Harum Scarum (1965) - full transcript
Johnny Tyronne, action movie star and ladies man, is travelling through the Middle East on a goodwill tour to promote his latest movie, "Sands of the Desert". Once he arrives, however, he is kidnapped by a gang of assassins who were so impressed with his on-screen adventures that they want to hire him to carry out an assassination for them. He naturally refuses, and following his daring escape he makes his way across the desert back to civilization, pausing every now and then to sing a song or two.
This is about the wildest audience
I ever played to, Ambassador.
Yes. They seem very interested.
You've no idea how important this occasion is.
Your goodwill tour of this part of the world...
will be most helpful to the State Department.
A man of many talents, Your Highness.
But none to compare with yours, my dear.
Mr. President, ladies and
gentlemen of Babalstan...
as United States ambassador
to your great country...
may I say that it has given my
government infinite pleasure...
to have the world premiere
of Sands of the Desert...
in your beautiful country.
And now, it is with great pride
that I present the star of the picture...
Johnny Tyronne, to sing a song dedicated to you.
President and Madame Abdul
Nuladine, Johnny Tyronne.
-I enjoyed your picture, Mr. Tyronne.
-Thank you, Mr. President.
-General and Madame Agasseh.
-General.
His Royal Highness, Prince
Dragna of Lunarkand and his lady...
Johnny Tyronne.
I enjoyed your performance
immensely, Mr. Tyronne.
-Thank you, Your Highness.
-My name is Aishah.
Mr. Tyronne, I especially wanted to meet you...
to invite you to be the guest of my
brother King Toranshah in Lunarkand.
This is a tremendous honor. Do you
realize that you're the first American...
His Majesty, King Toranshah
has ever invited into his kingdom?
I'm honored, Your Highness, but--
When you cross the Mountains of the
Moon into our country, Mr. Tyronne...
you'll be stepping back 2,000 years.
You will find the pageantry
and beauty almost unbelievable.
I'm inclined to believe it.
You were going to take
a week off in the Levant...
before your appearance in Istanbul.
It's a beautiful flight to
Bar Esalaam, Mr. Tyronne.
And a most interesting journey
on horseback through a pass...
in the Mountains of the Moon,
surrounding my brother's kingdom.
-It would be an honor, Your Highness.
-It's settled, then.
A limousine will be at your
hotel at 8:00 in the morning.
The night desert air makes me
sleepy. If you'll excuse me, Mr. Tyronne...
I think I shall retire as we have
an early start in the morning.
Your Highness...
Aishah, is she some relation to you?
Aishah, Mr. Tyronne, is Aishah.
-Good night.
-Good night.
-To many nights like this.
-This one's not over yet.
Your move, Father.
And that is checkmate, my dear.
Try as I may, I can never defeat you.
Shalimar, each day you remind me
more and more of your beautiful mother.
Your Majesty, Prince Dragna is here.
Uncle! We did not expect you back for two weeks.
Have you tired so soon with the
pleasures of the modern world, Dragna?
I would have come bearing
a surprise for you both.
I met Johnny Tyronne, the
American cinema star, in Babalstan...
and I was bringing him here
to be our guest at the palace...
but our camp was attacked and our guest abducted.
That's why I rode with all speed to warn you...
for the attackers were the Assassins.
The Assassins.
And they may soon be approaching the city.
We must make every effort to find Mr. Tyronne...
for fear of international complications.
And we must tighten the security of the palace.
Send Shalimar to the summer palace. In
the mountains, she'll be safe from harm.
Father, you must come with me.
You forget that no king of Lunarkand has
ever been absent from the royal palace...
during the fast of Ramadan.
Ramadan ends in four days, at which
time I'll join you in the summer palace.
-But, Father--
-You must leave at once, my dear.
-Yes, Father.
-Good girl.
Leilah?
You're real.
All of you.
And entirely at your service, noble master.
That's very nice, honey, but would
you mind telling me where I am?
-In the garden of paradise, noble master...
-I could have told you that.
which lies in the kingdom of Lunarkand.
Yeah, but I don't remember making a journey.
On your feet, American unbeliever!
We're taking you to Sinan, lord of the Assassins.
Lord of the Assassins? You've got to be kidding.
-Move, infidel!
-He's not kidding.
I'll see you later, girls, I hope.
This must be the playroom.
Are you enjoying the pleasures
of the garden of paradise?
It's you.
My master, Sinan, lord of the Assassins...
wishes to know if Johnny
Tyronne really carries death...
in each bare hand.
You told your master about my killing the cat.
By the way, that was quite
a nightcap you gave me.
Which I gave you with deep regret,
as the night held great promise.
You can't make up your mind, can you?
I am Sinan, Mr. Tyronne, lord of the Assassins.
I'm the Sheik of Araby. What
do you want with me, anyway?
Please forgive the way we brought
you to the sphere of our hospitality.
That's quite all right. I
can't knock the beginning.
If what Aishah tells me is true...
I have need of your talented hands...
to eliminate a person of great importance.
You've got to be kidding.
On second thought, you wouldn't
wear your hair like that just for laughs.
Insolence, Mr. Tyronne, brings painful rewards.
Cooperation will be rewarded with
all the joys of the garden of paradise.
Look, you don't understand.
This skill is used for self-defense,
not for killing off people you don't like.
That's very good...
because it's exactly what you will be doing:
defending yourself against a very
slow and extremely painful death.
Give the American a foretaste of things to come.
Such are the ways of persuasion.
-Share and share alike, O noble client.
-Keep your sticky fingers off.
And what's with this “noble client” business?
My name is Zacha.
I am a member in good standing...
of the honorable guild of marketplace thieves.
You are a stranger in a strange land
with no one to protect or advise you.
You need me, O noble client.
Okay. Give us some advice and protection.
Where's the nearest airport?
Airport? But we have no airport.
-What about the American embassy?
-American?
But you forget, O noble client...
this kingdom has been isolated from
the rest of the world for 2,000 years.
Are you trying to say that Lunarkand
receives no American foreign aid?
Alas, but no, O noble client.
But the idea of American
foreign aid fascinates me.
How do I get some of that? Please.
You just insult every American
you meet and you're a cinch.
Thanks. What are you doing here, anyway?
