Josie and the Pussycats (2001) - full transcript

[ Growling ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

Okay, look, I can't believe
that I'm actually here...

And that I'm gonna get
to see them in the flesh,

because, like, dujour is
like my most favorite band
of all time !

Dujour !

I just want to touch them.
I don't care which one.
I don't care where.

I got all their trading cards
and all their cd's,

and all my gear is
from their clothing line,
dujour couture.

[ Screams ]



I mean, I straight-up
love 'em, only,
you know, like brothers.

Oh, my god !
They're here !

[ Screaming continues ]

* [ Vocalizing ]

* [ Vocalizing continues ]

* hey, hey, yeah, babe

* backdoor lover

* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah

* they say this kind
of love is wrong *

* but you know
it feels so right *

* running my hands
across your cheeks *

* they're oh-so
smooth and white
leave the light on, baby *

* and unlock your backdoor

* I'm comin' through that way
tonight to love you for sure *



- * lyin' on your bed
starin' up at the moon *
- * ooh

* you got me crazy
gotta love you soon *

* I'm your backdoor lover

* comin' from behind
with the lights down low *

* backdoor lover

- * just you and me
no one has to know *
- * backdoor lover

* let me meet you there
at your secret spot *

* I'll show you a love
that's more than hot *

we are here exclusive on
the tarmac as the band dujour
heads off on their world tour.

A year ago, would you have
ever imagined number-one song,
number-one requested video ?

We're number one
with a bullet,
baby, comin' to you !

Marco, there's a lady
up there-- "marry me, Marco--"
with a wedding dress.

Keep buyin' the records,
baby !

Can you send it back to
all the guys in the studio ?

* [ Singing entertainment
tonight theme ]
What's up, John ?

* [ Continuing ]

[ Screaming ]

* I'm your backdoor lover

* coming from behind
with the lights down low
backdoor lover *

* just you and me, no one
has to know, backdoor lover *

* let me meet you there
at the secret spot *

* I'll show you a love
that's more than hot *

- Marco !
- * backdoor lover

* coming from behind
with the lights down low
backdoor lover *

[ British accent ]
All right, boys. We'll land
in Riverdale in half an hour.

Then on to the Riverdale
rise and shine show.

Afternoon in-store gig
at 8:00. Questions ?

Yeah, Wyatt, how come
my limited-edition coke can
has me with a goatee...

When everybody knows
I shaved into a soul patch

for the don't tell
your papa video ?

This is wiggity-wack, Wyatt.
You're supposed to be
on top of this.

No, what's wiggity-wack
is your damn monkey.

Here we go with
the monkey again.
Dj d.J. With the monkey.

Yes, here we go again.
First it pooed on my incense.

Then it decided to poo
on my two little balls.

And then it pooed on my
picture of swami mukananda.

Will you please tell
this man that dujour
means hygiene ?

Maybe if you showed Dr. Zaius
the proper respect,

Dr. Zaius will stop
showin' you the poo !

Gentlemen--
I'm gonna kill you !

Okay ! Now, enough of this.
I'm gonna rip out
your heart !

Eye contact, hand.
Eye contact, hand.

We'll talk to coke
about the cans...

And try and clean up
after the doctor, okay ?

Okay ?

- Yo, man, I'm sorry.
My bad.
- It's all good.

Wyatt ?
Yes ?

Could you maybe talk
to Marco about him
always doing my face ?

You remember
in the what video
I established the-- face ?

Ever since then, every time
you see Marco, he's doing
the-- face, and it's mine.

You look at him trl.
"Hi, Carson."

Look at him on
the kid's choice awards.
"This is ours. Thanks."

Then right here on the cover
of seventeen magazine.

"Hi, little girl.
Beauty secrets ?"

It's my face.
It's my face.

Travis, am I, uh--
doin' your face,

'cause-- god forbid
i'd-- do your face, 'cause
it's-- such a good face.

- That's it !
- Boys, boys, boys.

- [ Screeching ]
- [ Shouting ]

- Hold it !
- Dujour means friendship.

Thank you, les.
Now, listen to me.

[ Grunting ]
Let's all take a moment.

When we land, I will
call the choreographer, and
she will give you a new face.

- Too bad your mama couldn't
give you a good face.
- Take that back right now !

I'm sorry, Travis.
Thank you.

You can have a new face too.

- Dujour means family.
- Dujour means teamwork.

Teamwork.

- So, how are we ?
Are we good ?
- Yeah.

Are we happy ?
Happy.

Are we dope ?
Word.

Wicked.
Yo, Wyatt,
there was one more thing.

Yes ?

Well, we were working
on some remixes of
the last single, right ?

We heard like a really
strange background track.

We were wondering whether
or not you knew what
it was all about.

[ Voices overlapping ]

Gee. You know,
I have no idea what that was.

Where did it come from ?

I mean, Wyatt,
we just want some answers.
The answers I will provide.

I'll be right back.

Take the Chevy to the levee.

Whoa !
Whoa !

Hey, that guy in the parachute
looks just like Wyatt.

Oh, yeah ?
Does he look like this ?
Or like this ?

- That's it.
- Break it up !

- Dujour means seat belts !
- [ Screeching ]

Dujour means
crash positions !

[ Phone dialing ]

Looks like we need
to find a new band.

[ Phone beeps ]

* I'm a punk rock prom queen

* brown paper magazine

* hotter than you've
ever seen *

* everywhere and in between

* I'm a ten-ticket
thrill ride *

* don't you wanna
come inside *

* a five-star triple threat
hardest of the hard to get *

* no one's little reprobate
ain't seen nothin'
like me yet *

* six whole hours
and five long days *

* for all your lies
to come undone *

* and those three
small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see
that I'm the one *

* I'm your late-night
head rush *

* ace-high royal flush

* red-velvet orange crush

* you just don't
impress me much *

* a glossy
double-cover spread *

* opened up inside your head

* a black-cherry paradise
half the sugar
twice the spice *

* I don't wanna treat you nice
come on, baby, roll the dice *

* six whole hours

* and five long days

* for all your lies
to come undone *

* and those three
small words *

* were way too late

* can't you see
that I'm the one *

*

* it took six whole hours

* and five long days

* for all your lies
to come undone *

* and those three
small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see that

* I'm the one

* it took six whole hours

* and five long days

* for all your lies
to come undone *

* and those three
small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see
that I'm the one *

[ bowling balls clattering ]
Thank you.

- Thank you, guys.
- Real nice.

Thanks for comin' out.

You're a great crowd.
[ Pins clattering ]

[ Man ]
Okay, girls.
We need the Lane now...

And your shoes.

[ Cash register dings ]

So how'd we do ?
Twenty dollars... minus
five dollars shoe rental.

Fifteen dollars.
Each.

Five dollars.

All things considered,
I'd say this was
our best show yet.

We just need to
build a following.

* backdoor lover

[ screaming ]

Look, skanky had a rock show,
and nobody came.

Did you guys all coordinate
before you left the house,

or are you wearing
the same thing by accident ?

At least we're not
wearing stupid bunny ears.

They're not bunny.
They're leopard.

And they're not stupid.
They're special.

- We're special.
- Yeah, special... ed.

[ Laughing ]

Enjoy the gutters, Josie.
You'll be playing there
forever.

[ Laughing continues ]
[ Engine revs ]

* backdoor lover

Hey. Hey, come on.

Who's a rock star ?

Who's a rock star ?
I am.

That's right.
There you go.
[ Laughs ]

[ Child ]
Slow down !
[ Child ] No way !

[ Chattering ]

* [ Hard rock
guitar instrumental ]

* [ Continues ]

[ Josie's voice ]
* so I'm tellin' you
boyfriend *

* that you never met a girl
like me before *

* I'm not gonna wait
a long time *

* better make up your mind

* are you in, are you out

* shake it up, shake it down
wanna scream, wanna shout-- *

lookin' good, McCoy !

[ Record scratches ]

Alan m, what's--
what's goin' on ?

Uh, the, uh, truck died.

[ Clicking ]
* Josie

* did I bust the carburetor

* overload the alternator

jump in anytime.

* abused the accelerator
nice.

You can't drive this uphill
when it's hot outside.
I told you.

You don't deserve
a truck this good.

You totally
take it for granted.

