Il secondo tragico Fantozzi (1976) - full transcript
The frustrating adventures of a humble employee who all the time has to fullfill the wishes and desires of his bosses.
Hello, good evening!
Good morning, Mrs...
Duchess of Earl
Margherita Semenzara!
How did I know it was you?
No, I did not know, you swore it was you...
I recognized your noble voice.
Do you want to talk to your
Noble Lord Husband?
He is in a session since yesterday evening
in the Grand Council of the 10 absenthees.
I have clear instructions
not to interrupt them...
But if you insist,
Ah, you do not insist, you...
command it.
Then, just a moment,
I'll put you in touch with the council.
Just a moment...
Hello, Council of the 10 absenthees.
It's for our Count Semenzara, from his wife
Lady Duchess... Duchess Conde...
- Wait.
- Wait a moment.
Just a moment...
Here is your husband.
Ciao, I'm here, my jealous one!
Did you think I was out partying with hookers?
Semenzara doesn't do stupid things.
Semenzara works even at night...
to keep you and the family well.
He is not scared of your controls.
But now please,I need to go,
must partecipate to a vote.
Ciao, ciao...
What did you say?
Nothing, he spoke a bit faster
because he needs to go voting.
He said to sleep peacefully...
That's good. Good night, good day,
good bye Lady Duchess Cond...
- Who's here!? - Fantozzi Ugo, accountant,
Registration 7829/bis. Doing overtime.
You could have warned me!?
Sorry Mr. Nightguard,
if I have frightened you.
Thank you, good morning. Good night.
Mr. Nightguard, see you soon.
THE SECOND TRAGIC MOVIE
ABOUT FANTOZZI
Good morning, miss...
No! Your colleague has already shot
me upstairs!
I promise, next time I'll do it with you.
Good year, good bye!
- We are waiting for you.
- We are waiting for you.
WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU
Let me through!
Please!
They expect me home!
On the chassis...
The crystals, no!
- Take this!
- You miserable scoundrel!
...You think you own the road?
How often should I say,
I should... should...
Go home because I've just
finished to work!!!
Here, accountant,
Extremely urgent.
Surveyor??. F 7.
Damn, in the first turn!.
- I stroke a cruiser.
- Well!.
- I'd start with n. 27 this morning
- Good, and you?
The series of 5 to 8,
per 100,000 liras.
Let's get on with it.
For the selection of the employee
that should accompany
Our Mega Director Clamoroso Duke Conde
Pier Carlo Ingeniero Semenzara...
to play in Monte Carlo,
there was a terrible draw...
For which there was also the partecipation
of the internal committee.
The organizer of the ceremony, was the
accountant Filini, of the Claims Office.
Attention!
- Let's proceed!
- Sí, your Excellence.
Miss Silvani!
Pardon me!
Ms Silvani of Calboni!
- Me?
- Sí.
chosen to withdraw from the urn
name chosen, Ms. Calboni...
ex Miss Silvani.
And ex great desperate love of Fantozzi.
...since she married, he dared not
touch her even with his thoughts.
- Excuse me if I turn my back ...
- I blindfold...
- Sorry.
- Easy.
- Do you see anything?
- No!
The occasion was
thruly horrendous...
3 days in Monte Carlo,
to see Semenzara play.
And if he suspected that
his companion brought him good luck...
Then your life would be settled...
Sweet heart of Jesus,
(prayer)...
Be quiet!
Who's praying?
Thanks.
Registration 7829/bis.
Fantozzi remained in a state of
apparent death, for more than four hours.
- Congratulations Fantozzi!
- Well done, fatty!
To Fantozzi!
Hip, hip, hip, hurra!
Hip, hip, hip, hurra!
Again congratulations!
Thank you, please drink.
Drink to my health...
At least say thanks to me.
For what?
It was my wife's doing.
Let's say I have been
your fortune goddess, Fantozzi.
I must thank you.
Would you like a drink?
No thanks. But do me a favour.
Come.
Sí, where?
Such luck! It's disgusting!
- He's been kissed by luck...
- I hate him!
Here, take these!
Do you want me to exchange them?
No, Fantozzi.
You must play them at the roulette.
For me.
