It's a Gift (1934) - full transcript
The owner of a general store (Harold Bisonette) is hounded by his status-anxious wife ("That's 'Bee-soh-nay'" and "I have no maid you know"). To get some sleep he goes out on the porch where he is tormented by a little boy from the floor above (Baby Dunk) and an insurance salesman down below ("LaFong. Capital L, small a..."). He uses an inheritance to buy an orange ranch through the mail, then drives off with his family for California. The orange grove consists of a withered tree, the ranch house is but a shack, and the car falls to pieces. But a racetrack operator wants the land, so all ends happily.
Stop that racket.
Give me that letter.
And take those skates off, I told you.
Clattering up and down the stairs all day.
Why, it's from Aunt Matilda.
Haven't heard from her in months.
"Dear Amelia, you have to forgive me
for not answering sooner."
Mildred, see if the coffee's perking and get
some fresh cream. And take that cat out.
"Uncle Bean has been
in very bad health for weeks."
"We're all afraid
he will never get up again."
Hey, Ma, if Uncle Bean dies, Pop's gonna
buy an orange ranch out in California.
- Norman.
- Well, Pop says he is.
If Uncle Bean dies, we're all gonna go
out to California to live.
Norman, be quiet.
Pop says he knows more about oranges
than most men who raise 'em.
- Your father says a lot of things.
- I wouldn't go to California.
Yeah, because you can't bear to leave
that John Durston guy.
Goodbye, darling, sweetheart, dear.
You stop teasing her about John Durston.
Get down out of that chair.
- Pop?
- Yeah.
- Hurry up. I wanna come in.
- Come on in. I'm only shaving.
You want me to cut my throat,
keep that up.
You evidently do.
- Hey, Pop, who do you think's dying?
- Dying what?
Uncle Bean's dying.
Well, you don't have to spit
in my eye, do you?
- Do we get to go out to California?
- Get out of here. Go 'way!
- Do we, Pop, huh?
- Go away!
- I've just had a letter from Aunt Matilda.
- I told him.
- Uncle Bean's sinking.
- Who's sinking?
- Your Uncle Bean is sinking.
- Oh, that's awful. Uncle Bean is sinking.
What kind of tomfoolery
are you up to now?
- I'm shaving.
- Why don't you shave over there?
Because sh...
- Oh, excuse me.
- Of all the drivelling idiots!
- Hurry up and come in to breakfast.
- I'll be down in half a tick.
Beautiful morning, isn't...
Don't kick Norman's skates
round the house. I've just had them fixed.
- Suffering sciatica.
- Get up off the floor.
Coming, coming, coming, coming.
- Do it again, Pop.
- Shut up.
- Did you hurt yourself, dear?
- Shut... No, I didn't, thanks, dear.
- Where's your other skate?
- I got it on.
- Well, go and put that one on.
- I told you to take those skates off.
Yeah, go and take those skates off.
Running around here
with roller skates on.
What are you trying
to light the flower for?
What are you tr...
Oh, excuse me, dear.
- Don't smoke at the table.
- No?
Don't throw matches on the floor.
No.
Well, the doctors say he's at death's door.
- Who's at death's door?
- Your Uncle Bean.
- Do you think they'll pull him through?
- Afraid not.
- Oh, that's unfortunate.
- Hey, Pop.
Do we get to go to California
if they don't pull him through?
- No.
- No, I should say we do not.
See? We get to go. When Pop said no,
he shook his head yes.
~ Ha-ha, you missed me ~
Put that down!
What's the matter?
Don't you love me any more?
- Certainly.
- Don't you strike that child!
Well, he's not gonna tell me
I don't love him.
- I won't go to California, that's all!
- What's eatin' on her?
She's afraid she'll have to
give up John Durston.
- Norman, have you finished?
- No.
You've eaten enough.
You may leave the table.
- He snitched a piece of bacon.
- Harold, I want one thing settled.
If you get any money from Uncle Bean,
you are not going to buy an orange ranch.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, don't try that innocent look with me.
We need things in the house.
I haven't a stitch to my back.
The children need clothes
and we should have a car.
Oh, yes, a car by all means.
Where do you get the idea
you can make money raising oranges
when you can't even run
a corner grocery store?
I know a lot about raising oranges.
- You haven't eaten a bite.
- I'm not hungry.
That won't be worth eating
if you put any more salt on it.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You should eat
before you go to the store.
- How much to fix these skates?
- Oh, never mind Norman's skates!
Where are you going?
- That's the eight o'clock whistle.
- Wait. I'm not through with you.
Now I know you've got
something on your mind.
You do things behind my back
and I know nothing about them
till you're in some sort of a scrape
and I have to get you out.
Remember that scheme to revive
the celluloid collar a couple of years ago?
That was going to make us a fortune.
Where is it?
Now you've got an orange ranch on
your mind. Well, nothing will come of it.
You're not going to drag us across this
country, away from friends and relatives.
If any money comes into this family,
I'm going to handle it
and put it to some practical purpose.
- And that's that.
- What are you crying about, honey?
You're trying to ruin the lives and future
of everybody in this family.
Me?
You don't care how much
you take me away from people I like.
- Harold, are you listening to me?
- Yes, yes, dear. Go on. Go on.
- What did I say last?
- Yes, yes, every word of it.
I never knew such an ungrateful father!
Listen, you've all gotta realise one thing,
that I...
am the master of this household.
- Harold!
- Yes, dear.
Why is it every time I want to talk to you
you're off in some other part of the house?
I have to shout, shout, shout!
No wonder the neighbours
know all about our private affairs.
I get little enough opportunity as it is
to find out what's going on
without you running away
as if I had the smallpox or something
every time I open my mouth.
I've got a piece of chalk.
Do you wanna play hopscotch?
Go 'way, go 'way, go 'way,
go 'way, go 'way.
- Morning, Mr Fitchmueller.
- Morning.
I want ten pounds of cumquats,
and I'm in a hurry.
I'll be right with you. I have to...
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
- The door was open.
- I know now it was open.
And don't talk to people with a toothpick
in your mouth. It's impolite. Come here.
Hurry up. Get this coat off.
What are you doing?
Put that hat up.
Go out and sweep the store.
- Hurry up. Sweep the store.
- Yes, sir.
"Typical California orange grove."
- How about my cumquats?
- Coming, coming.
- I'm in a hurry.
- Coming, coming, coming.
Coming, coming, coming.
Coming, coming, coming.
- Now, what was that you wanted?
- Cumquats!
Oh, cumquats, yes.
Ten pounds of cumquats.
- Open the door for Mr Muckle!
- What?
- Mr Muckle, the blind man!
- How about my cumquats?
- What'd you say?
- Cumquats!
Wait!
Merciful heavens. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. It's all right, all right.
- All right.
- You got that door closed again, huh?
- I'm awfully sorry. Come on. This way.
- What's that?
- Don't! Don't do that!
- Look out!
- What's that?
- It's all right. Think nothing of it.
- Just a little glassware.
- What?
- Just a little glassware.
- Can't you talk?
Here's your pipe here. Here.
- Here you are, right here. Yes. Come on.
- What'd you say?
- It was nothing but just a little glassware.
- What have you got it there for?
It's all right.
Put it in there.
Now, what can I do...
What can I do for you?
- Have you got any chewing gum?
- Yes, we have.
- Yes, we have. Yes, we have.
- How about my cumquats?
Coming, coming,
coming, coming, coming.
Now, you just... Now, you sit right here till
I come back. I'll bring it right back to you.
Sit right there.
Please sit there till I come back.
I'll have those cumquats in a minute.
I wonder what kind of gum he wants.
I guess that...
Sit down, Mr Muckle! Sit down, sit down.
Sit down, Mr Muckle.
Sit down. Won't be a second.
Now sit down.
Sit down, Mr Muckle, honey. Sit down.
Oh, that's broke. I'll have to get it fixed.
I'll be right with you.
Don't go away.
Here we are.
Sit down, Mr Muckle. Sit down, honey.
- Wait a second.
- Cumquats!
Coming. You'll get the cumquats now.
Whew! Will you sit...
Would you mind telling Mr Muckle...
Never mind. I'll tell him. It's all right.
Sit down, Mr Muckle, please, dear!
I'm being polite with him.
Sit down.
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Put it down, Mr Muckle.
Put it down, honey.
