Hideous (2022) - full transcript

Do you sometimes feel like
you're being swallowed by the mist?

Driven like our heroin
into a more obscure,

silent yet deafening land?

This is a journey of hell, fear,
strange debauchery

and guilt that most people call the life.

Can you take it?

Can you deal with your own
ghouls and spectres?

Don't move from your seats or coffins:

in one hour sharp,

your favourite TV host Seth Lamoor
will be gracing your screens.

Joined by guest Oliver Sim
to discuss his first solo release…



I should be stronger than this

I should have a handle on it

I know all of the tricks

The crudest magic

Yet every step that I get closer

I can watch your eyes notice

As I slip into focus

But somewhere from a distance

Did I fool you into thinking

I was a Confident man

Confident man

Confident confident man

Somewhere from a distance

Did I fool you into thinking?



Somewhere from a distance

Did I fool you into thinking?

Oli you told me about a…
a dark heart.

What is that?

I know it was created from fear.

Fear of being different,
fear of being judged.

Fear of others…

If you could visualize this fear,
this inner monster.

What would it look like?

It takes so many faces.

It can be merely a monstrous child
crying out for help.

Or it can be as big and powerful
as a werewolf.

But most of the time
it's just lost in the mist.

With no goals and sad eyes.

Okay, wow.

Talking about your fears,

how long have you been dealing with them?

I think they've always been here.

But I had a happy childhood,
loving family.

Can I just say your outfit is in-credible.

I imagine you always had
this kind of taste?

I mean can you describe yourself
as a child?

I think my Mum would describe it
as I wasn't part of the football crowd.

All that meant was I didn't play football
with the other boys.

I was maybe a bit more sensitive.

- But I was definitely a femme kid
- Hey sweetie.

And that is something
I loved about myself,

felt like my superpower.

I was obsessed with female rage.

Whether be Ripley in Alien or Carrie
or Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween.

- Women that could be feminine and sexy
- What are you watching?

- But still… powerful and strong.
- I feel like it's me.

All things I wanted to be
but maybe didn't feel like I could be.

Did you feel like you could
share that with anyone?

At home yeah.
I lived in a house full of strong women.

My mum, my sister.

I could make dance routines
in the living room,

I could be as femme
as I wanted to be at home.

It was my castle.

What does your bedroom look like?
Could you describe your childhood bedroom?

My room was equal parts little boy,

equal parts hand-me-downs from my sister.

I used to watch horror VHS's all the time.

But at the same time I had…
this beautiful pink mic that I loved.

I was obsessed with space

so my wallpaper was filled
with stars and planets.

I had dinosaurs.

I can vividly remember this giant
teddy bear near to my bed.

He would protect me
from all my imaginary monsters

I could see from my window
whilst I was trying to sleep.

And this terrifying mask
with feathers on it.

I used it to dress up as the terrors
I watched on my TV.

If you could meet yourself
as a kid right now,

what would you say?

Far too fem

Surrounded by rocks

You're gonna look the gem

You can dress it away

Talk it away

Dull down the flame

But it's all pretend

It's all pretend

What would my…

What would my father do?

Do I take a bite

Take a bite of the fruit?

I've heard other people say

It can't be right if it cause you shame

Have I made you proud

Take a look at me now

If I've got my father's eyes

I've got my mother's smile

Wrong or right

You're standing right in front
of a green light

Just look at his face

What a beautiful face

How it makes you feel inside

Take a bite babe

Take a bite babe

It's an ordinary thing

Take a bite babe

Take a bite babe

It's an ordinary thing

What would my father do?

Do I take a bite

Take a bite of the fruit?

Have I made you proud

Take a look at me now

If I've got my father's eyes

I've got my mother's smile

Have I made you proud

Take a look at me now

If I've got my father's eyes

I've got my mother's smile

Hey, hey come here.

What a fucking freak!
He looks so weird.

Shit.

I'm ugly

I'm up and down right now

I'm down and bloody

But I don't feel
as though I've been unlucky

I have people in my life
that really love me

Caught my reflection in your eye

Now you've seen me from both sides

Am I hideous?

My tears naturally dry

On exposure to the light

Am I hideous?

Oh, I Hide

Though the company at home can be unkind

Yet I live alone and refuse to go outside

How dare I feel so lonely

When I'm giving all my time

To a man who doesn't know me

Why don't you leave me in the dirt

I've been sick and I'm perverse

Oh, I'm hideous

If I've had you at your worst

It was easy in return

Oh, I'm hideous

Follow my voice

Sweet nature boy

Just to keep you safe

Listen for me

Be brave

Have trust

Just be willing to be loved

Radical honesty might set me free

If it makes me hideous

Been living with HIV

Since seventeen

Am I hideous?