Intern (2000) - full transcript

Is that Nina Zimoy?

I can't believe
that the editor of vogue

is parading her bony ass
at a skirt party!

How dare she!

Fag.

Asshole.

So I don't care about
that allure article. I mean,

it got me to stop eating Sushi

for about 20 minutes,
but then I said...

Seize the diem.

I won't be swayed just 'cause



some village chick
eats a bad egg.

I mean, it's not like I'm dining

at teriyaki boy.
And honestly,

what's the worst thing
that can happen?

What, I get a tapeworm

and can eat whatever I like

and still lose 20 pounds?

Then I'd really be
like Karen carpenter,

on top of the world
looking down on creation.

Ha! Wouldn't that
be dreamy?

But enough about moi.

What did you say
your name was again?

Jocelyn.

And you're over at...



Um, skirt magazine.

Oh! Roxanne rochet.
Love her like a sister.

What do you do there?

Uh... you know...

This and that.

Details, darling.

You're a writer, a stylist?

Oh, I'm...
I'm the head peon.

Excuse me?

The resident xerox whore.

What's that?

I'm an intern.

Okay, I'm Jocelyn Bennett,
and here we are

at the skirt magazine
corporate headquarters,

I.e., where fashion trends
are invented.

How about how you got here?

Well, I think I took
my school motto

a little bit too seriously.

When Horace dutton taft penned

"not to be served but to serve,"

I think he had am far and
god's love we deliver in mind,

not fashion magazines.

I could've been
on the staff at glamour,

but I'd rather be
an intern at skirt.

I like to think of myself
as a missionary

to salvage the tacky.

This is our associate greeter,

a.k.a. Receptionist.

Hey, Deborah.

Deborah duchet
is the gatekeeper,

the Saint Peter of skirt.

She separates
the men from the boys.

Let's watch her in action.

What the hell are all
these cameras doing here?

I'm doing the tour
for the channel 13

that nobody else wanted to do.

Allo, skirt.

Isn't that genius?

Let's move on.

Oh! That's Roxanne rochet,
our fashion director.

Let's follow her.

Don't you just love her Chanel?

This is her first day back
since the accident.

Her breast implant exploded
on the concorde.

The show must go on.

Messages?
Get Tokyo on line one

fed ex my boots back

to Christine dubotai.
It needs new lace.

Get me a herbal wrap.
Did you call garren?

What's going on with
the John bartlett shoot?

Forget the herbal wrap.

I want a him a lay an
rejuvenation

ligonberry acid peel.

And get me some valium.

I'm suffering
from such jet set lag.

Where is Cecilia soleil?

She's on maternity leave
this month.

"This month"?

It only takes one day
to bond with a baby.

Yes, Roxanne?

- Cappuccino.
- Right away, Roxanne.

Okay, let's move on.

This is the editor at large.

This is the editor, super large.

And this is the editor,
slender-regular.

Actually, I'm not sure
what they do.

They just order in from dom remi

and go to sample sales.

Bob.

Excuse me, antoinette?

Bob.

No, I'm Jocelyn.

No. You need a Bob.

Oh.

Chi chi chemise has fainted.

Messages?

No. Let's go check it out.

Qu'est-ce qui se passe?

First bound of vogue
just came out.

There's an article
on canteen chic,

just like we have
in our next issue.

It's obviously a leak.

Another leak?

Can you believe it? Third
issue in a row this has happened.

Then it's not a coincidence.

There must be a Yuri.

What's a Yuri?

A spy, you idiot!
Mata hari,

Ethan hunt,
James Bond, aldrich ames.

When's the last time she ate?

She had an apple a few days ago.

She should be fine.

So it's just the trauma
from the article?

Maybe we should take
her shoes off or something?

Oh!
Ew!

Oh, my god!

Where are my shoes?

Your shoes.

We should get out of here.

Too many years
on point, you know.

Ballet.

Oh, my gosh!
I'm so sorry!

Don't worry, Jocelyn.

How'd you know my name?

Umm... gee,
I don't know.

Oh, this is Paul Rochester,
deputy art director.

Uh, hello.

Well, um...

Have a nice tour.

All right.

- Thanks.
- Okay. Um...

You go... I'll... you go that way.

Where to now?

The beauty department.

What? What is it?

Whore.

Who?

Whore is here.

Roxanne rochet?

No, not that whore.
The nail enamel!

Whore!

What does it mean?

It means "fuck me
but respect me."

Worship my body,

but the upkeep
is gonna be costly.

Strike me, spurn me,
treat me as but your spaniel!

"I'm your dog, and I'm
gonna break the lick laws!"

Okay, calm down,
Cornelia. Arf, arf.

I'm sorry.
It just transports me

to a dirty corner of
42nd street, pre-Disney.

Oh, tss! Hussy!

I adore the shade.

Who the fuck are you

and what do we care
what you think?

What are you, an intern?

Yes.

What happened to
that last intern?

Had these big bug eyes,

looked like Courtney Cox
on chemo, ha ha!

Hey, let me give you

always wear black,

and you're never
finished shitting

until you piss again.

Remember that,
and you'll be fine here.

Okay, thanks. I'll
keep that in mind.

I'm just busting your balls!

- Out loud!
- Come on!

I like her vibe, though.

- Yeah, it's a nice vibe.
- Good vibe.

Uh, come visit me in my office

and we'll chat, okay?
A little less Rouge.

Are we working
or are we chatting?

What, who, me?

Yeah, obviously you.

Who else would I be talking to,

rocky the cameraman?

Director of photography.

Oh, great.

Um, come here now.
Chop chop.

Remember the other day,
I asked you to do

a very special project for me?

Yeah. Didn't
you see it?

Oh, I saw it.

You bet your little
intern ass I found it.

And I found something else

errors, major ones.

Errors that we
cannot afford to make.

- Like what?
- Honey...

We are not at Harper's bazaar.

The big boss down the hall
would not be thrilled.

You should be very glad

that I had a spare moment
to oversee this...

This work. I delegated
this project to you

because I thought
you could handle it.

Unfortunately,
I've learned you can't.

Retyping my rolodex

was just too difficult
a task for you, huh?

Jann wenner's card.

Ahem!

Why is there only
one "n" on "jan"?

Hmm? Didn't you
know he added

that extra "n" years ago?

What's going on

with this Andy warhol card?

Did you even think
to verify this number?

No, because he's... he's dead.

Excuses!

You just don't get it, do you?

Dead or alive,

I still need their
phone numbers.

This is for your benefit,

not mine, okay?

No bad blood.

It's a curse.

Dolly!

You're back
from the couture shows!

How was lacroix?

That's Dolly bellows.
She's an institution.

Give me a tissue.

The man is a genius.

Oh, the word genius
is weary with overuse.

Lacroix...

Lacroix transcends
the English language,

my god!

How could they think

these trite little
vehicles of words

could express
what lacroix's all about?

Don't they get it?
Don't they understand?

He's not about
a dictionary. He's...

He's about spirit!
Oh...

God, yes, spirit, spirit!

Any messages?

Whoo! A fax
is coming in.

From Europe.

From Paris studios.
Karl lagerfeld

to...

