Hot Dog... The Movie (1984) - full transcript

Harkin Banks is a young Idaho farm kid who is also an ace at skiing. He is headed to the freestyle skiing championships in Squaw Valley, CA along with runaway Sunny. He meets his adversary in the form of Rudy, a self centered European skier who doesn't take a liking to Harkin or his new found friends, The Rat Pack, led by veteran Dan O' Callahan. Harkin has many misadventures with Dan and his buddies, but doesn't lose focus in his attempt to get the World Cup.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Nothing feels quite like
the top of the hill ♪

♪ Don't you try to catch me,
you never will ♪

♪ I want it now, I want it fast ♪

♪ Baby, don't you mind ♪

♪ You don't keep up, you won't catch up ♪

♪ I'm gonna leave you behind ♪

♪ Love starts at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ 'Cause love starts
at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ Got to have that feeling
all the way down ♪

♪ Twist and turn,
going 'round and around ♪

♪ I want it now, I want it bad ♪

♪ Baby, don't you see? ♪

♪ You don't start up,
you won't catch up ♪

♪ That's the way it's gonna be ♪

♪ Love starts at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ 'Cause love starts
at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

Say, uh...

What's the directions you got
to McDermott?

Uh, just go straight down here,

hang a left, catch highway 80,
and take it all the way out.

Straight on out. You can't miss it.

- Okay. All right. Thanks a lot.
- No problem.

Get your ass out of here, lady!

You bull... imbecile!

- Oh!
- And take these with you!

Damn it!

You son of a bitch!

I hope you run into a truck!

What's more,
you got lousy taste in music!

- Are you gonna be all right?
- What do you want?

I saw you get thrown out of that Van.
You landed kind of hard.

- Sure you're okay?
- Rotate out of here, Jack.

Eh, you say so.

- Hey, you, Ace.
- The name's Harkin.

- Excuse me, Harkin. Where you headed?
- West.

- How 'bout you?
- San Francisco.

- Want a ride?
- Sure.


- Here.
- I can handle it.

You ain't some kind of a weirdo, are you?

I don't think so.

- What's your name?
- Sunny.

How come that guy
threw you out of there like that?

- What do you think?
- I don't know. That's why I asked.

I ain't going down on a guy
at 65 miles an hour

just for a crummy ride.

Got something besides this?

I'm tired of this.

- What, you don't like country?
- Why don't you try something different?

- Okay?
- Yeah, just pop it in.

Now this I can handle.

So why you got four pairs
of skis back there?

Skiing the World Championship's
Freestyle at Squaw Valley.

I got, uh, one for Bumps, one for Aerials.

Little short ones there are for Ballet,
and those ones are for just plain speed.

Speed? I could use some of that.

- You got a girlfriend, Ace?
- I used to,

but I spent all my time skiing.

She got tired of being number two.

- Hey, how old are you?
- 18 in April.

- Ran away from home, right?
- Wrong.

You gotta have a home to run away from.



I'm getting a room for the night.

Hey, buddy, you figure
you can get in my pants this way.

I ain't figuring nothing.

You want to spend the night
out here in the truck?

Huh? I mean, it's okay by me.

Hey, Harkin,
got something I can wear to bed?

My mother forgot to pack my pajamas.

- Thank you.
- You know there's only one bed in here.

So? Pick a side.

And stay there.

So how come you didn't
try nothing last night?

I was tired.

You didn't exactly invite me, anyway.

Are you for real?

Are you a virgin?

Are you?

Well, you had your chance, fella.

I ain't half bad, you know.

So what happens in Squaw Valley
besides skiing?

Beats me. I've never been there.

You see, I don't really
have to be in San Francisco for a while

and I... well,
maybe do you just think I can...

- Wanna tag along?
- Well, yeah.

- Why not?
- Okay, but no funny stuff.

I don't put out for everyone I pick up.


Anybody home?

Anybody home?!

Anybody home?

Damn it.

Someone's at the front desk.

I'll be right back.

- Checking in?
- Yeah.

Banks. Harkin.


Mm, yeah.

It's the last room we had.
I was getting worried about you.

I'll bet.

Welcome to squaw.

And call me if you need anything.

Yeah, could you wash the truck for us?

Come on, Harkin.

Oh, yeah.

Wow! Get a load of this!

I can't believe it.

This looks like a cathouse.

Whoa! This is great!

And you were gonna stay here alone?

It's the only place I could get.

Hey, Harkin, check this out.

- How does it work?
- I don't know.

I think it's got some jets or something
that forces the water up.

