Inner City Rats (2019) - full transcript
Black market gun deals, petty scams, convenience store stick-ups, and drug-fueled parties reveal glimpses into the lives of young misfits and low level criminals across New York City.
(AIR WHOOSING)
(BELL DINGS)
(NEEDLE DROP)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
All I need is $36 and a
handgun.
We got handguns.
What's the $36 for?
That's how much it's gonna
cost for a bottle of Henny.
You nervous, why you want the
Henny?
I just always make my best
decisions
when I drink.
What's up Pop?
Slide me a bottle of Henny on
the cool.
But yo let me ask you
something,
why we so stuck on the
neighbors?
Because who the fuck else is
there?
The pussy boy.
Pussy boy, who the fuck is
that?
The Ellen Degeneres
looking motherfucker.
What?
The clerk from the fucking
store!
You think he'd put up a fight?
You talking about robbing a
store that
we was just seen on camera
buying from?
I just started thinking about
it,
why not?
You wanna end up on the
nightly news
and have every motherfucker
in the city knowing our faces?
Then I say we stick to
the neighbors tonight.
It's easy, it's low risk.
But easy doesn't always
mean the biggest reward.
Yo we gotta start somewhere,
easy doesn't sound like
too bad of a fucking
place to start.
We got it planned, we're
familiar,
and most importantly it's not a
store that
we discovered two minutes ago!
But listen to me...
Also, you know that every
bodega
got a Pakistani motherfucker
with a shotgun behind
the counter waiting to blow your
shit off.
That was a young white dude
though!
It don't matter man!
Look it plays out two ways,
he's pussy
and he doesn't give a fuck
or he doesn't give a fuck
'cause he's too pussy!
Yo Dre, why you so set
on this fucking store?
Well that's the best part,
while I was looking for my
diet strawberry daiquiris,
I was walking around and I saw a
big
brown box in the back.
The top was slightly open.
Uh huh?
Some interesting shit was
written
on the inside of that box.
And what'd it say?
R-O-L-E-motherfucking-X.
TOGETHER: Rolex!
That's what I saw written on
the little
green case peaking outta the big
brown box
in the back which I bet houses
at least 10 more watches
judging by the size of the box.
Hey stupid, there's no way
that store had 10 Rolexes.
There's no way that shit even
had one.
Your eyes are playing tricks on
you Dre.
Real Rolexes? Nah.
But official or not, I could
name five
motherfuckers, Pip from
Queensbridge being one
of them, who can't tell the
difference
between a Rolex and a plastic
watch you give a little
kid for his fucking birthday.
And you know how much
them shits could be worth?
I don't gotta fucking tell you,
you already know.
Yo Dre, I don't normally
change plans,
especially not last minute.
But this time, I'mma go
with you on this one.
But we gotta do this shit right,
no dummy shit, okay?
Of course no dummy shit, of
course.
I'm rolling with you.
We gon' need some
shit to cover our faces,
ski masks or something.
So where the fuck we getting ski
masks at?
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hey can I help you find
anything today?
Yeah where can I find a
couple of black ski masks?
Uh I'm sorry, we only carry
those in the winter.
Any other type of mask will
do,
it don't have to be black.
What's the occasion?
- Wedding!
- Picnic!
I see.
♪
The blue or black?
You know I like polka dots.
Register now!
I shouldn't even have to say
this shit,
but I'mma say this shit: You
make a move
or you try to fight back,
I'mma blow your fucking brains
out and you going to bed
without a faggot ass head!
Whatever you say!
So get every goddamn cent
out of that fucking register!
You fucking talking so much,
get every goddamn cent!
Don't actually get us no
fucking pennies
and nickels though man!
We just want the cash!
Paper only!
Wait wait wait wait wa!
They got the rolls of quarters,
those are worth like $10.
Fuck man!
If you got those then
give them shits to us!
But we don't want no goddamn
pennies!
That's it! That's it!
Man that's it?
That's all that's in the
drawer!
What!
That's not even like 84 bucks!
Yo they still got the box,
we still got the box,
at least we got that!
Go see that shit cause
I swear to God man,
if we did this shit for 84
bucks,
I swear to God!
Yo I got a gut feeling it'll
be there.
I got a gut feeling!
There's something else
in the drawer.
What's underneath those Twix
man?
I know you got more under there!
Go get that shit!
Man put that shit in the
bag, just like this cuz.
Put that shit in the bag!
(GUN FIRES)
(SCREAMING)
Oh shit!
(GUN FIRES)
Ah fuck!
My fucking...
Fuck, goddamn! Yo I'mma
get the box,
I'mma get the cash and be out!
Hold on, hold on, hold on!
Bullshit bro!
Fuck, ah shit!
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I got this, bro!
Oh shit, fuck Dre.
Oh shit there better be
something
in that fucking box.
Oh there better something
in that fucking box.
Fuck!
Fuck.
Where the fuck are the Rolexes?
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck me.
Why do I always gotta
make stupid decisions?
Oh we should have robbed my
Czech neighbor
not this fucking store!
Fuck it's because I never drink
Hennessy,
I always drink Paul Masson.
BOTH: Fuck!
Oh shit!
There be better something
in that fucking box!
Yo Pippin we should leave now.
Shit.
Shit.
What!
Ow!
You stupid motherfucker!
Yo I promise next time
we'll plan it better,
I'll make sure it's straight.
No!
We just killed a motherfucker
and robbed a store midday.
The cops is gonna be on their
way any fucking minute now.
And we did it all for a
box full of nudey mags
and old cum!
Yo, I made a...
(GUN FIRES)
How's that for a gut feeling?
♪
(GUN FIRES)
(POLICE SIRENS BLARING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
Yo!
Oh shit!
I take it those sirens are for
you?
What'd you fucking do?
Whack the entire A$AP Mob?
Ah yo, do me a favor, take my
gun.
Shoot me.
- Look man...
- You can have this money,
I swear to God.
Look I admit, it's not the
lottery but it's 80 bucks
and some snacks that you
ain't have five minutes ago.
Alright man, I'm not
gonna shoot you or take
your money or do any other
stupid shit
you want me to do.
Instead I'll tell you
this: a few blocks down
there's an abandoned art studio,
I just passed by it.
If you can make it down there,
well you might have a chance at
escaping
the little girls in blue.
But that's not gonna do much for
your knee
problem, the only way
you're gonna take care
of that hole in your
knee is getting arrested
and taken to a hospital.
The choice is yours man, not
mine.
Wait!
I got my own shit to
take care of!
(LATIN SONG)
What the fuck man, what the,
yo, what the fuck!
Hey, hey yo!
Yo!
♪
His name's Diablo.
He lives above a gym.
You'll see it.
Is he there right now?
He's always there.
This guy doesn't do shit,
his whole life is guns, guns,
guns.
I'll call him and let
him know to expect you.
Jezebel, you are a lifesaver.
(SEXUAL MOANING)
(KNOCKING)
(HEAVY KNOCKING)
I need a name.
Uh my name's Terrence.
Oh Terrence like uh, Terry?
Yeah sure.
Okay cool, cool.
What's up man?
I'm a friend of Jezebel's.
A friend of who?
Jezebel.
Jezebel...
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alright, yeah, nice girl.
What's up man?
I'm looking to buy something
from you.
Oh I see.
So you want to come in?
I'd like to, yeah.
Alright yeah, yeah sure, man.
Come on.
♪
It would be rude of me
if I don't offer you
some of this delicious pot roast
that I have back there in the
fridge.
No thanks.
No thanks because you
don't like pot roast
or because you are not hungry?
Uh, little bit of both.
Okay but let me tell you pal,
this recipe is delicious, man.
The first time I tried it,
it blew my balls off.
So are you sure?
Yeah, I'm not looking to
get my balls blown off today.
Alright, alright,
fair enough.
Now, I always ask this
to start, what is the main
reason you want to purchase
one of my weapons, huh?
Just protection, is that okay?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
Do you have a price range you
wanna spend?
Well I really only need it for
one day,
is it cheaper 'cause of that?
Protection for one day, huh?
Come on, pal, don't bullshit me.
Who's ass are you looking to
blast?
What? Someone can't have
protection for one day?
We both know what that means,
man.
Well I don't know what to tell
you, pal.
Alright, no pressure.
If you don't wanna say, you
don't wanna say.
Alright fuck it, you
really wanna know who?
I'm all ears.
My fucking wife, that's who.
Your fucking wife?
What for?
She's a fucking slut, that's
why.
Damn man, that some
crazy shit right there.
Uh-huh.
Well listen pal, I'm not
judging here,
that's not my place.
Well, I appreciate that.
Well let's go back to the
price, man.
Honestly, I cannot give
you a better price based
on how long you're gonna
keep the weapon, you know?
If it's 30 days, 30 minus, 30
years,
for me it's the same.
How much to buy one?
Alright, now you're talking!
I have some babies here
that start from 500 even
and some shit that goes to
thousands.
What uh...
What's that one?
(CHUCKLES) Oh that baby right
there,
that's an M60, my friend.
(MOUTH SHOOTING)
That's the one they use in the
military.
Yeah, have you seen that?
But that's way too big for
you, man
I don't wanna recommend you
that.
For you, what you need is a
handgun.
Ah.
Look, honestly this is
all out of my price range.
Maybe I can work a deal?
No, no, no I think this
whole thing is a bust.
I'm gonna take a different
route,
but I appreciate your time.
Alright, your call.
But first, I'm gonna ask you to
set down
that Beretta 21 A Bobcat back on
the bed
where you grabbed it.
What uh, what are you talking
about?
The handgun that you took from
the bed,
I want you to put it back.
I don't know what you're
fucking talking about.
Really dude?
You want me to pull a gun out of
you?
Let me tell you pal, this is a
battle
you ain't gonna win, I
know these babies more
than you know your freaking
dick, alright?
I still don't know what the
fuck
you're talking about, I
didn't take a handgun.
I didn't take anything from that
bed.
Come on, what we doing here?
Hmm?
You really want this?
Okay.
Alright.
Fuck.
Look it fell off the bed,
I picked it up...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's your story, get the
fuck out of here right now.
Sure.
Yeah there's only one
door, you can see it, use it!
Fucking asshole.