Put it down, please. Mr...
There goes another one.
Mr Muckle, please sit down. Please.
- I want cumquats!
- Coming, coming.
- Oh. Almost forgot the chewing gum.
- Where's my gum? I...
Sit down, Mr Muckle!
Sit down! Sit down!
- Ten pounds of cumquats!
- Look out!
- Here's your chewing gum. Five cents.
- I'm not gonna lug that with me. Send it.
Oh, yes. Everett!
Everett!
Everett!
Where are you? Here.
Take this to Mr Muckle's house.
Jump on your bicycle and run right away.
Hurry up.
Now you're all... Not that way.
Not that way. Here we are. Here. That's it.
- How about my cumquats?
- Oh, excuse me. Yes.
How does he rate all this attention?
Who is that man?
- The house detective at the Grand Hotel.
- Who's gonna help me across the street?
Look out! Excuse me.
Coming, coming. Look out.
All right, all right, come on.
All right, all right.
- You got that door closed again, huh?
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- What?
- I say I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Wait a minute now.
You're all right.
There you are. Go ahead.
Nothing coming at all.
Street's clear as a whistle.
Mr Muckle, come back!
Come...
Now will you get me my cumquats?
Oh, oh. Yes, yes. Coming.
Coming, coming.
Coming, coming.
Almost ran over that kind, old gentleman.
- Hello, John.
- Hello, Mrs Bissonette.
- Hi, Jack.
- Norman, take your hands off John's car.
- Hello. Where are you going?
- Just down to the store.
So am I, to see your dad
about that orange ranch I sold him.
- You sold Dad an orange ranch? Where?
- Out in California.
And... I'm in an awful mess about it.
I just found out it's no good.
- What?
- Well, you can't grow oranges on it.
- Why, John Durston!
- I can fix it. I'll give him his money back.
Now, what was that you wanted?
- Cumquats.
- Ah, yes, cumquats. Yes.
Cumquats. Uh...
How do you spell it?
- C-u-m-q-u-a-t-s.
- Ah, yes.
C-u-m...
Q-u-a-t-s. Quats! Quats!
- Two quats?
- No, one quat.
Oh, yes. Q-u-a...
T-s! T-s!
- T...
- S! S! S!
Oh, yes, yes, I get it.
SSS Cumquats. Yes.
Now, let me see. Cumquats.
Good gracious. What in the world's
happened here? Harold! Harold!
Hey, Pop, who do you think's dead?
Who do you think's dead?
- What?
- Who do you think's dead?
- Who?
- Uncle Bean's dead.
- Do we get to go to California now?
- I'm not gonna tell you.
The last time I told you, you snitched
on me. Get out of here. Get out! Get out!
Harold?
I wanna tell you something. Never ride that
bicycle in this store again as long as you live.
- Take it outside.
- Yes, Mr Bissonette.
Harold.
I told you before never to call me
Mr Bissonette in front of Mrs Bissonette.
- Bis-on-ay.
- Yes, sir.
- Harold!
- Coming. Excuse me. Sorry. Coming.
Well, Harold, Uncle Bean
passed away this morning.
Aw, that's terrible.
This is the telegram, huh?
- "Amelia Bissonette, 27 Clint..."
- Don't read the address.
What? Oh, no.
"Uncle Bean passed away..."
"Stop."
It seems he was getting better, but
he attended the Epworth League picnic,
and he choked to death eating an orange.
His heart couldn't stand it.
I didn't know
oranges were bad for the heart.
- It was the excitement.
- Sure, excitement. That'll kill anybody.
- Very regretful.
- Regrettable.
- Yes, regrettable.
- I suppose we ought to send flowers.
- Oh, yeah, by all means.
- I wonder what we should send.
- How about some nice hollyhorks?
- Hollyhocks.
- Yeah, hollyhocks.
- No, they're no good for a man.
Look, you send him anything
you wanna send. It's OK with me.
He's your uncle, not mine.
You think what to send him.
- How about my ten pounds of cumquats?
- How about cumquats?
- No, no, I want the cumquats.
- I know that. He wants some cumquats.
If you haven't any cumquats,
why don't you tell the man?
Well, I might as well.
I'll go out and see now, right away.
- I've got to.
- No, you don't.
- I've got to tell him before it's too late.
- Well, be careful of Mother, then.
Could I talk to you for a moment,
Mr Bissonette?
- Bis-on-ay, Bis-on-ay.
- Harold, the flowers for the wreath.
Oh, yes.
How about some calceolaria, ageratum,
bougainvillea and a dash of jacaranda?
You took the very words out of my mouth.
That's fine. You run along and get that.
- Mr Bis-on-ay, I've got to talk to you.
- Not now.
- But it's very important, Mr Bis-on-ay.
- Not with her in here.
Good morning, Mrs Dunk.
Hello, Elwood.
Mr Bis-on-ay, that orange ranch
we sold you is no good.
- Why not?
- You can't grow oranges on it.
- Have you seen it?
- No, sir, but...
Well, there you are. Now wait a minute.
An orange grove is an orange grove.
- You can't argue against that.
- But that isn't the one we sold you.
- It's in the same neighbourhood.
- Yes, but...
Listen, you go back
and tell that firm of yours
that they sold me something good,
and they just found it out.
- Mr Bis-on-ay, you see...
- Listen.
As Mrs Bis-on-ay often says to me, "C'est
finnay." Meaning, "You can't fool me."
- But, Mr Bis-on-ay...
- Stop! Enough!
Go! Go, go, go.
I've got my heart set on the thing.
I'm going through with it.
Everett. Would you mind
taking care of Elwood?
- Oh, sure.
- Thank you so much.
- And this is for you.
- Oh, thank you, Mrs Dunk.
You don't suppose
Mr Bissonette would mind?
For one of our best customers?
Why, he loves children.
- It's Bis-on-ay.
- Oh, pardon me. Bis-on-ay.
- You're out early, aren't you?
- We've had quite a shock.
Harold's Uncle Bean, you've heard us
speak of him, passed away this morning.
- Oh, how sad.
- Yes, very sad.
Contract. Conditional sales contract.
Everett! Come here.
- How did he get in here?
- Mrs Dunk gave him to me to mind.
- You working for Mrs Dunk or me?
- She gave me a ten cents piece.
- Get him outta here. Get him out.
- Come on, Elwood.
Would have to hit me
right in the funny bone.
Could have hit me in the back
if he had to throw it. And clams too.
I hate clams.
Well, I suppose we'll soon be living
next door to the wealthy Bis-on-ays.
It begins to look like it.
Of course, no amount of money could
compensate for the loss of a dear one.
Oh, no, of course not, my dear.
But, after all, it's only human to plan.
Oh, I hope to make life much more
comfortable for us all, when it comes.
Mr Bis-on-ay.
- Good morning, Miss Dunk.
- What have you in the way of steaks?
Nothing in the way.
You can get right to them.
Well, I'll take two pounds
of round steak, I guess.
- Off the rump?
- Yes.
Uh-huh. Two round off the rump.
Sure thing.
Whew!
Boo.
Get Blood Poison out of here!
Take him away. Amuse him somewhere.
Eating all the profits.
Won't make a nickel on this steak.
- It's so hard for me to wear black.
- Yes, I know.
Black is very trying for some.
Why don't you go to Schmankendorf's?
They specialize in such lovely things
for older women. Pardon me.
Get him outta there!
Don't pull it! Don't pull it!
What'd you pull it for, you big lunk?
Get him outta there.
Get him off there. Get him off.
What is he doing? What did you let him
turn the molasses on for?
I told him I wouldn't do it if I was him.
You told him you wouldn't do it
if you was him.
Get him outta here.
Get him out! Get him out!
Agh! What are you doing to my child? Oh!
Oh! What do you mean by running molasses
all over the floor and ruining his shoes?
Give me my baby.
You'll never see me in this store again.
Come on, darling.
Not only lost her trade
but lost all of our molasses.
I hate you. Get out!
Whew! That's the spreadingest stuff
I ever saw in my life.
- Hello, John.
- Come down here.
- Come on up.
- No, come here.
What's the matter?
Your father was at our office
and paid the rest on that orange ranch.
- He did?
- Every cent of it.
Mother will murder him.
They shouldn't have taken the money.
He forced them to on that contract.
John, that's awful. Couldn't somebody
try to talk him out of it?
