I'm Sorry If I Took a Toll on You (2021) - full transcript

You'll wait a long, long time

for anything much
to happen in heaven,

beyond the floats of cloud
and the northern lights

that run like tingling nerves.

The sun and moon get
crossed, but they never touch

nor strike out fire from
each other or crash out loud.

The planets seem to
interfere in their curves,

but nothing ever happens.

No harm is done.

We may as well go
patiently on with our life

and look elsewhere than
to the stars and moon



and sun for the shocks and
changes we need to keep us sane.

It is true, the longest
drought will end in rain.

The longest peace in
China will end in strife.

Still, it wouldn't
reward the watcher

to stay awake in hopes of
seeing the calm of heaven break

on his particular time
and personal site.

That calm seems certainly
safe to last tonight.

Mom, Dad.

I think I was 12 the
last time I loved you.

Oh, fuck!

Shit.

Fuck.

Oh, come on!

Hello?



Is anybody there?

Hey, it's Cath, uh, can
I speak to Victoria?

Awesome. Yeah, thanks.

Hey, did you get anyone
to cover my shift yet?

Okay, great.

Yeah, forget about it.

I can be there for 1:00.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

I just, I just wasn't sure.

Okay.

Okay, great.

Yeah. Bye.

Hello?

Hey, I saw your
car parked out front.

I hope I'm not intruding.

Who are you?

Sorry, Ryan.
You must be Cath.

Catherine. Yeah.

Do I know you?

No. Sorry.

I knew your parents. The
Moore's, Tanya and Andrew.

Oh.

Yeah, worked for them.

Still do, I guess.

Yeah?

Yeah, just
stopped by periodically,

once a week, pull
weeds, mow the lawn.

Make sure there's no
intruders, you know, whatever.

Oh, that's sweet?

I'm sorry
to bother you.

No, it's okay.

I can get going.
I'll come back later.

I was just leaving.
You can do your thing.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay, cool. Thanks.

How were they?

Your parents?

Yeah.

Good. Yeah.

Sweet.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, to me, sweet. Yeah.

Oh.

Hey, don't
take it the wrong way.

No, no. It's
okay, I understand.

We talked about you.

- A lot?
- Enough.

Not much, huh?

Really not
my place to say.

What did they say about me?

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, you knew them
better than I did.

Just that they tried.

- Hey. Ryan?
- Yeah?

I'd like to hear.

Andrew was a real
character, your dad,

made it even better
when he was drinking.

I never liked
him when he was drinking.

I did. Your mom did, too.

It's 'cause she was scared.

Oh, I don't know.

He made her laugh.

He was being aggressive
and she was being nervous.

Oh, maybe. They always
seemed fine to me.

Yeah.

They were good at seeming fine.

Tanya was always
really good to me.

Yeah. She
could be sweet, I guess.

When was the last
time you talked to her?

I left as soon as I got a job.

Man, I was so young.

I just wanted to leave.

17, my own place.

- Do you regret it?
- Regret what?

Leaving them.

This feels like therapy.

I don't like therapy.

- I'm sorry.
- Ah, no, it's,

it's okay, it's nice to
have someone to talk to.

Well, are you gonna
be back up here anytime soon?

I don't think so.

I did what I came here to do.

You're not gonna
sell it, are you?

That was the plan.

Remind you too
much of your parents.

I guess.

I don't know. It's just
not really my speed.

I'm still trying to figure out
how to take care of myself,

let alone a property like this.

What's that
process been like?

I've never inherited
a house before.

It's fine.

It's weird that they would
leave me their house.

Well who else
would they leave it to?

Well, I should get going.

It's really nice
meeting you, Ryan.

Yeah,
likewise, Catherine.

Cath's fine.

Cath? You there?

Where am I?

Your home.

Home?

Well, you know.

What's going
on? What happened?

You had a bit
of a spill. It's okay.

Don't worry. You're okay now.

What time is that?

Don't worry.
Everything's okay.

What time is it!

4:00.

4:00!

Easy, Cath!

My shift!

It's okay. They called,
I took care of it.

They called you.

Well, they
called here, yeah.

How long have you been here?

The whole time.

I was down the driveway
when I saw you fall.

I fell.

Yeah, slipped on the
stairs, whacked your head.

Jesus.

Hey, careful.

Be sore for awhile.

Here, let's take a seat.

Okay.

Is someone on the way?
Ambulance or something?

Uh, no.

You didn't call anyone?

No.

ABC.

Excuse me.

ABC. It's an acronym.

