Houseboat (1958) - full transcript

What do you know?

He finally made it.

Well, he was pretty
far away when
it happened,

Europe or someplace like that.

That's his story.

Yeah.

I guess we'd better
go down and say hello.

Not me!

He is our father.

I'm never gonna
say hello to him.
Goodbye, maybe.

Oh, come on.
Mother would have
wanted us to.



We don't have no mother!
She's dead.

Oh, shut up.

You give me the creeps!

Our mother's dead!

Let's go down.
We'll leave little
Frankenstein here.

She is, too!

Oh, shut up.

Be quiet.

♪
♪
♪

♪ i hate everybody

♪ i hate everybody
in the whole wide world ♪

♪
♪
♪

I bought it from a short,
fat fellow in Munich.

He assured me
it was simple to do.



Hey, come on. Jump.
Come on.

It's supposed to jump, you see.

All right, tom.

Mother and i must be
getting home.

Many arrangements
have to be made,

and besides,
the children have
enough toys.

I bought this one for me.

You know Alice
didn't even bother
to insure the car

before that terrible accident.

She was as haphazard about that

as she was
about choosing
her husband.

You don't need to worry.

I will take on
the additional
financial burden.

I prefer to worry.

As long as you're
a guest in my house,

you're gonna have some manners.

Hello, Robert, old man.

I'm not an old man.

He's getting there.

Tom, that's a darling thing.

Is that how it works?

Aunt carolyn,
you're from
another planet.

Thank you, dear.
I think that's a compliment.

I was just about to do that.

All you have to do
is pull the switch.

The children seem
to be reasonably happy

with our side of the family.

I know the divorce
wasn't final,

but we're both lawyers,

and there shouldn't
be any difficulty

to make the matter
of custody permanent.

Carolyn, where's your husband?

John is out, father.

When is he ever in?

Both of my daughters
made the wisest choices.

Tom, mother and i are
going to take Elizabeth

to live with us.

And carolyn and her
husband what's-his-name

are going to take the boys.

It'll be wonderful
for the boys, tom.

I'm moving
the guest house
off the property

and putting in
a swimming pool
for them.

They've been helping plan it.

Is that o.K.
With you?

Sure. It's a real
blast here.

We got
a tennis court,
horses, the river.

I'll be living down the road.

I can come over any time.

Well, how about you?

I don't care where i live.

Well, it happens that i care.

I don't want my kids
parceled out like cabbages.

They don't parcel out cabbages.

They're sold in carload lots.

And since when
have you become
so interested

in your children?

How long were you
and Alice separated,
three years, four?

When did you see your children,

occasionally on a weekend?

You know my
government job...

your job is more
important to you
than your children?

William!

You may sign
the custody
agreement

in my office in the morning.

Elizabeth, dear,
it's getting late.

All your things are in the car.

We'd better go home now, dear.

O.K., gramps.
See you in the morning.

I'll come over lots of times.

It'll be all right.

O.K.

Bye-bye, sweetie.

See you tomorrow, aunt carolyn.

Goodbye.

Oh, now, Elizabeth, really.

He is your father.

Why don't you give him a kiss?

Oh, sure.

Now, now, wait.

Get your things out of
that black Maria outside

and have them put in the jeep.

And you two,
get your clothes
together.

You're all coming
into Washington with me.

We're staying
with aunt carolyn.

Can he do that?

You bet your sweet life i can.

Now see here...

now don't you worry.
You won't miss them.

I'll send you
a carload of cabbages.

Remember, you're still
under my jurisdiction,

so get your things.

I'll wait for you outside.

Carolyn, i...

what should we do?

What can we do?

He's got the law on his side.

We'll have to go with him.

He ain't going to like it.

Tom.

Where are you
going to put
the children?

I still have my flat
in Washington.

It's a little small, but...

We don't have
to get rid
of the guest house

if you all wanted to stay here.

How are you and John
getting along these days?

Well...

It's one of those
modern marriages...

Electric blankets
and everything.

[Harmonica plays] I'm sorry.

That's Robert's harmonica.

You'll get to
know it well.
It's recent.

David's becoming
a problem, too.

He's been...
Taking things.

What?

And Elizabeth
can't sleep nights.

How are you
going to learn
to be a father

after all these years?

I'll just get a booklet

from the department
of agriculture.

Congratulations, mother goose.

I'm very proud of you.

Good luck, tom.

Thank you, carolyn.

[Thunder]

Home, sweet home!

Oh, brother.
Sing sing!

Where have you been?

You told me you
only needed my jeep
a few hours.

Sorry, a few
problems came up...

Robert.

Hi.
Hi.

Elizabeth, and David.

This is captain Alan Wilson.

They're living with me.

In that rabbit hutch upstairs?

Yes. I wonder
if you and your wife

could help me get a maid.

A maid in Washington?

The only way
to get help in this town
is to elect 'em.

But we'll try.

It's starting to rain.

Come on, come on.

I hope it'll clear up.

I'm going to show them
all of Washington tomorrow.

You kids are going to
have quite a holiday.

Holiday. Be more of
a kidnapping.

Come on... hold it now.
Come on.

[Thunder]

Elizabeth?

Now what's the matter?

I'm afraid.

What are you afraid of?

Listen to what's
going on out there,

and I'm all alone in that room.

You're lucky.
Look at us.

Look at us in this barracks.

But you're together.

Only in body.

Come on, back to bed.

Lie down.

Come on, darling.

That's right.

[Thunder]

Take it easy.

Remember what
i used to tell you?

Thunder is nothing more
than two bodies of air

coming together
after an electrical
disturbance.

You got it?

Got it.

Good.

But I'm still worried.

So am i.

[Harmonica plays]

What in the blazes is that?

[Off-key notes]

[Silence]

[Harmonica plays]

Isn't that wonderful?

Let's enjoy the day.

That's
the Washington
monument.

That's 555 feet high.

It's dedicated, of course,

to the memory of
George Washington.

He died December 14, 1799.

And over there
is the memorial
to Thomas Jefferson.

He was the third
president of
the United States.

He died, i think,
on July 4, 8...

course, that's one
of the most striking
examples of...

hey, Robert.

Robert.

Robert, you ought
to pay attention.

You're getting a free
sightseeing tour

of one of the most
beautiful cities
in the world.

Do you have to talk
about dead people
all the time?

There's nothing
in this whole city
but dead people.

I want to go back
to aunt carolyn.

No more monuments.

Tonight we'll go
to the Watergate concert
by the river.

And this afternoon,
I'll take you to
the national museum.

You will love that.

What's in a museum?

Dead people. Come on.

Come on.

Where you going to drag us now?

How about some ice cream?

Good idea.

Don't tell me
i had a good idea
at last.

Whew!

Is my mother in a museum?

No.

Good.

[Orchestra plays]

I got that chair!

It's mine!

[Arguing]

Fellas, cut it out.
Come on.

♪ Il vincitor

♪ nella vita, Nell'Amor ♪

♪ fa sempre
con'a bing,
bang, bong! ♪

♪ Bing, bang, bong!

♪ Bing, bang, bong!

♪ Presto, presto,
do your very best-o ♪

♪ don't hang back
like a shy little kid ♪

♪ you'll be so glad that
you did what you did ♪

♪ if you do it with
a bing, bang, bong! ♪

♪ A bing, bang...

[harmonica plays]

Shh.

[Playing along with orchestra]

Robert.

Shh. Shh!

Come on.

Robert, be quiet.

Give me that thing!

Robert winters, your father
is looking for you.

Come to the parking area.

Robert winters.

Robert winters, come to
the parking area immediately.

And what a delightful concert!

You're so kind.
Have you met
my daughter? Cinzia.

Yes?
How do you do?

Delighted, my dear.

You must be having
the time of your life.

All America at your feet.

At my father's feet.

It's the same thing.

Of course.

I would like
to speak to you,
signore zaccardi.

By all means.
Would you come
in here?

Parece muy cansada, senorita.

Gusta beber un poco
de champagne?

Mille gracias.

It's all settled.

Your father has agreed.

You'll all
come to my place
for a cozy supper.

Oh, about 40 or 50
of the best people.