Well, the boss tried hard enough,
but it didn't do any good.
The only real money you'll ever have
and you threw it away before
you got your hands on a penny of it.
- What are you lying there for?
- I'm tired.
- Why don't you go to bed?
- I thought I'd lie down and take a nap first.
I don't see how you got the bank
to lend you money
on the strength of getting anything
from Uncle Bean's estate.
Probably stopped in at the saloon
on the way.
No, I didn't. Tonight I...
Never a thought of me or the children,
no insurance, nothing.
What if something should happen to you?
Your Uncle Bean
wasn't much older than you are.
Two months and four years.
Just let that John Durston
try to get into my house again.
Are you listening to me?
Wake up.
Wake up and go and sleep.
- I've given you the best years of my life.
- Yes, you have, dear.
And now I suppose
I'll have to spend the rest of them
depending on that grocery store
for a bare existence.
- I sold the grocery store.
- What?!
- I'm now in the orange business.
- Oh! Oh.
As I was saying...
- Are you listening to me?
- Yes, dear. Yes, dear. Yes, dear.
For 20 years I've struggled
to make a home for you and the children.
That's right, dear.
Slaving day in and day out
to make both ends meet.
Yes, you have.
Sometimes I don't know
which way to turn.
Turn over on your right side, dear.
Sleeping on your left side's
bad for the heart.
Goodness gracious.
It's the telephone.
Shall I answer the telephone, dear?
Naturally.
Yeah, naturally.
Naturally.
What are you doing now?
Nothing, dear. Nothing.
I can't think of the number.
Hello.
No. No.
No, this is not the maternity hospital.
Think we ought to take that telephone out.
Who was it?
Somebody called up, wanted to know
if this was the maternity hospital.
What did you tell them?
I told them no,
it wasn't the maternity hospital.
Funny thing they should call you up here
at this hour of the night
from the maternity hospital.
They didn't call me up, dear,
from the maternity hospital.
They wanted to know
if this was the maternity hospital.
- Now you change it.
- No, I didn't change it, dear.
I told you, they asked me
if this was the maternity hospital.
- Don't make it any worse.
- They asked me if...
I don't know how you expect
anybody to get any sleep,
hopping in and out of bed all night,
tinkering round the house,
waiting up for telephone calls.
You have absolutely no consideration
for anybody but yourself.
I have to get up in the morning,
get breakfast for you and the children.
I have no maid, you know,
probably never shall have one.
Harold, will you please keep quiet
and let me get some sleep?
Coming... Come...
Yes, yes, dear. Yes.
Hey, make a little less noise
down there, will you?
Sweet repose.
As a special favour, please stop playing
with those sleigh bells, will you?
Ow.
Heavens.
What a night.
It's not a night for love.
- Is this 1726 Prill Avenue?
- No.
Is there a Prill Avenue
in this neighbourhood?
I don't know.
Do you know a man by the name
of LaFong? Carl LaFong.
Capital l, small a,
capital f, small o, small n, small g.
LaFong. Carl LaFong.
No, I don't know Carl LaFong,
capital l, small a,
capital f, small o, small n, small g.
And if I did know Carl LaFong,
I wouldn't admit it.
He's a railroad man, and he leaves home
very early in the morning.
Well, he's a chump.
I hear he's interested in an annuity policy.
Oh, isn't that wonderful?
Yes, it is.
The public are buying them like hot cakes.
All companies are going to discontinue
this form of policy
after the 23rd of this month.
- That's rather unfortunate.
- Yes, it will be.
Maybe you would be interested
in such a policy.
- I would not.
- Say, what's your age?
- None of your business.
- I would say you were a man about 50.
- Yeah, you would say that.
- Let me see. 50, 50, 50.
Ah, here we are.
Here we have it.
You can, by paying
only five dollars a week,
retire when you are 90
on a comfortable income.
- I can retire when I'm 90?
- That's right. You got the idea.
Look out! Don't sit down there.
Or you can change to a regular paid-up
policy, and at death your beneficiaries...
Harold!
If you and your friend wish to exchange
ribald stories, please take it downstairs.
My friend!
And should you live to be 100, we...
I suppose if I live to be 200,
I'll get a velocipede.
If you wish to visit with Mr Bis-on-ay, come
round some morning, say about ten o'clock.
- I never wanna see him again.
- Then why did you invite him up here?
I invite...
I'd like to... Oh!
Oh.
Ow.
If I could only retire now.
Oh.
Right on the proboscis.
Ah!
Who's doing it?
Shades of Bacchus!
Even a worm will turn.
- Stop!
- Here's your ice pick.
Don't give him those grapes.
Look what you've done to my floor.
It wasn't enough for you
to pour molasses all over him.
Now you have to stuff him with grapes
and give him the colic.
Come on, darling.
I'll give you some ipecac.
Nettie! Hurry up, now!
- All right, I'll hurry.
- Don't forget the ipecac.
I thought you said syrup of squills.
I can't hear you. Talk louder.
I thought you said syrup of squills!
All right, syrup of squills.
I don't care.
I don't care either.
I'll get ipecac if you want me to.
Well, ipecac or syrup of squills.
I don't care which.
I don't care either.
You tell me what to get and I'll get it.
Get whichever one you want.
I don't care. Whatever they have handy.
- It's just the same to me.
- Well, it's just the same to me too.
I hate 'em both.
Oh, where will I go? To Jones's?
- Use your own judgment.
- No, you tell me where to go.
I'd like to tell you both where to go.
There's no use, dear.
I can't hear a word you're saying.
Somebody's shouting on the floor below.
- Yeah, that's me.
- You better run along.
Goodbye! Hurry up!
Who were those women
you were talking to?
Mrs Dunk upstairs.
Seems to me you're getting
pretty familiar with Mrs Dunk upstairs.
They were talking to me.
I wasn't talking to them.
Peep, peep! Peep, peep!
Take that, you rat.
- Good morning, Mrs Frobisher.
- Oh, good morning, Mr Bissonette.
Strawberries at 15 cents a box!
Two boxes a quarter! Quarter!
Strawberries! Cabbage!
Good morning. Somebody
got good fruit this morning, miss.
Vegetable man.
Vegetable gentleman.
The next guy...
There. Take that.
- Norman!
- Coming! Coming! Coming!
Bye!
Goodbye.
- Oh, John, what are we gonna do?
- Gosh, I don't know.
Your mother says I'm a crook, and your
father thinks I tried to double-cross him.
- I'll probably never see you again.
- Oh, yes, you will.
I'll be way out in California.
How can I?
Listen, I'm going out there too, the first
money I get saved, if it's only bus fare.
- You'll forget all about me.
- No, I won't, honey.
Mildred!
Oh, John!
- Goodbye, honey.
- Mildred!
- Goodbye, everybody.
- Bye!
- Goodbye.
- What's your first stop, Amelia?
Won't stop till we get 500 miles from here.
- Oh, dear. Drop me a postcard.
- Goodbye! Goodbye!
What happened?
- Got a flat tyre?
- Flat tyre?
- Goodbye, Mr Muckle. Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
I'm over here.
Say goodbye to poor Mrs Bis-on-ay,
darling. Say bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
What's the matter?
Out of gas?
No, sir. Just had it filled up last night.
- Where you goin'?
- California.
- More power to you.
- Yeah.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
That's the fella
who wanted those cumquats.
I wouldn't ride across the country
with that man for a million dollars.
You're right.
Why don't...
Give me that.
Sit down there!
Goodbye!
Bye!
Goodbye.
Get back in the car!
The starter works!
Bye!
- Hey, Pop, look!
- I see it.
- Watch out for that car!
- That's all right, dear.
I know what I'm doing. Hold on to
your hat. Watch me pass this mud turtle.
Harold, what are you trying to do?
Get back on the road!
OK. You win.
- Must have been a ploughed field.
- Oh!
Harold!
- Are you drinking?
- No, I'm not, dear. I was thinking.
Norman!
Go in, go to bed.
You too, Mildred. Get your things.
- Get in there.
- We have to be up early in the morning.
There's no room in the tent for you, dear.
You'll have to curl up before the fire
in the easy chair.
- This one?
- No, the deck chair.
Oh, yes.
Don't forget to put wood on the fire
before you go to sleep.
- I won't, dear.
- And no more drinking!
Oh, no, no, no.
