High Hopes (2006) - full transcript

♪ I had a dream
about Josef Stalin ♪

♪ was his son
calling out of Moscow ♪

♪ hauling out of Moscow ♪

♪ the jelly king lives ♪

♪ there is one
thing we have in common ♪

♪ it's the torture of ♪

♪ you stand there
you must have been ♪

♪ we're children
no more, no more ♪

♪ no more, no more, no more ♪

♪ the ozone I can get ♪

♪ I'm getting
sunshine on my lips ♪



♪ call me
a social disaster ♪

♪ just kill
me coming after ♪

♪ got my visene
got my [inaudible] ♪

♪ Got my [inaudible] ♪

♪ Got my underwater [inaudible]
filled with energy ♪

♪ to get me
through this trip ♪

[ ♪ ♪ ♪ ]

♪ Got my visene
got my [inaudible] ♪

Excuse me,

I'm looking for
James Bond.

Do you know where
I might find him?

[Sighs]

Excuse me,

I'm looking for James Bond.



James Bond.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Do you know where
I might find him?

Excuse me,
I'm looking for James Bond.

I'm looking for James Bond.

(Woman):
Tom Murphy?

Yes.

Obviously Sean
Connery is playing

the role of
James Bond.
Yeah.

You're reading for
the part of the freshman.

We're just doing scene one.

Any questions?

Uh... no, I
think I'm ready.

Okay, let's see

how it goes.

Ha!

Ha-ha.

Ha!

Ha!

Ha...

[Clearing
throat]

Excuse me,

I'm looking for James Bond.

Do you know where
I might find him?

I'm bond, James Bond.

Who might you be?

I'm stone, Jack stone.

Double o-9,
it's nice to meet you.

Oh yes, they call
you the freshman.

I don't know
how to tell you this,

so I'm just going to
come right out and say it.

I'm your replacement.

We'll see about that.

Hmm, well I've been preparing

for this my whole life.

That was
really good.

We'll let you know.

We'll call you.

Hmm.

Thank you so much.

Cheers.

Great to meet you.

Bye-bye.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

How much
is it, 60?

You know it is.

You two come
here every week,

and ask the same dumb
questions, man.

Sorry, guess
it's the pot.

Goddamn right it is.

Where's the money?

Now piss off.

[Sighs]

It's great Tom.

(Tom):
Mm-hmm.

I really hope
you get the part.

Then we could
both be movie stars.

Oh I hope so.

Man, it will
be so cool

to be in a
James Bond movie.

Listen,

Tom...

I'm just really,
really busy

with work right now.

And...

I--

have to be out of
town a lot this summer.

Mm-hmm.

And...

I guess what
I'm saying is...

I can't see you any more.

Wait a minute...

Whoa.

Are you breaking
up with me?

I thought we were just
starting to connect.

You were my best
friend and my lover.

I'm losing the two
people closest to me.

Do you have any idea

how difficult
this is for me?

Oh my god, you're
Morgan Ryan, right?

Yes.

Can I please
have your autograph?

You're my
favourite actress.

Yes.

[Laughing]

Oh my god.

Thank you.

You're so cute.

Of course,
adorable.

Hi.

Thank you --

what's your name?

Rebecca.

Rebecca,

you have a good day.

Take care.

[Laughing]

Oh...

[Clearing throat]

I can't believe that
you're doing this.

I thought for sure--

Tom, you shouldn't think,

don't think.

I'm doing what's
best for both of US.

Oh.

Well...

Uh...

You've always done
whatever you want.

I suppose that
you always will.

That's right, Tom.

I will always
do what I want,

because I am
the boss of me.

Now I'm going to
need the keys back.

What about
the script, huh?

What about the movie?

I mean I thought
that we were

going to do
a movie together.

Oh my god, that thing with
your stupid roommates?

Tom, I can't.

Morgan... there is
not a chance in hell,

we are going to be
able to get the money

to make that movie
without you in it.

Tom, I haven't
even read it.

Besides, your
roommates are losers.

And I'm doing a movie
in Prague with Matt Damon.

Right, I've got to go.

We'll talk soon, right?

Oh, the keys.

Of course.

Thank you.

Shit.

Your check, sir.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

[Car horn honking]

Tommy boy, just
found a roach.

And Jesus Christ,
our lord and saviour,

told Noah
to build an ark,

collect two of
every kind of bud,

don't work for
40 days and 40 nights.

Get high,
play video games.

[Sighs]

Man, after
the day I've had,

I might just join you
on that ark, my friend.

Let's do it, man.

[Telephone rings]

[Answering machine beeping]

(Tom): [On answering machine]
It's Tom beneque,

you know the drill.

(Ben): Dude, it's Ben, you
still picking me up tonight?

I'm on American 318
from jfk, landing at 7:30.

All right, leave me a message
on my cell if you can't.

Otherwise--

great.

Completely forgot.

Hey listen,
I'll take a ride

we can pick Ben up,

and hit that
Cuban place afterwards.

Oh whatever.

Yeah,
what's wrong?

Morgan dumped me.

So it's not as if you
were in love with her.

Sorry, man, listen,
I know you liked her,

but you weren't
together that long.

Listen, I've been
there a few times.

Dude, there's plenty
of fish out there, Tom,

you know what I mean?

Here.

Look, she's a
bad actress anyway.

Did you drink some of this?

No -- okay,
yes, yes I did.

Oh whatever.
You know...

Perhaps a chink
in my armour

makes me more
attractive to another.

What is that, is that--

a Swahili accent?

Is that Australian?

You know,
it's like a Nick.

You know you
get hit with a sword...

Get out of here.

Chink...

What?

You know, you guys can
stop staring at him, okay?

He's not a mutant.

Well Ben, I've never
met a deaf-mute before.

He can see
my lips moving,

but can't understand
a word I'm saying.

Kind of makes
me feel bad.

So your girlfriend
had a brother

and you had no idea.

That's pretty
wrong, sir.

I don't know,
I mean it's not like

we're completely
honest with each other.

It's not like she knows
I covet other women.

Maybe we're even.

Why don't you just call
it for what it is, man,

you cheat.

Ready to order?

Yeah, uh, three
garlic chickens

with rice and beans,

three drafts,
and the boy?

Uh, add a garlic
chicken and a coke.

Thank you.

It will be out shortly.

Gracias.

So uh...
What the hell

was he doing in
New York anyway?

Cindy said
he participated

in some kind of
intensive clinical trial,

and was too drugged
up to travel, so...

And she didn't tell
you he was retarded?

He's not retarded,
all right?

He looks retarded.

He's in a severe
catatonic state.

Apparently it's
a side effect

of the drugs they
tested on him.

Drugs, does he
have any in his bag?

You know, can--

please change
the subject, please.

Now why are you
staring at me?

We've known each
other a long time.

I've always admired
your sense of integrity.

Really.

Honestly, man,

that's why I think
you're a good writer,

you-- you really
understand people,

you see down to
the core of them.

Don't do one of your,

dancing around the truth
epic monologues, what's up?

