Harvest Lake (2016) - full transcript

[birds chirping]

[footsteps]

[playful laughing]

[no dialogue]

[dripping sound]

[heavy breathing, moaning]

[slow, heavy breathing in sound
design]

[breathing stops]

[no dialogue]

[no audio]

[heavy breathing]



Jennifer: You think Ben's gonna
let us take the van into town?

Cat: Ha, good luck with that.

Jennifer: Seriously? I can't go
in the woods.

Cat: I am not pissing or
shitting for three days.

Oh come on, I thought you ladies
were tougher than that.

You're gonna let me borrow the
van, right?

Yes, I'll let you borrow the
van. But you're gonna be missing
out.

On what?

On being one with nature.

Please.

What, before we had the niceties
of indoor plumbing, that's how
man connected with nature

by pissing and shitting in the
woods.

Well, woman is taking man's van
to the nearest porcelain throne

or else nature will be the only
thing man gets to connect with
this weekend.



Woman gets what woman wants.

Damn skippy I do, hmm. And since
it's your birthday you just
might get what you want to!

Okay.

Let's go!

What's up your butt?

Nothing yet, let's keep it that
way.

[Indie rock song playing on
radio]

Cat: I mean you could have at
least checked him out, what if
he was hot?

I'm not gonna hook up with some
guy in a random bathroom.

He probably would have slit your
throat.

Or stuffed it.

What? Eww.

You just got out of a
relationship, right?

Yes, I am back on the market.

I'm just saying, it may be time
to do a litle whoring around.

What?

Are we not talking about that?

Why did I come?

Because I asked you to?

Why did you do that?

Because you're my friend, and I
need somebody to have fun with
while these two are screwing
each others brains out.

Yeah so, when does the fun
start?

How about right now?

I like it.

Oooh, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie,
gimmie.

Yoink!

[indie rock song plays on the
radio]

Cat: No water, no electricity.

Nice one.

No reception though.

I think we'll manage.

Guys it's gonna be awesome, grab
your shit!

Well now that I know I can pee
in a toilet like a civilized
human, I kinda wish I would've
gotten Ben a birthday present.

Aww ya know, you just being
here, it's enough for him, but
if you really wanted to get him
something.

What?

Scuze me.

Josh: What is she doing?

God only knows.

All right, so there's two
bedrooms in the back.

Girls in one, guys in one.

You're not sleeping with Cat?

Oh I'm gonna sleep with her, I'm
just not gonna 'sleep' with her,
it's some weird promise she made
to her mother.

Really?

Ooh, we have a deck!

So who was he?

Who?

The guy.

Oh that was Mark, he's gonna
come to the party tonight.

Cat.

What?

It's your boyfriend's birthday.

Yeah!

So you invited a stranger to
your boyfriend's birthday party?

So?

All right, it's none of my
business.

Josh, you need to loosen up a
little bit.

Want a little something to get
you in the mood?

No, not right now, no.

Ok, but don't you rain on my
parade cake boy!

So that's your old roomate.

Yep.

She's special.

Yep.

What's a cake boy?

[no dialogue]

Do you want the left, or the
right?

Uhh...

Relax man, I'll sleep on the
couch.

Are you sure?

Yeah, its' not a big deal.

As long as I can keep my stuff
in here though.

Yeah, that's fine, not a
problem.

Get your trunks on, let's go
swimming.

No, I did not bring trunks.

Who doesn't bring trunks? Here,
I got a spare pare.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So is it like, a lake?

Well yeah, it's a nice little
walk from here, not too bad.

But it's not like, gross or
anything, right?

No, nice an clean. Come on,
let's go!

I like the little froggy.

He's cute.

You ladies ready?

Bitch, we've been ready.

Josh, hurry up!

What's this?

What's what?

Where are the red briefs I
bought you?

I didn't bring those.

Go look in the leg of your spare
blue jeans.

Look at what I'm wearing, look
at what I'm wear-

I dress sexy for you all the
time, the least you could do is
wear something sexy for me.

Quid pro quo.

But on my birthday?

Your birthday is in jeapordy if
you don't go in there and change
into those briefs.

Fine.

Go!

Get!

I swear to God, I gotta put a
shock collar on him next.

Josh, did your ex ever tell you
what to wear.

All the time?

No.

Well-

You're lucky.

What's taking so long?

God.

I thought we were supposed to be
the slow ones.

Are you ladies ready to pass
judgment on Josh?

Yes!

Judgement shall be passed!

Yes! Woo!

Josh rocks!

Very nice.

We love Josh!

