Interactive Introverts (2018) - full transcript
Dan and Phil put the audience in control and stand under the spotlight to give the people what they want: an epic interactive experience of rants, roasts, battles, stories, and surprises that will make you laugh, cry, and cringe..
Dan and Phil.
Also known as Danis not on fire.
And the Incredible Philip.
Two Bloggers
known for their emo haircuts,
confident,
larger-than-life personalities
and calm, caring followers.
Currently touring the world
with a new stage show
promising to interact with
and please the audience.
But how?
So what are we doing here, Dan?
Giving the people what they want, Phil.
- Hello, everybody.
- What up?
- Thanks for coming to see us.
- Hello there. How's it going?
- Hi, how are you doing?
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Fancy seeing you here.
- Hey, guys, how are you doing?
All you guys, over there, at the back.
So how are you doing tonight?
Are you guys good?
All right.
Imagine how awkward it would've been,
if it was just awkward silence, there?
- I know.
- But thankfully it wasn't.
- Well glad to hear that you are good.
- Yes, indeed.
We are also happy to be here,
you might have noticed these
two giant, glowing eyes
either side of us.
These couple of long boys hanging out
on the edge of the stage over here.
Very phallic, we do realise that,
but, Phil, it's almost like
they stand for something.
- They do, interesting insects.
- Yep.
- Er, that's what it stands for.
- It does.
Release the bees.
- No, that's not...
- You're cheering for bees?
Wow.
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
"Sting me", okay, whatever.
No, no, it actually stands
for the name of the show,
- Interactive Introverts.
- Oh, yes.
Thank you, yes.
Snazzy graphic design,
it sounds very cool.
- It does.
- But, Phil,
- what the hell does it mean?
- Well, we are two introverts.
- Fact.
- And an introvert is someone
that gets their energy back
from being alone.
Now, the opposite of this
is called an "extrovert"
and this, if you can believe,
is a person that is actually meant
for socialising
with other human beings.
What?
I know, weird, right?
But apparently they exist.
Yeah, it's like at a party, they just
wanna rub their face on everyone.
Maybe not literally, but kind of, yeah.
Although at a party, you’ll just
find us by the food and the dips.
Yes, hiding in the corner by the snacks.
I'm a Dorito-vert personally,
that's howl identify.
Yeah, same, it's often confused
with shyness though.
You don't have to be shy
to be an introvert,
like if I was the shyest person
in the world,
I'm not sure I'd be stood here
in front of all you guys.
No, this would be terrifying, truly.
Yeah, I'd more likely be curled up
in a ball on the floor.
Just sat on the floor,
rocking backwards and forwards, crying.
How I spend most of my evenings.
Yes, no, it is possible
to be an introvert
and to be social, like us,
stood here right now.
- Yeah.
- It's just very emotionally draining.
The way I like to imagine it
is if you all picture
a life bar above our heads
like we're in a video game.
It's as if any time, any of you
make a noise
you're punching us emotionally.
Oh!
It burns.
And then they died, yeah, basically,
so based on that description,
does anybody here feel like
they are an introvert too?
Wow. All of you.
So you are really going through
something being sat with
all these people right now.
- Well, we appreciate that.
- We do.
And can we get some noise
from the biggest extrovert in the room.
Any extroverts in the...
Okay, calm down. Calm down.
Security. No, it's fine.
It's fine. I might not relate
personally, but you're valid.
You are, and some people
watch our videos
and they're like, "Wow, Dan and Phil."
- "They're so loud and annoying."
- "They must be so outgoing."
- Surely.
- But really, we're just
two introverted guys.
So being stood on a stage
in front of all these people,
it's not our natural environment, okay?
Our natural habitat is the sofa crease
on the couch in our apartment.
But the reason we wanted
to bravely venture outside
to go on tour is because one day,
we're all inevitably going to die.
And just turn into dust
and blow away with the wind
and be forgotten. It's coming,
it's coming, okay?
- Yeah.
- But before that
we wanted you to feel like
you had a chance to connect
- with the real Dan and Phil.
- Yeah, not as "Danis not on fire"
and "Amazing Phil" but as Daniel Howell.
- Yes.
- And my real name, Boris Humperdinck.
That is Phil's real name, everybody.
- It felt good to get that out.
- Thank you for sharing that, Phil.
No worries. And you guys are the reason
that we are here on this stage, tonight.
- Literally.
- And we just want to please you.
Which is why the mission statement
for the show you are about to watch is,
"Giving the people what they want."
That is right.
Which is why this show
is totally interactive
which we appreciate is very ironic
considering everything
we just explained about
our personalities.
Yes, which is why to warm things up,
we're gonna make a random member
of the audience stand up right now.
You... just kidding, just kidding.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Wow.
- Your faces were priceless.
- That right there showed who
the introverts and the extroverts
in the room were.
- It did.
- There were a few people
that were like, "Yes".
Literally, everybody else
went, "What? No!"
I have never seen 5,000 people
curl into a ball
- at the same time before.
- I know.
- That was amazing.
- Don't worry, we wanna avoid
awkward human contact as much as you.
Yes, but don't worry,
there will be many ways
that all of you here will control
what happens in the show tonight.
And what that means is it will
end up becoming a reflection
- of who you are as people.
- Yeah.
The things you want to see,
the decisions you make,
it will be whatever you want it to be.
It will, but who are the people,
what do they want?
- That is the question.
- Why do they want it?
- That's also a valid question.
- Where do they want it?
Er, no, no, when, when...
- When they...
- Was...
Now, okay, look, obviously,
there's lots of things some of you here
might want to see Dan and Phil
do live on stage together,
that we're not gonna do tonight,
because it's illegal
or if it isn't technically illegal,
maybe it's just offensive
or messy. I don't know
what you're thinking, okay?
It could be anything,
but this was originally
meant to be
a jelly wrestling arena, but...
- We had to change it up a bit.
- You can tell from the shape, right?
Get some ropes up, fill it with jelly,
jelly wrestling, but ideas changed
and here we are now.
So you might be wondering what
is actually happening tonight, guys.
Well, we don't want to give
any of you the wrong ideas...
- No.
- ...or to get your hopes up for anything
That we don't end up
delivering on, so first,
to be absolutely clear,
right now, we are going to show you
all of the things that we are not going
to do on stage tonight.
We have a wonderful show
for you tonight, everyone.
I bet you're all excited to find out
what's in store?
Oh, well, this isn't that.
Are you ready? Here it comes.
In tonight's show, Dan and Phil
will absolutely not
do the six-second challenge.
Dan, you have six seconds
to do an impression of a llama.
No.
ANNOUNCER". Engage in erotic role-play.
Police Chief Lester here.
There's a baa' boy] need to see to.
Please, be gentle with
the handcuffs, I have sensitive skin.
ANNOUNCER". Just have a staring contest.
Damn it.
ANNOUNCER". Dress up as their
cute, flowery, pastel personas.
ANNOUNCER".
Aren't they cute? Give us an "aw."
Aw.
ANNOUNCER". Let you touch their hair.
Go on, who wants to stroke it?
ANNOUNCER". Sit down and react
to a 24-hour livestream
of a domestic day
in Dan and Phil's apartment.
ANNOUNCER". Keep up with all the hottest
YouTube trends.
Phil, draw a 700 layers
of make-up on me.
Not before I eat
all these Tide Pods.
Mmm, delicious.
ANNOUNCER". Get all their best
social media superstar friends
on stage for a big party.
Just kidding,
they have no friends.
Literally, nobody responded
to their messages.
Confess real, emotional secrets
that are way too personal to share.
I contracted
chlamydia from a koala.
I literally murdered a person,
their corpse is in this trunk.
Ooh!
ANNOUNCER". Release dogs on to the stage
and just play with them for two hours.
Wait, you remembered
to feed them, right?
0h!
ANNOUNCER". And finally...
just get completely naked.
Whoa'. Okay, that was a 'yoke.
That was a joke,
calm the hell down, people.
Obviously, we're not actually
gonna get completely naked, okay?
So those are all of the things
we're not going to do on stage, tonight.
Which is fine because none of you
actually wanted any of those things.
- No.
- You have much better taste than that.
Now that we've gotten this out
of the way,
we can continue with
what we're actually doing in the show.
- Right, Phil?
- Yeah, although some of you
seemed a bit sad about the dogs.
Well, spoiler alert, there might
be some dogs coming up
later in the show.
Okay, Phil, if you are promising people
more dog content,
you have to live up
to that promise, okay?
- I would never dog tease anyone.
- Don't be a dog tease.
Right, so, er, if that's everything
that we're not going to do tonight,
you must be wondering
what the heckydizzle is in store?
- Yeah.
- Fair enough.
I feel like before we get
into that though,
we should probably do
something to get to know
you guys a bit better,
you know, break the ice in here?
- Yes.
- By releasing 20 tons of ice
- on to the audience.
- Go.
- Really.
- In for that as well.
- Y'all weird, okay.
- No.
If we want to give you what
you want, we have to know
- what kind of people you are.
- Yeah.
And as much as we'd like to take
you all out for coffee...
- Yes.
- ...or get to know you all individually,
Have an eight-hour conversation
about something.
Yeah, or slide into your DMs.
Maybe not that... We're sorry.
- What was the hand gesture for?
- Sliding...
What does that...
Sorry, no, I apologise for him.
There is no time, okay?
There are too many people here.
So we just have to jump in the deep end.
- Yeah.
- But thankfully, there's a little game
we both know that is actually perfect
for this exact situation.
Truth bombs.
So you've heard of the little game
that we released into the wild
last year? Okay, that helps.
You mean the one with
Amazon reviews that say,
"My sister doesn't talk to me anymore."
- Yes.
- "My grandma wrote me out of the will."
- That's the one.
- And, "My dog wants a divorce."
Yes, this game finds out
what people really think of you
by having them answer
some simple questions.
So we asked you some questions
about the two of us
and the thing is you could've
answered them in any way
- that you wanted to.
- Yeah.
You could've just been really honest
about what you think
the real answer would be,
you could've been nice,
just make us both feel good
about ourselves.
Or you could choose to savagely
roast us in front of thousands of people
for no reason!
Like I said, we'll find out
what kind of people you really are.
But first, there's a little
something that's gonna help
make this more dramatic,
let me just get this out.
Yeah.
- Hey, Phil.
- What?
Your mum.
- Really? Wow.
- This is going to help things.
So as this game was his idea, I think
it's only fair that Phil goes first.
Let's see what we asked you about Phil.
Ooh.
All right, I mean going up
and down this step is
pretty hard work for me.
Yeah, implying that Phil
has ever done an exercise, okay.
Slow it down there, mister,
let's see what you had to say.
Our fist answer comes from Jamie.
- PHIL: Jamie.
- Oh.
My children.
- Your children.
- My children.
If they're your children,
your children are dead, Phil.
- I know.
- You are not a very good dad
to these succulents.
Can we call protective services
- on this guy?
- I think we need to.
Who do you think is watering
our plants while we're on tour?
We don't have any friends,
they are all dead, people.
They are, I mean some people
have got green fingers,
I have black death fingers.
Phil has brown, crispy fingers
that, okay...
Right, the next answer comes
from Hunter.
- Okay, wow.
- Now this is something I'd be good at.
Phil actually used to breed hamsters
as a hobby when he was a child.
I did, but what would be that be like?
A set of hurdles,
then you'd jump over them while
just rubbing the hamsters together.
Sorry, while you do what?
Is that how you breed hamsters?
- No.
- All right, jenny and Timmy, here we go.
- Okay, babies, that's it.
- Jenny and Timmy?
- That's the secret to life right there.
- You just get them out their balls,
- set up a little dinner table.
- Literally, nobody here
wants to actually know
how you breed hamsters, Phil.
And the last answer comes from Victor,
who said, "Sunlight avoiding."
Yes, I mean, if that
was an Olympic sport,
- Phil would have the record.
- I did have to put SPF 100
just to stand under this spotlight.
Phil has that rare Voldemort complexion
that's so hard to protect
in the summer sun. It's a miracle
that you're alive right now.
- I'll Avada Kedavra you in a minute.
- Oh, my gosh.
Hey, it's Victor that said it, right.
Phil, only one of these
can be the winner.
- Ooh.
- Which of these sports
- would you get a medal in?
- I'm gonna go with Hunter
and the Speed Hamster Breeding.
Whoo, and that also gets the medal
for worst thing I've imagined this week
- which really says something.
- Nice. Give me that.
- It's Dan's turn.
- Hey, hey, I'm not worried.
I think they're all going to be
really nice about me.
Let's see what we asked you about Dan.
Okay.
Oh, I like that that's your reaction
to Phil just reading the question.
- Ooh.
- Seriously, what do you think of me?
Let's see what's hiding
in Dan's incognito tab.
- I'm kind of scared.
- The first one comes from Ryan.
There it is.
Wow, being here for like five minutes,
- 'there's the first furry 'yoke.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Thank you, Ryan. Wow.
- Amazing.
The next one comes from Hannah.
What does that mean?
I like that it's Saucy Shrek Fanfic
as opposed to one of those
like blissful, calm, domestic
Shrek Fanfics that are out there.
- I actually write them all.
- Really?
Yeah, it was a steamy day in the swamp.
- No.
- Donkey was lying on a bed
in just a bikini, Shrek came in,
"You wanna see under my layers?"
Stop, you're horrifying everyone.
Follow me on Wattpad, okay, right.
I'm disturbed... Last one
comes from Lynn.
Okay, okay, fair enough.
- Fair enough.
- I mean, you did a pretty good job.
Let's be real, where is the lie?
Where is the... It's not here.
Only facts in this house, people.
- Erm...
- What's the most accurate?
Well, I'm gonna say just because
the image of it will be
burnt into my mind forever,
I'm gonna give it to
the Saucy Shrek Fanfic.
Whoo! And you can say after that, Rose,
Dan is on fire.
- Oh. Sorry.
- Are you serious?
Leave, leave the stage right now.
That is unacceptable.
Well, I think clearly doing
a Dan round and a Phil round
is creating a bit of tension between us
that I don't think is helping.
I can feel the tension.
I don't think the tension
wants you to feel it, Phil.
I think, in the interest
of the show, we should come together
and do one more round, where we both
get roasted at the same time.
Is that what you want to see?
- Yeah.
- Exactly.
Well, let's see what we asked you
about both of us.
Great.
Great, lovely, I love our audience
fantasising about our death.
- This is a great start to the show.
- It is the best.
The first one comes from Elyce.
- Oh, my gosh.
- I don't think I've ever done
five seconds of exercise
in my life, so that might be true.
- That would be a real challenge.
- You have to be careful
going up and down those stairs, mate,
I think you got one second left.
Keep any eye on him, okay?
He's on the verge of death.
The next comes from jameela.
Honestly, it's pretty close.
Yeah, could we have designed a set
that's more of a trip hazard?
- No, have you seen this...
- Whoo, watch out, guys.
- Please save me.
- What, save you?
You would kill them
if you fell off the stage.
- I think I would.
- Why would he even joke about that?
There's like a 50 % chance
that that will actually happen
this evening, so I hope
you're ready to see the live death
- of Amazing Phil.
- Look forward to it.
And the last one comes from Sam.
- Okay, wow, Sam.
- That is too real, too real.
You don't know, Dan and Phil games,
my mouth is getting us in trouble.
- Oh, my gosh.
- This isn't a drill.
Especially in Spooky Week,
Dan has a real problem.
Er, well, which of these
are we going to give it to, Phil?
How will we really die?
I'm going to give it to Elyce
with Five Seconds of Exercise.
It is Five Seconds of Exercise.
Whoo! Well, there we go.
That was Truth Bombs.
Yikes.
- Okay, you're done with that.
- Sorry, I was having fun.
If that was our way of getting
to know you guys better.
I am shooketh, big mistake for sure.
Oh, Dan, don't be shooketh.
I think it's a good thing. It meant we
got to know the audience better.
Yeah, now we can start
giving them what they want.
- Ooh.
- Okay, I'm just gonna ask
- a quick general question.
- Yeah.
Who here wishes they had the like,
magical ability
to just force Dan and Phil
to do anything
you wanted to see us do?
A lot of people.
Well, that'd be okay.
"Well, we are real human beings."
- So it doesn't work like that.
- No.
Sorry, no,
we're not fictional characters.
We are people with free will
and that means that sometimes
the things that we choose
to do with our lives,
they might not be the things
that you want to see from us.
- No.
- But that just makes us feel bad.
Honestly, like Phil said,
we just want to please you.
I think that's why people
like The Sims so much though.
Does anyone here watch our Sims series?
It's a game where you make people
and you force them
to do anything you want,
that's the reason it's fun.
Yeah, you could just make five Sims,
put 'em in a swimming pool.
- Remove the ladders.
- Okay.
Watching Sims slowly drown
is one way to pass the time
- if you're into that.
- You know, I did a lot of that as a kid,
should I be worried about myself?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Should he be worried?
Hello, I live with him,
I should be worried.
Guys, I'm blinking, rescue me.
Oh, you could also make
a room full of blenders
or marry an alien,
or wa-hoo with a skeleton.
And this isn’t just what our Sim,
Dil Howlter, has done.
This is what Phil wishes he could do
in real life.
But we want to give you
that fun experience
with Dan and Phil whilst
also testing how responsible you are.
'Cause a lot of the stuff that
happens in this show,
we give you control over us
and we don't really know
how much we can trust you yet, so,
first, we'd like to test you
in a safe, controlled environment.
Which is why we're very excited
to show you something
that we have been working on
for a long time.
A simulation!
That is right, we have been building
this simulation ever since
we were foetuses.
- Not even babies.
- No.
Foetuses, people,
we have put the time in.
We have and we have spent
billions of pounds
and dollars on this technology.
Yes, this is the most accurate
Dan and Phil simulator
- that will ever exist.
- Yeah.
Inside this machine
are a digital Dan and Phil
that you will be able to control,
but the thing is, whilst technically
you can do anything you want,
the Dan and Phil in this machine
have highly powerful
- artificial intelligence.
- They do.
So, they think and feel
just as much as the real us.
So, be responsible, okay?
Only do things that you would
if you were controlling our real lives.
Remember, this is a test, okay?
Right, let's boot up the first program.
Here we go.
- Er, Phil. What is that?
- No, no!
- Stop. Make it go.
- Phil, explain.
That was a private simulation
I was working on.
Of all the references
you thought you were gonna get tonight.
Horse Prince, there we go,
okay, can we boot up the Phil program?
- Ooh, hello.
- Oh, so I should explain,
everything that happens
in this simulation
is based on data from our real lives.
So they are situations
that we would really be in.
Choices that we would actually make.
Let's see where Phil is today.
Phil arrives at Barstucks.
Ooh, I think this simulation
didn't wanna get sued.
Fair enough. He's staring
at the menu, what should he order?
So, there's gonna be two choices.
I will read them out,
then ask you to cheer
for one that you want to happen
and Phil will do it.
So let's see the options.
Phil could order a nice hot chocolate.
- Sure.
- Sounds good.
Or the new pumpkin spiced
unicorn, death cinnamon frappé.
Wow. Lot going on there.
- I am feeling pretty curious.
- Well, it's up to you.
Cheer for the one you want,
who wants Phil to order
a nice hot chocolate?
Anybody? All right.
Thank you, people, lovely drink.
And who wants him to order
the spicy, unicorn,
death thing?
- It sounds more interesting.
- Wow. It does sound good.
Phil orders the frappé.
See, this is going well so far.
- Yeah.
- Good job, everybody.
Ooh, that does like delicious.
The frappé is vibrating
with energy that...
- You okay there, Phil?
- It's vibrating with energy.
- Is that supposed to be the frappé?
- Yeah.
How big is this frickin' drink?
Put your hands down,
it gives Phil a huge sugar rush
and he has to capture it for the lnsta.
Okay, everyday relatable situations.
- Okay.
- But what will he do?
He could either...
- Sure. He's had a lot of sugar.
- Sure.
Or "Accidentally tweet a private photo
of him in his underwear."
- What?
- Wait, Phil, why would
- the simulation suggests this?
- There's nothing like that hidden
- on my phone.
- Well, okay, er, I feel like
this is the point where I have
to remind you that this digital Phil
experiences real guilt and shame.
- Be responsible, do the right thing.
- Yeah.
Who wants a selfie with the drink?
Anybody? Sure.
Lovely selfie, might be a bit blurry.
Who wants him to tweet
a photo in his underwear?
Oh, no.
- Guys.
- I feel like
- they're not taking this seriously.
- Wow.
What, we can't be seen to be
like shaming anybody.
Just get it over with, Dan.
He tweets the private photo,
I apologise for anything
mentally scarring, that you...
Er, look, that's before
I did my one push up in the morning.
"Privatesexyphoto.j pg"
that's a real photo there.
Totally real.
Phil tries to delete the photo
and he drops his phone in the drink.
- What?
- Good one.
He also spills cream
all over his crotch.
Right, you got him into
this mess, people,
you have to get him out of it.
Let's see what we can do.
- Oh, hello.
- A kooky dude appears.
It's Satan!
What?
Did you just cheer for Satan?
Wow.
Just 'cause he's shirtless, guys, right.
He wants to make a deal,
let's see the choice here.
Phil Could...
- Sounds good.
- Sure, bit of Fletnix and Phil?
Casual evening, or...
You know, I do not trust
this man and his nipples.
But it's up to them.
Who wants to avoid Satan?
All right.
- Respectable choice.
- Yeah.
Who wants him to sell his soul to Satan?
Guys.
That was passionate. Did you think
you'd be enthusiastically cheering
for making a deal with Satan
this evening?
Yes.
Yes, what do you mean, yes?
I was gonna do it anyway,
even if I didn't come here.
- Wow.
- We're making a deal.
Look, Phil, don't worry,
this might all work out.
- Let's see where we are.
- This seems all right.
Well, we're still in the coffee shop.
Guess everything worked out fine.
Phil goes to hell with Satan
when suddenly he hears the sound of
scissors and glue pouring onto glitter.
What have you done?
Why is there glitter in hell?
I have no idea
what that could...
That makes sense,
that actually makes complete sense.
Dan appears holding a potato.
"Time to get printing, Philly."
He stamps Phil to death for eternity.
- No, stop, cancel.
- Can we shut it down, please?
- Cancel the simulation.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Wow.
- I trusted you.
The man went in to order a drink
and you sacrificed him to the devil.
Are you proud of yourselves?
- Yes, they are.
- Really?
Okay, you know what,
I don't feel like we need
to continue this to make
the point we're trying to make.
No, I think we need to do
the Dan simulation.
Okay, fine, fine, whatever. Only if
they take it completely seriously
this time.
All right, let's boot it up. Boop.
Ooh, Dan decides to go outside.