* takin' my truck
for granted *

* she says I'm taking
my truck for granted *

um, Jose ?

Did, uh--

did you ever want to tell
someone something, but--

but you weren't sure
if you should, you know ?

Yeah.

'Cause you didn't know what
their reaction might be or if
it was the right thing to do ?

You should tell them.
You should always tell them.

'Cause there's
this guy at work,

and he just reeks, you know ?

The guy ?
Yeah.

Smelly guy.
Oh, god, Josie, no,
not just smelly.

I'm talking, like,
hot, wet garbage
on a sunny day.

I think there's a problem.
It's like a stadium bathroom
or something.

No one seems to want
to say anything about it.

I know you would say
something though, right ?

Yeah. See, that's
what I love about you.

We can just talk about stuff.

That's what I'm here for.

- That's so cool.
- Ah !

* I wish you well

* couldn't you tell
after all these years *

mmm ! Good ramen.

I don't think people know
how far one pack can go.

Honk, honk.
Who brought doughnuts ?

I hope you don't think
that this makes up for
your missing our gig.

Sure we didn't miss much.

Nice management skills,
brother. Build yourself
a nice fat girl group.

Hello, Alexandra.
Have you lost some weight ?

Bite me, Bambi !
Okay, Alexandra, why don't
you go wait in the car ?

Make me, nose job.
Implants.

Penile-- ow !
Oh, I'm sorry.

That's the second time
today, isn't it ?

Ow ! Ow.
So, ladies,
how'd our set go ?

You would know
if you had been there.

Hey, honey, I'm running
a management company here.
I can't be everywhere at once.

Wouldn't that be cool
though if you could ?

I could be here and in there,

and I could be
in the living room...

And in the family room
and over here !

Alexander, you don't
have any other clients.
Where else do you need to be ?

On the streets, spreading
the gospel of the pussycats.

I'm out there working
my butt off for you guys.

I'm handing out fliers.
I'm working the masses.

Waiting in line
for dujour tickets.

It's for business.
I-- it, uh--

checking out the competition.
I don't like dujour,
like, it's dujour.

And I could be
back in this room, and
I could go in the closet !

Hello ? Uh-huh.
You want a demo tape
of the pussycats ?

- Your phone didn't even ring.
- It's on vibrate.

- Um, so-- so, yeah.
I gotta go right now.
- And then--

you want it right now ?
Okay, yeah. So, I'll see
you guys later.

All right, I'm on it.
You guys know he's lying.

You know your fly is open.

[ Laughing ]

You know, you... suck !

That's perfect.
Even our manager wants
to see another band.

You guys, come here quick.

Hi. I'm Serena altschul
with mtv news.

We have just received
a confirmed report...

That the members of pop
sensation dujour disappeared
in their private jet today,

vanishing from radar
40 miles east of Riverdale.

Authorities are still trying
to determine the whereabouts
of the plane...

And if there are
any survivors.

Dujour's label,
megarecords, has yet
to release a statement,

but they have
released a limited-edition
commemorative box set,

complete with a cd-rom history
of dujour in stores tomorrow.

Those poor boys.
We will keep you posted as to
any further developments...

In what seems to be yet
another rock-and-roll tragedy.

But they didn't
say they were dead.
They said they were missing.

I say we raise money
for a search party,
and we hold a bake sale !

Yes !
[ Giggles ]

Man, that is so sad.

[ Josie ]
It can all be over in a flash.

You know, but at least
they had a record deal.

We can have a record deal.

It's just that
we can't sit around here
waiting for it to happen.

We have to make it happen.

And you know what ?
Life-- life is short.

And we-- we are musicians,
and that means...

That we should be
out there playing music.

We do play, and we rock,
but nobody shows.

Nobody cares.
I care. I do.
And you know what ?

When life gives you lemons,
you make lemonade, and
when the going gets tough--

the tough make lemonade !

Right !

Good. We're all
on the same page.

Pack up your bass.
This way.

* the best things
in life are free *

* but you can keep them
for the birds and bees *

* give me money
* that's what I want

* that's what I want
* that's what I want

* that's what I want, yeah
* that's what I want

* that's what I want

* give me money
* that's what I want

* lots of money
* that's what I want

* just give me money

I live for these pink shoes.
Yeah, they are so much
cooler than our red shoes.

You guys,
pink is the new red.
[ All giggling ]

Wyatt frame.
I'm with the label.

I'm in town scouting
new talent,

and I wondered if there
was anyone worth hearing.

I saw the card, man,
but I missed everything else.

Why don't you start over
while I change songs ?

No, wait ! Play this.
It's the new single
from dujour...

Recorded just a few days ago
before the... disappearance.

I'd really like
to test the reaction.

Right on.

Check this out, y'all !
I got the world premiere
of the last single ever...

From the late, great dujour
just for all you in the store.

Check this out.

* yeah
* nobody rocks the Mike
like dujour *

* ride on your motorbike
with dujour *

* kickin' it in the benz
with dujour *

* bangin' 'round the world--
this is the best !

I love this song !
It's their best ever.

If I don't buy it,
everybody's gonna hate me.
Totally !

And, I also want
orange shoes.
Yeah !

Orange shoes are
so much cooler than
these stupid pink shoes.

You guys, orange
is the new pink !
[ Screams ]

I am sick of my Reebok sweats.
I need some puma sweats.

And I gotta buy
a six-pack of zima.

Dude, you don't drink.
I think I should start.

Yes, I think they responded
to that very well actually.

[ Woman ]
I think that song sucks.

I plug my ears when
crap like that comes on.

Really ? Everybody else
seemed to like it.

That's because they're
mindless drones

who will gobble up anything
you tell them is cool.

I see. Wow !
You're a real free thinker,
aren't you ?

I'd love to talk
to you some more.

People in the recording
industry, like me,

always want to hear
the opinion of individuals
like yourself...

To find out what
we're doing wrong.

Yeah, right.
How much time do you have ?

As much as you want.
After you.

Smells like teen spirit.

Well, this must be
my lucky day.

A real nonconformist.
I'm so interested to hear
what else you have to say.

Well, first of all,
I don't understand--

gosh, that's fascinating.
[ Phone rings ]

- Frame.
- I'm waiting.

I'm on to it, Fiona.
You wouldn't
believe this place.

It's a cultural wasteland.

Stop making excuses
and get your ass back here
with a band.

Tomorrow. I'll have
a new band for you first thing
in the morning. I swear !

Then you'll still
have a job-- maybe.

Just put this thing up ?
Yeah.

Okay, girls, this is it.
Pussycats unplugged.
Let's hear it.

One, two. One, two, three !

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey.
What do you think
you're doing ?

You can't play here.
I've got things to sell.
They're new. They're orange.

- So ?
- So, look at you. You're--

who's gonna come into
my store with you outside ?

The last I checked,
this was a free country.

The last I checked,
I was calling the cops.

"Get your ass back here
with a band."

I'd like to see her
move her ass once, just once.

Like he's really
gonna call the cops.

[ Siren wailing ]
Run !

[ Man ]
* ooh
this is impossible.

Where the hell
am I supposed to find a--

* come on, hold on tight

* though it's cold
and lonely *

* in the deep dark night

* I can see paradise

* by the dashboard light

* though it's cold
and lonely *

* in the deep dark night

hello, ladies.
Wyatt frame, megarecords.

* paradise by
the dashboard light *

girls, I can't tell you
how happy I am
to be sitting...

At this table
with the pussy hats.

Pussycats.

Yes, of course. Of course,
that would explain why
you're not wearing any.

[ Laughs ]

Hats.

Okay, I speak on behalf
of everyone at the label...

When I say that we'd love
for you to sign with...
Megarecords.

Whoa, wait, whoa.
Don't sign anything.
Don't sign anything.

- Who is this ?
- Alexander cabot III.
I'm the pussycats' manager.

Really ? In that case,
you'll be entitled to 15%
of everything they make.

I'm his sister, Alexandra.
Love the accent.
Thank you.

I used to summer
on the continent.
Fancy a snog ?

Fancy a mint ?

Wait a minute.
You want to sign us ?

You've never even
heard us play.

Oh ! Oh, oh.
I'm sorry. Forgive me.

I thought you were a rock band
that wanted to sign with
a major label. My bad.

