Happy Times (2019) - full transcript

HAPPY TIMES

Eli, I told you a million times

I don't want you running
in the house like this.

-You're dead! You're dead!
-Ella.

We don't talk to our friends like this.

What a sweetheart.

The girls are so excited about the
Purim party.

You have no idea what it did to their
self esteem and their popularity.

-The move wasn't easy on them.
-Are you telling me?

Don't forget.

You're such an angel, getting the
school to do the party at our house.



-I owe you.
-You don't owe me anything.

That's how it is in LA,
we are all family.

Come with me.
It's Ilan and Noya.

She does't hear a thing.

"We just got here. What's the problem?"

Hello. Yossi? Sigal?

Hello!

Yossi's in the family room.

Hello, thank you very much.

Hi, I'm Hila.

-It actually works?
-Do you like it?

Where did you get it?

That?

That was a gift from the
governor of Nicaragua.



There's a box of bullets somewhere.

Hi Ilan,

This is Avner.

-Our kids go to school together.
-Nice to meet you.

Ilan and I go way back.

He built this house.

-Are you in construction?
-No. High Tech.

Nice. What field?

-Chip design.
-What?

-Chip design.
-Oh, you make the little chips?

-Not exactly.
-So what, then?

-It's a little complicated.
-Talk.

We test the circuits...

It's fifty percent math, fifty
percent system engineering.

It's hard to explain the practical
application if you're not in the field...

But it's gonna be a real
game-changer.

-Are you looking for investors?
-What?

When you have a minute, I wanna talk
about the land in Valencia.

I told you,
the numbers don't make sense.

-Just a moment, please.
-Let's go.

Avner, let's go downstairs

After dinner then.

Aidan baby, I'll
see you tomorrow morning. Okay?

Have fun, girls.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Thank you, Bruce.
Thanks, Amanda.

Text me later.

Good riddance!

Just be careful.

Did Eli make this? He is so talented.

No, it's mine.

It's from my new collection.

I call it "My Personal Journey"

Well, it's not for everybody...

Yossi, papi, come open the wine.

You should show her your studio in
the back.

Later. Maybe, we'll see.

What's the rush, honey?

I bet your genius cousin is not even
close.

You'll be surprised.
Michael is on his way with a girl.

Oh, the movie star's coming?
What an honor!

Movie-star, my ass.

Cut it out, you two. Behave!

Who's Michael?

The pulse generator seems to be offline.

I know it's only one line, but
I want to get this guy's motivation right.

-You know?
-Yeah, yeah.

Maybe you can try it with more stress?

The pulse generator seems to be offline.

I'm so excited to meet your family, baby.

So here's the thing you need to know.

My cousin, Sigal, she's a real sweetheart.
But her husband...

He's like,
he's just an ape in Armani.

You ask him for help once,
and then the guy acts

like you owe him for life

So remember our cue,

once they bring out the coffee,
say you have a headache

so we can get out of there.

Oh my god...
I have the worst migrane ever.

Can we maybe...
Oh the lights are so bright.

I got this, no?

Aliyah, honey,
you can't get too cocky, ok?

-But I don't want to lie to your cousin.
-It's ok.

You're dealing with Israelis.
We bullshit and lie for a living.

-Really?
-Except me of course.

Except you?

Baby, I'm really happy
that you came tonight.

It means a lot to me.

Hey, do you mind not parking here?
You're blocking me.

Oh, no problem, I work for Yossi,
I come here for the dinner.

Yes problem. You're blocking me in.

Oh hey bro, don't stress.

-Just tell me when, and I'll move it.
-I just did! So please move it.

-We just got here. What's the problem?
-The issue is you're blocking me.

Yo bro, why are you being difficult?

Tell me five minutes before you leave
and I'll move the car.

Get your hand off me and move your
piece of junk.

Why so negative?
You gotta chill, man.

Here you go. I gotta pee.

Nice to meet you.

Avner, are you okay?

Yes, definitely.

-What? I didn't say anything.
-You don't have to,

I can tell by your face.

There's not a single book in this house.

Just because someone
doesn't have a PhD,

doesn't mean
you can't have dinner with them.

Look around.