Whoa, whoa, what reality
is this based on?
Right.
Ooh. What are you gonna do?
Does he go home and sit in the dark?
I mean, that's what I would do
if I found myself
- outside for any reason.
- Sure.
Or...
- All right, whatever.
- It's up to you guys,
who wants him to go home
and sit in the dark?
Sitting in the dark,
my people.
- Yeah, okay.
- And who wants to talk
to the suspicious man?
Hey, hey, whatever, fine, I need
more friends that aren’t just Phil.
- Sure, let's talk to the man.
- Here we go.
It's a what?
Look, okay, right, look,
furries are a thing.
They're out there, half of you
are probably furries.
We are not here to judge.
So let's just see where this goes.
But what are you gonna do
with your furry friend?
- We just met.
- Do you...
My default response
to human interaction.
Or...
You can all make whatever choices
you want to and that is fine,
just know that I will be judging
you personally based on what
- you cheer for here.
- Let's see what they want.
Who wants to see the memes?
Thank you, I have some lovely
Shiba Inu gifts to show this furry.
And who wants the tickets
to the underground furry rave?
That's the one.
Fine, fine, just know that
God is judging you.
- Okay.
- Let's hit the club.
This is a lot weirder
than I hoped it would be.
Ooh, that isn't me.
In my what?
I don't have one of those.
- I wondered what you got in the mail.
- Shut up, shut up.
But what happens now,
does he...
Er, who walks into a club
and just starts doing shots
- off somebody?
- You apparently.
Or...
That sounds like
a lovely, innocent time.
- Yeah.
- I just wanna say,
this seems like the point
in the Phil simulation
where we went down the whole,
Satan, torture path.
You don't need to make
the same mistakes, okay?
Don't listen to everyone around you.
You are all individuals with free will
and I trust you
to do the right thing.
I don't think you're helping your case.
Who wants the otter?
- Well, that was loud.
- Wow.
And who wants polite conversation?
There was an attempt.
Time to get your otter out for the lads.
Never say that again.
Ooh, that is a lot of tequila.
Er, Interactive Introverts
is not legally responsible
for any sexually explicit images
that you are not leg... Okay.
Oh, er...
Oh, thank God, okay.
- Just don't pee in the suit.
- I thought that was going
- somewhere much weirder.
- Yeah.
What happens now?
Does he...
I mean, that's what you do
in this situation, right?
Or...
Oh, for God's sake. Ha, ha. Very funny.
Right, I am gonna go kick
the computer after this.
Do we even have to ask,
who wants the door code?
Literally five people. All right.
And who wants the lady door?
This is why we need to destroy
the concept of gender, okay?
So this situation doesn't happen
to anybody.
Thank you, yes.
Lady, lady, enter the lady door.
Jesus.
Ooh.
This is so embarrassing, I can't look.
Oh.
- I what?
- You die.
I die, what do you mean I died?
Well, is that it?
Are you kidding me?
Are you freakin' kidding me?
Why are you cheering for this?
Hello, no, no.
This is the bad ending, people.
This is literally the worst, possible,
timeline that can happen right now.
- They don't even care.
- They're happy.
Just shut it down, shut it down,
abort, abort.
No. Wow.
I think we could've spent
all that money on something else.
All those billions of pounds and dollars
for nothing!
Wow, well, if that was the test
for how responsible all of you
are gonna be this evening, I think
we should just run for our lives.
I'm a dip, see you later.
No, Dan, Danny boy. Listen.
What? I don't think
we can judge them on that.
I mean, there were some people
in the audience that were like,
"I wanna see Phil's selfie."
"I wanna see the memes."
Okay, sure, fine, there were
a few people out there
cheering for the normal stuff,
but, no, no, you got out cheered
by everybody else and your voices
weren't heard.
- No.
- That is the way that the world works.
I also think this was an example
of mob mentality.
'Cause there were some people
in the audience that everyone
was screaming around them
and it was making them
change their own opinions.
I mean you wanna fit in
to a big group, right?
Like, if there's an angry mob
walking past your house,
you don't have to know what
they're angry about.
- No.
- It just looks catchy and fun.
So you go outside,
you pick up a pitchfork,
march along for a bit
before you know, you're stabbing Phil
in the butt and you don't know
how you got there.
- It's human nature.
- Well, I think l can prove
this is happening with an experiment.
All right.
What the hell was that walk?
- That was my mysterious walk.
- Yep, no problem.
Phil is a mystery to me.
But before we begin my experiment
to prove you all think the same,
I think we need to sync up the audience.
Yes, get them all in this
angry mob together, okay.
And we'll do that by learning
your collective name,
you know like a group of animals
like a pride of lions.
A murder of crows,
that's my go-to example.
Or a sea of rats.
Right?
They like that one.
We'll do that by everyone saying
their name at the same time.
Then we will know what
you are collectively called, all right?
Yeah, are we ready? Here we go.
Say it.
Oh, my gosh, that was like
some kind of alien war cry.
That was terrifying.
Yeah, what, did you hear a name
in that abyss, Phil?
- Do you know what I heard?
- What?
Susan!
- But did you hear Susan too?
- Yeah.
I definitely heard Susan.
- Susan.
- It was absolutely... That is crazy.
So that means you are
all now collectively Susan!
Henceforth, you are Susan.
Hey there, Susan, nice to meet you.
Dan, hi
So now you're are synced up as Susan,
we can move on to the first experiment.
It involves the fact that everyone says
that me and Dan should get a dog.
That is a thing.
Yeah.
Hey, we want to give
the people what they want.
They just want us to get a dog, Phil,
that is literally all
anybody cares about.
They do. But the question is, Susy Pops,
what breed of dog should it be?
Mmm, okay.
Look, look, everyone has
their own favourite breed of dog.
- They do.
- The dog they imagine us getting.
But there is no way that everybody here
- could come to one decision.
- I think they could
using the grid of dogs.
Bam! Oh, you wanted more dog
content? Here you go.
Look at those good boys.
- Who do we have here?
- Lorraine’s just had a blow dry.
Wow, er, Fluffy on the right
looks kind of terrifying.
- Beautiful on the inside.
- Don't think I'd put my foot near that.
I feel like Sherlock at the top
looks like Benedict Cumberbatch.
- Is that just me?
- Yeah.
So what I'd like everyone to do is
put your hand out in front of you.
Don't tickle the person
in front of you, that would be weird.
This is not a 4D experience, okay?
Keep your hands to yourselves.
And point
to your favourite orange dog.
Right, but,
oh, this is very important.
- Yeah.
- This whole time,
- do not say anything out loud.
- No.
This is your personal decision.
Your journey, do not let anyone
here influence you.
No, so from your favourite
orange dog, I want you to move
your finger up or down
to the first blue dog
- that you reach.
- Up or down to the first blue one.
Yeah, and from there,
let's go left or right
to the first orange dog that you reach.
Left or right to the first orange.
And from there,
let's go diagonally
to the first blue dog
that you reach.
Diagonal in any direction.
Yeah, the first blue one.
And from there, go up or down
to the first orange dog that you reach.
- Up or down to orange.
- Yeah.
- So, you all started on a random dog.
- You have all made your own decisions.
But as Susan, you have chosen Gary.
All right!
- Let's see, aw....
- What a good boy.
- Good decision, Susan.
- Yeah.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Did anybody here not get Gary?
Okay, a few people, right.
You did it wrong.
Er, no, it's fine, it's fine.
It just means you aren't part
of Susan yet.
- No.
- But you can be if you believe.
- You just need to get in Susan.
- Yes.
That didn't sound right.
- Join in with Susan.
- You just need to join in with Susan.
- Yeah.
- That's better.
We'll get those stragglers
further into Susan.
And we'll do that by
syncing you up again.
Okay, okay.
So, this is going to
be super satisfying.
After the count of three,
I would like everyone to clap once
at the same time.
Who just clapped?
- Ready.
- I said after three.
Are you applauding people
for clapping at the wrong time?
Bad Susan.
- Susan, stop.
- Susan, stay.
Susan, sit.
Stay.
Beg, sorry, that got weird.
That got really weird fast.
Okay, look.
This is gonna be so satisfying
if we get it right.
Here we go, three, two, one.
Ooh!
- Ooh, that was good.
- I like that.
No, I think this could be even better.
We could do some serious
community ASMR if we get this right.
- Yeah.
- Here we go.
Three, two, one.
Yes!
Wow.
I feel like we probably just caused
a natural disaster somewhere
on Earth by doing that,
but it was totally worth it.
I think we just broke the sound barrier.
Oh, for God's sake. Really?
Boo, boo.
- Don't encourage him.
- Right.
Well, now everyone
is officially part of Susan.
- Yes.
- We can move on
to the second experiment.
Which involves something
I found under Dan's bed.
What is with the judgment in this room?
What do you people think I get up to?
Oh, I was doing some
innocent spring cleaning.
That is a lie, okay?
Phil has never cleaned anything
- in his entire life.
- I have.
I saw something shining under Dan's bed.
And it was so weird,
I had to bring it to show you guys.
Okay, this is the point
where I remind all of you
that Interactive Introverts is an
inclusive, zero-shaming environment,
Okay?
- We are here to be supportive.
- Dan.
- Not to judge each other.
- What the hell is this?
That is my secret box.
It's so heavy.
It's got a big lock on the front,
so I couldn't open it.
Obviously, it's my secret box.
Right, well, you hold on to this.
- Right, thank you.
- Because I think... You got it?
I think now everyone
in Susan is thinking the same.
Whoever we choose in the audience,
is going to be able
to guess what is inside this weird box.
Okay. No, Phil,
our audience, they know us pretty well.
They don't know what I would
be keeping in a box under my bed
- that would be weird.
- No, I think they would,
and I can prove it using...
I'm sorry for what's about to happen.
I feel like this whole thing
was an excuse for Phil to do this.
The mystery balls of selection.
Wow, look at that, everybody,
Phil has three balls.
I do, so I am gonna start
some music playing.
Then I'm gonna launch
these balls into the audience.
I want you to throw them about,
- bat them around.
- Throw them across the room?
Get them in the sky.
Yeah, but when the music stops,
whoever's got a ball,
if you don't want it,
just throw it to someone else.
I'd like you to stand up
and I'm gonna individually ask you
what you think
is inside Dan's weird box.
What do you think I am hiding
in a locked box
- under my bed.
- Yeah.
- That is the question.
- It could be an animal.
It could be an object,
it could be any size.
It doesn't have to be something
you think would fit
in this box apparently.
But let's keep it something
I would say on the Amazing Phil channel.
- Let's keep it Amazing Phil, people.
- Please.
Let's start the music, here we go.
Whoo!
- Pass those balls around.
- Keep it going, keep 'em going.
Whoo!
Yes, okay.
Keep going, throw the ball.
- And...
- Stop!
Okay, sorry, I enjoyed that.
Has everyone got a ball?
Can the keepers of the ball stand up?
- Ooh.
- Let's give them
a round of applause.
Phil, I don't think anyone
wanted to be called
a keeper of the balls tonight.
I think they do.
Okay, so you might need
to use your loudest voice.
Let's go to the green ball first.
- Hello.
- Hi, what is inside the box?
His Speedo collection.
My Speedo collection.
Wow.
Wow, why am I keeping
my Speedos in a locked box?
What do I get up to?
- Thank you for that.
- Are they yours is the question?
Ooh.
I do not like
what is being implied here.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Let's move on to the next ball.
- Hey, there.
- Which is the stripey ball.
Hello, you have to use a loud voice.
Fan fiction.
What is so weird about
this fan fiction that I am locking it
in a box under my bed?
That's what I wanna know.
This fan fiction is so cursed,
I printed it off,
I laminated it and I put it in this box,
- so no one could ever see it.
- I'm scared.
It's the Shrek fan fiction.
- It's the Saucy Shrek Fan Fiction.
- Oh, my gosh.
It's in here.
Let's go to the last ball over here.
The pink ball.
- Hey.
- Hi, what is in the box?
The stolen cereal?
That's the stolen cereal,
okay, thank you.
The cereal that I am hiding from Phil.
- I would still find it.
- That is the best guess.
- I could sniff it out.
- Get the hell away from this,
you monster.
Okay, well, thank you,
I agree with that one.
- That would be a good place to put it.
- Yeah.
So let's return the balls to me.
Okay, everybody,
throw the balls back to Phil.
Here we go, get them to the front.
All right, pink ball, here we go, Phil.
Ball number one.
- Receive, here we go.
- Oh, my gosh.
And ball three.
- Here we go. Phil's got the balls.
- Hey.
Hey, I feel like that was dangerously
close to five seconds of exercise.
- Almost.
- Slow it down there, mister.
The sport I would get a medal in,
ball wrangling.
- That was pretty good.
- I literally hate this whole thing.
Phil, remove your balls from the stage.
So, I don't know why
you think I am keeping
a Speedo collection, some fan fiction
and cereal together
in a box under my bed.
Well, Dan, I need both
your hands for this bit.
So put the box down.
Has anyone seen a key for the box?
It might be under your chair,
like an old rusty key
probably smells weird,
'cause Dan owns it.
Has anyone seen a key for the box?
Sorry, what are we
talking about right now?
That's your house key,
that's not the key.
Sorry, everybody,
this isn't an Oprah moment.
I have the key.
- What?
- Sorry, everybody.
- I have the key.
- You had the key the whole time?
Obviously, it's my secret box,
why wouldn't I have the key, Phil?
We could've done this
in private instead of in front
of all these guys.
Could've done it in private,
but then you're like,
"Oh, let's show 'em what's in your box."
- And here we are.
- Right, give me the key.
Ooh, this is a bit Fifty Shades of Grey,
isn't it?
Zero-shaming environment, thank you.
- Let's get it over with.
- Let's see what's inside the box.
- Ooh.
- Don't "ooh," what is it?
It's a glass jar.
Well, that's none of the things
you said.
Congratulations, Susan,
you got it wrong.
But, wait, Dan,
there's something inside the jar.
- What?
- Let's unscrew it.
It's a mysterious scroll.
Okay, still don't see
how that's relevant.
Well, Dan, what if the things
that Susan said are written
on this scroll?
Whoa, Phil, this scroll
has been inside a glass jar.
- Yeah.
- In a locked box
that has been here the whole time.
And three random members of Susan
said three extremely random things,
there is no way
- that they could've known this.
- I believe in Susan,
- I think we should have a look.
- So do we have...
The Speedo collection.
- I hope not, to be honest.
- Here we go.
Okay, that is freaky.
Oh, my gosh, I'm quite disturbed
by that.
They knew.
Okay, do we have the fan fiction?
There's no way.
- Fan fiction!
- Okay.
I'm kind of freaking out now.
- Not gonna lie.
- There's no way we can get
- the cereal in as well.
- It's hidden cereal,
- how could anyone...
- Here we go.
- Cereal!
- Oh, my God.
- Er...
- Susan.
Do you have cameras
in my bedroom or something?
- What is that about?
- Oh, my gosh.
Yes. Oh, you do?
Great, the more I know.
Well, here you go,
you guys tear this up,
share it between everyone.
Tear and share, oh, my gosh,
it's like The Walking Dead down there.
Someone call Rick.
Well, I don't like that
that basically turned
into kink shaming Dan.
But fun experiment, Phil.
I think it was a good thing,
it showed that everyone
in the audience is just
one blob that all thinks the same thing.
Okay. Phil, I think
you showed in a big group,
people wanna fit in,
but I don't think it's fair
to imply that everybody
here is just the same kind of person.
- Really?
- And they all think the same thing.
I feel like this can be the issue
with fandom sometimes.
Is anybody here a member of a fandom
of any variety?
Say, when you have
a favourite TV show
or YouTuber or book,
it can be really fun
to join the community of people
that like whatever that thing is.
You get to make friends with other
people that have similar interests.
See all the amazing artists
out there on the Internet.
Read all of the weird fan fiction.
It's all part of the fandom experience.
But sometimes the voice
of a fandom can be so loud
that if there's anybody
out there that maybe
prefers to think of themself
as an individual.
- Yeah.
- They might have their
own personal connection
to whatever this thing is.
Sometimes these people
don't get represented.
- Oh.
- And if we want to give the people
what they want,
I think that these guys
count just as much as anyone else.
But if they're all so different,
how can we know what they want?
Well, Phil, that's why
we decided to straight up ask you
in a survey.
That is right.
Who is ready for some statistics?
You can't dab for statistics.
Yes, I can, statistics.
Wow.
Are you ready for some math?
Can I get a woot-woot?
Woot-woot.
- Yes.
- Okay, before we start,
I need something from the flap.
Er, I personally think that
props and costumes
are tacky, but Phil is a tacky person.
- So here we go.
- Dan, take this.
- It's glasses and clipboards.
- Wow.
'Cause we all know that glasses
mean you're smart.
Right. Guys?
It's a look.
So we asked you a series
of interesting and revealing questions
that will tell us how you're
all different from each other
and what it is that you want.
Yeah, we started off pretty easy
with...
Obviously, very relevant
to this experience.
Yeah, and the options were,
"Heck yes" and "Hell no".
Erm...
Phil wrote all of the options
for this survey obviously.
I just wanted them to be spicy.
Definitely, well, you voted.
Let's see what you said.
- Oh.
- Wait a minute.
This is looking quite close.
- That is not close.
- That is not close.
71 % of you said yes and 29 said no.
You are up for it in this room tonight.
- You are.
- Fair enough,
although I feel like I have
to point out to
- the 29 % that said no.
- Yeah.
By filling out this survey,
you have audience participated, so,
congratulations, you played yourself.
But, no, it's fine.
- This is a show for everybody.
- It is,
so this question got a little bit deep.
And it was...
This is the thing, you know
a lot about us.
Our hobbies, interests,
a few kinks apparently,
but is that the real Dan and Phil?
Or are the Dan and Phil
you see on YouTube just
two characters that we act like
because it's what we think
- you want to see? Hmm.
- Well, the options for this one were
"Yes", "no", and "who are Dan and Phil?"
Who here would say,
"Who are Dan and Phil?"
- Are you kidding me?
- I had to add it in just in case.
I feel like Phil is ruining
the survey here.
Well, let's see what you said.
Nobody watching this would say,
"Who are Dan and Phil?"
24 % of you said, "Who are Dan and Phil?"
Hold up, hold up,
a quarter of you
said you don't know who we are.
- Wow.
- Where do you think you are right now?
Shrek (the Musical?
Well, this is a lot
saucier than I thought it would be.
- Let's not think about that.
- No.
But what about the 17 % that said no?
Well, that's quite disturbing, Phil.
- Yeah.
- Why would they say that?
- I don't know.
- Why don't they feel like
they know you, Phil?
- They do.
- Why are you so shady, Phil Lester?
- I'm not.
- It's fine,
we'll come back to that later.
Okay, fine, well, the next one
had some snazzy options.
It was...
This is an interesting one,
because it tells us
what do you actually like
about Dan and Phil.
- Yeah.
- What is the content
that you are here for,
is it the casual domestic stuff?
Is it the creative stuff
with the editing?
Let's see those options, shall we?
So we have...
Obviously, a diverse set
of options for everybody,
but clearly there's too many
for this to just be shown
- in another bar graph.
- Really?
No, this time, the results
come in the form of
a pie chart.
Oh.
Didn't see that coming, did you? Ooh.
- That is right.
- Dan really loves the pie chart.
Er, just so we're clear.
Most of the budget for this show
went on generating
that pie chart, so this has peaked now.
- Yeah.
- Well, what do they say, Phil?
Well, 40 % of you, most of you, like
"Phil is not on fire".
Really?
All right, classic choice.
- Fair enough. What?
- But wait, wait, wait.
The next one is 21 % of you
like "Dan and Phil Crafts"?
Less of you said "Day in the life"
than "Dan and Phil Crafts."
Ream]?
Who thinks... Oh, I'm bored.
I wanna watch some Dan and Phil.
What should I load up? Square flakes.
Really? I doubt that somehow.
I think they were the ones
cheering for Satan earlier.
That would explain it actually,
I regret learning that.
Well, the next question
was pretty interesting.
Controversial perhaps.
And what were the options?
What Dan and Phil want
or what the people want.
This is about our relationship.
Should we just be free spirits
doing as we please?
Artists pursuing our vision
and not caring what anyone says?
Or should we be making
what you, our beloved audience,
say you want from us?
- Ooh. All right.
- Let's see.
- Oh, it's close.
- Wait a minute.
Whoa!
- That's nice.
- 53 % said "what Dan and Phil want"
and 47 % said "what the people want."
Oh, that is very divided,
clearly, we are all very different.
- In this room tonight.
- Yeah.
But that is not the end of the survey.
No, there was one final question.
The ultimate question, really,
that we could've asked you.
We asked you.
Dan or Phil.
That is right.
We asked you to choose between us.
And I bet right now you're thinking,
"What? No, that's not fair.
"I don't wanna do that."
Well, guess what,
life is full of uncomfortable decisions.
And sometimes, you just
have to deal with it.
And we didn’t just ask you, Dan or Phil.
Oh, no, that would've been too simple.
We asked, "Who you would
rather sacrifice?"
And this is the thing,
I bet you thought,
no one's actually gonna get
sacrificed, this is just a silly survey
in a stage show, I can say
whatever I want about Dan and Phil.
There's no consequences.
- Right?
- Well, tonight, your actions
do have consequences,
as whoever you chose
is gonna be put in
mortal danger right now.
Reveal the wheel!
Oh. Yes!
You thought our lives were a game?
Well, guess what, game over.
After the break, whoever you chose
is gonna be strapped
to this wheel of death.
And whether they live or die
will be on your hands.
So don't feel bad about
your decision or anything.
Enjoy that on your conscience.
Oh, my God!
I can't believe you've done this to me!
Oh, I know, I'd sacrifice Dan.
It's not like he's gonna be strapped
to a frickin' wheel or anything.
Oh, I'm glad that this is amusing you,
right now.
Are you having fun?
That's what counts, right?
Oh, God.
Oh, hey, guys.
Oh, hi, Phil.
Hey, how are you doing up there, Dan?
How am I doing up here?
Oh, I'm great, thanks for asking.
Thanks for picking him.
- Yeah, thank you.
- So to prove this isn't a game,
I have donned my very best
serial killer outfit.
You look like you're about
to clean up a murder scene.
I might be about to clean up
a murder scene.
As to prove this isn't a game
and your actions have consequences.
I'm gonna be firing a sequence
of increasingly dangerous projectiles
at Dan.
Why are you cheering for that,
you freaks?
This is the most dangerous thing
attempted on a stage
at Interactive Introverts.
- Fact.
- Yeah.
So, let's have a look
what's in my box of fun.
Phil, I feel like you're neglecting
to mention something
mildly important.
Yeah, I'm trying to miss Dan.
