Headcheese the Movie (2020) - full transcript

Cinema

Where are you taking us Dallas?

Shut the fuck up. We don’t
want McDaniel’s to hear.

- Who the hell is McDaniel’s?
- More like McCreepy.

Some sick fucker that lives over there he
owns this land, my dad says he’s inbred.

He must be a baker.

Ah ah shit I’m bleeding.

Ew what is that?

Oh shit someone is coming.

Shit someone is coming.

- Hey what are you kids doing out here get off my property!
- Don't leave me don't let McCreepy get me.



It ain't safe out here.

Get the fuck up.

Bahh bahh...

Kids fucking around on
our property again momma.

How’s my hungry girl and babies.

Where have you guys been?

McCreepy’s house.

Why does your squirrel
little friend have blood on him?

Tripped over a goat head.

That’s it I’m calling the sheriff

We’re sorry it was all McCreepy.

Quit playing with that damn gun boy.

I'm not. I'm not.

I’m gonna take it
away from you again.



Hey a call came in something
about Anderson’s son.

Being all bloody down
there at McCreepy’s House.

Wha? McCreepy? I mean McDaniel’s.

Let’s go check it out.

Zip up your damn fly boy.

Oh uh uh mmmm.

Is that better?

C’mon let's go.

Alright McCreepy uh
McDaniel’s Sheriff's department.

We got you surrounded,
wanna ask you about them boys.

That's it we're coming in!

Eh sheriff what's that smell?

Smells like your shit pants….yesterday

Ah Christ!

Uhh sheriff what is that?

The damn nation of a
thousand inbred sins of demons.

Looks like pure evil wild fucking filth.

Shit my poppa would tell me about.

Shit I thought was legend....

- Not on my watch.
- Hey No wait.

Come on boys.

You boys go out and
live for your mom endure,

and make it, I love you guys.

McCreepy!

Uh McDaniel’s this is
the state police surrender…

Ahhhhhhhhh!

That's why I can never
do that ufc type stuff babe.

I get too angry too crazy..blackout.

I don’t even know how to
stop or even know my own strength.

Oh wow you are so cool Beau.

Show me your tattoo again.

This is some tribal
warrior type shit.

This strained is bobbed wire.

Got a couple drops of blood from it

Shut up and kiss me Beau.

Are you cheating on me!?

No no no no no.

I just saw you kissing her.

I wasn't kissing her what
are you talking about?

Oh what about those ugly ass babies
over there eating your picnic basket.

Those aren't my kids

Sizzle sizzle my beautiful
bacon burger boys.

Sizzle sizzle my beautiful
bacon burger boys.

Rico’s making a big drop on
a package of percs tonight.

I need you guys there to
have my back around midnight.

We always got your back.

Twelve midnight no sweat.

You got a third nipple.

Wynonna!

Wynonna! Snap out of it girl.

I need you to go in the mens
bathroom and plunges that toilet.

One of them big corn fed boys
dropped one of them dirty hurry’s

in there last night and it ain't
flushed right since take the plunger.

Hi Richie?

What time does your band play tonight

I was going to bring some
girlfriends by and check it out.

Hi Richie can't wait
to see you play tonight.

Oh yeah.

Okay.
That's so cool I appreciate it.
Probably around eleven o’clock.

Eleven, I can't wait.

Nobody that I hangout with has ever
met anybody from the east coast before,

so I figured since your here might as well
help you make some new friends and some fans.

Well, that's too sweet girl.

What's the story with the
sons of penitentiary over there?

Is it lanyard skynyrd fried
steak on special tonight?

Haha

Uh big talker’s, big
eaters, ok tippers...

Why? You gonna run away
with a biker gang?

You only got here two summers ago.

Someday I’ll be leaving doll but
unfortunately not anytime soon

and not with that carnival.

Hey kid! No outside food
or drink in my restaurant.

Take that shit outta here

Where's the guy in the
van when you need em?

Goddamn sugar filled kids

I'm sorry I'm sorry
not going to do it again.

I promise...

Hi Sheriff?

Hey kid.

Don't play with matches kid.

That's one of them troll killers.

I heard he got bitten by a troll
that’s why he’s such an asshole.

Good morning, sheriff
you here as a customer?

Good morning Wynonna sure I am.

How are you doing today honey?