A friend of mine stayed
in a place like this once,

but it was only for an hour.


Oh, my god!

Oh, don't stop.

- Oh, that feels good.
- I want more.

- Do it!
- You like that, huh?

Yes, I do! Oh, I want more! Touch me!


What do you say we get something to eat?

Wanna try these on?

- Don't you like the way I dress?
- I thought you might look nice in them.

- Oh, yeah.
- Right there.

- Am I gonna have to wash dishes, H?
- Mm-mm. It's my treat.

Well, how can you afford all of this...

The room, the food, this sweater.

Well, my ma knit the sweater

and been working all summer
for the money to make this trip.

Milked 40 head of cattle twice a day.

Whoa. Get a load of him.

Oh, my god.

You know him?

That's Rudolph Garmischt.

Won the gold medal in lake placid 1980,

and he's the World Freestyle Champ
last two years running.

Damn sexy, too.

He's the best.

World's greatest skier.

Mr. Garmischt?


I think you're the greatest.

Hey, Adolf! Somebody's talking to you.

In Europe, ja?

There the women are beautiful...

But also intelligent.

Rotate on this, you Nazi bastard!

Hey. Hi. Nice coat, uh... rat?

You shouldn't have done that.
That was Rudolph Garmischt.

He's a jerk.

Always has been.

Greetings. Dan O'Callahan.

I've seen you in all the ski magazines.
Dan here used to be one of the best.

Still am.

- What's your name?
- I'm Harkin Banks.

This is sunny. I came here to compete.

Uh, if I qualify.

You gotta be pretty good
to make it on this circuit, kid.

- You here to qualify, too?
- I ain't into skiing.

Well, that's no problem.
Plenty of things to do here.

So, you met Rudi, huh?

Well, he might be a great skier,
but he's a world class asshole.

Mm. Well, see you
on the mountain, huh, kid?

- Yeah, I'll be there.
- Pleasure.

That guy wants to get into my pants.

- What?
- He's got another thing coming

if he thinks he's gonna make it with me.

I ain't into older men, you know?

- Watch out, watch out.
- No!

Hey, watch it, buddy!

You jerk! Come on, Ace.

- I'll buy you a drink.
- You got it.

All right! Nice hand for the band!

Okay, everybody sit down
because you know what time it is...

Wet t-shirt contest time!

I'm Lester the molester
and I run the baddest, meanest

wet t-shirt contest there is.

But what do you need
to have a wet t-shirt contest?

Yeah, girls!

Send the girls up here!

All right, we need more girls
than this, don't we?

Yes, we do! But in order to find girls,
I gotta get out my girl finder!

Oh, let's look for the girls.
Where are you, girls?

- Come on, get up here.
- Go for it!

Close this up.
Don't want anybody to get hurt.

Hold this for me back there,
would you, darling?

- Boo!
- Let's find some more girls.

How 'bout this girl over here?

How about you, honey,
you wanna get up here?

Nah, she said...
Hey, guys, let's get that girl up here.

Oh, she's covering up.
Let's go into the back here.

How about that girl?
Guys, get her up here.

Come on! Bring her up here!
Let's get her up here!

- I got 50 bucks on you. Sure winner.
- No way!

- Come on, baby.
- 50 bucks?

Oh, my lord.

How do you do, darling? I'm new in town.
I don't know how to get to your house.

How 'bout you, honey?

You look like you're in the mood
for the contest.

- No...
- Guys are all pointing you out.

- I say, what do you say?
- All right, all right.

Come on up here.

Yeah, okay, come on.
We need some more girls.

How 'bout this girl back here?
Come on up here.

Yeah, get her up here.
How about a volunteer?

Ah! Put me down! Come on, put me down!

Put me down!

How 'bout this for a volunteer?

All right!


Guys, don't you wish you had the seltzer
bottle in your hand so you could help?

But this is my contest
so I'm the one that gets to do it.

Oh, this is great fun. It's water time.
Give me a volunteer.

Time to splash the water.

Take it off! Take it off!

Come on! Wake up!