Good night, dear.
Isn't that music lovely in the open air?
Yes, it is, dear. Yes, it is.
Possibly a couple of Gipsies.
Gypsies.
- Don't forget to put the wood on the fire.
- I won't, dear.
Pardon me, gentlemen.
Hope I'm not intruding.
Not at all.
As a younger man, I used to belong to the
Cahauxin Hose Glee Club in Philadelphia.
Do you boys know the... the Two...
Excuse me. I can't find my pockets
with this bib on.
It's kind of chilly out here tonight.
- You know the Two Sweethearts song?
- How does it go?
Oh, excuse me.
That cow just put me off key.
What on earth?
That old fool.
- Harold!
- Coming, dear.
Coming, dear.
Coming, dear. Coming, dear.
Coming, dear! Coming!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
My wife's calling me.
Let's stop someplace along the road
and have our lunch.
All right, dear. Everybody watch
for a nice place and I'll stop.
That was a nice spot we just passed.
Well, don't tell me after we've passed it.
Tell me before we get to it.
Hey, there! Here, here, here.
What are you doing?
Just lookin' around.
Can't a guy look?
No, you can't look.
And you can't loiter round this place.
- Hey, Pop, we're coming to a park.
- Let's have lunch there.
There's the gate.
Hey, Pop, the sign says private property.
That's just to keep the tramps out.
This is the finest camping ground
we've struck all the way out.
- Certainly is, dear.
- Yeah.
- Beautiful woods, huh?
- Look at that lovely pond.
- That's magnificent.
- Look out where you're going!
- Oh, look what you've done!
- She ran right in front of the car.
Why, it's a statue, you idiot!
It's a Venus de Milo.
Any objection if we looked round a little?
Sorry, ma'am.
We don't allow anybody on the estate.
Ah, crackers.
Good old crackers.
That was a smart thing
to bring those crackers along.
Oh, yes, dear. Yes, yes.
These were the bestselling crackers,
too, I had in the store.
We finally picked out a delectable spot.
Harold, open this can.
- Tomatoes.
- To-mah-toes.
Yeah, to-mah-toes.
I'll show you how we used
to open them in the army.
Guess I was thinkin' of the navy.
Holy mackerel.
Sorry, dear.
What?
This sundial is ten minutes slow.
Yes, the sun is wrong,
but your watch is right, of course.
Usually keeps pretty good time.
Give me a sandwich,
will you, dear? Thanks.
Don't eat any more sandwiches.
You've had enough.
Harold, give him half of yours.
- Hm?
- Give him half of yours.
Sit down and eat like a gentleman.
OK, dear.
OK to use this pillow?
Excuse me, honey.
Cut it out! Cut it out!
Harold, stop it! That's one of my best
pillows! Quit playing with that dog! Oh!
Harold, quit playing with that dog!
Stop that! Stop that!
Oh, you idiot!
Those were my mother's feathers.
Stop that!
I never knew your mother had feathers.
- You're always annoying that dog.
- Me?
When I get out to the ranch,
I'm gonna swap him for an iron deer.
Look at that stuff. Look at it.
Why do we eat it?
Uh-oh.
Ah! Ah!
- Oh, there's the can opener.
- Yeah. Was there all the time, I guess.
Look at that. Excuse me.
Stop throwin' those cans around!
Want 'em to cut my tyres?
Norman!
- What's the umbrella for?
- It's raining.
Nonsense.
Raining with the sun out?
- Maybe it's a sun shower.
- Twaddle.
- Maybe it's a cloud bust.
- Burst.
Yeah, burst.
What are you doing here?
- Cut it out.
- What are you doing here?
- Harold!
- Havin' a picnic, eh?
We have as much right
to have our lunch here as anyone.
Yeah? How'd you get in here anyway?
- Harold! We drove in.
- Well, you can drive right out.
- We will when we get ready. Harold!
- Well, you can get ready right now.
- This is private property.
- Harold!
Don't argue with them, dear.
They're beneath our dignity.
What are these people doing here?
I don't know how they got in.
Shall I have them arrested?
No, I don't want to be bothered.
Just get them out.
Come on, haul your freight!
Or I'll run you in anyway! Come on.
- Come on. Get in, honey.
- Come on. Hurry up. Get out of here!
Why were you sitting there
like a stone image
when those men were insulting me?
I was just waiting for one of 'em
to say something to me.
Oh! Oh!
- Isn't this a beautiful place?
- Yes, it is. Clarence Abernathy.
We're in the neighbourhood.
Bet our place is as beautiful.
I beg your pardon.
You Mr Abernathy?
- Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
- Where's the McKillon ranch?
- Oh, that place.
- Yes.
You stay on the highway
till you strike a dirt road. You can't miss it.
- There's a white fence there.
- Thank you.
Didn't have her in gear.
Look. Jersey licence. I'll bet they're
the folks that bought the McKillon ranch.
I'll bet they are too.
Oh, look at these lovely trees.
I hope our ranch is half as nice as this.
Wait till you see it.
Maybe I've been wrong
about this whole thing, Harold.
I knew you were, dear,
but I never said anything.
We're all liable to make mistakes.
Well, here we are.
Here's your orange grove.
You knew it all, as usual.
Wouldn't listen to anybody.
John Durston tried
to tell you the truth. No.
You dragged us out here,
spent every nickel on this, and now what?
- This is evidently a young orange tree.
- Young orange tree! It's a weed, you idiot.
- I'm gonna look at that map again.
- Hey, Pop, look what I found.
We can put our name on it and use it.
Now are you satisfied?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at this house.
A ranch house.
The fella told me
it wasn't a very good-looking house.
Very good-looking house. It's a shack!
Hm. Well, I can spend
a lot of my spare time fixing this up.
Have to putty those cracks up in back.
Look, a horseshoe. They say it's lucky
to walk under a horseshoe.
Oh! What a father you've got.
Come, Mildred.
Well, that's better.
3,452 miles for this.
- We may have to rebuild after all.
- What with?
Well, you can stay here
and wallow in misery if you want to.
- I won't. I'm going.
- Where are you going?
Anywhere to get away
from this filthy dump! Come, children.
Hey, Pop, look! An orange!
Amelia! Amelia!
Come on back. I'll drive you.
That's fine.
Guess I won't take you after all.
Everything goes at once.
Well, she lasted this long anyway.
Quite a job here.
Yes, that's what we'll have to take back,
the old choo-choo.
- Say, are you Bissonette?
- Bis-on-ay.
But you're the man
who bought this property?
- Yeah.
- Well, congratulations.
- You're lucky and you didn't know it.
- I wasn't absolutely sure about it.
Those fellas lookin' for you yesterday
just drove to my place.
- So I says to myself I'm gonna tell you.
- Tell me what?
They're building a racetrack
on the adjoining property.
They made a mistake
about the afternoon sun.
They've got to have this place
for a grandstand, right on this spot.
Oh, thanks very much.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Here they come now.
Watch yourself.
Hold out for any price.
Don't let them kid you. You can get it.
- Good morning.
- How you doin'?
- Do you own this place?
- Yes, I do.
Do you wanna sell it?
I might consider selling it,
but it'll alter my plans.
Well, I want to put up a... a filling station
here. I'll give you 5,000 for it.
It's more than it's worth,
but I need the property.
- No, I wouldn't consider it.
- I'll give you 10,000.
Now, that's as high as I can go.
- Nothing doing.
- Harold, are you drunk or crazy?
- Neither one.
- Come on. I'll give you 15,000 for it.
- No.
- Harold, Harold!
All right. 25,000, and that's the top.
- Mister, you're talkin' to a businessman.
- Harold. Listen to me, Harold.
- Come over here.
- Harold, Harold.
You keep out of it.
This is a private argument.
- You're drunk.
- And you're crazy.
I'll be sober tomorrow,
and you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.
What? All right, what's your price?
I'll tell you. Here, hold that.
I'll tell you my price right here.
You see that orange ranch?
That orange ranch
and 40... $44,000.
Mr Abernathy here
has got to get his commission.
- Thanks.
- It's a hold-up!
- But it's a deal.
- OK.
- Excuse me.
- Come on.
Mother. Mother.
- Dad, quick! Mother's fainted!
- Huh? Oh. Oh, here.
Here. Give her some of this reviver.
Doesn't that taste good?
Oh.