The editor-in-chief.

I have a fax for
the editor-in-chief.

Well, the editor-in-chief
is waiting for it.

You can go in.

Um...

I'm sorry to interrupt.

I have a fax...

For you.

Okay.
Um, thanks.

Oww!

Well, the work is piling up,

and I really
should be getting to it.

I have to retype a rolodex,
fetch green tea,

and pick up a huge
garment bag at keeble.

Anyway, the xerox machine
awaits me,

so... now you know.

The people on staff
aren't really snobs.

They're just better
than everybody else is.

Is that enough?

That was great.
I think we got it.

Let me know when it's on.

I can watch it on the treadmill

if they have channel
13 on equinox.

Thanks a lot, kiddo.
Hang in there.

Seems like a pretty
tough place to work.

Ohh...

Hey, Paul.
These are the photos

for the belt editor's
accessory page.

She'll come in here and show
you exactly how she wants 'em.

Why won't these people
let me do my job?

I know.

What is that stuff

you're always playing with?

Silly putty.

It calms me down.

"Hobos on a grassy knoll"?

I love them!
They're the best band!

You know hobos
on a grassy knoll?

Totally! Lee Harvey o.
Is my favorite song!

That's impossible. No one
in the states knows them.

I saw them when I went to
London last march, in Camden.

That's insane!
I was there!

Get out of here!
You were there?

That's crazy!

I worship this poster.
Where'd you get it?

Well, I...

Designed it, actually.

You know them?

Yes. Sam, Edgar, and I
were at eton together.

Wow.

Paul, I've been looking
everywhere for you!

Uh, everywhere except
my office, I guess.

I heard you were in the shitter.

Roxanne needs to
discuss the concept

of tomorrow's cover shoot.

Yes. Pardon me,
Jocelyn.

Hey, cut it out! You can't
go through his drawers.

Does he not smoke?
What is this?

The 21st century,

no smoking in office buildings.

Go out on the street
with the junkies!

Ooh, spank me again!
I think

there's a part-time
position opening at the vault.

Let's look in here.

Maybe we'll find
some naughty toys.

He doesn't exactly seem
like the kiddie porn type.

I know.
He's such a sweetie.

Gorgeous.

I wish to death he was
into sausages, but alas,

fire island will never be
graced by his sweet ass.

What, you mean Paul's not gay?

Honey, your gay-dar is failing!

Paul's as straight as
a Marc Jacobs pleat.

Interesting.

Every fashion magazine

needs the token hetero male.

It's like reverse
affirmative action.

Fuck! Gotta dash.

I'm off like a prom dress. Mm!

I think judaism

is the buddhism
of the next century.

I really do, and I've
gotten a jump start on it.

I'm taking kabbalah classes.

And I'm sure I've
seen sketches of

the Moses collection
come across my desk.

Wait a minute.
Andre, have you seen

the latest issue
of skirt, my dear?

Please, darlings...

Are they finally eclipsing vogue

in fashion-forwardness?

Darling, please,

skirt will only reign supreme

when shoulder pads are
back on the runways.

It's true, you guys.

They completely missed the ball

on Alexander McQueen's
Princess skirt.

That's 'cause Roxanne rochet
is a coke whore.

No.

She's only addicted
to pain killers.

Remember, her breasts exploded.

Sss...
Oww...

You know, Andre, I do think
they're the most creative.

I mean, who else
would've paid me

to scout that active volcano

and keep a diary of it?

And that birkenstock
layout was genius.

True.

You like them
because you've been

in every issue for
the past three years.

Excuse me?

I like them because
they're innovative, okay?

And you better watch
your back, Jack.

I'm not worried.

I've got someone on the inside.

Ooh...

You crocodile!

You know it, girl.

As you all know,
our editor-in-chief's husband

is suffering
from testicular cancer.

Once again, skirt magazine

will host this year's
charity carnival in fall.

The "save our balls" ball.

We'll have booths there,

and I need all of you
to sign up.

The clipboard
will now circulate.

Okay... we have
some very serious issues

to get down to.

As you know, voguemagazine

ran the canteen chic feature.

Oh, felt it.
Oh, yes.

And that means

that we still
have an infiltrator

in the midst of our operations.

It was dreadful enough

when they copied
our "earmuff explosions"

and "terrific toe rings"
spreads,

but not this!

I abhor Nina zimoy.

I abhor the...
Whore!

I wish the most evil
thing in the world

would happen to her.
I wish that...

That anti-fur activists

would march
into the four seasons

and drop a bloody
dead raccoon carcass

onto her frisee salad,

splattering
the balsamic and blood

all over her white
Valentino couture suit...

Chi chi!

Frans, seconal.

Okay, sit down.

Now, we're not
in this battle alone.

I've enlisted the aid
of a very valued ally.

Deep throat.

Oui.

You know, he was instrumental

in cracking the case of
the missing Manolo Blahniks.

Roxanne, do you really
think we need a deep throat?

I mean, why can't we
just find the Yuri

within ourselves?

Ha! Call me silly,
but...

I have a hunch that...

That it might be Pierre laroux.

Nonsense.

Pierre may be an obsequious,

ass-licking,
meretricious sycophant,

but a Yuri he's not.

He's off doing a secret shoot...

For vogue.

What?

Lies!

He'd better not be.

Okay now...

Let's move on.
Cornelia?

Chi chi, any trend report
from the front?

I heard

who heard from his boyfriend

who worked backstage at galliano

with Orlando pita,

whose blow-dryer assistant

just came from
the gaultier show...

That his next collection
will be revolutionary.

The girls will come out
on the catwalk...

In wheelchairs.

Wheelchair chic?

Genius!

Inspirational!

I think Da Vinci did sketches

of wheelchair prototypes.

We can use those for the layout.

I have goose bumps.

Nine pages.

Huh... Jocelyn,

I see you put your name down

for the "make
your own video" booth.

You know, I think
I'm gonna join you

on that one.

Paul, Jocelyn, why
don't you guys run over

to gustave's studio now?

I'll be there in a few
minutes. Just sit tight.

Great.
Great.

Taxi!

Hi. This is Luke Perry
telling you to buckle up,

'cause the only thing worse
than slamming into a windshield

is getting a whiff
of Jason priestley's breath

in the morning.

It was bad enough that
every taxi in New York reeked,

now, in addition,
tertiary-level celebrities

are imploring us not to
plunge through the windshield.

It's an interesting way
to attempt a comeback.

I bet it's a bummer
to be all famous.

On the cover of tiger
beat in one decade,

then be virtually
anonymous in the next.

I would rather
never be famous then.

Yeah.

I totally agree.

But actually, I do think
it'd be kind of bad-ass

to do a couple great
culture-kitschy projects

and then disappear
into, like, suburbia

or some random "m" state.

Quite true.

But you know, it's all too easy

to get sucked in.

Fuck! What
the fucking shit?!

What the fuck is
this black-and-white cow?

I asked you specifically
for an all-black cow!

Finally! We've been
desperate for this!

Ew! I hate livestock!

Where is everybody? We're
completely understaffed!

Oh, Paul!
Thank god!

