I'm a Fool (1977) - full transcript

(light piano music)

(Burt sings "Deep River")

- Oh, feedin' time.

- Yeah.

Boy!

How'd you talk your
way into this job?

Mr. Jessup, you needed
a fella to help you out.

- Didn't need no city boy.

You don't know
nothing about horses.

- I figure I know as much
as a body is likely to know.

And if there's more,
I'll learn that too.



Uh, if you'll teach
me Mr. Jessup.

- Don't go callin'
me Mr. nothing.

The name's Burt.

Well don't just stand
there, unhitch him

so he can eat.

And remember, I'm not you boss.

Mr. Harry Whitehead is.

Now, if these horses
win a race now and then,

we can stay working
for Mr. Whitehead.

OK?

- Yes sir.

- Don't sir me, boy.

It's the horses
you've got to respect.

When it's raining,
they come in first.



If it's cold, the
get the blankets.

And when you're
tired and hungry,

they eat first and sleep first.

Now, you think that's any
kind of life for a man?

- Yes sir.

- Yeah, we'll see, boy.

We'll see.

(light guitar music)

- [Andy] It was
the summer of 1919.

I left my hometown
of Canton, Ohio.

Left my mother and sister
cryin' on the front porch

sayin' it was something awful.

One of our family
working as a swipe

on the race horse
circuit, traveling with

a colored man and all.

Can't say I saw
nothing wrong with it.

And I feel sorry for the
boys that go through life

putting on airs and never get

to know a man like Burt Jessup.

From July until late
November, Burt and me

kept moving along to
race meets and fairs

all through Ohio.

We'd get to a county seat
town on a Saturday or Sunday

and the fair'd begin
the next Tuesday

and last until Friday afternoon.

My horse was Dr. Fritz
and he'd be sayin'

the 225 trot on
Tuesday afternoon.

And on Thursday
afternoon, Bucephalus,

Burt's charge, would
show them a thing or two

in the free-for-all pace.

It left you a lot of
time to hang around

and you'd find out
about horses and men

and pick up a lot
of stuff you could

use all the rest of your
life if you had some sense

and salted it down.

(singing)

* I saw Nelly in the crowd

* In the crowd

* I saw Nelly in the crowd

* And I shouted right out loud

* Saying Nelly it's
your (mumbling) *

- Easy boy.

Don't ever use the same
old piece of bacon.

Boy, he'll get so mad
at you, spit that bit

right out at you
(gurgling sound).

- Burt, don't talk
no more about it.

(Burt laughs)

- Got to learn to
hold your liquor Andy.

- (mumbling) Burt.
(Burt laughs)

One day, Burt and I
hitched up Dr. Fritz

and Bucephalus and
we were heading out

to the races at Marrieta, Ohio.

We were driving slow and steady

so as not to overheat the horses

and Burt was inging his
favorite song, "Deep River."

(Burt sings "Deep River")

- Turn there Andy.

- What business we got here?

- Pull in boy, you don't
know everything yet.

My old friend George you used to

tend stables for Mr. Mathers.

Been a long time
since I've seen him.

- [Andy] This is some place.

- [Burt] Yeah.

(groaning)
(belching)

- Ain't nobody around today.

When we finish this,
I'm gonna show you

how that big old
horse can really run.

Why'd they go have
to name a beautiful

beast like you a crazy
name like About Ben Ahem?

I call him Big Ben.

He can go though.

He's sort of lays back
in the in the early heat

and then picks up sharp
and dusts them down clean.

(laughing)

- One day, I'm gonna
drink all the wine I want.

And I'm gonna put
on my best suit,

cut the two wide open.

Have 15 pretty
women following me

up and down the street.

(laughing)

- Andy, you've never been
with a woman, have you?

I mean, up to the hilt.

- No, I suppose not.

It doesn't show, does it?

- Well, not unless you're
lookin' real close.

(laughing)

- You figure there's
something wrong with me?

(laughing)

I wanted to go with a
woman lots of times,

but every time it's
the same old thing,

can't get up the nerve.

- You've just got to
relax and be yourself.

- I sure have thought
about going off

to one of those houses.