All right,
fine, look,

I know that we were
pinning our dreams

of Hollywood success
on my girlfriend,

but unfortunately Ben--

Morgan dumped his ass.

Thanks.

What-- what
about the movie?

Oh no, I'll be
fine, really.

I mean it only hurts
a little, seriously.

I'm sorry,

I really am, it was

the perfect
opportunity, you know.

She doesn't care,

she's doing a movie
with Matt Damon.

Matt Damon is a hack.

No he's not.
Yes he is.

He's not.

Didn't you
see school ties?

Could you find
an older reference?

A good movie.

He's a hack.

Was this under
a heat lamp?

Because that was
extremely fast.

Is it okay if
I talk now?

What, you don't like
watching me eat?

No, no, no,
of course I do.

I think it's great,
it's just that i'm--

it's just that
I thought that--

you know--

that you-- that you
wanted to talk to me

about something.

I need you to
watch something for me.

For just a little while.

What is it?

$2.5 million

worth of
government weed.

It's called m-100.

I heard about
this stuff in rehab.

Dealing's
just my day job.

Really, I'm opening
up a day care centre.

And I have to pass
state inspection.

You know, a big
bag of stolen weed

would not
look good for me.

No.

Where did
you get it?
Never mind.

No.

You just watch it.

Yeah.

And rocko,

if you lose it,
I'll kill you.

If you smoke it,
I'll kill you twice.

And if you deal it,

I'll hunt you down,

scoop your eyes
out with a spoon, feed

them to a parrot,
kill you 3 times.

That's how crazy I am.

Cool, um...

All right now...

Skedaddle.

Hey, hey, rocko!

Know that guy?
It's my
weed connect.

Hey, guys...

I have something.

I was going to wait

until we got home,

but in light
of the recent

dumping
and whatnot,

[clearing throat]

Wow.

Sweet.

Wow, that is really cool,
what an accomplishment.

Thank you.

Hey, this
deserves a toast.

To Ben.

Hey.

Oh, and to Tom

for that kick ass
bond audition.

That's right.

Hmm.

And hey, Ben?

We're smart,
we'll figure out

how to make this
film I promise you.

I know,
man, I know.

Please, come on.

You know it's--

where the hell is it?

Thank god.

(Answering machine):
... leave a message--

come on, you're
supposed to be home.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Mcmann,

it's me, it's Ben.

Um, I've got Wendell here,

and I'm hoping you can
come and pick him up

as soon as possible

so uh, please call me as soon
as you get the message.

Okay, thanks.

How the hell
did you open that?

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Hey!

I'm in the running!

I'm in the running!

[Laughing]

Oh my--

I mean--

simmer down, man, what
are you talking about?

The James Bond film
with Sean Connery.

Marty just called me.

Who?

Marty, my manager Marty.

I mean Connery obviously
has final approval,

but everybody
loved my tape,

they loved it.

I can't believe it.

He gets to pick?

Of course he does,
he's the star.

He's super important,

I mean he gets
final casting approval

of whoever gets
the part, period.

Ah...

That's why
there's so many

fine babes in the
bond movies, man,

because he gets
to pick them all.

You know what
the problem is?

I'm a complete unknown.

I mean they've got
a list a mile long,

the who's who
in Hollywood.

I saw it myself.

Ah, I tell you,
if I could meet

one Scottish spy,
it would be him.

Ha -- who am
I kidding, dude?

I don't
have a chance.

I don't have
a chance in hell.

Oh, this is pathetic.

If I knew that bastard, I
would call him right now,

and I would have him
seal the deal myself.

Why don't you
call Arnie?

Welcome to the rock.

God, I'm good.

[Laughing]

[Laughter]

You know, have
him call uh...

Uh, someone.

A bit partial, but
I think I get it.

I'm with you.

That's a great idea.

Q, that's a great
idea, you're a genius.

You're a
bloody genius.

All right, I'm going
to go to Arnie's.

I'll be back.

Who's Arnie?

[♪ ♪ ♪]

[Knocking]

Who is it?

[Knocking]

What?!

[Knocking]

You're ruining my
Serenity, douche.

I really
need your help.

What's up?

I'm up for
a huge part

in the new bond film.

Right, that audition.

It must have
gone well, huh?

I could possibly be,
Jack stone, the freshman.

And I'm not kidding.

Oh...

That's like being
the next Batman,

only it's not Batman.

Hey, this is not
a joke, Arnie.

I didn't say
it was, Tom.

So look, I was
thinking, um...

Hey.
Yeah.

Arnie.
Uh-huh?

Arnie, listen to me.

Yeah, what's up?

Arnie.
What?

Arnie!
What do you want?

Ow!

Listen to me.

I really want that
part, so what I want

you to do is call
Sean Connery's agent

and pretend to
be Sean Connery,

with that really,
really good

Connery voice you do,

and tell his agent
to call the studio

and tell them
that you want me

for the part
of the freshman.

Ow.

Now, I don't know
who his agent is,

but it's a
small town,

and I'm sure that
we can figure it out.

Even if I did,
Tom, what would I say?

Ow-ow-ow-ow...

I don't know.

But we have to call him
first thing in the morning,

they're sending my tape
to the studio in the afternoon.

So we have to call them
before they call him.

You follow me?

So you want me to
call his agent and say what?

I'm jumping ship

if Tom Murphy
doesn't get

the role of Jack stone?

Yeah, something like that.

I want Tom Murphy
to play this freshman,

or I'll never
work with you again.

I'm too old for this crap,

so don't argue because
I might have a heart attack.

Nice.

This could be
really, really good,

or it could be
really, really bad.

Either way, I'll do it.

Thank you.

Would you like
a beer, young lad?

Come on, man,
just put it on my tab.

[Murmuring]

[Telephone rings]

Jesus.

Hello.

Where the hell
have you been?

My brother better have

a regular body
temperature and no stds.

Cindy, relax, please.

Don't tell
me to relax.

Wendell is fine.

He better be.

Are you going to
apologise to me?

For what?

You promised
me you would

come to this
lame wedding.

Of course i'm
the only one

here sans companion.

That's French,
Ben, for free,

without, had,
with no date.

You knew I was going
out of town, okay?

You knew I was going to
New York to finish the script.

I can't concentrate
here with the guys around.

You can't go to
a Starbucks, Ben?

You had to go all the
way across the country

to write a
stupid script?

Yeah, and if I hadn't
gone to New York, Cindy,

who would have brought
your brother home?

Right, of course, Ben,
you're always right.

Listen, I need to tell
you that my parents

had some sort of
family emergency,

and they won't be
home until Sunday.

No, whoa, you've
got to be kidding.

I don't know how to
take care of Wendell.

All you've got to do
is keep an eye on him.

I mean he's just an
over-medicated mute,

he's not a retard.

Cindy, do not do
this to me, okay?

You know, I have a lot
of work to do this weekend.

Oh really,
Ben, like what?

Let's see, destroying
your liver?

Yeah, that's
what I thought.

Listen, just keep Wendell
away from your friends.

I don't trust them.

Pain in the ass.

And make sure you tell
them you're going on vacation,

and you don't want to
be bothered no matter what.

