I've Never Been to New York (2019) - full transcript

-Wartberg.
-Lisa, dear. Emergency! Where are you?

-We're on air in eight minutes!
-Fred, I know. But first, I was boxed in.

And it was too late anyway. Plus...

-Other line. Wartberg.
-Thirty minutes ago, Lisa.

-What happened then?
-Oh, no! Our appointment.

Boss, just two minutes! I'll be right...

Could you hold the line? Wartberg.

Right. Thanks, Mom. Could you just hold?

-Fred, today will be...
-Wrong line, Lisa.

Unless you want
your boss to do your makeup today.

Oh, no! I'm so sorry, boss. One minute.



Fred, where were we? The eyelashes.

I remember your birth,
way back then at 5.33 in the morning.

Mom, my boss is on another line.

My stressed-out makeup artist
is on a third.

I baked a cake for you.
You're coming, aren't you?

When? Today?

Do you know
the last time we saw each other?

Of course, that was... recently...

It's called Christmas.

Hold on.

And it was half a year ago.

We're going live in three minutes.

Relax, darling! Evil worry lines. Evil!

I'm trying, Fred. I'm trying.



-We'll do it! I'll do it!
-Test! Test!

If the mic cracks again,
you'll be delivering pizzas.

How often do I have to say it?
Warm lights! Soft!

Not like at the gynecologist!

Since I first saw you on TV...

I've been your role model.
I'm the reason you're blonde.

Lesson 1. Cut the blah blah.

And more coffee! Thanks, Polly.

But... my name is...

My name's Sabine!

All her assistants are called Polly.

Are you trying to poison me, Polly?
This isn't decaf hazelnut cinnamon!

-You're fired.
-But today's my first day.

Attention, everyone!

You're not a team
You're a total disaster

From the assistant
all the way up to the producer

I'm a TV star
and nothing is more abhorrent

Than dilettantes without any talent

I've never experienced a perfect show

If this continues
I'll start losing my patience

And just in case
you produce a lot of crap again today

You'll all be fired and it's not my fault

Thanks

for the compliments

Thanks

How sweet of you

Sometimes life likes to play
a game of cat and mouse with you

There will always be
someone who outplays you

Thanks for the compliments

Thanks! How sweet of you!

Three minutes till we broadcast!
Jazz hands.

You don't even get B-listers anymore.
Not even C-listers!

Where are we in the alphabet now? XYZ?

And your ratings?
They were here, then here.

And then... My back
won't even let me get down that far.

I mean...

As a woman of action
we esteemed you highly

We were your greatest fans for years

But your ratings have started stagnating

There's already internal consensus
to get rid of you

I hoped for ages
that you'd change your behavior

That you'd be
punctual, focused, professional

But my patience ends
when the audience tunes out

The last chance for your show
is now official

(DOOR SLAMS)

Thanks

for the compliments

Thanks! How sweet of you!

Sometimes life likes to play
a game of cat and mouse with you

There will always be
someone who outplays you

Thanks for the compliments

Thanks! How sweet of you!

Lisa, did you forget something?

-Isn't it your birthday?
-No, it's not.

-Red roses bloom
-Yet they are only a souvenir

Mimosas bloom like a smile from you

Autumn crocuses bloom
consolingly saying to me

Who gives a damn
about losing occasionally?

Thanks for the compliments

Good luck!

Thanks

-How sweet of you!
-Live in three, two, one, and...

Welcome to Glam!

LISA ON TV:
...as I visit Riccardo Macchiato

at the opening of a dealership in Chemnitz

and chat with him at the celebration
about his new shampoo for curly hair

that's not only creamy and soft,

but is also formulated
to help stop climate change.

But what's going on
with Jean-Jacques Linguetti?

The Prince of Andorra's half-brother...

-Happy birthday, my treasure.
-...and caused quite a stir.

Of course, next time here in the studio
we expect a celebrity visit

from the world of stars! Only here
on Glam with Lisa Wartberg.

And out!

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

You were fantastic again,
gorgeous, breath-taking...

-And the ratings?
-They weren't.

Chin up, Lisa.

Relax. It will all be fine.
There are more important things in life.

Really? What, for example?

Love.

(LAUGHS)

I've stopped experimenting in that area.

What about the one who always calls?

He still misses his wife.

-And the other one?
-Not enough glamour.

-But what about that one...
-He has a child, Fred.

-A child!
-A child?

That's a no-go, of course.

Fred, I need a drink.

(YELPS)

I have a date. Bad timing...

I won't sit alone in front of the TV
with a bottle of wine

and watch repeats
of my own show all night.

MAN ON RADIO: That was the news in Berlin.

Now it's time for our show
Pop for the Heart.

It's raining outside,

weather that awakens
a yearning to travel again.

(MAN SINGING) And after dinner he said
Let me just go buy some cigarettes

She called out to him to take the key

I'll go and check on our little girl
while you're out

(MARIA HUMMING ALONG)
He closed the door and left without a word

Into the neon-bright staircase

-It stank of floor polish and smugness
-(SIGHS DEEPLY)

And on the stairs it dawned on him

I've just got to get out of here forever

-I should just take off forever
-(WATER DRIPPING)

Forever

-(OBJECTS CLATTER)
-(MARIA CRIES OUT)

I've never been to New York

I've never been to Hawaii
Never walked through...

(MONITOR BEEPING)

-Where am I?
-In the West Hospital. You fell.

-I fell?
-DOCTOR: Mmm-hmm.

I can't remember.

Do you know your name?

Of course I do.

My name is...

I'm... I...

What's the last thing you can remember?

I remember...

New York.

Oh, New York.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Mom! Mom, you're alive!

I was worried to death.

Who are these people?

Here you can see the brain injury
caused by the fall,

which caused her to lose her memory.

-Lose it?
-Forever?

Some patients recover it in a few days.

Others need weeks or months
and some... well.

What does your mother
associate with New York?

New York? My mother's never
been further than Bremerhaven.

Amnesia is like an earthquake
in the head. An entire life is buried.

Sometimes long-forgotten
or repressed things are unearthed.

-(KNOCKS ON DOOR) Doctor?
-Yes.

We searched everywhere.
We can't find Mrs. Wartberg.

I hope she hasn't strayed
onto the motorway.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Then they gave me a lot of pills,

pushed me into a weird,
humming device and told me to stay put

and do nothing,
and I thought to myself, "Not with me!"

I don't want to lie around,
hooked up to things.

I want to get out.
See the world. Go to New York.

New York? You're crazy, baby.

Crazy? I can't remember that.

I can't remember anything at all.

DRIVER: You just gave me an idea, baby.

That little cutter
will bring you over the pond.

Thank you...baby.

(DRIVER CHUCKLES)

(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Good luck.

She's about this tall.

She's small.

-Sixty-five years old.
-Sixty-six.

Sixty-six years old.

Grey hair.

Fred!

She wears ugly,
practical orthopedic shoes.

I've been telling her for years
they make her look older.

WOMAN ON RADIO: The confused woman is 66.

Her practical orthopedic shoes age her.

-Truck 37-5.
-Please proceed.

Give me the police, baby.

Stop!

Help! Help, Lisa. I'm much too young
and much too attractive to die. Relax!

-The police will take care of everything.
-The ship will be gone before they arrive.

(OVER PA) Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.

We hope you have
all settled into your cabins

and are enjoying your welcome drink
and the view of Hamburg harbor.

We are bringing the last passengers
on board. We'll set sail in a few minutes.

Then it'll be full steam ahead to...

MAN: Hey! What are you up to?

Yes, you there. I mean you.

-What are you doing?
-I just wanted to go to New York.

-Where the devil is your...
-Ticket? In my cabin...

Welcome champagne!

Please forgive me!

I promise you
a smooth crossing from now on.

Just lie back, forget the stresses
and annoyances of your daily life.

(ALL LAUGH)

Here with us. On the Maximiliane.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

(SINGING) Welcome on board
I'm delighted you're here

-(SCATTING)
-Oh, yeah!