- No, no, no !
- No !

No. No. It's--
I didn't know it could
happen this fast.

Well, that's the music biz
for you.

If you wait for it
to slow down,
it might pass you by.

Look what happened
to the Beastie Boys.

- But they're huge stars.
- I know.

Excuse me.
I have to--

- bathroom ?
- Yeah, me too.

I went before we left.
Good for you.

You should always
try to go to the bathroom
before you leave the house,

even if you don't have to--

[ gasping ]
Okay, this is crazy.

Beep-beep. Gotta gloss.
It won't hide the mustache.

Honk, honk.
Alexander !

I should be here.
It's a ladies' room.

Nothing I haven't seen before.
Does anyone have change
for a tampon ?

I'll be outside.

[ Slams ]

Does anyone else think
this is a little off ?

Like what ?
Like that Wyatt guy,
for one.

Like how he ordered
a triple cappuccino
and scooped off all the foam.

Why not just get an Espresso ?

Plus how he kept
folding his napkin

like he's afraid he
doesn't have
any real friends ?

Just people who want
to use him because
he's a big music guy.

Yeah. But I was talking
more about the whole
record contract thing.

It is super sudden.
It is.

But you said it.

You said we have to
go out there and make
things happen, and we did.

I know. I just think maybe
we should think about this
for a second.

[ All screaming ]

Gee, Josie,
how exciting for you.

You'll get to go away and
make a record, and poor Alan m
will have to stay behind...

In Riverdale
all alone with me.

I cannot believe they let you
bring me to the city with you.

Shh.
What ?

I had to tell them that
you're my guitar tech, so--

[ whispers ]
Guitar tech. Right.

* [ Guitar ]

You know what ?
I still don't understand
why you're here.

- I'm here because
I was in the comic book.
- What ?

Nothing.

[ Moans ]
Whoa !

[ Laughs ]
What's up, big butt ?

Shut up.

Hey, you guys.
You know how people always
say that this is the life ?

I think this is
when they say it.

Private plane.
Record deal.

Coasters.

Loads of cash.
* [ Guitar ]

Scratch that.
We still poor.

Pardon ? Hang on.
* I want to know
why you are-- *

[ phone beeps ]
Yes ?

At least I don't think
I need this anymore.

Riverdale muni bus pass.

Guys, you know what ?

We have the only bus passes
with three people
in the picture.

[ Sighs ]
It's not my fault you both
jumped in on mine.

Okay, no, you both
jumped in on mine.

[ Laughs ]

We should keep these.

Remind us where we came from.

Hey, listen, let's promise
each other something...

Right here
and right now, okay ?

No matter what happens--
if we become huge stars...

Or if we end up hitchhiking
back to Riverdale,

we will always
be friends first
and a band second.

Friends first.
Friends first.

I swear on my bus pass ?
[ Together ]
I swear on my bus pass.

[ All laughing ]

Don't worry, Lex.
We're not going to have
any trouble with these girls.

Oh, no.

* but I feel good
yeah, I feel fine *

* I stop complainin'
all the time *

* you'll get yours
and, baby, I'll get mine *

* yeah

* so don't be fooled
by what you see *

* in movies, magazines
and on TV *

* 'cause what do they know
about you and me *

* we don't care
what they say *

* we'll be all right
we'll be okay *

* na, na, na, na, nah
na, na, na, na, nah *

* yeah, yeah

* na, na, na, na, nah
na, na, na, na, nah *

* na, na, na, na, nah
yeah, yeah *

* stand up straight
and stand up tall *

* ain't got to waste your time
in shopping malls *

* slam the door and
let's tear down the walls *

* crank it up
let's mess around *

* be who you are
'cause you're a star *

* na, na, na, na, nah
na, na, na, na, nah *

* na, na, na, na, nah
yeah, yeah *
* you are a star

* na, na, na, na, nah
na, na, na, na, nah *

* na, na, na, na, nah
yeah, yeah *

* yeah

geez. It's so huge.

Oh, this is only
the beginning.

Are you sure you should be
putting that up already ?

I mean, we haven't even
recorded anything yet.

What if you don't like it ?

What if nobody likes it ?

Don't worry.
If you screw up, we'll just
put somebody else up there.

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing continues ]

Hey, Wyatt ?
Hmm ?

They've got
our name wrong.
Hmm ?

We're not Josie
and the pussycats.

We're just
the pussycats.
Oh, no, Josie's the singer.

The public needs someone
out front to identify with.
Trust me.

Our studies have shown
that bands that have the word
"and" in the title...

Sell twice as many records
as those that don't.

What about the Beatles
or the rolling stones
or the backstreet boys?

Yes, if you want
to split hairs, yes,
of course, obviously.

Yes, yes, but, come on.

Would you be more
interested in a band called
simply the pussycats,

or are you more likely to
buy a cd or read a comic...

Or watch a cartoon
or go and see a movie about
a trio of luscious ladies...

Called Josie
and the pussycats ?

Hmm ?
It does have
a nice ring to it.

Oh, yes.

Hey !

Oh, so sorry, Valerie.
I had no idea
you weren't in here.

Ha, ha. Come on.

[ Melody ]
More coasters.
[ Giggles ]

What did I tell you, Fiona ?
It couldn't be better.

Just think Christina aguliera
times three except one of them
is incredibly tan,

or else t.L.C.
With two white chicks,

or, um, hole !

Wyatt, I get it without
the stupid analogies.

Put them in the studio
tomorrow. We'll talk later.

The feds are here
with some foreigners.

I've got to give them
the tour.

- You won't be disappointed.
- I'd better not be.

We can't afford
another dujour disaster.

- Welcome.
- [ Foreign language ]

I'm sure you're wondering why
agent Kelly and the
United States government...

Would be so interested
in what appears to be
a record company.

Well, I'm about
to show you why.

- [ Beeping ]
- [ Whirring ]

This... is what our operation
really does.

[ Woman ]
Blue is the new orange.

[ Fiona ]
This is where it starts--
the fads, the fashions,

the product placement.

From this command center,

we control the
most influential demographic
of the population.

We decide everything--
from what clothes are in style
to what slang is in vogue.

Feather tank tops,
matching pants. Kind of
a Buffy meets chicken run.

Feathers are
the new rhinestones.

The new word for cool
will be "jerkin'," as in,

"dude, that's jerkin'."
That's dirty.

[ Fiona ]
This is the epicenter
of all trends.

We turn your world into
one giant TV commercial.

But how, you may ask,
can our operation
be so effective ?

Sure these kids have brains
like play-doh, just waiting
to be molded into shape,

but something else
must be going on, right ?

The Chinese guy knows
what I'm talking about.

To answer some
of your questions,

we've produced
a short educational film.

Lights !

[ Beeps ]

Hello. I'm Eugene Levy,

and, yes, I'm an actor.

No, I said cappuccino.

I'm here to talk to you
about something
very important.

No, it's not about me
or my career.

I'm here to talk about
subliminal messages
in rock-and-roll music...

Or as it's simply known
in some cultures-- rock music.

For years the government
has been wisely
coercing teenagers...

To buy products
they normally wouldn't want
just to get their money.

Fact: Kids don't
have bills to pay.

Fact: They don't pay taxes,

but they do baby-sit
and hold minimum-wage jobs...

That earn them wads of cash
as thick as, well,
my body of work.

But these kids today
aren't dumb.

They're not going
to buy just anything.

That's why the government has
been planting small subliminal
advertising suggestions...

In today's rock music.

The results ?
We can now get these kids
to buy just about anything.

We can have them chasing
a new trend every week,

and that is good
for the economy.

And what's good
for the economy
is good for the country.

So god bless
the United States of America,

the most ass-kicking country
in the world.

[ Beeps ]

[ German accent ]
How can you control
the rock bands ?

What if they find out
about the hidden messages
in their music ?

Ever wonder why so many rock
stars die in plane crashes ?

Overdose on drugs !

We've been doing this
a long time.

If they start
to get too curious,
our options are endless.

Bankruptcy, shocking scandals,
religious conversions.

We've created
a highly-rated TV show...

Just to explain
what happens to these people.

[ Beeps ]

[ Foreign language ]

[ Applause continues ]

Wow.

The walls are mushy.