I don't care, man.
Bye, bye!
I didn't mean anything
by it just so you know.
Fucking idiot, stealing from
me.
♪
(THUD)
(UPBEAT HIP HOP)
Ah man, this shit's good.
Yeah I don't remember
the last time I ate
a whole fucking meal.
Yeah right.
You know what, food, man,
is like a fucking drug.
Like I feel high off hot dog
right now.
Yeah greasier the better,
dude.
Yeah and the best part
is you can't overdose
on no hot dog.
Yeah you can become a fat fuck
though.
Not me, man
Have you seen my fucking diet?
I could eat pure lard
every day for a month
and gain maybe one pound tops.
Yeah, that's what coke will do
to you.
No man, I'm telling you,
it's my body, alright?
My body is like a
fucking Chinese sweatshop
the way it gets shit done,
it works fucking overtime.
Yo after we're done with this
shit,
you wanna go take some orders?
That fucking idiot didn't even
have enough money
to last us like a whole day.
Yeah fuck yeah, man.
Let's do it.
It's been a minute since
we last took orders.
Yeah and we're gonna
have to start doing it
like every day or else
I'm gonna have to get
a real fucking job dude.
Yeah fuck that, me and a
real job ain't ever gonna meet.
Not in this life.
Yo fucking Daniel's having
like a day party right now.
Wait he is?
What he didn't tell ya?
I guess it slipped his fucking
mind.
Yeah well you wanna
hit it up afterwards?
We don't have any fucking
shit to do anyway.
Yeah sure, fuck yeah man.
Let's do it.
(SPITTING)
I don't know where the fuck I
put it.
Well keep searching
man they're somewhere.
Thanks man, that's really,
really fucking helpful.
I wonder if I should shave my
head.
Oh wait a second, I think I
know
where they are.
It'd be easier to manage.
I could take fewer showers.
Here we go.
Yo Vince.
Vince!
Yo I think I'm gonna fucking do
it, man.
I think I'm gonna shave my head.
Good for you, man.
That's fucking great.
Here's yours.
Oh shit.
You found 'em.
(UPBEAT JAZZ)
Good afternoon, miss.
Hi, how ya doing?
- Hi.
- Hi!
Hey, I'm alright.
We're taking orders out here,
just making sure
the line inside doesn't get too
long.
The fire marshal's been on our
ass.
Not from around here, are you
sir?
Nah, you can tl?
Where you from?
Houston, Texas.
Arkansas. Proud of it.
Long way from Arkansas.
So what can I get for you
today?
Uh man, I'd have to think
about that.
I don't know, I haven't
seen the menu yet.
Oh well let me simplify for
you.
Okay, you can have a
burger with one patty,
you can have a burger with two
patties,
or you can have a burger
with three patties.
Oh man, let's just go with two
patties.
Only two patties?
Yeah.
I'm really not that hungry.
What's your name, sir?
Ronnie.
Debbie.
Debbie!
Let me ask you something Debbie.
how often do you come to New
York?
Not very often.
Not very often?
Yeah, this is actually my
first time.
- This is your first time!
- Yeah!
And can I ask you a
personal question, Ronnie?
Sure.
Have you tied the knot yet?
Oh yeah, I got a wife
and two kids right back
at the hotel right now.
Does your wife want a
man that grabs the bull
by the horns, or does your wife
want a man
that can barely finish
two patties on one burger?
Live life to the fullest,
you gotta have three patties.
Come on, sure it's a little bit
more
expensive, but you're
gonna be able to tell
your grandchildren that when
you went to New York City
you gave it your all while you
were there.
Alright, let's do it.
Why not?
That's true.
That's true.
I'm a big boy, I can
handle a little extra meat.
Well I want you to have a
shake
with that too and a large fry,
really make your wife proud.
Let's do it, let's make her
proud.
Let's make her proud, Ronnie.
So that's a burger, fries, a
shake,
and a water.
Are you sure you don't want
anything else?
No, I couldn't possibly
eat more than that.
Alright, well that will be
$31.
Okay Ronnie, that will be $36
today
and we only accept cash.
$36.
They were not lying when they
said
New York City's expensive, were
they?
Here you go.
Thank you.
Your food will be ready in no
time.
Alright, thank you
very much go on inside,
they'll know how to find you.
Great, thank you so much!
Thank you.
Yo these fucking tourists
are too easy, dude.
Debbie was pretty fine,
I'd have let her fuck me.
How much you get?
31, you?
I got fucking 36 bucks from
that fucker.
Hey that's not bad,
that's enough for a G,
G and a half.
Dude it's probably more than
these fucking actual workers make.
Now let's bounce before
some of these faggots
start asking for their food.
Let's do it.
Hey!
(SLAP)
(HIP HOP BEAT)
(PARTY CHATTER)
♪
Hey what's good?
Hey what's good?
Hey, what's good?
Hey wake up.
Hey you are missing the party.
You're missing the party.
Ah, fuck that.
'Cause it's like here's my
dick, right.
- Wait.
- And it's like skin.
No skin.
Skin.
No skin.
So wait there's skin
at the front and no skin
at the back?
No you pull it back, dude
So like when you fucking jack
off,
you don't even need anything.
You just fucking fuck yourself.
You know what I mean?
So if someone tells
you to go fuck yourself,
you say "I'm not
circumcised so I always do".
Yeah technically you
have to say that legally.
- You do?
- Yeah, yeah.
If you're not circumcised,
you have to say you're not
circumcised?
I don't think that's right.
What?
You said you have to say that
legally
that you're not circumcised.
I'm not circumcised.
So you have to say...
Legally.
Wait.
You have to legally announce
that like
before you have sex...
No dude, it was totally
legal.
You have to be like "by
the way I'm not circumcised"
or else like you're
breaking a law or something?
It's not illegal to be
circumcised.
No but listen, I need
a fucking shot right now.
I need a shot.
I need a fucking shot.
Someone give me a shot, man.
Let's go.
You taking a shot with me?
You're gonna take a shot with
me.
Yore taking one too.
Everybody's fucking taking
shots.
Everybody's taking shots.
My sister can go fuck
herself for all I care.
I won't fucking answer to that
bitch.
I don't, I don't answer to that
bitch.
What do you mean?
I don't fucking, she's always
like...
What do you mean "fuck
herself"?
What does that mean?
You don't know?
Like with her fingers?
Fuck you, man.
She's not you.
You're taking a fucking shot!
Get that shit together, let's
go.
- Let's go.
- Pour it out.
Let's go.
Let's go, let's go.
That's right.
There we go.
There we go, there we go, there
we go.
I like that, uh!
- (MOANS)
- Oh!
Ah shit.
Woooo!
I love it, I love it.
Stop it. You're looking
really sad all of a sudden.
It's just like, I don't
understand what crabs are.
'Cause I've had crabs...
They're little critters
that live in the fucking
ocean, you dumb ass.
It looks like little fucking
animals
in my fucking pubic hair.
Do they pinch you?
Yeah they bite, dawg, and
they fucking burrow inside me.
Like I keep fucking shaving and
you know
I'm Jewish so it grows so
fast and then it's like
they just come out after.
It's like even if you shave,
they don't go away.
I know.
That's how crabs are.
I don't understand why
they're called crabs.
They're not like from the ocean.
Does it look like a crab?
I've seen crabs, crabs are
huge.
These are little fucking
little tiny motherfuckers.
- It's a hermit crab.
- No it's not.
You have hermit crabs.
I have hermit crabs?
Yeah that's what it's called,
that's the official...
Hermit crabs?
Yeah it's like the doctors
they call it hermit crabs.
Dude I was like fucking,
fucking this fucking Indian
chick
and she was like a Buddhist and
she told me that you're like
kinda like a fucking
hermit crab but you die
and then you just like change
shells,
but that's what's all over my
dick.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Shit!
Kidding me, kidding me.
(LAUGHING)
You're kidding me!
(PARTY CHATTER)
Yes!
I don't want to.
I'll fuck you up right now.
- Don't make me, Kookie...
- Short round, I will,
hey don't fucking ball tap me.
Kookie, give me the fucking
cash.
Give me the fucking
lighter, bitch. (LAUGHS)
You know what?
You should take kung
fu lessons 'cause then
you can get your ass
kicked on a regular basis
and pay for it, you know?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yes, yes.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
No, no, no, no, no fuck that.
What the hell is that?
What the hell is that shit?
Is this fucking guy cool?
Of course I'm cool.
Everybody thinks I'm cool.
Nah I'm just playing,
but you're not gonna
fucking piss on my couch again
right?
Dude, I can't believe you
even bring that shit up man.
That was a one time ordeal.
I swear to God never to be
repeated.
Swear to me fucking Kookie.
I swear to me fucking Kookie
that's never gonna
fucking happen again.
It took three days to clean my
couch.
Ah man I can't believe you
still kept that shit, but...
I don't have any fucking
money.
Are you serious?
Why'd you invite this
motherfucker?
This is for you. This is a
"I'm sorry I
peed on your couch" stick.
I'll take that.
Yeah okay.
But we gotta go upstairs
and smoke it cause
everybody else is gonna
want a piece of it.
Right, right.
Hey come on, man.
Yo dude.
Why are we fucking on top of
the roof?
Because why aren't
we on top of the roof,
until we are, but why weren't we
on top
of the roof from the beginning?
Yo he's cool man, whatever.
Fuck outta here.
You know what?
You're so complaining all the
time, Jesus.
You know, you gotta like
enjoy the little things,
that's what your girlfriend
says, right?
(LAUGHING)
Vince fucked your sister.
Oh fuck you man, Vince
doesn't fuck anything,
he just says that shit.
I fucked your sister at summer
camp.
Huge tits bro.
Huge fucking tits.
Me and all the counselors.
She said she enjoyed the
little things.
Oh shit.
- Oh shit.
- Hey yo Vince, you got that
pass me that light.
This is fucked up, man.
Dude, the fuck on top of the
roof,
the bitches are downstairs.
Why are we up here?
Get em up here bro.
Huh?
The bitches are downstairs.
Yo fucking Sherlock Holmes
over here.
Solving mysteries left and
right.
Fuck you man.
Hey you want this shit?
Come on, lighten up.
You know what?
This is, I got something for
you.
