I'll Take Sweden (1965) - full transcript

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya, ya

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya, ya

(Bob)
It feels great
to be getting home.

2 big weeks on the road
for the company,

3 postcards from jojo,
my daughter.

I remember the last thing
she said to me before I left:

"Daddy, I'm givin' up boys
and beach parties.

This time I mean it."

[People whooping]



*[music playing]

Oh, no. Not again.

[People cheering]

[People yelling]

[Boys whooping]

[People yelling]

That's what I like.
Judo with a beat.

[Boys chattering]

[Jojo exclaiming]

Jojo.

Daddy! You're home.

Yeah, what's left of it.

Where's Eloise?

Well, this is her day off.



I wish I had her timing.

Hey, gang.
This is my daddy.

I guess they don't want
any truck with earth people.

Oh, never mind them.

The only one I want you
to meet is Kenny.

Who's Kenny?

He's only Mr. Right.

Oh, I think
I know a bill Wright.

No, no, that's not his name.

That's the way
I feel about him.

Oh.

His name is klinger.

It figures.

That's him.

[People hooting]

[All screaming]

Oh, isn't he
somethin' else?

You could say that, yes.

[Music stops]

[All exclaiming]

Hey, wait a second, gang.
Wait a second.

Dig this.

* would you like
my last name? *

* will it go
with your first name? *

* ah, jojo, Mary, Peggy-sue

* which one shall
I give it to? *

* you, you, you, you?

* or you, you, or you?

* would you
like my last name? *

* if you take my last name

* I'll hug you,
kiss you, squeeze you tight *

* which one of you is right?

* you, you, or you?

* nobody knows
better than me *

* how to make
a little girl happy *

* on your little finger
I'll give you a ring *

* I'll give my
little girl everything *

* would you
like my last name? *

* forever, my last name

* oh, Betty, jojo, Peggy-sue

* which one
shall I give it to? *

* you, you, you, you?

* or you, you, you, you?

* you? You? You? You?

* it's you!

Yes!

I'm dying for
you to meet him.

I'll bring him
right over.

What do you want to see,
my I.D. Card?

This is Kenny.

Hi!
Hi.

Seen jojo around
since she was nothin'.

Suddenly, wham.

Yeah, that "wham" is
what's aging me rapidly.

You still going to school?

No, I blew it.

That's a big mistake.
Shouldn't quit school.

Oh, he didn't quit.
He was kicked out.

Just couldn't make
that study route.

Well, the work route
isn't bad.

Kenny doesn't
have to work.

His grandmother
left him $1,200.

$1,200?

With that kind of dough
and a credit card,
you've got it made.

Gee, glad you're home,
Mr. Holcomb.

There's something
jojo and I want
to talk to you about.

I--i don't think
now's the time.

Daddy's had a trip
and he's tired.

(Kenny)
Oh, I think the news
might pep him up.

You see, Mr. Holcomb,

jojo and I want
to get married.

You?

Yeah, we're gonna make
a stab at holy deadlock.

Come on outside.
I need some air.

*[music playing]

Hey, wait a minute.

Did I hear you
right in there?

Yes, he asked me
to marry him.

Isn't it dreamy?

Yeah, the kind of dream
I have after I've eaten

a chiliburger
with everything on it.

Daddy.

Well, you can't just go
plunging into marriage.

We're not plunging.

You haven't even
got a job.

I told you, his grandmother
left him $1,200.

That's nice work,
but it isn't very steady.

Oh, when that's gone,
we can play it by ear.

Oh, I'd be proud of you,

you'd be the
youngest couple on relief.

Where are you gonna live?
In the park?

In my trailer.

Trailer?

Yeah.

Look, look. This all
happened too suddenly.

I'd like to know
you better, Kenny.

I'd like to know you
better too, dad.

Dad.

Hey, look,
I got a great idea.

Why don't come up
to my place tomorrow

and we'll kinda
kick things around?

In the trailer?

Oh, yes.
You'd love the trailer.

It's got everything.

And, uh, I can say the same
for your daughter, dad.

Dad?

[People applauding]

Hey, come on, man!

Let's pick up the beat,
the party's pooping.

Yeah!
Right, man, right!

* dang, dang, dang-a-dang,
dang, dang, dang,
dang-a-dang *

* bells keep on ringing

* in my ding, ding,
a-ding-a-ding, ding ding *

* bells keep a ringin'

* in my ding ding,
a-ding-a-ding, ding ding *

* bells keep a ringin'
in my head, dang *

* dang-a-dang, dang dang
down down *

* a-dang-a-dang down

* dang-a-dang down
dang-a-dang, dang dang *

* bells keep
a ringing in my head *

* ding, ding,
dang-a-dang dang *

[Birds chirping]

Why do we have to
meet Kenny here?

Well, it's a little tricky
getting to his place.

He thought it'd be easier
if he picked US up.

You know, honey,
I've been thinking
that you and Kenny

ought to have
a little more time
to know each other.

You're pretty young
to get married.

Well, mother was my age
when you married her.

Yeah, but I was
no retired dropout,

I had a job.

From everything
you told me about her,

I think she would
have married you

even if you didn't have one.

Yeah, well,
I can't argue with that.

I just want to make sure

that you're gonna be
as happy as we were.

Daddy, you don't
really know Kenny.

You just saw him
cutting loose at a party.

There's another side to him.

He's steady and reliable.

[Motorcycle approaching]

[Engine revving]

[Brakes squealing]

[Exhales]

I'm sorry we didn't have time
to lengthen the runway.

Excuse me, just want to
show you what kind of
brakes I have,

so you won't worry
about jojo driving with me.

Oh.

Well, where do I sit,

or do I just run
along the side?

Well, I'll take jojo up first,
then I'll come back for you.

Hop aboard, Mr. Holcomb.

I wear this?

Uh,

you don't have
the regular containers, huh?

[Both chuckling]

Here we go.

I hope you've got insurance.

They won't give me any till
I get my driver's license.

I'd like to see
the chaplain.

[Engine revving]

[Car horn honking]

You all right,
Mr. Holcomb?

Just what I've always wanted:
Chrome kneecaps.

[Truck horn honking]

[Inaudible]

[Trumpet playing]

If you've got
a glove compartment,

I'd like to crawl in.

[Chuckles]

[Scoffing]

Don't take
any shortcuts.

Hey, look, a road block.

[Engine revving]

[Sighing]

Hi, daddy.

What's your zip code?

Next time I come,
I'll mail myself.

Come on in
and look around.

[Laughing]

Who designed this thing?
Toulouse-lautrec?

Oh, you get used to it,
Mr. Holcomb.

It's just a little small
at first.

What happens later?
We all shrink?

Oh, it may
seem tiny, daddy,

but it has
everything we need.

Look at the kitchen.

Oh, that's nice
and petite.

Where do you
keep your dish?

Listen, Mr. Holcomb,
why don't you sit down
and just take it easy?

[Sighing]
Oh, boy.

[Clears throat]

Oh.

You see, w-when you sit,
you'll have to sit softly.

Where were you
when my head was hard?

Where'd you
buy this thing?

He didn't have to buy it.

His grandmother
left it to him.

Had she loved him,
she'd have taken it
with her when she left.

She also left me
the ground it's on.

Oh, goody.

[Parakeet squawking]

Another crazy man, crazy.

[Squawks]

I don't believe
we've been introduced.

Granny also left him
to me.

Crazy Daisy.

Never knew the lady.

And we have all
the modern conveniences.

See? A telephone.

A telephone
up in this trap?

Yeah, man, I gotta keep
in touch with the world.

And homemade electricity.

Kenny put it in himself
so we'd save money.

Oh, it's no big deal.
I just--

I just converted a generator
from a submarine.

Here, I'll show you.

If you're looking
for the cellar,

there isn't any.

Wait till you see
the light it gives.

[Motor sputtering]

Turn it off,
it's blinding me.