So I say that to the
assistant or to the agent?

The agent.

What are you
guys doing?

We're calling
Sean Connery's agent.

For what?

Not for that part.

You've got to
be kidding me, right?

A phony phone call
won't hurt anybody,

sit down.

Tom, this is
a small town.

You'll be blacklisted
if somebody finds out.

I have to do this.

I really want that part.

You need serious
medical attention.

And I know he does.

Ahh...

Okay, I'm ready.

(Woman): Patrick
Bradley's office.

Yes, hi, dear,
it's Sean Connery.

I'd like to speak
with my agent.

Of course, Mr. Connery,
I'll put you right through.

Thank you, dear.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Oh, did you put
the phone on uh...

Caller block, that
caller block thing.

Of course I did,
now shut up.

Will you putt,
you beatch?

Quiet.

The hole
doesn't move.

You know what, your
hole is going to move.

Your hole is going to move

right down the green
if you don't let me...

Just please have Patience.

Swing.

You know,
that's why you suck.

You've got
these expensive clubs,

and you don't know
how to play.

Have Patience,
and let me relax.

If I'm not relaxed,
I won't make this shot.

Golf is
not relaxing.

That's what it's about,

it's about Patience
and relaxation.

It's about
concentration.

Yes, it's about
concentration,

and it's about Patience,
and it's about relaxation.

Thank you very much,
now I'm very relaxed.

Damn it.
Sorry.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

[Telephone rings]

Oh damn it.

Hold this.

Patrick Bradley.

(Ben): Patrick,
it's Sean.

It's Connery, i--

yeah, no I was
going to call you.

What is my
illustrious agent doing

that he's not
in the office?

My wife
is having a baby,

so I thought I'd come out
here and shoot a few holes

until that whole
messy part is over with,

if you know what I mean.

Have you ever seen
little baby come out of a woman?

It's not pretty.

In fact it's
quite disgusting.

Hey, what
can I do you for?

I'm calling about my film
and the role of the freshman.

Good, yes, um,
have you seen the tapes?

There's no need.

I want Tom Murphy.

Who?

Who's uh--
say that name again?

Tom Murphy.

Well he's only
the best damn young

fine strapping actor
I've ever laid eyes on.

Dude, take it easy.

Blacklisted...

Yes, Tom Murphy,

he's the one.

Listen, this is
your return as bond.

I mean do you want a no name--

listen to me, and listen
to me good, Patrick.

I am James Bond.

I don't need to
use celebrities

to sell tickets
to my movies,

and if they cast
an actual bag

of dog shit
as the freshman,

the movie will
still be a hit.

Okay, good, yeah, fine.

I'm on it, I'm calling
the studio right now.

If that's what you want,

if you want a no-name bag of
dog shit, as your replacement,

then that's
what I'll do for you.

Don't mince my
words, Patrick,

I hate it when
you do that.

I'm sorry, I apologise.

And Patrick?

Yes.

Don't call me, i'm
about to go snorkeling.

And I won't be
coming up for air.

That's how good I am.

I don't even
know what that means.

I'm on holiday,

so don't bother me
until I bother you.

Okay, bye?

Well?

What happened?

I think it's
taken care of.

Apparently he's calling
the studio right now.

[Sighs]

I'm glad I
could help.

Uh, I've got to go,
I've got a colonic at 10.

God, I wish
I could be there

to hear that phone call.

Damn it.

Hello?

Oh, Mr. Lewis, thank you
so much for taking my call.

I know how busy
you can be.

Shut your yap and
cut to the chase.

Has Sean made
a decision yet?

Yes he has,
Tom Murphy.

Who?

He's a young
up and comer.

He's no bag
of dog shit.

Okay...

Um, he's a strapping
fine young man.

I've no idea
what you just said.

All I got
was Tom Murphy.

Is that right?

Tom Murphy,
yes, sir.

If that's what
the old man wants,

that's what
the old man gets.

I'm busy, no time for
dilly-dallying, goodbye.

Well I understand
that, that's why i--

hello?

Hello?

Why is everybody
hanging up on me?

Who was that?

Doesn't matter.

Uh, my client is
a little disoriented,

and he wants a
no-name dipshit in his movie.

Gary Coleman.

No.

Dabney Coleman.

No.

Colin Powell.

Please.

Tom Murphy.

Who the hell
is Tom Murphy?
Exactly.

Got-- oh crap sticks.

You're like a
retarded old woman.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

I just want to know what
you're going to do

when you get on set
and Connery is like,

who the hell
is this guy?

I didn't hire him.
Nothing.

I figure by the
time shooting starts,

he'll think the
studio hired me,

and he won't
question it.

Oh yeah?

I mean how do
you figure that?

Because I'm going to
throw out some quotes

from darby o'glynn
and the little people.

Plus, man, I think we
might really hit it off.

Seriously.

[Telephone rings]

Marty.

Ooh shit.

Hey, Ben.

Hey.

I just thought I'd do
the old drop by uninvited.

As usual...

What's happening?

Nothing.

Who is this mess?

That's Cindy's
little brother.

Oh.

I'm watching him
for the weekend.

He's a deaf mute.

I never met

a deaf mute before.

He's kind of cute.

[Tom laughing]

You got it.

I got the part!

[Laughing]

Guys, what's going on?

Tom just broke the lead

opposite Sean Connery

in the new
James Bond flick.

Isn't he the old
James Bond, though?

Yes, yes, they're
bringing him back.

It's kind of like his
final farewell tour.

That's so exciting,
you and Morgan are going to be

like the next Brad and Jen.

Or Ben and Jen -- bennifer.

Brenifer.

Carly, they broke up.

Oh my god.

Tom, I'm so sorry.

Oh you must be
so distraught.

Look, I met
her in line

buying a ticket
to her own movie.

Should have been a big red
flag right there.

Carly, um...

What are you doing?

Come on, you're getting
product in my eye.

Would you stop?

Carly, just stop
it, stop it.

Hey, did Ben tell you
he wrote a screenplay?

It's amazing.

It's amazing, really,
it's an ensemble.

That's so cool.

I always told you, you
were like the writer type.

Yeah, yeah, I
am a writer, Carly.

See how smart I am?

Mm-hmm.

I bet it's
really good.

I'd love to be
in it if I could.

Yeah, well we'll--

we'll see
what we can do.

Uh, Carly,

going out tonight?

Of course.

You guys should come.

We're going
to club 20.

Wait a minute,
uh, who is we?

My cute friend
from back home.

You might like her,
she's really nice, too.

[Pager beeping]

Oh, I am blowing up,
I've gots to go.

Who carries
a pager any more?

(Reporter): Good evening,

murder in
the southland tonight.

Miguel torez, known
on the streets as shady,

and his associate,
only known as big Joe,

were shot to death
early yesterday morning.

Witnesses say that an argument

over a parking space escalated,

they were killed
at point blank range.

Police have yet
to find any leads.

We now go to Miriam Hernandez
who is on the scene.

I tell you, what's
this world coming to?

Rocko, what's up, man?

I'm going out tonight,

I wanted to see if I could
come by for that pickup.

Word, see you soon.