What do you have for me?
Check this shit out.
Yeah jump.
He got his cock out, what the
fuck?
Are you fucking serious?
Fuck you!
Fuck Kookie!
Dude fuck this guy, man.
- Look at his fucking dick.
- This is what
I'm talking about man.
- The fuck is that?
- Oh my God.
Yeah get it out, dude.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey!
What? Fuck!
Check this shit out.
Hit the guy in the fucking suit.
That motherfucker?
That motherfucker.
Boom!
- Oh!
- Shit
Yeah fuck you, motherfucker!
Fuck you!
(CAR REVS)
Yeah hey, you like piss?
(LAUGHS)
That's what you get for
wearing a fucking suit!
Yo wait, you see that dog,
dude?
Yeah get it, get it.
Yo dog!
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(DOG BARKS)
Fuck you, motherfucker!
What's up dog!
Yeah I scared the shit out of
that dog!
(LAUGHING)
- Hey!
- Hurry up, you're gonna fucking miss it.
Dude, it's the fucking
best moment right here.
Do it!
Do it.
Hey!
Get away from the ledge.
I said get away from the fucking
ledge.
You're under arrest.
This whole goddamn roof is under
arrest.
Why don't you suck my dick?
- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- Oh shit!
Fuck.
It's Francisco, what's good?
I'm outside his place,
Kelly's already up there.
We probably don't even need
guns.
All he does is fucking
smoke weed every day,
he's no threat.
Yo that's what I call a
nonissue.
I'm expecting us to be in and
out,
just like the burger.
It's one motherfucker,
maybe he has a friend,
it doesn't matter.
The point is he won't be
expecting shit.
For all I know, Kelly's
already figured out
where his stash is and
is making him his bitch
as we speak.
It's all worth it for the good
shit
we're gonna get.
I'll call you when it's done.
(KNOCKING)
Hey Francisco man, you finally
showed.
It's alright, I was always the
tardy guy
in school, have a seat next to
Kelly.
Have a seat.
Hey Stevie, how you doing?
I appreciate you guys being
able to do
this tonight, it's been
a fucking nightmare
of a couple of days.
Well this is the
first time I've been out
in a minute.
I just got over a bad flu, man.
I was just coughing and sneezing
and...
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait,
you're serious?
Yeah.
The fuck is wrong with you?
What? You're gonna bring your
germs in here,
your Mexican filth fever,
really you trying to get me
sick?
Chill man, I'm healthy now.
Fuck, I'm not even Mexican.
You don't gotta worry.
(LAUGHING)
I'm just busting your balls,
man.
But really though,
there's a sink over there,
could you go wash your hands?
My immune system's a
real cold-hearted bitch.
Sure.
And use the soap.
So what's with those guys over
there?
I don't remember you having
any bodyguards last time.
Well Bernard and
Frazier are the canines.
And those two big, beautiful
bastards
are Buddy and Al.
They're a quiet bunch but they
get loud when they need to be.
They're pretty fucking scary,
man.
I had to install this
whole state of the art
security system cause shit is
just getting
too dangerous nowadays.
You know, I look out my
window and I think half
of the people out there would
rob me and slit my throat
over an ounce of fucking weed.
Oh hey man, I mean
you do sell good shit,
don't get me wrong, but don't
you think
that might be a little
excessive?
People say that shit but you
can never
be too careful.
I was watching TV the other day,
I never fucking watch that shit,
there's too many subliminal
messages.
You know what I'm saying
Nevertheless it was on and
they're airing this
documentary about a drug
dealer murdered
in his own home by people
he sees all the time.
Not some hitman but people he
considered to be his friends.
I thought to myself "fuck that
shit",
so Buddy, Al and those
Airbuds there were hired.
Airbuds?
No more like fucking Cujos, man.
I guess at means they're
effective.
You ever had to use them yet?
No and honestly, I hope I
never have to,
but doesn't mean they're
not experienced though.
Used to belong to this mob boss
Uptown.
Killed more cats than curiosity
with him.
But, gentlemen, how 'bout
we change the subject?
Yeah, yeah, yeah fine with me.
So what, you guys
call me out of the blue,
you buying, selling, you got
a deal, you have an offer?
Talk to me.
Let's see that green shit of
yours that's so fucking good.
Do me a favor, give me that
maroon suitcase over there.
Oh Francisco, why don't
you go get that shit?
We're looking to make
a deal that makes both
of us real happy, lots of money
for you,
lots of product for us.
Perfect.
So this is where you keep your
stash?
There's no lock or anything,
just open it up.
What the fuck are these?
CD's.
I don't get it, man.
This is how I roll now.
What you think I just leave my
stash out
in the open for any motherfucker
to just walk in here and
steal it out from under me?
No, guys, that shit's for the
pigeons.
This is way better, just play
one.
Is it just sound or a video?
It's a fucking CD not a
goddamn DVD,
alright yes just sound.
Okay, sorry man.
Play one.
Does it matter which one?
You guys are making this way
more
complicated than it needs to be.
You pick up a CD, you open up
the player,
you put it in, you press play.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
♪ My friends turn me on
♪ I live for drugs
(SCREAMING)
Midnight Frostbite.
What the fuck is
Midnight Frostbite, man?
That's the name of the weed
that goes with this song.
Oh so that's what you're
doing,
you got songs that correspond
with the weed you're selling?
I always say you can
tell a lot
about a person's musical
tastes by the type of weed
that they smoke, right?
And not everything goes with
Pink Floyd
or Bob Marley, okay?
I got light shit, dark shit,
weird shit,
and it all corresponds with
a different synthetic strand.
This, this is that I wanna choke
fuck
you on the sidewalk at
three in the morning
kinda mood, you know?
But hey, pick another one,
get a better idea of what I got.
So uh, where do you
keep your actual stash
Secret.
I want you to play another one,
get a better idea.
That's a good one.
It's a two parter, now the first
track
is when you're first
coming up into the high
and the second part is
when you're real deep
into the night or afternoon,
morning,
whenever you smoke.
(SOUL MUSIC)
So what, I'm gonna be like the
member
of a '70s soul group if I smoke
this shit?
Originally this was called
Agent Orange,
but then I synthetically mixed
it,
spliced it together
with California Dreamin'
and turned it into a trip.
Hey Stevie, let me ask you
something.
Ask away.
I know you said it's a secret
and I understand that, but
is your stash close by?
I mean the reason I ask
is as much as I fuck
with this new method, there's
nothing like
smelling and touching, you know?
Yeah I'll tell you what,
you find one you like, I'll let
you touch
and smell the shit out
of it, but until then,
let's just say that Nicolas
Cage in "National Treasure"
would have a real hard time
finding it.
(LAUGHING)
- That's good.
- Yeah.
Hey, no but I do see where
Francisco's coming from here.
I mean you gotta admit it's
pretty fucking
difficult to get an idea
of the strand solely
from the music.
I mean, we don't even know what
this weed
looks like, tastes like or
smells like,
and when you're looking
to buy something new,
which we are, all three of those
things
are very, very important.
So um, what do you think?
We could go and see your stash.
I'm enjoying this.
You guys don't seem to be.
No, no, no. Hold on, no, no,
we never said we aren't
enjoying it.
This is fucking great.
We're just not used to doing
business
- in this fashion.
- Right.
Guys I'm conflicted here,
okay.
I've got two devils on my
shoulder.
One, the salesman in me
is saying hey Stevie,
these two guys are gonna
have a much better idea,
buying experience if you will,
if they can touch and smell the
shit,
see what I have to offer.
The second is the felon in me,
saying don't fucking trust
body and keep
your shit hidden away and
therefore safe.
What's a guy to do?
Look man, there's a disconnect
here
if you don't think you can trust
us.
I mean, come on.
Here's the thing, I don't like
to think
anything, I like to know.
Amen.
You mind if Francisco
and I have a quick word
in the corner?
Yeah sure.
Just don't come back saying some
shit
I don't wanna hear, huh?
Right.
Yeah sure, I mean.
Come on.
♪
Alright just act like we're
having
a normal conversation, okay?
Let's not get this fucking wack
job any
more paranoid than he already
is.
Okay, it's pretty fucking
obvious
this shit ain't going down
anymore.
- No shit.
- And even if by some
miracle he does manage to show
his stash, snatching it's
outta the question now.
Well we weren't anticipating
dogs and
Shaquille O'Neal's two cousins
to be guarding the place.
What's next?
We just gotta buy some
shit and fucking split.
Well you know he's expecting
us to buy
some real fucking nice expensive
shit.
Problem is I don't really
have the inclination
to spend that kind of money.
You're going to have to start
to develop that
inclination cause that's the
only way
we're getting out of here on
good terms.
Unless.
You armed?
Yeah the guard didn't
catch it in the pat down,
- what about you?
- No, no (CHUCKLES)
I forgot my piece at
home because last time
we came here a fucking banana
gun would have been sufficient.
Well I'm not about to start a
gunfight
where I'm outnumbered
by people and by dogs.
Where does that fucking leave
us then?
Like I said, we buy something,
it doesn't have to be big,
it could even be a dime bag,
just enough to appease
him and make it appear
like we didn't waste his
time and leave with nothing.
We cook up an excuse as
to why we need to leave
early, the vaguer the excuse the
better,
then we promise we'll return in
the future
which of course we never do and
we forget
about this crazy fuck forever.
How does that sound?
What are we gonna tell the
boss?
We'll figure that out later.
Fuck I can't think of anything
else.
Me neither.
Alright, let's do it.
You guys get enough time to
talk through what you needed?
Yeah.
And?
We're gonna have to continue
this transaction some other
time, man.
I'm sorry.
And why is that?
Well we had some um,
unexpected financial
shit that came up.
But we do wish to
purchase a small sample.
A dime bag, so you know
we didn't waste your time.
Right.
Guys,
there's a reason I have
an $8000 apartment
and why I can afford to hire 24
hour
black guy/canine security.
It's 'cause I put in the fucking
work.
I worked hard to develop my own
shit
so that I can make sure
that my shit is the shit.
You put my shit next to any
guy's shit,
I guarantee that my shit is
gonna shit on their shit.
But you know, as they say,
when you're at the top,
every fucking body wants
to bring you down.