♪ Oh, once ♪

♪ We were dreamers on the rise ♪

♪ We were the sun ♪

♪ Where the sun never shines
and we were gold ♪

♪ Where the night bird only flies ♪

♪ That's a long time, you know ♪

♪ For that kind of wind to blow ♪

♪ Long time ago ♪

♪ We were dreamers on the rise ♪

♪ And twice ♪

♪ We said we'd begin again ♪

♪ And we made a vow ♪

♪ That we'd remain as friends
and fallen down ♪

♪ We said we shall rise again ♪

♪ That's a long time, you know ♪

♪ For that kind of wind to blow ♪

♪ Long time ago ♪

♪ We were dreamers on the mend ♪

♪ Long time ago ♪

♪ We were dreamers on the mend ♪

♪ And if three ♪

♪ Wishes came into my life ♪

♪ I'd say one ♪

♪ Was to gaze into your eyes ♪

♪ And I'd say two ♪

♪ Would be turning back our lives ♪

♪ Three's a long way to go ♪

♪ For that kind of wind to blow ♪

♪ Long time ago ♪

♪ We were dreamers on the rise ♪

♪ Long time ago ♪

♪ We were dreamers on the rise ♪

♪ Long time ago ♪

♪ We were dreamers ♪

♪ On the rise ♪

You play well.


I wrote it myself.

You got more going for you
than skiing any day.


My sister says I'm as good
as John Denver.

She's not all wrong, Ace.

Yeah, well, she's just a kid.


Well, long day tomorrow.

I guess I better be hitting the hay.

- Mind if I join you?
- Sure.

You son of a bitch! You're not gonna
fall asleep on me two nights in a row!

Whoo! All right!

Nice turns. Squirrel, look at this kid.


Yeah! Come on!

Ja, the boy is good.

But I wouldn't worry about it.

Aspirin. Drinkie.

Hey, Dan, how you doing?

Not so loud, huh, kid?

I was up all night
doing a crossword puzzle.

You want a sip?


A strike. Hey, listen, kid.

I saw your qualifying run this morning.
You're not bad.

Thanks. When are you running?

Oh, well, us vets did yesterday.

They don't post the results until tonight,
so we're just gonna go out and boogie.

You know, just clean out the system.

Hey... well, Harkin Banks,
I want you to meet the rat pack.

- This is Squirrel Murphy.
- Hey.

Yeah, best run of the morning, man.

Were you on shrooms or what?

Hey, he's a little crazier than he looks.
Come on.

Oh, and that's Kendo.

- He's got a way with words, huh?
- Yeah.

We call him kamikaze.
When you see him ski, you'll know why.

Oh, and that's Fergy, the motor mouth.
Shut up.

And then banana pants.
You can call her Michelle.

She's taken.

- I am?
- Cute, huh?

Oh, and Slasher. Slasher. Slasher.

Say hi to Harkin Banks.

- Hey, Harkin.
- Hey.

Good, huh? Well, Harkin here
is gonna put the fear of god

into Rudi Kazooti Garmischt.

He asked you if you want to
ski with us this afternoon.

- All right.
- We're gonna hit some radical terrain.

Avalanche city. Out of bounds.

- Squirrel mountain.
- Hey, sounds great.

Well, then let's climb aboard
in an orderly fashion.

Spread out.



Hey, how you doing, Sylvia?

I'll be doing better once you
introduce me to your friend.

I saw him qualify in red dog.

He's real good.
You guys better watch out.

- Are you gonna introduce me or not?
- Well, of course.

Hey, hark, come here.

Harkin Banks,
I'd like you to meet Sylvia.

- New on the circuit?
- Yeah.

We're gonna go do broken arrow.
You want to ski with us?

I gotta get the house ready
for the big party tonight.

Oh, well, we'll see you tonight.
Can I bring you anything?

Bring him.
I might make him the guest of honor.

Well, you know, he's got a friend.

So bring his friend.

Okay. Can I bring you anything else?

Just you, Daniel. Just you.

She always makes it
to the qualifying rounds.

That way, she can check out
the new talent.

She is beautiful.

You got a good eye, kid.

- Watch out! Watch out!
- Hey!

Rudi, you're a goddamn
lowlife cretinous slug!

You people, stay out of our way.

You may ski on zat side or on zat side.

But stay out of zee middle here.

Hey, Rudi, you can kiss my ass.

Not on zis side, not on zat side,

but right in zee middle.

Come, Heinz.

We finish this later.

- What is it with that guy?
- Sylvia used to be Rudi's girlfriend

till someone long dicked her in Europe.

Figures it was me.

- Couldn't blame a guy, though, could you?
- Uh-uh.

- Sylvia's sure got what it takes.
- Yeah, that's why she's got the Rudettes

drooling all over her.

- Rudettes?
- Rudi's gang.

They're so far up his ass, they don't know
where he leaves off and they begin.

Hey, what do you say
we tear up this mountain?

- Okay, let's hit it!
- Whoo-hoo!

All right, let's go!