Airway, breathing, circulation.
I checked all three.

You were fine. Are fine, rather.

You left my
fate up to three letters.

There might be a couple
letters after that.

I don't know.

Oh my God.

I'm First Aid
certified. Come on.

Head hurts.

I'm not surprised.

What if I'm concussed?
I mean, I was knocked out.

Well, your balance
seems pretty good.

Uh-huh.

- Are you gonna puke?
- No.

- Cry?
- No.

You feeling sleepy?

Kinda, I guess.

How many fingers
am I holding up?

See, you're fine.

Right? I just wouldn't
drive for a bit.

And how do
you suggest I get home?

Well, I'm suggesting
that you don't go home,

at least not for tonight.

Oh, Jesus.

I can stay with
you, if you're scared.

Should I be scared?

You know, maybe my night should
be spent in the hospital.

Maybe.

Hm.

Where are you going?

Might as well
make the most of it.

Apple doesn't fall far.

Careful.

Thanks.

Hey, you want to
see a magic trick?

No.

Just do me a favor.

Okay, make sure this is

a normal everyday toonie.

See, regular toonie.

Okay. Which one?

Smooth. Magic.

Now give me your hand.

Close your hand. Other hand too.

Okay.

Which hand had the toonie?

You sure?

Hmm.

- Wait.
- Impressive.

That wasn't supposed
to happen.

We used to have
the Moore family reunions.

They were something,
that I remember of them.

Good memories.

I guess.

Uh, they're just faint
memories.

I only ever went to a few.

Eventually everyone
who actually wanted

to have a family
reunion died off,

you know, great aunts, uncles,

people you only ever
see at family reunions.

They always seem to know you
and you hardly know them.

Awkward for a little girl.

I have this image in my head
of me holding my mom's hand.

We were waiting in line for
pasta salad or something.

I don't know.

Foldable white table
in front of us.

Circle of white lawn
chairs behind us.

She looked down at me
and I smiled back at her.

She was good at that,

making me smile back.

See, that's
a good memory.

You think she's somewhere?

I wrote to them before they
died, a couple months before.

What did you say?

It was tough knowing
what to say at all.

You know, that whole part

of my life just feels so lost.

I put a lot of it on
myself, but is that right?

I mean, they were not okay.

The drinking, they
were negligent parents.

It wasn't obvious neglect.

It was something else.

I miss my family.

You're supposed to have
one, even a fucked up one.

- Did they write back?
- No.

God, made me feel so stupid.

Even made them a painting.

It's so pathetic. They have
it hanging in the living room.

Well, they liked
it enough to hang it.

Yeah, but that's what
you're supposed to do

is hang up the dumb art your
talentless kid makes you.

Cool.

Well, maybe their
response got lost in the mail.

Maybe they needed some
time to think it through.

Maybe it meant a
whole lot to them.

Maybe they couldn't be
bothered to put in the work.

So in character of them
to put in minimal effort.

I'm sorry.

Honestly, it blindsides me,

missing them, thinking that

maybe things were okay.

And then remembering,

oh, I can't stand these people.

That's up to feeling not
much of anything at all.

What are you doing?

You seemed
cold last night?

What are you gonna
do with all of it?

Oh, there used to be a
pile over by the fire pit.

I figured I'd start it back up.

This place suits you.

Maybe.

It's still too much
time and effort though.

Shit! I'm 25.

Not about to quit my job.

And we went north
to buckfuck nowhere.

Your minimum
wage, part-time job.

Living wage.

Sorry.

It's enough to survive
in a city I like,

that's all that
matters right now.

I mean a place like this,

it's every real
city person's dream.

Yeah.

Maybe one day.

Kind of an
amazing opportunity.

And inheritance
that buys you time.

You know, maybe
there's something

you've always wanted to be.

You could draw. You could paint.

I don't think like that.

You're describing
someone who's giving up.

I have a life.

Well, maybe there's a whole
new life in front of you

if you just looked.

Don't make me think
like that, okay? I panic.

Sorry.

Hey, at least stay
another couple of days.

You know, I chopped
all that wood.

I think it's time
I called my work.

Told you I took
care of that, remember?

What exactly did
you say to them.

Just that
you hit your head

and you can't come in
for like a week or so?

A week or so?

It's
probably for the best.

Fuck.

Should call them.

Why did you do that?

I just told them

I was your brother
and it was fine.

My brother?

Yeah, it's just a little
white lie. It's okay.

It's okay. They're
seriously understanding.

