Hart to Hart: Secrets of the Hart (1995) - full transcript

Jonathan Hart.

He's a millionaire, self-made.

And this is his wife, Jennifer.
She's quite a lady.

Oh, and that's me.
My name is Max.

I take care of them,
which ain't easy.

Because when they met,
it was murder.

MAX:
Gold, me hearties.

[MAX AND PIRATE CACKLING]

Gold.

Oh, yeah!

Stolen from my husband.
He'll run you through for this.



[GRUNTS]

You're a larcenous blackguard,

and I'd love
to get my hands on you.

Aye, and a fighting lady.

I'm not a lady when I fight.

A fiery wench.

♪ ♪

[GASPS]

[GRUNTING]

[SIGHS]

I prayed you'd come.
Ah.

I'll only be a moment.

♪ ♪

Arr...



[BOTH GRUNTING]

[SIGHS]

Your sword has no equal, sir.

My lady, I can only do
with what I've got.

MAX:
If I can't have the gold, no one can.

No one. No one.

No!
No!

No!
No!

No! No!

No. No. No. No. No.

Darling...

Darling.

I hate to say this,
but where am I?

We're in San Francisco
in a hotel. Remember?

We're here for
a charity auction, remember?

Remember me? I remember you.

[CHUCKLES]

I fell asleep. And had a bad dream.

Actually, it was going great
until Max spoiled it.

Max? Yeah, we were on the Explorer.

Only it wasn't the Explorer.
It was a pirate ship.

Really? Yeah. Max was the villain.

[CHUCKLES]

He was trying to steal
our gold coins.

Oh.

He was absolutely
bloodthirsty. Bloodthirsty? Max?

I was Errol Flynn.
And you were...

Maureen O'Hara?
Oh, I love Maureen O'Hara.

She was the only redhead who
had the courage to wear pink.

You were wearing green.Oh.

And you were playing
with my sword.

I was?

Is there any meaning in that,
Dr. Freud?

Well, this I do not know.

However, what I do know is,

if we don't get dressed
right now,

we will be late for
our own charity auction.

I think I'm falling in love
with my doctor.

[CHUCKLES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

I had your suit pressed,
Mr. H.

Oh.Hey.

Hey, look at all that fruit.

Oh, Junior. Ha, ha.

Help yourself, Max.

Blood oranges, my favorite.

What did I tell you?

[BELL RINGS]

Hey, Junior!

Now, don't you run Max ragged.

You know what they say
about San Francisco, Max?

Once you've walked around it,
you can lean against it.

Have fun.

And if they auction
any Muggsy Spanier '78s,

snap them up. Who's Muggsy Spanier?

You gotta be kidding,
Mrs. H.

He was only the greatest
cornet player ever.

Really?
Goodbye, Max.

Muggsy Spanier?

"Who's Muggsy Spanier?"

What's the world coming to,
Junior?

♪ ♪

[BAND PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Jennifer and I welcome you,
all of our good friends.

As you know,
this is a fund-raiser

for the Mission Street
Orphanage,

which is a cause
that is very dear to my heart.

So we hope you'll all bid on
these wonderful auction items.

As an addition today,

we have this exceptional
display of gold coins

which were recovered from
a 16th century Spanish galleon

off the coast of Point Reyes

by Captain Daniels and his crew
on the Explorer,

which is a flagship

for Hart Industries
Oceanic Explorer Fleet.

It's my pleasure
to introduce to all of you

Captain Jeremy Daniels.

Thank you.

[APPLAUSE]

And now, uh, we will open
the silent auction.

And we hope that you will
all open your pocketbooks

and your hearts
for this great cause.

But, uh, please,
no bidding on the gold.

Thank you.

[APPLAUSE]

You were beautiful.Ah.

And I cannot wait. Can't wait for what?

To open my heart
and your pocket.

Hmm, I'll bet you're gonna be

looking for something
heart shaped, huh?

How did you know
that? You're famous for it.

Well, I would like
to get some records

by Muggsy what's-his-name?
Spanier? Muggsy Spanier?

You've heard of him? Sure.

So who was he?
A cornet player.

"At the Jazz Band Ball," 1939,
Bluebird label. Incredible.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

I must have led
a very sheltered life.

Mm.

Captain, would you mind if my
husband gets a picture of us?

We can pretend that we were
at sea on the Explorer.

You really don't have
to pretend.

One of the items up for auction
this afternoon

is a working position
on the next Explorer Voyage.

Oh, heh.

I get seasick
in a bubble bath, so...

Corla, your right.Oh.

Yeah.
How's that?

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

♪ ♪

Perfect.

Not a Muggsy Spanier record
in the catalog.

But there is a Victrola

that might have once belonged
to Bugsy Siegel.

Keep looking, darling.

Oh, that's sweet.

[CHUCKLES]

Aren't those adorable kids?

Didn't you tell me you once
had a sailor suit like that?

Just like that.Ah.

That's me.

Are you serious? Positive.

Well, then who's she?

Well, I don't know.
But I sure would like to.

Darling, if we could find her,

she might be able to tell you
something about your childhood.

Yeah, that might be something
if we could locate her.

I was about three years old
when that was taken,

just before they brought me
to Mission Street.

Maybe someone
at the orphanage donated it.

Maybe she donated it.

Oh, this is exciting.

Mysterious face from the past.

[SCOFFS]

♪ ♪

How are you gonna
get these coins?

They'll be heavily
guarded Not your problem.

The price is 12 million.

When and where? We'll let you know when.

You send your yacht back for us.

That way it'll be up to you
to get us through customs.

Once we're safely out,
you give us the money,

we give you the coins,
then we disappear.

Okay? Good.

My yacht will be
at your disposal.

A glass of champagne? Got a beer?

[CHUCKLES]

The auction inventory
is here somewhere, Mr. Hart.

Ah, yes. Here they are.

We really do keep meticulous
track of things here

at Salisbury and Salisbury
Auctioneers. Now, let's see.

One locket, gold,
heart-shaped, antique.

Oh, I regret to say this item
has been reported stolen.

It disappeared before
the silent bidding ended.

Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry,
Mr. Salisbury.

We got so excited
we just took it.

Took it?

You pinched an item
to be auctioned?

Well, I, uh, didn't
pinch anything,

but I had a good time anyway.

Um, heh, you say pinched,
we say stolen.

In any event,
we didn't do either.

Either? Either.

We didn't do one or the other.

You removed the locket
from the auction

without contributing
any legal tender for it.

What would you call that?

Well, we're perfectly
willing to pay for it now

if you just tell us
what the highest bid was.

Mrs. Hart, I don't think
that would be, uh, cricket.

[CLEARS THROAT]

That's it. That's our bid.

Now can you tell us
who donated the locket?

No, I cannot.

The locket in question wasn't
donated to us here at S&S.

It was part of a lot
given directly

to a Miss Elizabeth Logan.
Do you know her?

Uh, it rings a distant bell.

She's worked for me
for the past ten years.