Bye.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Wendell, I'd invite
you out with US tonight,

but if anything happened,
your sister would kill me.

She'd start by telling me
how irresponsible I am,

she can't trust me

and that's why our
relationship is going nowhere.

Then she'd get physical.

She'd slap me
across the face

like I was a
freaking stepchild.

Yo-- got to go.

I know, just--

now Wendell, I'm going
to lock you in here, okay?

But don't worry,

because you've got all
the essentials you need.

Okay, look, we've
got some food,

we've got some water,
we've got some--

uh, and uh, just
in case of emergency,

we've got--

[alarm blowing]

Okay?

So please,
look over here.

Uh-uh-uh--

in case of
emergency, emergency.

Now listen, please,
don't do anything, okay?

Please, I'm begging you
for the love of god,

don't move,
just stay, okay?

Stay...

Stay.

Stay.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

[Alarm blowing]

[♪ ♪ ♪]

[Drill whirring]

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Ahh....

[Laughing]

[Inaudible]

Eenie-meenie-miney-mo,

pin the tail on,
pot you go.

Oh yeah.

You win.

I win.

[Sniffing]

Should I just
grab a bag?

Do you want a bag?

Yeah.

There you go.

What's in the case?

Nothing for you.

Come on.

No, no.

Let me just--

dude,

dude, come on.

Come on, man,
just one look.

All right,
whatever, dude.

Whoa.

Sm-100, dude,
the most potent,

expensive weed
on the planet.

You got this
the other night

from the Cuban place.

How did you
know that?

I was there,
I seen you.

You know that guy you
were with, he's dead.

I seen him
on the news.

Yeah, I saw
that, too.

Crazy.

So does that mean you
get to keep all of this --

it's yours?

No, I mean--

I mean, yeah.

It was a
gift anyway.

Well I don't
want that crap.

Give me some of
this good stuff.

That will be,
like 200 though.

Are you crazy?

Look, this is
genetically engineered

government
issued weed, dude.

I mean the
street value alone

has got to be
like, 2.5 mill.

Seriously?

Serious.

200.

All right, but throw
it on my tab again?

You know I'm good
for it, come on.

Man.

You better have it
for me by next week.

Oh, this is--
definitely--

peace.

Peace.

Don't worry, baby,
I'll keep you safe.

What about
Steve irwin?

The goddamn
crocodile hunter?

I was trying to think
of people we know.

I did rewrites
on his show.

Yeah, man,
chicks dig him,

that's a really
good call.

Good thinking.

If we want money,
we need a name.

It's not going to
be the crocodile hunter,

and don't even think
about Morgan, all right?

Not a chance.

Hey, dude,
is Arnie coming tonight?

I've already
told you

Arnie's coming
tonight, twice.

You need to lay
off the chronic.
Seriously.

What about you?

Can you get US
some money now?

I'm nowhere near
being a celebrity.

After the bond,
things will be different.

That's possible, but
that's over a year from now.

You want to wait
that long? I don't.

No, I guess not.

I have an idea how we
could make some dough.

[Laughing]

I'm sorry, man,
I'm sorry.

Seriously, I want
to hear this.

What is it that single
brain cell you have left

finally come
up with?

(Ben): Come on,
let's hear it.

Hear what?

The plan...

To come up with the
money for the movie.

Right, listen, you're
going to love this.

Rocko has this bud,

and the guy
who gave it to him

is dead, I saw
it on the news.

Um... what the hell
are you talking about?

I'm talking about

$2.5 million
in stolen government weed.

No such thing
as government weed.

There
is, actually.

It's used
for medical purposes.

Seriously.
Really?

So what are you suggesting,

that you're going to
sell the pot

and use the money
to make the movie?

No, no, that's your do.

Wait a minute,
now, excuse me,

but I'm not a pot dealer
and I'm not a thief, so...

We get someone else to sell,

and we, you know,
keep the cash.

Whoa-whoa, Tom.

I mean you
can't possibly think

that's a good idea, right?

Dude, I think
you can get a way

to pull this off, man,
you just scammed a studio

into casting you
opposite Sean Connery.

Guys, please, get real.

We're busted,
we go to prison.

Don't want to end
up somebody's wife.

It's a bad idea,
q, forget it.

It's stupid.

I really want to
make that movie.

So do I, but I'm not
risking going to jail

to do it, no way.

Impossible dreams
call for impossible plans.

It's the accessory
quote, man.

You should work for
them, get money that way.

I--

oh, Carly's here.

Hey, guys,
this is Julie.

Hi.

She just moved
here from back home,

so be nice.

First order
of business...

Cocktails!

Brb.

Brb, what?

Be right
back, silly.

[Laughing]

I'm Tom,

nice to
meet you.

This is Ben.

Nice to meet you.

Quebert.

Like the video game.

The very one.

Isn't that like,
20 years old?

In some countries.

Here, please,
sit down.

Yeah, by
all means.

Very nice,
thank you.

So, I'm sure you've been
asked this a dozen times,

what are you doing
in Los Angeles?

Um, I'd like to be
a porno actress.

And I say actress

because I want to
bring the craft...

Back to
pornographic films.

Really?
The passion.

Really?

No, I want to
be a director.

Listen, you don't have
to lie just to kick in.

Listen, i'm
going to go.

Careful out there.

Don't mind him,
he's uh...

So, Ben,

I have some ideas

about my part
in your movie.

Well my movie

is just a script
right now, but--

I'd be super-mysterious.

Cut to me,

nude in the
grocery store.

Stalking this bag boy
who's supposed to love me.

Suddenly he
tries to kill me

in the frozen
food section.

[Gasps]

But I tie him up.

With what, I haven't
figured out yet.

But then...
Then we make love

on top of
frozen sirloin.

[Laughing]

Carly, that--

oh, peas, I
meant to say peas.

Oh, okay, we'll
see what we

can work out
when we get there.

Peas is good.

Julie, mind
if I go mingle?

No, go ahead.
Please.

Holy shit.

So choking,
biting, spanking,

these are
things I'm into.

Yourself?

No?

Come on.

Excuse me,

I'm a producer,
and you are?

It's okay,
I'm Billy.

I just moved here,
my daddy never loved me.

I'm Arnie, and
I want to comfort you.

Is this your friend?

Bobby, this
is Arnie.

Hi.

You're both
named after men.

Yeah, our daddy was
hoping we would be boys.

But we weren't.

Hmm... sisters.

Oh... can I buy
you ladies a drink?

Sure.

I'm going to use
the powder room.

Please, okay.

So obviously because
you're ignoring me,

the golden shower is
out of the question?

You don't
want to kiss?

Come on, just
give me a chance.

I've got an 8 inch.

We should make
out right now.

I love Roman
face masks.

Are you into
69 -- ever?

I know we don't
know each other well,

but can I get your
number at least?

So I'm originally
from Montana,

and I just graduated
from nyu film school,

and I thought, make
the move, time to go.

I'm sorry, i'm
talking too much.

No, no.

I do that when
I get nervous.

It's very
impressive.

Um...

Do you want to take
this back to the crib?

Yeah, cool.

