Josie and the Pussycats (2001) Movie Script

[ Growling ]

[ Screaming ]

Okay, look, I can't believe

that I'm actually here...

And that I'm gonna get

to see them in the flesh,

because, like, dujour is

like my most favorite band

of all time !

Dujour !

I just want to touch them.

I don't care which one.

I don't care where.

I got all their trading cards

and all their cd's,

and all my gear is

from their clothing line,

dujour couture.

[ Screams ]

I mean, I straight-up

love 'em, only,

you know, like brothers.

Oh, my god !

They're here !

[ Screaming continues ]

* [ Vocalizing ]

* [ Vocalizing continues ]

* hey, hey, yeah, babe

* backdoor lover

* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah

* they say this kind

of love is wrong *

* but you know

it feels so right *

* running my hands

across your cheeks *

* they're oh-so

smooth and white

leave the light on, baby *

* and unlock your backdoor

* I'm comin' through that way

tonight to love you for sure *

- * lyin' on your bed

starin' up at the moon *

- * ooh

* you got me crazy

gotta love you soon *

* I'm your backdoor lover

* comin' from behind

with the lights down low *

* backdoor lover

- * just you and me

no one has to know *

- * backdoor lover

* let me meet you there

at your secret spot *

* I'll show you a love

that's more than hot *

we are here exclusive on

the tarmac as the band dujour

heads off on their world tour.

A year ago, would you have

ever imagined number-one song,

number-one requested video ?

We're number one

with a bullet,

baby, comin' to you !

Marco, there's a lady

up there-- "marry me, Marco--"

with a wedding dress.

Keep buyin' the records,

baby !

Can you send it back to

all the guys in the studio ?

* [ Singing entertainment

tonight theme ]

What's up, John ?

* [ Continuing ]

[ Screaming ]

* I'm your backdoor lover

* coming from behind

with the lights down low

backdoor lover *

* just you and me, no one

has to know, backdoor lover *

* let me meet you there

at the secret spot *

* I'll show you a love

that's more than hot *

- Marco !

- * backdoor lover

* coming from behind

with the lights down low

backdoor lover *

[ British accent ]

All right, boys. We'll land

in Riverdale in half an hour.

Then on to the Riverdale

rise and shine show.

Afternoon in-store gig

at 8:00. Questions ?

Yeah, Wyatt, how come

my limited-edition coke can

has me with a goatee...

When everybody knows

I shaved into a soul patch

for the don't tell

your papa video ?

This is wiggity-wack, Wyatt.

You're supposed to be

on top of this.

No, what's wiggity-wack

is your damn monkey.

Here we go with

the monkey again.

Dj d.J. With the monkey.

Yes, here we go again.

First it pooed on my incense.

Then it decided to poo

on my two little balls.

And then it pooed on my

picture of swami mukananda.

Will you please tell

this man that dujour

means hygiene ?

Maybe if you showed Dr. Zaius

the proper respect,

Dr. Zaius will stop

showin' you the poo !

Gentlemen--

I'm gonna kill you !

Okay ! Now, enough of this.

I'm gonna rip out

your heart !

Eye contact, hand.

We'll talk to coke

about the cans...

And try and clean up

after the doctor, okay ?

Okay ?

- Yo, man, I'm sorry.

My bad.

- It's all good.

Wyatt ?

Yes ?

Could you maybe talk

to Marco about him

always doing my face ?

You remember

in the what video

I established the-- face ?

Ever since then, every time

you see Marco, he's doing

the-- face, and it's mine.

You look at him trl.

"Hi, Carson."

Look at him on

the kid's choice awards.

"This is ours. Thanks."

Then right here on the cover

of seventeen magazine.

"Hi, little girl.

Beauty secrets ?"

It's my face.

Travis, am I, uh--

doin' your face,

'cause-- god forbid

i'd-- do your face, 'cause

it's-- such a good face.

- That's it !

- Boys, boys, boys.

- [ Screeching ]

- [ Shouting ]

- Hold it !

- Dujour means friendship.

Thank you, les.

Now, listen to me.

[ Grunting ]

Let's all take a moment.

When we land, I will

call the choreographer, and

she will give you a new face.

- Too bad your mama couldn't

give you a good face.

- Take that back right now !

I'm sorry, Travis.

Thank you.

You can have a new face too.

- Dujour means family.

- Dujour means teamwork.

Teamwork.

- So, how are we ?

Are we good ?

- Yeah.

Are we happy ?

Happy.

Are we dope ?

Word.

Wicked.

Yo, Wyatt,

there was one more thing.

Yes ?

Well, we were working

on some remixes of

the last single, right ?

We heard like a really

strange background track.

We were wondering whether

or not you knew what

it was all about.

[ Voices overlapping ]

Gee. You know,

I have no idea what that was.

Where did it come from ?

I mean, Wyatt,

we just want some answers.

The answers I will provide.

I'll be right back.

Take the Chevy to the levee.

Whoa !

Hey, that guy in the parachute

looks just like Wyatt.

Oh, yeah ?

Does he look like this ?

Or like this ?

- That's it.

- Break it up !

- Dujour means seat belts !

- [ Screeching ]

Dujour means

crash positions !

[ Phone dialing ]

Looks like we need

to find a new band.

[ Phone beeps ]

* I'm a punk rock prom queen

* brown paper magazine

* hotter than you've

ever seen *

* everywhere and in between

* I'm a ten-ticket

thrill ride *

* don't you wanna

come inside *

* a five-star triple threat

hardest of the hard to get *

* no one's little reprobate

ain't seen nothin'

like me yet *

* six whole hours

and five long days *

* for all your lies

to come undone *

* and those three

small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see

that I'm the one *

* I'm your late-night

head rush *

* ace-high royal flush

* red-velvet orange crush

* you just don't

impress me much *

* a glossy

double-cover spread *

* opened up inside your head

* a black-cherry paradise

half the sugar

twice the spice *

* I don't wanna treat you nice

come on, baby, roll the dice *

* six whole hours

* and five long days

* for all your lies

to come undone *

* and those three

small words *

* were way too late

* can't you see

that I'm the one *

*

* it took six whole hours

* and five long days

* for all your lies

to come undone *

* and those three

small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see that

* I'm the one

* it took six whole hours

* and five long days

* for all your lies

to come undone *

* and those three

small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see

that I'm the one *

[ bowling balls clattering ]

Thank you.

- Thank you, guys.

- Real nice.

Thanks for comin' out.

You're a great crowd.

[ Pins clattering ]

[ Man ]

Okay, girls.

We need the Lane now...

And your shoes.

[ Cash register dings ]

So how'd we do ?

Twenty dollars... minus

five dollars shoe rental.

Fifteen dollars.

Each.

Five dollars.

All things considered,

I'd say this was

our best show yet.

We just need to

build a following.

* backdoor lover

[ screaming ]

Look, skanky had a rock show,

and nobody came.

Did you guys all coordinate

before you left the house,

or are you wearing

the same thing by accident ?

At least we're not

wearing stupid bunny ears.

They're not bunny.

They're leopard.

And they're not stupid.

They're special.

- We're special.

- Yeah, special... ed.

[ Laughing ]

Enjoy the gutters, Josie.

You'll be playing there

forever.

[ Laughing continues ]

[ Engine revs ]

* backdoor lover

Hey. Hey, come on.

Who's a rock star ?

I am.

That's right.

There you go.

[ Laughs ]

[ Child ]

Slow down !

[ Child ] No way !

[ Chattering ]

* [ Hard rock

guitar instrumental ]

* [ Continues ]

[ Josie's voice ]

* so I'm tellin' you

boyfriend *

* that you never met a girl

like me before *

* I'm not gonna wait

a long time *

* better make up your mind

* are you in, are you out

* shake it up, shake it down

wanna scream, wanna shout-- *

lookin' good, McCoy !

[ Record scratches ]

Alan m, what's--

what's goin' on ?

Uh, the, uh, truck died.

[ Clicking ]

* Josie

* did I bust the carburetor

* overload the alternator

jump in anytime.

* abused the accelerator

nice.

You can't drive this uphill

when it's hot outside.

I told you.

You don't deserve

a truck this good.

You totally

take it for granted.

