Healing River (2020) - full transcript
(delicate piano music)
♪ Tell me your story ♪
♪ Show me your pain ♪
♪ Teach me how to find
the healing river again ♪
♪ Where is the water that
first made me whole ♪
♪ Where is the potter
that can remake my soul ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
(baby babbling)
♪ Oh ♪
(car horn honking)
- The canal was right out there.
Gone now.
They paved over it.
So, no more water.
Now, we brew coffee,
the best in Cincinnati.
Notice how it says "Hebrews".
Or, in this case "she-brews".
(laughing)
Ah-dit-dit!
(kisses cheek)
(door bell jangles)
- [Girl] Hey, Mama!
- Taylor!
Are you looking for sex or love?
- Um ...
Both?
- Get the order right, honey!
There's an extra pair
of pants in the locker.
- Okay.
(cheerful music)
- Oh, d--
- Is she your mom?
- No.
- Is she her mom?
- No. (chuckles)
But don't tell her that.
(chuckling)
(dings bell)
- Frittatas up, Mama Bear.
(gentle music)
(cell phone ringing)
- Blessings til it hurts.
- [Ingrid] Forgive me,
father, for I have sinned.
- [Priest] What now?
- I told Michael he
had to close up tonight
because I needed to make more mugs.
I lied.
We don't need no stinkin' mugs.
- And you lied because ...
- Because he wants to move out, Peter!
He was gonna go look at apartments!
I mean, he just graduate, for Pete's--
For your sake.
What's the rush?
- Life.
He's 18, Ingrid.
You moved out when you were 18.
- Yeah, and look how I turned out.
- You turned out great!
And so has Michael.
He's my favorite nephew.
- He's your only nephew.
- Nothing is gonna happen to him.
- Who died and made you God?
You can't promise that.
(bells pealing)
- Look, I've got vespers.
Talk to you tomorrow?
- You're my well, Peter.
- Yeah, well ...
the well has to refill sometimes.
When did you become so cautious, Ing?
I mean, you used to adopt everything
that came through the door, and ...
Now it's just Michael and your cubs.
What about the rest of the world?
- Have you seen the rest
of the world lately?
(soft piano music)
(uneasy music)
- Is it heroin?
- [Drug Dealer] Try it out.
(upbeat music)
- Goodnight Rose.
Goodnight Michael.
Hey, good luck in college.
- Hey, thanks!
(door bell jangles)
- You sure?
- We got it, Nadine.
- Rose, you know that grill
needs a good cleaning.
- I know how to clean the grill.
- Hm!
(giggles)
(laughing)
(chattering)
- Hey.
So, I'm the brash but charming singer
you're all gonna fall in love with
so they actually pay me to play this time.
(chattering)
Hey!
So, my dad was this really
pissed off Irish guy, right?
Liked to smash things up.
So I wrote this song about him.
(strums guitar)
♪ Well the sun comes up
and the moon goes down ♪
♪ And we work all day for barely a crown ♪
♪ And the time comes along ♪
♪ And the time goes away ♪
♪ And we spend our lives
with nothing to say ♪
♪ So give me a gun ♪
♪ Give me a knife ♪
♪ Give me a reason to not take your life ♪
♪ You killed my friends
and my brothers as well ♪
♪ You may kill me but
we'll both go to hell ♪
♪ La da die die da da
die die die die die die ♪
♪ La da die da die die die die die die ♪
♪ La da die die da da
die die da die die die ♪
♪ Lie da die die da die die ♪
♪ La da die die da da
die die da die die die ♪
♪ And the rain will be coming down fast ♪
(audience cheering)
(chattering)
(laughing)
- [Woman] You gotta try mine too.
- Hey, cute ladies.
- [Singer] Ooh!
What's up, big guy?
- How old are you, kid?
- I'm older than I look.
- Yeah, right.
So am I!
And so's my license,
which I'd like to keep!
(door slams)
♪ There's a paradox to livin' ♪
♪ 'Cause the way to
get is just by givin' ♪
♪ 'Cause the way to
live is just by dying ♪
♪ And the way to find love
stop trying and just ♪
♪ Love ♪
(clapping)
(laughs)
- I use a hairbrush.
- Hey, girl!
(laughing)
(breathing heavily)
- This it totally not what
my mom is paying us for.
- I know.
Totally irresponsible, Michael.
(giggles)
- Dang.
I'm supposed to be the responsible one.
You're still in high school, but I ...
- I have to go study for my SATs,
since I'm still in high school!
- Joke.
Hey, joke.
Joke.
You're 10 times as
responsible as I am, and ...
way hotter, too.
What?
- You're leaving.
- Three and a half miles.
Xavier University is three
and a half miles away.
- It's another world.
- I'm not goin' anywhere.
I swear.
(emotional music)
- I still have to go.
(engine revving)
(anxious music)
(intense music plays on radio)
- Evening.
(glass shattering)
(monitor beeping)
- [Father Pete] May the
Lord who frees you from sin
save you and raise you up.
- I'm sorry, Father.
Can you ...
This one's DOA.
- [Father Peter] Yeah, that's fine.
(emotional music)
(shouts)
(crying)
- Michael?
- Ma'am.
Mrs. Ambelin?
- Yes, I'm trying to find my son!
- You were supposed to check in
at the--
- No, no, no.
I'm looking for Michael.
I'm Mrs. Ambelin!
I'm looking for my son!
Peter, where's Michael?
Why can't I see Michael?
What's going on?
Peter!
- Ingrid.
- I need to see Michael!
Just--
- Mrs. Ambelin?
Your son was DO--
He passed.
25 minutes ago.
- There must be some mistake.
No.
Please, I just need to see him.
You have to let me see him.
Peter, please tell her.
Please tell her that I need to see my son.
- Another young man's
car jumped a curb and ...
He didn't suffer.
(crying)
- It can't ...
be.
(men shouting)
Is that him?
Ma'am, you can't go in there.
- Is that who murdered my son?
And he gets to live?
He!
He gets to live!
Why does he get to live?
Why does he get to live?
(sobbing)
(emotional orchestral music)
(gentle piano music)
(keys jangling)
(dog barking)
- Hey, Mom, there was a total mix-up.
♪ Tell me your story ♪
♪ Show me your pain ♪
♪ Teach me how to find
that healing river again ♪
♪ Where is the water that
first made me whole ♪
♪ Where is the potter
that can remake my soul ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
- Why do you get to live?
♪ Lord I've been drifting ♪
♪ And I don't know why ♪
♪ When did this world
get so barren and dry ♪
♪ Where is the water ♪
(basketball dribbling)
♪ That first made me whole ♪
- Ha!
Match that Papa Pete!
♪ Where is the potter ♪
♪ That can remake my soul ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
(door bell jangles)
- No problem.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
- Anything at all, just call me.
- Love you.
(sniffles)
Bye, sweetie.
Thanks.
You see this?
- I saw the obituary.
- No.
No, no, no.
The local section, Peter!
They put them together like they were ...
brothers or something!
We have gotta make sure
that he never hurts anyone again!
(knocking)
- [Father Peter] Mr. Longerman.
- Dave.
Do we ...
- Thank you for doing this.
I know prosecutors have long hours.
- And short lives.
- My sister, Ingrid Ambelin.
- [Dave] Mrs. Ambelin, I'm so sorry.
- So am I!
Is there any chance for death?
- Uh, no.
It's vehicular homicide,
Mrs. Ambelin, so--
- He was stoned out of his mind!
- Yes, and that will be in the charges.
A DUI and driving under
a suspended license
is aggravated vehicular.
Plus, if he has any other priors,
normally I'd go for up to 20 years.
- Normally?
- The defendant is a juvenile.
Well, he's 17.
- So, what, it's a prank?
Kids'll be kids?
- No.
But it will be handled differently.
The CPS is involved.
Plus, the defendant, Alec
McCortland, is a foster child.
So, Job and Family Services is involved.
They've already assigned
him a Guardian Ad Litem.
- So, where's he now, at a party?
- Ingrid.
- No, it's okay.
He's being booked into 50/50.
It's juvenile detention
at 5050 Reynolds Avenue.
- [Ingrid] Kid jail?
- [Dave] Basically, yeah.
- [Ingrid] Then what?
- [Dave] He'll stay there
through his trial and sentencing.
- Then what?
- Look.
He's not jut a foster kid.
He's a bad egg.
He bailed on his last family,
stole all of their
prescription painkillers,
and just disappeared about a month ago.
Stopped going to school, has
a history of substance abuse.
Rehab didn't stick.
- Surprise, surprise!
- If all they do is detox,
all they do is retox.
- So ...
What happens now?
- I get him tried as an adult.
McCortland agreed to waive his right
to an amenability hearing,
so this should be pure--
(door opens)
- All rise.
Hamilton County Youth
Court is now in session.
The Honorable Judge
Hua-Ling Graham presiding.
(bangs gavel)
- Good morning.
This bindover hearing is now in session.
This is a closed hearing.
The only persons allowed in the courtroom
are those directly involved in the case.
Please be seated.
There are three criteria in determining
whether the defendant, Alec McCortland,
is to be tried as an adult:
age, seriousness of offense,
and prior record, which it
seems I have almost nothing on.
Councils, please approach the bench.
Council Longerman, how did we get here
without an amenability hearing?
- I have a signed waiver
for the accused, Your Honor.
- And why wasn't this expressly stated
in the record beforehand?
Council Gitdmeier, I'm sorry,
do you have someplace
else you'd rather be?
- No, Your Honor.
It's just that Mr. McCortland ...
he signed the waiver against my council.
- Rule Three of the Ohio
Rules of Juvenile Procedures
says that the accused
may relinquish his rights
to be tried as a juvenile only
with permission of the court
after we have determined that the juvenile
understands the
consequences of that action!
That's what amenability
hearings are for, gentlemen!
- I know, Your Honor, but
it isn't required if ...
Look.
McCortland understands.
Trust me.
I mean, he may be a smart a--
He's not stupid.
- Well, gosh.
We have your testimony.
What else do we need?
And there's no legal guardian.
Is that correct?
- No, Your Honor.
There is a Guardian ad Litem
from Job and Family Services.
(bangs gavel)
- Excuse me!
You!
Guardian!
Lose the phone now!
- Why does the kid have to agree?
Why don't they just put a robe on him?
- Defense respectfully
requests that Your Honor
overrule Mr. McCortland's waiver,
in so much as the defendant's psych eval
shows that he suffers from ADD
with comorbid symptoms of OCD.
- Just because he watches birds
and washes his hands a lot
doesn't mean that he's a--
- Stop!
Just stop.
You both have done shotty
work here, gentlemen,
just plain shotty!
Sit down!
Now!
I am enjoined by juvenile law
to determine whether this young man
knowingly, voluntarily, and intelligently
waived his right to an
amenability hearing.
I do not find the facts compelling.
- Not compelling?
He murdered my son!
- Ingrid, Ingrid ...
- Alec McCortland will
be tried as a juvenile.
- You said he would be tried as an adult!
- I said maybe.
- No!
You said that you could do it!
- What does this mean now, Dave?
- Well, at worst he'll be
sent to DYS until he's 21.
- What?
Four years of summer camp?
- Actually, they only
send the most serious--
- Mr. Longerman.
Do you need a timeout?
- [Dave] My apologies, Your Honor.
- Are there any adults in this room?
Trial is set for one month from today.
(bangs gavel)
(dramatic music)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Man On Phone] Hi, can you hear me okay?
- Who is this?
- Great!
This is Chad from cardholder services.
(slams phone)
- Everything you make is so beautiful.
The pottery.
This place.
That.
- Oh, sweetie.
It's not art, it's just a stencil.
- That you made.
Everything, the pottery,
the food, Michael.
- I did have a little help making Michael.
You know, he ...
He talked about you all the time.
- I don't know how to let go of him.
- Neither do I.
(crying)
- Need you ...
to ...
light up my life.
Nah, nah.
Total crap.
Crap cliche.
Need you to ...
What?
Need you to what?
- All rise.
- Alec McCortland, considering
the grave circumstances
of your offense, prior unsuccessful
rehabilitation efforts,
and your failure to respect the rules
of the Hamilton County foster care system,
but weighing these against time
already served in detention,
your abandonment as a child,
and the circumstances
surrounding that incident,
the court is ordering a suspended sentence
and treatment in lieu of incarceration.
This means that your guilty
plea will be suspended
during your six-to-12 months residence
at the Merskin Juvenile Treatment Center.
If you successfully complete the program,
your case will then be
dismissed as not guilty.
However, if you fail to
complete the program,
your case will be reopened,
and I will recommend
that, at such time, you be
remanded to the Department
of Youth Services for
extended incarceration
until the age of 25.
- Well, Judge Graham crackers
and milk strikes again.
- So, he's the victim now!
So, he gets treated for
his unfortunate condition,
and all is forgiven!
He--
He gets dismissed as not guilty!
What the hell is that?