[Motor stops running]

Don't stand there,
turn me off, too.

Why do you always have
to knock everything?

I think it's
a wonderful trailer.

And you plan to spend
the rest of your life

in this reject
from a gypsy caravan?

Well, speaking of nights,
where do you sleep
in this lobster trap?

Oh, I've got a great bed.

Yes, it's real comfortable.

How do you know
it's comfortable?

He told me.

Oh, good,
take his word for it.

Why don't you try it,
Mr. Holcomb?

It's got a great mattress
and terrific Springs.

Lie down, daddy.

It will make your head
feel better.

I should have it
examined first.

Well,

[sighing]

That's not bad.

[Bed snaps]

(Bob)
Help!
Daddy!

(Bob)
Get me out of here.

I'll have you
out in a jiff!
Daddy!

(Bob)
Call the plumber.

[Bob gibbering]

Daddy!

(Bob)
All right,
do something.

Call the fire department,
anything.

Get me out of here.

Help!

Are you all right?

Oh, that does it.

You must be kidding
about this place.

Look, take my advice,
don't live in it.

Sell it to Disneyland.

[Sighing]

Good evening, Mr. Holcomb.

You worked late tonight?

Yeah,
it's been a rough day.

I've kept your
dinner heated for you.

Thanks, Eloise.

Where's jojo?

She's out with Kenny.

Oh, they're probably
at another drive-in movie.

How wrong can you go
on a motor scooter?

They didn't go to a movie.

He took her someplace
called the pink kitten.

The pink kitten?

You mean that place where
the girls take off the...

You let Kenny
take her to a strip joint?

How did I know?
I thought it was a pet store

and they were going
to look at pussycats.

Some pussycats.

[People applauding]

[People cheering]

Just a minute, mister.

You got a student-body card?

A what?

A student-body card.
This is college night.

You need an education
to know what's
going on in there?

Just kids tonight.

Yeah, well, my daughter's
in there,

and I'm taking her home.

Sorry. My orders are
not to let anybody in

but kids.

But you come back

when we have
a night for medicare.

*[music playing]

[People whooping]

[People applauding]

[People cheering]

[Man exclaiming]

(Man)
Hey!

[People applauding]

Oh.

Oh, pardon me.

[Stuttering]

Would you mind
dimming your brights?

I have a--
I'm looking for my daughter.

Oh. What's her specialty?

Oh, she doesn't work here.
She's in the audience.

That's where
I'm trying to get.

Oh, well,
that's that way.

I don't think that's
what Edison had in mind.

Listen, tell him to
call me right away.

It's very important.

*[music playing]

[Audience gasping]

That's daddy!

[Chuckling]
Yeah.

[Audience laughing]

[Man chattering]

(Man)
Go!

Daddy! Daddy, down here.

[Audience yelling]

[Audience applauding]

What are you doing here?

How could you bring jojo
to a place like this?

Why not? It's college night
and all the cats are here.

And besides, she's not
gonna see anything

she wouldn't see
down at the beach.

(Man #1)
Come on, take it off!

[Audience cheering]

[Audience whistling]

(Man #2)
Yeah, come on!

But at the beach,
they don't light up.

[Man exclaiming]

[Audience cheering]

(Man #3)
Come on, honey. Twirl.

Oh, no. She wouldn't.

[Drums beating]

[Audience cheering]

She would.

Oh, she did it great, too.

Daddy, have you
ever tried to twirl--

look, honey. You don't need
this kind of entertainment.

[Man chattering]

[Whistling]

(Officer)
That's it, folks!

The show's over.
This is a raid.

[Woman screams]

Oh, that's just
what we needed.

A raid.

Fine thing!
Come on, honey.

Officer,
I just brought--

serves you right
for running around
with a chick that young.

No, no,
this is my daughter.

Of course.

And you left
the adoption papers
in your other suit.

Tell him
you're my daughter.

Cool it, Clyde.
They're hip to your action.

Oh, loan me your gun.

Let's go, chick.

No, really,
it's my daughter.

And who's that up there?
Your mother?

Mother.

[Women screaming]

This is you, sir.
From bumper to rail-pipe.

And it does 120 in second.

I've got enough trouble
getting out of low these days.

What I'm really
looking for

is something
for a getaway job.

A getaway job?

To get my daughter away

from a motorcycle
built for 2.

[Motorcycle approaching]

[Motorcycle brakes squealing]

Sorry I'm late, dad.

But I couldn't shake
the fuzz off my trail.

You know somethin'?
Those guys
drive pretty good.

Yeah.

Well, I'm glad I caught up
with you, Kenny.

Even if the cops couldn't.

But why here?
I'm strictly a 2-wheel man.

2 wheels and one chick.

Well, Kenny,
I've been thinking...

It shows.

Now, i--i know
you love jojo.

I appreciate that.
I really do.

And jojo loves you.
Or thinks she does.

You must be
a pretty nice guy.

Now the shiv.

What I really
wanna say is that

young people should
be ready for love.

Mr. Holcomb, we're ready.

I mean
in a practical way.

I know all this trailer
and travel stuff

is adventurous
and romantic.

But jojo's used
to comfort, luxury.

So, if you'd
really loved her,

you'd wait
a little longer.

No, wait too long

and all you want to do
is go bowling.

Isn't that right?

I've got nothing
against you, Kenny.

It's just that jojo is

so young and immature
and impulsive.

Not where it counts.

She's very impulsive.

You mean you're
gonna try to stop US?

No, I just want you

to postpone things
for a while.

You can go on
seeing each other

as often as you like.

Like day and night?

No, I mean, like, uh,

give yourself
another year or 2.

Then if you both still
feel the same way

as you do now,

I'll not only give you
my blessing,

I'll give you one of these
for a wedding present.

This one?

[Whistles]

With a stick shift
and 4 forward speeds?

Why not?

Will it really do over 100?

In neutral,

something you can really
stamp and steer.

[Vrooming]

Right through a safety zone.

I think you're beginnin'
to read me, boy.

Well, I've been reading
you all along, Mr. Holcomb.

You're trying to bribe me.

Now where'd you
get that idea?

From you.

Look, let's cut the car talk,
Mr. Holcomb.

I'll postpone
getting married

if that's the way
jojo wants it.

Can I tell her that?

No, I'll tell her.

We talk the same language.

Well, I'd like to throw in
a little fatherly advice.

Better watch
how you handle it.

You know, most girls think
their fathers are l7.

L7?

Yeah.

"L," 7. Put them together
and what have you got?

A square?

You said it, Mr. Holcomb.

Gentlemen, ahem,

this, uh, this chart
shows conclusively

that our revenue from
the Scandinavian countries

is dipping dangerously.

Now, uh, our products

are as good as
those of our competitors.

So quality
can't be the answer.

What does this indicate?

To me, it spells manpower,

or more accurately,
lack of it.

How do we solve this problem?

Simply by coming up

with the right man
for the right job.

(Dow)
...Problem is to

find the right man
for the right job in Sweden.

I'll check your files
as quickly as possible

and let me have
your recommendations.

Thank you.

Got somebody in mind, Bob?

There's no way out.
I have to step in right now.

You, why you?

Well, they're too young to...
You...

I mean, Sweden's
a very young country

and someone has to...

Well,

what I mean is...
I don't know what I mean,

I hardly slept
a wink last night.

Well, you'll have to
talk to my doctor.

He can't sleep either.

What about Sweden, Bob?

Who are we going to send?

It's not fair to
most of our good men,

uprooting them
and their families,

shipping them off
to a strange country.

True.

On top of that,

you'll have to
work day and night.

Sounds rough.

It's really the
worst assignment

in our
entire organization.

Good, I'll take it.

You'll what?

It's my daughter, Mr. Dow.

Sweden's a good
6,000 miles from here,

and that's how far
I want to take her.

Well, what kind of boy

don't you think
is right for her?