Will you excuse me?
I've got a terrible
headache.

She hasn't been feeling well.

Cinzia.

Yes. I do not have
a headache.

You know who
this woman is?
The Boston symphony.

How do you expect me
to book your father...

"we'll have a cozy supper.

Just 40 or 50
of the best people."

I'm tired of the best people.

I wish i could meet
some of the worst
people!

Papa, one night. Let me
have tonight alone.

I don't want to leave America

without having met an American.

What do you do
with a girl like this?

I'm not a rich man.
The best schools
in Switzerland for her.

Last month,
she climbs out of
a window and runs away!

One night without talking
about stravinsky or rossini

or you conducting at LA scala
at the age of 14.

And i am already 22,

and i haven't yet given
my first performance
for a man, any man!

Aah!

¡Perdon!

[Speaking Italian]

Go ahead!
Have a daughter.

See what happens?

See?

You will come
to the supper with us.
You understand?

You have not eaten all day.

Without food,
everything is discord.

I know.

A starving orchestra
i had tonight.

Wash your face.
Compose yourself.

We will wait.

Wait.

Is this your boat?

Oh!

No. Uh...

I will pay you.

As soon as i get some money.

You don't have to.
It's not my boat,
either.

Oh.

Where are you going?

Over there, where the music is.

Good. That's where
I'm going, too.

[Big band swing music plays]

Why don't you
go home, little boy?

It's late.

Shoo, shoo. Go home!

Go home!

Hot pizza here, 25 cents.

Get your hot pizza here.

25 cents.

Get your hot pizza here.

25 cents.

Hey, hot pizza here.

We got some
hot pizza here.
25 cents.

Hey, hot pizza here.

We got hot pizza here.

My friend?

Would you like me
to show you how to
eat that properly

so you don't
waste any. Huh?

You see?

I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.

Fantastic prizes!

Three rings for one dime.

Step this way, folks.

Everybody gets a winner.

Look at those prizes!
Fantastic prizes.

Three rings
for one dime.
Three rings.

Everybody wins here, folks.

Three rings here, folks.

Look at the fantastic prizes.

Come one and all.

Here you are, kiddy.

Three rings for one dime.

Here you are, folks.
Fantastic prizes.

Everybody has a winner, folks!

You muffed it that time, son.

Everybody's got a winner here.

My last dime.

Everybody's got a winner, son.

Everybody.

'Cept me.
I never win anything.

It's your lucky day, son.

Everybody
wins here, folks.
Everybody!

Here, folks, look at
the fantastic prizes.

Folks, you can't go halfway.

It's got to go
all the way down.

Lady, you can take three.

He won, he won!

¡Che meraviglioso!

Your father,
the chief of police,
will be so happy.

Congratulations, lady.

Everybody wins here!

Everybody!

Three rings.
Step this way...

Good night.

Goodbye.

Don't you want
to hear me play
our harmonica?

Why don't you go home,
little boy? It's late.

Go home to your mother.

[Swing music plays]

Would you like to dance?

Would you like to dance?

[Playing along with music]

My friend.

Are you sure?
There's no sign
of him yet?

He's been murdered.

Well, yes, he's about 4 feet.

Oh, eyes.

Uh...

Gray.

Blue.

Oh, his eyes are blue.

During the daytime,

you can reach me
at the department
of state.

[Door buzzes]
Legal division.
Thank you.

Signore winters?
Robert!

Where have you been?

Oh, thank you very much.

He's been run over.
Are there any broken bones?

No, he's all right.

Let me have him.

Leave her alone.

She promised to put me to bed.

Her name is cinzia.
She's my friend.

Hello, cinzia.

Hello. I tried all night
to find out your address,

but he didn't wish
to come home at all.

Oh, really?

You must have done
something terrible
to him.

Yes, i did.
I took him
to a concert.

Now may i have him?

Let her carry me.
I like it.

All right.

The bedroom's over there.

You have fun?

It was a ball.

You try that again, young man,

you'll get a spanking
you'll never forget.

Oh, yes.
A spanking solves
so many things.

Or a slap
in the face...

it's so much easier
than understanding.

2 points for her.

Welcome to our side, kinzia.

Cinzia.

Could you come back tomorrow

and take care of us?

We can't get a maid.

Oh, i would like to very much,

but i am...
Preoccupied.

That is the right word?

Yes. That'll do.

I'd like to thank you properly

for all you've done,

but may i have
my family back
for a few minutes first?

Would you mind
waiting in the other room?

Of course.
Arriveiderci, Roberto.

Roberto's me.
It's Italian.

Is it really?

Good night.

Good night.
And thank you
for the dance.

Any time.

Here. Here are
your pajamas.

I guess we'd
better let Robert
sleep in the bed

since he's been
out on the town.

[Playing harmonica]

I won it fair and square.

Ask my friend.

You're not on trial.

Daddy,
make her be...

wait. Take off
your pants.

Now what were you saying?

Make her be our maid.

What?

Offer her
a lot of money.
Be firm.

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

That's the last
we'll ever hear
about that.

I hire the help around here.

I can't just take
any girl you find
on the streets.

You don't like her
because i like her.

That's ridiculous.

You keep us here
in this darn
old city

and don't let us
go back to
aunt carolyn,

'cause we like her, too.

That isn't the reason.

Well, what is?

Go to sleep.

You don't like us.

You don't like us at all.

Well, i don't like you.

I don't like anybody.

I don't like
this old harmonica
anymore!

Watch that!

I wish it hit you
and killed you
dead, dead, dead.

Don't you cry, Robert.
I like you.

Uh...

Oh!

Uh...

Well, thank you so much.

I'm sincerely grateful to you.

Here.

Oh, all right.
Here's 5 more.

Apparently,
gratitude has gone up
like everything else.

But i... i don't
want this money.

Would you mind
answering me
a personal question?

How long is it
since you had
a bath?

Che cosa?

A bath!

You look as if
you need a good scrubbing.

How long has it been?

Oh, well, i don't remember.

A bottle of chianti.
A loaf of bread.

A corner in which to sleep.

It's not a bad life, is it?

How would you like a job

as a maid to the children

say for $100 a month
for starters?

What?

Oh, that's nonsense.

Thank you again and good night.

Good night.

And be nice to Roberto.

Please don't spank him.

Would you mind
if i handled
my own family?

I've been doing
all right so far.

Why did he run away?

Must there be a reason?

Always!

Where is their mother?

What did you say?

Their mother.

You are looking at her.

I'm a little new at the job.

I'm sorry.

Roberto tells me
he's very unhappy.

Ha ha. Sounds as if
Roberto and you had
quite an evening.

He doesn't like the hot city.

He wants to be
near the river
with his aunt carolyn.

Why do you let him
stay here in this
tiny box?

Well, you must have
had a lot of
experience

raising children.

No, i have no experience.

But i know when
a little child
is unhappy.

I know, and how i know,
when a father is
unreasonable.

Try to be a parent,
not a policeman.

I don't know
what you know
about parents.

But i imagine
you've had a wide
acquaintance

amongst policemen.

I'll have to call one
if you keep that up.

I gave you some money.

Get yourself a room
for the night.

Oh.

You like this?

I like what?

This picture?

Of course i like it.
That's why i have it.

It's a cezanne.

Oh, yes, i know.
Paul cezanne.

You cut it down to
fit the frame, huh?

Well, h...

how sad for you.

It's only a print.

Buy a real one.

Ciao.

2:00 in the morning.

You have found a man.
Am i right?

A man.

Yes, i have found a man.

He's 7 years old.

In America, that's old enough.

Get some rest.

We leave
in the morning
for Chicago

where i will never
let you out of my sight!

Then i shall not go.

Would you believe
only two days
in this country?

Please, cinzia,

you will come with us
to Chicago, Boston,
San Francisco.

Then we come back
to Washington.

Come. What can you do
in this awful city
by yourself?

It's so hot.
A girl, all alone.

No money.

Not a penny will
i give you. Not one.

You will starve.

Perhaps i will get a job.

A job.

Mm-hmm. A job. A job.

I have given you
the finest education
in all of Europe.

You do not know
how to do anything.