- There's gotta be something else, Dave!
- If there was something
I could do, Mrs. Ambelin.
There were facts in the
probation investigation
that the defense completely
mis-characterized.
It make McCortland seem almost like--
- A victim!
- Yes.
And he's not.
He's just a slick little criminal.
I'm sorry.
- What, that's it?
Everyone else is done?
- Except us.
We don't get to be done!
Ever!
- Look, I'm telling you, he is a runner.
And that security at Merskin's?
What security?
He'll be out in about two seconds.
(gentle piano music)
- The well is dry.
And I'm dry.
(crying softly)
How can I give ...
what I don't have to give?
(emotional orchestral music)
Okay.
Long time, Ray.
- Father ...
I ...
I fell into the gutter again, Father.
And I ...
drug Alisha and the kids with me.
I ...
I hit Gray when he poured out my booze,
'cause I'm a worthless piece of shit.
- No!
What you did was wrong, Ray.
But you have to remember who you are.
Remember whose you are.
We both do.
- Gray said he'd forgive me, but ...
that just makes it worse.
I'm unfixable, Father.
Why do you even--
- No, you're not, Ray.
God hasn't given up on
you, and neither have I.
- But I can't do it.
I ain't got it in me.
- Then let Him do it in you.
Tomorrow night, in the parish center.
Go on.
Alisha can attend
Al-Anon at the same time.
(sighs)
- Nah, nah.
She ggve up on me.
- What's the number, Ray?
I'll call her.
You do know you're crazy, right?
That ...
That is crazy.
But I wouldn't be here if you weren't.
So whatever you're doing ...
I'm in.
(cell phone ringing)
Ingrid?
I tried to call you five times!
Why didn't you call me--
- I'm not the enemy here, Peter.
Why should I die?
(Peter stutters)
- Who said you were gonna die?
- No one is gonna fix us!
We have got to fix ourselves!
- Now, what are you talking about?
Who's "we"?
- You and me, and the
survivor support group
that we are gonna start
at Our Lady of Grace.
Next week, Tuesday,
Wednesday, take your pick.
- Ingrid.
I don't think that would be appropriate.
- Peter, please.
We need to do something!
I mean, I need to do something!
Please!
(gentle piano music)
- [Man] I prayed my
family wouldn't show up.
- Exactly, Arjun.
I mean, your restaurant,
it's not just a building.
It's a part of you.
Breaking and entering?
I mean, hell, try rape!
- [Arjun] I agree.
- This is Rose Harken, everyone.
(overlapping greetings)
Now, Rose is--
- Family.
Now, honey, I don't mean
to put you on the spot,
but he was sentenced as a juvenile.
You're a juvenile.
What do you think should have
happened to Michael's killer?
- Perhaps we should focus on--
- I think Michael should still be alive,
and he should be dead!
But he's not!
So I think he should be
made to regret what he did
for the rest of his life!
That's the only way I'm
ever gonna sleep again!
(clapping)
- Sorry, guys.
What the hell, Peter?
You said we were gonna go until 8:30!
- You said survivor support group, Ingrid.
Support group!
- [Ingrid] Exactly!
- That's not what this was!
This was ...
You don't heal wounds by poking them.
- Oh, so Catholic denial,
that's your solution?
- Just Us, justice, is that what you want?
- Yes!
- Justice without mercy is revenge!
God doesn't want that!
- That--
- Well it's what I want!
It's what I want, Peter!
And it's what a hell of a
lot of people want, too!
It's what I need!
I need to do something!
I need to take action!
Do you know, last week, I almost--
- Honey, honey, it's okay.
It's not taking action
to rage over something you cannot change.
Michael isn't coming back.
We have to focus on what we can change
and who we can change.
Ingrid, go home.
Pray.
(soft music)
- Look, I'm telling you, he is a runner.
- Lookin' for love that ...
Love that ...
No!
No freakin' lookin' for love crap,
you brain-dead piece of--
- What is he doing?
- [Teen] That's the new guy, isn't it?
(picking guitar)
- He's not bad.
- He's pretty good.
- That's right.
(stomps guitar)
- Man, don't touch me!
It was just a kiddie piece
of crap starter guitar!
I put it out of its misery, man!
Man, I had a guitar!
- The one in your car?
The one that you trashed?
You're confined til
group session tomorrow!
(somber music)
(gentle piano music)
- [Receptionist] Actually, I was thinking
maybe we could schedule
it for June the 14th?
Okay, yeah.
And is there any other paperwork
I need to bring besides the ID?
Okay, I have to make a copy of the ID?
Okay.
And social security as well?
(dramatic music)
(siren wailing)
(tires screeching)
- Get in!
Would you like to die like that?
- Yes.
- [Rose] Ingrid nailed him on a VCO!
- Violation of court order.
- He'll be locked up until he's 25.
(cheering)
- Sorry I'm late.
May I?
This is a list of victim's rights groups
and their locations.
You're all familiar with MADD,
Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
Some of you may genuinely benefit
from what these groups do.
- Peter, why are you--
- But that's not what we do.
This is the last meeting of Just Us.
Now, as a connection,
I'm inviting you to join our Mercy Teens.
There will be sacraments and
counseling and listening.
It's at the juvenile center
at 5050 Reynolds Avenue.
- That's where he's at!
- Yes, it is.
All the information is on the list.
Call me.
- Michael was like a son to you!
(emotional music)
Why does it feel like you
left when Michael left?
Or ...
before.
I can't breathe.
I can't ...
Please.
Just ...
let me see him in my dreams.
Just let me see Michael in my dream.
- [Father Peter] The body of Christ.
- Amen.
- The body of Christ.
- [Teen] Amen.
- [Announcer] Attention.
All juvenile facility visitors
must vacate the premises by 4:30.
(knocking)
- Hello?
Father Peter Wexler, Our
Lady of Grace Parish.
The database said that you were Catholic.
Or rather, it actually said ex-Cath,
which seems kind of high-tech to me,
so I thought that I would--
- Ex-Catholic.
I don't believe that crap anymore.
- Put away childish things.
- [Alec] Exactly.
- Good.
Me too.
Saint Paul said when he was older
that he put away childish things.
He was talking about
growing closer to God.
Childish faith just isn't
enough anymore, is it?
- Nothing's enough anymore.
- [Father Peter] Not when
you're carrying around
a 1,000-pound backpack.
- Don't need any more guilt.
- I can see that.
You've got enough already.
Why don't you make confession
and unload that backpack?
No God, no guilt, right?
- How could you--
No.
No, whatever.
I told you, I don't believe.
- You know how you can't actually fly
in a picture of an airplane?
- What?
- Real forgiveness is
a plane you can fly in.
It's so much better than pretending
that you don't need to be forgiven.
- Ah.
So you forgive me?
- Yes.
- That's what you're supposed to say.
- [Father Peter] True.
- You know what I did?
- Yes.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, you were in the courtroom.
You're the--
- Uncle ...
of the boy that you killed.
(smacks wall)
- [Alec] Jesus!
- Not really, but I'm trying.
- I told you I didn't believe!
You knew what the stupid "ex" meant!
Even if I did believe,
I wouldn't listen to some
psycho priest like you!
- All I want--
- No!
No.
Get out.
Get outta here!
(dramatic music)
- In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
- Bless me, Father.
It's been two months
since my last confession.
- Three.
- These are my sins.
- There's gotta be somethin'.
You use the Lord's name in vain.
- I do not!
- Yes, you do.
You say "oh my God".
- That's not--
- Yes, it is.
- God isn't his name, it's his title.
I've never ...
felt anything like this before, Peter.
I mean ...
even Evan's death ...
that was ...
clean.
It's an ache that'll always
be there, it'll never go away.
But this ...
I would rather be hit by a car myself
every day for the rest of my life.
Why?
Why?
Why would God let that happen?
What is the purpose of an 18-year-old boy
who has his whole life
ahead of him be crushed?
So what possible purpose could that serve?
- Our families in Syria being beheaded
or our girls in east
India buses being raped?
I don't know why God allows what He allows
or does what He does.
I just know that He tells
me what He wants me to do.
And I trust Him.
- Well that's pretty
frickin' one-sided, isn't it?
And you're okay with that?
- He doesn't ask my permission.
- Well I am not okay with that, Peter.
I am not okay with that.
- Are you here to confess
your sins or God's?
- I'm here because ...
because ...
I'm drowning.
And ...
Okay, yeah, maybe I don't know.
Maybe somewhere in here are my sins.
But God is not coming to rescue me.
I don't even want Him to rescue me.
I want ...
him.
Peter, I don't know how to get to him.
I hate him for what he's done,
but nothing makes sense without him.
- And you're here because ...
- Because ...
you said the other night ...
You said that ...
my rage won't bring Michael back.
And you're right.
Of course.
Of course you are, but ...
my rage ...
that was all I had.
And now I don't even have that.
- Well if--
- You also said that ...
That you and I, we
should start to focus on
what we can change and who we can change.
What did you mean?
- You heard that?
Well ...
I know that I said that
God doesn't tell me
why He does what He does.
Sometimes I get a glimmer.
Are you sure you wanna hear this?
- No.
But go on.
- Michael was never yours.
I think God is reminding you ...
us, all of us ...
that God is teaching us
to love what He loves,
who He loves, even if that
means loving outsiders.
And, yeah, forgiving them,
the awful ones,
that ones that we would never
let in if it was up to you.
- Oh my God!
You're talking about him?
That kid who killed Michael?
How could you?
How could He--
No.
No!
No, I was willing to try
to move forward if I could
or put it behind me, but that,
that is going backwards!
He is the gun that killed Michael.
(emotional music)
Hello?
Peter!
Peter?
Peter?
(soft music)
So, God killed your son.
How'd you get past it?
I used to want to be exactly like you.
Of course, you know that,
'cause you are the original mama bear.
Actually, at first, I wanted
to be a nun really bad.
I wanted to be you.
But then, you know, boys.
Evan.
And then a kid.
So now I've got what you've got: dead son.
I mean ...
He forgave everyone because He's God.
But you ...
didn't have to forgive.
And you did.
I mean, duh, of course,
I know you did, but ...
But how?
And Peter!
Not my Peter, your Peter.
He betrayed your son, they all did.
Didn't you hate them for that?
You must have.
But you stayed with them.
And you forgave them.
How?
How?
(emotional music)
One visit.
(garbled radio speech)
- Yeah?
- [Ingrid] I'm here to
see Alec McCortland.
- Your name?
- Oh, I ...
I don't think I'm actually on the list.
Ambelin.
Ingrid Ambelin.
- Huh.
Aren't the ...
What's her name?
The king with all the wives wife.
- [Ingrid] Henry VIII?
- Yeah.
- No.
Oh.
Not Anne Boleyn.
Ambelin.
A-M-B-E-L-I-N.
- Sorry.
I don't see it.
If you're not on the PL,
I can't let you through.
- The ...
- Permitted list.
Unless of course the
PD's already updated it.
- The ...
- Public defender.
- Well, do you think you could
call the PD about the PL?
Sorry.
I'm family.
- Yeah, Mr. Gitmeier, please.
Yeah, this is Sergeant
Early over at 50/50.
Thank you.
Mr. Gitmeier.
Yeah, this is Early over at Juvenile.
Got somebody that wants to
visit with Alec McCortland.
No, she'd be the first.
Yeah, Anne Boleyn.
Ingrid Anne Boleyn.
Really?
From the victim's family?
'Cause we don't have her--
Are you sure?
Because I don't think that--
All right.
Thank you.
Didn't say you were from that family.
But Mr. Gitmeier's approved
it, so I guess it's all right.
I gotta tell you ...
we don't do this.
Ever.
So, I'm gonna need you to promise me
that, when you get in
there, you're not gonna ...
- Lose my head?
I promise.
(buzzing)
It's coffee.
From the lobby.
I had to beg.
They fished around there with a pencil,
make sure there wasn't anything in them.
I mean, it's what I do.
Coffee.
(clears throat)
God.
Only I use actually coffee beans.
You know, it's the least you could do
to make eye--
- I didn't do it on purpose!
- What?
Oh my God, this isn't a time out!
What was I thinking?
- I don't even know what he looked like.
- What?
- Your son.
- He's ...
He was ...
taller than you, like his dad.
- Is he ...
- Dead too?
Yes, 51, brain hemorrhage.
Why the hell am I telling you this?
- I'm sorry.
About your husband.
Yeah, that coffee seriously sucks.
- You're sorry?
About my husband?
You're sorry about my husband
when you can't even
say that you're sorry--
- It just doesn't feel like I did it!
I don't remember anything.
It's totally surreal to me.
It's just like a bad dream.
- Oh it's real!
It is real!
I wake up every morning to how real it is!
And just because you
don't feel like it's real
doesn't change reality
one shred, one shred!
- There was alcohol!
And other stuff.
And my car was messed up,
but I couldn't afford to--
- I'm supposed to hate them
for crushing the life out of Michael?
