I Was a Male War Bride (1949) - full transcript

[ Speaking German ]

[ Speaking German ]
[ Speaking French ]

[ Speaking German ]

AH, HEIDELBERG!

[ Speaking German ]

[ Speaking German ]

[ All Arguing In German ]

OH, SERGEANT!

WHICH IS THE QUICKEST WAY
TO HEIDELBERG, PLEASE?

UH, HEAD DOWN THIS STREET
FOR FOUR BLOCKS.
UH-HUH.

YOU TURN RIGHT.
YOU GO STRAIGHT AHEAD
UNTIL YOU HIT THE AUTOBAHN.



THERE ARE SIGNS ALL THE WAY.
YOU CAN'T MISS IT.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT.

WHAT HAVE YOU DECIDED?

[ German Accent ]
WE DON'T KNOW.

I KNOW. DRIVE.
[ Speaks French ]

[ Speaking German ]
[ Speaking German ]

[ Conversation Continues
In German ]

"CAPTAIN HENRI ROCHARD,
FRENCH ECONOMIC MISSION."

HEY, JOE, WE'LL NEED YOU
AS INTERPRETER.
NEVER MIND, SERGEANT.

WE'LL GET ALONG ALL RIGHT.
OH, I'M SORRY, SIR.
WHOM DID YOU WISH TO SEE?

THE, UH, "O.I.C., A.M.G.,
W.A.C."

AH. FIRST FLOOR.
TURN TO YOUR RIGHT.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT.

HMM. WAR ADMINISTRATION
INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS...



COORDINATOR'S OFFICE.

SERVICE OF SUPPLY
DISPLACED PERSONS
PROPERTY DISPOSAL DEPARTMENT.

UH, LABOR ADMINISTRATION
DEPARTMENT...

INTER-- INTER--

I BEG YOUR PARDON.
I'M LOOKING FOR
LIEUTENANT GATES'S OFFICE.

WELL, THIS ISN'T IT.
ISN'T IT?

RIGHT OVER THERE, CAPTAIN.
THANK YOU.

YES, SIR. YES, COLONEL.
YES, SIR.

YES, SIR. YES, SIR. YES--

OH, IT'S YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

MM-HMM. ONE NIGHTSHIRT.
GOWN. WHAT DO YOU CALL
THIS THING? GOWN.

[ Whispers ]
HENRI!
ONE PAIR OF BLOOMERS,

TWO PAIRS OF STOCKINGS-- AND
A RUN IN ONE OF THEM, I BELIEVE.
HENRI, PLEASE!

JUST A MOMENT.
AND ONE SLIP.

I THINK THAT'S ALL.
I'M SORRY I COULDN'T GET THEM
TO YOU ANY SOONER.

GOOD-BYE, LIEUTENANT GATES.

OH, WHAT A STINKER
YOU ARE.

DID I FORGET SOMETHING?
WHAT A DIRTY STINKER.

AND YOU'RE GOING RIGHT BACK
AND EXPLAIN...

HOW YOU GOT MY LAUNDRY
BY MISTAKE IN DÜSSELDORF
AND FORGOT TO GIVE IT BACK.

WELL, THAT'S SUCH A DULL STORY.
WHO WOULD CARE?

YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU MADE THEM THINK.
I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND--

OH, NO!
YOU MEAN, YOU AND ME?

WHY, I'D BE GLAD TO EXPLAIN
TO THEM. THE VERY IDEA
OF ANY CONNECTION IS REVOLTING.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
NEVER MIND. JUST--
I'D BE DELIGHTED.

I'D EXPLAIN TO THEM
I THINK YOU'RE REPULSIVE.

SHH! I SAID NEVER MIND.
JUST FORGET IT!

GO AWAY.
YOU'VE HAD YOUR JOKE.
NOW BEAT IT.

SORRY, I CAN'T OBLIGE.
I'M HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

OH, DON'T TELL ME.
ANOTHER MISSION?
YES.

BUT DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.
YOU'RE NOT GOING WITH ME.
THANK HEAVENS.

WHO'S YOUR VICTIM THIS TIME?
MY INTERPRETER AND AIDE IS
A LIEUTENANT ELOISE BILLINGS,

WHOM I'M RELIABLY INFORMED
IS INTELLIGENT,
YES.

PRETTY...
YES.

AND, AS YOU AMERICANS SAY,
STACKED.

THAT SHE IS.
YOU HAVEN'T MET HER?

NO. BUT THAT HAPPY EVENT'S
GOING TO TAKE PLACE IN
MAJOR PRENDERGAST'S OFFICE...

IN EXACTLY, UH, 30 SECONDS.

GOOD-BYE AGAIN TO YOU,
LIEUTENANT GATES.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
MAJOR PRENDERGAST'S OFFICE.

THERE'S NOTHING FOR YOU
TO DO.
ISN'T THERE?

WAIT. IF YOU--
I'M IN A HURRY.

HELLO, ELOISE.
HI, HONEY.

MAY I PRESENT CAPTAIN ROCHARD,
LIEUTENANT BILLINGS. YOU TWO
ARE GOING TO WORK TOGETHER.

ENCHANTED, LIEUTENANT BILLINGS.
HOW DO YOU DO, CAPTAIN?
I WAS JUST--

I BELIEVE WE HAVE
A MUTUAL FRIEND, ALEX BRISSAC.

HOW NICE.
WHY, SURE.
I REMEMBER HIM.

LIEUTENANT, DUE TO THE FACT
THAT I WAS ON PREVIOUS MISSIONS
WITH CAPTAIN ROCHARD--

HE JUST RETURNED
SOME OF MY THINGS-- PERHAPS
I CAN BE OF SOME HELP TO YOU.

THANK YOU. I CAN EXPLAIN
THINGS TO LIEUTENANT BILLINGS.
DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO?

OH, NO. I'M FREE
UNTIL 2:30.
WELL, ABOUT THIS HERE MISSION--

IT'S A SIMPLE MATTER.
IT'S AN OVERNIGHT JOB.

WE HAVE TO GO TO BAD NAUHEIM,
A PLEASANT LITTLE VILLAGE, AND--

OR IT WILL BE
TILL YOU GET THERE.
OH.

WELL, I CAN EXPLAIN
THE WHOLE THING BETTER TO YOU
WHEN WE'RE ALONE.

BETTER WEAR SIDE ARMS,
LIEUTENANT. HE USES MAPS
INSTEAD OF ETCHINGS.

CAPTAIN ROCHARD, I'VE SO LOOKED
FORWARD TO GOING TO BAD NAUHEIM.

BILLINGS, THE FRENCH ARMY
SHOE IS BUILT ON SLIGHTLY
DIFFERENT LINES. IT--

OOH.
HOLD THE FOOT,
WOULD YOU, JUNIOR?

YES, YES, YES.
AS YOU CAN SEE BY CAPTAIN
ROCHARD'S FOOT AND MY THIGH.

FOR GOODNESS SAKES!
THAT WAS PURELY ACCIDENTAL.

THE MARK ON MY CHIN--
MAY I HAVE MY FOOT?
MMM.

THANK YOU. THE MARK
UNDER MY CHIN WAS AN ACCIDENT.

MY FAULT ENTIRELY. I TRIPPED
WHILE HE WAS CHASING ME.
CHASING YOU?

WILL YOU SHUT UP?
THERE. YOU SEE?

SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER
HAVE MENTIONED IF HE HADN'T
SHOWN IT. HIS TEMPER.

BUT THE POOR MAN'S PROBABLY
NOT TO BLAME. MORE LIKE
A FORM OF EPILEPSY.

WILL YOU SHUT UP!
I TELL YOU THIS--

WILL YOU SHH-- SHH--

HENRI, I'M TALKING.

YES, YOU ARE.

I TELL YOU THIS BECAUSE
WE'RE MEMBERS OF THE SAME ARMY
AND THE SAME SEX.

I THINK IT ONLY FAIR TO WARN YOU
JACK THE RIPPER'S UP THAT
ALLEY BEFORE YOU HEAD INTO IT.

IN CASE ANYTHING HAPPENS,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE ME
YOUR MOTHER'S NAME AND ADDRESS?

BUT, HONEY, THAT'S WHAT I'VE
BEEN TRYIN' TO TELL YOU.
OH?

I'M NOT GOIN'
ON THIS HERE MISSION.
TELL ME--

YOU'RE NOT?
I'M GOIN' TO FRANKFURT WITH
COLONEL BLIVEN ON THAT D.P. JOB.

BUT WHO--
AND YOU'RE GOIN' WITH HIM.

TELL ME,
WHO IS JACK THE--
OH.

HONEY, MAYBE YOU'D BETTER
LEAVE ME YOUR MOTHER'S
LITTLE OLD NAME AND ADDRESS.

[ Man Speaking German ]

[ Speaking German ]

OH, HELLO,
CAPTAIN ROCHARD.
GOOD MORNING, MAJOR.

I WAS JUST GOING TO SEND
FOR YOU, GATES. COME IN,
PLEASE. YOU TOO, CAPTAIN.

THIS SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG,
CAPTAIN. GATES, BILLINGS IS
NEEDED ON ANOTHER ASSIGNMENT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE HER PLACE
ALONG WITH CAPTAIN ROCHARD.
THANK YOU, NO.

BUT, MAJOR, IF I MAY SUGGEST,
LIEUTENANT PERRY IS ALMOST
FINISHED WITH HER ASSIGNMENT.

NO. NO EXPERIENCE.
AND CAPTAIN ROCHARD WANTS
OUR BEST, DON'T YOU, CAPTAIN?

WELL, UH, MAJOR.
YOU SEE, THIS IS NOT
AN IMPORTANT MISSION.

MY GOVERNMENT'S REQUEST
FOR AN OFFICER IS ONLY
A TECHNICALITY, SO THAT--

YOUR ORDERS CALL FOR
OUR FULL COOPERATION.
IT'S MY JOB TO SEE YOU GET IT.

NOW, HERE'S YOUR IDENTITY CARD,
SECURITY PASS AND TEMPORARY
RATION CARD.

THANK YOU.
YOUR ORDERS
ARE BEING CUT, GATES.

CAPTAIN ROCHARD WILL BRIEF YOU
ON THE MISSION.
YES, MAJOR.

WELL, MAJOR, THIS LIEUTENANT
WHAT'S-HER-NAME-- PERRY,
SHE OUGHT TO DO.

OH, YOU'RE VERY KIND, CAPTAIN,
BUT WE'RE USED TO BEING
SHORTHANDED.

BESIDES, IF I REMEMBER,
YOU'VE HAD SEVERAL ASSIGNMENTS
WITH LIEUTENANT GATES BEFORE,

AND VERY SUCCESSFULLY,
APPARENTLY.

IT SAYS HERE, "RECOVERED ART
TREASURES STOLEN BY THE NAZIS
FROM THE LILLE MUSEUM.

"ALSO LOCATED HIDDEN DOCUMENTS
RELATING TO ROCKET RESEARCH.

RECEIVED LEGION OF MERIT."

AH, SHE'S YOUR MAN,
ALL RIGHT.
WISH SHE WERE.

WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID,
CAPTAIN?
OH, NOTHING, MAJOR.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
I CAN DO FOR YOU?
NO, THANK YOU, MAJOR.

YOU'VE DONE MORE THAN
YOU REALIZE.
GOOD LUCK THEN.

GOOD-BYE, MAJOR.
GOOD-BYE.

CAPTAIN, JACK THE RIPPER
WAS A FAMOUS--
THANK YOU.

OH.

THANK YOU, CAPTAIN.

I WONDER WHAT THE ARMY WOULD DO
IF I DESERTED.

THEY'D SHOOT YOU.
THE THOUGHT MAKES
MY MOUTH WATER.

I'D ALMOST PREFER IT
MYSELF.
WHICH WAY DO WE GO?

WELL, LET'S
GET THE BRIEFING OVER.
WHAT'S THE JOB?

YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW.
OH, COME ON. COME ON.

WHAT'S THE JOB?

TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
AND DO AS I TELL YOU.
[ Groans ]

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW
THE DETAILS OF MY ASSIGNMENT
IN ORDER TO KNOW...

WHAT EQUIPMENT TO DRAW
FROM THE QUARTERMASTER.

SEE IF THEY HAVE A SPARE HEAD.
AND I MAY AS WELL WARN YOU,
BUBBLE MOUTH,

I'M GOING TO CARRY A REVOLVER
AND A TRENCH KNIFE,

AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS LAY
A FINGER ON ME THIS TRIP,

YOU'RE GOING BACK TO FRANCE
MINUS A LOT OF PARTS
YOU PROBABLY VALUE.

THERE YOU GO AGAIN,
YOU BLISTERING IDIOT.
I DIDN'T TOUCH YOU!

OH, I'M SORRY, HENRI,
BUT WE'RE STUCK. WE'VE GOT TO
BE TOGETHER FOR A WHILE,

SO WHY NOT
MAKE THE BEST OF IT?

THERE IS NO BEST.
WELL, I'LL GO CRAZY IF YOU--

WE TURN HERE. I'LL GO CRAZY
IF YOU KEEP LOSING THAT MANIAC
TEMPER EVERY TEN MINUTES.

AW, HENRI, LET'S GROW UP.
I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED IN THE WINE CELLAR.

I HAVE NO TEMPER.
NO ONE EVER ACCUSED ME
OF HAVING A TEMPER!

THEY DIDN'T, EH?
NO!

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU WERE
DOING THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU?

YOU WERE CHASING ME DOWN
THE HERMANN GORING STRASSE
IN DÜSSELDORF,

SWEARING YOU WERE GONNA
TEAR MY HEAD OFF
AND MAKE ME EAT IT!

AND WHAT COLOR WAS I?
I WAS BLUE. A LOVELY,
ROBIN'S EGG BLUE...

YOU LOOKED SO FUNNY!
ON ACCOUNT OF HAVING BEEN PUSHED
INTO A VAT OF DYE BY YOU!

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS DYE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS WATER.
WATER.

BLUE! ALL OVER. BLUE.
[ Laughing ]

IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT ANYWAY,

DRINKING ALL THAT FREE WINE
AND TURNING INTO AN OCTOPUS
WITH HANDS.

YOU MISUNDERSTOOD.
YOU FLATTER YOURSELF. I WAS
ONLY TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY.

OH, I'M SORRY I MISUNDERSTOOD.

WELL, LET'S FORGET IT.
IT'S ALL OVER WITH,
AND THE DYE'S COME OFF.

NO, IT HASN'T!
IT HASN'T?

NO!
[ Laughing ]
OH, I'M SORRY.

OH. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THERE'S A CERTAIN ADVANTAGE
IN BEING AN ODDITY.

IN HERE, HENRI.
OH.

HELLO, JACK.
HELLO, CATHERINE.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

A LITTLE BIT DIFFICULT
TO DESCRIBE.

OH, HENRI, THIS IS
CAPTAIN RAMSEY.
CAPTAIN ROCHARD.

HOW DO YOU DO?
OF THE FRENCH
ECONOMIC MISSION.

OH!
[ Speaking French ]

HIYA.
HIYA.

HAVE YOU SOME ORDERS
FOR ME, JACK?
ALL READY. OH, BURNS?

