House on Bare Mountain (1962) - full transcript

The Wolfman, Dracula and Frankenstein spy on a girls' school in the mountains, where most of the girls spend their time sunbathing in the nude, nude exercises and nude art classes. The monsters finally invade the school...

Hi there.

Come on in.

My name's Granny Good.

I guess you're wondering how

a nice, kindly

white haired old lady like myself wound up in

in this situation.

Oh, it's a horrible, terrifying story.

I had a little girls' school.


Granny Good's School for Good Girls.

I thought of the name myself.

Well, there were just

some girls and myself

living in this lovely

vine covered little cottage.

Late one evening

I was working very hard

grading papers

and going over all the accounts.

I really liked to work hard.

But suddenly

there was a call over my intercom.

Yeah, honey.

There's a Mr. and Mrs. Bumgartner here to see you Granny.

I see.

Oh, hello honey.

You must be Mrs. Bumgartner

and Mr. Bumgartner.

We've been expecting you.

Won't you sit down.

Well, I believe you wanted to enter you daughter...

Prudence, what a lovely name...

in our little school.

In fact, I think I have her letter right here.

Yes, here we are. Now...

Now, let's see.


Beautiful name.


Prudence has been at Wellesley...



After attending all those

lovely schools it's

very flattering for you to come here to good old Grandma Good's.

Can I ask you why you

chose Granny Good's?

Well, you see it's like this Ms. Good...

Ah, Granny.


Well, you see it's like this Granny...

Our Prudence is a very independent girl, and

she sort of has a mind of her own.

And well, we thought that...

Excuse me just a minute, honey.

Come in.

- Granny?
- Yes.

I finished my homework on nuclear physics.

What do I study now?

Why don't you take this dictionary a minute, Honey and

and memorize a little of it.

Start say at...

'Absolute' and run through to 'Zulu'.

Then I'll think of something else for you to do.

Really a lovely girl.

Why don't you go up and study that in your room, Honey?

Well, I should hope so.

Well, anyway I...

I think we can take care of little Ms. Prudence.

We don't have too much of a

discipline problem at G.G.S.F.G.

Send little Ms. Prudence in, please.

Yes Granny. I'll send her right in.

Prudence, darling.

I'd like you to meet Ms. Good.


Oh Granny.



Now Prudence, darling...

You behave yourself

and be sure to do everything that Granny Good tells you.

I know that you're going to be in good hands here.

That's right, honey.

Never forget you're in good hands with Granny Good.

Oh Granny, that's just wonderful.

We've searched so long for a place for Prudence.

You know, I think I'll call your new roommate down.

Oh, good.

On second thought

I think I'll go up and get her myself.

Excuse me.

I didn't realize it at the time

but leaving my office when I did

was the beginning of the end.


This student's dictionary is an entirely new work.

It has been written primarily for a particular group of readers.

Students in the upper levels of school.

All definitions have been

newly and independently prepared with these students in mind.


The more than 57,000

vocabulary entries in this new dictionary

have been selected largely on the basis

of their occurrence in textbooks

and other books used in upper school levels.

Although I didn't pay a lot of attention to it

I had noticed

Mr. Bumgartner was wearing a gun.
I had noticed

Mr. Bumgartner was wearing a gun.

Well everybody

This is little Sally.

Prudence's new roommate.

Sally, this is Prudence.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Why don't you take Prudence up to her new room and make her comfy?

OK. Come on.

She seems like such a nice girl.

Of course illustrations

and many illustrations in black-and-white

supplement the definitions and add interest to the book.



Definitions are printed in large readable type

of a design chosen after much experimenting.

And the clear blackface type of the entry words

assures quickness and ease of reference.

Paragraphs of sy-no-nymy...

and special notes as

accessory and ae-rial...

have been printed in a slightly smaller type

which clearly separates them from the rest of the material

and again, assist in ease of reference.

Well, I think we'd better be going now.

I think, oh!

I think we'd better be going now, Granny.

Bye now, dearies.

Krakow, you idiot!

What are you doing down there?

You're trying to ruin us.

I got people up here.

Finally, my little girls got ready for beddy-bye.

And everything got nice and peaceful.

Wouldn't it be better to leave it open so we could get some fresh air?

Gee, I don't think so.

I think we ought to leave it closed.