I perform...
certain services for my lord Sinan...
for which he pays me very handsomely.
You work for him? What do you want of me?
Moons of 10,000 delights, leave us.
Go prepare our baths...
and scent them delicately with jasmine and myrrh.
-Go!
-I still don't believe it.
'Tis dangerous to speak
before witnesses, O noble client.
Give it back.
But is it not honorable to
try to improve one's position?
I, too, have a taste for the finer things.
And I must seize the doorknob of
opportunity whenever I hear a knock.
And from where you're standing,
I'm knocking pretty loud, right?
Deafening, O noble client.
Would the subject of my escape
offend your sense of loyalty to Sinan?
Not if your generosity
outweighs my horrible fear...
of having my throat cut by Sinan.
I was kidding about foreign aid...
but get me out of this country
and I'll give you $10,000.
I hope it's deductible.
For that kind of money, we will
attempt the escape when darkness falls.
O most valuable client, most valuable client!
We will wait until...
darkness falls, and then...
What time do these jokers quit stomping around?
As soon as the night guard is posted.
Then you will kill him and--
Wait a minute, I'm paying you $10,000.
-Any killing chores should be yours, friend.
-But if...
-But he still lives.
-He'll be out for about an hour.
What do we do now?
Up yonder tree and over the wall, hurry.
Help me! Hurry!
Remember, if we get separated--
Yeah, we'll meet at the Pool of Omar!
Wait! Don't scream, please.
I'm in enough trouble as it is.
I just want to explain...
I guess you'd better sit down for this.
-Who are you?
-I'm Johnny Tyronne, an American.
You have heard of America?
No, you haven't heard of America.
I was kidnapped and brought
to that fortress back up the hill.
A friend helped me to escape.
But the Sheik Al Husein dwells in the fortress.
He is a kindly old man who would harm no one.
He wouldn't happen to have
a houseguest named Sinan...
-who is not so kindly, would he?
-Sinan!
The Assassins, here?
I must ride to Taj at once and warn my master.
I'm to meet my friend at the Pool of Omar.
Could you drop me off on your way to the Taj?
-Drop you off?
-You do have a car, don't you?
There are no cars in Lunarkand.
King Toranshah does not permit...
the Western civilization to enter his kingdom.
Yeah, I keep forgetting.
If you're the result of resisting the
encroachment of our civilized world...
I'm all for it, Miss...
I am called Yani...
and I will provide swift
horses for you and your friend.
Come.
-The Pool of Omar.
-Pretty. Very pretty.
We'll wait here till your
friend comes, then ride to Taj.
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine...
-and thou beside me.
-Singing in the wilderness.
You'd really be something
to take back to Hollywood.
But I am only a slave girl.
You be you.
Just tell me how I can free you from your master.
My master's a very kind man who might sell me...
-but first, he would ask you a question.
-Like what?
My master would want to
know why Sinan kidnapped you.
You know, I asked him that.
He said he wanted me to assassinate
some man of great importance.
Where are you going?
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Come back!
Greetings, O most exalted one.
How long have you been here?
Long enough to have had the momentary illusion...
that you were indeed a prince of thieves.
For not only did you steal one beautiful slave...
but three magnificent Arabian
horses, the horses we needed.
We've still got our two feet, O lowly one.
So how about taking me over to Bar Esalaam?
There are but two passes through the mountain...
one to the southeast that leads to Tehran...
one to the northwest that leads to Bar Esalaam...
but both of them will be
guarded by the Assassins.
I think danger rides upon us. Come!
On!
-The Assassins are not to be taken lightly.
-Yeah. I remember.
You say they'll be watching
both sides of the pass, right?
How are you going to earn the $10,000?
At the end of the fast of Ramadan,
which will be in four days' time...
a small troupe of musicians and dancing girls...
will journey through the
northwest pass to Bar Esalaam...
to entertain in the marketplace
during the feast of Bairam.
We join the troupe, right?
How much will that cost?
Practically nothing...
a mere thousand gold dinars, in advance, please.
You'll get the gold dinars after I
know these musicians will take me on.
Now then, Dragna.
-I believe it's your move, Toranshah.
-Yes.
Father!
Shalimar, what are you doing in Taj?
I planned to join you at the
summer palace right after Ramadan.
The old fortress of Sheik Al
Husein has been taken over...
by Lord Sinan and the Assassins.
-Shalimar, that's almost unbelievable.
-It's true, uncle, it's true.
Captain, take a troop of
guards and raid the old fortress.
Any Assassins you find are to be executed.
Hear and obey, Your Majesty.
Were you in danger? Did they attack the palace?
No, uncle. But the young
American was imprisoned there.
He escaped and climbed our palace wall.
He told me Sinan had
kidnapped him to assassinate...
some important personage.
By inviting Mr. Tyronne here, I
played right into the hands of Sinan.
How were you to know?
The dancers' names are Sapphire...
Amethyst and Emerald.
The drummer is Julna.
What do you think of our little troupe?
They're great.
They're not taking in too much bread.
But you forget, O noble client,
we are also a band of thieves.
Maybe they could use a little help.
I want you to watch a little...
O noble client! Noble client!
Cutpurse! Thief!
Quick, follow me.
There he is, the little cutpurse thief!
Get him!
Over here.
-Battle's over, little one.
-Come on! Let's go!
Enter into the Palace of
Jackals, O most valuable client.
-You were very good with that sling.
-It gave me much happiness, master.
My name is Sari, and that's my brother Yussef.
Hi, Yussef.
This way, O most illustrious client, this way.
Fix it up.
Occupy my throne, O most valuable client.
Sapphire, Emerald, Amethyst, Julna, Baba...
meet my most valuable client, Johnny Tyronne.
He is an American, which means nothing...
but he is filthy rich...
which most assuredly means something.
Where's your mother?
We have three mothers, master, and a father.
Three mothers and a father?
Sapphire, Emerald, Amethyst, and Julna.
There must be a simpler explanation.
Simplicity is impossible
when one has three mothers.
Last winter, an avalanche
roared down the mountain.
Our parents were killed.
There was no one to feed and clothe us...
so now Sapphire, Amethyst,
and Emerald take care of us.
Maybe you will buy us from this root of all evil.
All of you?