I'm supposed to blame the alcohol
and your messed up car and the other stuff
for killing my son, for murdering him?
God!
If you can't say you're
sorry, at least admit it!
Admit it!
Hell was I thinking?
You know, the record said you're smart,
but you talk like a five-year-old.
- You read about me?
My foster parents were
quite erudite, actually,
whetting my young mind with
their succinct reasoning
and engaging me in spirited discussions
about the way--
- You ...
do not have the right
to be sarcastic with me!
You don't have the right
to be anything to me!
What was I thinking?
(bangs on door)
(buzzing)
- I did it.
(soft music)
- Michael!
That's obscene!
Thanks, Ben.
Goodnight.
(sighs)
- Spill.
- Spill what?
- Ingrid?
It's me.
- Oh really?
I went to see him.
- Who?
- McCortland!
That kid who killed Michael.
- Damn!
Why?
- Closure, maybe.
Something.
- [Nadine] You get it?
- Not yet.
Maybe never.
It was torture.
- You don't seem any worse.
- [Ingrid] Or better.
- You still hate him?
- Yes.
Maybe not so much.
Oh stop it with the eyebrows.
- You gonna go back?
- No!
- When I was a little girl,
I remember hearing this story about how,
when an oyster got a
grain of sand in them,
it hurts so much it makes them wanna cry.
- Wow.
That's really comforting.
- Not done yet.
- Sorry.
Check.
Sand.
Continue.
- So then after a while, the piece of sand
gets all coated with their tears,
until finally it doesn't
hurt them anymore.
Plus, the sand is now a beautiful ...
- Pearl.
Nadine!
That is the corniest story!
But ...
it's also kind of beautiful.
- Oh, you mushy old lady.
- Hey!
- Sorry.
- School go late?
- Honors club.
- Rose, honey, are you okay?
- Yeah.
I'm fine, Mama.
I just feel him when I'm here, you know?
(emotional music)
- Sand.
(curious music)
No Alec.
Ooh.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Holy 40 to life!
What didn't you do?
(humming)
(drumming on table)
Stop it!
- Why are you here?
- I forgive you.
- What?
No!
- Look, I get it.
Your father was a crazy, violent animal.
He killed your mother.
You were 12.
So you started taking drugs and drinking
and doing God knows what to
get it outta your head, right?
Burning through foster families.
So I get it.
You're forgiven.
I forgive you, end of story.
- No! (pounds table)
- What?
I thought that's what you wanted?
- [Alec] No!
- Well then what do you want?
I'll tell you what I want.
I want to ...
breathe again.
I want to ...
not wake up every morning and say, "Shit!
"I'm still alive."
So I forgive you.
You are forgiven.
I just wanna be done.
I wanna be done with this.
I wanna be done with you.
I wanna be done with everything.
- I always tell people he's from Ireland,
'cause it sounds cooler.
But he's really from Boston.
And he doesn't get pissed
because of some noble protest-y crap.
He gets pissed when people
don't do what he wants.
- Pissed off or pissed drunk?
- Both.
He wants what he wants.
That's it.
His whole deal.
He wants what he wants.
You never knew when he'd be there.
But when he was, he brought
all kinds of video games and iPhones.
He said it was for us.
My mom didn't buy it,
'cause she didn't drink.
- Wait, your mom didn't drink?
- Well, maybe when I was little
and Dez was around all the time.
But by the time Neecie arrived ...
She's not what you think.
She worked her ass off!
She volunteered all the time
at the St. Tobias food pantry.
Man, if she isn't in
heaven, there isn't one.
- Catholic.
- [Alec] Was there more than one?
- No, I meant that ...
- She hated the way Dez lied.
He'd stack all this stuff up in the corner
and say it was for us,
but then these douche
bags would come over,
get high, and leave with everything.
And Dez would be like,
"Well, you didn't want it."
But when he was high ...
Oh, when he was high, he was awesome!
He was like this skinny
R-rated Santa Clause.
- Did she love him?
- Maybe once.
But Neecie's dad is who she really loved.
- So your sister has a different dad?
- Yeah.
Only mom couldn't marry
him because of God.
- But she had a child with him.
- Is that a problem for Catholic heaven?
I started using before she died.
- What?
- He'd been gone for like a year,
and all a sudden he's back,
and he's got game boxes and TVs,
and a guitar, my first guitar!
An actual legit Taylor.
I just wanted him to stay and
be R-rated Santa all the time.
So I asked him for a hit.
And he rolled one just for me.
At first, nothin'.
But then, all of a sudden, it's like bam!
(laughing)
And we're like eating everything
in sight and laughing.
Oh, and he pours me a
shot of leprechaun juice.
God, I thought it was ...
I thought it was real magic.
'Cause for the first time,
I just didn't feel scared.
I felt like a normal person, you know?
I felt like everyone else feels.
- Nobody ...
feels normal.
Everyone just thinks everybody else does.
- So it was me?
I did it.
Just like I did your son.
I ain't goin' to Catholic
heaven or any other one, so ...
So don't forgive me.
Don't you forgive me!
(bangs table)
- [Ingrid] What happened?
- You don't wanna know.
- No!
I don't!
But I ...
I think I need to.
- I liked it, you know?
I just liked it.
I liked ...
drinkin' booze and holdin' a joint.
I don't know, it just made me
feel kinda grown up, in a way.
- Oh God, it's ironic.
- What?
- [Ingrid] Nothing!
- Yeah, I know what ironic mean!
- [Ingrid] I know you do!
- Anyway ...
Me and Dez, Dez and I ...
get high.
Sometimes he'd give me guitar lessons.
Only Neecie ...
God, he hated her.
'Cause of Marcus, Marcus Rowland.
That was her dad.
Dez would call Neecie a wigger.
But Mom and Marcus would
call her their golden child.
I always wanted to be golden.
- [Ingrid] What happened to Neecie?
- They split us up.
The foster people.
We didn't have the same
dad, and our mom was dead.
- [Ingrid] Did you ever see her?
- Once.
After they first took us away.
And I got to talk to her
on the phone two years ago.
Marcus was trying to get
custody, but I was in re-bad,
so I didn't get to talk to her very long.
- What happened?
- I told you.
I killed her.
I was afraid she was gonna make him leave!
And then I was afraid
she was gonna kill him.
I just, I didn't care.
I didn't care about either of them.
I just ...
I just cared about me!
I mean, I wanted ...
- What?
What?
- I wanted what I wanted.
Just like him, I want
what I want, that's it.
And when she picked up that knife ...
I was pissed, you know?
She was ruining everything!
And then all a sudden Neecie came in.
- [Ingrid] And then what happened?
- I took it from her!
I took the knife from
her and I gave it to him!
- [Ingrid] You couldn't have known--
- No, I knew, and I gave it to him anyway!
- Well then what happened next?
- [Alec] I locked Neecie in her room.
- [Ingrid] And then what?
- What do you want me to say?
I tried to stop him?
I did it, I did it!
I smashed up the guitar instead.
I smashed up the Taylor,
'cause I was pissed.
(crying)
I killed her, I killed her.
- [Ingrid] No.
You didn't.
He did.
- I let him!
(banging table)
- You were 12 years old, Alec.
(emotional guitar music)
So do you sleep?
(garbled radio speech)
- Niacin.
- Huh?
- He needs niacin.
- You a doctor?
- No.
- Then nope.
Why?
- Anxiety.
I take them too.
It's just a vitamin.
- And you care because ...
- Is there a doctor you
could call to approve this?
- Dr. Hasigawa.
'Cause he chopped off her head, right?
- What?
- Anne Boleyn.
You said you weren't gonna
lose your head in there.
(phone ringing)
- I mean, even our names.
Peter, rock.
Then I come along, and it's Ingrid,
beautiful fertility goddess.
(laughing)
What the heck, Mom?
- Now, what a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
There was a St. Ingrid, wasn't there?
- Some dicey, discredited
pseudo saint, maybe.
But compare to you, Saint-frickin'-Peter?
- Please, Ingrid.
You were still little
when I went to seminary.
You have no idea what
I was like beforehand.
- [Ingrid] Ooh, so tell.
- Never, little sister.
- Tell me.
- All right.
When Judy broke up with me, I went crazy.
I mean, completely crazy.
- Yeah, Judy Franken!
I thought you were gonna marry her.
- So did I.
And the things that I smoke,
and the things that I
drank, and then the girls--
- No, no, no!
No!
I don't wanna see that in my head.
- Neither do I.
But I do.
And every time some wreck of
a human walks in the door ...
it reminds me that that could be me.
- So that's why you're mister grace?
- To whom much is forgiven.
See, I'm no better than Alec McCortland.
I'm ...
just luckier.
- What is that?
- Longerman's file on Alec McCortland.
You still think he's the
gun that killed Michael?
- No.
Wreck of a human, maybe.
That kid.
He's drowning in his own guilt.
- I know.
And he won't let anyone take
it away from him, and so ...
I'm praying that you can.
- Save him?
Oh, no.
No, I am not in the business
of saving Alec McCortland.
That's your job.
I'm just working on
trying to not hate him.
- But what if you're the only one who can?
- Rose!
Honey!
♪ I remember when my life was over ♪
♪ And I remember when it all began again ♪
♪ The old man still a smolder ♪
♪ The new man just a kindling wind ♪
♪ Oh I remember love every day ♪
♪ When happiness and hope on display ♪
♪ And I remember wanting to play ♪
♪ Where the world was so ♪
(tires screeching)
♪ So far away ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ But there's a paradox to living ♪
♪ And the way to get is just by giving ♪
♪ And the way to live is just by dying ♪
♪ And the way to find
love is to stop trying ♪
♪ And just love ♪
Weapon-free.
Ew.
- Ew.
I can't believe you came back.
- I didn't plan to.
Did you ...
Did you get nia--
- Niacin!
Yes!
Yeah, it made me itchy.
- Oh.
Niacin flush.
It does that.
- Yeah, I read about it.
- Researching?
To make sure that I wasn't poisoning you?
(chuckles)
- I fell asleep.
For the first time since the ...
- Well, good.
I take it, too, for ADD and probably OCD.
My teacher's called it poor citizenship.
(chuckles)
Even now, when I see
"citizenship" on a form,
I feel like I should
write "needs improvement".
(laughing)
- Yes!
Oh, I can never, I can never stop the--
- The what?
The racing thoughts, the distractions?
- Oh, crap yeah!
I mean, sometimes I
just feel trapped with--
- With what, with your thoughts?
- Are you my friend?
- Don't push it.
I'm ...
just here.
- So I've gotta be religious?
- You do whatever you want.
- Before I quit school,
I used to argue with the religious geeks.
If God is all-powerful, can
he build a football field
so big even He can't kick a field goal?
Just to mess with them.
I used to say, "Man makes
God in his image." (laughs)
Oh, I thought I was so deep.
I thought I made that up.
- You didn't.
- Yeah, I know.
I really thought I didn't
believe in God anymore.
It'd be a lot easier.
- What?
- Are you my friend?
(gentle music)
I feel trapped with me.
- You said that ...
you didn't believe?
But then ...
- Then you came back.
And there's just no way
you'd be here without God.
(calm guitar music)
- We ...
received communion.
- I didn't realize you were one of
Father what's-his-name's little group.
- I'm not.
But my brother is Father Wexler, so ...
- Well, I'm glad you're here.
- There's ...
There's someone else I want you to meet.
Rose.
This is Rose.
She's my--
- Employee.
- I was going to say she's
like a daughter to me.
Rose sings.
- A little.
- And she is ridiculously smart.
You know, she's gonna go to UC, pre-law.
- Cool.
- Alec wants to major in music.
Someday.
- So, why law?
- A friend of mine was killed, and ...
- And Rose wants to help people.
- Mama, I can't.
- She also tutors third
graders at Merksen Elementary,
and all the kids really--
- He was my boyfriend, actually.
- [Ingrid] Rose, don't!
- Do you know who I'm talking about?
- No, no.
No, I don't.
(soft music)
Do you mean--
- Yes!
Funny.
He promised me he wouldn't go anywhere,
that he wouldn't leave me,
right before I saw him for the last time!
- What is this?
- I felt the same way about you, Alec,
until I met you, and so I thought
if Rose met you--
- But you fixed things,
didn't you?
You made sure I'd never see him again!
- [Ingrid] Rose!
- And now, you're taking her away from me?
You're like some black hole
that sucks everything down into it!
Why law?
So I can send people like
you where they belong!
- [Ingrid] No!
- What?
You're gonna hurt me, too?
Well, guess what, you already have!
- Rose!
Rose?
I'm sorry!
I thought--
Honey, listen.
Just wait a second.
(punching wall)
- It's okay, officer.
He knows me.
Can I talk to him?
Would that be okay?
- Five minutes!
(punching wall)
(grunting)
- You break that bad enough,
you won't be able to play the guitar.
Penance, of course!
- What?
- You give up.