You send the girls to that
money-grubbing Chabad school.

-This is how it ends.
-Don't start with me.

I don't want to fight. Sigal goes
above and beyond.

Really, goes out of her way to make
us feel welcome.

And if not for them,
the kids would still bully Ella.

I know.

The rabbi is gonna be here soon, so
could you please make an effort?

For me?

Everything's gonna be fine.
I promise.

Yossi, whan can we talk?

I told you that deal sucks.

So check this out.

It's ten o'clock at night,
South Central.

Not a living soul in sight.
Everything looked like Beirut.

Ilan was scared
a gang was gonna jump us.

How long were you living in LA?

Two months.

Two months. Like Maor.

Come sit with us. Come relax.

So I tell Ilan to wait in the car and
if I'm not back in ten minutes,

was nice knowing you.

I go in.
The guy sits behind a desk.

With a pile of blow on one side

and a Rottweiler the size
of a refrigerator on the other.

In the corner,
two gorillas shooting dice.

Like a Tarantino movie.

Tarantino, my ass. Wait.

The guy sits there
and doesn't say a word.

He's waiting for me to start.

For months I'd been chasing that fucker
for the money.

So what do I do? I grab my credit
card, and cut myself a line.

No way!

Not just a line.
Think of Ilan's dick, only big.

Cool it.

Let me have it.

The guy looks at me,
smiles real big and says,

And slams a suitcase
with 250,000 cash on the table.

Fuck that guy.

And a bag of diamonds.

Let's go.

But I stay focused. I get up,
I grab the bag

And I tell him,

I don't know.

It feels a little bit light, amigo.

Finally, he gets who he's dealing with.

The room falls silent.

The two gorillas stop playing dice
and stare at me.

The guy takes off his Rolex,

Throws it on the table and says:

The told me not to fuck with you Israelis.

I never took it off since!

I love your necklace. Is it African?

I don't know. I got this at Forever 21.

I've been to Africa.

After law school, I did advocacy
work in Mozabique...

Where? I can't see it.

Vodka sweety, Vodka.

-Does your mom know you're dating a...
-What, an actress?

Just trying to give you a way out.
So you won't sound like a racist bitch.

Are you good with the rent this month?

Yeah yeah, I'm good.

I think this episode
will carry me for awhile.

Let me know if you need help.

Carmen...
No, no. Not like this, like that.

First green,
then white, then red. Ok?

-Si, senora.
-Ok.

No, no. Carmen, no.

Green, white, red...
Like Mexican flag.

I love her. But she's been here ten years
and she still doesn't get it.

Forget it. Let me do it.

Carmen, I love crackers and colors.
I'll do it.

Yes, Hila will do it, Carmen.

And you can go now.

No it's ok. I stay I clean.

No Carmen, you can go.

-Ok, I go home now.
-Ok, go.

Carmen, don't forget the clothes
for Carlos.

I left you a big bag in the laundry room.

Amen, amen.

Thank you Carmen, bye.

Bye, Carmen.

Go.

He built the house, the pool...

I don't know construction.

Yossi, Yallah let's eat.

Coming honey.

-My mouth is super dry.
-No! It's not water.

What is it?

I just got back from Joshua Tree.
I mixed everything I had left in there.

Oh, a cocktail?!

A cocktail that will fuck you up!

"This is not a democracy."

-Hila, you can sit here with Avner.
-Ok.

Noya and Ilan
already know each other.

Ilan, you're next to me, yeah?

Michael is always
at the head of the table.

-Michael is the head of the table.
-And you can sit next to me, sweetheart.

Yes, next to me.

-Have a blessed week.
-A blessed week.

Hey bro, did you manage?

-It's all good.
-And the keys?

Don't stress. Tell me five
minutes before you leave

and I'll tell you where they are.

-Are we not waiting for the rabbi?
-What rabbi?

What's your problem?

-No, he's running late.
-What rabbi?

The school's principal, Mati.
He will be here later.

Don't worry, he's not coming to
convert you.

No, I bet he's coming
to pick up a check.

So why do we need yarmulkes now?

Who raised you?
It's Saturday night, we do Havdalah.

-Come on, Sigal, are you serious?
-Put on the damn yarmulke.