Well, why's it so important to have the windows closed and locked?

It's not important. It's just that...

Well, let's have it open then.

No, please don't. Let's don't have it open.

Alright, Sally. What is it?

Why are you so afraid to leave the windows open?

You might as well tell me. Someone will.

It's probably silly...

Well, I want to hear it anyway.

Well, it's not anything that we're sure about.


You mean the rest of the girls feel the same way?

- Yes, they do.
- But why?

I guess it's just a feeling more than anything else.

No one has actually ever seen anything out there.

You mean out there in the garden?


Sometimes we feel that there's something out there

whether we see it or not.

What kind of something?

I don't know what it is.

But sometimes we hear things.

Like there was something out there.

That sounds silly.

If you really can't see anything, why don't you go down and look?

I couldn't do that.

I'd be scared to death.

You're already scared to death about something you're not even sure about.

So I don't see why you don't go and find out once and for all.

But what if there were really something out there?

Something terrible.

Well, alright Sally.

If you feel that strongly about it, we'll leave the window closed.

But I still think it's silly.

This little girl was a senior at G.G.S.F.G.

She came to our little school about two years ago.

Her folks were circus people.

Her daddy was the strongman

and the sword swallower.

Her mama was billed as the Bearded Lady.

I think this affected her mind somehow.

I used to catch her shaving every morning at eight o'clock.

It was kind of funny too, cause

the other girls all shaved at seven.

And this was her roommate


Anastasia was Russian

and she was a very shy little thing.

Actually, she had graduated from G.G.S.F.G. about

about four years ago.

But since she didn't speak English and...

and I can't talk Russian...

I couldn't ever tell her to go home.

Well, I gave her a few little chores to do to...

to keep her busy.

I had her dusting the furniture

making the beds, carrying out the garbage

doing the laundry, vacuuming the rugs and

sawing logs for little Georgia to practice her karate on.

That was she didn't have too much time on her hands.

One thing I've always said...

was, "A clean body

means a clean mind."

Sally's mind was so clean, it was bleach.

Just like her hair.

Every time one of my little girls took a shower

I gave her a gold star.

Sally had 184 gold stars.

That's more than any girl in the whole school.

In fact, it's...

it's probably the world's record for showers taken in one day.

Goodnight, Sally.


The next day was Saturday.

And early that morning

even before the sun was up

or the little birdies were chirping

little Honey was up bright and early

studying her dictionary.

She really was a little funny.

I beg your pardon, miss

Could you tell me where I could find Granny Good?

Gee, I don't know where she is.


Thank you.

- Sir.
- Yes?

Could you tell me how to pronounce 'mausoleum'?



- Mausoleum.
- Yes.

Thank you.

I skipped happily downstairs

to the supply room to have a chat

with my loyal and devoted handyman



Krakow you idiot.

Where are you? Come on in here.

Alright, honey.

Put it right there.

Come on, come on. Right there.

Now listen to me, Krakow.

If I've told you once

I've told you a thousand times.

Don't go out in the garden at night.

You're bugging the girls, Krakow.

Oh, moon, moon, moon.

Honey, I've heard it before.

Listen to me.

Half moon,

full moon, blue moon,

I don't care. You gotta stop bugging the broads.

One more time, Krakow

and it's the outside world for you, honey.

And you're getting just a little bit too old to play anymore football, right?

You remember the outside world, huh sweetheart?

That's right, silver bullets.

People chasing you all over the place.

Stakes in the heart.

It was a real bad scene, wasn't it sweetheart?


Then shape up or ship out. That's all.

Oh, Krakow I...

I just don't understand you honey.

I took you in when nobody in the world

would touch you with a ten foot pole.

I gave you this lovely place

down here in the cellars.

I gave you a nice easy job.

I pay you a real good salary.

Alright, alright.

So 13 cents a day ain't all the money in the world.

But where else are you gonna get it, Krakow?

Look at you.

You're a mess, honey.

I worked my fingers to the bone for you.

I give you a jawbreaker every Saturday.

And what do I get?

I get nothing but ingratitude.

Now listen to me, sweetheart.

Play ball, or get off of the team, that's it.

Come on.

Let's take a look at the still.

Alright honey.

Let's see how your production looks for today.

57 gallons?

Krakow, you're way behind.

We got a delivery to make tonight, honey.