Why does he get to wear trunks,
and I don't?

Because he's nobody's bitch
anymore.

Oh, and I am?

Yes! You're my bitch!

Oh...

This better be a Hell of a
birthday present.

Oh, you're gonna love it.

To the woods!

Boys first.

We go first?

Yeah, you guys go first.

Why?

Spiders.

Spiders?

Yeah!

I hate spiders.

I don't care.

You'll be fine.

Cat: You have not yet learned,
that is better to just do what I
say, cause that makes everyone
happy.

Josh: I don't know why we can't
just go to the beach like normal
people.

Ben: We are going to a beach,
there's a beach at the lake!

Josh: It's a dirty, gross lake.

Ben: How do you know? You've
never been there.

So I have a favor to ask you.

Yeah?

It's about Ben's birthday
present.

Oh yeah, what'd ya get him?

A faberge egg.

What?

No, I'm gonna fuck his brains
out!

Don't you guys do that like, all
the time?

Well yeah, but there's all these
things that he wants to try, and
I'm like, eww.

So I figured I could do one of
those, or you could help me with
something that would so super
duper awesome, it would totally
blow his mind, and he'd never
forget!

What are you talking about?

The three of us.

Oh my God.

What?

I can't believe you just asked
me to be in a three way.

People do it. It's not weird.

I can't make out with Ben.

Why not?

I can't make out with you!

Why Not?

Because I'm just not into that.

You're not into that.

Really?

How do you even know he's into
me?

Trust me. He is.

You're serious.

Mmm Hmm.

He's your boyfriend.

Sharing is caring.

Oh my God.

You know, we just have to do it
like, you know one time, we'll
take a vow of secrecy.

On this wild and crazy weekend,
we'll never have to talk about
it again.

Even just a little bit would be
so awesome. Please, please,
please, please, please think
about it?

I'll think about it.

Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank
you.

I didn't say yes!

Well thank you for thinking
about it.

Is there anything I couldn't do?

Girl, this is gonna be some fun!

[Josh screams] Cat: Shit!

Ah, get it off me, get it off,
get it off, get it off, get it
off get it off!

Would you calm down?

Calm down, I don't see anything!

What happened?

Is it in my hair?

No, I don't see anything.

Just check, just check it!

What happened?

I don't, uh there's spiders.

Dude, would you calm down, I
don't see anything.

All that for a spider?

I don't do spiders.

Oh my god, that dance though.

Oh shut up.

You lost your shit.

They have eight eyeballs, they
have eight eyeballs, and then
they wrap their prey up.

And they suck the juice out of
them, while they're still alive,
okay? So this next one is all
you.

You go first this time, and the
next one is all you.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm just not
sure...

If I'm as good a dancer as you!

Fuck you!

Cause it's a spider!

Oh my god.

I have a strict two eyeball,
four leg, no juice sucking rule.
And if you can't do that, then
we're not friends.

Have you ever read Charlotte's
Web? The babies, they eat the
mother.

They eat her.

Ben: [mock screams]

[no dialogue]

Oh my god, it's cold!

Oh it's not so bad.

You'll get used to it.

But seriously, seriously though.

Comfort him.

Seriously though, I want to take
a minute, thank you guys all,
for coming out, this is making
my 26th really special.

I know you're not all the
outdoorsy type, so it means a
lot.

Oh, oh.

Aww.

You sure you guys wouldn't have
rather had a romantic getaway
for two?

I mean, we always have a
romantic getaway for two.

Wherever we are.

Mmm hmm.

Kind of like now.

Hey third wheel.

Sup fourth wheel?

Come here baby.

Oh yeah?

Let's show these kids how to do
it.

Let's do it.

Give it to me.

That's intense.

I feel like I'm watching a
movie.

Yeah.

Should we pay a quarter for
this?

Yeah we should.

Oh my god.

What?

Oh my God.

What?

You turned me.

No you turned me!

Shut up.

I don't even like the dick
anymore. I hate the dick!

I have seen the light and I love
the pussy.

Love the pussy!

I love it so much, that you can
seat me at the pussy buffet, and
let me eat.

Praise be brother.

Oh no, I'm still gay.

You're a jerk!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That's gross.

Get me out of this fucking lake!

[no dialogue]

[no dialogue]

[no dialogue]

[low rumbling]

[no dialogue]

[low rumbling]

Ben!

Cat!

Where are you?

I found something.

Over here!

Look at this.

What is that?

I don't know, but it's gross.

Ugh, stop playing with it.

Where's Jennifer?

I'm here.

What the hell is that?

I don't know, some goo?

