser?

Uh... Then, what about you?



The same goes for you too.

Didn't you agree so easily
to help Ms. Ochiyo?

But I've already told you why I did that.

Uh? To make me owe you a favor?


So what do you want from me?

To be honest,
I don't really care about any favors.

I just want you...


What about me?

What's the brightest star at right side
of the Orion Constellation?

First-magnitude star Rigel.
You're a model student.

What's so funny?

I'm sorry, I just remembered something
that Ms. Ochiyo told me.

And what did Ms. Ochiyo tell you?

You see, in her hometown,
when a man likes a woman...


Then, when they pass each other
in the street, the man says to the woman:

"Today tsun-tsun?"

"Today tsun-tsun?"
And then?

And then, the woman answers the man:
"Today tsun-tsun."

And then?

That's all.

You can't figure anything out
with only that.

But she said that they do.

It may be the same "tsun-tsun",
but there's a subtle distinction to it

and apparently they can tell
if it's a yes or a no.

Oh... "Today tsun-tsun?", huh?

Today tsun-tsun.

Today tsun-tsun?

Today tsun-tsun.

- Today tsun...
- Today tsun...

Thank you, I'll enjoy it.

What's taking Mr. Yo so long?

Ah, that's right. I had a bottle
for warming sake right here.

The landlord gave it to me.
Isn't this done with Ki-Seto glaze?

Oh. This is a rare thing you have here.

This looks like Ki-Seto but it's called Oro.


No, Oro.

Oh. Is it rare?
The landlord was very proud of it.

It's from the early Tokugawa Period,
but strangely only a few were discovered.

I see...

But it just an old imitation
that mimics the Seto style.

I see.

So it's just a low-quality imitation, huh?

In short, yes it is.

Then it's exactly just like me.

Why do you belittle yourself like that?

You're lucky that you don't know
what it's like to be belittled.


For you, it's not a problem even if
no one comes to your exhibition.

You just make a fool out of the world.
You're quite something.

That's rude.

No-no, I'm just joking.

"A 5,000 Yen preparation fee", huh?
What a profitable deal.

I... hate people who can't tell
when to joke and when to be serious.

You, Mr. Goro... right when we were finally
on the same track...

You place a stone on the rail track
to derail yourself.

Listen here.

I'm leaving.

Listen here, Ms. Yumiko.

All right.

I'm sorry for taking so long.

That's strange.

Hey, what's wrong?

You see, at Gataro's, I got held up
by that carpenter bee with his gel...

What's the matter with Ms. Yumiko?
She was quite grouchy.


Say, what did you do to upset her?

It was something trivial.

You sure are hopeless.

In crucial times, you always have the bad habit
of saying the exact opposite of what you think.

You're hopeless.

Today you seem different than usual.

It's because of the sake.

You're not someone who'd change
from drinking sake.

What happened, Mr. Goro?

Uhm, well...

Come now, confess.

Spit it out.

Hey, come on.


Mr. Goro, don't answer in hiccups!

To be honest, about Ms. Yumiko...

About Ms. Yumiko?

Hurray to my Ur-Kumata-Gel!



- Hurray!
- Hurray!

Hey, general, general, general.
Cheer up, cheer up.

Yeah, okay, okay...

To fight bravely and return victorious

We have left our homeland

Swearing to perform great feats or die trying

When the march trumpets...


Yes Ma'am!

As I've already mentioned
in the confidential letter,

regarding Ms. Ochiyo Murakami,

her time to return home has finally come.

Gentlemen, Ms. Ochiyo wishes you to find
happiness through your own powers from now on.

I believe no one objects to that.

What do you think of it?

Well then, in accordance with
the ceremony program,

each one of you will be bidding
their farewell separately.

Furthermore, I want to inform you that each
one of you will have a 5 minute period for it.

Thank you, thank you.

This brush here is intensely
filled with your fragrance.

It's a nice memento.
Thank you, thank you.

Mr. Yomoyama,
I will never forget your kindness.

I won't be able to scratch your itches
from now on,

so please withstand it with that brush.

Well, when you return home
and your tummy starts grumbling,

would you please think of me?

Mr. Kishiyama,
I will never forget your masculinity.

Please, take care of
your blood pressure.

I'll give you my old denture.

You should make a ring
from the gold tooth crown.

All right, Ochiyo?

Thank you.


- Take care, Grandpa.
- Uh-huh.

Please take good care of
your aged wife, all right?