I welcome you on our journey
across the sea

Oh, yeah!

We're all set to sail
Ship ahoy, here we go

Our crew is fantastic
and the service is splendid

Forget high blood pressure
Stresses and annoyances

On the Maximiliane

ALL: On the Maximiliane

Booking number 8371, cabin 561.

Axel Staudach and Florian Staudach.

Staudach. Sharing a cabin. Coffee?

-We...
-I only drink hand-ground beans from...

Guatemala.

(CRASH)

-MAN: Don't panic.
-Our luggage?

(SINGING)
Here on board, we fulfil all your wishes

Every dream comes true
Every yearning satisfied

Nothing can stop us
No iceberg or hurricane

On the Maximiliane

ALL: On the Maximiliane

-Excuse me. Pardon me.
-Sorry!

-Just a moment. What is this?
-Sorry!

-I'm in a rush.
-A huge rush.

How about an apology?

-No time.
-No time at all.

-I must board the ship now.
-FRED: Her mother...

Just a moment! We were here first.

-Don't you know who I am?
-No.

-Dad...
-I'm Lisa Wartberg.

-In the flesh.
-So?

-Don't worry, everyone will board on time.
-But we have to get off on time, too.

Ms. Wartberg...

I don't see you on the guest list.

I've been on every guest list since birth.

Well.

-Just a moment!
-Someone stop that woman!

Don't worry.
We'll be off the ship in five minutes.

(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)

MAN: This is departure tradition.

(SINGING)
We always meet at a quarter past three

Oh, yeah!

And open a pastry shop on board

Oh, yeah!

And sound the call for an attack
on the cake buffet

Black Forest cake and cream meringue

Fruit ice, pineapple, cherry and banana

With cream on top, please

ALL: With cream on top, please

I have to get through
for time is running out

My mother is gone
and the ship's about to sail

Oh, no!

I don't know myself
My senses are melting

I'm happy as a clam
and I don't give a damn

-There she is!
-Grab her and we'll jump ship.

Fruit ice, pineapple, cherry and banana

With cream on top, please

-Mom!
-You again?

The ship's about to sail. We'll go home
now to celebrate my birthday, okay?

With cake and stuff.

I think the lady is confused.

(ALL LAUGH)

I have no time for explanations.

(CROWD CLAMORING)

What is this ruckus? Too much champagne?

(ALL LAUGH)

It's not what it looks like!

I'm her daughter! She's my mother.

-She has amnesia.
-I don't recall.

-LISA: Back to the clinic.
-I'm going to New York.

We have to get off the ship.

(SHIP HORN BLOWS)

-No! Don't set sail!
-Lock them up until they're sober.

LISA: Stop the ship!

-Thank you.
-Hello? Hello?

Do you even know who I am?

I'll sue the captain!

I'll sue the cruise line! I'll sue...

-Fred, who else can I sue?
-I don't know.

I'm calling the station now.
It's a scandal!

It'll be all over the evening news!

You can bet on it!

It's dead.

-Fred, my cell phone is dead.
-Really?

-Give me yours right away!
-The lady seems a bit unhappy, right?

I'd say she's a bit stressed out.

Me, stressed out? Stressed out? How so?

No, no, no.

A bit more would have to happen.

Fred, what are you doing?

Getting undressed.
I'll catch my death of cold.

Look on the horizon!
Aren't those the White Cliffs of Dover?

Oh, how pretty. And seals!
How long does it take to get to New York?

-A week, 10 days?
-Ten days...

That's it. The end. Game over.
Here lies Lisa Wartberg.

Once the successful presenter
of her own celebrity show.

First fired. Then dead.

But Lisa, darling. It's so exciting.

Locked up in a small, narrow cell.

-On a big ship on the high seas.
-With an unknown destination.

-That lady is on TV?
-I was on TV.

Until the fateful moment
that my mother destroyed my career.

Oh, dear.
But you still talk to your mother?

Yes, sometimes.

-Thank God!
-Have you slept it off then?

Hello!

Listen, I'm a famous TV show host

with a responsibility to millions,
who want to see her show next week,

but which they sadly, sadly won't
be able to do, if I'm not back in time.

So turn your liner around
and take us back.

And I sadly, sadly have a responsibility

to get over a thousand guests
to New York in five days.

Oh, yes, New York!

-Not helping, Mom.
-I'm not your mom.

-You are.
-I'm not.

Then sadly you're also responsible
for getting sued

by my station for every penny you have.

You have no tickets, no cabin,
no papers, no money.

Under maritime law, I must hold you
in this cell, declare you a stowaway,

and hand you over to the NY authorities.

-You cannot be serious.
-I certainly am.

Unless you work to repay the costs.
Work your passage, as the captain says.

If you exchange more than pleasantries
with passengers, it's back to the cells.

If you go in the pool or grand ballroom
outside of your working hours,

it's back to the cells.

If you even think of...

drinking alcohol...

Let me guess! Back to the cells.

Not only beautiful, but clever, too.

Shift begins at 4:30.
Two of you have to share a bed.

(YELPS)

Sweet dreams.

Freddie?

-Why don't you sleep with your mom?
-With who?

What's all this?

(SCATTING)

(SINGING) It was already dark

When I headed homeward
through suburban streets

There was an inn

From which the light still shone
on the pavement

I had time, and I was cold, and I went in

(MEN SHOUTING)

Dancing there were men
with brown eyes and with black hair

And from the jukebox

Sounded music strange and southern

When they saw me one stood up
And bought me a drink

Greek wine

Is like the blood of the Earth

Come, pour me one

And if I then get sad it's because...

I always dream of home

And never alone

Hey, welcome to hell!

Here! Drink!

You know, the work is bad, the pay is bad

the food is bad, but the wine is also bad.

Just drink a lot of it
and you'll forget that it's bad.

-Alcohol is taboo.
-Not when it's stolen.

The one with the tattoos winked at me.

-Which one?
-Mom, this isn't like you!

-Maybe I'm not your mother after all.
-Forgotten that you've forgotten?

MARIA: The advantage of
not knowing who you are...

You can be who you like!

Greek wine

Is like the blood of the Earth

Come, pour us one

And if we then get sad it's because...

We always dream of home

You must forgive us

Greek wine

And the familiar old songs
Pour me one more

I feel the yearning once more
On board this ship

I'll only ever be a stranger

But never alone

(TIMER RINGS)

(TIMER RINGS)

Only four more nights till New York.
You think she's as excited as us?

I'm sure she is, Dad.

Sleep well, sweetheart.

-Goodnight, Dad.
-See you in the morning.

See you in the morning.

Goodnight, Mom.

(MARIA SCATTING SOFTLY)

But the idea of having a daughter
is really, really lovely.

LISA: Well, that's something.

So, miss, just supposing I were
your mother, would I have grandchildren?

No.

Why not? That's a great shame.

-It just never happened.
-Don't you have a husband?

No.

Lover?

-At the moment, no.
-FRED: Her experiments are on hold.

Not helping, Fred.

I understand that, but me...

Supposing I were your mother,
would I have a husband?

-No, you were always alone.
-You must have come about somehow, missy.

I was an accident.

And you were very young.

That's a very bad start.

Supposing you were my mother,
you'd have brought me up alone.

-Worked for the Post Office for 48 years.
-The Post Office?

Yes, the Post Office.

And you'd never have taken any holidays,

you'd have saved everything you earned,
so I'd have a better life.

The Post Office.

The way I feel,
I think I'd have been more likely to be

a bestselling author or a photo model.

Something along those lines.

You were a great mommy.
That's worth a lot, too.

Yeah, yeah. For you maybe.

(RINGING)

MAN: We're sinking!

We're sinking...

-Not.
-What?

-It's all just a bad dream.
-Everyone up!

You three are on cleaning duty.

Edita, show the stowaways
what real work is.

-No. I mean...
-Calm down, girl.

You know old Dalmatian fishermen's saying?

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

If the mountain is high,
the clearer the water.