Then perhaps,
father, i will run
for the congress.

Cinzia!

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Hello?

Who?

Tom!

The what?

The guest house?

Well, yes, they started
moving it to the new
lot today. Why?

Don't be silly.
I won't sell it
to you.

You can have it.

Well, if you insist.

A thousand.

You drive a hard bargain.

Tom... Tom, who finally
convinced you

the city was no place
for children?

It was my own idea.

Then why'd you have
to wait until they were
all asleep to call me?

Dear, dear, carolyn,

you are all-knowing,
all-seeing, and shut up!

All right, tom.

It'll be on the new
foundation first thing
in the morning.

Good night.

I don't want to go.

Wait. Who wanted
to live in the country?

You. Not me. I've got
to spend the whole summer
commuting.

I've been on a used car
lot all morning

picking out a car.

I'm trying to sublet
this apartment.

Where's my friend cinzia?

I tried to hire her.
I was firm.

I offered her a lot of money.

You don't like her.

I love her! I'd have
given her my right arm

if she had taken the job.

Daddy, I've got a nosebleed.

If she's not coming,
I'm not going!

Cop's ticketing your car, pop.

[Door buzzes]
And the building's
on fire.

Signore winters.

Yes, i...
hello.

Well, uh... oh, hello!

[Wolf whistle]

Cinzia!

Roberto, ciao!

You've come back.
I knew you would.

You're going to be our maid.

If you still want me, yes.

If we still want you?

He was going to
give his right arm.

Now, you told me
you didn't want the job.

That's what she told me.

Besides,
she doesn't look
as if she needs one.

Where did you
get those clothes?

My father.

Oh, no, you don't.

I don't know anything
about you, anyway.

You're from Italy, aren't you?

Si.

That means yes.

You don't say.
Are you a g.I. Bride
or something?

Oh, si, si. Yes.
Almost.

Almost?
What does that mean?

Well,
you see, i arrived,
he didn't marry me,

so i must go to work.

It's sad,
and I'm deeply touched,

but i don't think
this is the job for you.

Besides,
we're leaving
for the country.

Wonderful!
I adore the country.

Darling, what's wrong?

Nosebleed.

Get me a damp cloth!
Lie down.

That settles that.
She stays!

That guest house is too small.

We'd be on top of each other.

Try to look at it
from my viewpoint.

Perhaps you'd better not.

How are you, darling?

That's fine,
cinzia.
It stopped.

I was just about to do that.

We'll wash your face.

Come on, David.
We'll help.

[Door buzzes]

[Knock knock knock]

Oh, hello, Alan.

Had any luck
trying to sublet
this apartment?

Well, we lined up
a few prospects,

but they say
the rent's too high.

I'll knock off $25 a month.

Good. The wife and i
will take it.

What a help you are.

Let's get
the luggage out,
huh?

I'm so sorry.

We've taken a vote
and it's unanimous.
Cinzia stays.

You can vote, too,

but you lose,
3-1.

We figured it out.

Thank you.

Who's she?

Well, apparently,
she's the maid.

3-1.

Upstairs maid
or downstairs maid?

What difference does that make?

Well, i wouldn't
want you to wear
yourself out

running up all those stairs.

Understand one thing.
I'm getting her
for my children.

Adopt me.

♪ Zitto, zitto,
e un affare serio ♪

♪ quello che ti diro, ti diro ♪

♪ il vincitor,
nella vita, Nell'Amor ♪

♪ fa sempre con'a
bing, bang, bong! ♪

♪ Con bing, bang, bong! ♪

♪ Con bing, bang, bong! ♪

Well, we're almost
at our new house.

♪ Presto, presto,
do your very best-o ♪

♪ don't hang back
like a shy little kid ♪

♪ you'll be so glad
that you did
what you did ♪

♪ fa sempre con'a
bing, bang, bong! ♪

♪ Fa sempre con'a
bing, bang, bong! ♪

♪ Con bing, bang, bong! ♪

♪ Con bing, bang, bong! ♪

I think it's going
to be wonderful,
don't you?

♪ Be like christofo colombo ♪

♪
♪ take a chance,
take a chance ♪

♪ don't be a dopey or a dumbo ♪

[Honking horn]
♪ goin' round
in a trance ♪

♪ prego, prego,
anywhere
you may go... ♪

They just put down
the new foundation
early this morning.

You remember the guest
house... colonial style,
green shutters.

♪ If you do it with
a bing, bang, bong! ♪
[Honk honk honk]

Isn't that the house
we're trying to pass?

What?

Isn't that the house
we're trying to pass?

[Honk honk]

That's it! It's supposed
to be on the lot!

[David] Should i
knock and ask them
what happened?

Hey, hold it!

Wait!

Stay there.
Stay there.

This house should have
been set up.

You Mr. winters?

I'm angelo.
How do you do?

I don't.
About this house...

i could throw the bull all day,

but I'm straight
from the shoulder.

You appreciate
that kind of talk?

From the bottom of my heart.

I got drunk, stinkin',
you know?

Yes, i know.

I have three children.
What will i do?

What a party.
You like broads?

If this house is not
up by nightfall,

I'm going to sue you
for everything.

Two of them
were rednecks.
Crazy, man.

I'm beginning to feel
a little unbalanced
myself.

If this is
the usual way...

[wolf whistle]

Now look what you've done.

You can't even drive.

You smashed in
the whole side
of my car,

and I've only made one payment.

Welcome to historic Virginia.

My card.

You ever want
anything moved,
anything,

call on angelo.

Angelo?
Oh, grazie.
Donatello.

[Train whistle]
[Speaking Italian]

Hey, italiano!

Hey, angelo, i hear
a train coming,

and the house is on the tracks.

Angelo, the house!

Cinzia, can't you
hear the train coming?

How could a man be that stupid?

Dad, listen,
there's a train coming.

How nice.

Look at that oil.

I'll bet the transmission
is damaged.

Dad, the train.

David, you go and watch it.

The crankcase is
probably cracked, too.

Dad, look, the train!

Yes, David, well...
all right.

Go and wave at the engineer.

Don't bother me.

[Honk]

[Trying engine]

Hey!

Why didn't you
tell me the train
was coming?

Choke it, choke it!

Is the ignition on?

Is your foot on the clutch?

I've started lots of cars.

Quick!

[Honk]

[Smashing wood and glass]

Which was my room?

[Elizabeth]
I see witches
and goblins

in those bushes.

I see 'em, too.
Over there!

You'll love it.
Wait'll you see
this place.

Secluded.
I only use it
weekends.

At least we can
stay there tonight

until the car is fixed.

Here we are.

Where?

On the river.
The river.

You ever see anything
so beautiful?

Never. Are you
out of your mind?

Try it for one night.

You'd better.
I think it's
going to rain.

If you like it,
I'll make you
a good deal.

I owe it to you.

Perhaps there is
a nice, comfortable
hotel, hmm?

If you're willing to pay

for putting up
a nice, comfortable
family of five,

or you could sell
an old cezanne

you may have hanging around.

Let me show it to you.
What can you lose?

You don't say.

I tell you, it's the best
location around.

I think that's poison Ivy.

Right down the road

is my old man's grocery store.

And across the river
is the country club.

Of course, there's
a better class of people
at the grocery store,

but that's up to you.
It's a free country.

[Elizabeth]
I'm not going across
that shaky old thing.

Come on.
What are you afraid of?

It's as solid as
the rock of Gibraltar.

Come on, Elizabeth.

It's not so bad
if you close
your eyes.

Roberto, don't you dare!

Come on, come on.
What are you
worried about?

Come on.

Don't be afraid.

Come on.

[Robert]
It's as solid as
the rock of Gibraltar.

Come on!
Come on!
Hurry up!

[Crack]

Perhaps there is a nice,
comfortable hotel.

This place has everything.

You got a generator
and batteries
for electricity.

You got a gas stove
for cooking,
an ice box.

A linoleum-covered
sink.

You'll love it here.
It's a palace.

Believe me,

there isn't
another place
like this around.

Boy, that's a neat knife.

What are you doing?

It's neater this way.

More like a palace.

Want to see
where the water's
coming in?

