I'm a Monkey's Uncle (1948) - full transcript
Set in the stone age, the stooges are cavemen who must have various misadventures hunting, gathering, and otherwise coping with prehistoric life. When some other cavemen threaten to take their women ("Aggie", "Maggie", and "Baggy"), the boys fight them off with a catapulting tree branch that shoots rocks and eggs.
[♪]
[SHEMP SNORING]
Aggie, Aggie,
my angel,
your face is so beautiful.
Your beautiful blue eyes.
Darling, I love you.
I love you.
Oh, my sweetheart.
My killy-caloo bird.
You need a shave.
[GROANING]
My darling,
I know you love me,
but you're too shy
to say so.
But the petals
on this gorgeous flower
will prove it.
Oh. She loves me.
She loves me not.
Ah.
She loves me.
Ah.
She loves me.
Oh.
Oh, my darling,
I'll give you security.
The most beautiful cave
in Mesopotamia.
What will you give me?
This.
Oh!
What's the big idea?
Wake up and go to sleep!
Why,
you pussy-willow brain,
you ruined
a beautiful romance for me!
Lay down!
Ohh!
[SNORING]
[RUSTLING]
Oh, a beauty.
Oh, boy.
[SNORING AND WHISTLING]
Ah, good morning.
[CHIMING]
Oh,
top of the morning to you.
And a tap in the morning
to you too.
Oh!
Look what we got
for breakfast.
[BARKING]
Oh, boy!
A dogfish.
I hope it
ain't got fleas.
Quiet!
Now, you get this ready
for breakfast
while Larry and I
go take a dip.
Wait a minute.
Did you take a bath?
What's the matter,
is one missing?
Go on. Go on.
Let's go.
To the water.
How do you like that?
The fire went out.
I'll fix that.
Ah, my trusty
little rock lighter.
Don't fail me, baby.
[CLICKS]
Don't fail me, baby.
[CLICKS]
There we are.
[HUMMING]
Oh. Kindling!
[CHUCKLING]
MAN:
Milk man.
Okay, be right with you.
Fill her up.
Whoa, Sassafras.
Whoa.
[HUMMING]
[BARKS]
Homogenized.
[GROANING]
Where's the towels?
There.
Oh.
Shemp, Larry, Moe.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh.
Boy,
the water sure is cold today.
Yeah?
Oh.
[SHIVERING]
All bathed for the day?
Yes, sir.
That's fine.
Hey, look!
What?
This!
[GURGLING,
CRUNCHING]
[YELLS]
What do you know?
A fish for breakfast,
a turtle for lunch.
Here, bring this in the house
and give it to Shemp.
I'll look around,
see what I can find for supper.
Here, hang up my towel to dry
and don't wrinkle it!
Certainly, Your Highness.
Get out of here!
Go ahead!
Take the turtle!
Here!
Look what we got for lunch,
a turtle.
Oh, that's swell. You're just
in time to help me make butter.
Is the the cream
in the churn?
Oh, we're all set.
Let's go!
[LAUGHING]
Eep-eep-eep-eep.
[BARKING]
[LAUGHING]
Wait a minute.
I think it's done.
Go and get the bowl.
Here.
Oh, boy, grade A.
Oh.
[YAWNS]
[TAPPING LOUDLY]
Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!
[QUACKING]
Oh, boy, duck for dinner.
[QUACKING]
A wise guy, eh?
I'll get you.
[CRUNCH]
Ow!
Oh, why--
[QUACKING]
I got you this time, pal!
[GROANS]
I'll tear your tonsils out!
[CRUNCH]
Oh!
Why, you!
[QUACKING]
[MOANS]
[QUACKING]
[MOANS]
[QUACKING]
[MOANS]
[CRUNCH]
Ohh!
Oh!
Oh, I'll get you.
Here ducky, ducky.
Got away, eh?
I'll find you.
Here duck, duck, duck, duck.
Here ducky, ducky.
[GROANS]
Look, a duck.
Ow! Oh!
[BOTH YELLING]
Boy,
that was good.
Oh, that fish was delicious.
I'll say.
Well, I think
I'll get dolled up.
Ha-ha-ha.
♪ She'll be coming around
The mountain when she comes ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
♪ She'll be coming around
The mountain when she comes ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
Say, you know fellas?
I dreamed about Aggie again
last night.
What a gal.
LARRY:
Oh boy, I'll say,
she's a delicious dish.
SHEMP:
Dish? Yowza,
she's a flying saucer.
Hey, talk respectful when
you're talkin' about my tomato.
Now, listen,
if you behave yourselves,
I'll have you meet
Aggie's two sisters.
LARRY:
Are they pretty?
I don't know.
I never saw them.
Ah, there!
Oh, just what I want:
uni-cologne.
Hey, wait a minute,
I wanna smell good.