Well I'm better than I deserve
but far from quick and painless.

Any trouble?

Surprisingly no.

Good that's what I like to hear.

How about we get lil
bacon and eggs going huh?

You got it.

I'm starving.

I can eat more than my mother
in law at the old country buffet.

Your too funny. I'll have it
going for you in a minute.

Thank you honey.

I gotta use the bathroom.

I got a double deuce
and it’s on the loose.

What?

I believe you need to
change your diet boy.

I think I do.

And your pants.

♫ Words like violence break the silence ♫

♫ come crashing in into my
little world Painful to me ♫

♫ Pierce right through me can't
you understand oh my little girl ♫

♫ All I ever wanted all I ever
needed is here in my arms ♫

♫ Words are very unnecessary
they can only do harm ♫

♫ Lies are spoken to be
broken feelings are intense ♫

♫ Words are trivial ♫

Where’s Sheriff?

Oh, he's at home with his wife.

Figures.

I want you to meet some friends of mine.

Oh really.

Ladies...

This is my very single
very handsome brother.

Hello.

Ladies let’s get this going.

Get that shit bubba.

♫ Yeah yeah yah all I ever wanted ♫

♫ All I ever needed is here ♫

♫ In my arms ♫

♫ Words are very unnecessary
they can only do harm ♫

♫ All I ever wanted all
I ever needed is here ♫

♫ In my arms ♫

♫ Words are very unnecessary
they can only do harm ♫

♫ Whoa whoa whoa yea yea
whoa whoa whoa yea yea ♫

♫ All I ever wanted all
I ever needed is here ♫

♫ In my arms ♫

♫ Yeah yeah whoa whoa
ya ya ya whoa whoa whoa ♫

You know we do offer catering.

I’m not mad, just let down Tina.

Fuck a duck Gary.

You can’t have cheeseburgers
everyday for everything.

This is an elevated craft table.

I’m trying to kick
this party up a notch!

My chocolate molten lava
cakes are almost done.

♫ Painful to me pierce right
through me cant you understand ♫

♫ Oh my little girl ♫

Muy buieno Lana Del taco.

Can’t have cheeseburgers
everyday for everything.

Yea you can.

I do.

♫ Words are very unnecessary
they can only do harm ♫

♫ That's right ♫

♫ Vows are spoken to be broken
feelings are intense words are trivial ♫

♫ Pleasures remain so does the pain ♫

♫ Words are meaningless and forgettable ♫

♫ All I ever wanted all I ever
needed is here in my arms ♫

♫ Words are very unnecessary
they can only do harm ♫

♫ Waydo waaydo waydo wadda wah ah! ♫

♫ Strip away the ritual ♫

♫ Strip away your little souls ♫

♫ Tell me that your dangerous ♫

♫ Your momma has been put to rest ♫

♫ You can’t tell me get away
get away you can’t tell me ya ♫

♫ You can’t tell me get away
get away you can’t tell me ya ♫

- Is it all here?
- Genuine

Should be asking you the same.

I may look dirty to you

but my money spends just like yours.

As it should be for your sake.

This is some of the finest quality.

Ah ahh ahhhh ahhhhh

Ah ahh ahhhh ahhhhh

Ah fuck my hand! Ahhhhh

Ahhhh ahhh ahhh

What the fuck!

What the....

Watch bitch. Zeke!

- Zeke?
- You can’t be in here.

Zeke!

Zeke...

It was a blood bath. A set up.

I dunno.. These little fucking
monsters killed everybody.

Did this to me. It’s like they
went fucking crazy eating our pills.

So you mean little
ass children did this?

Killed my men?

Everyone except your sorry ass?

Monsters! Like with big fucking claws,
big fucking teeth. Monsters but short.

Are you on angel dust again?

Or do you expect me to believe
that tiny monsters actually did this?

Pathetic.

Come on man!

No no!

Oh no!

Deano go to the
scene get the details.

Monsters are not.

I want my fucking money.
Motherfuckers are gonna pay.

You got it Zeke.

Fucking pillbillies.

Little monsters.

Don’t move! Nobody try...

...anything.

Christmas came early for old Richie.

