It's All Good (2016) - full transcript

- What if I told you

there was a group of film makers

so provocative, so electrifying,

that anything they touched
turns straight to gold?

Well they exist, and they
go by the name FND Films.

Three boys from sweet home Chicago

with a combined 30 years of experience.

They do it all, writing,
lighting, directing.

- Action.

- And audio.

With 300,000 subscribers world wide



it's no surprise they have
amassed over 100,000,000 views.

But so what?

These guys aren't in it for the accolades,

they're in it to make good honest work,

and they're gonna do it for you,

for a reasonable price.

FND Films.

- Please hire us.

- Wow.

- Wow, um, that seems very impressive.

- Well, we are 100 percent committed to

delivering the most
exemplary product possible.

- Right, I understand that.

But guys, this is overkill.



- Overkill? If I may...

Just point out there's plenty of Joe

and Jane Schmoes out
there puttin' up content.

You know, not everyone
is gonna give you art.

- Mm.

- Um, guys, this is my
son's little league game.

- And it's gonna be the
best damn little league game

you've ever seen, because
it's one of our productions.

We're gonna mic up the umps, we're gonna

have drones circling the outfield.

- I mean imagine your son, Kevin,

steppin' up to that plate
- Oh, yeah.

In crispy slow-mo, he's
cranking on that bat!

Errrr!

- Boom, he knocks the
leather off the ball,

the crowd's stands up, they're going wild!

- Ooh!
- He hits third,

- Ooh, Kevin!
- He's circling home,

We see it in a telephoto lens.

- You see the beads of sweat dripping

as he's running, he's chugging along,

he slides into home plate, his
cleats are kicking up dirt,

the dust settles, the
ump calls, and he's out!

"You're out, you little bitch!

"You disappointment!

"Dad's mad!" I'm sorry.

- Hey, he's passionate, he's passionate.

But you know what? So are we.

And guess what?

You're gonna get a Blu-ray
DVD after the game.

- Ah, no.

I'm gonna have my other kid
shoot it on a smart phone, okay.

The quality on these
now-a-days, it's good enough.

All right?

- It shoots 1080p.

- Yeah, we're familiar.

- It also has slow-mo on it.

- Oh, did you go to film school?

- No, did you go to butt school?

- Ohh, very clever.

- That's hilarious.

- Hey, let me tell you something

about cinema, kid. - Mm-hm.

- Mise En Sc...

- Did you?

- What?

- Did you go to butt school?

- No, I...

- All right guys, guys, guys.

I'm sorry, it's a no.

I appreciate your enthusiasm.

Good luck with your little
films, and your company.

Coop, tell your mom I said hi.

- Yeah, yeah okay, okay, Brent.

- Thank you.

- Thank you for your time.

- Sure.

What does that even mean, butt school?

- Well I like to think
it's school for butts.

- Okay, sure, but is
a bunch of bare cheeks

walking around trying to
higher their education?

- No, no, no, it's normal people
learning about butt stuff.

- Guys, who cares?

Okay, we just lost a gig
to a 12 year old girl.

We need to start looking for real jobs.

- Well I'm gonna take a real job

with Mary at the juice joint, so...

- Oh, and there goes the neighborhood.

You know what?

I'm gonna go out, and I'm
gonna find work for us.

How 'bout that?

- Oh yeah?

And how you gonna pay bills 'til then?

'Cause you owe me 50 for electric.

- I'll take out another student loan.

- Oh, yeah, 'cause you don't
have to pay those back, moron.

- Okay, all right, let's
not be downers about this.

We don't need the
negative energy right now.

Hey look at us, right, come on.

We're three young, super sexy, hot, dudes

taking charge, about to
make this city our bitch.

Right? Come on!

- All right.

- All right, he's on board!

- Yeah.

- Let's fucking party,
you guys, shit yeah.

- Let's party.

Yeah, but if you guys are only gonna

drink water, you're gonna
have to go.

♫ Don't fight me 'cause I'm on your side

♫ I'm on your side

♫ Just because I'm wrong
doesn't make you right ♫

- Bye bye, have a nice day sweetie.

- Okay, so please make
sure you vacuum today...

♫ Occupations outta sight outta time ♫

- Yes.

♫ Outta time ♫

♫ One more chance for
me to swallow my pride ♫

- Bye.

- Let's play ball.

Come on now.

♫ I can't sit still for too long

♫ Let's hurry up and leave

♫ This life is not for everyone.

♫ No kind of guarantee

♫ They say we're wasting our lives

♫ But you can sing with me like

♫ La la la, la la la la la

♫ La la la, la la la la la ♫

- Yeah, sorry. I don't have any work.

But pop in next week.

You know, you never know if
a side job's gonna come up.

- I will, thanks OJ.

- How 'bout your movie stuff?

You make any money with that?

- No, man, it's dead.

We had to let it go.

- Well, coffee's on me.

- Thanks man.

- Are you still chewing food?

- Damn it!

- Drink fluids, drink fluids.

- I don't want any more
fluids, piece of shit!

- Are you still chewing food?

- Come on.

Oh man, it's okay, I know
this thing looks stupid.

- No it's, uh, what is it?

- Drink fluids.

- It's a life fork.

- Keep chewing.

It's a fork that plugs
right into your phone.

And it's supposed to help, like,

regulate your digestion patterns

and all this nutritional shit.

And you know what?

The software is all fucked up right now.

Chew food for 90 hours.

- Why don't you just return it?

- I wish.

I spent like $100 on one of those

crowd funding websites just to get it.

So, no refunds.

- Really.

How much money they make off of those?

- I don't know, like 150 grand.

- 150.

OJ, you hear that, 150 grand?

- For a fork?

- It's this whole crowd funding craze.

Like truly, I get so swept
up in stuff like that,

that I will throw any amount
of money at anything stupid.

It's like any idiot with a turd

of an idea gets $100 of 'ol Dana's money.

God, I am fucking stupid.

- So we crowd fund a feature film?

- Yes!

You guys, I don't know why we
didn't think of this before.

Crowd funding is so hot right now.

This is our chance to do something

we love and get paid for it.

- The great white whale.

- Sounds better than
working at the juice bar.

I'm barely making ends meet.

Oh my God. It's two bucks.

I'm doin' it.

- You really think we can raise enough?

I mean a feature's pretty expensive.

- We totally can.

I was researching campaigns last night.

It's a gold mine on there.

People are raising money
for all kinds of stuff.

This one guy raised $50,000
just to make potato salad.

- What?

- Holy shit, I love potato salad.

- I love it too, and guess what?

We ain't pitching no side dish.

This is a feature for the big screen.

- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

We can have a premier, okay.

We can invite all our friends.

- That's what I'm talkin' about, Vin, Vin?

- Yeah, I'm into it, but
we don't even have an idea.

- We don't have an idea.

- That's the best part.

With crowd funding,
you don't need an idea.

You just need blind passion.

That's what people are investing it.

As for the plot details,
just tip-toe around that.

- Yeah, yeah, I like that, yeah.

Just tip-toe right around.

- Look at that tip-toe action.

- Details, tip-toe around
it, tip-toe around it.

- Vin, Vin?
- Huh, huh?

- Yeah, I'm into it.

- He's into it!

- Yeah!

- Let's make a movie!
- Woo! Wohoo!

- Hey, I'm Aaron.

- I'm Vinny.

- And I'm Cooper.

- We're FND Films.

- And we've got something to ask you.

- Can uh, we have some fuckin' money?