But, is your husband ok with this?
Does he know?
But we are a modern couple,
We are open minded.
Play it on the 27, Fantozzi.
Sí.
...When you feel it's the right moment.
27, it's my age.
Oh, to think I would have played
at the most the 14... Or even 4.
Goodbye Pina!
Ciao Mariángela!
Ah, here is the tra... tra... train...
Well, we have to admit,
we are slightly early.
the train to Montecarlo
departed at 23:37.
Fantozzi arrived at the station
at 4:12 in the afternoon.
7 hours earlier!
With him,
Ms. Pina, and Mariangela.
To see his triumphal departure.
There he is! The Duke Conde!
Good morning, Master!
Make way for the Duke Conde!
Make way for Conde Semenzara!
Sir Duke Conde, if you allow me
the honour of introducing you my...!
Who are those loosers?
Who do you want to introduce me to!?
Nobody. I wanted to present my apologies
for having slighly touched you with my elbow...
So you do not have any relation
with those witches?
No, never seen them in my life,
don't know them at all!
- Then don't look at them!
- No, I don't!
- And touch yourself, by Judas!
- Yes, I touch myself!
I hope they will not get on our train.
No, I don't think so...
I believe they are going away,
yes, they are going away.
Gone now.
- That's better!
- That's better!
Pardon me, I just take my suitcase,
Even a purple suitcase, that
brings bad luck!
By the way,
You have no luggage?
No, no luggage.
Not even a briefcase?
...I have a nice one back home,
but I do not bring it to the station,
because... they'd steal it...
But i have everything on me:
5 shirts, 12 pairs of pants...
and 16 pairs of socks.
There's the train!
Let me, Duke Conde!
Stay still!
Just a moment!
- What's the meaning of this?
- quiet with those hands!
The Duke Conde is mine!
All taken!
Taken, taken taken...
It's all busy!.
I took the whole compartment!
But... young man,
Have you ever booked a sleeping cabin?
No sorry...
These are booked.
I booked cabin n.18.
18?
Sir Count...
Come then, Count.
N. 18?
Come,
I'm at your service...
Let's clean it...
What the hell are you doing?
Here, I think, it's your...
...bidé.
What?
What is this?
- Ddi you get hurt?
- It's nothing...
Only lost functionality
of the first two phalanges.
Pinkie and ring finger.
Sorry, I'll just get my hand back.
Oh, here is also your glass,
to drink during the night...
Oh, of course. This is for your
noble needs.
Can I Undress you,
Conde Duque Lord?
No, no, no!
Go to your cabin.
I don't have a cabin...
To avoid being a weight on the company,
I took a 2nd class ticket...
As you know,
3rd class has been abolished.
If it's allowed, I'd prefer
to sleep on the floor...
Curled up next to your bed...
Not allowed,
not allowed!
Well, then if you consent it,
I will retire to my compartment.
- Clear. - Go to 2a. you'll see,
it will be very comfortable.
Good night.
Tickets please...
I hope you're in good shape, young man.
Cause I've been awake all night
in that bloody bed.
- I was right above the wheels!
- Oh, I was rather comfy.
- Good evening.
- Good evening dear.
The Duke, like all people
possessed by the demon of game...
was very superstitious
and used extravagant rituals.
Do, re, mi, Good Luck comes here.
Re, mi, fa, Good luck comes this side.
Si, do, re, Good luck does not go there.
Pardon me...
Chips!
One moment,
not a bet...
Here you go, Duke!.
Mr Conde Duke.
Sit down.
Sorry, Mr Conde Duke,
Actually I have no chair.
- Sit anyway!
- Anyway...
Done.
And touch my ass!
But, How do I do that...?
Put your hand under!
Just do it!
Nine!
What's happening?
My foot was under yours,
Sir Duke Conde.
Put back immediatly your foot under mine.
Do not interrupt the fluid.
everything must stay as
when I won.
- And keep it on with my ass.
- I keep on...
...touching your ass...
- A million?
A million.
Eight!
A horrible sufference,
but short...
Because in the span of two hands,
Semenzara lost everything ......
and went under of
22 kilos of chips.
And stop touching my ass!!