He's a trailer nut,
plays guitar and sings.

That's all I need
for a son-in-law,

a poor beatle.

You're lucky.

Mine runs around
with a barefoot poet

who spouts
iambic pentameter

to the beat
of a bongo drum.

I'll trade you even.

You think
Sweden's far enough?

I think so. His trailer
doesn't have pontoons.

You're making
a great sacrifice

to leave here.

Another year,
you'd be a vice president.

I appreciate that,
Mr. Dow,

but I couldn't be happy
as a vice president,

if I wasn't happy
with myself as a father.

It's your life, Bob.

Thank you.

Now, to tackle
something a lot tougher
than the vice presidency.

Getting my daughter
on that plane to Sweden.

[Speaking Swedish]

That means,
"Sweden, here we come."

Thanks for
the news bulletin.

A little hors d'oeuvre
before dinner?

Oh, thanks,
I think I will. Jojo?

Hey, you know what
you are in Swedish?

You're a flicka.

In america, I'm a schnook.

Oh, come on, honey.
Study your dictionary,

so you'll understand
all the compliments

those handsome Swedish men
will be paying you.

Men.

I hope I never
see Kenny again

as long as I live.

Has he upset you?

How could he
do this to me?

A girl can't trust
anyone anymore.

Does that include me?

If I told you what happened,
would you be sympathetic?

Would you understand?

No, but tell me anyway.

Look at this.

This is the telegram
he sent me.

And I was dumb enough
to cry over it.

"Bye-bye, baby.

"Ran into a chick
who digs me but deep,

"so I'm off to leave
my heart in San Francisco,

"if my bike can make it.

"It was fun while it lasted.

Kenny."

Fun.

I loved him
and he calls it fun.

Oh, come on,
honey, now stop that.

[Sobs]

Look,

would it make you
feel any better

if I told you
I sent that telegram?

[Sobbing]
That's a good try.

No, it's true.

After all, you're so young
and he's so wrong for you.

I had to do something
to break it up.

Well, if you sent
the telegram,

and he didn't know about it,

why didn't he answer the phone
when I called him to tell him

that I was never
going to see him again?

Because he was
in San Francisco

at the time.

I sent him a telegram, too.

I offered him a job singing
at the purple radish.

I even wired him
money for the trip.

You're a monster.

I'm a father.

Same thing.

Why didn't he call
before he left?

He did.

But Eloise told him you
couldn't come to the phone

on account of your measles.

And he didn't
even send me flowers?

He did that, too.
Wild flowers.

And they were lovely.

I burned them at midnight
in the incinerator.

Is there anything
you forgot to do?

Now, that's the
last question I'll ask

since I'll never speak
to you again.

Oh, honey.

You just need a little time
to cool off.

Kidnapping your own daughter.

If you weren't my father,
I'd report you to the f.B.I.

You'll get over it,
you just wait and see.

You'll love Sweden.
It's a great spot.

[Announcer chattering
in Swedish on P.A. system]

Marriage? I'm not the type.

I'm too busy living up

to what your
American magazines say

about our morals
here in Sweden.

With every girl you meet?

One lives only once.

(Announcer)
Lufthansa flight 212
from Los Angeles

is now arriving.

There is the plane
I have to meet.

See you next Tuesday.

Your apartment or mine?

Did he give you
the same bit he gave me?

"Darling,
don't you know I love you.

Why don't you let me
try to prove it to you?"

That's standard
equipment for him.

Why doesn't he try his line
on Swedish girls?

He's a firm believer
in international trade.

[Both chuckle]

[Announcer chattering
in Swedish on P.A. system]

Oh, Mr. Holcomb.

I'm Erik stenson,
your office manager.

Oh, nice to meet you, Erik.

How did you recognize me?

I was told
you'd be accompanied

by your
lovely young daughter.

Welcome to Sweden.

Remember what
I told you on the plane?

Shall we?
Oh, uh.

[Speaking Swedish]

That means,
"with pleasure."

You're right.

Oh, allow me.

In our country, we place
our women on pedestals.

You'd be surprised

how much fun
you can have on a pedestal.

I'm engaged
to be married.

I may go back
to america tomorrow.

Oh, that would
be Sweden's loss.

Also mine.

Maybe we'd better
put the car

in the luggage.

Mr. Holcomb.

Yes?

I'm sorry there was not
room enough in the car

for both you
and the luggage.

Oh, that's all right.

Every car should
have a lookout.

That is our royal palace,

of which naturally
we are very proud.

It's nice,
if you like a lot of rooms.

We are even more proud
of our art museums.

Are you interested in art?

Have you got the wrong girl.

She just digs
the watusi and motorcycles.

I'm nuts about art.

I mean, i-- well,
I adore it.

Naturally,
beauty attracts beauty.

I hope I can teach you
to like Sweden.

As long as I'm stuck here,

I might just
give you the chance.

I hope you like
your new home.

I took the Liberty of having
it redecorated for you.

Does it have high ceilings,

or will I have to sit with
my head through the roof?

I'll say one thing.

Sweden's a very
beautiful country.

Oh.

And the people
are friendly, too.

[Laughing]

They don't have
a rest stop on that bus?

Well, Mr. Holcomb,
how do you like it?

Oh, it's great.
It doesn't have

jalopies or motor scooters
piled up in front of it.

Hello.

How do you do?
How do you do?

How do you do? Hello.

Hilda. Ingemar.
This is miss holcomb.

Oh, welcome.
How do you do?

And her father,
Mr. Holcomb.

Welcome to Sweden.

Oh.

[Speaking Swedish]

You just said
his mother is a goat.

Oh, strike that.

Uh.

[Speaking Swedish]

Very good, sir.

Come, I'll show you
the rest of the house.

Say, that's very thoughtful,
having 2 phones.

Oh, yeah, I understand
that in america

you cannot live
in a house with a teenager

without 2 phones.

That's right.
One for each ear.

Uh, this, of course,
is the living room.

Oh, it's very attractive.

And right through
there is...

Very attractive.

I was just trying
some materials

for the porch chairs.

Hello, Mrs. Martoni.

May I introduce you
to miss holcomb.

How do you do?

And to Mr. Holcomb.

How do you do?

How do you do,
Mr. Holcomb?

The office recommended
Mrs. Martoni

as an excellent
decorator.

Remind me to give
the office a raise.

Miss holcomb, may I show you
the rest of the house?

Yes, fine.

Martoni sounds Italian,
but you sound Swedish.

My husband was Italian.

Was?

I'm divorced.

Oh, on you,
it looks lovely.

You care to sit down,
Mrs. Martoni?

If you don't mind,

I prefer to use
my maiden name,

granstedt.

You speak excellent English
for a Swede.

Thank you.

And you speak
excellent English
for an American.

Touche.

Oh, Mr. Holcomb. We bring
in the luggage,

then we go to our room?

You seem like
a very happy couple.

You've been
married long?

2 days, sir.

Well, skip the luggage.

You don't want to be
too tired for your honeymoon.

You will stay for lunch?

Thank you, yes.

[Speaking Swedish]

Jackass?

Oh, not exactly.

[Speaking Swedish]

[All chuckling]

That's good.

And it's not
an easy language.

Much too beautiful
a day

to spend
looking for furniture.

How about cocktails
at the maritim?

We did that yesterday.

How about a ride
through djurgarden park?

We did that
the day before yesterday.

Then, how about
you and I just...

Bob, if they're going to
redecorate your house,

we have to look at
furniture sometime.

I'd rather look at the sun
glistening in your hair.

Do you talk to all your
interior decorators that way?

Well, it's the first time
I've ever had my interiors

done by anyone
with your exterior.

Well, I think we've found
nearly everything you need.

I feel the same way.

Now, for me,

that's the most
important piece of furniture

in the house.

I don't know where
the world would be
without it.

Even the neighbors
would enjoy it.

It could form
the cultural center
of your home.