You're an old idiot,
but I can't help loving you.
Give her another drink.
How did you know this...
Look here, Buster,
you can have half of that.
I only need this much.
- John, will you drive?
- Surely.
Thank you.
- Norman!
- Hey, Mom! Where are we going?
Never mind.
Get in and take those skates off.
Give me that letter.
And take those skates off, I told you.
Clattering up and down the stairs all day.
Why, it's from Aunt Matilda.
Haven't heard from her in months.
"Dear Amelia, you have to forgive me
for not answering sooner."
Mildred, see if the coffee's perking and get
some fresh cream. And take that cat out.
"Uncle Bean has been
in very bad health for weeks."
"We're all afraid
he will never get up again."
Hey, Ma, if Uncle Bean dies, Pop's gonna
buy an orange ranch out in California.
- Norman.
- Well, Pop says he is.
If Uncle Bean dies, we're all gonna go
out to California to live.
Norman, be quiet.
Pop says he knows more about oranges
than most men who raise 'em.
- Your father says a lot of things.
- I wouldn't go to California.
Yeah, because you can't bear to leave
that John Durston guy.
Goodbye, darling, sweetheart, dear.
You stop teasing her about John Durston.
Get down out of that chair.
- Pop?
- Yeah.
- Hurry up. I wanna come in.
- Come on in. I'm only shaving.
You want me to cut my throat,
keep that up.
You evidently do.
- Hey, Pop, who do you think's dying?
- Dying what?
Uncle Bean's dying.
Well, you don't have to spit
in my eye, do you?
- Do we get to go out to California?
- Get out of here. Go 'way!
- Do we, Pop, huh?
- Go away!
- I've just had a letter from Aunt Matilda.
- I told him.
- Uncle Bean's sinking.
- Who's sinking?
- Your Uncle Bean is sinking.
- Oh, that's awful. Uncle Bean is sinking.
What kind of tomfoolery
are you up to now?
- I'm shaving.
- Why don't you shave over there?
Because sh...
- Oh, excuse me.
- Of all the drivelling idiots!
- Hurry up and come in to breakfast.
- I'll be down in half a tick.
Beautiful morning, isn't...
Don't kick Norman's skates
round the house. I've just had them fixed.
- Suffering sciatica.
- Get up off the floor.
Coming, coming, coming, coming.
- Do it again, Pop.
- Shut up.
- Did you hurt yourself, dear?
- Shut... No, I didn't, thanks, dear.
- Where's your other skate?
- I got it on.
- Well, go and put that one on.
- I told you to take those skates off.
Yeah, go and take those skates off.
Running around here
with roller skates on.
What are you trying
to light the flower for?
What are you tr...
Oh, excuse me, dear.
- Don't smoke at the table.
- No?
Don't throw matches on the floor.
No.
Well, the doctors say he's at death's door.
- Who's at death's door?
- Your Uncle Bean.
- Do you think they'll pull him through?
- Afraid not.
- Oh, that's unfortunate.
- Hey, Pop.
Do we get to go to California
if they don't pull him through?
- No.
- No, I should say we do not.
See? We get to go. When Pop said no,
he shook his head yes.
~ Ha-ha, you missed me ~
Put that down!
What's the matter?
Don't you love me any more?
- Certainly.
- Don't you strike that child!
Well, he's not gonna tell me
I don't love him.
- I won't go to California, that's all!
- What's eatin' on her?
She's afraid she'll have to
give up John Durston.
- Norman, have you finished?
- No.
You've eaten enough.
You may leave the table.
- He snitched a piece of bacon.
- Harold, I want one thing settled.
If you get any money from Uncle Bean,
you are not going to buy an orange ranch.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, don't try that innocent look with me.
We need things in the house.
I haven't a stitch to my back.
The children need clothes
and we should have a car.
Oh, yes, a car by all means.
Where do you get the idea
you can make money raising oranges
when you can't even run
a corner grocery store?
I know a lot about raising oranges.
- You haven't eaten a bite.
- I'm not hungry.
That won't be worth eating
if you put any more salt on it.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You should eat
before you go to the store.
- How much to fix these skates?
- Oh, never mind Norman's skates!
Where are you going?
- That's the eight o'clock whistle.
- Wait. I'm not through with you.
Now I know you've got
something on your mind.
You do things behind my back
and I know nothing about them
till you're in some sort of a scrape
and I have to get you out.
Remember that scheme to revive
the celluloid collar a couple of years ago?
That was going to make us a fortune.
Where is it?
Now you've got an orange ranch on
your mind. Well, nothing will come of it.
You're not going to drag us across this
country, away from friends and relatives.
If any money comes into this family,
I'm going to handle it
and put it to some practical purpose.
- And that's that.
- What are you crying about, honey?
You're trying to ruin the lives and future
of everybody in this family.
Me?
You don't care how much
you take me away from people I like.
- Harold, are you listening to me?
- Yes, yes, dear. Go on. Go on.
- What did I say last?
- Yes, yes, every word of it.
I never knew such an ungrateful father!
Listen, you've all gotta realise one thing,
that I...
am the master of this household.
- Harold!
- Yes, dear.
Why is it every time I want to talk to you
you're off in some other part of the house?
I have to shout, shout, shout!
No wonder the neighbours
know all about our private affairs.
I get little enough opportunity as it is
to find out what's going on
without you running away
as if I had the smallpox or something
every time I open my mouth.
I've got a piece of chalk.
Do you wanna play hopscotch?
Go 'way, go 'way, go 'way,
go 'way, go 'way.
- Morning, Mr Fitchmueller.
- Morning.
I want ten pounds of cumquats,
and I'm in a hurry.
I'll be right with you. I have to...
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
- The door was open.
- I know now it was open.
And don't talk to people with a toothpick
in your mouth. It's impolite. Come here.
Hurry up. Get this coat off.
What are you doing?
Put that hat up.
Go out and sweep the store.
- Hurry up. Sweep the store.
- Yes, sir.
"Typical California orange grove."
- How about my cumquats?
- Coming, coming.
- I'm in a hurry.
- Coming, coming, coming.
Coming, coming, coming.
Coming, coming, coming.
- Now, what was that you wanted?
- Cumquats!
Oh, cumquats, yes.
Ten pounds of cumquats.
- Open the door for Mr Muckle!
- What?
- Mr Muckle, the blind man!
- How about my cumquats?
- What'd you say?
- Cumquats!
Wait!
Merciful heavens. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. It's all right, all right.
- All right.
- You got that door closed again, huh?
- I'm awfully sorry. Come on. This way.
- What's that?
- Don't! Don't do that!
- Look out!
- What's that?
- It's all right. Think nothing of it.
- Just a little glassware.
- What?
- Just a little glassware.
- Can't you talk?
Here's your pipe here. Here.
- Here you are, right here. Yes. Come on.
- What'd you say?
- It was nothing but just a little glassware.
- What have you got it there for?
It's all right.
Put it in there.
Now, what can I do...
What can I do for you?
- Have you got any chewing gum?
- Yes, we have.
- Yes, we have. Yes, we have.
- How about my cumquats?
Coming, coming,
coming, coming, coming.
Now, you just... Now, you sit right here till
I come back. I'll bring it right back to you.
Sit right there.
Please sit there till I come back.
I'll have those cumquats in a minute.
I wonder what kind of gum he wants.
I guess that...
Sit down, Mr Muckle! Sit down, sit down.
Sit down, Mr Muckle.
Sit down. Won't be a second.
Now sit down.
Sit down, Mr Muckle, honey. Sit down.
Oh, that's broke. I'll have to get it fixed.
I'll be right with you.
Don't go away.
Here we are.
Sit down, Mr Muckle. Sit down, honey.
- Wait a second.
- Cumquats!
Coming. You'll get the cumquats now.
Whew! Will you sit...
Would you mind telling Mr Muckle...
Never mind. I'll tell him. It's all right.
Sit down, Mr Muckle, please, dear!
I'm being polite with him.
Sit down.
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Put it down, Mr Muckle.
Put it down, honey.
Put it down, please. Mr...
There goes another one.
Mr Muckle, please sit down. Please.
- I want cumquats!
- Coming, coming.
- Oh. Almost forgot the chewing gum.
- Where's my gum? I...
Sit down, Mr Muckle!
Sit down! Sit down!
- Ten pounds of cumquats!