♫ Yeah yeah yeah ♫

♫ Oh yeah yeah ♫

♫ Running out of
time now yeah yeah ♫

♫ It's beginning to unwind ♫

♫ Yea yea ♫

♫ I don't believe in
miracles coz I'm just a fool ♫

♫ I don't believe in yours or
mine because I’m not in school ♫

♫ I'm running through me yea yea ♫

♫ I sit alone now yea yea ♫

♫ I left for the fight
and I won't left forget ♫

Guys!

Guys wake up.

I think someone stole all
my pain pills coz there gone.

Why the hell's my pants wet?

What happens to your face?

Oh shh

What the hell?

Ah shit

Fuck my wallet's missing.

Oh geez..

Why are my shoes tied?

What’s that smell?

Did I just step in shit?

Uhhhhh!

That’s gross.

My fucking weeds missing too.

What the hell happened?

Oh my god guys his weeds missing!

I had it last night

Fuck.

You know we get calls coming in for

Sasquatch sightings.

We got young adults being
found mutilated in the woods.

Then we got fucking Trolls
out there hopped up on

pain pills killing people.

And I gotta worry about whatever this
guys gonna shit his pants or not.

You think he did it?

I dunno son that's what
we're here to find out.

Good morning Richie.

Hey Sunny.

I tell you what...

We got a real shit
storm on our hands son.

Ah been one of those days huh?

Shoes look awfully dirty Richie.

Yea we gotta few
questions for you.

You are gonna have to come
down to headquarters with us.

Really? Come on now.

Just take a few minutes.
Come on lets go.

Alright

Make me drop my pills all over.

God damn kids.

Turn that shit down!

Ya know if your music was
better I wouldn’t be fucking bitching.

But this shit sucks.

Turn it the fuck down dude.

You give me a headache.

What the fuck dad. I’m tired
of you yelling at me all the time.

You’re killing my buzz.

And I’m not fuckin
drain bramaged.

This shit sucks.

If it’s to old your too loud.

You know dude, the best part
of you ended up on the floor.

And the best part of you is
gonna end up on the floor fuck off.

Ahhhh

Hello Why are you blowing me up?

What’s your damage?

Who’s got Richie?

Well..

Okay..

Slow down. Like how do you even know that?

Oh my god those retards.

I was just at his
show nothing happened

Alright yes…

Troll Sounds

Well I like the guy so...

It's still bullshit.

Bullshit!

Yea well I have to go though.
I have to handle this.

Yeah...

Why are you still on the phone
with me? I told you I have to go.

Alright one more thing.

Ok I gotta go though.

Yea ok I’m coming.
I’m on my way.

I'm gonna talk to
them I'll figure it out.

Okay. I’m gonna go now
tough coz I’m irritated.

Wynonna what is wrong with you?

Why can’t you just like a guy who’s
normal not always in trouble...

Fucking Jesus Christmas.

This is upsetting!

I went by the spot gave it a look.

Yeah, fucking mess. Seen Richie
leaving with a bag full of your money.

Followed him home that sheriff
and that deputy picked him up.

Yeah. I’m at the Sheriff’s
office now waiting.

Make sure you bail that
fuck out and bring him to me.

You got it Zeke. I’m on it boss.

New lead fell in my lap.

Girlfriend maybe.

Well ain't love
grand follow the bitch.

Lover boy probably gave
her my shit to hold on to.

You got it Zeke.
Yeah, he’s a roofer and if you’re not
careful he's gonna roof you too Tina.

Now I gotta let you go.

Wynonna just came in looking like Mary
Jane if Spider man was a DJ that sold coke.

You Know I remember you from
middle school, you didn't fit into your

clothes then and you
don’t fit into them now.

Why is Richie here?

I literally just watched him
perform in a room full of

people so he couldn't have done
whatever you dimwits think he did.

Calm Down Wynonna.

The Sheriff will hear you.

Richie's just in the back just
holding Richie for questioning.

Key word questioning.

Key word dimwits

Thanks for nothing weirdo.

Thot.

Look you got me in a jam here Richie.
I got a dick about an inch away from my

ass and another one even closer to
my mouth, and I can't even breathe.

You gotta give me something son.
The shit is really stirring the pot.

I didn’t do nothing

Look at your fucking shoes.

Jesus your guilt’s dripping
all over the goddamn floor.

Oh fuck!!

Who are you?

What the fuck!

Get away from me.