* takin' my truck

for granted *

* she says I'm taking

my truck for granted *

um, Jose ?

Did, uh--

did you ever want to tell

someone something, but--

but you weren't sure

if you should, you know ?

Yeah.

'Cause you didn't know what

their reaction might be or if

it was the right thing to do ?

You should tell them.

You should always tell them.

'Cause there's

this guy at work,

and he just reeks, you know ?

The guy ?

Yeah.

Smelly guy.

Oh, god, Josie, no,

not just smelly.

I'm talking, like,

hot, wet garbage

on a sunny day.

I think there's a problem.

It's like a stadium bathroom

or something.

No one seems to want

to say anything about it.

I know you would say

something though, right ?

Yeah. See, that's

what I love about you.

We can just talk about stuff.

That's what I'm here for.

- That's so cool.

- Ah !

* I wish you well

* couldn't you tell

after all these years *

mmm ! Good ramen.

I don't think people know

how far one pack can go.

Honk, honk.

Who brought doughnuts ?

I hope you don't think

that this makes up for

your missing our gig.

Sure we didn't miss much.

Nice management skills,

brother. Build yourself

a nice fat girl group.

Hello, Alexandra.

Have you lost some weight ?

Bite me, Bambi !

Okay, Alexandra, why don't

you go wait in the car ?

Make me, nose job.

Implants.

Penile-- ow !

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's the second time

today, isn't it ?

Ow ! Ow.

So, ladies,

how'd our set go ?

You would know

if you had been there.

Hey, honey, I'm running

a management company here.

I can't be everywhere at once.

Wouldn't that be cool

though if you could ?

I could be here and in there,

and I could be

in the living room...

And in the family room

and over here !

Alexander, you don't

have any other clients.

Where else do you need to be ?

On the streets, spreading

the gospel of the pussycats.

I'm out there working

my butt off for you guys.

I'm handing out fliers.

I'm working the masses.

Waiting in line

for dujour tickets.

It's for business.

I-- it, uh--

checking out the competition.

I don't like dujour,

like, it's dujour.

And I could be

back in this room, and

I could go in the closet !

Hello ? Uh-huh.

You want a demo tape

of the pussycats ?

- Your phone didn't even ring.

- It's on vibrate.

- Um, so-- so, yeah.

I gotta go right now.

- And then--

you want it right now ?

Okay, yeah. So, I'll see

you guys later.

All right, I'm on it.

You guys know he's lying.

You know your fly is open.

[ Laughing ]

You know, you... suck !

That's perfect.

Even our manager wants

to see another band.

You guys, come here quick.

Hi. I'm Serena altschul

with mtv news.

We have just received

a confirmed report...

That the members of pop

sensation dujour disappeared

in their private jet today,

vanishing from radar

40 miles east of Riverdale.

Authorities are still trying

to determine the whereabouts

of the plane...

And if there are

any survivors.

Dujour's label,

megarecords, has yet

to release a statement,

but they have

released a limited-edition

commemorative box set,

complete with a cd-rom history

of dujour in stores tomorrow.

Those poor boys.

We will keep you posted as to

any further developments...

In what seems to be yet

another rock-and-roll tragedy.

But they didn't

say they were dead.

They said they were missing.

I say we raise money

for a search party,

and we hold a bake sale !

Yes !

[ Giggles ]

Man, that is so sad.

[ Josie ]

It can all be over in a flash.

You know, but at least

they had a record deal.

We can have a record deal.

It's just that

we can't sit around here

waiting for it to happen.

We have to make it happen.

And you know what ?

Life-- life is short.

And we-- we are musicians,

and that means...

That we should be

out there playing music.

We do play, and we rock,

but nobody shows.

Nobody cares.

I care. I do.

And you know what ?

When life gives you lemons,

you make lemonade, and

when the going gets tough--

the tough make lemonade !

Right !

Good. We're all

on the same page.

Pack up your bass.

This way.

* the best things

in life are free *

* but you can keep them

for the birds and bees *

* give me money

* that's what I want

* that's what I want, yeah

* that's what I want

* give me money

* that's what I want

* lots of money

* that's what I want

* just give me money

I live for these pink shoes.

Yeah, they are so much

cooler than our red shoes.

You guys,

pink is the new red.

[ All giggling ]

Wyatt frame.

I'm with the label.

I'm in town scouting

new talent,

and I wondered if there

was anyone worth hearing.

I saw the card, man,

but I missed everything else.

Why don't you start over

while I change songs ?

No, wait ! Play this.

It's the new single

from dujour...

Recorded just a few days ago

before the... disappearance.

I'd really like

to test the reaction.

Right on.

Check this out, y'all !

I got the world premiere

of the last single ever...

From the late, great dujour

just for all you in the store.

Check this out.

* yeah

* nobody rocks the Mike

like dujour *

* ride on your motorbike

with dujour *

* kickin' it in the benz

with dujour *

* bangin' 'round the world--

this is the best !

I love this song !

It's their best ever.

If I don't buy it,

everybody's gonna hate me.

Totally !

And, I also want

orange shoes.

Yeah !

Orange shoes are

so much cooler than

these stupid pink shoes.

You guys, orange

is the new pink !

[ Screams ]

I am sick of my Reebok sweats.

I need some puma sweats.

And I gotta buy

a six-pack of zima.

Dude, you don't drink.

I think I should start.

Yes, I think they responded

to that very well actually.

[ Woman ]

I think that song sucks.

I plug my ears when

crap like that comes on.

Really ? Everybody else

seemed to like it.

That's because they're

mindless drones

who will gobble up anything

you tell them is cool.

I see. Wow !

You're a real free thinker,

aren't you ?

I'd love to talk

to you some more.

People in the recording

industry, like me,

always want to hear

the opinion of individuals

like yourself...

To find out what

we're doing wrong.

Yeah, right.

How much time do you have ?

As much as you want.

After you.

Smells like teen spirit.

Well, this must be

my lucky day.

A real nonconformist.

I'm so interested to hear

what else you have to say.

Well, first of all,

I don't understand--

gosh, that's fascinating.

[ Phone rings ]

- Frame.

- I'm waiting.

I'm on to it, Fiona.

You wouldn't

believe this place.

It's a cultural wasteland.

Stop making excuses

and get your ass back here

with a band.

Tomorrow. I'll have

a new band for you first thing

in the morning. I swear !

Then you'll still

have a job-- maybe.

Just put this thing up ?

Yeah.

Okay, girls, this is it.

Pussycats unplugged.

Let's hear it.

One, two. One, two, three !

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey.

What do you think

you're doing ?

You can't play here.

I've got things to sell.

They're new. They're orange.

- So ?

- So, look at you. You're--

who's gonna come into

my store with you outside ?

The last I checked,

this was a free country.

The last I checked,

I was calling the cops.

"Get your ass back here

with a band."

I'd like to see her

move her ass once, just once.

Like he's really

gonna call the cops.

[ Siren wailing ]

Run !

[ Man ]

* ooh

this is impossible.

Where the hell

am I supposed to find a--

* come on, hold on tight

* though it's cold

and lonely *

* in the deep dark night

* I can see paradise

* by the dashboard light

* though it's cold

and lonely *

* in the deep dark night

hello, ladies.

Wyatt frame, megarecords.

* paradise by

the dashboard light *

girls, I can't tell you

how happy I am

to be sitting...

At this table

with the pussy hats.

Pussycats.

Yes, of course. Of course,

that would explain why

you're not wearing any.

[ Laughs ]

Hats.

Okay, I speak on behalf

of everyone at the label...

When I say that we'd love

for you to sign with...

Megarecords.

Whoa, wait, whoa.

Don't sign anything.

- Who is this ?

- Alexander cabot III.

I'm the pussycats' manager.

Really ? In that case,

you'll be entitled to 15%

of everything they make.

I'm his sister, Alexandra.

Love the accent.

Thank you.

I used to summer

on the continent.

Fancy a snog ?

Fancy a mint ?

Wait a minute.

You want to sign us ?

You've never even

heard us play.

Oh ! Oh, oh.

I'm sorry. Forgive me.

I thought you were a rock band

that wanted to sign with

a major label. My bad.

- No, no, no !

- No !

No. No. It's--

I didn't know it could

happen this fast.