Now figuring out who people are,
that's the hard part.
For all I know, Buddy
and Al over here could
turn a couple Nat Turners on me
and wake
me up one night with a bullet in
my head.
But I'm particularly
confident in their loyalty.
I can't say the same about
everybody else though.
So yeah, a dime bag, I'm
not sure I'm interested
in selling you two a
dime bag after that load
of a bullshit excuse you guys
gave me.
You know, for a second, I
thought I had Louis CK and...
fuck, you know I can't think
of a Mexican comedian's name
right now but you guys get the
point.
I thought I had a fucking couple
of comedians in here
because of that bullshit
joke of an excuse.
Some financial shit?
Really?
No guys, my desire to sell you
two
some high quality shit has
faded.
But I am interested in selling
you two an opportunity.
- Oh Stevie!
- An opportunity to leave
this apartment exactly
- the way you are now.
- Stevie, come on!
I'm not finished!
Now, I'm sure that Buddy
here could break off
your fingers, just as
easily as Al could rip
your knees caps off, and
that would be very easy.
Even easier still would
be if Al were to hold
you down while Buddy gave you a
root canal
with a screwdriver.
Now, he is a licensed physian,
I'm pretty sure he would do a
great job.
But none of that's gonna
be necessary if you play
a little game of trust with me.
I'm sorry, are you
fucking with us right now?
You call me out of the blue,
talking about something big,
and then all of a sudden
you gotta split when I don't
show you my stash?
Something's not fucking right
about it
and I wanna know about it right
now.
Everything is fucking fine,
Stevie!
Shut the fuck up, Kelly!
Who the fuck is named Kelly
anyway?
That's a goddamn girl's name.
No guy is named Kelly.
Alright guys, this is how this
works,
you two are gonna tell me
exactly what it
is that you two spoke about over
there
or you're gonna leave
this apartment saying,
"Oh gosh, I wish I would have
told Stevie
"the truth, I'm so sorry,
Stevie."
Oh well you want to know what
we spoke about
in the fucking corner,
you son of a bitch?
I want to know the fucking
truth!
We already told you the
fucking truth
and you called it a load of
bullshit, what the fuck?
It's true!
We have a money issue and
it's gotta get resolved.
There's nothing else to say.
Well I'm about done with this
shit.
You guys still want that dime
bag?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah we do.
Here's the second part
of that synthetic strain.
Ooh, it's a real party when
you smoke this shit.
(ROCK MUSIC)
Yeah it's good.
Yeah this is good, man.
We'll take this.
Yeah it will blow you away
guys.
Let me go get it for you, okay?
♪
We're so close to getting out
of here.
That fucker scares
the fuck outta me, man.
Yeah, those guys are big.
Hey man, you really
a licensed physician?
Man what kind of
stupid question is that?
Shut the fuck up, man.
Are you fucking stupid?
Shut up.
Ah where the fuck is he?
Make sure they don't leave.
Oh shit!
(SCREAMING)
Fuck you, you son of a bitch!
You don't know who you're
fucking with!
Fuck you!
Get the fuck off!
You know, I was thinking
about what to do with you rats,
and well,
your teeth are looking a little
yellow,
so maybe they could use
a good cleaning, uh?
No, no, no!
(SCREAMING)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
(RAPID KNOCKING)
What's going on with the
noise, man?
There is nothing
going on with the noise.
What the fuck is going on?
(SCREAMING)
Holy shit.
(RINGING)
♪
Fuck you!
Fuck!
(TENSE MUSIC)
(PAINFUL GROANING)
What the fuck happened!
My fucking mouth is destroyed!
Get the fuck off me!
Please help!
The fuck is your
problem with the Knicks?
I got a debt the size
of Madison Square Garden
for betting on 'em.
Sound like you ain't got
nobody to blame except
for yourself, player.
(LAUGHING)
Do you know the last time
they won a championship?
Hey wait, hold up.
What's up?
Are you a Knicks fan?
No.
Damn alright never mind.
Aye I fuck with that shirt
though!
Thanks bro!
You're popular here.
Alright is there anything
specific
you wanna do while you're in the
city?
I gotta get those dumplings
again.
Oh at Radiance, Radiance
dumplings.
- But those dumplings are expensive.
- I know.
Did Mommy give you the card?
Of course she did.
Of course she did.
'Cause I can't be funding
you for an entire four days,
you know that?
You know, also, we
should hit that vintage
guitar shop on the way to your
house.
Okay.
So that's it?
Guitars and dumplings?
That's all you want?
I mean, yeah.
Guitar, dumplings, a bar.
Uh a what?
A bar.
- A bar?
- Yes.
Why are we going to a bar?
You wanna drink?
Yeah I wanna drink.
I can't take you to a bar.
Why, 'cause of Mom?
Yeah cause of Mom,
I told her I was gonna
take care of you and watch out
for you,
not take you to a bar and have
you drinking tequila shots.
♪
Bro I really need to take a
piss.
The theater's like two blocks,
can't you just wait 'til we get
there?
No I need to go now.
We're in the middle
of the street, come on.
I'll just go in an alley.
You can't go in an alleyway
bro.
You're a big boy.
Alright how 'bout here, the
lights are on,
let's check here.
We already closed the kitchen.
I just need to use the
bathroom, is that okay?
Yeah sure.
Just put a dollar in the tip jar
when you leave.
Thank you.
You know, we got a
fresh brew if you wanna
buy some coffee.
No I'm okay thank you.
Alright, I mean, you're
already paying
for the restroom, might as
well pay for a cup of coffee.
Okay yeah sure, I'll
take a cup of coffee.
I'll just charge you a dollar.
Okay.
Hi.
♪
Thanks.
It's a fresh brew, right?
Made in the last 24
hours.
What's wrong?
You don't like the taste?
No, it's good.
It's just different.
You know, I don't like coffee.
I own a coffee shop, but
I can't stand the taste.
love the smell but I hate the
taste.
(LAUGHING)
That's interesting.
You ready?
Yeah.
Thank you very much.
Have a good night.
You got it.
Thank you.
Hey boss, your door's locked.
Yeah and it's gonna stay
locked.
Come back over here.
What do you mean?
Why?
Don't make me repeat myself.
We're gonna do whatever you
want.
Archer if they ask for your
wallet,
give them your wallet, okay?
I didn't catch your name, guy.
My name's Allen.
Yeah.
You're about to be passed
the fuck out Allen,
because that brew had a
quart of ketamine in it.
I need your little brother
to finish the drink.
It'll be a whole lot
easier drinking a nice
little cup of joe than dealing
with the butt of that gun.
Just drink it.
Don't waste a drop now.
What should we do to pass the
time?
Archer we're gonna be fine.
We're gonna be fine.
Allen!
That answer your question?
Come on, let's tie him up.
Where do you want him?
Put him in the storage room
for now.
And him? He goes to the
normal spot, right?
Yeah put the little one
in the operation table.
Hey Daryl, this one is scared.
I bet your heart is
going 100 times a minute.
You know, someone would pay 200
grand
for that right there.
Looks like we're gonna make
good on our promise after all.
(RATS SQUEAKING)
(GROANING)
What the fuck?
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck. (PANTING)
Fuck.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Archer.
Archer!
Archer!
Archer!
Fuck.
Fuck.
Oh.
(RUSTLING)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
♪
(GROANING)
Hey, hey, hey help!
Hey!
(GROANS)
(PANTING)
(PANTING)
We'll see what they
wanna do with the kid.
We can start working on
the motherfucker tonight.
♪
Daryl!
(GUN FIRES)
Archer!
Archer!
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Alright I'm gonna get
you outta here, okay?
Are we gonna tell Mom about
this?
I think there's some things
Mommy doesn't need to know.
♪
(SUBWAY NOISES)
Yo my fucking legs are tired.
We not through walking yet.
Yo mad people are gonna be
noticing
your shirt bruh, I'd do
something about that.
Yo he's right. People are either
gonna think you just got done
splatter painting
or a motherfucker's brains
got blown out onto your face.
Mad talkative now...
Pablo this isn't funny...
This isn't funny, Pablo...
I'm pulling it.
Whatchu want me to do?
You could buy a new shirt.
Buy a shirt, yeah get one by
the fucking
tourist station, they're
gonna have some mad cheap.
Nah, I'm not fucking
with no I Heart NY tee.
I wanna get a place around
here.
No more rats or roaches.
I'mma get a clean place,
get some exposed brick,
get some artwork in that bitch,
just get boujee as a
motherfucker.
- What's good?
- Hey, how are you?
Not bad.
Cool, yeah.
Good to see you.
We have a sale rack going on if
you wanna
check that out.
Word, okay.
But yeah, let me know.
Alright bet.
By the way, I love that shirt.
That's so sick.
Did you do that yourself or?
Nah, it was an accident.
Okay. (LAUGHING)
I spilled cranberry
juice all over it.
Okay word, well I mean
it works, it looks cool.
But yeah, let me know
if you need anything.
I got you.
Yo it's way too fucking
hot for that, bro.
Way too hot.
I don't get hot, bro.
Yo I thought you said you
didn't fuck
with something that has
I Love NY written on it.
Bro, there's a big difference
between some cheap ass shirt
made for tourists by fucking
eight year olds in China,
and this shit, bro.
What do you think, you like
it?
Hell yeah.
Alright decide quickly.
We gotta get going, man.
Come on.
Yeah, yeah, this is it.
So where are you working now
again?
So I used to work in Times
Square like
selling tickets to comedy shows
and shit.
I can't fucking stand that
place now.
Yeah no, I mean my dad
always said Times Square
ended in the 90s when it got
cleaned up
and stuff, so I feel you.
I mean honestly, me and my
homies are on
some entrepreneurial shit
right now.
To be honest, it's looking
pretty fucking
auspicious, feel me?
Aside from the occasional
hiccup.
Alright well, yeah
I wish you the best of luck.
Do you want a bag for this or?
Nah I'mma just take it just
like this.
Okay word, well thanks for
coming by
and I'll see you soon.
- Yeah bet, I'mma see you.
- Okay, cool.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Yo you bought it?
Yeah.
Alright well we need to split
so...
Let me just try it on.
♪
Damn this shit is fly as hell.