Oh my god! What do
you want you asshole.

Fat fuck. Oh my god.

Oh no fuck. You get off of me.

Get off of me. Let me go.

You know the lord only gives us
a certain number of days if you

waste one you don't get it back.

Come on. What the
fuck does that mean?

That means you’re
not gonna like prison.

Jesus!! Patrick Swayze’s ghost
what the fuck was that?

Don’t think were done
here not for a minute.

I told ya sunny this is
burger blood from the cooler.

What the hell’s
going on. Oh my god!

Wynonna what the hell
happened to you, are you okay?

- There was a man…
- Who did this?

There was a guy…and he…

Whose fucking hand is that?

What the fuck!

Jesus Christ.

Looks like wild animals did this...

Fucking trolls.

Get some water.

Are you okay?

Okay somebody better start talking.

Wynonna whose fucking hand is
that and why's your car full of blood?

What do you... he's not out there?

There's no nobody out there.

All that was out there is a
shitload of blood and this cell phone.

It's ringing.

Hello?

Deano its Zeke. What do
you got on this bitch?

Yeah. Hi Zeke. The
bitch is here with me.

This is Sheriff Sunny talking.

The guy you’re calling is dead.

I need you to come down to headquarters...

Bastard hung up on me.

Oh god. You guys we need to
let Richie out he can help us.

We got this under control.

Well I mean we're gonna figure
it out and get it under control.

OK Richie’s safe where he
is matter a fact we're all safe.

See this thing?

This thing will burn up
psychos, wolves and trolls.

We don't have anything to worry about.
I'd say we're all pretty damn safe.

Are you okay?

I was gonna ask you the same
thing. What's with all the blood?

I…
She was attacked

By who for what?

Have no idea but
Sheriff thinks its trolls.

Trolls!?

I didn't say anything
about any trolls goddamn it

You had that look in your eye.
I could tell what you were thinking

Come on let’s move.

Oh!

[Troll attacking sounds}

I’ll get the squad car.
I’ll be right back.

I can’t get the squad car to start.

I think the damn trolls got to it.

Or it’s a piece of shit.

It's okay we can take mine. Come on.

Aww Gnarly.

Wait where's Eubanks?

Whatever's in there got him sunny.

Get in the car. I'll go get him.

Fuck Eubanks. Come on.

Are you alright?

I think Your car is a piece of
shit. Mine is just fucking small.

What were those things?

Evil incarnate. They were
shaved testicles with teeth.

Goddamn trolls for the
second time in my existence.

Boy if that don't hit the old loving spot.

What are you talking about so the
things they say about you in town are true?

You've killed trolls before?

Well uh

Hey shut the fuck up we’ve
dealt with these things

many times years ago.

Trolls are you serious this is crazy.

What are we supposed to
do now, where do we go?

Ok we're going to
go back to the diner.

we're gonna call for backup, and we're
gonna get a ambulance for deputy Eubanks.

Sheriff I’m in this till the
end. Those trolls are dead.

Hey no look, we’re gonna
go and get you healthy Sasha.

We wanna get you back in good shape and

I appreciate the heart your
showing but we gotta get you healthy.

Sasha?!!

What it’s my middle name.

My name is Christopher Sasha Eubanks.

Leave me alone I’m dying here.

When I was in boot camp I got sick
and I shit my pants in the middle of P.T.

That’s when they started calling me fucking

soggy Sasha shit pants and

that was when I'd stay up at night
and just think about killing them all.

Boy that went really dark.

♫ Row row row row ♫

♫ Cellophane how
does it make you fell ♫

♫ Cellophane ♫

♫ A row row row a row cellophane ♫

Ahhhhhh

♫ Tells me that’s not right ♫

♫ Kids in the club it’s something changed ♫

♫ All the kids start yelling my name ♫

♫ Start to feel energized again ♫

♫ Whoa yea unwrap me ♫

♫Hey♫

♫ Unwrap me ya ♫

♫ Row row row row
row row cellophane ♫

♫ How's it make you feel ♫

♫ Time to hit my whiskey bright ♫

♫ Just try to feel like I did last night ♫

♫ Fifteen minutes till
the show that's right ♫

What took you so long?

Fuck!

You’re not going to believe this.
Get everybody out of here.

Sheriff there's nobody here, they
closed me down three hours ago.

