I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can (1982) - full transcript

( classical music plays )

SAM:
Nice. That's nice.

Barbara:
No.

You really don't
like that music?

No.

Let's look at
the Mexican footage.

All right.

( barbara on tape ):
Abandoned, stripped.

The ocean is not far

and comes
occasionally into view.

To venture there,
all you need



is the necessary desperation
and the necessary money.

It might be said
that Tijuana

is the cash-and-carry
Lourdes of North America.

( sighs )

Ah, they got great
burritos down there.

( barbara on tape ):
Jean Scott Martin,
college professor,

teacher of
medieval literature,

and poet herself,
with 2 published books.

She and her husband

have mortgaged
their home in new jersey

to pay for
Jean's treatment

in this Tijuana
laetrile clinic.

That's a great shot.

SAM::
Yeah, I love it.



( sighs )

That's powerful.
That's really powerful.

SAM:
That is not
a healthy-looking person.

Listen. I want to end
with the scene at the beach.

I mean, that's the point.
She's--she's sick,
but she just...

you know,
she gets excited.

That's the point,
her spirit.

Realistically,
realistically,

you've got to go
back to the hospital.

( chuckling ):
Why don't you go
back to the hospital?

It's my goddamn movie,
so we'll end it at the beach.

I mean,
I see it that way.

It's about hope.
There's hope at the beach.

Jean has cancer
of the pancreas.

She's feeling better.

But there's
no remission with cancer

of the pancreas.
It's terminal.

Have another
cigarette, Fran.

SAM:
I don't have
to tell you,

of all people, this,
Barbara.

But I think
our job here is

to face the situation
at least as well as Jean is.

Don't tell me
about Jean.

I have an instinct
about Jean.

And I want her to see
herself looking beautiful.

It's gonna
help her recover.

You wanna give her
an incentive to live?

Well, I didn't know that.
I thought we were

making a movie here
about what happened.

But it's a cure movie.

She happens to be
a great person.

So was Shakespeare
and my Aunt Sally,

but they didn't make it.

So we end her
at the beach.

She gets to live forever
in freeze-frame at the beach.

Thank you.

Let's take a break.

Yeah,
I need some lunch.

Want some lunch?

Nope. I ordered out.

I'll be in the office.

ALAN:
Barbara.

Barbara.

Barbara,
where are you?

BARBARA:
I'm in here.

Barbara, hi.

Oh, thank god,

thank god, a valium
is just what I need.

You're a lifesaver.

What are you
doing here, Alan?

Why aren't you in
some fancy restaurant

having nouvelle cuisine?

Don't make fun
of me, Barbara.

I just went to
the wall for you.

I just took
a stand for you.

I fought for you
tooth and nail.

Barbara, I just put it all
on the line for you,

my--my--my job,
my reputation,

everything.

Everything?

Goddamn right,
everything.

My career, everything.

Did you win?

That's right. I won.

If that woman dies before
the show goes on the air,

they'll kill
the commercials.

( phone ringing )

I'd better get that.
Might be the hospital.

I'm supposed to shoot
there this afternoon.

By the way, uh,
how's she doing?

She's getting better.

She's getting better?

Shit.

CREW MEMBER:
Rolling.

BARBARA:
Speed.

Shh. Shh.

You know,
I feel almost fortunate

to have the opportunity
like this to...

of knowing what's happening
and living with it.

I think of the people
who are just taken out,

with no warning.

Forget it.
It's not working.

She looks like she's
arriving on a spaceship.

( chuckling )

So what do you
want to do?

BARBARA:
Well,
let's try moving

to the other side
of the building.

WOMAN:
It's gonna be
glum over there.

BARBARA:
Then it'll be glum.

You're looking good, Jean.
You really are.

I was thinking of
jumping off the building,

of getting out
right now.

You weren't.

Were you? Really?

You said
I looked good.

( chuckling )

Derek called.

He said he'd be waiting
for you at Anton's

from 7:30 until
you got there.

JEAN:
You wanna hear
my favorite story?

Well, there was
this, uh, man and woman

at a singles' resort
on a Saturday night,

and they were
dancing at this dance.

And he said,

"I'm only here
for the weekend."

and she said,
"Well, I'm dancing
as fast as I can."

( both chuckling )

Oh.

Me, too.

I can tell you.

JEAN:
...and sometimes I feel that

I'm in this system,
in this process,

this vast,
immense process,

the universe still is
extraordinarily mysterious,

and all our
explanations about it

are just a bunch of children

talking to themselves
about the dark.

Those are amazing feelings.

Well, sometimes
we say there are demons,

and sometimes
we say there's god,

and sometimes
we say there's no god,

as though
we had a choice.

Well, sometimes I'm just...

( sighing )
well, I get cranky.

I get very cranky and,
you know, just get pissed.

BEN:
You've been very pissed.

BARBARA:
Yes, I...
Oh, she said "pissed."

CREW MEMBER:
Yeah, they both said "pissed."

Oh. You can't say
"pissed" on T.V.

What?
You can't.

CREW MEMBER:
We'll have to dub it.

Oh, but I just said it.

What are we gonna
dub for "pissed"?

I don't know.

I can't believe this.

Well, then
what do we do?

All right.

Miffed.

I get hissed. Hissed.

I get...
I get depressed.

I am-- I am depressed.

I'm depressed.
I get pissed.

I'm depressed.

I get pissed.
I'm depressed.

I get pissed.

I'm depressed.

I get pissed.

I get pissed.

I'm depressed.

( people chattering )

Hi, Derek. I'm sorry.

DEREK:
Hello, sweetheart.

A spritzer
for the lady, please,

and I'll have another.

Did you read
The Voice?

No.

I was shooting this stuff
with Jean all afternoon.

Listen.

"2-time Emmy winner
Barbara Gordon

"has produced
a searing documentary

"on Manhattan's
ghetto landlords.

"Barbara Gordon
will not back down.

She is a beacon of
light in the darkness."

( sighing )

wow. That's pretty good.

( glass clinking )
how about that?

Oh, Jesus!

Damn it.
How did that happen?

I think you must've
hit it with your elbow.

It's all over my pants.

Oh.

Who moved my drink?

It wasn't
where I put it.

You know, I put it here
and it wasn't there.

It was here.

And I reached out
for something and I hit it.

No problem.

Look, he was kissing my hand.

No, I wasn't.

I think that other
bartender moved my drink

when he took
the other order.

Why did you deny that you
were kissing my hand?

Eh?

Oh, come on, sweetheart.

You know.

No, I don't.

Only the biggest klutz in the
world would spill his drink

while trying to kiss
a girl's hand, right?

You shouldn't
worry about it.

I don't, but waiters do.

That's all
they worry about,

that's all they have to worry
about, that kind of thing.