- That's right, Aaron.

We're not gonna sugar coat it.

It's simple, it's our first feature film,

and we need a little bit of help.

So what's this movie about, anyway?

- What is it?

- Well it's an action comedy

starring the three of us,
- Mm-hm.

- With locations, dialog,
- What?

- Characters, - Yeah?

- You ever heard of Mise en scene?

- Yeah.

- Well it's in there.

- Oh good, thank God.

- Yeah.

- We can't tell you much about the plot

because of major spoilers,
but if you throw us some dough,

we'll tell you some mo'.

- And if you give us 100 bucks,

you can even be in the movie.

- So what are we gonna spend
all this money on, anyways?

Well here's a pie chart, and
that's got percentages on it,

so you have to believe us.

Look, we're gonna do
this movie regardless,

and we would really,
really, like your help.

So please.

- Please.

- Please.

- Just give us some fuckin' money.

- Just give us a little fuckin' money.

- Give us your fuckin' money!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, Cooper.

- Ah! Give it! Give it to us!

- Is it too aggressive?

- I think I was screaming
too much at the end.

I might have blown it.
- It's fine.

- No, no, you guys, this is good.

I mean, we're being transparent.

That's what people like.

- That's true, that's true.

- Okay, okay.

- Honestly, I don't know how you guys

are gonna make any money off of this.

It's really vague, and you
guys seem so desperate.

But it's fun.

♫ Ooh ooh ooh

♫ Just give it a week

♫ I'm sure that you'll feel better

♫ Just give me those good
things, good things, everything

♫ When I'm feelin' under weather

♫ Just give it a week

♫ I'm sure that you'll feel better

♫ Just give me those good
things, good things, everything

♫ When I'm feelin' under weather ♫

- Whoa.

- Just soak it in, it's glorious.

- Looks like we're making a movie, boys.

Now we just gotta write the thing.

- Dude, that's the easy part.

We got, like, so many ideas, though.

- Yeah, yeah we do.
- Yeah.

So, so many.

- I mean we got, like, some.

Fuck, we have no ideas!

- Ok, this should not be this hard.

We've always wanted to write a feature.

- Yeah, yeah, you're right.

All right, first thing
that comes to mind, go.

- Oh, uh, how 'bout the
one with, I don't know!

- It's okay, hey, that's okay.

All right, tabula rasa.

Let's start with something else, genres.

- Yes, I like that.

- Cooper.

- Yeah, yeah, mumblecore is a genre.

- No, not really.

- Right, right.

- I got it!

Sci-fi film.

We're gonna do a sci-fi film.

It's about this alien, uh eh uh,

and he's also a, he's a pervert.

Uh, yeah, right?

He spends his days
watching chicks from trees,

saying perv stuff like...

- Oh, yeah, get it goin'.

Love that, baby, take it off real slow.

Ah, who's this dork?

Wha, awe, get out of the way, mha.

- Peeping tom, eh?

- Oops, he saw me.

- Then he goes home, right?

And he can't stop talking dirty.

He's watching TV, and he's like.

- Oh, yeah, that's some nasty static.

- And he's talking to his lasagna.

- Mm, you're a dirty dinner.

- To himself in the mirror.

- Oh yeah, you're such a little slut.

No I'm not.

Yes you are.

I'm gonna fill me up.

- Whatever, it's a start.

- That's not bad.

Hey, you know what we could do?

A love story.

We've never done one of those.

- Those things sell.

- Right?

Okay, we start on a
artsy-fartsy, moody, musician.

He's up there, and he's playing his show.

He's like...

- I love you girl, and
hate the government, blah.

- You suck!

- So after his show,
he's packing up his things.

He still sucks.

- You still suck!

- Kill yourself, loser.

- And this beautiful
woman walks up to him.

And she's like...

- Oh, you strummed your
way right into my heart.

- And he's like...

- Well that's 'cause I
play from my heart, hergh.

- Then they're back at her place,

real romantic, candles and shit.

He leans in to kiss her, and she's like...

- No wait, I have a secret to tell you.

- What?

- I'm a demon.

- What?

- So bathe in my blood
while I escort you to Hell!

- No way!

- I'm sorry, that got real dark.

- No, no, no, no that's good, that's good.

Let's roll with that, okay.

Um, we could do a spooky movie.

- Ooh.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It starts with uh, it
starts with this girl,

and she's walking home, and she's all...

- Oh, a girl like me shouldn't be

walking the streets all alone.

- But she is, she's so alone.

Just then, she's approaching this

suspicious looking bush, and when

she passes it, there's no one there.

It's just a bush.

She goes home, her closet's kinda open.

It wasn't like that this morning.

But then she remembers, oh yeah,

it was like that this morning.

There's a thump in the attic!

Is anyone there? Of course not!

For 90 minutes it's just
her almost getting scared.

It's freaky, right?

- These ideas suck.

- Writing is hard.

- Look, I'm just gonna say it, all right.

We're financially stressed,

and it's smothering our creativity.

- Yeah, do either of you have quarters?

I can't do my laundry.

- No, I just spent the last money

I stole from my wife, I'm out.

- Hey, I know what'll help this.

- Well, you are in luck.

Looks like the money deposited to

your account this morning, $77,900.

- Uh, so, so it's in there.

- Correct.

- Right now.

- Yep.

- Yes. Yes! Woo!

Yes, yes, yes, yes. All right!

Sorry, um, I would like to have that.

So, to go, take it to go, the money.

- Oh, I would really advise against that.

That's an awful lot of money

for you to be walking around with.

- Yeah, maybe it's not the smartest thing.

I understand that, but, I mean,

it would just be super tight
to have, like, in person.

So, just, can I have it?

- Uh, gotcha.

Um, let me go talk to
my manager about that.

- Thank you.

Now it's a bit musty, but it should do.

- Are we sure it's safe down here?

- Oh yeah, no one comes down here.

- Except our landlord.

- Yeah, but she's about to die, so.

- Oh, okay.

- So, you boys wanna see it?

- Yeah.

- Me too.

- Whoa.

- Look at all that bread.

- Awesome.

- Hands on the cheddar, boys.

Okay, just like we practiced.

- I, Cooper, - I, Vinny,

- I, Aaron,

- Do solemnly swear
to uphold this oath.

We are ready to be financially responsible

and commit our time to
making a feature film.

But first, we do need
to pay rent and shit,

so we'll each take a small cut for that.

And, maybe, also just a little
bit extra to have fun with.

Because, let's be honest,
we've been super stressed.

And shits sucked for a while,

so the money could help us relax.

And lastly, but not leastly,
we are best bros, for reals.

Friendjamins before Benjamins.

This will not become
another Facebook situation.

We are not Mark Zuckerberg, and
we will not zuck each other.

- Off.

- The end.

- That felt cool.

- Not bad, not bad.
- Yeah.

So what do you guys wanna do first?

- Isn't it obvious?

We make it rain.

♫ I love, I love

♫ I love, I love

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Unbelievable, unbelievable

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Simply natural, simply natural

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Unbelievable, unbelievable

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Simply natural ♫

- Ha!

- No!

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ It's so magical, it's so magical

♫ I love, I love

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ Do do-do do-do do

♫ It's so magical, it's so magical ♫

Marco.

- Limo.

- Marco.

- Limo - Limo

- Marco!

Right in the mouth, man.

Hey, Aaron, how those
drinks comin', buddy?

- Way over there.

- Uh, we'll see. I just, I don't know,

I mixed everything I could find.