Don't worry,
you smell.
Good!
Oh, boy, my favorite:
Lily of the Alley.
[CHUCKLING]
Fresh butter. Oh, boy!
[CHUCKLING]
I'll doll myself up
like never before.
Pass me the comb.
Thanks.
There we are.
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
Hey, there's Aggie
and her two sisters.
Looks like
I'm going courting.
Me too.
Me three.
Be still,
my beating heart.
Onward, onward.
Let's just ignore them,
girls.
Aggie, Aggie!
Hi, toots!
Oh, hello, Moe,
what do you know?
BOTH:
We just got back
from a dinosaur show, ya!
[CHUCKLING]
I want you to meet
my cavemates, Larry and Shemp.
Pleased to meet you.
I'm Aggie.
I'm Maggie.
I'm Baggie.
You're telling me.
Did you come from behind
that rock or from under it?
[GIGGLING]
Do you believe in love
at first sight?
After seeing you, I believe
in love at first fright.
I'll bet you say that
to all the cave girls!
Oh!
What would you charge
to hone a cave?
Ah, you say
the cutest things!
Kiss me.
No! No!
Hey fellas! Hey fellas!
Cut it out, will ya?
Darling.
He loves me.
Sweetheart.
He adores me.
Angel.
No. No. No.
Cut it out.
[YELLING]
Don't! Don't!
Darling!
[CLANGING]
I idolize you.
Look,
they're stealing our women.
ALL:
Ahh!
You stole our girls,
you horse thieves!
We want 'em back.
Get in the cave,
girls.
I'll protect those girls
to the last drop of your blood.
Come on.
Whoa!
I'll man the gun.
Ammunition.
On the run.
That a boy.
No, no. A little to the left,
about a half inch.
Okay.
That's it, fire!
[YELLS]
Oh, boy!
Oh.
Let 'em have
this blockbuster.
Oh.
Okay.
A little over to the left.
SHEMP: Little more.
[BUZZING]
How's that?
Ow!
Wait a minute, Moe.
There's an explanation.
I'm sorry.
What's the matter?
Don't you know how
to fire a gun?
What's the matter with you?
Get ammunition. Hurry up.
Okay.
Okay.
You missed me. Ha.
Ohh.
Oh, boy,
what a shot.
Look what I found.
Oh, eggs. Perfect.
Oh boy, a bull's-eye.
Look!
Get the poison gas,
Larry.
On with the gas masks.
Here we are.
Hurry up!
Good.
Hold still there, you.
[ALL YELLING]
[ALL YELLING]
ALL:
Oh!
[♪]
[SHEMP SNORING]
Aggie, Aggie,
my angel,
your face is so beautiful.
Your beautiful blue eyes.
Darling, I love you.
I love you.
Oh, my sweetheart.
My killy-caloo bird.
You need a shave.
[GROANING]
My darling,
I know you love me,
but you're too shy
to say so.
But the petals
on this gorgeous flower
will prove it.
Oh. She loves me.
She loves me not.
Ah.
She loves me.
Ah.
She loves me.
Oh.
Oh, my darling,
I'll give you security.
The most beautiful cave
in Mesopotamia.
What will you give me?
This.
Oh!
What's the big idea?
Wake up and go to sleep!
Why,
you pussy-willow brain,
you ruined
a beautiful romance for me!
Lay down!
Ohh!
[SNORING]
[RUSTLING]
Oh, a beauty.
Oh, boy.
[SNORING AND WHISTLING]
Ah, good morning.
[CHIMING]
Oh,
top of the morning to you.
And a tap in the morning
to you too.
Oh!
Look what we got
for breakfast.
[BARKING]
Oh, boy!
A dogfish.
I hope it
ain't got fleas.
Quiet!
Now, you get this ready
for breakfast
while Larry and I
go take a dip.
Wait a minute.
Did you take a bath?
What's the matter,
is one missing?
Go on. Go on.
Let's go.
To the water.
How do you like that?
The fire went out.
I'll fix that.
Ah, my trusty
little rock lighter.
Don't fail me, baby.
[CLICKS]
Don't fail me, baby.
[CLICKS]
There we are.
[HUMMING]
Oh. Kindling!
[CHUCKLING]
MAN:
Milk man.
Okay, be right with you.
Fill her up.
Whoa, Sassafras.
Whoa.
[HUMMING]
[BARKS]
Homogenized.
[GROANING]
Where's the towels?
There.
Oh.
Shemp, Larry, Moe.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh.
Boy,
the water sure is cold today.
Yeah?
Oh.
[SHIVERING]
All bathed for the day?
Yes, sir.
That's fine.
Hey, look!
What?
This!
[GURGLING,
CRUNCHING]
[YELLS]
What do you know?
A fish for breakfast,
a turtle for lunch.
Here, bring this in the house
and give it to Shemp.