Mmm, you look stunning,
my darling.

Paul, these people
are driving me crazy!

The toenail artist maimed me.

What did he do?

He filed my second-to-last
toe too much,

and it looks weird!

Let me see...

They look perfect, darling.

Then the lip-liner artist

found this horrid
burnt mahogany hue

which totally clashes

with the veruschka
Scarlet lipstick.

And you know how my
cosmetic company hates it

when the lipliner's
darker than the lipstick.

It's totally distracting!

He can't even understand
what I'm saying!

Darling, darling,
it's a cover shoot.

You don't need to say anything.

Eh! No more.

Aww...
Whatever.

Come on. Do you
want to see

what they want me to wear?

Ooh, yes!

I'll let you tie
my bikini strings.

Rowrrr!

Uh, excuse me. You're
not supposed to touch that.

I beg your pardon?

No, I'm just kidding.
You're Jocelyn, right?

Yeah.

Alex.

We met at the couture
birthday fashion shoot.

Oh, yeah!
How are you?

I don't know. I can't
believe these people, man.

They're nuts.

What's up with the 'tude
on that broad, you know?

I mean, we're doing
fashion here, not high art.

Huh. I guess she just
takes pride in her work.

We need you to fill
the water bottles

to spray on resin.

Pierre insists
on the misty look.

I need you to pour this evian
into the bottles

and practice spraying now.

Here, I'll help you.

That's the same thing
paint the cow.

You!

You're the spritzer?

Fantastique.

The vision!

Gentle rolling hills

just outside Dublin.

Meteorology, 66 degrees.

A crisp yet dewy October haze

on a gray day.

The charcoal clouds...

They taunt, yet...

Beckon.

I'm ready now.

Okay, okay, let's get
this party started now.

All right?

Gustave, I am not painting
that cow. I don't care.

The hell with you!

I told you last night
on the phone

I wanted an all-black cow.

And you and your make-up people

are going to paint
that goddamned cow

all black!
Get out of my face!

I'm not paying
for this bullshit! Move!

Oof! That was a long day,
wasn't it?

I cannot believe
we've been working

for eight hours.

Like a flight to Moscow,

but without
the Emilio estevez flick.

You know, Jocelyn,

I've got to tell you one thing.

I think you are

the best spritzer
I've ever seen.

Hm. Indeed.

Indeed.

Marvelous.

Uh-huh. I have
a new calling.

Mom and dad are
gonna love this one!

Oh, dad,

I've got to follow my heart.

Who cares about
my $300,000 education?

Oh, is that... this is me?

I created the
heathered hills of Dublin

in a greenwich village studio.

You want to see my vision?

Aah! No!

Titanic steer age class!

Stop it! Where's Kathy
bates when you need her?

Send a lifeboat!

I'll never let go, Jack!

You don't let go...

Paul. Paul.

- Paul!
- Oh, yeah. Right.

Let's go.

I was just mucking around

with Jocelyn here.

Uh, this is Jocelyn,
your spritzer.

Have you met yet?

Hi.

I'm gonna be late

for Patrick demarchelier's
book party.

Yeah. Okay.

Umm...

Hah! Whoa...
I gotta split.

You'll be all right
with your, uh...

What is that? Uh...

- Ribbon?
- Ribbon wrapping.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, Jocelyn,
I can help you.

Thanks, Alex.

Right.
Well...

I'll see you at
the carnival tomorrow.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Don't touch me.
You're all wet.

Uh...

Jocelyn, um...

I was thinking
that maybe we can go

get a cup of coffee
after or something.

Sure.

Clean-up time, Jocelyn.

Hey, Jocelyn!

How you doing?
Where you been?

Hey, nadik.
I need to pick up

Sebastian's fed ex to himself.

What was he fedexing?
Big or small?

His luggage from
his trip to St. Bart's.

Oh, it's that stuff back there.

It's too big for you.
We'll take it up.

Thanks.

Oh, hey, while you're here,

think you can help us out?

Sure. What is it?

We found this package

outside our door this morning,

no telephone extension
on the return slip,

so we took it down
to 4 Times Square...

That's conde nast.

Yeah. It was addressed
to an Andre Leon talley...

Andre Leon talley?
Wait, let me see this.

I don't even know
where it came from.

What should I do with it?

I'll take it.
Thanks.

Slow down, thunder foot!

This isn't sports illustrated.

Look what I just found
in the messenger center.

- Where'd you get this?
- Messenger center.

Someone was trying to send it...

I've been looking
all over for this.

- I know! That's why...
- This is very serious.

I don't understand.

I don't understand why
you have these layouts

and why you're "messengering"
them to someone.

I wasn't. The messenger
asked me to return them.

Somebody left them there.

"Someone"?

Hmm...

Maybe that someone is you.

And maybe you were planning

on sneaking them back
into my drawer

before you were discovered.

Sebastian, I'm not the Yuri.

Interesting.

You're very defensive.

I can't believe this!

Well, I'll believe it

until you come up
with another Yuri.

I'm gonna keep my eye on you.

Watch your back...

Jack.

Taxi.

Taxi!

Deep psst!

Over here.

Where?

Over here!

I told you never
to contact me again.

It's an emergency.

Look, you helped me
with the manolos,

and I really need your help now.

This is different.
This goes deeper.

How deep?

Fffucking...

Motherfucker!
Cocksucker!

Frig! Fuck! Fuck!

Sorry. It's my tourette's
acting up again.

I know, I'm used to it.
Now, listen.

- Rat fuck!
- We need help.

Somebody's been stealing
our story ideas

and trading them
to Nina zimoy at vogue.

I know. I know
all about it, pussy!

You know who it is?

Oh, no. We're not
going to do it that way.

Oh, ho, no! First,

you're going to tell me
what you know,

and then I'll tell you
if you're right.

I have a sneaking suspicion

it could be Pierre laroux,
our make-up artist.

Look deeper.
Look closer.

Follow that fashion!

What do you mean?

Oh, they're brilliant.
Did you design them?

No. I have to give credit
where credit's due.

Sebastian designed them.

Oh, yes, darling.
You do know

that I have a better
grasp on this subject

than he.

Okay, people, it's time
to pile into the town cars,

and you can check the list

for what booth
you're assigned to

and the times, and remember,

when you're not in a booth,

you're still representing skirt.

Wish I could always
have a cock this big

this close to my face.

You're disgusting.

Actually, my room
service boy in Paris

wasn't so different

than the dimensions
on this shirt.

Let's just say
he served up a lot more

than pet it dejeuner.

You jezebel!
What'd you write

on your customs card
when you came back,

business or pleasure?

Honey, no matter how many times

you get your croissant
buttered over there,

it's still work.

All right, everyone,
time to move out.

Chop chop.

If you need to reach me,
you can call my beeper.

It's 917-up-skirt.

I have a very important
thing to do right now,

so I'm not listening.
I'm not listening to you.

It's an absolute disgrace!

I can't believe
that we have to go

all the way downtown
to volunteer

at this dumb charity carnival.

It's pathetic! You don't
see anyone in vogue

having to do this.

I'm the hair editor.