Don't be harsh with her even when
she's cranky from rheumatism.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

The time is up.
Well then, everyone return to your seats.

Next, in accordance with the ceremony program,
we'll move to the farewell gift conferment.

Gentlemen, thank you very much.

Now, Ms. Ochiyo, pour them a drink.


Please, take your cups.

And bring them here.

All right. All right. All right.

Now, gentlemen, it's not like you haven't been
acquainted with each other until now,

but with this occasion, let's consider this
to be a drink exchange between brothers.

What do you think?

Well then...

All right, clink. All right, clink, clink.

All right.

And now, drink.
The first sip, second sip and third sip.

All right. All right.


Excuse me, Missus!

What is it?

Is it this distance gap acceptable to you?

You don't have to stay so far behind!

But they say:

"The pupil should walk three feet behind
his teacher lest tread on his shadow"

But what would be the appropriate
distance for your maid to keep?

Ochiyo, come here quickly, come!

Come, we're not in the old days,
nowadays we can walk side by side.

Is that so?


Oh, Mama!


Where are you going?

On a walk.


Oh my.

Well then, you two stay safe.

- Who was that lady now?
- The owner of the shop where I work.

Oh my. I should go greet her then.

It's fine, you don't have to.

All right.



Your red shirt is visible.

Ah, I'm sorry.


Ah, hold this for me a little.

Oh, Mr. Harasaku?

What could it be?

What is it?

Oh my, Professor,
how is your cold? Say...

What are you writing?

Oh, this is for Ms. Ochiyo's farewell party.

I was thinking of taking that child
to his grandma in Tengachaya now.

Go ahead.

Come on, Professor.

Mom, let's go quickly or we'll catch the cold.

You oaf!

Please don't be offended by that.

The party is at 6:30, right?
Then I'll be dropping by too.

Ah-ah... Professor, please be sure
to take good care of your body.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

What are you doing, move your ass!

Kusatsu Hot Spring is a nice place.
You should visit it once, heigh-hoh!

Oh, I see you've finished it, Professor.


Anybody can look good with the right clothes.

You're so cruel.

What do you think?

Uhm... Oh.
It's a masterpiece.

More precisely,
there's nothing more that can be done.

You're sharp.

But since it's the text for your speech,
I made some revisions to suit you.

But, you're supposed to make the speech.

No, I can't because of the cold.
Besides, you're formally dressed for it.

Give me a break! Look here,
it clearly says that the speech...

[1. Speech at the Apartment Residence
by Yokichi Tani ]

[Ms. Ochiyo's farewell party ceremony program]

Now you've done it!

Oh no!

You're so cruel.

Uh? What's this triangle mark?

Clearing the throat.

What about this circle one?

It means: "Drink water here".

What about this raindrop-like one?

"Shed some tears here".

What about this one with lots of points?

"... here".

Uh? What did you say? Uh?

It means: "Cry a lot here".

That's way to much to do.

Good, good, this will do.

Mr. Yo, a cigarette, a cigarette.

I don't smoke.

- Hey, a cigarette.
- Uh? Ah.

I've finally finished cleaning.

Thank you very much.

The inhalator rental fee
is 25 Yen for 10 minutes, right?

Here it is.
Hey, Mr. Yo, it was 10 minutes, right?

Yeah-yeah, 10 minutes.

You've used up quite a lot of the medicine.

That'll be 50 Yen.

Oh... Ms. Omino.


- Isn't that from Ms. Ochiyo's room?
- Yeah, that's right. She gave it to me.

What will you use it for
if you don't have a TV?

I'll use it on the TV.
She gave me her TV.

What? I'm shocked.

I knew there was something weird
about you being unusually kind lately.

So you've finally got your hands on the TV.

Stop making it sound like I stole it.

Excuse me!
Is Professor Goro Yoda at home?

Yeah. Yeah.

Uhm, I brought this
for the farewell party today.

- Please share it with everybody.
- Really? Thank you very much.

- You didn't have to come here just for this...
- Actually, I'm sorry to impose...

But I want you to depart tomorrow morning.

- Tomorrow morning?
- Yes.

- For an exam?
- Yes.

What am I to do now?
I kind of have a cold.

Here's some cold medicine.

Well, we do have a contract.

You'll go?
Thank you very much!

Is it close?

About 2 hours away.
There's enough time to heal a cold.

Where is it?

In Fukuoka.