YOU KNOW, CATHY, THIS MEANS
NO DANCE FOR ME SATURDAY NIGHT.

DON'T BE SILLY.
YOU CAN TAKE KITTY.

I'D RATHER SIT ALONE IN MY ROOM
AND THINK OF YOU.
WOULDN'T YOU, CAPTAIN?

UH-HUH.
ALONE IN MY ROOM.

BETTER TAKE GOOD CARE
OF HER.
I'LL WATCH HER EVERY MOMENT.

OH, THAT'S FINE.
WELL, WE'D BETTER
BE GETTING ON.

BYE, JACK.
HOW ABOUT DINNER
THE NIGHT YOU GET BACK?

OKAY. IT'S A DEAL.
SWELL.

[ Speaking French
Awkwardly ]

SEE YOU IN CHURCH.

UH, SURE. SO LONG.
SO LONG.

HMMM. THAT, UH,
LINGUIST IN THERE--

I THINK HE'S STUCK ON YOU.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?

IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT YOU
WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND, HENRI.
IT CERTAINLY IS.

YOU SEE, YOU CHASE AFTER
ANYTHING IN SKIRTS. ANYTHING.
THEY'RE ALL THE SAME TO YOU.

BUT LOTS OF MEN
CAN TELL THEM APART.

BELIEVE ME, SOMETIMES THEY FIND
ONE THEY LIKE BETTER THAN
THE OTHERS. THAT'S CALLED LOVE.

YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T
EXPERIENCED IT, BUT YOU MUST
HAVE READ ABOUT IT SOMEWHERE.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?
WE-- I GO THAT WAY.
I HAVE TO GET MY STUFF.

WHICH WAY DO I GO?
I HAVE TO PAY OFF MY CAB.
I'LL MEET YOU AT THE MOTOR POOL.

WHEN?
TWENTY MINUTES.

BEFORE YOU GO,
WHY DID YOU SAY I RUN AFTER
EVERYTHING IN SKIRTS?

I DIDN'T.
YOU DID.

I SAID "ANYTHING."
OH, THAT'S DIFFERENT THEN.

[ Chuckles ]
AMERICAN WOMEN.

YOU KNOW, I'M JUST
BEGINNING TO GET IT.

FOR WEEKS YOU'VE BEEN TALKING
AS IF HE HAD YELLOW JAUNDICE.
HE DID.

AND NOW YOU'RE GRINNING LIKE A
CHESHIRE CAT BECAUSE A JOB MEANS
BEING WITH HIM FOR THREE DAYS.

YOU CAN DO A LOT
IN THREE DAYS.
IF YOU WORK AT IT.

WHAT ABOUT THE DYE?
IS IT WORN OFF,
OR IS HE STILL BLUE?

HE'S STILL JUST MAD, BUT HE'S
A LOT OF FUN TO FIGHT WITH.

BRING THAT STUFF, WILL YA?
SURE.

ARE YOU, UH, READY,
CAPTAIN?

QUITE READY, LIEUTENANT.

MORNING, SERGEANT.
OH. MORNING, LIEUTENANT.

NEED TRANSPORTATION.
GOING TO BAD NAUHEIM.

OH, I'M SORRY.
I GUESS YOU'RE ALL
OUT OF LUCK, LIEUTENANT.

WE'LL SETTLE FOR A JEEP.
ALL WE GOT AVAILABLE ARE
MOTORCYCLES AND SIDECARS.

OH, COME ON, SERGEANT!
DID YOU LOOK AT YOUR
TRAVEL ORDERS, LIEUTENANT?

WHAT ABOUT THOSE CARS?
YOU GOT PRIORITY FOUR, CAPTAIN,
AND THAT'S BOTTOM.

WELL, CAPTAIN,
WHAT DO WE DO?
WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE A MOTORCYCLE.

ARE YOU CHECKED OUT
ON MOTORCYCLES, CAPTAIN?
I CAN DRIVE ONE.

IF YOU AIN'T CHECKED OUT,
YOU CAN'T, AND I CAN'T
CHECK YOU OUT.

I HAVE A MOTORCYCLE LICENSE.
WELL, SIR, I GUESS
THAT FIXES YOU UP.

WE'LL WAIT FOR A CAR,
SERGEANT.
OH, I CAN DRIVE ONE.

I'M SURE.
BUT I TELL YOU
I'M GOOD ON A MOTORCYCLE!

MY BROTHER HAD ONE.
WE USED TO GO HILL CLIMBING.

I CAN EVEN RIDE ONE
STANDING UP.
WHAT FOR?

OH, ALL RIGHT. BUT I CAN
STILL RIDE A MOTORCYCLE.
OR ARE YOU AFRAID?

WE'LL TAKE IT, SERGEANT.
AND I AM AFRAID.

ANY ONE OF THESE, SERGEANT?
SURE, LIEUTENANT.
TAKE YOUR PICK.

REMEMBER, CAPTAIN,
SHE HAS TO DRIVE IT.
THAT'S REGULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

SERGEANT, CAN YOU DIG UP
A HELMET AND A PAIR OF GOGGLES?

SHOULD BE SOME IN THE TOOLBOX,
LIEUTENANT.
OH. YEAH. THANKS.

[ Laughs ]
WHAT ARE YOU
LAUGHING ABOUT?

BEGGING YOUR PARDON, LIEUTENANT,
HOW DO YOU INTEND TO RIDE THAT
THING? SIDESADDLE?

NO, CAPTAIN.
BEGGING YOUR PARDON, ASTRIDE.

OH, THAT'S A SHAME.
EXCUSE ME.

MM-HMM.

HOW FAR IS IT
TO BAD NAUHEIM?

ABOUT 120 KILOMETERS.

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY?
[ Motor Starts ]

I'VE GOT A MAP.
OF GERMANY?

YES, CAPTAIN.
THAT'S RIGHT.
OF GERMANY.

AMAZING.

STOP THAT.
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

HEY, LIEUTENANT!
YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!

NEVER MIND.
JUST LET HER GO!

I'M SORRY, LIEUTENANT.
I TOOK IT OFF FOR OILING.

I FORGOT TO HOOK IT UP.
[ Chuckles ]
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU'D BETTER TAKE
THIS ONE, LIEUTENANT.
IT'S ALL IN ONE PIECE.

IT WOULD BE BETTER.
DON'T YOU AGREE, CAPTAIN?
I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T KNOW?
YES. I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW HOW SILLY YOU LOOK
JUST SITTING THERE?

[ Chuckles ]

WELL, IS IT STILL
SO FUNNY?
[ Motor Starts ]

NO. I WAS JUST THINKING.

I WAS THINKING HOW NICE IT
WOULD BE IF THIS ONE CAME OFF
WHILE WE WERE DRIVING.

[ Warning Bell Ringing ]

[ Train Whistle Blows ]

[ Metal Clinks ]
OH, HENRI.
I DROPPED MY LIPSTICK.

IT ROLLED OVER THERE.
GET IT, WILL YA?

WELL, IT'S A PLEASURE TO GET OUT
OF THIS PORTABLE BATHTUB.

[ Bell Continues Ringing ]

I CAN'T REACH IT.
IT'S GONE OVER THERE, YOU SEE?
WELL, CLIMB OVER THE TOP.

[ Mutters ]

[ Groans ]

[ Yells ]
HEY!

HEY! LET ME DOWN!
LET ME DOWN!

HENRI, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING UP THERE?

WHAT'S THE DEAL, LIEUTENANT?
THE AREA'S SEALED OFF FROM HERE
TO BATTENBERG, LIEUTENANT.

WHAT FOR?
ROUNDING UP A GANG
OF BLACK MARKET DEALERS.

I HAVE A PASS.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S NO GOOD, LIEUTENANT.

AND I'VE GOT A GENERAL PASS.
KEEP IT, CAPTAIN.
ALL PASSES ARE SUSPENDED.

FOR HOW LONG?
OH, EIGHT TO 12 HOURS
ANYWAY. MAYBE 24.

[ Groans ]
I'M SORRY.

WELL?
I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN.

WELL, DON'T BLAME ME.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
WHAT'LL WE DO?

I CAN'T WAIT HERE FOR 24 HOURS.
I'VE GOT TO BE IN BAD NAUHEIM
BY 3:00 TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

IF THIS THING HAD WINGS,
WE COULD--

SAY, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THAT?
HMM? WHAT'S WRONG WITH WHAT?

THAT BOAT.
I DON'T KNOW. IT SHOULD SAY
"U.S. NAVY" ON IT, SHOULDN'T IT?

OH. I MEAN WHAT'S WRONG WITH
PUTTING THE MOTORCYCLE ON THE
BOAT AND ROWING PAST BATTENBERG?

IT'S ONLY A FEW MILES, AND WE
CAN PICK UP THE ROAD FROM THERE.

DO YOU THINK
THEY'D LET US?
WELL, WE CAN TRY.

HEY, LIEUTENANT.
IS IT OKAY IF WE TAKE THAT BOAT
AND ROW DOWN PAST BATTENBERG?

SO LONG AS YOU
DON'T ROW ON THE ROAD,
IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

GOOD. CAN WE HAVE A COUPLE
OF YOUR BOYS TO HELP US?
SURE THING.

THANKS.
SERGEANT CHRISTIEN, COULD YOU
BRING SOME MEN OVER HERE?

[ Henri ]
WATCH YOUR FEET.
BETTER PUT IT IN GEAR, CORPORAL.

[ Catherine ]
THANKS, FELLOWS. LIEUTENANT,
WILL YOU TELL THE O.I.C....

THAT WE'LL EITHER RETURN
THE BOAT OR TELETYPE HIM
WHERE TO PICK IT UP?

SURE THING.
WILL YOU PLEASE HELP US
TO SHOVE OFF?

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.
THANK YOU.

HAVE A NICE TRIP.
THANKS.

THANK YOU.
GRAB AN OAR.
WHO, ME?

YES, YOU.
AN OAR. GO ON.

NOW, PULL.
PULL!

RIGHT. PULL.

[ Roaring Sound ]

WHAT'S THAT AHEAD?
IT'S A BRIDGE.

NOT ON THE MAP THOUGH.
WELL, WHERE ARE WE?

A COUPLE OF MORE MILES
SHOULD DO IT.

AH.
WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S WHAT?
THAT NOISE.

SOUNDS LIKE A C-47.
OH, IT'S BIGGER THAN THAT.
MUST BE A C-54.

MUST BE AN AWFUL LOT
OF C-47s.

C-54s.

[ Roaring Increases ]

WELL, WHATEVER KIND OF AIRPLANES
THEY ARE, THEY MAKE
A LOT OF NOISE.

IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE--
HENRI, PULL FOR SHORE, QUICK!

WHY?
DON'T ARGUE, PLEASE.
JUST PULL!

OH, NOW LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, LIEUTENANT GATES,

I'M GOING STRAIGHT
DOWN THIS RIVER.

YOU SURE ARE. BUT YOU'RE GOING
OVER A WATERFALL FIRST.

OH, WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
I'M--

OH!
[ Screams ]

OOH!

OH, HENRI, STOP PLAYING OSTRICH.
COME, HELP HOLD THIS!

HOLD ON.

NOW LET'S TRY TO
PULL OURSELVES FREE.
ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, HENRI. PULL.
PULL HARD.
I'M PULLING.

NOW WE'RE GETTING IT.
[ Speaks German ]

NOW ROW.
I'M ROWING.

COME ON, HENRI, PULL!

COME ON.
ROW HARD, HENRI.
I AM!

NOW TURN IT AROUND.
I'LL TURN IT.

OH, BOY!
OH! YOU'RE SO CLUMSY.

HAVE YOU GOT IT?

[ Grunting ]
A LITTLE BIT MORE.

HENRI, THAT'S AWFULLY WET GROUND
YOU'RE SITTING ON.

WELL, AT THE MOMENT
I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING ANYWAY.

BUT WHEN I DO, I THINK I'M
GOING TO KICK YOU BOWLEGGED.

FOR WHAT?
FOR SAVING YOUR LIFE?

OH, YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU DID CATCH THAT ROPE,
DIDN'T YOU?

YES. I DID.

CONVENIENT,
WASN'T IT?
OH, THEY ALWAYS ARE.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I OWE YOU
SOMETHING FOR THAT.

OKAY. I'LL CALL IT SQUARE
IF YOU'LL TELL ME WHAT WE'RE
GOING TO DO IN BAD NAUHEIM.

OH.
COME ON, HENRI.

WELL, THERE'S A MAN IN
BAD NAUHEIM WHO GRINDS LENSES.
GOOD ONES TOO.

HIS NAME IS--
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
CHARLEY HORSE.

WELL, ROLL OVER.
I CAN FIX THAT. I'M--

OH, NO. NEVER MIND.
GO AHEAD WITH THE STORY.
HIS NAME IS SCHINDLER.

SCHINDLER, A LENS GRINDER.
THAT'S RIGHT. MY JOB
IS TO PERSUADE HIM...

THAT WE'RE WILLING TO PAY MORE
FOR HIS LENSES THAN HE CAN GET
IN THE GERMAN BLACK MARKET.

OOH, THAT'S SORE.
WELL, DO AS I TELL YOU.
ROLL OVER.

COME ON. I'M GOOD AT THAT.
COME ON.
OH, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL FIX IT.
I CAN HELP YOU.

WHAT'S OUR PROBLEM?
NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

A FEW WELL-CHOSEN WORDS,
A CONTRACT, A PASSPORT IN
HIS HAND. THEN WE CAN GO HOME.

THAT'S THE WHOLE PLOT.
SIMPLE, ISN'T IT?

IN THAT CASE, I DON'T SEE
WHY THEY ASSIGNED ME
TO THIS MISSION.

THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T WANT
TO MAKE IT TOO EASY.

HOW IS IT?
WHAT?

MY LEG.
NOT BAD.
BETTER THAN I REMEMBERED.

PERHAPS THE OTHER ONE NEEDS--
OH, NO. NEVER MIND.
THAT'LL DO IT.

THANK YOU.
HELP ME UP.

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO BE FRIENDLY.

BUT YOU NEVER TRY TO BE
FRIENDLY FROM A DISTANCE.

HENRI. HENRI, ONE MOVE,
AND THIS TIME IT WON'T BE A VAT
OF DYE. IT'LL BE THE RIVER.

YOU WOULDN'T.
YES, I WOULD.

I THINK YOU WOULD.

CATHERINE, YOUR LACK OF
COOPERATION IS AMAZING.

I'LL COOPERATE BY GETTING
THE MAP AND FINDING OUT
WHERE WE ARE.

WHO PUT US ON THE RIVER
IN THE FIRST PLACE?

I KNEW YOU WERE
GOING TO SAY THAT.
YOU'RE TIRESOME.

YOU'RE SUBNORMAL.
I DON'T PROPOSE TO ARGUE
WITH YOU ANY FURTHER.

OH, DEAR. THAT DARN ROAD
DOESN'T COME WITHIN
TEN KILOMETERS OF HERE.

WHAT? ACROSS OPEN COUNTRY
IN THAT THING?

OH, IT'LL JUST BE
A LITTLE BUMPY.
ONLY FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.