Wait. Let me show you
how beautiful is it
outside.

Cut it out, please.

Oh, don't fight me, honey.

I'm just trying
to show you the place.

Three bedrooms down here.
The master bedroom
is upstairs.

[Clunk]

[Gasp]

Watch that beam.

Thank you. I will.

Come on.
Let's go outside.
I'll show you around.

Come on, pop.

We got a fresh water tank
on the top deck,

with plenty of water
for showers... everything.

There's real live
spiders up here.

Well, you'd better save them.

We may need them for dinner.

Watch your step here.

Mrs. mcgillicuddy, the lady
who owns the farmhouse
around the bend,

she supplies the water
from... from her well.

What did you say her name was?

Mrs. mcgillicuddy.

We have an arrangement.

Yeah.

Uh, i blow the horn...

[honk honk]

She turns on the tap...

Presto. Right away,
running water.

So she's a little
hard of hearing.

[Honk honk]

I tell you what.

We can stay
at aunt carolyn's tonight

and go back to the city
tomorrow.

I've sublet the apartment.

I doubt there's
another vacant apartment
in Washington, D.C.

Then we'll stay
at aunt carolyn's
for ever and ever.

How about it?

Angelo, we're staying here
for the night.

[Kids whining]

You'll love it here.

It's a wonderful place
for kids.

And not so bad for spiders.

I'll fix the gangplank
and bring your stuff in.

Keep your motor running.
I'll be around.

Wh-what do you mean?

Let's get off this junk heap.

It isn't so bad.

After cinzia
does some cleaning,

it might be quite comfortable.

Who? I?

It will take years.

It's going to rain.
I bet the roof leaks.

Let's make the best of things.

Let's play a game
while we're waiting
for angelo.

I don't know any game.

Don't you remember
that game
who, sir, me sir?

Come on, sweetie.

What was i?

You were red cap,
and he was black cap.

You were gold cap,
weren't you, Elizabeth?

Let's play.

Black cap!

[David] Who, sir, me, sir?

[Tom] Yes, sir, you sir.

No, sir, not i, sir.

Who then, sir?
Say boxer.

Boxer.

[Honk honk]

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Thank you,
Mrs. mcgillicuddy.

Thank you. Thank you.

[Thunderclap]

[Generator won't start]

Did you fix the generator?

There's nothing wrong
with kerosene lamps.

As a matter of fact,
they're rather quaint.

But you can't see so good
with them.

Of course you can.

I warned ya.

You should be in bed.

Come and see what cinzia
invented for us.

You see?
When a fish comes,

the bell rings
and announces
his arrival.

Isn't it nice?

Very nice.

Do you think if
you attach one end
to a dust rag,

the fish might dust
the furniture for you?

They gave Hercules
much more time

to clean the augean stables.

Every employer is different.

I suggest you get to bed

so you can get started early.

Yes, of course.

Here's the knife back, David.

Where did you get that knife?

It was on the ground
near the truck.

That fella
who drove it must
have dropped it.

Well, then,
why didn't you tell him?

I needed a knife.

I beg your pardon.

It wasn't
on the ground, was it?

Come on.
Give it to me.

I didn't steal it.
Swear on the Bible.

I'm really ashamed of you.

I know. I can't
start a car either.

You go to sleep.

I'll wake you if a fish comes.

You won't need to.

I won't be asleep.

Then you wake me.

Sure.

Elizabeth...

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

[Thunderclap]

Signor winters.

Yeah? Ahem.

I read this, uh,

this, uh, communiqué.

Well, it's your schedule.

It's quite simple.

"7:15 A.M....
Wake the children.

"7:25 A.M....
Clean sink, pantry,
and icebox.

"7:45 A.M....
Prepare breakfast.

8:00 A.M.... Breakfast... "

what's wrong about that?

It's no use. I am
leaving in the morning.

Will you explain
to the children, please?

Explain?

There's no way i can explain.

They'll be certain
I've thrown you out

just because they liked you.

Well, i... i cannot stay.

I simply cannot stay here.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Would you like some,
too?

Yes, i would like some, too,

especially if
it'll help break down
the social barriers

between capital and labor.

Although, in this case,

I'm not sure who is who.

You're hardly my idea

of the faithful old
family retainer,

but you've got to stay.

They want you.

And I've lost touch.

Well, that's too bad.

We used to be
such friends, didn't we?

Oh, well, never mind.

It'll probably take
an act of congress

to get me back
into this family.

They do like you.
You will see.

I was never cut out for it.

I'm one of the, uh,

undomesticated animals.

But when they lost
their mother,

i felt it might be best
to come home

and try to make it up to them.

It never occurred to me
they wouldn't want
to have me around.

Isn't that curious?

Almost every other place i go,

grownups seem to want me.

In certain circles,
I'm even considered
quite charming and debonair.

But children can
look right through me

as if there were nothing there.

Well, maybe there isn't.

Maybe their mother
found that out
a long time ago.

They say that fishing
is always good
after a thunderstorm.

Good night.

Good night.

7:15...I'll wake
the children.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Ciao.

Ciao.

[Thunderclap]

Cinzia?

What's the matter?

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid.

So am i, darling.

Don't you like thunder either?

Oh, no.

I'm frightened every time.

In the war it was like this
every, every night.

I wouldn't like war.

When i was a child,
i thought i would,

but not now.

My mother
on such a night...

our big house...

Gone.

Where i live,
everybody's frightened
of the thunder.

If my father lived there,

he'd tell them
it was just
two pieces of air

coming together.

I'm so sick of those
two pieces of air.

When i was a little girl,

my father would say,

"cinzia...

Cinzia,
pazzarella."

Foolish.

They're no help...
fathers.

Can i get into bed with you?

Yes...

But wait a minute.

Why not in bed
with your father?

He wouldn't want me.

He'd say i was,

um, what?

Pazzarella?

Yes. He doesn't like me
to be a baby.

Elizabeth, did you ever think

that your father
is afraid, too?

Him?
Yes.

But he doesn't want
anyone to know.

Sometimes it's very difficult
to be a grownup.

Why don't you go upstairs
to him?

It's a terrible night.

Well, gee whiz,

i got to get in bed
with somebody.

Why don't you come, too?

He's got a big bed.

Well, i don't think
it's big enough.

Oh!

[Thunderclap]

[Ticking]

[Knock on door]

Cinzia...

uh, cinzia.

Shh!

You'll wake her.

Well, that's exactly
what i intend to do.

I have to be
at the office
in 45 minutes.

Then just shake her a little.

Oh...

Uh...

[Sighing]

Ahem. You shake her.

What's the matter?
Are you scared?

Yes, I'm scared.

Chicken.

Cinzia, wake up.

Ohh. Buon giorno,
Roberto.

Buon giorno.

I'm not alone.

Signor winters.

Yes, yes.
Buon giorno.

The children are supposed
to be dressed

and breakfast on the table.

The kids want oatmeal,

and i like scrambled eggs
and bacon.

The eggs dry, the bacon crisp.

Toast and coffee.
You got that?

Ma si, ma si.

Fine.

There is one thing
you ought to know...

One little thing.

I do not cook.

You do not cook?

Why didn't you tell me that
before i hired you?

You never asked.

You can scramble an egg,
can't you?

Oh, si, si, yes...

What do you mean, scramble?

Just take the kids
to the village
for breakfast.

And I'll have just some coffee.

You can make coffee, i hope?

Si.

Not American coffee.

Do you have an espresso maker?

Never mind. I can do
without food and coffee.

I-i don't need it.

You eat too much anyways.

Thank you. Thank you.

Now, go back to sleep.
Buon giorno.

[Honk honk]

[Honk honk honk]

Daddy, wait!

Hmm? What?

I've made American coffee.

I read her the label.

You did what?

I read her the label.

I don't see how you could.

I think it's still
in the coffee.

You don't like it?

Well...

She burned her hand twice.

Oh? Well,
it's wonderful.

Why don't you drink it?

You don't want to hurt
her feelings, do you?

No, no.

Good, isn't it?

Holy... ahem.

Isn't it?

Delicious.

I don't see
how you Americans
can stomach this.

It tastes horrible to me.