I beg your pardon?

Don't you play?

Well, I like to
kid around a little.

And I know just where to
put it in the living room.

In the where?

In the corner by the window,
under the large mirror.

I'm sure you'll be doing
a lot of entertaining,

and it could bring
something to your parties

that nothing else can.

[Chuckles]

Yeah, the vice squad.

Oh,

I think I was
in the wrong key.

[Laughing]

Oh, don't be embarrassed.

After all, I'm a woman
and you're a man.

I'm glad I fit in
there somewhere.

[Speaking Swedish]

[Speaking Swedish]

What's his problem?

He said we should
take it home and try it.

Yeah, but I don't
play the piano.

[Stuttering]
No. He meant the bed.

Say,

what you said,

that's pretty racy,
even for a Swede.

Who's a Swede?
I'm from Brooklyn.

When you're raising a daughter
without the help of a mother,

you feel twice
as responsible.

I've been doing it
since she was 5.

She told me.

I've seen her through
dolls, roller skates,

and those braces
on her teeth.

For about 4 years,

she looked like
she'd swallowed
a t.V. Antenna.

[Chuckling]

You've done a beautiful job.

She's not only lovely,

but she's sensitive,
intelligent.

She thinks you're
pretty special, too.

And I second the emotion.

Daddy, I'll be home
in time for dinner.

Oh, you're
talking to me again?

Yes. Erik thought
it was a good idea.

He hates his father, too,
and he says it's wiser

to maintain
a friendly relationship.

Otherwise, a parent
can get a complex.

You mean I'm the one
who's mixed up.

Well, I think maybe

you should talk
to karin about it.

She understands.

Talk.

Where are you going?

I'm meeting Erik
at the library.

The library?

Can you trust a man

who takes a girl
to the library?

Daddy.

You know,
I've just finished

these 2 books
of Byron's poems,

and they are marvelous.

And Erik's gonna help me
pick out some more.

Bye-bye.

[Chuckling]
Bye.

Boy, my daughter
reading Byron.

Before she met Erik,

she never read anything
deeper than li'l abner.

She's certainly learned
a lot from that fellow.

Is that the continental
approach?

In Stockholm, yes.

In Paris...

Ah,

I think you'd better stop
before you get to Vienna.

Well,

back to Byron.

Do we have to go out?

[Chuckles]

Good night.

Erik again?

Yes. He's taking me
to the national museum

to see a sculpture exhibit.

I couldn't think
of a better way

to spend an evening.

Have fun, kids.

It must be your system of
education over here.

No American boy would be
this interested in culture.

Now I see why the sculptor

posed his models
in this position.

It's so natural.

Hmm.

You have a very keen insight
about sculpture.

Thank you.

This should
brighten up the entrance.

Not as much as you do.

Well, how do I look?

Hey.

You sure you don't have
blue jeans and sneakers
under that?

No. I'm growing up now,
thanks to Erik.

Wherever you go tonight,

I'm sure you'll be
the prettiest girl.

Only if you're
not there.

Where are you going?

Erik's taking me
to the opera.

To the opera?
Now that's the way a girl
should spend an evening.

[Doorbell ringing]

Oh, that's
probably Erik now.

Have a good time.

You, too.

Good night.
Good night.

Good night.

My jojo going
to the opera.

You know what
she'd be doing at home?

She'd be
sitting with Kenny,

listening to
records and smooching.

*[man singing operatically]

I love good music.
And good books.

And I love...

What a difference
6,000 miles can make.

What a difference
6,000 miles can make.

What a difference
the right man can make.

Daddy? I--

oh, I'm sorry, but I had
to tell you something.

Both of you.

Tell US what?

Remember when
I asked you

whether you could be in love
with one person one day,

and another person
the next?

Yeah.

Well, i--i found out
you can.

Erik is Mr. Right.

Erik? Are you sure?

The last time you found
Mr. Right,

he was the wrong right.

Daddy, I'm mature now.

I've crossed an ocean

to find the most wonderful man
in the world.

Has he asked you
to marry him?

Any day now. Any day.

"I have sighed for many,
but I have loved just one."

Byron.

I'd better call Erik
and kiss him goodnight

before he goes to sleep.

I'm very happy for you, Bob.

Oh, thanks, karin.

Looks like the smartest
decision I ever made

was to come to Sweden.

For more reasons than one.

*[music playing]

Thank you.

To US.

To US.

Darling, I want to
ask you something.

Something very important.

Yes?

How would you like to spend
my 2-week vacation with me?

You mean,
like, on a honeymoon?

Like on a pre-honeymoon.

Is it better that way?

(Erik)
It's more sensible.

That is why there is such
little divorce in Sweden.

People do not
marry strangers.

Well, I should hope not.

They must first find out

if they are suited
each other.

And are we suited
for each other?

I'm sure we will
discover that we are.

Just as my friends
Greta and Axel found out

they were not.

So, they didn't get married?

Oh, they are
happily married now,

but not to each other.

[Jojo chuckles]

Uh, wasn't it fortunate

that they spent
2 weeks together

in kronbaden
at the youth festival?

Erik, at these
youth festivals...

In Sweden, we are
very tolerant of nature.

That's very tolerant.

I have many interesting
theories on the subject.

Would you care to
hear about them?

I'm not sure.

Mmm.

Probably too shocking
for a child like you.

I am not a child.
I am a full-grown woman.

To that, I drink. Skal.

Skal.

[People chattering]

[Speaking Swedish]

[Speaking Swedish]

[Speaking Swedish]

Oh, good morning.

Oh, good morning.

I love to hear Swedish
spoken as it should be.

It's like a good
foreign movie.

I better get back
to my desk.

So, tell me,
how are things going?

I mean with you and jojo?

Couldn't be better.

Well, come into my office
and tell me
all about your plans.

Thank you.

You know,
Mr. Holcomb, uh,

jojo and I have been seeing
a lot of each other.

And I couldn't
be more pleased.

Well, uh, we've
talked things over

and we've come
to a decision.

I think we ought to
drink to that.

Oh, thank you, no.
Not during business hours.

Oh, just one little one.

Besides, you're
with the boss.

And what you're about
to say isn't business,
it's a pleasure.

[Clearing throat]
Well,

times have changed,
Mr. Holcomb.

They certainly have.

To progress.

Skal.

In the old days,
a young girl, uh,

she would hardly
take a walk with a fellow

unless she were
properly chaperoned.

The last time
that happened to me,

I wound up
with the chaperone.

Hmm?

Just a little joke.

The sauce makes me
a little gay.

But you're right.

Chaperones are primitive,
absolutely primitive.

I'm glad to hear you
say that.

Uh, am I
interrupting anything?

No, no, come on in, jojo.

Alskling. I...

I was just going
to tell you father
about our plans.

You were?

Yeah, but, uh, now
that you're here,

perhaps it would be wiser
if you told him.

Well, somebody tell me
so we can drink to it.

Oh, honestly, Erik, I don't
think that my father

is quite ready for--

oh, come on, kids.

June is a beautiful month
for you-know-what.

Well, you see, daddy,

every year they
have a youth festival.

And Erik has asked me
to go with him.

That sounds
like good fun.

There's nothing more romantic
than a day in the country.

This day lasts 2 weeks.

Yeah, well,
you deserve a 2-weeks va...

2 weeks?

Well, its all the way
to kronbaden.

Just the 2 of you?

You just drank to progress.

I don't call that progress.

I call it immoral
and habit forming.

Daddy,
I'm a big girl now.

And I don't want you
getting any bigger.

You're not going
anywhere with her

for 2 weeks unless
it's on a honeymoon.

Oh, but,
that would spoil it.

Spoil it?

Erik, tell him

about the low divorce rates
in Sweden and why.

I know why.
Nobody bothers to get married.

Jojo, how can you
be so willing?

You're making me out
a loose woman.

And I resent it.