- Fukuoka? The one in Kyushu?
- Yes. It's a 2 hour airplane ride.

I'll be accompanying you.

If you'll excuse me,
I have to prepare for it.



"Looking back now, our Ms. Ochiyo"

"ever since she moved here
in the Apartment Residence,"

"until this very day
she had part of many troubles..."

"And yet, every time I saw her..."

"she had never shown us
a sad face, not even once."

"She had truly indeed seemed to be
a modest, patient and calm person."

"Will we really won't be able
to see her from now on?"

"Congratulating her future and unwilling
to part from her at the same time,"

"I would like to dedicate a poem
in this speech's closure."

Uhm... This is Professor Goro Yoda's
transaltion of a Chinese poem.

"Please accept this cup,
Please fill it to the brim,"

"Even if roses have thorns,
Life is all about good-byes,"

"Life is all about good-byes."

The end.

Kusatsu Hot Spring is a nice place.
You should visit it once, heigh-hoh!

In our hot water even flowers bloom.

- Wasn't I good? Huh?
- Thank you very much.

Uhm, the landlord's something-something
sword dance ends here.

Next, the guest of honor,
Ms. Ochiyo will sing a solo.

- Great! Great!
- Ms. Ochiyo.

Ms. Ochiyo, it's your turn. Ms. Ochiyo!

We were waiting for this!

It seems the guest of honor is a little down.
Let's give her another round of applause.

Near the chic black fence
with a pine tree looking over it,

There is a lovely figure
with freshly washed hair.

You were supposed to be dead,
Ms. Otomi.

Even Buddha wouldn't have known
that you were still alive, Ms. Otomi.

- What's wrong?
- What is it? What is it?


- What's wrong?
- What is it? What is it?

Everyone, please be quiet!
The guest of honor just went to the toilet.

But since it's already late,
let's call it a night.

Ms. Ochiyo, what's wrong all of a sudden?

Say, did something happen?

Ms. Yumiko...

Let's go to my room, all right?

Mr. Goro. Mr. Goro.

Excuse me, but could you grab her legs?

- I'll do it.
- Not you, not you.

- Why?
- Let's call it a night he said...

Hey, watch out. Watch out.

While at it, just help me carry her, all right?


Don't give Mr. Goro too much trouble,
do you hear me?

Help me carry her.

I received this a little before the party started.

"Return alone. No companion needed.
Your Mother."

Hey, what's wrong?

- Well then, Mr. Goro, I'm counting on you.
- Huh?

- What are you doing?
- Come now, Mr. Goro. All right? All right?

Mr. Ho-Hochindo!

Come on. All right?

- Mr. Ho-Hochindo!
- No, you can't leave!

Close the door, you bonehead!

- Hey.. Come now...
- No...

No, I told you. I can't.
You'll catch my cold.

- I don't mind. Come on!
- No!

Why not? Come on.

Mr. Hochindo!
Mr. Hochi-Hochindo!

Come on...

Mr. Hochindo! Mr. Hochindo!

Mr. Goro, I beg you!

Think of it as saving my life.
Just close your eyes and endure it.

Mr. Hochindo!

All right? My wife consents
and I already told you that I agree.

Okay? I'm counting on you! All right?

- Help!
- I'm counting on you.

Ms. Ochiyo. Ms. Ochiyo.

"Return alone", means that
the wedding is as good as canceled.

I'm sure it's just a mistake.

That's right, I'm sure of it.

Returning home alone would be like
admitting that I did some odd work...

Well, uhm... However, maybe such
customs have suddenly changed recently.

That was too old fashioned for nowadays.

What could you possibly know?

You don't know what a rigorous
and strict place it is.

Listen here, you know...

Ms. Ochiyo. Ms. Ochiyo.


Why not? Come on.

Mr. Goro.

Come on.

Come now.

No! Stop it, Mr. Goro.


Oh no.

Come on. Come on.
Come on, Mr. Goro!

Why... not?

Ah, wrong person. No.

No, Mr. Goro, where are you going?

Mr. Goro.

Mr. Goro. where do you think
you're going, where, huh?

It hurts, it hurts!

Did I hurt you?
I'm really sorry, forgive me.

Now listen here....


What are you doing here?

Get out of here.

Hey, you...

Mr. Goro.

I told you, no.

- I beg you. All right?
- Mr. Goro.

It's a matter of morality.

To hell with morality!
To hell with morality!

Hey, hey, Mr. Goro. Mr. Goro...