We're a young country,

and i doubt if we'll
grow much older.

Goodbye.

Bye, daddy.

Daddy?

What, dear?

Well, now,
what brought that on?

What?

You kissing me goodbye.

Don't i always?

How foolish of me
not to have noticed.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Take it easy.

Pretty good repair job
on the car, huh?

Listen to that motor.

Did you
make up your mind
about the boat?

Do you want to rent,
buy, make a deal?

It's a leaky,
broken-down soggy derelict

that'll probably sink
and dump us all
in the river.

But i wouldn't think
of living any other place.

Yeah, I'll make a deal.

Can you select a melon for me?

The fourth of July.

I can't tell which are ripe.

The sons of Italy ball.

We'll tie one on together, huh?

You want to be
the lucky girl
this year?

Mr. donatello, you have
a certain native charm.

Please reserve it
for the natives.

Elizabeth!

Aunt carolyn!

Hi, sweetie.

I saw David at the houseboat.

He told me you were shopping.

Yes. Cinzia's getting
melon and prosciutto.

That's ham.

You eat it cold, and you
don't have to cook it.

Who's cinzia?

Cinzia's our maid.

She doesn't know how to cook.

So i see.

Where's your father?

He's doing the laundry
for the weekend
at the laundromat.

We have to bring
the clothes there

because cinzia doesn't know
how to wash.

Just what does she do?

Oh, everything.

[Machine buzzing]

They've been married
for 15 years.

What happened?

Mr. winters,

your first batch is dry.

Oh, thank you.

Would you put it
on the table, please?

Well, Harry told her

he was going to these
night baseball games
every night.

Every night?

That's an awful lot
of baseball.

He carried
this portable radio
with him

so he could keep up
with the games

in case
she asked questions
when he got home.

Oh, they're sneaky...
Men.

So gertrude followed him.

Naturally.

He met this blonde
at this motel.

He took a room?

You know anybody
that goes to a motel
to sit in the lobby?

Well, she listened at the door.

The bases were loaded,
and there were two out.

So she peeped
through the keyhole.

[Machine buzzing]

[Ding]

Pretty dirty.
Needs another, uh...

Bases loaded. Two out.

I'll tell you later.

Hi.

Hello, carolyn.

Can we go someplace and talk?

My laundry's in
for another inning.

Is it important, dear?

Not very.

John and i are through.

I filed suit.

[Machine buzzing]

[Ding]

I'll tell you later.

Let me know the final score.

Well, i can't say
I'm surprised.

Any chance of you and John
patching it up?

None.

Obviously, there's
another woman.

Hmm. Is there
another man?

Now that you
bring it up, yes,
there is one.

Do i know him?

Not very well.

[Elizabeth] Daddy?

Yeah?

Come here.
I want to talk to you.

Can i? I mean
tonight, too?

Of course.

Even if it doesn't thunder?

Especially.

Oops!

Oh, isn't that nice?

[Buzzing]

That's a clever idea.

How did you think of that?

[Turns off]

Well, once at the Vatican,

i was looking up,
and i said to myself,

"how did Michelangelo
paint that ceiling?"

I always thought
he had a pogo stick.

Oops!

Isn't that amazing?

Now they match.

Thank you.

Who, sir?
Me, sir?

Yes, sir. You, sir.

No, sir.
Not i, sir.

Who, then, sir?
Gold cap.

Who, sir? Me, sir?

Yes, sir.
You, sir.

No, not i, sir.

Who, then, sir?
Pink cap.

Who, sir? Me, sir?

Yes, sir. You, sir...

David, want to get in the game?

Nah.

Why not?

These ropes are shot.

I'm going to change them.

You'll set
the whole boat adrift.

Angelo's coming tomorrow.

Leave it for someone
who knows how.

Sure. I forgot for a minute
that i was a lamebrain.

Sometimes you behave like one.

Where'd you get
all that new rope?

Go to your room.

You're not going
to get anything
to eat tonight.

Thanks.

I'm trying to lose weight.

Well, now, where were we?

[Buzzing]

Oops.

Thank you, Michelangelo.
Thank you.

Now everything matches.

[Wind blowing]

[Creaks]

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

David!

Who is it?

It's David.

David?

Yeah.

Help!

Listen to me.

If you want to go down
the river

to your aunt carolyn so much,

I'll drive you there
tomorrow morning.

I can hitch.

I'll drive you there.

Now, everybody get some sleep.

Come along, you.

Come on, you.

Good night, David.

Good night, Roberto.

Good night, cinzia.

So, you are leaving
in the morning, hmm?

He doesn't care.

Who dived in for you...

aunt carolyn?

Signor winters.

What?

Speak to him.
Ask him not to go.

That's all he's waiting for.

If he wants to,
I'm not going to stop him.
I've done my best.

You are like my father.
Pig-headed.

Completely pig-headed.

Hmm.

It is the right word...
pig-headed?

It'll do.

David is a child.

Do you know what it is
for a child to be alone?

I know.

He has been terribly hurt.

He loved his mother very much.

And after all this,

you expect him to be
grown-up like you.

Grown-up, pompous,
and knowing everything.

Pig-headed.

Cinzia...

All right.

I'll talk to him
in the morning...

In my own pig-headed way.

A little bit pig-headed
is all right.

You ought to know.

[Elizabeth] Daddy?

When are you coming to bed?

I'll be right there, darling.

Thank you.

Good night.

Good night.

Whew.

Oh.

♪ Zitto, zitto

♪ eun affare serio

♪ quello che ti diro, ti diro ♪

♪ il vincitor

♪ nella vita, Nell'Amor

♪ fa sempre con'a bing,
bang, bong! ♪

What's going on?!

How did we get out here?

Why didn't you awaken me?

♪ Don't hang back
like a shy little kid ♪

♪ you'll be so glad
that you did
what you did... ♪

Please, stop that singing!

[Everyone stops singing]

Tell me, what happened?

We broke loose in the wind.

Now we're stuck.

Or we could have floated

all the way to the ocean.

We could have had
an economy cruise
to Europe.

[Singing]

Oh, please, stop singing!

I don't understand.
Why didn't you awaken me?

What would you do?

What would i do?
Well, i would have...

i don't know.
What would i have done?

What kind of a bird is that?

Who cares?

I have an appointment

with the assistant
secretary of commerce,
and i can't be late!

Perhaps angelo will come soon.

Dolce far niente.

That's wonderful!
Dolce far niente.

What does that mean?

It's a saying we have in Italy.

"How sweet
to do nothing."

You're in America now.
They can pull you in for that.

Poor America.
Is it all right?

Look at me.
I'm swimming.

Oh, it's wonderful, darling!

That's enough.
That's enough.

Marvelous.

Oh, you were to speak
with David.

I haven't got the time!

I have to get off this boat!

You have plenty of time.

You didn't cut
that rope, did you?

You have got the knife.

Come on, children,
let's have breakfast.

We had breakfast.

Shh!

I had bacon.

Uh, catch anything?

I used to fish
in this river
when i was a kid.

What's this,
the huckleberry finn
approach?

O.K. As a matter of fact,
i didn't know much about it.

Messy business.

Always had to get my kid sister

to help take them off the hook.

She enjoyed it.

Bloodthirsty little creature.

Say, shouldn't you have
cast that out further?

You going to teach me
how to fish, too?

Just like everything
i try to do?

Every little thing,

like i was a real lamebrain.

Sorry.

I'll pay you for the rowboat.

I'll pay you
for the house, too.

Someday.
I'll save up.

All right.
If you want to.

Now...

You're baiting that all wrong.

What's wrong with it?

You don't lay it on.

You got to put it on here.

Oh.

You must have worked
your little sister to pieces.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Thank you.

Ahem.

There. How's that?

Terrible.

What's wrong with it?

You just can't cast.

All right.
You show me.
Go ahead.

All right.

Oh, that's pretty good.

Mmm-hmm.

Hey, wait. I think
i got something.

Well, reel in.

Reel in!

Set the hook!

Come on!

Don't reel in so fast!
You'll lose him!

Here.

He must be a big one.

Sure looks it.

Take it off.

Well, now, uh...