Come on!

♪ When you were mine ♪

♪ I gave you all of my money ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

♪ You done me wrong ♪'

♪ it was just like a dream ♪

♪ You let all my friends
come over and meet ♪

♪ And you were so strange ♪

♪ You didn't have the decency
to change the sheets ♪

♪ Oh, girl, when you were mine ♪

♪ I used to let you wear
all of my clothes ♪

♪ You were so fine ♪

♪ Maybe that's the reason
that it hurt me so ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ That you're going with another guy ♪

♪ I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause I love you, baby,
that's no lie ♪

♪ I love you more than I did
when you were mine ♪

♪ When you were mine ♪

♪ You were kinda, sorta my best friend ♪

♪ I was so blind ♪

♪ I let you fool around ♪

♪ I never cared ♪

♪ I never was the kind to make a fuss ♪

♪ When he was there ♪

♪ Sleeping in between the two of us ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ That you're going with another guy ♪

♪ I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause I love you, baby,
that's no lie ♪

♪ I love you more than I did
when you were mine ♪

I swear to god.

Funniest thing
you ever saw was Squirrel...

Hey, you guys talking about me again?

Squirrel skiing with his pants
split up the middle.

Hey, it was too hot to wear underwear.

Oh, so he skis down
right in front of the TV cameras, right?

He passes and he bows to the judge,

he flashes the biggest moon
you've ever seen in your life.

It must have been a hell of a jump,

Squirrel, to rip your pants off.

Hey, Kendo's right.

I cranked off a triple... I flew 100 yards.

Fuckin'-a, man,
that jump was totally awesome.

Guys, I'd like to propose a little toast.

To Squirrel Murphy.

He's been on the world freestyle circuit
for four years.

He's made $392, been laid twice.

Once every other year. Not bad, Squirrel.

And I would like to toast

Snake Legs Banks

the Bonners Ferry Flash,
the newest member of the rat pack.

Right here!

There it is.

- Do you see mine, Dan?
- Yeah, you're on it.

- What about me, Dan?
- Slasher, Kendo. Squirrel.

All right!
Hey, what about Fergy and Dogger?

- That's it.
- Oh, what the hell?

- Fader, come back here. God damn it.
- Hey, Fergy.

Four years in the circuit and he gets cut.

Can you believe it?

Dogger and Fergy skied better
than most of the Europeans on the tour.

- That doesn't seem fair.
- It isn't.

- Fader...
- Dan, I know what you're gonna say,

but we're running a show.

Well, how come you cut Fergy and dogger?

- They just didn't make it.
- Didn't make it?

They skied better
than half the Europeans.

- You call yourselves promoters?
- It's a business.

Accommodations have to be made,

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

You know, I remember
when this used to be a sport.

We've got 14 European sponsors paying
for TV coverage for one named skier.

Lose that name, and the circuit folds.

Right now we're saddled
with European sponsors.

That means certain Europeans qualify.

And certain Americans don't qualify?

Hey, guys, we haven't had
an American winner in over five years.

Now, look, Dan, there hasn't been
an American freestyler

who could beat Garmischt in five years.

We landed the meet here because of him.

Oh, I see. Huh.

So, it's a business, is that it, fellas?


It's show business. Yeah?

Well, why don't you explain that
to those kids that have travelled

over 1,000 miles to get here, huh?

What are you getting so bent
out of shape for, O'Callahan?

You made it.
You've been over the hill for five years.

All right, Dan.

- I don't like that guy.
- Come on. I'll buy you a beer.

- We'll talk about it, hmm?
- Fader, come on, huh?

We go back a long way.

You're an old free-dogger yourself, huh?

Dan, I'm between a rock and a hard place.

That's bullshit.


- What was that?
- A burst of courage.

- What's that mean?
- It's a prescription for crowd scenes.

You don't need that.

Look, Harkin, it's my business
what I swallow, okay?

What was it?

What difference does it make?

- Well, I don't like it.
- Well, tough.

What do you think, we spend
one night together and you own me?

♪ Do you love me? ♪

Good evening, Harkin.

So glad you could make it.

- Your friend?
- Yeah.

Um, Sylvia, this is sunny. Sunny, Sylvia.

You were terrific today, Harkin.

I haven't seen a skier like you in years.

- And I've seen them all.
- I'll bet you have.


- Are you a skier?
- No.

- Oh, just a spectator, then?
- Right.

- Except I haven't found the mountain yet.
- Oh.

Well, it's the big hill
with the snow all over it.

I'll keep an eye out for it.