Well, that's the music biz

for you.

If you wait for it

to slow down,

it might pass you by.

Look what happened

to the Beastie Boys.

- But they're huge stars.

- I know.

Excuse me.

I have to--

- bathroom ?

- Yeah, me too.

I went before we left.

Good for you.

You should always

try to go to the bathroom

before you leave the house,

even if you don't have to--

[ gasping ]

Okay, this is crazy.

Beep-beep. Gotta gloss.

It won't hide the mustache.

Honk, honk.

Alexander !

I should be here.

It's a ladies' room.

Nothing I haven't seen before.

Does anyone have change

for a tampon ?

I'll be outside.

[ Slams ]

Does anyone else think

this is a little off ?

Like what ?

Like that Wyatt guy,

for one.

Like how he ordered

a triple cappuccino

and scooped off all the foam.

Why not just get an Espresso ?

Plus how he kept

folding his napkin

like he's afraid he

doesn't have

any real friends ?

Just people who want

to use him because

he's a big music guy.

Yeah. But I was talking

more about the whole

record contract thing.

It is super sudden.

It is.

But you said it.

You said we have to

go out there and make

things happen, and we did.

I know. I just think maybe

we should think about this

for a second.

[ All screaming ]

Gee, Josie,

how exciting for you.

You'll get to go away and

make a record, and poor Alan m

will have to stay behind...

In Riverdale

all alone with me.

I cannot believe they let you

bring me to the city with you.

Shh.

What ?

I had to tell them that

you're my guitar tech, so--

[ whispers ]

Guitar tech. Right.

* [ Guitar ]

You know what ?

I still don't understand

why you're here.

- I'm here because

I was in the comic book.

- What ?

Nothing.

[ Moans ]

Whoa !

[ Laughs ]

What's up, big butt ?

Shut up.

Hey, you guys.

You know how people always

say that this is the life ?

I think this is

when they say it.

Private plane.

Record deal.

Coasters.

Loads of cash.

* [ Guitar ]

Scratch that.

We still poor.

Pardon ? Hang on.

* I want to know

why you are-- *

[ phone beeps ]

Yes ?

At least I don't think

I need this anymore.

Riverdale muni bus pass.

Guys, you know what ?

We have the only bus passes

with three people

in the picture.

[ Sighs ]

It's not my fault you both

jumped in on mine.

Okay, no, you both

jumped in on mine.

[ Laughs ]

We should keep these.

Remind us where we came from.

Hey, listen, let's promise

each other something...

Right here

and right now, okay ?

No matter what happens--

if we become huge stars...

Or if we end up hitchhiking

back to Riverdale,

we will always

be friends first

and a band second.

Friends first.

I swear on my bus pass ?

[ Together ]

I swear on my bus pass.

[ All laughing ]

Don't worry, Lex.

We're not going to have

any trouble with these girls.

Oh, no.

* but I feel good

yeah, I feel fine *

* I stop complainin'

all the time *

* you'll get yours

and, baby, I'll get mine *

* yeah

* so don't be fooled

by what you see *

* in movies, magazines

and on TV *

* 'cause what do they know

about you and me *

* we don't care

what they say *

* we'll be all right

we'll be okay *

* na, na, na, na, nah

na, na, na, na, nah *

* yeah, yeah

* na, na, na, na, nah

na, na, na, na, nah *

* na, na, na, na, nah

yeah, yeah *

* stand up straight

and stand up tall *

* ain't got to waste your time

in shopping malls *

* slam the door and

let's tear down the walls *

* crank it up

let's mess around *

* be who you are

'cause you're a star *

* na, na, na, na, nah

na, na, na, na, nah *

* na, na, na, na, nah

yeah, yeah *

* you are a star

* na, na, na, na, nah

na, na, na, na, nah *

* na, na, na, na, nah

yeah, yeah *

* yeah

geez. It's so huge.

Oh, this is only

the beginning.

Are you sure you should be

putting that up already ?

I mean, we haven't even

recorded anything yet.

What if you don't like it ?

What if nobody likes it ?

Don't worry.

If you screw up, we'll just

put somebody else up there.

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing continues ]

Hey, Wyatt ?

Hmm ?

They've got

our name wrong.

Hmm ?

We're not Josie

and the pussycats.

We're just

the pussycats.

Oh, no, Josie's the singer.

The public needs someone

out front to identify with.

Trust me.

Our studies have shown

that bands that have the word

"and" in the title...

Sell twice as many records

as those that don't.

What about the Beatles

or the rolling stones

or the backstreet boys?

Yes, if you want

to split hairs, yes,

of course, obviously.

Yes, yes, but, come on.

Would you be more

interested in a band called

simply the pussycats,

or are you more likely to

buy a cd or read a comic...

Or watch a cartoon

or go and see a movie about

a trio of luscious ladies...

Called Josie

and the pussycats ?

Hmm ?

It does have

a nice ring to it.

Oh, yes.

Hey !

Oh, so sorry, Valerie.

I had no idea

you weren't in here.

Ha, ha. Come on.

[ Melody ]

More coasters.

[ Giggles ]

What did I tell you, Fiona ?

It couldn't be better.

Just think Christina aguliera

times three except one of them

is incredibly tan,

or else t.L.C.

With two white chicks,

or, um, hole !

Wyatt, I get it without

the stupid analogies.

Put them in the studio

tomorrow. We'll talk later.

The feds are here

with some foreigners.

I've got to give them

the tour.

- You won't be disappointed.

- I'd better not be.

We can't afford

another dujour disaster.

- Welcome.

- [ Foreign language ]

I'm sure you're wondering why

agent Kelly and the

United States government...

Would be so interested

in what appears to be

a record company.

Well, I'm about

to show you why.

- [ Beeping ]

- [ Whirring ]

This... is what our operation

really does.

[ Woman ]

Blue is the new orange.

[ Fiona ]

This is where it starts--

the fads, the fashions,

the product placement.

From this command center,

we control the

most influential demographic

of the population.

We decide everything--

from what clothes are in style

to what slang is in vogue.

Feather tank tops,

matching pants. Kind of

a Buffy meets chicken run.

Feathers are

the new rhinestones.

The new word for cool

will be "jerkin'," as in,

"dude, that's jerkin'."

That's dirty.

[ Fiona ]

This is the epicenter

of all trends.

We turn your world into

one giant TV commercial.

But how, you may ask,

can our operation

be so effective ?

Sure these kids have brains

like play-doh, just waiting

to be molded into shape,

but something else

must be going on, right ?

The Chinese guy knows

what I'm talking about.

To answer some

of your questions,

we've produced

a short educational film.

Lights !

[ Beeps ]

Hello. I'm Eugene Levy,

and, yes, I'm an actor.

No, I said cappuccino.

I'm here to talk to you

about something

very important.

No, it's not about me

or my career.

I'm here to talk about

subliminal messages

in rock-and-roll music...

Or as it's simply known

in some cultures-- rock music.

For years the government

has been wisely

coercing teenagers...

To buy products

they normally wouldn't want

just to get their money.

Fact: Kids don't

have bills to pay.

Fact: They don't pay taxes,

but they do baby-sit

and hold minimum-wage jobs...

That earn them wads of cash

as thick as, well,

my body of work.

But these kids today

aren't dumb.

They're not going

to buy just anything.

That's why the government has

been planting small subliminal

advertising suggestions...

In today's rock music.

The results ?

We can now get these kids

to buy just about anything.

We can have them chasing

a new trend every week,

and that is good

for the economy.

And what's good

for the economy

is good for the country.

So god bless

the United States of America,

the most ass-kicking country

in the world.

[ Beeps ]

[ German accent ]

How can you control

the rock bands ?

What if they find out

about the hidden messages

in their music ?

Ever wonder why so many rock

stars die in plane crashes ?

Overdose on drugs !

We've been doing this

a long time.

If they start

to get too curious,

our options are endless.

Bankruptcy, shocking scandals,

religious conversions.

We've created

a highly-rated TV show...

Just to explain

what happens to these people.

[ Beeps ]

[ Foreign language ]

[ Applause continues ]

Wow.

The walls are mushy.

[ Giggles ]

We brought

some equipment in.

I assume it's to your liking.