-You said dinner, not a Torah lesson.
-You don't have to put it on.

Have you ever done a Havdalah?

What is this, a referendum?
This is not a democracy.

When you have your own house,
you make the rules.

When did you become the sage
of Brentwood?

What's the big deal? It's a chance
to experience something new.

Learn our history.

Why are you looking at me?

Because you are Ashkenazi.

Can't you see you're making
your girlfriend nervous?

English, English. Let's switch so
she can understand.

I'm sorry, baby.

We are not fighting, ah?

-This is how, you know, Israelis talk.
-True.

Thank you, Yossi.

The thing is, they want to do all this
praying and stuff before dinner, so...

It's only a few blessings.

Oh ok,
I don't mind saying some blessings.

You see, she doesn't mind.
Michael is just being Michael.

What do you mean, "being Michael?"

Serioulsy.

I don't know why we keep reading this
book anyway, it's full of racist shit.

Oh, the great celebrity will teach us!

You're full of shit.

-Give it here. Come on.
-Hey, watch it.

You see?

The great celebrity will teach us?
Let me teach you something, Yossi.

What it means is,

Praise God
for choosing us from all nations

and elevating us
above all other people, so...

We're basically saying,
we're better than you, because...

we're Jewish.

What's the problem?

So fucking racist.

-It's not what it means.
-It's exactly what it means.

They wrote it two thousand
years ago.

Then why even read it?

Let's invent some other nonsense
and read that instead.

Dude, you respect nothing!

This whole book is
condescending and misogynistic.

That's why there's anti-Semitism.

Why are we discussing this?

I say let's do Havdalah,
then we do Havdalah.

I gotta use the bathroom anyway.
You guys go ahead, have a blast.

Is he always like that?

He's in top form tonight.

-Thank you very much.
-What?

Very inappropriate. If he was
my cousin, I wouldn't invite him.

But he's not your cousin,

and we don't dump family like
that where I come from.

Enough. Let's do this.

Here, I'll explain this to you.

-You can just read with me.
-Ok, thank you.

When you have your own house,
you make the rules.

Fuck you, Yossi.

Blessed he who separates
the sacred from the secular.

We can all sit.

-Now we do the meal.
-Ok, thank you.

-Have a blessed week.
-Have a good week.

Pass the books and yarmulkes.

Do you need help?

No thank you, sweetie. Just relax.

You've been working all day,
let me help.

Ok, come.

How was traffic on the way over?

We took the 405 to the...

Sigal, you've really outdone
yourself.

Thank you, sweetie.

Wow, looks delicious.

Yossi, your toilet is broken.

What did you do?

What do you mean?
I sat down, I wiped, I flushed.

You see? I've been asking you to
fix this for two years.

Since we moved in,
that toilet's been a fucking problem.

Am I right?

-Clogs up all the time.
-It's not that bad.

You built a six-million-dollar
home with Gaza plumbing.

Gaza? I told you, you were
gonna have problems.

But you decided to build
a bigger pool instead.

So stop crying.

So am I supposed to live in shit?

Do you want me to fix your toilet
in the middle of dinner?

Relax Yossi.
Ilan, take a look later.

Fine. I'll take a look later.

And you, next time, shit at home.

No problem, Yossi.

Sigal, you have to give me the
recipe for the taboule.

It's really simple. Just come
over and watch me make it.

So Aliyah, how long
have you guys been together?

-Almost four?
-Like six months?

-Four months.
-Four and a half, yeah.

-Aliyah is a Muslim name, no?
-No...

I'm not sure.

Are you a fuckin' idiot? Sigal,
where did you find this dumbass?

-What?
-Are you guys moving in together?

Well, I got a small part
on this HBO show.

HBO, huh? She'll be naked
with a midget and a snake.

Why a snake? Is she Cicciolina?

So I'll be shooting in Mexico
for a couple of months.

Congratulations!

Enjoy it as much as you can,
because before you know it

you've got kids, responsibilites,
It's a headache!

Yes, but I just want to focus
on my career for now.

I don't know if I want kids.

Actually, you can have both.

I was eight months pregnant
when I passed the California bar.