Could you even leave one
of us behind, noble master?
No, I guess I couldn't.
We will be your most devoted slaves.
We'll cook for you, wash for you, dance for you.
Anoint you with scented oils from Samarkand.
Okay, that's very nice, but let's
wait until we get to Bar Esalaam.
Then I'll buy you from this root of all evil.
And the price will be most reasonable.
I'm sure, yeah. Wholesale, plus--
But I'm risking my throat to help
you, and I'm very much attached to it.
I have led you away from the Assassins,
have skillfully avoided the police...
have fought valiantly by your
side against the Bedouins.
Surely there must be some compensation.
And besides, here in the Palace
of Jackals, you are absolutely safe...
until it is time to go through the
northwest pass to Bar Esalaam.
Where we'll catch a plane for Istanbul.
After you first purchase
us from this root of all evil.
Excuse me.
Before we go, it wouldn't be
difficult for a smart man like you...
-to find Yani, would it?
-Yani?
That fiend that stole the horses...
and left us afoot in the mountains?
Put it on my tab.
How difficult it will be to find a slave
girl more beautiful than 1,000 moons...
whose master dwells here in Taj.
Very difficult.
But if you promise to tell
your American government...
-that I will accept the foreign aid...
-I'll tell them all about you.
Your wish is my command until payday.
Don't you have anything to do?
Someday Sari will grow to be a
beautiful slave girl, too, noble master.
No. A real heartbreaker, but never a slave girl.
Slave girl, yes, and one of vast accomplishment.
And now please watch closely.
Yani?
How did you find me?
Working both sides of the
street, pal? That figures.
Our most trustworthy spy tracked
you down after you escaped the fortress.
Tracked me down?
Okay, what do you want from me?
Pretty child. All these others, are they orphans?
Didn't Zacha include that in his report?
Yet even for little orphans, life can be sweet.
Such a pity.
What are you trying to tell me?
Unless you obey my master's
orders and kill with your skilled hands...
the lives of these orphans will be forfeited.
I'll have these kids out of here before...
-The scales do not balance, Mr. Tyronne.
-No kidding.
On one side is only the life of one stranger...
weighed against your life
and the lives of these orphans.
Or does my soft neck overly
tempt your deadly hands?
Besides you, who do I have to kill?
King Toranshah, ruler of Lunarkand.
Where are your thoughts, my lady?
At the Pool of Omar with the American?
It seems I cannot hide anything from you, Leilah.
For the first time, I see the
light of young love in your eyes.
Does he return your love?
It seemed so...
but I will never see him again...
for he does not know where to find me.
He will come to you.
Where else would a princess
be found but in a palace?
But he does not know I'm a princess.
I told him I was a slave of a rich merchant...
for had he known...
I would never have felt
the touch of his gentle lips.
You allowed him to kiss you?
-Good morning, Father.
-Good morning, my dear.
-Have you forgotten what day this is?
-Now, let me see.
At sunset the fast of Ramadan
ends and the feast of Bairam begins...
which I will attend in the
great hall with your uncle.
But I will leave the feast early
to attend a small one here...
to celebrate your birthday.
And I was beginning to think you'd forgotten.
No.
Toranshah.
Captain Herat has returned
from the raid on the fortress.
Sinan and his Assassins have gone.
All that remained was one slave girl...
which means but one thing:
Someone must have sent warning of
our impending attack to the Assassins.
Did any of your men know
the destination of the raid?
No, Your Majesty...
I did not tell them until we were
within two leagues of the fortress.
Did outposts bring warning of the raid?
Speak up, girl. No harm will come to you.
Some of the Assassins left
four days ago, Your Majesty.
Yesterday, Lord Sinan and his
remaining men left suddenly...
but whether they were warned
by an outpost, I could not tell...
for our quarters were in the
summerhouse, in the garden.
Toranshah...
it is safe to assume that Captain
Herat's advance was seen by an outpost...
for I'm certain there are no
traitors here in the palace.
I'm sorry to mar the happiness of
your birthday this way, my dear...
and I do wish you many more happy birthdays.
The protection of my father
comes first with you, uncle.
-I honor you for it.
-Thank you, my dear.
The Assassins may even
now be within the city walls...
so if I'm late for the feast tonight,
it's because I'm ensuring your safety.
Father.
My dear.
The sun is setting, Mr. Tyronne.
Within the hour, the feast of
Bairam will begin at the royal palace.
-Mind if I ask you a couple of questions?
-I always enjoy our little chats.
-How do I get into the palace?
-It has been arranged for you.
Disguised, and this little
troupe to entertain at the feast.
The rest, Mr. Tyronne, is entirely up to you.
That takes care of the invitation.
After I kill Toranshah and
the guards put me away...
what happens to the rest of the troupe?
They will be questioned, tortured
perhaps, but I will tell the palace guards...
that my little troupe was
forced to let you join them...
under pain of death by the Assassins.
And, Shaitan help me, for
once I will be telling the truth.
How can I be sure they won't be harmed?
Assassinate King Toranshah...
and you have Sinan's promise
that no harm will come to them.
In over 1,000 years...
no leader of the Assassins
has ever violated a promise.
It's nice to know you're doing
business with such a reputable firm.
Kill him or we all die.
-Father!
-Shalimar!
Father.
-Father? He's your...
-Father, he's here to kill you.
-No, I just want to talk to him!
-Murdering jackal!
Take him out!
Toranshah, praise be to Allah, you're safe.
Thank you.
If the princess ignores your song of love...
she is without a heart.
Johnny...
once we are in Bar Esalaam,
you will forget all about her...
and we will feast to celebrate your buying us...
from the root of all evil.
Nobody's going to Bar Esalaam.
It is written that one who gambles with life...
must be a perfect cheat or as fast as a gazelle.
If I'd only known at the Pool of Omar...
that Yani was the Princess Shalimar,
we could have held her hostage...
her life for her father's...
and I would not now be in this house of death.
How can you think of your own skin...
when the Assassins are
holding the children prisoner?
Their lives are not worth that.
How can you worry about trifles...
when the death of a thousand
cuts awaits us at any moment?
They're coming for us. The
death of a thousand cuts.
Allah, protect me, for I am an honest man.
Baba!
You got a rope.
The charge for the rope will be most reasonable.