The only thing that you
have, and maybe God was--
- No, I was just pissed!
- Real penance isn't a knife to cut.
It's medicine to heal.
- Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
I'm walkin' dead anyway.
- Me too.
- What?
- Walking dead.
Zombies.
We all are.
- Psycho priest.
- Did you ever see I Am Legend?
- [Alec] What, the movie?
- With Will Smith.
- I don't know.
Maybe.
- The book was better.
But it's a great theology text.
See, there's this man,
the Will Smith character.
And he hunts zombies, right?
In the end, they capture
him, and he finds out
that some of them are still alive.
Some of the ones that he's been killing.
- Living walking dead?
- The book is great!
Seriously.
It turns out they have these pills,
this medicine, that keeps them alive.
So, even thought they're zombies,
they don't eat people like
the dead dead ones do.
They watch out for each other,
and they keep each other alive.
- You're a total geek.
- The geeks shall inherit the earth.
- Isn't that the meek?
- Ha!
You do know your bible!
See ...
we have the pill.
- [Alec] What?
- Jesus ...
is our pill.
He keeps us alive.
We breathe out the disease
that makes us walking dead
when we confess our sins and
take in his life and his blood.
The ability to be alive,
even though we were dead.
(gentle music)
(buzzing)
- Look, I'm so sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
- I brought someone.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, please!
(soft music)
(cries softly)
- It's okay, Mom.
- Michael, I--
- I know.
I love you.
- I love you too, Michael.
- Michael was like, maybe, 13.
And after mass one Sunday, he goes up,
in the middle of everyone, and says,
"Papa Peter, how do I get girls?"
(laughing)
He had this mischievous innocence.
- Oh, I wish I'd known him.
- Oh, you would have loved him.
So anyway, Peter looks at my son and says,
"There are three things that girls like."
And then, he notices that, right there,
there's this group of little old ladies,
and they are standing there
with their mouths hanging open.
And he looks at 'em, and he goes, "What?
"I wasn't born a priest."
(laughing)
Crazy!
- He's kinda demented, you know?
- [Ingrid] Yes.
- Massively into Star Trek and zombies?
- Oh!
And don't even get him
started on The Beatles.
Saint John, Saint Paul,
Saint George, Saint Ringo!
- Seriously?
- Oh yeah.
- Well, they only reinvented music.
Backtracking, phase
shifting, multi-tracking,
and their chord progressions
are totally sick!
- You know, one Sunday
he did an entire homily
on the lyrics of "Blackbird".
"Take these sunken eyes and learn to see."
- "All your life.
"You were only waiting--"
- "For this moment to be free."
Whew.
- So, I finished that song.
- Wh--
The one that you couldn't--
- Yeah.
- Well--
- I just ...
Finally figure out that
it wasn't about a girl.
- Well sing it to me.
♪ Been looking for love ♪
♪ That can never be broken ♪
♪ Impossible love ♪
♪ That couldn't exist ♪
♪ A love that can hear me ♪
♪ When words are not spoken ♪
♪ But even my unfaithful heart ♪
♪ Can't resist ♪
♪ Maybe I'll never know ♪
♪ If I can find you ♪
♪ Or if you are even alive ♪
♪ But you are the one ♪
♪ Thing that I bind to ♪
♪ The reason that I can survive ♪
♪ I need you to light up ♪
♪ These dark lonely halls ♪
♪ Need to know you know ♪
♪ My innermost walls ♪
♪ Need you to live ♪
♪ Where I've wandered alone ♪
♪ Need you to make ♪
♪ My heart into your home ♪
(crying)
- Not just your song, Alec.
- I'm ...
pretty freaked out about
going back to court.
- I know.
- Would ...
Could you pray for me?
- Sure!
We'll pray together.
- No!
Just you.
- Lord ...
bless this young man tomorrow.
Be with him ...
- We have heard well-prepared presentation
by councils Longerman and Gitmeier,
and I see no reason not
to rule at this time.
Alec McCortland, this court has shown
tremendous leniency on your behalf.
It is the very real intent
of the Hamilton County Juvenile System
to rehabilitate young
people, not throw them away.
But when every effort fails,
your almost immediate violation
of court order, Mr. McCortland,
coupled with the clear
warning I gave you previously,
speak loudly of your need
for harsher discipline.
Yes, defense has made a dramatic case.
It is extraordinary that
Mrs. Ambelin would visit
or even be allowed to visit
Mr. McCortland in lockup.
However, such circumstances say more
about Mrs. Ambelin's character than yours.
You have shown no willingness to change.
Hence, I am inclined to sentence you
to extended incarceration at DYS
until the age of 25, at which time--
- He has changed, Your Honor.
(soft music)
- Mrs. Ambelin, this
hearing is concluding.
There are procedures for testifying.
Mr. McCortland's defense
did not submit any--
- He doesn't know anything about this.
I'm sorry, Your Honor, it's just ...
Would it change the outcome if Alec--
If Mr. McCortland had a legal guardian?
- It might.
But Mrs. Ambeline, CPS
has documented the fact
that Mr. McCortland does
not have a legal guardian.
- I have applied for legal
guardianship of Alec McCortland.
(moving music)
- We do it this time,
my way!
- Let's do it.
- All right?
Let's go!
- Let's go?
- We're done!
Let's go.
- All right, let's go.
- [Receptionist] I'm
very sorry, but I don't--
- You're sorry?
How do you lose a child?
- I didn't lose a child.
- He's not even 18!
- Can I help you?
- Yes.
My ...
Alec McCortland was
supposed to be brought here
half an hour ago by Detective Carny.
- We're aware of that Mrs. ...
- Ambelin!
It's Mrs. Ambelin!
- Carny's car was here--
- Did you call Detective Carny?
- Yes, but he never answered.
When the car ex-officers
are on duty, they usually--
- We really should wait
until we hear from Carny.
- What?
Wait til he gets off of work
a couple hours from now?
Alec could be dead by then.
- What if you find him?
I mean, what are you gonna do?
- I don't know, Peter.
But I just can't sit
here and not do anything.
(dramatic music)
- [Father Peter] Ingrid!
- What up H?
So ...
Listen, dude.
I got some contacts in the burbs.
- [Dealer] What are you sayin'?
- You know rich white kids,
just itchin' for this shit.
- Where did he get the money?
And why is he still there?
- [Father Peter] We can't
handle this ourselves.
I'm callin' Carny.
- You Daymond?
- What's up?
- Daymond, I got a way
for us to make some money.
- [Father Peter] Ingrid, no!
- [Ingrid] Alec!
- [Dealer] Who the hell's this?
Who is she?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
(gun bangs)
(delicate piano music)
(siren wailing)
- Stay with me.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You're okay.
You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.
- [Officer] Police, stop!
- Through this holy oil
and His great mercy,
may God forgive you for any sins
that you may have committed.
- You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.
- It was a sting.
- What?
- You think I just happened to show up?
Look, it was his idea.
He said he would do it with or without us.
So I said ...
Look, it wasn't supposed
to go down like that.
- He's 17!
- We've been trying to
nail this guy for months!
- I don't care what you've been trying!
You don't put a kid at risk!
And my sister!
- I heard.
- Go.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Look, I know I screwed up.
And Judge Graham knows it, too.
Trust me.
She set me straight on procedure.
But the shooter and the
kingpin are down for the count.
Look, the guy's phone list is golden.
All kinds of NTs are on there.
Anyway ...
the kid's be readmitted to Merskin.
You're authorized to pick him up
and bring him back at any time.
The hours are on there.
- Thanks.
- I'm sorry, Father.
- For when you're ready.
(calm guitar music)
♪ Life is just a game we play ♪
♪ To pass away the years ♪
♪ Yeah that's what I used to say ♪
♪ But it never stopped one tear ♪
♪ And a tear is just a drop you see ♪
♪ In an ocean of regrets ♪
♪ And a sea of grief could never free ♪
♪ A heart so far in debt ♪
♪ In debt ♪
♪ Even though I know I'm not enough ♪
♪ I keep trying anyway ♪
♪ I keep thinking when I'm up to snuff ♪
♪ I could blow this fog away ♪
♪ But if I had a million years ♪
♪ And all my Sundays too ♪
♪ I could never set the balance straight ♪
♪ For the things I didn't do ♪
♪ Didn't do ♪
♪ Some day I'll know ♪
♪ And I'll never forget ♪
♪ No no no ♪
♪ What I do in the end's what matters ♪
♪ So I won't fall in love with regrets ♪
♪ No regrets ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ No regrets ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
You can see the difference
even while she's sleeping.
Now, had we argued, she would've woke up
and told us we were both wrong.
I'll pick you up first tomorrow,
and you can help me bring her home.
- I should go.
- [Father Peter] Why, Alec?
You belong here!
- No, no, I can't.
- It was your prayers.
- I put her here!
Don't you get that?
- [Father Peter] No, stop it!
Stop it!
- What?
- You are not the center
of the universe, Alec!
Things don't happen just because of you!
You think God gets up
every morning and says,
"Boy, I'd like to do a lot
of terrific stuff today,
"but I just can't, because
Alec's gonna screw it up"?
- How can you say that?
- Say what?
Talk like I'm a regular person?
Because I am a regular person, Alec.
I eat, I sleep, I poop,
I have stupid ideas
that can be more simple
than you might think.
But that's when God invades me again!
Because that's what He does!
He is my medicine for stupid!
He's the pill that keeps me alive!
- No, I can't let him inside!
Don't you get that, you psycho?
It's full of shit in here!
Full of shit and darkness and hell,
and I just fucking can't!
- He's already inside!
Let him finish what he started!
- No, no, I can't.
Let go of me.
Get off of me!
(emotional music)
Just get off.
Just get off!
No!
No, no.
Just let me go.
- It is time for you to stop
thinking about yourself!
That woman over there,
that crazy, wonderful,
caffeinated Madonna needs your love!
- No, no, I don't deserve it.
- Of course you don't!
None of us do!
Haven't you figured that out yet?
You're her son.
- No.
No, I'm the one
who killed her son.
- Tell God.
He's the one who made the arrangement.
I'm merely an observer.
- No, no, it was me.
I killed her son.
And I killed my mother,
and I almost killed her.
- And you're leaving someone out.
Who put him there?
(emotional music)
- I did.
- I did.
- And so did I.
- No.
No, no, no.
After what I did to you?
The bullet?
- I chose that bullet, Alec.
And he chose that.
- You saved my life.
Twice.
- No choice.
You're my pearl.
It's a long story.
- I think I'm ready to
go to confession now.
(gentle piano music)
♪ Been looking for love ♪
♪ That can never be broken ♪
♪ Impossible love ♪
♪ That couldn't exist ♪
♪ A love that can hear me ♪
♪ When words are not spoken ♪
♪ That even my unfaithful heart ♪
♪ Can't resist ♪
♪ Maybe I'll never know ♪
♪ If I can find you ♪
♪ Or if you are even alive ♪
♪ But you are the one ♪
♪ Thing that I bind to ♪
♪ The reason that I can survive ♪
♪ I need you to light up ♪
♪ These dark lonely halls ♪
♪ Need to know you know ♪
♪ My innermost walls ♪
♪ Need you to live ♪
♪ Where I've wandered alone ♪
♪ Need you to make ♪
♪ My heart into your home ♪
♪ Well I heard of a man
who vanished completely ♪
♪ Had riches and power
like an old king of Spain ♪
♪ But nobody whispered or
spoke his name sweetly ♪
♪ In the end he was only
a stain on the world ♪
♪ Maybe I'll never know
if I can find you ♪
♪ Or if you are even alive ♪
♪ But you are the one ♪
♪ Thing that I bind to ♪
- Is that your mom?
♪ The reason that I can survive ♪
- Yup.
♪ I need you to light up ♪
♪ These dark lonely halls ♪
♪ Need to know you know ♪
♪ My innermost walls ♪
♪ Need you to live ♪
♪ Where I've wandered alone ♪
♪ Need you to make ♪
♪ My heart into your home ♪
♪ Need you to live ♪
♪ Where I've wandered alone ♪
♪ Need you to make ♪
♪ My heart into your home ♪
(upbeat country music)
♪ Father I'm on fire ♪
♪ And I'm burning up for you ♪
♪ 'Cause it's filled me with desire ♪
♪ To know what's really
truly in your will for me ♪
♪ I know that you will show me ♪
♪ 'Cause you answer every
knock on your door ♪
♪ Lord I'm just a baby ♪
♪ But I'm learning how to crawl ♪
♪ And I hope that someday maybe ♪
♪ I can grow up taller
than I stood before ♪
♪ And I know you'll use me more ♪
♪ 'Cause you answer every
knock on your door ♪
♪ And I'd like to sing
this song out loud ♪
♪ So everyone can hear ♪
♪ And if there's someone in the crowd ♪
♪ That's longing to get nearer to thee ♪
♪ Then Father work through me ♪
♪ 'Cause you changed my life ♪
♪ It's you I'm living for ♪
♪ Tell me your story ♪
♪ Show me your pain ♪
♪ Teach me how to find
the healing river again ♪
♪ Where is the water that
first made me whole ♪
♪ Where is the potter
that can remake my soul ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
(baby babbling)
♪ Oh ♪
(car horn honking)
- The canal was right out there.