I don't crawl around
on the ground

picking up darts in
the name of testes!

It's a fairly unusual...
Charity.

Although balls are important.

Uh, antoinette,
how's your husband?

You're married?

Absolutely.

And does he still live in Spain?

Yes.
The Atlantic thing

is a fabulous thing
for a relationship.

How often do you see each other?

At holidays.

You know, you were a great
little director in that video.

Maybe a film school is calling.

Actually, I always wanted
to be a photographer,

but the only people
who would hire me

were these sleazeballs in
this tabloid photo agency.

What did you have
to do, stalk people?

That's exactly what I did.

They actually had me follow

car roll o'Connor
with his son's ashes

to find out where he
was gonna throw them.

Oh, that's sick!

Yeah, beyond.

I had this severe moral epiphany

when I was crouched
down in the bushes

with my 30-pound Leica.

I bagged after that.

So, how'd you end up at skirt?

I just love skirt.

It has the best photography
of any magazine.

Really the most
innovative, stylish,

artistic shoots around.

So, how'd you end up
in magazines?

I had an eccentric uncle...

Who was my idol when
I was growing up.

He was sort of a...

Black-sheep, hip
rebel type, you know,

and, uh...

Whilst my parents always tried

to drag me off to Polo matches

and blah-blah-blah,

he was always abducting me

and taking me on the
most amazing adventures.

Sounds like a cool uncle.

Yeah, he was.
He was...

He was pretty much my savior

when I was a child.

My parents had a messy split,

and he saw me through it, and...

Anyway, he knew
I loved to paint,

and he always encouraged it.

So why don't you
paint full-time?

That's kind of what
I'm trying to do.

But, you know,
I like graphic design,

and fortunately
it pays the bills,

so I have just sort of gotten

into the whole routine of it.

Furthermore,
I don't think anyone

would want to buy my paintings,

except maybe a pizza parlor.

Oh, I'm sure people
would buy your paintings.

I have to get out of here.

I'm being harassed.

These sticky-fingered beasts

keep tugging at me,

begging for my autograph.

And... and annoying me!

Honey, they're children.

I'm not the fucking pied Piper!

I don't want them following me.

Shoo! Get away! Go!

Calm down.

I'm gonna be...

Half an hour more with this,

then we'll have a nice walk.

I hate walking.

Besides, my driver's
around the corner.

I have to go meet
Steven meisel at morgans.

He's gonna introduce me
to the model at norbert

who's gonna be in the
new ck campaign with me.

Okay, shall I come with you?

It's business.

It's business.
Right.

Um...
Page me tomorrow

and maybe we'll
have dinner, okay?

"Page..."

You know what, Jocelyn?

I have been inside all day...

And I think I
deserve a nice walk.

Would you like to join me?

Sure!
I'd love to!

Ca va, cheri.
Au revoir.

Darling, change of plans.

I have to meet norbert
at the Mercer at 2 A.M.,

so... let's grab
some dinner at raoul's.

Okay.

I'll take a rain check,
okay, on that?

Sure.
No problem.

Cheerio.

Antoinette,
can I borrow your intern?

The Doyle gallery just called,

and they're desperate
for this garment.

It's the dress Kim basinger
wore to the oscars,

the one with the one sleeve?

Needed for the celebrity
auction now!

All right, you can finish this

when you get back.
Hurry up!

And for god's sakes,
watch your back, Jack.

There are spies everywhere.

Trust no one and guard that
with your soul, darling.

I shall.

I owe you lunch.

November, December, something.

Our girls will figure it out.

Take the subway back.

Oh, hello, Jocelyn.

How's everything
at mental ward downtown?

You know, heinous.
But, as always,

a learning experience.

You're a trouper.

That's lot 163, all right?

Jocelyn, where have you been?

Kim basinger needed
to go up on that wall

hours ago.

She's the cornerstone
of this entire operation.

What could've
possibly held you up?

Oh. I guess
you haven't heard.

Heard what?

Oh, nothing.

Just the revolutionary
new nail color from Mac.

Everyone's freaking out.
Chi chi fainted.

You should've said that
right away!

Ha ha! I'm gonna have to have
someone messenger me some!

Ahem-hem!

So where'd you learn
that one from?

You know...
Tricks of the trade.

Yes, but he can be
a real twit sometimes

take no notice of him.

I'll try not to.

You been upstairs yet?

No.

Well, if you get the chance,

there's a fantastic new
photographic exhibition up there.

It is brilliant.

I think you'd really love it.

It reminded me of you.

I've wrapped up
everything downstairs.

Maybe we can...

We can make that walk after all.

Sounds great.

Isn't that amazing?

Isn't that the best French fry

you've ever tasted?

I give them a silver medal.

Silver medal?

What are you,
the east German judge?

No. I've just
had better.

Well... we'll go
and do a taste test.

Fine, but you have
to buy the plane ticket.

Where is this place?

In Bruges, in flanders.

It's a province in Belgium.

Yes, I... I see someone did

the requisite euro-railing

with a bunch of girlfriends.

I went by myself.

Did you?

So how many countries
did you visit?

I traveled the world.
I graduated early

and got a Grant from my college

to do a photo essay
as part of my thesis.

It was incredible.

That is amazing.
I can't believe

you did that all by yourself.

I'm so impressed.

So, uh...

What, were you scared at all?

Well, they tried
to strip-search me

in Indonesia, and
I got a little heat

for my bubblicious in Singapore,

but other than that,
it was smooth sailing.

And did you make, uh...

Did you make
any disposable friends?

Uh... a couple,

but no crazy night with
Ethan hawke in Vienna.

I do still have
this Moroccan family

who writes to me.

I have the best
pictures of them.

Well, I would love to see them.

Really?

- Mm.
- You would?

You are so observant,
I bet you make...

A great photographer.

Ah, home sweet home.

I had a really
good time, Jocelyn.

Well, anytime
resin's indisposed,

I'll be your walking partner.

Yeah. Uh...

Tomorrow's gonna be hectic.

I've been assigned to
the skirt security task force

to find the Yuri.

Sounds fairly glamorous.

You know, it really bothers me,

all this fashion espionage.

For someone to just
take all our hard work

and hand it over to vogue,
it really pisses me off.

I'm going to make it my mission

to apprehend the Yuri.

Well, if anyone can nab him,

I think you can.

A spy's work is never done.

Right.

Well, I really enjoyed our walk.

Good night, Jocelyn.

Sweet dreams.

Ooh, pretty baby!

Oh, hi, Toby.

Hi, Jocelyn.

Sorry, Jocelyn.

No, that's okay.

Vite! Vite! Vite!

I need my comb!

Fabulous! Fabulous!

This is fabulous!

This is a blessing, hot damn!

Lovely ladies,

embrace the water!

That's it, embrace it!

Make love to it!

Let the water wash
away your sins, ladies!

Take a lot more than this rain

to wash away that sin, ha ha!

Yes! Be sexy
in the rain, yes!

Praise god!

Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

You know what we need?
The lightning machine.

Lightning!

Lightning machine?

Let's get out of here!

Maybe we shouldn't stand around

during the lightning
holding a reflector!

Go!

Be exciting!