- Suicide, let's get a taste.

- All right.

How 'bout a toast.

To good times, great friends...

- I love you.

- I love you to, and most
importantly the money.

- Yeah! Love that money!

- Hey, how 'bout uh, how 'bout that

movie we never made?

How about that?
- Nope, no, didn't do it.

- Nope.

Hey, I mean, look at us.

We are living the movie right now.

- We're in it!

- Yep, yep.
- We are the movie!

- This is a movie!
- I got it framed up.

- What that?

- It's the movie!

- Yeah.

- I'm in the movie too.

I'm in the movie too.

- Vin's in the movie.

- I'm in the movie too.

- Vin's in the movie.

- I see the close up right there.

- Vinny's in the movie.
- The movie.

- Supporting role.

- Still can win an Oscar though, still

can win an Oscar though
- Not quite, not quite a lead.

Not quite a lead though.

Not quite a lead.
- This is perfect.

- And the next scene is
us at a bangin' party.

- Mm-hm.

- That we're throwin'.

- Mm-hm.

- And the booze is on the house.

- Ha ha, that's right.

- Oh, it's terrible.

- Well it looks like shit water.

♫ Lick my face, lick my
hair, like my body everywhere

♫ Lick my fingers, lick my holes

♫ Licks that make me lose control

♫ Lick me once, lick me twice,
lick me like a sacrifice

♫ Like my Jill, lick my Jack ♫

- Hey, Diane Keaton, is
this your guys party?

- Yeah.

- Oh, super cool.

Hey this is my wife's friend, Chastain.

- Where's your coke room?

- The coat rooms over that way...

- No, no, no, buddy, buddy,
buddy, coke room, coke room.

You know what, fuck it, we'll just do it

off that lady's stomach, okay?

- Oh, yeah, okay.

- Okay, bye bye, nice
talking to you, all right?

- Bye, ciao, ciao.

- See ya.

- Who were they?

- I don't even know.

- Cool.

- And now your
host for the evening,

Mister Cooper Johnson!

- All right, everyone,
thanks for coming tonight.

We're gonna have ourselves a blast.

Free drink on me, let's go!

Uh, well drinks, and drafts only, please.

Woo!

♫ Lick me crazy all of the days

♫ I need to show you... ♫

What's up?

- Cooper Johnson.

- Yep.

- I'm Angela West, nice moves up there.

- Ah, for sure.

- You seem to be doing
awfully well for yourself.

Now, what firm are you with, GMB, PRA?

- I'm sorry, can I help
you with something?

- I have a business venture,
and I'm looking for go-getters.

I think you might be the
perfect man to head it up.

- Ohh, you know a lot of
people here say I'm all head.

- Ah, ha ha, do they?

- Yep.

- Not sure why.

I'm gonna give you my
card, and when you're done

with your little party thing
here, you're gonna call me.

- I will call you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- You know what to do.

- Be on the look out.
- Okay.

- Ring-a-ring ring.

♫ Licks, licks, licks,
like my licks, licks ♫

- Hey, yo! Aaron Fronk.

What's up man?

I donated to your film.

- I'm sorry?

- Dude, I gave you 1000
bucks for your movie.

- Oh! Ah shit, duh, yeah.

- Yeah, dude, so um, what's it about?

Tell me about it, man.

- Uh, the movie! Uh...

No spoilers.

- Oh, come on, man.

I gave you 1000 bucks, just
give me a little something.

- Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh, it's about this guy.

This guy, and, and uh,
and he's got a problem.

- Hey, why ya hidin'?

Come inside, we're about to pop bottles.

- No, I'm okay.

- What's goin' on?

- I think I'm gonna go home.

- What, why?

What, the party hasn't even started yet.

- I don't wanna be here anymore.

I am so sick of watching
you spend your money

on stupid things and trying
to impress your new friends.

- Well, okay, did you even
take the time to meet them.

They're all super nice people.

- Damn girl, you a twerk god.

- Okay, Vinny, maybe this money is

our opportunity to do what we wanna do.

Let's get out of the city.

- Yeah, that sounds great,
let's go on a vacation.

- No, more than a vacation.

I need a cleanse, okay.

And I've been doing research.

There's this place, it's a
self sustaining community.

And they all live off organic food

on this farm, it's called Papa Pete's.

- Put your finger in my ass!

- Okay.

- Yeah, that sounds dope.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, that sounds like really, like,

awe man, I'm excited.

- That didn't even sound genuine.

- I am excited.

- Okay, Vinny, just do me a
favor, and think about it.

- Ah, shit!

- Hey, hit me with a
condom, G, real quick.

- No!

- Come on, man.

- No.

- Fuck you, then.

- What's wrong Aaron?

Are you not enjoying the Cave of Serenity?

- No, it's invigorating.

It's just, are you guys worried at all

that people might be on to us?

- Nah.

- I guess I'm just
tired of lying to people

when they ask what the movie's about.

- What have you been telling them?

- That's it's a sci-fi film
called Under Collapsed Stars.

- Dude, I told someone we were
making a spaghetti western.

- Okay, damn it, we need to communicate.

- Fine, from here on out, we're
making a spaghetti western.

- Well now that doesn't
really matter, Vin.

Shit man, and I was
already anxious about this.

Now I'm really freaked out.

- Prom.

- What?

- We cut everyone in line at the prom

and beat them to the punch.

Then we spike that punch with a shit ton

of sleepy pills and put
these concerns to bed.

- What are you talking about?

- We tell people we're not making a movie

before they find out
we're not making a movie.

- And if people don't believe us?

- Of course they'll believe us.

We just have to tell everybody that

something terrible happened on set,

and there was a struggle
for creative control.

You know, bull shit like that.

Blockbuster movies will
million dollar budgets

and A-list actors fall apart all the time.

And eventually people just accept.

- And then they forget.

- Bingo.

- All right, not making
movie update video, take one.

- Okay, okay.

Now get the boom up, Vinny.

And, talk.

- Hey everybody, so back in 2014 we asked

for your help in raising $75,000...

- Na-na-na cut, cut, cut.

- What was wrong with that?

- Um, it was good, it
was really good, man.

I just think it might have
been a bit too happy, okay.

And this isn't something you want people

thinking that we're happy about.

You know what I mean?

- Okay, right.

- Okay, so I need it to be a lot more sad,

and give me a ton more shame, right?

- Yeah, I mean I could...

Remind me again why I'm
the only one doing this.

- Oh, well, I mean, we only
wrote the script for one person,

and you have the best face
for delivering bad news, so.

- It's true, you do.

- Great, so when everybody gets pissed

it's just gonna be at me.

- No, no, no one's gonna get pissed at you

because you are gonna deliver
this with as much guilt

and genuine remorse as possible, right?

- Right.

- That's right, okay.

And guess what?

- What?

- You're letting a lot
of people down, here.

And that's a good thing, right?

- Right?

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay, Vin?

- Still speeding.

- Still speeding, and you're the dude.

You are the dude.

Okay, from the top, here we go, and, talk.

- Hey everybody, back in 2014 we asked

for your help in raising $75,000
for our first feature film.

It was a success, we hit
our goal and then some,

and we are so grateful
to everybody who donated.

It means a lot to us.

Which is why I'm so sorry to announce that

due to complications and
things beyond our control

the movie can no longer be completed.

Um, it just, we can't make it happen.

Um, we're very sorry.

We know a lot of people were
really excited about this.

We were too, um...

I guess all we can ask is that, you know,

you stick with us for what we
have planned in the future.