You're so stubborn... Ouch!

Ah! The bee boxes got crushed!


It hurts. Ouch-ouch-ouch!

Ouch! Mr. Goro!

Hey, wait, wait, wait...

- Ouch! Ouch!
- Ouch!

- Hey! Hey!
- Hey!

W-What are you doing?

Nishihara! Sakuichi Nishihara, right?

Huh? You've got to be joking!
I'm Yoda, Goro Yoda!

Mr. Goro, what's wrong?

- You've got the wrong person!
- Sorry about that.

We've got a search warrant
for Sakuichi Nishihara.

- Where's his room?
- His room's there. There.

- Hey.
- Yes sir!


Yes sir!

Don't interfere!

It seems there's nothing to confiscate.

Chief, look here!

What's that? Huh?

What is this?

The Y.S. initials are
written on it.

Aren't those Ms. Yasuo's?

That's right.
Y.S. is from "Yasuyo Shima".


I bet it's the ones she was
looking for the other day.

You should visit it once, heigh-hoh!

Hey, someone's here with your bloomers.

Mr. Goro!

- Hey, what's wrong?
- Mr. Goro, get a grip.

- Uh? What are you doing?
- Huh?


Get out!

Show me the arrest warrant!

Look at all the evidence here!
You can't question that!

What are you talking about?
Shut up with your "evidence"!

- Damn it!
- Now come with us!

Hey! Stop running amok!

Opposing could get you hurt.

Shut up, you traitor!

Calm down!

I'm not a fool.

You oaf!


Just give up already!


Accompany us to the station quietly.
You'll file a damage report for these panties first,

and then you'll be investigated
for Western liquor contraband.

Give it here!

Hey, that's evidence!

To hell with your evidence!
I'm going commando here.


Move-move! Move!

How is it, Mr. Kumada?

Uh? Uhm... Well, the blood pressure is one thing,
but his asthenia is severe.

Well, it's like his strength
was sucked out of him.

See? Look, look.

Want to watch TV?
Shall I turn it on?

Can I watch just the news for 5 Yen?

[Adults pay 10 Yen/30 min, children half.]

Oh, did you come to watch TV while eating?

I just came in Mr. Goro's stead.

So that was it.

What about it?
Want me to turn it on?

I see only penny-pinchers gathered here.

- Hey.
- Uh?

Do you understand this?

"Special seat fee 2 Yen/30 min"?

I don't need this thing.


What is it?

Persian pickles.

Persian? Hmm, you have
some rare stuff here.

It looks delicious, doesn't it?

Uh? Hmm, it's hard.

Swallow it.

Let's see...
Look at all the bubbles.

Ah. It's soft and squishy.

It's delicious.
Hikoichiro, taste it.

Ms. Yumiko, you caught Mr. Goro's cold,
didn't you?

I didn't.

Hey, you, why did you lie, huh?

The exam is 3 days from now.


However, Professor,
this is important to me.

The night wind will hurt your health.

This is a waste of time for both of us.

Not true. I chose an inn with this kind of
atmosphere because I want you to rest well.

"Atmosphere", you say?
This is a brothel...

Professor, this sake
is supposed to be good for colds.

Gulp it down, please.

Look here, I appreciate you
taking care of me so thoroughly.

But why don't you turn...
all this effort into studying for the exam?

I, you know, Professor,
I keep thinking of the exam's result.

That's just my nature,
I'm too conscientious of the exam.

Hey miss, could you give me another exam...
I mean... another blowfish sashimi serving?

Don'tcha say that while lookin' at ma' face.

I've had enough blowfish.
Instead, I'd like something more...

Something mild would be nice.
Bring some konjac jelly.

Wha's this customa' sayin'?

Hmm? You didn't understand that?

Could'ya fetch some konjac jelly
for dippin' in soy sauce?

Stop-stop! Stop! Ah!

- Oh, I see many are here for the test.
-Yeah, but the classroom is just borrowed.

I wish you good luck.


Uh? Hey, this is...

5 minutes left.

Here's the admission ticket.

Oh! Hey, this is...

Hey, isn't this the final examination
for this university?

I beg you, please don't get mad.

You just need to write a little here and there.

"Here and there", you say?

Are you being serious? Huh?
You tricked me, didn't you?


I refuse. I'll return your preparation fee.
All right?

Don't be cruel, since we're already here...



No! No! No!