But, at about 3 am, the Conde Duke
had a stroke of luck
...and won a clamorous prize.
What were you doing just then?
Me? I allowed myself to drink
few drops of mineral sparkling water.
Bravo, bravo!
Keep doing that!
Valet, bring immediately
25 bottles of mineral water,
...Of the same brand!
It was the terrible "Acqua Berthier",
The gassiest on the planet...
Nine!
Drink, drink!
Sorry...
- What is your rank in the company?.
- Me? Twelfth. The lowest.
I upgrade you at the 11º.
...With my own personal desk,
and fake leather chair?
Sí, sí.
But keep drinking!
In 2 hours Fantozzi drunk
4 boxes of "Berthier"...
Equivalent to 3 cubic meters
of compressed gas.
Therefore it had to be anchored
like a balloon..
No, no.
Give me back the chair.
- Give me the chair.
- Quiet, quiet.
It may fall
on someone's head.
This is the casino's chair.
Go now.
On the bright side,
during those 2 hours...
He climbed with mad speed all the
Company's hierarchical steps.
even 3 by 3...
Employee of 7th rank:
mahogany desk,
and artificial leather armchair,
phone, ficus plant,
symbol of power.
Fifth rank:
opaline lamp, flat glass,,
Painting "naif" from Yugoslavia on the wall,
2 ficus.
First rank:
4 ficus,
3 phones, dictaphone,
six "naif" paintings,
rug on the floor.
He had come to
the threshold of leadership
ie greenhouse of ficus,
and armchair in human skin,
when fortune turned away
ruinously from Semenzara
You ruined me, idiot!
Retire!
Vanish.
Idiot, king of the idiots!
Hei, hei, hei!
Drop that ashtray!
It belongs to the Casino!
where are you going, give it back!
Forgive me...
"play them at Roulette
when inspiration will come "
"Twenty-seven, as my age."
"Dad, did you get me
a gift this time?"
- No more! - Wait, I bet here!
I put 20,000 to 27!
27, red and odd!
Here, it's me!
- Sorry ...
- To whom does this belong?
It's mine.
Yes of course.
Of course it belongs to the Duke Conde.
I would never dare to play,
even less, to win.
Excuse me,
How much is the winning?
- 700 thousand liras.
- Ah, good!
With that blood money
Semenzara paid the bill
of his suite at the Grand Hotel.
With the remaining amount, 2 whores,
and a bed cabin for the way back on the train.
Fantozzi instead, had to find
a different solution with his own means.
Ughino,
Look how you've become.
All stuck...
Can't even speak...
Now I will heal you with grandma's flaxseeds...
- Are you happy? - No, no!
- I'll go to the kitchen and back...
Here is a lukewarm one.
Then I'll bring you another hotter.
At that temperature, Fantozzi
always fell in a mystical ecstasy...
This time he saw the archangel Gabriel
which announced his upcoming motherhood.
Opening of the hunting season.
This year, again dragged
by the implacable Filini ...
always possessed by ideas of new
and tragic initiatives...
Fantozzi also
decided to partecipate
Filini's equipment:
Sherlock Holmes hat, with
Robin Hood style feather,
An Argentine poncho that belonged to
a rich aunt, tennis shoes with galoshes over
Topografic maps...
And a Calabrian bandit's trombone.
Fantozzi:
white hat, sailor style,
of his daughter Mariángela ...
Painfully normal jacket, tight at the waist
by a gigantic cartridge belt,
...machine gun,
a 2nd World War residue,
sling, viper bite serum,
canary in a cage,
and hunting stray cat...
who immediately fled
at the beginning of the operation...
How wonderful!!
This is a paradise on Earth!
Breath!
Too bad, mr. Accountant!
What?
That you could not bring
your Albertuccia.
...Albertuccia?
I mean, Albertina, the baboon!
Your daughter...
- Ah, Mariangela!
- Of Course.
She surely would have had fun...
Jumping from tree to tree.
What do you mean, from tree to tree?
No, I meant, from meadow to meadow!
But here we are really out of the world,
Where are we?
We are exactly in this place,
Can you see it?
- Your feather...
- Do you see it?