[ Giggles ]
We brought
some equipment in.

I assume it's to your liking.

They're brand new.

I like this.
It's got shiny knobs.

No. No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.
Th we do not touch.

It's only the most expensive
piece of equipment
in the studio.

The megasound 8000.

Although the name sounds
ominous, it's actually
just a high-tech processor.

How does it work ?
Why do you need
to know that ?

What is it, a big secret
or something ?

A big secret.
Wyatt's got a secret.

It's not a secret. Stop it.
I'll tell you. I'll show you.

- [ Whirring ]
- Play a little something
for me, would you ?

* it took six whole hours

* and five long days

* for all your lies
to come undone *

* and those three
small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see
that I'm the one *

perfect ! Now, this will
just take a moment.

[ Voices overlapping ]

And now I'll play it back
with megasound.

* and those three small words
were way too late *

is that us ?

* you can't see
that I'm the one *

it sounds so--

- I want a big Mac.
- What ?

Mel, you're a vegetarian.

I know, but
suddenly I want one. Maybe
on the way back to the hotel ?

Okay, as long as we can
stop by foot locker too.

I'm dying for a pair
of old-school tretorns.

Jerkin' tretorns
are the new Adidas.

[ Clicks ]

Ladies, now should I drop you
back at Riverdale mall, or are
you ready to make a record ?

Come on !

[ Feedback whine ]

[ Drumsticks tapping ]

One, two. One, two, three.

* well, he looks at me with
those innocent eyes and says *

* it looks like you're wearin'
some kind of disguise *

* because your hair sticks up
your shoes are untied *

* I hope that you got
that shirt at half price *

* and every word I say
falls flat on the floor *

* I try to tell a joke
he's heard it before *

* and I don't think
that I can take it no more *

* he's driving me
right out my front door *

* why do you do
what you do to me, baby *

* you're shaking my confidence
driving me crazy *

* you know if I could
I'd do anything for you *

* please don't ignore me
'cause you know I adore you *

* can't you just pretend
to be nice *

* can you at least
pretend to be nice *

* if you could just
pretend to be nice *

* then everything in my life
would be all right *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee
oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee
oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

this is the best cd ever !

Yeah, and I want
some gatorade.
Gatorade is the new snapple !

* and I tried so hard
just to figure him out *

* but he won't tell me what
he's been thinking about *

* and then he falls asleep
on the living room couch *

* with his sunglasses on
and his tongue hanging out *

* then he disappears
for a week at a time *

* and then he shows up
just like everything's fine *

* I don't get what goes on
in his mind *

* but I'm tired of hearing
the same stupid lines *

* why do you do
what you do to me, baby *

* you're shaking my confidence
driving me crazy *

* you know if I could
I'd do anything for you *

* please don't ignore me
'cause you know I adore you *

* can't you just pretend
to be nice *

* could you at least
pretend to be nice *

* if you'd just
pretend to be nice *

* everything in my life
would be all right *

* oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh *

* oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh *

* oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh *

* everything in my life
would be all right *

* all right
* oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh *

* oh, oh, oh, oh

* oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh *

* everything in my life would
be all right, all right *

* oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh *

[ screaming ]

- This must be a misprint.
- [ Laughing ]

- Yea !
- Wait !

Does anyone else think
it's a little strange that
all this happened in a week ?

[ Dialing ]

No !
[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Screaming ]

- [ Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ]

- Who are you ?
- [ Screaming ]

- We know them !
- [ Panting ]

Eww ! We do !

Oh, my god ! We love you.
We're like your biggest fans !

[ Screaming continues ]

- No, you're not. You hate us.
- Are you crazy ?

Josie and the pussycats
are our new favorite band
of all time !

- [ Screaming ]
- Josie and the pussycats
are the new dujour !

Wanna see our
pussycat tattoo ?
Look it !

[ Gasping ]
That was way too weird.

Weird ? What's the point
of being famous...

If the people
you hated in high school
don't want to kiss your ass ?

[ Chuckles ]
You're lucky.

Most people have to wait
till their ten-year reunion
for that sort of revenge.

You're just going
to have to get used to people
throwing themselves at you.

And, talking of throwing,

Fiona,
the head of megarecords,

is throwing a huge party
tonight in your honor,

a celebration
of all things Josie.

- Um, Wyatt ?
- Hmm ?

- Don't I get one ?
- Oh, that is strange.

Why don't you come along too ?
There's always room
for one more.

How about us ?
No.

Wow. A party.
That's, um--

that's, uh--
that's kind of cool.

But is it as
"kind of cool" as playing
your own stadium concert ?

Oops ! I promised Fiona
she could tell you. Damn.

We're playing
a stadium concert ?
This weekend.

Shouldn't we maybe play
some small clubs first ?

Maybe do a few gigs in Europe.
Build a following.

You have a following.
Honestly, "j."

I wouldn't send you out there
if I didn't think
you could deliver.

It would only
make me look bad.
But this is the whole deal:

Simultaneous
pay-per-view web cast,
live streaming video,

millions of little people
paying good money
just to watch you.

Well, I'm sure
your band mates
are tres excited.

Right, melly-Mel ?
Our first concert ever.
Thanks, Wyatt.

Don't thank me.
Thank Fiona.

It was her idea.
It's been part of her plan
for you from the start.

Operation big concert,

where we finally take things
to the next level.

When Josie and the pussycats
play their stadium concert,
all the kids in the audience,

as well as the ones
watching at home,
will have to purchase these.

It's the debut
of 3-d-x surround sound,

a new technology that
makes the music feel like
it's happening all around you,

like 3-d.

Gentlemen, a demonstration.

This is what those kids
think they're hearing
on those headsets.

* oooh, wee, oooh, wee, ooh
and this is what
they're really hearing.

[ Man ] Conform.
Free will is overrated.
Jump on the bandwagon.

That voice.
I know that voice.
It's, um--

- it's Mr. Moviefone.
- Yes !

He does all
our subliminal tracks.

[ Mr. Moviefone ]
There is no such place
as area 51.

Excellent work, Fiona.
These kids will never
know what hit 'em.

- And neither will you.
- I'm sorry. What was that ?

- Huh ? What ?
- You just said something.

No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.

I said, "these kids will never
know what hit 'em,"

and then you said,
"and neither will you."

- I did ?
- We all heard you.

Oh-- well--

what I meant to say was,

"and neither will you guys."

Meaning the teenagers.

I was just emphasizing
my point.

Oh. Oh, okay.
Great. Thanks.

That was close.
Excuse me ?

I was going to say,
"that was... close...

"To being
a... really nice moment...

Between the two of us."

Don't you think ?
Yeah, well, I guess.

I have to be getting back
to the Pentagon, so--

[ Man ]
Toni tennille and i--

we wrote all
the songs together.

* love, love will
keep us together *
captain just played the piano.

It was my idea to have him
wear that hat.

I said, "how you
gonna be a captain
if you don't wear a hat ?"

[ Chuckles ]

We did make some
beautiful music together
though.

A big song-- the one I was
mostly responsible for was...

"Love will keep us together."

Well, guess what. It didn't.

Guess after a while, you know,
they didn't want to share
the spotlight no more.

Sometimes that stuff happens.

I can still remember,
though, captain always said,

"friends first.
The band second."

I wish I'd have
got that in writin'.

* if you're happy
and you know it
clap your hands *

* if you're happy
and you know it
clap your hands *

[ laughs ]

* if you're happy
and you know it
and you really wanna show it *

* if you're happy
and you know it
clap your hands *

[ screaming ]

Oh, no.

That's better.
[ Giggles ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Alan m ]
* it's the guy
with the pizza *

* the kind that's
good to eats-a
if you open the door *

oh, my god.
I am so sorry.

I totally,
totally forgot.

We have to go to
this record party thing
with the head of the label.

- What's the matter ?
- Nothing. It just, uh--

you look so, uh--

you cannot make fun of me.
They sent this dress over.
I did not pick it out.

But I cut up the front,
and I made wristbands.

It looks stupid,
doesn't it ?

No, no, no. No. I--

I've just--
I've never seen you-- wow !

Finish your sentences.

Is that a good wow
or a bad wow ?

Oh, no, no. It's, uh--
it's a good wow.

