If I Should Die Before I Wake (2015) - full transcript
- [Brian] I can't
remember a time in my life
when I was truly happy.
Maybe I don't even
believe that happy exists.
My mom taught me how to say this prayer
when I was a little kid
just before I go to bed.
You probably said it too.
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep."
It wasn't until I got
older that that phrase,
"If I should die before I wake"
began to mean something much more to me
than a cute little rhyme.
I was a long distance runner
in high school, wiry and fast.
Even got a few trophies and some write-ups
in the local paper.
My mama was so proud when
I got into Northwestern
on an athletic scholarship.
I was gonna be an engineer.
That was a lifetime ago.
Given everything
that's happened maybe it
was somebody else's life.
Running is the one
consistent thing in my life.
It's therapeutic and it's cathartic.
I get my head together.
I think a lot clearer out here.
I sorta went off the rails
after my mother died.
Being an engineer just wasn't
that important anymore.
I realized what I was
metaphorically trying to run from,
was running as fast as I was.
the man in the mirror and all that be is.
I hurt my back a couple of years ago.
Thank God for having a doctor
who's a best friend and a friend.
I think I might be a little
more dependent on Vicodin
than I should be.
But it dulls the pain.
I hate myself just enough
to continue these destructive behaviors.
I wished I loved myself enough to stop.
Making the wrong choices
in life can be devastating.
Reacting to those choices can be fatal.
- No thank you.
- What's up, man, how're you doing?
- Good.
- You're doing all right, man?
- I am now.
- Now?
- What's so different than before?
- I meant, I, I'm okay.
- You're okay?
- Yeah.
- You come here often?
- Once or twice I've been here.
- It's my first time.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, a friend told her about it.
So I thought I should check it out.
Pretty cool.
You can have a good time,
do you recommend it?
- Yeah.
- All the stuff going on
What's your name?
- My name is Brian.
- Cedric.
- Cedric. Nice to meet you, Cedric.
- Can I buy you a drink?
- Hey man, come down.
I mean, it's a club,
people have a good time,
drink, meet up with people.
I'm I right, man?
- You're right.
- Right. That's much better
- Where's my drink, this bartender.
Thank you.
- There we go.
- There we go.
- Em, so
First time?
- First time.
- First time.
- What's up, man?
What's wrong with you?
You're all right?
- Man, we need to talk.
- No, I gonna lie to someone.
- Michelle and I are getting serious.
- Is that all?
- Well, I mean, we won't
be able to do this anymore.
- Are you trippy, man?
Just you have another one
of your hallelujah come to Jesus meeting.
It calls you to feel guilty
about being who you are.
- Cedric, come on.
- No, you come on Brian.
Every time you feel guilty
about it, you pull this crap.
Nobody forced you to get
involved with this girl.
When are you just going to
stop hiding and be yourself.
And who do you have to
prove anything to, Brian?
Do you love her?
- I said it.
- No, look at me, Brian.
Do you love her?
Tell me, do you love her?
- What do you want me to say?
- Of course not.
How can you love anybody
when you're so busy hating yourself?
Let's say you married this girl, Brian.
- Cedric, I didn't say
anything about marriage.
- Oh really?
Then what did you mean
about getting serious?
Right.
That's what I thought.
God doesn't hate you as much
as you hate yourself, Brian.
I mean, what's going to happen
the next time you get an itch
and all this blows up in your face
and you know it will.
So sick and tired of you,
man, I know what you want.
Going back and forth with me, Brian.
If you do this, don't call me anymore.
I'm not hanging around and
scratch your itch next time.
I've let you back in way too
many times already, Brian,
and I'm not doing it again.
I want a relationship with a
man who has his head together.
Not one that's scared of his own shadow.
and makes his decisions based off
what other people expect him to be.
- You're right.
And I'm sorry.
- That's it, Brian.
- Cedric.
- No, that's it. I'm tired of you.
I'm sick of you, Brian, I'm out.
Don't call me, don't text
me, I'm done with that.
- Cedric
- No, I'm out Brian.
Keep your life together, Brian.
- Cedric, a second.
- Nice day for running.
Nice day for praying.
- What?
- Just open your mouth
and say the words, son.
He'll hear you.
- Daddy.
- Daddy.
- Errh.
- Daddy, you stink.
- Wait, no. You stink.
- No, you stink.
- Who said I stink?
- Can't walk as long as you're
holding his legs like that.
Wait for me girls.
Okay.
- My love.
- Mmh. You do stink.
And you are so wet.
You stink terribly.
Oh, you got some bling-bling huh?
- Yeah, found it running.
- Okay. Are you okay, baby?
- This back.
I must overdone it, running again.
- I really wish you go see a specialist.
Whatever Darryl is prescribing you,
obviously is not working.
- I'm gonna go up and shower, okay?
- Okay.
I'll have dinner ready for
you when you come down, okay.
- All right.
- All right.
- a man got
- Oh, I almost forgot. Mary
Davidson called you today.
Bae, did you hear me?
- Yeah. Did she say anything?
- She just said that
it's really important.
And she really needs to talk to you.
- I'll give her a call later.
- Okay.
- I messed up.
Please, help me.
Help me. God.
- Baby
- Mana, I thought you'd be at work.
- It's one O'clock.
Though you'd be in school.
I guess we were both wrong.
- We only had a half day, so.
I'm gonna go fix a sandwich.
What are you doing with that?
- I was putting clean sheets on your bed.
- Did you read it?
- What?
Don't you dare raise your voice to me.
- You know, I can't have
no privacy in this house.
- Excuse me.
This is my house and everything in it.
Is this stuff true?
What I read?
Have you been messed with, Christian?
Tell me the truth.
Were you molested?
- No, why would you ask me that?
- Because of the filth in this letter.
- Did that man make you,
Baby, did he do something to you, tell me.
Tell me what he made you do.
- He didn't make me do nothing
that I didn't wanna do.
That's right.
I wanted it.
He didn't have to force me.
- He's a grown man, you're a child.
He should know better.
- Okay. Well, I knew what I was doing
and I wanted to have
sex with him and I did.
Feel better now.
- Were you 17?
You don't know what you want.
You're confused, that's all.
He's brainwashed you or
cursed you or something.