She's, uh, very interesting.


Well, really nice place you have here.

Thank you.

I've scheduled you
for a private tour later on.

I don't think
I want you to miss anything.


♪ You said you wouldn't
let love burn me ♪

♪ Like a fool,
I believed it was true... ♪

- Hey, kid.
- Hiya, Dan.

Wild party.
Better keep an eye on your girlfriend.

- She's not my girlfriend.
- Right.

♪ Don't be prude ♪

♪ Don't give up all the things ♪

♪ We've both been living for ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ Can we still be a part of tomorrow? ♪

♪ Do you want me back ♪

♪ Or is this just a thing of the past? ♪

♪ Is it so hard to show what you feel? ♪

♪ Can't you understand
that I still care? ♪

♪ You've got to tell me
this love is real ♪

♪ Or are tears the only thing
we can share? ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

- Hi.
- Hi.

- I'm Squirrel Murphy.
- Georgette.

I suppose a fuck's
out of the question, huh?

Ask me when I'm in a better mood.


♪ Are you trying to tell me it's over? ♪

♪ Do you need me back? ♪



The air is so clean in the mountains.


It's just like back home.
“Where's home?

Bonners Ferry, Idaho.

Where the men are men
and the sheep are nervous.

Well, you would make me nervous.

A little excited maybe.

Let me buy you a drink.

Come on.

- He's cute.
- He is cute.

- I don't understand.
- I don't either.


To Dom Pérignon and the world cup.

Who's he?

A famous French skier.

I never heard of him.

♪ And I'm hungry like the wolf ♪

So, what happens now?

First we take off our clothes.

And then we fuck our brains out.

♪ Woman, you want me, give me a sign ♪'

♪ and catch my breathing
even closer behind ♪

♪ Do do do do do do do doo dododo dodo ♪

♪ In touch with the ground ♪

♪ I'm on the hunt down after you ♪

♪ Smell like I sound,
I'm lost in a crowd ♪

♪ And I'm hungry like the wolf ♪

♪ Straddle the line
in discord and rhyme ♪

♪ I'm on the hunt down after you ♪

♪ Mouth is alive with juices like wine ♪

♪ And I'm hungry like the wolf ♪

♪ Stalked in the forest
too close to hide ♪

♪ I'll be upon you by the moonlight side ♪

♪ Do do do do do do do doo dododo dodo ♪

♪ High blood drumming
on your skin it's so tight ♪ ♪

♪ You feel my heat,
I'm just a moment behind ♪

♪ Do do do do do do do doo dododo dodo ♪

♪ These are the words I say ♪

♪ When I want you near to me... ♪

Hey, who needs a dri... miss, could I...

Fergy, will you let the lady
sit down, please?

- Sure.
- What can I get you?

I don't know.

How 'bout something hot?


Uh, may I recommend my specialty,

the leg spreader.

It starts with a little vodka

and a touch of scotch.

You're gonna love this.

Then a little bit of Brandy.

This will pick you up.

A skosh of mother's Myers's rum.

Ooh, not enough.

And the blessings of a lemon twist.

Try that on for size.

♪ I'll be there,
the one to help you understand ♪

♪ If you wander far away... ♪

♪ I'll be there,
the one to wash your tears away... ♪

It's working.

Now that's a girl
I can take advantage of.

Now, Squirrel...

♪ I will be here for you, baby ♪

♪ Let me love you... ♪

I hope that's your leg.

♪ I will be here for you, baby ♪

♪ Let me love you... ♪

♪ These are the words I say ♪

♪ When I want you near to me... ♪

♪ I'm never far away... ♪

It feels very good, ja?

- Ah, hello.
- Excuse me.

Please, don't worry.
We are all friends here.

Oh, no. Be my guest.

I think you need some fluid.

Eh, little more.

Ja. No. Please, you finish.

You know, I'm very sorry

that we didn't get along so well
the first time that we met.

It was a long day
and I had a headache and...

I must apologize
for the way that I acted.

But I hope that you understand

that I'm really not such a bad guy.

Just... just relax.

That is why we are here.

Just relax.

♪ Let me love you ♪

♪ I wanna really, really love you ♪

Oh, man.

Oh, Dan, what happened?

I was mixing a drink and I hit a tree.

- Compound Spiral.
- Hey, Dan, you think, you know,

maybe I could use your skis
while you're laid up?

Well, it might not be that bad.
Let's party!

- Who wants a beer?
- Right here!


Hey, let's go!

Every day's a party.
Who wants a beer down there?