Come on.
Where are the royal chambers?
In that tower there, but it's
impossible to reach from the outside.
Why worry about the royal chambers?
The palace guards and
the Assassins seek our lives.
My only chance to get the $10,000...
is to steal fast horses and ride to Bar Esalaam.
I guess you're right, Zacha.
Julna, you go over first and help the girls down.
Easy.
Come on, let's go. You
want the $10,000, don't you?
-Yes, of course. You promised.
-Then let's go.
Go to the Palace of Jackals
and watch little Sari and Yussef.
-I'm going to get King Toranshah.
-All right.
There we go.
Allah, protect my filthy-rich client...
and all that beautiful American foreign aid.
Come, girls. Help to protect me from Lord Sinan.
It's the young American, isn't it?
I should have confided in you, Father.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't be, my dear.
The moment I looked into your eyes...
I knew you had fallen in love.
Father, I cannot believe
Johnny would really do you harm.
That is your heart speaking...
but the facts say otherwise.
Not all the facts.
He's never been given a chance to defend himself.
Your Majesty...
Hold it, Your Majesty! I
want to explain it to you!
Just five minutes of your valuable time.
Is that so unreasonable?
You were sent here to assassinate
me. There's nothing to explain.
I'm in love with your daughter.
How could I assassinate you?
Yes, Father.
How could he?
Very well, young man. I'm willing to listen.
We're in deep trouble, Your Majesty.
-We?
-Yes, you.
Someone here in the palace has
hired Sinan to have you assassinated.
And me, for refusing to harm
you, I get my own throat cut...
and the throats of two little
orphans in the Palace of Jackals.
Father, you must believe him.
And you, Mr. Tyronne,
have a solution to all this?
I have an idea of how to
expose whoever hired Sinan...
to have you assassinated.
It seems we do have things
to discuss, Mr. Tyronne.
I forgot something.
Sound the alarm.
Your Highness.
Your Highness, King Toranshah is missing...
his royal bed ripped by dagger
thrusts and heavily bloodstained.
We greatly fear for His
Majesty's life, Your Highness.
My poor dear brother.
The assassin must be the young American...
for he has escaped from
the citadel, Your Highness.
Don't just stand there.
Find my brother's assassin and kill him on sight.
But the American infidel swore
he was going to kill the King...
to save Sari and Yussef.
With mine own eyes, I saw
him enter the King's chambers.
You stay here with Shalimar, Your
Majesty. I'll go get the little ones out.
I will not desert you a second time, Johnny.
-We have too much at stake.
-All right. Let's go.
You must believe me.
I am telling the truth...
O mighty lord of the Assassins!
King Toranshah was slain by the American infidel.
Tear out my tongue by the roots
if I lie, O mighty lord and master.
It is just possible that for once
Zacha is telling the truth, my lord.
The client who is paying for my services...
will either prove or disprove your babbling.
Bring him here.
Your generosity and compassion...
will be rewarded, O mighty lord and master.
May the fairest maidens of paradise...
bow down before you.
Out of my sight, you split-tongued hyena.
I see Your Majesty already wears the royal seal.
Congratulations.
Congratulations to you, lord of the Assassins.
It is my pleasure to conclude our bargain...
with the payment of these 50,000 gold dinars.
So now Your Majesty is free
to let the Bakir Oil Company...
open those vast oil deposits
in the Valley of the Moon.
How did you learn about the Bakir Oil Company?
They're old and valued
clients of mine, Your Majesty.
And their geologists assure me...
that the yearly income will
add millions to my coffers.
Your coffers? Your participation has ended.
I am king now, and you have been
paid generously for your services.
True, you are the king...
but I am taking over the kingdom.
You will remain in the palace as puppet ruler...
and obey my orders implicitly.
Order the entire royal guard out
of the city into the summer palace...
where, when the time comes,
they will be attacked and destroyed.
Don't turn around. It's me, Johnny.
Give me your ankle bells.
Aishah, my beautiful one...
comfort His Majesty in his defeat...
and watch him closely.
Behold, you lowly creatures, your new king.
And mark, you will serve him well.
But wait.
Those miserable spawn of the gutter have eyes.
They have ears and tongues
to babble in the marketplace.
Destroy them.
Find them, you fools!
Call off your dogs! Fast,
or I'll break your neck.
Stop! Drop your weapons.
Infidel pig!
My arms are long, and my men
are even now securing the city.
Hear me, Sinan.
I will destroy you and your evil
followers, even though it means my life.
So it will, brave king, for you'll
never live to see another sunset.
You've had the floor long enough, big mouth.
We have two choices, Your
Majesty, neither of them very good.
Escape to Bar Esalaam and
bring help to retake the city--
I'm not one to run from a battle...
but we are faced with an enemy
of superior numbers and weapons...
which can only mean certain death for us
if we try to attack without reinforcements.
We can get you out of the city.
And you can contact your royal guard.
But it might be too late. And
what if my father's discovered?
-They would kill him.
-Just like the choice in an election year.
So, illustrious Majesty, it
seems we only lack one thing.
-I feel a deal coming on.
-We lack manpower.
Yet within the city I have many
relatives and business associates...
who would be enchanted for employment...
under... certain... conditions.
-What's the bite this time, Zacha?
-The bite?
The bite? You mean the fee!
As Allah is my witness,
it will be most reasonable.
Hold it.
Spread over the marketplace, right?
Attack the Assassins in small groups.
You must not allow them to
assemble in full force, got it?
Move out. Let's go.
Come here.
Julna, you know what to do, right?
Run for cover the minute the
shooting starts and stay there.
Your Majesty, stay with Shalimar.
A king who would not fight for his kingdom...
does not deserve to have one.
Come on. Let's go.
Assassins! Attack!
-Your Majesty, where are you going?
-To the palace.
I have a score to settle with Prince Dragna.
Good luck, sir.
Come on.
Assassins!
Attack!
Checkmate.
The game is finished, false brother.
Toranshah, you live!
Your hired assassin, Sinan, has been captured.
All the other Assassins are being destroyed.
I will yet be king.
Help!
Help!
This kingdom is mine!
-Johnny, where's my father?
-He went to get Prince Dragna.
We must go to him at once. Hurry!