I gotta use your phone.

What the hell happened to you guys.

I'm sorry I called you a thot.

- Incase I die.
- You’re not gonna die.

You know I could tailor this
suit for you so it fits better.

- You can?
- I can.

Man look at this guy he's so weird.

I’m Zeke Callahan

and I approve this message.

Zeke Callahan. Oh hey Zeke Callahan here sure
are great than the sounds of Zeke Callahan.

I’m Zeke Callahan hell I grew up here.

Go long you’ve got
my personal guarantee.

You guys must be starving. I’m
gonna cook you up something okay.

Gray's gonna make us some
food or we're really gonna die now.

Richie?

I’m so glad you’re okay.

Nothing like being stuck
at work, right. Crisis edition

Oh your telling me!
Thanks for caring girly.

Duh!

No I’m serious ….

We need..

- Hanging in there.
- Yea.

You know deputy I always seen you as the
kind type of guy who wanted a glory hole

just for kissing but seeing you
like this I feel bad for you brother.

Gary I’ll be fine.

Okay we’ll see ya.

He’s not going to make it.

Oh fuck!

This happened the last times guys.

Sheriff?

Calm down. Save the night terrors for
later I got a backup generator relax.

You gonna be ok back there.

We're gonna get eaten at least
your gonna die first though right.

You give a yell if you need some help.

What the hell kinda language is this in?

Sheriff!?

Sheriff!?

After years of serving delicious
food now I get to be the meal.

Aw hell no!

Oh my god!

Oh my god!

Oh shit! Gary...

There's already flies I hope
they didn't eat your burgers.

Richie?

Richie?

Richie?

Richie?

Richie?

Are you fucking serious.

Every fucking time every man
leaves... fucking... fucking Gary.

Hey ya I got us tickets to…

Kevin I really think it's time...

Let’s go to the ho down yea.

Four twenty dude.

Sheriff?

Sheriff?

Christ what the hell
happened here Wynonna?

Richie left us he's gone.

He's gone.

Damn! Fucking trolls.

Ah damn! I’ve been shot in the leg.

Jesus!

Fuck mother fucker!

They got Eubanks the
smiley little bastards.

Fucking trolls.

You little bastards it looks
like fried trolls are on the menu.

This is for Eubanks.

Burn in hell you
son of a bitches.

Eat shit you slimy scumbag.

♫ Heaven can wait... ♫

♫ I’m already late… ♫

♫ Heaven can wait ♫

♫ Tell em I’m not ready ♫

I knew you had some good in you son.

You know they say, when a
man has no friends, it's a sad thing.

when a man has no
enemies, it's even sadder.

Shows he's got no talent.

No character to inspire.

No valor to covet.

Nothing to envy.

That's good Richie

Aahhh...

Oh my god.

♫ Heaven can wait ♫

♫ Tell em I’m not ready ♫

♫ I’m already late tell them I’m not ready ♫

♫ You didn't want me
when I cried out to you ♫

♫ So heaven can wait ♫

♫ I’m not ready ♫

♫ Heaven can wait ♫

♫ Tell them I’m not ready ♫

Oh my god I can't
believe we survived that.

I'm so happy you came back.

Oh I wouldn't leave without you babe.

Oh my god what a horrible week, right.

Oh more like a month.

I know. I know but were okay we did it.

Yea.

Where's my money Richie?

♫ I'm already late I
wanna finish my jerky ♫

♫ It seems to me that life
is more important now ♫

♫ I never thought that I’d be able to
come around so heaven can wait ♫

♫ I’m not ready oh no I’m not ♫

♫ Ah yeah ohhh oh yea ♫

♫ Heaven can wait ♫

♫ Tell em I’m not ready ♫

♫ I’m already late
wanna finish my jerky ♫

♫ But now it seems that life
is more important to me now ♫

♫ I never thought that I would
be able to come around ♫

♫ So heaven can wait I’m
not ready ready for you now ♫

♫ So heaven can wait I’m not ready ♫

♫ So heaven can wait ♫

♫ No I’m not ready ♫

♫ Heaven can wait ♫

♫ Not ready for you yet ♫

♫ Not ready for you yet ♫

♫ Heaven I’m not ready for you yet ♫

♫ Heaven I’m not ready for you now ♫