And again, we're so sorry.

- Lightning in a bottle.

- Yeah? Was that the one?

- All I'm saying is, is
if I donated to the movie,

and then I saw this video,
I'd be like, it's all good.

- Yeah. I think we got it.

- All right!

- Woo!

- What the fuck FND?

- This is a bunch of bullshit.

- Like what did you even
do with all that money.

- Nothing, nothing, I got nothing for it.

- Honestly, FND, I do
not know what to say.

- Where the fuck is this film?

Where the fuck is my money?

What the fuck are you even doing?

- I gave $100 to FND to
make this damn movie.

- Like what's your mission statement

if that's the way that
you're gonna treat people?

- What ever happened to like,
$15 I'll take a T-shirt?

- You say, "No, close the door,

"end of the project, it's over."

- Now it's like $100 for
a concept of a T-shirt.

- There's no movie?

Was there ever a fucking movie?

- I bet you didn't even
think about the film.

- You're sick people.

- Fuck FND Films.

They're full of liars, they're
pieces of shit, and fuck 'em,

especially Aaron fucking Fronk.

I see you, bitch. Fuck you.

- Yo, you think you're gonna take my paper

and you not gonna come out with no movie?

It don't work like that, homie.

Watch your back, watch your
mother fuckin' back, son.

Now to continue with my
review of the brand new

Star Wars X-Wings miniature
Corellian Cruiser.

First off the colors is bananas.

- Coop! Cooper!

- What?

- Dude, people are really pissed.

Did you see how mad this guy is?

- Yeah.

- And what are these boxes?

- Welcome to Ground Zero, Vince.

Here lies the epicenter
of my newest endeavor.

- Creams by Coo.

- Cremes by Coo.

It's a skin lotion
company for ugly people.

- When did this happen?

- Well, I met this hunk
of a woman at the party.

Her names Angela, possible future wife,

and she told me that she could triple

my investment in 3 weeks, dude.

- Ooh.

- Also, we're hiring entry level positions

at the end of the month,
if you're interested.

- Eh, right, yeah, okay.

Dude, we need to focus on this, all right?

These people are mad at us.

What is, what are we supposed to say?

- Uh, fuck 'em.

- What?

- Come on, man, this
is a good opportunity.

- What's up, dude?

Whoa, whoa, Aaron, slow down.

- Look at the logo, it's got my name on it.

- Okay, yeah, we'll meet you there.

Jesus.

- Oh my God, so fucking good.

- I'm pretty worried, man.

Aaron sounded worried.

Should we be worried?

- Dude, oh my God, relax, all right.

It's Aaron, okay, he get's Aaronoid.

This is what he does.

In his mind shit's always going down.

- Guys, shit is going down.

- See, what'd I say?

OJ, would you please throw a Xanax

in this guys coffee when he gets in here?

- Yeah.

- What, no.

- No?

- Really?

- I got' em.

- People are on to us, okay.

They know we are scamming them.

- The videos, did you see the videos?

- Yes...
- You guys are crazy.

All right?

It's not that serious.

- Oh, it's not that serious.

Hey, Vin, it's not that serious.

How 'bout the brick that came
through my fuckin' window.

- Holy shit!

- Dang, you lied?

- We all lied!

I'm getting death threats, okay?

People are saying they wanna gut me.

What if it was some
mobsters daughter that donated, okay?

- It was probably a
bunch of kids, all right.

They're just being
kids, it's what they do.

- What do you think, OJ.

- Maybe they meant to hit somebody else.

- Yeah, that’s true, yeah, you think?

- Oh, no, wait, it's got
your name and address on it.

- Oh shit.

- Hey look, if you need any
money I can get you some work.

- There's a bigger problem.

There's a much bigger problem.

- What?

- Damn, fuck.

Igby's dead.

- Yeah, it was a direct hit.

I think the brick killed him instantly.

- Well that's not so bad then.

- How?

- Oh, well, I mean, he was pretty much

three paws in the grave already, right?

You know with his cataracts
he kept running into walls,

and then he had those weird
little bumps on his back.

And then he has those hard
little bumps in his throat.

He shit everywhere, he pissed everywhere,

he threw up everywhere.

Remember that time you found a whole

nest of spiders in his back?

- All right, we get it.

- Look, it doesn't matter.

Julie loves that dog
more than she loves me.

If she finds him like
that, I'm fuckin' dead.

- All right, chill.

Let's uh, figure this out.

I see a robbery, I think people broke in,

Igby scampered off.

- Yeah, that could work.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, th-tha-that works.

- No, his brittle little bones

would have exploded on the jump.

- Well then they took him!

- Why?

- Who cares, okay?

Just help me get rid of the body.

I'll figure it out later.

- Okay.

- Uh-Uh, I'm nut touching that thing.

- Why?

- I didn't touch it when he was alive,

I'm not touching him now, okay.

He's probably riddled with rabies.

- Dogs don't die and get rabies.

- Oh, I'm sorry, are you a veterinarian?

- All right, I got an idea.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right, all right

- Towards the door.

- All right.

- All right, we got it, good.

Come on, hey, hey!

- Holy shit!

- That was you this time.

- I'm sorry, it just keeps touching me.

- Let's do this again.

Did you hear that?

Did you guys?

Oh shit, Julie's home.

All right, lock the door!

Shit! Ah!

- Vin! Open the closet!

- All right, Someone's
coming down the hallway.

- Ha!

- Kick it in, come on kick it!

Get it in there.

- Come one, Igby, get in there.

- Come on, get it in there.

- Jeez, seriously, man?

- God, I broke something.

- Kick it in!

- Oh shit.

- Just get it the fuck in there!

- Oh, it's just the neighbors.

Oh shit.

- I'm sorry, man.

- Sorry about your dog, dude.

So, this whole thing is
pretty messed up, man.

Hey, you know, let's do something.

Let's do something, let's have a,

let's have a funeral for Igby.

- No, it's fine.

You don't gotta do that.

- Uh, hold on, there's something to this.

We could do like um, like
a memorial service, okay,

celebrating a fruitful
life that Igby lived.

It'll be like a few
friends, a couple drinks,

we'll send him off the
right way, peacefully.

- Sounds weird.

- Nah, it'll be good.

- And that's
basically the bottom line.

I-i-i-i-it was my nephew.

- Oh, you are kidding me.

- Oh my.

- Are you k...

- Hi, thank you for coming, remember Igby.

- Hey, have you talked to them yet?

- No, not really.

- Why not?

- I thought about it, and I think it

would be best if I stayed here for a while.

- Vinny, we've talked about this.

Don't you want to walk
barefoot through fields,

and take a juicy strawberry
right off the vine?

- Uh...

- Don't you wanna make
love under a Douglas fir.

- Well yeah, duh, you know

I've always wanted to do that.

Ow, it's just his dog
just got assassinated,

and I think...

Hi, thank you for coming, remember Igby.

We should wait until after
this sacred occasion.

- Is this a sacred occasion,

or is this Cooper working an angle?

- Babe, no, how could you say that?

Cooper would never.

- With money enclosed, thank you so much.

Oh, yeah.

It's all for Igby.

Let's remember that.
- Igby, yeah.

- Take care.
- Take care.

- Okay, bye.
- Peace be with you.

Fish in a barrel.

- I'm impressed, this is a good turn out.

- I know, thank you.

- It could be better.

- You're right, it's shit.

- It's a start, but I just think

we have the potential to
build something great.

- Um, you um, you think
we have uh potential.