You understand?

No.

I could make good use of this guy.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Which one of the rooms should we clean?

All of them.

Housekeeping!

How about a leather tie
with my salmon jacket?

Depends on the occasion.

For the tactful dance lesson
in the afternoon

or witty chit-chat with a sundowner?

Or the sensitive first contact
in the morning?

Try this one, so you don't get
straight to the point with the ladies.

Ah, James!

Working here with you
is really very special.

-Let's grow old on this ship!
-Old?

-Unfortunately we already are old.
-I didn't hear that.

We're in the prime of life,
my dear fellow. Yes! Yes, yes, yes.

The prime of life!

Right. Wait a minute.

-(SINGING) Okay, I'm getting older
-But I'll never get smart

-I don't need any rules
-I've got imagination

-I can't tell you what is wrong
-What's awry

-You can only find out
-If no one lectures you

-I've never looked backwards
-I know

-And seldom ahead
-Yeah

-Were there any blunders?
-I didn't skip those

But I regret nothing
For all of that time

I was a good-time guy

If I confess my sins to you
You'll go pale

So, if I can give you any advice
It's this

-Do everything that does you good
-Does you good

-Does you good
-For everything that does you good

-Does you good
-Does you good

-If water tastes bland
-Drink wine

-And if you want to bathe
-Dive in

Do everything that does you good
But never alone

-Breakfast?
-Mmm-hmm.

Hey! Close the laptop, girl.
I don't want trouble.

One moment. I just have to save my job.

POLLY: Lisa! At last! Everyone's going
bonkers and I couldn't reach you.

They need next week's topics

and the boss is desperate to...

-Where are you?
-In a hotel.

-A beauty hotel.
-Okay...

So you won't make the meeting at 11:00?

No, I won't.

-So, more like tomorrow?
-More like in five days.

-AXEL: Nothing beats a morning swim.
-Do something!

FLORIAN: Something does. Sleeping in.

BOTH: Housekeeping!

-Yes, but we can still come in, can't we?
-BOTH: No!

Book me a flight from New York
to Frankfurt at once for Thursday night.

-I'll just make it to the show then.
-You're in New York?

-What is... What is going on, please?
-BOTH: Nothing!

Concentrate, Polly.
You have to prepare the next show.

First of all,
invite the Russian prostitute,

who Donald Trump met in Moscow.

That's enough! Please open the...

Please open the...

Sorry. You can't go in.
We're doing a...special treatment!

With gas. Highly toxic gas.

MARIA: Highly toxic. Step in the room,
and you and your son are dead!

And near the end
we need something highly emotional.

A blind refugee child,

who was healed here.

-What special treatment?
-Salmonella.

Cockroaches.

Then call Brad Pitt, and tell him that

I want him on my show.

Brad Pitt?

-You can do it!
-Someone's inside!

What?

There's someone in there.
Someone's in my cabin.

-Concentrate, Polly.
-Now...

Now that's enough.
Please stand aside and let me in my cabin.

That's...

Stop! There's gas. Think of your son.

-You again!
-You again!

This ship has 575 cabins,
and the one I end up in is yours?

You said you'd leave the ship
within five minutes.

Yes, and I changed my mind
after four minutes.

I see, and then you decided to
stay on board and during the crossing...

to clean.

Yes. She is a stowaway.
Has to work her passage.

That's most interesting. Yes, that's good.
I've heard cleaning purifies the soul.

Clever men are simply irresistible, Mr...

-Professor Staudach.
-Oh, Professor! Professor of what?

Don't tell me. Physics? No, too exciting.

Chemistry? No, no, no.

Much too dangerous. Maths?

Latin? Ancient Greek?

Not boring enough. What's boring?
I mean really, really, really dull?

He's the Director of the Stochastic
Institute of Darmstadt University,

evaluation and description
of random experiments

in the field
of statistics and probability.

Sorry, I nodded off for a moment.

No problem. He's Director of
the Stochastic Institute in Darmstadt...

That's enough.

Shall I change the towels, too?

Brad...

Pitt, telephone number...

-Do you like to wear skirts?
-Huh? What?

What about lipstick?

Well, ah...

Do you like to...

get locked in?

-Locked in? Locked in where?
-Confined in a dark chest.

I see, well, quite honestly, I'm not sure.

Are you afraid of fire?

...and that's why
I no longer go ashore in Monaco.

Princess Stephanie broke his heart.

Since then I have wandered aimlessly...

across world's oceans.

Like the Flying Dutchman.

Or like Sascha Hehn.

Will a woman ever be able to liberate me
from the curse of loneliness?

James, what do you think?

Anything's possible on the high seas,
Otto. Perhaps even this evening.

In the grand ballroom
after the buffet from 9:00.

We will be expecting you, ladies,
for a little dance.

Exactly. Or two.

Why did no one warn me
that work can be so exhausting?

-Is it?
-Well, well... The fine lady is flagging.

Even if I were still able to move,

I would no longer want to move.

-Goodnight, then, missy.
-Yes, goodnight.

We're still going to live it up, you know.

What?

Are you sure that's a good idea?
I mean, that sounds quite tiring for...

An old hag.

I wouldn't put it like that, but...

You probably don't remember
that you're 66 years old now.

And what if I am?

(SINGING) You will be surprised to know

That when I became forgetful

I started having knees-ups

And really letting rip

Ah-ha...

Ah-ha?

Ah-ha.

I'm laid-back as I blow-dry

My hair that's long since grey

And I pull my tummy in

And act the hot chick

(WHISTLING)

ALL: Ah-ha!

Ah-ha!

If people look at me, outraged and severe

I say to them "Dear friends,
you take a narrow view"

Sixty-six years of age,
that's when life begins

Sixty-six years of age,
it's tremendous fun

Sixty-six years of age
that's when you effloresce

Sixty-six years of age

Is nowhere near the end

What's this? Donations for Africa?

No, it's lost and found. All the things
that the passengers left in their cabins.

Yes, yes

Yes, yes

I sing songs in town parks
So everyone's amazed

While playing on my guitar
That makes a crazy sound

-I doubt there's anything in my size.
-Oh, there is, honey.

And with the other lasses
From the Golden Girls Club

I will start a band up
And we'll rock it to the top

Sixty-six years of age,
that's when life begins

Sixty-six years of age,
it's tremendous fun

Sixty-six years of age
That's when you effloresce

Sixty-six years of age
Is nowhere near the end

(SCATTING)

I really hate to bother you,
but you're dancing on our table.

-Sorry.
-Professor Staudach! This ballroom has...

Precisely 250 tables,
and the one you sit at is ours.

I'm certain you know
the probability of this decision.

I guess it was fate then.

-A stroke of...
-What?

A stroke of fate that's called.

A tragic, terrible event
that one hadn't bargained on.

I must say,

I find it rather odd that cleaning staff
are permitted to dine with us.

-It's a little reward from the captain.
-For the cleanest cabin. Of the day.

The golden mop, so to speak.

Come on, don't be so fussy.
The table is big enough.

We can all squeeze on. Cuddle in a huddle.

Tell me, is your father a problem-child
incapable of relationships, too?

Don't even ask.

-Good evening.
-(GASPS)

Good evening.

-Do you want to go back to the cells?
-No.

I hope you're happy on board
and are enjoying your evening.

Excellent! Splendid! I particularly wanted
to spend the evening with scrubbers.

What? Scrubbers?

Clubbers. The gentleman wants to spend
his evening partying with real clubbers.

Yes! Throw the mop in the corner and
watch the lady shine with charm, not soap.

(CHUCKLES)

Don't I know you from somewhere?

Yes, that's her problem,
she has a universal face.

-(BANG)
-(GASPS)

(MUSIC PLAYS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Costa,

Magic Costa, and I'd like to
introduce you to a lady friend.

A very old friend.

She is over 130 years young,

and she's dying to meet you.

Magic!

What's wrong with me? I would
never forget such a beautiful lady.

Let me introduce
my wonderful assistant, Lady Liberty!