Then I suggest you go and find
Miss Logan, Mr. Hart.

And may I suggest what you can
go and do, Mr. Salisbury?

Darling, um,
that wouldn't be cricket.

Oh.
Heh.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Sarah.

If anyone should find out
about this,

I'll be thrown off the Explorer.
It's a good ship, good job.

What? You want us to give you
a 21-gun salute?

This is the provenance.

I made a copy of it
in the Communications Room.

This certifies
the authenticity of the coins.

They were newly minted.

They could be worth a fortune
to a collector.

If someone had the provenance,

which would vouch
for their authenticity.

It's all worthless
without the coins.

I risked my job,
my life for this.

Oh, don't worry.
We're taking care of it.

Evan, why don't you
take care of Mr. Jorgensen?

Anything new on the locket, Liz?

No, I'm sorry.

I didn't personally log
anything delivered.

But I'll keep checking.

Well, Salisbury could be wrong.

Ah! Which one did you meet?
Senior or junior?

I'd say, uh, senior.
65 or 70 years old.

No, that's junior.

An honest gentleman, but a penny
or two short of a pound.

Well, he's not anymore.
He just cleaned me out.

Listen, Liz, keep trying
and call me back, will you?

Thanks very much. Bye.

How do you feel about
a Silver Fizz and some lunch

at the Buena Vista? Oh,
I'm not really very hungry.

Oh, neither am I.
Neither?

Well, I don't feel like eating.

Even if we never find this
mysterious lady with the locket,

why can't we just
count our blessings

and be thankful
for the way things are?

You're right.

I mean, here we are
in this beautiful city.

We're together,
we're not hungry,

we've got our health
and we've got each together.

Who could ask for anything more?

♪ ♪

Hello?
Yeah. Oh, hi, Liz.

Yeah. You did? Great.
Give it to me.

Thanks very much.

We got a name. Who?

Al Goldberg. 8497 Grant. Great!

Grant.

[BELL CLANGING]

♪ ♪

Excuse me.
Is Mr. Goldberg here?

Yes. I'm Ling Goldberg.

Welcome, welcome.

What is it?
You look surprised.

Well, I must admit that I am.

[CHUCKLES]

If there can be a Goldberg
named Whoopi,

why not a Goldberg named Ling?

No reason. LING: Exactly.

I don't even think Whoopi
is her real name.

Mr. Goldberg,
do you recognize this locket?

[CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMES]

Yeah.

Can you tell us
where you got it?

Well, that's
confidential information.

Discretion is the cornerstone
of my business.

Ours too.

[CHUCKLES]

But we are obligated to our
colleagues in personal income

to find out whether or not
this locket

which you're probably going to
deduct as a charitable donation

is actually worth
what you say it is.

In fact, I'm quite sure

that they'd like
to take a closer look

at all your deductions.Yes.

Heh, so, what is it?
You two, you're with the IRS?

I, uh, got the piece
a little over a year ago.

So lookit...
You take this.

I don't know even if the address
is still good, but...

We'll take it from here.
Thanks very much.

Uncle Sam is proud of you.Yes.

Yes.

The combination codes
were derived

from a primary default
binary language

based on random number theory.

It was programmed specifically
for this one task.

Unfortunately,
they use symbolic logic

as opposed to non-symbolic logic
to design the language.

And you've been vaccinated
with a phonograph needle.

Will you just tell us
what to do?

Well, simply place the sensor
over the keypad,

switch on, press this button
when you're ready to scan.

The sequence generator
will begin ramming numbers

until you crack the code.
Should take about 10 seconds.

But the Hart Industry boys
are not hackers.

So you may have to add
about another 10 seconds there.

As soon as the numbers
lock up, you're in.

All you gotta do
is, uh, open the case.

Fantastic.

But, uh, how are you
gonna get that close?

Well, there's something
you don't know.

You, Professor Higgins,
are a true genius.

And I can't resist genius.

Evan, I think
the Professor earned

an extra share, don't you?

Sure. I'm loaded.

♪ ♪

[SILENCED GUNSHOTS]

STUART:
No. Listen, I'm catering
Danielle Steel's party.

Yeah, so you see, I'd like
to send a very special bouquet.

Now, you're
her favorite florist.

So just send what it is
that she likes and bill me.

Uh, the card?
Have it, uh, read,

"Deeply grateful
for your continued support.

Stuart Morris, uh, Pacific
Heights Cuisine Catering."

Okay, got that?
Great. Thank you.

We are not catering Danielle
Steele's party, and you know it.

You work too hard
at working too hard, Stuart.

It's not work.
I'm creating opportunity.

Greatness rubs off
when you rub elbows with it.

You are some piece of work.
You know that?

And you love every minute
of it, admit it.

Hmm.

Um, do me a favor, Tib.

Don't forget to pack
the remainder of that gateau

and carryall in a box. I have to
take it over to Aunt Maureen's.

I promised her a little taste. No problem.

Hi. I'm Stuart Morris.
This is my place.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I know you. I've seen you.

My name is Jonathan Hart.Heh.

Yes.

This is my wife, uh... Um, Jennifer.

Oh, yes. Of course. Okay.

Uh, well, we cater
a lot of celebrities here.

Oh. Mm, looks delicious.

We haven't had lunch yet,
have we, dear?

What can I offer you?

Some information.
Okay.

Oh, about this. I'm sorry.

How did you get this?

We were told it belonged to you.

Actually
it was my Aunt Maureen's.

And, uh, she sold some things
to, uh, get some money

to help me open up
this place here, I guess.

Uh, that's her there.Really.

Well, that's me. You're kidding.

Really? Oh.

Well, it doesn't look
anything like you.

I shaved since it was taken.

[CHUCKLES]

My husband
must've known your aunt.

We'd like to find out how.

Well, look, you see, my aunt,

she's, uh,
she doesn't have a lot of, um...

Well, no one but me.

And, uh, I wouldn't want
anything to upset her.

Well, neither would we.Heh.

Yeah.

Uh, okay.
What can it hurt?

MAUREEN:
The Golden Gate in the evening
lights. Isn't it beautiful?

You know, it was opened in 1937,
spanning 8970 feet,

suspended by two towers
740 feet tall,

500 feet from the tip of
the tower to the traffic deck,

and then 750 feet down the
sea. STUART: Aunt Maureen.

Stuart, what are you doing here?
I'm in the middle of my talk.

My nephew Stuart,
made in 1967, 6 feet, 170.

STUART:
Hello. Hi.

Could you spare
a couple of minutes?

I'd like to introduce you
to a couple of people.

Yes, of course.
Everybody back in the bus.

Head 'em up, move 'em out.
Yahoo.

Uh, Mrs. Collier,
I'm Jonathan Hart.

This is my wife, Jennifer. How do you do?

Now, you missed
Haight-Ashbury and the Castro,

and this is the last stop
on our tour.

Oh, no.
They don't want a tour.

They'd like to show you
something.

What can you tell us about this?

Well, this is my locket,
isn't it?

Sure is, Aunt Maureen. Oh, of course.