Gone now.
They paved over it.
So, no more water.
Now, we brew coffee,
the best in Cincinnati.
Notice how it says "Hebrews".
Or, in this case "she-brews".
(laughing)
Ah-dit-dit!
(kisses cheek)
(door bell jangles)
- [Girl] Hey, Mama!
- Taylor!
Are you looking for sex or love?
- Um ...
Both?
- Get the order right, honey!
There's an extra pair
of pants in the locker.
- Okay.
(cheerful music)
- Oh, d--
- Is she your mom?
- No.
- Is she her mom?
- No. (chuckles)
But don't tell her that.
(chuckling)
(dings bell)
- Frittatas up, Mama Bear.
(gentle music)
(cell phone ringing)
- Blessings til it hurts.
- [Ingrid] Forgive me,
father, for I have sinned.
- [Priest] What now?
- I told Michael he
had to close up tonight
because I needed to make more mugs.
I lied.
We don't need no stinkin' mugs.
- And you lied because ...
- Because he wants to move out, Peter!
He was gonna go look at apartments!
I mean, he just graduate, for Pete's--
For your sake.
What's the rush?
- Life.
He's 18, Ingrid.
You moved out when you were 18.
- Yeah, and look how I turned out.
- You turned out great!
And so has Michael.
He's my favorite nephew.
- He's your only nephew.
- Nothing is gonna happen to him.
- Who died and made you God?
You can't promise that.
(bells pealing)
- Look, I've got vespers.
Talk to you tomorrow?
- You're my well, Peter.
- Yeah, well ...
the well has to refill sometimes.
When did you become so cautious, Ing?
I mean, you used to adopt everything
that came through the door, and ...
Now it's just Michael and your cubs.
What about the rest of the world?
- Have you seen the rest
of the world lately?
(soft piano music)
(uneasy music)
- Is it heroin?
- [Drug Dealer] Try it out.
(upbeat music)
- Goodnight Rose.
Goodnight Michael.
Hey, good luck in college.
- Hey, thanks!
(door bell jangles)
- You sure?
- We got it, Nadine.
- Rose, you know that grill
needs a good cleaning.
- I know how to clean the grill.
- Hm!
(giggles)
(laughing)
(chattering)
- Hey.
So, I'm the brash but charming singer
you're all gonna fall in love with
so they actually pay me to play this time.
(chattering)
Hey!
So, my dad was this really
pissed off Irish guy, right?
Liked to smash things up.
So I wrote this song about him.
(strums guitar)
♪ Well the sun comes up
and the moon goes down ♪
♪ And we work all day for barely a crown ♪
♪ And the time comes along ♪
♪ And the time goes away ♪
♪ And we spend our lives
with nothing to say ♪
♪ So give me a gun ♪
♪ Give me a knife ♪
♪ Give me a reason to not take your life ♪
♪ You killed my friends
and my brothers as well ♪
♪ You may kill me but
we'll both go to hell ♪
♪ La da die die da da
die die die die die die ♪
♪ La da die da die die die die die die ♪
♪ La da die die da da
die die da die die die ♪
♪ Lie da die die da die die ♪
♪ La da die die da da
die die da die die die ♪
♪ And the rain will be coming down fast ♪
(audience cheering)
(chattering)
(laughing)
- [Woman] You gotta try mine too.
- Hey, cute ladies.
- [Singer] Ooh!
What's up, big guy?
- How old are you, kid?
- I'm older than I look.
- Yeah, right.
So am I!
And so's my license,
which I'd like to keep!
(door slams)
♪ There's a paradox to livin' ♪
♪ 'Cause the way to
get is just by givin' ♪
♪ 'Cause the way to
live is just by dying ♪
♪ And the way to find love
stop trying and just ♪
♪ Love ♪
(clapping)
(laughs)
- I use a hairbrush.
- Hey, girl!
(laughing)
(breathing heavily)
- This it totally not what
my mom is paying us for.
- I know.
Totally irresponsible, Michael.
(giggles)
- Dang.
I'm supposed to be the responsible one.
You're still in high school, but I ...
- I have to go study for my SATs,
since I'm still in high school!
- Joke.
Hey, joke.
Joke.
You're 10 times as
responsible as I am, and ...
way hotter, too.
What?
- You're leaving.
- Three and a half miles.
Xavier University is three
and a half miles away.
- It's another world.
- I'm not goin' anywhere.
I swear.
(emotional music)
- I still have to go.
(engine revving)
(anxious music)
(intense music plays on radio)
- Evening.
(glass shattering)
(monitor beeping)
- [Father Pete] May the
Lord who frees you from sin
save you and raise you up.
- I'm sorry, Father.
Can you ...
This one's DOA.
- [Father Peter] Yeah, that's fine.
(emotional music)
(shouts)
(crying)
- Michael?
- Ma'am.
Mrs. Ambelin?
- Yes, I'm trying to find my son!
- You were supposed to check in
at the--
- No, no, no.
I'm looking for Michael.
I'm Mrs. Ambelin!
I'm looking for my son!
Peter, where's Michael?
Why can't I see Michael?
What's going on?
Peter!
- Ingrid.
- I need to see Michael!
Just--
- Mrs. Ambelin?
Your son was DO--
He passed.
25 minutes ago.
- There must be some mistake.
No.
Please, I just need to see him.
You have to let me see him.
Peter, please tell her.
Please tell her that I need to see my son.
- Another young man's
car jumped a curb and ...
He didn't suffer.
(crying)
- It can't ...
be.
(men shouting)
Is that him?
Ma'am, you can't go in there.
- Is that who murdered my son?
And he gets to live?
He!
He gets to live!
Why does he get to live?
Why does he get to live?
(sobbing)
(emotional orchestral music)
(gentle piano music)
(keys jangling)
(dog barking)
- Hey, Mom, there was a total mix-up.
♪ Tell me your story ♪
♪ Show me your pain ♪
♪ Teach me how to find
that healing river again ♪
♪ Where is the water that
first made me whole ♪
♪ Where is the potter
that can remake my soul ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
- Why do you get to live?
♪ Lord I've been drifting ♪
♪ And I don't know why ♪
♪ When did this world
get so barren and dry ♪
♪ Where is the water ♪
(basketball dribbling)
♪ That first made me whole ♪
- Ha!
Match that Papa Pete!
♪ Where is the potter ♪
♪ That can remake my soul ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
(door bell jangles)
- No problem.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
- Anything at all, just call me.
- Love you.
(sniffles)
Bye, sweetie.
Thanks.
You see this?
- I saw the obituary.
- No.
No, no, no.
The local section, Peter!
They put them together like they were ...
brothers or something!
We have gotta make sure
that he never hurts anyone again!
(knocking)
- [Father Peter] Mr. Longerman.
- Dave.
Do we ...
- Thank you for doing this.
I know prosecutors have long hours.
- And short lives.
- My sister, Ingrid Ambelin.
- [Dave] Mrs. Ambelin, I'm so sorry.
- So am I!
Is there any chance for death?
- Uh, no.
It's vehicular homicide,
Mrs. Ambelin, so--
- He was stoned out of his mind!
- Yes, and that will be in the charges.
A DUI and driving under
a suspended license
is aggravated vehicular.
Plus, if he has any other priors,
normally I'd go for up to 20 years.
- Normally?
- The defendant is a juvenile.
Well, he's 17.
- So, what, it's a prank?
Kids'll be kids?
- No.
But it will be handled differently.
The CPS is involved.
Plus, the defendant, Alec
McCortland, is a foster child.
So, Job and Family Services is involved.
They've already assigned
him a Guardian Ad Litem.
- So, where's he now, at a party?
- Ingrid.
- No, it's okay.
He's being booked into 50/50.
It's juvenile detention
at 5050 Reynolds Avenue.
- [Ingrid] Kid jail?
- [Dave] Basically, yeah.
- [Ingrid] Then what?
- [Dave] He'll stay there
through his trial and sentencing.
- Then what?
- Look.
He's not jut a foster kid.
He's a bad egg.
He bailed on his last family,
stole all of their
prescription painkillers,
and just disappeared about a month ago.
Stopped going to school, has
a history of substance abuse.
Rehab didn't stick.
- Surprise, surprise!
- If all they do is detox,
all they do is retox.
- So ...
What happens now?
- I get him tried as an adult.
McCortland agreed to waive his right
to an amenability hearing,
so this should be pure--
(door opens)
- All rise.
Hamilton County Youth
Court is now in session.
The Honorable Judge
Hua-Ling Graham presiding.
(bangs gavel)
- Good morning.
This bindover hearing is now in session.
This is a closed hearing.
The only persons allowed in the courtroom
are those directly involved in the case.
Please be seated.
There are three criteria in determining
whether the defendant, Alec McCortland,
is to be tried as an adult:
age, seriousness of offense,
and prior record, which it
seems I have almost nothing on.
Councils, please approach the bench.
Council Longerman, how did we get here
without an amenability hearing?
- I have a signed waiver
for the accused, Your Honor.
- And why wasn't this expressly stated
in the record beforehand?
Council Gitdmeier, I'm sorry,
do you have someplace
else you'd rather be?
- No, Your Honor.
It's just that Mr. McCortland ...
he signed the waiver against my council.
- Rule Three of the Ohio
Rules of Juvenile Procedures
says that the accused
may relinquish his rights
to be tried as a juvenile only
with permission of the court
after we have determined that the juvenile
understands the
consequences of that action!
That's what amenability
hearings are for, gentlemen!
- I know, Your Honor, but
it isn't required if ...
Look.
McCortland understands.
Trust me.
I mean, he may be a smart a--
He's not stupid.
- Well, gosh.
We have your testimony.
What else do we need?
And there's no legal guardian.
Is that correct?
- No, Your Honor.
There is a Guardian ad Litem
from Job and Family Services.
(bangs gavel)
- Excuse me!
You!
Guardian!
Lose the phone now!
- Why does the kid have to agree?
Why don't they just put a robe on him?
- Defense respectfully
requests that Your Honor
overrule Mr. McCortland's waiver,
in so much as the defendant's psych eval
shows that he suffers from ADD
with comorbid symptoms of OCD.
- Just because he watches birds
and washes his hands a lot
doesn't mean that he's a--
- Stop!
Just stop.
You both have done shotty
work here, gentlemen,
just plain shotty!
Sit down!
Now!
I am enjoined by juvenile law
to determine whether this young man
knowingly, voluntarily, and intelligently
waived his right to an
amenability hearing.
I do not find the facts compelling.
- Not compelling?
He murdered my son!
- Ingrid, Ingrid ...
- Alec McCortland will
be tried as a juvenile.
- You said he would be tried as an adult!
- I said maybe.
- No!
You said that you could do it!
- What does this mean now, Dave?
- Well, at worst he'll be
sent to DYS until he's 21.
- What?
Four years of summer camp?
- Actually, they only
send the most serious--
- Mr. Longerman.
Do you need a timeout?
- [Dave] My apologies, Your Honor.
- Are there any adults in this room?
Trial is set for one month from today.
(bangs gavel)
(dramatic music)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Man On Phone] Hi, can you hear me okay?
- Who is this?
- Great!
This is Chad from cardholder services.
(slams phone)
- Everything you make is so beautiful.
The pottery.
This place.
That.
- Oh, sweetie.
It's not art, it's just a stencil.
- That you made.
Everything, the pottery,
the food, Michael.
- I did have a little help making Michael.
You know, he ...
He talked about you all the time.
- I don't know how to let go of him.
- Neither do I.
(crying)
- Need you ...
to ...
light up my life.
Nah, nah.
Total crap.
Crap cliche.
Need you to ...
What?
Need you to what?
- All rise.
- Alec McCortland, considering
the grave circumstances
of your offense, prior unsuccessful
rehabilitation efforts,
and your failure to respect the rules
of the Hamilton County foster care system,
but weighing these against time
already served in detention,
your abandonment as a child,
and the circumstances
surrounding that incident,
the court is ordering a suspended sentence
and treatment in lieu of incarceration.
This means that your guilty
plea will be suspended
during your six-to-12 months residence
at the Merskin Juvenile Treatment Center.
If you successfully complete the program,
your case will then be
dismissed as not guilty.
However, if you fail to
complete the program,
your case will be reopened,
and I will recommend
that, at such time, you be
remanded to the Department
of Youth Services for
extended incarceration
until the age of 25.
- Well, Judge Graham crackers
and milk strikes again.
- So, he's the victim now!
So, he gets treated for
his unfortunate condition,
and all is forgiven!
He--
He gets dismissed as not guilty!
What the hell is that?
- There's gotta be something else, Dave!