WE'LL MAKE IT BY 3:00.
HA. WE WON'T GET THERE BEFORE
DARK, IF WE GET THERE AT ALL.

THIS MOTORCYCLE
WILL GO ANYWHERE. IF YOU'LL
GET YOUR PANTS OFF THAT GRASS...

AND HELP ME GET IT
OUT OF THE BOAT,
WE'LL BE ON THE ROAD IN NO TIME.

PITCH DARK.

HENRI, WE'RE LOST.
ABSOLUTELY LOST.

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?
OH, HAVEN'T YOU GOT
A BUMP OF DIRECTION?

THAT'S THE ONLY KIND
I HAVEN'T GOT.

WELL, COME ON.
YOU DRIVE THIS THING.
MY BACK HURTS. OH!

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CHECKED OUT
ON THE MOTORCYCLE. YOU KNOW
WHAT THE SERGEANT SAID.

OH, STOP BEING SO CUTE.
I HATE YOU WHEN YOU'RE--
[ Traffic Passing Nearby ]

WHAT'S THAT?
LISTEN.

OH! WE MUST HAVE BEEN
DRIVING ALONGSIDE THAT ROAD
FOR THE LAST HOUR!

PERHAPS THEY
JUST MOVED IT THERE.
OH, SHUT UP.

HENRI, THERE'S
A SIGN BACK THERE.
SEE WHAT IT SAYS.

I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU HAVE A FLASHLIGHT.
NO, I HAVEN'T.

[ Thunderclap ]

WHAT DOES IT SAY?
I CAN'T SEE.

WELL, CLIMB UP, SILLY.

YOU'D BETTER HURRY UP.
IT'S STARTING TO RAIN.

[ Groans ]

WHAT DOES IT SAY?
WELL, I CAN'T TELL.
IT'S IN GERMAN.

WELL, MOVE YOUR ARM.

OH. YOU CAN
COME DOWN NOW, HENRI.

WHAT DID IT SAY?
NEVER MIND.
GET IN.

BUT WHAT DID IT SAY?
"WET PAINT."

WELL, HOW MANY MILES?

OH, NO, HENRI.
NO, YOU DON'T.

YOU'LL GET AWFUL WET
IF YOU STAY OUT HERE.
COME ON. GET IN THE SIDECAR.

I KNOW IT.
I KNOW IT.
HURRY UP.

[ Bell Jingles ]

ALL RIGHT, HENRI.
WE'RE IN BAD NAUHEIM.

YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.
YOU SURE?

YES. I'M SURE.
AND BRING MY BAG.

[ Speaking German ]

[ German ]
[ German ]

[ German ]
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HE WANTED TO KNOW
IF WE WANTED ONE ROOM OR TWO.

YOU TOLD HIM?
I TOLD HIM.

[ Groans ]
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MY BACK.
I THINK IT'S BROKEN,
AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

MY FAULT?
YES. IF YOU'D PUSHED THAT COW
OUT OF THE WAY,

WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO TAKE
THE DETOUR THAT LANDED US
IN THE BROOK.

IT WAS A BULL!
COW.

YOU TOLD ME YOURSELF
YOU COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE
AT 20 YARDS AWAY.

I KNOW. BUT IF YOU CAN'T TELL
THE DIFFERENCE AT 20 YARDS,
IT COULDN'T BE A BULL.

HE WOULD HAVE HAD HORNS.
OH. YEAH.

WHO IS IT?
CINDERELLA.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?
MY SLIPPER.

WELL, OPEN THE DOOR.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
YOU JUST SAID THAT.
HOW'S YOUR BACK?

OH, IT'S AWFUL.
IT HURTS.

GET INTO BED.

I WILL NOT GET INTO BED.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

AND WHAT'S ALL THAT STUFF
YOU'VE GOT THERE?
I'VE BROUGHT YOU A DRINK.

OH, I THOUGHT SO.
I KNEW YOU'D GET UP TO
YOUR OLD TRICKS.

AND ALSO SOME LINIMENT
TO RUB YOUR BACK.
GET INTO BED.

OH.

WE'LL NEED SOME WATER.

TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF TOO.

I AM NOT GOING TO
TAKE MY SHIRT OFF.

WELL, HOW AM I GOING TO
RUB YOUR BACK
THROUGH YOUR SHIRT?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO RUB MY BACK
THROUGH ANYTHING, INCLUDING
MY OWN FOOLISHNESS.

HERE. DRINK THIS.

WANT SOME WATER?
NO. IT'S GOOD.

HMM.

[ Moans ]

[ Moaning ]
MY BACK!

DO YOU WANT IT RUBBED
OR NOT?

IS THAT STUFF ANY GOOD?

TURN OVER.

[ Groaning ]
WAIT A MINUTE!

GO ON. ALL RIGHT.

OW! OH. OOH!

STOP BAWLING.
I DON'T WANT THEM TO THINK
WE'VE SMUGGLED A COW IN HERE.

WELL, IT STINGS.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S
SUPPOSED TO DO.

OH.
LET IT SOAK IN
FOR A WHILE.

NOW, RELAX.

OH! YOU'RE DISLOCATING
EVERYTHING!

OH, RELAX.
I HURT FURTHER UP.

WELL, HOW CAN I GET YOU
TO RELAX IF YOU WON'T COOPERATE?

YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID.
I HURT FURTHER UP.
OH.

MMM. THAT'S BETTER.
MAKES ME FEEL SLEEPY.

GOOD.

OH, THAT'S NICE, HENRI.

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT
WHEN YOU CAME IN HERE YOU WERE
BEHAVING LIKE A STINKER.

BUT YOU'VE BEEN A STINKER
FOR SO LONG I JUST--

I KNOW. I KNOW.
GO TO SLEEP.

WHAT? WITH YOU IN THE ROOM?
WELL, I CAN'T RUB YOU
FROM THE HALLWAY.

IF I GO TO SLEEP,
WILL YOU PROMISE
TO GET RIGHT OUT OF HERE?

I'LL GO NOW.
OH, NO. IT FEELS GOOD.

NOW GO TO SLEEP,
AND I'LL BE GONE IN A MINUTE.

HENRI, ABOUT THIS MISSION.

NEVER MIND.
WELL, I JUST WANT TO ASK
A QUESTION.

- ALL RIGHT. WHAT?
- IS THIS MISSION WE'RE ON
SO IMPORTANT?

NO. NOT PARTICULARLY.
BUT IT IS TO ME, BECAUSE IT'S MY
LAST ASSIGNMENT FOR THE ARMY.

I'M GETTING OUT NEXT WEEK.

OH. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

THEN IT IS IMPORTANT,
ISN'T IT?
MM-HMM.

HENRI, YOU KNOW I--

OH, I'M SO SLEEPY.

GOOD NIGHT.

OH, SHE'LL
NEVER BELIEVE ME.

[ Crowing ]

[ Crowing ]

♪ [ Humming ]

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED?
SHH! YOU UNSPEAKABLE WEASEL.

I KNEW YOU'D BE UP TO
YOUR OLD TRICKS THE MINUTE
MY BACK WAS TURNED.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
GET OUT OF HERE.

I CAN'T GET OUT.
I SAID GET OUT!

I CAN'T GET OUT.
SHH. WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THE DOOR HANDLE
CAME OFF.
WHAT AN EXCUSE!

EVEN YOU COULD THINK OF
A BETTER ONE!
THE HANDLE CAME OFF--

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
YOU JUST TRY
TO OPEN THE DOOR.

ALL RIGHT! I WILL.
OPEN THE DOOR!

TRY TO OPEN THE DOOR.

I--
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

OH, YOU LIAR.
YOU DIRTY--

B-B-BUT--

YOU'RE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.
PUT ON YOUR SHOES
AND GET OUT OF HERE!

I TELL YOU--
DON'T SPEAK TO ME!
DON'T SPEAK TO ME.

YOU UNDERSTAND?
DON'T SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
EVER!

MMM.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
DON'T SPEAK TO ME.

I--
[ Knock At Door ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Knocks ]

STOP BANGING ON THAT DOOR!

[ Knocking Continues ]

YOU CAN'T COME IN!
I'M IN!

MAGIC.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO
SPEAK TO ME, AND--

[ Knocking ]
SOMEONE'S OUT THERE.

GOOD. PERHAPS
THEY'LL LET ME OUT.

WHO IS IT?
[ Speaks German ]

FRAULEIN, IT'S ME.
THE INNKEEPER'S WIFE.

[ Speaks German ]
HENRI, WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
YOU--

I KNOW.
GET OUT THAT WINDOW.
WHO, ME?

GO ON, HENRI. YOU CAN'T
BE FOUND IN HERE. DON'T ARGUE.

OH! AMERICAN WOMEN!
GO ON.

WHAT THE--

OH, SHOOT.

COME IN.

[ German ]
[ German ]

THE KLINKETHE DOOR HANDLE
CAME OFF. IT HAPPENED BEFORE
ONCE IN THE NIGHT.

I PUT IT BACK.
I'M VERY SORRY IT HAPPENED.

[ Speaking German ]
CLIMBING IN THE NICE YOUNG
LADY'S ROOM! OUT HERE!

NO, NO, NO!
OUT HERE!

[ Screams ]

[ Crashing ]
HENRI!

[ Poultry Squawking ]
[ Catherine Laughing ]

COME IN.

OH, EXCUSE ME. I WAS
LOOKING FOR CAPTAIN RO--

OH, HENRI!
NO!

[ Laughs ]
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU LOOK LIKE
AN ORGAN GRINDER.

[ German ]

WHAT WAS THAT?
THE INNKEEPER.
I BORROWED HIS CLOTHES.

WHY?

I CAME HERE TO BAD NAUHEIM
TO FIND HERR SCHINDLER.

SO I'M GONNA MAKE THE ROUNDS
OF THE BLACK MARKET HANGOUTS...

AND SEE IF I CAN GET
SOME INFORMATION ABOUT HIM.

IF I'M IN UNIFORM, NO ONE'S
GONNA TELL ME ANYTHING.
IS THAT REASONABLE?

YES.
SEE YOU LATER.

DON'T YOU WANT ME
TO HELP YOU?
NO.

OH, NOW, HENRI.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE DOOR HANDLE.
I WAS WRONG. YOU WERE TELLING
THE TRUTH. I'M REALLY SORRY.

NICE OF YOU TO APOLOGIZE.
THAT FIXES EVERYTHING.

WELL, WHAT MORE CAN I DO?
I OFTEN WONDER.

OH, HENRI.
STOP BEING LIKE THAT. YOU'RE
BEHAVING LIKE A LITTLE BOY.

I KNOW IT.
BUT YOU SAID IT WAS IMPORTANT.
I JUST WANT TO HELP.

NEVER MIND.
IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I GO ON MY
OWN AND TRY TO FIND SCHINDLER?

SHH!
WELL, MAYBE
I COULD DO SOMETHING.

DON'T DO ANYTHING.
OH, YOU MAKE ME SO MAD.
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO HELP.

THAT'S RIGHT. DON'T DO ANYTHING.
IF YOU SEE ME, DON'T SPEAK
TO ME. YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

WHY NOT?
BECAUSE YOU'RE AN AMERICAN
OFFICER IN UNIFORM.

IF I'M SEEN TALKING TO YOU,
THEY'LL THINK
I'M A STOOL PIGEON.

I DON'T SEE WHY I CAN'T
GO OUT--
PLEASE. JUST TAKE ORDERS.

NOW REMEMBER.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
I DON'T KNOW YOU.

YOU CAN'T SPEAK TO ME.
OKAY. I CAN'T SPEAK TO YOU.

YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ME.
I NEVER COULD.
NOT FOR SOUR APPLES.

OH!
OH, YOU STUBBORN--

HE MAKES ME SO MAD I COULD--

HEY, CATHERINE.
CATHERINE GATES!

JOWITT! HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN BAD NAUHEIM?
I'M HERE ON A MISSION.

WHAT SORT?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT.
CAN WE GET BREAKFAST HERE?

I KNOW WHERE WE CAN GET
SOME REAL COFFEE.
WHERE IS IT?

COME ON.
GONNA BE HERE LONG?
OH, JUST FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

FINE.

HERE WE ARE.
BILL TRUMBLE,
CATHERINE GATES.

HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
GLAD TO MEET YOU, LIEUTENANT.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

THANKS.
CATHERINE JUST GOT IN TOWN
THIS MORNING.

[ Speaking German ]
GOOD MORNING. DO YOU WANT
ANYTHING BESIDES COFFEE?

OH, JAM, ROLLS.
ANYTHING YOU HAVE.
MAKE IT FOR TWO.

[ German ]
HOW LONG ARE YOU
GOING TO BE HERE?

JUST A COUPLE OF DAYS.
YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.

WELL, IT'S NOT MUCH
OF A STORY. JUST--

SAY, ISN'T THAT THE FELLOW I
SAW YOU TALKING TO AT THE INN?
YES. THAT'S HIM.

WELL, HE'S GOING
INTO THE WRONG PLACE.
THAT'S A BLACK MARKET HANGOUT.

BILL HAS A FRIEND
IN THE M.P.s.

THE GERMAN POLICE
ARE GONNA RAID THAT PLACE
THIS MORNING.

YOU MEAN THE PLACE
HE JUST WENT INTO?

MM-HMM. THAT'S WHY
WE CAME HERE FOR BREAKFAST.

GET A FLOOR SHOW
THROWN IN FREE.

WELL, YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN
A BETTER SPOT.
[ Sirens Wailing ]

HERE THEY ARE NOW.
WATCH THEM OPERATE.

[ Henri ]
HEY, SERGEANT, WILL YOU COME
AND HELP ME?

CONSTABLE! HALT, HALT!

THERE'S SOMEONE WHO CAN
IDENTIFY ME. SHE'S AN OFFICER
IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY.

COME WITH ME HERE.
CATHERINE.

CATHERINE, TELL THESE MEN
WHO I AM. IDENTIFY ME.
PLEASE TELL THEM SOMETHING.

IS SOMETHING WRONG,
OFFICER?
IF YOU PLEASE, LIEUTENANT.

HE SAYS HE IS FRENCH OFFICER
AND YOU KNOW HIM.

I NEVER SAW HIM BEFORE
IN MY LIFE.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS
TO ME, CATHERINE!

I'LL GET EVEN!
I'LL GET EVEN!

[ Laughs ]

I'LL GET EVEN, TRAITOR!
I'LL GET EVEN!

CATHERINE,
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
I'LL TELL YOU LATER.

LOOK. BY ANY CHANCE COULD YOU
FELLOWS HELP ME FIND A GERMAN
LENS GRINDER NAMED SCHINDLER?

SURE.
WE OUGHT TO BE ABLE
TO HELP YOU ON THAT.

THINK SO?
MM-HMM.

IS THIS THE MAN?
YES. THAT'S CAPTAIN ROCHARD.

GOOD MORNING, HENRI.
I TRUST THE CAPTAIN
WILL UNDERSTAND.

THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE
WE COULD DO. NO IDENTITY CARD.
IT WAS NOT REALLY OUR FAULT.