Did I lose it? Thank you so much
for bringing it back.

No, no, no.

Mr. Hart says the little boy
in the locket is him.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Is it true?

♪ ♪

I can't believe it.
My brother. My baby brother.

♪ ♪

You were such a beautiful child.

Friendly happy, always laughing.

Oh, here, Stuart.
You do the honors.

And he had the cutest dimples.

And that little birthmark
on your bottom.

[CHUCKLES]

I remember it vividly because
you always hated to wear pants.

The only way I could get you
to keep them on

was to bribe you
with graham crackers and milk,

which you adored.

I still do.

I would put them on and you
would pull them back off again.

Fortunately,
he's outgrown that habit.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

I just can't believe
that this can be happening.

I've dreamed of this moment
for so long.

Now I just...

I don't know what to say.

You see?
You didn't believe me.

I told you that I had a brother.

I've heard about Aunt Maureen's
brother for years.

Ever since she married
my Uncle Ernie.

We lost dear Ernie last year.

And then I asked Stuart
to move in and keep me company.

How do you like that cake? Mm.

It's wonderful.
Your shop?

Mm, oui.
It's Gateau Imperiale.

Oh, heh. STUART: Heh.

Not as good as graham crackers,
huh, Charlie?

Oh, I wish I had some
in the house.

Yes, that's your middle name,
Charles, isn't it?

You know,
I wanted to call him J.C.,

but the nuns didn't like that.

They could never figure you out.
You were smartest child there.

And you were always playing
with that little dog

that used to always hang around
the orphanage.

What was his name?
Um... No. Marty?

I thought you said
his name was Monty?

Mm-mm.Monty. That's right.

Yeah, that's right.
That was the name of the dog.

My God, I haven't thought
about that dog for years.

Well, this is all so incredible.

What do we do now?

Coffee. That's where.

Tell me, uh, what do you
remember about our parents?

Well, we were both so young
when we moved to Mission Street,

it's hard to remember much.

Daddy was killed
in an accident in the Army.

And then suddenly,
mother was alone...

no family, young,

worried sick about
how she'd take care of us.

I'm sure that Mission Street

seemed the best idea.

- What happened to her?
- I don't know.

I was adopted soon after.

My new family, the Gilbertsons,
moved to Sacramento.

It crushed me
to have to leave you,

but I always knew
that we would find each other.

Oh, still as sweet as ever.

♪ ♪

I wish I could show you the
files, Mr. Hart, but I can't.

But I've already seen them,
Mr. Dillard, at the orphanage.

Before the fire.
It was parochial then.

After it was burned,
the files were sent here

to Social Services,
and they were sealed.

Why was that? It's department policy

to protect the anonymity
of the parents.

Personally, I think
it's really a lousy idea.

Why shouldn't people be able
to know their origins?

If it were me,
it would be public record.

JENNIFER:
Exactly.

Especially
if you just met someone

who could possibly
be your sister.

You must be thrilled. I am.

We think we were together
at the Mission Street Orphanage.

It was all so long ago
that it's hard to remember.

I was hoping
the files could help us.

I could get in
so much trouble for this.

I know who you two are.

I know this means a lot to you.

Follow me, quickly.

Okay.
My supervisor is at lunch.

You have exactly
until two o'clock.

Thanks, Mr. Dillard. Call me Andy.

Thanks, Andy.

Where shall we start? Uh...

Let's see. Well, here I am
in the "H" file.

Oh, and that's me
in the sailor suit again.

JENNIFER:
Let me see this.

"Jonathan seems to be a cheerful
little boy, always laughing.

He just loves animals,

especially the old stray
who hangs around the grounds.

He has a healthy appetite.
Not keen on vegetables.

Charlie...

Charlie won't drink milk
without graham crackers."

Maureen really knew her stuff.

I forgot
how detailed the file is.

Someone could learn
a lot about me.

But the files have been closed.

No one was allowed to read them.

Yeah?
We're looking at them.

Good point.

We don't even know if Maureen
was in Mission Street.

There's one way to find out.

If you were in the H's,
she'd have to...

She'd have to be in the G's.

Look at that.

Well, that's Maureen, all right.

♪ ♪

Ta-da.
Your favorite.

Not a single Muggsy Spanier
record in sight.

But a sister that you haven't
seen since you was three.

Call me pisher,
but that's some amazing finish.

What are you suggesting, Max?

I don't like
playing the long shots.

You ought to should take
a good look

when the odds are out of whack.

♪ ♪

MAUREEN: Isn't that beautiful?
JENNIFER: Just like a painting.

They're here all the time,
sunshine and fog.

My whole life's like that.

Some days I'm shrouded in fog,
disconnected,

unable to see
who I am or what I am.

And then other days,
everything's clear.

I think I know the feeling.

Maybe it comes
from being an orphan.

See that's why I could
never leave this place.

It's so much a part of me.

But you've been to so many
places, done so many things.

Well, I've also been very lucky.

Luck has nothing to do with it,
Charlie, and you know it.

You and Jennifer
have achieved so much.

Not just Hart Industries, but
everything that you stand for,

everything that you do.

It's enough to make
a sister proud.

Come on. Come on.
Come on. There's more.

There's more.

Jonathan Hart? Yeah.

The Jonathan Hart is your uncle?

I can't believe it. You can't believe it?

I keep pinching myself.

But it all seems to add up
though, you know?

I just hope that Maureen
doesn't get her hopes up,

and then maybe... It's like a novel.

Right out of Dickens.

Or Danielle Steel, huh? Heh.

I bet you Uncle Jonathan
has a lot of friends.

What do you think?

I guess it wouldn't be
so terrible

having such a man for an uncle.

Yeah. I suppose I could stand it
if I had to, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

[POLICE SIREN WAILING]

[CHATTERING OVER RADIO]

[OFFICERS GRUNTING]

♪ ♪

OFFICER:
This is the guy from the Explorer.

[PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]

Hey, how about a toast
to family old and new.

Cheers. ALL: Cheers.

I've been thinking.

The Explorerfinding something
that Sir Francis Drake missed

is a great piece
of local history.

And we thought that you might
want to include that

on your tour. I could make
the Exploreravailable to you.

Oh, Charlie
that is a wonderful idea.

It is so exciting
to revisit the past.

Sir Francis Drake sailed
along the coast in 1574

aboard the Golden Hind,

plundering every Spanish ship
he encountered.

Some scholars believe that
he actually kept a journal.

But it was never found.

And to add to the excitement,

the gold coins
that the explorer discovered

had actually been minted
recently in Madrid

and put into circulation.

They were worth thousands then.

But today, worth millions.

Now the Spanish crown
was planning to use those...

How did you, uh, find that out?

What?

All that information
about the coins?

I didn't think that had been
released to the press yet.

Well, you know, I can't remember
where I had lunch yesterday,

but I know my history.

I've tried to learn everything
about the past.

Ultimately, history
teaches us who we are,

like you and me, Charlie.

That's what you always say,
isn't it, Charlie?