It's a-- it's a--
it's a very good wow.

Thanks.

Actually, would you mind ?
There's a--
mind what ?

There's a chain thing
that I can't
figure out really.

Oh, right.
Right, um-- okay.

Um--

that's, um--
that's down here.

A little complicated.
[ Clears throat ]

Josie, are you ready ?
The door was open. I hope
I'm not interrupting anything.

- Hey, Alec n,
how's it hanging ?
- Actually, it's Alan m.

Yes, what's with the initial ?
It didn't work for Sheila e.,
and it doesn't work for you.

Josie, we don't want to be
late for the hottest and most
exclusive party of the year.

There's free cable.

Uh, Josie ?

Um, I was wondering,
d-d-did you want to
do something tomorrow ?

Yeah.
When ?

2:00 ?
No can do.
Taping e.

- Oh. 1:30. 3:00.
- Mtv. Msnbc.

- 4:00.
- 4:15.

- 4:15.
- Sold to the young man
with no future.

Come on, Josie.
There's a limo waiting.
Good night, Adam 12.

- Trot on.
- Actually, it's Alan m.

[ Chattering ]

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee
oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee
oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* ooh

* well, he looks at me
with those innocent eyes *

* and says it looks
like you're wearing
some kind of disguise *

* because your hair
sticks out-- *

[ Josie thinking ]
Look at them staring at us.

No one thinks
I should be here.

That's totally
what they're thinking.

Look at them staring
at Josie.

No one thinks I should
be here. That's totally
what they're thinking.

* if you're happy
and you know it, and you
really want to show it *

* if you're happy
and you know it
clap your hands *

[ man over P.A. ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
the head of megarecords...

And the host of your party,
Fiona.

[ Woman ]
* why do you do
what you do to me, baby *

- * shakin' my confidence
- isn't she fabulous ?

* drivin' me crazy
you know if I could *

* I'd do anything for you

* please don't ignore me
'cause you know I adore you *

* [ Ends ]
I'm Fiona.
Welcome to your party !

Enough spectacle.
Let's go be girls !

This is my girly room.
No boys allowed.

Come on, girls. Sit down.
We'll gossip.

Oh !

* [ Woman singing in French ]

Isn't he just the cutest ?

He's pretty cute.

[ Door closes ]
Pringles !

Pringles !
Josie !

Come on !

Oh, I am starved !

I'm such a pig.

N-No. No, you're not.

[ Sighs ]

[ Crying ]

So, Josie,
how much do you weigh ?
Excuse me ?

Your weight !
118.

Ha ! 115.
I'm three pounds
lighter than you.

But don't worry about it.
I think you look great.

[ Lisping ]
Tho pretty and popular.

What did you just say ?

Nothing. I thaid
the new thong's
pretty popular.

What "thong" ?

The new thong.
The new thingle.

I'm thorry.
I have thomething
caught in my teeth.

[ Clears throat ]

Got it.

So, who wants to
French braid ?

Okay, so who else thinks
that Fiona's a freak ?

Oh, my god. I'm so glad
you said something, because
as soon as you said her name,

I got the most awful
sensation,

like this ice-cold chill
creeping up my spine.

Oh, sweetie, that's 'cause
you're sitting on the o.

Oh.
[ Giggles ]

No. I still got
the shivers, you guys.

It's not the o.
It's her.

I don't know.
What do you think, val ?

Stuff's definitely
been... different
since we left Riverdale.

And, if you ask me,
some things feel like
they've changed completely.

- Wyatt.
- Hmm ?

I don't like those two
pussycats.

They're asking questions,
and that's dangerous.

We can't afford to take
any more risks.

I'll get rid of them,
have a new band
by the morning.

Ooh !
Think, Wyatt.

We've already sold
half a million of the Josie
ears for a big concert.

Right. Yes. So we have.
So what are you suggesting ?

Keep Josie, and put
those two nosy little
pussycats to sleep.

Mmmm.

I don't think Josie will
play without her friends.

Oh ? I think
we might persuade her.
Mmm ?

[ Fiona ]
Next, on behind the music,

Josie suffers a tragic loss.

[ Laughs sinisterly ]

[ Cackles ]

[ Chuckles evilly ]

Ha-ha, hee-hee, hew,
ho-ho, hoo.

[ Laughs dramatically ]

[ Laughs loudly ]

[ Chokes, coughs ]

[ Woman ]
The city aquarium holds

more than 244 varieties
of sea life.

Josie, did I tell you
I got a gig tonight ?

You did ?
That's great !
Yeah, well,

it's just this bar,
but the manager--
I played him my demo,

and he said
I could have, like, almost
a full half-hour tonight.

Do you think maybe
you want to come, or--

yeah.
'Cause I know you're
busy and everything.

Oh, my god.
Is that Josie ?
Where ? Josie !

[ Screaming ]
* shape shifter,
guest lister *

* big faker
she'll turn around
you'll diss her *

* gate-crasher, rehasher

* if you think that's cool,
whatever dude *

[ panting ]

Thanks.

Yeah, no problem.

How am I gonna
pull this off ?

Wh-what ?

I'm a girl from Riverdale,
you know ? I'm--

I'm not a rock star.

Jose, you've been
dreaming about this
your whole life.

I know, it's just--

what ?

I'm scared.

Don't be. You gotta
believe in yourself.

What if I can't ?

Then--

then I guess
I'll just have to
believe in you for you.

[ Knocking ]

Oh, wow.

[ Laughing ]
Oh, wow !

So, what do you think
we should open with
for the concert--

spin around,
or mayb come on ?

Uh, I don't know.

We could try
roll on, rolly wheel,

but, honestly, I think
the lyrics still need work.

What do you think ?

It's your call.
I mean, you're the boss.

No, I'm not.
Val, what's with you ?

Hello, girls !
And how are the most
beautiful and talented

women
in rock-and-roll ?

Eh ?
Don't you mean "woman" ?

Valerie, my darling,
you're going to have to learn
to take a compliment.

I mean, what are you
going to do tonight
when you go on trl...

And Carson daly tells you
how much he loves your music ?

Don't you mean,
what's Josie gonna do ?

No, because she won't
be there. We just booked
you and melody.

It's time for the world to get
to know the other pussycats.

We're gonna be on trl ?
Mm-hmm.

Do I get to touch Carson ?
[ Squeals ]
Anywhere you like.

The taping's in two hours,
unless, of course,
you have a problem with this.

Do you have a problem
with this ?

No ! I think you guys will
have a great time.
I love that show.

And-- and you don't mind
if Mel and I go without you ?

Why ? I don't care
about that stuff.

[ Sighs ]
Jose--

oh, I'm so sorry !

I don't know
what I was thinking.
Okay.

Come on, girls. There are
stylists and designers
waiting in your room.

And you have homework
tonight. This is the remix
of your next single.

I'd be very curious
to hear your thoughts.

Could it wait until tomorrow ?

It's just that Alan m is
playing his first gig tonight,
and I wanna get there early.

Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry, Josie.
I forgot to tell you.

Alan m called
my office earlier.
They canceled his show.

- They did ?
- Yes.

Why didn't he call me here ?

Um, I'm sure he did.
In fact,

I'm sure if you go down
to the front desk, there'll be
a message waiting for you.

Excuse me.

[ Whispering ]

Yes, there's a message
waiting for you... now.

I guess I should call him.

Um, he also said to say
that he won't be available
for several hours,

and he'll call you
when he can.

All that was on the message ?

Uh, yes. Excuse me.

[ Whispering ]

Yes, that's all
in the message.
Anything else ?

Who do you keep calling ?

I'm running a label here,
Josephine.

I have other artists
who need me, other artists
who need my time,

other artists who aren't
so difficult about putting in
a little bit of extra work.

Your level of non-commitment
is making me doubt
your commitment commitment.

So, you wanna be
a rock superstar, eh--

live large, big house,
five cars ?

Well, you have to
do the time.

Otherwise,
[ Chuckles ]
Somebody else will,

and you'll be left
to explain it all
to Mel and val.

I am committed.

I am.

Yes, I hope so,
my darling.

I hope so.

[ Door opens, closes ]

- Val, we're on trl !
- Hey, check out the view !

It's fake.

Wow. This stuff looks
so different on TV.