Phil is trying not to hit me, okay?
- Important clarification.
- Yeah.
But if he does and I die,
it's your fault, because
you chose to put me here.
Okay.
Let us have a look at
our first projectile.
The slingshot.
Made famous by Bart Simpson
and probably a caveman.
Totally.
Don't have much experience
with slingshots.
Yeah, believe it or not.
I think you just kind of
pull it back like this.
Wait, wait,
where are you aiming right now?
I'm aiming next to your leg.
Next to my leg because
you're pointing that directly
- at my face right now.
- I told you
I didn't have much experience.
I think we need a countdown
from you guys. Here we go.
- Three, two, one.
- Oh, God.
Oh.
- That was a fail.
- Made famous by who? Bart Simpson?
Let me try again, I'm trying again.
You know what, I think Phil's
having performance issues.
- I'm not having performance issues.
- He is.
The moment came and then
Phil just like...
Last try, it needs to hit the wheel.
- Okay
- Right, here we go.
- Three, two...
- Oh, my God, that's too close, Phil.
- Are you kidding me?
- One.
Okay, the slingshot's not working.
Oh, well, what a shame.
Phil didn't get to violently
injure Dan, boo-hoo.
No.
Oh, I'm loving... Oh, God, oh, jeez...
Maybe I shouldn't be making
fun of you.
I take it back,
I take back the laughter.
The bow and arrow.
Forget Katniss Everdeen,
this is Philmiss Spilladeen.
That didn't even make sense.
- I didn't really think so.
- That makes no sense.
I'm not really sure how
to use a bow and arrow.
Just in case you think
this is rehearsed,
Phil clearly has no idea
what he's doing.
I think you just pull it back like this.
Oh, was that scary for you
for two seconds? Boo-hoo.
But I don't think Dan's
taking this seriously,
I don't think you guys
are learning your lesson.
So I think we need to make
this a bit more dangerous.
What, no, no, we don't.
Let's get some side to side
movement in the wheel.
All right, Phil, I feel
very vulnerable right now.
- Please, don't hurt me.
- Let's do a countdown. Three, two...
- Phil!
- One!
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry.
Okay. If that was one inch lower...
Oh, my gosh.
I don't think
we'd be friends any more, Phil.
Also, you'd have
a much higher-pitched voice.
Where were you trying
to aim right there?
I was aiming down here.
Yeah, well, it looked like you were
trying to surgically remove my penis.
- So thank you for that.
- I wasn't.
Oh, I'm glad that that was fun for you.
My entire life
just flashed before my eyes.
- Oh, my gosh.
- And I accomplished nothing.
Right.
- The last projectile.
- Oh, God.
- Yeah.
- That h u rt.
The bazooka 3000.
Save me.
- My baby.
- Why are you stroking it?
Sent back from the future
just for this moment.
- Just to cause me pain.
- Yeah.
But, you know what, I still don't think
you're learning your lesson.
- I think we need more danger.
- No, we don't. You already hit me once.
I think we need
a full rotation of the wheel.
Stop, stop, stop. Ahhh! Ahhh!
- My God, Phil, please don't hit me.
- Here we go.
- Three, two, one!
- Oh, my God.
Stop, stop, stop.
- You hit me twice with the same ball.
- I'm sorry.
Are you kidding me?
Right, get me the hell
off this thing right now.
Oh, my gosh.
Did I get you in the leg?
You got me in the leg
and almost the nipple, Phil.
Phil is going for the holy trinity
of testicles, nipple and knee.
- I'm not.
- There we go.
- Oh, clapping, more clapping, great.
- I'm sorry.
Well, actually I'm glad that
that all amused you so much.
But we were trying to make a very
serious point about something right now.
- Yeah.
- So, Phil,
take off your stupid murder apron
and tell everybody
what this is supposed to be about.
It was their fault, not mine.
Oh, it was...
They chose to put me here, you fired it.
- Yea h, true.
- Okay.
So, what I was gonna say is
everything in a...
Ream]?
Dan, that's very distracting.
Oh, what, you're gonna cheer for me
getting undressed
after what you just saw happen?
- Wow!
- I'm just gonna stand behind this,
everybody look at Phil for a second.
- It's okay.
- Oh, my gosh.
Mr Spotlight, can you just
like point somewhere else right now?
I'm just gonna let you get undressed.
Everybody, stop looking at me.
This is a private moment right now.
Can I literally have one moment
of dignity in my entire freaking life?
There we go. Dan got undressed.
- Yay.
- Are ya happy?
Right, well, what Phil was totally
failing to explain there
was, now you realise that your actions
have consequences, okay?
Words can hurt and after that,
you all really regret
what just happened, don't you?
- No, they don't.
- Really?
Well, they don't even care.
Great. Wonderful.
I think everything in the first half
was very much "Dan and Phil
against the bloodthirsty audience."
Yeah. Angry mob vibes.
That's what I was talking about.
I think maybe for the rest of the show
we should just calm the heck down a bit.
Maybe get a bit more personal.
Why don't we get
a little bit more intimate.
I feel like personal was fine as a word.
Sure!
So, what did we learn
from that survey?
I think clearly everybody in this room
right now is very different.
- Yeah.
- It might be easy for you
to feel like you and all of your friends
are the same
as the rest of our followers.
But obviously, that's just not the case.
And that's what makes it so hard for us
to give you what you want
because apparently, you all want
completely different things.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of you
like audience participation.
Yes, indeed.
Quite a few of you like
Dan and Phil crafts.
We're not talking about that.
Trying to forget that.
But there was also this 17 % of you
that said you don't feel like
you know the real Dan and Phil.
- No.
- So, I'll ask you again, Phil,
- why don't they trust you?
- I don't know.
- What are you hiding?
- Nothing.
Do you want to know
a Dan and Phil conspiracy theory?
- What?
- By me? Okay.
Here we go.
The real Phil Lester
would still have an emo fringe.
This is a clone
that killed the real Phil.
- No.
- Where is the body?
I mean, you're one to talk, curly boy.
Oh, my God!
I'm a clone too.
No, seriously, is that not the case?
- Do they know the real Phil?
- Yeah, they know the real me.
I think the thing is, when you're making
a YouTube video, you're being yourself,
but you're also trying
to be entertaining at the same time.
Right. Which might not seem totally
relaxed and natural
but what, it's still the real you?
- Yeah, it's still the real me.
- I mean, I'm the real Dan,
stood in front of all of you,
right now. I promise.
It's just that
I'm trying to be interesting.
If I wasn't trying to be interesting,
I'd probably just be stood here like...
Hi, guys, how are you doing today?
- Dan, I think you'd be on a sofa...
- Yeah, no, I would not be stood up.
I would be sat deeply embedded
in a sofa crease
- with a burning hot laptop on my crotch.
- Yeah.
And I would have a bowl of chips
under my chin and I'd be doing that
thing, you know when you're too lazy
to pick them up out of the bowl,
so you just try and lick them?
Like...
That is what I would be doing
right now if I didn't care.
That's the Dan I know.
I haven't always been trying
to be entertaining on YouTube.
- No?
- I mean, I made some pretty weird videos
- back in the day.
- Yes.
Phil, he was really out there just
creatively expressing himself.
Who here is a fan
of Phil's 2007 content?
Thank you, people.
You say that, he deleted most of it
for a reason.
I mean, I made a video called
Snokoplasm...
Right. Phil, why don't you try and pitch
Snokoplasm to your 2018 audience
and see if they'd care.
Okay. So I went to the shop
and I bought lots
of different coloured shower gels
and then I went home,
played some spooky music,
took my shirt off
and rubbed them all over myself.
But right, you were
making a point about something, right?
It was a deep metaphor
for recycling plastic or something.
No, I think I was just
rubbing shower gel on my nipples.
Content.
But what, you wouldn't
upload that now?
I don't think I'd upload that now,
'cause I'm trying
to be entertaining as well.
- He cares about his audience.
- I do.
Er, no. Well, that kind of,
reminds me of my channel.
I mean, ever since Danis not on fire,
died last year, rest in peace,
I've been on a personal quest
to try to be more authentic.
I think a few years ago, I just used
to think, "What's a YouTube idea
"that would get loads of views?"
But these days, it's more like,
I'm looking into my reflection,
crying at 3:00 a.m. going,
"How am I going
to express myself on the Internet?"
- Which is fun, right?
- Yeah.
But, what I've realised,
is not everybody is actually interested
- in myself.
- No.
It's kind of like the whole Wholesome
Howell meme that happened last year.
- Does anyone remember that?
- Yeah.
Oh, yes, 'twas a spicy meme.
In case you don't,
and you're like,
what's he talkin' about?
Basically, there was a period
of a few months, last year,
where some people on the Internet
felt that I was joking
about death too much.
Because personally,
when something upsets me,
I like to make jokes about it
to pretend that I feel okay
even if I don't on any level.
Sane, yes, thank you. Okay?
It's a perfectly valid coping mechanism.
So there I was,
screaming into the void.
A few people there were like,
"Dan, this is so depressing, shut up."
So I thought, hey, fair enough,
I will do something for these guys.
I wrapped a blanket around my head
and I posted a photo
with some beautiful Comic Sans
saying, "From this day forward,
I've decided to officially re-brand
"to Wholesome Howell and I promise
"from this day forward, I will only
be good and positive and hopeful
"and I will never
ever be sarcastic again."
And this is the thing, right?
Most people saw this and they were like,
"Coming from you, Dan, nice joke."
A few people though,
took it completely seriously.
They saw this meme and they were like,
"Wow, finally this is the personality
I've always wanted Dan to have."
Whoo! We love character development.
And this is the thing, right?
If there is this version of me,
that might not be who I am in real life,
but who some people on the Internet
might prefer me to be,
should I just act like that,
if it's what they'd rather see?
No!
- Okay, then. This is the whole debate.
- I mean, I had a moment like that
earlier this year
when I changed my hair.
Okay, Phil, you can’t just casually
drop that in conversation, okay.
- This was a big deal.
- It was.
Talk about globally important issues
this year, like, North Korea stuff,
British Royal wedding,
Phil Lester got rid of his emo fringe!
It was big news, people.
For anyone else,
getting a haircut is no big deal.
But for me, I'd had this emo hair
as Amazing Phil for 10 years.
- Ten years he did that.
- Yeah.
And I thought it was a crucial part
of who I was on that channel.
I mean, it was like,
the symbol for your identity.
Who's Amazing Phil? He's the guy
who still has an emo fringe.
It was the whole thing.
Yeah. So even though
I really wanted to get a haircut,
and change it up, I didn't do it.
'Cause I thought that's what
the people didn't want me to do.
I mean, you were genuinely afraid
that if you changed your hairstyle,
- everyone would just abandon you.
- Yeah.
But then, Phil, you changed your hair
and here they still are.
Well, it was either that or it was
too late for you all to get refunds
and you just decided to show up anyway.
- We'll never know which it was.
- No.
But something that was very unlike Phil,
but all of you seemed to love,
was that time on my YouTube channel
the other month,
when he dropped an F-bomb.
Remember that? Exactly.
And guess what? Just for you guys,
Phil is gonna do it again right now.
Go, Phil.
That was very liberating,
but it was a one-time only thing
on Dan's channel. I don't think
I'm gonna start F-ing
on Amazing Phil every week.
- You'd better not.
- You know what I mean.
Do we?
That would get demonetised, people.
It would.
But look, if there are these
opposite side of us
that some of you
enjoy the idea of so much,
who are we
to deny you a bit of fun?
So, I say we should try out some
role-reversal on stage this evening.
So, for the purpose of this role-play,
let's say I represent everything that's
nice and sweet
and wholesome in the world.
Sure. Let's all imagine that.
To be clear, that is actually
how Phil sees himself. Okay?
- And Dan is evil.
- Yeah, sure, I'm evil.
Firstly, can I just say I feel like
I'm really working that lipstick?
I don't know about you guys.
What're you saying here, Phil?
What, you're good and I'm evil?
Are we saying that
rock music and the colour red
are evil things?
This all seems a bit reductive
if you ask me.
No one cares, Dan.
But, what would happen
if we switched places?
- Sure.
- So, Dan became Wholesome Howell.
Let's imagine it.
- Ah, that just seems right.
- And I became...
- What is the bad version of Phil called?
- X-rated Lester.
For the record, I hate that. Okay?
I really wish
he'd said literally anything else.
Ooh. I already feel more dirty.
So, the way this works is we asked you
to give us examples
of good things and bad things.
And we will now try and convince you
that they are the opposite.
If we suck at this, then clearly,
we already have the personalities
that we're meant to.
But if we're amazing, then maybe
we should embrace these opposite sides
- of ourselves a bit more.
- But the catch is
we don't know what you guys
have submitted
and we've got to make it up on the spot.
So this will probably
be an offensive disaster. All right.
- So Dan is gonna go first.
- I'm channelling Sister Daniel.
My children, you are blessed.
Dan is gonna be given something bad
and he's gotta convince us
that it's a good thing.
I don't know
what's about to appear behind me,
but whatever it is, it's a good thing.
Okay. Dan, your first one
comes from Bella,
- who says, "Wet socks."
- Yeah. I'm ready.
- What?
- Go.
You want me to convince you that
wet socks are a good thing?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Look, maybe, it would actually be
a quite convenient thing to happen.
When you step out of a shower,
you got a sock on and it goes...
...and it soaks it up, hey,
that is not a wasted sock.
This is an opportunity
to be convenient.
You got some dying houseplants,
just walk up to them and you kick that
cactus and there we go, it's hydrated.
You've got a messy kitchen floor,
you just walk in with your wet sock
and you just do a little jig,
there we go, polished.
- Okay, okay.
- You have a friend who's looking there.
That friend isn't drinking enough water,
you just stick your foot in your mouth,
you go, "Suck on this, here we go."
- Stop.
- Saving lives.
That is not a thing.
Some of them cheered for that. Okay?
I'm just saying.
Do not suggest your friend should
suck on your wet socks ever again.
It's a good idea.
We need to stop the shame here.
- Okay.
- Right, Phil.
Wait, I need to get into the evil zone.
Yeah.
- What was that, an evil squat?
- Yes, it was.
That counts as exercise.
Phil, you are going to be given
a good thing. You have to convince
all of us it is actually bad.
- Okay.
- Your first one
comes from Malia
who said, flower crowns.
Why are they bad, Phil?
- Go!
- Ooh, okay.
- Flower crowns could be the worst.
- Why?
What if your friend is wearing one,
and you're like,
"It's made out of real flowers."
So you lean over for a sniff.
You give it a big old sniff on your nose
and then you feel
a buzzing in your nose
because you've inhaled a bee.
And then it starts crawling
into your brain
and then it stings you on the brain
and you die.
Wow! Okay, are we giving him that?
Really? Okay, fine.
Take it, there you go.
- Yay.
- Phil, that was quite traumatising.
Okay. Right. I'm ready for my next one.
Here we go.
Dan, your next one comes from Milo.
What? Milo? Milo, what did you say?
Killing your best friend. Go!
Okay, you know what?
There are some situations
where killing your best friend
is the totally appropriate thing to do.
- Okay?
"Really?
Like, when they steal your cereal.
I know, you're all thinking, aw,
this cereal stealing,
this isn't serious. They joke about it.
No, this is deadly serious, okay.
Imagine me. It's the morning. I'm tired,
I'm hungry, I go downstairs,
I'm excited for a bowl of cereal.
I open the cupboard.
I see a five-kilogram family box
of cereal.
There's no way
it could be empty, right?
But then I take it out, I shake it.
What comes out of the box?
Dust.
Not only is Phil the kind of person
that steals your cereal,
he is the kind of person
that eats your food and puts
the empty box back in the cupboard.
And in situations like that,
it is entirely appropriate
- to just murder that friend.
- Oh, my God.
- Am I right everybody? Thank you.
- You agree?
Okay. Look, Dan...
I'm calm, I'm calm, everything's fine.
As my grandma would say,
"I'm a growing boy."
Better not be. Phil will be
9'12" next time you see him.
Just so we're clear,
when I inevitably go to court
for murdering Phil,
you are now all witnesses.
- Right! Phil...
- I don't think I sound evil enough.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
That went directly into my ear, people.
That was not the ASMR
that anybody here asked for.
- Yeah it was. You loved it.
- Phil, your next one
comes from Tegan. There is no way
that this could possibly
be a bad thing, Phil.
- What?
- Free Wi-Fi. Go!
- Okay, so you think free Wi-Fi is good?
- Yes.
Well, that means everyone in the FBI
can see everything you're doing.
So, they're just watching
through your webcam
as you have a look on Wattpad
and open that incognito tab
and write that fan fiction. They've read
it all, and they've seen everything.
I feel very attacked
and scared right now. Do you, too?
All right, then. You can have it, Phil.
You can have it.
Whoo! Yee!
- Did you just "yee"?
- Yee.
- Phil "yeed" with happiness.
- I did. I did a "yee."
- Are you a fan of "yee" here?
- Yeah?
Good one isn't it?
Okay, okay. Should we give them
the official test?
- Yes.
- Here we go.
Yee!
- Wow.
- Okay.
I love a good communal "yee."
In an evening where bees
sting your brain
and people die on furry rave toilets,
that was the weirdest thing
that's happened here tonight.
- It was. Yeah.
- I hope you're aware of that?
Okay, right. Get off.
Do you know sometimes
I do a little sexy dance
for my FBI agent, in case he's watching.
I'm just like...
Whoever that guy is,
he does not get paid enough, okay.
Right. This is my last one.
I will get this right, okay?
- All right, Dan
- Are you ready?
The last one comes from Freddie.
Oh, just tell me. I hate this. What?
Human extinction. Go!
Oh, you know what?
This is totally a good thing.
- Why?
- Hear me out.
What is the worst thing
about our universe?
Humanity. Am I right, everybody?
- Yeah.
- That's it.
We have only been civilised
for a few thousand years
and look at what
we've done to the place.
We're polluting,
we're killing all the animals.
I say, the sooner a giant meteor
slams into the Earth
and creates another Ice Age
that kills all the people,
the better for the universe.
- Really?
- Am I right, everybody?
Exactly. So, giant meteor,
if you are up there in space, listening,
I say, "Smack me, Daddy, I am ready."
I mean, I'm gonna give you that.
I'm very disturbed by
"smack me meteor daddy."
It's the truth. It's the truth.
Don't know what to say.
- Wow.
- Phil.
- Last one.
- Maybe that was the weirdest thing.
- This is your last one, Phil.
- Okay.
It comes from Grace.
You've gone too far.
This has gone too far.
Grace, there is no possible way
that this could be a bad thing.
- What is it?
- A billion puppies. Good luck, Phil.
Ooh, okay. I mean, that sounds nice.
You've got all the puppies
running through the theatre,
you're having a great time.
But it says a billion.
They start filling up.
And all of a sudden,
they're floating all over us.
And then we can't breathe.
And then you've got puppies
in your face and they're smothering you.
And the last thing you see
is a paw in your eye.
Okay, okay, wait. Hold up, hold up.
Who here would like to drown in puppies?
Exactly. Sorry, Phil, no, no.
Are you kidding me?
That would be an amazing way to die.
That is bright.
If there was a clinic in Sweden
that offered that as a paid service
I would be on a plane tomorrow.
I am not messing about.
- Wow.
- Okay.
Well, on that note,
I feel like that's a good time
to stop this before we get arrested.
- Yes.
- Yikes.
Well, what did we learn
from that disaster?
That I have a dark seed
growing in my soul.
Definitely.
I don't think any of us would disagree
with that at this point.
- What about you, Dan?
- I don't know.
I feel like somewhere,
in the dank cave of my soul,
a single beam of light
just broke through the ceiling.
I don't know, maybe,
I could be more wholesome.
- Maybe.
- I think
there's clearly a happy middle ground
between just doing
whatever other people want from you
- and only caring about what you want.
- Yeah.
Because too much either way
will go horribly wrong.
Yeah, so, I think so far we've learnt
a lot about the connections
- between us and the audience.
- Yes.
The connections that they all have
with each other, as Susan.
Yeah, but there is one angle
that we have not explored yet.
One connection that people
probably want us to go deep into.
And that is the connection between
Dan and Phil.
Oh, that's right.
Dan and Phil, super best friends
and soul mates forever. Right, guys?
- Yeah? Or is that all a lie?
- Oh.
And as soon as the camera turns off,
we don't even talk to each other.
- What would you know?
- Yeah, I secretly hate the guy. Bleh.
I am actually just an actor he hired
for Phil is not on fire 10 years ago.
This whole thing got way out of hand.
Just one rogue game
of Mario Kart and it's murder time.
That's not even a joke, but look,
you only ever see the good side
of Dan and Phil.
- Dan and Phil laughing and smiling...
- Yeah.
...and having a good time,
but that's not realistic, okay.
- No.
- This isn't the whole picture.
There is angst and tension
and cereal-stealing related betrayal.
It is there! And if you want to connect
with the real Dan and Phil,
- you have to see the dark side, too.
- You do.
Are you ready for that?
Okay. Well, it is time to push
our little bond until it breaks
in the Dan vs. Phil
Extreme Friendship Test.
We're gonna be doing
a series of games and challenges
that'll push our friendship to the max.
But we hear you saying,
"What, doing some games and challenges?
Where's the real tension in that?"
Well, that is why we decided to combine
everybody's favourite thing
about TV game shows, buzzers,
with the easiest way
to cause each other pain,
electrocution,
to make these little guys.
We've strapped real electric
shock devices to our hands
and we've got remote controls
that will zap the other person
if they get a question wrong.
So, we will literally be punishing
each other for being bad friends.
Are you ready for this?
- Yeah?
- Okay.
'Cause this is real
and it is happening right now.
Well, let's start things off
with a quick lightning round,
if you will.
Psychic connections.
Psychic connections is all about
the unspoken bond between our brains.
Surely, we have spent
so much time together,
we can just read each other's minds.
Yeah. So, we're gonna
be given a category
and we both have to say a word
from that category at the same time.
If we say the same word
at the same time...
Psychic. Super best friends.
- If we say different words...
- Zappy, zappy, ouch time.
Yes, okay.
Well, let's see this category.
Coming from Ingi, it is "sticky things."
- Ooh.
- Okay.
- Okay, wait, wait. I've got one.
- Right. I've got one.
This is a very good example
of a sticky thing.
- It's a classic.
- Yeah.
- I'm beaming it to you.
- Okay.
- You got it? Right. Are you ready?
- Here we go.
- And glue!
- A stick!
'Ow!
'Ow!
- What the hell did you say?
- I said a stick. Sticky stick.
- It's a joke!
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- This is not the time for jokes, Phil.
Glue. It's a sticky thing. Glue.
Your mum's sticky.
I didn't think that through.
I take it back.