Here.

Give it to me.

You don't even know
how to take a fishhook out.

Well, it's messy.

Everything
i try to do,
every little thing.

Sometimes you gotta.

Yeah, that's right, David.

I guess sometimes you gotta.

I think the striped perch

is about
the prettiest thing
there is.

I guess it's
practically a shame
to catch it.

Look at it.
It's dead already.

Why does everything
have to die?

For the same reason
that everything
has to live.

That's what i get
from my teachers...

Double-talk.

Think what the world
would be like

if nothing ever died.

There'd be no room for the new

and the young and beautiful

that's being born all the time.

I'm not making room for anyone.

Let 'em come and get me.

Well, that's encouraging.

You sound as if
you enjoy living.

It's better than nothing.

Well, i have to die someday...

Probably a long time
before you,

but it doesn't bother me much.

Who are you making room for?

It might be another
William Shakespeare

or George Washington...

Or even a lamebrain like you.

But i...

I prefer to think
that no one
ever really leaves.

When you're dead, you're dead.

You want to take
another look
at that fish?

I can see there's more than one

pig-headed member
of this family.

Let me try
to explain it to you.

Here. Hold on.

You see this pitcher?

Try to think
of this pitcher
as being me.

My body, see?

Mm-hmm.

The pitcher of its own
has no use at all,

except as a container
for something.

The water it contains

you can think of
as being my life force.

Now, try to lose that.

O.K.

Got it?

That's easy.

O.K.

There.

Now?

Mm-hmm.

The only thing is,
it isn't lost.

You see, it's part
of the whole river.

It's still in the universe.

Come on.
Get rid of it.

Well, what about this?

Look out.

What about it?

Oh, i get the idea.

It'll evaporate,
become a cloud,

and come down
someplace else
as rain.

That's pretty clever of you.

I guess when you
come right down to it,

you can't lose anything.

That's right.

Probably not even life itself.

It's just that everything
is constantly changing.

So perhaps when our souls
leave our bodies,

we go back into God's universe

in the security
of being part
of all life again

and of all nature.

So, for all we know,

that sort
of life after death
may be very beautiful.

If you say so.

Hey, pop.

What?

Don't do anything
beautiful for a while,
will you?

I'll try not to.

And give up smoking.

It's bad for older people.

Well, I'll just go in
and get my orange juice.

Keep up my strength.

[Honks]

Hey, David!

Ahoy there!

Grab ahold of this line!

O.K. Throw it here.

I got it.

How do you like
what happened to us?

Where's your father?

He's inside.

That's about
the fourth time
this summer

it's broken loose.

Where's the Italian pastry?

The Italian pastry is inside.

By the way, i found
your knife the other day.

You must have dropped it.

Thanks. I've been
looking all over for it.

I stole it from you.

You what?

You can tell the police
if you want to.

You think I'm crazy?

I don't remember
where i got it.

You got that tied fast?

Yeah. And about
that rope...

I took it from your boat.

If we're going to play
true confessions,

I've got about 15 years
head start on you.

We'll have to wait
for the tide...

about an hour and a half.

You're going to be late
for your office.

What's the difference?

Dolce far niente.

Hey, paisan.

Not yet, but I'm getting there.

[Angelo speaking Italian]

It's wonderful, just wonderful.

Well, it shows what
can be accomplished
with cheap child labor.

Hey, child labor,
it's about time.
Get downstairs.

We'll take the shortcut
down the ladder.

How about you?

I'll take the steps.
I forgot to wear
my blue jeans.

Good night.

Good night, aunt carolyn.

Good night, pop.

We'd better hurry.

I can hear them tuning up over
at the country club already.

O.K.?

Tom?

What?

I want you to know
I'm very flattered.

But whatever got you
out of your shell?

Even a hermit needs
a change of scenery
occasionally.

This is very pretty scenery.

Alice knew how i felt
about you all along.

Is it all right
to mention her now?

Is it all right
to mention John?

Only with a snarl.

I can manage a snarl for John.

It's so nice
to have you back.
So very nice.

Mrs. jibson?

Uh, Gibson.

Gibson. You
have overlooked.

You're so right.
I have overlooked.

Well, good night, cinzia.

Will you see
that the children
get to bed, please?

Yes, signor winters.

I shall out the lights
in half an hour.

You do that?
You out the lights.

It is the wrong word?

It's charmingly the wrong word.

I shall turn out the lights
in half an hour.

Congratulations.
If you really tried,

you could
learn how to do
the laundry, too.

Oh.

[Music plays]

Elizabeth's sleeping.

Good.

I found my old English
book you asked me for.

I was using it for a doorstop.

Teach me.

What do you
want to learn
English for anyway?

You got a real cute accent.

Charming?

Yeah, charming.

I spit on charming.
Teach me, come on.

O.K., o.K.

This'll be
the first time
for both of us.

"Adjectives
and adverbs..."

You want to go
that deep
for a start?

Yes.

"An adjective modifies
a noun or a pronoun.

"An adverb modifies
a verb, adjective,
or other adverb,

like cautious
and cautiously."

Cautious and cautiously.

Do you like your aunt carolyn?

Oh, sure thing.
She's cool.

And your father likes her
very much, doesn't he?

I don't know.
I suppose.

She's a lot like
our mother used to be,

the way she talks
and everything.

I mean, they were sisters.

Look, am i
teaching you English
or ain't i?

Oh, yes. Go on,
signor professore.

"Poor, poorly,
great, greatly."

[Sighs]

Something wrong?

What?

Something wrong?

Oh, no, i know
this music very well.

It's the most pretty.

That is correct...
most pretty?

Very pretty.

Yeah, it's very pretty.

It's an old cornball...
almost in your arms.

In Italy, we call it
quasi nelle tue braccia.

Sure.

♪ E strano

how does it go in English?

How we are changed...

♪ Cambiar ci puo ♪

By things that seem...

♪ LA vita ♪

So small...

♪ Potrei ♪

One look...

♪ Scrivere un libro ♪

Can write a book...

♪ Su una ♪

One touch can say...

♪ Carezza tua ♪

"Different, differently,

beautiful, beautifully."

"Different, differently,

beautiful, beautifully."

Come on, it's not that hard.

Well, it is for me.

I have not learned
any English tonight,

but I've learned one thing.

It's time for me to go home.

Go to bed, David.
Good night.

Good night.

Is it all right
if i sit here a while?

I'm not sleepy.

Sure.

Ly.

Surely.

Hello, there.

Hey, look, presents.

Do you know any reason

why we shouldn't
celebrate Christmas
on the fourth of July?

That's for you, one for you,

and that's for you.

Who, sir, me, sir?

Yes, sir, you, sir.

No, sir, not i, sir.

Who then, sir?

You missed.

No, i didn't.

Yes, you did.

It was to fool you.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Cinzia.

Are you really
leaving in the morning?

Is there any hope of
you changing your mind?

Well, before you go,

i want you to know
how grateful i am to you.

There's a present for you.

For what?

For everything.

With that fine Italian hand
that can't cook or sew

or even do the laundry,

you've managed to put
a family together again,

and i thank you
with all my heart.

It's a dress.

Oh, yes,
i see. I see...

it's unusual.

Carolyn helped me pick it out.

Of course.

I thought it was a little gaudy

with those flowers and things,

but she thought you might
prefer it that way.

Carolyn is a very
knowing woman.

Yes. Well, you're
an attractive girl,

and you'll look well in that.

Oh, thank you.

I've got another
surprise for you.

What?

How would you like to go
to a dance tonight?

Oh, i would love to, yes.

Angelo will
pick you up at 8:00.

Angelo?

Yes. He's been
dying to take you

to the sons of Italy ball.

I hear it's a very nice affair,

so, uh, i took
the liberty of accepting
the invitation for you.

You-you've got to get out
and have a good time.

Yes. You see, you're
in the United States now.

Si. Three cheers
for the red, white,
and blue.

Yes, well...

Daddy, are you taking cinzia
to the dance tonight?

No, darling, not cinzia.

They have lots
of dances tonight.
It's July the fourth.

I'm taking aunt carolyn
to the country club dance.