- First and foremost, a final examination...
- Professor.

First and foremost, a final examination
requires a photo and a physical examination.

- There's no way we'll pull this off.
- No need to worry about that.

For the physical examination, you'll be fine
as long as we're about the same height.

As for the photo... Here!


Professor, I'll suffer in secret.

Professor, I'm counting on you.
Professor, look here. Smile.

Cut it out already!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

I'm from the Kyushu Journal.
How many times have you taken this exam?

No, I'm not here for that.

No, he is here for the exam.

I'm here for a mere article on the exam scenery,
can you answer some questions?

No, I'm not...

Say, where are you from?
Which high school did you graduate from?

- No, I'm not here...
- Don't be like that.

I'm not like that.

Do your best, all right?

Go Daito! Go Daito! Go-go!

The blooming Daito Prep School's

Tradition is soaring over the hill

With firm fortitude and vigor...

Excuse me.

That's weird.

It's here.



Do not laugh!


Can I borrow a light?

Sure, go ahead.


Hey, you.

No smoking in the examination hall.

Ah, I see.

Hey, you... Yoda...

Aren't you Goro Yoda?

Ah... Oh, Komatsu!

Be quiet!

Be quiet!

Hey, hey, hey...

Shut up! Be quiet!

Oh, hey, Mr. Goro!



You sure were fast.

How was it?
Did it go well?

I quit.


I quit the exam.

That's cruel. That's so cruel...

When I say I quit, I mean it!

Professor, I beg you,
please make my troubles vanish.

If I fail this exam... I... I...

It's my life's greatest request,

Cut it out,
crying won't change my mind.


You can still take the exam
if you return within 30 minutes.

I beg you, please return
to the examination hall.

Please go in reverse!

"Please go in reverse"?
I'm not a car, you know.

You sure are a persistent guy.
I crushed the test paper and threw it away.


That's cruel. That's so cruel!

- Professor!
- Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch...

Ouch, it hurts...

Professor, are you all right?
Please, be careful.

I have never felt more humiliated
in my entire life.

Please, put yourself
in my shoes a bit.

You're ridiculous!
I'm one step away from suing you!

No, you can't do that.
You are an accomplice.

Say what?

Taking the mock exam in my place
is itself enough proof for that.

I'm sure you don't even know
the meaning of the word "humiliation".

First and foremost, don't you feel
ashamed of yourself to play innocent?

Say what?

- The ball!
- Uh? Oh, right. Here!

Thank you!

There must be something wrong with you

to think we came all the way to Kyushu
just for a mock exam.

Refusing to take the exam now...

Is a swindle! A fraud!

In my hometown, someone unaware of his own
imprudence like you, is called an "orokoke"!




Professor! Professor!
Take care! Be careful!


Ms. Yumiko, come here for a moment.

What for?

- Well, something terrible happened.
- Uh?

Did something happen to Mr. Goro?

Mr. Goro? No, it's not him.

Ms. Ochiyo committed suicide.

Uh? Suicide?

This is Ms. Ochiyo's letter.
Isn't it just pitiful?

Poor thing, her marriage offer crumbled.

But she didn't have to die just for that.

She had her whole life ahead of her.

"I now stand alone before a vast field"

"feeling as if the wind
could blow me away anytime."

"Could you please sympathize with me,
a pitiful woman, just once?"

"I have no other wish, although,
I wanted to experience love just once."

May her soul rest in peace...

Stop hiccuping so repulsively.

Stop behaving so absurdly at such a time!

What a weirdo.

Uhm, it says somewhere in there

that apparently someone tattled about
Ms. Ochiyo's conduct.


I said that someone tattled about
Ms. Ochiyo's conduct!

Wouldn't that be Harasaku?
He's quick of hearing.

No, he...

He's on the run,
he won't be returning anytime soon!

I wonder who dared to meddle like that?

Do you want me to tell you that?

Stop fooling around, idiot!

Who do you think it was?

Do you know? Who was it?

Who could it be?

Spit it out already.

Don't be startled.

You don't even...

An insurance man.
A life insurance man.

Say what?
Hey, was it a colleague of yours, then?

It was this one!

Thi... You mean you?
You must be joking.

It's the truth.

You idiot!
Why did you meddle like that?

Bad news travels fast.
Look here!

Ah! Isn't that our Mi?

Uh? Hey! That means this Persian...

Life is short, how about you folks
buy an insurance policy too?

This won't be enough for airplane tickets.