You resent it?
You're the one who's
trying to loosen her,

you Scandinavian svengali.

You're being
old-fashioned.

Don't give me that
old-fashioned jazz.

Times have changed.

People think differently
about sex than they used to.

Don't you lecture me
about the birds and the bees.

The birds and the bees
are younger now.

They have
different ideas.

Yeah, your
American teenagers

go to Miami
or to palm Springs.

Ours go to kronbaden.
What's the difference?

The difference is,
it's my daughter

who's involved
in this hayride.

You are trying to
keep me a child.

I'm trying to keep you
from having one.

Why must you
be so provincial?

Go figure it.

We both left California
on the same plane.

Well, no one,

absolutely no one
is going to force me

into a marriage
with a stranger.

Let's go, Erik.

Skal.

The most stupid decision
I ever made

was to come to Sweden,

so jojo wouldn't make
the mistake of her life.

Oh, I made
the mistake of my life.

Karin, jojo thinks
the world of you.

She really loves you,
she respects you and,

well, she needs
a mother desperately.

I would love to be

your wife
and jojo's mother.

I accept.

Now, now,
wait a minute, Bob.

Marriage isn't
that simple.

There are things
about me

you don't know.

I love everything
about you.

As jojo's future mother,

you can talk her
out of this.

I don't have
the right to do that.

Sure you have.

Soon as I get
a marriage license,

you'll be her mother.

[Phone ringing]

Hello.

Hello, ingemar?

Will you call
jojo to the phone?

Here. Just say
what you'd say
as her mother.

Well, I don't know
too much about Erik,

but if they're
really in love,

then it's none
of my business.

You should be kicked out
of the mother's union.

I thought you
liked Erik.

Not when he talks like
he's buying an automobile

and he won't buy one
unless he tries it out.

Bob, the world
is full of eriks.

Yeah, well, nobody's
gonna chalk up

any mileage on jojo

without getting
a driver's license first.

* people are the same

* the whole world over

* one day you'll admit

* you're just a rover

* please come back

* and then

* and then

* there'll be rainbows

* again

Snap out of it, Kenny.

How long can you let
a torch burn?

I'd like to try to
help you forget her.

If I ever get out
of this mood,

I'll give you a jingle.

Take the hint, man.
Jojo canceled you out.

[Phone ringing]

Hello.

[Crickets chirping]

Who? From where?

Oh, come off it, lady,

I don't know anybody
in Sweden.

Mr. Holcomb?
Hey, gang, it's papa-bird.

Well, put him on,
operator,

it's way past
the man's bedtime.

Oh, hello,
Mr. Holcomb. Yeah.

What're you doing up
in the middle of the night?

Middle of the...

Oh yeah, well,
that's the time difference.

Look, Kenny.
Jojo needs you.

She's--she's on the verge
of a nervous breakdown.

And if you still love her...

You do, don't you?

Well, sure thing, man.

(Bob)
You still want to marry her?

Of course.

Then I want you to
hop the first plane over here.

(Kenny)
But I can't go flying off
to Sweden.

You mean you got a job?

No. But I'm due
in traffic court.

I got a ticket
for driving my motorcycle

into a theater
that wasn't a drive-in.

Well, you call my office.

They'll take care
of the ticket and give you
the plane fare.

I'll cable Mr. Reiger there
and he'll arrange everything.

I'll be waiting
for you, son.

Whoo-hoo! Hey, gang,
I'm gonna go to Sweden!

* I'm gonna go to Sweden,
I'm gonna go to Sweden *

[all chattering]

Like I told you
on the phone, Kenny,

jojo needs you.

Not as much
as I need her.

Of course she may play
a little hard to get,
but don't let that throw you.

I don't throw easy,
Mr. Holcomb.

You still love her,
don't you?

The most.

But are you sure it's right
surprising her this way?

This kind of shock
in her delicate condition.

Please, don't use
that expression.

We've gotta save
this wonderful girl, Kenny.

You and I can do it.

Yeah.

[Sighing]

Poor mixed-up kid.
If I'd known she was
that whacked out, i'd--

Kenny! I'm so surprised.

That makes 2 of US.

Pretty sneaky.

Why wasn't your car
parked out front?

I always walk 5 miles a day
to keep in shape.

For your specialty,

you ought to practice
running.

Kenny, what are you doing
in Sweden?

I made a wrong turn
on the freeway

to San Francisco.

Yes, and I was
shanghaied to Stockholm.

All I know is that
you ran out on me.
Not even a postcard!

I know I should've written,
but I've been terribly busy.

Yeah, busy forgetting me.

Oh, she didn't
forget you.

She never stops talking
to Erik about you.
Right, honey?

I didn't hear
any conversation

when I walked in.

Oh, she was only warming up
till you got here.

Perhaps, I should
introduce myself.

I couldn't care less
who you are.

That's no way
to talk to my fiance.

And you said
she was having
a nervous breakdown.

No, she's all mixed up.
Her lips are on Erik's,
but her mind is on you.

A nervous breakdown?

Do you actually think
I could fall apart

because of some
silly childish romance?

It wasn't a silly
childish romance.

Honey, you're a nice,
wholesome, American girl.

And Kenny is a nice,
wholesome, American boy.

He wants to marry you.

Without any
youth festivals.

Perhaps it would be better
if I took a walk.

Arrivederci.

You stay right here.

Fine. You stay,
I'm leavin'.

Hey, Kenny. Kenny,

you're not gonna give up
just like that?

Look, man, I know
when I'm crowding
the scene.

But, I know
she doesn't love Erik.

Just like you knew
she didn't love me.

You broke US up and now,
you're trying to use me

to break them up.

Kenny.
I'm tired of playing
3rd act

in your kooky combo, pop.

Look, Kenny,
as soon as you calm down,
go over and talk to Erik.

Tell him
you really love jojo,

and as a gentleman
he should step aside.

In his own ratfink way,
he is a gentleman.

Still whaling
the same lick, huh, pops?

Well, lemme
tell you somethin'.
You better play it solo

because this cat's
going to go

to the nearest bar
and get juiced!

[Car engine starting]

[Sighing]

[Intercom buzzing]

I'm not in.

(Secretary on intercom)
It's Mr. Klinger.
He wants to talk to you.

Oh, send him in.

Well, Kenny, my boy.

Hi.

Here, sit down.

What're you here for,
I hope?

Well, I took your advice,
Mr. Holcomb.

When I calmed down,

I went to see Erik
in his pad.

Did you tell him that,
as a gentleman,

he should step aside
and let you marry jojo?

Yeah, I told him.

But he said that he and jojo
have an understanding

and that if I was
any kind of a gentleman,

I'd step aside.

Yeah, but you won't,
will you?

You got Erik all wrong,
Mr. Holcomb.

He's a pretty nice guy.

In fact, he invited me
to have dinner with him

and his English cousin,
marti.

Well, if Erik's cousin's
anything like Erik,

he must be pretty bad.

Marti is a girl.

She makes
the playmate of the month
look like a boy.

How can you be thinkin'
about another girl

when you're in love
with jojo?

What's to think about?

Jojo's got herself
another guy

and she digs him.

So that makes me
on the rebound, man.

And if I'm gonna bound,

marti's going to make
a mighty soft landing field.

So I'm gonna stay
right here and blow
grandma's loot.

And another thing.

Marti's convinced me
you were absolutely right.

Oh, that's
a thinkin' girl.

She said young people

shouldn't go leaping
into marriage.

And she invited me
to a youth festival.

Kronbaden?

I guess jojo told you
all about it, huh?

I hear
it's the greatest.

Get me Mr. Dow in Los Angeles.
Right away.

All right, all right,
I'll send a replacement.

But it might take a while.

For this, you had
to call me in the middle
of the night?

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's, uh, just early afternoon
here in Sweden.

I wasn't asleep
in Sweden.

What kind of nuts

do you have
working for you?