Do you want to join US?

Carly is definitely
going to be there.

Yo, q,
let's go, homes.
Okay.

Yeah?

Oh my g--

you were so good in
prom night massacre.

Excuse me, do
you matter to me?

Guess not.

No, probably not.

Then step off.

It's all right,
Julie, I'll--

in a second.

Small world.

Been a while, huh?

Oh yes, all
of three days.

Hmm, so I hear
you got the bond gig.

That's great.

You'll be like,

the new low rent
Matt Damon in no time.

[Laughter]

Kind of like that

pimp you're with.

Excuse me?

Were uh...

You just
referring to me?

No, I mean
seriously, I just--

she's my uh, ex,

and I just got
a little mouthy.

I don't--
I really didn't--

I start a movie
really soon,

and it's a
really big part.

And i--
I just really,

please, I
didn't mean it.

Hm...

I didn't think so.

Thank you.

He's a producer.

And you might
want to be

a little nicer to me

if you want me
to be in your movie.

I don't.

Forget about him.

What was it you were
producing again?

Everything, babe.

Oh.

[Indistinct conversation]

Get the drinks, baby,

I've got to go
check on Wendell.

Oh, that's my hand.

Wendell!

Wendell's not in my
room, where is he?

Relax, man, don't
freak, you'll find him.

Wendell!

He can't hear you, Ben.

Wendell!

Wendell,
wend-- Jesus,

Wendell.

You scared
the crap out of me.

Someone's got
the right idea.

This kid's
driving me crazy.

How is it?

Here you go.

Come in
with me, Ben.

I've got to get
him out of here.

He's fine,
don't worry.

Mutes take
baths, too.

Be right back,

I'm going to go
inside for a second.

I can come with you,
I can go inside.

I'm just going...

Sure, come on.

Seriously, Ben,
it will be okay.

Holy moley.

Oh, all right.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Ooh-- all right.

Let's go.

Okay, ladies,

here I come.

I love taking

an evening swim.

Oh my god, you sound
just like Sean Connery.

I'm his son.

Seriously?

That is so cool.

It's okay, Bobbie,

I already told
him you were easy.

Ooh--

hello..

What are you doing?

You come here, you.

So, this is my room.

Ah, underwear.

So I'll be right back.

>> Radio reporter: With the

most important news first,

from the government's
lips to your ears,

the FBI announced
earlier this week

their firm commitment in
offering a $250,000 reward

for the return
of a stolen case

of medical grade marijuana,

known as m-100,
the 100 denoting its potency.

It's engineered to be
100 times stronger

than your average
street grade green.

They're releasing
the reward no questions asked,

if at least
90% is still intact.

Knowing whoever
smoked the other half

is probably in--

ah...

Feeling better?

Oh yeah.

Have a seat.

Wow, that is tempting.

Uh, hold that
thought, please.

Come with me, I must
speak to a friend.

Yes.

Ow!

[Laughing]

Does anyone
want some m-100?

Some what?

Pot, man,
you want some pot?

Ooh, I do.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Watch out for this guy,
he's a bad influence.

It's good shit.

Want a bite
of my sandwich?

Yeah.

Oh look, she's got
the munchies already.

Thanks.

Yo, man, I'm high
as a sexy mother--

shut your mouth.

[Laughing]

Oh how
great for you.

Yo, man,
this is no joke.

We've need the
rest of this m-100.

That's why I want to
make that plan right now.

What are
you planning?

Yeah, what plan?

What do you
mean, what plan?

I'll tell you later.

Okay.

Right, right,
that plan.

Cool, man.

Ben, Arnie,
out of the pool.

Now?

Yes, now.

Come on.

This better
be good, though.

You guys stay here,
I'll be right back.

You're coming
back out, right?

Of course I am.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

All right, this might sound
absolutely ridiculous,

but I think
it's totally doable.

Okay, but do we have
to do this right now?

There are women there
who actually think we're cool.

Hell with the girls,

we've got to
do this now,

because in
my heart of hearts,

I know rocko's having
his way with this m-100.

The precious m-100.

And I die a little bit inside

each moment that passes

that I think
this thought.

And I can't deal.

So let's get the plan
going and get this.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Hey, what's happening?

It's Tom Murphy from class.

I was just calling to see

if you could
do me a huge favour.

[Laughing]

You really think
we'll be able

to pull this off, kid?

(Tom): I know we'll be
able to pull this off.

Yeah?
You know how I know?

I don't know, how?

Because I'm Tom Murphy.

You are Tom Murphy.

And James Bond all
wrapped up in one.

Double-o-9, baby.

Not now, woman.

Fine, I'll go back out
and suck face with Wendell.

How do you like that?

(Both):
Not as much as he will.

[Laughing]

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Do you need
something?

Does this seem like
it's going to work, Tom?

Hey, Tom.

Focus, dude, focus.

Psst.

Plenty of time
for that later.

Uh... hold it
for one second.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Ah...

How did your
super-secret plan go?

Good, good.

It's a very
simple plan, really.

You going to tell
me about it?

Sure, yeah.

Come over here,
and I shall

whisper it
in your ear.

I'm sorry, that
was terrible.

Really, but I
had to do it.

Well I'll give
you an e for effort.

Ooh, an e is
better than an f.

Definitely.

Hmm...

[Screams]

Ahh, damn.

What the hell is
he doing in here?

I don't know,

he must have come in
after we passed out.

Well, ew...

Get him out of here.

I can't, I sort of
lost him once already.

Well then...

Then I'm leaving.

Carly, please, wait, wait.

That's my
favourite t-shirt.

Ooh, you are pathetic.

I wouldn't be in your

pathetic movie,

even if you paid me.

Good.

We don't have
any money anyway.

Top of the morning
to you, little buddy.

Rise and shine.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Ah...

Guten morgen,
herr fraulein.

Buenos dias.

Is this yours?

C'est mon.

I'm playing the part
of the freshman.

That's a
pretty big deal.

How come you
never mentioned it?

Well...

I didn't want you
to think that I was

one of those honey-
tongued Hollywood types.

And what
does that mean?

You know, stuck up,
slick talking...

You know, rogue,
lowlife, miscreant,

no good
dirty scoundrel.

An evildoer of sorts.

Yes... of sorts.

How noble of you.

Hmm, thank
you, milady.

What kind of car
does rocko drive?

Some red
piece of crap.

Hmm...

Hmm...

You know how on survivor,

the contestants get to
take one thing with them.

Hmm, I'd take
a box of these babies.

Yeah?

I'd take my gun.

Shoot anything that moves...

And eat it.

That kind of frightens me.

There he is.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

[Answering machine beeps]

Hey, rocko, it's quebert.

Want to talk to you
about that new suitcase.

It's a very nice suitcase,

and I know Hollywood bigwigs

who want the
same exact suitcase.

So call me back
as soon as you get this,

so we can chat.

[Knocking]

Who is it?

FBI.

[Knocking]

Just a minute!

[Knocking]

[Knocking]

I'll be right there!

[Knocking]

[Knocking]

Sorry, I was
in the show--

shower.

FBI, I'm special
agent brown.