- What did you just say?
- I'm sorry.
Okay. Well, if that's how
this is gonna go...
- In fact, this has to escalate, okay.
- Yeah.
- We want things to get more tense.
- We do.
Which is why, between each round
in this Dan vs Phil,
we are going to turn up the power
of the electric shock.
So, let's do that right now.
Up to level two.
- Finger is in the yellow.
- Yes.
This next round is called
Phantastic Phacts.
See what we did there?
Very creative.
With Phantastic Phacts,
we're gonna be given a trivia question
about the other person
that we should know.
Well, I feel like I know everything
about your life for no reason.
- So I'm ready.
- First one is for Dan.
- Tell me.
- It comes from Heather.
"What did Phil buy for Mother's Day
in 2006?"
What?
I mean, you should know this.
How would I know
what you got your mum in 2006?
Looks like some people
in the audience know it.
- Is this a thing?
- Don't help him. Don't help him.
I don't know. Chocolate?
- No!
- Oh, frik... What?
It was a monkey trapped in a cage.
Or as Northern Phil would say,
"a monkey trapped in a cage."
- From your first...
- From my first video blog.
The plastic monkey in a cage is what
you got your mother for Mother's Day?
Yeah. She loved it.
- Did she now?
- Yeah.
Right, well, you know,
that's something new for me.
Phil, you must be
a very unique son to have.
I'm ready for you.
Okay. Phil, your question is from Skye.
- Oh.
- This is a good one.
This is the kind of stuff that
you should know about your friends.
- Yea h, okay.
- Right?
- Wait. I think I know it.
- He thinks he knows it.
All right. What is it, Phil?
I'll tell you what it was,
what it really, really was.
It was the Spice Girls.
- No! It was not the Spice Girls.
- Ow.
Ooh.
Ooh, weird noises.
That was my first album, Phil.
But it wasn't on CD, it was on tape.
- Oh.
- That is right.
- Oh, nice try, Phil.
- Okay, granddad, with your tapes.
- Oh.
- Says you.
What was your first album on? A rock?
Right.
Wow. It is time for the next round.
Let's turn up this power again.
Clearly, things are just going to get
quite heated here.
- Yeah.
- I'll let you introduce it.
The next round is the Oscar-nominated,
- Grammy award nominated...
- Yes. Totally.
...other things nominated.
- Dan Phil or Rat.
- That's right.
- This is in the show.
- Yeah.
- Phil wanted this in the show.
- Yeah. I did.
So we're gonna be looking at photos
of Dans, Phils or rats.
- But they are super-zoomed in.
- Enhanced to ridiculous levels.
And we've got to guess
whether we're looking at...
Dan, Phil or rats.
That is literally the whole game.
Well, Phil, you can go first.
Let's see this image.
- Okay.
- Is that Dan, Phil or a rat?
What is... I mean...
I mean, what do you think, Susan?
- Shout it out.
- What do you think it is?
I mean, that just sounds like, "raaa".
Don't speak at the same time.
This is completely useless.
- Not helping me.
- What do you think, Phil?
I mean, I think it looks quite a lot
like my hair. It's the same shade.
This is not greasy enough
to be Phil's hair at all.
Right. I'm gonna go with Phil.
He's saying Phil. All right.
Let's zoom out.
It is... Oh, a rat!
- Oh, oh.
- Waa, waa, waa.
- Phil is a rat confirmed.
- That was a tingly one.
- A tingly one?
- Yeah.
All right. Don't sound like
you're enjoying it or anything.
- Now, I'm ready for mine. Show me.
- Okay.
- What's that?
- What is that?
It looks like some kind of body part.
I really don't want to play
guess the body part.
What are you looking at?
Okay, I have thought,
I think this is either
the ear of a rat,
you know what I'm saying.
It kind of looks like a rat's ear.
Or this is Phil
doing his weird hand thing.
- You know what I'm talking about?
- My gosh.
I am going to say that
that is a picture of Phil.
- Okay, here we go.
- Here we go.
- No!
- Oh! What the...
Oh, oh my God. I kicked the bench.
That really hurts. That hurt more
than the electricity.
Was that your first ever
fursuit, Dan?
Can I just say that is definitely
the most cursed image on the Internet.
I am so sorry that anybody here
had to see that.
You got it wrong.
Well, I guess it's time
for the last round.
So we have to turn it up one more time.
And at this point, it gets
really quite uncomfortable, okay.
We really want to avoid
getting shocked here.
It's more than tingly.
And the last round is...
The most dramatic round of all.
Dan and Phil dilemmas.
We're gonna be given a dilemma where
something good could happen to us
or something terrible happens
to the other person.
Or maybe the other person
is in mortal danger
and we need to sacrifice something
in order to save them.
This will show once and for all
how far would we really
be willing to go for each other.
All right, well, Dan, you can go first.
I'd do anything for you, Phil.
- Really?
- Let's see. Let's see, shall we?
- Okay, the first one is from Alexis.
- Hit me.
"Phil is about to fall off
the Grand Canyon."
Is it wrong that I can really easily
see that happening?
I mean, that would happen.
Shoelaces are untied, taking a selfie.
Splat. There we go.
- But...
- But, what's the catch?
"To save him, you have to revert
to your old branding."
- No, no!
- Oh.
Alexis, you twisted freak,
how could you even imagine this?
0h, my gosh. Okay.
You'd be leaning over the edge, like,
"Hi, my name is Dan."
Really? Thank you, Phil.
So many square brackets.
Okay, yeah, everybody going at that
at me right now from the audience,
I will find you and block you, okay.
That is a threat.
What're you gonna do? You gonna save me?
- Right.
- Dan?
Is this like, a high part
of the Grand Canyon
or is it like, a shallow bit
of the Grand Canyon?
Dan, it's literally called
the Grand Canyon for a reason.
There's some parts over water, right?
I'm sure you would be fine
if you fell in it.
What?
- Are you seriously...
- Yes, this is serious.
...asking what I'd do in this situation?
- Honestly, obviously, I would save Phil.
- Aw.
Are you kidding me?
You'd save me.
Did anybody here actually think
I would say no to that?
- A few people.
- Really?
- Wow. Well, Phil, it's time for yours.
- Thanks.
- Okay.
- This one comes from Juanita
who said...
- All right. Painful.
- That's gonna hurt.
Some jellyfish can kill you
if you get stung by them.
But, Phil, to save him you have
to pee on his leg.
What?
I'm not... Is that meant
to heal the jellyfish sting?
Well, we know what juanita's into.
- Phil, what would you do?
- I'm not peeing on your leg.
Lam in searing pain, Phil.
I could be having an allergic reaction
and I would die on a beach.
I think that's a myth. I don't think
pee is even gonna stop it.
Some people do this for fun and you
wouldn't do it to save my life?
No, I'm not peeing on your leg.
- Are you serious? No!
- Ow!
- Bad Phil.
- Wow, that kept going. Jesus.
Hold on to that pain, Phil, 'cause that
was the tingle of being a bad friend.
Oh, my gosh, that was a fizzy one.
Okay, well, I think Phil's a bit
too stimulated right now
so how's about we have a look
at the final scores?
- Okay.
- After that, Danny coming in
with a thick score of...
One.
- I tried. I tried.
- And Philly gets...
Wait a minute, what did Phil get?
Ooh.
- Did I really get zero?
- That is nothing to be proud of.
Guess we can say the good news first.
We decided to keep a running track of
who won every Dan vs Phil on this tour.
So by the end
of Interactive Introverts,
we will know officially
which of us is the better friend.
And are you ready to find out?
After all of the tour,
Dan is coming in with...
Thirty-five. Thank you. Nice big number.
And what's Phil... Can we see
how many times Phil has won?
- Boo.
- Aw.
I thought I was clawing it back.
There it is, sorry.
It's like Dan and Phil games
all over again.
I am the better friend.
You never stood a chance.
- Why?
- Yeah.
I'm Phil trash number one.
Wow, really?
For every winner, there is a loser.
And, Phil, that's you. And that means
you have to take the forfeit.
And there is no all or nothing
to save you this time.
Phil, stand on the hexagon.
The forfeit is to take one final
electric shock at maximum power.
- Oh, gosh.
- So, can we now
turn it up all the way to maximum?
I don't like it.
Remember, you're here
because you're a bad friend.
Any final words?
Dad.
I feel like he needs this. Okay.
Oh, I've been waiting for this
a long time. Here we go. And zap.
- Oh! Mother Goose.
- What?
- That was a close one, Phil.
- Of course, it was close.
Mother Goose.
I think this is gonna take a few minutes
to recover from that.
- Yeah.
- As will Phil apparently.
Wow. I mean, I think
this is a good opportunity,
without all the screens
and the lights and the sound,
just to have a chat
with these guys, you know.
What, just have a casual conversation
about something?
- Yeah.
- All right. What about?
Why don't we get casual?
I think I might plonk myself here.
Okay. Wow!
Look at how casual he's being right now.
Okay wait, me too. Here we go.
Sorry, too casual, too casual.
I take that back. That was too casual.
That was a bit too casual.
So I wrote down some questions from you
guys and I thought we could answer them.
Well, Phil, what do they wanna
talk about?
Well, our first one is from Kate.
- Hey, Kate.
- Hey.
Sorry, was that casual? I feel like
that was a bit creepy. Try again.
Let me try again.
- Hi.
- Much better.
Kate says, "'Sup D and P?"
Sup, K'? What up'?
And Kate said,
"What is your favourite thing about
going on these long-ass tours?"
- What's an ass tour?
- Dan!
Is that just like a tour where you walk
around showing people your ass?
No, thanks.
I haven't heard about that.
- No. Stop!
- Is that normal with big acts?
Or else I'm going to
a weird mental place that I don't like.
- Come on, Phil, what's your answer?
- Okay. I think...
I think what it is, is it's so nice
to go to so many different places.
You go on a tour bus.
You wake up in a new place.
- See some sights. Go outside.
- He's lying.
All Phil cares about is the breakfast.
- Dan!
- Honestly.
You know what Phil cares about?
Room service pancakes.
That is the truth.
- Okay.
- That is the only reason
Phil is here right now.
The pancakes are my favourite part.
But there are other bits too.
But he likes going outside as well.
- What about you, Dan?
- Er.
Honestly, I think it's getting
to see our audience in real life.
- Aw.
- I know, I know.
That sounds really sucky.
But honestly, like
everything we do is on the Internet
and that makes it really hard
for us to understand like,
how real things are.
So when we get to see the people that
watch us on the Internet, in real life,
we see the effect we have on people,
that puts it all into perspective.
It makes the whole thing worthwhile.
So honestly, that is my answer to that.
Aw.
Dan, I think Wholesome Howell
is leaking.
Oh, God. Bleh.
Okay, right, next question. Quickly.
The next question comes from josh.
- Hey, josh.
- Hey.
- Josh...
- I am sorry about this man.
Josh said, "I really like
this guy in my class,
"but I'm scared he will reject me
for being an anime-loving nerd."
It's a romance question.
Ooh!
Sorry. Sorry, this is a real person
talking to us vulnerably right now.
Okay, well, oh, josh also said, "HELP"
in capital letters.
- Well, that is a big mood, people.
- Bit serious.
- So, josh, if this person...
- Hit us with the dating advice, Phil.
Yeah, if this guy doesn't love you
for your anime-loving self,
- then he's not worth it.
- Yes, Phil, yes!
- Yeah.
- That is the truth right there.
You should never change yourself
to impress other people.
You need to love yourself
and let other people find you.
And hey, if that moment, in this room,
where everybody 'yeed' at the same time,
showed anything,
it's that there is literally
a weirdo out there for anybody.
Am I right, guys?
Just go out there
and find another anime-nerd.
- Good luck with that. Thank you.
- That's good advice, Phil.
- And the last one, it comes from Amir.
- Hey, Amir.
- He says, "Hey,"
- Should I say, "Heymir?"
Sorry, that was awful. I'm sorry.
Amir said, "I'm just wondering
is there anything about your life
that you really regret?
Oh, fun. Okay, great question.
- Wonderful. Well, let's see.
- Okay.
The year was 2006.
I was making a YouTube channel.
Create a username, it said.
He typed, Danis not on fire. Ahhh!
But look, I get this a lot.
People say, "Dan, do you just like
"die cringing everyday thinking about
"everything that you've ever
done wrong in your life?"
I get that, right.
But honestly, everything that you ever
do wrong, all the mistakes
that you make, all of your regrets,
they are things that you learn from.
And they make you the person
that you are today.
If I didn't do all of the things
that I regret,
I wouldn't be sat here right now.
Aw.
So honestly, if you are thinking
about times you messed up,
things that you did wrong, just think,
what did I learn from that
and you love yourself because
that is the truth right there, okay.
Wow! Good answer, Dan.
I kinda regret most of my career,
but yeah, that's my answer. Okay.
You know what, I'm gonna say I am glad
that Phil got electrocuted
as I enjoyed this time getting casual
with all of you.
- Yeah. That was nice.
- It was nice.
All right, now, Phil, stand up
without tripping over.
- Okay, it's a real challenge.
- Can he do it?
- I'm alive.
- He did... Oh, my God. He did it.
- That was close though.
- It was close.
- I saw you do a little wobble.
- Well, this has
definitely been
an emotional roller coaster.
- It has.
- I mean, we've had sincere moments
talking about nice stuff,
a couple weird ones too.
We learned a lot about the audience
as Susan.
Yes, Even though some things I'd rather
forget that we talked about.
Like the stuff under your bed?
Yeah, where I'm gonna die
on a furry rave toilet.
Before we go, we just want
all of you to know,
that me and Phil, we appreciate
that this time in our lives,
where we can travel around the world
and people on the Internet will actually
come outside to see us in real life.
- Yeah.
- This is the special time in our lives.
Like, imagine Phil, he's a 110,
looking back at all the good times...
Okay, he's a 100, thinking
about the good times...
- It's been 84 years.
- Yes. He'll be like,
I remember when we did the show
and talked about furries and Satan.
- That was us, everybody.
- That was us.
That was all of you and us
- watching this right now.
- Yeah.
And we will have these memories forever,
whether you like it or not.
Yeah, and there might be loads
of reasons why you guys
are here in the audience tonight.
- You might like our videos...
- Hopefully.
- ...you might like the community.
- Yes.
- You might like Dan's memes.
- There's a lot of those.
And who knows what the future holds.
Death. Death is what the future holds.
It's coming. It's coming.
Oh, my gosh.
In all seriousness,
it doesn't matter who we all are
or how we're different
or what we want or why.
'Cause at the end of the day,
making you guys happy
is what makes us happy.
Which is why we wanted
to come and do this.
So hopefully, you feel like
we have pleased you...
- And we have given you what you want.
- DAN: Yes.
ANNOUNCER". It's time for the first ever
Annual Interactive Introverts
Golden I Awards
Please give it up for your hosts
with the most, Phil and Dan.
Oh, hello there, everybody.
Yes, these are our pyjamas.
We got them out just for now.
It's been a wonderful evening
of comedy and community action.
It's now time to celebrate
the most important people in the room.
You guys!
Yeah, that's right.
Like I said at the start,
this show would just be a reflection
of who you are.
If you were all boring, then this
entire thing would've been a flop,
but no, this show was funny
and creative and interesting
because that is what you made it.
So can you give yourselves
a round of applause please.
- Yeah.
- Yes! Thank you.
Well, it's time to celebrate you guys
with the Golden I awards.
Check out this little statue,
made it ourselves.
Technically, it's two statues
tied together, but
you know, it's Dan and Phil, it's got
the colours of the show going on.
- So, you see what we went for there.
- We're also naked. Look at those butts.
Okay, I now realise that two naked men
strapped together probably isn't
the best symbol for Dan and Phil
we could have come up with,
but apparently you love Dan and Phil
craft so much, we're not good at this.
- On to our first award...
- Which was...
The most inaccurate prediction
of Interactive Introverts.
Now, before this tour started,
a lot of you were like,
what the hell are they gonna
do on stage for two hours?
And some of you, you got it right.
The things that happened here today.
- Others of you got it so wrong.
- So wrong.
Like, really? That's what you thought
was gonna happen tonight?
- And this is your time to shine.
- Our first nomination is,
Lexi!
Two bros chilling on a sofa.
One feet apart because they're stuck.
They have been
browsing the Internet for days.
They haven't seen sunlight or water.
They're gonna die on the couch.
Yep, that's us.
That would be us. We're never gonna
escape the sofa crease.
Our next nominee is,
William.
Two hours of dabbing
in complete silence.
- What would that be like?
- Curtain raises, ahem.
That would've been a better show.
Okay, that could've happened.
It was our backup idea.
The winner is...
By far the worst prediction of all
comes from...
Syd.
- Oh.
- Wow.
That would not surprise me at all.
I can literally see that
happening very easily.
Well, I'm so glad
that you haven't died yet, Phil.
- Thanks.
- There we go.
Our next award celebrates the heroes
in the room with us tonight.
We are, of course, talking about
the parents that were forced to be here.
Oh, yes.
We scoured the lobby looking
for the most bored, confused,
terrified parent out there.
They really don't want to be here, okay.
But you were like,
I need you to drive me.
And they were like,
Oh, why did I ever have kids?
And this is to say, thank you.
Our first nominee is...
Terri.
Oh, my gosh. Terri just made it outside
and got dragged back in the door.
She would rather be watching the paint
on her nails dry than sit through this.
I am so sorry
that you had to be here, Terri.
Sorry. Our next nominee is...
We have Marla.
Just looking for some
kind of escape in the air.
Marla is looking up
to God for salvation.
Marla, there is no God in this house.
But the winner is...
By far the biggest sour-puss
in the land, it is...
Bill!
Oh, my gosh. Is that a yawn
or just a physical scream of pain?
I think he’s just screaming in anger.
He looks like he's ready to actually do
a Choke Me Daddy
and not in a good way.
- You know what I'm sayin'?
- Wow.
To Bill and to everybody else
that was forced to be here
against their will,
thank you for your sacrifice.
Heroes, every single one of you.
Yeah. Our next award
is for the furry friends among us.
Fluffy not furry. We've covered furry.
We are talking about pets in...
The best pet dressed as,
Dan and/or Phil.
Oh, yes. We asked you to dress up
your pets as the two of us.
And let's see what you sent in.
Our first nomination comes from...
- Kiera!
- Oh my gosh!
Oh, my God! That is incredible.
We have the Phil glasses, a plaid shirt,
the cereal and a succulent, people.
That actually looks like me.
What are you the real Phil,
or are you a dog, right now?
- Honestly, I can't even tell.
- I can't tell the difference.
That is incredible. Thank you, Kiera.
Our next nominee. This one comes from...
Kaylee.
It's the Dan plant.
Let's be honest, that facial expression
is very accurate, right.
That cactus has no soul, neither do I.
- But slight bit of critique.
- Yeah.
The plant is alive, I am dead inside.
- So almost, but pretty good.
- Very true.
But the winner is...
The best pet dressed as
Dan and/or Phil comes from...
Kenzie!
- Oh!
- Ahhh!
It's the pastel guinea pigs.
- Oh, my God! I want to eat them.
- Same.
You know what I'm saying?
That is the cutest thing.
It has a tiny lettuce. That is too much.
Thank you, Kenzie,
for that incredible content.
Thank you.
But there's only time
for one more award this evening.
- And this is the big one.
- The big boy.
The "Giving The People
What They Want" award.
This award goes to the one thing
that all of you want
to see us do the most.
And whatever wins this award,
we will do live on stage...
Right now.
So, hope you're ready 'cause this is it.
The first nominee is...
The fabled Phil vs himself challenge
that you never put on YouTube.
- No.
- That would be something.
The next nominee is...
All right, I guess that's something
people know I can do
but I've never shown it before.
Fair enough.
And our final nominee is...
Some tough contenders
but there can only be one winner.
And the winner is...
It's the video of the dog!
All right. Are you ready?
Let's play this video.
Here we go.
It's so majestic.
- This is amazing.
- Trample me.
Have you ever seen anything
this beautiful?
- Come to me, come to me. Whoo.
- Wow.
Well, I don't know about you
but that was the highlight
of my entire life, right there. Whoo.
And there we go. I hope that
you have all enjoyed the show.
Wait, but, Dan, if we're giving
the people what they want,
surely we could do something else
from that list as well.
Okay. No, no, no.
There can only be one winner,
otherwise it would ruin the point.
Plus, it was a lovely dog video.
So I don't... What?
What is it?
Phil, what're you doing?
They voted for the dog. Don't do this.
- Please don't do this. Oh, God.
- Take this.
It's time for something fresh
from two years ago.
I am so sorry this is happening.
Why not be amazing?
You're about to get Philled in.
Here we go.
Yeah, I just rhymed
cheeses with diseases.
He did that.
This is only gonna get more brutal.
So you might want to call an ambulance
for me or for yourself.
Drop it, Phil.
What?
Don't know
No, no, Phil, you're not allowed
to swear on stage.
- I can't swear?
- I will censor you so don't try it.
- Don't be so.
- Oh! Okay.
- No, seriously, Phil we'll get fined.
- What the
- Please get back to rapping.
- Okay.
Here we go.
What?
Okay, that's it, I'm done.
Sorry, I'm leaving. Bye.
Hey there, everybody.
How're you doin'?
All right. All right.
This is a little improvised number.
It's a true story
about two guys called Dan and Phil.
Come, have a seat here, buddy.
All right.
You know where this is going.
- That's you.
- That's me.
All right, Phil. Time to join in.
Wait, what're you doing?
Phil, no, don't do this.
Really?
You think they love the rap?
Oh, would I?
Would I be in jail?
No, he's looking at me
like this is a betrayal.
Yes, this is a betrayal.
Really, you're just gonna leave,
are you?
Phil, Phil come back here, right now.
Phil. Take off the hat.
I think people might prefer
if you pause the rapping
and joined in with the piano singing
instead. Right, guys?
Okay, okay. Phil,
just stand in the middle,
sing something nice about the audience.
Can you do that?
Yeah.
Very good, Phil, very good.
Sorry, but you're kneeling in the way
of my spotlight right now.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
This is the Dan and Phil show,
not the Phil and background
piano guy show.
Should we sing this together instead?
All right.
So what are we forwarding
the story to now?
Hey, you know, it's funny that
we've been friends for so long
and we haven't fallen out yet?
Well, there's plenty of stuff for us
to argue about, Phil.
Thank you, everybody!
Thanks and good night.
Hope you all enjoyed the show.
Thank you for coming, everybody.
- Thanks, guys.
- Thank you.
- Thanks, everyone.
- We'll see you later.
- Thank you, guys.
- Thanks, guys.
Hope you had a good time.
Thank you for coming.
Everyone at the back over there.