Holcomb is the best man
in the entire company.

Tomorrow,
I'm selling my stock.

[Sighing]

I was a sane man

until my daughter
hit her teens.

If she ever gets married,
they'll have to take me

out of my straightjacket
long enough to give her away.

Darling,
try to be calm.

How can I be calm
about a thing like this?

I was raised in america,
where virtue triumphs

or the sponsor
won't buy it.

So was jojo,

and her values
are basically sound.

I'm sure she will do
what is right for her,

eventually.

A lot of things
can happen to her

between now and eventually.

Oh, no, jojo and I are
goin' back to the states.

I'll be sorry
to see you go.

You're not
gonna see US go.

You're coming with US.

How long does is take
to get married over here?

Bob, darling, i--i want US
to be married.

You know that, but...

But what?

Marriage is
too important to me.

I already lost once.

Then this is your chance
to get even.

I made the mistake
of marrying a stranger.

Stranger?

Well, my husband and I
had known each other

for a year, but...

Bob, if we get married,

I don't want US
to be strangers.

Erik.

Erik?

A female Erik.
That's what you are.

This country is bed-happy.

This country?

And what about your country
and all those motels?

Motels?
Well, we drive a lot.

Yeah, you certainly do.

From the motels
to the license bureau

to the divorce courts.

Or don't you believe
in statistics?

I only believe in 2 things:

You and me.

But, how can I tell jojo

not to do what you
want me to do?

Fine example
I'd be showing her.

Then maybe we'd better
forget about US.

Forget about US?
Not a chance.

I'll do anything
not to lose you.

No, no, Bob.

You've made it very plain
how you feel.,

it'd be wrong of me
not to respect your feelings.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

I gotta respect
your feelings, too.

After all,
I'm in your country.

What kind of a guest
would I be

if I didn't have
the decency to follow
your quaint little customs?

No, no, i--i couldn't
ask you to do anything

so much against
your natural instincts.

It might create guilt feelings
that would make you neurotic.

Other things can make you
neurotic, too.

Oh, I see what you mean.

[Chuckling]

Why don't we both
give in a little?

I'll be a little Swedish,
you be a little American

and we'll meet
on neutral territory,

Switzerland.

But discreetly, like,

I'll be on a business trip
and guess who I bump into?

I hear it's very beautiful
in Zurich,

but is it necessary
to travel so far?

Not really, as long as
jojo thinks I'm there.

But, I still can't do it.

I can't leave jojo
in the same town

with Erik.

Why not?

Well, if I go away,
he might decide to hold

his own youth festival
right here in town.

Well, I guess there's
no solution for US.

Wait a minute.

While I'm away
on a phony business trip,

I'll send Erik
on a real one.

International oil has
some pressing business

in Saudi Arabia

and I'll send
Erik there to press it.

I know just where
we can go.

It's in the mountains.
Hotel idyllen in dalarna.

Oh, it'll be
a perfect weekend.

I won't have to worry
about Erik and jojo.

Anyone who wants her
will have to marry her.

The good old
American way, no samples.

Perhaps you'd like
to change your mind

about US, Mr. Holcomb,

since you're such
a good American.

Meet a defector.

I still don't see
why you won't let me
take you to the airport.

Well, no need to bother.

Well, have a good trip
and don't work too hard.

Oh, I'll be all right.

Oh, and behave yourself.

I won't do anything
you wouldn't do.

[Engine starting]

[Doorbell ringing]

I'll get it, hilda.

Yes. Erik!

[Speaks Swedish]

Daddy said you were
in Saudi Arabia.

I sent my subordinate
in my place.

Oh, won't you
get in trouble?
No.

Anybody can do

what your father
sent me to do.

Jojo, my darling,
I have decided.

While your father
is in Zurich,

you will be
in the mountains with me.

But what if daddy finds out?
If he calls?

You've gone away
with my sister, Greta.

Ingemar and hilda
will understand.

They'll say you've gone off
to the mountains.

And it will be true.

There's a beautiful
summer resort.

Erik, I don't know
if i--

you don't know?

After I took the chance
of losing my job
just to be with you?

I want to go...

Then I'll pick you up
in half an hour.

Half an hour.

Please,
don't look so sad.

I was worrying
about poor daddy.

[Whistling]

I'm glad
you are so happy, Bob.

Why shouldn't I be?

I'm here with you

and Erik's in the desert
with a rented camel.

[Birds chirping]

So, this is hotel idyllen.

No, this is a summer resort
for young people.

I want you to see

how innocent and wholesome
everything is.

Ok, it's a wonderful place.

So let's get on
to hotel idyllen.

After lunch.

I want you to see

how our young people
enjoy sports.

The accent here
is on athletics.

[Girl squealing]

What do they
specialize in,
deep breathing?

[Chuckling]

To think of all the years
I wasted on golf.

[Giggling]

What was that?

The 100-yard dash
or the running broad-jump?

[Girls giggling]

What are you staring at?

It's only a bathhouse.

Co-ed?

Is that bathing
or group therapy?

Bob, a famous king
once said,

"evil to him
who thinks evil."

[Sighing]

If he was right,
I'm in big trouble.

Crazy!

The scenery?

What's in front
of the scenery.

Now I dig what they mean
by foreign relations.

You are not sorry
you gave up jojo for me?

What's to compare?

She's a pint,
you're a full quart.

Uh, shall we check in and, uh,
make a little history?

You Americans
are so impatient.

We're a young country.
Got a lot of time to make up.

*[music playing]

[Music stops]

[All cheering]

*[music playing]

* I'll take Sweden,
ya, ya, ya *

* I'll make Sweden
home sweet home *

* Swedish girls,
ya, they're for me *

* ya, ya, ya,
they're for me *

* I'll never get too bored

* on smorgasbord

* so many different lips

* to taste

* the dishes,
ya, ya, ya *

* are delicious

* and not a one

* will go to waste

* oh, I'll take Sweden,
ya, ya, ya *

* I'll take Sweden
home with me *

* Swedish girls
though miles apart *

* will always be
in my heart *

* yeah

(all)
* ya

* yeah

* ya

* ya, ya

* yeah, yeah

* ya, ya, ya

* yeah, yeah, yeah

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya

* mountains high

(all)
* ya, ya

* touch the sky

* ya, ya

* mountains high,
touch the sky *

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya

* bright and sunny

* ya, ya

* it's the land of

* ya, ya

* milk and honey

* ya, ya

* days so sunny,
milk and honey *

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya

* I'll take Sweden,
ya, ya *

* I'll take Sweden, ya, ya

* got the things

(all)
* ya, ya

* I've been needin'

* ya, ya

* cows and cheese
and girls so pleasin' *

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya

* mountain slopes

* ya, ya

* love to ski

(all)
* ya, ya

* buxom blondes

* ya, ya

* they're for me

* ya, ya

* long ones, tall ones,
short ones, small ones *

* I'll take Sweden

* ya, ya

* ya
(All)
* ya

* ya
* ya

(all)
* ya, ya, ya, ya
ya, ya, ya, ya *

[yelling]

[Drums beating rapidly]

[Birds chirping]

[Sighs]

Well, we are here.
Happy?

I'll get US a room
with a view, huh?

Erik, can you get
2 rooms?

2 rooms?

Please.

Why not?

If it would make you
feel better, 2 rooms.

Oh, good.

One for the luggage.

Uh, Erik, before we check in,
why don't we have some lunch?

Lunch?

Yes, I'm very hungry.

All right, but, uh,

nothing that will take
too long to cook, huh?

[Chuckles]

No.

You Swedish people
really know how to live.

You eat well. You...

What's the matter?

It just hit me. You know,
jojo looks as healthy

as any of those
young athletes we saw.

She certainly does.

Erik is in Arabia

and I left her in a town
full of eriks.

Now, stop worrying
about jojo.

She told me

she was going to catch up
on her reading

over the weekend.