Who said what, who spilled what,
and then they talk about it.

And don't tell me
they don't.

I don't want to
have a fight with you.

Then don't.

Okay, I won't.

( sighs )

You know, this stuff of Jean,
I'm with it all day.

This--this
goddamn obscenity.

And I'm trying to see
something in it, and it's her.

She's the beautiful
thing in it. And Sam.

I don't know
what's wrong with him.

He's fighting me
every single turn.

( sighs )

I just wanna have
some fun with you, honey.

WAITER:
Your table is ready.
Excuse me.

Well, how can he help but be
jealous of you, sweetheart?

You think
Sam is jealous of me?

Well, he wants to make
his own films, doesn't he?

We keep arguing
about the ending.

Yeah, and he wants
the exact opposite from you.

Exactly.

How did you
get so smart?

( exclaims )

( sighing )
I would have just blamed
good old you-know-who.

Now, Barbara. Salud.

Cheers.

I wanna get married.

It'd be so great.

I'm just frightened
it'll ruin everything.

Of course, it's scary.

But your entire day
you're surrounded by men,

and you're the center
of their attention and energy.

And I would just feel
a lot better about it all

if we were married.

You're
a terrific-looking woman.

What do you think they're all
thinkin' about, kid?

What'd you do today?

Oh, nothing.

Lost the appeal.

On a technicality.

Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
What happened?

A goddamn technicality.

If I had a highly
paid research staff,

I could find
all the loopholes

but when you're
defending the poor,

no way, Jose.

I'm so sorry.

So what are you
going to do?

Can you appeal?

Appeal, yeah.
Tell me about justice.

What a gloomy day.

Jesus,
what a gloomy day.

BARBARA:
Tell me about it.

You're incredible.

It's the Emmy award
for best of everything,

and you don't
even have a dress.

What if you win?

You know, you're getting
weird, too, Barbara.

Don't start
trashing Derek.

Being foreign does
not make a person weird.

Nor does it
make him charming.

Hey, Karen,
you going to class?

Oh, I'll see you
later, hon.

Where's Michael?

You had a crush
on Michael.

That's what's
going on there.

True, but even
Sam agreed

that Michael
was a lot more fun.

And the one before Michael,
what's his name?

Tom.

Tom.

Tom was a lot more fun.

Not for me.

That's obvious.
You like weird Derek.

Who could
trust your opinion?

( chuckles )

Look, there's Bendel's.

I was in there yesterday.

They're having
a terrific sale.

Why don't you go over there
and get a great thing?

Get something pretty.

BARBARA:
I really want Jean
to see the film, Ben.

It's important.

I'll bring it to the hospital
and show it to her there.

It'll be good for her to see
herself looking so good.

BEN:
Jean doesn't really want you
to go to any bother.

No, no, I--I made
the film for her, really.

Well,

she's getting
a little wild.

BARBARA:
Wild?

I-I'll just come
see her as a friend.

What do you mean, wild?

I'll talk to her.

( electric razor humming )

( music playing )

MAN:
Ladies and gentlemen,

may I have
your attention, please.

ALAN:
Barbara.

BARBARA:
This is Derek Bauer.
Alan Newman.

Oh, hi.

DEREK:
Oh, you're the man.

Barbara gets up every morning
wondering what you think,

and then comes home
telling me what you've said.

Really?
That's odd.

Never seems to care
what I think

when she's
at the office.

So, uh, you're
a public defender,

Barbara tells me.

Well, no, I'm not
really a public defender.

I just defend people who are
too poor to secure legal aid.

Oh, that sounds
fascinating.

Uh, what firm
are you with?

No, I'm by myself.
I don't like big firms.

I like independence.

KAREN:
Hi.

I'm so excited.

Should I get
drunk now or later?

KAREN:
Your dress looks terrific.

( male announcer chattering )

Are you okay,
honey?

Fine.

KAREN:
How's Jean doin'?

She's better.

I don't know
how you make a film

when you don't
know the ending.

I know the ending.

( chuckling )

You want a valium?

WOMAN ON T.V.:
And the winner for
outstanding documentary is

Who Controls Your Mind?
Barbara Gordon.

( people cheering )

( woman whooping )

( audience applauding )

Thank you.
Thank you.

( sighs )

Um, we spent a--a year

with the former mental
patients of Long Beach.

It was, um,

it was a very difficult time,
and I wish I could

come here and tell you

that they had
been re-instituted

into the society of
Long Beach

but un-unfortunately...

I--I deeply
appreciate this award.

And I'm very proud,
and I'm--I'm very proud

of--of the way
I make my living.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

( all applauding )

WOMAN:
Our next award is
for daytime children's...

Oh, this is mine.

No, this is only
a prop, ma'am.

We'll send you the real one
when we have it engraved.

Oh. That's embarrassing.
I forgot.

BARBARA:
I love this city.

( coughing )

Half the time,

I'm afraid to walk
the streets by myself.

You're not alone there.

That's not what I mean,
and you know it.

Do I?

If I was afraid
of being mugged,

I wouldn't
worry about it.

I'm supposed to be
afraid of being mugged.

You don't go to a
psychiatrist for that.

Why do you go?

What are you thinking of now,
right now?

That I've been
wasting my time

coming here
for 10 years.

That's what
I'm afraid of.

Anything else?

Isn't that enough?

You seem angry.

( sighs )

I finished the film,
and Jean hasn't seen it.

Something--something
strange is going on.

I'm worried about her.

Yes, well,
you do seem more anxious.

How much valium
are you taking?

I'm taking it
because I'm afraid

I'm gonna have an attack
from not taking it.

And uh, I'm--I'm--I'm afraid
I'm taking too much.

So I get so nervous
I take some more.

Um, 60 milligrams
most days.

That's a lot.

Yesterday, I took,
I don't know, 80, 90.

Uh, the awards.

I don't feel good,
you know?

I'm scared.

That's not a drug
to be afraid of, Barbara.

There's a relative
lack of side effects.

And your symptoms
have been alleviated.

Very good drug, but--

Isn't that too much?

Yes, well, it definitely
is a lot.

( snickers )

More than you
should be taking.

I think we might
discuss the possibility

of your switching
to another drug.

Uh, perhaps elavil
or daridol, or--

I don't wanna
take more drugs.

We need some kind of drug to
control your symptoms, Barbara.

Your anxieties
are disabling.

You're telling me.

If you're dissatisfied,
Barbara,

your duty is to yourself.

It's a joke.

No.

I'll stick
with what I have.

BARBARA:
Well, there you have it.

ALAN:
Well, um...

it's very nice,
Barbara.

Congratulations,
everybody.

Thanks.

Very touching.

I'm so glad.

Good work,
good work, everybody.

It's, uh,
it's very sad.