Actually I do not see anything,
Your feather is piercing my eye...
here is a famous hill,
practically no man
has even been there.
It is a place that nobody knows!
Good morning, Mrs...
Duchess of Earl
Margherita Semenzara!
How did I know it was you?
No, I did not know, you swore it was you...
I recognized your noble voice.
Do you want to talk to your
Noble Lord Husband?
He is in a session since yesterday evening
in the Grand Council of the 10 absenthees.
I have clear instructions
not to interrupt them...
But if you insist,
Ah, you do not insist, you...
command it.
Then, just a moment,
I'll put you in touch with the council.
Just a moment...
Hello, Council of the 10 absenthees.
It's for our Count Semenzara, from his wife
Lady Duchess... Duchess Conde...
- Wait.
- Wait a moment.
Just a moment...
Here is your husband.
Ciao, I'm here, my jealous one!
Did you think I was out partying with hookers?
Semenzara doesn't do stupid things.
Semenzara works even at night...
to keep you and the family well.
He is not scared of your controls.
But now please,I need to go,
must partecipate to a vote.
Ciao, ciao...
What did you say?
Nothing, he spoke a bit faster
because he needs to go voting.
He said to sleep peacefully...
That's good. Good night, good day,
good bye Lady Duchess Cond...
- Who's here!? - Fantozzi Ugo, accountant,
Registration 7829/bis. Doing overtime.
You could have warned me!?
Sorry Mr. Nightguard,
if I have frightened you.
Thank you, good morning. Good night.
Mr. Nightguard, see you soon.
THE SECOND TRAGIC MOVIE
ABOUT FANTOZZI
Good morning, miss...
No! Your colleague has already shot
me upstairs!
I promise, next time I'll do it with you.
Good year, good bye!
- We are waiting for you.
- We are waiting for you.
WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU
Let me through!
Please!
They expect me home!
On the chassis...
The crystals, no!
- Take this!
- You miserable scoundrel!
...You think you own the road?
How often should I say,
I should... should...
Go home because I've just
finished to work!!!
Here, accountant,
Extremely urgent.
Surveyor??. F 7.
Damn, in the first turn!.
- I stroke a cruiser.
- Well!.
- I'd start with n. 27 this morning
- Good, and you?
The series of 5 to 8,
per 100,000 liras.
Let's get on with it.
For the selection of the employee
that should accompany
Our Mega Director Clamoroso Duke Conde
Pier Carlo Ingeniero Semenzara...
to play in Monte Carlo,
there was a terrible draw...
For which there was also the partecipation
of the internal committee.
The organizer of the ceremony, was the
accountant Filini, of the Claims Office.
Attention!
- Let's proceed!
- Sí, your Excellence.
Miss Silvani!
Pardon me!
Ms Silvani of Calboni!
- Me?
- Sí.
chosen to withdraw from the urn
name chosen, Ms. Calboni...
ex Miss Silvani.
And ex great desperate love of Fantozzi.
...since she married, he dared not
touch her even with his thoughts.
- Excuse me if I turn my back ...
- I blindfold...
- Sorry.
- Easy.
- Do you see anything?
- No!
The occasion was
thruly horrendous...
3 days in Monte Carlo,
to see Semenzara play.
And if he suspected that
his companion brought him good luck...
Then your life would be settled...
Sweet heart of Jesus,
(prayer)...
Be quiet!
Who's praying?
Thanks.
Registration 7829/bis.
Fantozzi remained in a state of
apparent death, for more than four hours.
- Congratulations Fantozzi!
- Well done, fatty!
To Fantozzi!
Hip, hip, hip, hurra!
Hip, hip, hip, hurra!
Again congratulations!
Thank you, please drink.
Drink to my health...
At least say thanks to me.
For what?
It was my wife's doing.
Let's say I have been
your fortune goddess, Fantozzi.
I must thank you.
Would you like a drink?
No thanks. But do me a favour.
Come.
Sí, where?
Such luck! It's disgusting!
- He's been kissed by luck...
- I hate him!
Here, take these!
Do you want me to exchange them?
No, Fantozzi.
You must play them at the roulette.
For me.
But, is your husband ok with this?
Does he know?
But we are a modern couple,
We are open minded.