All right, ladies...

I'm freezing!
Call me a cube!

This is unbearable, cube.

I can't believe

that they're making rain
for the photo shoot

with water from the east river!

They're crazy! We're all
gonna get hepatitis d!

This is nuts!

Listen, we got to get
out of these clothes.

We don't want you
getting pneumonia.

Do you think
that they would mind

if I wore something
from wardrobe?

Ha ha!
Go for it!

This looks okay...

Uh-oh...

It's dolce.

Ha ha ha!

These things are
supposed to be worn,

not framed.

I'm swimming in this!

Hang on.
Where's your head?

That's it.
That's it.

There you go.

It's all right.

What's that?
Oh, look.

Hang on.
Excuse me.

You've got a tag here.

I can't get it.

Where the fuck
is my eyelash curler?

Piece of put a in merde!

Stupid people...

Oh.
Here it is.

I think maybe

we should get back out there.

No. No.

Look, I think we've
got some time left.

They won't be finished
for a while.

I'm gonna sort you out.

There you go.

Oh! Oh! It's
hideous out there!

I can't take it anymore!

I just walked off!

I don't feel well, Paul.

I just want to go home

and curl up with you.

Um...

Okay, look, uh,

I'll go... go and get
your car, okay?

You're so sweet, so good to me.

Aww...

Wow...

Uh... listen, I had
a great time last night.

Me too.

I loved working with you
at the shoot,

and I think that we make
great walking partners.

Maybe we should consider
the marathon.

Look, Jocelyn...

I think you are amazing.

You know?
And... and I loved...

That walk with you as well,

and I loved...

Hanging out with you
on the shoot...

And god only knows
I'm always so happy

when I see your face.

And, uh...

Well, I think we
make great friends.

But?

Um, but resin was
a little pissed off

that I've been seeing
so much of you,

and I realize that...

Oh, you know, I just hope

I wasn't giving you
the wrong idea.

Oh, no, no, no!

I mean, how can I forget

you're going out
with cover girl?

Everyone else is orgasmic
you're going out with her.

All right.
Okay. Good.

'Cause I just wanted to...

Yeah. Don't worry
about it, Paul.

It's good to keep things
out in the open.

Yeah, that's what I...

Hey.

Here. You got ten more
where this came from.

Jocelyn!

What the hell are you doing?

I was just wrapping this up

so I could go to the last

of lagerfeld's book party.

I'll send Karl your best
because you're not going.

We have a very important
project to do.

Have you noticed
people's desks lately?

Atrocities!

I haven't seen so many colors

since Todd oldham's
debut collection.

It's all about black.

I mean, what is
this bullshit anyway?

This is not lucky charms cereal.

This is not oz.

This is not skittles.

I want you to replace
each and every one

of these hideous
five-and-dime accessories

immediately.
Everyone's desk

should be in ship shape
by tomorrow morning.

Phillippe stark
just messengered over

his new line
of desk accessories.

From now on, everything
should be black.

Those bitches!

They all say brown's
the new black.

Well, I got news for you, baby.

Black

could kick brown's ass!

Jocelyn, what are you doing
working so late?

I'm making the bulletin
boards clash-proof.

God forbid we have
a stray yellow thumb tack.

Oh. So sorry.

You missed a great party.

Everybody was there.

I could've stayed all night,

but Paul forgot his stupid disk

and we had to come
all the way back uptown.

Bummer.

Well, ha ha!

We won't keep you
from your work.

I'm sure it's very important.

Come on, Paulie.
I wanna go home.

Jocelyn, don't work
too late, will you?

Come on.

Aaah!

You're pathetic!

Fie upon thee!

You are torture to airbrush!

You get off!

You! You! You!

What are you doing?
You're stupid!

You're a bad person!

You fool!

You ugly north dakotan!

You put a pox upon skirt

and you are never
ever working with us again!

You!

You... you... you...

The new muse!

Look at you!

You are fabulous!

You're incredible!

The eyes! The hair!
The smile!

This is it!

The new muse!

Hi, joss.

What's wrong?

I just had the worst day.

I don't know how much more
of this crap I can take.

I've been there for hours

re-accessorizing
the bulletin boards.

How's the hottie?

Still completely taken.

It's hopeless, Josie,
completely hopeless.

I'm beginning to think
I'll never get on staff,

and my summer money
is running low.

Well,

look on the bright side.

You are the star of
public television.

They're running
your office tour again

for the fifth time this week.

They must have it on a loop.

Come here.

I'm horrified.

Hey, did you see that?

She just came out
of the fax room.

So?

So she never sends
her own faxes.

What's the big deal?

Maybe she had
something else to do

in the fax room.

That's what I'm thinking.

Oh. I'm loving
this tote.

Tom Ford just sent it over.

Isn't it genius?

It's Gucci does I.L. Bean.
Genius.

I'll have to have Tom
messenger some over for me.

Oh,

lvmh is planning
a hostile takeover

of fayva.

Vuitton jellies...
I love it!

Did anyone see
the fendi brioche bag?

I've got to have it!

It's gonna be a staple.

We're doing four pages on it.

So, Olivier, what's
the deal avec vogue

stealing all your stories?

I heard there was a curry.

It's "Yuri," darling.

We're talking Russians,
not Indians.

Well, it's not me.

I won't work for vogueanymore.

They didn't
airbrush me properly.

The designers are butchers!

Butchers!

Anyways, now I have
my own private airbrusher

over here at skirt.

Paul is such a sweetie.

Oh! The Duke
with a macintosh!

I love working with royalty.

I love sleeping with royalty.

What are you,
the fourth Miller sister?

Not quite, Olivier.

I don't do exiles.

I like my men underfed

and overbred.

Can you get me a tiara?

Sure.

Anyway, this one is backed

by Polo fields

and the largest private estate

in all of england.

Whores! All of you.

Hey, hey, man.

You know where Jocelyn is?

Uh no.

Hey, French fries, yeah!

See ya, Alex.

- Later. Peace.
- Yeah.

Hey, Alex, what are
you doing here?

So nice to see you.

I was just dropping off
some contact sheets,

I figured I'd
stop by and say hi.

- Hi.
- How you doing, you holding up?

Barely, I got stuck
with all the trunks

for the western shoot all day.

Hee-haw!

You wanna go get some coffee?

Yeah, I can probably sneak out
of here for five minutes

before I have to go back
to this closet.

Cool.

Let me just grab my coat.

All right.

John! Simon!

Hello! Oh, sweetie,
hello, there.

How art thou?

Good, heard about the Yuri.

Oh, brutal.

Brutal? I can't even
think about it

before breakfast, please!

Jocelyn, you just missed it.

What?

Raw brilliance.

Helmets... helmets.

Helmut lang?

Safety chic.

Living is chic.
Helmut lang.

Helmets.

For motorcycles, mopeds, vespas.
Scooters, even.

To die for!

Foofy! Green tea.

We've got to make sure that
this trend catches on.

We've got to make sure
this trend is covered

with pages of the magazine.

Roxanne just doesn't
understand this.

It's going to be all the rage.

By this time next year,

we'll have every
single woman in america

wearing a helmet.