This is special
agent Houston.

What can I do for you?

Are you friends with
a Miguel torres?

No.

What about a big Joe, did
you interact with him?

We had a nasty break up once.

Don't be cute with me.

Did he give
you something

of efficacious
importance?

What?

Look, don't make this any

harder than it has to be.

We have a warrant.

Where's the stuff?

Um...

What stuff?

[♪ ♪ ♪]

We know you have the m-100.

I don't have anything.

Just save US the trouble

and tell US where it is.

Oh, look at that.

That's a nice bong.

Do you fill that a lot?

Look, I'm telling you,

I don't know
anything about no--

no government issued marijuana

or any m-100, okay?

Hmm, don't think
I said anything

about government
issued, did you

say government issued?

No.

Hmm, how did you know that?

Well, let's get
to work then.

Want to start
in the kitchen?

Hmm.

[Laughing and shouting]

Oh he misses again.

He misses the game point.

Hey, you talk to rocko?

Just got off
the phone with him,

dude, I don't
know if he should hear this.

Dude, he can't
hear you, q.

He's deaf.

Um, I don't know, he
wants to unload everything.

What else did he say?

He just wants
to know details,

times, you
know, all that.

It's going to work out, sir.

All right, perfect.

What if something goes wrong?

It's not too late
to back out, right?

Everything is
going to be fine, okay?

All we have to do
is stick to the plan.

It's been working
so far, hasn't it?

Stop being a pussy.

This is what
I want you to do now.

Call rocko back,
tell him we want a sample,

somebody will
pick it up.

I'll call him now.

Yes!

You're going
to rocko's, right?

I'm not going
to rocko's, no.

That's what we
said last night.

Well I thought about it
and I changed my mind.

I really don't want
to go over there.

You can't just change
your mind like that.

You don't change
horses in midstream, Ben.

Come on, don't
you know that?

I'm not going.

All right fine, how
about if I go with you,

would that
make you happy?

Uh, not so much,
not really.

Come on, man.

All right, when do
you want to do this?

I don't know,
how about now?

It's only like
ten minutes away.

You want to
try, little bro?

All right,
watch, like this.

And then suck it.

No, no, no,
like this.

And then you breathe
right in when I light it.

Now suck hard.

There you go.

No--

harder.

Yeah.

Yeah...

Nice.

[Coughing]

All right now settle down,
settle down.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Nice, isn't it?

Nice.

[Speaking rapid rap slang]

Dude.

Wow, bro.

Hey, do that again.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Wow.

[Knocking]

Who is it?

It's um...

Captain and

tenile.

Quebert sent US.

Wasn't so bad, was it?

No, actually,
it wasn't.

Captain and tenile?

That was gay.

Dude, you're a freak.

Get off.

Oh looky-looky here.

Look, how is it
that you can just

sit around and smoke
weed all day long.

I told you, my mom
sued McDonald's

for making her fat.

And she's
greasing my palm.

Oh-oh-oh.

M-100,
there it is.

Come on, don't play.

There you go,
your fix.

Why is he smiling?

Is he high?

No, no, dude.

But he spoke
before, I swear it.

What?

I'm saying, he spoke,
he spoke snooplish.

What is snooplish?

Snoop dog and English.

You put it together,

you got
snooplish.

I tell you, he
was saying, chisel my dizel...

It was
crazy, dude.

I find you very alarming.

So do me a favour

and stay away from
him, stoner boy.

Dude, not cool.

See you
later, Wendell.

Wendell.

So this is what happens

when you get famous, huh?

I'm not
famous... yet.

You did get invited

to the hottest Hollywood
party of the year.

Because you're
the freshman.

Does that mean we're
all on the a-list now?

I'm close to
the a-list.

You're not, bully.

At least we
can celebrate

the m-1 plan on
someone else's dime.

That's true, hear-hear.

So uh, did you
invite anyone else?

Up one blue.

Maybe
just a friend.

Friend, what friend?

Your don't have any
friends besides US--

who's the friend?

You know, whatever,
Julie and whoever.

Come on, man,

she's going to
bring star fucker.

Who?

(Both): Carly.

You just got dumped.

Oh, well tell me something

that I'm not
already aware of.

I mean do you really
want to get involved,

and risk getting shat
upon all over again?

[Laughing]

Shat -- nice word.

Thank you,
that's pathetic.

Even when cin's out of town,

she makes my life miserable.

Ow.

Look, she's cool,
man, whatever.

She may be cool
on the surface,

but believe me,
underneath that

is a scary controlling
ball of hate, they all are.

I got an ace
and a Jack,

I know you guys
can't beat that,

so just give
me the chips.

Yo q, yo q!

What up, fellas.

Oh wow, you
clean up pretty.

What's
the occasion?.

Hoping there will be
chicks tonight at the party.

You got a pocket
full of roofies?

Dude, not cool.

[Doorbell ringing]

Did I not get
a good babysitter?

On time.

This the guy?
Yeah.

Hope he's
all right.

Where did
you find him?

He's good,
he's good people.

Where did
you find him?

He's the kid that
hangs out in front of 7-11.

He thinks he's the
neighbour's sitter.

Are you talking about
the guy who wears all black

with the
spiky wrist band?

Yeah.
Ooh, yes.

That is
the guy.

Don't say anything.

Hey, someone
called the tye.

Here to hang out
with the mute?

Yeah, uh, his
name is Wendell.

Yeah, cool.

Oh you got to be kidding.

Hey, man, I want to
see the mute, dude.

Mute!

It's okay, man, this
guy knows cpr, right?

Yeah, man, I know cpr.

I learned it after I kicked
my grandma in the head!

It's a joke.

Everything's
fine.

[Growling]

I take it this guy
is the freak show, right?

He's not a freak,
all right, man?

Sorry, sorry.
Come on, man,

everything's
going to be fine.

Let's go, let's
have a good time.

Let's go!

Later, bro.

Hey, so listen,
the tye, right,

if anything happens

while you're hanging
with the mute,

mm-hmm?

I'll kick your
face in, okay?

Oh come on,
dude, that is--

it's all right, man.

Good company.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Hello?

Ahh!

Woof-woof!

Hey, it's a fire!

The house is
on fire, man!

Wow, dude, it
really is true.

You really are mute.

That's awesome.

Do you want to watch
some cartoons or something?

[Telephone rings]

That's my girl.

Hey, sweetie, what's up?

Yeah, I'm hanging
here with a mute dude.

Want to come over?

Yeah.

All right.

I'll see you.

All right, bye.

Hey, listen.

Listen, uh...

You're not going to
say anything, right,

about my girl
coming over?

Oh, oh, that's right,

you're a mute,
you can't talk.

[Laughing]

Oh you're so cute.

You're such a cutie,
I'm loving it.

I'm loving it,
you're so cute.

You stay here, okay.

God.

Viagra.

Sweet.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Dude, what
the hell?

Oh my god.

It's all good, man.

Like hell it is.

Hey, come on, man,

not in front
of the old lady.

Where the hell
is Wendell?

He's asleep.