Play it on the 27, Fantozzi.
Sí.
...When you feel it's the right moment.
27, it's my age.
Oh, to think I would have played
at the most the 14... Or even 4.
Goodbye Pina!
Ciao Mariángela!
Ah, here is the tra... tra... train...
Well, we have to admit,
we are slightly early.
the train to Montecarlo
departed at 23:37.
Fantozzi arrived at the station
at 4:12 in the afternoon.
7 hours earlier!
With him,
Ms. Pina, and Mariangela.
To see his triumphal departure.
There he is! The Duke Conde!
Good morning, Master!
Make way for the Duke Conde!
Make way for Conde Semenzara!
Sir Duke Conde, if you allow me
the honour of introducing you my...!
Who are those loosers?
Who do you want to introduce me to!?
Nobody. I wanted to present my apologies
for having slighly touched you with my elbow...
So you do not have any relation
with those witches?
No, never seen them in my life,
don't know them at all!
- Then don't look at them!
- No, I don't!
- And touch yourself, by Judas!
- Yes, I touch myself!
I hope they will not get on our train.
No, I don't think so...
I believe they are going away,
yes, they are going away.
Gone now.
- That's better!
- That's better!
Pardon me, I just take my suitcase,
Even a purple suitcase, that
brings bad luck!
By the way,
You have no luggage?
No, no luggage.
Not even a briefcase?
...I have a nice one back home,
but I do not bring it to the station,
because... they'd steal it...
But i have everything on me:
5 shirts, 12 pairs of pants...
and 16 pairs of socks.
There's the train!
Let me, Duke Conde!
Stay still!
Just a moment!
- What's the meaning of this?
- quiet with those hands!
The Duke Conde is mine!
All taken!
Taken, taken taken...
It's all busy!.
I took the whole compartment!
But... young man,
Have you ever booked a sleeping cabin?
No sorry...
These are booked.
I booked cabin n.18.
18?
Sir Count...
Come then, Count.
N. 18?
Come,
I'm at your service...
Let's clean it...
What the hell are you doing?
Here, I think, it's your...
...bidé.
What?
What is this?
- Ddi you get hurt?
- It's nothing...
Only lost functionality
of the first two phalanges.
Pinkie and ring finger.
Sorry, I'll just get my hand back.
Oh, here is also your glass,
to drink during the night...
Oh, of course. This is for your
noble needs.
Can I Undress you,
Conde Duque Lord?
No, no, no!
Go to your cabin.
I don't have a cabin...
To avoid being a weight on the company,
I took a 2nd class ticket...
As you know,
3rd class has been abolished.
If it's allowed, I'd prefer
to sleep on the floor...
Curled up next to your bed...
Not allowed,
not allowed!
Well, then if you consent it,
I will retire to my compartment.
- Clear. - Go to 2a. you'll see,
it will be very comfortable.
Good night.
Tickets please...
I hope you're in good shape, young man.
Cause I've been awake all night
in that bloody bed.
- I was right above the wheels!
- Oh, I was rather comfy.
- Good evening.
- Good evening dear.
The Duke, like all people
possessed by the demon of game...
was very superstitious
and used extravagant rituals.
Do, re, mi, Good Luck comes here.
Re, mi, fa, Good luck comes this side.
Si, do, re, Good luck does not go there.
Pardon me...
Chips!
One moment,
not a bet...
Here you go, Duke!.
Mr Conde Duke.
Sit down.
Sorry, Mr Conde Duke,
Actually I have no chair.
- Sit anyway!
- Anyway...
Done.
And touch my ass!
But, How do I do that...?
Put your hand under!
Just do it!
Nine!
What's happening?
My foot was under yours,
Sir Duke Conde.
Put back immediatly your foot under mine.
Do not interrupt the fluid.
everything must stay as
when I won.
- And keep it on with my ass.
- I keep on...
...touching your ass...
- A million?
A million.
Eight!
A horrible sufference,
but short...
Because in the span of two hands,
Semenzara lost everything ......
and went under of
22 kilos of chips.
And stop touching my ass!!
But, at about 3 am, the Conde Duke
had a stroke of luck
...and won a clamorous prize.
What were you doing just then?