They're brand new.

I like this.

It's got shiny knobs.

No. No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Th we do not touch.

It's only the most expensive

piece of equipment

in the studio.

The megasound 8000.

Although the name sounds

ominous, it's actually

just a high-tech processor.

How does it work ?

Why do you need

to know that ?

What is it, a big secret

or something ?

A big secret.

Wyatt's got a secret.

It's not a secret. Stop it.

I'll tell you. I'll show you.

- [ Whirring ]

- Play a little something

for me, would you ?

* it took six whole hours

* and five long days

* for all your lies

to come undone *

* and those three

small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see

that I'm the one *

perfect ! Now, this will

just take a moment.

[ Voices overlapping ]

And now I'll play it back

with megasound.

* and those three small words

were way too late *

is that us ?

* you can't see

that I'm the one *

it sounds so--

- I want a big Mac.

- What ?

Mel, you're a vegetarian.

I know, but

suddenly I want one. Maybe

on the way back to the hotel ?

Okay, as long as we can

stop by foot locker too.

I'm dying for a pair

of old-school tretorns.

Jerkin' tretorns

are the new Adidas.

[ Clicks ]

Ladies, now should I drop you

back at Riverdale mall, or are

you ready to make a record ?

Come on !

[ Feedback whine ]

[ Drumsticks tapping ]

One, two. One, two, three.

* well, he looks at me with

those innocent eyes and says *

* it looks like you're wearin'

some kind of disguise *

* because your hair sticks up

your shoes are untied *

* I hope that you got

that shirt at half price *

* and every word I say

falls flat on the floor *

* I try to tell a joke

he's heard it before *

* and I don't think

that I can take it no more *

* he's driving me

right out my front door *

* why do you do

what you do to me, baby *

* you're shaking my confidence

driving me crazy *

* you know if I could

I'd do anything for you *

* please don't ignore me

'cause you know I adore you *

* can't you just pretend

to be nice *

* can you at least

pretend to be nice *

* if you could just

pretend to be nice *

* then everything in my life

would be all right *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee

oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee

oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

this is the best cd ever !

Yeah, and I want

some gatorade.

Gatorade is the new snapple !

* and I tried so hard

just to figure him out *

* but he won't tell me what

he's been thinking about *

* and then he falls asleep

on the living room couch *

* with his sunglasses on

and his tongue hanging out *

* then he disappears

for a week at a time *

* and then he shows up

just like everything's fine *

* I don't get what goes on

in his mind *

* but I'm tired of hearing

the same stupid lines *

* why do you do

what you do to me, baby *

* you're shaking my confidence

driving me crazy *

* you know if I could

I'd do anything for you *

* please don't ignore me

'cause you know I adore you *

* can't you just pretend

to be nice *

* could you at least

pretend to be nice *

* if you'd just

pretend to be nice *

* everything in my life

would be all right *

* oh, oh, oh, oh

oh, oh, oh, oh *

* oh, oh, oh, oh

oh, oh, oh, oh *

* oh, oh, oh, oh

oh, oh, oh, oh *

* everything in my life

would be all right *

* all right

* oh, oh, oh, oh

oh, oh, oh, oh *

* oh, oh, oh, oh

oh, oh, oh, oh *

* everything in my life would

be all right, all right *

* oh, oh, oh, oh

oh, oh, oh, oh *

[ screaming ]

- This must be a misprint.

- [ Laughing ]

- Yea !

- Wait !

Does anyone else think

it's a little strange that

all this happened in a week ?

[ Dialing ]

No !

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Screaming ]

- [ Screaming ]

- Who are you ?

- [ Screaming ]

- We know them !

- [ Panting ]

Eww ! We do !

Oh, my god ! We love you.

We're like your biggest fans !

[ Screaming continues ]

- No, you're not. You hate us.

- Are you crazy ?

Josie and the pussycats

are our new favorite band

of all time !

- [ Screaming ]

- Josie and the pussycats

are the new dujour !

Wanna see our

pussycat tattoo ?

Look it !

[ Gasping ]

That was way too weird.

Weird ? What's the point

of being famous...

If the people

you hated in high school

don't want to kiss your ass ?

[ Chuckles ]

You're lucky.

Most people have to wait

till their ten-year reunion

for that sort of revenge.

You're just going

to have to get used to people

throwing themselves at you.

And, talking of throwing,

Fiona,

the head of megarecords,

is throwing a huge party

tonight in your honor,

a celebration

of all things Josie.

- Um, Wyatt ?

- Hmm ?

- Don't I get one ?

- Oh, that is strange.

Why don't you come along too ?

There's always room

for one more.

How about us ?

No.

Wow. A party.

That's, um--

that's, uh--

that's kind of cool.

But is it as

"kind of cool" as playing

your own stadium concert ?

Oops ! I promised Fiona

she could tell you. Damn.

We're playing

a stadium concert ?

This weekend.

Shouldn't we maybe play

some small clubs first ?

Maybe do a few gigs in Europe.

Build a following.

You have a following.

Honestly, "j."

I wouldn't send you out there

if I didn't think

you could deliver.

It would only

make me look bad.

But this is the whole deal:

Simultaneous

pay-per-view web cast,

live streaming video,

millions of little people

paying good money

just to watch you.

Well, I'm sure

your band mates

are tres excited.

Right, melly-Mel ?

Our first concert ever.

Thanks, Wyatt.

Don't thank me.

Thank Fiona.

It was her idea.

It's been part of her plan

for you from the start.

Operation big concert,

where we finally take things

to the next level.

When Josie and the pussycats

play their stadium concert,

all the kids in the audience,

as well as the ones

watching at home,

will have to purchase these.

It's the debut

of 3-d-x surround sound,

a new technology that

makes the music feel like

it's happening all around you,

like 3-d.

Gentlemen, a demonstration.

This is what those kids

think they're hearing

on those headsets.

* oooh, wee, oooh, wee, ooh

and this is what

they're really hearing.

[ Man ] Conform.

Free will is overrated.

Jump on the bandwagon.

That voice.

I know that voice.

It's, um--

- it's Mr. Moviefone.

- Yes !

He does all

our subliminal tracks.

[ Mr. Moviefone ]

There is no such place

as area 51.

Excellent work, Fiona.

These kids will never

know what hit 'em.

- And neither will you.

- I'm sorry. What was that ?

- Huh ? What ?

- You just said something.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

I said, "these kids will never

know what hit 'em,"

and then you said,

"and neither will you."

- I did ?

- We all heard you.

Oh-- well--

what I meant to say was,

"and neither will you guys."

Meaning the teenagers.

I was just emphasizing

my point.

Oh. Oh, okay.

Great. Thanks.

That was close.

Excuse me ?

I was going to say,

"that was... close...

"To being

a... really nice moment...

Between the two of us."

Don't you think ?

Yeah, well, I guess.

I have to be getting back

to the Pentagon, so--

[ Man ]

Toni tennille and i--

we wrote all

the songs together.

* love, love will

keep us together *

captain just played the piano.

It was my idea to have him

wear that hat.

I said, "how you

gonna be a captain

if you don't wear a hat ?"

[ Chuckles ]

We did make some

beautiful music together

though.

A big song-- the one I was

mostly responsible for was...

"Love will keep us together."

Well, guess what. It didn't.

Guess after a while, you know,

they didn't want to share

the spotlight no more.

Sometimes that stuff happens.

I can still remember,

though, captain always said,

"friends first.

The band second."

I wish I'd have

got that in writin'.

* if you're happy

and you know it

clap your hands *

* if you're happy

and you know it

clap your hands *

[ laughs ]

* if you're happy

and you know it

and you really wanna show it *

* if you're happy

and you know it

clap your hands *

[ screaming ]

Oh, no.

That's better.

[ Giggles ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Alan m ]

* it's the guy

with the pizza *

* the kind that's

good to eats-a

if you open the door *

oh, my god.

I am so sorry.

I totally,

totally forgot.

We have to go to

this record party thing

with the head of the label.

- What's the matter ?

- Nothing. It just, uh--

you look so, uh--

you cannot make fun of me.

They sent this dress over.

I did not pick it out.

But I cut up the front,

and I made wristbands.

It looks stupid,

doesn't it ?