- If there was something
I could do, Mrs. Ambelin.
There were facts in the
probation investigation
that the defense completely
mis-characterized.
It make McCortland seem almost like--
- A victim!
- Yes.
And he's not.
He's just a slick little criminal.
I'm sorry.
- What, that's it?
Everyone else is done?
- Except us.
We don't get to be done!
Ever!
- Look, I'm telling you, he is a runner.
And that security at Merskin's?
What security?
He'll be out in about two seconds.
(gentle piano music)
- The well is dry.
And I'm dry.
(crying softly)
How can I give ...
what I don't have to give?
(emotional orchestral music)
Okay.
Long time, Ray.
- Father ...
I ...
I fell into the gutter again, Father.
And I ...
drug Alisha and the kids with me.
I ...
I hit Gray when he poured out my booze,
'cause I'm a worthless piece of shit.
- No!
What you did was wrong, Ray.
But you have to remember who you are.
Remember whose you are.
We both do.
- Gray said he'd forgive me, but ...
that just makes it worse.
I'm unfixable, Father.
Why do you even--
- No, you're not, Ray.
God hasn't given up on
you, and neither have I.
- But I can't do it.
I ain't got it in me.
- Then let Him do it in you.
Tomorrow night, in the parish center.
Go on.
Alisha can attend
Al-Anon at the same time.
(sighs)
- Nah, nah.
She ggve up on me.
- What's the number, Ray?
I'll call her.
You do know you're crazy, right?
That ...
That is crazy.
But I wouldn't be here if you weren't.
So whatever you're doing ...
I'm in.
(cell phone ringing)
Ingrid?
I tried to call you five times!
Why didn't you call me--
- I'm not the enemy here, Peter.
Why should I die?
(Peter stutters)
- Who said you were gonna die?
- No one is gonna fix us!
We have got to fix ourselves!
- Now, what are you talking about?
Who's "we"?
- You and me, and the
survivor support group
that we are gonna start
at Our Lady of Grace.
Next week, Tuesday,
Wednesday, take your pick.
- Ingrid.
I don't think that would be appropriate.
- Peter, please.
We need to do something!
I mean, I need to do something!
Please!
(gentle piano music)
- [Man] I prayed my
family wouldn't show up.
- Exactly, Arjun.
I mean, your restaurant,
it's not just a building.
It's a part of you.
Breaking and entering?
I mean, hell, try rape!
- [Arjun] I agree.
- This is Rose Harken, everyone.
(overlapping greetings)
Now, Rose is--
- Family.
Now, honey, I don't mean
to put you on the spot,
but he was sentenced as a juvenile.
You're a juvenile.
What do you think should have
happened to Michael's killer?
- Perhaps we should focus on--
- I think Michael should still be alive,
and he should be dead!
But he's not!
So I think he should be
made to regret what he did
for the rest of his life!
That's the only way I'm
ever gonna sleep again!
(clapping)
- Sorry, guys.
What the hell, Peter?
You said we were gonna go until 8:30!
- You said survivor support group, Ingrid.
Support group!
- [Ingrid] Exactly!
- That's not what this was!
This was ...
You don't heal wounds by poking them.
- Oh, so Catholic denial,
that's your solution?
- Just Us, justice, is that what you want?
- Yes!
- Justice without mercy is revenge!
God doesn't want that!
- That--
- Well it's what I want!
It's what I want, Peter!
And it's what a hell of a
lot of people want, too!
It's what I need!
I need to do something!
I need to take action!
Do you know, last week, I almost--
- Honey, honey, it's okay.
It's not taking action
to rage over something you cannot change.
Michael isn't coming back.
We have to focus on what we can change
and who we can change.
Ingrid, go home.
Pray.
(soft music)
- Look, I'm telling you, he is a runner.
- Lookin' for love that ...
Love that ...
No!
No freakin' lookin' for love crap,
you brain-dead piece of--
- What is he doing?
- [Teen] That's the new guy, isn't it?
(picking guitar)
- He's not bad.
- He's pretty good.
- That's right.
(stomps guitar)
- Man, don't touch me!
It was just a kiddie piece
of crap starter guitar!
I put it out of its misery, man!
Man, I had a guitar!
- The one in your car?
The one that you trashed?
You're confined til
group session tomorrow!
(somber music)
(gentle piano music)
- [Receptionist] Actually, I was thinking
maybe we could schedule
it for June the 14th?
Okay, yeah.
And is there any other paperwork
I need to bring besides the ID?
Okay, I have to make a copy of the ID?
Okay.
And social security as well?
(dramatic music)
(siren wailing)
(tires screeching)
- Get in!
Would you like to die like that?
- Yes.
- [Rose] Ingrid nailed him on a VCO!
- Violation of court order.
- He'll be locked up until he's 25.
(cheering)
- Sorry I'm late.
May I?
This is a list of victim's rights groups
and their locations.
You're all familiar with MADD,
Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
Some of you may genuinely benefit
from what these groups do.
- Peter, why are you--
- But that's not what we do.
This is the last meeting of Just Us.
Now, as a connection,
I'm inviting you to join our Mercy Teens.
There will be sacraments and
counseling and listening.
It's at the juvenile center
at 5050 Reynolds Avenue.
- That's where he's at!
- Yes, it is.
All the information is on the list.
Call me.
- Michael was like a son to you!
(emotional music)
Why does it feel like you
left when Michael left?
Or ...
before.
I can't breathe.
I can't ...
Please.
Just ...
let me see him in my dreams.
Just let me see Michael in my dream.
- [Father Peter] The body of Christ.
- Amen.
- The body of Christ.
- [Teen] Amen.
- [Announcer] Attention.
All juvenile facility visitors
must vacate the premises by 4:30.
(knocking)
- Hello?
Father Peter Wexler, Our
Lady of Grace Parish.
The database said that you were Catholic.
Or rather, it actually said ex-Cath,
which seems kind of high-tech to me,
so I thought that I would--
- Ex-Catholic.
I don't believe that crap anymore.
- Put away childish things.
- [Alec] Exactly.
- Good.
Me too.
Saint Paul said when he was older
that he put away childish things.
He was talking about
growing closer to God.
Childish faith just isn't
enough anymore, is it?
- Nothing's enough anymore.
- [Father Peter] Not when
you're carrying around
a 1,000-pound backpack.
- Don't need any more guilt.
- I can see that.
You've got enough already.
Why don't you make confession
and unload that backpack?
No God, no guilt, right?
- How could you--
No.
No, whatever.
I told you, I don't believe.
- You know how you can't actually fly
in a picture of an airplane?
- What?
- Real forgiveness is
a plane you can fly in.
It's so much better than pretending
that you don't need to be forgiven.
- Ah.
So you forgive me?
- Yes.
- That's what you're supposed to say.
- [Father Peter] True.
- You know what I did?
- Yes.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, you were in the courtroom.
You're the--
- Uncle ...
of the boy that you killed.
(smacks wall)
- [Alec] Jesus!
- Not really, but I'm trying.
- I told you I didn't believe!
You knew what the stupid "ex" meant!
Even if I did believe,
I wouldn't listen to some
psycho priest like you!
- All I want--
- No!
No.
Get out.
Get outta here!
(dramatic music)
- In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
- Bless me, Father.
It's been two months
since my last confession.
- Three.
- These are my sins.
- There's gotta be somethin'.
You use the Lord's name in vain.
- I do not!
- Yes, you do.
You say "oh my God".
- That's not--
- Yes, it is.
- God isn't his name, it's his title.
I've never ...
felt anything like this before, Peter.
I mean ...
even Evan's death ...
that was ...
clean.
It's an ache that'll always
be there, it'll never go away.
But this ...
I would rather be hit by a car myself
every day for the rest of my life.
Why?
Why?
Why would God let that happen?
What is the purpose of an 18-year-old boy
who has his whole life
ahead of him be crushed?
So what possible purpose could that serve?
- Our families in Syria being beheaded
or our girls in east
India buses being raped?
I don't know why God allows what He allows
or does what He does.
I just know that He tells
me what He wants me to do.
And I trust Him.
- Well that's pretty
frickin' one-sided, isn't it?
And you're okay with that?
- He doesn't ask my permission.
- Well I am not okay with that, Peter.
I am not okay with that.
- Are you here to confess
your sins or God's?
- I'm here because ...
because ...
I'm drowning.
And ...
Okay, yeah, maybe I don't know.
Maybe somewhere in here are my sins.
But God is not coming to rescue me.
I don't even want Him to rescue me.
I want ...
him.
Peter, I don't know how to get to him.
I hate him for what he's done,
but nothing makes sense without him.
- And you're here because ...
- Because ...
you said the other night ...
You said that ...
my rage won't bring Michael back.
And you're right.
Of course.
Of course you are, but ...
my rage ...
that was all I had.
And now I don't even have that.
- Well if--
- You also said that ...
That you and I, we
should start to focus on
what we can change and who we can change.
What did you mean?
- You heard that?
Well ...
I know that I said that
God doesn't tell me
why He does what He does.
Sometimes I get a glimmer.
Are you sure you wanna hear this?
- No.
But go on.
- Michael was never yours.
I think God is reminding you ...
us, all of us ...
that God is teaching us
to love what He loves,
who He loves, even if that
means loving outsiders.
And, yeah, forgiving them,
the awful ones,
that ones that we would never
let in if it was up to you.
- Oh my God!
You're talking about him?
That kid who killed Michael?
How could you?
How could He--
No.
No!
No, I was willing to try
to move forward if I could
or put it behind me, but that,
that is going backwards!
He is the gun that killed Michael.
(emotional music)
Hello?
Peter!
Peter?
Peter?
(soft music)
So, God killed your son.
How'd you get past it?
I used to want to be exactly like you.
Of course, you know that,
'cause you are the original mama bear.
Actually, at first, I wanted
to be a nun really bad.
I wanted to be you.
But then, you know, boys.
Evan.
And then a kid.
So now I've got what you've got: dead son.
I mean ...
He forgave everyone because He's God.
But you ...
didn't have to forgive.
And you did.
I mean, duh, of course,
I know you did, but ...
But how?
And Peter!
Not my Peter, your Peter.
He betrayed your son, they all did.
Didn't you hate them for that?
You must have.
But you stayed with them.
And you forgave them.
How?
How?
(emotional music)
One visit.
(garbled radio speech)
- Yeah?
- [Ingrid] I'm here to
see Alec McCortland.
- Your name?
- Oh, I ...
I don't think I'm actually on the list.
Ambelin.
Ingrid Ambelin.
- Huh.
Aren't the ...
What's her name?
The king with all the wives wife.
- [Ingrid] Henry VIII?
- Yeah.
- No.
Oh.
Not Anne Boleyn.
Ambelin.
A-M-B-E-L-I-N.
- Sorry.
I don't see it.
If you're not on the PL,
I can't let you through.
- The ...
- Permitted list.
Unless of course the
PD's already updated it.
- The ...
- Public defender.
- Well, do you think you could
call the PD about the PL?
Sorry.
I'm family.
- Yeah, Mr. Gitmeier, please.
Yeah, this is Sergeant
Early over at 50/50.
Thank you.
Mr. Gitmeier.
Yeah, this is Early over at Juvenile.
Got somebody that wants to
visit with Alec McCortland.
No, she'd be the first.
Yeah, Anne Boleyn.
Ingrid Anne Boleyn.
Really?
From the victim's family?
'Cause we don't have her--
Are you sure?
Because I don't think that--
All right.
Thank you.
Didn't say you were from that family.
But Mr. Gitmeier's approved
it, so I guess it's all right.
I gotta tell you ...
we don't do this.
Ever.
So, I'm gonna need you to promise me
that, when you get in
there, you're not gonna ...
- Lose my head?
I promise.
(buzzing)
It's coffee.
From the lobby.
I had to beg.
They fished around there with a pencil,
make sure there wasn't anything in them.
I mean, it's what I do.
Coffee.
(clears throat)
God.
Only I use actually coffee beans.
You know, it's the least you could do
to make eye--
- I didn't do it on purpose!
- What?
Oh my God, this isn't a time out!
What was I thinking?
- I don't even know what he looked like.
- What?
- Your son.
- He's ...
He was ...
taller than you, like his dad.
- Is he ...
- Dead too?
Yes, 51, brain hemorrhage.
Why the hell am I telling you this?
- I'm sorry.
About your husband.
Yeah, that coffee seriously sucks.
- You're sorry?
About my husband?
You're sorry about my husband
when you can't even
say that you're sorry--
- It just doesn't feel like I did it!
I don't remember anything.
It's totally surreal to me.
It's just like a bad dream.
- Oh it's real!
It is real!
I wake up every morning to how real it is!
And just because you
don't feel like it's real
doesn't change reality
one shred, one shred!
- There was alcohol!
And other stuff.
And my car was messed up,
but I couldn't afford to--
- I'm supposed to hate them
for crushing the life out of Michael?