Well, look who's here, Mr. personality.

No kidding?

Hey, Rudi, have a beer on me.

Hey, little rookie...

Do you know what I had
for breakfast this morning?


Very clever, but no.

No, it was quite the feast, ja.

How do you say in your language,

I had sunny-side up
and I had sunny-side down.

And I had sunny-side all the way around.

You toad-sucking son of a bitch!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Don't worry.

I threw the little fish back
when I finished with her.

Rudi, you hit a new low this time.

You're hurting my feelings,
my good friend.

- Hey, Garn-shit.
- Garmischt.

Yeah, Garn-shit.

Why don't you ask the rookie here about
his bubble bath with Silvia last night?

- Ho-ho!
- That's right, Rudi.

You've been back-doored again,
but this time, right in the same house.

Yeah, you just ain't on
Silvia's top 40, shorty.

Ja, we will see you show-offs,
you comedians tonight, ja?

If you're not cowards.

And I especially hope that you,
little rookie,

won't be too shy to join us.

I'll be there.


Be where?

Rudi challenged us to
a broom ball match tonight at the arena.

All right.

Welcome, everybody,
to the first major event

of the FIS World Cup Competition
here in Squaw Valley, USA,

site of the 1960 Winter Olympic Games.

We're here on East Broadway

to see the finest
Freestyle skiers in the world

going for the gold in three events.

Ballet this afternoon, Moguls tomorrow,
and Aerials on Sunday.

Into the starting gate is...

- Good luck. Slasher. Go get 'em, buddy.
- Number 7, William "Slasher"

from Breckenridge, Colorado.

Curtis W.

Curtis, you can take
your starting position.

Take your starting position.

Take your starting position!

- Okay, okay.
- Why don't you turn that down?

Next up is number 101...

- R. Garmischt.
- Ja.

Good luck. Luck?

I don't need luck.

Take your starting position.

What a beautifully choreographed routine.

And now for the judge's score.

9.5, 9.3, 9.5, 9.2, 9.3.

That's today's best score.

All right, Banks, good luck to you.
You can take your starting position.

Thank you.

♪ Watching all the people down below ♪

♪ Is anybody happy? I don't know ♪

♪ You always keep me guessing... ♪

♪ All you have to do is stay with me ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ All you've got to do is hold on ♪

♪ Hold on, hold on, hold on ♪

♪ Hold on, hold on, hold on ♪

♪ Someday ♪

♪ Someone ♪

Yeah! Yeah!

♪ Someday ♪

♪ Someone, hold on ♪

That was Harkin Banks
with a beautiful first run

in the FIS World Cup.

Let's hear it for this newcomer
in his first International Competition.

Hey! My man! You did it!

- You did it!
- Whoo-hoo!

8.7, 8.6, 8.4, 8.6, 8.2.

You had the best run on the hill, man.

You got screwed.

- Where are you going?
- San Francisco.

It's time for me to move on.

Where were you last night?

You sure ask a lot of questions.

Well, I was worried.

- I'm sure.
- I was.

You were with Rudi, weren't you?

And what difference would it make?

What do you mean
"what difference would it make"?

And what were you doing
in the hot tub with Sylvia?

You surprised me, too, H.

- She gave me this stuff.
- Oh, that's bullshit!

- I didn't know what I was doing.
- Tell me about it.

- Don't forget your shampoo.
- It's already packed.


I think you should stay, sunny.

Here. Don't forget this.

Give it to your girlfriend,
miss plastic tits.



They look nervous.

- Yeah.
- Hey, guys, anything goes.

Take no prisoners.

- Squirrel?
- All right.

Mm, mm, mm.

I think we should spot them a couple
goals, what do you think, guys?

They're not gonna play serious, are they?

- No, I don't think so, no.
- Good.

You guys ready? Yeah!

You ready?

Okay, play hard, play fair,
and keep your sticks down.

Busy for dinner?

Out of the way!

You know something, guys?
I'm getting too old for this.

- Did you see that Garmischt blindside me?
- Yeah.

They were vicious, but we tried.

Hey, we were small, but we were slow.

Very funny.


- Yeah, next time.
- Yeah, next...

Next time we'll have uniforms.

- Yeah!
- Hey, you guys wanna go for a nightcap

- at the lone star?
- Oh, hey, listen, man.

We'll join you later.
Me and the kid, we got something to do.

This game's not over yet.

Let's show them
a little Irish hospitality.


He's gonna love this.

Son of a bitch.

Come on.

Ah, luck of the Irish.