DON'T WORRY.
I'M ENTIRELY AWARE
WHOSE FAULT IT WAS.

HENRI, I DID EXACTLY
AS YOU TOLD ME.

WELL, THANK YOU, CAPTAIN.
THANK YOU.

ONE QUESTION. WHY HAVE YOU
NO BEDS IN THIS JAIL?
DIDN'T YOU HAVE A BED, HENRI?

WELL, YOU SEE, CAPTAIN,
WHEN WE HAD BEDS, EVERYONE
WISHED TO BE ARRESTED.

IT WAS TERRIBLE. THE PEOPLE
DID ANYTHING-- EVERYTHING--
JUST SO THEY COULD HAVE A BED.

I KNOW HOW THEY FELT.
OH, YOU POOR DEAR.
YOU HAVEN'T HAD A WINK OF SLEEP.

SHUT UP.
MAY I GO NOW?

YES. OF COURSE, CAPTAIN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD OR TWO
WITH YOU OUTSIDE.

OF COURSE, HENRI.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU TOO.
MM-HMM.

NOW, BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,
I WANT YOU TO MEET--

LISTEN, YOU LITTLE
BUG-EYED TRAITOR,
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS.

I'LL GET EVEN.
I SWEAR I WILL.

I'LL GET EVEN IF IT TAKES
YEARS. IF IT TAKES FOREVER,
I'LL GET EVEN.

PLEASE.
CAPTAIN ROCHARD.
GO AWAY. I'M BUSY.

I'LL BREAK YOU.
I'LL BREAK YOU LIKE A DRY TWIG.
HENRI, THIS IS--

I'LL TURN YOU INTO A SHAKING
OLD WOMAN WITH A TIN-- DIDN'T
YOU HEAR ME SAY I WAS BUSY?

WITH A TIN CUP!
I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU
THIS IS--

WHILE I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU
CAN BE AN UTTER RAT JUST FOR THE
FUN OF IT, ONE THING BAFFLES ME.

OH, THERE'S NO PLEASING
SOME PEOPLE.
AND THAT'S YOUR JOB.

THE ARMY GAVE YOU AN ASSIGNMENT.
YOU TOOK AN OATH AS AN OFFICER--
THE OATH OF DUTY.

I JUST FOLLOWED YOUR ORDERS.
NOW WE'LL NEVER FIND SCHINDLER!
WHERE IS SCHINDLER NOW?

WELL, HE'S RIGHT--
HE'S PROBABLY HEARD
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR HIM,

AND HE'S GONE UNDERGROUND--
MAYBE LEFT THE COUNTRY--
I KNOW HOW THOSE FELLOWS WORK!

BUT, HENRI--
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WHO ARE YOU?

I AM SCHINDLER.
WELL, THAT'S FINE.
WILL YOU PLEASE STOP ANNOYING--

YOU'RE SCHINDLER?
YEAH. SCHINDLER.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T GIVE
ANYBODY A CHANCE TO SAY A WORD.

NOW IF YOU'LL BUTTON THAT BIG
LIP OF YOURS SO HERR SCHINDLER
CAN TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE,

YEAH. ALL I WANTED TO SAY IS
THAT I'M SO GLAD-- SO GRATEFUL,
SO FULL OF HAPPINESS. THANK YOU.

WELL--
GOOD-BYE.

WAIT!
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
HE'LL MISS HIS TRAIN.

YES. I GO TO PARIS.
FRENCH ECONOMIC BUREAU.

I'VE GOT MY PASSPORT
AND DOCUMENTS AND CONTRACT
HERE IN MY POCKET.

I TOOK THEM OUT OF
YOUR BRIEFCASE.
THIS WONDERFUL YOUNG LADY...

IS GIVING AND TELLING ME
EVERYTHING.
MM-HMM.

SO I LEAVE GERMANY NOW.

I NEVER WANTED TO BE
IN THE BLACK MARKET.

I'M A SCIENTIST,
AND NOW I WILL WORK
FOR SCIENCE AND FOR FRANCE,

AND NO MORE LIKE
A THIEF IN THE NIGHT.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

GOOD-BYE.

THANK YOU AGAIN.
GOOD-BYE.

NICE LITTLE GUY.

MMM.

SO YOU FOUND HIM.
I RAN SMACK INTO HIM.

SOMEONE I KNEW KNEW HIM.
HE WAS VERY ANXIOUS TO GO,
AS YOU HEARD.

IT WAS EASY.
YEAH. EASY.

YEAH. EASY.

ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD.
START HOLLERING.
CALL ME NAMES.

[ German ]
[ German ]

[ German ]
JUST A MINUTE.
DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

SURE!
GOOD. YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING
I'VE EVER REALLY WANTED IN LIFE.

FAME, MONEY, POSITION--
NOTHING.

NOTHING UNTIL NOW.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING.

AND THAT IS NEVER TO SEE YOU
AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE.

THAT WAS A MEAN, ROTTEN THING
TO SAY, AND I--

WILL YOU GET THE COFFEE,
PLEASE?

THAT WAS MEAN ROTTEN.
MAYBE IT WAS MEAN ROTTEN,
BUT IT WASN'T ACCIDENTAL.

FORTUNATELY, I'M GETTING
OUT OF THE ARMY SOON.

I'M GOING TO BE A CIVILIAN,
SO NEVER AGAIN CAN THEY ORDER ME
TO ASSOCIATE WITH YOU.

WHAT'S MORE, I'M GOING BACK
TO HEIDELBERG BY TRAIN.

YOU CAN GET SOME OTHER CHUMP
TO TORTURE IN THAT
LUNATIC SIDECAR OF YOURS.

AW, HENRI, I KNOW WHY YOU'RE
MAD, AND I DON'T BLAME YOU.
I WOULD BE TOO.

I KNEW IT WAS
YOUR LAST JOB IN THE ARMY,
AND I JUST DIDN'T THINK.

I SPOILED IT FOR YOU.
I'D GIVE ANYTHING IF I HADN'T.
I'D CUT OFF MY ARM, ALMOST.

MM-HMM.
OH, I LIKE YOU, HENRI.
I CAN'T HELP IT. I DO.

YOU'RE STUBBORN,
AND YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING,
AND YOU'RE A FATHEAD.

BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO AWAY
AND JUST DISAPPEAR WITHOUT
SAYING YOU'LL WRITE...

OR KICK ME
OR USE MY TOOTHBRUSH--

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S--
WELL, I WOULDN'T
PUT IT PAST YOU!

AND AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN
TO EACH OTHER.
AND ALL WE HAVEN'T BEEN.

AND ALL WE'VE DONE TOGETHER.
AND ALL--

ALL WE HAVEN'T DONE TOGETHER.
I KNOW THAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IT'S ALL MINE,
AND I FEEL LIKE A--

OH, I'M MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF.
NOW, GET OUTTA HERE,
OR SAY SOMETHING NICE!

OH. WELL, I DON'T KNOW,
CATHERINE. I--

OH, THAT WAS NICE, HENRI.
THAT WAS NICE.
PLEASE SAY MORE.

WELL, IF WE'RE GONNA GET BACK
TO HEIDELBERG BEFORE DARK,
WE'D BETTER BE GOING.

OH, HENRI!
BUT, CATHERINE--

YES, HENRI?
JUST ONE THING.

WHAT?
PAY FOR THE COFFEE.

YES, HENRI.

WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, YOU WENT TO SLEEP,
SO I PULLED OFF THE SIDE
OF THE ROAD.

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE BETTER.
THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, HENRI,
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
WHY DO WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME?

YOU TELL ME.
OH, JUST SEX ANTAGONISM,
I GUESS.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY,

BUT I THINK IT MEANS
JUST THE OPPOSITE
OF WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE.

I CAN'T EVEN THINK
WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE.
OH, HENRI.

I THINK IT MEANS THAT WE
REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER
BUT WON'T ADMIT IT.

LISTEN. I'D LIKE IT DISTINCTLY
UNDERSTOOD THAT I--
[ Motor Revving ]

IF I WEREN'T SO SLEEPY--
DON'T DO IT. GO TO SLEEP.

I WILL.

YOU ALL RIGHT?
SURE. GO ON BACK TO SLEEP.

WHY ARE WE STOPPING?
I WANT TO SEE A MAN ABOUT A
ROAD. I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

[ German ]
[ Motor Idling ]

[ Motor Revs ]

[ German ]

HENRI! HENRI!

YOU KNOW SOMETHING,
CATHERINE?

I DON'T MIND BEING
THE FIRST ONE TO SAY IT.

I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I'D MISS YOU
IF YOU WEREN'T HERE.

HENRI, STOP!

COME BACK! HENRI!

OH, NO.

- HENRI!
- CATHERINE, NOW THAT I'VE
TOLD YOU HOW I FEEL, I--

OH! MY, THIS IS
TERRIBLY BUMPY.

LOOK OUT!

CATHERINE!
CATHERINE!

CATHERINE, DARLING!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHERE ARE YOU?

YES. I'M HERE.
I'M COMING!

I CAN HEAR YOU,
BUT I CAN'T FIND YOU!

DARLING, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHERE ARE YOU?

HERE I AM, OVER HERE.

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

OH, DARLING.
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE SAFE.
HOW DID YOU GET OUT THERE?

WELL-- WAIT A MINUTE.
OOH.

I'M ALL OUT OF BREATH
FROM CHASING YOU.

FROM CHASING ME?
UH-HUH.

YOU MEAN YOU WEREN'T
ON THE MOTORCYCLE?
UH-UH. YOU WERE BY YOURSELF.

OH. YOU GOT OFF
AND LEFT ME.
HENRI.

HUH?
WHAT'S ALL THIS
"DARLING" BUSINESS...

YOU WERE MUMBLING ABOUT
A MOMENT AGO?

DARLING?
DID I SAY THAT?
I HEARD YOU.

IT'S PROBABLY FRIGHT.
IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT--

DID YOU MEAN ME, HENRI?

UH, I THINK I WAS
STUNNED MOMENTARILY.

WELL, MAYBE YOU WERE, BUT YOU
LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO
KISS ME WHEN YOU SAW ME.

I WHAT?
I WISH YOU HAD. I'VE NEVER
BEEN KISSED BY A FRENCHMAN.

WELL, THERE'S NOT--
WHAT'S SO STRANGE
ABOUT THAT?

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE SAY.

OH, THAT'S NONSENSE.
WELL, YOU JUST HEAR
PEOPLE TALK.

WE'RE NO DIFFERENT
THAN ANYBODY ELSE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE JUST HEARD TALK.
THAT'S SILLY.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT JUST ONCE,
AND LET ME SEE?

OH, CATHERINE!
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY
TO FIND OUT, ISN'T IT?

BUT I TELL YOU, IT'S SO SILLY.
WELL, THERE'S NO HARM
IN TRYING, IS THERE?

NO. I SUPPOSE NOT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
GO AHEAD.

HMM.
WELL, ARE YOU READY?
SURE.

THERE. YOU SEE?
THAT WAS NO GOOD. THAT WASN'T
THE LEAST BIT DIFFERENT.

I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T GOING
TO BE ANY DIFFERENT.

BUT I THOUGHT
IT'D BE BETTER THAN THAT.

WELL, AFTER ALL, YOU DIDN'T
GIVE ME MUCH OF A CHANCE.

OH, THAT WASN'T FAIR, WAS IT?
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
OF COURSE IT WASN'T.

I REALLY SHOULD GIVE YOU
ANOTHER CHANCE.
YES, YOU OUGHT.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.
GO AHEAD. TRY AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE. COME HERE.

WELL! THAT WAS
A LITTLE BETTER.

CERTAINLY. YOU SEE?
IT COULD HAVE BEEN EVEN BETTER
IF I'D HAD SOME COOPERATION.

IF I'D HAD A FRENCH GIRL,
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.

WAIT. WHAT DID YOU MEAN
BY THAT REMARK?

WELL, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
GIVING ME MUCH HELP.

OH. AND YOU THINK A FRENCH
GIRL COULD DO BETTER?
YES. I DO.

DO YOU WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN?
DO YOU WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN?

YES.
WELL, SO DO I.

WAIT A MINUTE. LEAN BACK.
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE?

YES.
GOOD.

MAJOR, WE-- WE WANT TO
GET MARRIED.

WELL! WHEN DID YOU REACH
THAT DECISION?

THIS AFTERNOON,
ABOUT 2:30.
IN A HAYSTACK.

YOU SEE, HENRI WAS
ON THE MOTORCYCLE, AND I--

CATHERINE, I DON'T THINK
THE MAJOR WOULD BE INTERESTED
IN ALL THE DETAILS.

AND YOU TWO DIDN'T WANT
TO GO AWAY TOGETHER.

IT WOULD SEEM YOUR MISSION
WAS VERY SUCCESSFUL.

THANK YOU, MAJOR.
MY CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU'RE THE VERY FIRST
TO KNOW.
I GUESSED AS MUCH.

NOW, AS TO GETTING MARRIED,
THERE'S ONE HITCH.

ITCH?
IT'S PROBABLY THE HAYSTACK.
HENRI AND I--

I DON'T-- I DON'T--
I SAID "HITCH."

ALL MARRIAGES BETWEEN AMERICAN
MILITARY PERSONNEL AND ALIENS--

AND YOU COME UNDER
THAT HEADING, CAPTAIN--
AH.

MUST BE APPROVED
BY THE COMMANDING GENERAL.

NOW, THERE'S A SET PROCEDURE
FOR THAT KIND OF THING.
YES, BUT--

IT'S ONLY RED TAPE, HENRI.
WELL, DO YOU ITCH,
CATHERINE?

THE MAJOR SAID "HITCH," HENRI.
SHE MEANS WE'VE GOT TO GET
A LOT OF THINGS APPROVED.

OH.
HERE ARE THE FORMS
REQUESTING PERMISSION TO MARRY.

FILL THEM OUT IN QUADRUPLICATE,

AND WHEN YOU'VE
COMPLETED THEM, SEND THEM
TO COLONEL BLIVEN'S OFFICE.

YES, MAJOR.
AND GOOD LUCK.

GOOD-BYE, CAPTAIN.
YES.

IS SHE ALWAYS SO CONFUSING?
NO. BUT THIS IS
GOING TO BE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF
WE'VE GOT TO FILL OUT.

SHE SAID THERE WAS FOUR OF THEM.
YOU WEREN'T HEARING SO GOOD.
SHE SAID FOUR OF EACH.

LET'S GO
AND GET TO WORK.
FINE.

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT. WAIT.

SOUVENIR.
YOU'LL END UP
WITH A POCKETFUL.

WELL, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.

DON'T GIVE UP NOW.
WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH.

MY UNCLE'S POLITICS,
AUNT'S RELIGION,
ANY WARTS, ANY--

BY THE WAY, MY AUNT'S NAME
IS FANNY. WOULD YOU
PUT THAT DOWN, PLEASE?

ANY IDENTIFYING SCARS
ON MY SECOND COUSIN'S CLAVICLE?

WE'LL NEVER GET THIS DONE.
AND LOOK AT THIS SILLY THING.
"NAME YOUR FATHER'S GENDER."

NO.
YEAH. IT SAYS SO.
LOOK.