Yeah, I know I can.

And after I had Ella I gave it all up
and never looked back.

It's the best decision I've ever made,
being a full time mom.

Will you give it a rest already?

-Michael!
-Relax! What's your problem?

I didn't know this was
a pro-parenting campaign.

She said she doesn't want to have kids.
What's the big deal?

You have no idea what
you're talking about.

When you have kids you'll understand.
It's the best thing in life.

-What are you laughing about?
-Nothing.

-You got something to say? Say it!
-He has nothing to say.

Is that why you see your kids
once a month?

Don't talk about my kids.

Let it go. He's selfish.
He only thinks of himself.

Oh, I'm selfish?

No, having kids, that's being selfish.

Needing to be loved so badly that
you make another version of yourself.

So you can inject
some meaning into your life.

That's not only selfish,
That's magalomania.

Yeah, and it's also the worst thing
you can do for the environment.

Oh, thank you. Exactly.

No, look at me,
I popped a couple of babies.

Wow, what an accomplishment!

Shut your mouth,
before I shut it for you.

Relax, bro. Leave him alone.

Avner... Avner.

Maori, sweetie,
come help me take the dishes.

Pass me your plates.

I'm still eating, bro.

So Avner, what do you think
about the Lakers?

They need to send Walton home.

Walton? It's Lonzo they have to get
rid of.

Are you crazy?
Lonzo is never going home.

-Don't become one of them, OK?
-Of course not.

You can put those down, honey.

So...

What about a girlfriend?
Are you seeing somebody?

Nah, they're all so juvenile here.
It's not my scene.

I want somebody...
more mature.

Somebody who
knows what she wants.

Those are the most dangerous ones.

That doesn't scare me.

What do you mean, why?
He's good for Israel.

Did you actually vote for him?

Bullshit. He's good for Bibi
and the religious right.

Yossi, did you also vote for him?

I don't vote.

-Yossi, can you pass me the wine.
-Didn't you have enough?

Come on, Joseph. Quit playing.

Aliyah, you're driving, right?

Yossi, cut it out!
Let me have it.

Enough you two!

Leave him alone.

Relax!

Let him go, what are you doing?

Are you out of your mind?

Oh my God, you killed him!

He's passed out. He'll be fine.
Just give him an hour. It's OK.

You are all crazy!

Aliyah, listen...
Yossi, put him down in the guest room.

Aliyah, relax. Go with Noya.
Go to the living room, I'll bring coffee.

Lift him.

Here, take her.

And you, let's take care of that
stain before the shirt's ruined.

What about Michael?

He's gonna be fine.

Things just got a little out of hand.

What a mess, huh?

Let me have a sip from that bottle
to calm me down.

-If not, I will not survive this party.
-Just a little sip. It's strong.

Namaste dude.

"Have a blessed week, motherfucker."

Avner, get the door.

Let's put him down.

Bro, remind me not to mess with you.

Look at this guy -
all quiet, but a real beast.

Avner, what did you do
in the military?

Avner?

Avner?

I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
What was the question?

Let's get you a drink, bro.

Something strong,
from my special collection.

It was unbelievable.

He had a really tough year.

He was this close to getting a role
in a Spielberg movie.

Then he switched agents...
Just give it a minute to dry.

-Ok, but...
-And he's so talented.

You know? But in the industry
talent isn't everything.

It's a ruthless business.

I know it's ruthless, I'm just saying...

And I totally get it. Doing
Yossi's books is just my day job.

-I'm an artist, you know?
-Yeah, I saw.

-You saw my sculptures.
- Yes, I did.

I know what it means
to give your soul to art.

You don't choose it, it chooses you.

All I'm saying is that he scared me
a little.

He's just so passionate.

-You need to get to know him.
-Maybe I don't get the mindset.

Hi, Maor.

Keep fanning.

Where can I... It's just that
the bathroom's still clogged...

Sure, Sure. Just use the one
in our bedroom.

It's at the end of the hall upstairs.

Ok, thanks.

He's so cute.

Hila?

I just noticed.

He's a child!

You horny girl!

Yeah, that's an understatment.

-Are you sure Michael is ok?
-Yeah.