There will be helmets
in wall street,

helmets at the opera,

women in the maternity
ward in helmets.

No longer will lesbians
have that lock on helmets.

I'll see to that personally.

It's great, great.

Now everybody's gonna run out,

and spend $4000 for a helmet.

That's insane!

These people wouldn't
care about safety

if a top designer
didn't tell them to.

How do you deal?

Well a sense of humor is
essential for this job.

Yeah.

Richard, hi, how are you?

- Great shoe story.
- Oh, Kenneth!

Thank you.

Hi, Cornelia, how are you?

Great to see you.

Did you just see that?

Wow.

Did you just see that?

Statement.

Statement? Kenneth Cole
just cut me dead.

Obviously he didn't appreciate

our dominatrix
baby shoe editorial.

Now where were we.

$25,000, I repeat,

is not enough to do a piece.

It scratches the surface.

It is an insult to the designer,

it is an insult
to the makeup artist,

it is an insult
to the photographer,

and an insult to me.

Don't hurt her.

Raymond meier said skirt
isn't worth his time

if we can't put out the dough

to hang the Harry Winston
necklaces

off the gargoyles
of the Chrysler building.

- I agree with Raymond meier.
- Yes.

Can you blame Raymond
for saying that?

But you don't need
to spend that much money,

not in this day and age,
not with this technology.

I can just superimpose them,

and then Photoshop
them on my Mac.

But you would
be cheating yourself

and the reader!

I don't think the reader's
really going to know.

The reader knows.

You know how I know?
Because I knew.

Look, I was raised
in a trailer park,

- what?
- Not to leave this table.

My god!

But the point is,
what I look forward to,

I look forward to getting
my monthly skirt.

Or I dropped off right
at the trailer,

to get me just a dollop
of Gotham grammar.

I needed it,

so did the millions
of other teenage girls,

acid wash-clad, coming home
from the arcade,

we needed that!

We wanted hope,

and fantasy,

and we want our gargoyles real.

Yes, we want real gargoyles!

You understand us?
Real gargoyles!

Oh, there's my sweetie.

Hey sweetie!

Sit your cute butt down here.

She's great.

Am I interrupting something?

We were entrenched
in a serious debate,

regarding the importance
of investing in beauty,

have you any thoughts?

Should one

sacrifice their soul
for just some change?

Do you want to decide

between a budget and truth?

What they're trying
to say, Jocelyn,

is do you think
there should be caps

on our shoots?

Well, I don't think that
the sky should be the limit,

but I do think that
magazines offer

escape and innovation, and,

I hope to always find
fantasy and novelty

on the pages of skirt.

- Bravo!
- Just as I thought.

Yeah, thank you, but fantasy

doesn't come cheap, sweetheart.

Please, I don't want
to hear the "c" word.

Hello, darlings.

- Don't you dare throw that way!
- I don't wanna...

Don't you know that people
are starving at vogue?

Jocelyn, did you finish testing

all of the mousse in the closet?

Oh, I was almost done,
I just wanted to grab a bite.

Charmingly naive,
but don't you think,

with such important work
ahead of you,

you shouldn't take
time for lunch?

Besides, which I don't
know if you noticed,

these are all editors.

Take it easy, antoinette.

Just be nice to her.

She's the best intern
you've ever had.

Deep over here.

So glad you got my signal,

I really need your help.

You blew it, they got you again,

cock sucking hussy!

Pots and pans!

I know, I know,

but I need your help.

Now, is there gonna be
another leak,

and if so, what story?

Think deeper.
Think fdr.

East river drive?

Traffic jams?

Squeegee boys?

Think deeper.

Think tacky blonde bombshell.

Sharon stone.

No!

Fucking roadkill!

Who has black eyes
when she jogs?

What?

We're on deadline and there's
a shortage of interns?

This is bullshit!

I have a series of appointments,

and I desperately need someone
to carry my polaroid.

But we need her, darling.

Get foofy!

I don't know where foofy is.

Are you filing cards
for upcoming shoots?

You know we only use
five models anyway.

Are you an idiot?

No! So don't
act like one.

La!

So here's the trick

you call Louis Vuitton,

you call in four bags,
send back three.

Next day, call in two,
send back one.

Then call in five,
send back four.

When they ask you to cough up

the missing luggage, you delay,

and tell them it's
on a shoot in Barbados,

until you find out somebody
over there quit,

which is weekly,

and say you just sent it
back to Sheila,

and feign surprise when they say

"she left the company."

No way!

Yeah, and if they keep
questioning you,

tell them you messengered
it over to vogue,

because an editor
there requested it.

That's hilarious.

Works every time.

Hello, Louis v!

This soup is delicious.

Sure beats throwing Svetlana
in the acceptable pile. Thanks.

It's such chaos over there,

and this whole Yuri hassle
will drive me insane.

I had enough of the cold war

when we did
the Dr. Zhivago shoot.

Oh you got the chicken too?

It's so good.

Yeah, but I got the paillard.

I don't like playing with bones.

I'd bite my tongue on that one.

You are so great, Richard,

I'm so glad that
you work at skirt.

Some of the people there
are just so snobby.

The irony is,

they're all from trailer parks,

and they're all on the make.

I was in the fashion closet
the other day,

and I heard aloha
and resin talking.

What is it with Paul?

The Duke?

Yeah, what the hell is that?

Is he royalty or something?

Prince Chuck's his cousin,
or something,

you'd never know, would ya?

Why do you think resin
is going out with him?

You think she'd be attracted

to a guy in an art department?

Well he is really cute,

and funny,

and smart.

Uh-oh.

Is that an arrow in your ass

from cupid's quiver?

I got you.

But it's hopeless.

Why do you say that?

Things could work out,

you never know how
a man's heart works.

Yes, I do.
He already told me

he thinks of me
as a great friend.

The kiss of death.

Um-hmm.

But then, the other day
he brought me fries.

He did?
That's a sign.

He's so thoughtful.

I'm smitten.

Gee, I can tell.

In fact, you look green,
is that your heart

in your throat or your focaccia?

Don't puke on the carpet!

Somebody get the pepto!

Spritzer girl.

Where is the art department?

Things should be clearly marked

in these offices.

It's down there.

I'm supposed to meet
with Sebastian

to discuss strategy

for covering up heroin tracks.

Oh, it's so sad.

I know, it's terrible
that these girls

do that to themselves.

It causes so much
extra work for us,

matching skin tones,
blending palettes,

forearms can be quite
difficult for artistes.

I can imagine.

- Good luck.
- Mon die...

Jocelyn?

My god, are you okay?

Oh god, I think I got food
poisoning at dormi.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry that you
have to see me like this.

Shh, don't worry,
it happens to everyone.

I'll get some water.

Honey! Oh my god,
are you all right?

You got it all dripping!

I just chundered
in front of Paul.

I'm gonna kill myself.

Don't worry, you'll lose weight.

Here he comes.

Bonding over barfing is key.

Here's some water.

Good, she'll need some water.

Here you go.

Thank you.

I have some mints.

I'll leave them here.

I'm okay, I just...

I gotta get back to work.