I'll look around,
see what I can find for supper.
Here, hang up my towel to dry
and don't wrinkle it!
Certainly, Your Highness.
Get out of here!
Go ahead!
Take the turtle!
Here!
Look what we got for lunch,
a turtle.
Oh, that's swell. You're just
in time to help me make butter.
Is the the cream
in the churn?
Oh, we're all set.
Let's go!
[LAUGHING]
Eep-eep-eep-eep.
[BARKING]
[LAUGHING]
Wait a minute.
I think it's done.
Go and get the bowl.
Here.
Oh, boy, grade A.
Oh.
[YAWNS]
[TAPPING LOUDLY]
Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!
[QUACKING]
Oh, boy, duck for dinner.
[QUACKING]
A wise guy, eh?
I'll get you.
[CRUNCH]
Ow!
Oh, why--
[QUACKING]
I got you this time, pal!
[GROANS]
I'll tear your tonsils out!
[CRUNCH]
Oh!
Why, you!
[QUACKING]
[MOANS]
[QUACKING]
[MOANS]
[QUACKING]
[MOANS]
[CRUNCH]
Ohh!
Oh!
Oh, I'll get you.
Here ducky, ducky.
Got away, eh?
I'll find you.
Here duck, duck, duck, duck.
Here ducky, ducky.
[GROANS]
Look, a duck.
Ow! Oh!
[BOTH YELLING]
Boy,
that was good.
Oh, that fish was delicious.
I'll say.
Well, I think
I'll get dolled up.
Ha-ha-ha.
♪ She'll be coming around
The mountain when she comes ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
♪ She'll be coming around
The mountain when she comes ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
♪ When she comes ♪
Say, you know fellas?
I dreamed about Aggie again
last night.
What a gal.
LARRY:
Oh boy, I'll say,
she's a delicious dish.
SHEMP:
Dish? Yowza,
she's a flying saucer.
Hey, talk respectful when
you're talkin' about my tomato.
Now, listen,
if you behave yourselves,
I'll have you meet
Aggie's two sisters.
LARRY:
Are they pretty?
I don't know.
I never saw them.
Ah, there!
Oh, just what I want:
uni-cologne.
Hey, wait a minute,
I wanna smell good.
Don't worry,
you smell.
Good!
Oh, boy, my favorite:
Lily of the Alley.
[CHUCKLING]
Fresh butter. Oh, boy!
[CHUCKLING]
I'll doll myself up
like never before.
Pass me the comb.
Thanks.
There we are.
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
Hey, there's Aggie
and her two sisters.
Looks like
I'm going courting.
Me too.
Me three.
Be still,
my beating heart.
Onward, onward.
Let's just ignore them,
girls.
Aggie, Aggie!
Hi, toots!
Oh, hello, Moe,
what do you know?
BOTH:
We just got back
from a dinosaur show, ya!
[CHUCKLING]
I want you to meet
my cavemates, Larry and Shemp.
Pleased to meet you.
I'm Aggie.
I'm Maggie.
I'm Baggie.
You're telling me.
Did you come from behind
that rock or from under it?
[GIGGLING]
Do you believe in love
at first sight?
After seeing you, I believe
in love at first fright.
I'll bet you say that
to all the cave girls!
Oh!
What would you charge
to hone a cave?
Ah, you say
the cutest things!
Kiss me.
No! No!
Hey fellas! Hey fellas!
Cut it out, will ya?
Darling.
He loves me.
Sweetheart.
He adores me.
Angel.
No. No. No.
Cut it out.
[YELLING]
Don't! Don't!
Darling!
[CLANGING]
I idolize you.
Look,
they're stealing our women.
ALL:
Ahh!
You stole our girls,
you horse thieves!
We want 'em back.
Get in the cave,
girls.
I'll protect those girls
to the last drop of your blood.
Come on.
Whoa!
I'll man the gun.
Ammunition.
On the run.
That a boy.
No, no. A little to the left,
about a half inch.
Okay.
That's it, fire!
[YELLS]
Oh, boy!
Oh.
Let 'em have
this blockbuster.
Oh.
Okay.
A little over to the left.
SHEMP: Little more.
[BUZZING]
How's that?
Ow!
Wait a minute, Moe.
There's an explanation.
I'm sorry.
What's the matter?
Don't you know how
to fire a gun?
What's the matter with you?
Get ammunition. Hurry up.
Okay.
Okay.
You missed me. Ha.
Ohh.
Oh, boy,
what a shot.
Look what I found.
Oh, eggs. Perfect.
Oh boy, a bull's-eye.
Look!
Get the poison gas,
Larry.
On with the gas masks.
Here we are.
Hurry up!
Good.
Hold still there, you.
[ALL YELLING]
[ALL YELLING]
ALL:
Oh!
[♪]