I swear. That's all that's
on the news these days.
Adults abusing children.
Baby, he's taken advantage of you.
And so help me, God.
I swear when I am finished with him,
he'll be sorry he ever touched you.
- I want you listen to me.
I just said that I wanted this.
Me, I did it.
- Is he threatening you?
- No. Now back off.
- Back off.
But, what about you'll
never tell this word
and I will have you take you up.
Who the hell do you
think you're talking to?
You are my son, my responsibility.
Just like Angel and Bethany.
So I am not going to back off
and allow anybody to hurt my
kids and get away with it.
- He didn't hurt me.
Okay. First he didn't even want to.
I went after him.
Yeah, that's right.
I went after him.
Why can't you believe this
is something that I wanted.
If I killed somebody, will that my fault
or would you try to blame
somebody else for that too?
- Christian, it is not the same thing.
- And how was it different?
If I knowingly picked up a gun
and blew somebody's head off,
the court would treat me
like any other criminal,
won't they?
Like an adult?
You see that on the news all the time too.
Don't you?
But because I wanted to have sex,
I'm confused and I don't
know what I'm doing,
'cause I'm just a kid, but,
if I killed somebody, all
of a sudden, I'm a man.
Okay.
Can I have my letter back?
- No.
- It's my letter.
You know what, fine, keep it.
- Chris!
Chris!
Chris, Chris. Open this door.
Do you hear me?
Open this door right now.
Chris, Chris.
- [Kids] Now let me lie down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake
I pray Lord my soul to take.
Amen.
- Great job, girl give
me a hug sweetheart.
Okay, get to bed.
Oh, you already got in.
I like your style. I like your style.
All right, have a good night.
Love you guys
- Where's mama?
- She left.
- Where'd she go?
- I don't know, she was mad.
Like she had been crying.
- Ooh, Chris, are you in trouble?
- Hey, Man. How're you doing?
- Fine
- Good.
What're we having today?
Gatcha.
Hey, give me a second, my friend.
Hello.
- Hey Brian. It's me, Chris.
Have you seen my mama today?
- No. Why?
- She knows, Brian.
- Hello.
- She knows, Brian.
- She knows what, Chris?
- She knows about what
happened between us.
- I got to go.
- Brian.
Shelly. Shelly, there's
somebody at the door?
- [Shelly] Answer it then.
- You answer it, I don't live here.
- [Shelly] Gosh, you are so lazy, obvious.
Where's my tea?
- Do I look like a babysitter to you?
- You really don't want me to
tell you what you look like,
do you, dear?
- Shelly, don't try me.
- Oh, Hey, come in and
tell me all about it.
Come on in and sit down there.
- Who is this delicious thing,
- Hold your horses.
Keep your tongue in your mouth.
That's my son, Chris.
- Son?
- Yes.
- Oh, you're the hot
artists I've been hearing
so much about.
- Yeah, I guess so.
- My name is Mercedes
Bendz, I'm an entertainer.
- Why don't you tell my son
why you call yourself Mercedes Bendz?
- 'Cause if you drive
in one, a Benz's over.
- You're so messy.
- Oh, this one ain't got
no sense of humor at all.
- Probably not 'cause
you're scaring him, dear.
- Girl, I'm gonna go
make myself look decent.
- Honey, you look decent.
Why do you
- Shelly, don't get cut.
- Look, Silvia, you know I love you
like the one good
testicle that I have left
- And if you keep messing with me,
you're going to lose that one too.
- Dear.
- Who is she?
She's just an old friend
from Chicago, honey.
You don't pay her no mind.
Would you like some coffee?
Get you some coffee?
- No, do you have any juice?
- Apple or grape?
- Grape.
- One second, I'll be right back.
Here you go, dear.
- Thanks.
That doesn't look like coffee.
- Don't you worry what this look like.
You drink your juice and let
me drink mine and feel good.
- Okay.
- Jesus, oh.
So, tell me, what's going on.
- You remember I told you about this dude.
I was on and off with
for the past year, now?
- Don't tell me his wife found out, Chris.
- Worse.
My mother, she found
a letter that I wrote.
- Hold up.
You wrote a letter?
We live in a social media
generation and you wrote a letter.
You could have text, Snapchat
it, Facebook, or even tweeted.
And you wrote a letter.
Really Chris?
I go away for a minute
and you lose your mind.
- Okay, I know.
Okay.
- So now mama Mary is on the warpath.
- Yeah, that about sums it up.
- Oh, gosh.
Chris, did you at least
give this man a heads up?
- Yes.
Okay, I tried to call him
and then my mom was gone
when I got up this morning.
I don't know what she's gonna do.
But if she sees him at church.
- Whoa, church?
You mean this man goes
to the same church as you
and your family.
God, Chris.
You know, I've never
asked you about this guy.
But is he the type to
come after you to hurt you
when shit hits the fan?
- No. I mean, I don't know.
I don't think he's like that.
But you're not sure.
And he and his family
go to the same church
that you and your mom go to?
Hmm.
It sounds like he's got some
demons to deal with on his own.
And these dear brothers
get a sense of conscience,
they go screaming back into the closet.
I call them convenience gays
and trust me, I've had my share of them.
Chris, you needed to just
leave this man alone.
Leave it alone.
- I can't.
Okay, I care about him.
And I think I love him.
- Love?
I told you from the beginning
this was not gonna work.
And now you're talking about
being in love with them.
- I know it's stupid.
I know.
- Chris, it's more than stupid.
It's dangerous.
- Okay. So then what do you,
what do you think I should do?
- You're handsome, gifted artist.
You're about to go off to
Art School on a scholarship.
You don't need this.
Leave this man alone.
- Okay. What if I can't?
- If you care anything about this man,
you need to leave him alone.
- Maybe mama won't do nothing.
- Excuse me.
When you and your mother
lived up the street from us
I got the evil life
from her more than once.
She didn't want you to hang
around with us undesirables
and trust me, your mom
is not the type of woman
to sit around on the
sidelines, just praying.
- I know, okay.
I just, I can't stand
being in the house anymore.
I wish I would have left with
- Really?
You wish you would've
left with that white girl.
You know your momma
would've had her arrested
for kidnapping if he did.
- I mean, after I turned 18,
maybe I can move in here.