I'm supposed to blame the alcohol
and your messed up car and the other stuff
for killing my son, for murdering him?
God!
If you can't say you're
sorry, at least admit it!
Admit it!
Hell was I thinking?
You know, the record said you're smart,
but you talk like a five-year-old.
- You read about me?
My foster parents were
quite erudite, actually,
whetting my young mind with
their succinct reasoning
and engaging me in spirited discussions
about the way--
- You ...
do not have the right
to be sarcastic with me!
You don't have the right
to be anything to me!
What was I thinking?
(bangs on door)
(buzzing)
- I did it.
(soft music)
- Michael!
That's obscene!
Thanks, Ben.
Goodnight.
(sighs)
- Spill.
- Spill what?
- Ingrid?
It's me.
- Oh really?
I went to see him.
- Who?
- McCortland!
That kid who killed Michael.
- Damn!
Why?
- Closure, maybe.
Something.
- [Nadine] You get it?
- Not yet.
Maybe never.
It was torture.
- You don't seem any worse.
- [Ingrid] Or better.
- You still hate him?
- Yes.
Maybe not so much.
Oh stop it with the eyebrows.
- You gonna go back?
- No!
- When I was a little girl,
I remember hearing this story about how,
when an oyster got a
grain of sand in them,
it hurts so much it makes them wanna cry.
- Wow.
That's really comforting.
- Not done yet.
- Sorry.
Check.
Sand.
Continue.
- So then after a while, the piece of sand
gets all coated with their tears,
until finally it doesn't
hurt them anymore.
Plus, the sand is now a beautiful ...
- Pearl.
Nadine!
That is the corniest story!
But ...
it's also kind of beautiful.
- Oh, you mushy old lady.
- Hey!
- Sorry.
- School go late?
- Honors club.
- Rose, honey, are you okay?
- Yeah.
I'm fine, Mama.
I just feel him when I'm here, you know?
(emotional music)
- Sand.
(curious music)
No Alec.
Ooh.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Holy 40 to life!
What didn't you do?
(humming)
(drumming on table)
Stop it!
- Why are you here?
- I forgive you.
- What?
No!
- Look, I get it.
Your father was a crazy, violent animal.
He killed your mother.
You were 12.
So you started taking drugs and drinking
and doing God knows what to
get it outta your head, right?
Burning through foster families.
So I get it.
You're forgiven.
I forgive you, end of story.
- No! (pounds table)
- What?
I thought that's what you wanted?
- [Alec] No!
- Well then what do you want?
I'll tell you what I want.
I want to ...
breathe again.
I want to ...
not wake up every morning and say, "Shit!
"I'm still alive."
So I forgive you.
You are forgiven.
I just wanna be done.
I wanna be done with this.
I wanna be done with you.
I wanna be done with everything.
- I always tell people he's from Ireland,
'cause it sounds cooler.
But he's really from Boston.
And he doesn't get pissed
because of some noble protest-y crap.
He gets pissed when people
don't do what he wants.
- Pissed off or pissed drunk?
- Both.
He wants what he wants.
That's it.
His whole deal.
He wants what he wants.
You never knew when he'd be there.
But when he was, he brought
all kinds of video games and iPhones.
He said it was for us.
My mom didn't buy it,
'cause she didn't drink.
- Wait, your mom didn't drink?
- Well, maybe when I was little
and Dez was around all the time.
But by the time Neecie arrived ...
She's not what you think.
She worked her ass off!
She volunteered all the time
at the St. Tobias food pantry.
Man, if she isn't in
heaven, there isn't one.
- Catholic.
- [Alec] Was there more than one?
- No, I meant that ...
- She hated the way Dez lied.
He'd stack all this stuff up in the corner
and say it was for us,
but then these douche
bags would come over,
get high, and leave with everything.
And Dez would be like,
"Well, you didn't want it."
But when he was high ...
Oh, when he was high, he was awesome!
He was like this skinny
R-rated Santa Clause.
- Did she love him?
- Maybe once.
But Neecie's dad is who she really loved.
- So your sister has a different dad?
- Yeah.
Only mom couldn't marry
him because of God.
- But she had a child with him.
- Is that a problem for Catholic heaven?
I started using before she died.
- What?
- He'd been gone for like a year,
and all a sudden he's back,
and he's got game boxes and TVs,
and a guitar, my first guitar!
An actual legit Taylor.
I just wanted him to stay and
be R-rated Santa all the time.
So I asked him for a hit.
And he rolled one just for me.
At first, nothin'.
But then, all of a sudden, it's like bam!
(laughing)
And we're like eating everything
in sight and laughing.
Oh, and he pours me a
shot of leprechaun juice.
God, I thought it was ...
I thought it was real magic.
'Cause for the first time,
I just didn't feel scared.
I felt like a normal person, you know?
I felt like everyone else feels.
- Nobody ...
feels normal.
Everyone just thinks everybody else does.
- So it was me?
I did it.
Just like I did your son.
I ain't goin' to Catholic
heaven or any other one, so ...
So don't forgive me.
Don't you forgive me!
(bangs table)
- [Ingrid] What happened?
- You don't wanna know.
- No!
I don't!
But I ...
I think I need to.
- I liked it, you know?
I just liked it.
I liked ...
drinkin' booze and holdin' a joint.
I don't know, it just made me
feel kinda grown up, in a way.
- Oh God, it's ironic.
- What?
- [Ingrid] Nothing!
- Yeah, I know what ironic mean!
- [Ingrid] I know you do!
- Anyway ...
Me and Dez, Dez and I ...
get high.
Sometimes he'd give me guitar lessons.
Only Neecie ...
God, he hated her.
'Cause of Marcus, Marcus Rowland.
That was her dad.
Dez would call Neecie a wigger.
But Mom and Marcus would
call her their golden child.
I always wanted to be golden.
- [Ingrid] What happened to Neecie?
- They split us up.
The foster people.
We didn't have the same
dad, and our mom was dead.
- [Ingrid] Did you ever see her?
- Once.
After they first took us away.
And I got to talk to her
on the phone two years ago.
Marcus was trying to get
custody, but I was in re-bad,
so I didn't get to talk to her very long.
- What happened?
- I told you.
I killed her.
I was afraid she was gonna make him leave!
And then I was afraid
she was gonna kill him.
I just, I didn't care.
I didn't care about either of them.
I just ...
I just cared about me!
I mean, I wanted ...
- What?
What?
- I wanted what I wanted.
Just like him, I want
what I want, that's it.
And when she picked up that knife ...
I was pissed, you know?
She was ruining everything!
And then all a sudden Neecie came in.
- [Ingrid] And then what happened?
- I took it from her!
I took the knife from
her and I gave it to him!
- [Ingrid] You couldn't have known--
- No, I knew, and I gave it to him anyway!
- Well then what happened next?
- [Alec] I locked Neecie in her room.
- [Ingrid] And then what?
- What do you want me to say?
I tried to stop him?
I did it, I did it!
I smashed up the guitar instead.
I smashed up the Taylor,
'cause I was pissed.
(crying)
I killed her, I killed her.
- [Ingrid] No.
You didn't.
He did.
- I let him!
(banging table)
- You were 12 years old, Alec.
(emotional guitar music)
So do you sleep?
(garbled radio speech)
- Niacin.
- Huh?
- He needs niacin.
- You a doctor?
- No.
- Then nope.
Why?
- Anxiety.
I take them too.
It's just a vitamin.
- And you care because ...
- Is there a doctor you
could call to approve this?
- Dr. Hasigawa.
'Cause he chopped off her head, right?
- What?
- Anne Boleyn.
You said you weren't gonna
lose your head in there.
(phone ringing)
- I mean, even our names.
Peter, rock.
Then I come along, and it's Ingrid,
beautiful fertility goddess.
(laughing)
What the heck, Mom?
- Now, what a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
There was a St. Ingrid, wasn't there?
- Some dicey, discredited
pseudo saint, maybe.
But compare to you, Saint-frickin'-Peter?
- Please, Ingrid.
You were still little
when I went to seminary.
You have no idea what
I was like beforehand.
- [Ingrid] Ooh, so tell.
- Never, little sister.
- Tell me.
- All right.
When Judy broke up with me, I went crazy.
I mean, completely crazy.
- Yeah, Judy Franken!
I thought you were gonna marry her.
- So did I.
And the things that I smoke,
and the things that I
drank, and then the girls--
- No, no, no!
No!
I don't wanna see that in my head.
- Neither do I.
But I do.
And every time some wreck of
a human walks in the door ...
it reminds me that that could be me.
- So that's why you're mister grace?
- To whom much is forgiven.
See, I'm no better than Alec McCortland.
I'm ...
just luckier.
- What is that?
- Longerman's file on Alec McCortland.
You still think he's the
gun that killed Michael?
- No.
Wreck of a human, maybe.
That kid.
He's drowning in his own guilt.
- I know.
And he won't let anyone take
it away from him, and so ...
I'm praying that you can.
- Save him?
Oh, no.
No, I am not in the business
of saving Alec McCortland.
That's your job.
I'm just working on
trying to not hate him.
- But what if you're the only one who can?
- Rose!
Honey!
♪ I remember when my life was over ♪
♪ And I remember when it all began again ♪
♪ The old man still a smolder ♪
♪ The new man just a kindling wind ♪
♪ Oh I remember love every day ♪
♪ When happiness and hope on display ♪
♪ And I remember wanting to play ♪
♪ Where the world was so ♪
(tires screeching)
♪ So far away ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ But there's a paradox to living ♪
♪ And the way to get is just by giving ♪
♪ And the way to live is just by dying ♪
♪ And the way to find
love is to stop trying ♪
♪ And just love ♪
Weapon-free.
Ew.
- Ew.
I can't believe you came back.
- I didn't plan to.
Did you ...
Did you get nia--
- Niacin!
Yes!
Yeah, it made me itchy.
- Oh.
Niacin flush.
It does that.
- Yeah, I read about it.
- Researching?
To make sure that I wasn't poisoning you?
(chuckles)
- I fell asleep.
For the first time since the ...
- Well, good.
I take it, too, for ADD and probably OCD.
My teacher's called it poor citizenship.
(chuckles)
Even now, when I see
"citizenship" on a form,
I feel like I should
write "needs improvement".
(laughing)
- Yes!
Oh, I can never, I can never stop the--
- The what?
The racing thoughts, the distractions?
- Oh, crap yeah!
I mean, sometimes I
just feel trapped with--
- With what, with your thoughts?
- Are you my friend?
- Don't push it.
I'm ...
just here.
- So I've gotta be religious?
- You do whatever you want.
- Before I quit school,
I used to argue with the religious geeks.
If God is all-powerful, can
he build a football field
so big even He can't kick a field goal?
Just to mess with them.
I used to say, "Man makes
God in his image." (laughs)
Oh, I thought I was so deep.
I thought I made that up.
- You didn't.
- Yeah, I know.
I really thought I didn't
believe in God anymore.
It'd be a lot easier.
- What?
- Are you my friend?
(gentle music)
I feel trapped with me.
- You said that ...
you didn't believe?
But then ...
- Then you came back.
And there's just no way
you'd be here without God.
(calm guitar music)
- We ...
received communion.
- I didn't realize you were one of
Father what's-his-name's little group.
- I'm not.
But my brother is Father Wexler, so ...
- Well, I'm glad you're here.
- There's ...
There's someone else I want you to meet.
Rose.
This is Rose.
She's my--
- Employee.
- I was going to say she's
like a daughter to me.
Rose sings.
- A little.
- And she is ridiculously smart.
You know, she's gonna go to UC, pre-law.
- Cool.
- Alec wants to major in music.
Someday.
- So, why law?
- A friend of mine was killed, and ...
- And Rose wants to help people.
- Mama, I can't.
- She also tutors third
graders at Merksen Elementary,
and all the kids really--
- He was my boyfriend, actually.
- [Ingrid] Rose, don't!
- Do you know who I'm talking about?
- No, no.
No, I don't.
(soft music)
Do you mean--
- Yes!
Funny.
He promised me he wouldn't go anywhere,
that he wouldn't leave me,
right before I saw him for the last time!
- What is this?
- I felt the same way about you, Alec,
until I met you, and so I thought
if Rose met you--
- But you fixed things,
didn't you?
You made sure I'd never see him again!
- [Ingrid] Rose!
- And now, you're taking her away from me?
You're like some black hole
that sucks everything down into it!
Why law?
So I can send people like
you where they belong!
- [Ingrid] No!
- What?
You're gonna hurt me, too?
Well, guess what, you already have!
- Rose!
Rose?
I'm sorry!
I thought--
Honey, listen.
Just wait a second.
(punching wall)
- It's okay, officer.
He knows me.
Can I talk to him?
Would that be okay?
- Five minutes!
(punching wall)
(grunting)
- You break that bad enough,
you won't be able to play the guitar.
Penance, of course!
- What?
- You give up.
The only thing that you
have, and maybe God was--
- No, I was just pissed!