Not cool, Ryan,
they're gonna fire me.

They're not gonna fire you.

They said it's fine and to
give you their best wishes.

It's okay. I promise.

I just didn't want you to worry.

I handled it.

Who exactly did you speak to?

A woman? I didn't get a name.

Manager, though?

Yeah, maybe. Probably.

Oh, god.

Seriously, it's fine.

I need the money though.

You need the money. Really?

It's okay. Everything is okay.

Just stay for a bit.

Stay healthy.

♪ Stars fill my eyes ♪

♪ Wonder why ♪

♪ Agonize ♪

♪ You, all I see ♪

♪ When I'm gone ♪

♪ I'm set free ♪

♪ I see you over there ♪

♪ I see your long pretty hair ♪

♪ All I can do is stare ♪

♪ Now my lungs have no air ♪

♪ You make me so warm ♪

♪ Inside like a storm ♪

♪ Insides are reformed. ♪

♪ No, I don't know how to form
the words to talk to you ♪

♪ You don't know what is true ♪

♪ You are who I've assumed. ♪

♪ Lust has gotten me so blue ♪

♪ Your name in the stars ♪

♪ New home is not far ♪

♪ Going to throw me the scar ♪

♪ Yet you are who you are ♪

♪ When I'm alone I think
about what I'm meant to be ♪

♪ A family that fills
the streets with blood ♪

♪ At night I can't sleep ♪

♪ Filled with thoughts
of what it would means ♪

♪ To dream, dream ♪

♪ Time ticks slowly
down the rabbit hole ♪

♪ Stuck with everything
that makes me hole ♪

♪ I'm sorry if I
took a toll on you ♪

♪ Empty in my soul, soul ♪

Thanks.

It's just something
I've been working on.

Yeah, I can see that.

Did you like it.

I think so.

Cool.

What's it called?

"I'm Sorry If I
Took a Toll On You."

Huh.

Yeah, I, I know.

It's a bit of a mouthful.

Something easier to remember.

Yeah. Maybe it's
only temporary.

You shown that to anyone else.

Nervous?

I just feel
comfortable with you.

Oh.

You make me feel warm is all.

Uh-

- No, not, not like that.

Um, like a sister,
like a friend.

Oh.

I've always wanted a sibling.

Well, I could backfire.

You don't get to
choose a sibling.

A friend then.

Come on. No friends?

I don't actually believe you.

Well, I mean, I
work with people.

I go out with them sometimes

and I'm friendly with them, but,

I wouldn't actually call
them friends, you know?

Yeah.

A friend would be nice.

I can be your friend.

Wouldn't a friend
called for help

if their friend was concussed.

Well, wouldn't a
friend use their time

and knowledge to aid a friend

if they were concussed.

Thank you. I'm fine.

Are you sure?

I can go,

if you're okay, I mean.

Yeah, I'm well, thanks.

You're more than
welcome to leave.

Maybe I should.

Yeah, maybe you should.

Okay.

See ya.

Okay. Bye.

Off I go.

See ya, Ryan.

See ya, Cath.

Wait.

Yeah.

Nevermind.

What the fuck was that?

Ryan? You out here?

Okay, I saw your truck.

I know you're still here.

- Come on!
- Jesus!

Did I scare you?

Holy fuck.

You're not funny.

It's kind of funny.

Fuck off.

I'd like to say that I'm
sorry, but I don't know if I am.

It was good. No?

Yeah.

You forget something.

- Oh, okay.
- Huh?

Nope.

- I thought.
- No.

All wrong.

Uh, you, you got it all wrong.

- Uh.
- Yeah.

You seemed like-

- Ah, whatever I
seemed like, no.

I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to lead you on.

I thought
I was doing well.

Jesus Christ.

A friend,
we were becoming friends like you wanted.

You blew that now.

- Sorry.
- Okay.

No, I'm sorry.

Okay.

- Maybe-
- I'll leave.

Good call.

It's been fun. No?

I don't know
what this has been.

Fun.

Yeah.

Okay.

Weird.

I should go home.

That's enough of here.

Thank you for everything
you did for them

and for me.

My pleasure.

Let's just carry on, you know?

Carry on, hanging out?

Like, I don't know
men, but life, carry on.

Yeah. Okay.

Let's carry on.

I think you should go.

Can I just stay
one more night?

I'll leave early in the morning.

It's late. I'm tired.

And I know the boundaries now.

Fine.

First thing though.

Yeah, first thing.

This was such a mistake.

That bad, huh?

Not you.