So I have.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, Stuart.

We were wondering
if you'd be interested

in catering
a little reception for us.

Interested? Heh, something simple.

You know, hors d'oeuvres
and drinks,

for the Maritime Museum
presentation.

Finger food is totally me.Good.

Oh, that's so exciting.Yes.
Thank you very much.

It'll be fabulous, I promise.

I can arrange for everything,
including the extra help

and the valet parking.

Security can take care of that.

Excuse me.
Mr. and Mrs. Hart,

I'm a stringer for the Examiner.

My editor's planning a piece
on the coin presentation.

How about a picture?

Oh.All right.

Where would you like us?

If I could have you
come around here, sir.

Mr. Hart, could I have
the other names at the table?

Oh, I'm Stuart.

S-T-U-A-R-T, not S-T-E-W-A-R-T,
Morris.

And this is
my Aunt Maureen Collier.

Any special occasion?
This is a family reunion.

Mr. Hart and I have just
discovered that we are...

Aunt Maureen, I don't know if
we should say anything just yet.

Don't you agree? Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean...
I hope I didn't...

Shall we let this man
have his picture?

Okay. If everybody could
just kind of squeeze together.

Now everybody say cheese.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Front page, Mrs. H.

Well, I guess everybody knows
where we had dinner last night.

[PHONE RINGS]

Thanks.

Hello? STUART: Jennifer, its Stuart.

Hello, Stuart.

We were just looking
at the picture in the paper.

Yeah.
You look fabulous.

But it is not my good side.
I've gotta get to a gym.

[CHUCKLES]

Listen, it was a great evening.

Jennifer, I don't know
how to begin to thank you

and Jonathan. Aunt Maureen
is floating on air.

Good.
We had a wonderful time too.

Uh, listen.

I was thinking we ought to,
uh, maybe get together

this afternoon to discuss
the catering ideas.

Four o'clock? Four o'clock is fine.

See you then. All right, bye-bye.

[CHUCKLES]

Stuart set up a meeting

to discuss the arrangements
he's made.

Very efficient.

And very convenient

the photographer
was at the restaurant.

JENNIFER: Mm.Another long shot.

JONATHAN:
Maybe not.

Liz, I'm gonna fax you some
information on two people

we've met since we've been up
here in San Francisco.

Will you have Russ Becker

do a background check on them
for me, please?

Right.

Yeah. I'll call you back.
Thanks.

♪ ♪

EVAN:
"Jonathan and Jennifer Hart

enjoy an evening out
with long lost relative.

Mr. Hart has just been
reunited with his sister,

Mrs. Maureen Collier.

According to her nephew
Stuart Morris..."

Let me see that.

Stuart Morris.
Oh, how touching.

And he's going to cater
the big event.

Suddenly it seems there are
relatives coming and going

through the service entrance.

What does that mean?

I'll tell you later.

♪ ♪

Wait a minute.

Jennifer Hart's over there.
Let's wait until she's gone.

Okay.

Hello! Hello.

♪ ♪

Harry.

Oh, Mr. Hart.

Welcome back to San Francisco.

How can I help you?

Ah, Jennifer got this locket.Hmm.

I wanted to get her
a gold chain to surprise her.

Ah, we have lots of
lovely ones right here.

Please.

By the way, your nephew stopped
by the store this morning.

My nephew. Delightful young man.

Couldn't say enough about you.

He mentioned my name?
Oh, terribly proud of you.

And like you,
he has excellent taste.

He looked at a lot of watches.
But he selected a du Maurier.

That's a lot of watch.Yes.

It's a bit steep for a fellow
just starting out in business,

but he fell in love with it,

so I worked out
a schedule of payment.

That was very nice of you,
Harry. Thank you.

Always a pleasure to accommodate
another member of the family.

♪ ♪

I love your hat. Shiver me timbers.

Did you get the ID's?
That's what's important.

Relax.
They won't need them.

All you have to do is
substitute our pictures.

Give me the list of names.

The list? I'm looking for it.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you,
thank you, Stuart.

Couldn't have done it
without you.

[CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪

Mr. H, I've been looking
all over for you.

Captain Daniels called.

He said he might be a little
late for the shindig tonight.

Did he say why? He said one of his sailors

had a little too much to drink,

slipped, fell in the drink.

The Harbor Patrol
fished him out yesterday.

They needed the Captain
to confirm the ID.

Well, thanks, Max.

I always dreamed
about putting out to sea.

I guess every boy does
sooner or later.

We've sailed a long way
together, haven't we, Mr. H?

From the first time we met
at the corner newsstand?

I'll say.

We still got a long way
to go, don't we?

Bet on it.

You know, I got a lot
to be grateful for,

living and working
with the two of you.

Something bothering you, Max?

I'd do anything to see

that neither you
nor Mrs. H gets hurt.

You've always taken
wonderful care of me

ever since that first corner.

But there's nothing
to worry about, Max.

I hope you're not setting
yourself up for a fall.

I wouldn't want to see that.

You mean Maureen.

Look, Max,

maybe she's my sister,

maybe not.

But even if she is, and I accept
her as someone new in my life,

I've already got all the family
anyone could ever want.

Jennifer and you.
I love you.

Darling! JENNIFER: Coming.

I'm back.

Hi. I had a really
productive day today.

I finished my article
and faxed it to the editor.

Finalized all the plans
for the reception with Stuart.

Did 20 laps in the pool

and half an hour
on the Stair Master.

What did you do? Nothing much.

Heh, slacker.
Oh.

I bought this chain

because I thought you might
want to wear the locket

So I stopped by Harry Carlton's.

Thank you, darling.

Harry said that Stuart
was in the store.

Really? He bought a du Maurier.

Nice watch.

I didn't know
he was doing that well.

Well, he's doing something.

What do you mean?

He used my name
to cut a deal with Harry.

Apparently, he made it
be known that he's family.

Well, Stuart's young.

He obviously idolizes you
and wants to be like you.

Let's just hope
it doesn't happen again.

It already has.

Mr. Ganz, the manager,
just told me downstairs

that Stuart applied for
a membership at the health club.

And because there's
such a long waiting list,

Mr. Ganz said he would help
expedite things

as a personal favor.

Well, once is all right.

But twice is suspicious.Right.

I can't help thinking

how convenient
all of this is for Stuart.

Like Max says, maybe we oughta
shoulda take a look.

Maybe you oughta shoulda
talk to Stuart.

I intend to,
first thing tomorrow.

Good.

But tonight...

Um...

I was just thinking... Instead
of going out for dinner,

we have something sent in, hmm?

Are you a slacker and a psychic?

Mm-hm.
Heh.

It's your turn to call.

Room service! You're impossible.

You're tough, you know that?
You're really tough.

Mmm...

He just completely
lost his mind.

Now his real name
was Joshua Norton.

But everybody in San Francisco
knew him as Emperor Norton,

the first sovereign
of the US of A.

And so this fine old
Nob Hill residence

was one of his favorite haunts

She don't know us, squirt,
so keep your mouth shut.