- The company.

- Oh sure, the company.

- The company.

- Mm-hm, mm-hm, loud and clear.

Our company.

- Yep.

Let's cheers to it. - Sure.

- All right.

- Oh.

- Oh, shit. Aaron, hey.

Aaron, hey, you're here way too early.

- What's going on, who
are all these people?

- Uh, they're friends of Igby.

Hey, so let's take a walk.

Okay, let me tell you about this

trip that Mary and I are planning.

- What's this?

- You don't wanna read that.

- Why?

- Because you don't.

So, we're going to this organic farm.

And we'll eat right out of the dirt,

and the stars at night will be so bright.

- Did Cooper put you up to this?

Is this Cooper's idea?

- I'm not supposed to tell.

- Mm-hm, yes.

- Uh, attention, attention please.

Just simmer down.

For those of you who don't know me,

my name is Cooper Johnson.

I'm the CEO of Cremes by Coo.

Why on earth would makeup companies test

their products on beautiful
creatures like this?

- They're monsters!

- You're damn right they are!

Little Igby here's a
martyr for all animals.

Animals enslaved in the
cosmetic industrial complex.

Now, at this point, I'm
sure you're thinking

to yourselves, you know, how can I help.

What can I do to get involved.

Well, I have a solution,
and it's only 29.99.

For every case of Cremes
that you purchase today,

it's one less dead dog.

Think about that.

Little Igby really would've liked it.

Isn't that right cutie-pie, hm?

Hm? Oh you'd like that, would you?

- Awe.

- Whoa.

Sorry, I got just a tad emotional.

I'm uh, vulnerability at it's finest.

Listen, we got a five drink minimum here,

so let's not let this damper our time.

Let's have a blast, okay.

Swag bags on the way out.

Don't forget those, okay.

Come on, let's have a good time.

Look, I know this looks
bad, but to be fair,

you weren't even supposed to
be here for like four hours.

- Animal testing?

What's cream?

Okay, what the fuck is going on?

- All right, why don't you take
all these negative emotions,

put 'em in a basket, and
push it down the Nile, okay?

- Igby's decomposing in front of

a bunch of people I don't know.

Okay, it stinks out there.

- And Vin's taking care of it.

- I don't know man,
this doesn't feel right.

This is just low.

- Well, it'll start feeling good once

you see our return on investment.

- You just said our investment.

- I said what?

- Our investment. Coop.

- I don't think you should
be freaking out about it.

- Do you know what I've
fucking been through?

People are after me!

Where's my fucking money?

- I see you're stressed.

That's okay, we all get stressed.

Why don't you get in, give me a hug.

Oh!

Oh, oh.

- Tell them now.

- We're leaving.

- Good, me too.

- Chicago, we're leaving Chicago.

We're gonna go live on an organic farm.

- Nice, good for you guys.

- Thank you.

- Thanks Coop.

- No! No thank you.

Cooper stole our money to put it

into his stupid company.

You know that?

- Well, yeah, we're all
investing in Creme's by Coo.

That was the plan.

- What?

- What?

- And I thank you both for your support.

- Well, yeah, we don't
need dirty old money

when we're living off
the land, right Mary?

- I'm getting a drink.

- Well, get me one too.

I don't know what that was about.

But, I'm excited for my new life.

It's gonna be pretty great.

- Vin, I love you, but you're
being used by everybody

around you, and you're
too stupid to realize it.

- Ha! No, stay out of my head, Aaron.

I'm my own man, I choose
to invest in Cremes.

I choose to eat dirt and walk
through the strawberry fields,

and be organic and live life.

And you know what, another thing,

I'm gonna have sex in trees.

Yeah, jealous?

'Cause that's what I really like.

That's my choice.

- Are you reading from a cue card?

- Does it sound like I am?

- It doesn't sound natural is all.

- Fuck this.

Cooper!

- Yes?

- Hello, young lady, is your mother home?

- You're so sweet.

May I help you?

- No, but I'd like to help you.

Very nice, and then the other side.

- Ooh, this one smells really good.

- Those are the hibiscus petals
that you're smelling, Ruth.

It's part of our geisha blossom series.

Locally grown ingredients, soy
based protein, very organic.

- It's starting to tingle.

- That means it's working, Ruth.

So, how many can I put you down for,

a baker's dozen to start?

- Oh, I don't think so, dear.

You see, I'm saving every penny

for my grandson's college fund.

- Totally fine, totally fine.

Don't wanna add any unwanted stress.

Pressure's bad for the skin.

- Mm-hm.

- You know that.

So I suppose I'll be
just packin' my stuff up,

getting the heck outta here.

Oh, who is this lovely lady?

- That's me as a young woman.

- May I?

- Oh, of course.

- My goodness, what a peach.

You know, Ruth, wouldn't you
like to go back to these days?

Kick your heals up, go to the
ball, dance the night away?

- Well, that was a lifetime ago.

- What if I told you I
could take you there?

That's right.

You see, Ruth, these aren't
just ordinary creams.

These are Cremes by Coo.

They're a portal to the past.

Ruth, they're a time machine.

Now you know just as well as I do

that behind all these
wrinkles and all this muck,

there's a beautiful girl
itching to come out,

and I can take you there.

What do you say, Ruth?

- I wanna be her.

- Great.

Rubbing it in there.

If you could, uh, uh, remember a time.

I'm gonna stop talking.

Let's let the cream talk for itself.

I appreciate your business.

♫ Up on Papa Pete's farm

♫ Beautiful sunshine all day

♫ Bubbles in my face,
up on Papa Pete's Farm

♫ I love the beautiful breeze

♫ I love the birds in my trees

♫ Bubbles in my face up
on Papa Pete's Farm ♫

- Can you believe how beautiful this is?

- It's great.

- Hi, friends, you must be Mary.

- Debbie.

- Yeah, oh.

- Oh, oh my God, it's so beautiful here.

- I know, it's immaculate.

I'm sorry, where are my manners.

You haven't met Papa Pete yet.

Papa! He's comin'.

- I'm comin', I’m comin’.

Debbie what's that?

- What?

Stop it, he plays.

- Well, who might these two be?

- Just a couple city kids tradin' in

their skyscrapers for pie scoopers.

- My my, you must be Mary.

You're even more stunning
than in your picture.

- Oh.

- Picture?

Hi, I'm Vinny.

- Whoa, you snuck up on me.

- Me too.

- This is my boyfriend.

- Oh, look at you.

Yeah, look at you.

Should work on that balance, boy.

- A little bit.

- Debbie, set this boy up with a

uniform and a sprayer please.

Now son, don't eat any of
the fruits and vegetables.

You need to spray the
crops five times daily.

And you're allowed two
rations for the day.

- Oh, all right, yes, spray?

I thought the yield was organic?

- Oh, it is organic, um,
that's vitamin juice.

It makes the plants happy.

- Oh, happy?

- What do I get to do?

- Oh, Mary, we're gonna have you work in

and around the house doin' some chores.

Debbie, here, will you
get you set up inside.

- Okay, cool.

- Mary!

- What!

- See you tonight?

- Maybe.

- This way?

All right!

Hi.

Huh, that's a little weird.

Hi.

I'm Vinny.

- You from the city?

- Yeah. I've Vinny.

- I'm 17.

- You look a lot older.

- See you around.

- No, he's stalling.

Yeah, all right, I'll
meet you in 30 minutes.

- You don't eat much, do ya?

Must be why you stay so fit.

- I, uh, do a lot of take out.