Trust me, if he's not up in ten minutes,
we'll go check on him, ok?

Relax.

-Here.
-Thank you.

I'm gonna do reiki on you.
It'll help you relax. I'm really good. Ok?

-Ok.
- So I'm gonna take your arm.

And I'm going to channel some
positive energy. So just breathe, relax.

So you think you're real funny, huh?
Taking my keys...

You fuckin' cocksucker.

Let's see how you like my dick
in your face.

Say cheese, you asshole.

Isn't this amazing?

Oh yeah, sababa.

Oh my God, I love this song.
Turn it up!

It won't come off.

Let's go in my closet
and get you something dry to wear.

Maybe a dress like yours?

-Baby, come dance with me.
-I don't feel like it.

Check it out.

No, check it out. Come on.

Nice.

-Why'd you turn it off?
-Fix your dress.

-It was hard to find my size...
-Hi Maor.

-Did you find the bathroom alright?
-Yes, I did.

-Thanks.
-Good, good.

Oh, look at this closet.
Amazing!

Baby, I'm sorry.
It was an accident.

Accident or not,
everybody got a peek.

Little Care Bear is very sad now.

Give me a second.

Enough, Yossi.
Let's talk about Valencia.

Again with Valencia?

If you think it's a shitty deal,
I'll put in more money

and we'll get the land.

I don't want to miss this opportunity.

Did you come here just to
drive me crazy?

Riki is killing me with child support.

This deal can really solve my problems.

You're like a parrot!

It's not my problem
that your business is failing.

I'm not putting my money in
Valencia. End of story.

Now go take a look at the
toilet that idiot clogged.

Maybe this... No no.

Sigal, what is that?

This? I put this on when I want
something from Yossi.

My sister calls it the ATM dress.

Don't you have one?

Me? No.
Avner doesn't care about that.

You know how men are
after a certain age.

I hardly got him in bed
to get me pregnant.

I don't know what you're talking about.
I need to push Yossi away.

He wants it all the time.

He doesn't deserve it anyway.
I had to drag him here.

I don't understand why all our friends
have to be engineers or professors.

Why can't we enjoy a fun evening
with regular people?

You know what?
I have something perfect for you.

Fuckin' asshole.

"Go take a look at the toilet..."

Tell your mother to clean this shit.

My business is failing?

I'll show you now.

Fifteen years I work with this guy.

Who's the big man now?

Have a blessed week, motherfucker.

So?

Like new!

What did I miss?

Hey sweety.

How's Michael?

Sleeping like an angel.

Delicious. Coffee and cake?

"Just wait till you get to prison."

Oh my God!
Sorry, you just scared me.

I need to tell you something.

Maori, is everything alright?

I'm crazy about you.

No, no.

You're all I think about.
I can't get you out of my head.

Seeing you at work
is the best part of my day.

Maor, I'm flattered, but...

-I know what you're gonna say.
-Okay.

And I'm sorry,
but I couldn't hold it in any longer.

-It's okay.
-It's tearing me apart.

It's OK dear. Really.

Maor, what are you doing?
I'm a married woman.

Sigal, do you need help?

Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

I'm just...

What's going on?

What the fuck?!

Yossi, it's not what it looks like.

-I'm gonna fuck you up.
-It's not what you think.

Yossi, wait.

Come here you piece of shit.

Leave him alone.

Yossi, calm down.

Calm down? You little shit.

It's not what you think.

What I think,
is to shove this down your throat!

Yossi, what are you doing?

I found you and gave you a job!

You eat at my table
and you want my wife for dessert?

You got no respect!
I'm done with you. Done!

You are nobody. You are dirt.

-Yossi, leave him.
-Shut up, whore.

I didn't do anything!

I got no respect?

Do you know what he does
every Tuesday

when he tells you he's playing poker?

-He's fucking Carmen!
-I'm gonna kill you!

Do something!

Mother fuckers.

Sigal!

Open up fuckers!

You cheat on me with my Carmen,
you dog!

Leave him alone!

Avner, do something!

Hold on.

Why didn't you just pay a hooker?

What about you?
Spreading your legs for this worm.

Don't talk to her like that!

I didn't do anything.
Leave him alone!