But I don't want some
cheap and mean-looking.

- Yeah, I know what you
want, you want a princess.

- How'd you know that?

(laughing)

- [George] You white
boys are all alike.

(laughing)

- I want her to be shy.

Tell me things she never
told anybody else before.

And I want to be the strong one

and for her to be the
timid, shrinking one.

- You know what I
got to say that?

- What?

- Good luck.

(laughing)

(cackling)
- [Burt] Woo!

- Easy boy, easy now.

Easy. Ho, ho, ho now.

Come on Burt, see how he feels.

(Burt groans)

- Oh, come on Burt.

- Come on.

- What are you waiting for?

Here's your chance.

Come on.

Come on.

- Easy boy, easy now.

(laughing)

Easy boy, easy now.

Ho boy, ho.

Easy now.

- Ya! Ya boy.

- He looks good, don't he?

- Really.

- Come on Burt.

(Burt cackles and yells)

- Low liquors and fast horses

are just too much for some men.

- He'll be all right by morning.

He just got excited
by the racing and all.

Old Burt could have
been the greatest.

You know that George.

- You old rascal you (laughing).

(lighthearted music)

(Burt groans)

- Hey, you goin'
someplace special?

- Burt?

You think you could tend
things without me today?

I wanna walk around,
see this place.

Might even by myself
a grandstand ticket

and sit with all the dudes.

- Look for some women, that it?

- Do I look all right?

- Nope, come here.

You know what you need to
look like a real swell?

A derby, a brand new derby.

("If you're happy and you
know it" instrumental)

- How much are those?

- 10 cents.

- I'll take two.

- [Voiceover] I've seen
jockeys lash their horses

until the flesh tore
like Irish leather.

They literally
whacked at the beast

until blood streamed
across the (muffled).

And the women were there.

You'd think they'd shriek
or shield their eyes, right?

No indeed.

One of our most
celebrated dealers,

you'd all know her
name (muffled).

I often accompany her
in her races in Europe.

Her passion are literally
unbounded (muffled by laughter).

- Bartender?

Hey bartender,
I'd like to have--

- Hold on, just
hold on a second.

- I'd like mine now, please
before the races begin.

I'll have a whiskey.

And no water.

- Beg pardon young fella, may
I trouble you for a light?

Havana, rum-soaked tip.

The only kind to
smoke, you agree?

Much obliged old chap.

- Bartender, another whiskey.

A double.

I'll have four 25 cent cigars.

Havana's rum-soaked tips.

(lighthearted music)

- 15 seconds to post time.

The horses are in position for
the start of the first race.

Go!

(crowd cheers)

- Excuse me, hope I'm
not being too forward but

if you're thinking about
placing another bet

you outta take a lot at a
horse named About Ben Ahem.

- About Ben Ahem?

Have you bet on him before?

- Well, wouldn't be fair
if I said right now,

but I can tell you he's
got a mark of two-oh-eight

and he'll come in
well under that.

- Are you sure?

- I'm positive.

But don't bet a penny
on his first heat

because he'll run it
like a plow horse.

After that, he'll
skin 'em alive.

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

- Don't mention it.

- My name's Henry Wessen.

This is my fiance
Miss Elinor Woodbury

and my sister, Lucy Wessen.

- How do you do?

- I'm Walter L. Mathers Jr.,

of Marietta, Ohio.

My family this place
down on the Ohio River.

A big old house.

Kind of stuffy for
some tastes maybe,

but we have the most beautiful
stables you've ever seen.

Henry, would you like a cigar?

- Ah, thank you Walter.

Don't mind if I do.

- What brings you to
Sandusky, Mr. Mathers?

- What brings me?

Well actually, you see,
my father owns this horse,

About Ben Ahem,
which he lets out

to a Mr. Bob French
for racing purposes.

You see, being
Presbyterian, our family

has never gone into
racing in that way.

In our own name, I mean.

Well, my father thinks
that this Bob French

may not be on the square, so he

sent me up to
Sandusky on the sly.

- You mean you're a spy?

How exciting.

Isn't that exciting Lucy?

- Henry, I was wondering
if you wouldn't mind

placing this for me
on About Ben Ahem

for the third heat.