Listen, I have
low standards,

but the thought of
your sweaty bodies,

swamp ass,

her lactating
on my sheets,

I mean, not
cool, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, your sheets smell
like bong water, man.

Fair enough.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Oh god damn it.

Oh my god.

Oh Jesus,
disgusting.

Hey, we're going
to roll,

so you owe me
like, 40 bucks.

Yeah, right.

Look, here's
20, all right?

Dude, are you
pitching a tent?

No.

20's fine.

Thought you said
nobody could tell.

What is wrong
with people?

Oh you little perve.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Look, winner dogs.

Want a hotdog?

No thanks.

Mind if I go get one?

Go for it.

[Knocking]

Hey, Sarah.

Hey, rocko,
what's up?

What's with
the knocking?

I-- I need
your help.

Someone is
following me.

Really?
Yeah.

Oh that's cool,
who's following you?

Better yet, why is
anyone following you?

Can't you just help
me, Nancy drew?

Nancy drew?

God, you can be such
a dick sometimes.

Oh look, i'm
sorry, sorry.

Just... please.

All right, all right,
what's in it for me?

I'll give you an ace.

You'll give me an ace,
that's big of you.

How about an ounce?

Fine.

Fine, let's go.

Who's following you?

Hmm...

[♪ ♪ ♪]

How do you eat
that garbage, man?

You know that stuff
will kill you.

Then I'll die
and go to heaven,

then eat hotdogs and
doughnuts every day.

You saying there's a...

Wonder dogs
in heaven?

If there's a
god, there is.

Yeah?

Well my heaven is all
you can eat tofu balls.

Every ball is served by
a different Chinese woman,

wearing tube socks
and nothing else.

Just buck naked
and tube socks.

Endless tofu balls,

boobies, and tube socks.

Your heaven sounds
like a sweat shop.

Is he ever coming out
of that apartment?

I'm going in.

Enjoy your
death lunch.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

[Engine starting]

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Where did he go?

Did you see him?

He's not there.

No, I dropped some
chili on my tie.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

God damn it.

What?

Argh!

Q, it's rocko.

Listen, I'm ready
to liquidate that luggage.

Sweet, dude, can
you come by my place?

Okay, um, give me
30 minutes, all right?

All right, dude.

Hurry up, hurry up.

Come on, come on,
hurry up, get in.

What's going on?

What's up?

You wearing makeup?

Piss off,
dude, come on.

What are you looking for?

Someone was
following me.

I think
I lost them.

You all right, you high?

What's going on?

What's the plan,
all right?

Listen, I'll call you
tomorrow with the address,

one hour later,
the deal goes down.

Bring the m-100, and my
man will give you the cash.

Okay.

Oh, who is this guy?

I can't tell you that,
he's big time.

He's big time,
so don't be late,

don't be bringing
any of your friends.

Yeah, whatever, dude.

White people.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

(Q): 8 P.M. 8,300
grandview drive.

(Rocko): You better pray
that nothing goes wrong.

If that Hollywood
douche tries something,

you're going down.

Oh yeah, what are
you going to do?

I don't know, but
it will be crazy.

Whatever.

You know
what I'll do?

I'll scoop
your eyes out

and then I'll feed
them to a parrot.

All right, that is
just ridiculous, man.

I'll see you
in an hour.

Hey, what if
rocko has a gun?

He isn't going
to have a gun.

How do you know?

All right,
we're checking

before we let him
in the house, okay?

All right.

Hey, Tom, seriously,

if something happens
in this house tonight,

if somebody dies
or something breaks,

or there's a slip
and fall lawsuit

and Cindy's
parents find out,

I'm literally
as good as dead.

All right,
Ben, nothing is

going to
happen, okay?

We'll be
in and out.

Cindy's parents
will never

know that
we were here.

Better not.

All right, q and I are
going to bring rocko in.

Ben, as soon as we
get into position,

hit the light.

Yeah, I know, we
went over this already.

Remember our
big planning night,

when we planned everything.

Whoa-whoa-whoa,

testy, testy, you know,
just checking.

Hey, want to make sure
everything's okay.

What up, man?

What up?

Hello, q.

Hey, man, I
gotta frisk you.

Why, why, frisk me?

Yeah, it's
protocol.

You ain't coming
in this house

packing
heat, pal.

I'm not-- i'm
not packing heat.

Then you should have
no problem being frisked.

Okay, frisk me.

Rocko, look,
I trust you.

It's good, okay?

I can see
you trust me.

Sweet.

All right,
we're coming in.

Move it.

Cool.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Okay.

I-- I can't see,
where's the lights, dude?

Oh damn.

Rocko, thanks
for coming here.

Dude.

Governor Schwarzenegger.

Ya, ya.

No!

Oh...

Sorry about
the giant light,

but this whole
thing makes me nervous.

Yeah, me too, me too.

I can't believe this.

I mean I'm a huge fan, dude.

I'm a huge fan.

I mean, sorry,

should I call you like,
the governor?

Please, call me Arnie.

Arnie.

[Laughing]

Arnie.

Yeah, have you seen
any of my movies?

What am I saying,
of course you have.

I'm great.

You are, I mean, especially
Mr. Freeze, right?

Um...

I'm getting
a chilly reception.

Huh? Huh?

[Laughing]

Ya-ya, thank you,
ya, I'm a good actor.

Yeah.

Think we should
radio for backup?

No.

I'll take the front,
you go round back.

I'm on it.

So like uh,
is this your house?

It's a friend's,
Maria is at home.

She'd kill me if she
knew what I was doing.

Oh yeah.

She doesn't like it

when I get all
potted up all the time.

I say, Maria, I need
to do this, so I don't

go crazy and start killing
people like Terminator.

Get to the
chopper! No!

Where's Sarah Connor?
(Ben): Arnie...

You're right.

(Tom): Want to
wrap this up?

Shut up, I'll kill you.

Who said you
could eat my cookies?

Yeah.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Let's see
what I'm buying.

Well uh, you got the cash?

Are you
questioning me?

I'll kill you.

Oh no, no, no,

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm not--

ah-ha-ha, just kidding.

Okay.

Give him
the money.

Ah, there's
your money, rocko.

Ah, cool, man.

That's the m-100

in the case.

The case should be opened.

Let's have a look.

Ah yes, I'll buy it.

FBI, freeze!

Hands in the air.

Hands where I
can see them.

Rocko rococo,
you are under arrest

for the
theft and sale

of United States
government property.

Your last
name is rococo?

Piss off, man.

Get rococo
out of here.

Slowly drop
the case, rocko.

Put your hands
on your head.

Oh--

oh!

Let's go, scumbag.

(Rocko):
That suitcase--

shut up, rocko.

I didn't even
know it was weed.

I don't do drugs, how
am I supposed to know?

It could have
been oregano.

Sit tight.

No wait, dude.

[Inaudible]

Everything okay?

Yes, sir,
nice.

Yeah.

Hey, Arnie.

All right, all right,
turn the damn light off.

Whew.

Now that we
have the goods,

let US see what
Mr. Rococo is doing.

Let's do this.

How do they do
this in movies?

Come on, it's easy.