Oh no, I wouldn't hear of it.

No, you're going home.

I'll put you in a cab.

Here you go.

Wait!

She's sick, buddy, come on.

What the hell are you doing?

Go home, curl up, get some rest.

You've gotta take
better care of yourself,

you are working
too hard. Come on.

Thank you so much, Paul.

Okay, I'll see you on Monday

at the Romeo and
Juliet shoot, okay?

Splattering against
the windshield

won't win you
any cosmetics contracts.

This is resin,
telling you to buckle up,

because safety is
always in fashion.

- What?
- What?

I can see the dresses
have arrived for Juliet.

Beautiufl, sensuous, feminine.

Thanks, Diane,
you are a goddess.

Remember, child,

life is love and love is life.

Rimy, yet charming,

New York subway
in the summertime.

Shh.

112 degrees.

Hassled, hot, hostile, harassed.

You're hysterical.

I've just been around
these people too long.

- It catches on.
- Yeah, totally,

I get far away from the fashion
crowd when I'm not working.

Yeah, but it's just
so incestuous,

everyone's doing everybody else.

They feel like if they don't,

they're gonna miss out.

Yeah, it's pathetic.

Listen, I gotta get back to work

before I get fired, but,

maybe we can grab a drink after?

I'd love to,

unfortunately, my day
doesn't end here.

Maybe tomorrow.

Great.

Oh, wait, shit, there's
this cool band, nimbus,

playing at rebards.

Sort of like disco,

sort of funk, you interested?

Sounds fabulous, I'd love to.

Yeah, cool!

Oh, and definitely
bring that silly putty,

I'm all over that.

Resin, Joey,

time to take your places.

I'm not ready yet.

I'm still in makeup.

See, chi chi, I told you,

I don't work like this.

Super models!

I know.

Okay, attendez!

Okay I need stand-ins,
stand-ins.

Oh, you, spritzer girl.

Did I hear my name?

Um-hmm, go stand on top
of the balcony.

I need another.

Yeah!

Yeah, I'll do it.

Go climb up the trellis

and stand on the other side
of the balcony railing.

Pierre, mon chere,
we need a vision!

1323...
No, four!

The setting,

a stony alcove in the house
of capulet perched upon

the rocky, jagged cliffs
of staffordshire.

58 degrees

with a post-precepitive
chill in the air.

The tempest has fled
to balmier pastures,

but its icy kiss lingers.

Unbridled passion.

Passion that rivals
nature's fiery volcanos

and rumbling earthquakes.

As these are acts of gods,

so is this union.

- Gustave?
- Yes, baby?

You need to show

these Romeo and Juliet
how to pose.

And you can bet your
sweet ass I will.

Okay, Romeo,

you just been running
in from the moors, okay?

You're all hot and sweaty,

"damn, Juliet is looking

hot as hell
right about now."

You know what I'm
trying to mean?

I want the body language to be
a lot more charged, okay?

So move in a lot tighter,
closer together.

Okay, look into
your Juliet's eyes

and "oh, Romeo, Romeo..."

Wherefore art thou, boy?

Come on, open your heart, man!

Show some love and some
affection for the girl,

and Juliet, Juliet
you just love this man,

yes, you know that's your
knight in shining armor.

Oh I like that.
Hold that!

I'm gonna take
some test polaroids.

Yes, Alex, move your ass,

move your ass,

Alex, please move!

I like that. Yeah!

Oh, yes,

I love that!

Romeo and Juliet!

Romeo loves you Juliet!

Wait, what the hell's
going on on here?

Resin, girl,

you better watch out,

'cause we got some
good models over here.

Well, I'm not worried
about her taking my job.

She probably couldn't even
fit into the samples.

Well,

your hair looks like
a sheep dog.

And Juliet croaks anyway.

Oh yes, you thought
that was something

when Tom Cruise caught
that bead of sweat

in the palm of his hand
in mission impossible.

Oh, that harness scene
is so hot.

This is a feat bigger than
breaking into Quantico.

You got the story from skirt?

And how!

Full details.

Vogue is in fort Knox.

Nina will be euphoric.

Man this neighborhood is it.

Yeah, see soho used to be fly,

but now it's all just sell
out, sell out, sell out.

Then, Tribeca was the "it" hood.

But now it's a bunch of yuppies

with their own
editing facilities,

waiting 45 minutes in line
for brunch at bubby's.

It's all about the alphabet city

in the y2k.

Paul, what are you doing here?

- You remember Alex?
- Hey, man.

I need to talk to you.

What, is something wrong?

I need some liquids.
What's your poison, jos?

Oh, I'm okay.

Garson!

What's wrong with you?

Oh it's "jos" now, is it?

What's wrong with me?

What is wrong with you,

hanging out with that
grungy poser,

he's beneath you.

What do you care
who I hang out with?

He is beneath you.

Let's not get started
with people hanging out

with people who are
beneath them.

Are you slamming my cover girl?

My sexy, gorgeous cover girl?

Because look at her,

everyone else wants

to sleep with her or be her.

Everyone except me.

Yeah, what is that about you?

How come you can
see through her?

Paulie!

Hey, man, you like this music?

Yeah, I think they
are great tunes, man,

terrific tunes, man, yeah!

Paul!

Easy there, bro.

You're drunk!

Go find resin,
she's looking for you.

So, resin is coming in.

Oh, hi.

Hey.

May I assume this is finally
my iced cappuccino?

Yes, and your change.

Thank you.

Geez, antoineete,

you really sucked
that puppy back.

Are you sure this was skim milk?

Well, they ran out so
they used two percent.

Oh, my god!

Okay, come on.

Oh, my god.

Come on, baby.

Come on, baby, do it.

Do what you have to.

Okay.

Here you go sweetie.

Oh, my god...

How dare you?

I specifically asked
for skim milk,

and you bring me
this fatty moo juice,

this cow lard?

I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry,

it's just you're so thin...

Don't patronize me!

Get this out of here,
clean it up now!

Would you get my husband
on the phone?

The hotel said he checked out.

Can't you do anything right?

Call again!

I tried three times.

Did you ask for the right name?

Monsieur de la paix?

I'm sure you got it wrong.

Monsieur de paix, not that hard.

I'm certain that
I said it right.

Monsieur de la paix.

The hotel specifically said that

Mr. and Mrs. De la paix
checked out.

Jocelyn, I'm so terribly sorry
for the way I behaved.

I'm off to London for a week or
so for my father's birthday,

and to sort out some things.

I'll see you
at the rentree fete.

Take care. Paul.

Oh, thanks.

Jay, London's great.

I am missing
the New York skyline.

I hope you're well.
Paul.

Jocelyn!

Fax this to galliano's

button maker's boyfriend's
stylist in Monaco.

You little...

You freak!

It must be Cornelia.

What are those for?

We're doing a story
on sable tail shawls.

Roxanne gave it six pages.

Jamis mal.
Tu est trop stupide.

Je m'ai fou!

Come in!

I have to talk to you.

What, another raise?

I don't get paid, I'm an intern.

Oh.

Okay, a demain, cheri, oui?

I think I might know
who the Yuri is.

Shui, let's continue
with the pedicure later.