NO. "FATHER'S BIRTHPLACE."
GENDER BELONGS TO THIS
QUESTION OVER HERE.

I THOUGHT THERE WAS
SOMETHING WRONG.
WHAT AN IDIOT.

WERE YOU EVER CAPTURED
BY PERUVIAN INDIANS?
NO. WHY?

I UNDERSTAND THEY DO
A VERY GOOD JOB
OF SHRINKING HEADS.

MMM. COME ON.

COME ON.
LET'S TAKE TIME OUT.

OH, THERE ARE A LOT OF
THINGS I'D RATHER DO
THAN ANSWER QUESTIONS.

THIS, FOR INSTANCE?
MM-HMM.

MAYBE I'D BETTER GO BACK
AND SEE ANOTHER
DOUBLE FEATURE.

[ Catherine ]
OH, NO. COME ON IN.

WE'RE STILL
FILLING OUT FORMS.

IF YOU FIND ANYONE
WHO WANTS TO FILL OUT FORMS
WITH ME, LET ME KNOW.

I'M GONNA
GET SOME SLEEP.
GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.
SEE YOU
IN THE MORNING.

WE GOTTA GET BUSY.
OH.

WHY DO WE HAVE
TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS?

IT'S THE ARMY'S WAY OF
FINDING OUT IF YOU
REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED.

WELL, I KNOW
A MUCH BETTER WAY.
HENRI.

[ Ringing ]

MAJOR PRENDERGAST.
YES.

AT EASE, GATES.
THAT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
WELL, GATES?

I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, MAJOR,
BUT WE HAVEN'T HEARD A WORD
ABOUT OUR APPLICATION.

IT'S BEEN OVER A WEEK.
YOUR PAPERS MUST'VE
BOGGED DOWN SOMEWHERE.

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
YOU CAN DO
TO HURRY THEM UP?

HE'S GETTING AWFULLY
NERVOUS, AND SO AM I.

I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
THANK YOU, MAJOR.

OH, GATES.
YES, MAJOR?

HE IWORTH WAITING FOR,
ISN'T HE?
WELL, HE IS NOW.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HE'LL BE LIKE
BY THE TIME I GET HIM.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
AN AMERICAN MARRYING
A FOREIGNER SHE HARDLY KNOWS.

IT'S RIDICULOUS
AND DISGRACEFUL.

I JUST CAN'T SEE
WHY SHE WANTS TO.
YOU ALL BETTER GET GLASSES.

WHY ARE YOU WOMEN SUCH
PUSHOVERS FOR THIS PARLEZ VOUS
HAND KISSING STUFF?

HAND KISSING?
WHY, HE DOES MORE THAN THAT.

WHY, CATHERINE TOLD ME
HE WAS PLUMB CRAZY.

ALWAYS CHASING HER
AND TRYING TO BEAT HER UP.

WHY, HE LEFT MARKS
ALL OVER HER. I SAW 'EM.

LEAVE MARKS ON ME ANY TIME.
I'LL BRING THE STICK.
OH, IT WASN'T A STICK.

HE KICKED HER RIGHT IN THE--
WHAT?

WELL, HE DID.
HI, CATHERINE.

WE WERE JUST TALKING
ABOUT YOU, HONEY.
I'LL BET YOU WERE.

OH.

WELL, SAY SOMETHING.
DID YOU SEE HER?

DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER.
THE PAPERS ARE STUCK SOMEWHERE.
STUCK, HOW?

WELL, BOGGED DOWN
IN CHANNELS,
LYING ON SOMEONE'S DESK.

WHAT FOR?
HENRI, PLEASE.
I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, THEY LET OTHER PEOPLE
GET MARRIED. WHAT HAVE
THEY GOT AGAINST YOU?

AGAINST ME?
IT'S PROBABLY YOU
THEY'RE INVESTIGATING.

NONSENSE.
WHY SHOULD THEY?
HENRI, PLEASE.

THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE
IN THE ROOM.
WHY SHOULD THEY INVESTIGATE ME?

BECAUSE THE AMERICAN ARMY
IS VERY CAREFUL.
THAT'S WHY.

AMERICAN ARMY HAD BETTER BE
CAREFUL, OR THEY'RE NOT GONNA
HAVE ANY AMERICAN CHILDREN SOON.

WILL YOU KINDLY
LOWER YOUR VOICE?
I'LL DO BETTER THAN THAT.

I'LL TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE
IF IT ANNOYS YOU.

DO THAT, AND WHILE
YOU'RE ABOUT IT,
GO BAG YOUR OARS.

"BAG YOUR OARS"?
WHAT'S THAT, MORE ARMY TALK?
NAVY.

OH, NAVAL TALK.
IT SOUNDS LIKE IT.
CHARMING.

YOU MAKE ME SICK.
GOOD.

HENRI.

EXCUSE ME.

CATHERINE,
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING
LIKE A BROTHER.

DO YOU REALLY WANNA MARRY
THAT PHONY JOKER?
CERTAINLY NOT.

YOU'RE KIDDING.
I HOPE HE CHOKES.
SLOWLY, VERY SLOWLY.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID ALL ALONG.
A GIRL LIKE YOU-- YOU COULDN'T
MAKE A MISTAKE LIKE THAT.

THANK HEAVENS
FOR ARMY RED TAPE.
OH, DON'T THANK THE ARMY.

YOU CAN THANK ME
PERSONALLY.
YOU? WHY?

I HID THE PAPERS.
I KNEW IT WAS A CINCH
YOU'D CHANGE YOUR MIND.

YOU HID THE PAPERS?
THAT'S RIGHT. I KNEW
I WAS DOING YOU A FAVOR.

YOU HID THE PAPERS.
I PUT THEM
IN THE ADVANCE FILE.

DON'T MIND GOING OUT
ON A LIMB FOR A FRIEND.
IT WAS TAKING A CHANCE, SURE--

NOW AS TO YOUR MARRIAGE,
YOU, CATHERINE, WANT ME
TO MARRY YOU IN MY CHURCH.

THAT'S RIGHT.
AND YOU, HENRI,
ALWAYS PROMISED...

THE PASTOR OF YOUR PARISH
THAT HE'D DO THE JOB.

YES.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER HAVE
BOTH MARRIAGES.

I THINK HE'S RIGHT.
OH, YES, YES.

JUST A MOMENT.
THERE'S MORE TO IT
THAN THAT.

UNDER THE GERMAN LAW,
WHICH IS RECOGNIZED
BY THE OCCUPYING ARMY,

YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH
A CIVIL CEREMONY
BEFORE THE CHURCH CEREMONY.

OH?
SO YOU HAVE TO
BE MARRIED FIRST...

BY THE BÜRGERMEISTER
HERE IN HEIDELBERG,
AH.

AND THEN COME TO ME,
AND THEN GO
TO HENRI'S PASTOR.

THAT MAKES THREE TIMES.
THREE?

CHAPLAIN, DID YOU KNOW
THAT IN CHINA, THE BRIDE
AND GROOM JUST DRINK TEA...

OUT OF THE SAME BOWL,
AND THAT'S IT?
ARE YOU CHINESE, HENRI?

OF COURSE I'M NOT CHINESE.
I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE.
I'M NOT.

WHAT BROUGHT THAT UP?
YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT DRINKING TEA.

I WAS TELLING THE CHAPLAIN--
I'LL DRINK TEA WITH YOU
IF YOU WANT ME TO.

YOU DO?
STOP IT. STOP IT.

CHAPLAIN, PERHAPS I SHOULDN'T
GO THROUGH WITH THIS.
YOU CAN STILL SAY NO, HENRI.

WE'LL GO TO THE BÜRGERMEISTER,
AND THEN COME BACK TO YOU.
I'LL BE READY FOR YOU ANY TIME.

THANK YOU.
DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION
TO HER, CHAPLAIN.

ALL RIGHT.
GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE.
GOOD-BYE.

[ Speaking German ]

YOU HAVE DECIDED NOW
TO LIVE YOUR FUTURE
LIFE TOGETHER.

[ Speaking German ]

AND FORSAKING ALL OTHER,

KEEP THEE ONLY UNTO HIM
SO LONG AS YE
BOTH SHALL LIVE?

I WILL.
WILL YOU PLEASE
JOIN RIGHT HANDS?

HENRI, WILL YOU REPEAT
AFTER ME?

I, HENRI...
I, HENRI...

TAKE THEE, CATHERINE...
TAKE THEE, CATHERINE--

TO BE MY WEDDED WIFE.

[ Speaking French ]
[ Speaking French ]

HE WANTS THE RING.
I HAVEN'T GOT IT.

OH, HERE. I--

[ Speaking French ]

WELL, YOU LIKE IT?

I LIKE IT.

IT'S BEEN QUITE A DAY,
HASN'T IT?

WE'RE A LOT MARRIED,
HENRI, THREE TIMES.

IT WAS WORTH IT.

I DON'T SEE HOW WE COULD
EVER GET A DIVORCE.

IT WOULD BE SOMETHING
LIKE UNWINDING THE INSIDE
OF A GOLF BALL.

WANT SOME MORE COFFEE?
I JUST HAD FOUR CUPS.

BESIDES,
IT KEEPS ME AWAKE.
OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT A FRIEND OF MINE
ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT.

OH? WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, YOU SEE,
HE WAS A--
[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

[ Speaking French ]

NO, NO. NOT TONIGHT.
NO, NO. NO, NO.
[ Speaks French ]

TELL ME ABOUT HIM.
ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT YOUR FRIEND
ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT.

OH. I'M NOT SO SURE
I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

OH, OF COURSE YOU CAN, HENRI.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I CAN NOW, CAN'T I?

MM-HMM.
WELL, HERE'S
WHAT HAPPENED--

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

THIS IS JUST
LIKE MY FRIEND'S STORY.

NOW WHAT?
HI. CAN I COME IN?

WELL, YOU'RE IN.
I DIDN'T WANNA COME,
BUT I HAVE TO--

[ Henri ]
THEN GO AWAY.
BUT--

KITTY, WHAT ON EARTH
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU'D GONE BACK.

OF ALL THE TIMES TO--
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANT, ANYWAY?

WELL, I CERTAINLY
DIDN'T WANNA COME HERE.
THEN GO AWAY.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL
YOU FIRST, AND YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO LIKE IT.

WHAT IS IT?
I'VE JUST BEEN ON THE PHONE.

THE COLONEL GAVE ORDERS
YOU'RE TO LEAVE FOR
HEIDELBERG IN 20 MINUTES.

YOU'RE KIDDING.
THE WHOLE OUTFIT'S BEEN ALERTED
TO GO BACK TO AMERICA.

TO AMERICA? WELL, THEY'RE
NOT GOING RIGHT AWAY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

THEN WE DON'T HAVE
TO LEAVE TONIGHT.

MAYBE YOU DON'T,
BUT CATHERINE DOES.
THOSE ARE ORDERS.

WHEN DO I
HAVE TO REPORT?
NOT UNTIL MORNING.

THEN WE STAY HERE TONIGHT,
AND FLY BACK AND REPORT
IN THE MORNING.

ORDERS.
YOU COULD TELL THE COLONEL
YOU COULDN'T FIND US.

HE BEAT YOU TO IT.
HE SAID IF I TRIED TO PULL
THAT ONE, WE'D BOTH BE SORRY.

OH!
CATHY, I'M IN A SPOT.
SO ARE YOU.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET WORKING
ON HENRI'S PASSPORT, OR HE WON'T
BE ABLE TO SAIL WITH YOU.

HENRI, WE'RE DEAD.

WELL, THIS IS
A FINE WEDDING NIGHT!

YOU CAN FIND A PLACE
TO STAY IN HEIDELBERG.
IT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOTHING?
YOU BETTER START PACKING.
YOU'VE ONLY GOT 20 MINUTES.

HOW DO WE GET BACK FROM HERE?
PLANE TO FRANKFURT.
THERE'LL BE A JEEP THERE.

SEE YOU LATER.
ORDERS ARE I'M TO STICK WITH YOU
UNTIL YOU GET TO HEIDELBERG.

ORDERS.
ORDERS? UH--

ORDERS.

THEY WOULDN'T DO THIS
IN THE FRENCH ARMY.

POOR HENRI.

UH-OH. WANT ME
TO WAIT FOR YOU?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WAIT?

WHAT, ALL NIGHT?
I DON'T THINK IT'S
GOING TO BE THAT LONG.

UH-- WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE
ARE YOU DREAMING UP NOW?

I JUST NOTICED
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
IT SAYS "B.O.Q."

OH, NO.
THAT MEANS BACHELOR
OFFICERS' QUARTERS, HENRI.

I DON'T CARE WHAT IT MEANS.
THAT IS WHERE I LIVE, AND THAT'S
WHERE I'M GOING TO TAKE MY WIFE.

BUT IT'S
AGAINST REGULATIONS.

WHO CARES ANYTHING
ABOUT REGULATIONS
AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

BESIDES, I KNOW
THE SERGEANT ON THE DESK,
AND HE ALWAYS LOOKS THE--

HE'S A VERY NICE FELLOW.
COMES FROM TULSA, OKLAHOMA.

DRIVER, PLEASE TAKE
LIEUTENANT LAWRENCE HOME.
GOOD NIGHT, KITTY.

GOOD NIGHT, HENRI.
COME ALONG, CATHERINE.

BUT, HENRI, I--
NOW, PLEASE.

GOOD NIGHT,
KITTY.
GOOD NIGHT, CATHERINE.

HOPE IT WORKS.
LEAVE IT TO ME.

[ Car Drives Off ]

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

IT'S JUST US, KITTY.
SHH!

B.O.Q. MEANS
BACHELOR OFFICERS' QUARTERS.
I TOLD YOU IT DID--

AND AFTER THAT,
WE WENT TO SIX HOTELS.
THEY'RE ALL AGAINST--

NO MILITARY PERSONNEL--
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

BILLINGS IS ON THE COUCH,
AND THOMPSON AND KAY
ARE IN THE BEDROOM.

WHAT ARE
THEY DOING HERE?
SLEEPING.

OH, NO.
COME ON, CATHERINE.

WHERE, HENRI?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT SINCE
THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD,

MAN HAS ALWAYS FOUND
A PLACE FOR HIS MATE,
EVEN IF IT WAS A CAVE.

WELL, TONIGHT
MANKIND'S A FLOP.

YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CAVE.
YOU HAVEN'T
EVEN GOT A BED.

IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING,
AND IT'S MY WEDDING NIGHT,

AND MY FEET HURT,
AND I COULDN'T WALK
ANOTHER STEP.

YES, DARLING, YES.
WELL, DO YOU WANT
TO SLEEP HERE?

NO. I MEAN, YES,
BUT I WANT YOU
TO SLEEP HERE TOO.

WELL, YOU CAN BUNK UP
WITH ME, AND HE CAN
SLEEP IN THE BATHROOM.

SITTING UP?
IT'S NOT SO BAD.

I SLEPT
IN A BATHTUB ONCE.
ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT?

NO. I'LL GET YOU
SOME BLANKETS AND A PILLOW.

COME ALONG.

OH, HENRI, HOW COULD IT
TURN OUT LIKE THIS?