A bikini?

Nasty.

I don't know.

Let's get back to the cabin, you
guys owe me dinner.

You owe me more.

You know you're doing that
wrong, right?

Cat, here ya go.

Oh, yay!

Aww.

Josh: That was my fluffy ball!

That one's yours.

Josh: Why is that one mine?

Because I said it's yours.

Ben: Who are you to deny a man
his little fluffy balls?

Ben: We'll make you one buddy.

Josh: How about you just hand me
the stick, and I'll make my own,
cause I'm really good with
sticks and balls.

All right Jennifer, while we're
talking sticks and balls-

We've got mallows, and we've got
weiners.

Would you like a weiner?

No, those are disgusting.

What are you talking about, are
you a terrorist?

They're made out of lips and
assholes, and other animal
parts.

Yeah, but they're American lips,
and assholes, and other animal
parts.

Yeah, don't be so sure.

Okay, you are either with the
lips and assholes, or you are
against them.

Now what's it going to be?

Mark: What's this about lips and
assholes, are we at war?

Cat: You came!

Yeah well, there's not a whole
lot to do when the sun goes
down, and you're by yourself.

Everyone this is Mark, I met him
on the road earlier

This is Ben, Jennifer, and Josh.

Hi.

Hey!

I hear it's your birthday. Happy
birthday.

Thank you very much. Do you
partake?

No, I'm good, thanks.

Well, it's here if you need it.
And you arrived just in time.

Just in time for what?

Time for games!

No, no games, not yet.

No, no no, Mark just got here,
we gotta get to know him.

That's the idea.

So, Mark, the name of this game
is hot seat.

And Mark, you are in the hot
seat.

Cat, are you with me?

With you.

So the rules for hot seat is,
you have to answer all of our
questions as quickly, and as
honestly as possible.

Mark, are you ready to play hot
seat?

Sure, why the hell not?

All right, Mark. First question.

Have you ever killed a man?

No.

Have you ever been to jail?

No.

Have you ever shit your pants as
a grown man?

No.

Are you sure, you've never shit
your pants as a grown man?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Do you do any illegal drugs?

Technically.

Did you bring any?

Yes.

Would you be willing to share
with the entire class?

Sure.

Mark have you ever brought a
woman to orgasm?

Yes.

Have you ever brought a woman to
triple orgasm?

I'm gonna need an answer Mark.

I can neither confirm, or deny.

Have you ever put a fruit or
vegetable up your butt?

What?

No!

Mark are you lying to Cat about
whether or not you have ever put
a fruit or a vegetable up your
rectum?

Maybe.

Was it a zucchini?

God no!

A banana?

No.

Was it a Kumquat?

Next question, please.

All right Mark, this is the
final question in the hot seat,
so for all the marbles, can I
get a drum roll Josh?

Mark!

Beatles or Elvis?

Elvis, final answer.

I feel like I know Mark.

Now that we've terrified you.

No, no, it's totally fine.

I wanna know what fruit he put
up his butt.

All right, all right, you were
right.

It was a banana.

He lied, he lied!

Umm, what's the penalty for
lying?

Well, the penalty is, you have
to go first in truth or dare.

So if I go first, I'm the one
that asks someone else truth or
dare.

Yeah, it's not much of a
penalty.

Okay, uh, Jennifer.

Oh no.

Truth, or dare?

Oh shit.

Ah, nope Jennifer.

We've been over this before.

The options are truth or dare.

The options aren't truth, dare,
or shit.

Truth.

Okay, umm, I guess I'm supposed
to make this one a dirty one,
huh?

Bring it.

Okay, was your first sexual
experience a good one, or a bad
one?

I'm gonna go with, bad.

Next.

Details, details.

Boo!

Details.

Well, I mean, we were fifteen.

And he just, didn't know what he
was doing, right? He just didnt.

What was his name?

Roger.

Josh: That's where you went
wrong.

His name was Roger? Who's
grandfather was he?

And Roger was a nice boy, but I
don't care how nice a fifteen
year old boy is.

When you guys are horny at that
age, you're all the same.

You're like dogs.

We are very excitable.

Yeah.

Tell me about it.

Roger was in before I knew it.

And I told him to go slow, and
easy, and he was like-

Oh baby, it's my first time too.
And I promise I'll make it good
for you.

I mean I told him to slow down
and take it easy, but-

That horny little fucker
jackhammered me for about twenty
whole seconds, until it was all
over.

The only thing I got out of that
experience was a split hymen.

You know, the doctor says that I
split my hymen in P.E. that time
when I was playing volleyball
and I did the splits-

Baby, baby, baby.