All this stuff is fake.
Where is everybody ?
Where's Carson ?

Yo, kitty cats !
How you ladies doin' ?
I'm Carson daly. Welcome.

You're not Carson daly.

What are you talkin' about ?
Of course I'm Carson daly.
Check the nails.

You need to call me.
I got plans.

All right.
Is everybody ready
to start the show ?

- Oh, my god, it's Carson !
- Oh, my god, it's melody !

Yo, man, you gotta
stop tryin' to be me
with the nails thing.

What you sayin', man ?

A brother can't
be Carson daly ?

No, that's not
what I'm sayin'.

It's just that
I actually am Carson daly,
so it doesn't work right now.

Who's gonna break
my "gazoons," man ?
I'm Carson daly.

That's pretty good, man.
Who else do you do ?

I do Mike Tyson.
I would take a bite outta you.

Okay, what is going on ?
Are you--
is this trl or not ?

This is not
total request live.

It's more like
total request dead.

Yeah, you see, ladies, we've
only got one request today.
And that's to kill you.

[ Laughing ]
Carson said he's
gonna kill us.

Like that's a request.

- All right, man,
I got the blond.
- He's not kidding.

Go !
[ Screaming ]

* [ Ballad ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Phone ringing ]

- * this is the place
where I sit *
- [ Ringing continues ]

* this is the part
where I love you too much *

* is this as hard
as it gets *

Um, this, uh--

this next song is
dedicated to, uh--

a friend of mine.

I kinda wanted to wait
till she showed up to play it,
but I guess she--

whoo-hoo !

Um, the name of this song is,
uh, wish you felt the same.

- [ Toilet flushing ]
- Hey !

Shut up or hold it
till you get home !

Who do you want to kill you,
huh ? Eddie Murphy ?
Eddie told me,

"I want them Josie girls dead,
all right ? You get them
a nurse. I want them dead !"

[ Laughs like Eddie Murphy ]
[ Gasps ]

I can't believe
you're a killer !

- You seem so nice on TV !
- Really ?

You know, I always thought
you were kinda hot.
Too bad !

- I always thought
you were kinda hot too.
- You did ?

What's your sign ?
Scorpio.

I'm a cancer.
[ Shrieks ]

[ Laughing ]
Da pussycats.

Da pussycats.
I gotta kill ya. Good lawd !

- What was that ?
- It was Chris rock.

That was
a terribl Chris rock.

Why do you even bother
doing impressions ?
You're not funny.

You know who's funny ?
Bill cosby.

And he's going
to kill you...

After sticking a spoon
in your pudding.

[ Yelling ]

No way !
Favorite movie is
lady and the tramp.

When the dogs are
eating spaghetti and
they share the same piece ?

[ Together ]
And their noses touch !
[ Laughing ]

[ Laughs, sighs ]

You know, if I wasn't
a key player in this whole...

Conspiracy to brainwash
the youth of america
with pop music,

like, we could totally date.

- You think ?
- Oh, yeah.

You know, it would be
so cool, like--
[ Yelling ]

Yeah, right.
Like I'd ever go out
with a guy like you.

Now, you,
on the other hand--

come on.
Let's get outta here
and find Josie.

Bye.

* [ Ballad over headphones ]
[ Knocking ]

[ Val ]
Josie ? Josie, quick,
open the door !

[ Knocking continues ]
Josie ?

Jo-- Josie ?

Josie, we have to talk to you.

How did they let
the two of you in here ?

I specifically told
the front desk "no visitors."

- Are you okay ?
- Of course I'm okay.
Why wouldn't I be ?

I have the number-one single
in the country.

You two, on the other hand--
[ Mutters ]

Should maybe be
a little worried.

Josie, Carson daly tried
to kill us,

and I think it has something
to do with our music.

Why do you call it...
"Our" music ?

Becau--
are you even listening ?

I am listening
very carefully,

and do you know
what I'm hearing ?

I'm hearing someone
glomming on to my talent...

And my credit.

"Our" music, Mel ?
I basically write all of it.

Josie, no, you don't.
Write it together.

Oh, okay.
So if we're all doing
equal amounts of work,

why isn't the band called
Valerie and the pussycats ?

I knew it.
You've been thinking this
the whole time.

I'm just-- I'm just
backup to you, huh ?

Oh, but you're
a good, solid backup.

Oh, hey, val,
who's a rock star ?

Who's a rock star ?

I am !

Josie, don't do this.

We need to
stick together now.

Oh, my god.
Melody's gonna cry.

What's the matter,
snuggle bunny--

finally realizing
the world isn't all
sunshine and rainbows ?

Stop it.
Not everyone gets
a happy ending, muffin.

Stop it.
And you wanna know
what else ?

Puppies turn into dogs...

Who get old and die.

[ Gasping ]
Someday you'll thank me.

[ Scoffs ]

Of course, by then
I won't be taking your calls.

* this is the place
where I sit *

* this is the part
where I love you too much *

* is this as hard
as it gets *

* 'cause I'm getting tired
of pretending I'm tough *

* I'm here if you want me
I'm yours, you can hold me *

* I'm empty and achin'
and tumblin' and breakin' *

* 'cause you don't see me

* and you don't need me

* and you don't love me

* the way I wish you would

* the way I love you

* [ Continues with
static, clicking ]

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]
You are the star ! Val and
melody are mean, evil girls !

You should have
a solo career !

You have the number-one single
in the country !

They're trying to glom on to
your talent and your credit !

If they're doing
equal amounts of work,

why isn't the band called
Valerie and the pussycats ?

They're just deadweight,
Josie.

[ Overlapping ]
You could be huge without
them. You are the star.

Madonna huge.
Val and melody are
mean, evil girls.

Melody thinks you can't sing.
Seriously. She told me.

Dump them. The are trying
to destroy you, Josie.

You'll be better off
without them.

Who's a rock star ?
You are !
A great big rock star !

[ Continuing, indistinct ]
Go, Josie, go ! Go !

[ Player slows, stops ]

- Val !
- Oh, the return
of the superstar !

What's going on ?
And where are Mel and val ?

Since when you do you care ?
Oh, and we heard what
you said, bitchy mcbitch.

- Wish I'd said it.
- They're gone, Josie.

They're gone,
and I hope you're happy.
No more band.

Just like the Beatles.
Just like the Jackson five.
Just like a flock of seagulls.

[ Caws ]

- These are so good.
You want one of these ?
- Okay, look,

I never thought
I would say this to you,

ever, but, please,
would you help ?

Now ?

Wyatt gave me this cd
of our song,

and it was like
as soon as I heard it--
I don't know.

What-- it stunk ?

There's something on here,
I swear.

* [ Continues ]
Okay, okay, okay.

* [ Vocal dropping out ]

[ Faint murmuring ]

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]
You should have
a solo career !

You could have your own
prime-time TV series !

We could call Josie,
and run it right after
will and grace !

Oh, my god ! That's
Mr. Moviefone ! How did you
get him to put that on there ?

[ Gasps ]
You slept with him !

What are you talking about ?
This is on our cd.
It's underneath the music.

Wyatt put them on there...
To brainwash me.

[ Gasps melodramatically ]
* dum-dum-dum
ooh, brainwashing !

Ooh, help !
We're being brainwashed !

Diet coke's
the new Pepsi one.

"Ms." main-- main system.

Music sequence ?

Oh, god.

Maybe you broke it.
Whoa, I didn't touch it.

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]
Josie and the pussycats
are the best band ever !

They are totally jerkin' !
You must buy their cd.

You have to see them
in concert.

You also have to buy
Steve Madden shoes.

Heath ledger is
the new Matt Damon.

You're nobody without
an Abercrombie & Fitch
vintage tee.

They're selling stuff
through our music.

Josie and the pussycats
are the best band ever !

They're selling us
through our music !

I knew there was a reason
you were so popular.

I want a vintage tee...
And Heath ledger.

Oh, my god.

It's all my fault,
everything--

people dressing alike,
buying the same stuff.

I sold it to them.

I'm a trend pimp.

Well, it stops here !
I'm nobody's pimp,

and I'm not going to let Wyatt
and Fiona get away with this.

We're going to the police,
and we're taking this with us.

[ Grunts ]

Are you guys gonna
help me or what ?