All right. So we will be back
on the bus in 15 minutes.

Next stop, Coit Tower.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Oh, look at that.

Hello, sweetheart.

Are you having a good time?

Oh. You're not feeding him
sourdough bread, are you?

Thank you for coming, Max.

How did you know who I was?

Well, Jonathan and Jennifer
mention you quite a bit.

You're very important to them.
And Freeway too.

I wasn't a hundred percent
sure it was you

until I saw you feeding him
and talking to him

like he understood everything.

He does, mostly. Well, maybe so.

But I got a little suspicious

when you started explaining
how the cable cars work.

I don't blame you for wanting
to know more about me, Max.

I would like to know
more about you too.

We have so much in common. We do?

Like what? Like Jonathan.

He's been so important
to both of us all of our lives.

The only difference is that
you've been with him

and I haven't.

You know, I gotta admit, you're
not the person I expected.

What did you expect?

I don't know.

But whatever it was, you ain't
turning out to be it.

Well, that is a compliment.

♪ ♪

Okay, so put the box on the bar

and make sure you don't drop
any chocolates. And smile.

Michelle, let's put those
in the recycle bins, please.

Johann, smile in there.

Tibby, I need you
back inside, huh?

All the champagne
needs to go on the back bar

and please hurry.
Good God, that's cold.

Back in the oven now.

Don't let me catch
another morsel coming out cold

unless it's on ice.

Honey, everything is going fine.

Why are you so nervous? Nervous, heh?

Tibby, why should I be nervous?
Have you seen the guest list?

It's only a who's who
of the Bay Area.

My entire career
rides on this night.

Stuart, the reception
is gonna be wonderful.

I promise. Okay, right here.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming. Nice to see you.

Russell Baker said
to give you this.

Now, it's on Stuart.

It's nothing
you don't already know.

It's school records, business
licenses, that kind of thing.

Nothing on Maureen? Not yet.

Tell him to keep trying,
will you, Liz?

Okay.

Hello.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

JENNIFER:
Nice crowd.

Certainly some of the most
generous people in town.

That should mean
a lot of support

for the Maritime Society. It better.

I called in every marker
I practically have

to create this turnout.Heh.

Ooh, the hors d'oeuvres
look delicious.

I thought it was
a great idea of Stuart

to put the waiters in pirate
costumes, didn't you?

Speaking of pirates,
when are we going to finish it?

What? The dream.

What dream? The dream where I saved you

from the villains and we
sail off in the sunset together.

[CHUCKLING]

I'd like to have
that last part come true.

Maybe that could be arranged.
Chocolate?

Oh, isn't this exciting?

It's like Sir Francis Drake
and the pirates are here,

and we're part of it. Nice fantasy.

You know,
when he was a little boy,

he used to pretend all the time.

He would always be
the swashbuckling hero,

saving the girl
at the last minute.

Oh, you see
that couple over there?

They were on one of my tours.
I gotta say hello. Bye.

♪ ♪

Don't move.

Easy. Easy, slick.

Do what I tell you,
all right, chief?

Go ahead.

[WHISTLES]

All right!

[PEOPLE CLAMORING]

Don't look back.
Keep moving forward.

That's it.
Keep moving. That's it.

Come on, gramps. You got
a hitch in your get-along?

That way.

What are you?
Deaf?

Anyone looks back,
it gets worse.

Over there, stupid. What
do you think you're doing?

I haven't the foggiest. You can't do this.

You'll ruin everything. I didn't know that!

[SCREAMS]

That's a nice watch.

Here, take it.

Thanks.

No, no. No, no, no.

Don't shoot him.

What was that?

[SCREAMS]

Pass it back.

Come on. Come on.

Mostly inherited anyway.

♪ ♪

Hey, you.

Most of you people
have the money.

Look like Macy's window.
Come on.

♪ ♪

There you go.
Right in the bag, stupid.

Hurry up!

Drop it! Come on.

What about you, chrome dome?
Put it in here.

Get over there.

All right,
keep looking the other way.

Nobody look back if you want to
end like the caterer over there.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[GUNSHOT]

How do you feel, Horatio?

All right.
Try a waltz.

Just grab a partner
and rub bellies.

[CROWD SCREAMS]

What?

Call the paramedics.

♪ ♪

Oh!

[SIREN WAILING]

Stuart, you're so brave.

Oh, my God,
you could've been killed.

This wonderful evening
ruined, ruined.

They're taking him
to the hospital to X-ray

in case he has a concussion.

How are you? No, I'm fine.

I'm fine. My tattoo
was more painful than this.

By the way, it's heart-shaped.

What is it, darling?

It doesn't make any sense. What?

It appears that they never
touched the case.

Why wouldn't they?

Open it up, will you, Jeremy?

Nobody plans a robbery this bold

and then ignores
the thing of most value.

Darling!

What? Ghirardelli Chocolate!

I'm not gonna make any statement

on behalf of Hart Industries
just yet.

Jeremy, cooperate
with the authorities,

but also get a hold
of Russ Becker

and have our security
check into this right now.

Right.
All right.

How long have you been awake?

Uh...

I never went to sleep.Oh.

Stuart doesn't have
a concussion,

but they're gonna keep him
for a while

for observation. And how's Maureen?

Maureen.
Max took her home.

I suppose you've looked at this
a hundred different ways.

Ah.

And it all comes back
to the same thing.

Which is?

Which is it had to be
an inside job.

Those coins just can't be
fenced on the street.

Somebody had to have a buyer.

They've been working
on this for a long time.

The question is who?

I trust Jeremy completely. And Liz.

And everyone at Hart Industries.

Yeah.
So that leaves the guests,

the catering staff and Stuart.Hmm.

Now I know he got hit
on the head

when he tried to stop
the robbers from leaving,

but it still could
have been a part

of a very clever cover-up.
Clever and painful.

Maureen knew a lot about those
gold coins, didn't she?

Yes.

Those people
come into our lives,

and suddenly all this happens.

Tsk.

Coincidence or con?

♪ ♪

Special gold plated,
but not antique.

Oh.

You certainly could have
fooled us.

Nice work.

Designed by a young
San Francisco craftsman

who specializes
in faux antique pieces.

Very talented.

You see his initials
stamped on the back.

I thought that was a hallmark.

His personal signature
and the tip-off.

Do you know the artist? Mm.

Could you find out
when he made that piece?

Ah, I'll give him a call
right now.

Thanks very much.

I've got the funniest feeling
in my stomach.

Really?
You're not laughing.

It's that humorless

"I've got a feeling
we've been had" sick feeling.

He remembers the locket
very, very well.

Sold it to a young man.

Whose name was? Didn't get the name.

He paid in cash.

You know that feeling
you were just talking about?

Mm-hm. I think its contagious.

What are you looking for?

Tibby, you scared
the stuffing out of me.

I didn't hear you come in.

Um, I can't find the hiring list
for the Explorerparty.

Stuart, you know what?

You're involved in this
robbery, aren't you?