Better this worm
than a fifty year old pussy from Tijuana.

Avner, do something already!

Open up, assholes!

Open up. I'll fuck you all!

Mother fucker. With my wife.

Enough Yossi. Don't kill the kid.

What's that?

Not what it looks like, huh?

You fuckin' whore. Come over here.

You dog! I'm gonna bury you.

Tomorrow morning I'm calling the IRS
and giving them all your books.

You're going to jail for 40 years.
You philanderer.

Who do you think you are?
I'm gonna murder you.

Let's see you, big boy.

You like fingers up your ass, huh?
Just wait till you get to prison.

All your fantasies
are gonna come true.

Nobody's going anywhere!
Shut up and sit down!

I said sit down!

I'll kill you.

Stop waving the gun
You'll poke someone's eye out.

Sit down and shut up!

Did I stutter?

Not on the couch. On the floor!
You sons of bitches.

Have you lost your mind?

Aliyah, baby, are you OK?

Don't worry, I got everything under
control.

You must think it's so funny?

Hilarious!

A bunch of retards!

I don't get it. You got nothing
better to do? Are you bored?

Who's the asshole that did this?
Who had the idea?

Michael, sweetie, what are you
talking about?

What am I talking about?

Are you serious?
One of you decided to end my career!

-What?
-What career?

-Shut up, idiots!
-Go ahead and laugh, asshole.

You don't give a fuck about anything!

What happened, you woke up
with a bruised ego?

Are you kidding me?
You just ruined my life.

Who did this?
Be a man and confess!

Michael, look at me sweetie,

I'll fix it if you tell me
what happened?

This happened!

This happened!

-Somebody just sent it to me...
-Shut the fuck up!

Calm down Michael.

Who did this?

No way that's me.
I don't have a small dick.

It must be Ilan.

Your mom never complained!

Are you morons?

All of you, shut up!

Everything's a fucking joke to you,
you animals.

Ruining somebody's life in a second.

You shit on everything. Why not?

You don't give a fuck about anybody.

You...

You Israelis have no boundaries.

You know what? Everybody up.
We're gonna do a line-up!

Not you!

A line up! Are you deaf?

Avner, Ilan, Yossi,
stand up and drop your pants.

No way, man.

-Get up!
-Fuck you, you psycho!

Michael, enough!
Calm the fuck down.

What are you waiting for?

Pull them out. C'mon, out.

C'mon.

What's up?

Well, do it.

What the fuck?!

Shit!

Look what you all did.

You took the shot!

Somebody call 9-1-1.

Don't let her call the police!

-Is he breathing?
-I don't know. I don't know.

Hila, take her phone.

She has to calm down.

Execute code red procedure?

English!

Fuck you, bitch!

I need some air.

"We have a problem that you can't solve
with three programmers from India."

Avner, can you handle them?

-All good.
-I'll be right back.

IRS, that fucking bitch.

Yossi, where did you go?
We need...

Yossi, what are you doing?

Jerking off. What does it look like
I'm doing?

I'm taking away her ammunition.

That bitch.
Threatens me with IRS?

Yossi, what is this?

Alright ladies, here's the plan.

First of all, this was an accident.

An unintentional discharge.
Nobody's fault. OK?

What accident, Avner?

He is all beaten up.
Who's gonna believe it was an accident?

OK.

Can you wrangle your cousin?

Yes.

We have to think.
We gotta get our stories straight,

before we call the cops.

I can't have him lying on the floor
like that.

Poor guy,
let's move him to the couch.

Moving the body is the biggest mistake.

Fuck, what am I gonna do?
I don't have papers.

Where's Yossi?

I don't know, I haven't seen him.

The son of a bitch!
I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna chop off
his dick, that dog!

Did you buy the land in Valencia
without me?

What do you think?

I always knew you were a scumbag.
I just didn't know how much.

You always knew? I've been
supporting you for fifteen years

and I never heard you complain.

But now, I'm a scumbag?
You should kiss my feet every morning,

you ungrateful asshole.

I was gonna let you
build in Valencia...

Let you make some money,
but with your shitty attitude...

Kiss your feet? For what?
The crumbs you throw my way?