I'D ALWAYS PLANNED US
TO HAVE A WONDERFUL--

I KNOW. I KNOW,
DARLING. COME ON.

THERE'S
THE BATHROOM THERE.

GOOD NIGHT, HENRI.

HERE'S YOUR PILLOW
AND BLANKETS.
GOOD NIGHT, DEAR. GOOD NIGHT.

OH, EVERYTHING'S WRONG.

NOW I CAN'T WEAR
MY NEW NIGHTGOWN.
THERE ISN'T EVEN ANY RICE--

MAYBE KITTY
HAS SOME MOTHBALLS.
GOOD NIGHT, HENRI.

I DON'T THINK
IT'S FUNNY, NOT A BIT,

WITH ME IN ONE ROOM
AND YOU IN A BATHTUB.

YES, DEAR.
WELL, NEVER MIND.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.
YEAH, GOOD NIGHT.

AND DON'T CRY.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

I'LL BE QUITE COMFORTABLE.

I'LL JUST TURN ON
THE COLD WATER.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Banging ]
[ Grunts ]

[ Moans ]

[ Sighs ]

HMM.

OH, COME ON, HENRI. HURRY UP.
WE'VE GOT A LOT
OF THINGS TO DO.

I AM HURRYING,
JUST AS FAST AS I CAN GO.

WELL, STRAIGHTEN UP.
YOU LOOK LIKE
A QUESTION MARK.

OH! THANK YOU.
THERE. THAT'S BETTER.

[ Sighs ]
WHAT A PLACE
TO PUT A FAUCET.

WHERE?
IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACK.

IT IS UNUSUAL.
WELL, CHEER UP, DEAR.

AT LEAST TONIGHT
YOU'LL HAVE A BED
TO SLEEP ON.

WELL, THAT'S JUST IT.
CATHERINE, I DON'T MEAN
TO SOUND CRANKY,

BUT THIS SITUATION
IS SO UNNATURAL.

I'LL BE AT B.O.Q.
AND YOU'LL BE
SLEEPING MILES AWAY,

ALL BECAUSE
THE UNITED STATES ARMY--

WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME
TO LOOK FOR ANOTHER
PLACE TODAY.

WE'VE GOT TO SEE
THE AMERICAN CONSUL.
COME ON, SILLY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN THE GUTTER?
WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE?

NOW, I KNOW
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
AND YOU'RE IN A HURRY,

BUT IT'S NOT
GONNA BE EASY.

TAKE THE MATTER OF SUPPORT.
CAPTAIN, HAVE YOU ANY MONEY
IN THE UNITED STATES?

NO.
AND THE LAWS
OF YOUR COUNTRY...

FORBID YOU TAKING ANYTHING
BUT A NOMINAL AMOUNT
WITH YOU.

YES, I'M AFRAID
THAT'S RIGHT.

THEN A VISITOR'S VISA
WOULD DO YOU NO GOOD.

YOU COULDN'T TAKE
A JOB. AND UNLESS
YOUR WIFE CAN PROVE...

THAT SHE'S ABLE TO
SUPPORT YOU, YOU COULDN'T
GET A PERMANENT VISA.

CATHERINE ISN'T GOING TO
SUPPORT ME, SO IS THERE
ANY OTHER KIND OF VISA?

WHAT ABOUT
THE FRENCH QUOTA?

THE FRENCH QUOTA'S
COMPLETELY FILLED UP
FOR THIS YEAR AND NEXT.

WELL, WHAT'LL WE DO?
I WAS WONDERING...

IF PUBLIC LAW 271
WOULD APPLY.

THAT'S THE ONE REGULATING
THE IMMIGRATION
OF WAR BRIDES.

CATHERINE DOESN'T
HAVE TO IMMIGRATE.
SHE'S AN AMERICAN CITIZEN.

I WAS THINKING OF YOU
AS THE BRIDE.

[ Chuckles ]
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD
IMAGINATION YOU HAVE THERE.

IT SAYS SPOUSES.
DOESN'T MENTION SEX.

I'M CONVINCED
THE AMERICAN ARMY
DOESN'T BELIEVE IN IT.

THIS IS GONNA WORK.
YES, I THINK THIS
IS GONNA WORK.

WELL, SURE, IT WILL.
SAY, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?

IT SAYS SPOUSES MEANS MATES.
DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT MALE OR FEMALE.

WE'RE MATES, AREN'T WE?
[ Chuckles ]
I REALLY WOULDN'T KNOW.

YOU'RE A SPOUSE OF A MEMBER
OF THE AMERICAN
EXPEDITION FORCES.

THEREFORE, YOU'RE
ELIGIBLE TO TRAVEL...

UNDER SECTION 271
AS HER BRIDE.
AS HER BRIDE?

NO, HENRI, PLEASE.
AS YOUR BRIDE?

OH, HENRI, IT'LL BE FUN.
BUT ISN'T IT RIDIC--

OF COURSE IT IS, DARLING,
BUT IT'LL WORK. YOU'LL SEE.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

HERE'S THE APPLICATION
RIGHT HERE.

I AM NOT GOING TO TRAVEL
AS HER BRIDE. AND BESIDES,
HER NAME'S ROCHARD.

EXCUSE ME, CAPTAIN ROCHARD,
BUT OFFICIALLY,
IT'S STILL GATES.

NOT AT ALL.
OFFICIALLY, IT IS ROCHARD.

I HAVE THREE WEDDING
CERTIFICATES TO PROVE IT.
HENRI.

I DON'T CARE.
ROCHARD. ROCHARD.

PAY NO ATTENTION
TO HIM, MR. JONES.
WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO?

HERE YOU FILL OUT YOUR
NAME, RANK, ORGANIZATION,
YOUR WIFE'S MAIDEN NAME.

SHE HASN'T GOT A WIFE.
JUST FOR
THE TIME BEING.

HAVE YOU GOT A WIFE?
NO, DEAR. BUT IT'S
ONLY A PIECE OF PAPER.

WELL, THEN YOU--
WELL, OBVIOUSLY
THESE APPLICATIONS...

ARE INTENDED FOR
THE HUSBAND TO FILL IN.

OH, WELL, I CAN WRITE.
I CAN WRITE.

YES, WE KNOW, DEAR.
YOU CAN WRITE.
NO, THIS DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE
THE PROPER ADJUSTMENTS.

WHAT?
ON THESE PAPERS.

YOU WANT TO GO,
DON'T YOU?
WHAT?

I TELL YOU, HENRI,
IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

JUST HAND THOSE OVER
TO THE IMMIGRATION OFFICER
WHEN YOU'VE FILLED THEM OUT.

THANK YOU, MR. JONES.
BUT, CATHERINE--

IT'LL BE SIMPLE.
YOU'LL SEE.

ON THE CONTRARY,
THE PROCESS OF TURNING
A MAN INTO A WOMAN...

IS ENORMOUSLCOMPLICATED.

BUT I'LL DO MY BEST.
THANK YOU. GOOD DAY.
GOOD DAY.

GOOD-BYE.
GOOD-BYE.

JUST A MOMENT.
BRIDES FIRST, PLEASE.

OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

HELLO, HENRI.

WELL, NOTHING HAPPENED.
HASN'T IT COME YET?

I WONDER
IF THE APPLICATION
EVEN ARRIVED.

I HANDED IT TO THE
IMMIGRATION OFFICER MYSELF
FIRST THING THIS MORNING.

HENRI, BRACE YOURSELF.
I'M LEAVING.

OUR WHOLE OUTFIT
LEAVES TONIGHT.
TONIGHT?

OH, WELL, THAT DOES IT.
WE'RE COOKED.

THE APPLICATION WILL COME
THIS AFTERNOON. IT'S GOT TO.
IT WON'T. OH, YOU'LL SEE.

YOU'LL GO, AND
I'LL SIT HERE WONDERING
WHICH SEX I AM.

WHAT A MARRIAGE.
SOLITARY CONFINEMENT.
SEPARATE ROOMS.

I'VE NEVER BEEN
SO LONELY IN MY LIFE.

IF I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU,
I'LL SHOOT MYSELF.
SHOOT ME TOO. I'M--

I THINK THIS IS IT.
IT CAME TO THE OFFICE.
THANK YOU, KITTY.

[ Muttering ]

AT LAST.

"DEAR MADAME"?
OH, YES, THAT'S ME.

"FOLLOWING APPLICATION
OF YOUR HUSBAND--"
THAT'S YOU--

"YOU ARE INFORMED
THAT PERMISSION TO ENTER
THE UNITED STATES...

AS A WAR BRIDE
HAS BEEN GRANTED."

I GOTTA GET BACK.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
THANKS, KITTY.

I'M SO HAPPY. KISS ME.
WE'VE GOT TIME NOW.
THAT CAN WAIT.

OR MAYBE IT CAN'T.
OH, NO, DARLING. NO, NO, HENRI.
PLEASE, THE LETTER.

"PLEASE FILL IN
ATTACHED FORM
AND BRING TO THIS--"

ANOTHER FORM.
WILL THEY EVER
RUN OUT OF FORMS?

HMM. HMM.
[ Chuckles ]

I WON'T.
I WON'T ANSWER
THOSE QUESTIONS.

OH. WELL, HENRI,
THIS ISN'T SO BAD.
I WON'T ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS.

YOU'VE GOT TO.
I WON'T!

YOU DON'T WANNA STAY,
DO YOU?
NO.

THEN YOU'VE
GOT TO ANSWER THEM.
HOW CAN I?

YOU CAN, HENRI,
AND PERHAPS THE MAN
AT THE OFFICE WILL HELP YOU.

IT WOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE.
NOW, PLEASE, CONTROL YOURSELF
FOR ONCE AND BE NICE.

HOW CAN YOU ANSWER
A SINGLE--
EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

BE SURE AND READ THEM OVER
ON THE WAY DOWN.
GOOD-BYE, HENRI. GOOD LUCK.

I TELL YOU, THERE
ISN'T ANOTHER FORM.
I TOLD YOU FIRST.

THIS FORM ISN'T FOR A MAN.
IT'S FOR A WOMAN.
UH-HUH.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IF YOU DON'T
GET THIS FORM FILLED OUT
AND APPROVED, YOU CAN'T GO.

THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU MEAN I'VE GOT
TO USE THIS FORM?

SERGEANT, I FELT
THE SAME WAY YOU DO,

BUT IF THAT'S THE ONLY FORM,
COME ON, LET'S FILL IT OUT.

WELL, LET'S SEE.
AGE AND BIRTHPLACE.
WE'VE GOT ALL THAT.

WELL, HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

ARE YOU
AN EXPECTANT MOTHER?

UH-HUH.

YES.
HOW MANY MONTHS?

TWENTY.

TWENTY.
TWENTY MONTHS.

ANY--
ANY FEMALE TROUBLE?

NOTHING BUT, SERGEANT.
[ Groans ]

AND... HAVE YOU EVER HAD
ANY CHILDREN BEFORE?

OH, MY ACHING BACK.
YOU KNOW THAT AWFUL FEELING
BEFORE BREAKFAST?

NO, CAPTAIN,
I DON'T.
OH, SERGEANT, YOU'RE LUCKY.

CAPTAIN, THIS DOESN'T
MAKE ANY SENSE.

I KNOW, BUT COME ON.
WE GOTTA FILL IT OUT.
ASK ME ANOTHER.

THERE'S SOME GOOD ONES
COMING UP.

[ Woman Over P.A. ]
ATTENTION, PLEASE.
ATTENTION, PLEASE.

WILL MRS. MILTON
COME TO THE DESK, PLEASE.

YOU TAKE SEAT 18
IN BUS NUMBER THREE.

ALL RIGHT, MRS. ROCHARD,

YOU TAKE SEAT 19
IN BUS NUMBER THREE.
THANK YOU.

WAIT A MINUTE!
YOU'RE NOT MRS. ROCHARD.
I'M MR. ROCHARD.

IT'S YOUR WIFE WHO MUST
REPORT HERE FOR TRANSPORTATION
TO BREMERHAVEN.

ACCORDING TO THE WAR
DEPARTMENT, I AM MY WIFE.
YOU CAN'T BE YOUR WIFE!

IF THE AMERICAN ARMY
SAYS THAT I CAN BE MY WIFE,
WHO AM I TO DISPUTE THEM?

THIS IS ALL WRONG.
MAJOR, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
I AM A WAR BRIDE.

A WAR BRIDE?
YEAH.

WELL, I'M SLIGHTLY CONFUSED.
I DON'T BLAME YOU,

BUT THE OFFICIAL
WORDING SAYS
I AM "AN ALIEN SPOUSE...

"OF FEMALE MILITARY PERSONNEL
EN ROUTE TO
THE UNITED STATES...

UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271
OF THE CONGRESS."

THIS IS A STRANGE SITUATION,
BUT I SUPPOSE
IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL.

YES, IT IS.
WELL, UM, MRS. ROCH--
I MEAN, MR. ROCHARD,

IT WON'T BE NECESSARY
FOR YOU TO STOP
AT THE, UH, NURSE'S DESK.

NO?
NO.

OH.

[ Woman Over P.A. ]
ATTENTION, PLEASE.

WILL ALL PASSENGERS BE SURE
TO HAVE THEIR BAGGAGE CHECKED
BEFORE BOARDING THE BUSES.

WILL ALL PASSENGERS
BE SURE TO HAVE
THEIR BAGGAGE CHECKED...

BEFORE BOARDING THE BUSES.

WILL MRS. TURNER--
MRS. TURNER PLEASE
COME TO THE DESK.

WILL MRS. TURNER PLEASE
COME TO THE DESK.

[ Baby Crying ]

HE'S CRYING,
THE BABY.

IS THAT WHAT HE'S DOING?
HE WANTS WATER, YES?

I WOULDN'T KNOW, MADAME.
WHEN I WANT WATER, I HAVE A
DIFFERENT WAY OF ASKING FOR IT.

HE IS A BABY.
YOU ARE A MAN.
THANKS.

I'LL GET HIM SOME WATER.
YOU HOLD THE BABY,
PLEASE.

WELL, I-- NO, NO, I--
I'LL ONLY BE
A MINUTE.

BUT I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT--
[ Crying ]

OH, MY GOOD--
YES, YES, YES.

[ Crying ]
YES, YES, YES.

YES, YES.
[ Stops Crying ]

ATTENTION, PLEASE.

LADIES, PLEASE STOP MOVING
ABOUT AND STAY WHERE
YOU ARE TILL I FINISH.

LADIES, YOU ARE NOW
ON THE FIRST LEG
OF YOUR JOURNEY...

TO THE UNITED STATES
AS GUESTS OF THE ARMY.

ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN
MADE FOR YOUR COMFORT...

IN BREMERHAVEN
AT THE DEPENDENTS' HOTEL.

YOU'LL BE ABLE
TO GET ANYTHING YOU NEED
AT THE P.X. THERE,

SUCH AS LIPSTICK,
HAIR NETS, GARTER BELTS,

FOUNDATION GARMENTS
AND SO FORTH.

NOW, A LOT OF YOU HAVE ASKED ME
ABOUT THE NEWEST STYLES
IN THE GOOD OLD U.S.A.