We appreciate you leaving the house
to come see two nerds from YouTube.
Thank you! And we will see you
back on the Internet.
- Good bye, everybody.
- Bye!
Also known as Danis not on fire.
And the Incredible Philip.
Two Bloggers
known for their emo haircuts,
confident,
larger-than-life personalities
and calm, caring followers.
Currently touring the world
with a new stage show
promising to interact with
and please the audience.
But how?
So what are we doing here, Dan?
Giving the people what they want, Phil.
- Hello, everybody.
- What up?
- Thanks for coming to see us.
- Hello there. How's it going?
- Hi, how are you doing?
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Fancy seeing you here.
- Hey, guys, how are you doing?
All you guys, over there, at the back.
So how are you doing tonight?
Are you guys good?
All right.
Imagine how awkward it would've been,
if it was just awkward silence, there?
- I know.
- But thankfully it wasn't.
- Well glad to hear that you are good.
- Yes, indeed.
We are also happy to be here,
you might have noticed these
two giant, glowing eyes
either side of us.
These couple of long boys hanging out
on the edge of the stage over here.
Very phallic, we do realise that,
but, Phil, it's almost like
they stand for something.
- They do, interesting insects.
- Yep.
- Er, that's what it stands for.
- It does.
Release the bees.
- No, that's not...
- You're cheering for bees?
Wow.
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
"Sting me", okay, whatever.
No, no, it actually stands
for the name of the show,
- Interactive Introverts.
- Oh, yes.
Thank you, yes.
Snazzy graphic design,
it sounds very cool.
- It does.
- But, Phil,
- what the hell does it mean?
- Well, we are two introverts.
- Fact.
- And an introvert is someone
that gets their energy back
from being alone.
Now, the opposite of this
is called an "extrovert"
and this, if you can believe,
is a person that is actually meant
for socialising
with other human beings.
What?
I know, weird, right?
But apparently they exist.
Yeah, it's like at a party, they just
wanna rub their face on everyone.
Maybe not literally, but kind of, yeah.
Although at a party, you’ll just
find us by the food and the dips.
Yes, hiding in the corner by the snacks.
I'm a Dorito-vert personally,
that's howl identify.
Yeah, same, it's often confused
with shyness though.
You don't have to be shy
to be an introvert,
like if I was the shyest person
in the world,
I'm not sure I'd be stood here
in front of all you guys.
No, this would be terrifying, truly.
Yeah, I'd more likely be curled up
in a ball on the floor.
Just sat on the floor,
rocking backwards and forwards, crying.
How I spend most of my evenings.
Yes, no, it is possible
to be an introvert
and to be social, like us,
stood here right now.
- Yeah.
- It's just very emotionally draining.
The way I like to imagine it
is if you all picture
a life bar above our heads
like we're in a video game.
It's as if any time, any of you
make a noise
you're punching us emotionally.
Oh!
It burns.
And then they died, yeah, basically,
so based on that description,
does anybody here feel like
they are an introvert too?
Wow. All of you.
So you are really going through
something being sat with
all these people right now.
- Well, we appreciate that.
- We do.
And can we get some noise
from the biggest extrovert in the room.
Any extroverts in the...
Okay, calm down. Calm down.
Security. No, it's fine.
It's fine. I might not relate
personally, but you're valid.
You are, and some people
watch our videos
and they're like, "Wow, Dan and Phil."
- "They're so loud and annoying."
- "They must be so outgoing."
- Surely.
- But really, we're just
two introverted guys.
So being stood on a stage
in front of all these people,
it's not our natural environment, okay?
Our natural habitat is the sofa crease
on the couch in our apartment.
But the reason we wanted
to bravely venture outside
to go on tour is because one day,
we're all inevitably going to die.
And just turn into dust
and blow away with the wind
and be forgotten. It's coming,
it's coming, okay?
- Yeah.
- But before that
we wanted you to feel like
you had a chance to connect
- with the real Dan and Phil.
- Yeah, not as "Danis not on fire"
and "Amazing Phil" but as Daniel Howell.
- Yes.
- And my real name, Boris Humperdinck.
That is Phil's real name, everybody.
- It felt good to get that out.
- Thank you for sharing that, Phil.
No worries. And you guys are the reason
that we are here on this stage, tonight.
- Literally.
- And we just want to please you.
Which is why the mission statement
for the show you are about to watch is,
"Giving the people what they want."
That is right.
Which is why this show
is totally interactive
which we appreciate is very ironic
considering everything
we just explained about
our personalities.
Yes, which is why to warm things up,
we're gonna make a random member
of the audience stand up right now.
You... just kidding, just kidding.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Wow.
- Your faces were priceless.
- That right there showed who
the introverts and the extroverts
in the room were.
- It did.
- There were a few people
that were like, "Yes".
Literally, everybody else
went, "What? No!"
I have never seen 5,000 people
curl into a ball
- at the same time before.
- I know.
- That was amazing.
- Don't worry, we wanna avoid
awkward human contact as much as you.
Yes, but don't worry,
there will be many ways
that all of you here will control
what happens in the show tonight.
And what that means is it will
end up becoming a reflection
- of who you are as people.
- Yeah.
The things you want to see,
the decisions you make,
it will be whatever you want it to be.
It will, but who are the people,
what do they want?
- That is the question.
- Why do they want it?
- That's also a valid question.
- Where do they want it?
Er, no, no, when, when...
- When they...
- Was...
Now, okay, look, obviously,
there's lots of things some of you here
might want to see Dan and Phil
do live on stage together,
that we're not gonna do tonight,
because it's illegal
or if it isn't technically illegal,
maybe it's just offensive
or messy. I don't know
what you're thinking, okay?
It could be anything,
but this was originally
meant to be
a jelly wrestling arena, but...
- We had to change it up a bit.
- You can tell from the shape, right?
Get some ropes up, fill it with jelly,
jelly wrestling, but ideas changed
and here we are now.
So you might be wondering what
is actually happening tonight, guys.
Well, we don't want to give
any of you the wrong ideas...
- No.
- ...or to get your hopes up for anything
That we don't end up
delivering on, so first,
to be absolutely clear,
right now, we are going to show you
all of the things that we are not going
to do on stage tonight.
We have a wonderful show
for you tonight, everyone.
I bet you're all excited to find out
what's in store?
Oh, well, this isn't that.
Are you ready? Here it comes.
In tonight's show, Dan and Phil
will absolutely not
do the six-second challenge.
Dan, you have six seconds
to do an impression of a llama.
No.
ANNOUNCER". Engage in erotic role-play.
Police Chief Lester here.
There's a baa' boy] need to see to.
Please, be gentle with
the handcuffs, I have sensitive skin.
ANNOUNCER". Just have a staring contest.
Damn it.
ANNOUNCER". Dress up as their
cute, flowery, pastel personas.
ANNOUNCER".
Aren't they cute? Give us an "aw."
Aw.
ANNOUNCER". Let you touch their hair.
Go on, who wants to stroke it?
ANNOUNCER". Sit down and react
to a 24-hour livestream
of a domestic day
in Dan and Phil's apartment.
ANNOUNCER". Keep up with all the hottest
YouTube trends.
Phil, draw a 700 layers
of make-up on me.
Not before I eat
all these Tide Pods.
Mmm, delicious.
ANNOUNCER". Get all their best
social media superstar friends
on stage for a big party.
Just kidding,
they have no friends.
Literally, nobody responded
to their messages.
Confess real, emotional secrets
that are way too personal to share.
I contracted
chlamydia from a koala.
I literally murdered a person,
their corpse is in this trunk.
Ooh!
ANNOUNCER". Release dogs on to the stage
and just play with them for two hours.
Wait, you remembered
to feed them, right?
0h!
ANNOUNCER". And finally...
just get completely naked.
Whoa'. Okay, that was a 'yoke.
That was a joke,
calm the hell down, people.
Obviously, we're not actually
gonna get completely naked, okay?
So those are all of the things
we're not going to do on stage, tonight.
Which is fine because none of you
actually wanted any of those things.
- No.
- You have much better taste than that.
Now that we've gotten this out
of the way,
we can continue with
what we're actually doing in the show.
- Right, Phil?
- Yeah, although some of you
seemed a bit sad about the dogs.
Well, spoiler alert, there might
be some dogs coming up
later in the show.
Okay, Phil, if you are promising people
more dog content,
you have to live up
to that promise, okay?
- I would never dog tease anyone.
- Don't be a dog tease.
Right, so, er, if that's everything
that we're not going to do tonight,
you must be wondering
what the heckydizzle is in store?
- Yeah.
- Fair enough.
I feel like before we get
into that though,
we should probably do
something to get to know
you guys a bit better,
you know, break the ice in here?
- Yes.
- By releasing 20 tons of ice
- on to the audience.
- Go.
- Really.
- In for that as well.
- Y'all weird, okay.
- No.
If we want to give you what
you want, we have to know
- what kind of people you are.
- Yeah.
And as much as we'd like to take
you all out for coffee...
- Yes.
- ...or get to know you all individually,
Have an eight-hour conversation
about something.
Yeah, or slide into your DMs.
Maybe not that... We're sorry.
- What was the hand gesture for?
- Sliding...
What does that...
Sorry, no, I apologise for him.
There is no time, okay?
There are too many people here.
So we just have to jump in the deep end.
- Yeah.
- But thankfully, there's a little game
we both know that is actually perfect
for this exact situation.
Truth bombs.
So you've heard of the little game
that we released into the wild
last year? Okay, that helps.
You mean the one with
Amazon reviews that say,
"My sister doesn't talk to me anymore."
- Yes.
- "My grandma wrote me out of the will."
- That's the one.
- And, "My dog wants a divorce."
Yes, this game finds out
what people really think of you
by having them answer
some simple questions.
So we asked you some questions
about the two of us
and the thing is you could've
answered them in any way
- that you wanted to.
- Yeah.
You could've just been really honest
about what you think
the real answer would be,
you could've been nice,
just make us both feel good
about ourselves.
Or you could choose to savagely
roast us in front of thousands of people
for no reason!
Like I said, we'll find out
what kind of people you really are.
But first, there's a little
something that's gonna help
make this more dramatic,
let me just get this out.
Yeah.
- Hey, Phil.
- What?
Your mum.
- Really? Wow.
- This is going to help things.
So as this game was his idea, I think
it's only fair that Phil goes first.
Let's see what we asked you about Phil.
Ooh.
All right, I mean going up
and down this step is
pretty hard work for me.
Yeah, implying that Phil
has ever done an exercise, okay.
Slow it down there, mister,
let's see what you had to say.
Our fist answer comes from Jamie.
- PHIL: Jamie.
- Oh.
My children.
- Your children.
- My children.
If they're your children,
your children are dead, Phil.
- I know.
- You are not a very good dad
to these succulents.
Can we call protective services
- on this guy?
- I think we need to.
Who do you think is watering
our plants while we're on tour?
We don't have any friends,
they are all dead, people.
They are, I mean some people
have got green fingers,
I have black death fingers.
Phil has brown, crispy fingers
that, okay...
Right, the next answer comes
from Hunter.
- Okay, wow.
- Now this is something I'd be good at.
Phil actually used to breed hamsters
as a hobby when he was a child.
I did, but what would be that be like?
A set of hurdles,
then you'd jump over them while
just rubbing the hamsters together.
Sorry, while you do what?
Is that how you breed hamsters?
- No.
- All right, jenny and Timmy, here we go.
- Okay, babies, that's it.
- Jenny and Timmy?
- That's the secret to life right there.
- You just get them out their balls,
- set up a little dinner table.
- Literally, nobody here
wants to actually know
how you breed hamsters, Phil.
And the last answer comes from Victor,
who said, "Sunlight avoiding."
Yes, I mean, if that
was an Olympic sport,
- Phil would have the record.
- I did have to put SPF 100
just to stand under this spotlight.
Phil has that rare Voldemort complexion
that's so hard to protect
in the summer sun. It's a miracle
that you're alive right now.
- I'll Avada Kedavra you in a minute.
- Oh, my gosh.
Hey, it's Victor that said it, right.
Phil, only one of these
can be the winner.
- Ooh.
- Which of these sports
- would you get a medal in?
- I'm gonna go with Hunter
and the Speed Hamster Breeding.
Whoo, and that also gets the medal
for worst thing I've imagined this week
- which really says something.
- Nice. Give me that.
- It's Dan's turn.
- Hey, hey, I'm not worried.
I think they're all going to be
really nice about me.
Let's see what we asked you about Dan.
Okay.
Oh, I like that that's your reaction
to Phil just reading the question.
- Ooh.
- Seriously, what do you think of me?
Let's see what's hiding
in Dan's incognito tab.
- I'm kind of scared.
- The first one comes from Ryan.
There it is.
Wow, being here for like five minutes,
- 'there's the first furry 'yoke.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Thank you, Ryan. Wow.
- Amazing.
The next one comes from Hannah.
What does that mean?
I like that it's Saucy Shrek Fanfic
as opposed to one of those
like blissful, calm, domestic
Shrek Fanfics that are out there.
- I actually write them all.
- Really?
Yeah, it was a steamy day in the swamp.
- No.
- Donkey was lying on a bed
in just a bikini, Shrek came in,
"You wanna see under my layers?"
Stop, you're horrifying everyone.
Follow me on Wattpad, okay, right.
I'm disturbed... Last one
comes from Lynn.
Okay, okay, fair enough.
- Fair enough.
- I mean, you did a pretty good job.
Let's be real, where is the lie?
Where is the... It's not here.
Only facts in this house, people.
- Erm...
- What's the most accurate?
Well, I'm gonna say just because
the image of it will be
burnt into my mind forever,
I'm gonna give it to
the Saucy Shrek Fanfic.
Whoo! And you can say after that, Rose,
Dan is on fire.
- Oh. Sorry.
- Are you serious?
Leave, leave the stage right now.
That is unacceptable.
Well, I think clearly doing
a Dan round and a Phil round
is creating a bit of tension between us
that I don't think is helping.
I can feel the tension.
I don't think the tension
wants you to feel it, Phil.
I think, in the interest
of the show, we should come together
and do one more round, where we both
get roasted at the same time.
Is that what you want to see?
- Yeah.
- Exactly.
Well, let's see what we asked you
about both of us.
Great.
Great, lovely, I love our audience
fantasising about our death.
- This is a great start to the show.
- It is the best.
The first one comes from Elyce.
- Oh, my gosh.
- I don't think I've ever done
five seconds of exercise
in my life, so that might be true.
- That would be a real challenge.
- You have to be careful
going up and down those stairs, mate,
I think you got one second left.
Keep any eye on him, okay?
He's on the verge of death.
The next comes from jameela.
Honestly, it's pretty close.
Yeah, could we have designed a set
that's more of a trip hazard?
- No, have you seen this...
- Whoo, watch out, guys.
- Please save me.
- What, save you?
You would kill them
if you fell off the stage.
- I think I would.
- Why would he even joke about that?
There's like a 50 % chance
that that will actually happen
this evening, so I hope
you're ready to see the live death
- of Amazing Phil.
- Look forward to it.
And the last one comes from Sam.
- Okay, wow, Sam.
- That is too real, too real.
You don't know, Dan and Phil games,
my mouth is getting us in trouble.
- Oh, my gosh.
- This isn't a drill.
Especially in Spooky Week,
Dan has a real problem.
Er, well, which of these
are we going to give it to, Phil?
How will we really die?
I'm going to give it to Elyce
with Five Seconds of Exercise.
It is Five Seconds of Exercise.
Whoo! Well, there we go.
That was Truth Bombs.
Yikes.
- Okay, you're done with that.
- Sorry, I was having fun.
If that was our way of getting
to know you guys better.
I am shooketh, big mistake for sure.
Oh, Dan, don't be shooketh.
I think it's a good thing. It meant we
got to know the audience better.
Yeah, now we can start
giving them what they want.
- Ooh.
- Okay, I'm just gonna ask
- a quick general question.
- Yeah.
Who here wishes they had the like,
magical ability
to just force Dan and Phil
to do anything
you wanted to see us do?
A lot of people.
Well, that'd be okay.
"Well, we are real human beings."
- So it doesn't work like that.
- No.
Sorry, no,
we're not fictional characters.
We are people with free will
and that means that sometimes
the things that we choose
to do with our lives,
they might not be the things
that you want to see from us.
- No.
- But that just makes us feel bad.
Honestly, like Phil said,
we just want to please you.
I think that's why people
like The Sims so much though.
Does anyone here watch our Sims series?
It's a game where you make people
and you force them
to do anything you want,
that's the reason it's fun.
Yeah, you could just make five Sims,
put 'em in a swimming pool.
- Remove the ladders.
- Okay.
Watching Sims slowly drown
is one way to pass the time
- if you're into that.
- You know, I did a lot of that as a kid,
should I be worried about myself?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Should he be worried?
Hello, I live with him,
I should be worried.
Guys, I'm blinking, rescue me.
Oh, you could also make
a room full of blenders
or marry an alien,
or wa-hoo with a skeleton.
And this isn’t just what our Sim,
Dil Howlter, has done.
This is what Phil wishes he could do
in real life.
But we want to give you
that fun experience
with Dan and Phil whilst
also testing how responsible you are.
'Cause a lot of the stuff that
happens in this show,
we give you control over us
and we don't really know
how much we can trust you yet, so,
first, we'd like to test you
in a safe, controlled environment.
Which is why we're very excited
to show you something
that we have been working on
for a long time.
A simulation!
That is right, we have been building
this simulation ever since
we were foetuses.
- Not even babies.
- No.
Foetuses, people,
we have put the time in.
We have and we have spent
billions of pounds
and dollars on this technology.
Yes, this is the most accurate
Dan and Phil simulator
- that will ever exist.
- Yeah.
Inside this machine
are a digital Dan and Phil
that you will be able to control,
but the thing is, whilst technically
you can do anything you want,
the Dan and Phil in this machine
have highly powerful
- artificial intelligence.
- They do.
So, they think and feel
just as much as the real us.
So, be responsible, okay?
Only do things that you would
if you were controlling our real lives.
Remember, this is a test, okay?
Right, let's boot up the first program.
Here we go.
- Er, Phil. What is that?
- No, no!
- Stop. Make it go.
- Phil, explain.
That was a private simulation
I was working on.
Of all the references
you thought you were gonna get tonight.
Horse Prince, there we go,
okay, can we boot up the Phil program?
- Ooh, hello.
- Oh, so I should explain,
everything that happens
in this simulation
is based on data from our real lives.
So they are situations
that we would really be in.
Choices that we would actually make.
Let's see where Phil is today.
Phil arrives at Barstucks.
Ooh, I think this simulation
didn't wanna get sued.
Fair enough. He's staring
at the menu, what should he order?
So, there's gonna be two choices.
I will read them out,
then ask you to cheer
for one that you want to happen
and Phil will do it.
So let's see the options.
Phil could order a nice hot chocolate.
- Sure.
- Sounds good.
Or the new pumpkin spiced
unicorn, death cinnamon frappé.
Wow. Lot going on there.
- I am feeling pretty curious.
- Well, it's up to you.
Cheer for the one you want,
who wants Phil to order
a nice hot chocolate?
Anybody? All right.
Thank you, people, lovely drink.
And who wants him to order
the spicy, unicorn,
death thing?
- It sounds more interesting.
- Wow. It does sound good.
Phil orders the frappé.
See, this is going well so far.
- Yeah.
- Good job, everybody.
Ooh, that does like delicious.
The frappé is vibrating
with energy that...
- You okay there, Phil?
- It's vibrating with energy.
- Is that supposed to be the frappé?
- Yeah.
How big is this frickin' drink?
Put your hands down,
it gives Phil a huge sugar rush
and he has to capture it for the lnsta.
Okay, everyday relatable situations.
- Okay.
- But what will he do?
He could either...
- Sure. He's had a lot of sugar.
- Sure.
Or "Accidentally tweet a private photo
of him in his underwear."
- What?
- Wait, Phil, why would
- the simulation suggests this?
- There's nothing like that hidden
- on my phone.
- Well, okay, er, I feel like
this is the point where I have
to remind you that this digital Phil
experiences real guilt and shame.
- Be responsible, do the right thing.
- Yeah.
Who wants a selfie with the drink?
Anybody? Sure.
Lovely selfie, might be a bit blurry.
Who wants him to tweet
a photo in his underwear?
Oh, no.
- Guys.
- I feel like
- they're not taking this seriously.
- Wow.
What, we can't be seen to be
like shaming anybody.
Just get it over with, Dan.
He tweets the private photo,
I apologise for anything
mentally scarring, that you...
Er, look, that's before
I did my one push up in the morning.
"Privatesexyphoto.j pg"
that's a real photo there.
Totally real.
Phil tries to delete the photo
and he drops his phone in the drink.
- What?
- Good one.
He also spills cream
all over his crotch.
Right, you got him into
this mess, people,
you have to get him out of it.
Let's see what we can do.
- Oh, hello.
- A kooky dude appears.
It's Satan!
What?
Did you just cheer for Satan?
Wow.
Just 'cause he's shirtless, guys, right.
He wants to make a deal,
let's see the choice here.
Phil Could...
- Sounds good.
- Sure, bit of Fletnix and Phil?
Casual evening, or...
You know, I do not trust
this man and his nipples.
But it's up to them.
Who wants to avoid Satan?
All right.
- Respectable choice.
- Yeah.
Who wants him to sell his soul to Satan?
Guys.
That was passionate. Did you think
you'd be enthusiastically cheering
for making a deal with Satan
this evening?
Yes.
Yes, what do you mean, yes?
I was gonna do it anyway,
even if I didn't come here.
- Wow.
- We're making a deal.
Look, Phil, don't worry,
this might all work out.
- Let's see where we are.
- This seems all right.
Well, we're still in the coffee shop.
Guess everything worked out fine.
Phil goes to hell with Satan
when suddenly he hears the sound of
scissors and glue pouring onto glitter.
What have you done?
Why is there glitter in hell?
I have no idea
what that could...
That makes sense,
that actually makes complete sense.
Dan appears holding a potato.
"Time to get printing, Philly."
He stamps Phil to death for eternity.
- No, stop, cancel.
- Can we shut it down, please?
- Cancel the simulation.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Wow.
- I trusted you.
The man went in to order a drink
and you sacrificed him to the devil.
Are you proud of yourselves?
- Yes, they are.
- Really?
Okay, you know what,
I don't feel like we need
to continue this to make
the point we're trying to make.
No, I think we need to do
the Dan simulation.
Okay, fine, fine, whatever. Only if
they take it completely seriously
this time.
All right, let's boot it up. Boop.
Ooh, Dan decides to go outside.
Whoa, whoa, what reality
is this based on?
Right.
Ooh. What are you gonna do?
Does he go home and sit in the dark?