Wait your turn.

I know you love that story, but
it's not your turn.

Anyway, it was awkward.

And he was like a robot the
whole time we were doing it.

And he lost interest in me
immediately afterwards.

Aww.

Don't give me sympathy mother
fucker, truth or dare.

Me?

Yeah, you!

Oh uh, truth.

Cat: Ya'll are pussies!

Josh: Jesus Christ!

Ben: Your turn will come.

Josh: Yeah, just calm down over
there, P.E.

All right, right back at ya.
What was your most embarrassing
sexual experience?

Wait, wait, wait. Are we
counting the bathroom today?

Old man glory hole?

Shut up.

Shut up, I'm never gonna live
that down.

Uh no, it would probably be, no
it's with my friend Jude.

Hey.

Shut up.

Uh, we were in high school
together. He came over one day,
we were hanging out, and you
know.

Things were going good, and I
thought things were kinda
leading to fellatio.

Who says fellatio?

I'm very proper.

So you know, I thought, well I
took a bathroom break, and I
went and I cleaned up, as you
do.

I came back, and low and behold,
one thing led to another and he
went down on me.

And immediately jumped back up,
spitting, and said, your dick
tastes like soap.

Aww, babys first blow job.

Thank you for laughing at my
pain.

You, if you learned anything,
you just should have left it in
it's natural juices.

Captain soap dick!

All right, so Cat-

Dare! Dare me!

Oh my god.

Dare me.

I knew you were going to say
that.

Why would you do this?

You would totally say that.

Oh my god, this is hard because
there's nothing you won't do.

Um, dare me to sit on someone's
face.

Dare me to sit on his face!

Okay, Cat, I dare you to sit on
Ben's face.

Yay, I'm gonna sit on your face!
I have to do it, I have to.

This is my birthday!

I know, and for your birthday,
I'm just gonna sit on your face.

I have to, it's a dare! It's a
dare!

No!

Don't you pinch me!

I'm gonna fucking pinch you if I
fucking want to!

Stop, no!

Just let me sit on your face!

I'm gonna sit on your face!

No, no no!

Yes!

Stop, that tickles.

I want to sit on your face, I
want to sit on your face.

All right.

You can sit on my face, but you
have to do something nice for me
later.

Of course I'm gonna do something
nice for you later.

All right, fine. Get it over
with.

Yes! Yes!

I'm gonna put my butt on your
face!

All right.

Let me hold my breath.

All right.

Josh: Three! Two!

Josh: One!

Josh: Contact!

I'm sitting on your face, I'm
sitting on your face.

All right, you can get off me
now.

Don't move!

[playful squealing]

Don't put me in the fire, don't
let him put me in the fire,
don't put me in the fire!

Fine, fine fine, sit down.

Cat: In your face!

Her other lips are sweaty too.

And they're on your face!

So, Cat. It is your turn to ask
a question.

All right.

Ummm, Mark. Truth or dare?

Challenge accepted. I'm gonna
say dare.

Oooh!

Mark.

I dare you.

To kiss the person you find here
most sexually attractive on the
lips, for at least five
seconds.

Oh wow, a whole five seconds!

A whole five seconds.

I'm right here, it's fine, it's
okay.

Hey I am comfortable in my
heterosexuality, so if you need
to kiss me, you go ahead and
plant one right there.

Cat: Awww, Jennifer's gonna get
some!

Josh: Say hi to Roger!

Cat: Oh, oh!

You gonna stand up or what?

Yes.

I think that's a little more
than five seconds.

Cat: Hmmm, no, shoosh, shut up.

Guys I mean, come on, get a
room, or a tent, or something.

This could be a round in a game,
or this could go all night, if
you want.

It's your call.

Cool?

Cool.

Cool.

That just happened.

Yeah it did!

Cat: Well I guess that's the end
of truth or dare.

That's why, we have our own way
to make things fun.

Yes we do.

And it will be much easier to do
that, with-

This.

Mmm hmm, one for you.

I thank you.

You're welcome.

Now Jennifer and I are going to
go in the house and get your
birthday present ready.

All right.

We'll be right back!

Okay.

[heavy breathing in sound
design]

Are you ready?

Yeah, I'm, I'm ready.

Close your eyes.

Okay.

Keep them closed.

They're closed.

Okay you can open them.

You got me, you?

Well, us.

You know how most guys fantasize
about being with two girls at
the same time?

Well yeah, I mean what guy
doesn't?

Well tonight, you get to be that
guy.

Seriously?

Seriously.