- Ooh, now you're talkin' my language.

I'm a Greek guy myself.

You know a lot of people call it gyro,

when in fact it's
pronounced guyro.

Big weakness of mine.

Have you ever put tzatziki
sauce on it, the white shit?

It's fucking delicious.

- All right, stop.

Stop, ooh, you're making me so hungry.

I enjoy Greek food, as well.

- Good, good, good to know.

Because I know of a little place

down the street where
the assistant manager

owes me a favor if you
wanted to do a little...

- Did you happen to bring that paperwork?

- Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Um, yeah, business,
business, there you go.

- Yes, thank you.

- Okay, there you'll find bank statements,

tax ID numbers, and you'll
see my signature at the top

in case you need to scan that in

for any purpose, you can use it wherever.

- Okay, this is a two bed, two bath,

with new hardwood throughout.

Hi, uh, who are you?

- Oh, I'm sorry, I was just
finishing up a showing.

- Um, this is my property.

- I thought this was your place.

- My listing.

- Um, it's my listing.

- And you're a realtor.

- Just on the side, okay, let's go.

- It makes so much sense.

- Yes, yes, thank you for leaving.

- Look, Angela West is
gonna nab this sale.

So I'd raise the white
flag right now, sweetheart.

And do it fast.

Lot's of rats in here, guys.

Lot's of rats.

- That's not true.

- Hey!

- Slow down there, city slicker.

- Where you off to so fast?

- I was just gonna go and
talk with my girlfriend.

- And how are you gonna do that?

- Just go to the house and talk to her.

- Oh, well you have to talk to Papa first.

And only we can talk to
Papa, 'cause he's our papa.

- All right, all right,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm new here.

- I held it held it for so long.

- Dude, we're just kidding.

- Oh, oh yeah.

- We like you, we really do.

- We really like you.

- Hey, you guys seem cool too.

- Hey, oh my God.

We should suit swap!

- Suit swap!

- Suit swap! Suit swap! Suit swap!

- Suit swap.

- What's suit swap.

- Well, it's where I take my suit off,

and you take yours, and I take yours,

and you take mine.

Suit swap.

- Yours is all, like, worn out and gross.

- Mm, okay.

- See ya.

- Bye.

- Let's go to Papa.

- I’m the suit swap
king of the world.

- Aaron, what's up?

- Hey, what's up, buddy?

- You okay?

- Yeah, man, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

- Want any coffee, or
something to eat, or anything?

- Nope, I'm good, I'm good.

- All right, just checkin'.

- Hey OJ, uh, hey remember
um, oh, a little while ago,

when you told me that there
would be some extra cash,

you know, maybe a little
extra money comin' in.

Uh, well, I totally don't need
it, and uh, I'm totally fine.

But in case, like, you know,
anything comes up, like,

throw it my way, that'd be cool.

You know what, fuck it,
I don't even know why

I even said anything, I
don't need it, I'm good.

- We're always lookin' for
guys, if you need work.

- Yeah?

- You drive a van?

- Oh, dude, absolutely?

- 1000 bucks.

- 1000 bucks?

- That's what you get, yeah, yeah.

- 1000...

- Let me write down this address.

- Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- There's a warehouse.

You're to meet me here, you're
gonna pick up some stuff,

and then you're gonna deliver here.

Okay?

- That's it?

- That's it.

- 1000 bucks?

- Yeah, I know you don't
need it, but you know.

- Yeah, right, I don't, I don't.

Thank you.

- Are you sure you're all right?

- I'm good, man.

I'm good now, thank you.

- Wanna eat?

- Nope.

- I don't think coffee's helping.

♫ Papa, Papa, Papa ♫

- This way now, Papa.

Mary, why don't you go
get us some more firewood.

- Oh, okay, yeah, anything for you.

- Isn't she wonderful?
- Bye, Mary.

- Miss you.

Come back to us.
- Oh, you feel that?

That's her energy when she leaves.

- Oh my gosh, it's so warm.

♫ Papa ♫

- I'm gonna get you.

- No, Papa.

- Oh my God...

- Hey, you lost?

- Jesus.

- I've got some wood for ya.

- Vinny, what are you doing?

It's past your curfew.

- Curfew, what are you talking about?

- I'm sorry, I just
don't wanna upset Papa.

We're new here.

- I know, it's just, like damn, girl.

Just been thinking
about you, like all day.

You look real cute in this,
uh, what you call this?

Seriously, what is it?

- Oh, you know it's like Papa says.

All sister's are cut from the same cloth.

- Is that what he says?

- Yeah, he says lots of great things.

- Oh, I bet he's just full of it.

- Well, I gotta get going.

- Whoa, hold-hold on, just
hang on a second there.

Where you runnin' off to so fast?

You know, I just wanted to reiterate

that I'm so happy that
we came up here together,

and just wanna remind
you that I love you...

- Mary! What are you doin'
cuttin' down the whole tree?

- Oh I get it, a joke!

- I gotta get going.

I'll see you later, though.

- Yeah, um, I'll see you tomorrow.

- Yeah.

- She returns!

Oh my goodness!

Papa! Papa!

- If you
look ugly, you are ugly.

Be beautiful,

- with Cremes by Coo.

Cremes by Coo.

- And cut it.

Perfect, perfect.

Yes, you stallion, you.

I wanna do one more, okay?

- This lotion's burning my face.

- Yeah, uh, that means it's working, okay.

All right, I want you to do some

more curls before this next take.

Have you been doin' 'em?

- Yeah, plenty.

- All right, well, let's do some more.

This is Andy.

I want you to curl Andy, okay.

Let's see those veins pop.

- This enough?

- Go for gold.

- Coo, you're attorney's calling again.

- Michael, not now.

- I know, I keep tellin' him.

- Here he is, everything's looking great.

- Awe, Ang, things are
burnin', things are turnin',

and I owe it all to you.

- Oh stop.

Now, I just wanted to
stop by to let you know

I'm gonna be out of the country
for a few days, business.

- Oh, out of the cou...

You cannot do that right now.

We just got a new office space,

Cremes by Coo sales are...
Coo, he insists on speaking.

- Michael, not now!

- Hey Coo, you got this, all right.

Now I need to get my foot
in the international door.

- Overseas.

- Yeah.

- Corner the foreign market.

Smart, smart.

- Yeah, see you always did
see the bigger picture.

- Well, I don't know, I like
me and you, we have this...

- Connection? I know.
- I know.

- I know, what did we talk about?

- Boundaries.

- Yep, okay, so I'm gonna run.

But hey, everything you're doing is great.

Just keep it up.

- Oh my God, thank you so much.

- You're welcome.
- All right.

Adios chica.

- I am not Spanish.

- Well.

What the hell are we
doing standing around for?

Mist and run, off the set, let's go!

Oliver, you're a beautiful beast.

And, act in the commercial.

- OJ.

- Aaron, you're early.

- That's a lot of sandwiches.

- Yeah, it's uh, it's for
the construction site.

It's lunch for the guys.

- Oh.

- You hungry?

- Um, yeah?

- Yeah, go ahead, open it.

- Right now?

- Yeah.

See, it's a sandwich.

- Um.

- It's the top of the sandwiches,

and all those boxes are sandwiches.

That was one that fell out of the box.

I saved it for you.

- Cool, cool, um.

- Hey, don't fuck this up.

These people are waiting, for their lunch.

- They're premium cuts.

Best hoagies in town.

- Bring back the truck
tonight, and you get paid.

- You can count on me.