- Pump your brakes, baby.
You can't be moving in here with me
because I'm not gonna
have mother Mary coming up
and trying to cut my head off.
- Okay.
So, then what do you
think is gonna happen?
- Look, baby I don't know.
But one thing I do know,
is you unleashed pure hell.
- Tell me what he made you do.
- He didn't make me do something
that I didn't want to do.
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ You did it you did ♪
it you did it for me ♪
♪ You didn't have to do it ♪
♪ I'm so glad you did it for me ♪
♪ Just just for him ♪
♪ I was being bitten by sin ♪
♪ You did it you did it you did it Jesus ♪
♪ Oh for me for you he did it ♪
♪ He did it at a time ♪
but I like that he did ♪
♪ Yeah Hallelujah ♪
♪ Yes he did yeah yeah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ And you know he did it for you ♪
♪ He didn't have to die ♪
♪ He did it for me ♪
♪ He did it for me ♪
♪ Hallelujah. ♪
- We need to talk.
- I was just headed out.
Would you like to have a seat?
- I know you know why I'm here
- Mary.
- Shut up.
See, there is nothing you can tell me
that would justify what you've done.
How could you do something
so reprehensible?
- Look, can I tell what's up myself.
I didn't ask for it.
Look, you have to believe me.
I never wanted this to happen.
It just did.
And I couldn't stop myself.
It's like it was happening
to somebody else.
- You couldn't stop yourself?
What kind of sick bustard
does this to a child?
- Chris is not a child.
- He's my child.
- Then you know, better than anybody
what type of child here is?
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Chris is gay.
But I'm not telling you nothing
you didn't already know.
- I know you are not trying
to make this about him.
Whether my son is gay
or not has nothing to do
with what you did to him.
- Mary, it has everything to do with it.
- You preyed on him.
You took advantage of him.
- Mary, you got to know that it was Chris.
- This is your fault, you're the adult.
Don't you dare try to prey him
with your disgusting behavior
Don't you ever, again.
Did you hear me?
You need to find somebody
else to watch your girls
from now on.
It's because of Michelle and the twins
that I have not called the police.
But if I have to, I'll take
out a restraining order.
I swear, if you ever come
near Christian again,
I will make sure that they put you in jail
for so long your own
children won't recognize you
when you get out.
- God, help me.
Father God
♪ Many times I wanted to walk out alive ♪
♪ I didn't wanna stay no more ♪
♪ And all the night I weep ♪
♪ And weep myself to sleep ♪
♪ Wondering why I feel so in conflict ♪
♪ Lost in despair ♪
♪ No one else to care ♪
♪ I was living now ♪
- Somebody else need to cut you today
I got two in front of you.
- I can wait.
- Chris.
I'm gonna let you outside for a minute.
Look, you need to go, man.
- Why I haven't seen you
or talked to you weeks.
- You know damn well, why.
We can't do this.
- Do what?
- Look, don't play stupid with me.
- I'm not cutting your
hair or anything else.
You're sitting there staring
at me like some lovesick puppy
and I can't even do my job.
Look, we need to get out of here.
You need to stay away from me.
You need to find another shop.
- Whoa, hold on.
- Are you insane?
Do you want me to go to jail?
- Are you talking about jail?
- Yeah, jail.
Because in this little
scenario we got going on here.
You're the victim and I'm the criminal.
You know, your mother paid
me a visit the other day.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Did you tell her about you?
- No. I told her, this is what I wanted.
And she's not gonna do anything.
- What?
Are you insane?
She's livid.
Oh my God.
- Okay. Brian, Brian I can
fix this Brian and just get
- Oh no, no, no it's over.
We're done.
Go home. Stay away from me.
- I'll be 18 in a couple of weeks.
We can still
- We, there is no we
What is wrong with you, boy?
Look, you need to get out of here
and you need to stay away from me.
Go.
Stay away from me.
I mean it.
- He just left me standing
there and went back
into the shop like I was nothing.
- Chris, what did you expect him to do?
This is not an episode of
"The Young and the Restless"
or "Days of our Lives".
That man is right.
You could have told everybody in the world
that you wanted this to happen.
But in the eyes of the
law and society, Mmh Mmh.
No, you're the victim.
- Victim?
See, that's messed up.
- I know it's messed up, Chris.
But people get crazy when
you go talking about sex,
especially church people.
The Lord knows, I don't know
where they think we came from.
But in situations like this,
they got to blame somebody.
And my dear boy, that somebody
ain't going to be you.
- Do you think he could really go to jail?
- Just leave him alone,
baby, for God's sake.
You don't want to give mama
Mary any more reason to pray
than she already has.
- Yeah, but
- What is that?
- It's across Brian headed up.
I grabbed him when he shoved me.
I was thinking about taking it back.
- Didn't anything that I said get
into the thick head of yours?
- Yes, but
- No buts boy, please.
For God's sake, stay away from him.
Why are you so fixated on him anyway?
Why can't you find somebody
closer to your own age?
- Brian's not that old.
He's only 30 and he's the
only man I want to be with.
- Lord, boy.
You're about to make me
beat you on the head down
to the white meat.
Jesus Christ.
Let me see this thing.
Wow.
This cross reminds me of the
cross my mother used to wear
when she was alive.
I can still hear her singing and praying,
singing and playing that
piano and singing that song.
♪ Just as I am without one plea ♪
♪ But that thy blood was shed for me ♪
♪ And that thou bidst me come to thee ♪
♪ Oh lamb of God, I come ♪
♪ I come. ♪
- Well, I didn't know, you could sing.
- Boy, there's quite a few things
which you don't know about me.
For instance, did you know that the Pastor
of your church is my big brother?
- Really, Pastor Lambert?
- Oh, yes.
The God fearing upstanding Nathan Lambert.
Yeah. That's my big brother.
- I saw Tee coming to church last Sunday.
I don't know why, but I thought
I was going to see you too.
- Chap, please.
She told me all about that service dear.
Hell would freeze over
before I stepped foot up
in any of that hypocrisy.
- So you guys don't get along at all.
- Ah, you do have the knack
for melodrama my dear.
That's an understatement.
My brother doesn't even
acknowledge my existence.
I met his wife once,
but I only think that that
was by coincidence dear.