Your Highness! Dragna's here!
I like the way you settle
your scores, Your Majesty.
I couldn't kill my own brother, Johnny.
But I am sending him into exile
with his favorite chess player.
Just be a nice king and
don't exile him into the U.S.A.
---oOo---
I ever played to, Ambassador.
Yes. They seem very interested.
You've no idea how important this occasion is.
Your goodwill tour of this part of the world...
will be most helpful to the State Department.
A man of many talents, Your Highness.
But none to compare with yours, my dear.
Mr. President, ladies and
gentlemen of Babalstan...
as United States ambassador
to your great country...
may I say that it has given my
government infinite pleasure...
to have the world premiere
of Sands of the Desert...
in your beautiful country.
And now, it is with great pride
that I present the star of the picture...
Johnny Tyronne, to sing a song dedicated to you.
President and Madame Abdul
Nuladine, Johnny Tyronne.
-I enjoyed your picture, Mr. Tyronne.
-Thank you, Mr. President.
-General and Madame Agasseh.
-General.
His Royal Highness, Prince
Dragna of Lunarkand and his lady...
Johnny Tyronne.
I enjoyed your performance
immensely, Mr. Tyronne.
-Thank you, Your Highness.
-My name is Aishah.
Mr. Tyronne, I especially wanted to meet you...
to invite you to be the guest of my
brother King Toranshah in Lunarkand.
This is a tremendous honor. Do you
realize that you're the first American...
His Majesty, King Toranshah
has ever invited into his kingdom?
I'm honored, Your Highness, but--
When you cross the Mountains of the
Moon into our country, Mr. Tyronne...
you'll be stepping back 2,000 years.
You will find the pageantry
and beauty almost unbelievable.
I'm inclined to believe it.
You were going to take
a week off in the Levant...
before your appearance in Istanbul.
It's a beautiful flight to
Bar Esalaam, Mr. Tyronne.
And a most interesting journey
on horseback through a pass...
in the Mountains of the Moon,
surrounding my brother's kingdom.
-It would be an honor, Your Highness.
-It's settled, then.
A limousine will be at your
hotel at 8:00 in the morning.
The night desert air makes me
sleepy. If you'll excuse me, Mr. Tyronne...
I think I shall retire as we have
an early start in the morning.
Your Highness...
Aishah, is she some relation to you?
Aishah, Mr. Tyronne, is Aishah.
-Good night.
-Good night.
-To many nights like this.
-This one's not over yet.
Your move, Father.
And that is checkmate, my dear.
Try as I may, I can never defeat you.
Shalimar, each day you remind me
more and more of your beautiful mother.
Your Majesty, Prince Dragna is here.
Uncle! We did not expect you back for two weeks.
Have you tired so soon with the
pleasures of the modern world, Dragna?
I would have come bearing
a surprise for you both.
I met Johnny Tyronne, the
American cinema star, in Babalstan...
and I was bringing him here
to be our guest at the palace...
but our camp was attacked and our guest abducted.
That's why I rode with all speed to warn you...
for the attackers were the Assassins.
The Assassins.
And they may soon be approaching the city.
We must make every effort to find Mr. Tyronne...
for fear of international complications.
And we must tighten the security of the palace.
Send Shalimar to the summer palace. In
the mountains, she'll be safe from harm.
Father, you must come with me.
You forget that no king of Lunarkand has
ever been absent from the royal palace...
during the fast of Ramadan.
Ramadan ends in four days, at which
time I'll join you in the summer palace.
-But, Father--
-You must leave at once, my dear.
-Yes, Father.
-Good girl.
Leilah?
You're real.
All of you.
And entirely at your service, noble master.
That's very nice, honey, but would
you mind telling me where I am?
-In the garden of paradise, noble master...
-I could have told you that.
which lies in the kingdom of Lunarkand.
Yeah, but I don't remember making a journey.
On your feet, American unbeliever!
We're taking you to Sinan, lord of the Assassins.
Lord of the Assassins? You've got to be kidding.
-Move, infidel!
-He's not kidding.
I'll see you later, girls, I hope.
This must be the playroom.
Are you enjoying the pleasures
of the garden of paradise?
It's you.
My master, Sinan, lord of the Assassins...
wishes to know if Johnny
Tyronne really carries death...
in each bare hand.
You told your master about my killing the cat.
By the way, that was quite
a nightcap you gave me.
Which I gave you with deep regret,
as the night held great promise.
You can't make up your mind, can you?
I am Sinan, Mr. Tyronne, lord of the Assassins.
I'm the Sheik of Araby. What
do you want with me, anyway?
Please forgive the way we brought
you to the sphere of our hospitality.
That's quite all right. I
can't knock the beginning.
If what Aishah tells me is true...
I have need of your talented hands...
to eliminate a person of great importance.
You've got to be kidding.
On second thought, you wouldn't
wear your hair like that just for laughs.
Insolence, Mr. Tyronne, brings painful rewards.
Cooperation will be rewarded with
all the joys of the garden of paradise.
Look, you don't understand.
This skill is used for self-defense,
not for killing off people you don't like.
That's very good...
because it's exactly what you will be doing:
defending yourself against a very
slow and extremely painful death.
Give the American a foretaste of things to come.
Such are the ways of persuasion.
-Share and share alike, O noble client.
-Keep your sticky fingers off.
And what's with this “noble client” business?
My name is Zacha.
I am a member in good standing...
of the honorable guild of marketplace thieves.
You are a stranger in a strange land
with no one to protect or advise you.
You need me, O noble client.
Okay. Give us some advice and protection.
Where's the nearest airport?
Airport? But we have no airport.
-What about the American embassy?
-American?
But you forget, O noble client...
this kingdom has been isolated from
the rest of the world for 2,000 years.
Are you trying to say that Lunarkand
receives no American foreign aid?
Alas, but no, O noble client.
But the idea of American
foreign aid fascinates me.
How do I get some of that? Please.
You just insult every American
you meet and you're a cinch.
Thanks. What are you doing here, anyway?
I perform...
certain services for my lord Sinan...
for which he pays me very handsomely.
You work for him? What do you want of me?
Moons of 10,000 delights, leave us.
Go prepare our baths...
and scent them delicately with jasmine and myrrh.
-Go!