Yeah.

I want it
to be hopeful.

It's very touching.

So what are you
gonna do next?

Oh--

She is going to
take a vacation.

Oh, well,
we'll see about that.

I have a new project.

Adoption agency rip-off.

I'll get the bastards.

We'll start tomorrow.

I mean, you're all
wrapped up here, right?

( humming )

Why don't you take
a few days off first, huh?

What would I do?

You'd go shopping.

( sighs )

Oh, um, Ben called.

They want to
see the movie.

She wants to see it?
Jean wants to see it?

Yeah.
When did they call?

Yesterday.

Yesterday?
And you didn't tell me?

When yesterday?

Oh, god, what is the matter
with you sometimes?

Come on, let's go,
chop-chop.

Call and see if you
can get the monitor

over to the hospital.
I wanna get going.

JEAN:
"Sweet spicy Ann
so quietly at home

"on a kitchen table.

"And the names of presidents,

"their dates and states
we pressed into a puzzle,

"blue with principle
products - cotton

"corn and cattle.

"He would trace
the route

"of the Illinois Central,

"and there would be
his father,

"conducting the train

"on its impeccable
course by lifting

"a silver watch
from his vest

"and finding that it read

"St. Louis.

"And now I clear
away the rubble

of another meal
miles from..."

Hi, hon. How are you?

Shh.
"independence

"and Tubby and Horse

"ascend
in serene nobility

to the block."

NURSE:
Is that you there?

JEAN:
"Still,"

What show is this?
Shh.

"leads them past"

It's time
for her shot.

( whispering ):
Not now.

JEAN:
It's all right.

JEAN:
"...cups of cold,
murky coffee

miracles of surface"

What kind of
show is this?

BEN:
Documentary.

"...across the golden"

NURSE:
You on every week?

Well, I wanna watch it
if you're on every week.

"...was history"

NURSE:
You gonna watch it
if she's on every week?

Please!

That's you, Ben.

Well, see you tomorrow.

What gall.
What monumental gall.

I know. I know.
Unbelievable.

I couldn't believe
how rude she was.

Honestly,
you should report her.

Not her.

She was a breath
of fresh air.

Then who?

JEAN:
Who? You.

You with your--your
piece-of-shit movie.

What the hell
is this crap

that you're trying
to put over on me?

You think
I'm an imbecile?

What is this crap

about me on the ocean
and I'm hugging my husband?

I mean, we look like

a goddamn
deodorant commercial.

Ah.

I want to tell you
something.

Last night,

in the middle of the night,
something happened here.

I don't know what it was,

but I was incandescent.

I was a goddamn flame
here last night.

And I know that
if anybody had been here,

they would have seen
that I died.

And then, I came back.

But I was gone
for a little while.

It happened to me,
and nobody was here.

So, I can't expect
to be believed.

But I was.

I was fucking radioactive
here last night.

And you come in here
and show me this--this

sanitized horseshit.

And you expect me
to feel represented?

But I don't.
I feel demeaned.

I feel insulted.

No.

What I want is
your--your criticism, too.

Burn it.

Burn it?

I can't do that.

Do you want to know
the end of your movie?

Barbara, you'd better go.
I told you--

I-I'm talking now.
You want to know the end?

You can't find me anywhere

on this entire
motherfucking earth.

You could take
your goddamn camera

and your crew up the Amazon,

but you won't find me there.

Go look in the Bronx,
and go to Harlem.

You c-- you could
try the Orient.

Get a guide,
go to the ends of the earth,

climb mountains,

and you can go
under the water.

But I will not be there.

And that is the goddamn
end of your movie.

You can't find me.

I'll work on the ending, Jean,

but I can't do all that.

Oh, that's right.

Take a pill.

Goddamn dilettante.

Take a valium.
That's perfect.

That's what you did.

You made a valium movie.

You look at it,
you turn into a zombie.

You look at it, you stop feeling
or seeing anything real.

Just get out.

( jean sighs )

Jean.

I'll just change
the end of the whole movie.

I--I will.

You see,
you made a movie about death

without any death in it.

That's a brilliant
accomplishment.

That's just brilliant.

BEN:
You better get out.

Take your pabulum
with you.

Take your monument

to the power of
sanitized horseshit.

I'll come--
I'll come back tomorrow.

( clears throat )

and--and then maybe we could
talk about it more calmly.

Better go.

I have work to do.

( frenzied music plays )

( soft music plays
in background )

( door opens )

( door closes )

Hi. Oh, I'm sorry, babe.

Fran called me.

I got here just
as fast as I could.

Sounds crazy.

She went off the deep end
is what happened.

I told her
I'd change it all.

Oh, god.
She just screamed at me.

She hated me.

I mean, fuck her.

What does she know?

Hey. Come on.

Aw, she's not so great.

Hey...

( music continues playing )

( music turns up louder )

Here you go.
Careful, it's hot.

Listen,
I got to run, babe, okay?

( phone ringing )

I'll get it.

Don't forget tonight.

Hello?

FRAN:
Some people here screened the
movie. They really loved it.

You let people see it?
Damn it, Fran!

BARBARA:
I told you
nobody was to see it.

But they really loved it.

I'm really
mad at you, Fran.

They loved it.

KALMAN:
Hello?

Dr. Kalman,
it's Barbara Gordon.

I'm not coming in today.

KALMAN:
Oh, yes, Barbara.
Anything else?

I'm quitting valium.

Well, then you'd better
come in and talk it over.

I don't want
any more of that stuff.

Barbara,
you can't just abruptly--

10 years of you.

I'm worse than
when I started.

Have you been drinking?

No.

Are you sure
you haven't been?

( sighs )

You know what else,
Dr. Kalman?

I'm done with you, too.

Barbara,
what you're intending is--

You're fired.

( kettle whistling )

( blowing )

( opera music playing )

DEREK:
Anybody home? Hello?

Derek.

Yeah.

Hi.
Hi.

Am I lucky.

Hi.

Hi.

You know
what I did today?

What?

I stopped valium.

You stopped valium?
Yep.

I can't have anything to drink.
Fantastic. When?

Last night.
Yeah, how long has it been?

Uh, last night,

in the middle of
the night,

and I quit
Dr. Kalman, too.

Now, don't tease me,
Barbara.

No. I did.
I mean,

you've always said he wasn't
helping me. You said that.

Oh, I sure did, I sure did.
Absolutely. Oh, baby!

( chuckling )

I'm so revved up!

( music continues )

( humming )

What are we gonna
do to celebrate?

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Karen. Hi, I'm great.

I'm thrilled.

Oh, my god, dinner.
I forgot. Yeah.

Okay, I'll see you tonight.

You know,
what--what was good at first,

and then it just...
it took more and more

to do the same
thing for me.