And the saints would be
mortified if the children knew.
We haven't been really
close since Mama died.
And if I wouldn't have caught cancer.
Oh, God let me down.
But I've let him down too.
How can you preach about love
and say that you love God
who you don't see but you
can't love your own brother
who you see every damn day?
Until I understand that,
me and God on the outs.
- Just where do you think you're going?
- Out.
- No, you're not.
- Yes I am.
- No, you're not.
- Yes I am.
- Chris, you aint going anywhere.
- I don't have any time for this.
- All right, come on now, come on.
Don't keep that stuff down now
- All right, hold on, it's okay
- Okay, all right, regular hearts
I don't have any hearts
- I'll probably do like this.
♪ Happy birthday dear Chris ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Come on, Chris.
Come over here and give me a good Oh
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Oh, no.
- Hey Marcus, you heard
about that cat messing around
with little boys man.
- Nah, that's not right, my brother.
- Man, with little boy's butt
- Don't talk to him
- Brian, are you feeling
guilty or is there something
- I'm telling you learn
to keep your running mouth
you'll have serious problems
- Oh, man, running my mouth?
What do you mean running my mouth, Brian?
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Get off me, man!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill
- Chill
- Whoa whoa, man
- Where is he going with this?
- How are you doing, sir?
- Fine.
- Brian Edwards.
- I'm Brian.
Mr. Edwards, you're under arrest.
Please stand up.
Step over here, please.
Put your hands behind your back.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and
will be used against you
in a court of law.
You have the right to
have an attorney present
during questioning.
If you cannot afford one, one
will be appointed for you.
Do you understand your rights, sir?
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
- You look tired?
- We need to talk.
- Baby, what is going on?
- Where are the girls?
- They're with my mother,
but you talk to me.
I've been calling you all
night long, no answer.
Where have you been?
I called the barber
shop, I spoke to Kevin.
He said you were arrested.
There was a fight.
What happened, baby?
Why didn't you call me?
- I couldn't. I couldn't.
I called Darryl, and he
came and he bailed me out.
- What is going on?
- Michelle, all I ever
wanted was to be normal.
All I ever wanted to do was to love you.
I never, I never wanted to hurt you.
- Hurt me?
You're scaring me.
- I know. And I'm sorry.
- You've been keeping something
from me for weeks now,
I can feel it.
At first I thought it was your back spat
that's getting worse, but no.
You're you're, you're different.
You're distant, Brian, Baby.
Let me in, talk to me.
- Growing up can be so
hard when you don't know
where you belong or where you fit in.
You just wake up one day and you just,
you just are, you're there,
you look in the mirror
and you don't even recognize yourself.
- Brian?
- The choices, the decisions that you made
- I am trying to understand
where you are coming from
but no more talking in circles.
If you really care about
me, you'll just be honest.
- All right.
Here it is.
When I was young,
teenager, early twenties.
I used to mess around with
I used to mess around with other guys
but that part of my life was
over and done when I met you.
I mean, I loved you.
I thought that I could
run and escape that part,
but I couldn't.
- Why were you arrested?
- I had sex with a minor.
- A minor?
You said you mess around
with other guys, men.
Was this minor a boy?
Who was it?
You might as well tell me
I'm going to find out anyway.
- Michelle, it's not important.
- Tell me.
- Michelle, that doesn't matter.
- Tell me.
- Michelle, it doesn't matter.
- Are you serious?
Tell me.
- Chris.
- Chris, who?
- Chris Egan.
- Oh, my God.
I'd have to be tested for STD
- No, no, Michelle.
I was careful.
- Careful?
If you were careful we wouldn't be going
through any of this.
If you were careful my entire world,
when it just exploded.
And you care.
This is unreal.
- Michelle.
- That's why you've been acting so strange
these past couple of weeks.
Not going to church?
Does Mary know?
That's why she's been avoiding me
and not wanting the girls
to come over to her house.
You're having sex with her son.
How long?
- What?
- How long were the two of you?
How many times?
How did this even happen?
- It just did, Michelle.
- It just did? Seriously?
You and Chris?
This boy has been to my
house around my girls?
- Michelle, he did not touch our kids.
- Of course not.
Because he was too busy
screwing my husband.
Did you?
- Did I what?
- Did you molest him?
- Michelle, no. It was, it was consensual.
- Consensual?
He is a boy and you are a man.
How is that consensual, Brian?
Look at me.
Were there others?
- No.
- Other boys, other men,
in our house, on our bed?
- No.
- If you didn't take advantage
of him, how did it happen?
- It's about a year
ago, we were at church.
We were just having basketball practice
and Chris he was having trouble keeping up
with the rest of the kids.
So, I decided to stay at the practice,
teach him how to shoot,
how to hold a ball.
We started horsing around,
I went up for a layup
and I made a mistake and elbowed him.
Out of nowhere, he just kissed me.
He came out of nowhere and he just
- And you didn't stop him?
- I tried to, I was mad.
I wanted to punch him in the face.
- But you didn't.
And now here we.
This is gonna be some, some
lie, some sick perverted joke.
- Michelle.
- How could you do this to me?
How could you do this to our family?
What does that make you?
- Michelle.
- What does that make us?
- Michelle, listen.
- Don't touch me.
Don't you touch me.
I don't know what this is, but there's
- Michelle
- Nothing.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- Michelle. Michelle?
- Fuck
No, no.
No, no, no
- All right.
Y'all make some noise here tonight.
Can I hear you make some noise
Really please introduce to you guys,
all the way from Chicago, the windy city,
Michael's girlfriend.
Y'all make some noise
for Mercedes Bendz.
♪ To turn the other way that I call you ♪
♪ The truth is about him ♪
that you can't let go ♪
♪ For this moment then ♪
that is the right time ♪
♪ Is never the right time ♪
♪ When is all away ♪
♪ All the away ♪
♪ All the way ♪
♪ All the way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on the way ♪
♪ I'm on my way on the right time ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ This is the right time ♪
♪ Right time ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
- God doesn't hate you as much
as you hate yourself, Brian.
- [Brian] I realize what I
was metaphorically trying
to run from,
was running as fast as I was.
The man in the mirror and all that be is.
Making the wrong choices
in life can be devastating.