What?

Why would you even think
something like that?

Because I know you,
and you've been acting weird.

Just trust me, okay?

Tibby, just give me
a little bit of time,

and I'm gonna straighten
this whole thing out.

Now listen to me.

Do you remember that couple
that left the store?

They came in just after
Jennifer Hart left that day?

Do you remember them at all? Yes, I do.

You do? Mm-hm.

Well, did you notice
anything about them?

Anything at all?

No, they...

They walked out of here
and got into a taxi

that was waiting for
them. A taxi. What kind?

Do you remember
the name of the company?

Bay Cities maybe. Bay Cities.

Uh, Morey Albert, please.

Tell him it's
Stuart Morris calling.

It's very important.
I need to trace a fare.

SARAH [OVER PHONE]:
We waited half the night.

Where the hell are you?
We had a deal.

SUIT [OVER PHONE]:
We hit rough weather.

We won't be in
until tomorrow evening.

Yeah? Well, we're not
sitting here forever.

SUIT:
No. Just until I arrive.

Unless you want to call
the whole deal off

and have the San Francisco
police get a call.

Damn! Nobody does business
honestly anymore.

Well, I'll kill the dirty,
rotten son of a bitch.

Oh, right, right!

He's out at sea,
and we're sitting here.

You can just picture him
to death.

What about...

What I meant was,
when I get a hold of him.

If we get a hold of him.

We have 12 million dollars
worth of stolen coins.

What? You think we're just
gonna drive across the border?

No. Without that block-long tub
to get us out of here,

we're stuck.

We'll get a boat somewhere.

And go where? I don't know.

Somewhere out of the country
where it's safe, you know.

He is our only buyer.

Without him,
this stuff is worthless.

And I am not about
to just sail off to Rio

so that I can wind up working
some day job in Ipanema,

thank you very much. No, go back
to the houseboat and we wait.

♪ ♪

Ah!

Well, it looks like
the IRS enjoys visiting

asset reallocation centers.

Asset reallocation centers?

That is the politically correct
name for pawn shops these days.

We're trying
to improve our image.

So who isn't?
Heh, it's the '90's.

JENNIFER: We want you
to tell us about this "antique."

Oy vey,
the Focatta locket again.

I wish I'd never seen it.

So, what else is there to know?

The truth.

It's a faux antique. That means fake.

Yes.

It was made
by a local craftsman.

Heh, well, it's a fake nothing.

It's a real copy. It was sold recently.

You said you had it in here
over a year ago.

I embellished.
Arrest me.

That could be arranged, Ling.

All right, all right.

Look, a fella comes in here
and offers me 300 dollars

to donate the locket and
some junk to a charity auction.

To benefit
the Mission Street Orphanage?

That was the one.

He writes his address on
the back of my business card

and says if anybody
should ever come in

and ask about the locket,
I should send them over.

You showed up.

What's his name?

He didn't give a name.

♪ ♪

But you know, he struck me
as being the kind of fella

that to get somewhere,

he would take three steps
out of his way

when one step
in the right direction

would have been a lot smarter.

BOTH [IN UNISON]:
That's the one.

JENNIFER:
It's been an interesting day so far.

JONATHAN:
I'll say.

JENNIFER:
Goldberg certainly had Stuart pegged.

Yeah. And Stuart
certainly had us pegged.

How could he have known
I would find

that locket at the auction?

Well, your penchant
for heart-shaped things

is well-known.
Even Jeremy said so.

Stuart knew that
you'd look at the locket

and see the pictures. And show it to you.

Yeah. And if you didn't
take the bait,

he was no worse off
than when he started.

And if you did,
we'd trace it to Goldberg.

Who'd take us to Stuart.Yeah.

Who'd take us to Maureen,

who'd say that I was
her long-lost brother.

Which brings us
to the part that bothers me.

That your sister
isn't your sister?

No. It just brings up memories
of how lonely I was

when I was at Mission Street.

Then I met Max
and all that ended.

Then you came into my life,

and I felt that I had
all the family I ever needed.

♪ ♪

Until now?

You're still all the family
I ever needed.

[JUNIOR BARKING]

Hey, Junior.

Ooh, coffee.
Great, Max. Thanks.

I'm happy to report

that Maureen is as clean
as Junior's plate.

She's got a little nest egg,

and she helps other gentlemen
across the street.

What are you talking about, Max?

I did a little snooping
after I took her home.

Guess what I found out?

Maureen was at
the Mission Street Orphanage

the same year you were,
Mr. H.

And she had a brother.

I'm beginning
to feel like a yo-yo.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hart suite.
Russell Becker.

Thanks, Max.
Yeah, Russ?

Are you sure?

No kidding?

No. I never
would've guessed.

Anything on the coins?

Yeah, well,
keep the pressure up.

Yeah. Thanks.

Russ, uh, checked out Stuart.

Tsk, no records,
no reputation, no rumors.

JENNIFER:
Hmm.

Guess who he had coffee
with yesterday?

Who? JONATHAN: Andy Dillard.

Oh.

The accommodating Mr. Dillard
from Social Services.

♪ ♪

Hey, what brings you guys
back here?

We have friends in common.
More than friends. Family.

You know my nephew,
Stuart Morris?

You're related to Stuart?
I've known him for years.

I haven't seen him
in such a long time.

Really? Then who were you
having a cappuccino with

yesterday on Fillmore Street?

Shall we cut to the chase?

I don't know what you mean.
I... I...

Do you see this locket?

It's a fake.

Stuart had it planted
because he knew we'd find it.

And we're pretty sure
that you gave him the files

so he could copy the pictures.

JONATHAN:
You want to tell us or do you
want to tell the police?

First of all,
this was not my idea.

A couple of months ago,
I told Stuart

that I had come across
your file, the Jonathan Hart.

I was more curious
than anything.

But, you know, Stuart, right,

talks me
into letting him see it.

How much did he pay you?

He got me an autographed jersey
from Joe Montana.

[JENNIFER LAUGHS]

I bet he signed it himself. I'll bet.

Next thing I know, he's talking
about this wild scheme

to get you to believe
that his aunt is your sister.

And she's not.

ANDY:
Not that I know of.

And then with all
the publicity about the coins

and your arrival at the Mission
Street Auction, right,

he starts thinking
that this scenario,

idiotic as it may sound,
is possible.

He keeps saying
it's his big break.

Is Maureen really his
aunt? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

You see, she was
in the orphanage too.

And had spoken for years about
having a lost sibling, right?

Now, Stuart goes in there

and starts feeding her
information about you,

your background, your life,
and convinces her

that it was something
she told him about her brother.

The next thing you know,
Mrs. Collier is believing

everything that
comes out of his mouth.

Stuart's very persuasive,
you know.

He could sell you
a very well-known bridge.

It won't be the one
from Brooklyn.

Hmm.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

♪ ♪

[DOOR OPENS]

Well, good help is hard to find.

Isn't that the truth?

You mind telling us
what you're doing here?

Look, I know what you two did,

and you're not gonna
get away with it.