( grunting )

It's a great thing
she's doing, Sam.

She's gonna be
so much better off.

Oh, I forgot.

You know, Fran called
the hospital this morning

and Jean has checked out.

She checked out?

That's what Fran said,
checked out.

Excuse me.
I'm gonna call Ben.

( people chattering )

You know, Derek,

you know, she should go
see a doctor,

have a complete checkup.

You know, Karen,
that's not very bright.

Barbara's whole trouble
is the fact

that she's been
listening to doctors.

( man laughing )

Ben, is she better?
It's Barbara Gordon.

I heard she was out
of the hospital

and I felt so excited.

Oh, no, I didn't realize
what time it was.

I'm sorry it's so late.

No. Will you at least
tell me how she is?

Ben.

( music playing )

Barbara, I can't sleep.

Me, neither.

I mean, because of
all your rolling around.

Will you help me?

Help you what?

Just no matter what,
no matter what,

promise me
you won't leave me.

Of course not,
sweetheart.

Anything?

Anything?

Of course.
Just go to sleep.

Okay.

( sighing )

I don't know if
I should go in today or not.

Fran called.

Listen, baby yourself
and take it easy.

You deserve it.

I gotta go.

See you later.
Have fun.

DEREK:
Okay, I'll try. Bye.

( door closing )

( cup clinking )

( panting )

( groaning )

Hey, babe!

Oh.

BARBARA:
You scared me.

I'm sorry.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I forgot my briefcase.

Oh.

Ah, here it is.
Listen, I've been thinkin'.

I could take Friday off
and we could go

to the beach
and beat the weekend crowd.

What do you say?

Oh, that would be great.

Okay. Listen, I gotta go,
gotta go. I'm late.

( sighs )

( seagulls cawing )

DEREK:
You okay, honey?

BARBARA:
No.

My head.

( sighing )

Ah.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah.

I just feel weak.

Oh, smell that ocean.

Dizzy.

( sighs )

Okay?

Yeah. Wait.

( panting )

Oh, damn. I left the tape
recorder on the porch.

I'll have to go
back and get it.

Can you hold these
just for a second?

Oh. Oh.

Oh, I broke them.

It's all right.
It doesn't matter.

Oh, god. My head is

on fire.

What, y-y-you mean
it's very itchy?

No. It's like...

it's fire.

It's okay.
It's okay.

Oh, god.

Come on, listen,

now don't worry
about the wine.

I'll just drive up
to the little shop

and get some more, okay?

It won't take me
2 minutes.

Here, wait there.

( seagulls cawing )

Aspirin.
Some aspirin.

Yeah. Look,
just spread out the blanket

and take a little rest.

( sighing )

( groaning )

( grunting )

You don't think
I need Dr. Kalman?

You don't think my father
had anything to do with it?

I mean, the pills.

The way he treated me,

the way I let
Dr. Kalman treat me.

Ow! Goddamn it!

Do you still feel
he doesn't love you anymore?

Who?

I mean, your father,

that he doesn't
love you anymore.

Of course he does.

Are you trying
to hurt my feelings?

I'm not. I thought
that's what you said.

He got mad at me,

but I think
he loved me under it all.

At least, I think he did.

I don't want
to discuss it.

You can't just bring
something up like that,

and then say
you don't want to discuss it!

I didn't mean
to bring it up.

I thought you did.

And I don't
want to discuss it.

How come you think
my father doesn't love me?

Because you're a brat.

Sometimes, you're
a goddamn selfish brat.

You mean, to you.

I mean, to your father.

You don't know
anything about my father.

Here. Have a drink.

I'm trying to quit valium.

Well, it doesn't mean you can't
have some vodka, does it?

Well, Dr. Kalman said so.

He--he said he hoped
I wasn't drinking.

Yeah. He's also the one

who told you
to take valium, isn't he?

So have a drink.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

( groaning )

( groaning )

( groaning )

( whispering ):
Derek, Derek, listen,
I have to show you something.

Huh?

I waited
as long as I could.

Huh?
Come on, it's important.

( sighs )

See, I was up
all night, reading.

( grunts )

And I couldn't
figure it out.

And then
I figured it all out.

Figured it all out.

Come on,
I'll get you some coffee.

Look at it.

I mean, I was up
all night, reading.

And I started
with psych books

and Jean's poetry.
I didn't get anywhere.

Suddenly I realized,
it was like out of the blue,

I realized that
the missing ingredient

was mathematics,
or more correctly geometry

which is the main factor

of all modern
scientific exploration.

So I started
making these triangles.

I realized
it was like the key

to figuring out all
human relationships.

Do you see
the sequence here?

Here's mine.

Here's Jean's.

Here's gramps'.

Yeah.

You've been
doin' this all night?

Yeah. It took me
half the night to think of it.

Oh, god! The coffee.

And, uh,
this one below yours,

is that mine?

It could be.

Now wait a minute.
Is it or isn't it?

I'm just trying
to follow this.

Don't get ahead of me.

Well, I don't want to.

I'm just trying to find
out if it's my triangle.

And I--I mean,
is it or isn't it?

Your triangle
isn't the point.

Fuck you.

You drag me out
of bed to tell me that.

It could be
the point later.

It's very big later.

But, you see,
I'm wondering

if Jean knew
I killed my grandfather.

I mean, I killed him
accidentally

because I wouldn't
baby-sit my little brother.

And so my folks
called gramps,

that he had to
come over and do it.

So he was hurrying over

because they were
late on their way

to a party
at the Bumhovers',

and he had
a heart attack,

and he died.

And if she knew
about it,

I mean, Jean, that is,

you see, that would explain
why she treated me that way,

why she hated my film,
everything.

Her triangle and mine
intersect here

in what is either an unknown
apex or a work apex.

And here's
gramps' triangle,

and he has no intersection
except with mine.

And everybody
has a ghost triangle.

And that's what
all these are?

Right. Ghost triangles.

( sighs )

I think I'm going crazy.

I think I better
call Dr. Kalman.

DEREK:
No.

No.

Why? What, because of
this triangle thing?

No, no, no, no, no.

Look, I think this triangle
thing is interesting.

Just so long as
you don't mean it

completely
and literally, or...

Oh, no, no.
No. No. No.

How do you mean it?

Well, just--just--
just--just...

( chuckling )

it's...

It's an explanation aid.

Listen.

If you can say
you think you might be crazy,

then you're not.

I know you're not.

I'm gonna stay home today,
though.

You're scared about this,
aren't you?

No.

It's fascinating,

and I think it's really,
really interesting.

Oh.

Oh, I feel like getting
drunk, actually.

Why?

( chuckling ):
I don't know why.
I just feel, I just do,

I just feel like
getting drunk.

Well, it's not the first time
I've ever been depressed,

so I'll work it out.