Reacting to those choices can be fatal.
remember a time in my life
when I was truly happy.
Maybe I don't even
believe that happy exists.
My mom taught me how to say this prayer
when I was a little kid
just before I go to bed.
You probably said it too.
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep."
It wasn't until I got
older that that phrase,
"If I should die before I wake"
began to mean something much more to me
than a cute little rhyme.
I was a long distance runner
in high school, wiry and fast.
Even got a few trophies and some write-ups
in the local paper.
My mama was so proud when
I got into Northwestern
on an athletic scholarship.
I was gonna be an engineer.
That was a lifetime ago.
Given everything
that's happened maybe it
was somebody else's life.
Running is the one
consistent thing in my life.
It's therapeutic and it's cathartic.
I get my head together.
I think a lot clearer out here.
I sorta went off the rails
after my mother died.
Being an engineer just wasn't
that important anymore.
I realized what I was
metaphorically trying to run from,
was running as fast as I was.
the man in the mirror and all that be is.
I hurt my back a couple of years ago.
Thank God for having a doctor
who's a best friend and a friend.
I think I might be a little
more dependent on Vicodin
than I should be.
But it dulls the pain.
I hate myself just enough
to continue these destructive behaviors.
I wished I loved myself enough to stop.
Making the wrong choices
in life can be devastating.
Reacting to those choices can be fatal.
- No thank you.
- What's up, man, how're you doing?
- Good.
- You're doing all right, man?
- I am now.
- Now?
- What's so different than before?
- I meant, I, I'm okay.
- You're okay?
- Yeah.
- You come here often?
- Once or twice I've been here.
- It's my first time.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, a friend told her about it.
So I thought I should check it out.
Pretty cool.
You can have a good time,
do you recommend it?
- Yeah.
- All the stuff going on
What's your name?
- My name is Brian.
- Cedric.
- Cedric. Nice to meet you, Cedric.
- Can I buy you a drink?
- Hey man, come down.
I mean, it's a club,
people have a good time,
drink, meet up with people.
I'm I right, man?
- You're right.
- Right. That's much better
- Where's my drink, this bartender.
Thank you.
- There we go.
- There we go.
- Em, so
First time?
- First time.
- First time.
- What's up, man?
What's wrong with you?
You're all right?
- Man, we need to talk.
- No, I gonna lie to someone.
- Michelle and I are getting serious.
- Is that all?
- Well, I mean, we won't
be able to do this anymore.
- Are you trippy, man?
Just you have another one
of your hallelujah come to Jesus meeting.
It calls you to feel guilty
about being who you are.
- Cedric, come on.
- No, you come on Brian.
Every time you feel guilty
about it, you pull this crap.
Nobody forced you to get
involved with this girl.
When are you just going to
stop hiding and be yourself.
And who do you have to
prove anything to, Brian?
Do you love her?
- I said it.
- No, look at me, Brian.
Do you love her?
Tell me, do you love her?
- What do you want me to say?
- Of course not.
How can you love anybody
when you're so busy hating yourself?
Let's say you married this girl, Brian.
- Cedric, I didn't say
anything about marriage.
- Oh really?
Then what did you mean
about getting serious?
Right.
That's what I thought.
God doesn't hate you as much
as you hate yourself, Brian.
I mean, what's going to happen
the next time you get an itch
and all this blows up in your face
and you know it will.
So sick and tired of you,
man, I know what you want.
Going back and forth with me, Brian.
If you do this, don't call me anymore.
I'm not hanging around and
scratch your itch next time.
I've let you back in way too
many times already, Brian,
and I'm not doing it again.
I want a relationship with a
man who has his head together.
Not one that's scared of his own shadow.
and makes his decisions based off
what other people expect him to be.
- You're right.
And I'm sorry.
- That's it, Brian.
- Cedric.
- No, that's it. I'm tired of you.
I'm sick of you, Brian, I'm out.
Don't call me, don't text
me, I'm done with that.
- Cedric
- No, I'm out Brian.
Keep your life together, Brian.
- Cedric, a second.
- Nice day for running.
Nice day for praying.
- What?
- Just open your mouth
and say the words, son.
He'll hear you.
- Daddy.
- Daddy.
- Errh.
- Daddy, you stink.
- Wait, no. You stink.
- No, you stink.
- Who said I stink?
- Can't walk as long as you're
holding his legs like that.
Wait for me girls.
Okay.
- My love.
- Mmh. You do stink.
And you are so wet.
You stink terribly.
Oh, you got some bling-bling huh?
- Yeah, found it running.
- Okay. Are you okay, baby?
- This back.
I must overdone it, running again.
- I really wish you go see a specialist.
Whatever Darryl is prescribing you,
obviously is not working.
- I'm gonna go up and shower, okay?
- Okay.
I'll have dinner ready for
you when you come down, okay.
- All right.
- All right.
- a man got
- Oh, I almost forgot. Mary
Davidson called you today.
Bae, did you hear me?
- Yeah. Did she say anything?
- She just said that
it's really important.
And she really needs to talk to you.
- I'll give her a call later.
- Okay.
- I messed up.
Please, help me.
Help me. God.
- Baby
- Mana, I thought you'd be at work.
- It's one O'clock.
Though you'd be in school.
I guess we were both wrong.
- We only had a half day, so.
I'm gonna go fix a sandwich.
What are you doing with that?
- I was putting clean sheets on your bed.
- Did you read it?
- What?
Don't you dare raise your voice to me.
- You know, I can't have
no privacy in this house.
- Excuse me.
This is my house and everything in it.
Is this stuff true?
What I read?
Have you been messed with, Christian?
Tell me the truth.
Were you molested?
- No, why would you ask me that?
- Because of the filth in this letter.
- Did that man make you,
Baby, did he do something to you, tell me.
Tell me what he made you do.
- He didn't make me do nothing
that I didn't wanna do.
That's right.
I wanted it.
He didn't have to force me.
- He's a grown man, you're a child.
He should know better.
- Okay. Well, I knew what I was doing
and I wanted to have
sex with him and I did.
Feel better now.
- Were you 17?
You don't know what you want.
You're confused, that's all.
He's brainwashed you or
cursed you or something.
I swear. That's all that's
on the news these days.
Adults abusing children.