Not just you.

Why am I here?

I shouldn't be here.

Stupid.

Sorry.

I hope, uh-

- Don't.

No. It's okay.

Okay.

Let's just chill. Okay?

Yeah, sure. O-okay.

Maybe some wine.

Okay, maybe some wine.

Anything you've
gotta do before you go?

It's as clean as it's
gonna get in there.

I imagine you can
handle the outside.

Yeah, I'll probably
stop by next week.

Cool.

When are you gonna sell it?

I don't know.

I don't really know
where to begin.

One day at a time, I guess.

Just happy to leave.

Yeah.

Bye, guys.

Fuck.

Oh, goddammit!

What the fuck?

I forgot my bag.

Oh, uh, I can
unlock the door for you.

Something wrong with your car?

No, no, it's fine.

Beg to differ.

It's something with
the engine. It should be easy.

Oh, you seem to know
what you're talking about.

You're right, I don't.

Well?

Yeah, no clue.

I can go call someone.

No, it's okay, I can.

Too late.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, yeah.

About 10 minutes from there.

No, uh.

Yeah.

Yeah, I took a look at
it's was just.

I'm not sure, you'd
have to ask her.

She said she knew her
way around engines,

but I think she might
have been lying to me.

How long will that take?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

See you in a couple hours.

Yeah, sure. Bye.

Shit!

Hey.

Hi.

I think that's about enough
for the day. It's exhausting.

That's okay.

I really appreciate
everything you've done so far.

Whatever
you need, I'm here.

Thanks.

Lots of wood
for the winter.

Yeah, uh, the next residents
will be really grateful.

You okay?

Yeah. Just thinking.

About what?

When you tried to kiss me.

No, I'm sorry.

- We don't need to-
- No, no.

It's okay.

No, seriously.

What if I want to?

Want to what?

Mention it.

Talk about it.

Why would
you want to do that?

What if I wanted to try again?

Yeah, crazy. Right?

- But like-
- And?

Whatever that means.

Are you serious?

I don't really know.

Come with me.

This isn't right.

What do you mean?

Not in your dead
parent's bedroom.

What are you doing?

Just getting some drinks.

I figured you could use one.

You're getting
the drinks for once.

I thought it was appropriate.

Did a tow truck come?

Oh, yeah.

Didn't you want to tell me?

I didn't know what
you're doing in there.

Didn't want to interrupt.

So, care for a drink?

It's still a bit
early for one. No?

It's never stopped you before.

Yeah, fine.

Oh, what'd he say?

Who?

The tow truck driver.

Where's my car going?

Any guess on when I can get
a quote or go pick it up?

They said, you'd get
a call tomorrow morning.

What number did you give him?

What do you mean?

What do you mean,
what do I mean?

He's gotta call somewhere.

Yeah, of course, I
gave him this number.

Oh, what is it?

Well, I don't know
it off by heart.

So how did you give it to him?

It's written down
in that drawer.

Oh.

Okay.

Don't worry. You can trust me.

Actually, could
you go get it for me?

Yeah?

Yeah, I think I
know the number here,

but I want to double check.

Who cares if you know it?

Well, I'm selling
it and whatnot.

Go get it and stop
asking stupid questions.

Okay.

Thought it was in here.

Maybe it's this one?

4516.

- Huh?
- I got it.

It's 4516, I'm sure of it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Sit the fuck back down.

It's nice to have you
as my bitch though.

Cheers.

There was a time before
them and a time after them,

you can feel it.

Like a new person was born.

A new person you could love more

Sucks that the memories
of them are stained

with the thoughts of who I was

or the reality of who
I was, I should say.

Well, your
parents would never-

- I've been thinking
a lot about your song,

as goofy as it was.

Who's it for?

I dunno. I guess-

- Well, surely you
must've had some girl

or several girls in mind.

I-

- Family fills the
streets with blood.

Is the family doing the
killing or was it their blood?

I guess I never
thought of it. I-

- Well, it's your song.

You must've known when
you wrote the words down.

Well, a murderous family,

that's not so interesting to me.

But a dead one is?

I'm tired.

I just wish I could
have said bye to them.

I told you that yet.

I see them in my dreams still.

They smile more in my dreams.

What is up with that?

I dreamt about you once.

At least, I think
it was a dream.

It felt like one.

It was before I met.

You know, I can't explain
it and I don't try to.

Maybe it wasn't you.

But I heard something
in the woods,

my first night up here.

First, I thought
it was an animal.

But then I caught a
brief glimpse of it.