Know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go
to the store.

I'm gonna get
some booze.

( door closing )

See you in a while.

( door banging )

BARBARA:
Have you seen my...

my, my, you know, my--

my what-you-ma-call-it?

No.

( sighing )

How's your scalp?

Itchy.

That's good. No fire.

And the crawling things
on your arms?

You know, my father,

the day
my brother was born,

he just...
he kept yelling:

"Thank god
it's a boy!"

( crying )

( shouting ):
I want some valium,
Derek!

How's that supposed to
make a person feel?

( moaning )

I don't want to be with
feelings like that.

Me, neither! Who cares?
Who cares?

( sobbing )

But you can't just sit there,
rocking back and forth

and feeling fuckin'
sorry for yourself.

( continues crying )

You expect me
to handle everything.

It's very complicated.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I've put some of my best energy
into trying to help you,

to work these things out,
so that you can face the fact

that you appear to be more
successful than the man

in your life. And that's not
the way you were raised.

( sobbing )

So that's where
the pills came in.

You know,
why shouldn't she be

as famous and successful
as she can be?

You know,
I would say to myself,

you know, to help you,
what it takes to help you.

I'm--I'm sorry--sorry.
I'm sorry.

I'm-- oh, god...

You know, I haven't
had a case in weeks.

You know, I don't
have an office anymore.

You know what I do?
I go to the fucking movies.

But I didn't tell you,
Oh, god.

...'cause I knew
it would drive you crazy

and you couldn't stand to face
how fucked up everything is!

Oh, god.

( crying )

But I've got my limits, too!
You know?

I've ruined everything.
Oh--oh, god!

I shouldn't have quit!

Come on. Come on.
Come on.

Oh, no.
I shouldn't have.

Look, would you
stop crying, please.

Would you stop-- would you
stop. Come on, stop--

( phone ringing )

Come on, now.

Come on, use a pillow
or something.

Look, I don't want whoever it is
to hear you crying now.

Oh, good.

Hello. Hello.

Oh, Karen. Hi. Uh, no,
she's sound asleep.

Oh, yeah, she's much better.
Okay, yeah. Listen,

can I have her call you
back? Okay. All right. Bye.

( Barbara sobbing )

( panting )

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Let's do something.

Let's go to the movies.

( crying ):
Oh, no! Oh, god!

I don't want to
go outside!

No. Please. Please?

Please promise me
you'll stay here.

Just you and me
forever.

Promise me? Please?

Please! Please!

I won't go,
and you can't make me!

( screaming ):
You can't make me!

Did you see what I just did?
Did you see me?

Did you see me stomp my foot
and act like a baby?

I've got to go to a doctor.

I've gotta go. You've got to
take me to a doctor.

Where are my keys and stuff?

Okay, I've got my keys,
I've got my glasses,

I've got
my identification things.

Barbara! Stop now!
I'm ready!

Listen to me.

Now, listen. I love you.
Now, I love you.

But if you saw a doctor now,

they would probably lock you up.

Is it that bad?
Is it that terrible?

It'd be hopeless.

Hopeless? Hopeless?

Oh, no. Oh, god.
Oh, no.

( barbara sobbing )

Listen,

listen, we'll get you
just a little well first

and then we'll take you
to a doctor.

Look, I'm not gonna
let it happen.

I'm not gonna let you
go crazy, sweetie.

I feel like a bar of soap.

What do you mean?

A bar of soap.

Don't you know
what a bar of soap is?

Yes, I know
what a bar of soap is.

Well, stop screaming at me.

But I don't know what the hell
you're talking about.

Leave me alone!

Tell me what you mean by "I'm
feeling like a bar of soap."

No!
Tell me what it means

to feel like a bar of soap!
No! No!

BARBARA:
You just tell her, Ben.

I feel like

everybody's
rubbing on me, and...

don't interrupt me.

( whispering ):
I'm disappearing.

You--you just tell her
I've reread some of her poems

and they're not all
so goddamn great, right?

You just tell her.

That--that's bullshit!
That's just bullshit!

Yeah. You just tell her.

( sighing )

( phone thudding )

What are you doing?
Get back to bed.

I couldn't sleep.

Ben must think
I'm really stupid.

I'm supposed to believe she
ran away from the hospital

after we had that fight.

( derek sighing )

Oh, god, they want to
blame me for everything.

MALE NEWSCASTER:
...the 130's
due to that construction.

Southbound west side highway
traffic is also tied up

in the 70s with an accident
blocking the left lane.

At the Lincoln Tunnel,

20-minute backup reported
both in and outbound.

The Holland is
a better bet for you.

And that problem
in Westchester County,

Southbound route 684
remains closed...

Barbara.

Barbara,
where are you?

( doorbell buzzing )

I'll get it.
I'll get it.

BARBARA:
I'll get it.

I'll get it.

MAN:
Delivery from
Talbot's pharmacy.

( music playing on radio )

DEREK:
Oh.

Thank you.

Can I have some?
I think I need some.

Tsk,

you dirty little sneak.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Can I have some?

How am I gonna do this
if I can't trust you?

BARBARA:
I think I need some.

I thought
I could trust you.

Can I have some, please?

Don't you move.

( door closing )

( toilet flushing )

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Oh, Dr. Kalman.

Uh, no, no, she's sleeping.

( chuckling ):
Uh, yeah, well,

thank goodness she came
to her senses. Yeah.

Uh, well,
uh, I'm...

yeah, well, I'm--I'm sure
that she'll be in to see you

just as soon as
we get back from Europe.

Yeah. Okay, I'll tell her.
All right, bye.

MALE ANNOUNCER #1:
From Albany,
New York state employees

may be asked to shorten
their paid workweek

to forestall
thousands of layoffs.

That is one of the...

MALE ANNOUNCER #2:
Or you can charge your tickets
by calling Carnegiecharge

this Sunday afternoon at 3:00
at Carnegie Hall.

( channels changing )

MALE ANNOUNCER #3:
For only $12.50...

( static )

MALE ANNOUNCER #4:
This program will achieve
3 objectives.

WOMAN ANNOUNCER:
A bystander was killed
in what was apparently

a gangland attack
on 2 men in Brooklyn.

( channel changing )

MALE ANNOUNCER #5:
You're listening
to FM 105, W.R.F.M.,

where you heard the...

MALE ANNOUNCER #6:
It helps you with social
and personal decisions. Uh...

WOMAN ANNOUNCER #2:
So if you're aware
of this k-factor,

it can help you, uh...

( indistinct chattering
on radio )

WOMAN ANNOUNCER #3:
You can sign up
for the stop smoking program,

being sponsored by...

( gasping )

What are you doing?

Don't you think I know
what you're doing?

You'll just go to the first
doctor you can find

and get more valium.