Is that getting
to be a thing
with you and her?

How'd you like me
to answer that?

Any way you want to.

Greetings,
greetings,
greetings,

everybody.

Hey, Robert, greetings.

Is the dame ready?

The lady is finishing dressing.

Cinzia, come on.

Your date is here,
straining at the leash.

Good evening,
Mr. donatello.

Holy jumping cow!

What a dress!

Oh, you certainly
improved that dress.

Will you assist me?

This is the necklace
my mother wore

the night my father
proposed to her.

Proposed?

Mm-hmm. I never
had it on before.

Uh, excuse me.
I just remembered
something.

What?

My brother's
very sick.
Very, very sick.

I was, uh,
bringing him
these flowers.

That's what i
came over to talk
to you about.

My apologies.
Forgive me,
shoot me,

but I'm not taking
you to no dance.

Oh.

Angelo, what's
the matter with you?

I thought we had
everything all arranged.

You saw that dress,
heard what she said.

She's sharpshooting
tonight with her
old lady's necklace.

There's nothing
wrong about that.
She's a very nice girl.

Yeah, and that can
louse up an evening
faster than anything.

What have you got
against nice girls?

I have a good business,
i make a nice dollar.

If i want to
have a good time,
i have it.

A blonde one night,
a brunette the next,
a redhead... mmm!

Smorgasbord.
You know what i mean?

You like a guy
who speaks plain?

Yes, i do. But are you
worried her intentions
are honorable?

Yeah, it worries me sick.

Because i can feel
myself slipping right
into community property.

Why don't you go inside?
You're driving me nuts.

It's a free country.

Oh, she's beautiful,
you know that?

Yes. Yes, well,
she's a delightful girl,

and she works very hard.

She deserves
an evening out, angelo.

Cut it out, will ya?

What, what, what?

My brother once took
a dame like that

to the sons
of Italy ball.
Boom... he's married.

Ever since, he's been
having sons of Italy

all over the place...
six kids, doctor bills,

his wife getting
fat and sloppy.

I mean, who needs it?

You'll have to settle
down one day, angelo,

if only from sheer exhaustion.

But I'm young yet,
and i don't want to be
old tomorrow.

Good night.

You're beautiful,
and i love you.

I don't ever want
to see you again.

Extraordinary.

I've never seen a man
behave so stupidly.

Haven't you?

[Horn honks]

Ahoy, captain tom.

This ship one of ours?

All ready for the big dance?

Don't you want a drink first?

Prepare to board.

I think you've had enough.

Just one teeny-weenie
Martini,

and then we all head
for the country club.

Protection against mal de mer.

[Carolyn]
Maybe we should
stay here.

This is prettier
than the country club.

This is nice.

Cinzia!

Who in the world is she?

That's the maid, dear,

and i, uh, understand
she sleeps in.

That's not very funny, Alan.

Tom, you have been
asking for it.

The whole town's talking.

I love your new uniform.

What do you wear
on your day off?

We're going
to have to get rid
of sadie the scrubber.

This, ladies and gentlemen,
is what i call a maid.

Uhh!

There are those
who require alcohol
to give them courage.

I'm not one of them.

Is it dry enough?

Please, signor winters.

You'll think
of an answer
in the morning.

What'd she get so mad about?

She must be used to it by now.

You'd better get off the boat.

Carolyn, I'll take you to
the country club in my car.

Tom.

Don't you want to go with me?

Not until you grow up.

I know Alan's had a few,

but what do you expect
people to think
about the girl?

What do you think, carolyn?

Thank you. Thank you.

And good night,
ladies and gentlemen.

[Knock on door]

Go away, whoever.

You should have
pushed him in the water.

Are you crying?

Anybody does anything
to you again,

just let me know,
no matter who.

Whom!

Who.

Who.

Cinzia?

What?

Darn,
why do i have to be
only 13 years old?

Why do i have
to be a little kid?

Otherwise, i could
take you to that dance.

You are my Professor.
You are not a little kid.

You want to go
fishing for eels?

Oh, yes. I couldn't
think of anything nicer,
please.

And maybe you could
make some peanut butter
sandwiches.

They're easy.

Yes, i think so.

No, i think i better make 'em.

I'll make 'em.

O.K. Then I'll
go get the Spears
and the lights,

and I'll meet you on the deck.

This is going to be

a pretty good
fourth of July
after all.

Ahem.

Cinzia...

[glass crunches]

I think i should apologize

for the behavior
of the upper classes
in America.

They behave like
the upper classes
in Italy,

also the lower classes.

Would you...
Help me with this?

This stud is stuck here.

Thank you.

Cinzia,

would you do me a favor?

Will you do me the honor

of accompanying me
to the country club dance
tonight?

Me?

I?

Yeah.

With you?

Me.

I.

Of course, yes.
Thank you.

Fine.

[Whistling]

I should have
asked you,
do you dance?

We are really
quite advanced
in Italy.

Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Feel better?

We'll get you some solid food.

There are quite
a few stuffy people

come to some of these
country club dances.

Would you prefer
to go somewhere else?

They are not the only
stuffy people.

Would you prefer
to go somewhere else?

No. I'm certain you
wouldn't do anything
to embarrass me,

or would you?

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, yes, you would.

Yes, the evening's
starting out fine.
I can see that.

Don't be confused.

Oh!

No, thank you.
I've sworn off.

I'm only
taking the stuff
externally now.

My compliments to you.

Don't report that
to the union.
There's a good fellow.

Tom, I've sobered up a little,

and I'd like to apologize.

If everyone brought
their maids instead
of their wives

to these affairs,

I'd pay up my back dues.

[In unison]
Yes, you may say that.

Am i forgiven enough
to have this dance?

Oh, well, would
it embarrass you?

Oh, I've gone past that.

Hello. They've got
quite a buffet tonight.

Would you care
to come over and
watch me eat crow?

Hello, carolyn.

Won't you please dance with me?

Oh.

Of course.

Tom, I'm sorry.

I'll go away, and I'll
vanish into thin air

if you'll just tell me.

Are you in love with her?

Cinzia? She's
David's girl.

Well, if you were
in love with her,

would you know you were
in love with her?

It's just that
I've waited so long,

since i was 4 years old.

Then my sister beat me to it.

Would you care if we
didn't dance anymore?

Why, am i stepping
on your toes?

All my life, mister,
all my life.

Tom, you know if you
don't marry me,

you're likely
to do something
awfully foolish.

Yeah, i know.

You just
don't take a girl
out of another world

and try to make her
a part of yours.

You may try,
but you just don't.

I know.

If it didn't work out,

the children would
be in worse shape
than ever.

They'd be rowing across
the river in squadrons.

Why don't you take an oar, too?

I swore one try
at marriage was enough,

but perhaps it's
time to reconsider.

Because the children like me?

Oh, no, not only that.

You know very well

there are times when you
bring out the beast in me.

Likewise, tom.

I know you're not
madly in love with me,

but maybe that
would come in time.

Are you willing to
take me on that basis?

On any basis, tom.

That's how the mighty
have fallen.

♪ Prego, prego ♪

♪ anywhere you may go

♪ make each day be
a day full of fun ♪

♪ if there's a girl
or a man to be won ♪

♪ do it with
a bing, bang, bong ♪

♪ a bing, bang, bong

♪ a bing, bang, bong

♪ one step, two step

♪ step into a new step

♪ live your life
with a zip and a zing ♪

♪ you'll have the world
on the end of a string ♪

♪ if you do it
with a bing, bang, bong ♪

♪ a bing, bang, bong

♪ a bing

♪ bang

♪ bong

thank you very much.

I'm delighted you're
the belle of the ball,

but may i have this next dance?

Oh, yes.

My recollection's hazy,
but i believe
i brought you.

Oh, yes, you're
the stuffy one. Ha ha.

Oh, it's a lovely evening.

Thank you so much
for bringing me.

Cinzia, there's
something perhaps
i should tell you.

Yes?

[Band singer] ♪ you're near...

What?

What?

There is something
you wish to tell me?

♪ Tonight

♪ the mood is right

♪ I'm almost in

♪ your arms

there is?

♪ One sigh

♪ one word and i

♪ will rush to your...