Wait, wait, I've almost got it...

I need two volunteers from the audience.

Anyone? Please. Anybody?

Me!

I'd like to do it.

-And what is the beautiful lady's name?
-Li...

-Anna! Lianna.
-Rihanna!

Applause for Rihanna!

If I could just...

Oh, Florian!

And we have our second volunteer!

Me? No! No, no, no. There must be some...

-Axel!
-Axel.

-Who will help me persuade Axel?
-No, no, no!

(ALL CHANTING) Axel! Axel! Axel!

A round of applause for Axel and Rihanna!

Axel,

you are a lucky beggar.

All men here dream
of enjoying the chest

with such a beautiful lady.

MAN: Show a little more excitement, Axel!

-Fred! Is that you?
-Smile, Rihanna, smile.

You'll be back out in a minute.

Magic!

(AUDIENCE GASP)

I hope that your father seduces her now,
good and proper.

I hope so, too,
but he might be a bit out of practice.

I'm sure he can remember
how to unclasp a bra.

You are fantastic.

Muah! (CHUCKLES)

-I think the magic show is over.
-Mmm-hmm.

Back out in a minute, my eye!

You're sweating.

Yes. But it's not because of you.

LISA: Hello! (KNOCKING)

Hello! Where are you?

(BAND PLAYING TANGO)

My dear ladies, it's quite simple.
Red is for my colleague, Otto.

-I am green.
-Behind the ears.

No worries, though, ladies,
we will not spurn the opportunity

of sharing
an unforgettable moment with you.

Maybe even two.

(ALL LAUGH)

-Maria, come on, dance with me.
-No.

But the men here
are either ancient or dead.

That's true.

-But don't fall in love with me.
-No! Don't worry.

But I must tell you something.
And you mustn't laugh!

-I can't promise that.
-I can't remember if I can dance or not.

You know, old Dalmatian saying goes...

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

What?

When the storm comes, the wind is strong.

-You understand?
-No.

Just take my hands.

-Then what?
-Then you will feel the rhythm.

And then, Maria, then...

-I'm nervous.
-Then you'll be dancing.

Emotion!

LISA: (POUNDING)
In case this is meant to be funny,

it isn't!

Fred!

Fred! Help!

My ear drums are about to burst.

Fine. Then calculate a way for us
to get out of here, you...

-You mathematician!
-Stochastician.

-What's the difference?
-It's simple.

A stochastician
calculates probability, mathematically.

Help! Help! I'm getting bored to death.

Would you please be quiet for a moment,
so I can think about how to get out.

Well? I'm waiting.

Well, perhaps we should begin
by breathing less, because...

the finite nature of the oxygen in here
is not a probability, but a fact.

What?

Otto, you make me feel like I'm flying.
I could do this all night long.

That would be wonderful.

Unfortunately,
other young ladies await me.

I'm getting dizzy.

In other words...

I'll suffocate.

With you?

-Oh, sorry!
-No problem.

If we can make the chest tip that way,

then, in all probability, the impact
will cause the catch to be released,

gravity will do its thing
and we'll be free.

That would require that you and I now...

Move back and forth rhythmically in
an attempt to make this chest tip over.

Do we have to?

No, we could just linger on, wait till the
oxygen runs out and die an awful death.

No. Let's start.

-On three.
-One. Two. Three.

One. Sorry. Two. Three.

One. Two. Three.

-LISA: Did it work?
-Partially.

Yes.

You're an unscrupulous Casanova.

-What will you do if I die of jealousy?
-You mustn't do that.

Ahhh!

-Sorry.
-Jesus, Maria and Joseph.

Oh, God. You really can't dance.

This is incredibly embarrassing.

It can't be true!

Are you injured?

Little Star?

It was fantastic, breath-taking,
exquisite. I'm shaking all over.

You are a natural. Made for the big stage.

Je suis Lady Liberty.

-C'est moi.
-Here. Take the magic wand.

-What shall I do with it?
-Say "magic" and put a spell on me.

You? What spell?

Don't think so much.

Okay.

Magic!

Ooh! Seems I did something wrong.

Try again. The start is always hard.

Okay.

Magic!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)

Merde!

Stop...thinking.

Magic!

Maybe it isn't working.

Because you've already put a spell on me.

-We'll suffocate in this damn thing.
-No, no.

Because the stochastician
blew a 50-50 chance.

Calm down.

Just breathe. Breathe slowly.
Remember the oxygen supply.

When will you finally realize?
I'm claustrophobic!

-I noticed.
-Help! Help!

-Give me your hand. Give me your hand.
-What?

-Shh. Give me your hand and trust me.
-Like with the 50-50 chance?

Breathe calmly.

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

Out...

In...

Out...

In...

Out...

And now...

close your eyes.

(SINGING) Your heart is racing

But just imagine you're alone

Your breath becomes still

It's you alone here with your dreams

Your worries all vanish

Like a star in the firmament

Bury yourself in my arms

I'll protect you as best I can

Could you move your leg?
You're quite heavy.

Then I can get on top and you underneath.

Give me your fear

I'll give you hope in return

Give me your night

I'll give you morning in return

As long as you don't lose yourself

And you finally quieten down

That the two of us
have met again... That...

I've thought of you so often.

Little Star.

Back there I got the impression
you didn't recognize me.

-What on earth are you doing on this ship?
-Going to New York.

(LAUGHS) Of course. Stupid question.

Yes, and you?

-I work...here.
-You work here?

As a passenger.

You work as a passenger?

I'm working my passage, so to speak.

I prefer traveling by boat than flying.

You could say I'm traveling for business.

I'm going to New York to...to...

to make sure everything's okay.

See if the skyscrapers are still standing.

You're in real estate?

Uh... (EXHALES)

-Yes, something like that.
-Great.

The summer of '71. Such a long time ago.

I was doing my military service.

New city. New, pretty girl.

-Can you remember? Up there?
-God?

-No, no. The Hunchbacked Uncle.
-What?

We always used to secretly climb
up onto the barracks roof.

Yes, and we thought up
our own star pictures.

-Nice. Sounds crazy.
-Yes, you were crazy.

-And you were wild, too.
-I was wild...

Yes, and incredibly cute.

The way you raced across
the fields on your bike.

With your long, blonde hair
blowing in the wind.

-I was blonde!
-Yes, you were. 17 and...

it was actually a...

(SINGING) A day like any other

I dream of love

But unfortunately, it's just a dream

People, wherever I look

Big city hustle and bustle

Yet all at once

I saw her

You

Seventeen, blonde and keen

There you were before my eyes

Seventeen, blonde and keen

How do I get to know you?

(SCATTING)

Would you like to dance?

-No, no.
-Yes, I'll show you.

(SCATTING)

Now you do it.

Yes, let's do it once together.
Be patient.

One, two, three, and...

Yes.

Yes, you can do it! Come on. Again.

So you don't forget. Two, three, and...

(SCATTING)

She can do it, she can do it.

But that's great.

Seventeen, blonde and keen

There you were before my eyes

Seventeen, blonde and keen

How do I get to know you?

BOTH: La, la, la, la, la, la

BOTH: La, la, la, la, la

Look, up there.
Isn't that the Sick Tortoise?

Yes, and next to it
the Rusty Folding Bike.

-The Rusty Folding Bike.
-Everything can be what you want it to be.

-It's so, so, so beautiful.
-Yes.

I have to tell you something.
I can't remember anything...

...Otto, a charming ladies' man.

This is my partner,
business partner, in real estate.

Real estate? Of course.

Yes, of course.

We've got some very important
transactions to discuss.

-See you later, Little Star.
-Very important. Very.

Otto...

Little Star.

Otto.

She just didn't recognize me.

And then the ship put out to sea.
You know what happened next.

Oh, my God. I hope your mother
regains her memory.

To be honest, I think
she's enjoying not having a past.

-What?
-She seem...liberated.

But how's your father coping with it?

Oh, I never knew him.

I'm a mistake. From a night
with a chap from the circus.