You'll just get hooked again.

BARBARA:
No.

Then we'll have to go
through this all over again.

Oh, oh, I want some help.
I need some help!

Derek, we both
need some help.

Don't you think
we need some help?

Go back to bed.

( whispering ):
Okay.

( barbara crying )

( derek grunting )

( gasping )

( groaning )

( yelling )

( screaming )

Don't lock me out of my goddamn
anything, anytime, Barbara.

Don't hurt me, please.

And no more pills!

Okay! Okay!
Okay?

( screaming ):
Okay!

No, no, no, no!

( screaming )

Oh, no, no, no,
no, please!

Damn it, you...

( grunting )

( screaming ):
Don't kill me!
Don't kill me!

That's it.
Act like a baby.

Little baby Barbara.

On her way to crazy town.
With the crazy town men.

And the crazy town people.
Stop it!

( screaming )

( grunting )

( groaning )

Goddamn bitch!

No! No!

Okay.

( sighing )

Just take this.

And have some nice warm soup.

Here we go.

Derek.

Honey, I think
I've been selfish here.

I mean, me, me, me.

I think we both
need to go somewhere

and both have doctors
helping us.

Do you want to do that?

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Now that the situation
is stabilized,

we can get at
what's been going on.

Come on.

What day is it?

Thursday.

Thursday?

Karen and Sam are coming.

You gotta stop them.

They're not coming.

Yes, they are.

Last week, you--you blacked out
'cause you drank so much.

I mean, you were--
you were just tired

from all the shopping
and the cooking.

And I thought
everything would be okay,

and I--I told them
to come over.

They can't see us like this.

Jesus Christ.

( cutlery rattling )

KL5-5321.

What'd you say?

KL5-5321.

532...

Huh, ringing.

Karen. Hi, it's Derek.

( screaming ):
Help!

Help! Help!

Karen! Help!

No, nothing's wrong.
Karen!

( screaming ):
Karen!

No, she's just doing that
primal-scream stuff

for a new film. Yeah.

Come on, sweetheart.
I can't hear Karen.

Karen, no!
That's not true!

Oh, uh, Sam.

Sam, no. Sam, don't.
No, Sam!

( continues screaming )

You--you tricked me!

You crazy bitch!

( shouting ):
Now what am I gonna do?

( sobbing )

( sighing )

( door clicking )

She's hopelessly insane.

( gasping ):
Oh.

Who did this?

Derek.

Would you step up
on the scale now, please?

Is Derek your husband?

No, boyfriend.

Any family history
of diabetes?

No.

Heart problems?

Barbara,
you're depressed.

And I'm going
to give you something

to make you feel better.

It's called sinequan.

It's an antidepressant.

Then can I go home?

Don't you think...

( gasping )

Sorry.

( sighing )

Um, I mean,
the first order of business

ought to be rest

and good food.

Let us get to know
one another.

Valium withdrawal is
at least as traumatic

to go through
as opiate withdrawal.

I felt good at first.

That's often
the case.

( knocking on door )

( sighing )

Oh, thank you.

I should have been
more careful.

Yes, you should have.

But the withdrawal
is over now.

You don't have to worry
about valium anymore.

I can go home?

DOCTOR:
Barbara,
what's so important?

I've got a lot
of things to do.

But I'm sure
it can wait.

No, I've gotta
take care of it.

I need the money.
I'm going.

( sighing )

I've got to
get out of this country.

Maybe Italy.

Yeah, I was in Italy once.
I loved Italy.

I can learn the language.

Actually, I speak it
fairly well already.

( clicking tongue )

I fagiolini sono
freschi e belli oggi.

That's not bad.

Parli l'italiano
molto bene.

Si?

That's nice.

Really. That's really...

( chuckling ):
You know...

in time, you know,
I could speak it even better.

If you speak it well enough
you could become one of them.

And they love everybody.

I don't think
he'd ever find me there.

I mean, Derek.

See, I had no idea
how much he hated me.

He wanted to kill me.

I don't think he'd come all
the way to Italy to do it.

But even if he did,
I'd be, uh, a big fat person.

And I'd have an Italian name
and I'd speak perfect Italian.

I'd be like one of their, um,

( clicking tongue )

you know, those monuments.

( sighing )

But my friends are gonna have to
watch out for him, boy.

If I were you,
I wouldn't drink that.

See, Derek,

well, he probably might have
managed to find a way

to put poison in it.

See, you've been
very nice to me.

He probably hates you for it.
Just don't drink it, okay?

Okay.

( whispering ):
Okay.

DEBBIE:
You wanna go right there.

I gotta make a phone call.
No, I gotta, uh...

( people chattering )

It's okay.

That's my purse.

I'll just take it from you,
okay, Barbara?

That's--that's my
Bloomingdale's charge card.

Uh, it has sharp edges.

( keys rattling )

( people chattering )

( clearing throat )

I've been waiting for this
chance to talk to you.

Would you like to come with me
tonight to the planet Uranus?

It could be arranged.
I go there frequently.

I don't feel too good.

You don't mind?

ROGER:
You don't have to
make up your mind now anyway.

I think you should know

that they have a very high
opinion of you on Uranus.

I was informed of this factor
just late last night.

We don't go
in one big jump, you know.

We stop off at the moon.

We change our modular unit,
have a burger.

We do it in stages,

so that we don't overload
any of our systems.

You remember, uh,
John F. Kennedy?

He was a great man,
wasn't he?

His brother, Bobby.
Martin Luther King.

It's a shame. I miss
all those fucking guys.

Poor bastard.

He's got the swamp lady.

She's a terrible
person-doctor.

That terrible thing
used to be my doctor.

I tried to kill her
every time I went to see her.

Then they made me stop.

My doctor is Dr. Addison.

She used to be my doctor,

till I didn't
need one anymore.

She's been to Uranus
several times.

She likes it.

BARBARA:
The teacher, she asked me
to bow my head in prayer.

I was indignant.

Do you have a match?

I put down "human" for the
question what race was I?

I don't allow smoking
in here.

What do you mean?

It is my opinion that smoking
is just another way--

I smoke cigarettes.
I have a habit.

Not in here.

I didn't come in here
to be in goddamn smokenders.

If you don't light my cigarette,
I'm not saying another word.

Well, then I'll see you
next session.

Or you can just sit here
while I do some paperwork.

You know,
this is preposterous.

I want another doctor.

I'm your therapist.

You won't let me smoke.
You took me off sinequan.

I'll never get another pill
around here.

I can fake I'm healthy.

I know how to do that.
I did it for years.

I'll fake it
and I'll get out.

You won't fool me.

Yes, I will!

I'm very smart.
I'm much smarter than you.

I'll get out of here
if I have to cut my throat.