How have you been, tom?

♪ Embrace

♪ say that certain word

♪ sigh that certain sigh

♪ and with all my heart

♪ to your arms I'll fly

♪ it's strange

♪ how we are changed

♪ by things that seem

♪ so small

♪ one look

♪ can write a book

♪ one touch can say

♪ it all

♪ we've known

♪ those nights alone

♪ and now we've found

♪ our way, I'm

♪ almost in your arms

♪ almost in your arms...

Hey, tom!

♪ To stay

tom,
carolyn told us
the good news.

Congratulations.
Congratulations.

How much
do you want for
the houseboat?

They'll live on it
after they're married.

For this,
I'm going off
the wagon.

It's a short trip.

Married?

That was what
i was about to tell you.

Please, would you
do me the honor

to go straight to hell?

Cinzia!

If i do not say it
right, i don't care.

Tom! Tom,
what's the matter?

Carolyn, i-I've
been terribly stupid.

I'm sorry. Since you were
4 years old, I'm sorry.

Cinzia!

Cinzia... uhh!

Ha ha ha ha.

Cinzia.

Cinzia.

[Bell tinkles]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

[Tinkle]

♪ LA da di da da

♪ I'm almost in your arms ♪

♪ LA di da de da di

♪ LA de da di da da

♪ da da da de da

♪ LA da da da de da da

♪ I'm almost
in your arms to stay ♪

Good morning.

Well, somebody say something.

"The day's at morn,
morning's at 7:00,

God in his heaven, all
is right with the world."

That is correct, hmm?

I've given up teaching.

There's much yet
for me to learn.

I don't know.
You learn pretty fast.

I don't think i want
any breakfast.

There is one thing
I've learned.

I can make boiled eggs
very well now, and cereal.

I just pour in milk,

and it goes
crack, pop, and snap.

It does all the work.
Even i cannot spoil it.

Is your father awake?

No.

No?

No, he's sleeping.

I poked him a few
times, but he's
still sleeping.

Boy, he must
have been
crocked.

If it's all right with you,

can i have
my English book back?

I'm the dumbest one
in the class.

I'd better start to study.

All right.

I'm going to get some air.

Uh, David, I'm
not leaving today.

Perhaps later, we'll
go fishing together?

You don't want
to go fishing with me.

I'm just a kid.

I bet you think
you're beautiful.

Well, you're not.
You're ugly.

You're the ugliest
old girl i ever saw!

[Door slams shut]

Roberto, eat your breakfast.

I don't want to.

Did you kiss him?

Who?

Daddy.

Yes. Yes, i did.

That's what Dave said.

Did he kiss you?

Yes, he kissed me.

I want to tell you something.

I'm very much
in love with your father.

And he loves you?

I believe so. I hope so.

I want you to know something.

It may be that
we will get married.

Would that make you our mother?

Oh, I'd be most happy
to be your father's wife

and to be your mother.

You can't be our mother.

You're our friend.

One can be a friend
and a mother, too.

Of course, it's most unusual.

You can't
be our mother!
You can't!

You don't look
anything like her!
Our mother's dead.

You can't even cook an egg!

What kind of a mother are you?

Roberto!

Don't call me
any Italian names!

My mother's dead!

I am very sorry.

I don't mean to take her place.

Perhaps you could
explain to Roberto later.

He wouldn't listen.

He'll just get
that old harmonica,

and he just won't
listen to anybody.

[Harmonica plays]

I don't think
i can eat, either.

Listen, about married people.

What?

Do they sleep in
the same bed together?

In America, sometimes.

In Italy, always.

Would it matter, i mean,
if i slept with you?

No, it would be all right,

but not all the time.

Why not? I don't
take up much room.

It has something to do
with married people.

I guess he likes you
better than he likes me.

Please, come on,
Elizabeth, why do
you talk like that?

Yes, he does.

He didn't even want me in there

when it was lightning
and i was afraid.

I hate him.
You go ahead.
See if i care.

He pulls the covers
off me anyway.

[Horn honks]

I got you
a center stateroom
on the constitution

leaving New York
day after tomorrow.

You will not jump overboard?

Never again.
I've had my adventure.

I've learned many things,

including how very difficult
it is to be a father.

It wasn't easy to cancel
my tour and come back.

Wasn't it?

It's all right?

Just perfect.

May i have a sip?

We'll go
to como together,
a vacation.

Then there's
a concert at LA scala.

What an ovation we'll get.

You will get.

I will get.

[Doorbell buzzes]

You're expecting somebody?

Yes?

I'm looking for
miss cinzia zaccardi.

She's not in.

7 years old, huh?

You left some
dirty dishes
in the sink.

Sorry. It was
a lovely interlude.

I enjoyed every minute of it,

until we both had
too much champagne
and spoiled it all.

It was just an interlude?

Yes.

You know, for one
who's had so much
experience lying,

you're not doing
very well at this moment.

I talked with the children
after i got your note.

I'd like you to meet my father.

Signor winters,
Arturo zaccardi.

How do you do?

How do you do?

I love you very much.

Will you have some tea?

And you're in love with me.

It's excellent tea.
I didn't make it.

Aren't you?

One lump or two?

You stay out of this.

You have your life,

and your children are
your friends again.

That is the most
important thing.

It's not so important
to be their friend.

It is important
to be their father.

I have my life,
and i have my father,

and i have finally come
to understand him.

You know, you're
very beautiful.

Have i told you that before?

You're really quite beautiful.

No, I'm ugly old girl.

Now please go away.

Well, i guess she
wasn't in after all.

Mr. winters, come here.

Cinzia, come out here!

I can lock her in her room,

i can take her to Italy,

but the only way i can keep her

is to let her go away.

I'm too old and
too tired to run
after her anymore.

It's your turn.

What a terrible time
she'll give you.

Cinzia, come out here at once!

If you do one thing
ever to hurt her

or make her cry again,

I'll have your heart cut out,

if i have to go to the mafia.

She doesn't want me.

Zaccardi knows what she wants.

Cinzia, viene subito
qui o le prendi, eh?

I saw him, over there.

Oh, come on down.

We aren't going
to their old wedding
either.

But you better get inside.

No. I'm going to stay
up here all night
and freeze.

[Elizabeth]
It's too warm
to freeze.

Oh, you're just a girl.

[Robert]
O.K., come on down.

Oh, all right.

[Cinzia] Yes?

Are you ready?

Almost. Did you
speak to the children?

Yes. Well, they're
being very pig-headed.

I don't know where
they get it from.

Oh, please,
try again. Please.

All right.

Thank you.

[Knock on door]

Well, aren't you
going to get dressed?

I know how you feel.

But nothing ever
stays exactly the same.

Everything changes.

Everybody has to leave...
everybody, sooner or later,

and it's not so bad.

Everything's different,
but it's not so bad.

You'll all be
leaving me before long,

and i have to get used to that.

You can't remain
children forever,

no matter how much you want to.

Why do you talk so much?

Because you make me
feel guilty.

Why should
i feel guilty?
You're the ones.

Why don't you cry or something?

Then I'd feel better.

Won't you please
come to my wedding?

Cinzia would like it.

Why do i talk so much?

[Clunk] Uhh!

[Here comes the bride plays]

[Music stops]

Will you both kneel, please?

We are gathered together here

to join this man and this woman

in bonds of matrimony.

In the presence of God
and these witnesses

and by virtue of authority

vested in me by
the laws of this state...

If any of you know
any just or legal reason

why these two should
not be thus joined,

you will speak now or
forever hold your peace.

Will you take her hand, please?

[Harmonica plays
here comes the bride
off-key]

Shh!

[Plays on-key]

Do you, Thomas winters,

take this woman
for your lawful
and wedded wife?

That's you, sir.

Who, sir, me, sir?

Yes, sir, you, sir.

I do.

Will you love, honor, cherish,

keep her in sickness
and in health,
forsaking all others,

and keep yourself to her only,

so long as you both shall live?

I will.

Do you, cinzia zaccardi,

take this man to be
your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

Captioning made possible by
Paramount pictures corporation

captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.

Captions copyright 1995
Paramount pictures