My mother brought me up on her own.

And were you never tempted
to try and find your father?

It was a Russian circus.

He was in town for three weeks, then
disappeared back behind the Iron Curtain.

No way of making contact.

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed
that one day he'd come to collect me.

On a white elephant. (SCOFFS)

At some point, it stopped mattering.

It was always just us two. It was enough.

A female household.

I know about that. Florian and I,
we're a male household.

Yes. And his mom?

Disappeared with the circus, too?

Not exactly. She...

She left us about two years ago.

Left you?

How mean.

-Was there anyone else?
-No.

No one else. She is...

She is...

She just left.

Does the boy at least see her at weekends?

That's not possible. She's...

much too far away.

I'm sorry.

-God, how long have we been in here?
-No idea. At least two or three hours.

-It doesn't seem that long to me.
-Nor me.

Fred...

What do you do...

in the real world?

In the real world
I'm a make-up artist on a TV show.

In show business, too.

It's a dream job.

-Are you as happy as I am?
-I think so. Mostly.

Sometimes I wish
I could magic my boss away

like you did tonight.

A simple trick. There is a second box
which falls beneath the stage.

The audience only sees the first box.
Open it. Magic. It's empty.

And the second box?

-Beneath the stage.
-And the boss?

In the second box beneath the stage.
Are you not listening?

-And who lets her out?
-The assistant.

I'm so incredibly sorry, darling.

You must have been scared
half to death. So terrible.

Yes, terrible.

On top of that, stuck pressed up against
that unglamorous bore for hours on end.

Terrible.

-Terrible.
-Yes, terrible.

Absolute torture. You can admit it.
You can sack me. Fire me. Sue me!

I should never be able
to get another job in this town.

Fred, it could happen to anyone.

Yes, I know.

She's hard work, hysterical.

Arrogant and petulant.

But hiding behind that mask...

there's something else, something...

sad and vulnerable and tender.

What can I say? It confuses me.

She... She confuses me.

I know that this is exactly
what you wanted for me, but...

I couldn't even bring myself
to tell her that you...

that you're not here anymore,
because for me...

For me, you're still here.

Oh, God, I'm talking to a coffee tin.

How long are you going
to keep looking to the past?

Oh, Dad.

(SINGING)
The time you shared together is gone

I know you feel it, too

So let her go, even though you want

to carry on protecting yourself

Your beacon is now elsewhere

And no longer with her

And on the way to new happiness

Listen, this is what she wishes for you

She wishes you love without suffering

And a hand to hold in yours

She wishes you love without suffering

And that you don't give up on hope

And that you still have your dreams

And when you look for tenderness

She wishes you love without suffering

And happiness for all time

(SCATTING)

(SCATTING ENDS)

MARIA: (WHISPERING) Hey, miss.

Hello?

Are you asleep already?

LISA: I can't sleep, Mom.

That's because of
your mystery professor, right?

He's not that mysterious.

But he was incredibly nice and caring.

And clever and...

-And about the same age as me.
-And he's keeping you awake.

What's keeping me awake
is the fact that he's really not my type.

He's got zero glamour.

And he misses his wife.

And he's got a child.

You told me about your mother.

How she never dared do anything,
was never crazy.

And was so lonely.

If I were you,
I wouldn't repeat that mistake.

I'd throw myself in at the deep end
and dare to love.

Guess what? I've met someone, too.

And?

Well, okay.

He's called Otto.

And he calls me "Little Star."

And he's so charming and so caring.

He's so clever and about the same age as
me and he's got skyscrapers in New York.

Hard to believe. Little Star?

He says he knows me from before.

Really?

Well, why would he make it up?

Because he's a marriage imposter
and wants to win you over.

Rubbish. But the idea
is wonderful, though, isn't it?

What do you mean?

That he made it all up to win me over.

OTTO: It was as if it were yesterday.

I was doing my military service
and met this pretty, blonde girl.

And now?

Sixty, grey and no way...

James, she was my first true love.
I've never forgotten her.

We'll use this story tomorrow
during aqua aerobics.

-You really are the limit.
-Just a minute.

May I remind you

that on our cruise in the Caribbean,
it was Elizabeth.

On our Greenland cruise, Suzanne.

-And in the Aegean...
-No, this is completely different.

Of course.

A little colorful butterfly

Softly flutters in my heart

My longing sends it on a journey

Whenever I sing about my dreams

I see a land that's still far away

Where love

And tenderness reside

Show me the place in the sun

Where all people get along

Love alone is the sun

So never let love set

Show me the place in the sun

Where all people get along

Love alone is the sun

So never let love set

You make my soul float

With your love and magic

You've magically come into my life

You inspire my fantasies

I seek a land that's still far away

Where love

And tenderness reside

Come on, girl!

Show me the place in the sun

Where all people get along

Love alone is the sun

So never let love set

-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-WOMAN: Housekeeping.

Yes. No! The room's already been...

cleaned.

Are you sure?

I think that...

Now that I think about it,

I do believe that
it has to be hoovered again.

I think so, too.

(CLATTERS)

It's so dirty,
you can't see the sea through it.

Are you flirting with me, by any chance?

Me? Of course not!

Close contact between guests
and staff is strictly forbidden.

For example,
you can't ask me if I'd like to...

have a cocktail with you tonight.

I shan't be doing that.

Thank God. I need to go.

I still have approximately
5,000 rooms to clean.

Have a great day.

That's...

Lisa, that box! You must be suffering
from Stockholm syndrome.

Fred, just help me out here.

I want to look less like...
You know, Lisa Wartberg, TV star.

-Who do you want to look like then?
-More like her.

Yes, more like me.

And then I knew
it'd be my hardest job yet.

My dear Fred, if you happen to have
time afterwards, could you help me?

-Sure, Little Star.
-Thanks.

-You've got a date with the con artist?
-Yes. What's the worst that could happen?

Other than a wonderful indiscretion?

MARIA: Otto?

You must be mistaken.

But, we arranged to meet.

Yes. But I've arranged to meet
with a woman who isn't as young as you.

This would be way too dangerous.
I've got a bad heart.

I only got some highlights done.

Feel this. My pulse is racing.

As a matter of fact, it is elevated.

Yes. You're a health risk to me.

Then we should do
something age-appropriate tonight.

Champagne in your cabin?

In my ca... bin?

Here we are, madam, sir.

This is your cabin?

It's huge. It's a suite.

And the bathroom!

Champagne in the mini bar.
Don't get caught.

Thanks.

Otto, you have two washbasins.
And a spring-box bed.

It's "box-spring."

-And a piano!
-Yes.

-Can you play the piano?
-No. I only play on Steinways.

-Could you play something for me?
-I can't. My fingers are all rusty.

-Please. Please. Please!
-I wouldn't want you to...

-Please. Please. Please.
-But it's at your own risk.

Okay.

-Stand over here.
-Okay.

-The acoustics are better from there.
-Of course.

Golden wallpaper and upholstered walls.
Unbelievable!

-(CLICKS DEVICE)
-(PIANO PLAYING)

(GASPS)

Rusty?

No, Otto. You're too good to be true.

You're handsome, rich,
a piano virtuoso and single.

-Yes, Little Star. But there's more.
-More?

-I want to tell you something, but I...
-Just say it.

(SINGING) What I want to tell you

Is just so hard

I'm not quite the man I'd like to be

I can't find the right words
But, please, believe me

My piano will tell you
What I want to tell you

(PIANO CONTINUES PLAYING)

My piano will tell you
What I want to tell you

(MUSIC STOPS)

-Hello.
-Hello.

-You look different.
-I'm not wearing any makeup.

Well, (CLEARS THROAT) more or less.

-You look great.
-Thank you.

To be honest,
I feel completely naked without makeup on.

I like you naked.

I mean... without any makeup on.

I...

I'm a bit scared.

Of what?

Of this.

Yes.

You know, since my wife...
since my wife left...

I've been hiding behind my books
and my son, so no one can get close to me.