You stole my employees list,
put your pictures on the ID's

and used me to steal
Jonathan Hart's coins.

Do you have some proof?

Me. I'm the proof.
I recognized you two.

Sit down, Stuart.

No, I don't think so.

Excuse me. Yeah, excuse me.

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]
Let's go over things.

We were working for you.
You hired us.

I did not.
I never even met you

until that day you came in
and stole the address list.

Well, can you prove that?

Look, Jonathan Hart
knows everything. Okay?

He knows who you are and where.

But he sent you here alone?

Hmm, I wonder what he'd do

if we told him that we were
gonna kill his nephew.

Heh, he's not my uncle.

Wasn't that you in the paper,
in the picture with him?

Uh, see, you don't understand.
It was all a con.

I, uh, convinced him
that my aunt was his sister.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You don't believe me?

I swear to God it's true.
He is not my uncle!

But you told him
all about us anyway,

and he believed you? Hmm?

Heh, you know, Stuart, I just
don't believe any of this.

I think that you're
up to your aspic in lies.

And I think that
the best thing for us to do

is just to hang onto you
for a while.

After all, we're not killers.

[PHONE RINGS]

JENNIFER:
Hello?

TIBBY:
Oh, hello, Mrs. Hart?

It's Tibby.
I work with Stuart.

Um, I need to speak with you
and your husband. May I come up?

By all means.
Have the front desk show you up.

Okay, thank you.

Darling,
we have an unexpected guest.

I'm so sorry to bother you,
Mrs. Hart, but it's Stuart.

I'm afraid he's gotten himself
involved in something,

and I'm very worried.

Well, uh, why don't we begin

by your telling us
about the locket?

What locket?

How about something to eat?

No, thank you.
I am not hungry.

I meant us, you idiot.

Heh. You cook, we eat.

I will not. You will.

SARAH:
Make yourself useful.

We've got a long night
ahead of us.

We could use some cuisine.

Watch him. I'm going down
to the rental office.

Yeah, yeah.

TIBBY:
I just can't believe he did this.

I guess I shouldn't be
surprised.

He's always scheming.

But I never thought
he would do anything like this.

Then you don't know anything
about this locket?

No, I swear.

I believed him,
just like you did.

He didn't even tell his aunt.
She believes him too.

She wasn't involved?

Absolutely not.
Nothing.

What makes you think Stuart
wasn't in on the robbery?

Everything seems
to be connected.

TIBBY:
Mr. and Mrs. Hart, you have to believe me.

Stuart would never
hurt anyone. I know him.

It's just that he tries
so hard to make things happen.

And sometimes
it doesn't always work.

I'm willing to give him
the benefit of the doubt.

He, uh, lied to us.
He lied to all of us, Tibby.

What he did was wrong,
if not illegal.

I know. We have our whole
future planned out together.

You two, of all people, should
be able to understand that.

♪ ♪

Okay. Uh, I want you
to taste this.

I want to see
if there's enough salt in it.

And, uh, I can't taste it
for you.

Right.

Thank you, doll.

♪ ♪

This is not bad.

[EVAN GRUNTS]

[YELLING]

What's the matter?
Too spicy?

[GROANING]

♪ ♪

You moron!

Why don't you invite the rest
of the neighbors to join us?

What is the matter with you?

Hey! Hey! Give me your boat!
I got these people chasing me!

Get out of here! Come on!

[PANTING]

He'll go straight to the cops.

Hell, no.
He'll have a tough time

proving he didn't hire us
to work for him.

No, no.
He'll go to the Harts.

Yeah.
What are we gonna do?

Exactly what
we were going to do.

We wait for the Canadian.

The Harts will go to the cops.

Not if we have Mr. Hart's
long lost sister.

[SPITS]

You are disgusting.

MAUREEN:
It was originally called
Fort Winfield Scott.

And it was completed in 1861

to forestall any possible
Confederate sea attack

during the Civil War.

Now, you've experienced
its rooftop ramparts

and the dim corridors
and the echoing stairways.

I think you'll agree
with me that Fort Point

would make a wonderful
hide and seek playground

for the child in all of us.

Well, this concludes our tour.
Your coach will take you back.

I have my own car.
And I will say goodbye.

Thank you. Thank you.

I hope you had a good time.
Have a safe journey home.

Excuse me.

Mrs. Collier, would you mind
taking us back inside?

Oh, the fort is closed.
I know it's fascinating,

but you'll have
to come back tomorrow.

No, no, no, no, no.

Come on.
Come on, come on.

Twice in one week.

This is really
getting out of hand.

♪ ♪

This whole thing started
so simple,

and it just got out of control.

It was just a simple little con?

No big deal?
Happens every day?

No one was supposed to get hurt.

I never wanted anything except
to get nearer to you.

You know, get to know you.

So you could rob us?

No, no, no, no.
Never that.

I mean, you're Jonathan
and Jennifer Hart.

And, uh, I just wanted a chance
to, uh, be a part of your world

and get my foot
in the door. That's it.

It was a beautiful plan.

And it worked just as
it was supposed to.

Well, it'll look good
on your resume.

I know you don't have
any reason in the world

to trust me... JONATHAN: Not one.

But I'm telling you the truth.

You haven't told the truth
since the day that we first met.

It backfired.

These people saw
our picture in the paper,

and then they used me
to get inside.

Didn't you recognize
these people during the robbery?

Something was familiar, yes.
But I wasn't sure.

And then I got knocked out.

Those people would've killed me
today if I hadn't escaped.

Well, if you're not
the inside man, then who is?

♪ ♪

Jeremy, Jonathan.

You went to identify a sailor
in your crew, didn't you?

Well, what did you
find out about him?

See what you can find on him.

Call me. Thanks.

♪ ♪

[PHONE RINGS]

Jonathan Hart.

Jonathan.
Listen, you, uh, were right.

He worked in the ships'
records. He had access.

He could easily have copied
the provenance papers.

And he received a letter
about two days before

they found him
floating in the harbor

setting up a meeting to sell
the provenance to someone else.

Well, thanks, Jeremy.
Send me a copy of that letter.

And see what else
you can find out.

I'll get it right off.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

SARAH: Jonathan Hart,
please. Uh, one minute.

I think it's them.

♪ ♪

Hello, this is Jonathan Hart.

Jonathan, I have someone here
who'd like to speak with you.

Who is it?

This is your sister's personal
secretary. Please hold.

[WHISPERS]
Speaker on.

All right.
Make it good, honey

Jonathan, I'm all right.

Would you tell Stuart
and Winfield Scott

that no one has attacked,
but I'm afraid that they might.

And I'm afraid the Confederates
may come from the sea.

All right, get her out of here.

Come on, looney tunes.

What a charming sister you have.

A bit off the wall, but... You hurt her...

There's no reason
to hurt anyone.

We just need you to be patient
a little while longer.

Don't call the police,
don't try to find us,

and don't try to stop us.

If you do, sis takes the fall.

Maureen will be all right.