Baby, he's taken advantage of you.
And so help me, God.
I swear when I am finished with him,
he'll be sorry he ever touched you.
- I want you listen to me.
I just said that I wanted this.
Me, I did it.
- Is he threatening you?
- No. Now back off.
- Back off.
But, what about you'll
never tell this word
and I will have you take you up.
Who the hell do you
think you're talking to?
You are my son, my responsibility.
Just like Angel and Bethany.
So I am not going to back off
and allow anybody to hurt my
kids and get away with it.
- He didn't hurt me.
Okay. First he didn't even want to.
I went after him.
Yeah, that's right.
I went after him.
Why can't you believe this
is something that I wanted.
If I killed somebody, will that my fault
or would you try to blame
somebody else for that too?
- Christian, it is not the same thing.
- And how was it different?
If I knowingly picked up a gun
and blew somebody's head off,
the court would treat me
like any other criminal,
won't they?
Like an adult?
You see that on the news all the time too.
Don't you?
But because I wanted to have sex,
I'm confused and I don't
know what I'm doing,
'cause I'm just a kid, but,
if I killed somebody, all
of a sudden, I'm a man.
Okay.
Can I have my letter back?
- No.
- It's my letter.
You know what, fine, keep it.
- Chris!
Chris!
Chris, Chris. Open this door.
Do you hear me?
Open this door right now.
Chris, Chris.
- [Kids] Now let me lie down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake
I pray Lord my soul to take.
Amen.
- Great job, girl give
me a hug sweetheart.
Okay, get to bed.
Oh, you already got in.
I like your style. I like your style.
All right, have a good night.
Love you guys
- Where's mama?
- She left.
- Where'd she go?
- I don't know, she was mad.
Like she had been crying.
- Ooh, Chris, are you in trouble?
- Hey, Man. How're you doing?
- Fine
- Good.
What're we having today?
Gatcha.
Hey, give me a second, my friend.
Hello.
- Hey Brian. It's me, Chris.
Have you seen my mama today?
- No. Why?
- She knows, Brian.
- Hello.
- She knows, Brian.
- She knows what, Chris?
- She knows about what
happened between us.
- I got to go.
- Brian.
Shelly. Shelly, there's
somebody at the door?
- [Shelly] Answer it then.
- You answer it, I don't live here.
- [Shelly] Gosh, you are so lazy, obvious.
Where's my tea?
- Do I look like a babysitter to you?
- You really don't want me to
tell you what you look like,
do you, dear?
- Shelly, don't try me.
- Oh, Hey, come in and
tell me all about it.
Come on in and sit down there.
- Who is this delicious thing,
- Hold your horses.
Keep your tongue in your mouth.
That's my son, Chris.
- Son?
- Yes.
- Oh, you're the hot
artists I've been hearing
so much about.
- Yeah, I guess so.
- My name is Mercedes
Bendz, I'm an entertainer.
- Why don't you tell my son
why you call yourself Mercedes Bendz?
- 'Cause if you drive
in one, a Benz's over.
- You're so messy.
- Oh, this one ain't got
no sense of humor at all.
- Probably not 'cause
you're scaring him, dear.
- Girl, I'm gonna go
make myself look decent.
- Honey, you look decent.
Why do you
- Shelly, don't get cut.
- Look, Silvia, you know I love you
like the one good
testicle that I have left
- And if you keep messing with me,
you're going to lose that one too.
- Dear.
- Who is she?
She's just an old friend
from Chicago, honey.
You don't pay her no mind.
Would you like some coffee?
Get you some coffee?
- No, do you have any juice?
- Apple or grape?
- Grape.
- One second, I'll be right back.
Here you go, dear.
- Thanks.
That doesn't look like coffee.
- Don't you worry what this look like.
You drink your juice and let
me drink mine and feel good.
- Okay.
- Jesus, oh.
So, tell me, what's going on.
- You remember I told you about this dude.
I was on and off with
for the past year, now?
- Don't tell me his wife found out, Chris.
- Worse.
My mother, she found
a letter that I wrote.
- Hold up.
You wrote a letter?
We live in a social media
generation and you wrote a letter.
You could have text, Snapchat
it, Facebook, or even tweeted.
And you wrote a letter.
Really Chris?
I go away for a minute
and you lose your mind.
- Okay, I know.
Okay.
- So now mama Mary is on the warpath.
- Yeah, that about sums it up.
- Oh, gosh.
Chris, did you at least
give this man a heads up?
- Yes.
Okay, I tried to call him
and then my mom was gone
when I got up this morning.
I don't know what she's gonna do.
But if she sees him at church.
- Whoa, church?
You mean this man goes
to the same church as you
and your family.
God, Chris.
You know, I've never
asked you about this guy.
But is he the type to
come after you to hurt you
when shit hits the fan?
- No. I mean, I don't know.
I don't think he's like that.
But you're not sure.
And he and his family
go to the same church
that you and your mom go to?
Hmm.
It sounds like he's got some
demons to deal with on his own.
And these dear brothers
get a sense of conscience,
they go screaming back into the closet.
I call them convenience gays
and trust me, I've had my share of them.
Chris, you needed to just
leave this man alone.
Leave it alone.
- I can't.
Okay, I care about him.
And I think I love him.
- Love?
I told you from the beginning
this was not gonna work.
And now you're talking about
being in love with them.
- I know it's stupid.
I know.
- Chris, it's more than stupid.
It's dangerous.
- Okay. So then what do you,
what do you think I should do?
- You're handsome, gifted artist.
You're about to go off to
Art School on a scholarship.
You don't need this.
Leave this man alone.
- Okay. What if I can't?
- If you care anything about this man,
you need to leave him alone.
- Maybe mama won't do nothing.
- Excuse me.
When you and your mother
lived up the street from us
I got the evil life
from her more than once.
She didn't want you to hang
around with us undesirables
and trust me, your mom
is not the type of woman
to sit around on the
sidelines, just praying.
- I know, okay.
I just, I can't stand
being in the house anymore.
I wish I would have left with
- Really?
You wish you would've
left with that white girl.
You know your momma
would've had her arrested
for kidnapping if he did.
- I mean, after I turned 18,
maybe I can move in here.
- Pump your brakes, baby.