I even sew leather patches
onto my jackets to deter people.

I'm a bit scared, too.

All of the...

experiments I've made
in this area have ended badly.

I guess that men always
fell in love with the TV star and...

just ran away as soon as they...

got to know the real Lisa.

I don't own a TV.

That's wonderful.

(BOTH SQUEALING)

(SINGING) A word that says everything

A gaze that doesn't promise
But just lasts

Like a new era
A breath of eternity

From now on
with you standing here before me

I will start living through you

Yes, I want to, I can

The moon that bows to us

And shows us the way to heaven

A glass full of starlight

Your look that speaks volumes

Once, there was a woman
plagued by doubts

But then she started living

Through you

Yes, I want to, I can

-This night, with you
-Just you and I

-A life that I can feel
-For all eternity

Tonight, it's just the two of us

And we're flying with angels

-Paradise will become reality
-Only with you

-A miracle has happened
-For you and me

A life full of happiness

There's no going back now

(LISA GIGGLES)

Whoo!

(LAUGHS)

MARIA: Wow! That was unforgettable.

-OTTO: As unforgettable as in the past?
-No. Far more unforgettable.

Why didn't you come with me back then?
We were going to conquer the world.

-New York, Hawaii, San Francisco.
-Were we?

-Yes. And that was just the beginning.
-I just couldn't dare.

I waited for you at the station for hours.

You never came,
so I boarded the train without you.

My Little Star... Oh, well.

-So? Did you see the world?
-Oh, yes.

I've traveled a lot.

From north to south. East to west.
I crisscrossed all over.

Yes, and then I found myself
stuck in New York.

And? Were you happy?

Yes. I experienced some great moments.

I worked at the Sunrise Diner in New York,

where all the strange night birds
would get their coffee.

Then I was in San Francisco with all
the hippies. Now, that was something.

I worked as a dance teacher in Japan.

Yeah. And now I'm old
and I'm still traveling around.

-It sounds wonderful. The great freedom.
-That's one way of putting it.

I have no wife,
nowhere to call home and...

-And I don't know where I belong.
-But you've still got your skyscraper.

Skyscraper?

Oh, that! Yes.

-Well, the thing about the real estate...
-Yes, I know.

-Money isn't everything.
-No.

-I'm on this ship, because...
-Know what, Otto?

If I could turn back the clock...

then I'd be standing at that station.

(SHIP HORN BLOWS)

(YAWNS LOUDLY)

-MAN: Room service.
-Champagne breakfast for three, please.

-It'll be there in five minutes.
-Thank you.

-Hi.
-Hello.

Are you leaving?

-I have to get to work, but tell your...
-I ordered croissants and fried eggs!

-You're so sweet.
-I'm just glad you're in our lives!

Excuse me?

Finally, a breath of fresh air
in our small house... in Darmstadt.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I have to...

-(WHISPERS) Dad, this is the moment.
-What moment?

You have to show her
that she's important to you.

-Not just a one-night stand.
-It's not that simple.

I don't know what to tell her.
I don't want to make a fool of myself.

Every beginning is difficult
I can tell how much you like her.

But you can't find the right words to say
Time's running out and you're not talking.

(SINGING) But if I say
Stay with me, I long for you

It'll sound so cheesy

Just try it, be straight with her

-(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Room service.
-Come in.

Stay for breakfast
Don't leave us so soon

Stay until morning comes
We'll surely treat you well

Stay for breakfast
We'll share everything we have with you

And if you like being here with us
then just stay

Just stay

I promise I won't use any patter

As every word
Would just be too much for you

Okay.

I'll stay for breakfast
I won't leave you so soon

And since I like being here
I'll just stay

But they forgot the coffee.

I'll make myself useful.

I can't function
without coffee in the morning.

-No!
-No!

No! No! No...

I'll do it. I'll do it.

-What is that?
-It's nothing.

That's...

That's my mom.

What?

I'm so sorry. I...

You said that... your wife left you.

She did.

Her dying wish was to have
her ashes scattered over New York.

And not... all over the damn carpet
of a second-class cabin

by a woman I had a holiday fling with!

I think the holiday fling has to go now.

Lisa.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(STRANGLED SOB)

Where were you last night?

-In paradise.
-Did your back hold up?

I could rip out trees!

Take off your tux first.
I'll iron it for you.

No, that won't be necessary, James.
It's completed its service.

-I'll disembark in New York tomorrow.
-To buy a new tuxedo?

No. I... I want to see
something other than this ship.

I'm going to travel the world with Maria.
San Francisco, Hawaii...

Yes, we want to be free
and leave all constraints behind.

What? You're quitting?

You, of all people?

James...

Do you really want
to be standing by the pool

telling old ladies risqué jokes
when you're 80?

And what will you live on?

Oh, I forgot!
You've got yourself some "real estate."

All we'll need is each other.

-I hope your lady sees it that way, too.
-She'll understand.

So she doesn't know
you're here to keep the ladies company?

I haven't had the heart
to tell her, but...

I'll tell her the truth tonight.

-He didn't recognize me at first.
-Maria!

He said it was because I looked so young.

He said I was a health risk.
Isn't that romantic?

(SCATTING)

Is everything okay, sweetie?

What? Yes! How romantic.

Isn't it just?
And then we went to his huge suite.

You can't imagine how luxurious it was.
It really was.

It had a spring-box bed.
Only the finest. Silk, satin, flowers...

And then he played the piano
and I went weak at the knees.

That's strange. The Presidential Suite
isn't occupied on this trip.

I blew it.

I shouldn't have asked
her to move in with us so soon.

Rubbish!

It wouldn't have worked anyway.

I didn't want you to be alone anymore.

I'm not alone, Flo. I've got you.

Mmm-hmm.

Yes.

-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-EDITA: Housekeeping!

-Are you sure it was here?
-Oh, yes.

(SPRINGS CREAKING)

Maybe he's a nudist.

Rubbish!
He was here. He sat at this piano.

And sang and played
and gave a proper concert.

Only for me!

Uh-oh.

You mean like this?

(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

Let me guess. He was a man in his prime.

Always suntanned, always well-dressed.

Perfect hair, and his moustache
lent him a certain...

something.

What? You know him?

(EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHS) Magic!

Break.

For my next trick, I'll set you on fire!

Wait a moment...give me that.

-I've prepared something.
-You have?

Okay. So at the front it's empty.

Empty at the back, too. What now?

A coin. Very good!

You've been practicing.

-And now?
-Magic!

I know it looks terrible
and the gem's fake,

but it was the only one
in your size in the shop here.

I can't, Fred, I...

I, uh...

Here onboard...

it's paradise, but on land I can't.

-Nobody knows...
-That you're gay.

Yes. I can be so on the ship,
but at home it's...

impossible.

I'm married. My wife lives in Crete.

The truth would destroy my family.

We can travel together
for as long as you want.

You... my assistant and more...

but our world is this ship.

Not the world outside. Fred!

Fred!

CAPTAIN ON PA: Dear passengers,
the end of our cruise is near.

At midnight we will greet
Lady Liberty personally with a drink

and together take a look
at the city that never sleeps.

Thank you on behalf
of all our crew for traveling with us.

We hope you enjoyed your stay on board.

Thank you for choosing Maximiliane.

Goodbye, see you again!

Have you seen that lady... the short one?

-You must be the property mogul!
-I am!

-Have we met before?
-Not personally. But I know your suite.

And your piano playing.

(SCATTING)

-Maria told us so much about you.
-Great!

But you don't know where she is right now?

Actually, we do.

(BAND TUNING UP)

Right.

-Excuse me.
-Yes?

Excuse me, I'm looking
for your business partner.

My business partner?
He'll be here any moment.

-Well, I've got the number 3.
-Lucky you! I've only got 8.

Madam, why not organize yourself
a dance card now?

You won't have to wait your turn later.

The red one is for Otto.

Why don't the two of us...

My Little Star, there you are!

-I looked for you everywhere.
-Me too.