- Look out!
- Here's your chewing gum. Five cents.
- I'm not gonna lug that with me. Send it.
Oh, yes. Everett!
Everett!
Everett!
Where are you? Here.
Take this to Mr Muckle's house.
Jump on your bicycle and run right away.
Hurry up.
Now you're all... Not that way.
Not that way. Here we are. Here. That's it.
- How about my cumquats?
- Oh, excuse me. Yes.
How does he rate all this attention?
Who is that man?
- The house detective at the Grand Hotel.
- Who's gonna help me across the street?
Look out! Excuse me.
Coming, coming. Look out.
All right, all right, come on.
All right, all right.
- You got that door closed again, huh?
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- What?
- I say I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Wait a minute now.
You're all right.
There you are. Go ahead.
Nothing coming at all.
Street's clear as a whistle.
Mr Muckle, come back!
Come...
Now will you get me my cumquats?
Oh, oh. Yes, yes. Coming.
Coming, coming.
Coming, coming.
Almost ran over that kind, old gentleman.
- Hello, John.
- Hello, Mrs Bissonette.
- Hi, Jack.
- Norman, take your hands off John's car.
- Hello. Where are you going?
- Just down to the store.
So am I, to see your dad
about that orange ranch I sold him.
- You sold Dad an orange ranch? Where?
- Out in California.
And... I'm in an awful mess about it.
I just found out it's no good.
- What?
- Well, you can't grow oranges on it.
- Why, John Durston!
- I can fix it. I'll give him his money back.
Now, what was that you wanted?
- Cumquats.
- Ah, yes, cumquats. Yes.
Cumquats. Uh...
How do you spell it?
- C-u-m-q-u-a-t-s.
- Ah, yes.
C-u-m...
Q-u-a-t-s. Quats! Quats!
- Two quats?
- No, one quat.
Oh, yes. Q-u-a...
T-s! T-s!
- T...
- S! S! S!
Oh, yes, yes, I get it.
SSS Cumquats. Yes.
Now, let me see. Cumquats.
Good gracious. What in the world's
happened here? Harold! Harold!
Hey, Pop, who do you think's dead?
Who do you think's dead?
- What?
- Who do you think's dead?
- Who?
- Uncle Bean's dead.
- Do we get to go to California now?
- I'm not gonna tell you.
The last time I told you, you snitched
on me. Get out of here. Get out! Get out!
Harold?
I wanna tell you something. Never ride that
bicycle in this store again as long as you live.
- Take it outside.
- Yes, Mr Bissonette.
Harold.
I told you before never to call me
Mr Bissonette in front of Mrs Bissonette.
- Bis-on-ay.
- Yes, sir.
- Harold!
- Coming. Excuse me. Sorry. Coming.
Well, Harold, Uncle Bean
passed away this morning.
Aw, that's terrible.
This is the telegram, huh?
- "Amelia Bissonette, 27 Clint..."
- Don't read the address.
What? Oh, no.
"Uncle Bean passed away..."
"Stop."
It seems he was getting better, but
he attended the Epworth League picnic,
and he choked to death eating an orange.
His heart couldn't stand it.
I didn't know
oranges were bad for the heart.
- It was the excitement.
- Sure, excitement. That'll kill anybody.
- Very regretful.
- Regrettable.
- Yes, regrettable.
- I suppose we ought to send flowers.
- Oh, yeah, by all means.
- I wonder what we should send.
- How about some nice hollyhorks?
- Hollyhocks.
- Yeah, hollyhocks.
- No, they're no good for a man.
Look, you send him anything
you wanna send. It's OK with me.
He's your uncle, not mine.
You think what to send him.
- How about my ten pounds of cumquats?
- How about cumquats?
- No, no, I want the cumquats.
- I know that. He wants some cumquats.
If you haven't any cumquats,
why don't you tell the man?
Well, I might as well.
I'll go out and see now, right away.
- I've got to.
- No, you don't.
- I've got to tell him before it's too late.
- Well, be careful of Mother, then.
Could I talk to you for a moment,
Mr Bissonette?
- Bis-on-ay, Bis-on-ay.
- Harold, the flowers for the wreath.
Oh, yes.
How about some calceolaria, ageratum,
bougainvillea and a dash of jacaranda?
You took the very words out of my mouth.
That's fine. You run along and get that.
- Mr Bis-on-ay, I've got to talk to you.
- Not now.
- But it's very important, Mr Bis-on-ay.
- Not with her in here.
Good morning, Mrs Dunk.
Hello, Elwood.
Mr Bis-on-ay, that orange ranch
we sold you is no good.
- Why not?
- You can't grow oranges on it.
- Have you seen it?
- No, sir, but...
Well, there you are. Now wait a minute.
An orange grove is an orange grove.
- You can't argue against that.
- But that isn't the one we sold you.
- It's in the same neighbourhood.
- Yes, but...
Listen, you go back
and tell that firm of yours
that they sold me something good,
and they just found it out.
- Mr Bis-on-ay, you see...
- Listen.
As Mrs Bis-on-ay often says to me, "C'est
finnay." Meaning, "You can't fool me."
- But, Mr Bis-on-ay...
- Stop! Enough!
Go! Go, go, go.
I've got my heart set on the thing.
I'm going through with it.
Everett. Would you mind
taking care of Elwood?
- Oh, sure.
- Thank you so much.
- And this is for you.
- Oh, thank you, Mrs Dunk.
You don't suppose
Mr Bissonette would mind?
For one of our best customers?
Why, he loves children.
- It's Bis-on-ay.
- Oh, pardon me. Bis-on-ay.
- You're out early, aren't you?
- We've had quite a shock.
Harold's Uncle Bean, you've heard us
speak of him, passed away this morning.
- Oh, how sad.
- Yes, very sad.
Contract. Conditional sales contract.
Everett! Come here.
- How did he get in here?
- Mrs Dunk gave him to me to mind.
- You working for Mrs Dunk or me?
- She gave me a ten cents piece.
- Get him outta here. Get him out.
- Come on, Elwood.
Would have to hit me
right in the funny bone.
Could have hit me in the back
if he had to throw it. And clams too.
I hate clams.
Well, I suppose we'll soon be living
next door to the wealthy Bis-on-ays.
It begins to look like it.
Of course, no amount of money could
compensate for the loss of a dear one.
Oh, no, of course not, my dear.
But, after all, it's only human to plan.
Oh, I hope to make life much more
comfortable for us all, when it comes.
Mr Bis-on-ay.
- Good morning, Miss Dunk.
- What have you in the way of steaks?
Nothing in the way.
You can get right to them.
Well, I'll take two pounds
of round steak, I guess.
- Off the rump?
- Yes.
Uh-huh. Two round off the rump.
Sure thing.
Whew!
Boo.
Get Blood Poison out of here!
Take him away. Amuse him somewhere.
Eating all the profits.
Won't make a nickel on this steak.
- It's so hard for me to wear black.
- Yes, I know.
Black is very trying for some.
Why don't you go to Schmankendorf's?
They specialize in such lovely things
for older women. Pardon me.
Get him outta there!
Don't pull it! Don't pull it!
What'd you pull it for, you big lunk?
Get him outta there.
Get him off there. Get him off.
What is he doing? What did you let him
turn the molasses on for?
I told him I wouldn't do it if I was him.
You told him you wouldn't do it
if you was him.
Get him outta here.
Get him out! Get him out!
Agh! What are you doing to my child? Oh!
Oh! What do you mean by running molasses
all over the floor and ruining his shoes?
Give me my baby.
You'll never see me in this store again.
Come on, darling.
Not only lost her trade
but lost all of our molasses.
I hate you. Get out!
Whew! That's the spreadingest stuff
I ever saw in my life.
- Hello, John.
- Come down here.
- Come on up.
- No, come here.
What's the matter?
Your father was at our office
and paid the rest on that orange ranch.
- He did?
- Every cent of it.
Mother will murder him.
They shouldn't have taken the money.
He forced them to on that contract.
John, that's awful. Couldn't somebody
try to talk him out of it?
Well, the boss tried hard enough,
but it didn't do any good.
The only real money you'll ever have
and you threw it away before
you got your hands on a penny of it.
- What are you lying there for?
- I'm tired.
- Why don't you go to bed?
- I thought I'd lie down and take a nap first.