WELL, HAIR'S BEING WORN SHORTER,
CLOSE TO THE HEAD.
OH.

SKIRTS ARE LONG, OF COURSE,
AND RATHER HIPPY
WITH THAT FULL-BLOWN LOOK.

THE TREND IS TO
THE NATURAL BUSTLINE AND-

[ Chuckles ]
BETWEEN US, GIRLS,
LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM,

I DON'T THINK
ANY OF YOU NEED TO WORRY.

NOW, IF YOU'LL JUST
MOVE OUT IN ORDER,
THE BUSES ARE READY.

HAPPY JOURNEY, LADIES.

[ Crying ]

UH--

WELL, HE HAS TO BE
HERE SOMEWHERE.
I KNOW.

OH, LOOK.
OH, LOOK!
OH, NO. OH, NO.

AH, HENRI,
YOU LOOK SO MATERNAL.
WHAT IS THAT?

A HUMAN FIRE EXTINGUISHER.
YOU WANNA TRY IT?
OH, COME ON.

OH, HE'S CUTE.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
NIAGARA.

HENRI, WHAT A THING TO DO.
WHERE'S THE MOTHER?

SHE WENT TO GET
MORE WATER.
SHE OUGHT TO GET A PLUMBER.

HENRI, YOU'VE GOT
TO GET OUT OF HERE.
HOW CAN WE WHEN WE STILL--

THERE'S THE MOTHER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I'M SORRY.

LET'S GET GOING.
OH, DARLING.

[ Woman Over P.A. ]
MR. ROCHARD! MR. ROCHARD!

YOUR SEAT IN THE BUS
HAS BEEN CHANGED.
YOU'RE SITTING WITH THE DRIVER.

OH, NO. I THOUGHT
I'D BE ABLE
TO SIT WITH YOU.

YOU CAN'T. KITTY AND I ARE
FLYING TO BREMERHAVEN.

WHAT?
THE WHOLE OUTFIT'S
GOING THAT WAY.

OH, NO!
I'LL BE THERE TO MEET YOU
WHEN YOU COME IN.

WILL YOU TRY TO ARRANGE THINGS
SO THAT WE CAN BE TOGETHER
IN BREMERHAVEN?

I HOPE SO, HENRI. I'LL TRY.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T,
I WON'T SIT WITH THE DRIVER.

YOU WANT ME
TO CARRY THAT?
NO, THANK YOU.

OH. ALL RIGHT.

DARLING, WAS IT BAD?
OH, 30 WOMEN.

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF YOU, DEAR,
I MAY NEVER TALK WITH ANOTHER
ONE AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE.

POOR HENRI.
LET'S GET AWAY FROM HERE.

WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?
WHERE DO WE GO?
YOU DON'T, HENRI.

I DON'T? BUT YOU MEAN
YOU COULDN'T FIX IT?
THEY WOULDN'T HEAR OF IT.

I'M IN BUILDING 11
ACROSS TOWN,
AND YOU STAY HERE.

BUT ISN'T THERE ANY CHANCE?
I'VE ARGUED
FOR AN HOUR, DARLING.

OH, WELL,
I'M LEARNING WHAT IT IS
TO BE A SOLDIER'S WIFE.

I KNOW, DEAR.
I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

TOMORROW NIGHT ON THE BOAT,
EVERYTHING WILL
BE DIFFERENT.

TO MAKE THINGS WORSE,
I'VE GOTTA GO NOW.

COME ON, KITTY.
I'LL MEET YOU
ON THE DOCK IN THE MORNING.

GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
THAT'S ALL
I'VE BEEN GETTING.

HELLO, HENRI.
GOOD-BYE, HENRI.
HELLO. GOOD-BYE.

HELLO. GOOD-BYE.

[ Woman ]
PUT YOUR NAME AND
ADDRESS ON THE LIST.

YOU UNDERSTAND THERE'LL
BE A LITTLE WAIT
FOR TRANSPORTATION...

BECAUSE WE'VE GOT
A LOT OF PEOPLE TO ATTEND TO.

BUT IF YOU'LL JUST FILL OUT
THAT FORM AND BRING IT BACK
HERE, I'LL SEE IF I CAN HELP.

I'M SORRY, SIR.
VISITING HOURS ARE OVER.

YOU CAN COME AND SEE
YOUR WIFE TOMORROW.

MY WIFE WILL HAVE
TO VISIT ME TOMORROW.
I AM BILLETED HERE.

YOU ARE?
YES.

BUT YOU CAN'T--
LIEUTENANT. THERE MUST
BE SOME MISTAKE.

NO MISTAKE.
I AM AN ALIEN SPOUSE
OF FEMALE MILITARY PERSONNEL...

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES
UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271
OF THE CONGRESS.

GOOD GRIEF.
THE MANIFEST CALLS
FOR 139 WAR BRIDES,

126 CHILDREN
OF WAR BRIDES,
NINE DOGS OF WAR BRIDES,

THREE CATS, TWO CANARIES,
ONE PARROT--

OH, YES, HERE YOU ARE.
THEN ME.

YOU MUST HAVE
BEEN ADDED LATER.
ONE WAR BRIDE, MALE.

IS THAT YOU?
THAT'S ME.

WELL, NOW,
THERE'S A PROBLEM.
WHY?

BECAUSE YOU
CAN'T STAY HERE.
I HAVE TO STAY HERE.

I AM BILLETED HERE.
WELL, IF YOU INSIST.

BUT WE ALREADY HAVE
FROM THREE TO TEN WOMEN
IN EVERY ROOM.

TO SAY NOTHING OF THE DOGS
AND CATS. I MEAN,
YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.

I CAN'T STAY HERE, HUH?

I THINK THE PLACE FOR YOU
IS THE OFFICERS' BILLET
IN THE STAGING AREA.

IT WON'T BE HALF
AS INTERESTING.
IT'S JUST DOWN THE STREET,

THE THIRD BUILDING
ON THE LEFT.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, YEAH. THANK YOU.

I'M SORRY.

HELLO.
HELLO.

I SUPPOSE YOU WONDER
WHAT I WANT HERE.

WELL, I WILL
IF YOU WANT ME TO.

I'M AN ALIEN SPOUSE
OF FEMALE MILITARY PERSONNEL...

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES
UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271
OF THE CONGRESS.

HUH?
I AM A WAR BRIDE.

NO KIDDIN'.
THAT'S INTERESTING.

WOULD IT INTEREST YOU ENOUGH
TO GIVE ME A BED?

OH, YOU CAN'T
SLEEP HERE, MAC.
WHY NOT?

ARE YOU
AN AMERICAN OFFICER?
NO.

THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.
YOU GO TO THE DEPENDENTS' HOTEL.

I HAVE JUST COME FROM
THE DEPENDENTS' HOTEL.

YOU MEAN THE ONE HERE
IN BREMERHAVEN?
MM-HMM.

I MEAN THE ONE DOWN
AT THE STAGING AREA.

I'M AFRAID I'M MUCH TOO TIRED
TO WALK ALL THAT DISTANCE.

WELL, SUIT YOURSELF, MAC,
BUT YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

UH, YEAH.
WELL, THERE MUST BE A BED
THAT ISN'T BEING USED.

YOU MUST HAVE A BED.
WHERE IS IT?
RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

WELL, UH--
MY WIFE'S IN IT,
AND YOU CAN'T--

NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT.
YES. QUITE RIGHT. NATURALLY.

WELL, IT'S--

OH, BROTHER.

RIGHT DOWN THIS WAY.
THIS IS AWFULLY KIND
OF YOU, SERGEANT.

I'M A PRIVATE, MISTER,
BUT YOU GOTTA SLEEP SOMEWHERE,
EVEN IF YOU AIN'T IN THE ARMY.

YOU WON'T GET INTO
ANY TROUBLE, WILL YOU?

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO,
BUST A PRIVATE
TO A CIVILIAN?

THIS AIN'T THE RITZ,
BUT IT OUGHT TO DO.
IT'S FINE.

I'M GRATEFUL TO FIND
A FRIEND LIKE YOU.

TELL ME, WHERE DO YOU LIVE
IN THE UNITED STATES?
BROOKLYN.

I'LL LOOK YOU UP
WHEN I GET THERE.
GET A GOOD SLEEP.

THANK YOU.

[ Sighs ]

HEY. HEY!

NO, NO, NO,
THANK YOU.
WAKE UP.

NO, NO, NO.
NOT NOW, THANK YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

OH, I HAD A FEELING.

I AM AN ALIEN SPOUSE
OF FEMALE
MILITARY PERSONNEL,

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES
UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271
OF THE CONGRESS.

WELL, WHY AREN'T YOU
AT THE DEPENDENTS' HOTEL?

I AM WRITING
A BOOK ABOUT THAT.

YOU SEE,
I'M NOT A WOMAN.

THAT'S TOO BAD.
BUT I TELL YOU
ONE THING, FRIEND--

YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.
CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

YOU WILL NOTE, I HAVE NOT
TAKEN OFF MY CLOTHES
IN ANTICIPATION OF THAT.

WHERE WILL I GO?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU--

CAN'T SLEEP HERE.
THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'RE AGREED.
WHERE WILL I GO?

WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE PLACE LEFT,
AND THAT'S A GERMAN HOTEL.

BUT YOU'RE A DEPENDENT,
AREN'T YOU?
MM-HMM.

AND AS A DEPENDENT,
YOU COME UNDER MILITARY LAW,

AND ALL THE GERMAN HOTELS
ARE OUT OF BOUNDS.

WHERE WILL I GO?
I DON'T KNOW, MISTER.

I'M SORRY,
BUT THERE'S AN ARMY RULE.

AND YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.
CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

BEG YOUR PARDON.

WHERE WILL YOU GO?
I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S A SHAME.
BECAUSE IF WE WAS
IN BROOKLYN,

YOU COULD'VE SLEPT
WITH THE OLD MAN.

HIYA.

OH. HI.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
WELL, UH--

I'M LOOKING
FOR A PLACE TO SLEEP.
CAN YOU HELP ME?

AFRAID NOT.
NOTHING BUT WOMEN
SLEEPIN' IN THERE.

YEAH, I KNOW.
BUILDING 11.
MY WIFE'S IN THERE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE'S WIVES
ARE IN THERE.
YEAH.

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT WOMEN
ALWAYS GET A PLACE TO SLEEP?
I WONDER WHY THAT IS.

WELL, I SUPPOSE IT'S BECAUSE
THEY'RE THE WEAKER SEX.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I BELIEVE THEY'RE STRONGER.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE THEY GET ENOUGH
SLEEP, THAT'S WHY.

I AM SORRY
I CAN'T HELP YOU.

[ Chuckles ]
WELL, VERY KIND
OF YOU, CORPORAL.

GOOD NIGHT.
YOU FROM BROOKLYN?

YONKERS.

WHAT ARE THOSE?

GOOD NIGHT, BUDDY.

I AM AN ALIEN SPOUSE
OF FEMALE MILITARY PERSONNEL
EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES...

UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271
OF THE CONGRESS,

AND I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE IN TOWN
LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO SLEEP.

YOU POOR MAN.
WELL, YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.
THIS IS A FEMALE BUILDING.

IT IS?
[ Mutters ]

ANOTHER WOMAN'S BUILDING.
YOU KNOW, I'VE COME
TO THE CONCLUSION...

THAT AMERICAN MEN
DON'T SLEEP.

WELL, NOT
IN THIS BUILDING.

I WAS WONDERING
IF THERE'D BE ANY OBJECTION
TO MY SITTING HERE FOR A WHILE.

YOU COULD SORT OF IMAGINE
I'M WAITING FOR SOMETHING.

WELL, IT ALL DEPENDS
ON WHAT YOU IMAGINE
YOU'RE WAITING FOR.

I'M SURE I DON'T
WANT TO SEND YOU OUT
ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS.

THAT'S VERY KIND.
THAT'S NICE.

TELL ME, WHAT PART
OF THE UNITED STATES
DO YOU COME FROM?

BOSTON,
UP IN MASSACHUSETTS.
MASSACHU-CHU-CHU--

RIGHT. IS THERE A PLACE
CALLED YONKERS?

SURE. IT'S IN NEW YORK.
OH. I WAS WONDERING.

WELL, I'M--
I'M A LITTLE MIXED UP.

MAY I HOLD THAT FOR YOU?
OH, THANKS.

[ Sighs ]
YOU SEE, I JUST GOT MARRIED.

WELL, WHERE'S YOUR WIFE?

OH, SHE'S IN
ANOTHER FEMALE BUILDING.
BUILDING 11.

AND YOU COULDN'T FIND
A BED ANYWHERE?
NO-- WELL, ALMOST.

THERE WAS, UH--
THERE WAS ONE IN BROOKLYN...

AND ANOTHER ONE
WITH A WOMAN IN IT.
A WOMAN?

HE WAS A VERY
DISAGREEABLE MAN.
WHO WAS?

HER HUSBAND.
YEAH, IT WOULD'VE BEEN
NICER IN BROOKLYN.

WITH THE HUSBAND?
NO. THE OLD MAN.

YOU ATIRED,
AREN'T YOU?

THERE HE IS.
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE BOAT.
OKAY.

PARDON ME. EXCUSE ME.

PARDON ME.

OH, DARLING, I WAS AFRAID
YOU'D MISSED THE LAST BUS.

OH, SAILOR, COULD YOU TAKE
THESE BAGS, PLEASE?
ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU. HENRI--
HENRI, YOU LOOK AWFUL.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
I'VE BEEN SITTING UP
ALL NIGHT WITH A REDHEAD.

WHAT?
KNITTING.

WHAT?
YOU OUGHT
TO SEE ME PURL.

OH, YOU OUGHT TO SEE
HER PURL.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[ Man Over P.A. ]
ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS.

PLEASE GET ON BOARD
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE--
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, PLEASE.

I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU
HOW TO DO THAT SOMETIME.
WE GOTTA GO.

GOT YOUR PAPERS?
WHAT?

HAVE YOU GOT YOUR PAPERS?
THEY'RE RIGHT THERE.

LISTEN, DARLING.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS GET ABOARD THE SHIP.

REMEMBER, NO BACK TALK,
NO ARGUMENT. JUST KEEP
YOUR TEMPER. PROMISE?

I PROMISE.
ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

YOU'VE BEEN
TO THE NAVY PERSONNEL.
THEY'LL CLEAR YOU THROUGH.

HERE'S YOUR BOARDING CARD.

YOUR ORDERS, PLEASE,
LIEUTENANT. THANK YOU.

LIEUTENANT GATES.
RIGHT.

HERE'S YOUR BOARDING CARD,
LIEUTENANT.
THANK YOU.

SURELY.
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
MISTER?

I WANT TO GO ABOARD.
I'M SORRY. THIS SHIP IS
FOR WAR BRIDES AND A FEW--

I KNOW.
I KNOW, SERGEANT.
HERE ARE MY ORDERS.

HAVE YOU GOT A ROCHARD
ON YOUR LIST?

YEAH, A MRS. HENRI ROCHARD.
THAT'S ME.

YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN.
WE DON'T WANT YOU.
WE WANT YOUR WIFE.