No, no, no. No. I--

I've just--

I've never seen you-- wow !

Finish your sentences.

Is that a good wow

or a bad wow ?

Oh, no, no. It's, uh--

it's a good wow.

It's a-- it's a--

it's a very good wow.

Thanks.

Actually, would you mind ?

There's a--

mind what ?

There's a chain thing

that I can't

figure out really.

Oh, right.

Right, um-- okay.

Um--

that's, um--

that's down here.

A little complicated.

[ Clears throat ]

Josie, are you ready ?

The door was open. I hope

I'm not interrupting anything.

- Hey, Alec n,

how's it hanging ?

- Actually, it's Alan m.

Yes, what's with the initial ?

It didn't work for Sheila e.,

and it doesn't work for you.

Josie, we don't want to be

late for the hottest and most

exclusive party of the year.

There's free cable.

Uh, Josie ?

Um, I was wondering,

d-d-did you want to

do something tomorrow ?

Yeah.

When ?

2:00 ?

No can do.

Taping e.

- Oh. 1:30. 3:00.

- Mtv. Msnbc.

- 4:00.

- 4:15.

- Sold to the young man

with no future.

Come on, Josie.

There's a limo waiting.

Good night, Adam 12.

- Trot on.

- Actually, it's Alan m.

[ Chattering ]

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee

oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee

oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* ooh

* well, he looks at me

with those innocent eyes *

* and says it looks

like you're wearing

some kind of disguise *

* because your hair

sticks out-- *

[ Josie thinking ]

Look at them staring at us.

No one thinks

I should be here.

That's totally

what they're thinking.

Look at them staring

at Josie.

No one thinks I should

be here. That's totally

what they're thinking.

* if you're happy

and you know it, and you

really want to show it *

* if you're happy

and you know it

clap your hands *

[ man over P.A. ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

the head of megarecords...

And the host of your party,

Fiona.

[ Woman ]

* why do you do

what you do to me, baby *

- * shakin' my confidence

- isn't she fabulous ?

* drivin' me crazy

you know if I could *

* I'd do anything for you

* please don't ignore me

'cause you know I adore you *

* [ Ends ]

I'm Fiona.

Welcome to your party !

Enough spectacle.

Let's go be girls !

This is my girly room.

No boys allowed.

Come on, girls. Sit down.

We'll gossip.

Oh !

* [ Woman singing in French ]

Isn't he just the cutest ?

He's pretty cute.

[ Door closes ]

Pringles !

Josie !

Come on !

Oh, I am starved !

I'm such a pig.

N-No. No, you're not.

[ Sighs ]

[ Crying ]

So, Josie,

how much do you weigh ?

Excuse me ?

Your weight !

118.

Ha ! 115.

I'm three pounds

lighter than you.

But don't worry about it.

I think you look great.

[ Lisping ]

Tho pretty and popular.

What did you just say ?

Nothing. I thaid

the new thong's

pretty popular.

What "thong" ?

The new thong.

The new thingle.

I'm thorry.

I have thomething

caught in my teeth.

[ Clears throat ]

Got it.

So, who wants to

French braid ?

Okay, so who else thinks

that Fiona's a freak ?

Oh, my god. I'm so glad

you said something, because

as soon as you said her name,

I got the most awful

sensation,

like this ice-cold chill

creeping up my spine.

Oh, sweetie, that's 'cause

you're sitting on the o.

Oh.

[ Giggles ]

No. I still got

the shivers, you guys.

It's not the o.

It's her.

I don't know.

What do you think, val ?

Stuff's definitely

been... different

since we left Riverdale.

And, if you ask me,

some things feel like

they've changed completely.

- Wyatt.

- Hmm ?

I don't like those two

pussycats.

They're asking questions,

and that's dangerous.

We can't afford to take

any more risks.

I'll get rid of them,

have a new band

by the morning.

Ooh !

Think, Wyatt.

We've already sold

half a million of the Josie

ears for a big concert.

Right. Yes. So we have.

So what are you suggesting ?

Keep Josie, and put

those two nosy little

pussycats to sleep.

Mmmm.

I don't think Josie will

play without her friends.

Oh ? I think

we might persuade her.

Mmm ?

[ Fiona ]

Next, on behind the music,

Josie suffers a tragic loss.

[ Laughs sinisterly ]

[ Cackles ]

[ Chuckles evilly ]

Ha-ha, hee-hee, hew,

ho-ho, hoo.

[ Laughs dramatically ]

[ Laughs loudly ]

[ Chokes, coughs ]

[ Woman ]

The city aquarium holds

more than 244 varieties

of sea life.

Josie, did I tell you

I got a gig tonight ?

You did ?

That's great !

Yeah, well,

it's just this bar,

but the manager--

I played him my demo,

and he said

I could have, like, almost

a full half-hour tonight.

Do you think maybe

you want to come, or--

yeah.

'Cause I know you're

busy and everything.

Oh, my god.

Is that Josie ?

Where ? Josie !

[ Screaming ]

* shape shifter,

guest lister *

* big faker

she'll turn around

you'll diss her *

* gate-crasher, rehasher

* if you think that's cool,

whatever dude *

[ panting ]

Thanks.

Yeah, no problem.

How am I gonna

pull this off ?

Wh-what ?

I'm a girl from Riverdale,

you know ? I'm--

I'm not a rock star.

Jose, you've been

dreaming about this

your whole life.

I know, it's just--

what ?

I'm scared.

Don't be. You gotta

believe in yourself.

What if I can't ?

Then--

then I guess

I'll just have to

believe in you for you.

[ Knocking ]

Oh, wow.

[ Laughing ]

Oh, wow !

So, what do you think

we should open with

for the concert--

spin around,

or mayb come on ?

Uh, I don't know.

We could try

roll on, rolly wheel,

but, honestly, I think

the lyrics still need work.

What do you think ?

It's your call.

I mean, you're the boss.

No, I'm not.

Val, what's with you ?

Hello, girls !

And how are the most

beautiful and talented

women

in rock-and-roll ?

Eh ?

Don't you mean "woman" ?

Valerie, my darling,

you're going to have to learn

to take a compliment.

I mean, what are you

going to do tonight

when you go on trl...

And Carson daly tells you

how much he loves your music ?

Don't you mean,

what's Josie gonna do ?

No, because she won't

be there. We just booked

you and melody.

It's time for the world to get

to know the other pussycats.

We're gonna be on trl ?

Mm-hmm.

Do I get to touch Carson ?

[ Squeals ]

Anywhere you like.

The taping's in two hours,

unless, of course,

you have a problem with this.

Do you have a problem

with this ?

No ! I think you guys will

have a great time.

I love that show.

And-- and you don't mind

if Mel and I go without you ?

Why ? I don't care

about that stuff.

[ Sighs ]

Jose--

oh, I'm so sorry !

I don't know

what I was thinking.

Okay.

Come on, girls. There are

stylists and designers

waiting in your room.

And you have homework

tonight. This is the remix

of your next single.

I'd be very curious

to hear your thoughts.

Could it wait until tomorrow ?

It's just that Alan m is

playing his first gig tonight,

and I wanna get there early.

Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry, Josie.

I forgot to tell you.

Alan m called

my office earlier.

They canceled his show.

- They did ?

- Yes.

Why didn't he call me here ?

Um, I'm sure he did.

In fact,

I'm sure if you go down

to the front desk, there'll be

a message waiting for you.

Excuse me.

[ Whispering ]

Yes, there's a message

waiting for you... now.

I guess I should call him.

Um, he also said to say

that he won't be available

for several hours,

and he'll call you

when he can.

All that was on the message ?

Uh, yes. Excuse me.

[ Whispering ]

Yes, that's all

in the message.

Anything else ?

Who do you keep calling ?

I'm running a label here,

Josephine.

I have other artists

who need me, other artists

who need my time,

other artists who aren't

so difficult about putting in

a little bit of extra work.

Your level of non-commitment

is making me doubt

your commitment commitment.

So, you wanna be

a rock superstar, eh--

live large, big house,

five cars ?

Well, you have to

do the time.

Otherwise,

[ Chuckles ]

Somebody else will,

and you'll be left

to explain it all

to Mel and val.

I am committed.