In your suite, at your Steinway
where you played so wonderfully for me.

-I'm sorry, I wanted...
-No need now.

Come on, Otto, work beckons!

I think I'm your number one.

And what was I? Number 573?

No. I... I know what you...

-Are you nearly ready?
-Yes. Go ahead and take him.

But Maria, I...

Finally.

(SINGING)
Illusions blossom in the summer wind

Put forth buds so fine but ephemeral

If experience plucks them on your way

They'll quickly wilt

Illusions blossom in reality

To the dance of your youth

The first breath of sorrow

Will blow them away

Yet as long as people can still dream

A dream of theirs

Will no doubt one day

Come true

Illusions... You fooled yourself

For the person you once loved
is laughing at you now

And the castle in the sky you built

Collapses in a single night

And then you ask yourself
why must that be?

But life alone tells you the answer

Over time
when your summer years have passed

You'll understand

ALL: Illusions blossom in reality

To the dance of your youth

The first breath of sorrow

Will blow them away

Yet as long as people can still dream

A dream of theirs

Will no doubt one day

Come true

(SHIP HORN BLOWS)

CAPTAIN ON PA: On the port side
you'll see the Statue of Liberty.

This wonderful, strong woman

was a present from
the French people to the USA

that was inaugurated in 1886.

In her right hand
she holds the torch of liberty,

in her left
the Declaration of Independence.

At a height of 46 meters, it is
one of the highest statues in the world.

On the starboard side, southern Manhattan
with its legendary skyline.

New York. Your final destination.

Do you know what's strange?

These past few days I knew only
one thing... that I'd never been here.

I clung to this single, puzzling memory.

And I thought, as soon as I was here
I'd know why I wanted to come.

But nothing's happened.
There's nothing here. Or here.

Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing.

Mom, I'll take you home tomorrow.

(SNIFFLES)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

My phone! My phone!

My phone.

(GASPS)

321 messages!

And Brad Pitt!

-How did you get them all to come?
-You said I could do it and I did!

There she is, my favorite presenter!

How on earth did you manage it?

Hmm?

But now get yourself back here!

I urgently need to take you
to a terribly expensive restaurant

to talk about
your terribly well-paid future.

(VOMITING)

Fred!

Fred!

We're back! We're back on!

(TEARFULLY) I know, Maria.
Don't cry just about love.

There's an old Dalmatian saying...

(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)

Excuse me, I choked on the saying.

What good is squid tomorrow,
when octopus is fresh?

Think about it.

LISA: Best get three outfits for me
to choose from.

No, make it five!
Nothing must go wrong this time!

Yes, I'll prepare my questions to Brad
on the flight back.

And Fred will think of something very
special this time! Hollywood film-style.

I want to look like a screen goddess.

Angelina Jolie will be green with envy.
Right, Fred?

-No problem. Same as always.
-No. Bigger, more glamorous.

Aren't you listening? What's the matter?

I'm lovesick, damn it! My heart hurts,
my tummy hurts, I feel sick.

But you don't give a damn!
I thought you were my friend.

But actually, you're just my boss.

(SIGHS)

I'll call you right back.

CAPTAIN ON PA: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome on board

We'll be on our way
to Frankfurt shortly.

I thought Costa was the one, I was sure.

Till death us do part.
And now it's over. Finito.

Welcome to the club!

But darling, you know.
Fall down, get up, straighten your crown.

There are plenty other fish...

Mom, what's the matter?

Little Star.

(SINGING) I've never been to New York

I've never been to Hawaii

Never walked through San Francisco

In ripped jeans

-Mama?
-That song! That song!

I've never been to New York

I've never been to Hawaii

That was always our song.

We dreamed of the big wide world.

We didn't want to end up
living a narrow, bourgeois life.

-What are you on about?
-Your father and me of course.

But you couldn't know. It was
before you were born, my precious one!

I've never been to New York

I was never really free

-You've remembered, Mom!
-Yes, everything!

You and me. Our life.
Our little apartment and more.

I've never been to New York

I've never been to Hawaii

I've never walked through San Francisco
in ripped jeans

I've never been to New York

I was never really free

-We have to get out of here.
-What?

Yes, we must get off and get on the ship.
Find Otto!

-BOTH: The gigolo?
-Your father!

CAPTAIN: Please sit down,
all passengers.

-My fa...
-I have to get off!

MARIA (SINGING) La, la, la, la...

My father!

-Calm down, please!
-What are you doing, Mother?

-Mom, what's going on?
-I don't want to miss out again.

-Oh, no. Let me through.
-It's really serious.

-I need to get off.
-Stop the plane!

Sit down, please!

We only abort take-offs
in medical emergencies.

That's what it is.
My mother is seriously ill.

She's probably having
her third heart attack.

Have you got chest pains again, Mom?

Heart attack!

CAPTAIN: Please return to your seats!

-(GROANING)
-Help! Help!

(SHIP HORN BLOWS)

What have Prince Philip and I got
in common?

We've both ridden on Queen Elizabeth!

Don't leave all the work to me.

Queen Elizabeth II will always
be first for me...

-I know what I want.
-Pardon?

(SINGING) I want to feel her
When the morning breaks

-You're still thinking about her!
-Spend the day with her into the night

You're a hopeless case.

And not think there's an end in sight

No, not for us

Give me your drink.
A gigolo in love is no use to anyone.

Now go! Hmm?

Go and get the love of your life back.

I know what I want

I want the passion with which you love me

The gentle tenderness
that you show to me

The illusion that you live only for me

That's what I need

I know what I want

I want something new to finally start

That we are one mind and one body

That is my goal
Tell me one thing

Is that too much?

-Are you getting your man back, too?
-Yes, sort of.

Get a move on!

(SHIP HORN BLOWS)

Take care. Good luck!

I know what I want

To show you everything
that I've ever seen

To forgive and understand anything you do

What I've never done before in my life

I will start now

COSTA: To the airport, quick.
DRIVER: All right. I'll do my best!

LISA: I'm not going to throw
my arms around him in tears

just because 45 years ago
you were too daft to use contraceptives.

Speed up, you can make
that traffic light.

FRED: Just try to relax, Lisa.

No problem. I've only lost my show

and my mother's told me
a gigolo's my procreator.

Take the highway!

Why don't you take the highway?

Why don't you drive yourself?

(LISA HUFFS)

(SINGING) I know what I want

I want you around me always

Whatever's in the way I shall just change

I've never moved mountains before in life

but I will from now on!

Stop that ship!

Stop that...ship!

My memory's only just returned,
but the ship's gone.

It's just not to be.

-Fred, what is the ship's next port?
-The Bahamas, I think.

Let's take the next flight then.
Dad won't get away that quickly.

What? Procreator's such a stupid word.

The next flight to the Bahamas?
Just a moment, I'll take a look.

(SINGING) I know what I want

The lady on the phone
wants me to know, too.

We've to get to Germany quickly.

One moment... So, I'm back.

-Have you ever been to Germany?
-Only Majorca.

We need three tickets to The Bahamas.

Two. I don't want to come.

Are you sure?

Darling, go for it.

It's super you're going after him,
but there's nobody for me on the ship.

(SIGHS)

AXEL: Your mom always wanted
to visit New York.

(KISSES)

(SNIFFLES)

Now she'll be here forever.

(SINGING) Merci, merci, merci

For the hours, chérie, chérie, chérie

Our love was so beautiful

So beautiful, merci, chérie

Don't be sad if I have to leave you

Adieu, adieu, adieu!

-Your tears...
-Oh, man, Dad, that's enough!

Flo... No... What...

Her biggest wish was for you
to be happy again quickly.

For you to allow someone new
into your life.

Then, someone comes along
and you slam the door shut

and say you're grieving.

(HORN HONKS)

MARIA: You can't begin to imagine
how in love I was. Otto...

Otto was so handsome.

Especially in his uniform.
And even better without it.

I only realized I was pregnant
once he'd gone.

Two weeks later.

So you made up the story
about the Russian circus.