- Real penance isn't a knife to cut.
It's medicine to heal.
- Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
I'm walkin' dead anyway.
- Me too.
- What?
- Walking dead.
Zombies.
We all are.
- Psycho priest.
- Did you ever see I Am Legend?
- [Alec] What, the movie?
- With Will Smith.
- I don't know.
Maybe.
- The book was better.
But it's a great theology text.
See, there's this man,
the Will Smith character.
And he hunts zombies, right?
In the end, they capture
him, and he finds out
that some of them are still alive.
Some of the ones that he's been killing.
- Living walking dead?
- The book is great!
Seriously.
It turns out they have these pills,
this medicine, that keeps them alive.
So, even thought they're zombies,
they don't eat people like
the dead dead ones do.
They watch out for each other,
and they keep each other alive.
- You're a total geek.
- The geeks shall inherit the earth.
- Isn't that the meek?
- Ha!
You do know your bible!
See ...
we have the pill.
- [Alec] What?
- Jesus ...
is our pill.
He keeps us alive.
We breathe out the disease
that makes us walking dead
when we confess our sins and
take in his life and his blood.
The ability to be alive,
even though we were dead.
(gentle music)
(buzzing)
- Look, I'm so sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
- I brought someone.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, please!
(soft music)
(cries softly)
- It's okay, Mom.
- Michael, I--
- I know.
I love you.
- I love you too, Michael.
- Michael was like, maybe, 13.
And after mass one Sunday, he goes up,
in the middle of everyone, and says,
"Papa Peter, how do I get girls?"
(laughing)
He had this mischievous innocence.
- Oh, I wish I'd known him.
- Oh, you would have loved him.
So anyway, Peter looks at my son and says,
"There are three things that girls like."
And then, he notices that, right there,
there's this group of little old ladies,
and they are standing there
with their mouths hanging open.
And he looks at 'em, and he goes, "What?
"I wasn't born a priest."
(laughing)
Crazy!
- He's kinda demented, you know?
- [Ingrid] Yes.
- Massively into Star Trek and zombies?
- Oh!
And don't even get him
started on The Beatles.
Saint John, Saint Paul,
Saint George, Saint Ringo!
- Seriously?
- Oh yeah.
- Well, they only reinvented music.
Backtracking, phase
shifting, multi-tracking,
and their chord progressions
are totally sick!
- You know, one Sunday
he did an entire homily
on the lyrics of "Blackbird".
"Take these sunken eyes and learn to see."
- "All your life.
"You were only waiting--"
- "For this moment to be free."
Whew.
- So, I finished that song.
- Wh--
The one that you couldn't--
- Yeah.
- Well--
- I just ...
Finally figure out that
it wasn't about a girl.
- Well sing it to me.
♪ Been looking for love ♪
♪ That can never be broken ♪
♪ Impossible love ♪
♪ That couldn't exist ♪
♪ A love that can hear me ♪
♪ When words are not spoken ♪
♪ But even my unfaithful heart ♪
♪ Can't resist ♪
♪ Maybe I'll never know ♪
♪ If I can find you ♪
♪ Or if you are even alive ♪
♪ But you are the one ♪
♪ Thing that I bind to ♪
♪ The reason that I can survive ♪
♪ I need you to light up ♪
♪ These dark lonely halls ♪
♪ Need to know you know ♪
♪ My innermost walls ♪
♪ Need you to live ♪
♪ Where I've wandered alone ♪
♪ Need you to make ♪
♪ My heart into your home ♪
(crying)
- Not just your song, Alec.
- I'm ...
pretty freaked out about
going back to court.
- I know.
- Would ...
Could you pray for me?
- Sure!
We'll pray together.
- No!
Just you.
- Lord ...
bless this young man tomorrow.
Be with him ...
- We have heard well-prepared presentation
by councils Longerman and Gitmeier,
and I see no reason not
to rule at this time.
Alec McCortland, this court has shown
tremendous leniency on your behalf.
It is the very real intent
of the Hamilton County Juvenile System
to rehabilitate young
people, not throw them away.
But when every effort fails,
your almost immediate violation
of court order, Mr. McCortland,
coupled with the clear
warning I gave you previously,
speak loudly of your need
for harsher discipline.
Yes, defense has made a dramatic case.
It is extraordinary that
Mrs. Ambelin would visit
or even be allowed to visit
Mr. McCortland in lockup.
However, such circumstances say more
about Mrs. Ambelin's character than yours.
You have shown no willingness to change.
Hence, I am inclined to sentence you
to extended incarceration at DYS
until the age of 25, at which time--
- He has changed, Your Honor.
(soft music)
- Mrs. Ambelin, this
hearing is concluding.
There are procedures for testifying.
Mr. McCortland's defense
did not submit any--
- He doesn't know anything about this.
I'm sorry, Your Honor, it's just ...
Would it change the outcome if Alec--
If Mr. McCortland had a legal guardian?
- It might.
But Mrs. Ambeline, CPS
has documented the fact
that Mr. McCortland does
not have a legal guardian.
- I have applied for legal
guardianship of Alec McCortland.
(moving music)
- We do it this time,
my way!
- Let's do it.
- All right?
Let's go!
- Let's go?
- We're done!
Let's go.
- All right, let's go.
- [Receptionist] I'm
very sorry, but I don't--
- You're sorry?
How do you lose a child?
- I didn't lose a child.
- He's not even 18!
- Can I help you?
- Yes.
My ...
Alec McCortland was
supposed to be brought here
half an hour ago by Detective Carny.
- We're aware of that Mrs. ...
- Ambelin!
It's Mrs. Ambelin!
- Carny's car was here--
- Did you call Detective Carny?
- Yes, but he never answered.
When the car ex-officers
are on duty, they usually--
- We really should wait
until we hear from Carny.
- What?
Wait til he gets off of work
a couple hours from now?
Alec could be dead by then.
- What if you find him?
I mean, what are you gonna do?
- I don't know, Peter.
But I just can't sit
here and not do anything.
(dramatic music)
- [Father Peter] Ingrid!
- What up H?
So ...
Listen, dude.
I got some contacts in the burbs.
- [Dealer] What are you sayin'?
- You know rich white kids,
just itchin' for this shit.
- Where did he get the money?
And why is he still there?
- [Father Peter] We can't
handle this ourselves.
I'm callin' Carny.
- You Daymond?
- What's up?
- Daymond, I got a way
for us to make some money.
- [Father Peter] Ingrid, no!
- [Ingrid] Alec!
- [Dealer] Who the hell's this?
Who is she?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
(gun bangs)
(delicate piano music)
(siren wailing)
- Stay with me.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You're okay.
You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.
- [Officer] Police, stop!
- Through this holy oil
and His great mercy,
may God forgive you for any sins
that you may have committed.
- You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.
- It was a sting.
- What?
- You think I just happened to show up?
Look, it was his idea.
He said he would do it with or without us.
So I said ...
Look, it wasn't supposed
to go down like that.
- He's 17!
- We've been trying to
nail this guy for months!
- I don't care what you've been trying!
You don't put a kid at risk!
And my sister!
- I heard.
- Go.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Look, I know I screwed up.
And Judge Graham knows it, too.
Trust me.
She set me straight on procedure.
But the shooter and the
kingpin are down for the count.
Look, the guy's phone list is golden.
All kinds of NTs are on there.
Anyway ...
the kid's be readmitted to Merskin.
You're authorized to pick him up
and bring him back at any time.
The hours are on there.
- Thanks.
- I'm sorry, Father.
- For when you're ready.
(calm guitar music)
♪ Life is just a game we play ♪
♪ To pass away the years ♪
♪ Yeah that's what I used to say ♪
♪ But it never stopped one tear ♪
♪ And a tear is just a drop you see ♪
♪ In an ocean of regrets ♪
♪ And a sea of grief could never free ♪
♪ A heart so far in debt ♪
♪ In debt ♪
♪ Even though I know I'm not enough ♪
♪ I keep trying anyway ♪
♪ I keep thinking when I'm up to snuff ♪
♪ I could blow this fog away ♪
♪ But if I had a million years ♪
♪ And all my Sundays too ♪
♪ I could never set the balance straight ♪
♪ For the things I didn't do ♪
♪ Didn't do ♪
♪ Some day I'll know ♪
♪ And I'll never forget ♪
♪ No no no ♪
♪ What I do in the end's what matters ♪
♪ So I won't fall in love with regrets ♪
♪ No regrets ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ No regrets ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
You can see the difference
even while she's sleeping.
Now, had we argued, she would've woke up
and told us we were both wrong.
I'll pick you up first tomorrow,
and you can help me bring her home.
- I should go.
- [Father Peter] Why, Alec?
You belong here!
- No, no, I can't.
- It was your prayers.
- I put her here!
Don't you get that?
- [Father Peter] No, stop it!
Stop it!
- What?
- You are not the center
of the universe, Alec!
Things don't happen just because of you!
You think God gets up
every morning and says,
"Boy, I'd like to do a lot
of terrific stuff today,
"but I just can't, because
Alec's gonna screw it up"?
- How can you say that?
- Say what?
Talk like I'm a regular person?
Because I am a regular person, Alec.
I eat, I sleep, I poop,
I have stupid ideas
that can be more simple
than you might think.
But that's when God invades me again!
Because that's what He does!
He is my medicine for stupid!
He's the pill that keeps me alive!
- No, I can't let him inside!
Don't you get that, you psycho?
It's full of shit in here!
Full of shit and darkness and hell,
and I just fucking can't!
- He's already inside!
Let him finish what he started!
- No, no, I can't.
Let go of me.
Get off of me!
(emotional music)
Just get off.
Just get off!
No!
No, no.
Just let me go.
- It is time for you to stop
thinking about yourself!
That woman over there,
that crazy, wonderful,
caffeinated Madonna needs your love!
- No, no, I don't deserve it.
- Of course you don't!
None of us do!
Haven't you figured that out yet?
You're her son.
- No.
No, I'm the one
who killed her son.
- Tell God.
He's the one who made the arrangement.
I'm merely an observer.
- No, no, it was me.
I killed her son.
And I killed my mother,
and I almost killed her.
- And you're leaving someone out.
Who put him there?
(emotional music)
- I did.
- I did.
- And so did I.
- No.
No, no, no.
After what I did to you?
The bullet?
- I chose that bullet, Alec.
And he chose that.
- You saved my life.
Twice.
- No choice.
You're my pearl.
It's a long story.
- I think I'm ready to
go to confession now.
(gentle piano music)
♪ Been looking for love ♪
♪ That can never be broken ♪
♪ Impossible love ♪
♪ That couldn't exist ♪
♪ A love that can hear me ♪
♪ When words are not spoken ♪
♪ That even my unfaithful heart ♪
♪ Can't resist ♪
♪ Maybe I'll never know ♪
♪ If I can find you ♪
♪ Or if you are even alive ♪
♪ But you are the one ♪
♪ Thing that I bind to ♪
♪ The reason that I can survive ♪
♪ I need you to light up ♪
♪ These dark lonely halls ♪
♪ Need to know you know ♪
♪ My innermost walls ♪
♪ Need you to live ♪
♪ Where I've wandered alone ♪
♪ Need you to make ♪
♪ My heart into your home ♪
♪ Well I heard of a man
who vanished completely ♪
♪ Had riches and power
like an old king of Spain ♪
♪ But nobody whispered or
spoke his name sweetly ♪
♪ In the end he was only
a stain on the world ♪
♪ Maybe I'll never know
if I can find you ♪
♪ Or if you are even alive ♪
♪ But you are the one ♪
♪ Thing that I bind to ♪
- Is that your mom?
♪ The reason that I can survive ♪
- Yup.
♪ I need you to light up ♪
♪ These dark lonely halls ♪
♪ Need to know you know ♪
♪ My innermost walls ♪
♪ Need you to live ♪
♪ Where I've wandered alone ♪
♪ Need you to make ♪
♪ My heart into your home ♪
♪ Need you to live ♪
♪ Where I've wandered alone ♪
♪ Need you to make ♪
♪ My heart into your home ♪
(upbeat country music)
♪ Father I'm on fire ♪
♪ And I'm burning up for you ♪
♪ 'Cause it's filled me with desire ♪
♪ To know what's really
truly in your will for me ♪
♪ I know that you will show me ♪
♪ 'Cause you answer every
knock on your door ♪
♪ Lord I'm just a baby ♪
♪ But I'm learning how to crawl ♪
♪ And I hope that someday maybe ♪
♪ I can grow up taller
than I stood before ♪
♪ And I know you'll use me more ♪
♪ 'Cause you answer every
knock on your door ♪
♪ And I'd like to sing
this song out loud ♪
♪ So everyone can hear ♪
♪ And if there's someone in the crowd ♪
♪ That's longing to get nearer to thee ♪
♪ Then Father work through me ♪
♪ 'Cause you changed my life ♪
♪ It's you I'm living for ♪