Thought it was a person,
lost or otherwise.

I wasn't sure if I
should go investigate

or go back inside.

I walked into the woods.

I saw what I was looking for.

It was a person, a man.

I wasn't sure who
it was at the time,

but I'm starting to
think it was you.

I didn't know what
to make of it.

I still don't.

I didn't know how
to feel about it.

I still don't.

I didn't know if it
was love that I felt.

I still don't.

Do I know you?

No, sorry.

I knew your parents, the
Moores, Tonya and Andrew.

Hi, there.

You thought, you thought I
was gonna feed you these?

After, after I
saw you going through my bag,

you still thought I was
gonna feed you these?

How fuckin' dense are you?

Oh, wow, more dense than I
would have thought.

Let me guess.

You still think you fell

and hit your head a couple
of days ago?

I'm sorry.

No, no, no. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, please don't cry.

Is there anything I can
do to fix this? Anything?

Please tell me.
It'd be my honor.

What was that?

Fuck you.

Oh, that's too bad.

Hello?

Hello?

You really
are something special,

special, special, special.

Come on. Yeah.

You once told
me you wanted a friend.

I'd like to be that for you.

Given myself to you.

Now it's time to
give yourself to me.

Be vulnerable for me.

I want to watch you cry.

Can you cry for me, Cath?

Cry for me, you fucking bitch!

I want to see you
fucking get it!

Cath, come here.

Was it something I said?

I promise.

Just one more night together.

If you want, I can
do this all night.

Slow down! You're
going too fast.

YOu're gonna hurt yourself
if you're not careful, Cath.

You gotta slow down.

You stupid, bitch.

Watch your step.

I'm gonna get ya!

You've got a lot
of fight in you.

I'll give you that.

Your parents would
have been proud.

What's it feel like to be loved?

Tell me.

When our Dad fucked my mom,

she must've felt it.

What do you think it
felt like for her.

I don't, I haven't.

Our dad was a good
guy, for awhile anyways,

when he was alive.

The hush money helped.

Sure, having a couple
of loving parents

would have been better,
but money goes a long way.

You would not believe the
things that money can do.

Why was her dad such an
unfaithful piece of shit? Huh?

Please.

I guess it was worth
something. I exist.

When the money stopped coming,

what was I supposed to do?

And what was stopping me

from meeting the oh,
so, beautiful Catherine.

I've heard such
fantastic things.

I have to admit at first I
was a little underwhelmed,

but the more I saw myself in
you, the finer you became.

These last few days, you've
really been a pleasure.

Seriously.

What did you want?

I don't even know
anymore,

but I'm really enjoying
myself.

Oh, I forgot.

Want to see another magic trick.

Watch carefully.

Poof! Ta-da!

What? Unimpressed?

A little bit of
basic sleight of hand

doesn't do it for
you anymore.

How about this?

Better.

That still count as a
slight of hand trick?

I guess so. I'm sorry.

It felt more
impressive in my head.

I'll tell you what.

Next time we see each other
I'll have a better trick ready?

How's that sound?

Hi, guys.

I know it's been awhile
since you last heard from me.

I hope this message
finds its way to you.

I don't think I'm
writing to apologize.

I'm not writing for
forgiveness either.

Maybe what I did was
wrong and irresponsible.

Maybe your parenting
left a lot to be desired.

I don't know.

But I do miss you guys a lot.

I want to see you again.

Even if it's just for
a day, the three of us.

I hope you haven't
forgotten about me.

I hope it was my
doing not yours.

I hope there's some
love left inside.

I'm not sure if you'll
receive this message.

I'm praying you haven't moved.

If I don't get a reply,
I'll assume you've moved on.

I'll get over it.

It's my fault just as
much as it is yours.

If you do reply,
tell me everything.

Tell me how life has
been these past years.

Tell me what adventures
life has taken you on.

I want to know everything.

Maybe then we can begin again.

Earlier today I read a poem
that reminded me of us.

I think it's the reason
I'm writing to you.

I would like if you read it too.

You'll wait a long, long time
for anything much to happen

in heaven beyond
the floats of clou-.

What the fuck?

Hey.

Saw your truck
in the driveway.

Hope I'm not intruding.

Oh, sorry, Ryan.

You must be Catherine.

I knew your parents, the Moores,

Tanya, Andrew,

I stopped by periodically.

Once a week, I guess.

Pull weeds, mow the lawn,

make sure there's no intruders.

What are you doing?

Hey, I'm sorry to bother you.