Too fucking cool.
(HIP HOP SONG)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
MAN: Gosh damn, this
burger is taking forever.
(BELL DINGS)
(NEEDLE DROP)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
All I need is $36 and a
handgun.
We got handguns.
What's the $36 for?
That's how much it's gonna
cost for a bottle of Henny.
You nervous, why you want the
Henny?
I just always make my best
decisions
when I drink.
What's up Pop?
Slide me a bottle of Henny on
the cool.
But yo let me ask you
something,
why we so stuck on the
neighbors?
Because who the fuck else is
there?
The pussy boy.
Pussy boy, who the fuck is
that?
The Ellen Degeneres
looking motherfucker.
What?
The clerk from the fucking
store!
You think he'd put up a fight?
You talking about robbing a
store that
we was just seen on camera
buying from?
I just started thinking about
it,
why not?
You wanna end up on the
nightly news
and have every motherfucker
in the city knowing our faces?
Then I say we stick to
the neighbors tonight.
It's easy, it's low risk.
But easy doesn't always
mean the biggest reward.
Yo we gotta start somewhere,
easy doesn't sound like
too bad of a fucking
place to start.
We got it planned, we're
familiar,
and most importantly it's not a
store that
we discovered two minutes ago!
But listen to me...
Also, you know that every
bodega
got a Pakistani motherfucker
with a shotgun behind
the counter waiting to blow your
shit off.
That was a young white dude
though!
It don't matter man!
Look it plays out two ways,
he's pussy
and he doesn't give a fuck
or he doesn't give a fuck
'cause he's too pussy!
Yo Dre, why you so set
on this fucking store?
Well that's the best part,
while I was looking for my
diet strawberry daiquiris,
I was walking around and I saw a
big
brown box in the back.
The top was slightly open.
Uh huh?
Some interesting shit was
written
on the inside of that box.
And what'd it say?
R-O-L-E-motherfucking-X.
TOGETHER: Rolex!
That's what I saw written on
the little
green case peaking outta the big
brown box
in the back which I bet houses
at least 10 more watches
judging by the size of the box.
Hey stupid, there's no way
that store had 10 Rolexes.
There's no way that shit even
had one.
Your eyes are playing tricks on
you Dre.
Real Rolexes? Nah.
But official or not, I could
name five
motherfuckers, Pip from
Queensbridge being one
of them, who can't tell the
difference
between a Rolex and a plastic
watch you give a little
kid for his fucking birthday.
And you know how much
them shits could be worth?
I don't gotta fucking tell you,
you already know.
Yo Dre, I don't normally
change plans,
especially not last minute.
But this time, I'mma go
with you on this one.
But we gotta do this shit right,
no dummy shit, okay?
Of course no dummy shit, of
course.
I'm rolling with you.
We gon' need some
shit to cover our faces,
ski masks or something.
So where the fuck we getting ski
masks at?
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hey can I help you find
anything today?
Yeah where can I find a
couple of black ski masks?
Uh I'm sorry, we only carry
those in the winter.
Any other type of mask will
do,
it don't have to be black.
What's the occasion?
- Wedding!
- Picnic!
I see.
♪
The blue or black?
You know I like polka dots.
Register now!
I shouldn't even have to say
this shit,
but I'mma say this shit: You
make a move
or you try to fight back,
I'mma blow your fucking brains
out and you going to bed
without a faggot ass head!
Whatever you say!
So get every goddamn cent
out of that fucking register!
You fucking talking so much,
get every goddamn cent!
Don't actually get us no
fucking pennies
and nickels though man!
We just want the cash!
Paper only!
Wait wait wait wait wa!
They got the rolls of quarters,
those are worth like $10.
Fuck man!
If you got those then
give them shits to us!
But we don't want no goddamn
pennies!
That's it! That's it!
Man that's it?
That's all that's in the
drawer!
What!
That's not even like 84 bucks!
Yo they still got the box,
we still got the box,
at least we got that!
Go see that shit cause
I swear to God man,
if we did this shit for 84
bucks,
I swear to God!
Yo I got a gut feeling it'll
be there.
I got a gut feeling!
There's something else
in the drawer.
What's underneath those Twix
man?
I know you got more under there!
Go get that shit!
Man put that shit in the
bag, just like this cuz.
Put that shit in the bag!
(GUN FIRES)
(SCREAMING)
Oh shit!
(GUN FIRES)
Ah fuck!
My fucking...
Fuck, goddamn! Yo I'mma
get the box,
I'mma get the cash and be out!
Hold on, hold on, hold on!
Bullshit bro!
Fuck, ah shit!
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I got this, bro!
Oh shit, fuck Dre.
Oh shit there better be
something
in that fucking box.
Oh there better something
in that fucking box.
Fuck!
Fuck.
Where the fuck are the Rolexes?
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck me.
Why do I always gotta
make stupid decisions?
Oh we should have robbed my
Czech neighbor
not this fucking store!
Fuck it's because I never drink
Hennessy,
I always drink Paul Masson.
BOTH: Fuck!
Oh shit!
There be better something
in that fucking box!
Yo Pippin we should leave now.
Shit.
Shit.
What!
Ow!
You stupid motherfucker!
Yo I promise next time
we'll plan it better,
I'll make sure it's straight.
No!
We just killed a motherfucker
and robbed a store midday.
The cops is gonna be on their
way any fucking minute now.
And we did it all for a
box full of nudey mags
and old cum!
Yo, I made a...
(GUN FIRES)
How's that for a gut feeling?
♪
(GUN FIRES)
(POLICE SIRENS BLARING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
Yo!
Oh shit!
I take it those sirens are for
you?
What'd you fucking do?
Whack the entire A$AP Mob?
Ah yo, do me a favor, take my
gun.
Shoot me.
- Look man...
- You can have this money,
I swear to God.
Look I admit, it's not the
lottery but it's 80 bucks
and some snacks that you
ain't have five minutes ago.
Alright man, I'm not
gonna shoot you or take
your money or do any other
stupid shit
you want me to do.
Instead I'll tell you
this: a few blocks down
there's an abandoned art studio,
I just passed by it.
If you can make it down there,
well you might have a chance at
escaping
the little girls in blue.
But that's not gonna do much for
your knee
problem, the only way
you're gonna take care
of that hole in your
knee is getting arrested
and taken to a hospital.
The choice is yours man, not
mine.
Wait!
I got my own shit to
take care of!
(LATIN SONG)
What the fuck man, what the,
yo, what the fuck!
Hey, hey yo!
Yo!
♪
His name's Diablo.
He lives above a gym.
You'll see it.
Is he there right now?
He's always there.
This guy doesn't do shit,
his whole life is guns, guns,
guns.
I'll call him and let
him know to expect you.
Jezebel, you are a lifesaver.
(SEXUAL MOANING)
(KNOCKING)
(HEAVY KNOCKING)
I need a name.
Uh my name's Terrence.
Oh Terrence like uh, Terry?
Yeah sure.
Okay cool, cool.
What's up man?
I'm a friend of Jezebel's.
A friend of who?
Jezebel.
Jezebel...
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alright, yeah, nice girl.
What's up man?
I'm looking to buy something
from you.
Oh I see.
So you want to come in?
I'd like to, yeah.
Alright yeah, yeah sure, man.
Come on.
♪
It would be rude of me
if I don't offer you
some of this delicious pot roast
that I have back there in the
fridge.
No thanks.
No thanks because you
don't like pot roast
or because you are not hungry?
Uh, little bit of both.
Okay but let me tell you pal,
this recipe is delicious, man.
The first time I tried it,
it blew my balls off.
So are you sure?
Yeah, I'm not looking to
get my balls blown off today.
Alright, alright,
fair enough.
Now, I always ask this
to start, what is the main
reason you want to purchase
one of my weapons, huh?
Just protection, is that okay?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
Do you have a price range you
wanna spend?
Well I really only need it for
one day,
is it cheaper 'cause of that?
Protection for one day, huh?
Come on, pal, don't bullshit me.
Who's ass are you looking to
blast?
What? Someone can't have
protection for one day?
We both know what that means,
man.
Well I don't know what to tell
you, pal.
Alright, no pressure.
If you don't wanna say, you
don't wanna say.
Alright fuck it, you
really wanna know who?
I'm all ears.
My fucking wife, that's who.
Your fucking wife?
What for?
She's a fucking slut, that's
why.
Damn man, that some
crazy shit right there.
Uh-huh.
Well listen pal, I'm not
judging here,
that's not my place.
Well, I appreciate that.
Well let's go back to the
price, man.
Honestly, I cannot give
you a better price based
on how long you're gonna
keep the weapon, you know?
If it's 30 days, 30 minus, 30
years,
for me it's the same.
How much to buy one?
Alright, now you're talking!
I have some babies here
that start from 500 even
and some shit that goes to
thousands.
What uh...
What's that one?
(CHUCKLES) Oh that baby right
there,
that's an M60, my friend.
(MOUTH SHOOTING)
That's the one they use in the
military.
Yeah, have you seen that?
But that's way too big for
you, man
I don't wanna recommend you
that.
For you, what you need is a
handgun.
Ah.
Look, honestly this is
all out of my price range.
Maybe I can work a deal?
No, no, no I think this
whole thing is a bust.
I'm gonna take a different
route,
but I appreciate your time.
Alright, your call.
But first, I'm gonna ask you to
set down
that Beretta 21 A Bobcat back on
the bed
where you grabbed it.
What uh, what are you talking
about?
The handgun that you took from
the bed,
I want you to put it back.
I don't know what you're
fucking talking about.
Really dude?
You want me to pull a gun out of
you?
Let me tell you pal, this is a
battle
you ain't gonna win, I
know these babies more
than you know your freaking
dick, alright?
I still don't know what the
fuck
you're talking about, I
didn't take a handgun.
I didn't take anything from that
bed.
Come on, what we doing here?
Hmm?
You really want this?
Okay.
Alright.
Fuck.
Look it fell off the bed,
I picked it up...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's your story, get the
fuck out of here right now.
Sure.
Yeah there's only one
door, you can see it, use it!
Fucking asshole.
I don't care, man.
Bye, bye!
I didn't mean anything
by it just so you know.
Fucking idiot, stealing from
me.