-I still don't believe it.
'Tis dangerous to speak
before witnesses, O noble client.
Give it back.
But is it not honorable to
try to improve one's position?
I, too, have a taste for the finer things.
And I must seize the doorknob of
opportunity whenever I hear a knock.
And from where you're standing,
I'm knocking pretty loud, right?
Deafening, O noble client.
Would the subject of my escape
offend your sense of loyalty to Sinan?
Not if your generosity
outweighs my horrible fear...
of having my throat cut by Sinan.
I was kidding about foreign aid...
but get me out of this country
and I'll give you $10,000.
I hope it's deductible.
For that kind of money, we will
attempt the escape when darkness falls.
O most valuable client, most valuable client!
We will wait until...
darkness falls, and then...
What time do these jokers quit stomping around?
As soon as the night guard is posted.
Then you will kill him and--
Wait a minute, I'm paying you $10,000.
-Any killing chores should be yours, friend.
-But if...
-But he still lives.
-He'll be out for about an hour.
What do we do now?
Up yonder tree and over the wall, hurry.
Help me! Hurry!
Remember, if we get separated--
Yeah, we'll meet at the Pool of Omar!
Wait! Don't scream, please.
I'm in enough trouble as it is.
I just want to explain...
I guess you'd better sit down for this.
-Who are you?
-I'm Johnny Tyronne, an American.
You have heard of America?
No, you haven't heard of America.
I was kidnapped and brought
to that fortress back up the hill.
A friend helped me to escape.
But the Sheik Al Husein dwells in the fortress.
He is a kindly old man who would harm no one.
He wouldn't happen to have
a houseguest named Sinan...
-who is not so kindly, would he?
-Sinan!
The Assassins, here?
I must ride to Taj at once and warn my master.
I'm to meet my friend at the Pool of Omar.
Could you drop me off on your way to the Taj?
-Drop you off?
-You do have a car, don't you?
There are no cars in Lunarkand.
King Toranshah does not permit...
the Western civilization to enter his kingdom.
Yeah, I keep forgetting.
If you're the result of resisting the
encroachment of our civilized world...
I'm all for it, Miss...
I am called Yani...
and I will provide swift
horses for you and your friend.
Come.
-The Pool of Omar.
-Pretty. Very pretty.
We'll wait here till your
friend comes, then ride to Taj.
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine...
-and thou beside me.
-Singing in the wilderness.
You'd really be something
to take back to Hollywood.
But I am only a slave girl.
You be you.
Just tell me how I can free you from your master.
My master's a very kind man who might sell me...
-but first, he would ask you a question.
-Like what?
My master would want to
know why Sinan kidnapped you.
You know, I asked him that.
He said he wanted me to assassinate
some man of great importance.
Where are you going?
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Come back!
Greetings, O most exalted one.
How long have you been here?
Long enough to have had the momentary illusion...
that you were indeed a prince of thieves.
For not only did you steal one beautiful slave...
but three magnificent Arabian
horses, the horses we needed.
We've still got our two feet, O lowly one.
So how about taking me over to Bar Esalaam?
There are but two passes through the mountain...
one to the southeast that leads to Tehran...
one to the northwest that leads to Bar Esalaam...
but both of them will be
guarded by the Assassins.
I think danger rides upon us. Come!
On!
-The Assassins are not to be taken lightly.
-Yeah. I remember.
You say they'll be watching
both sides of the pass, right?
How are you going to earn the $10,000?
At the end of the fast of Ramadan,
which will be in four days' time...
a small troupe of musicians and dancing girls...
will journey through the
northwest pass to Bar Esalaam...
to entertain in the marketplace
during the feast of Bairam.
We join the troupe, right?
How much will that cost?
Practically nothing...
a mere thousand gold dinars, in advance, please.
You'll get the gold dinars after I
know these musicians will take me on.
Now then, Dragna.
-I believe it's your move, Toranshah.
-Yes.
Father!
Shalimar, what are you doing in Taj?
I planned to join you at the
summer palace right after Ramadan.
The old fortress of Sheik Al
Husein has been taken over...
by Lord Sinan and the Assassins.
-Shalimar, that's almost unbelievable.
-It's true, uncle, it's true.
Captain, take a troop of
guards and raid the old fortress.
Any Assassins you find are to be executed.
Hear and obey, Your Majesty.
Were you in danger? Did they attack the palace?
No, uncle. But the young
American was imprisoned there.
He escaped and climbed our palace wall.
He told me Sinan had
kidnapped him to assassinate...
some important personage.
By inviting Mr. Tyronne here, I
played right into the hands of Sinan.
How were you to know?
The dancers' names are Sapphire...
Amethyst and Emerald.
The drummer is Julna.
What do you think of our little troupe?
They're great.
They're not taking in too much bread.
But you forget, O noble client,
we are also a band of thieves.
Maybe they could use a little help.
I want you to watch a little...
O noble client! Noble client!
Cutpurse! Thief!
Quick, follow me.
There he is, the little cutpurse thief!
Get him!
Over here.
-Battle's over, little one.
-Come on! Let's go!
Enter into the Palace of
Jackals, O most valuable client.
-You were very good with that sling.
-It gave me much happiness, master.
My name is Sari, and that's my brother Yussef.
Hi, Yussef.
This way, O most illustrious client, this way.
Fix it up.
Occupy my throne, O most valuable client.
Sapphire, Emerald, Amethyst, Julna, Baba...
meet my most valuable client, Johnny Tyronne.
He is an American, which means nothing...
but he is filthy rich...
which most assuredly means something.
Where's your mother?
We have three mothers, master, and a father.
Three mothers and a father?
Sapphire, Emerald, Amethyst, and Julna.
There must be a simpler explanation.
Simplicity is impossible
when one has three mothers.
Last winter, an avalanche
roared down the mountain.
Our parents were killed.
There was no one to feed and clothe us...
so now Sapphire, Amethyst,
and Emerald take care of us.
Maybe you will buy us from this root of all evil.
All of you?
Could you even leave one
of us behind, noble master?
No, I guess I couldn't.
We will be your most devoted slaves.
We'll cook for you, wash for you, dance for you.
Anoint you with scented oils from Samarkand.
Okay, that's very nice, but let's
wait until we get to Bar Esalaam.