Otto wasn't even 20.

He wanted to see the world.

He wanted to get away, whatever the cost.

What do you think would have
happened if I'd said,

"You're going to be a dad. Get a job
and let's find a nice flat to live in"?

It would never have worked.

You can never really know that beforehand.

Forgive me.

-In 12 hours we'll be on The Bahamas, Mom.
-Say "mom" again.

Mom.

That sounds so good.

You know what, precious?

When happiness comes along,

you mustn't let it pass,
you have to seize it.

Okay, if it ever does again...

I'll grab it tight, I promise.

Bye.

Does the hotel have a TV?

Yes, there are lots of districts.
There's Brooklyn...

It's still there... Sunrise Diner.

When I first came to New York
40 years ago, I worked as a waiter here.

-It's open all night?
-Yes!

We can kill time there
until our flight tomorrow.

Amazing!

(CLEARS THROAT)

Joshua?

Yeah, take a seat.
Be with you in a minute.

Get outta here!

Hey!

-You look so old.
-Well, I can't believe you're still alive!

(BOTH LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY)

(SIREN BLARING)

(PHONE RINGING)

WOMAN ON PHONE: Good morning.
This is your wake-up call.

Taxi! Taxi!

I'm just getting a coffee.
I won't survive the journey otherwise.

(HORN HONKS)

Can I get a double decaf, please,
and a...

No.

Can I get a coffee, please, regular.

-MAN: With milk and sugar?
-Black.

Yes, ma'am.

What are you doing here?

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

Are you okay?

-Are you all right?
-Oh, God.

-Can I help...
-Lisa, you'll miss your flight.

-Otto!
-Little Star!

(LAUGHS)

What are you doing here?

I quit the ship and now I'm helping
Joshua with the coffee here

until I fly to Germany later to find you.

We were about
to fly to the Bahamas to find you.

-I've missed you so much!
-Me too!

(SINGING)
If I hear a song, any song we both knew

I still think how great it was

We were happy, it then dawns on me

Because you were there

And if anyone ever tells you that I forgot

Then remember this
I believe in tomorrow

For some time or other
we'll meet again

Time and time again, the sun rises

And the new day always brings us light

Time and time again, the sun rises

And darkness never lasts forever

It never lasts

It never lasts

Otto, I have to tell you something.
You see that woman?

She's called Lisa and she's...

If a leaf, any leaf falls from the tree

Because the autumn wind causes it to

When fate robs us of something...

-Otto, I must tell you something!
-...just trust in time...

(CHEERING STOPS)

(INAUDIBLE)

I'm a father...

I was a father...

Nonsense. I... I am a father!

Yes! I'm a father!

I'm a father!

(ALL CHEERING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Fred?

I was just dreaming about you.

Magic!

Do you... Do you still have the ring?

It's at the bottom of the Atlantic.

I see.

No problem. I...

I'll magic it back up.

-How did you do that?
-It's quite simple.

Recognize your mistake,
go to the on-board shop, buy another ring.

And give it to the man of your dreams.

Oh! Lisa, what would you do if that guy
with leather patches were outside?

-LISA: Nothing.
-Embrace him? Give him another chance?

-No.
-So it doesn't matter he's in that taxi?

-About to drive away?
-What?

The Empire State Building,
then Times Square.

Lunch in Chinatown, then Ellis Island...

Florian, how about we see
how the mood takes us, hmm?

-Empire State Building, please.
-Perfect. Let's go.

-But he's pining for his wife.
-Lisa, run!

-Zero glamour!
-Run.

-He has a kid, guys!
-Lisa, run!

-Run!
-I've never run after a man.

There's a first time for everything.

Stop that taxi!

Stop! Stop that taxi! Stop that taxi!

Stop that taxi!

Stop!

Stop!

-Jesus, that crazy woman again.
-(GASPS)

I don't believe it.

-Maybe she's out for a jog.
-Dad.

-Or she missed the bus.
-Dad!

Or she's on her way to a sale.

Man, Dad!

BOTH: Stop the fucking car!

All right!

(PANTING)

What are you doing?

I...

I just like chasing...

after taxis.

New York has eight million inhabitants.

The likelihood that the two of us
would meet here again...

is as small as the likelihood...

that a holiday fling would forgive
a complete idiot with leather patches

for being too cowardly
to tell her he's a widower.

As small as the likelihood that...

an emotionally complex TV presenter

would want to be with a widowed
stochastician from... Darmstadt.

That small?

Roughly, yes.

Ready to embark on something new?

Ready.

Oi! Do you want to go to
the Empire State Building? Yes or no?

I think all plans have changed.

(SINGING) With the love light in our eyes

We'll accept no compromise

We'll take happiness where we find it

We'll all live in our own way

And we won't be a cliché

We won't put on an act

We'll do what we like and like what we do

This is our motto, for young and old

Today's the first day

Of the rest of your life

It's now or never, not sometime or other

Life is a dream

That one day will be real

The future begins today

-(CELL PHONE RINGING)
-Oh!

(BRAKES SCREECH AND HORN HONKS)

Hello?

No, I won't make it to the studio today.

If I have to choose between
missing the show or missing my life...

Let me think about it...

Let my assistant present the show.

She's young, attractive, name of Polly

At least, I call her that.
Her real name is Sabine.

Let's go!

Today's the first day
of the rest of our lives

It's now or never

Not sometime or other

Life is a dream

That one day will be real

The future begins today

In New York?

I don't know how you
picture your futures. Mom? Dad?

My dearest Fred and his fiancé.

-Axel? Florian?
-And you?

I'd like it to be a future
which we're all a part of.

Who are you?

Just joking. Here's to the future!

The future!

I've never been to New York

I've never been without a patch

I've never walked through Darmstadt
in ripped jeans

I've never been so honest with myself

I've only worked my passage once

It's good to do what you've never done!

I've never been to Paris

I've never been outside the US

I never do anything
but go to work each day

Mi scusi.
I've never been to Rome

I have never felt at home

It's good to do

What you've never done

-MAN: On air in three minutes.
-Don't let the mic crackle again.

Or you'll be delivering pizzas tomorrow.

The light should be warm and soft.
Not like at the gynae...

Where is my "Polly"?
And my double decaf hazelnut cinnamon?

Thank you so much for coming, Mr. Pitt.

You can call me Brad, Sabine.

You can call me...Polly... Brad.

(THUMPS)

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho!

-Hi, Joe, Merry Christmas.
-Thanks, Bob.

-How's the baby?
-Oh, everybody's great.

-Have a good one.
-Thanks.

Again?

Those crazy Germans!

(MAN SINGING)
The time we shared together is gone

I know you feel it, too

WOMAN: So I'll go now, even though you
want to carry on protecting me

MAN: Your beacon is now elsewhere

WOMAN: And no longer here with me

MAN: And on the way to your own light

WOMAN: Come on, say what you wish for me

BOTH: I wish you love without suffering

And a hand to hold in yours

I wish you love without suffering

And that you never give up on hope

And that you still have your dreams

And when you look for tenderness

I wish you love without suffering

And happiness for all time

(BOTH SCATTING)

WOMAN: You stay behind

And you remain firmly in your world

MAN: Well

But it's still good when someone

Crosses their fingers for me, too

WOMAN: So I say "ciao"

But please look back

Just once over your shoulder

And smile at me and tell me now

What do you wish for me?

BOTH: I wish you love without suffering

And a hand to hold in yours

I wish you love without suffering

And that you don't give up on hope

And that you still have your dreams

And when you look for tenderness

I wish you love without suffering

And happiness for all time

(BOTH SCATTING)

MAN: A day like any other

I dream of love

But unfortunately, it's just a dream

People, wherever I look

Big city hustle and bustle

Yet all at once

I saw her

You

Seventeen, blonde and keen

There you were before my eyes

Seventeen, blonde and keen

How do I get to know you?

Seventeen, blonde and keen

There you were before my eyes

Seventeen, blonde and keen

How do I get to know you?

BOTH: La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la