♪
(THUD)
(UPBEAT HIP HOP)
Ah man, this shit's good.
Yeah I don't remember
the last time I ate
a whole fucking meal.
Yeah right.
You know what, food, man,
is like a fucking drug.
Like I feel high off hot dog
right now.
Yeah greasier the better,
dude.
Yeah and the best part
is you can't overdose
on no hot dog.
Yeah you can become a fat fuck
though.
Not me, man
Have you seen my fucking diet?
I could eat pure lard
every day for a month
and gain maybe one pound tops.
Yeah, that's what coke will do
to you.
No man, I'm telling you,
it's my body, alright?
My body is like a
fucking Chinese sweatshop
the way it gets shit done,
it works fucking overtime.
Yo after we're done with this
shit,
you wanna go take some orders?
That fucking idiot didn't even
have enough money
to last us like a whole day.
Yeah fuck yeah, man.
Let's do it.
It's been a minute since
we last took orders.
Yeah and we're gonna
have to start doing it
like every day or else
I'm gonna have to get
a real fucking job dude.
Yeah fuck that, me and a
real job ain't ever gonna meet.
Not in this life.
Yo fucking Daniel's having
like a day party right now.
Wait he is?
What he didn't tell ya?
I guess it slipped his fucking
mind.
Yeah well you wanna
hit it up afterwards?
We don't have any fucking
shit to do anyway.
Yeah sure, fuck yeah man.
Let's do it.
(SPITTING)
I don't know where the fuck I
put it.
Well keep searching
man they're somewhere.
Thanks man, that's really,
really fucking helpful.
I wonder if I should shave my
head.
Oh wait a second, I think I
know
where they are.
It'd be easier to manage.
I could take fewer showers.
Here we go.
Yo Vince.
Vince!
Yo I think I'm gonna fucking do
it, man.
I think I'm gonna shave my head.
Good for you, man.
That's fucking great.
Here's yours.
Oh shit.
You found 'em.
(UPBEAT JAZZ)
Good afternoon, miss.
Hi, how ya doing?
- Hi.
- Hi!
Hey, I'm alright.
We're taking orders out here,
just making sure
the line inside doesn't get too
long.
The fire marshal's been on our
ass.
Not from around here, are you
sir?
Nah, you can tl?
Where you from?
Houston, Texas.
Arkansas. Proud of it.
Long way from Arkansas.
So what can I get for you
today?
Uh man, I'd have to think
about that.
I don't know, I haven't
seen the menu yet.
Oh well let me simplify for
you.
Okay, you can have a
burger with one patty,
you can have a burger with two
patties,
or you can have a burger
with three patties.
Oh man, let's just go with two
patties.
Only two patties?
Yeah.
I'm really not that hungry.
What's your name, sir?
Ronnie.
Debbie.
Debbie!
Let me ask you something Debbie.
how often do you come to New
York?
Not very often.
Not very often?
Yeah, this is actually my
first time.
- This is your first time!
- Yeah!
And can I ask you a
personal question, Ronnie?
Sure.
Have you tied the knot yet?
Oh yeah, I got a wife
and two kids right back
at the hotel right now.
Does your wife want a
man that grabs the bull
by the horns, or does your wife
want a man
that can barely finish
two patties on one burger?
Live life to the fullest,
you gotta have three patties.
Come on, sure it's a little bit
more
expensive, but you're
gonna be able to tell
your grandchildren that when
you went to New York City
you gave it your all while you
were there.
Alright, let's do it.
Why not?
That's true.
That's true.
I'm a big boy, I can
handle a little extra meat.
Well I want you to have a
shake
with that too and a large fry,
really make your wife proud.
Let's do it, let's make her
proud.
Let's make her proud, Ronnie.
So that's a burger, fries, a
shake,
and a water.
Are you sure you don't want
anything else?
No, I couldn't possibly
eat more than that.
Alright, well that will be
$31.
Okay Ronnie, that will be $36
today
and we only accept cash.
$36.
They were not lying when they
said
New York City's expensive, were
they?
Here you go.
Thank you.
Your food will be ready in no
time.
Alright, thank you
very much go on inside,
they'll know how to find you.
Great, thank you so much!
Thank you.
Yo these fucking tourists
are too easy, dude.
Debbie was pretty fine,
I'd have let her fuck me.
How much you get?
31, you?
I got fucking 36 bucks from
that fucker.
Hey that's not bad,
that's enough for a G,
G and a half.
Dude it's probably more than
these fucking actual workers make.
Now let's bounce before
some of these faggots
start asking for their food.
Let's do it.
Hey!
(SLAP)
(HIP HOP BEAT)
(PARTY CHATTER)
♪
Hey what's good?
Hey what's good?
Hey, what's good?
Hey wake up.
Hey you are missing the party.
You're missing the party.
Ah, fuck that.
'Cause it's like here's my
dick, right.
- Wait.
- And it's like skin.
No skin.
Skin.
No skin.
So wait there's skin
at the front and no skin
at the back?
No you pull it back, dude
So like when you fucking jack
off,
you don't even need anything.
You just fucking fuck yourself.
You know what I mean?
So if someone tells
you to go fuck yourself,
you say "I'm not
circumcised so I always do".
Yeah technically you
have to say that legally.
- You do?
- Yeah, yeah.
If you're not circumcised,
you have to say you're not
circumcised?
I don't think that's right.
What?
You said you have to say that
legally
that you're not circumcised.
I'm not circumcised.
So you have to say...
Legally.
Wait.
You have to legally announce
that like
before you have sex...
No dude, it was totally
legal.
You have to be like "by
the way I'm not circumcised"
or else like you're
breaking a law or something?
It's not illegal to be
circumcised.
No but listen, I need
a fucking shot right now.
I need a shot.
I need a fucking shot.
Someone give me a shot, man.
Let's go.
You taking a shot with me?
You're gonna take a shot with
me.
Yore taking one too.
Everybody's fucking taking
shots.
Everybody's taking shots.
My sister can go fuck
herself for all I care.
I won't fucking answer to that
bitch.
I don't, I don't answer to that
bitch.
What do you mean?
I don't fucking, she's always
like...
What do you mean "fuck
herself"?
What does that mean?
You don't know?
Like with her fingers?
Fuck you, man.
She's not you.
You're taking a fucking shot!
Get that shit together, let's
go.
- Let's go.
- Pour it out.
Let's go.
Let's go, let's go.
That's right.
There we go.
There we go, there we go, there
we go.
I like that, uh!
- (MOANS)
- Oh!
Ah shit.
Woooo!
I love it, I love it.
Stop it. You're looking
really sad all of a sudden.
It's just like, I don't
understand what crabs are.
'Cause I've had crabs...
They're little critters
that live in the fucking
ocean, you dumb ass.
It looks like little fucking
animals
in my fucking pubic hair.
Do they pinch you?
Yeah they bite, dawg, and
they fucking burrow inside me.
Like I keep fucking shaving and
you know
I'm Jewish so it grows so
fast and then it's like
they just come out after.
It's like even if you shave,
they don't go away.
I know.
That's how crabs are.
I don't understand why
they're called crabs.
They're not like from the ocean.
Does it look like a crab?
I've seen crabs, crabs are
huge.
These are little fucking
little tiny motherfuckers.
- It's a hermit crab.
- No it's not.
You have hermit crabs.
I have hermit crabs?
Yeah that's what it's called,
that's the official...
Hermit crabs?
Yeah it's like the doctors
they call it hermit crabs.
Dude I was like fucking,
fucking this fucking Indian
chick
and she was like a Buddhist and
she told me that you're like
kinda like a fucking
hermit crab but you die
and then you just like change
shells,
but that's what's all over my
dick.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Shit!
Kidding me, kidding me.
(LAUGHING)
You're kidding me!
(PARTY CHATTER)
Yes!
I don't want to.
I'll fuck you up right now.
- Don't make me, Kookie...
- Short round, I will,
hey don't fucking ball tap me.
Kookie, give me the fucking
cash.
Give me the fucking
lighter, bitch. (LAUGHS)
You know what?
You should take kung
fu lessons 'cause then
you can get your ass
kicked on a regular basis
and pay for it, you know?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yes, yes.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
No, no, no, no, no fuck that.
What the hell is that?
What the hell is that shit?
Is this fucking guy cool?
Of course I'm cool.
Everybody thinks I'm cool.
Nah I'm just playing,
but you're not gonna
fucking piss on my couch again
right?
Dude, I can't believe you
even bring that shit up man.
That was a one time ordeal.
I swear to God never to be
repeated.
Swear to me fucking Kookie.
I swear to me fucking Kookie
that's never gonna
fucking happen again.
It took three days to clean my
couch.
Ah man I can't believe you
still kept that shit, but...
I don't have any fucking
money.
Are you serious?
Why'd you invite this
motherfucker?
This is for you. This is a
"I'm sorry I
peed on your couch" stick.
I'll take that.
Yeah okay.
But we gotta go upstairs
and smoke it cause
everybody else is gonna
want a piece of it.
Right, right.
Hey come on, man.
Yo dude.
Why are we fucking on top of
the roof?
Because why aren't
we on top of the roof,
until we are, but why weren't we
on top
of the roof from the beginning?
Yo he's cool man, whatever.
Fuck outta here.
You know what?
You're so complaining all the
time, Jesus.
You know, you gotta like
enjoy the little things,
that's what your girlfriend
says, right?
(LAUGHING)
Vince fucked your sister.
Oh fuck you man, Vince
doesn't fuck anything,
he just says that shit.
I fucked your sister at summer
camp.
Huge tits bro.
Huge fucking tits.
Me and all the counselors.
She said she enjoyed the
little things.
Oh shit.
- Oh shit.
- Hey yo Vince, you got that
pass me that light.
This is fucked up, man.
Dude, the fuck on top of the
roof,
the bitches are downstairs.
Why are we up here?
Get em up here bro.
Huh?
The bitches are downstairs.
Yo fucking Sherlock Holmes
over here.
Solving mysteries left and
right.
Fuck you man.
Hey you want this shit?
Come on, lighten up.
You know what?
This is, I got something for
you.
What do you have for me?
Check this shit out.
Yeah jump.
He got his cock out, what the
fuck?