Then I'll buy you from this root of all evil.
And the price will be most reasonable.
I'm sure, yeah. Wholesale, plus--
But I'm risking my throat to help
you, and I'm very much attached to it.
I have led you away from the Assassins,
have skillfully avoided the police...
have fought valiantly by your
side against the Bedouins.
Surely there must be some compensation.
And besides, here in the Palace
of Jackals, you are absolutely safe...
until it is time to go through the
northwest pass to Bar Esalaam.
Where we'll catch a plane for Istanbul.
After you first purchase
us from this root of all evil.
Excuse me.
Before we go, it wouldn't be
difficult for a smart man like you...
-to find Yani, would it?
-Yani?
That fiend that stole the horses...
and left us afoot in the mountains?
Put it on my tab.
How difficult it will be to find a slave
girl more beautiful than 1,000 moons...
whose master dwells here in Taj.
Very difficult.
But if you promise to tell
your American government...
-that I will accept the foreign aid...
-I'll tell them all about you.
Your wish is my command until payday.
Don't you have anything to do?
Someday Sari will grow to be a
beautiful slave girl, too, noble master.
No. A real heartbreaker, but never a slave girl.
Slave girl, yes, and one of vast accomplishment.
And now please watch closely.
Yani?
How did you find me?
Working both sides of the
street, pal? That figures.
Our most trustworthy spy tracked
you down after you escaped the fortress.
Tracked me down?
Okay, what do you want from me?
Pretty child. All these others, are they orphans?
Didn't Zacha include that in his report?
Yet even for little orphans, life can be sweet.
Such a pity.
What are you trying to tell me?
Unless you obey my master's
orders and kill with your skilled hands...
the lives of these orphans will be forfeited.
I'll have these kids out of here before...
-The scales do not balance, Mr. Tyronne.
-No kidding.
On one side is only the life of one stranger...
weighed against your life
and the lives of these orphans.
Or does my soft neck overly
tempt your deadly hands?
Besides you, who do I have to kill?
King Toranshah, ruler of Lunarkand.
Where are your thoughts, my lady?
At the Pool of Omar with the American?
It seems I cannot hide anything from you, Leilah.
For the first time, I see the
light of young love in your eyes.
Does he return your love?
It seemed so...
but I will never see him again...
for he does not know where to find me.
He will come to you.
Where else would a princess
be found but in a palace?
But he does not know I'm a princess.
I told him I was a slave of a rich merchant...
for had he known...
I would never have felt
the touch of his gentle lips.
You allowed him to kiss you?
-Good morning, Father.
-Good morning, my dear.
-Have you forgotten what day this is?
-Now, let me see.
At sunset the fast of Ramadan
ends and the feast of Bairam begins...
which I will attend in the
great hall with your uncle.
But I will leave the feast early
to attend a small one here...
to celebrate your birthday.
And I was beginning to think you'd forgotten.
No.
Toranshah.
Captain Herat has returned
from the raid on the fortress.
Sinan and his Assassins have gone.
All that remained was one slave girl...
which means but one thing:
Someone must have sent warning of
our impending attack to the Assassins.
Did any of your men know
the destination of the raid?
No, Your Majesty...
I did not tell them until we were
within two leagues of the fortress.
Did outposts bring warning of the raid?
Speak up, girl. No harm will come to you.
Some of the Assassins left
four days ago, Your Majesty.
Yesterday, Lord Sinan and his
remaining men left suddenly...
but whether they were warned
by an outpost, I could not tell...
for our quarters were in the
summerhouse, in the garden.
Toranshah...
it is safe to assume that Captain
Herat's advance was seen by an outpost...
for I'm certain there are no
traitors here in the palace.
I'm sorry to mar the happiness of
your birthday this way, my dear...
and I do wish you many more happy birthdays.
The protection of my father
comes first with you, uncle.
-I honor you for it.
-Thank you, my dear.
The Assassins may even
now be within the city walls...
so if I'm late for the feast tonight,
it's because I'm ensuring your safety.
Father.
My dear.
The sun is setting, Mr. Tyronne.
Within the hour, the feast of
Bairam will begin at the royal palace.
-Mind if I ask you a couple of questions?
-I always enjoy our little chats.
-How do I get into the palace?
-It has been arranged for you.
Disguised, and this little
troupe to entertain at the feast.
The rest, Mr. Tyronne, is entirely up to you.
That takes care of the invitation.
After I kill Toranshah and
the guards put me away...
what happens to the rest of the troupe?
They will be questioned, tortured
perhaps, but I will tell the palace guards...
that my little troupe was
forced to let you join them...
under pain of death by the Assassins.
And, Shaitan help me, for
once I will be telling the truth.
How can I be sure they won't be harmed?
Assassinate King Toranshah...
and you have Sinan's promise
that no harm will come to them.
In over 1,000 years...
no leader of the Assassins
has ever violated a promise.
It's nice to know you're doing
business with such a reputable firm.
Kill him or we all die.
-Father!
-Shalimar!
Father.
-Father? He's your...
-Father, he's here to kill you.
-No, I just want to talk to him!
-Murdering jackal!
Take him out!
Toranshah, praise be to Allah, you're safe.
Thank you.
If the princess ignores your song of love...
she is without a heart.
Johnny...
once we are in Bar Esalaam,
you will forget all about her...
and we will feast to celebrate your buying us...
from the root of all evil.
Nobody's going to Bar Esalaam.
It is written that one who gambles with life...
must be a perfect cheat or as fast as a gazelle.
If I'd only known at the Pool of Omar...
that Yani was the Princess Shalimar,
we could have held her hostage...
her life for her father's...
and I would not now be in this house of death.
How can you think of your own skin...
when the Assassins are
holding the children prisoner?
Their lives are not worth that.
How can you worry about trifles...
when the death of a thousand
cuts awaits us at any moment?
They're coming for us. The
death of a thousand cuts.
Allah, protect me, for I am an honest man.
Baba!
You got a rope.
The charge for the rope will be most reasonable.
Come on.
Where are the royal chambers?
In that tower there, but it's
impossible to reach from the outside.
Why worry about the royal chambers?
The palace guards and
the Assassins seek our lives.
My only chance to get the $10,000...
is to steal fast horses and ride to Bar Esalaam.