They'll hold her
until they try to get away.

But if anyone tries
to stop her...

They're gonna kill her. Maybe
we should call the police.

No. Scare those two
and they'll kill her for sure.

He's right. Our best bet
is to find Maureen ourselves.

What if we bargained with them?
Offered to let them go?

No. They're not gonna
leave a witness.

Oh, my God!
I am such a fool!

MAUREEN:
Jonathan, I'm all right.

Would you tell Stuart
and Winfield Scott

that no one has attacked,
but I'm afraid they might...

Darling, shut that off.
Who is Winfield Scott?

What did she mean about
no one attacking yet?

They already got her?

SARAH [OVER RECORDER]:
There's no reason to hurt anyone.

We just need you to be patient
a little while longer.

Don't call the police,
don't try to find us,

and don't try to stop us.

If you do, sis takes the fall.

That's it.

A fall from where?

♪ ♪

Wait a minute. I got it!
From the top of Fort Point!

They're gonna throw her off
the fort.

That is Aunt Maureen's
last tour stop.

That's where they grabbed her.

And it used to be called
Fort Winfield Scott.

It was built
as a citadel in case

of Confederate attack
from the bay.

Come on.

JONATHAN:
You too, genius boy.

What are we gonna do?
"We" aren't gonna do anything.

I don't want
to take you with us,

but I don't trust you
to leave you here.

Oh, but you can trust me, sir.

I got my aunt into this.

I'll do anything
to help you get her out.

You can do me one
favor. You just name it, sir.

Don't call me, sir. Heh, yes. Hmm.

[PHONE RINGS]

Tibby. Hello?

Yeah.
Hey, Russ, make it fast.

I'm just on the way...
Yeah.

What? Are you sure?

All right.

Yeah, uh, send those copies
out then, will you?

And, uh, thanks, Russ.

All right,
we'll wait until dark.

Then it'll be safer
to take her with us.

EVAN: All right. I have my rights.

This is a violation
of the Geneva Convention.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When this is all over,

you can file a complaint
with the U.N.

You see anything?

Some birds doing strange things.

Look down, you idiot!

[SIGHS]

I don't expect the Harts
to just sit by and wait

where their dear sister's
concerned. Come on.

You're not afraid
of heights, are you?

No. Should I be?

♪ ♪

All right.
You better let me go alone.

I'm not letting you
out of my sight.

Besides, they're liable
to be watching.

I just hope we haven't made
a terrible mistake.

Well, if we have,
I'm gonna throw myself

off the top of the Fort
if I have any strength left.

Don't worry.
I'll help you.

Hey, Stuart!
Stuart!

I've gotta do this!

Jonathan.

[SIGHS]

Tibby, if I'm not back in 20...

Oh, never mind.
You saw the movie.

MAUREEN:
Help! Help! Help!

Uh, uh, uh, let's not make this

any more difficult
than it already is. Okay?

It'll all be
over in a few hours.

Right now we are going
over here.

We are going to sit and wait.

Now... sit.

[GRUNTS]

♪ ♪

Evan! Evan!

[EVAN AND STUART GRUNTING]

Stuart!

All right, Stu, I hope
you believe in reincarnation.

MAUREEN:
Jonathan!

[MAUREEN CRYING]

Ah, Mr. Hart. Hold it.

[GRUNTS]

All right.
Enough dancing for the day.

Shut up, you old battle ax!
Hey! Hey! Look, look, look!

Whatever you get for the coins,
I'll give you more.

Are we supposed to believe
you'd buy back your own coins

and just let it go at that?

I'm only interested
in my sister's life.

She's the only family I've got.

I've waited all my life
to find her. Don't do this.

I don't care about the coins
or the money.

I'll pay you anything you want.
Honest.

Sorry. We'd have
to trust you and wait

while you got the money.
No, no.

We'd better go back
to the original plan.

Hey! Ugh! Here!

[MAUREEN YELLS]

Okay, I got the gun.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Oh!

[GROANING]

JENNIFER:
Darling.

It wasn't supposed
to happen this way.

What? In my dream,

it was all so easy. And I was
the one that saved you.

Heh, heh. Well, you'll get
another chance tonight.

And with all this fresh air,
you're gonna sleep like a baby.

Jonathan,
I don't know what to say.

Stuart, that is
a refreshing thought.

[CHUCKLING]

[GRUNTS]

♪ ♪

[BELL CLANGING]

♪ ♪

STUART:
I am so, so sorry.

Can you forgive me?

I just wanted to be
someone special.

Oh, Stuart, you are special.

If you don't believe it,
just look to your left.

I'll be there to remind him
if he ever starts to wonder.

Well, to think I almost had
a brother like you.

I wished so hard for you,
for him.

I think in my heart,

I realized that I never
would find my brother, but...

that's why I tried
so desperately to believe.

There's nothing wrong
with wanting a family, Maureen.

And I got what I wanted.

Even if it was just
for a little while.

It's more than I had
a right to expect.

JONATHAN:
No, it's not.

You should expect everything.

You deserve it.
Especially this.

Oh, my God. You didn't... JONATHAN: I did.

Sometimes it pays
to have connections.

Right, Stuart?

You found him?

This is incredible!

Can this be true
that I found my brother?

[CAR HORN HONKING]

And he's right on time.

Although his name is
not Charlie anymore, either.

STUART:
Mr. Hart, I just want to say

that it doesn't matter
what his name is.

He couldn't possibly be
as wonderful as you, sir.

And far as I'm concerned,

you're the most important person
I have ever been close to.

♪ ♪

Hello, Maureen.

JENNIFER:
Oh, my God.

Hello! Excuse me,
Jennifer, Jonathan.

Hello, Uncle Don.

You must be Stuart. Yes!

Are you as nervous as I am?

Uh, more.

TRUMP:
We've got a lot of catching up to do.

Let's get into the car.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, this is my girl,
uh, fiancée, Tibby.

Hi, Tibby. Hello, Mr. Trump.

Okay, inside.

All right.

Jonathan, I owe you one.

Thank you very much,
Donald. Take care.

[DOOR CLOSES]

♪ ♪

STUART:
So, Uncle Donald.

Uh, you don't mind
if I call you uncle, do you?

No. I've got a few ideas
I'd like to run by you.

Or we could do lunch.
On me, of course.

Max! You got that little item
I asked you for?

Sure thing, Mr. H.
Filled it up too.

[BARKING]

JENNIFER:
Hey! Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, darling.

From my heart to yours.

♪ I left my heart ♪

Darling, do you think we should
take Tony Bennett's advice?

What's that?

Leave our heart
in San Francisco?

Heh, well, it would be
a good excuse to come back.

[BELL CLANGS]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Whoa!

Now, let's go see
if we can go finish that dream.

JONATHAN:
Do I get to do any swashbuckling?

JENNIFER: You never know.
JONATHAN: Oh.

♪ When I come home ♪

♪ To you ♪

♪ San Francisco ♪

♪ Your golden sun ♪

♪ Will shine ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ ♪