I am.

Yes, I hope so,

my darling.

I hope so.

[ Door opens, closes ]

- Val, we're on trl !

- Hey, check out the view !

It's fake.

Wow. This stuff looks

so different on TV.

All this stuff is fake.

Where is everybody ?

Where's Carson ?

Yo, kitty cats !

How you ladies doin' ?

I'm Carson daly. Welcome.

You're not Carson daly.

What are you talkin' about ?

Of course I'm Carson daly.

Check the nails.

You need to call me.

I got plans.

All right.

Is everybody ready

to start the show ?

- Oh, my god, it's Carson !

- Oh, my god, it's melody !

Yo, man, you gotta

stop tryin' to be me

with the nails thing.

What you sayin', man ?

A brother can't

be Carson daly ?

No, that's not

what I'm sayin'.

It's just that

I actually am Carson daly,

so it doesn't work right now.

Who's gonna break

my "gazoons," man ?

I'm Carson daly.

That's pretty good, man.

Who else do you do ?

I do Mike Tyson.

I would take a bite outta you.

Okay, what is going on ?

Are you--

is this trl or not ?

This is not

total request live.

It's more like

total request dead.

Yeah, you see, ladies, we've

only got one request today.

And that's to kill you.

[ Laughing ]

Carson said he's

gonna kill us.

Like that's a request.

- All right, man,

I got the blond.

- He's not kidding.

Go !

[ Screaming ]

* [ Ballad ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Phone ringing ]

- * this is the place

where I sit *

- [ Ringing continues ]

* this is the part

where I love you too much *

* is this as hard

as it gets *

Um, this, uh--

this next song is

dedicated to, uh--

a friend of mine.

I kinda wanted to wait

till she showed up to play it,

but I guess she--

whoo-hoo !

Um, the name of this song is,

uh, wish you felt the same.

- [ Toilet flushing ]

- Hey !

Shut up or hold it

till you get home !

Who do you want to kill you,

huh ? Eddie Murphy ?

Eddie told me,

"I want them Josie girls dead,

all right ? You get them

a nurse. I want them dead !"

[ Laughs like Eddie Murphy ]

[ Gasps ]

I can't believe

you're a killer !

- You seem so nice on TV !

- Really ?

You know, I always thought

you were kinda hot.

Too bad !

- I always thought

you were kinda hot too.

- You did ?

What's your sign ?

Scorpio.

I'm a cancer.

[ Shrieks ]

[ Laughing ]

Da pussycats.

I gotta kill ya. Good lawd !

- What was that ?

- It was Chris rock.

That was

a terribl Chris rock.

Why do you even bother

doing impressions ?

You're not funny.

You know who's funny ?

Bill cosby.

And he's going

to kill you...

After sticking a spoon

in your pudding.

[ Yelling ]

No way !

Favorite movie is

lady and the tramp.

When the dogs are

eating spaghetti and

they share the same piece ?

[ Together ]

And their noses touch !

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughs, sighs ]

You know, if I wasn't

a key player in this whole...

Conspiracy to brainwash

the youth of america

with pop music,

like, we could totally date.

- You think ?

- Oh, yeah.

You know, it would be

so cool, like--

[ Yelling ]

Yeah, right.

Like I'd ever go out

with a guy like you.

Now, you,

on the other hand--

come on.

Let's get outta here

and find Josie.

Bye.

* [ Ballad over headphones ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Val ]

Josie ? Josie, quick,

open the door !

[ Knocking continues ]

Josie ?

Jo-- Josie ?

Josie, we have to talk to you.

How did they let

the two of you in here ?

I specifically told

the front desk "no visitors."

- Are you okay ?

- Of course I'm okay.

Why wouldn't I be ?

I have the number-one single

in the country.

You two, on the other hand--

[ Mutters ]

Should maybe be

a little worried.

Josie, Carson daly tried

to kill us,

and I think it has something

to do with our music.

Why do you call it...

"Our" music ?

Becau--

are you even listening ?

I am listening

very carefully,

and do you know

what I'm hearing ?

I'm hearing someone

glomming on to my talent...

And my credit.

"Our" music, Mel ?

I basically write all of it.

Josie, no, you don't.

Write it together.

Oh, okay.

So if we're all doing

equal amounts of work,

why isn't the band called

Valerie and the pussycats ?

I knew it.

You've been thinking this

the whole time.

I'm just-- I'm just

backup to you, huh ?

Oh, but you're

a good, solid backup.

Oh, hey, val,

who's a rock star ?

Who's a rock star ?

I am !

Josie, don't do this.

We need to

stick together now.

Oh, my god.

Melody's gonna cry.

What's the matter,

snuggle bunny--

finally realizing

the world isn't all

sunshine and rainbows ?

Stop it.

Not everyone gets

a happy ending, muffin.

Stop it.

And you wanna know

what else ?

Puppies turn into dogs...

Who get old and die.

[ Gasping ]

Someday you'll thank me.

[ Scoffs ]

Of course, by then

I won't be taking your calls.

* this is the place

where I sit *

* this is the part

where I love you too much *

* is this as hard

as it gets *

* 'cause I'm getting tired

of pretending I'm tough *

* I'm here if you want me

I'm yours, you can hold me *

* I'm empty and achin'

and tumblin' and breakin' *

* 'cause you don't see me

* and you don't need me

* and you don't love me

* the way I wish you would

* the way I love you

* [ Continues with

static, clicking ]

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]

You are the star ! Val and

melody are mean, evil girls !

You should have

a solo career !

You have the number-one single

in the country !

They're trying to glom on to

your talent and your credit !

If they're doing

equal amounts of work,

why isn't the band called

Valerie and the pussycats ?

They're just deadweight,

Josie.

[ Overlapping ]

You could be huge without

them. You are the star.

Madonna huge.

Val and melody are

mean, evil girls.

Melody thinks you can't sing.

Seriously. She told me.

Dump them. The are trying

to destroy you, Josie.

You'll be better off

without them.

Who's a rock star ?

You are !

A great big rock star !

[ Continuing, indistinct ]

Go, Josie, go ! Go !

[ Player slows, stops ]

- Val !

- Oh, the return

of the superstar !

What's going on ?

And where are Mel and val ?

Since when you do you care ?

Oh, and we heard what

you said, bitchy mcbitch.

- Wish I'd said it.

- They're gone, Josie.

They're gone,

and I hope you're happy.

No more band.

Just like the Beatles.

Just like the Jackson five.

Just like a flock of seagulls.

[ Caws ]

- These are so good.

You want one of these ?

- Okay, look,

I never thought

I would say this to you,

ever, but, please,

would you help ?

Now ?

Wyatt gave me this cd

of our song,

and it was like

as soon as I heard it--

I don't know.

What-- it stunk ?

There's something on here,

I swear.

* [ Continues ]

Okay, okay, okay.

* [ Vocal dropping out ]

[ Faint murmuring ]

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]

You should have

a solo career !

You could have your own

prime-time TV series !

We could call Josie,

and run it right after

will and grace !

Oh, my god ! That's

Mr. Moviefone ! How did you

get him to put that on there ?

[ Gasps ]

You slept with him !

What are you talking about ?

This is on our cd.

It's underneath the music.

Wyatt put them on there...

To brainwash me.

[ Gasps melodramatically ]

* dum-dum-dum

ooh, brainwashing !

Ooh, help !

We're being brainwashed !

Diet coke's

the new Pepsi one.

"Ms." main-- main system.

Music sequence ?

Oh, god.

Maybe you broke it.

Whoa, I didn't touch it.

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]

Josie and the pussycats

are the best band ever !

They are totally jerkin' !

You must buy their cd.

You have to see them

in concert.

You also have to buy

Steve Madden shoes.

Heath ledger is

the new Matt Damon.

You're nobody without

an Abercrombie & Fitch

vintage tee.

They're selling stuff

through our music.

Josie and the pussycats

are the best band ever !

They're selling us

through our music !

I knew there was a reason

you were so popular.

I want a vintage tee...

And Heath ledger.

Oh, my god.

It's all my fault,

everything--

people dressing alike,

buying the same stuff.

I sold it to them.

I'm a trend pimp.

Well, it stops here !