All you guys can count on me.

- Good.

Can you go outside for a little bit,

then come back in?

- Right now?

- Yeah.

- All right, yeah, yeah.

- Hey. Hey, 22.

22, come here.

Hey, what's up, hey, hey.

Check this out.

I got us a little extra
crumb cake.

Yeah, snuck that out the other night.

Oh, catch.

Wanna play catch?

Yeah, back up some, back up.

Yeah.

Almost, pick it up, and throw it

back to me like how I did to you.

Fantastic, you're a natural.

Go long.

Hey! Touchdown.

- So is that a five or an S?

- It's a number five, come on.

- Oh, man, really?

I'm gonna have to ask for directions.

I don't know where I am.

- Aaron, listen to me.

These people are really hungry.

- Well, look, just tell
the guys to have a snack.

Oh shit, I hit a pothole.

- Wait, what?

- I gotta turn around, the
hoagies are everywhere.

- No, no, do not
turn around, keep going.

- No, I'm just gonna pull into an alley.

- Aaron, no!

- No, I'll call you back,
I'm gonna pull over.

- No, wait.

- Don't worry about it.

- Do not hang up!

Shit.

Shit.

God damn it.

Oh! Oh!

Oh shit.

Oh shit!

Oh no no no no no.

It's coke!

- One new voice-mail.

- Aaron, it's OJ, buddy.

Uh, I'm guessing you looked
in the back of the van

and you know what's up now, so.

Unfortunately, things have to end,

between us and between
you and everybody else.

So, get back to me, or I'll find ya.

Okay, bye.

- Aaron Fronk, hey man,
so good to see you.

Hey, listen, did you get any of my emails?

- Uh, hey, it's good to see you too.

- Hey, is it true y-you guys

aren't gonna make the film anymore.

What's up with that?

- Now's not the best time.

I gotta go.

- No, no, listen to me, okay?

You're special to me, and
your film is special,

and I gave you money, and
you gotta show me something.

- Get out of my way!

- I donated to your film, man!

You can't leave me hangin' like this.

- Uh, excuse me?

I'm looking for Cooper Johnson.

- Uh, Mister Johnson is
busy for the next two years.

- What, two years? That's absur...

Well, I see him right there.

He's literally doing nothing.

- All right, the truth is,

he's in a pouty mood today,
so please don't go in.

Dang it.

- Cooper!

- Mr. Johnson, I tried to stop him,

but he sprinted right past me.

I'm sorry, and I hope you still

value me as a member of this team.

- It's okay, Michael.

It's okay, I got this.

Aaron, what's up, man?

You like the new digs?

Can I offer you a e-cigarette?

- Uh, no, no.

When did all this happen?

- Well, when you were too busy
hiding in your stink-hole,

I was here building my
creme-pire, from scratch.

- Jesus, so it all worked out, I mean...

I mean, wow, I always
knew it would work out.

But, wow, man, it worked out!

- Yeah, we're probably
going international soon,

gonna take over the Asian market.

So, cha-ching-chong.

- So you're just, like,
rollin' in the dough.

This could solve everything, Coop.

- Solve?

- Yeah, look, look, I
need some help, okay.

I think $50,000 would cut me loose

with the shit I'm tied up with OJ, okay.

Well, maybe a little more,
now that I think about it,

to temper some of the angry fans

we got invested in the film.

But after that we are good, okay.

I think we can save this.

- Okay.

- Okay?

- Yeah, dude, let's do it, come on.

- Okay, yes.

Okay, and we should do big bills.

Big bills the better, hundreds.

- Big bills.

- I'm talking crispy,
crispy $100 dollar bills.

- Oh, only the crispiest for you, my man.

- You got it here?

- Yeah, yeah.

- You got the, you got the money here?

- I do, yes.

- You're not, and you're not
gonna give it to me, are you?

- No.

- But you zucked me!

- No, I gave you an opportunity,

and you pissed it down the drain.

Now look at you, coming in here begging

on all hands and knees
like little orphan Aaron.

"Oh, oh, please sir, Mister Coo,

"oh, can I please have
a suckle of your teat.

"Ooh, I need milk to survive."

No, you cannot.

This teat milk is not for you.

And you'll never get any.

You're pathetic.

- Michael.
- Yes, Mister Johnson.

- Michael, Mister Fronk is leaving.

Please call security.

- What, are you fucking
kidding me right now?

I have the most illegal van in America

parked in the parking lot right now.

There could be a god damned suitcase nuke

in there for all I know.

- Then get it off my property.

I don't need you blowing
my creme all over the city.

- Get off of me.

Shit. Ah!

- Beautiful hits, Andy, one two three.

- Ow. Okay.

- Aaron wait.

Look, if you're really
that hard up for cash,

why don't you take your
whiny plea to Vinny.

He followed Mary's dream, and
now they own an organic farm.

I wonder where you went wrong.

Okay, one more.

- Cooper, how are things going?

My life is great.

I totally didn't make a
mistake by coming here.

Peace, love, sunshine.

56, Vinny.

- Ma'am?

What the fuck?

Are you, are you okay?

Hello?

Ma'am.

I can help.

- Oh, Coo, thank you for taking me

around the world on your creme ship.

Oh, it's my pleasure, there.

I'm just trying to help a little...

- Mister Johnson?

- Yes, Jacob, yes, hello Jacob.

I was strategizing.

- I, uh, wanted you to know that

everyone's leaving because
their checks are bouncing.

- Uh, w-w-what are talking, I thought

things were on the up and up.

- Yeah, until a large transfer was made

to your offshore account this afternoon.

- Offshore account, Michael
where's my offshore account?

- I have no idea.

- Well, would you get
Angela on the phone, please.

Let's figure it out.

- I'll look into it right away.

- I wanna see that money on shore, okay.

Is that how it works?

- I also came to tell you
that I'm leaving too, so.

- Well I expected that outta you, Jacob.

No one's gonna miss you, Jacob!

No one's gonna miss Jacob!

Except for me!

- Coo, we have a bigger problem,
there's news vans outside.

- I'm busy.

- Coo, with all due respect,
you gotta tackle this head on.

I'll go out there with you, and we

can do it together, how 'bout that?

- No, Michael, I couldn't ask that of you.

- Good, 'cause I didn't
wanna do it anyway.

- What?

- I'm leaving too.

- Papa's coming.

- Vin.

What the hell's wrong, are you starving?

- Yes.

- All right, get up, we have to go.

- You're gonna have to carry me.

- Hey, I drove four fuckin' hours

to deal with this shit, okay, let's go.

- Carry me.

- There, there he is!

There he is! There he is!

- I told you.

- I told you second.

- I told you.

- Hey, boy, lookin' for
an honest day's work?

- Uh, no thank you, just
here grabbin' my friend.

- Raisin' the white flag already, 56!

- Don't listen to him, come on.

- Almost made it what, a week,

before your boyfriend came to save you?

- I was the best worker you had!

- No, not by a long shot.

- I gave you everything!

I gave you everything.

I'll show you!

Ah! Ah!

- Whoa, don't breath that shit!

Way to be your own man, 56!

- Put me down! Put me down!

Put me down!

22! 22, where are you?

Let me go to my son!

Fuck you!

No! No!

22! 22!

- This is Angela West.

I'm out of the office.

If you're calling about Cremes by Coo,

please redirect your
call to Cooper Johnson.

Thank you.

- Angela, hey.

Uh, third time calling.

Uh, sort of in the weeds over here.