And I said I was
going to Zurich.

Don't you trust her?

If I can't trust me,
how can I trust her?

Oh, waiter,

would you bring me
the phone?

[Speaks Swedish]

[Sighing]

See anything you like,
alskling?

Hmm?

Is there something wrong?

I--i was thinking
about daddy.

I can't do this to him.

[Sighing]

I fail to see
what we are doing to him.

I can't go through with it.

Would you mind
taking me home?

I certainly would,

after bringing you
all the way up here.

It's like leading me
to the smorgasbord table

and--and taking away
the herring.

I'm sorry, Erik,

but this little herring
wants to go home.

All right.
I'll check out.

Well, don't you want
some lunch first?

I might never eat again.

[Sighing]

Waiter, may I please
have a phone?

Yeah.

Yeah. Mr. Holcomb.

I'd like to
talk to jojo.

Just a minute, please.

What did miss jojo say
we tell her father
if he calls?

[Sighing]

I not remember
exactly.

[Ringing]

Uh, just one moment
please, Mr. Holcomb.

Hello.

(Jojo)
Ingemar, this is jojo.

Oh, uh, good you call,
miss jojo.

Your father is
on the other phone.

Oh no,
what did you tell him?

Nothing.

Uh, I'll fix
so you'll tell him.

Uh, Mr. Holcomb, uh,
she just come in.

(Jojo)
Daddy.

Oh, hello, honey.

I just called to see
if you were lonesome.

Hi, daddy,
nice of you to call.

You don't mind being alone?

(Jojo)
Oh, I'm not alone.

You're not?

No, ingemar and hilda
are here.

Oh.

How are things
in Zurich?

Well, you know how
a business trip is.

Pressing.

Well, don't overdo it.

I'll try not to,

but everything gets dumped
into my lap.

You wouldn't believe
how exhausted I am at night.

Yes, I would.

Oh, don't you worry about me.

But, I do worry.

You forgot your vitamins
and with the kind of work
you're doing,

a man needs
all the vitamins he can get.

Well, I'm really
not working that hard.

Oh, I believe you are,

I think you should
take the day off tonight.

What?

Oh, we have a bad
connection here, honey.

I--i don't think
I heard you right.

It was sweet of you to call.
I know you're busy.

Goodbye, daddy.

Hey, she sounds great.

Ah, there's nothing
like a phone.

It's the next thing
to being there in person.

Excuse me.

Is that couple
stopping here?

No, miss.
I heard them say

they're going to
the hotel idyllen in dalarna.

Thank you.

[Sighing]

The Porter is putting
the bags in the car.

I should have you home
by 6:00.

[Chuckling]

Who wants to go home?

But you said--

oh, since when do you
believe everything

a woman says?

I'd like to go to
the hotel idyllen--

in dalarna?
Yes.

Are you saying
you really want to...

There is no place
I'd rather go.

Suddenly, my appetite
has come back.

Uh, waiter. Uh, bring US
2 steaks, please. Rare.

Yes, sir.

I'm glad you
feel better about jojo.

Now, how about
an aquavit?

Oh, make it a double.
I can relax now.

What's the matter?

Who did I just
talk to on the phone?

Jojo.

Then, how can I see her
just now with Erik?

Right over there.

[Birds chirping]

Our aquavit is stronger
than you think.

Yeah, I guess so.

Don't tell me
you saw them again.

Karin, I know jojo
is in Stockholm.

But she's also
right here with Erik.

Excuse me.

All right.
On your feet, young lady.

You ought to be
ashamed--

[speaking Swedish]

Who are you?

Oh, uh...

I'm the, uh,

new social director,
and, uh,

I just wanted
to make sure that you were

socially inclined.

Just go right ahead.
Enjoy.

And, uh,
if you need anything,

just check with me.

A deck of cards,
or a puzzle pegboard.

I'll be around.

Oh.

I'm delighted
we're going to
the hotel idyllen.

How did you happen
to think of it?

There was a couple
in the dining room

that just couldn't wait
to get there.

It is a very
romantic place.

You will not
be disappointed.

Me and my father.

What?

Oh, never mind.
Will you get the car?

Yeah.

It's a very
simple explanation.

I'm going nuts.

With jojo on the brain
and aquavit in your stomach,

the combination
must have been too much.

Just run over me.
It might clear my head.

What are you staring at?

I was seeing
pink jojos again.

All aboard
for the hotel idyllen.

Well, the lovebirds.

Kenny!

Kenneth.

Erik, old buddy.

Thanks for introducing me
to your cousin marti.

Kenny is very cute
and loveable.

And available.

(Kenny)
Long way from California,
isn't it?

Yes, long way.

Kenny, I think maybe--

have fun.
All the way.

[Birds chirping]

Well, what are we
waiting for?

[Motorboat engine revving]

You're still in love
with her, aren't you?

Who's her?

Of course you are.

Just as I'm still in love
with that stinker, Erik.

With Erik?

But, I thought
you were his cousin.

How else could he
introduce me

when I came barging
into his apartment

that evening?

But why go along
with the guy?

Because I thought
you were cute.

And if I made
a fuss over you,

it might
make Erik jealous.

Oh. Oh, I see.

So, you just brought me
up here for the ride.

I've been taken.
But what about jojo?

Is she being taken?

In a month from now,

Erik won't even remember
who she is.

Does that answer
your question?

In capital letters.

Move over.

We're going to go
to hotel idyllen.

[Speaking Swedish]

[Speaking Swedish]

Miss granstedt is one of
our most regular patrons.

Oh, really?

This time, I'm glad
she has company.

Is that better?

[Sighing]

You two work well
together.

Sweden is a very
friendly country.

You've sold me.

I will escort you
personally.

Erik, let's not register
under our real names.

Why not?

Hmm, it's more intriguing.

Yeah. What's in a name?

[Speaking Swedish]

This is the best
in the house.

Thank you.

Well, enjoy.

Thank you.

[Sighing]

Oh-oh, I forget your key.
I bring it right back.

[Door closing]

[Knocking on door]

What took him so long?

Luggage.

Yeah, put it right over there.
Tout de suite.

Here you are.

Oh, no, no,
thanks. Enjoy.

[Door closing]

You heard
what the man said.

[Knocking on door]

Maybe he changed his mind
about the tip.

Enjoy.

All I ask is
half a chance.

Excuse.

Tiger.

Sick 'em.

[Both chuckling]

I'll go and change.

I bought a special negligee,
just for you.

If you're in it,
it's bound to be special.

Hey.

Don't come near
the champagne.

It'll melt the ice.

How sweet of you
to think of champagne.

1954. It was
a very good year.

My idea of a good year

is the one
when you were born.

Come here, you.

[Phone ringing]

If this were in america,

that'd probably be
some rating survey

asking US
what television show

we're watching.

[Phone continues ringing]

Don't you think
you should answer it?

What do you think?

We are not
watching television.

Neither are we, daddy.

Daddy. Have you
got the wrong number.

Jojo? Where are you?

You mean we, don't you?

(Bob)
We?
Yes.

We're in a room

at the hotel idyllen
in dalarna. Erik and I.

Erik? But he's
in Saudi Arabia.

No, he's not.
He's right here with me.

In this hotel?
What are you doing here?

The same thing
you are doing.

That was jojo.
She's here with Erik.

Well, where are
you going?

Well, I've gotta
stop her.

From what?

Oh, she's about to do
the same thing
you're about to do

and that's
a terrible thing
for a girl to be doin'.

Well, that's a fine thing
to say to me.

No, no, i--i didn't
mean that.

Karin, i--i mean,
you're much older.

Older?

No, no, i--i didn't mean it
that way either.

What I meant was, well,
she's much younger.

What?

Look--look, honey,
i-I'll explain

the whole thing
to you later.

You gotta help me
stop jojo.

Well, i--i can't go
like this.

I'll go and change.