YOU CAN'T HAVE MY WIFE.
THAT'S ONE THING
I'M PARTICULAR ABOUT.

HENRI.
OH, YES, CATHERINE,
I'LL REMEMBER.

THERE'S BEEN A SLIGHT
MISUNDERSTANDING, GENTLEMEN.
MY NAME IS HENRI ROCHARD.

HENRI. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
OF A WOMAN CALLED HENRI?

I'M TRYIN' TO THINK.
YOU KNOW A LOT
OF DAMES, SAM.

I KNOW A BILLIE.
I DON'T KNOW ANY.
MAYBE HE'S RIGHT.

YOU SEE,
I AM A WAR BRIDE.
WHAT?

THIS IS MY WIFE.
[ Both ]
OH.

IT'S A VERY NATURAL
MISTAKE. YOU'RE NOT THE
FIRST TO HAVE MADE IT.

NOW, IF MY PAPERS
ARE IN ORDER,
MAY I GO ABOARD?

I GUESS WE'LL HAVE
TO LET HIM GO ON.

HERE'S YOUR BOARDING CARD.
THANK YOU.
GOOD DAY.

GOOD DAY.
GOOD DAY.

YOU WERE WONDERFUL,
HENRI.

I KNEW IF YOU
KEPT YOUR TEMPER,
EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.

I THOUGHT I BEHAVED
QUITE WELL.
OH, YOU DID.

MAY I SEE
YOUR ORDERS, PLEASE?

STATEROOM B-14,
LIEUTENANT.
THANK YOU.

HOW'D YOU GET UP HERE?
THIS SHIP IS FOR WAR BRIDES
AND MILITARY PERSONNEL.

YES, YES, I KNOW.
MY NAME IS ROCHARD.

YOU'LL THINK I'M A BRIDE,
BUT ACTUALLY, I'M A HUSBAND.

THERE'LL BE A MOMENT
OR TWO OF CONFUSION,

BUT IF WE ALL KEEP OUR HEADS,
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.
I DON'T THINK IT WILL.

I'VE GOT A MRS. "ROTCHERD"
ON MY LIST.
ROCHARD!

SHE'S IN A-88
WITH TWO OTHER BRIDES
AND THREE CHILDREN.

OH, WELL, THAT, OF COURSE,
WILL HAVE TO BE ALTERED.
NOT BY ME IT WON'T.

I HAVE JUST
EXPLAINED EVERYTHING
TO THE ARMY.

THEY UNDERSTOOD.
THEY PASSED ME.

THE ARMY UNDERSTOOD,
AND THEY PASSED YOU.

OH, THAT'S FINE.
THAT'S JUST DANDY.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?
THE ARMY UNDERSTOOD,
AND THEY PASSED HIM.

THIS IS THE NAVY, BUD.

MY FRIEND, I HAVE HAD WEEKS OF
THE UNITED STATES ARMY, AND--
HENRI.

AND I'M QUITE PREPARED
TO TAKE ON THE
UNITED STATES NAVY.

AND THE UNITED STATES NAVY'S
QUITE PREPARED
TO TAKE YOU ON, MISTER.

HEY, FELLAS,
GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE.

JUST A MINUTE.
HAVE YOU HEARD OF
A WOMAN CALLED HENRI?

YEAH. HENRIETTA.
POWELL STREET.
SAN FRANCISCO. TAKE HIM.

NO, NO, NO. NO.
NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND.
GET GOIN'.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING.
JUST GO ON
ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

HENRI, YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE LOST YOUR TEMPER.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING
SOMEPLACE TO CHANGE
BACK INTO A MAN.

I'M TIRED OF BEING
MY OWN WIFE.
YOU CAN'T GIVE UP NOW.

WELL, MAKE THEM GIVE UP.
SOMEONE HAS TO.
LISTEN, WILL YOU?

ONCE ON BOARD THAT SHIP,
EVERYTHING WILL BE OVER,
AND YOU'LL BE A MAN FOREVER.

NOW, IT'S WORTH A TRY,
ISN'T IT, DARLING?
HOW CAN WE?

WELL, HENRI, I DON'T KNOW--
LIEUTENANT, WOULD YOU
TAKE THIS BAG FOR ME?

I LEFT SOMETHING ON THE BUS.
I'LL HAVE SOMEONE PUT IT
IN THE MESS HALL FOR YOU.

NOW, WHAT
WERE YOU SAYING?
HENRI, DO YOU LOVE ME?

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
AND YOU'LL MAKE ONE MORE TRY
TO GET ABOARD THAT BOAT?

IF YOU SAY SO.
YOU PROMISE?

I PROMISE.
AND YOU'LL KEEP IT?

I PROMISED,
DIDN'T I?
ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

HERE. HOLD THESE.

WHOA, BOY. WHOA.

NAH, THAT WON'T DO.
OH, HERE'S
A BETTER ONE HERE.

WHOA, BOY.
WHOA, FELLA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
COME ON, HENRI.
LEAN DOWN.

LEAN DOWN CLOSE.
I WANNA SEE SOMETHIN'.
UH-HUH. THAT GOES PERFECT.

WITH WHAT?
GIVE ME YOUR KNIFE.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO--
I WON'T DO IT.

THIS WILL MAKE
A PERFECTLY GOOD WIG.
I WON'T DO IT.

AND WE'VE GOT
THE CLOTHES RIGHT HERE.
CATHERINE, I WILL NOT DO IT.

BUT, HENRI, YOU SAID
YOU LOVED ME.
WELL, I'M NOT SO SURE NOW.

AND YOU PROMISED.
GIVE ME YOUR KNIFE.
[ Ship Whistle Blows ]

COME ON, HENRI.
THERE'S NOT MUCH TIME.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

CATHERINE,
CAN'T YOU AT LEAST
CUT IT OFF THE MANE?

HENRI, YOU'RE TAKING THIS
MUCH TOO PERSONALLY.

NOW, STAND SO NO ONE
CAN SEE WHAT I'M DOING.

MMM, A LITTLE TOUGH.

HMM. WON'T BE SO BAD
WHEN I GET YOUR BANGS ROLLED.

WANNA SEE
WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE?

HORRIBLE.

I DON'T THINK
I'LL BE CALLED UPON
TO DEFEND MY HONOR.

I DOUBT IT.
IT'S A PITY.

I WONDER IF
SOME LIPSTICK WOULD HELP.
OH, NO.

WELL, WHY NOT?
I'M MORE
THE OUTDOOR TYPE.

SEA BISCUIT. BANG TAIL.
YOU KNOW?

OH, SILLY, HOLD STILL.
LET ME ROLL THESE.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
I FORGOT SOMETHIN'.
CAN YOU TALK LIKE A WOMAN?

[ High-pitched ]
YOU MEAN LIKE THIS?
CAN'T YOU DO BETTER THAN THAT?

[ Own Voice ] NO.
JUST REMEMBER-- KEEP YOUR
MOUTH CLOSED. NOT A WORD.

LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.
AND KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN.

OH, SAILOR, WOULD YOU
PUT THIS IN THE MESS HALL
FOR ME, PLEASE?

SURE, LIEUTENANT.
THANK YOU.

WAIT A MOMENT.
[ Wolf Whistle ]

HEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
I MUST LOOK PRETTY GOOD.

DON'T BE SILLY.
THAT WAS FOR ME.
FOR YOU?

OF COURSE.
I OUGHT TO PUNCH HIM
IN THE NOSE.

HENRI, REMEMBER,
YOU'RE A LADY.
OH, YEAH, YEAH.

WE HAVE OUR BOARDING CARDS.
WE'VE BEEN UP BEFORE.
GO AHEAD.

I DON'T REMEMBER
THAT TALL ONE, SAM.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE YOU COULD
FORGET A FACE LIKE THAT.
YEAH.

LIEUTENANT GATES. B-14.
I WAS UP BEFORE.

OH, YES.
YOUR ORDERS, PLEASE.

SAY, THAT'S FUNNY.
ROCHARD.

WHY AREN'T YOU LISTED
AMONG THE MILITARY
PERSONNEL, LIEUTENANT?

SAVE YOUR VOICE.
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE HER.
SHE HAS LARYNGITIS.

NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
WHY ISN'T THE LIEUTENANT
LISTED AMONG MILITARY PERSONNEL?

WELL, YOU SEE,
SHE WAS JUST MARRIED.
MARRIED? THAT MAY BE, BUT--

HEY, RED.
COME HERE.

WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?
THIS LIEUTENANT
IS LISTED AS A MISSUS.

WHY'D THEY PUT YOU
DOWN AS MI--

HOW DO YOU DO?

WHY'D THEY PUT YOU DOWN AS
MISSUS INSTEAD OF LIEUTENANT?
SHE HAS LARYNGITIS.

THEY POSSIBLY DIDN'T
LIST HER AS LIEUTENANT
BECAUSE OF HER HUSBAND.

WHO'D SHE MARRY?
ADMIRAL ROCHARD.

WHO?
ADMIRAL ROCHARD.

THE NAME IS FAMILIAR,
BUT I DON'T REMEMBER IT
CONNECTED WITH AN ADMIRAL.

YOU NEVER HEARD
OF HER HUSBAND?
HE WON'T LIKE THAT.

FLORENCE, IF I WERE YOU,
I WOULDN'T SAY
A WORD ABOUT THIS.

SURE. YOU HEARD OF HIM, RED.
ADMIRAL ROCHARD. SURE.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.
MAYBE I HAVE. ALL RIGHT.

STATEROOM A-88, LIEUTENANT.
GET YOUR INSTRUCTIONS
IN THE MESS HALL.

THANKS SO MUCH.
COME, FLORENCE.

FIRST TIME
I EVER FELT SORRY
FOR AN ADMIRAL.

GAMS AREN'T BAD.

NOW I'M BEGINNING
TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

IN HERE, PLEASE.
WE WERE JUST GOING--

PLEASE, LIEUTENANT.
YOUR INSTRUCTIONS FIRST.
COME ON, FLORENCE.

I DON'T LIKE
THAT NAME FLORENCE.
OH, SHUT UP.

KITTY.
I'VE BEEN WAITING--

SHH.
OH, NO.

STAND ON THE OTHER SIDE
SO THEY CAN'T SEE SO WELL.

THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY.
THEY WOULDN'T LET HIM--
HENRI, DUCK DOWN.

I CAN HEAR QUITE WELL.
YOU'RE TOO TALL.
DUCK DOWN.

HE LOOKS AWFUL.
I DIDN'T HAVE
MUCH TO WORK WITH.

I DON'T SEE HOW I COULD GET
HIM ABOARD. YOU GOT A ROOM
WHERE WE CAN PUT HIM?

I'VE GOT A ROOM,
BUT THEY WOULDN'T LET
A THING LIKE THAT IN.

WE GOTTA HIDE HIM SOMEWHERE
TILL WE CAN CHANGE HIS CLOTHES
AND THE BOAT SAILS.

WHAT ABOUT THE LINEN--
NO, AND THE MEN'S ROOM
WON'T DO EITHER.

SOMEBODY'S
SPOTTED HIM ALREADY.
WHAT?

WE NEED A NURSE.
IT'S AN EMERGENCY. WILL YOU
COME WITH ME, PLEASE?

I'M A NURSE?
COME ALONG, PLEASE.

I HADN'T
COUNTED ON THIS.

[ Ship Whistle Blows ]

IT'S VERY LUCKY
THEY FOUND A NURSE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MY WIFE'S
EXPECTIN' A BABY.
WHAT? OH, NO!

NO. IT ISN'T A VERY
CONVENIENT TIME, IS IT?
YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

IT ISN'T A VERY
CONVENIENT TIME, IS IT?
NO. NO, IT ISN'T.

NO. OH, GEE.
I WONDER IF THE BABY
WILL BE A GIRL.

I'LL BE GRATEFUL
IF IT'S A BABY.
YOU WILL?

OH, YOU'RE VERY KIND.

GOSH, I-- I WISH I KNEW
WHAT WAS GOING ON
IN THERE.

OH, YOU WON'T HAVE
LONG TO WAIT.
I WON'T?

OH, GEE WHIZ.
GOSH, I-- I DON'T THINK
I CAN STAND THIS.

YOU GOT
A BIGGER SHOCK COMING.
I HAVE?

MM-HMM.

THE LIEUTENANT
GOT A LITTLE DIZZY.
THANK YOU.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.
I'LL GET YOU SOME WATER, DEAR.
PARDON ME.

OH, THIS IS
THE FATHER, FLORENCE.
HOW DO YOU DO?

IS IT A BOY
OR A... GIRL--
[ Sighs ]

OH, NO!

WHAT HAPPENED TO HI--

WELL, IF IT ISN'T
FLORENCE, HUH?

ARREST THAT MAN.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, HENRI.
THE SHIP HAS SAILED.
HMM?

COME ALONG.
COME ON, FLO.

FLORENCE.

MR. ROCHARD,
MAY WE COME IN?

I DON'T SEE HOW
I CAN STOP YOU.
THE KEY'S ON THE OUTSIDE.

THANK YOU. HENRI,
THIS IS LIEUTENANT PERKINS
AND COMMANDER WILLIS.

THE COMMANDER'S
THE CHAPLAIN.

CHAPLAIN? OH, NO, NO.
NO, NOTHIN' DOING.
I'M SORRY, CHAPLAIN.

NOTHING DOING WHAT?
NO MORE MARRIAGES.
IT ISN'T WORTH IT.

I'M NOT GONNA MARRY HER
AGAIN, CHAPLAIN.
WHY, HENRI.

I DON'T THINK THAT'LL
BE NECESSARY. WE'VE GOT THE
WHOLE THING STRAIGHTENED OUT.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MIX-UP,
SIR, BUT YOUR CASE
WAS A LITTLE UNUSUAL.

YOU SEE, YOU'RE
AN ALIEN SPOUSE OF FEMALE
MILITARY PERSONNEL...

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES
UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271
OF THE CONGRESS.

AM I NOW?
YES, AND UNDER
THE CIRCUMSTANCES,

THE CAPTAIN WOULD LIKE
TO FORGET THE WHOLE THING.
[ Chuckles ]

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND,
DEAR? YOU'RE FREE.
YOU CAN GO NOW.

WHERE?
ANYWHERE ON THE SHIP.

WE'VE GOT YOU BUNKED IN
WITH ONE OF THE OFFICERS.
HE DOESN'T MIND.

I THINK HE WOULD MIND.
HE WOULDN'T
LIKE THAT AT ALL.

YOU SEE, I SNORE TERRIBLY.
WHY, HENRI,
YOU DON'T SNORE.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW
I DON'T?
OH.

COULDN'T WE DO
SOMETHING SIMPLE?
COULDN'T I JUST STAY HERE?

WELL, I--
I SUPPOSE THAT--
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.

WELL, THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY NICE.
YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT HELP.

GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ALL RIGHT.

MM-HMM.

YOU WOULDN'T.
YES, I WOULD.

I BELIEVE YOU WOULD.

HENRI, HOW WILL WE EVER
GET OUT OF HERE?

I'M NOT GONNA WORRY ABOUT THAT
UNTIL THE STATUE OF LIBERTY
GOES BY THAT PORTHOLE.