Did you know that the creme is totally

burning people's faces, 'cause
that's a thing right now.

So please don't touch it
if you're anywhere near it.

Also, the office
building's kind of tanking.

I had to fire Michael,
things got a little hazy.

But we are in a bit of a pickle,

so if you could please get back

to me at your earliest convenience,

I'd greatly appreciate that, okay.

Thank you so much, I love, er,
thank you, and call me back.

Um, thanks.

- So can I get you boys
anything else, like dessert?

We have dessert crepes or a scoop of pie.

- No thank you.

- How 'bout some of that chocolate mousse?

Doesn't that sound yum?

- We're good.

- Maybe I wanted some dessert.

- You just polished off
two omelettes, you're fine.

We should be headin' out.

- Don't tell me I'm fine, 'cause I'm not.

- Tanya, can we get the check?

- No Tanya, I want the mousse.

- Why you doin' this?

- 'Cause I want the mousse, Aaron.

- No, you're trying to be a hot shot

and get all the attention.

- Don't, okay,
don't treat me like a child.

- Stop acting like an idiot.

- Fuck you!

- Fuck you, we're leaving.

- Eh ew uh ho-o-o-ooh.
- Ho uh-ho ho ho uh-ho ho.

- So, you want it or not?

- Yes, Tanya, give me some of
that gee-dang mousse, please.

And in fact, round of
mousse for everyone, on me!

Ho ho, man!

This guy knows what I'm
freaking talking about!

- Huh, damn right.

- You get some mousse,
and you get some mousse,

and you get some mousse!

Mm some of that sweet sweet
mousse for everybody, yeah!

Oh that's liberating!
- Oh my God.

- Lotion company Cremes by Coo

is facing a class action lawsuit.

You may recognize their latest
ad played on television.

- Mm, it's gonna be so good.

We're gonna eat it. - Vin.

- And then we're
gonna talk about it.

- Vin!

- What?

- Uh...

- Oh!

- With Cremes by Coo.

- Cremes by Coo is led
by CEO Cooper Johnson.

The class action lawsuit
examines bold claims

about it's companies age
reversing miracle product.

Sara Telson alerted the
FDA after her grandmother

suffered skin burns and
severe hallucinations.

- Dude.

- Mister Johnson

continues to deny allegations.

Court proceedings are
expected to begin next week.

- No, no refunds.

Come on, Andy, move it!

- We'll now send it over
to Hurt Dribble for traffic.

- Oh shit, shit!

We gotta get back to the city, man.

This is bad.

- Ah, screw him, he's a corporate pig.

- Hey.

Cooper's the only one left
with any money to fix this.

If he gets locked up, we're fucked.

- Okay.

- Mother fuckers.

- Well, there goes our security deposit.

- Let's pull around back.

- Damn it, Cooper.

- Cooper! Coop, where's the money?

Hey, hey, where's the money?

- It's gone.

Yep, it was all for show.

I spent it all on the God damn creme.

Oh, Angela zucked me,
she zucked me good.

And now we're more fucked
than we were before.

Who wants to help me bar the doors?

- What, from who?

Who are these people, Cooper?

Why is there an angry
mob outside our house?

What did you do?

- It wasn't me, all right.

It was the creme, it's poison,

it's making my customers delusional.

And would you please
help me bar the doors?

They followed you to the back?

- I locked it, it's fine.

- Ah!

- Shit! Grab a weapon!

Oh, battle stations!

- Maybe we can reason with them.

- Oh shit!

- Ah! Oh, oh.

- Oh!

Oh, I can feel his brain.

I can feel his brain.

Oh.

- Aaron, check the front!

- They found me.

- The coast is clear,
let's make a run for it!

- Sorry, Aaron.

- OJ, let's talk about this.

Hey, it was a, it's a mix up.

It was an accident.

- I gotta, it's just what I do.

- No!

- You guys!

- I'm alive, oh, I'm alive, guh.

- Who the fuck was that kid?

- That's my son, 22.

He's a real American hero.

He must've stowed away back at the farm

and escaped with his dad to the city.

My son saved us.

- Dude, what did they
do to you on that farm?

That's all bullshit.

- I think I hear the cops.

We should get going.

- Oh shit, someone give
me a hand getting up.

- Here you go.

- Who's hand is that.

- Investigators in Chicago

have ended their search for Aaron Fronk,

Cooper Johnson, and Vincent DeGaetano.

They were last seen four
months ago in their apartment

before it was engulfed in
flames from an explosion

and are presumed to be dead.

- Do you see this story?

Some young punks probably
all doped up on drugs,

stole a bunch of money, then
blew themselves to high hell.

- Kids these days, always high.

- Yep, that's why always come prepared.

- Fuckin' A.

- Gun in bar, great idea.

- Fuckin' bad ass, right?

Fuck those fuckin' kids, man.

- Yo, man, the disguises work.

- What disguises?

My name is Brian King, and I work

at the laundromat down the street.

- That's good, that's really good.

- Thanks, man.

- Sorry, the ladies room was full.

Okay, so I think I got it.

My name is Vivienne St Claire,
widower of a steel tycoon,

who works part time at Chipotle.

- Oh, that's good.

- Wow, you guys have, like,
character back stories.

Like, I don't have any of that.

- Well what do you got?

- Uh...

Okay yeah, um...

I'm Schmidt.

- Schmidt what?

- I-I don't, that's all,
that's as far as I've gotten.

- Okay.

- Okay, it's a start.

You gotta start somewhere.

You got your whole life to figure it out.

You'll get it.

- Hi folks, what'll it be?

- Tots and some ribs.

- I'll have a bowl of lettuce and a steak.

- Heck with it, I'm gonna do four

pot pies and a gravy boat please.

- I'll get that ready for you right now.

- Thank you, sweetheart.

- I gotta see something!

I don't care if they're dead.

I mean, I gave 'em 1000 bucks, come on.

- I can't believe we're dead.

This really sucks.

- Yeah, it's kinda like we're in

this weird purgatory thing, right.

But in Tulsa.

- Man, we are idiots.

I mean, really, we're idiots.

We had $75,000.

We should've just made a movie, right?

Instead we just blew it on stupid shit.

And now look at us, we
look like dumb asses.

We had the money, we
could've just made a movie.

Something that people
would’ve sat down and watched

with their friends and family,

and then criticized later on the internet.

Right?

I mean we could've made something.

- I don't know, man,
that's like a lot of work.

- Yeah, movies are hard.

- Are you fucking kidding me!

- Fuck you guys.

- You're a disgrace to
the city of Chicago.

- Where the fuck is it?

Where the fuck's the movie?

- They basically aren't doing the film

and can't refund any of us.

- We got scammed by FND.

- They stole my fucking money!

- Two years, no updates.

- Then you went and fucking lied to me!

- I have to sue you.

- Where'd you go, FND?

- Did you just take my
money and leave with it?

- $75,000.

- You can't even fucking give it back?

- You're fuckin' dead to me.

- Very pissed off.

- Fuck you, Cooper.

- Fuck these guys.

- I hope you all choke on my money.

- I want my fucking money back, Aaron.

- You stupid little jerk offs.

- I hope it was worth it.

- You're dead to me,
FND, that's how it goes.

- How could you do this to us, to us?

- 'Cause I was a big
supporter of you guys.

- I followed you guys
for almost ten years.

- I'm very, very, disappointed in you guys.

- So y'all better give me back

my God damn money or somethin'.

- I got some legs to break, okay.

I'll see you guys next time.