I mean, that's what I would do
if I found myself
- outside for any reason.
- Sure.
Or...
- All right, whatever.
- It's up to you guys,
who wants him to go home
and sit in the dark?
Sitting in the dark,
my people.
- Yeah, okay.
- And who wants to talk
to the suspicious man?
Hey, hey, whatever, fine, I need
more friends that aren’t just Phil.
- Sure, let's talk to the man.
- Here we go.
It's a what?
Look, okay, right, look,
furries are a thing.
They're out there, half of you
are probably furries.
We are not here to judge.
So let's just see where this goes.
But what are you gonna do
with your furry friend?
- We just met.
- Do you...
My default response
to human interaction.
Or...
You can all make whatever choices
you want to and that is fine,
just know that I will be judging
you personally based on what
- you cheer for here.
- Let's see what they want.
Who wants to see the memes?
Thank you, I have some lovely
Shiba Inu gifts to show this furry.
And who wants the tickets
to the underground furry rave?
That's the one.
Fine, fine, just know that
God is judging you.
- Okay.
- Let's hit the club.
This is a lot weirder
than I hoped it would be.
Ooh, that isn't me.
In my what?
I don't have one of those.
- I wondered what you got in the mail.
- Shut up, shut up.
But what happens now,
does he...
Er, who walks into a club
and just starts doing shots
- off somebody?
- You apparently.
Or...
That sounds like
a lovely, innocent time.
- Yeah.
- I just wanna say,
this seems like the point
in the Phil simulation
where we went down the whole,
Satan, torture path.
You don't need to make
the same mistakes, okay?
Don't listen to everyone around you.
You are all individuals with free will
and I trust you
to do the right thing.
I don't think you're helping your case.
Who wants the otter?
- Well, that was loud.
- Wow.
And who wants polite conversation?
There was an attempt.
Time to get your otter out for the lads.
Never say that again.
Ooh, that is a lot of tequila.
Er, Interactive Introverts
is not legally responsible
for any sexually explicit images
that you are not leg... Okay.
Oh, er...
Oh, thank God, okay.
- Just don't pee in the suit.
- I thought that was going
- somewhere much weirder.
- Yeah.
What happens now?
Does he...
I mean, that's what you do
in this situation, right?
Or...
Oh, for God's sake. Ha, ha. Very funny.
Right, I am gonna go kick
the computer after this.
Do we even have to ask,
who wants the door code?
Literally five people. All right.
And who wants the lady door?
This is why we need to destroy
the concept of gender, okay?
So this situation doesn't happen
to anybody.
Thank you, yes.
Lady, lady, enter the lady door.
Jesus.
Ooh.
This is so embarrassing, I can't look.
Oh.
- I what?
- You die.
I die, what do you mean I died?
Well, is that it?
Are you kidding me?
Are you freakin' kidding me?
Why are you cheering for this?
Hello, no, no.
This is the bad ending, people.
This is literally the worst, possible,
timeline that can happen right now.
- They don't even care.
- They're happy.
Just shut it down, shut it down,
abort, abort.
No. Wow.
I think we could've spent
all that money on something else.
All those billions of pounds and dollars
for nothing!
Wow, well, if that was the test
for how responsible all of you
are gonna be this evening, I think
we should just run for our lives.
I'm a dip, see you later.
No, Dan, Danny boy. Listen.
What? I don't think
we can judge them on that.
I mean, there were some people
in the audience that were like,
"I wanna see Phil's selfie."
"I wanna see the memes."
Okay, sure, fine, there were
a few people out there
cheering for the normal stuff,
but, no, no, you got out cheered
by everybody else and your voices
weren't heard.
- No.
- That is the way that the world works.
I also think this was an example
of mob mentality.
'Cause there were some people
in the audience that everyone
was screaming around them
and it was making them
change their own opinions.
I mean you wanna fit in
to a big group, right?
Like, if there's an angry mob
walking past your house,
you don't have to know what
they're angry about.
- No.
- It just looks catchy and fun.
So you go outside,
you pick up a pitchfork,
march along for a bit
before you know, you're stabbing Phil
in the butt and you don't know
how you got there.
- It's human nature.
- Well, I think l can prove
this is happening with an experiment.
All right.
What the hell was that walk?
- That was my mysterious walk.
- Yep, no problem.
Phil is a mystery to me.
But before we begin my experiment
to prove you all think the same,
I think we need to sync up the audience.
Yes, get them all in this
angry mob together, okay.
And we'll do that by learning
your collective name,
you know like a group of animals
like a pride of lions.
A murder of crows,
that's my go-to example.
Or a sea of rats.
Right?
They like that one.
We'll do that by everyone saying
their name at the same time.
Then we will know what
you are collectively called, all right?
Yeah, are we ready? Here we go.
Say it.
Oh, my gosh, that was like
some kind of alien war cry.
That was terrifying.
Yeah, what, did you hear a name
in that abyss, Phil?
- Do you know what I heard?
- What?
Susan!
- But did you hear Susan too?
- Yeah.
I definitely heard Susan.
- Susan.
- It was absolutely... That is crazy.
So that means you are
all now collectively Susan!
Henceforth, you are Susan.
Hey there, Susan, nice to meet you.
Dan, hi
So now you're are synced up as Susan,
we can move on to the first experiment.
It involves the fact that everyone says
that me and Dan should get a dog.
That is a thing.
Yeah.
Hey, we want to give
the people what they want.
They just want us to get a dog, Phil,
that is literally all
anybody cares about.
They do. But the question is, Susy Pops,
what breed of dog should it be?
Mmm, okay.
Look, look, everyone has
their own favourite breed of dog.
- They do.
- The dog they imagine us getting.
But there is no way that everybody here
- could come to one decision.
- I think they could
using the grid of dogs.
Bam! Oh, you wanted more dog
content? Here you go.
Look at those good boys.
- Who do we have here?
- Lorraine’s just had a blow dry.
Wow, er, Fluffy on the right
looks kind of terrifying.
- Beautiful on the inside.
- Don't think I'd put my foot near that.
I feel like Sherlock at the top
looks like Benedict Cumberbatch.
- Is that just me?
- Yeah.
So what I'd like everyone to do is
put your hand out in front of you.
Don't tickle the person
in front of you, that would be weird.
This is not a 4D experience, okay?
Keep your hands to yourselves.
And point
to your favourite orange dog.
Right, but,
oh, this is very important.
- Yeah.
- This whole time,
- do not say anything out loud.
- No.
This is your personal decision.
Your journey, do not let anyone
here influence you.
No, so from your favourite
orange dog, I want you to move
your finger up or down
to the first blue dog
- that you reach.
- Up or down to the first blue one.
Yeah, and from there,
let's go left or right
to the first orange dog that you reach.
Left or right to the first orange.
And from there,
let's go diagonally
to the first blue dog
that you reach.
Diagonal in any direction.
Yeah, the first blue one.
And from there, go up or down
to the first orange dog that you reach.
- Up or down to orange.
- Yeah.
- So, you all started on a random dog.
- You have all made your own decisions.
But as Susan, you have chosen Gary.
All right!
- Let's see, aw....
- What a good boy.
- Good decision, Susan.
- Yeah.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Did anybody here not get Gary?
Okay, a few people, right.
You did it wrong.
Er, no, it's fine, it's fine.
It just means you aren't part
of Susan yet.
- No.
- But you can be if you believe.
- You just need to get in Susan.
- Yes.
That didn't sound right.
- Join in with Susan.
- You just need to join in with Susan.
- Yeah.
- That's better.
We'll get those stragglers
further into Susan.
And we'll do that by
syncing you up again.
Okay, okay.
So, this is going to
be super satisfying.
After the count of three,
I would like everyone to clap once
at the same time.
Who just clapped?
- Ready.
- I said after three.
Are you applauding people
for clapping at the wrong time?
Bad Susan.
- Susan, stop.
- Susan, stay.
Susan, sit.
Stay.
Beg, sorry, that got weird.
That got really weird fast.
Okay, look.
This is gonna be so satisfying
if we get it right.
Here we go, three, two, one.
Ooh!
- Ooh, that was good.
- I like that.
No, I think this could be even better.
We could do some serious
community ASMR if we get this right.
- Yeah.
- Here we go.
Three, two, one.
Yes!
Wow.
I feel like we probably just caused
a natural disaster somewhere
on Earth by doing that,
but it was totally worth it.
I think we just broke the sound barrier.
Oh, for God's sake. Really?
Boo, boo.
- Don't encourage him.
- Right.
Well, now everyone
is officially part of Susan.
- Yes.
- We can move on
to the second experiment.
Which involves something
I found under Dan's bed.
What is with the judgment in this room?
What do you people think I get up to?
Oh, I was doing some
innocent spring cleaning.
That is a lie, okay?
Phil has never cleaned anything
- in his entire life.
- I have.
I saw something shining under Dan's bed.
And it was so weird,
I had to bring it to show you guys.
Okay, this is the point
where I remind all of you
that Interactive Introverts is an
inclusive, zero-shaming environment,
Okay?
- We are here to be supportive.
- Dan.
- Not to judge each other.
- What the hell is this?
That is my secret box.
It's so heavy.
It's got a big lock on the front,
so I couldn't open it.
Obviously, it's my secret box.
Right, well, you hold on to this.
- Right, thank you.
- Because I think... You got it?
I think now everyone
in Susan is thinking the same.
Whoever we choose in the audience,
is going to be able
to guess what is inside this weird box.
Okay. No, Phil,
our audience, they know us pretty well.
They don't know what I would
be keeping in a box under my bed
- that would be weird.
- No, I think they would,
and I can prove it using...
I'm sorry for what's about to happen.
I feel like this whole thing
was an excuse for Phil to do this.
The mystery balls of selection.
Wow, look at that, everybody,
Phil has three balls.
I do, so I am gonna start
some music playing.
Then I'm gonna launch
these balls into the audience.
I want you to throw them about,
- bat them around.
- Throw them across the room?
Get them in the sky.
Yeah, but when the music stops,
whoever's got a ball,
if you don't want it,
just throw it to someone else.
I'd like you to stand up
and I'm gonna individually ask you
what you think
is inside Dan's weird box.
What do you think I am hiding
in a locked box
- under my bed.
- Yeah.
- That is the question.
- It could be an animal.
It could be an object,
it could be any size.
It doesn't have to be something
you think would fit
in this box apparently.
But let's keep it something
I would say on the Amazing Phil channel.
- Let's keep it Amazing Phil, people.
- Please.
Let's start the music, here we go.
Whoo!
- Pass those balls around.
- Keep it going, keep 'em going.
Whoo!
Yes, okay.
Keep going, throw the ball.
- And...
- Stop!
Okay, sorry, I enjoyed that.
Has everyone got a ball?
Can the keepers of the ball stand up?
- Ooh.
- Let's give them
a round of applause.
Phil, I don't think anyone
wanted to be called
a keeper of the balls tonight.
I think they do.
Okay, so you might need
to use your loudest voice.
Let's go to the green ball first.
- Hello.
- Hi, what is inside the box?
His Speedo collection.
My Speedo collection.
Wow.
Wow, why am I keeping
my Speedos in a locked box?
What do I get up to?
- Thank you for that.
- Are they yours is the question?
Ooh.
I do not like
what is being implied here.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Let's move on to the next ball.
- Hey, there.
- Which is the stripey ball.
Hello, you have to use a loud voice.
Fan fiction.
What is so weird about
this fan fiction that I am locking it
in a box under my bed?
That's what I wanna know.
This fan fiction is so cursed,
I printed it off,
I laminated it and I put it in this box,
- so no one could ever see it.
- I'm scared.
It's the Shrek fan fiction.
- It's the Saucy Shrek Fan Fiction.
- Oh, my gosh.
It's in here.
Let's go to the last ball over here.
The pink ball.
- Hey.
- Hi, what is in the box?
The stolen cereal?
That's the stolen cereal,
okay, thank you.
The cereal that I am hiding from Phil.
- I would still find it.
- That is the best guess.
- I could sniff it out.
- Get the hell away from this,
you monster.
Okay, well, thank you,
I agree with that one.
- That would be a good place to put it.
- Yeah.
So let's return the balls to me.
Okay, everybody,
throw the balls back to Phil.
Here we go, get them to the front.
All right, pink ball, here we go, Phil.
Ball number one.
- Receive, here we go.
- Oh, my gosh.
And ball three.
- Here we go. Phil's got the balls.
- Hey.
Hey, I feel like that was dangerously
close to five seconds of exercise.
- Almost.
- Slow it down there, mister.
The sport I would get a medal in,
ball wrangling.
- That was pretty good.
- I literally hate this whole thing.
Phil, remove your balls from the stage.
So, I don't know why
you think I am keeping
a Speedo collection, some fan fiction
and cereal together
in a box under my bed.
Well, Dan, I need both
your hands for this bit.
So put the box down.
Has anyone seen a key for the box?
It might be under your chair,
like an old rusty key
probably smells weird,
'cause Dan owns it.
Has anyone seen a key for the box?
Sorry, what are we
talking about right now?
That's your house key,
that's not the key.
Sorry, everybody,
this isn't an Oprah moment.
I have the key.
- What?
- Sorry, everybody.
- I have the key.
- You had the key the whole time?
Obviously, it's my secret box,
why wouldn't I have the key, Phil?
We could've done this
in private instead of in front
of all these guys.
Could've done it in private,
but then you're like,
"Oh, let's show 'em what's in your box."
- And here we are.
- Right, give me the key.
Ooh, this is a bit Fifty Shades of Grey,
isn't it?
Zero-shaming environment, thank you.
- Let's get it over with.
- Let's see what's inside the box.
- Ooh.
- Don't "ooh," what is it?
It's a glass jar.
Well, that's none of the things
you said.
Congratulations, Susan,
you got it wrong.
But, wait, Dan,
there's something inside the jar.
- What?
- Let's unscrew it.
It's a mysterious scroll.
Okay, still don't see
how that's relevant.
Well, Dan, what if the things
that Susan said are written
on this scroll?
Whoa, Phil, this scroll
has been inside a glass jar.
- Yeah.
- In a locked box
that has been here the whole time.
And three random members of Susan
said three extremely random things,
there is no way
- that they could've known this.
- I believe in Susan,
- I think we should have a look.
- So do we have...
The Speedo collection.
- I hope not, to be honest.
- Here we go.
Okay, that is freaky.
Oh, my gosh, I'm quite disturbed
by that.
They knew.
Okay, do we have the fan fiction?
There's no way.
- Fan fiction!
- Okay.
I'm kind of freaking out now.
- Not gonna lie.
- There's no way we can get
- the cereal in as well.
- It's hidden cereal,
- how could anyone...
- Here we go.
- Cereal!
- Oh, my God.
- Er...
- Susan.
Do you have cameras
in my bedroom or something?
- What is that about?
- Oh, my gosh.
Yes. Oh, you do?
Great, the more I know.
Well, here you go,
you guys tear this up,
share it between everyone.
Tear and share, oh, my gosh,
it's like The Walking Dead down there.
Someone call Rick.
Well, I don't like that
that basically turned
into kink shaming Dan.
But fun experiment, Phil.
I think it was a good thing,
it showed that everyone
in the audience is just
one blob that all thinks the same thing.
Okay. Phil, I think
you showed in a big group,
people wanna fit in,
but I don't think it's fair
to imply that everybody
here is just the same kind of person.
- Really?
- And they all think the same thing.
I feel like this can be the issue
with fandom sometimes.
Is anybody here a member of a fandom
of any variety?
Say, when you have
a favourite TV show
or YouTuber or book,
it can be really fun
to join the community of people
that like whatever that thing is.
You get to make friends with other
people that have similar interests.
See all the amazing artists
out there on the Internet.
Read all of the weird fan fiction.
It's all part of the fandom experience.
But sometimes the voice
of a fandom can be so loud
that if there's anybody
out there that maybe
prefers to think of themself
as an individual.
- Yeah.
- They might have their
own personal connection
to whatever this thing is.
Sometimes these people
don't get represented.
- Oh.
- And if we want to give the people
what they want,
I think that these guys
count just as much as anyone else.
But if they're all so different,
how can we know what they want?
Well, Phil, that's why
we decided to straight up ask you
in a survey.
That is right.
Who is ready for some statistics?
You can't dab for statistics.
Yes, I can, statistics.
Wow.
Are you ready for some math?
Can I get a woot-woot?
Woot-woot.
- Yes.
- Okay, before we start,
I need something from the flap.
Er, I personally think that
props and costumes
are tacky, but Phil is a tacky person.
- So here we go.
- Dan, take this.
- It's glasses and clipboards.
- Wow.
'Cause we all know that glasses
mean you're smart.
Right. Guys?
It's a look.
So we asked you a series
of interesting and revealing questions
that will tell us how you're
all different from each other
and what it is that you want.
Yeah, we started off pretty easy
with...
Obviously, very relevant
to this experience.
Yeah, and the options were,
"Heck yes" and "Hell no".
Erm...
Phil wrote all of the options
for this survey obviously.
I just wanted them to be spicy.
Definitely, well, you voted.
Let's see what you said.
- Oh.
- Wait a minute.
This is looking quite close.
- That is not close.
- That is not close.
71 % of you said yes and 29 said no.
You are up for it in this room tonight.
- You are.
- Fair enough,
although I feel like I have
to point out to
- the 29 % that said no.
- Yeah.
By filling out this survey,
you have audience participated, so,
congratulations, you played yourself.
But, no, it's fine.
- This is a show for everybody.
- It is,
so this question got a little bit deep.
And it was...
This is the thing, you know
a lot about us.
Our hobbies, interests,
a few kinks apparently,
but is that the real Dan and Phil?
Or are the Dan and Phil
you see on YouTube just
two characters that we act like
because it's what we think
- you want to see? Hmm.
- Well, the options for this one were
"Yes", "no", and "who are Dan and Phil?"
Who here would say,
"Who are Dan and Phil?"
- Are you kidding me?
- I had to add it in just in case.
I feel like Phil is ruining
the survey here.
Well, let's see what you said.
Nobody watching this would say,
"Who are Dan and Phil?"
24 % of you said, "Who are Dan and Phil?"
Hold up, hold up,
a quarter of you
said you don't know who we are.
- Wow.
- Where do you think you are right now?
Shrek (the Musical?
Well, this is a lot
saucier than I thought it would be.
- Let's not think about that.
- No.
But what about the 17 % that said no?
Well, that's quite disturbing, Phil.
- Yeah.
- Why would they say that?
- I don't know.
- Why don't they feel like
they know you, Phil?
- They do.
- Why are you so shady, Phil Lester?
- I'm not.
- It's fine,
we'll come back to that later.
Okay, fine, well, the next one
had some snazzy options.
It was...
This is an interesting one,
because it tells us
what do you actually like
about Dan and Phil.
- Yeah.
- What is the content
that you are here for,
is it the casual domestic stuff?
Is it the creative stuff
with the editing?
Let's see those options, shall we?
So we have...
Obviously, a diverse set
of options for everybody,
but clearly there's too many
for this to just be shown
- in another bar graph.
- Really?
No, this time, the results
come in the form of
a pie chart.
Oh.
Didn't see that coming, did you? Ooh.
- That is right.
- Dan really loves the pie chart.
Er, just so we're clear.
Most of the budget for this show
went on generating
that pie chart, so this has peaked now.
- Yeah.
- Well, what do they say, Phil?
Well, 40 % of you, most of you, like
"Phil is not on fire".
Really?
All right, classic choice.
- Fair enough. What?
- But wait, wait, wait.
The next one is 21 % of you
like "Dan and Phil Crafts"?
Less of you said "Day in the life"
than "Dan and Phil Crafts."
Ream]?
Who thinks... Oh, I'm bored.
I wanna watch some Dan and Phil.
What should I load up? Square flakes.
Really? I doubt that somehow.
I think they were the ones
cheering for Satan earlier.
That would explain it actually,
I regret learning that.
Well, the next question
was pretty interesting.
Controversial perhaps.
And what were the options?
What Dan and Phil want
or what the people want.
This is about our relationship.
Should we just be free spirits
doing as we please?
Artists pursuing our vision
and not caring what anyone says?
Or should we be making
what you, our beloved audience,
say you want from us?
- Ooh. All right.
- Let's see.
- Oh, it's close.
- Wait a minute.
Whoa!
- That's nice.
- 53 % said "what Dan and Phil want"
and 47 % said "what the people want."
Oh, that is very divided,
clearly, we are all very different.
- In this room tonight.
- Yeah.
But that is not the end of the survey.
No, there was one final question.
The ultimate question, really,
that we could've asked you.
We asked you.
Dan or Phil.
That is right.
We asked you to choose between us.
And I bet right now you're thinking,
"What? No, that's not fair.
"I don't wanna do that."
Well, guess what,
life is full of uncomfortable decisions.
And sometimes, you just
have to deal with it.
And we didn’t just ask you, Dan or Phil.
Oh, no, that would've been too simple.
We asked, "Who you would
rather sacrifice?"
And this is the thing,
I bet you thought,
no one's actually gonna get
sacrificed, this is just a silly survey
in a stage show, I can say
whatever I want about Dan and Phil.
There's no consequences.
- Right?
- Well, tonight, your actions
do have consequences,
as whoever you chose
is gonna be put in
mortal danger right now.
Reveal the wheel!
Oh. Yes!
You thought our lives were a game?
Well, guess what, game over.
After the break, whoever you chose
is gonna be strapped
to this wheel of death.
And whether they live or die
will be on your hands.
So don't feel bad about
your decision or anything.
Enjoy that on your conscience.
Oh, my God!
I can't believe you've done this to me!
Oh, I know, I'd sacrifice Dan.
It's not like he's gonna be strapped
to a frickin' wheel or anything.
Oh, I'm glad that this is amusing you,
right now.
Are you having fun?
That's what counts, right?
Oh, God.
Oh, hey, guys.
Oh, hi, Phil.
Hey, how are you doing up there, Dan?
How am I doing up here?
Oh, I'm great, thanks for asking.
Thanks for picking him.
- Yeah, thank you.
- So to prove this isn't a game,
I have donned my very best
serial killer outfit.
You look like you're about
to clean up a murder scene.
I might be about to clean up
a murder scene.
As to prove this isn't a game
and your actions have consequences.
I'm gonna be firing a sequence
of increasingly dangerous projectiles
at Dan.
Why are you cheering for that,
you freaks?
This is the most dangerous thing
attempted on a stage
at Interactive Introverts.
- Fact.
- Yeah.
So, let's have a look
what's in my box of fun.
Phil, I feel like you're neglecting
to mention something
mildly important.
Yeah, I'm trying to miss Dan.
Phil is trying not to hit me, okay?
- Important clarification.
- Yeah.
But if he does and I die,
it's your fault, because
you chose to put me here.