Oh, Professor, this looks terrible.

This looks terrible.


Sit down, sit down here.

Oh right,
I'll send you a bill with the balance later.

Does it sting?

"It neither sting nor hurt"
it says on it though.

Mr. Goro,
a visitor's waitin' for ya' in the hall.

A visitor?

Then, Professor...

Take care.

Hello. Tokyo?

Someone's callin' from Tokyo 43-6161.

Yes. Hello?

Yes. Sorry to impose but could you please
get me Mr. Kawada from room 901?


Oh, it's you, Komatsu.

What happened?

I checked your examinee number
and application to find your inn.

That was a different name from yours.

Well, about that...

Don't ask me anything about it.

I see.
So it's hard to tell me while sober, huh?

Very well. Let's go!

What's wrong?

Professor Kawada?
How did it go at the East-Japan University?

Yes... Around 80 points?
Is that so? No, that's great!

Yes. To be honest, the person who took
the exam here had some problems and failed.

Yes. Then, on this same note

I'm counting on you for the
Marunouchi University exam too. Yes. Yes.

Of course the fee for that
will be calculated separately. Yes...

Uh? Line's busy?

Hey, miss.


The bill please.
Just my share though, all right?

Hey miss, miss!

No! Don't behave so improper, Professor!

Hey, Goro Yoda, what's wrong?
Did you forget how to drink?

I'm really sorry,
for asking you for money and...

Don't say such a distant thing,
all right?

I've always been no match
for my wife either.

Darn it...

Don't get sentimental, all right?
I see you're surprisingly an honest man.

Don't be absurd.

I was called a people pleaser
and a badly done low-quality product.

By whom? Your lover?

She's not my lover.

The woman who said that
is without a doubt in love with you!

Stop dawdling.
Why don't you propose to her?

I'm not in the mood for that.
I... I, right now...

I want to run away.
I want to run away... to disappear.

I see you're quite consumed with this.

Hey, how about going to Beppu
to wash off that low-quality guts?

- Stop joking.
- No, I'm not joking.

My wife's family runs a hot spring inn.

Since I'm also during spring break,

how about we go get soaked
in a hot spring after so long, all right?

Hey! Another tomato juice!

Yes sir.

Hey! Move-move-move!


Oh! Hello!
Uhm... Excurse me.

That's all right.

Uh? Thank you.

Excuse me, is Ms. Yumiko here?

Over there.

Ms. Yumiko.

Oh, welcome.

What do we do now?

Give me this Oriental Journey.

Mr. Goro said that he still won't return.

And, he said to give this to you.

What should we do now?


There's nothing we can do
if he doesn't want to return.

- Ms. Machiko, you do the rest.
- Yes.

Hey, hey, wait. Hey!

Ms. Yumiko, do you really mean that?

- What do you mean?
- Uh?

Uhm... Nothing really.

Actually, since I left Mr. Goro in charge
of all the wholesale order-taking...

- Hold this, please.
- And... Well...

Another one.

... my business came to a halt.

So, could you tell Mr. Goro
to hurry back home?

Why would I do that?

He won't listen to me.

Come on, Ms. Yumiko...

He sent a letter, please read it.

Later, I'm busy now.

No... But...

Ms. Yumiko!

Then, I'll read it.
Please, listen.

Uhm, uhm...

"Mr. Yo, just like you once said"

"I ended up doing the opposite
when I should have told her that I like her."

"It was like my low-quality guts
took over my delight and drove her angry."

"I deeply regret even now
that I saddened her."

- Ms. Matsuko!
- Well, well, well... And...

That too.

You see, so far I... Uh? Well, listen...

I understood what he wrote so far,
but not the next part.

Hey, wait. Ms. Yumiko!

The letter is addressed to me,
but the next part is apparently for you.

Listen. Uhm...

"I, that night when she told me
'Today tsun-tsun?' "

"I should've clearly replied her
'Today tsun-tsun'."


- Stop it, Mr. Yo!
- Uh?

That hurt... Oh, watch out!

Did I hurt your feelings?

Then, I'm not reading the letter anymore.

But this sure is a weird phrase.

"Today tsun-tsun."
Today tsun-tsun.

Face ten-ten. Hands chon-chon.
I don't get it.

Ah! It's a riddle about the sake bottle, right?

Through the window of the steamship
commuting to Beppu.

We briefly exchange glances face to face.

You wink at me, I also wink at you.