I-I'm sure you can
find a less extreme measure

to prove how smart you are.

You smug
little glamour queen.

Don't you know
I did everything you're doing?

I mean, y-y-you
walk around here like

you know where you're going.

I had nice clothes.
I had a bullshit attitude.

A big-deal briefcase.
No big deal.

( whispering ):
Can I hold the cigarette?
Do you mind that?

Look, Barbara,
we have 20 minutes left.

Do you want to talk a little
bit about, you know, Derek?

No.

Your home?
No, I really don't.

I've been in therapy
for 10 years.

I've talked over
everything.

( sighing )

all you people do anyway
is--is--is listen to my bullshit

and give me a pill.

Except me.

Right.

( crying ):
Except you. Oh, shit.

I don't know what I want.

( sniffing )

I really don't know
what I want.

Yes, you do.
No, I don't.

Yes, you do, Barbara.

No, I don't.
Yes, you want help.

No!
That's what you want.

No, no. I don't.
Listen to me.

When you told Dr. Roberts
about the water,

the poison in the water,

you actually believed
it was there.

Yes, I did.

You thought Derek brought it,

that he probably carried it
with him everywhere.

Yes? Yes.
Yes.

He probably carried it with him
just in case you made a friend.

Right.

Yes. He probably
snuck into the office

when no one was there and put
poison in all the water.

That's what I thought.
Yes.

Well, I think
something good in you,

something healthy in you,
knew that you needed help.

And it made sure you got it.

You knew that Dr. Roberts
would send you here.

No.

( patient yelling )

PATIENT:
Spell me once,
just once.

MALE ORDERLY:
Roger!

Roger, let go.

ROGER:
I didn't kill anybody.

All I asked you to do
was spell me.

Look, I just asked him
to spell me once.

ROGER:
I didn't kill anybody!

He's a sore loser.

I know.

Roger. Roger.

Come on, go to your room.

You're 5 minutes late
for our session.

Roger's gonna hurt somebody
one of these days.

I took the liberty of picking up
your mail and phone messages,

some of which
are over a week old.

Tsk, you ought to
put Roger on medication.

He is on medication.

Nothing I say or do
pleases you.

I'm really sick of it.

You're spending too much time
in your room, Barbara.

They've put a new level
of difficulty

into crossword puzzles.

It takes all my concentration.

You're allowed
to go outside.

There's volleyball,
or tennis.

Or, in the occupational-therapy
room, they have painting.

I bet you have
a wonderful visual sense.

You're all such
a bunch of bastards.

First you mess me up.

Then you make me feel like trash
about how messed up I am.

All us?

Doctors.

Shit for brains.

First you make me take valium,
then you make me give it up.

( sighing )

Who made you take it?

Don't be a smart-ass.
Dr. Kalman made me take it.

How did he force you?

He made me take it.

We're not dealing
with valium anymore, Barbara.

Now we're dealing with the
feelings it helped to suppress.

I wouldn't even be here
if it wasn't for valium.

I think you would have
been here a lot sooner.

Who's Karen and Sam Mulligan?

Fuck you!

"Who's Karen and Sam Mulligan?"
Isn't the patient

supposed to do what
their doctor tells them?

Go to the occupational-therapy
room as soon as we're finished

and paint a picture.

Oh, I hate you.

I hate you!
I really hate you.

We should open a window.
There's no air--

No!

It's my window and I want it
closed. It's my room.

God!

You know,
you're a regular genius.

You prescribe finger paints
and open windows.

Have you ever thought

that you might be
the worst doctor ever born?

Who's Roger's doctor?

If Roger is getting medication,
I want Roger's doctor.

I just need the right
medication to help me live.

And you don't even
help me try to find it.

Now would you just tell me,
who is Roger's doctor?

I am.

( sighing )

No wonder he's
so goddamn crazy!

We're gonna get you to look at
yourself without pills.

That's what we're going to
accomplish here.

Oh, god!
What an arrogant pig you are!

You're disgusting!
You're revolting!

You're stupid!

What else?

You're inept!

( screaming ):
You're rotten!
You're shitty!

You know, it's not really me
you're angry at.

It's what I represent--

No! It's you!
It's little Julie,

good girl,
help everybody,

no pills Addison,
who I hate!

With her little black hair
and her little--little--little

prom-queen point of view.

You're sophomoric!

Do you know that?
You're sophomoric!

In what way?

Shut up. Shut up.
Just listen to me.

God damn it! Get out!

It's my room!

And I wanna be
alone in it!

( birds chirping )

Dr. Addison.

Dr. Addison.

I don't want these.

Then throw them away.

Okay.

What's going on? Something's
different. I feel funny.

You're outside.

Oh. Yeah.

Lots of work for people
to write these,

put stamps on them.

Going home now?

Barbara, if you didn't attack
me, I wouldn't be doing my job.

Some job.

That's the
occupational-therapy room,

right around
the corner there.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay.

( car door closing )

( car starting )

I picked up my knife and fork
in the cafeteria yesterday

and there was food all over my
fork. It was disgusting.

I'm gonna relay your feelings
about that to the kitchen.

And let's hope it
doesn't happen again, Lara.

Anyone else?

I hated my food yesterday.

KLEIN:
Okay, Joe.

The record player is on all
the time, or the TV.

I need an hour of quiet
each day.

KLEIN:
That's an interesting idea,
Barbara.

I want to know why I haven't
gotten my weekend pass yet.

Because you're
a fucking nutcase.

RAWLINGS:
Jimmy.

JIMMY:
Yes?

Behave yourself now.

Okay.

Dr. Klein, can I break
Jim's head open?

That's not allowed, Iris.

Well, uh,
it's a hot day today,

so let's just have
a short meeting.

Have a wonderful weekend.

And those of you
on weekend passes,

take very good care
of yourself.

And I'll see you on Monday.

IRIS:
Thank you, Dr. Klein.

You're welcome, Iris.

Barb. You have a visitor.
Yeah.

Really?
Mmm.

Is it a man?

No, no, it's a woman.

Karen. Karen.

( door closing )

I've decided to write a poem
about mental institutions

and I heard
you were in one.

So I thought I'd come by and ask
if I could write it about you.

Sure.

What do you do all day?

Sip melancholy tea
and read Keats and Shelley?

Bugs Bunny.

What about it?

We watch cartoons.

Ah.

Well, Ben said you called him
in the middle of the night

to say you hated
one of my poems.

That isn't true.

Well, Ben never lies.

No.

Well,
which one was it?

How have you been?

Oh, no, I want to know
which poem you hated.

I wanted to hurt
your feelings.

He said you weren't there.

I went on a trip.

How long have you
been here?

What day is it?

July 18.

A couple of months.

I really want to apologize
for the way I behaved

about the movie,

because some of it
was really good.