Okay.
Let us have a look at
our first projectile.
The slingshot.
Made famous by Bart Simpson
and probably a caveman.
Totally.
Don't have much experience
with slingshots.
Yeah, believe it or not.
I think you just kind of
pull it back like this.
Wait, wait,
where are you aiming right now?
I'm aiming next to your leg.
Next to my leg because
you're pointing that directly
- at my face right now.
- I told you
I didn't have much experience.
I think we need a countdown
from you guys. Here we go.
- Three, two, one.
- Oh, God.
Oh.
- That was a fail.
- Made famous by who? Bart Simpson?
Let me try again, I'm trying again.
You know what, I think Phil's
having performance issues.
- I'm not having performance issues.
- He is.
The moment came and then
Phil just like...
Last try, it needs to hit the wheel.
- Okay
- Right, here we go.
- Three, two...
- Oh, my God, that's too close, Phil.
- Are you kidding me?
- One.
Okay, the slingshot's not working.
Oh, well, what a shame.
Phil didn't get to violently
injure Dan, boo-hoo.
No.
Oh, I'm loving... Oh, God, oh, jeez...
Maybe I shouldn't be making
fun of you.
I take it back,
I take back the laughter.
The bow and arrow.
Forget Katniss Everdeen,
this is Philmiss Spilladeen.
That didn't even make sense.
- I didn't really think so.
- That makes no sense.
I'm not really sure how
to use a bow and arrow.
Just in case you think
this is rehearsed,
Phil clearly has no idea
what he's doing.
I think you just pull it back like this.
Oh, was that scary for you
for two seconds? Boo-hoo.
But I don't think Dan's
taking this seriously,
I don't think you guys
are learning your lesson.
So I think we need to make
this a bit more dangerous.
What, no, no, we don't.
Let's get some side to side
movement in the wheel.
All right, Phil, I feel
very vulnerable right now.
- Please, don't hurt me.
- Let's do a countdown. Three, two...
- Phil!
- One!
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry.
Okay. If that was one inch lower...
Oh, my gosh.
I don't think
we'd be friends any more, Phil.
Also, you'd have
a much higher-pitched voice.
Where were you trying
to aim right there?
I was aiming down here.
Yeah, well, it looked like you were
trying to surgically remove my penis.
- So thank you for that.
- I wasn't.
Oh, I'm glad that that was fun for you.
My entire life
just flashed before my eyes.
- Oh, my gosh.
- And I accomplished nothing.
Right.
- The last projectile.
- Oh, God.
- Yeah.
- That h u rt.
The bazooka 3000.
Save me.
- My baby.
- Why are you stroking it?
Sent back from the future
just for this moment.
- Just to cause me pain.
- Yeah.
But, you know what, I still don't think
you're learning your lesson.
- I think we need more danger.
- No, we don't. You already hit me once.
I think we need
a full rotation of the wheel.
Stop, stop, stop. Ahhh! Ahhh!
- My God, Phil, please don't hit me.
- Here we go.
- Three, two, one!
- Oh, my God.
Stop, stop, stop.
- You hit me twice with the same ball.
- I'm sorry.
Are you kidding me?
Right, get me the hell
off this thing right now.
Oh, my gosh.
Did I get you in the leg?
You got me in the leg
and almost the nipple, Phil.
Phil is going for the holy trinity
of testicles, nipple and knee.
- I'm not.
- There we go.
- Oh, clapping, more clapping, great.
- I'm sorry.
Well, actually I'm glad that
that all amused you so much.
But we were trying to make a very
serious point about something right now.
- Yeah.
- So, Phil,
take off your stupid murder apron
and tell everybody
what this is supposed to be about.
It was their fault, not mine.
Oh, it was...
They chose to put me here, you fired it.
- Yea h, true.
- Okay.
So, what I was gonna say is
everything in a...
Ream]?
Dan, that's very distracting.
Oh, what, you're gonna cheer for me
getting undressed
after what you just saw happen?
- Wow!
- I'm just gonna stand behind this,
everybody look at Phil for a second.
- It's okay.
- Oh, my gosh.
Mr Spotlight, can you just
like point somewhere else right now?
I'm just gonna let you get undressed.
Everybody, stop looking at me.
This is a private moment right now.
Can I literally have one moment
of dignity in my entire freaking life?
There we go. Dan got undressed.
- Yay.
- Are ya happy?
Right, well, what Phil was totally
failing to explain there
was, now you realise that your actions
have consequences, okay?
Words can hurt and after that,
you all really regret
what just happened, don't you?
- No, they don't.
- Really?
Well, they don't even care.
Great. Wonderful.
I think everything in the first half
was very much "Dan and Phil
against the bloodthirsty audience."
Yeah. Angry mob vibes.
That's what I was talking about.
I think maybe for the rest of the show
we should just calm the heck down a bit.
Maybe get a bit more personal.
Why don't we get
a little bit more intimate.
I feel like personal was fine as a word.
Sure!
So, what did we learn
from that survey?
I think clearly everybody in this room
right now is very different.
- Yeah.
- It might be easy for you
to feel like you and all of your friends
are the same
as the rest of our followers.
But obviously, that's just not the case.
And that's what makes it so hard for us
to give you what you want
because apparently, you all want
completely different things.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of you
like audience participation.
Yes, indeed.
Quite a few of you like
Dan and Phil crafts.
We're not talking about that.
Trying to forget that.
But there was also this 17 % of you
that said you don't feel like
you know the real Dan and Phil.
- No.
- So, I'll ask you again, Phil,
- why don't they trust you?
- I don't know.
- What are you hiding?
- Nothing.
Do you want to know
a Dan and Phil conspiracy theory?
- What?
- By me? Okay.
Here we go.
The real Phil Lester
would still have an emo fringe.
This is a clone
that killed the real Phil.
- No.
- Where is the body?
I mean, you're one to talk, curly boy.
Oh, my God!
I'm a clone too.
No, seriously, is that not the case?
- Do they know the real Phil?
- Yeah, they know the real me.
I think the thing is, when you're making
a YouTube video, you're being yourself,
but you're also trying
to be entertaining at the same time.
Right. Which might not seem totally
relaxed and natural
but what, it's still the real you?
- Yeah, it's still the real me.
- I mean, I'm the real Dan,
stood in front of all of you,
right now. I promise.
It's just that
I'm trying to be interesting.
If I wasn't trying to be interesting,
I'd probably just be stood here like...
Hi, guys, how are you doing today?
- Dan, I think you'd be on a sofa...
- Yeah, no, I would not be stood up.
I would be sat deeply embedded
in a sofa crease
- with a burning hot laptop on my crotch.
- Yeah.
And I would have a bowl of chips
under my chin and I'd be doing that
thing, you know when you're too lazy
to pick them up out of the bowl,
so you just try and lick them?
Like...
That is what I would be doing
right now if I didn't care.
That's the Dan I know.
I haven't always been trying
to be entertaining on YouTube.
- No?
- I mean, I made some pretty weird videos
- back in the day.
- Yes.
Phil, he was really out there just
creatively expressing himself.
Who here is a fan
of Phil's 2007 content?
Thank you, people.
You say that, he deleted most of it
for a reason.
I mean, I made a video called
Snokoplasm...
Right. Phil, why don't you try and pitch
Snokoplasm to your 2018 audience
and see if they'd care.
Okay. So I went to the shop
and I bought lots
of different coloured shower gels
and then I went home,
played some spooky music,
took my shirt off
and rubbed them all over myself.
But right, you were
making a point about something, right?
It was a deep metaphor
for recycling plastic or something.
No, I think I was just
rubbing shower gel on my nipples.
Content.
But what, you wouldn't
upload that now?
I don't think I'd upload that now,
'cause I'm trying
to be entertaining as well.
- He cares about his audience.
- I do.
Er, no. Well, that kind of,
reminds me of my channel.
I mean, ever since Danis not on fire,
died last year, rest in peace,
I've been on a personal quest
to try to be more authentic.
I think a few years ago, I just used
to think, "What's a YouTube idea
"that would get loads of views?"
But these days, it's more like,
I'm looking into my reflection,
crying at 3:00 a.m. going,
"How am I going
to express myself on the Internet?"
- Which is fun, right?
- Yeah.
But, what I've realised,
is not everybody is actually interested
- in myself.
- No.
It's kind of like the whole Wholesome
Howell meme that happened last year.
- Does anyone remember that?
- Yeah.
Oh, yes, 'twas a spicy meme.
In case you don't,
and you're like,
what's he talkin' about?
Basically, there was a period
of a few months, last year,
where some people on the Internet
felt that I was joking
about death too much.
Because personally,
when something upsets me,
I like to make jokes about it
to pretend that I feel okay
even if I don't on any level.
Sane, yes, thank you. Okay?
It's a perfectly valid coping mechanism.
So there I was,
screaming into the void.
A few people there were like,
"Dan, this is so depressing, shut up."
So I thought, hey, fair enough,
I will do something for these guys.
I wrapped a blanket around my head
and I posted a photo
with some beautiful Comic Sans
saying, "From this day forward,
I've decided to officially re-brand
"to Wholesome Howell and I promise
"from this day forward, I will only
be good and positive and hopeful
"and I will never
ever be sarcastic again."
And this is the thing, right?
Most people saw this and they were like,
"Coming from you, Dan, nice joke."
A few people though,
took it completely seriously.
They saw this meme and they were like,
"Wow, finally this is the personality
I've always wanted Dan to have."
Whoo! We love character development.
And this is the thing, right?
If there is this version of me,
that might not be who I am in real life,
but who some people on the Internet
might prefer me to be,
should I just act like that,
if it's what they'd rather see?
No!
- Okay, then. This is the whole debate.
- I mean, I had a moment like that
earlier this year
when I changed my hair.
Okay, Phil, you can’t just casually
drop that in conversation, okay.
- This was a big deal.
- It was.
Talk about globally important issues
this year, like, North Korea stuff,
British Royal wedding,
Phil Lester got rid of his emo fringe!
It was big news, people.
For anyone else,
getting a haircut is no big deal.
But for me, I'd had this emo hair
as Amazing Phil for 10 years.
- Ten years he did that.
- Yeah.
And I thought it was a crucial part
of who I was on that channel.
I mean, it was like,
the symbol for your identity.
Who's Amazing Phil? He's the guy
who still has an emo fringe.
It was the whole thing.
Yeah. So even though
I really wanted to get a haircut,
and change it up, I didn't do it.
'Cause I thought that's what
the people didn't want me to do.
I mean, you were genuinely afraid
that if you changed your hairstyle,
- everyone would just abandon you.
- Yeah.
But then, Phil, you changed your hair
and here they still are.
Well, it was either that or it was
too late for you all to get refunds
and you just decided to show up anyway.
- We'll never know which it was.
- No.
But something that was very unlike Phil,
but all of you seemed to love,
was that time on my YouTube channel
the other month,
when he dropped an F-bomb.
Remember that? Exactly.
And guess what? Just for you guys,
Phil is gonna do it again right now.
Go, Phil.
That was very liberating,
but it was a one-time only thing
on Dan's channel. I don't think
I'm gonna start F-ing
on Amazing Phil every week.
- You'd better not.
- You know what I mean.
Do we?
That would get demonetised, people.
It would.
But look, if there are these
opposite side of us
that some of you
enjoy the idea of so much,
who are we
to deny you a bit of fun?
So, I say we should try out some
role-reversal on stage this evening.
So, for the purpose of this role-play,
let's say I represent everything that's
nice and sweet
and wholesome in the world.
Sure. Let's all imagine that.
To be clear, that is actually
how Phil sees himself. Okay?
- And Dan is evil.
- Yeah, sure, I'm evil.
Firstly, can I just say I feel like
I'm really working that lipstick?
I don't know about you guys.
What're you saying here, Phil?
What, you're good and I'm evil?
Are we saying that
rock music and the colour red
are evil things?
This all seems a bit reductive
if you ask me.
No one cares, Dan.
But, what would happen
if we switched places?
- Sure.
- So, Dan became Wholesome Howell.
Let's imagine it.
- Ah, that just seems right.
- And I became...
- What is the bad version of Phil called?
- X-rated Lester.
For the record, I hate that. Okay?
I really wish
he'd said literally anything else.
Ooh. I already feel more dirty.
So, the way this works is we asked you
to give us examples
of good things and bad things.
And we will now try and convince you
that they are the opposite.
If we suck at this, then clearly,
we already have the personalities
that we're meant to.
But if we're amazing, then maybe
we should embrace these opposite sides
- of ourselves a bit more.
- But the catch is
we don't know what you guys
have submitted
and we've got to make it up on the spot.
So this will probably
be an offensive disaster. All right.
- So Dan is gonna go first.
- I'm channelling Sister Daniel.
My children, you are blessed.
Dan is gonna be given something bad
and he's gotta convince us
that it's a good thing.
I don't know
what's about to appear behind me,
but whatever it is, it's a good thing.
Okay. Dan, your first one
comes from Bella,
- who says, "Wet socks."
- Yeah. I'm ready.
- What?
- Go.
You want me to convince you that
wet socks are a good thing?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Look, maybe, it would actually be
a quite convenient thing to happen.
When you step out of a shower,
you got a sock on and it goes...
...and it soaks it up, hey,
that is not a wasted sock.
This is an opportunity
to be convenient.
You got some dying houseplants,
just walk up to them and you kick that
cactus and there we go, it's hydrated.
You've got a messy kitchen floor,
you just walk in with your wet sock
and you just do a little jig,
there we go, polished.
- Okay, okay.
- You have a friend who's looking there.
That friend isn't drinking enough water,
you just stick your foot in your mouth,
you go, "Suck on this, here we go."
- Stop.
- Saving lives.
That is not a thing.
Some of them cheered for that. Okay?
I'm just saying.
Do not suggest your friend should
suck on your wet socks ever again.
It's a good idea.
We need to stop the shame here.
- Okay.
- Right, Phil.
Wait, I need to get into the evil zone.
Yeah.
- What was that, an evil squat?
- Yes, it was.
That counts as exercise.
Phil, you are going to be given
a good thing. You have to convince
all of us it is actually bad.
- Okay.
- Your first one
comes from Malia
who said, flower crowns.
Why are they bad, Phil?
- Go!
- Ooh, okay.
- Flower crowns could be the worst.
- Why?
What if your friend is wearing one,
and you're like,
"It's made out of real flowers."
So you lean over for a sniff.
You give it a big old sniff on your nose
and then you feel
a buzzing in your nose
because you've inhaled a bee.
And then it starts crawling
into your brain
and then it stings you on the brain
and you die.
Wow! Okay, are we giving him that?
Really? Okay, fine.
Take it, there you go.
- Yay.
- Phil, that was quite traumatising.
Okay. Right. I'm ready for my next one.
Here we go.
Dan, your next one comes from Milo.
What? Milo? Milo, what did you say?
Killing your best friend. Go!
Okay, you know what?
There are some situations
where killing your best friend
is the totally appropriate thing to do.
- Okay?
"Really?
Like, when they steal your cereal.
I know, you're all thinking, aw,
this cereal stealing,
this isn't serious. They joke about it.
No, this is deadly serious, okay.
Imagine me. It's the morning. I'm tired,
I'm hungry, I go downstairs,
I'm excited for a bowl of cereal.
I open the cupboard.
I see a five-kilogram family box
of cereal.
There's no way
it could be empty, right?
But then I take it out, I shake it.
What comes out of the box?
Dust.
Not only is Phil the kind of person
that steals your cereal,
he is the kind of person
that eats your food and puts
the empty box back in the cupboard.
And in situations like that,
it is entirely appropriate
- to just murder that friend.
- Oh, my God.
- Am I right everybody? Thank you.
- You agree?
Okay. Look, Dan...
I'm calm, I'm calm, everything's fine.
As my grandma would say,
"I'm a growing boy."
Better not be. Phil will be
9'12" next time you see him.
Just so we're clear,
when I inevitably go to court
for murdering Phil,
you are now all witnesses.
- Right! Phil...
- I don't think I sound evil enough.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
That went directly into my ear, people.
That was not the ASMR
that anybody here asked for.
- Yeah it was. You loved it.
- Phil, your next one
comes from Tegan. There is no way
that this could possibly
be a bad thing, Phil.
- What?
- Free Wi-Fi. Go!
- Okay, so you think free Wi-Fi is good?
- Yes.
Well, that means everyone in the FBI
can see everything you're doing.
So, they're just watching
through your webcam
as you have a look on Wattpad
and open that incognito tab
and write that fan fiction. They've read
it all, and they've seen everything.
I feel very attacked
and scared right now. Do you, too?
All right, then. You can have it, Phil.
You can have it.
Whoo! Yee!
- Did you just "yee"?
- Yee.
- Phil "yeed" with happiness.
- I did. I did a "yee."
- Are you a fan of "yee" here?
- Yeah?
Good one isn't it?
Okay, okay. Should we give them
the official test?
- Yes.
- Here we go.
Yee!
- Wow.
- Okay.
I love a good communal "yee."
In an evening where bees
sting your brain
and people die on furry rave toilets,
that was the weirdest thing
that's happened here tonight.
- It was. Yeah.
- I hope you're aware of that?
Okay, right. Get off.
Do you know sometimes
I do a little sexy dance
for my FBI agent, in case he's watching.
I'm just like...
Whoever that guy is,
he does not get paid enough, okay.
Right. This is my last one.
I will get this right, okay?
- All right, Dan
- Are you ready?
The last one comes from Freddie.
Oh, just tell me. I hate this. What?
Human extinction. Go!
Oh, you know what?
This is totally a good thing.
- Why?
- Hear me out.
What is the worst thing
about our universe?
Humanity. Am I right, everybody?
- Yeah.
- That's it.
We have only been civilised
for a few thousand years
and look at what
we've done to the place.
We're polluting,
we're killing all the animals.
I say, the sooner a giant meteor
slams into the Earth
and creates another Ice Age
that kills all the people,
the better for the universe.
- Really?
- Am I right, everybody?
Exactly. So, giant meteor,
if you are up there in space, listening,
I say, "Smack me, Daddy, I am ready."
I mean, I'm gonna give you that.
I'm very disturbed by
"smack me meteor daddy."
It's the truth. It's the truth.
Don't know what to say.
- Wow.
- Phil.
- Last one.
- Maybe that was the weirdest thing.
- This is your last one, Phil.
- Okay.
It comes from Grace.
You've gone too far.
This has gone too far.
Grace, there is no possible way
that this could be a bad thing.
- What is it?
- A billion puppies. Good luck, Phil.
Ooh, okay. I mean, that sounds nice.
You've got all the puppies
running through the theatre,
you're having a great time.
But it says a billion.
They start filling up.
And all of a sudden,
they're floating all over us.
And then we can't breathe.
And then you've got puppies
in your face and they're smothering you.
And the last thing you see
is a paw in your eye.
Okay, okay, wait. Hold up, hold up.
Who here would like to drown in puppies?
Exactly. Sorry, Phil, no, no.
Are you kidding me?
That would be an amazing way to die.
That is bright.
If there was a clinic in Sweden
that offered that as a paid service
I would be on a plane tomorrow.
I am not messing about.
- Wow.
- Okay.
Well, on that note,
I feel like that's a good time
to stop this before we get arrested.
- Yes.
- Yikes.
Well, what did we learn
from that disaster?
That I have a dark seed
growing in my soul.
Definitely.
I don't think any of us would disagree
with that at this point.
- What about you, Dan?
- I don't know.
I feel like somewhere,
in the dank cave of my soul,
a single beam of light
just broke through the ceiling.
I don't know, maybe,
I could be more wholesome.
- Maybe.
- I think
there's clearly a happy middle ground
between just doing
whatever other people want from you
- and only caring about what you want.
- Yeah.
Because too much either way
will go horribly wrong.
Yeah, so, I think so far we've learnt
a lot about the connections
- between us and the audience.
- Yes.
The connections that they all have
with each other, as Susan.
Yeah, but there is one angle
that we have not explored yet.
One connection that people
probably want us to go deep into.
And that is the connection between
Dan and Phil.
Oh, that's right.
Dan and Phil, super best friends
and soul mates forever. Right, guys?
- Yeah? Or is that all a lie?
- Oh.
And as soon as the camera turns off,
we don't even talk to each other.
- What would you know?
- Yeah, I secretly hate the guy. Bleh.
I am actually just an actor he hired
for Phil is not on fire 10 years ago.
This whole thing got way out of hand.
Just one rogue game
of Mario Kart and it's murder time.
That's not even a joke, but look,
you only ever see the good side
of Dan and Phil.
- Dan and Phil laughing and smiling...
- Yeah.
...and having a good time,
but that's not realistic, okay.
- No.
- This isn't the whole picture.
There is angst and tension
and cereal-stealing related betrayal.
It is there! And if you want to connect
with the real Dan and Phil,
- you have to see the dark side, too.
- You do.
Are you ready for that?
Okay. Well, it is time to push
our little bond until it breaks
in the Dan vs. Phil
Extreme Friendship Test.
We're gonna be doing
a series of games and challenges
that'll push our friendship to the max.
But we hear you saying,
"What, doing some games and challenges?
Where's the real tension in that?"
Well, that is why we decided to combine
everybody's favourite thing
about TV game shows, buzzers,
with the easiest way
to cause each other pain,
electrocution,
to make these little guys.
We've strapped real electric
shock devices to our hands
and we've got remote controls
that will zap the other person
if they get a question wrong.
So, we will literally be punishing
each other for being bad friends.
Are you ready for this?
- Yeah?
- Okay.
'Cause this is real
and it is happening right now.
Well, let's start things off
with a quick lightning round,
if you will.
Psychic connections.
Psychic connections is all about
the unspoken bond between our brains.
Surely, we have spent
so much time together,
we can just read each other's minds.
Yeah. So, we're gonna
be given a category
and we both have to say a word
from that category at the same time.
If we say the same word
at the same time...
Psychic. Super best friends.
- If we say different words...
- Zappy, zappy, ouch time.
Yes, okay.
Well, let's see this category.
Coming from Ingi, it is "sticky things."
- Ooh.
- Okay.
- Okay, wait, wait. I've got one.
- Right. I've got one.
This is a very good example
of a sticky thing.
- It's a classic.
- Yeah.
- I'm beaming it to you.
- Okay.
- You got it? Right. Are you ready?
- Here we go.
- And glue!
- A stick!
'Ow!
'Ow!
- What the hell did you say?
- I said a stick. Sticky stick.
- It's a joke!
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- This is not the time for jokes, Phil.
Glue. It's a sticky thing. Glue.
Your mum's sticky.
I didn't think that through.
I take it back.
- What did you just say?
- I'm sorry.
Okay. Well, if that's how
this is gonna go...
- In fact, this has to escalate, okay.