Are you fucking serious?
Fuck you!
Fuck Kookie!
Dude fuck this guy, man.
- Look at his fucking dick.
- This is what
I'm talking about man.
- The fuck is that?
- Oh my God.
Yeah get it out, dude.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey!
What? Fuck!
Check this shit out.
Hit the guy in the fucking suit.
That motherfucker?
That motherfucker.
Boom!
- Oh!
- Shit
Yeah fuck you, motherfucker!
Fuck you!
(CAR REVS)
Yeah hey, you like piss?
(LAUGHS)
That's what you get for
wearing a fucking suit!
Yo wait, you see that dog,
dude?
Yeah get it, get it.
Yo dog!
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(DOG BARKS)
Fuck you, motherfucker!
What's up dog!
Yeah I scared the shit out of
that dog!
(LAUGHING)
- Hey!
- Hurry up, you're gonna fucking miss it.
Dude, it's the fucking
best moment right here.
Do it!
Do it.
Hey!
Get away from the ledge.
I said get away from the fucking
ledge.
You're under arrest.
This whole goddamn roof is under
arrest.
Why don't you suck my dick?
- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- Oh shit!
Fuck.
It's Francisco, what's good?
I'm outside his place,
Kelly's already up there.
We probably don't even need
guns.
All he does is fucking
smoke weed every day,
he's no threat.
Yo that's what I call a
nonissue.
I'm expecting us to be in and
out,
just like the burger.
It's one motherfucker,
maybe he has a friend,
it doesn't matter.
The point is he won't be
expecting shit.
For all I know, Kelly's
already figured out
where his stash is and
is making him his bitch
as we speak.
It's all worth it for the good
shit
we're gonna get.
I'll call you when it's done.
(KNOCKING)
Hey Francisco man, you finally
showed.
It's alright, I was always the
tardy guy
in school, have a seat next to
Kelly.
Have a seat.
Hey Stevie, how you doing?
I appreciate you guys being
able to do
this tonight, it's been
a fucking nightmare
of a couple of days.
Well this is the
first time I've been out
in a minute.
I just got over a bad flu, man.
I was just coughing and sneezing
and...
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait,
you're serious?
Yeah.
The fuck is wrong with you?
What? You're gonna bring your
germs in here,
your Mexican filth fever,
really you trying to get me
sick?
Chill man, I'm healthy now.
Fuck, I'm not even Mexican.
You don't gotta worry.
(LAUGHING)
I'm just busting your balls,
man.
But really though,
there's a sink over there,
could you go wash your hands?
My immune system's a
real cold-hearted bitch.
Sure.
And use the soap.
So what's with those guys over
there?
I don't remember you having
any bodyguards last time.
Well Bernard and
Frazier are the canines.
And those two big, beautiful
bastards
are Buddy and Al.
They're a quiet bunch but they
get loud when they need to be.
They're pretty fucking scary,
man.
I had to install this
whole state of the art
security system cause shit is
just getting
too dangerous nowadays.
You know, I look out my
window and I think half
of the people out there would
rob me and slit my throat
over an ounce of fucking weed.
Oh hey man, I mean
you do sell good shit,
don't get me wrong, but don't
you think
that might be a little
excessive?
People say that shit but you
can never
be too careful.
I was watching TV the other day,
I never fucking watch that shit,
there's too many subliminal
messages.
You know what I'm saying
Nevertheless it was on and
they're airing this
documentary about a drug
dealer murdered
in his own home by people
he sees all the time.
Not some hitman but people he
considered to be his friends.
I thought to myself "fuck that
shit",
so Buddy, Al and those
Airbuds there were hired.
Airbuds?
No more like fucking Cujos, man.
I guess at means they're
effective.
You ever had to use them yet?
No and honestly, I hope I
never have to,
but doesn't mean they're
not experienced though.
Used to belong to this mob boss
Uptown.
Killed more cats than curiosity
with him.
But, gentlemen, how 'bout
we change the subject?
Yeah, yeah, yeah fine with me.
So what, you guys
call me out of the blue,
you buying, selling, you got
a deal, you have an offer?
Talk to me.
Let's see that green shit of
yours that's so fucking good.
Do me a favor, give me that
maroon suitcase over there.
Oh Francisco, why don't
you go get that shit?
We're looking to make
a deal that makes both
of us real happy, lots of money
for you,
lots of product for us.
Perfect.
So this is where you keep your
stash?
There's no lock or anything,
just open it up.
What the fuck are these?
CD's.
I don't get it, man.
This is how I roll now.
What you think I just leave my
stash out
in the open for any motherfucker
to just walk in here and
steal it out from under me?
No, guys, that shit's for the
pigeons.
This is way better, just play
one.
Is it just sound or a video?
It's a fucking CD not a
goddamn DVD,
alright yes just sound.
Okay, sorry man.
Play one.
Does it matter which one?
You guys are making this way
more
complicated than it needs to be.
You pick up a CD, you open up
the player,
you put it in, you press play.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
♪ My friends turn me on
♪ I live for drugs
(SCREAMING)
Midnight Frostbite.
What the fuck is
Midnight Frostbite, man?
That's the name of the weed
that goes with this song.
Oh so that's what you're
doing,
you got songs that correspond
with the weed you're selling?
I always say you can
tell a lot
about a person's musical
tastes by the type of weed
that they smoke, right?
And not everything goes with
Pink Floyd
or Bob Marley, okay?
I got light shit, dark shit,
weird shit,
and it all corresponds with
a different synthetic strand.
This, this is that I wanna choke
fuck
you on the sidewalk at
three in the morning
kinda mood, you know?
But hey, pick another one,
get a better idea of what I got.
So uh, where do you
keep your actual stash
Secret.
I want you to play another one,
get a better idea.
That's a good one.
It's a two parter, now the first
track
is when you're first
coming up into the high
and the second part is
when you're real deep
into the night or afternoon,
morning,
whenever you smoke.
(SOUL MUSIC)
So what, I'm gonna be like the
member
of a '70s soul group if I smoke
this shit?
Originally this was called
Agent Orange,
but then I synthetically mixed
it,
spliced it together
with California Dreamin'
and turned it into a trip.
Hey Stevie, let me ask you
something.
Ask away.
I know you said it's a secret
and I understand that, but
is your stash close by?
I mean the reason I ask
is as much as I fuck
with this new method, there's
nothing like
smelling and touching, you know?
Yeah I'll tell you what,
you find one you like, I'll let
you touch
and smell the shit out
of it, but until then,
let's just say that Nicolas
Cage in "National Treasure"
would have a real hard time
finding it.
(LAUGHING)
- That's good.
- Yeah.
Hey, no but I do see where
Francisco's coming from here.
I mean you gotta admit it's
pretty fucking
difficult to get an idea
of the strand solely
from the music.
I mean, we don't even know what
this weed
looks like, tastes like or
smells like,
and when you're looking
to buy something new,
which we are, all three of those
things
are very, very important.
So um, what do you think?
We could go and see your stash.
I'm enjoying this.
You guys don't seem to be.
No, no, no. Hold on, no, no,
we never said we aren't
enjoying it.
This is fucking great.
We're just not used to doing
business
- in this fashion.
- Right.
Guys I'm conflicted here,
okay.
I've got two devils on my
shoulder.
One, the salesman in me
is saying hey Stevie,
these two guys are gonna
have a much better idea,
buying experience if you will,
if they can touch and smell the
shit,
see what I have to offer.
The second is the felon in me,
saying don't fucking trust
body and keep
your shit hidden away and
therefore safe.
What's a guy to do?
Look man, there's a disconnect
here
if you don't think you can trust
us.
I mean, come on.
Here's the thing, I don't like
to think
anything, I like to know.
Amen.
You mind if Francisco
and I have a quick word
in the corner?
Yeah sure.
Just don't come back saying some
shit
I don't wanna hear, huh?
Right.
Yeah sure, I mean.
Come on.
♪
Alright just act like we're
having
a normal conversation, okay?
Let's not get this fucking wack
job any
more paranoid than he already
is.
Okay, it's pretty fucking
obvious
this shit ain't going down
anymore.
- No shit.
- And even if by some
miracle he does manage to show
his stash, snatching it's
outta the question now.
Well we weren't anticipating
dogs and
Shaquille O'Neal's two cousins
to be guarding the place.
What's next?
We just gotta buy some
shit and fucking split.
Well you know he's expecting
us to buy
some real fucking nice expensive
shit.
Problem is I don't really
have the inclination
to spend that kind of money.
You're going to have to start
to develop that
inclination cause that's the
only way
we're getting out of here on
good terms.
Unless.
You armed?
Yeah the guard didn't
catch it in the pat down,
- what about you?
- No, no (CHUCKLES)
I forgot my piece at
home because last time
we came here a fucking banana
gun would have been sufficient.
Well I'm not about to start a
gunfight
where I'm outnumbered
by people and by dogs.
Where does that fucking leave
us then?
Like I said, we buy something,
it doesn't have to be big,
it could even be a dime bag,
just enough to appease
him and make it appear
like we didn't waste his
time and leave with nothing.
We cook up an excuse as
to why we need to leave
early, the vaguer the excuse the
better,
then we promise we'll return in
the future
which of course we never do and
we forget
about this crazy fuck forever.
How does that sound?
What are we gonna tell the
boss?
We'll figure that out later.
Fuck I can't think of anything
else.
Me neither.
Alright, let's do it.
You guys get enough time to
talk through what you needed?
Yeah.
And?
We're gonna have to continue
this transaction some other
time, man.
I'm sorry.
And why is that?
Well we had some um,
unexpected financial
shit that came up.
But we do wish to
purchase a small sample.
A dime bag, so you know
we didn't waste your time.
Right.
Guys,
there's a reason I have
an $8000 apartment
and why I can afford to hire 24
hour
black guy/canine security.
It's 'cause I put in the fucking
work.
I worked hard to develop my own
shit
so that I can make sure
that my shit is the shit.
You put my shit next to any
guy's shit,
I guarantee that my shit is
gonna shit on their shit.
But you know, as they say,
when you're at the top,
every fucking body wants
to bring you down.
Now figuring out who people are,
that's the hard part.