I--I did sincerely
hate the end,

but that's not the point.

I counted on it
for something.

You know, a--a writer
like me...

I publish a couple of books
of poetry

and the audience is
cunning but miniscule.

I--I let...

my fancy was overtaken

by the idea of
an audience of millions.

Television.
You can understand that.

A chance for my work
to be seen.

The big time, you know.

Well, it has nothing
to do with you.

You were right, though.

Oh, well, in the matter
of my objection,

not in the manner.

What happened to it?
It hasn't been on, has it?

No, it's not finished.
It's a work in progress.

Well, at least
you will be able to

find out who you are
when all the bullshit's over.

It just shouldn't
hurt this much.

Well, why not?

I'm being eaten alive
by myself.

I don't particularly care
for the environment here.

I don't think I'll come back.

But I'm rooting
for you, though.

Hope I see you again.

And if you want to see me,
well, you come find me.

I'll be in a park someplace,
taking notes.

See, like that.

I'd better make a note
about that guy.

He's a great guy,

full of secrets.

You're in a very
interesting place.

Jean,

if I get out of here,

will you work
on the film with me?

Make an ending.

I'll think about it.

No, I will. I'll do it.

You will?

Yeah. Why not?

Thought I was escaping
by going out of town.

Well, I'm back now.

( inaudible )

( inaudible )

"Wait," I told her,
"wait,

it's got
a great happy ending."

* suddenly I saw you there
Foggy London town *

* the sun was shining
Everywhere *

"Uh," she says, "thank god.

At last some happiness."

( chuckling )

So, now, what do we
have here? Hmm?

We have a big New York
TV executive,

who's pretending
for her mother

that she can't arrange
her personal life at all.

And then came Derek.

And, uh, your career
is still a success,

but, uh,

you're a pill-popping
dingbat at home.

That's mean.

What I'm saying is, if you have
to cripple yourself to get love,

then it's not love
that you're getting.

You know what?

Yeah, you're gonna
lock me up forever.

No.

I think you're ready
to get out of here, Barb.

( sighing )

( door lock clicking )

( keys rattling )

JEAN:
...and sometimes I feel that

I'm in this system,
in this process...

LARSEN:
I had this vast experience

but I just don't understand
what it means.

( knocking on door )

Excuse me.

JEAN:
...no god,
as though we had a choice.

Mr. Brunner said I could use
this room to fix this turkey up.

...mysterious, and all our
explanations about it are just

a bunch of children talking to
themselves about the dark.

Who are you?

ALAN:
Barbara, what can I do?
He's my new boss.

You don't know this guy.
He's murder.

Just tell him
he can't pull me off it

and bring in some
3rd-rate editor

who's never done
anything but sitcoms.

Did anybody knock?
Is my secretary dead?

Barbara, Mr. Brunner's busy.
You can't just barge--

I'm busy too, Walter.
I'm very busy.

BRUNNER:
Miss Gordon,

by the look of things,

maybe you left your
institution a little early.

( brunner chuckling )

( sighing )

Sit down. Just kidding.

This is a bluff
and you know it.

Because, contractually, I have
the right to finish my film.

And nobody can touch it,
unless I don't finish it

in the next 62 days.

So just get that guy
out of my editing room.

That's not the point.
The point is, I like Larsen.

He's going to finish it.
I've told him my ideas

and he likes my ideas.

I'm not interested
in your ideas.

You are interested in making
other programs for us.

Barb, what Bob means,
at--at least

what I think he means is,
you've been under

incredible pressure
and strain.

Immeasurable stress.

Uh, I mean, uh,
I mean,

Einstein couldn't, uh, measure
the stress you've been under.

Give yourself
a break, huh?

You mean, give you a break.

He doesn't need a break!
He is fine!

So we understand each other?

Oh.

Ah, you just what I needed
in my life.

A lot of people
feel that way.

I'll finish my own film.

I'll meet
my legal obligations.

And you interfere with me,
I'll sue you.

That might be fun.

Miss Gordon.

You know,
I screened your cut.

And, uh, I know
all about your Emmys,

but forgive me, I didn't see
much sign of talent in it.

That's exactly why
I want to work on it.

( rain pattering )

( thunder rumbling )

Where were we?

( sighing )

you know,
when I was feeling crazy,

whatever it was,

I did this thing
with triangles

where everybody had a triangle
and a ghost triangle.

Everybody.
The entire world.

That sounds right.

It was all interrelated,
everything.

I really understood it,
and now I don't.

Mmm, me, neither.

Roger would have
probably known about it.

Oh, this is no fun.

( clicking tongue )

Roger

would have known what?

Whoever he is.
You take anybody's advice.

He was, uh, this patient,

and he traveled,
he said, in outer space

to the planets.

Uranus, Neptune, Pluto.

He kept inviting me to go.

Oh, was it nice?

( sighing )

BARBARA:
I turned him down.

Oh.

He had maps. Charts, even.

There was an unknown planet,
he said,

beyond all the known ones,
that was god's house.

And he was gonna visit.

And you turned him down.

I was crazy.

And he had a map.

I could use a map.

Yes.

He had it all worked out.

It wasn't hard, he said.

He didn't go in one big jump.

He'd stop off at the moon.

You'd change your modular unit,
have a burger.

( chuckling )

Have a burger on the moon
with somebody who knows the way?

Well...

and then go to see god.

I wish I knew
if it's time to give in.

( jean sighing )

There must be a time.

Sure, you have to
put up a good fight,

but then you have to give in.

And I've put up
a good fight, haven't I?

( thunder rumbling )

I don't have an ending, Jean.

You have to help me
figure it out.

Uh, well, let me see.

You on the beach.

Uh, no.

JEAN:
End it with you
running on the beach,

'cause you'll still be here.

See, it won't be bullshit
if it's you,

because you will
still be here.

That wouldn't make any sense.

Oh, don't let that
s-stop you.

I do think it's a good idea.

You can dance,

you can wave at the moon,
you can run.

You'd be very nice.

You do whatever
you want to do.

Or, you can end it
with me coming back.

How about I come back
from the dead?

After all, you did it.

BARBARA:
I think we need something
that's stronger,

more powerful.

Something double-edged.

Find the track where
the doctor describes

how the disease progresses
and run it on the screen.

( buzzer buzzing )
Okay, it's not gonna fit.

Of course it will. We've got an
air date in a week.

Who's that, Fran?
Take a message.

It's Ben.

( beeping )

MAN #1:
Stand by on V.T.R. 2.

MAN #2:
60 seconds to commercial.

V.T.R. 2, ready.

BARBARA:
Jean Scott Martin
died on August 12, 1981.

This documentary
on the last year of her life

is dedicated to her memory.

And it is ending
as she asked me to end it.