Josh: So they say eight months
is a long time for two guys to
be together.

I don't know, I guess he just
thought it was time. I don't
know.

Mark: Did you ever think we
weren't meant to be monogamous?

Well-

Well nothing, it's not natural.

It's an unfair expectation we
put on ourselves.

I don't know there's some
comfort in a relationship.

Yeah, but there's a fine line
between comfort, and
suffocation.

Yeah, sounds like somebody has
been through some terrible
relationships.

Not really, I just know a lot of
miserable people who are stuck
in relationships they don't want
to be in anymore.

Maybe there's such a thing as
serial monogamy.

All right, there ya go! Like
monkeys.

Monkeys?

Yeah! I saw this documentary on
monkeys one time.

They've sort of got the
monogamous thing going on, but
they also just kind of mess
around with the whole tribe.

You know young, old, gay,
straight, monkeys just go with
the flow and have a good time
apparently.

Hmm, I also watched a video of a
monkey masturbating with a frog.

He just picked that live little
thing up, put it's mouth right
on it's dick.

And just murdered that thing!

Oh wow.

Yeah, so I don't know if we
should aspire to the social
politics of monkeys.

I don't know.

Could be fun.

So which do you want to be?

The monkey or the frog?

Here?

Yeah! Sure, why not?

Come on, you do not want to be
ninety years old, lying on your
deathbed, remembering the time
you were alone in the woods with
a guy you barely know.

And you could've played monkey
and the frog, but you didn't,
and-

Ribbit.

Wow, all this for me?

Uh huh, but before you get it
all, you gotta do a little
something for us first.

[heavy breathing]

[snorting]

Wait, stop, stop.

Why?

Because I don't want to finish
yet.

It's my turn.

Okay.

Tastes like soap.

That's very funny.

Now wash your mouth out with it.

[heavy breathing]

[gasps]

Oh, relax.

She was-

No, no, no, you're just high,
it's okay just come on down.

Just lie back.

Let us take care of you, and
just enjoy the show, okay?

You cool?

Yeah.

[wet kissing sounds]

You know this trip turned out a
lot more interesting than I
thought it was going to.

Yeah?

Yeah. I thought I was going to
be the fifth wheel, but instead,
I'm the frog.

Blame these woods man.

I've been horny ever since I got
here.

Prove it.

[slimy, slithering sound]

[Cat begins gagging, struggling]

[In a strange voice] Won't you
let us in?

[heavy breathing]

Aren't you gonna look at me?

Hey!

Good.

It's better when you're awake.

[heavy breathing]

[breathing normalizes]

[no dialogue]

[no dialogue]

[sound of something emerging
from the water]

[birds chirping]

Mark?

Mark!

Hey!

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody?

[heavy breathing in sound
design]

It's as sweet as mother's milk.

And as nourishing.

Drink.

Where is everyone else?

Around.

Why are you wearing a bed sheet
in the middle of the woods?

Night never really has to end
Josh.

What does that mean?

It means you don't have to go
back to your boring old life.

You never have to be alone
again.

All you have to do is drink.

I don't want to.

Drink.

What are you doing?

Drink!

What is wrong with you?

It will purify you.

For what?

You will drink.

[grunting, moaning]

[sounds of wilderness in sound
design]

Josh, what's wrong?

What's wrong? What the hell was
that back there? Where's Mark?

He went back to his place. We
were just having a good time.

A good time? That didn't look
like a good time to me.

Since when do you act like that?

Don't be such a prude.

Why were you choking him?

Because he asked me to?

Just get away from the van.

Josh, this is all just a big
misunderstanding, all right? Why
don't you just-

I'm not, I'm not talking to you
okay? You fucking attacked me.

What?

You kicked me!

I did not!

Josh it's just the acid.

I didn't take any acid bitch.

Well it's something, you're
acting crazy.

These woods are fucking crazy.

Josh, will you just give me my
keys?

Mark?

Mark?

What's the matter with you?

Let go!

Let go!

[spitting]

[wretching]

Ben: It's going to be okay.

Ben: You're going to love it.

None of this will matter when
you drink.

Nothing will ever matter again.

Drink.

It wants you, Josh.

It wants us all...

...back.

It's ready for us.

[no dialogue]

You'll be home soon.

[sound of something coming out
of the water]

[deep cooing, moaning sound]

[low grumbling]

[deep purring]

[cooing, soft whistling]

[purring]

[no dialogue]

Oh, I don't do spiders. Oh my
god.

[sounds of nature slowly fading
in]

[Closed captioning provided by
Bandit Motion Pictures]