I don't see how you got the bank
to lend you money
on the strength of getting anything
from Uncle Bean's estate.
Probably stopped in at the saloon
on the way.
No, I didn't. Tonight I...
Never a thought of me or the children,
no insurance, nothing.
What if something should happen to you?
Your Uncle Bean
wasn't much older than you are.
Two months and four years.
Just let that John Durston
try to get into my house again.
Are you listening to me?
Wake up.
Wake up and go and sleep.
- I've given you the best years of my life.
- Yes, you have, dear.
And now I suppose
I'll have to spend the rest of them
depending on that grocery store
for a bare existence.
- I sold the grocery store.
- What?!
- I'm now in the orange business.
- Oh! Oh.
As I was saying...
- Are you listening to me?
- Yes, dear. Yes, dear. Yes, dear.
For 20 years I've struggled
to make a home for you and the children.
That's right, dear.
Slaving day in and day out
to make both ends meet.
Yes, you have.
Sometimes I don't know
which way to turn.
Turn over on your right side, dear.
Sleeping on your left side's
bad for the heart.
Goodness gracious.
It's the telephone.
Shall I answer the telephone, dear?
Naturally.
Yeah, naturally.
Naturally.
What are you doing now?
Nothing, dear. Nothing.
I can't think of the number.
Hello.
No. No.
No, this is not the maternity hospital.
Think we ought to take that telephone out.
Who was it?
Somebody called up, wanted to know
if this was the maternity hospital.
What did you tell them?
I told them no,
it wasn't the maternity hospital.
Funny thing they should call you up here
at this hour of the night
from the maternity hospital.
They didn't call me up, dear,
from the maternity hospital.
They wanted to know
if this was the maternity hospital.
- Now you change it.
- No, I didn't change it, dear.
I told you, they asked me
if this was the maternity hospital.
- Don't make it any worse.
- They asked me if...
I don't know how you expect
anybody to get any sleep,
hopping in and out of bed all night,
tinkering round the house,
waiting up for telephone calls.
You have absolutely no consideration
for anybody but yourself.
I have to get up in the morning,
get breakfast for you and the children.
I have no maid, you know,
probably never shall have one.
Harold, will you please keep quiet
and let me get some sleep?
Coming... Come...
Yes, yes, dear. Yes.
Hey, make a little less noise
down there, will you?
Sweet repose.
As a special favour, please stop playing
with those sleigh bells, will you?
Ow.
Heavens.
What a night.
It's not a night for love.
- Is this 1726 Prill Avenue?
- No.
Is there a Prill Avenue
in this neighbourhood?
I don't know.
Do you know a man by the name
of LaFong? Carl LaFong.
Capital l, small a,
capital f, small o, small n, small g.
LaFong. Carl LaFong.
No, I don't know Carl LaFong,
capital l, small a,
capital f, small o, small n, small g.
And if I did know Carl LaFong,
I wouldn't admit it.
He's a railroad man, and he leaves home
very early in the morning.
Well, he's a chump.
I hear he's interested in an annuity policy.
Oh, isn't that wonderful?
Yes, it is.
The public are buying them like hot cakes.
All companies are going to discontinue
this form of policy
after the 23rd of this month.
- That's rather unfortunate.
- Yes, it will be.
Maybe you would be interested
in such a policy.
- I would not.
- Say, what's your age?
- None of your business.
- I would say you were a man about 50.
- Yeah, you would say that.
- Let me see. 50, 50, 50.
Ah, here we are.
Here we have it.
You can, by paying
only five dollars a week,
retire when you are 90
on a comfortable income.
- I can retire when I'm 90?
- That's right. You got the idea.
Look out! Don't sit down there.
Or you can change to a regular paid-up
policy, and at death your beneficiaries...
Harold!
If you and your friend wish to exchange
ribald stories, please take it downstairs.
My friend!
And should you live to be 100, we...
I suppose if I live to be 200,
I'll get a velocipede.
If you wish to visit with Mr Bis-on-ay, come
round some morning, say about ten o'clock.
- I never wanna see him again.
- Then why did you invite him up here?
I invite...
I'd like to... Oh!
Oh.
Ow.
If I could only retire now.
Oh.
Right on the proboscis.
Ah!
Who's doing it?
Shades of Bacchus!
Even a worm will turn.
- Stop!
- Here's your ice pick.
Don't give him those grapes.
Look what you've done to my floor.
It wasn't enough for you
to pour molasses all over him.
Now you have to stuff him with grapes
and give him the colic.
Come on, darling.
I'll give you some ipecac.
Nettie! Hurry up, now!
- All right, I'll hurry.
- Don't forget the ipecac.
I thought you said syrup of squills.
I can't hear you. Talk louder.
I thought you said syrup of squills!
All right, syrup of squills.
I don't care.
I don't care either.
I'll get ipecac if you want me to.
Well, ipecac or syrup of squills.
I don't care which.
I don't care either.
You tell me what to get and I'll get it.
Get whichever one you want.
I don't care. Whatever they have handy.
- It's just the same to me.
- Well, it's just the same to me too.
I hate 'em both.
Oh, where will I go? To Jones's?
- Use your own judgment.
- No, you tell me where to go.
I'd like to tell you both where to go.
There's no use, dear.
I can't hear a word you're saying.
Somebody's shouting on the floor below.
- Yeah, that's me.
- You better run along.
Goodbye! Hurry up!
Who were those women
you were talking to?
Mrs Dunk upstairs.
Seems to me you're getting
pretty familiar with Mrs Dunk upstairs.
They were talking to me.
I wasn't talking to them.
Peep, peep! Peep, peep!
Take that, you rat.
- Good morning, Mrs Frobisher.
- Oh, good morning, Mr Bissonette.
Strawberries at 15 cents a box!
Two boxes a quarter! Quarter!
Strawberries! Cabbage!
Good morning. Somebody
got good fruit this morning, miss.
Vegetable man.
Vegetable gentleman.
The next guy...
There. Take that.
- Norman!
- Coming! Coming! Coming!
Bye!
Goodbye.
- Oh, John, what are we gonna do?
- Gosh, I don't know.
Your mother says I'm a crook, and your
father thinks I tried to double-cross him.
- I'll probably never see you again.
- Oh, yes, you will.
I'll be way out in California.
How can I?
Listen, I'm going out there too, the first
money I get saved, if it's only bus fare.
- You'll forget all about me.
- No, I won't, honey.
Mildred!
Oh, John!
- Goodbye, honey.
- Mildred!
- Goodbye, everybody.
- Bye!
- Goodbye.
- What's your first stop, Amelia?
Won't stop till we get 500 miles from here.
- Oh, dear. Drop me a postcard.
- Goodbye! Goodbye!
What happened?
- Got a flat tyre?
- Flat tyre?
- Goodbye, Mr Muckle. Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
I'm over here.
Say goodbye to poor Mrs Bis-on-ay,
darling. Say bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
What's the matter?
Out of gas?
No, sir. Just had it filled up last night.
- Where you goin'?
- California.
- More power to you.
- Yeah.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
That's the fella
who wanted those cumquats.
I wouldn't ride across the country
with that man for a million dollars.
You're right.
Why don't...
Give me that.
Sit down there!
Goodbye!
Bye!
Goodbye.
Get back in the car!
The starter works!
Bye!
- Hey, Pop, look!
- I see it.
- Watch out for that car!
- That's all right, dear.
I know what I'm doing. Hold on to
your hat. Watch me pass this mud turtle.
Harold, what are you trying to do?
Get back on the road!
OK. You win.
- Must have been a ploughed field.
- Oh!
Harold!
- Are you drinking?
- No, I'm not, dear. I was thinking.
Norman!
Go in, go to bed.
You too, Mildred. Get your things.
- Get in there.
- We have to be up early in the morning.
There's no room in the tent for you, dear.
You'll have to curl up before the fire
in the easy chair.
- This one?
- No, the deck chair.
Oh, yes.
Don't forget to put wood on the fire
before you go to sleep.
- I won't, dear.
- And no more drinking!
Oh, no, no, no.
Good night, dear.
Isn't that music lovely in the open air?
Yes, it is, dear. Yes, it is.
Possibly a couple of Gipsies.
Gypsies.
- Don't forget to put the wood on the fire.
- I won't, dear.
Pardon me, gentlemen.
Hope I'm not intruding.
Not at all.