Me? I allowed myself to drink
few drops of mineral sparkling water.
Bravo, bravo!
Keep doing that!
Valet, bring immediately
25 bottles of mineral water,
...Of the same brand!
It was the terrible "Acqua Berthier",
The gassiest on the planet...
Nine!
Drink, drink!
Sorry...
- What is your rank in the company?.
- Me? Twelfth. The lowest.
I upgrade you at the 11º.
...With my own personal desk,
and fake leather chair?
Sí, sí.
But keep drinking!
In 2 hours Fantozzi drunk
4 boxes of "Berthier"...
Equivalent to 3 cubic meters
of compressed gas.
Therefore it had to be anchored
like a balloon..
No, no.
Give me back the chair.
- Give me the chair.
- Quiet, quiet.
It may fall
on someone's head.
This is the casino's chair.
Go now.
On the bright side,
during those 2 hours...
He climbed with mad speed all the
Company's hierarchical steps.
even 3 by 3...
Employee of 7th rank:
mahogany desk,
and artificial leather armchair,
phone, ficus plant,
symbol of power.
Fifth rank:
opaline lamp, flat glass,,
Painting "naif" from Yugoslavia on the wall,
2 ficus.
First rank:
4 ficus,
3 phones, dictaphone,
six "naif" paintings,
rug on the floor.
He had come to
the threshold of leadership
ie greenhouse of ficus,
and armchair in human skin,
when fortune turned away
ruinously from Semenzara
You ruined me, idiot!
Retire!
Vanish.
Idiot, king of the idiots!
Hei, hei, hei!
Drop that ashtray!
It belongs to the Casino!
where are you going, give it back!
Forgive me...
"play them at Roulette
when inspiration will come "
"Twenty-seven, as my age."
"Dad, did you get me
a gift this time?"
- No more! - Wait, I bet here!
I put 20,000 to 27!
27, red and odd!
Here, it's me!
- Sorry ...
- To whom does this belong?
It's mine.
Yes of course.
Of course it belongs to the Duke Conde.
I would never dare to play,
even less, to win.
Excuse me,
How much is the winning?
- 700 thousand liras.
- Ah, good!
With that blood money
Semenzara paid the bill
of his suite at the Grand Hotel.
With the remaining amount, 2 whores,
and a bed cabin for the way back on the train.
Fantozzi instead, had to find
a different solution with his own means.
Ughino,
Look how you've become.
All stuck...
Can't even speak...
Now I will heal you with grandma's flaxseeds...
- Are you happy? - No, no!
- I'll go to the kitchen and back...
Here is a lukewarm one.
Then I'll bring you another hotter.
At that temperature, Fantozzi
always fell in a mystical ecstasy...
This time he saw the archangel Gabriel
which announced his upcoming motherhood.
Opening of the hunting season.
This year, again dragged
by the implacable Filini ...
always possessed by ideas of new
and tragic initiatives...
Fantozzi also
decided to partecipate
Filini's equipment:
Sherlock Holmes hat, with
Robin Hood style feather,
An Argentine poncho that belonged to
a rich aunt, tennis shoes with galoshes over
Topografic maps...
And a Calabrian bandit's trombone.
Fantozzi:
white hat, sailor style,
of his daughter Mariángela ...
Painfully normal jacket, tight at the waist
by a gigantic cartridge belt,
...machine gun,
a 2nd World War residue,
sling, viper bite serum,
canary in a cage,
and hunting stray cat...
who immediately fled
at the beginning of the operation...
How wonderful!!
This is a paradise on Earth!
Breath!
Too bad, mr. Accountant!
What?
That you could not bring
your Albertuccia.
...Albertuccia?
I mean, Albertina, the baboon!
Your daughter...
- Ah, Mariangela!
- Of Course.
She surely would have had fun...
Jumping from tree to tree.
What do you mean, from tree to tree?
No, I meant, from meadow to meadow!
But here we are really out of the world,
Where are we?
We are exactly in this place,
Can you see it?
- Your feather...
- Do you see it?
Actually I do not see anything,
Your feather is piercing my eye...
here is a famous hill,
practically no man
has even been there.
It is a place that nobody knows!