I deserve this.
I knew it was wrong.

Now I'm paying
the penalty.

Your father
was not upset?

What has he got
to be upset about?

He is here
with the woman he loves.

Just like you are.

He is, uh, almost as wise
and as understanding

as his daughter.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Stay in your own Lane.

I just found out
my daughter's
registered here

with a man.
What room are they in?

What does she
look like?

Oh, she's about 5'4'',
blond, very pretty,

and she's built like a...

Oh, that one.

Well, she's in room 110,

room 118, room 223,
and room--

ah, never mind.

All I know is
my daughter is
about to "enjoy-enjoy"

and I wanna find her
before she does.

Did everybody
on this page

register today?

Yeah.

Uh-huh. Aha!

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

There's a phony
if I ever saw one.

But you cannot--

give me that passkey.

Mr. Holcomb,
you can't break in.

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

How unclever can you get?

All right, jojo.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm--I'm the house detective,
and I just wanted to make sure

you had a girl in here.

Well, how dreadful!

Oh, sorry. 102.

All right,
you two, come out of there!

Well?

Oh.

You dropped
your slingshot.

I, uh,

I just want to warn you,

you're hanging around
with a litterbug.

Watch it.

Mr. Holcomb,

if you don't stop
this nonsense,

I'm going to have to
call the police.

Nonsense? My daughter's
in one of these rooms

with a man.

You're lucky.

Mine just sits
in her room and cries.

[Chuckling]

You know,
I think that

that champagne
makes me a little dizzy.

You underestimate me,
alskling.

I--i don't want to
crush your lovely jacket.

I thought I'd help you
out of it.

Oh, you're
such a gentleman.

Maybe it would be better

if you changed into
something a little less...

Less formal.

You think of everything.

Open up in there
or I'll break this door down.

I'll give you
to the count of 3.

3.

[Sighing]

And all I asked for
was a hot-water bottle.

[Gasping]

[Moaning]

No, please, let go.

I'll buy you
an electric blanket.

[Woman moaning]

Long live foreign aid.

You let go of him.

No, no.
This one's mine.

All you have to do
is call room service.

Look, these are the guests
who registered today.

You take these rooms
and I'll take these.

I hope we find jojo soon.

I don't want to marry
a grandfather.

Grandfather?

I just want to be
a father again.

[Door opening]

Alskling.

I was just looking
at the moon and the stars.

They pale next to
the loveliness of you.

An American man

would never say anything
that beautiful.

I have something beautiful
to inspire me.

(Bjork)
This crazy American
is breaking into all my rooms

looking for his
sensible daughter.

Now, you'll have to arrest him
but with discretion.

The calls I have
been receiving.

Psst.

(Bjork)
You can't believe

what this man is doing
to my respectable hotel.

[Footsteps approaching]

Ah, froken granstedt!

Have you seen your friend,
Mr. Holcomb?

Uh, he--he went up
the hall.

Is there something wrong?

I just want to catch him
and lock him in your room.

Nothing would
please me more.

Let's go.

Oh, I wish you would save
some of this energy for me.

Until we meet again.

[Girl sobbing]

[Man laughing]

[Glass shattering]

[Man laughing]

[Sobbing]

I'm sorry for both of you.

Did you find them?

No, but there must be

a great show
on television.

From the moment
you stepped off the plane

and into my life I...

I knew this was
meant to be.

What's the matter?

Um, please forgive me,

but I've changed
my mind again.

Why?

Why do you keep saying yes
when you really mean no?

Well, I thought I'd acquired
a new set of morals,

but I guess I haven't.

Neither have I.

Well, I hope you
don't hate yourself

for what
you're trying to do.

I promise you I won't.

You won't what?

Hate yourself
or won't try?

Jojo.

Now listen, I don't think
you're getting my message.

You cannot get away
from me.

I was 2nd
in the olympic high hurdles.

Well, congratulations.

[Thudding]

Any luck?

I think we just
hit pay dirt.

We found them.

Only that sneaky Casanova
would think of this.

Bob, this is our room.

Oh.

[Clicking tongue]

Hmm.

[Footsteps approaching]

Mr. Holcomb!
Boy, am I glad to see you!

Jojo's in this hotel
with Erik.

And he doesn't
intend to marry her.

I know,
he's got other ideas.

If you knew Erik
like I know--

I don't want to.
We don't even know
what room they're in.

I still have 2 more
on my list.

Here, you check those.

That's my future
father-in-law.

Bye, now.

Bye.

I don't know what it is
that men don't see in me.

No, Erik!
Yeah, jojo.

No!

Yeah.

No!

No!

[Grunting]

[Groaning]

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Say, any luck?

No. Oh, there's one
we didn't check.

Don't get up.
We're just passing through.

Now what?

I have one more left.
108.

108.

No!

[Squealing]

Jojo, you're ruining
my vacation.

[Grunting]

Finally.

Mr. Holcomb?
Yes.

We've had some
complaints about you.

Later. Later.
Not later.

Now, Mr. Holcomb.

[Speaking Swedish]

Oh.

Enjoy.

Sure. Enjoy.

Ahhh, help!

Let me go!

No!

The lady said
let her go.

Kenny!

Later, honey.

I'm gonna give loverboy
his first guitar lesson.

Please, I have no ear
for music.

[Crashing]

Kenny, my boy,

that's the best number
you ever played.

Oh! Kenny,
you were marvelous.

I have the feeling
I got here just in time.

Yes, just in time
for me to tell you

that I'm going
to marry Kenny.

I've been looking
all over for you.

Well, you're
a little late.

Just a minute.

I'll thank you to
keep your lovely hands

off my future son-in-law.

Hadn't you better
take care of your cousin?

Erik, darling.

What have these Americans
done to you?

Would you mind
moving over please?

Oh.

[Ship horn blowing]

Look at 'em.
Staring at each other

like they were
2 television sets.

Hey, why don't you
kids hit the road?

It's getting
kinda late.

It's not late.
It's only 7:30.

You're still
on bachelor time.

Oh, yeah. It is kind of
married, uh, late.

[Chuckling]

Well...
Good night.

Bye for now.

[Sighing]

That was sweet
of you.

Giving them
a chance to be alone.

Well, when you're in love
all you really think about

are those 3 little words:

Do not disturb.

(Man over P.A. system)
Attention, please,
Mr. Robert holcomb.

Would Mr. Holcomb
please report

to the captain's office?

Hey, that's US,
Mrs. Holcomb.

[Sighing]

Oh, Mr. Holcomb.
I was just having you paged.

There is
a slight embarrassment.

Uh, at the time that I married
you and the other couples

it seems that we were still

within the territorial waters
of Sweden.

So, if we can
just repeat the vows.

Repeat the vows?

Are you trying to tell me
we're not married?

Well, not legally.

It seems the second mate

made a slight
navigational error.

And my daughter's
not married?

Oh, it's nothing serious.

It's just that
something went wrong

with his sextant.

Jojo, Kenny!

Uh, what's the number
of their stateroom?

I--i don't remember.

Oh, you--you Swede,
you!

Now hear this.
Now hear this.

To the couple
who just hung out

that "do not disturb" sign,

her father just found out
you're not married

and he will meet you
on the starboard side
of the ship.

[Door opening]

[Footsteps approaching]

(Bob)
Like I said before,
it feels great

to be getting home.

Especially in this
wonderful position.

* I've seen the river boats
in Holland *

* I'll take Sweden
ya, ya, ya *

* and London kissed
with morning dew *

* I'll take Sweden
ya, ya, ya *

* and from a silver plain

* I've seen it rain in Spain

* but nothing can compare
with you *

* I've seen that
scenic ocean shining *

* I'll take Sweden
ya, ya, ya *

* the Caribbean
dressed in blue *

* I 'll take Sweden
ya, ya, ya *

* and now as I recall

* I guess I've seen it all

* but nothing can compare

* with you