For all I know, Buddy
and Al over here could
turn a couple Nat Turners on me
and wake
me up one night with a bullet in
my head.
But I'm particularly
confident in their loyalty.
I can't say the same about
everybody else though.
So yeah, a dime bag, I'm
not sure I'm interested
in selling you two a
dime bag after that load
of a bullshit excuse you guys
gave me.
You know, for a second, I
thought I had Louis CK and...
fuck, you know I can't think
of a Mexican comedian's name
right now but you guys get the
point.
I thought I had a fucking couple
of comedians in here
because of that bullshit
joke of an excuse.
Some financial shit?
Really?
No guys, my desire to sell you
two
some high quality shit has
faded.
But I am interested in selling
you two an opportunity.
- Oh Stevie!
- An opportunity to leave
this apartment exactly
- the way you are now.
- Stevie, come on!
I'm not finished!
Now, I'm sure that Buddy
here could break off
your fingers, just as
easily as Al could rip
your knees caps off, and
that would be very easy.
Even easier still would
be if Al were to hold
you down while Buddy gave you a
root canal
with a screwdriver.
Now, he is a licensed physian,
I'm pretty sure he would do a
great job.
But none of that's gonna
be necessary if you play
a little game of trust with me.
I'm sorry, are you
fucking with us right now?
You call me out of the blue,
talking about something big,
and then all of a sudden
you gotta split when I don't
show you my stash?
Something's not fucking right
about it
and I wanna know about it right
now.
Everything is fucking fine,
Stevie!
Shut the fuck up, Kelly!
Who the fuck is named Kelly
anyway?
That's a goddamn girl's name.
No guy is named Kelly.
Alright guys, this is how this
works,
you two are gonna tell me
exactly what it
is that you two spoke about over
there
or you're gonna leave
this apartment saying,
"Oh gosh, I wish I would have
told Stevie
"the truth, I'm so sorry,
Stevie."
Oh well you want to know what
we spoke about
in the fucking corner,
you son of a bitch?
I want to know the fucking
truth!
We already told you the
fucking truth
and you called it a load of
bullshit, what the fuck?
It's true!
We have a money issue and
it's gotta get resolved.
There's nothing else to say.
Well I'm about done with this
shit.
You guys still want that dime
bag?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah we do.
Here's the second part
of that synthetic strain.
Ooh, it's a real party when
you smoke this shit.
(ROCK MUSIC)
Yeah it's good.
Yeah this is good, man.
We'll take this.
Yeah it will blow you away
guys.
Let me go get it for you, okay?
♪
We're so close to getting out
of here.
That fucker scares
the fuck outta me, man.
Yeah, those guys are big.
Hey man, you really
a licensed physician?
Man what kind of
stupid question is that?
Shut the fuck up, man.
Are you fucking stupid?
Shut up.
Ah where the fuck is he?
Make sure they don't leave.
Oh shit!
(SCREAMING)
Fuck you, you son of a bitch!
You don't know who you're
fucking with!
Fuck you!
Get the fuck off!
You know, I was thinking
about what to do with you rats,
and well,
your teeth are looking a little
yellow,
so maybe they could use
a good cleaning, uh?
No, no, no!
(SCREAMING)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
(RAPID KNOCKING)
What's going on with the
noise, man?
There is nothing
going on with the noise.
What the fuck is going on?
(SCREAMING)
Holy shit.
(RINGING)
♪
Fuck you!
Fuck!
(TENSE MUSIC)
(PAINFUL GROANING)
What the fuck happened!
My fucking mouth is destroyed!
Get the fuck off me!
Please help!
The fuck is your
problem with the Knicks?
I got a debt the size
of Madison Square Garden
for betting on 'em.
Sound like you ain't got
nobody to blame except
for yourself, player.
(LAUGHING)
Do you know the last time
they won a championship?
Hey wait, hold up.
What's up?
Are you a Knicks fan?
No.
Damn alright never mind.
Aye I fuck with that shirt
though!
Thanks bro!
You're popular here.
Alright is there anything
specific
you wanna do while you're in the
city?
I gotta get those dumplings
again.
Oh at Radiance, Radiance
dumplings.
- But those dumplings are expensive.
- I know.
Did Mommy give you the card?
Of course she did.
Of course she did.
'Cause I can't be funding
you for an entire four days,
you know that?
You know, also, we
should hit that vintage
guitar shop on the way to your
house.
Okay.
So that's it?
Guitars and dumplings?
That's all you want?
I mean, yeah.
Guitar, dumplings, a bar.
Uh a what?
A bar.
- A bar?
- Yes.
Why are we going to a bar?
You wanna drink?
Yeah I wanna drink.
I can't take you to a bar.
Why, 'cause of Mom?
Yeah cause of Mom,
I told her I was gonna
take care of you and watch out
for you,
not take you to a bar and have
you drinking tequila shots.
♪
Bro I really need to take a
piss.
The theater's like two blocks,
can't you just wait 'til we get
there?
No I need to go now.
We're in the middle
of the street, come on.
I'll just go in an alley.
You can't go in an alleyway
bro.
You're a big boy.
Alright how 'bout here, the
lights are on,
let's check here.
We already closed the kitchen.
I just need to use the
bathroom, is that okay?
Yeah sure.
Just put a dollar in the tip jar
when you leave.
Thank you.
You know, we got a
fresh brew if you wanna
buy some coffee.
No I'm okay thank you.
Alright, I mean, you're
already paying
for the restroom, might as
well pay for a cup of coffee.
Okay yeah sure, I'll
take a cup of coffee.
I'll just charge you a dollar.
Okay.
Hi.
♪
Thanks.
It's a fresh brew, right?
Made in the last 24
hours.
What's wrong?
You don't like the taste?
No, it's good.
It's just different.
You know, I don't like coffee.
I own a coffee shop, but
I can't stand the taste.
love the smell but I hate the
taste.
(LAUGHING)
That's interesting.
You ready?
Yeah.
Thank you very much.
Have a good night.
You got it.
Thank you.
Hey boss, your door's locked.
Yeah and it's gonna stay
locked.
Come back over here.
What do you mean?
Why?
Don't make me repeat myself.
We're gonna do whatever you
want.
Archer if they ask for your
wallet,
give them your wallet, okay?
I didn't catch your name, guy.
My name's Allen.
Yeah.
You're about to be passed
the fuck out Allen,
because that brew had a
quart of ketamine in it.
I need your little brother
to finish the drink.
It'll be a whole lot
easier drinking a nice
little cup of joe than dealing
with the butt of that gun.
Just drink it.
Don't waste a drop now.
What should we do to pass the
time?
Archer we're gonna be fine.
We're gonna be fine.
Allen!
That answer your question?
Come on, let's tie him up.
Where do you want him?
Put him in the storage room
for now.
And him? He goes to the
normal spot, right?
Yeah put the little one
in the operation table.
Hey Daryl, this one is scared.
I bet your heart is
going 100 times a minute.
You know, someone would pay 200
grand
for that right there.
Looks like we're gonna make
good on our promise after all.
(RATS SQUEAKING)
(GROANING)
What the fuck?
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck. (PANTING)
Fuck.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Archer.
Archer!
Archer!
Archer!
Fuck.
Fuck.
Oh.
(RUSTLING)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
♪
(GROANING)
Hey, hey, hey help!
Hey!
(GROANS)
(PANTING)
(PANTING)
We'll see what they
wanna do with the kid.
We can start working on
the motherfucker tonight.
♪
Daryl!
(GUN FIRES)
Archer!
Archer!
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Alright I'm gonna get
you outta here, okay?
Are we gonna tell Mom about
this?
I think there's some things
Mommy doesn't need to know.
♪
(SUBWAY NOISES)
Yo my fucking legs are tired.
We not through walking yet.
Yo mad people are gonna be
noticing
your shirt bruh, I'd do
something about that.
Yo he's right. People are either
gonna think you just got done
splatter painting
or a motherfucker's brains
got blown out onto your face.
Mad talkative now...
Pablo this isn't funny...
This isn't funny, Pablo...
I'm pulling it.
Whatchu want me to do?
You could buy a new shirt.
Buy a shirt, yeah get one by
the fucking
tourist station, they're
gonna have some mad cheap.
Nah, I'm not fucking
with no I Heart NY tee.
I wanna get a place around
here.
No more rats or roaches.
I'mma get a clean place,
get some exposed brick,
get some artwork in that bitch,
just get boujee as a
motherfucker.
- What's good?
- Hey, how are you?
Not bad.
Cool, yeah.
Good to see you.
We have a sale rack going on if
you wanna
check that out.
Word, okay.
But yeah, let me know.
Alright bet.
By the way, I love that shirt.
That's so sick.
Did you do that yourself or?
Nah, it was an accident.
Okay. (LAUGHING)
I spilled cranberry
juice all over it.
Okay word, well I mean
it works, it looks cool.
But yeah, let me know
if you need anything.
I got you.
Yo it's way too fucking
hot for that, bro.
Way too hot.
I don't get hot, bro.
Yo I thought you said you
didn't fuck
with something that has
I Love NY written on it.
Bro, there's a big difference
between some cheap ass shirt
made for tourists by fucking
eight year olds in China,
and this shit, bro.
What do you think, you like
it?
Hell yeah.
Alright decide quickly.
We gotta get going, man.
Come on.
Yeah, yeah, this is it.
So where are you working now
again?
So I used to work in Times
Square like
selling tickets to comedy shows
and shit.
I can't fucking stand that
place now.
Yeah no, I mean my dad
always said Times Square
ended in the 90s when it got
cleaned up
and stuff, so I feel you.
I mean honestly, me and my
homies are on
some entrepreneurial shit
right now.
To be honest, it's looking
pretty fucking
auspicious, feel me?
Aside from the occasional
hiccup.
Alright well, yeah
I wish you the best of luck.
Do you want a bag for this or?
Nah I'mma just take it just
like this.
Okay word, well thanks for
coming by
and I'll see you soon.
- Yeah bet, I'mma see you.
- Okay, cool.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Yo you bought it?
Yeah.
Alright well we need to split
so...
Let me just try it on.
♪
Damn this shit is fly as hell.
Too fucking cool.
(HIP HOP SONG)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
MAN: Gosh damn, this
burger is taking forever.