Now see what you can do about this.

How does this batch taste anyway, honey?

Good work, honey.

It's a lot better than the last batch.


I gotta get up to my classes, sweetheart.

Now, don't forget.

The trucks'll be here about an hour after the party starts.

Don't worry about any noise.

The broads will be up there screaming and hollering, and covering all your work.

Just get everything ready cause you got a lot of work cut out for you, honey.

Oh. Here.

And stay out of the hooch.

The first sparkling rays of the sun

peaked over the mountains at our little school.

And after a hearty breakfast

the girls and I marched out for our morning exercise.

Alright, girls.

Let's get out there on the exercise field.

Come on, double time.

Let's shake them up.

Alright, girls.

Today we're gonna build bigger

better bodies.

Now the first exercise

is the side straddle hop.



Alright, girls.

Now let's get out in a nice straight line.

Come on, line up.


Hands behind your back.

Shoulders back.

But Granny, it's too hot.

Alright, if it's too hot

take off your blouses, come on.


First to the right, and then to the left.


One, two, one, two.

Every exercise we used

was scientifically designed

to strengthen

some portion of the anatomy.

We found that jumping rope was excellent for developing the uh...

uh, lung capacity.

Not everything was physical at our little school.

I insisted that all my girls love the arts.

Our drawing class was beautifully advanced.

We had progressed from drawing trees and landscapes

to the use of live models.

Some of the girls, naturally

possessed bigger talents than others.

But it was important that each of these dear children

expressed themselves.

And then

every afternoon, right after lunch

I allowed all the girls one hour's recess.

Most of them took advantage of the hour

to bathe their little bodies in the warm sun.

This little child was our newest addition to the school.

She'd been with us for about nine months.

She was also the youngest member of our little group.

She was only 12 years old.

But she took an awful lot of vitamins.

And this was Ruth, our brightest student.

She was in school on a football scholarship.

She made the team at Vanderbilt

but was thrown out of the showers.

She received nothing but straight As all the way.

Of course, you've all met Sally before.

Our cleanest little girl.

Miss Clean.

Sally was president of our literary society.

And I tell you

her dramatic reading of the "Tropic of Cancer"

was something you would never forget.

The girl bouncing the beachball with little Honey

is Sandra.

The poor child came from a broken home.

Her house slid off a cliff

and cracked right in two.

At the end of each day

the girls and I would participate

in a little roadwork to sharpen our appetite.

Just like the marines marching.

Although I was a little older than the girls

I stayed in good shape.

I was still in the best condition.

The untiring leader.

Unstoppable, always in front.

Never falling back.

Well I... I finally decided

it was time to give the girls a little rest.

So I helped them out.


to dress conspicuously

especially with vulgar finery.

'Bedizenment' noun

Now, after our day of fun in the sun

my little honeys quickly padded up to the shower

so they could get squeaky clean

in time for the school's annual costume ball.

Hello, Harry?


Fine, thank you.

Listen, I've got to talk. I've got to talk fast.

Granny might catch me.

Now, when you come to the party tonight

sneak in a bottle, okay?

Okay honey. Bye.


I'd like to leave a message for Tab Greenberg.


Tell him that Bobbie called.

And when he comes to the party, ask him

to leave it in the usual place.

No, no.

Leave the booze in the usual place.

Right. Thank you.

I was in my bedroom changing into my ballgown.

And the guests were arriving for the prom.

My little girls had been planning for that dance all week.

And I knew it was gonna to be a real exciting ball.

One thing, however, was beginning to worry me.

Little Honey had mentioned to me at dinner

how strangely the new girl Prudence was acting.

She said Prudence didn't seem to

to mix with the other girls.

Why isn't anyone dancing?

Come on, this is a party.

Come on, take a little dance with the girls.

Come on, honey.

Come on, everybody has to dance.

Come on!

Oh, honey, honey.

Go on upstairs and put something on.

She meant well but

her timing was just a little off.

This is badge number 261 to headquarters.

Come in, please.

Hello, badge 261?

This is the chief, over.

This is badge number 261 to headquarters.

Come in, please.

Well, hello badge 261.

This is the chief, over.

I decided to take Honey's tip

and look around for Prudence.

If anyone knew where she was

Krakow would.

Well, upstairs

the party was beginning to pick up a bit.