You can't be moving in here with me
because I'm not gonna
have mother Mary coming up
and trying to cut my head off.
- Okay.
So, then what do you
think is gonna happen?
- Look, baby I don't know.
But one thing I do know,
is you unleashed pure hell.
- Tell me what he made you do.
- He didn't make me do something
that I didn't want to do.
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ You did it you did ♪
it you did it for me ♪
♪ You didn't have to do it ♪
♪ I'm so glad you did it for me ♪
♪ Just just for him ♪
♪ I was being bitten by sin ♪
♪ You did it you did it you did it Jesus ♪
♪ Oh for me for you he did it ♪
♪ He did it at a time ♪
but I like that he did ♪
♪ Yeah Hallelujah ♪
♪ Yes he did yeah yeah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ And you know he did it for you ♪
♪ He didn't have to die ♪
♪ He did it for me ♪
♪ He did it for me ♪
♪ Hallelujah. ♪
- We need to talk.
- I was just headed out.
Would you like to have a seat?
- I know you know why I'm here
- Mary.
- Shut up.
See, there is nothing you can tell me
that would justify what you've done.
How could you do something
so reprehensible?
- Look, can I tell what's up myself.
I didn't ask for it.
Look, you have to believe me.
I never wanted this to happen.
It just did.
And I couldn't stop myself.
It's like it was happening
to somebody else.
- You couldn't stop yourself?
What kind of sick bustard
does this to a child?
- Chris is not a child.
- He's my child.
- Then you know, better than anybody
what type of child here is?
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Chris is gay.
But I'm not telling you nothing
you didn't already know.
- I know you are not trying
to make this about him.
Whether my son is gay
or not has nothing to do
with what you did to him.
- Mary, it has everything to do with it.
- You preyed on him.
You took advantage of him.
- Mary, you got to know that it was Chris.
- This is your fault, you're the adult.
Don't you dare try to prey him
with your disgusting behavior
Don't you ever, again.
Did you hear me?
You need to find somebody
else to watch your girls
from now on.
It's because of Michelle and the twins
that I have not called the police.
But if I have to, I'll take
out a restraining order.
I swear, if you ever come
near Christian again,
I will make sure that they put you in jail
for so long your own
children won't recognize you
when you get out.
- God, help me.
Father God
♪ Many times I wanted to walk out alive ♪
♪ I didn't wanna stay no more ♪
♪ And all the night I weep ♪
♪ And weep myself to sleep ♪
♪ Wondering why I feel so in conflict ♪
♪ Lost in despair ♪
♪ No one else to care ♪
♪ I was living now ♪
- Somebody else need to cut you today
I got two in front of you.
- I can wait.
- Chris.
I'm gonna let you outside for a minute.
Look, you need to go, man.
- Why I haven't seen you
or talked to you weeks.
- You know damn well, why.
We can't do this.
- Do what?
- Look, don't play stupid with me.
- I'm not cutting your
hair or anything else.
You're sitting there staring
at me like some lovesick puppy
and I can't even do my job.
Look, we need to get out of here.
You need to stay away from me.
You need to find another shop.
- Whoa, hold on.
- Are you insane?
Do you want me to go to jail?
- Are you talking about jail?
- Yeah, jail.
Because in this little
scenario we got going on here.
You're the victim and I'm the criminal.
You know, your mother paid
me a visit the other day.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Did you tell her about you?
- No. I told her, this is what I wanted.
And she's not gonna do anything.
- What?
Are you insane?
She's livid.
Oh my God.
- Okay. Brian, Brian I can
fix this Brian and just get
- Oh no, no, no it's over.
We're done.
Go home. Stay away from me.
- I'll be 18 in a couple of weeks.
We can still
- We, there is no we
What is wrong with you, boy?
Look, you need to get out of here
and you need to stay away from me.
Go.
Stay away from me.
I mean it.
- He just left me standing
there and went back
into the shop like I was nothing.
- Chris, what did you expect him to do?
This is not an episode of
"The Young and the Restless"
or "Days of our Lives".
That man is right.
You could have told everybody in the world
that you wanted this to happen.
But in the eyes of the
law and society, Mmh Mmh.
No, you're the victim.
- Victim?
See, that's messed up.
- I know it's messed up, Chris.
But people get crazy when
you go talking about sex,
especially church people.
The Lord knows, I don't know
where they think we came from.
But in situations like this,
they got to blame somebody.
And my dear boy, that somebody
ain't going to be you.
- Do you think he could really go to jail?
- Just leave him alone,
baby, for God's sake.
You don't want to give mama
Mary any more reason to pray
than she already has.
- Yeah, but
- What is that?
- It's across Brian headed up.
I grabbed him when he shoved me.
I was thinking about taking it back.
- Didn't anything that I said get
into the thick head of yours?
- Yes, but
- No buts boy, please.
For God's sake, stay away from him.
Why are you so fixated on him anyway?
Why can't you find somebody
closer to your own age?
- Brian's not that old.
He's only 30 and he's the
only man I want to be with.
- Lord, boy.
You're about to make me
beat you on the head down
to the white meat.
Jesus Christ.
Let me see this thing.
Wow.
This cross reminds me of the
cross my mother used to wear
when she was alive.
I can still hear her singing and praying,
singing and playing that
piano and singing that song.
♪ Just as I am without one plea ♪
♪ But that thy blood was shed for me ♪
♪ And that thou bidst me come to thee ♪
♪ Oh lamb of God, I come ♪
♪ I come. ♪
- Well, I didn't know, you could sing.
- Boy, there's quite a few things
which you don't know about me.
For instance, did you know that the Pastor
of your church is my big brother?
- Really, Pastor Lambert?
- Oh, yes.
The God fearing upstanding Nathan Lambert.
Yeah. That's my big brother.
- I saw Tee coming to church last Sunday.
I don't know why, but I thought
I was going to see you too.
- Chap, please.
She told me all about that service dear.
Hell would freeze over
before I stepped foot up
in any of that hypocrisy.
- So you guys don't get along at all.
- Ah, you do have the knack
for melodrama my dear.
That's an understatement.
My brother doesn't even
acknowledge my existence.
I met his wife once,
but I only think that that
was by coincidence dear.
And the saints would be
mortified if the children knew.