Oh, I'll help.
Yeah, right.

'Cause you know I'm just gonna
let you walk right outta here
and spoil everything.

All right, now the event
I know everybody's been
waiting for is finally here.

One night only, the worldwide
live debut concert of
Josie and the pussycats.

[ Screaming, cheering ]

And, oh, very cool,
it's gonna be live
at the "megarena"...

With a simultaneous
global web cast.

You will not hear a thing
without your Josie
3-d-x headphones,

so I urge you all
to pick some up--
I know I bought two.

[ Screaming, cheering ]

- Hi !
- [ Chattering ]

Oh, look at the pouty girl.
Boo-hoo !

Well, you better
snap out of it, red, 'cause
you've got a show to put on !

Are you kidding ?
I'm not gonna play, help you
send messages to those kids.

- Forget it. I'm done.
- Oh, look who's got all
principled all of a sudden.

You didn't seem to mind when
your song went to number one !

You should kiss
my cellulite-free ass
for all I've done for you.

I made you a rock star.

[ Cheering, chanting ]
Tell me you don't love that.

I said forget it, all right ?
Now, find yourself
another girl.

[ Groans ]
Yeah, see, I would,

but everybody's
already here !

- [ Chanting ]
Josie ! Josie !
- Too bad.

- Wyatt.
- Josie !

- Val, Mel !
- Don't talk to her.
You're wasting your time.

Miss diva over here
doesn't care if you do
something to us.

No, that's not true.
You guys, just listen to me.

I didn't mean
any of that stuff
that I said before.

Fiona and Wyatt have put
subliminal message tracks
underneath our music--

can it, rusty.
Your story's boring.

Wyatt, why don't you show
these two lovely ladies

what we have for them
this evening ?

Gladly, my darling.

- A car ! Val, I won a car !
- No, you didn't win a car.

- Oh, my god, you won a car !
- No one won a car !

The car... is about to be
a part of history...

If you decide
not to play tonight.

Hi, I'm Serena altschul
with mtv breaking news.

Josie and the pussycats'
debut concert was
unexpectedly canceled...

When an automobile exploded
in the stadium parking lot.

The passengers were
identified as Valerie brown
and melody Valentine,

two of the founding members
of the popular rock band.

Investigators on the scene
were quoted as saying the two
died a slow, fiery death...

Inside the four-wheeled
hell pit.

We're told that Josie will
be releasing a statement...

To the press within the hour
to comment on this tragedy.

Yes, Josie,
what are your comments ?
We're all gagging to know.

Roast your friends,
or play the show ?

Play your show ?
Roast the friends ?
What's it to be ?

All right !

I'll play.

See, val ?
She still likes us !

Mel, of course I do.
You guys are my best friends
on the planet.

Look, I know that friends
don't treat each other
the way I treated you guys.

But you've got to believe me.
If I could just
go back in time,

I would take it all back.

That would be cool.
If I could go back in time,
I'd wanna meet snoopy.

Mel, I love that about you !

I love that you think
that everything is possible...

And that this world is
such a great place,
because you know what ?

It is.

And I'm so sorry if,
for one second, I made you
think that it wasn't.

And val-- val,

you bought me
my first guitar.

And, you know, we may have
started this band together,

but the only reason we've
come this far
is because of you.

Now, look.
I don't care if we're
Josie and the pussycats,

or Valerie and the pussycats
or whoever and the pussycats.

It doesn't matter
as long as we're together.

You're my sister, val.
I love you.

I love you too, Jose.

- And I love you, val.
- And I love you, Mel.

And I love you, Josie.

And i--
I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

Everyone loves everyone.

Now, let's get
this show started !

[ Chanting ]
We want the show !
We want the show !

So, what is it
this time, Fiona--

cross-trainers,
pizza bagels, lip gloss ?

Oh, it's bigger--
much, much bigger.

You're gonna have
a pretty hard time

selling secret messages
once your secret's out.

Oh, and tell me, cookie--
who will believe you ?

Who will get behind
the ridiculous ramblings
of one silly, powerless girl ?

We will.

Who the hell are you ?

Someone you thought
you'd gotten rid of.

- Oh, my god,
it's les from dujour !
- Les ?

I tried to warn you--
the message on your mirror.

That was you ?
Dujour was in my bathroom !

[ Muffled ]
I love you, les !

But I thought you guys were
killed in a plane crash.

That's what I thought.
Wyatt ?

Oh, well, we managed
to land the plane just fine.

Unfortunately,
it was in the parking lot
of a metallica show.

Well, the fans beat
the crap out of us.

Well, you don't look
too bad.

And I thank god every day
I knew the words
to enter sandman.

[ Muffled, indistinct ]

Word, doc. She's not
gonna get away with it--
not this time.

Let's get 'em, boys,
dujour-style !
[ Moaning ]

- [ Monkey screeching ]
- [ Crashing ]

Anyway--

- oh, now, come on !
- [ Crowd chanting ]

Boy, you almost got me.

Honestly, girls all over
the world would kill
to be in your shoes,

and here you stand,
running away from it.

Why ?

So you could go crawling back
to "shitdale" and spend
the rest of your life...

Being washed up
with your loser friends,
dopey and mopey there ?

- [ Scoffs ]
- That's it.

* well I'm just outta school
gotta dance like a fool *

[ screams ]

* gotta be a wild one
just stop right there,
missy.

Wyatt, you messed
with the wrong pussy.

- [ Grunting ]
- * but I keep swingin', baby
I'm a real wild child *

[ screaming ]
You bitch !

* I'm a real wild one
and I like wild fun *

* in a world gone crazy
everything seems hazy,
I'm a wild one *

- you want some ?
Come on. Bring it !
- No, no !

* we're gonna break it loose
gotta keep it movin' wild *

* gotta keep on swinging, baby
I'm a real wild child *

[ both squealing ]

[ Yelling ]

No, baby, no ! Let go !
Let go ! Let go !

[ Grunts, groans ]

Ooh !

Ooh !
[ Chuckles ]

What are you gonna do--
kill me with the guitar ?

Who's gonna
go up there and sing ?
You need me, remember ?

Need you ?
Doll, I created you,

and, believe me,
I can destroy you.

[ Yelling ]

- [ Feedback screeching ]
- [ Screaming ]

- I'm sorry.
Did you need that ?
- Wyatt ! Fix it !

You-- what's your job ?
Fix this !

Oh, it's too late !
They're already taking off
the ears !

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]
Fiona is the most jerkin' girl
in the world !

Everybody loves Fiona !
She's got the best hair
and the most awesome clothes !

And she's so thin !
I know I want to be
just like Fiona !

That's the secret message
that you wanted to send out--
that you're cool ?

What ?

- That's not me, I swear.
- [ Fiona's voice ]
You're not doing it right !

[ Mr. Moviefone's voice ]
Hey, that's my job !
[ Crashing, struggling ]

[ Fiona's voice, lisping ]
If I wath a guy,
I'd athk her out.

If I wath a girl, I'd want to
be her betht friend forever.

What's wrong with your voice ?

We'd have thlumber parties and
thtay up braiding each otherth
hair and have tickle fights !

- [ Laughing ]
- Oh, thure.

Go ahead and laugh.

You don't know what it'th like
to be teathed and ridiculed
your whole life.

The thells thilver thwans
down by the theathore.
Theven thilver--

the thwims--

I tried, didn't I ?
[ Sighs ]

All I ever wanted wath
to be popular.

- Tell me, ith that tho bad ?
- Lisa ?

- What did you call me ?
- Lisa snyder ?

"Lithping litha" ?

That-that-that wath
my nickname in thchool.

Huntington high school.

Lisa, it's me-- Wally.
"White-ass Wally."

White-ass Wally ?
The albino kid ?
That'th impothible.

- Firtht of all,
he wathn't britith.
- I'm not.

[ American accent ]
I just started talking
like that because...

I thought it would
make me more attractive.

- He wath tho pale.
- [ Chuckles ]
Makeup.

I-I-I learned to thpeak
without a lithp.

Look !

Look !

I can't believe it'th you.
Ithn't it the thtrangetht
cointhidenth ?

Wait.

[ Exhales ]

Oh, I've been holding that in
for the past 15 years.

This is so romantic.

Yeah, in a... creepy,
ironic sort of way.