I'm nobody's pimp,

and I'm not going to let Wyatt

and Fiona get away with this.

We're going to the police,

and we're taking this with us.

[ Grunts ]

Are you guys gonna

help me or what ?

Oh, I'll help.

Yeah, right.

'Cause you know I'm just gonna

let you walk right outta here

and spoil everything.

All right, now the event

I know everybody's been

waiting for is finally here.

One night only, the worldwide

live debut concert of

Josie and the pussycats.

[ Screaming, cheering ]

And, oh, very cool,

it's gonna be live

at the "megarena"...

With a simultaneous

global web cast.

You will not hear a thing

without your Josie

3-d-x headphones,

so I urge you all

to pick some up--

I know I bought two.

[ Screaming, cheering ]

- Hi !

- [ Chattering ]

Oh, look at the pouty girl.

Boo-hoo !

Well, you better

snap out of it, red, 'cause

you've got a show to put on !

Are you kidding ?

I'm not gonna play, help you

send messages to those kids.

- Forget it. I'm done.

- Oh, look who's got all

principled all of a sudden.

You didn't seem to mind when

your song went to number one !

You should kiss

my cellulite-free ass

for all I've done for you.

I made you a rock star.

[ Cheering, chanting ]

Tell me you don't love that.

I said forget it, all right ?

Now, find yourself

another girl.

[ Groans ]

Yeah, see, I would,

but everybody's

already here !

- [ Chanting ]

Josie ! Josie !

- Too bad.

- Wyatt.

- Josie !

- Val, Mel !

- Don't talk to her.

You're wasting your time.

Miss diva over here

doesn't care if you do

something to us.

No, that's not true.

You guys, just listen to me.

I didn't mean

any of that stuff

that I said before.

Fiona and Wyatt have put

subliminal message tracks

underneath our music--

can it, rusty.

Your story's boring.

Wyatt, why don't you show

these two lovely ladies

what we have for them

this evening ?

Gladly, my darling.

- A car ! Val, I won a car !

- No, you didn't win a car.

- Oh, my god, you won a car !

- No one won a car !

The car... is about to be

a part of history...

If you decide

not to play tonight.

Hi, I'm Serena altschul

with mtv breaking news.

Josie and the pussycats'

debut concert was

unexpectedly canceled...

When an automobile exploded

in the stadium parking lot.

The passengers were

identified as Valerie brown

and melody Valentine,

two of the founding members

of the popular rock band.

Investigators on the scene

were quoted as saying the two

died a slow, fiery death...

Inside the four-wheeled

hell pit.

We're told that Josie will

be releasing a statement...

To the press within the hour

to comment on this tragedy.

Yes, Josie,

what are your comments ?

We're all gagging to know.

Roast your friends,

or play the show ?

Play your show ?

Roast the friends ?

What's it to be ?

All right !

I'll play.

See, val ?

She still likes us !

Mel, of course I do.

You guys are my best friends

on the planet.

Look, I know that friends

don't treat each other

the way I treated you guys.

But you've got to believe me.

If I could just

go back in time,

I would take it all back.

That would be cool.

If I could go back in time,

I'd wanna meet snoopy.

Mel, I love that about you !

I love that you think

that everything is possible...

And that this world is

such a great place,

because you know what ?

It is.

And I'm so sorry if,

for one second, I made you

think that it wasn't.

And val-- val,

you bought me

my first guitar.

And, you know, we may have

started this band together,

but the only reason we've

come this far

is because of you.

Now, look.

I don't care if we're

Josie and the pussycats,

or Valerie and the pussycats

or whoever and the pussycats.

It doesn't matter

as long as we're together.

You're my sister, val.

I love you.

I love you too, Jose.

- And I love you, val.

- And I love you, Mel.

And I love you, Josie.

And i--

I scream, you scream,

we all scream for ice cream.

Everyone loves everyone.

Now, let's get

this show started !

[ Chanting ]

We want the show !

So, what is it

this time, Fiona--

cross-trainers,

pizza bagels, lip gloss ?

Oh, it's bigger--

much, much bigger.

You're gonna have

a pretty hard time

selling secret messages

once your secret's out.

Oh, and tell me, cookie--

who will believe you ?

Who will get behind

the ridiculous ramblings

of one silly, powerless girl ?

We will.

Who the hell are you ?

Someone you thought

you'd gotten rid of.

- Oh, my god,

it's les from dujour !

- Les ?

I tried to warn you--

the message on your mirror.

That was you ?

Dujour was in my bathroom !

[ Muffled ]

I love you, les !

But I thought you guys were

killed in a plane crash.

That's what I thought.

Wyatt ?

Oh, well, we managed

to land the plane just fine.

Unfortunately,

it was in the parking lot

of a metallica show.

Well, the fans beat

the crap out of us.

Well, you don't look

too bad.

And I thank god every day

I knew the words

to enter sandman.

[ Muffled, indistinct ]

Word, doc. She's not

gonna get away with it--

not this time.

Let's get 'em, boys,

dujour-style !

[ Moaning ]

- [ Monkey screeching ]

- [ Crashing ]

Anyway--

- oh, now, come on !

- [ Crowd chanting ]

Boy, you almost got me.

Honestly, girls all over

the world would kill

to be in your shoes,

and here you stand,

running away from it.

Why ?

So you could go crawling back

to "shitdale" and spend

the rest of your life...

Being washed up

with your loser friends,

dopey and mopey there ?

- [ Scoffs ]

- That's it.

* well I'm just outta school

gotta dance like a fool *

[ screams ]

* gotta be a wild one

just stop right there,

missy.

Wyatt, you messed

with the wrong pussy.

- [ Grunting ]

- * but I keep swingin', baby

I'm a real wild child *

[ screaming ]

You bitch !

* I'm a real wild one

and I like wild fun *

* in a world gone crazy

everything seems hazy,

I'm a wild one *

- you want some ?

Come on. Bring it !

- No, no !

* we're gonna break it loose

gotta keep it movin' wild *

* gotta keep on swinging, baby

I'm a real wild child *

[ both squealing ]

[ Yelling ]

No, baby, no ! Let go !

Let go ! Let go !

[ Grunts, groans ]

Ooh !

[ Chuckles ]

What are you gonna do--

kill me with the guitar ?

Who's gonna

go up there and sing ?

You need me, remember ?

Need you ?

Doll, I created you,

and, believe me,

I can destroy you.

[ Yelling ]

- [ Feedback screeching ]

- [ Screaming ]

- I'm sorry.

Did you need that ?

- Wyatt ! Fix it !

You-- what's your job ?

Fix this !

Oh, it's too late !

They're already taking off

the ears !

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]

Fiona is the most jerkin' girl

in the world !

Everybody loves Fiona !

She's got the best hair

and the most awesome clothes !

And she's so thin !

I know I want to be

just like Fiona !

That's the secret message

that you wanted to send out--

that you're cool ?

What ?

- That's not me, I swear.

- [ Fiona's voice ]

You're not doing it right !

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]

Hey, that's my job !

[ Crashing, struggling ]

[ Fiona's voice, lisping ]

If I wath a guy,

I'd athk her out.

If I wath a girl, I'd want to

be her betht friend forever.

What's wrong with your voice ?

We'd have thlumber parties and

thtay up braiding each otherth

hair and have tickle fights !

- [ Laughing ]

- Oh, thure.

Go ahead and laugh.

You don't know what it'th like

to be teathed and ridiculed

your whole life.

The thells thilver thwans

down by the theathore.

Theven thilver--

the thwims--

I tried, didn't I ?

[ Sighs ]

All I ever wanted wath

to be popular.

- Tell me, ith that tho bad ?

- Lisa ?

- What did you call me ?

- Lisa snyder ?

"Lithping litha" ?

That-that-that wath

my nickname in thchool.

Huntington high school.

Lisa, it's me-- Wally.

"White-ass Wally."

White-ass Wally ?

The albino kid ?

That'th impothible.

- Firtht of all,

he wathn't britith.

- I'm not.

[ American accent ]

I just started talking

like that because...

I thought it would

make me more attractive.

- He wath tho pale.

- [ Chuckles ]

Makeup.

I-I-I learned to thpeak

without a lithp.

Look !

I can't believe it'th you.