- How'd you do that?
- It's my lock.

Come on.


Look what we found.

All right, guys, watch this.



Rat pack.


- Can I give you a hand with that?
- No, thanks. I got it.

- You sure?
- Yeah, sure.






Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!


I saw you fall.

Thought I could stop
and give you a few pointers.

Yeah, you got a couple!

So why don't you point 'em that way
and crawl out of my sight?!

Oh, you gotta learn to bend your knees.

Get your mama to bend her knees.
I don't have time.

That way you could suck up the bumps.

You do know how to do that, don't you?

Here, let me give you a hand.

I can see why Harkin likes you.

Oh, I get it. Switch-hitter.

First Harkin and now me.

You really are a sicko, lady.

Maybe you and Harkin and...
We could all get together later.

Harkin can do
whatever the hell he pleases.

All I was doing was having
a little fun with him.

You can have him back.

Ooh, if I could only ski,
I would take this pole...

If you get bored with Harkin,
send him over later on.

I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.

Oh, so do I, bitch!

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Mogul Competition.

The second event of
this Championship Weekend.

After the Ballet Competition,

Rudolph Garmischt of Austria
is in first place.

Followed by Werner Bleiner
of West Germany in second.

Heinz Hartmann of Austria in third.

Kendo Yamamoto of Japan
in fourth position.

And newcomer Harkin Banks
of the United States in fifth place.

Right behind Banks in sixth
is Dan O'Callahan of the U.S.

I'm after Rudi.
The luck of the draw.

It's a tough act to follow,

but if you ski like you did
when you qualified,

you could be the kid we're looking for.

And now the current World Champion,

Rudi Garmischt to the starting gate.

Garmischt, any time you're ready, eh?

Just a moment.

A spectacular run by Rudi Garmischt!

In a moment, the judges' score...

The one thing about Rudi, he sure can ski.

9.8, 9.7, 9.9, 10.

A total of 49.1!

He might of been great once.
He wasn't that good today.

Kid, let me tell you something.

He didn't win the world cup
three years in a row because he's bad.

Next up is Harkin Banks, number 149.

Go get 'em, kid.

Hey, Banks, nice run on Ballet
the other day, huh?

- Thank you.
- Yeah, it's all right.

Well, any time you're ready now.
Good luck.

All right.

Yeah! All right!

You did it!

Harkin Banks... a beautiful run

in his first International Competition!

All right!

Here come the judges' scores.

7.8, 8.3,

9.0, 8.0, 7.9.

For a total of 41.0.

- Come on!
- What's the matter with you guys?!

- You suck!
- Squirrel...

♪ just when you think you got it all ♪

♪ It's taken from your hand ♪

♪ And when you feel you'll never fall ♪

♪ If you don't crash,
you land on the floor ♪

♪ Still you're going back for more ♪

♪ Only the racer understands ♪

♪ If I'm missing you then soon ♪

♪ I'll be bringing down the moon ♪

♪ Turning midnight into noon
to keep you here ♪

♪ If I'm missing you then soon ♪

♪ I'll be bringing down the moon ♪

♪ Turning midnight into noon
to keep you here ♪

Any requests? Yes.

Right here.

I know that one.

Attention, please.

Will all finalists in the Aerials

please report to the top
of the jump immediately?

Competition will begin in 30 minutes.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, guys, only four seats
per gondola.

So someone's gonna
have to ride by himself.

Let's throw one or two fingers...

See who stays behind. You ready?

One... two... three.

Oh! Sorry, Squirrel.

Come on, guys.

Best two out of three?



What's your name?


That's cute.

- What's yours?
- Vicky.

You missed a spot.

What, here?


You never know where
you're gonna get burned.

You don't wanna miss any spots.

No, you sure don't.

Oh, Squirrel, all right!

All right, Squirrel.

Welcome, everybody.

As we go into the final event
of this FIS World Cup

Rudolph Garmischt is in first place.

Harkin Banks in second.

Heinz Hartmann in third position.

Kendo Yamamoto in fourth.

And in fifth place,
in a surprise return to form,

Squaw Valley's favorite freestyler,
Dan O'Callahan.

Ah, Mr. Yamamoto.

How are you?

Good. Good.
So, what jump have you got for us today?

All right.

Yeah, we got Yamamoto ready.

He's gonna throw a Si-ah...
Sus... uh, Mitz... Susi... Mitubis...

Ya ma...

Did you get that?

That's close enough.

Okay. All set?

You can go.