We haven't been really
close since Mama died.
And if I wouldn't have caught cancer.
Oh, God let me down.
But I've let him down too.
How can you preach about love
and say that you love God
who you don't see but you
can't love your own brother
who you see every damn day?
Until I understand that,
me and God on the outs.
- Just where do you think you're going?
- Out.
- No, you're not.
- Yes I am.
- No, you're not.
- Yes I am.
- Chris, you aint going anywhere.
- I don't have any time for this.
- All right, come on now, come on.
Don't keep that stuff down now
- All right, hold on, it's okay
- Okay, all right, regular hearts
I don't have any hearts
- I'll probably do like this.
♪ Happy birthday dear Chris ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Come on, Chris.
Come over here and give me a good Oh
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Oh, no.
- Hey Marcus, you heard
about that cat messing around
with little boys man.
- Nah, that's not right, my brother.
- Man, with little boy's butt
- Don't talk to him
- Brian, are you feeling
guilty or is there something
- I'm telling you learn
to keep your running mouth
you'll have serious problems
- Oh, man, running my mouth?
What do you mean running my mouth, Brian?
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Get off me, man!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill
- Chill
- Whoa whoa, man
- Where is he going with this?
- How are you doing, sir?
- Fine.
- Brian Edwards.
- I'm Brian.
Mr. Edwards, you're under arrest.
Please stand up.
Step over here, please.
Put your hands behind your back.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and
will be used against you
in a court of law.
You have the right to
have an attorney present
during questioning.
If you cannot afford one, one
will be appointed for you.
Do you understand your rights, sir?
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
- You look tired?
- We need to talk.
- Baby, what is going on?
- Where are the girls?
- They're with my mother,
but you talk to me.
I've been calling you all
night long, no answer.
Where have you been?
I called the barber
shop, I spoke to Kevin.
He said you were arrested.
There was a fight.
What happened, baby?
Why didn't you call me?
- I couldn't. I couldn't.
I called Darryl, and he
came and he bailed me out.
- What is going on?
- Michelle, all I ever
wanted was to be normal.
All I ever wanted to do was to love you.
I never, I never wanted to hurt you.
- Hurt me?
You're scaring me.
- I know. And I'm sorry.
- You've been keeping something
from me for weeks now,
I can feel it.
At first I thought it was your back spat
that's getting worse, but no.
You're you're, you're different.
You're distant, Brian, Baby.
Let me in, talk to me.
- Growing up can be so
hard when you don't know
where you belong or where you fit in.
You just wake up one day and you just,
you just are, you're there,
you look in the mirror
and you don't even recognize yourself.
- Brian?
- The choices, the decisions that you made
- I am trying to understand
where you are coming from
but no more talking in circles.
If you really care about
me, you'll just be honest.
- All right.
Here it is.
When I was young,
teenager, early twenties.
I used to mess around with
I used to mess around with other guys
but that part of my life was
over and done when I met you.
I mean, I loved you.
I thought that I could
run and escape that part,
but I couldn't.
- Why were you arrested?
- I had sex with a minor.
- A minor?
You said you mess around
with other guys, men.
Was this minor a boy?
Who was it?
You might as well tell me
I'm going to find out anyway.
- Michelle, it's not important.
- Tell me.
- Michelle, that doesn't matter.
- Tell me.
- Michelle, it doesn't matter.
- Are you serious?
Tell me.
- Chris.
- Chris, who?
- Chris Egan.
- Oh, my God.
I'd have to be tested for STD
- No, no, Michelle.
I was careful.
- Careful?
If you were careful we wouldn't be going
through any of this.
If you were careful my entire world,
when it just exploded.
And you care.
This is unreal.
- Michelle.
- That's why you've been acting so strange
these past couple of weeks.
Not going to church?
Does Mary know?
That's why she's been avoiding me
and not wanting the girls
to come over to her house.
You're having sex with her son.
How long?
- What?
- How long were the two of you?
How many times?
How did this even happen?
- It just did, Michelle.
- It just did? Seriously?
You and Chris?
This boy has been to my
house around my girls?
- Michelle, he did not touch our kids.
- Of course not.
Because he was too busy
screwing my husband.
Did you?
- Did I what?
- Did you molest him?
- Michelle, no. It was, it was consensual.
- Consensual?
He is a boy and you are a man.
How is that consensual, Brian?
Look at me.
Were there others?
- No.
- Other boys, other men,
in our house, on our bed?
- No.
- If you didn't take advantage
of him, how did it happen?
- It's about a year
ago, we were at church.
We were just having basketball practice
and Chris he was having trouble keeping up
with the rest of the kids.
So, I decided to stay at the practice,
teach him how to shoot,
how to hold a ball.
We started horsing around,
I went up for a layup
and I made a mistake and elbowed him.
Out of nowhere, he just kissed me.
He came out of nowhere and he just
- And you didn't stop him?
- I tried to, I was mad.
I wanted to punch him in the face.
- But you didn't.
And now here we.
This is gonna be some, some
lie, some sick perverted joke.
- Michelle.
- How could you do this to me?
How could you do this to our family?
What does that make you?
- Michelle.
- What does that make us?
- Michelle, listen.
- Don't touch me.
Don't you touch me.
I don't know what this is, but there's
- Michelle
- Nothing.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- Michelle. Michelle?
- Fuck
No, no.
No, no, no
- All right.
Y'all make some noise here tonight.
Can I hear you make some noise
Really please introduce to you guys,
all the way from Chicago, the windy city,
Michael's girlfriend.
Y'all make some noise
for Mercedes Bendz.
♪ To turn the other way that I call you ♪
♪ The truth is about him ♪
that you can't let go ♪
♪ For this moment then ♪
that is the right time ♪
♪ Is never the right time ♪
♪ When is all away ♪
♪ All the away ♪
♪ All the way ♪
♪ All the way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on the way ♪
♪ I'm on my way on the right time ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ This is the right time ♪
♪ Right time ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
♪ On my way ♪
- God doesn't hate you as much
as you hate yourself, Brian.
- [Brian] I realize what I
was metaphorically trying
to run from,
was running as fast as I was.
The man in the mirror and all that be is.
Making the wrong choices
in life can be devastating.
Reacting to those choices can be fatal.