Some of the nice young men had

been thoughtful enough to bring along some fruit.

Special little spices

to add to the punch.

This is badge number 261 to headquarters. Come in please.

Hello. Badge 261?

This is the chief, over.

Hello chief. This is 261.

I think I've come across something.

I'm not sure, but I hope to have an answer for you later this evening.

I'm going to the cellar now to find out.

Something is wrong.

It's now 10:10 p.m.

If you don't hear from me in half an hour

you'd better come quick. Over.

Roger 261.

Please be careful. Over.

Right chief.

Over and out.

But there was something just a little fishy

about little miss Prudence.

I couldn't find her.

And to top it off

Krakow had disappeared.

It was the full moon, so I decided

I'd better check everywhere for old fuzzy.

Honey was having trouble

finding the right costume for the ball.

Studying the dictionary

didn't give her much time to rent a costume.

So she was gonna try and make her own.

The kiddies seemed to be having a better time

they were dancing and all that jazz but

but I decided the punch could use just a little bit more bite.

So I thought I'd put in a little bit of my own brew.

One little drink in the punch couldn't hurt anyone.

Besides, we needed a lot of racket to cover the pot brewing business in the basement.

Well, you can't teach an old cow new tricks, I guess.

He was a nice boy.

One of those sailors home on leave, I think.

Pardon me, miss.

Have you seen Granny Good?

Who's Granny Good?

Well, this is her home.

Good heavens, George. We're at the wrong party.


Krakow, you idiot!

What are you doing up here with the people?


Excuse me, my name is William.

Lovely party, isn't it?

The fuzz.

Now everything was beginning to make sense.

Someone was a spy.

And little miss Prudence was number one suspect.

I had to find her before the cops did.

And I had to think of a way to cover up the still.

Ah, it was too late to hide it.

I had to think of something very, very clever.


Krakow, you idiot!

You're all thumbs and hair.

Go on over there and I'll finish it myself!

Ah, there.

Now, listen to me Krakow.

You've gotta find that girl before the cops find her.

If they get to her first, we're ruined.

Oh, Krakow honey.

Don't talk to me about unions now.

Do a little overtime, sweetheart.

Go on!

Safe at last.

Hi chief.

You're just in time for a little elderberry wine.

Don't hand me that elderberry wine stuff, Granny.

I know what you got in here. You got...


Dirty old booze!

Oh no, chief.

It's elderberry wine.

Honest, fellows.

OK, Granny.

Let's have a taste of that elderberry wine.

Certainly, honey.

In fact, let's have one all around, huh fellows?

Now, all together.


One of the big Bantu nation of Natal.

In type and culture

identical with the Cafris.

Also their language.

You're just jealous of me.

Oh my lord.

OK, Granny. Not so fast.

Hold it right there.

Look, honey.

I don't who you are, but I'm awful busy.

Why don't you sit down over there and...

I'm not going to sit down over there.

I've been searching all over for you, I've finally got you

and I'm going speak, you understand?

You're in big trouble, Granny!

What's a little old lady like me ever done?

Couldn't we make a deal?

- 50 percent? 75 percent?
- No deal. No deals, Granny!

How about if I plug up the still

and I give all the booze to charity, huh?

Booze? Still?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Aren't you the fuzz?

No, I'm not the fuzz.

I'm Jimmy Scob.

UWA, local 47.


Yes, United Werewolves of America.

Strap up my boy, here.

Krakow, my boy.

Now, you've been paying him exactly 13 cents a day, right Krakow?

Working him the whole time without paying him overtime, right Krakow?

We've got the goods on you, Granny.

Krakow, take her.

No! No, Krakow!

How could you snitch on me?

How could you do this?

Well, that's how it all happened.

I hope now you...

you can understand an old lady's story a little better.

Alright, kiddies!

Story time is over.

Come on you little old winemakers.

Get cracking!

We got a lot of deliveries tonight, chief.

Come on, Krakow!

Goodale Danny gets 50 gallons.

Mushmouth Louie gets 75.

And No-Nose Coen wants 100 gallons!

Get moving!

Come on, move! Move!

Thought you'd turn me in, huh Krakow?

Keep pushing those boxes, Fuzzy.

Come on!


I've gotta get upstairs
and start the new freshmen class.

So long, kiddies.