I wouldn't want this
Bob French fella

to spot me checking on him.

For whatever odds you can get.

Henry, not until the
third heat, Henry

- Well Henry, after what
Mr. Mathers told us,

Elinor and I'd be missing
out on a golden opportunity

if we didn't each
put something in.

- That's right Henry.

We all want to be millionaires.

- 10 dollars enough?

(upbeat orchestral music)

- Well, he ran just as you
said he would, Mr. Mathers.

- Oh, please call me Walter.

Well, it's this next
heat, he'll come on sharp.

Odds should be pretty good now.

I'll add this to my bet, Henry.

- Fine Walter.

(crowd cheers)

(upbeat music)

(cheering)

- We all went out for
a champagne dinner

at some fancy restaurant
and then Wilbur said

we'd rent a boat and visit the

amusement park near Cedar Lake.

She was from a
town called Tiffin.

Wasn't too far from Lake Eerie.

We about laughed and cried and

looked at each other
all serious and such

till I knew I was
falling in love

about as hard as a body can
and still keep breathing.

A fella can tell when
something's for real, all right.

And this was it.

This must be my lucky day.

I could tell that as soon as
I saw you in that grandstand.

But this sure is a nice place.

Reminds me of a
fihing hole near home.

I caught this big
ol' catfish one time.

He was about that...

He...

- Would you like to know
what I was thinkin' before?

I was wishin' that
I didn't have to

catch the train
to Tiffin tonight.

- Yeah.

- Is it very far to
Marietta, Walter?

- Marietta?

- To your farm from Tiffin?

- Marietta, yeah, right.

I forgot I told you about
our farm in Marietta.

Lucy, there's something
that I really,

I really should
try and tell you.

Lucy, I wish that.

Well, you see, I wish...

- Yes, Walter?

- I wish that...

That today never had to end.

- Walter, are we going
to see each other again?

- Yes.

- We could exchange addresses.

- Addresses?

- Sure, so we can
write to each other.

And maybe you could visit
me if you felt like it.

- Yeah, I'd, uh, I 'd like that.

- And I could visit you
in Marietta on you farm?

- [Elinor] Lucy, time to go.

- We have to catch
the train now.

Walter, was there something
you wanted to say?

- Lucy.

(dramatic, woeful music)

- [Elinor] We made it.

I thought for sure we'd be late.

- Yeah.

Well, goodbye Walter.

Thanks for the
tip on that horse.

- Goodbye Walter, it
was nice meeting you.

- [Henry] Hey, let's sit
near the back of the car.

- Walter, you won't
forget to write, will you?

Oh, but I'll write to you first.

As soon as I get home tonight,

before I even unpack.

Mr. Walter L. Mathers Jr.,

Windy Acres Farm,
Marietta, Ohio.

Then I can go to sleep,
make sure I dream about you.

- [Voiceover] All aboard!

(train whistles)

(dramatic music)

- Now that's the kind of girl

you see just once in your life.

And if you don't make
hay, then she's gone.

She gives you a look
from inside her somewhere

and it ain't no vampin'.

What it means is
you want that girl

to be your wife and you
want nice things around her

like flowers and swell clothes

and you want her
to have your kids.

And you want good music played.

No ragtime.

I coulda run after
that train and made

About Ben Ahem look like
he was tied to a plow.

Maybe she'd write
me down at Marietta

and the letter would come back,

stamped on the front,
there ain't any such guy.

(whistling)

I bet if I wouldn't have
drank all that whiskey

or got mad at that
dude with the fancy tie

I would have never have
gone and told such a lie.

I wish that dude
was here right now

I'd take his cane and
I'd smash him one.

- Oh, nah, nah, Andy.

You stop being so
hard on yourself.

All you did was to tell
some little girl a lie.

- [Andy] Not just any girl.

- All right, say you told
the truth from the beginning.

You a swipe sleeping
on a cot in a barn.

- Would have made no
difference to her.

Not to Lucy Wessen.

I could tell by the
way she looked at me.

A fella can tell those things.

It don't take a whole
lot of learnin'.

I'm a fool.

(Burt sings "Deep River")