So, what's the moral
of the story here--

freaks should date
other freaks ?

No, I think the moral of
the story here is you should
be happy with who you are.

This whole time we've been
spending money on expensive
clothes to impress people.

Never made me happy.
No ! Happ-- oh, my gosh.

Happiness is on the inside.
I'm not this.
I'm not what I wear.

[ Shouting ]
I'm not what I wear !

You should think about this.
[ Chuckles ]

Oh, please.
Unlike you bunch of wack jobs,
I am perfect just as I am.

Holy smoke !
That girl's got a skunk
on her head !

Oh, geez.
That's just your hair.
Sorry, but that's messed up.

- Who are you ?
- I'm agent Kelly.
I'm with the government.

Oh, thank god !
Did you know...

That Fiona and Wyatt
are using that machine
to send

subliminal messages
through our music ?

They're trying to create
an army of mindless teenagers,

to make them buy things and
even control their thoughts.
They what ?

Oh, come on.
You knew about thith
from the very beginning.

- Gentlemen, arrest
that woman and that man...
- What ?

On charges of conspiracy
against the youth of america.

- You can't be theriouth.
- Oh, I'm serious, ma'am.

This is
a very serious offense.

Sorry, but they're
on to us. Somebody's
got to take the fall.

You bastard !

Besides, after the concert,
we were gonna shut down
your operation anyway.

We found
that subliminal messages
work much better in movies.

[ Mr. Moviefone ]

All right, let's go.

Well, now that you girls
are done saving the world,

I think you have
a concert to play.
[ Audience cheering ]

[ Man over P.A. ]
Give it up for
Josie and the pussycats !

[ Audience screaming ]

[ Chanting ]
Josie ! Josie !
Josie ! Josie !

[ Chanting,
screaming continue ]

[ Crowd quiets ]

[ Feedback screeches ]
Whoa.

I'm gonna take these off.

Stop !

I know you all came out here
tonight because you heard
something you liked on our cd.

[ Scattered cheers ]

We're gonna play something
different for you tonight--
something you haven't heard.

It's cool if you like it.
It's all right if you don't.

Just...
Decide for yourselves.

This is for someone
who said he believed in me.

Kinda wish he was here now.

* na, na, na
na, na, na, na *

* na, na, na
na, na, na, na *

* na, na, na
na, na, na *

* yeah

* one, two
one, two, three *

* spin around, come back home
you're running out on a line *

* sometimes feel
I'm goin' out of my mind *

* stunned here waiting
for anyone to take the time *

* spin around, we get
further and further away *

* smile and wave
ain't got nothin' to say *

* stunned here waiting
for anyone to take the time *

* to change my mind
this time *

* well, I've been starin'
at the sun some time *

* it gets dark inside
but I don't mind *

* and if you're gone
it's like I'm goin' blind *

* I can't get by this time

* spin around
come down now 'cause
it's all getting clear *

* everything you've
ever wanted is here *

* we never needed
anyone to change our minds *

* don't waste our time

* we're fine

* well, I've been starin'
at the sun some time *

* it gets dark inside
but I don't mind *

* and if you're gone
it's like I'm goin' blind *

* I can't get by this time

Josie ! Josie !

- Alan m !
- Josie !

- What are you doing here ?
- I have to tell you that...

Even though you don't feel
the same way about me...

As I do about you,
and even though
you didn't come to my gig--

what do you mean ?
Wyatt told me
it was canceled !

That dick !

What did you mean about
the i-don't-feel-the-same-way-
about-you-as-you-do-about-me ?

That's what I came here
to tell you !
Josie McCoy, i--

[ all gasp ]

I love you !

[ Audience screams ]

I love you too !
I always have !

Hi.
Hi.

[ Audience screams,
whistles ]

Damn !

Oh.
[ Stammering ]

I love you.

* la-la, la
la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la
la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la
la-la, la *

* yeah

* la-la, la
la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la
la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la
la-la, la *

* yeah

* la-la, la
la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la
la-la, la, la *

* la-la, la
la-la, la *

* yeah

* spin around and around
and around and around *

* never wanna come back down

* 'cause everything you lost
I've found *

* yeah

* spin around and around and

* spin around and around and

* spin around and around and

* yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

* yeah, yeah

* whoa

[ audience screaming ]

* [ Rock ]

- [ Blows raspberry ]
- [ Laughs ]
Contain the excitement.

* Josie and the pussycats

why'd you have
to hit me, man ?
It was just never gonna stop.

* guitars and
Marshall stacks *

* hot, sweet, supercool
don't you know these kitties
rule hurry, hurry *

* we've been goin' over
the master plan *

* driving in
a custom-painted Van
practicin' for hours *

* don't you know that soon
no matter where ya go
we'll be on the radio *

[ feedback screeches ]

[ Snickers ]
Can you see me and my nose
on the microphone ?

From this command center
we control everything...

Except what i'm
gonna say next.

I can't even believe
that they let me bring--
[ Laughs ]

You slept with him !
[ Laughs ]

You better get his mama
to get him a new face.
Ah-ah-ah.

You know my mom's dead.
That's just--

- [ all laugh ]
- Next up on weather--

- [ snarling ]
- What is wrong with you ?

Goodness, won't somebody
please save us ?

[ Laughing ]

* goin' triple platinum
you just watch us climbin' up
the billboard charts *

* breakin' records
breakin' hearts *
hey, those are my bunny ears !

Sh--
[ Beeps ]

This is what our operation--
I just spat right
in the camera.

* even though we're playin'
in our garage *

* soon we'll have
a massive entourage *

* goin' triple platinum
you just watch us climbin' up
the billboard charts *

* breakin' records
breakin' hearts *

yeah, right. 'Cause you know
I'm just gonna--
[ Laughs ]

* let's go
Josie and the pussycats *

* long tails
and ears for hats *

* we know just where it's at
[ Karate sounds ]

- * east, west
north or south *
- [ Giggling ]

* guaranteed to rock
the house *

* Josie and the pussycats

[ screaming ]

* Josie and the pussycats
[ Laughing ]

* [ Vocalizing ]

* they say this kind of love
is wrong but you know
it feels so right *

* running my hands across
your cheeks, they're
oh-so smooth and white *

* leave the light on, baby
and unlock your backdoor *

* I'll be comin' through
that way tonight
to love you for sure *

* lyin' on your bed
starin' up at the moon *

* you got me crazy
gotta love you soon *

* I'm your backdoor lover

* comin' from behind
with the lights down low *

* backdoor lover
just you and me
no one has to know *

* backdoor lover
let me meet you there
at your secret spot *

* I'll show you a love
that's more than hot *

* well, he looks at me with
those innocent eyes and says *

* it looks like you're wearin'
some kind of disguise *

* because your hair sticks up
your shoes are untied *

* I hope that you got
that shirt at half price *

* and every word I say
falls flat on the floor *

* I try to tell a joke
he's heard it before *

* and I don't think
that I can take it no more *

* he's driving me
right out my front door *

* why do you do
what you do to me, baby *

* you're shaking my confidence
driving me crazy *

* you know if I could
I'd do anything for you *

* please don't ignore me
'cause you know I adore you *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee
oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee
oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *

* oooh, wee, ooh, wee
oooh, wee, ooh, wee, ooh *
* dujour around the world

* nobody rocks the Mike
like dujour *
* nobody

* bangin' 'round
the world with dujour *

* we're number one and stayin'
at the top of our game *

* from east to west, we know
you already know our name *

* dujour
around the world forever *

* yeah, flyin' so high
in all kinds of weather *

* we're number one
in this game *

* and I think you know
our name is *
* dujour

* dujour
* nobody rocks the Mike
like dujour *

* dujour
* ride on your motorbike
with dujour *

* I'm a punk rock prom queen

* brown paper magazine

* hotter than you've
ever seen *

* everywhere and in between

* I'm a ten-ticket
thrill ride *

* don't you wanna
come inside *

* a five-star triple threat
hardest of the hard to get *

* no one's little reprobate
ain't seen nothin'
like me yet *

* it took six whole hours
and five long days *

* for all your lies
to come undone *

* and those three
small words *

* were way too late

* 'cause you can't see
that I'm the one *

[ man ]
Jerkin' !