As a younger man, I used to belong to the
Cahauxin Hose Glee Club in Philadelphia.
Do you boys know the... the Two...
Excuse me. I can't find my pockets
with this bib on.
It's kind of chilly out here tonight.
- You know the Two Sweethearts song?
- How does it go?
Oh, excuse me.
That cow just put me off key.
What on earth?
That old fool.
- Harold!
- Coming, dear.
Coming, dear.
Coming, dear. Coming, dear.
Coming, dear! Coming!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
My wife's calling me.
Let's stop someplace along the road
and have our lunch.
All right, dear. Everybody watch
for a nice place and I'll stop.
That was a nice spot we just passed.
Well, don't tell me after we've passed it.
Tell me before we get to it.
Hey, there! Here, here, here.
What are you doing?
Just lookin' around.
Can't a guy look?
No, you can't look.
And you can't loiter round this place.
- Hey, Pop, we're coming to a park.
- Let's have lunch there.
There's the gate.
Hey, Pop, the sign says private property.
That's just to keep the tramps out.
This is the finest camping ground
we've struck all the way out.
- Certainly is, dear.
- Yeah.
- Beautiful woods, huh?
- Look at that lovely pond.
- That's magnificent.
- Look out where you're going!
- Oh, look what you've done!
- She ran right in front of the car.
Why, it's a statue, you idiot!
It's a Venus de Milo.
Any objection if we looked round a little?
Sorry, ma'am.
We don't allow anybody on the estate.
Ah, crackers.
Good old crackers.
That was a smart thing
to bring those crackers along.
Oh, yes, dear. Yes, yes.
These were the bestselling crackers,
too, I had in the store.
We finally picked out a delectable spot.
Harold, open this can.
- Tomatoes.
- To-mah-toes.
Yeah, to-mah-toes.
I'll show you how we used
to open them in the army.
Guess I was thinkin' of the navy.
Holy mackerel.
Sorry, dear.
What?
This sundial is ten minutes slow.
Yes, the sun is wrong,
but your watch is right, of course.
Usually keeps pretty good time.
Give me a sandwich,
will you, dear? Thanks.
Don't eat any more sandwiches.
You've had enough.
Harold, give him half of yours.
- Hm?
- Give him half of yours.
Sit down and eat like a gentleman.
OK, dear.
OK to use this pillow?
Excuse me, honey.
Cut it out! Cut it out!
Harold, stop it! That's one of my best
pillows! Quit playing with that dog! Oh!
Harold, quit playing with that dog!
Stop that! Stop that!
Oh, you idiot!
Those were my mother's feathers.
Stop that!
I never knew your mother had feathers.
- You're always annoying that dog.
- Me?
When I get out to the ranch,
I'm gonna swap him for an iron deer.
Look at that stuff. Look at it.
Why do we eat it?
Uh-oh.
Ah! Ah!
- Oh, there's the can opener.
- Yeah. Was there all the time, I guess.
Look at that. Excuse me.
Stop throwin' those cans around!
Want 'em to cut my tyres?
Norman!
- What's the umbrella for?
- It's raining.
Nonsense.
Raining with the sun out?
- Maybe it's a sun shower.
- Twaddle.
- Maybe it's a cloud bust.
- Burst.
Yeah, burst.
What are you doing here?
- Cut it out.
- What are you doing here?
- Harold!
- Havin' a picnic, eh?
We have as much right
to have our lunch here as anyone.
Yeah? How'd you get in here anyway?
- Harold! We drove in.
- Well, you can drive right out.
- We will when we get ready. Harold!
- Well, you can get ready right now.
- This is private property.
- Harold!
Don't argue with them, dear.
They're beneath our dignity.
What are these people doing here?
I don't know how they got in.
Shall I have them arrested?
No, I don't want to be bothered.
Just get them out.
Come on, haul your freight!
Or I'll run you in anyway! Come on.
- Come on. Get in, honey.
- Come on. Hurry up. Get out of here!
Why were you sitting there
like a stone image
when those men were insulting me?
I was just waiting for one of 'em
to say something to me.
Oh! Oh!
- Isn't this a beautiful place?
- Yes, it is. Clarence Abernathy.
We're in the neighbourhood.
Bet our place is as beautiful.
I beg your pardon.
You Mr Abernathy?
- Yes, sir. What can I do for you?
- Where's the McKillon ranch?
- Oh, that place.
- Yes.
You stay on the highway
till you strike a dirt road. You can't miss it.
- There's a white fence there.
- Thank you.
Didn't have her in gear.
Look. Jersey licence. I'll bet they're
the folks that bought the McKillon ranch.
I'll bet they are too.
Oh, look at these lovely trees.
I hope our ranch is half as nice as this.
Wait till you see it.
Maybe I've been wrong
about this whole thing, Harold.
I knew you were, dear,
but I never said anything.
We're all liable to make mistakes.
Well, here we are.
Here's your orange grove.
You knew it all, as usual.
Wouldn't listen to anybody.
John Durston tried
to tell you the truth. No.
You dragged us out here,
spent every nickel on this, and now what?
- This is evidently a young orange tree.
- Young orange tree! It's a weed, you idiot.
- I'm gonna look at that map again.
- Hey, Pop, look what I found.
We can put our name on it and use it.
Now are you satisfied?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at this house.
A ranch house.
The fella told me
it wasn't a very good-looking house.
Very good-looking house. It's a shack!
Hm. Well, I can spend
a lot of my spare time fixing this up.
Have to putty those cracks up in back.
Look, a horseshoe. They say it's lucky
to walk under a horseshoe.
Oh! What a father you've got.
Come, Mildred.
Well, that's better.
3,452 miles for this.
- We may have to rebuild after all.
- What with?
Well, you can stay here
and wallow in misery if you want to.
- I won't. I'm going.
- Where are you going?
Anywhere to get away
from this filthy dump! Come, children.
Hey, Pop, look! An orange!
Amelia! Amelia!
Come on back. I'll drive you.
That's fine.
Guess I won't take you after all.
Everything goes at once.
Well, she lasted this long anyway.
Quite a job here.
Yes, that's what we'll have to take back,
the old choo-choo.
- Say, are you Bissonette?
- Bis-on-ay.
But you're the man
who bought this property?
- Yeah.
- Well, congratulations.
- You're lucky and you didn't know it.
- I wasn't absolutely sure about it.
Those fellas lookin' for you yesterday
just drove to my place.
- So I says to myself I'm gonna tell you.
- Tell me what?
They're building a racetrack
on the adjoining property.
They made a mistake
about the afternoon sun.
They've got to have this place
for a grandstand, right on this spot.
Oh, thanks very much.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Here they come now.
Watch yourself.
Hold out for any price.
Don't let them kid you. You can get it.
- Good morning.
- How you doin'?
- Do you own this place?
- Yes, I do.
Do you wanna sell it?
I might consider selling it,
but it'll alter my plans.
Well, I want to put up a... a filling station
here. I'll give you 5,000 for it.
It's more than it's worth,
but I need the property.
- No, I wouldn't consider it.
- I'll give you 10,000.
Now, that's as high as I can go.
- Nothing doing.
- Harold, are you drunk or crazy?
- Neither one.
- Come on. I'll give you 15,000 for it.
- No.
- Harold, Harold!
All right. 25,000, and that's the top.
- Mister, you're talkin' to a businessman.
- Harold. Listen to me, Harold.
- Come over here.
- Harold, Harold.
You keep out of it.
This is a private argument.
- You're drunk.
- And you're crazy.
I'll be sober tomorrow,
and you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.
What? All right, what's your price?
I'll tell you. Here, hold that.
I'll tell you my price right here.
You see that orange ranch?
That orange ranch
and 40... $44,000.
Mr Abernathy here
has got to get his commission.
- Thanks.
- It's a hold-up!
- But it's a deal.
- OK.
- Excuse me.
- Come on.
Mother. Mother.
- Dad, quick! Mother's fainted!
- Huh? Oh. Oh, here.
Here. Give her some of this reviver.
Doesn't that taste good?
Oh.
You're an old idiot,
but I can't help loving you.
Give her another drink.
How did you know this...
Look here, Buster,
you can have half of that.
I only need this much.
- John, will you drive?
- Surely.
Thank you.
- Norman!
- Hey, Mom! Where are we going?
Never mind.
Get in and take those skates off.