- Yeah.
- We want things to get more tense.
- We do.
Which is why, between each round
in this Dan vs Phil,
we are going to turn up the power
of the electric shock.
So, let's do that right now.
Up to level two.
- Finger is in the yellow.
- Yes.
This next round is called
Phantastic Phacts.
See what we did there?
Very creative.
With Phantastic Phacts,
we're gonna be given a trivia question
about the other person
that we should know.
Well, I feel like I know everything
about your life for no reason.
- So I'm ready.
- First one is for Dan.
- Tell me.
- It comes from Heather.
"What did Phil buy for Mother's Day
in 2006?"
What?
I mean, you should know this.
How would I know
what you got your mum in 2006?
Looks like some people
in the audience know it.
- Is this a thing?
- Don't help him. Don't help him.
I don't know. Chocolate?
- No!
- Oh, frik... What?
It was a monkey trapped in a cage.
Or as Northern Phil would say,
"a monkey trapped in a cage."
- From your first...
- From my first video blog.
The plastic monkey in a cage is what
you got your mother for Mother's Day?
Yeah. She loved it.
- Did she now?
- Yeah.
Right, well, you know,
that's something new for me.
Phil, you must be
a very unique son to have.
I'm ready for you.
Okay. Phil, your question is from Skye.
- Oh.
- This is a good one.
This is the kind of stuff that
you should know about your friends.
- Yea h, okay.
- Right?
- Wait. I think I know it.
- He thinks he knows it.
All right. What is it, Phil?
I'll tell you what it was,
what it really, really was.
It was the Spice Girls.
- No! It was not the Spice Girls.
- Ow.
Ooh.
Ooh, weird noises.
That was my first album, Phil.
But it wasn't on CD, it was on tape.
- Oh.
- That is right.
- Oh, nice try, Phil.
- Okay, granddad, with your tapes.
- Oh.
- Says you.
What was your first album on? A rock?
Right.
Wow. It is time for the next round.
Let's turn up this power again.
Clearly, things are just going to get
quite heated here.
- Yeah.
- I'll let you introduce it.
The next round is the Oscar-nominated,
- Grammy award nominated...
- Yes. Totally.
...other things nominated.
- Dan Phil or Rat.
- That's right.
- This is in the show.
- Yeah.
- Phil wanted this in the show.
- Yeah. I did.
So we're gonna be looking at photos
of Dans, Phils or rats.
- But they are super-zoomed in.
- Enhanced to ridiculous levels.
And we've got to guess
whether we're looking at...
Dan, Phil or rats.
That is literally the whole game.
Well, Phil, you can go first.
Let's see this image.
- Okay.
- Is that Dan, Phil or a rat?
What is... I mean...
I mean, what do you think, Susan?
- Shout it out.
- What do you think it is?
I mean, that just sounds like, "raaa".
Don't speak at the same time.
This is completely useless.
- Not helping me.
- What do you think, Phil?
I mean, I think it looks quite a lot
like my hair. It's the same shade.
This is not greasy enough
to be Phil's hair at all.
Right. I'm gonna go with Phil.
He's saying Phil. All right.
Let's zoom out.
It is... Oh, a rat!
- Oh, oh.
- Waa, waa, waa.
- Phil is a rat confirmed.
- That was a tingly one.
- A tingly one?
- Yeah.
All right. Don't sound like
you're enjoying it or anything.
- Now, I'm ready for mine. Show me.
- Okay.
- What's that?
- What is that?
It looks like some kind of body part.
I really don't want to play
guess the body part.
What are you looking at?
Okay, I have thought,
I think this is either
the ear of a rat,
you know what I'm saying.
It kind of looks like a rat's ear.
Or this is Phil
doing his weird hand thing.
- You know what I'm talking about?
- My gosh.
I am going to say that
that is a picture of Phil.
- Okay, here we go.
- Here we go.
- No!
- Oh! What the...
Oh, oh my God. I kicked the bench.
That really hurts. That hurt more
than the electricity.
Was that your first ever
fursuit, Dan?
Can I just say that is definitely
the most cursed image on the Internet.
I am so sorry that anybody here
had to see that.
You got it wrong.
Well, I guess it's time
for the last round.
So we have to turn it up one more time.
And at this point, it gets
really quite uncomfortable, okay.
We really want to avoid
getting shocked here.
It's more than tingly.
And the last round is...
The most dramatic round of all.
Dan and Phil dilemmas.
We're gonna be given a dilemma where
something good could happen to us
or something terrible happens
to the other person.
Or maybe the other person
is in mortal danger
and we need to sacrifice something
in order to save them.
This will show once and for all
how far would we really
be willing to go for each other.
All right, well, Dan, you can go first.
I'd do anything for you, Phil.
- Really?
- Let's see. Let's see, shall we?
- Okay, the first one is from Alexis.
- Hit me.
"Phil is about to fall off
the Grand Canyon."
Is it wrong that I can really easily
see that happening?
I mean, that would happen.
Shoelaces are untied, taking a selfie.
Splat. There we go.
- But...
- But, what's the catch?
"To save him, you have to revert
to your old branding."
- No, no!
- Oh.
Alexis, you twisted freak,
how could you even imagine this?
0h, my gosh. Okay.
You'd be leaning over the edge, like,
"Hi, my name is Dan."
Really? Thank you, Phil.
So many square brackets.
Okay, yeah, everybody going at that
at me right now from the audience,
I will find you and block you, okay.
That is a threat.
What're you gonna do? You gonna save me?
- Right.
- Dan?
Is this like, a high part
of the Grand Canyon
or is it like, a shallow bit
of the Grand Canyon?
Dan, it's literally called
the Grand Canyon for a reason.
There's some parts over water, right?
I'm sure you would be fine
if you fell in it.
What?
- Are you seriously...
- Yes, this is serious.
...asking what I'd do in this situation?
- Honestly, obviously, I would save Phil.
- Aw.
Are you kidding me?
You'd save me.
Did anybody here actually think
I would say no to that?
- A few people.
- Really?
- Wow. Well, Phil, it's time for yours.
- Thanks.
- Okay.
- This one comes from Juanita
who said...
- All right. Painful.
- That's gonna hurt.
Some jellyfish can kill you
if you get stung by them.
But, Phil, to save him you have
to pee on his leg.
What?
I'm not... Is that meant
to heal the jellyfish sting?
Well, we know what juanita's into.
- Phil, what would you do?
- I'm not peeing on your leg.
Lam in searing pain, Phil.
I could be having an allergic reaction
and I would die on a beach.
I think that's a myth. I don't think
pee is even gonna stop it.
Some people do this for fun and you
wouldn't do it to save my life?
No, I'm not peeing on your leg.
- Are you serious? No!
- Ow!
- Bad Phil.
- Wow, that kept going. Jesus.
Hold on to that pain, Phil, 'cause that
was the tingle of being a bad friend.
Oh, my gosh, that was a fizzy one.
Okay, well, I think Phil's a bit
too stimulated right now
so how's about we have a look
at the final scores?
- Okay.
- After that, Danny coming in
with a thick score of...
One.
- I tried. I tried.
- And Philly gets...
Wait a minute, what did Phil get?
Ooh.
- Did I really get zero?
- That is nothing to be proud of.
Guess we can say the good news first.
We decided to keep a running track of
who won every Dan vs Phil on this tour.
So by the end
of Interactive Introverts,
we will know officially
which of us is the better friend.
And are you ready to find out?
After all of the tour,
Dan is coming in with...
Thirty-five. Thank you. Nice big number.
And what's Phil... Can we see
how many times Phil has won?
- Boo.
- Aw.
I thought I was clawing it back.
There it is, sorry.
It's like Dan and Phil games
all over again.
I am the better friend.
You never stood a chance.
- Why?
- Yeah.
I'm Phil trash number one.
Wow, really?
For every winner, there is a loser.
And, Phil, that's you. And that means
you have to take the forfeit.
And there is no all or nothing
to save you this time.
Phil, stand on the hexagon.
The forfeit is to take one final
electric shock at maximum power.
- Oh, gosh.
- So, can we now
turn it up all the way to maximum?
I don't like it.
Remember, you're here
because you're a bad friend.
Any final words?
Dad.
I feel like he needs this. Okay.
Oh, I've been waiting for this
a long time. Here we go. And zap.
- Oh! Mother Goose.
- What?
- That was a close one, Phil.
- Of course, it was close.
Mother Goose.
I think this is gonna take a few minutes
to recover from that.
- Yeah.
- As will Phil apparently.
Wow. I mean, I think
this is a good opportunity,
without all the screens
and the lights and the sound,
just to have a chat
with these guys, you know.
What, just have a casual conversation
about something?
- Yeah.
- All right. What about?
Why don't we get casual?
I think I might plonk myself here.
Okay. Wow!
Look at how casual he's being right now.
Okay wait, me too. Here we go.
Sorry, too casual, too casual.
I take that back. That was too casual.
That was a bit too casual.
So I wrote down some questions from you
guys and I thought we could answer them.
Well, Phil, what do they wanna
talk about?
Well, our first one is from Kate.
- Hey, Kate.
- Hey.
Sorry, was that casual? I feel like
that was a bit creepy. Try again.
Let me try again.
- Hi.
- Much better.
Kate says, "'Sup D and P?"
Sup, K'? What up'?
And Kate said,
"What is your favourite thing about
going on these long-ass tours?"
- What's an ass tour?
- Dan!
Is that just like a tour where you walk
around showing people your ass?
No, thanks.
I haven't heard about that.
- No. Stop!
- Is that normal with big acts?
Or else I'm going to
a weird mental place that I don't like.
- Come on, Phil, what's your answer?
- Okay. I think...
I think what it is, is it's so nice
to go to so many different places.
You go on a tour bus.
You wake up in a new place.
- See some sights. Go outside.
- He's lying.
All Phil cares about is the breakfast.
- Dan!
- Honestly.
You know what Phil cares about?
Room service pancakes.
That is the truth.
- Okay.
- That is the only reason
Phil is here right now.
The pancakes are my favourite part.
But there are other bits too.
But he likes going outside as well.
- What about you, Dan?
- Er.
Honestly, I think it's getting
to see our audience in real life.
- Aw.
- I know, I know.
That sounds really sucky.
But honestly, like
everything we do is on the Internet
and that makes it really hard
for us to understand like,
how real things are.
So when we get to see the people that
watch us on the Internet, in real life,
we see the effect we have on people,
that puts it all into perspective.
It makes the whole thing worthwhile.
So honestly, that is my answer to that.
Aw.
Dan, I think Wholesome Howell
is leaking.
Oh, God. Bleh.
Okay, right, next question. Quickly.
The next question comes from josh.
- Hey, josh.
- Hey.
- Josh...
- I am sorry about this man.
Josh said, "I really like
this guy in my class,
"but I'm scared he will reject me
for being an anime-loving nerd."
It's a romance question.
Ooh!
Sorry. Sorry, this is a real person
talking to us vulnerably right now.
Okay, well, oh, josh also said, "HELP"
in capital letters.
- Well, that is a big mood, people.
- Bit serious.
- So, josh, if this person...
- Hit us with the dating advice, Phil.
Yeah, if this guy doesn't love you
for your anime-loving self,
- then he's not worth it.
- Yes, Phil, yes!
- Yeah.
- That is the truth right there.
You should never change yourself
to impress other people.
You need to love yourself
and let other people find you.
And hey, if that moment, in this room,
where everybody 'yeed' at the same time,
showed anything,
it's that there is literally
a weirdo out there for anybody.
Am I right, guys?
Just go out there
and find another anime-nerd.
- Good luck with that. Thank you.
- That's good advice, Phil.
- And the last one, it comes from Amir.
- Hey, Amir.
- He says, "Hey,"
- Should I say, "Heymir?"
Sorry, that was awful. I'm sorry.
Amir said, "I'm just wondering
is there anything about your life
that you really regret?
Oh, fun. Okay, great question.
- Wonderful. Well, let's see.
- Okay.
The year was 2006.
I was making a YouTube channel.
Create a username, it said.
He typed, Danis not on fire. Ahhh!
But look, I get this a lot.
People say, "Dan, do you just like
"die cringing everyday thinking about
"everything that you've ever
done wrong in your life?"
I get that, right.
But honestly, everything that you ever
do wrong, all the mistakes
that you make, all of your regrets,
they are things that you learn from.
And they make you the person
that you are today.
If I didn't do all of the things
that I regret,
I wouldn't be sat here right now.
Aw.
So honestly, if you are thinking
about times you messed up,
things that you did wrong, just think,
what did I learn from that
and you love yourself because
that is the truth right there, okay.
Wow! Good answer, Dan.
I kinda regret most of my career,
but yeah, that's my answer. Okay.
You know what, I'm gonna say I am glad
that Phil got electrocuted
as I enjoyed this time getting casual
with all of you.
- Yeah. That was nice.
- It was nice.
All right, now, Phil, stand up
without tripping over.
- Okay, it's a real challenge.
- Can he do it?
- I'm alive.
- He did... Oh, my God. He did it.
- That was close though.
- It was close.
- I saw you do a little wobble.
- Well, this has
definitely been
an emotional roller coaster.
- It has.
- I mean, we've had sincere moments
talking about nice stuff,
a couple weird ones too.
We learned a lot about the audience
as Susan.
Yes, Even though some things I'd rather
forget that we talked about.
Like the stuff under your bed?
Yeah, where I'm gonna die
on a furry rave toilet.
Before we go, we just want
all of you to know,
that me and Phil, we appreciate
that this time in our lives,
where we can travel around the world
and people on the Internet will actually
come outside to see us in real life.
- Yeah.
- This is the special time in our lives.
Like, imagine Phil, he's a 110,
looking back at all the good times...
Okay, he's a 100, thinking
about the good times...
- It's been 84 years.
- Yes. He'll be like,
I remember when we did the show
and talked about furries and Satan.
- That was us, everybody.
- That was us.
That was all of you and us
- watching this right now.
- Yeah.
And we will have these memories forever,
whether you like it or not.
Yeah, and there might be loads
of reasons why you guys
are here in the audience tonight.
- You might like our videos...
- Hopefully.
- ...you might like the community.
- Yes.
- You might like Dan's memes.
- There's a lot of those.
And who knows what the future holds.
Death. Death is what the future holds.
It's coming. It's coming.
Oh, my gosh.
In all seriousness,
it doesn't matter who we all are
or how we're different
or what we want or why.
'Cause at the end of the day,
making you guys happy
is what makes us happy.
Which is why we wanted
to come and do this.
So hopefully, you feel like
we have pleased you...
- And we have given you what you want.
- DAN: Yes.
ANNOUNCER". It's time for the first ever
Annual Interactive Introverts
Golden I Awards
Please give it up for your hosts
with the most, Phil and Dan.
Oh, hello there, everybody.
Yes, these are our pyjamas.
We got them out just for now.
It's been a wonderful evening
of comedy and community action.
It's now time to celebrate
the most important people in the room.
You guys!
Yeah, that's right.
Like I said at the start,
this show would just be a reflection
of who you are.
If you were all boring, then this
entire thing would've been a flop,
but no, this show was funny
and creative and interesting
because that is what you made it.
So can you give yourselves
a round of applause please.
- Yeah.
- Yes! Thank you.
Well, it's time to celebrate you guys
with the Golden I awards.
Check out this little statue,
made it ourselves.
Technically, it's two statues
tied together, but
you know, it's Dan and Phil, it's got
the colours of the show going on.
- So, you see what we went for there.
- We're also naked. Look at those butts.
Okay, I now realise that two naked men
strapped together probably isn't
the best symbol for Dan and Phil
we could have come up with,
but apparently you love Dan and Phil
craft so much, we're not good at this.
- On to our first award...
- Which was...
The most inaccurate prediction
of Interactive Introverts.
Now, before this tour started,
a lot of you were like,
what the hell are they gonna
do on stage for two hours?
And some of you, you got it right.
The things that happened here today.
- Others of you got it so wrong.
- So wrong.
Like, really? That's what you thought
was gonna happen tonight?
- And this is your time to shine.
- Our first nomination is,
Lexi!
Two bros chilling on a sofa.
One feet apart because they're stuck.
They have been
browsing the Internet for days.
They haven't seen sunlight or water.
They're gonna die on the couch.
Yep, that's us.
That would be us. We're never gonna
escape the sofa crease.
Our next nominee is,
William.
Two hours of dabbing
in complete silence.
- What would that be like?
- Curtain raises, ahem.
That would've been a better show.
Okay, that could've happened.
It was our backup idea.
The winner is...
By far the worst prediction of all
comes from...
Syd.
- Oh.
- Wow.
That would not surprise me at all.
I can literally see that
happening very easily.
Well, I'm so glad
that you haven't died yet, Phil.
- Thanks.
- There we go.
Our next award celebrates the heroes
in the room with us tonight.
We are, of course, talking about
the parents that were forced to be here.
Oh, yes.
We scoured the lobby looking
for the most bored, confused,
terrified parent out there.
They really don't want to be here, okay.
But you were like,
I need you to drive me.
And they were like,
Oh, why did I ever have kids?
And this is to say, thank you.
Our first nominee is...
Terri.
Oh, my gosh. Terri just made it outside
and got dragged back in the door.
She would rather be watching the paint
on her nails dry than sit through this.
I am so sorry
that you had to be here, Terri.
Sorry. Our next nominee is...
We have Marla.
Just looking for some
kind of escape in the air.
Marla is looking up
to God for salvation.
Marla, there is no God in this house.
But the winner is...
By far the biggest sour-puss
in the land, it is...
Bill!
Oh, my gosh. Is that a yawn
or just a physical scream of pain?
I think he’s just screaming in anger.
He looks like he's ready to actually do
a Choke Me Daddy
and not in a good way.
- You know what I'm sayin'?
- Wow.
To Bill and to everybody else
that was forced to be here
against their will,
thank you for your sacrifice.
Heroes, every single one of you.
Yeah. Our next award
is for the furry friends among us.
Fluffy not furry. We've covered furry.
We are talking about pets in...
The best pet dressed as,
Dan and/or Phil.
Oh, yes. We asked you to dress up
your pets as the two of us.
And let's see what you sent in.
Our first nomination comes from...
- Kiera!
- Oh my gosh!
Oh, my God! That is incredible.
We have the Phil glasses, a plaid shirt,
the cereal and a succulent, people.
That actually looks like me.
What are you the real Phil,
or are you a dog, right now?
- Honestly, I can't even tell.
- I can't tell the difference.
That is incredible. Thank you, Kiera.
Our next nominee. This one comes from...
Kaylee.
It's the Dan plant.
Let's be honest, that facial expression
is very accurate, right.
That cactus has no soul, neither do I.
- But slight bit of critique.
- Yeah.
The plant is alive, I am dead inside.
- So almost, but pretty good.
- Very true.
But the winner is...
The best pet dressed as
Dan and/or Phil comes from...
Kenzie!
- Oh!
- Ahhh!
It's the pastel guinea pigs.
- Oh, my God! I want to eat them.
- Same.
You know what I'm saying?
That is the cutest thing.
It has a tiny lettuce. That is too much.
Thank you, Kenzie,
for that incredible content.
Thank you.
But there's only time
for one more award this evening.
- And this is the big one.
- The big boy.
The "Giving The People
What They Want" award.
This award goes to the one thing
that all of you want
to see us do the most.
And whatever wins this award,
we will do live on stage...
Right now.
So, hope you're ready 'cause this is it.
The first nominee is...
The fabled Phil vs himself challenge
that you never put on YouTube.
- No.
- That would be something.
The next nominee is...
All right, I guess that's something
people know I can do
but I've never shown it before.
Fair enough.
And our final nominee is...
Some tough contenders
but there can only be one winner.
And the winner is...
It's the video of the dog!
All right. Are you ready?
Let's play this video.
Here we go.
It's so majestic.
- This is amazing.
- Trample me.
Have you ever seen anything
this beautiful?
- Come to me, come to me. Whoo.
- Wow.
Well, I don't know about you
but that was the highlight
of my entire life, right there. Whoo.
And there we go. I hope that
you have all enjoyed the show.
Wait, but, Dan, if we're giving
the people what they want,
surely we could do something else
from that list as well.
Okay. No, no, no.
There can only be one winner,
otherwise it would ruin the point.
Plus, it was a lovely dog video.
So I don't... What?
What is it?
Phil, what're you doing?
They voted for the dog. Don't do this.
- Please don't do this. Oh, God.
- Take this.
It's time for something fresh
from two years ago.
I am so sorry this is happening.
Why not be amazing?
You're about to get Philled in.
Here we go.
Yeah, I just rhymed
cheeses with diseases.
He did that.
This is only gonna get more brutal.
So you might want to call an ambulance
for me or for yourself.
Drop it, Phil.
What?
Don't know
No, no, Phil, you're not allowed
to swear on stage.
- I can't swear?
- I will censor you so don't try it.
- Don't be so.
- Oh! Okay.
- No, seriously, Phil we'll get fined.
- What the
- Please get back to rapping.
- Okay.
Here we go.
What?
Okay, that's it, I'm done.
Sorry, I'm leaving. Bye.
Hey there, everybody.
How're you doin'?
All right. All right.
This is a little improvised number.
It's a true story
about two guys called Dan and Phil.
Come, have a seat here, buddy.
All right.
You know where this is going.
- That's you.
- That's me.
All right, Phil. Time to join in.
Wait, what're you doing?
Phil, no, don't do this.
Really?
You think they love the rap?
Oh, would I?
Would I be in jail?
No, he's looking at me
like this is a betrayal.
Yes, this is a betrayal.
Really, you're just gonna leave,
are you?
Phil, Phil come back here, right now.
Phil. Take off the hat.
I think people might prefer
if you pause the rapping
and joined in with the piano singing
instead. Right, guys?
Okay, okay. Phil,
just stand in the middle,
sing something nice about the audience.
Can you do that?
Yeah.
Very good, Phil, very good.
Sorry, but you're kneeling in the way
of my spotlight right now.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
This is the Dan and Phil show,
not the Phil and background
piano guy show.
Should we sing this together instead?
All right.
So what are we forwarding
the story to now?
Hey, you know, it's funny that
we've been friends for so long
and we haven't fallen out yet?
Well, there's plenty of stuff for us
to argue about, Phil.
Thank you, everybody!
Thanks and good night.
Hope you all enjoyed the show.
Thank you for coming, everybody.
- Thanks, guys.
- Thank you.
- Thanks, everyone.
- We'll see you later.
- Thank you, guys.
- Thanks, guys.
Hope you had a good time.
Thank you for coming.
Everyone at the back over there.
We appreciate you leaving the house
to come see two nerds from YouTube.
Thank you! And we will see you
back on the Internet.
- Good bye, everybody.
- Bye!