♪ Watching all the people down below ♪

♪ Is anybody happy? I don't know ♪

♪ You always keep me guessing,
don't you see? ♪

♪ All you have to do is stay with me ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ All you've got to do is hold on ♪

♪ Hold on, hold on, hold on ♪

♪ Hold on, hold on, hold on ♪

♪ Hold on, hold on, hold on ♪

♪ Hold on, hold on, hold on ♪

♪ Do you really hear me calling you? ♪

♪ I got to know where I stand with you ♪

♪ I'm up in the air, baby,
don't you see? ♪

♪ I just want to feel you next to me ♪

♪ All night long ♪

A beautiful jump by Harkin Banks.

That's going to put him within striking
distance of Rudi Garmischt.

All right.

- Pressure's on, Rudi.
- Ladies and gentlemen,

we are now down to the last
two jumps of the day.

The results of these jumps will determine
the overall FIS World Cup Champion.

Well, kinda looks like you got your work
cut out for you today, huh, Rudi?

I have nothing to worry about.

What's your pleasure?

A lay, tuck, tuck, triple.


Yeah, we've got Garmischt all set.

He's throwing a triple.

A lay, tuck, tuck, triple.


Okay, Rudi, you can go any time.

♪ Someday ♪

♪ Someone ♪

♪ Someday ♪

♪ Some... ♪

That was Rudi Garmischt
with a spectacularly executed triple jump.

Not bad.

No shit.

9.8, 9.9, 9.8, a 10, and 9.9.

It's going to be hard to beat that one.

For a total of 49.4.

What's this kiss-ass blaster?

It's my jump.

Yeah, well, I gotta know what it is
before I can let you go down.

It's a twist and triple.

A twist and triple?

I've never seen one of those before.
Are you qualified for that?

Well, I'm gonna do it.

Okay. Good luck.


Let's hear it for Harkin Banks.

A beautiful triple by this exciting
newcomer from Bonners Ferry, Idaho.

- Hey, look at that!
- The judges scores 9.7,

9.8, 9.9, 9.3, and a 9.8.

That makes Rudolph Garmischt
All-Around World Champion

with a clean sweep of all events.

Second Overall is Harkin Banks
in his first FIS Competition.

Hey, Rudi!

How's it feel to win and be second best?

Hey! Come back here, you goddamn coward!

We win the trophy!

Cut it out!

You know something, Rudi?

I think it's time we settled this
once and for all.

Hey, Squirrel, spot me $50.


Make it 40.

Chinese Downhill. 40 bucks a man.

Winner takes all.

Ja. It is the only way.

Chinese Downhill.

Oh, and, uh, Rudi,

bring the trophy, huh?

I think it should go to
the real Champion.

I am the Champion.

But the Chinese Downhill
will decide everything.

Ja. It is agreed.

Chinese Downhill.

What does a-fuck-a is a Chinese-a Downhill?

Whoo... good luck, kid.

See you at the bottom.

Oh, boy.

All right, listen up, everybody!

And now for the rules of
the International Chinese Downhill...

There are none!

It's every man for himself!

Anything goes!

The first man to cross the finish line
and grab the trophy wins the Downhill!

And the winner takes all!

2,300 bucks!

Everybody, on your marks, get set...

Out of the way!




Watch out!


Catch an edge.

Beware, Harkin Banks!

We will meet again.

In Hot Dog 2.

Yeah, you got it, Rudi.

You got it.

♪ Nothing feels quite like
the top of the hill ♪

♪ Don't you try to catch me,
you never will ♪

♪ I want it now, I want it fast ♪

♪ Baby, don't you mind ♪

♪ You don't keep up, you won't catch up ♪

♪ I'm gonna leave you behind ♪

♪ Love starts at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ 'Cause love starts
at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ Got to have that feeling
all the way down ♪

♪ Twist and turn,
going 'round and around ♪

♪ I want it now, I want it fast ♪

♪ Baby, don't you see? ♪

♪ You don't start up,
you won't catch up ♪

♪ That's the way it's gonna be ♪

♪ Love starts at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ 'Cause love starts at the top of hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ I want it now, I want it good ♪

♪ Baby, don't you care? ♪

♪ You made me wait, you make me late ♪

♪ I'll leave you up in the air ♪

♪ Love starts at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ Love starts at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ I want it now, I want it good ♪

♪ Baby, don't you care? ♪

♪ You made me wait, you make me late ♪

♪ I'll leave you up in the air ♪

♪ Love starts at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪

♪ Love starts at the top of the hill ♪

♪ The top of the hill, yeah ♪

♪ The top of the hill ♪