Privacy.

Let's talk.

Delicious.

Good morning!

Morning, boys!

Good morning, good morning,
good morning.

How are you?

My, my, my, aren't we
a bunch of silent staff!

Did somebody die here?

Yeah.

Well, it's obvious from the way
that you two are dressed,

you're not here to talk
to me about fashion.

I'm afraid not.

I'm lieutenant path mark,
and you're under arrest

for the insider trading
code 3-2-7 b

for industrial espionage.

I always knew you were the Yuri.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Yes.

Yes I did it.

I wanted to make sure

these were
across-the-board trends.

I wanted to make sure
that if we'd featured it,

they would come.

But do you want to know
why I did it?

Because I love fashion.

Fashion is my life or, at least,

a good portion of my day.

My dream was always every man,
woman, child in america

would learn
to spell "ferragamo,"

little five-year-olds would
learn to play hopscotch

on simplicity patterns,

that words like "polyester"
and "leisure suit"

and "house dress"

would be stricken
from our vocabularies!

Yes, yes if that's my crime,

I'm proud that I did it.

If I have to go
to jail, so be it,

as long as I can take
my wardrobe with me.

Officer,

gold-cuff me!

Your trend-making days are over.

You can share your
precious fashion advice

with the bitches in the slammer.

I can't wait to tell
the girls in my cell block,

yes, you can mix stripes
with floral!

They'll be so happy.

People! People!

I have something to say.

This has been a monumental day,

marking the end

of a bitter and tragic era

that's cast a pall

about our fair headquarters.

The Yuri has been apprehended,

and it's thanks to the brilliant

counter espionage
by a very industrious,

proactive intern.

So let us raise
our veuve clicquot

to Jocelyn.

- Bravo!
- Good job, honey,

and I have more good news.

Jocelyn has been made
an assistant.

She's on staff,

and she's our newest
little skirt.

- All right!
- Yeah!

Jocelyn, gustave just
messengered over

the photos from the shooting,

and he included the polaroids

of you and Paul,
they're adorable.

I'm just disappointed
that Paul missed my coup.

I've got to get that guy
out of my head,

I need some mental floss.

Don't worry, sweetie,

just take a thought shower.

The important thing is
the editor-in-chief

knows your triumph
and put you on staff.

I guess.

Oh, are you still coming
with me to pick up

the stationary
from the calligraphers?

I have to get it to the armed
00.

I'm totally going,

I'll just do a quick email
and we're off.

We'll go to il cantinori

and celebrate the end
of your life

as an intern/slave.

Whew!

This way.

Hold on, there goes
my call waiting.

Cornelia, Cornelia, have
you seen Jocelyn?

Who's Jocelyn?

Right.

Pink.

Apparently, kiki lord
got her bony can canned

from Calvin klein,

and he was so good to her, too.

She was swell with everything.

I'm sorry, excuse me,
have you seen Jocelyn?

The intern?
Absolutely not.

Thank you.

So Jocelyn, I hear you got to do

the "Billy crudup in Las Vegas"
shoot with Roxanne.

Am I green or what?

Oh yeah, I'm so psyched.

Oh, I see our little resin

has found herself
a new boyfriend.

Oh, get a room!

But, what about Paul?

He's over at Sabrina heels.

She swings like Tarzan
through the vines,

and I don't think
Paul's too upset.

Can you believe antoinette?

Watching her in predator mode

is better than "shark week"
on the discovery channel.

Hi, whores.

There's Stephen sprouse
and China chow.

He's probably giving her
tips on how to remain

in the spotlight without ever
actually doing anything.

I'm gonna take notes.

Oh, I think I'll follow you.

How you doing, sweetie?

Well, I don't know.

I'm kind of tired,
I don't feel so well,

I want to just go home
and go to sleep.

Oh, sweetie, have a drink
of bourbon,

hit the hay for 15 hours,

you'll feel
a million times better.

I'll walk you to the door.

So I told her, you can have
your Gucci birkenstocks

and you can have
your fancy title,

but really, you're nothing

but a short, fat
Jackie o. Wannabe

with hideous feet.

Cynthia there's good
news, and there's bad news.

The good news is,

director of special projects.

The bad news is, there are
no special projects.

Uh, excuse me, I have to...

Paul, you are not going,

let's go have a drink?

No, antoinette, not tonight.

Oh!

Hey, Paulie.

No hard feelings, right?

No, of course not.

Look, you make a perfect couple.

I can only imagine the lengthy
philosophical conversations

you will enjoy
for years to come.

Richard, please tell me
you've seen Jocelyn.

She just left right behind
the editor-in-chief,

she doesn't feel so hot.

Right, good!

Jocelyn! Jocelyn!

Jocelyn, why did you leave?

I didn't see you all night.

I was not having very
much fun, I guess.

Why?

Well, I realize...

I is ten, it doesn't matter.

Jocelyn, resin and I split up.

I don't love her.

And I noticed another blonde

has grown in her place.

Antoinette?

You insane?
She's a nightmare.

She means nothing to me.

I am standing here with you,

leaving those phonies behind me,

because I'm crazy about you!

You are?

Yes!

But, Paul, I could never
be like them.

You don't have to be.

You and I both know
how absurd it is.

Don't you understand
that I love the fact

that you are not
obsessed with it?

I'm not into all that bullshit,

I don't know what I was
thinking of before!

All that glamour fades fast,

and when it is gone,
there is nothing.

Paul, I've seen
who you've been with.

How could I compete with resin?

She's gorgeous.

No, she's not gorgeous.

I've been so stupid,

she doesn't like French fries,

she doesn't play

with silly putty all day long,

and she doesn't make me laugh.

And you know, she would
never have been

clever enough to find the Yuri.

How do you know about that?

Richard emailed me
the whole story.

- Listen,
- Paul,

no, listen to me.
Listen to me, please.

No, it's okay...

Jocelyn, you are
an updated version

of quark express,

you are a short line at the dmv,

you're a walk around
New York in the fall,

you are funny and fun
and exciting,

and kind, and beautiful,

and when I went
to england I missed you.

I missed you.

I missed you so much.

Jocelyn,

you have the whole
world inside of you.

Hi, this is Jocelyn Bennett,

photo editor of skirt magazine.

There are a lot of beautiful
things to see in New York,

but your view could be ruined

if it's from the hood
of your cab, so buckle up.

There are too many
amazing things

that will happen in your life,
that you won't wanna miss.

And this is the kitchen.

Here's our water supply.

Most of our editors have
a preference,

like chi chi chemise
is into volvic.

Corney crisp gets so upset if
there's no more Pellegrino.

Anyway.

Here's the design studio.

That's Jocelyn Bennett,
the senior photo editor.

She's so nice.

Hey, Charlotte!

Rocky! Hi!

Oh, hello.

Hi.

That was Paul,

he used to work here,

and now he's a famous artist.

He shows in soho and stuff.

So rad!

He and Jocelyn are getting
married next month.

Yogi Yamamoto is
doing her dress.

They are so cool, I love them.

Oh, get a room.

Ow!

Can I ask you something?

What's with the angry?

I'm angry too.