How is it?
Aren't I qualified to be a bath-attendant?

I'd like to say that you're skillful
at whatever you do as always,

but I can't say that your
low-quality guts got cured.

You can't say that a
bath-attendant job

is of lower-quality than
the job of a university professor.

By the way, when can I start?

You can start whenever you like.

You can be a bath-attendant
until you get sick of it.

Well, it'll be fine
as long as I apologize.

Uh? I can't have it like that.

I don't want to do it as a hobby.

It's difficult to make foam with this.

W-W-W-Who do I l-l-look like?

The N-N-Naked G-G-G-General.

W-W-W-What does that mean?

Hey, you lost weight, haven't you?

It says 72 Kg.

19 Kan 200, huh?
You sure lost weight.


Excuse me.

You have a telegram.


"Arriving with Koganemaru at 10:50.
Today tsun-tsun, Yumiko."

Oh, sorry, this is for you.

It's like a coded telegram.
What's "Today tsun-tsun"?

Oh... Hey, what time is it?

Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for the long wait.

This is the last harbor,
hot spring town Beppu.

He-Hey, wait up.
Mr. Goro! Hey, I said wait.


Hey, wait up.
H-Hey, w-w-what's wrong, huh?

I'll go with you to pick her up.

Pick her up? You've got to be joking.
I'm running away.

- R-Running away?
- Yeah.

I can't meet her as long as I still
haven't washed off my low-quality guts.

That'll be embarrassing.

- But she came all the way...
- No, no.

I feel embarrassed enough to curl up
and rush off at the end of the world.

- Where are you going?
- This way... No, that way.

Hey! Hey! Wait up!
Hey! Wait! Hey!

Sorry, I apologize!
I don't need the bath-attendant job now.

Uh? Hey, your sash, your sash!

O-Osu... Osumi.

Shut up!
Just stay quiet!

Say, Mr. Kumata, come on...

- The general can see us...
- Don't mind him.

Hey, hey, hey. Look here.

Isn't it neat?

Why boast about it yourself
when you wrote it?

It's been so long since I hanged
the room for rent sign.

Mr. Yo.


With that...
Which room are you putting for rent?


Nonomiya is hospitalized
with cat meat poisoning.

Harasaku's and Ms. Yasuyo's rooms
are off-limits during the police investigation.

Mr. landlord,
Ms. Ochiyo's room is available, right?


Ms. Ochiyo's room is available, right?

How can she come back when she's dead?

See, I'm hanging this after all.

Ladies and gentlemen,
you have no objections, right? Right?


- Mr. Hochindo, you have no objection, right?
- Don't mind him.

Excuse me!

Good afternoon!

I'm Taneko Nishimura,
though my birth name is Komachiyo.

I'll be living here from today on.

Wa-Wa-Wait a minute.

I'm fine with you coming out of nowhere,
but not with cutting in line.

Oh my, haven't you heard it yet?

My, oh my. My hubbies will eventually
come to greet you.

Hubbies? Plural?

That's right. The same patrons
who used to commute to this room.

I'll be taking care of
the 3 of them from now on.

Well then, it's been nice meeting you
ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, it's this room, right?

She says she'll take care of them,
but it's the other way around.

By the way,
doesn't she look kind of familiar?

She's a little hot.


Stop saying that and stop her!

No, it's better you don't.

She's scary. Her red painted nails
were long, you know.

Then, what was the point in making this?

- Making this was meaningless...
- You don't have to cry over it.

Don't try to stop me...

Ah... I got it.

Landlord, I'll hang this out, after all.


I'll hang this out!

Why? Don't be so absurd.

It'll be fine.

When Mr. Goro and Ms. Yumiko return
from Kyushu, one of their rooms will free up.

No-no-no. But according to
Ms. Yumiko's letters she hasn't found him yet.

She wrote that she's now in pursuit
around Kagoshima.

Oh no! He must hurry back.
What about my painless childbirth?

Don't worry,
we're talking about Ms. Yumiko.

She'll run all over Kyushu
to catch and drag him back.

That's right. Ms. Yumiko made up her mind
to say good-bye to her maiden life.

"Life is all about good-byes", wasn't it?
That's romantic. That's so romantic.


Bees! Bees! Bees!

Oh no, not bees again!
Hey, Osumi, help me!

Oh no, not again! Help me!

All right.

Here we go.


"Life is all about good-byes", huh?

Translation by bLoodZ

Room to Let