I guess you're right, Zacha.
Julna, you go over first and help the girls down.
Easy.
Come on, let's go. You
want the $10,000, don't you?
-Yes, of course. You promised.
-Then let's go.
Go to the Palace of Jackals
and watch little Sari and Yussef.
-I'm going to get King Toranshah.
-All right.
There we go.
Allah, protect my filthy-rich client...
and all that beautiful American foreign aid.
Come, girls. Help to protect me from Lord Sinan.
It's the young American, isn't it?
I should have confided in you, Father.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't be, my dear.
The moment I looked into your eyes...
I knew you had fallen in love.
Father, I cannot believe
Johnny would really do you harm.
That is your heart speaking...
but the facts say otherwise.
Not all the facts.
He's never been given a chance to defend himself.
Your Majesty...
Hold it, Your Majesty! I
want to explain it to you!
Just five minutes of your valuable time.
Is that so unreasonable?
You were sent here to assassinate
me. There's nothing to explain.
I'm in love with your daughter.
How could I assassinate you?
Yes, Father.
How could he?
Very well, young man. I'm willing to listen.
We're in deep trouble, Your Majesty.
-We?
-Yes, you.
Someone here in the palace has
hired Sinan to have you assassinated.
And me, for refusing to harm
you, I get my own throat cut...
and the throats of two little
orphans in the Palace of Jackals.
Father, you must believe him.
And you, Mr. Tyronne,
have a solution to all this?
I have an idea of how to
expose whoever hired Sinan...
to have you assassinated.
It seems we do have things
to discuss, Mr. Tyronne.
I forgot something.
Sound the alarm.
Your Highness.
Your Highness, King Toranshah is missing...
his royal bed ripped by dagger
thrusts and heavily bloodstained.
We greatly fear for His
Majesty's life, Your Highness.
My poor dear brother.
The assassin must be the young American...
for he has escaped from
the citadel, Your Highness.
Don't just stand there.
Find my brother's assassin and kill him on sight.
But the American infidel swore
he was going to kill the King...
to save Sari and Yussef.
With mine own eyes, I saw
him enter the King's chambers.
You stay here with Shalimar, Your
Majesty. I'll go get the little ones out.
I will not desert you a second time, Johnny.
-We have too much at stake.
-All right. Let's go.
You must believe me.
I am telling the truth...
O mighty lord of the Assassins!
King Toranshah was slain by the American infidel.
Tear out my tongue by the roots
if I lie, O mighty lord and master.
It is just possible that for once
Zacha is telling the truth, my lord.
The client who is paying for my services...
will either prove or disprove your babbling.
Bring him here.
Your generosity and compassion...
will be rewarded, O mighty lord and master.
May the fairest maidens of paradise...
bow down before you.
Out of my sight, you split-tongued hyena.
I see Your Majesty already wears the royal seal.
Congratulations.
Congratulations to you, lord of the Assassins.
It is my pleasure to conclude our bargain...
with the payment of these 50,000 gold dinars.
So now Your Majesty is free
to let the Bakir Oil Company...
open those vast oil deposits
in the Valley of the Moon.
How did you learn about the Bakir Oil Company?
They're old and valued
clients of mine, Your Majesty.
And their geologists assure me...
that the yearly income will
add millions to my coffers.
Your coffers? Your participation has ended.
I am king now, and you have been
paid generously for your services.
True, you are the king...
but I am taking over the kingdom.
You will remain in the palace as puppet ruler...
and obey my orders implicitly.
Order the entire royal guard out
of the city into the summer palace...
where, when the time comes,
they will be attacked and destroyed.
Don't turn around. It's me, Johnny.
Give me your ankle bells.
Aishah, my beautiful one...
comfort His Majesty in his defeat...
and watch him closely.
Behold, you lowly creatures, your new king.
And mark, you will serve him well.
But wait.
Those miserable spawn of the gutter have eyes.
They have ears and tongues
to babble in the marketplace.
Destroy them.
Find them, you fools!
Call off your dogs! Fast,
or I'll break your neck.
Stop! Drop your weapons.
Infidel pig!
My arms are long, and my men
are even now securing the city.
Hear me, Sinan.
I will destroy you and your evil
followers, even though it means my life.
So it will, brave king, for you'll
never live to see another sunset.
You've had the floor long enough, big mouth.
We have two choices, Your
Majesty, neither of them very good.
Escape to Bar Esalaam and
bring help to retake the city--
I'm not one to run from a battle...
but we are faced with an enemy
of superior numbers and weapons...
which can only mean certain death for us
if we try to attack without reinforcements.
We can get you out of the city.
And you can contact your royal guard.
But it might be too late. And
what if my father's discovered?
-They would kill him.
-Just like the choice in an election year.
So, illustrious Majesty, it
seems we only lack one thing.
-I feel a deal coming on.
-We lack manpower.
Yet within the city I have many
relatives and business associates...
who would be enchanted for employment...
under... certain... conditions.
-What's the bite this time, Zacha?
-The bite?
The bite? You mean the fee!
As Allah is my witness,
it will be most reasonable.
Hold it.
Spread over the marketplace, right?
Attack the Assassins in small groups.
You must not allow them to
assemble in full force, got it?
Move out. Let's go.
Come here.
Julna, you know what to do, right?
Run for cover the minute the
shooting starts and stay there.
Your Majesty, stay with Shalimar.
A king who would not fight for his kingdom...
does not deserve to have one.
Come on. Let's go.
Assassins! Attack!
-Your Majesty, where are you going?
-To the palace.
I have a score to settle with Prince Dragna.
Good luck, sir.
Come on.
Assassins!
Attack!
Checkmate.
The game is finished, false brother.
Toranshah, you live!
Your hired assassin, Sinan, has been captured.
All the other Assassins are being destroyed.
I will yet be king.
Help!
Help!
This kingdom is mine!
-Johnny, where's my father?
-He went to get Prince Dragna.
We must go to him at once. Hurry!
Your Highness! Dragna's here!
I like the way you settle
your scores, Your Majesty.
I couldn't kill my own brother, Johnny.
But I am sending him into exile
with his favorite chess player.
Just be a nice king and
don't exile him into the U.S.A.
---oOo---