[Laughter]

Whoa, whoa.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

[Cheering]

I don't like that
part of the plan,

that's my weed connection.

He sells drugs to
kids, not cool.

All right, let's not
make this into a psa.

I can be sad, right?

Yes.

Guys, guys, honestly,
that was absolutely brilliant.

I'm telling you,
it was genius.

Better than
your Richard III.

I'm telling you,
it really was.

When you guys

busted in,
we're like, boom!

I almost crapped myself.

Thanks, man,
it was fun.

I didn't get
one for my reel.

Yeah.

When I came in,
I was like this,

it was totally
authentic, the eyes--

yeah, I know.
It's not even real.

[Gunshot]

Damn, Arnie, you moron!

I've got to clean
it, I told you.

I'm sorry.

It was great,
mission accomplished,

but we've got to
get out of here.
No, wait.

[Whistles]

Hello, boys.

Oh, what is
she doing here?

Well, now that I know

you are all perfectly
sheisty individuals,

who will deal drugs
in order to make a movie,

I'm here to
inform you that

that won't
be necessary.

The FBI is
offering a reward

for the m-100,

so long as 90%
is still intact.

Well how do
you know that?

Because Ben here
reads the newspaper,

and I uh, listen to
the news sometimes.

How much
is the reward?

It's a
$250,000 reward.

Yeah, but how are
they going to know

we were the
ones who didn't steal it?

That's my department.

While you were in here
doing your little show,

I got everything on tape,

including rocko's escape.

I want one
for my reel.

No, see, all we
have to do now

is turn in
that tape,

the dope, get the reward,
clean hands.

No, that is $250,000,
and that is $2.5 million.

It's also a
chance to become

someone's bitch in prison.

Exactly, that's what
I've been saying all along.

Yeah, and besides,
man, you can make

a perfectly decent
movie for 250 grand.

True dat.

If we're
going to hand it in,

we should
take a few last

hits on the bong.

No, you've already
had your fair share, q.

But there's plenty,

and 90% is the reward,
and we're about 97...

96 1/2...

Q, we're turning
it in as is.

That is the
smartest thing

I've heard you
say all week.

Great job,
everybody,

we've got to get
out of this house.

Thanks, man.
Brilliant work.

Brilliant work.

Oh, can I at least get
a copy of that for my mom?

(All): No!

We'll see
you in class.

See you
Tuesday, man.

Study.

Whew, I cannot
believe that we did it.

I have to take off.

What?

I've got a
waitress job.

No...

Cheesecake factory.

Oh, with Carly?

What are you
going to do?

Ah...

I've got to go.

Well, you know,
I'll walk you out.

Okay...

Okay.

Oh Julie, Julie,
thank you so much.

I really appreciate
it, you have no idea.

There's no way
I could have

done this
without you.

Well,
you're welcome.

Seems like it
went really well.

Yes.

So I guess I'll
see you around.

Yeah.

Yeah, I leave for London
in a week, you know,

for the bond deal.

Oh.

So I guess I
won't see you.

That's okay.

Actually, I have two

first class tickets
in my contract,

and I'm only going to
be using one, of course.

So I thought maybe,

perhaps you might
come and visit me.

Maybe.

Maybe, if I check
my schedule

I guess.

Okay, well check
your schedule.

Okay.

Uh, I'll call you,

or you can
call me.

We'll call each other.

Yeah.

We'll talk, okay.

Ciao, Bella.

Let's roll, sir.

Tell you this,

thank god you
can't talk,

because your sister
would kill me

if she knew what
went on here.

All right,
you're all packed,

you got your
suitcase...

Good job,
little buddy.

[Doorbell ringing]

Oh, don't worry,
I'll get it.

Let you two
have your moment.

Well, I'll see
you, Wendell.

[Knocking]

(Cindy): Open the door.

Oh...

Where is he?

Hello, Cindy, how
was the wedding?

Yeah.

Burn in hell, Tom.

It's over.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Wendell, let's go.

You stink.

Just go and
wait outside.

Now, go!

Listen to me.

I don't know what you
were up to this weekend,

but I do know this,
you have wasted

the last year of my
life -- swear to god,

if you ever try
to contact me again,

I will kill you.

Are you finished?

No.

Losers.

What?

I'm so glad
I sent you here,

because I knew
something was going on.

So I said to myself,

I said, Cindy,

it's time for you
to cut your losses now.

So are you going to
tell me what happened?

I mean, don't
get me wrong,

I have my
own ideas,

but I really,
I need to know

every
single detail.

Come on, Wendell,
cut it out, really.

Well come
on, Wendell,

tell me
what happened.

You know what,

I sincerely
can't stand you.

You're like the
worst brother I know.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

Going to miss him.

I wish there was some
way we could have helped him.

Wendell's strong,
he'll be all right.

Well, boys,

we're supposed
to be down there by 4.

Shall we?

Oh, uh, q,
where's that tape?

Oh, I put it
in the case.

What?

[Screams]

No!

He's not a mute.

Cindy.

Your champagne, sir.

Thank you,
kindly, and nuts,

how about the nuts?

Thanks.

Thank you, honey.

[♪ ♪ ♪]

♪ I'm just another flapper ♪

♪ trying to make
the hands clapper ♪

♪ in a pop magazine
that's what I'm after ♪

♪ lately things
ain't going too well ♪

♪ trying to excel
but still in my tercel ♪

♪ one light's broke
the other don't work, ♪

♪ can't take my girl
out at night ♪

♪ yo, what a jerk
I got a brand new demo ♪

♪ hit song that
takes me to Jay leno ♪

♪ then I can take
my girl out right ♪

♪ go swing dancing in the
middle of the night ♪

♪ because I've
been shopping my ♪

♪ little demo for three years ♪

♪ I'm tired of hanging out
with the same peers ♪

♪ I want to sow
and grow and flower ♪

♪ most of my friends
love to waste time ♪

♪ I'm speaking on the
[Inaudible] ♪

♪ I'm basing my
life on a record deal ♪

♪ I should have known
I should have known ♪

♪ should have got a real job
in the digital form ♪

♪ my high school reunions
won't come now ♪

♪ when I only got $10
in my chequing account ♪

♪ boy, I should have known
I should have known ♪

♪ should have got a real job
in the digital form ♪

♪ a wife some kids
and a picket fence ♪

♪ now I get my
[Inaudible] ♪

♪ Most people my age
in the corporation ♪

♪ not in inglewood
jail for a citation ♪

♪ got my girl there
bailing me out ♪

♪ most of you don't know
what I'm talking about ♪

♪ got a pretty wife
two kids up in the crib ♪

♪ eating canned chili
no shirt, showing my ribs ♪

♪ what I want to say when
they ask what I been up to ♪

♪ looking for a record deal
looking for work, too ♪

♪ they say they got a phd ♪

♪ I'm eating chili and
burritos at taco bell ♪

♪ I get refills
this caffeine got me ill ♪

♪ surrounded by well dressed
Americans paying bills ♪

♪ I've been
late for months ♪

♪ want to try and fake it ♪

♪ they're going to smell
[Inaudible] ♪

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