Ithn't it the thtrangetht

cointhidenth ?

Wait.

[ Exhales ]

Oh, I've been holding that in

for the past 15 years.

This is so romantic.

Yeah, in a... creepy,

ironic sort of way.

So, what's the moral

of the story here--

freaks should date

other freaks ?

No, I think the moral of

the story here is you should

be happy with who you are.

This whole time we've been

spending money on expensive

clothes to impress people.

Never made me happy.

No ! Happ-- oh, my gosh.

Happiness is on the inside.

I'm not this.

I'm not what I wear.

[ Shouting ]

I'm not what I wear !

You should think about this.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, please.

Unlike you bunch of wack jobs,

I am perfect just as I am.

Holy smoke !

That girl's got a skunk

on her head !

Oh, geez.

That's just your hair.

Sorry, but that's messed up.

- Who are you ?

- I'm agent Kelly.

I'm with the government.

Oh, thank god !

Did you know...

That Fiona and Wyatt

are using that machine

to send

subliminal messages

through our music ?

They're trying to create

an army of mindless teenagers,

to make them buy things and

even control their thoughts.

They what ?

Oh, come on.

You knew about thith

from the very beginning.

- Gentlemen, arrest

that woman and that man...

- What ?

On charges of conspiracy

against the youth of america.

- You can't be theriouth.

- Oh, I'm serious, ma'am.

This is

a very serious offense.

Sorry, but they're

on to us. Somebody's

got to take the fall.

You bastard !

Besides, after the concert,

we were gonna shut down

your operation anyway.

We found

that subliminal messages

work much better in movies.

[ Mr. Moviefone ]

All right, let's go.

Well, now that you girls

are done saving the world,

I think you have

a concert to play.

[ Audience cheering ]

[ Man over P.A. ]

Give it up for

Josie and the pussycats !

[ Audience screaming ]

[ Chanting ]

Josie ! Josie !

[ Chanting,

screaming continue ]

[ Crowd quiets ]

[ Feedback screeches ]

Whoa.

I'm gonna take these off.

Stop !

I know you all came out here

tonight because you heard

something you liked on our cd.

[ Scattered cheers ]

We're gonna play something

different for you tonight--

something you haven't heard.

It's cool if you like it.

It's all right if you don't.

Just...

Decide for yourselves.

This is for someone

who said he believed in me.

Kinda wish he was here now.

* na, na, na

na, na, na, na *

* na, na, na

na, na, na, na *

* na, na, na

na, na, na *

* yeah

* one, two

one, two, three *

* spin around, come back home

you're running out on a line *

* sometimes feel

I'm goin' out of my mind *

* stunned here waiting

for anyone to take the time *

* spin around, we get

further and further away *

* smile and wave

ain't got nothin' to say *

* stunned here waiting

for anyone to take the time *

* to change my mind

this time *

* well, I've been starin'

at the sun some time *

* it gets dark inside

but I don't mind *

* and if you're gone

it's like I'm goin' blind *

* I can't get by this time

* spin around

come down now 'cause

it's all getting clear *

* everything you've

ever wanted is here *

* we never needed

anyone to change our minds *

* don't waste our time

* we're fine

* well, I've been starin'

at the sun some time *

* it gets dark inside

but I don't mind *

* and if you're gone

it's like I'm goin' blind *

* I can't get by this time

Josie ! Josie !

- Alan m !

- Josie !

- What are you doing here ?

- I have to tell you that...

Even though you don't feel

the same way about me...

As I do about you,

and even though

you didn't come to my gig--

what do you mean ?

Wyatt told me

it was canceled !

That dick !

What did you mean about

the i-don't-feel-the-same-way-

about-you-as-you-do-about-me ?

That's what I came here

to tell you !

Josie McCoy, i--

[ all gasp ]

I love you !

[ Audience screams ]

I love you too !

I always have !

Hi.

[ Audience screams,

whistles ]

Damn !

Oh.

[ Stammering ]

I love you.

* la-la, la

la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la

la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la

la-la, la *

* yeah

* la-la, la

la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la

la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la

la-la, la *

* yeah

* la-la, la

la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la

la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la

la-la, la *

* yeah

* spin around and around

and around and around *

* never wanna come back down

* 'cause everything you lost

I've found *

* yeah

* spin around and around and

* yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

* yeah, yeah

* whoa

[ audience screaming ]

* [ Rock ]

- [ Blows raspberry ]

- [ Laughs ]

Contain the excitement.

* Josie and the pussycats

why'd you have

to hit me, man ?

It was just never gonna stop.

* guitars and

Marshall stacks *

* hot, sweet, supercool

don't you know these kitties

rule hurry, hurry *

* we've been goin' over

the master plan *

* driving in

a custom-painted Van

practicin' for hours *

* don't you know that soon

no matter where ya go

we'll be on the radio *

[ feedback screeches ]

[ Snickers ]

Can you see me and my nose

on the microphone ?

From this command center

we control everything...

Except what i'm

gonna say next.

I can't even believe

that they let me bring--

[ Laughs ]

You slept with him !

[ Laughs ]

You better get his mama

to get him a new face.

Ah-ah-ah.

You know my mom's dead.

That's just--

- [ all laugh ]

- Next up on weather--

- [ snarling ]

- What is wrong with you ?

Goodness, won't somebody

please save us ?

[ Laughing ]

* goin' triple platinum

you just watch us climbin' up

the billboard charts *

* breakin' records

breakin' hearts *

hey, those are my bunny ears !

Sh--

[ Beeps ]

This is what our operation--

I just spat right

in the camera.

* even though we're playin'

in our garage *

* soon we'll have

a massive entourage *

* goin' triple platinum

you just watch us climbin' up

the billboard charts *

* breakin' records

breakin' hearts *

yeah, right. 'Cause you know

I'm just gonna--

[ Laughs ]

* let's go

Josie and the pussycats *

* long tails

and ears for hats *

* we know just where it's at

[ Karate sounds ]

- * east, west

north or south *

- [ Giggling ]

* guaranteed to rock

the house *

* Josie and the pussycats

[ screaming ]

* Josie and the pussycats

[ Laughing ]

* [ Vocalizing ]

* they say this kind of love

is wrong but you know

it feels so right *

* running my hands across

your cheeks, they're

oh-so smooth and white *

* leave the light on, baby

and unlock your backdoor *

* I'll be comin' through

that way tonight

to love you for sure *

* lyin' on your bed

starin' up at the moon *

* you got me crazy

gotta love you soon *

* I'm your backdoor lover

* comin' from behind

with the lights down low *

* backdoor lover

just you and me

no one has to know *

* backdoor lover

let me meet you there

at your secret spot *

* I'll show you a love

that's more than hot *

* well, he looks at me with

those innocent eyes and says *

* it looks like you're wearin'

some kind of disguise *

* because your hair sticks up

your shoes are untied *

* I hope that you got

that shirt at half price *

* and every word I say

falls flat on the floor *

* I try to tell a joke

he's heard it before *

* and I don't think

that I can take it no more *

* he's driving me

right out my front door *

* why do you do

what you do to me, baby *

* you're shaking my confidence

driving me crazy *

* you know if I could

I'd do anything for you *

* please don't ignore me

'cause you know I adore you *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee

oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee

oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee

oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* dujour around the world

* nobody rocks the Mike

like dujour *

* nobody

* bangin' 'round

the world with dujour *

* we're number one and stayin'

at the top of our game *

* from east to west, we know

you already know our name *

* dujour

around the world forever *

* yeah, flyin' so high

in all kinds of weather *

* we're number one

in this game *

* and I think you know

our name is *

* dujour

* nobody rocks the Mike

like dujour *

* dujour

* ride on your motorbike

with dujour *

* I'm a punk rock prom queen

* brown paper magazine

* hotter than you've

ever seen *

* everywhere and in between

* I'm a ten-ticket

thrill ride *

* don't you wanna

come inside *

* a five-star triple threat

hardest of the hard to get *

* no one's little reprobate

ain't seen nothin'

like me yet *

* it took six whole hours

and five long days *

* for all your lies

to come undone *

* and those three

small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see

that I'm the one *

[ man ]

Jerkin' !

Josie and the Pussycats (2001) - full transcript