Ok kid, let me give you
a first life lesson.

Some people talk about business.

And some people DO business.

Hold on.

Did you really think I would
go into business with you!

Listen to me. You - Trabajo.

Me - I write the checks.

Fuck you.
Who do you think you are?

Relax!

Let me give you a first life lesson.

You son of a bitch.

I'll fuck you up.

Son of a bitch.

Fuck you.

You asshole.

I'll kill you, you cocksucker!

What happened?

Yossi. My soul!

Sigal, calm down!

You did this!

I'm not done with you...

Get up, get up.

-What happened?
-The police is here.

The cops are here, can't you see?

LAPD.

-How can I help you?
-Good evening Ma'am.

One of your neighbors reported
hearing gunshots earlier this evening

So we're just going house to house,
making sure everybody's ok.

Gunshots?

Really?

No, we didn't hear anything.

We're just having some people over
for dinner.

Are you the owner of this house, Ma'am?

Yes I am.

Mind if we take a look
around your property?

It's a little bit of a bad timing now

because we were
just about to have dinner.

Michael is tied up in the living room.

Yossi's body's in the office.

Ma'am.

She was...
My friend just told me that...

they're waiting for me with all the food
and everything in the living room.

Is that your blood, Ma'am?

This? It's a...

Yeah, I cut myself earlier.

Someone broke a glass,

and I accidently cut myself.
It's nothing. It's nothing.

-Are you sure everything's ok, Ma'am?
-Yeah.

You're not in any kind of danger?

Sir, please stay where you are.

Keep your hands where
I can see them.

Ma'am we're gonna have
to enter your home.

Ma'am you'll have to step aside.
We need to enter your home.

I'm sorry officer, don't you
need a search warrant for that?

No Ma'am I do not.
Please step aside.

Excuse me, officer, it's been
a while since I took the California bar

but if I remember correctly,
you do need exigent circumstances

to conduct a warrantless entry.

And I don't see here
anyone destroying evidence,

or putting you or your partner
in any reasonable danger.

Ma'am we had reports
of gunshots earlier.

I know, I heard you the first time.

But the owner here,
clearly did not give her consent.

So the only reason
I can think of for your insistance

is that you heard a little bit
of an accent...

Excuse me?

... and thought all immigrants
are criminals.

Ma'am I can assure you this has
nothing to do with your accent.

We were here enjoying a holiday dinner,
and you show up, and harrass us?

That would be hindering
our right to worship.

What holiday?

I thought Rosh HaShana
was in September.

-Officer Rodriguez, is it?
-Yes.

What makes you think we're Jewish?
That would be anti-Semitism right there!

Do I need to remind you
of your department's

colorful history with
racial and religious bigotry?

Screw this, you're on your own.

I think you should listen to
your partner, officer Parker.

You ladies have a good night.

-You too.
-Good night.

Wow, you were great!

You know, in LA, we're one
big happy family. Right?

I was really amazing!

It makes me feel
like going back to work.

We'll talk about it later.

Avner!

-Stay back!
-Hila, no. Careful.

Put down the horn.

Let me have the horn. Put it down.

Hila, I'm not...

That was easy.

Baby, we should get out of here.

Baby, let's go.

Have you seen my cousin?

What? No.
Baby, let's get the fuck outta here.

You go.

-You should go.
-What? What do you mean I should go?

Are you staying?

I'm not letting these smug
sons-of-bitches get away with this.

These people are insane.

They just tied us up and gagged us
right here.

Exactly!

Fuck these assholes!

Michael, there's a dead body
right behind you.

This is a crime scene.
Do you understand? A crime scene!

What are you talking about
"a crime scene?"

-It was an accident.
-Oh my God.

You're just as crazy as they are.

Listen!

We don't back down
when the shit hits the fan, ok?

Fuck this Middle-Eastern macho shit.

Are you coming, or not?

I can't.

You should go.

Don't worry.

I should...

How the hell am I getting out of here?

I can't even call an Uber,
because that bitch broke my phone.

Here.

-Take the car.
-Ok.

You're all a bunch of psychos.
All of you!

Where are you hiding, Ilan?
You little turd!

Shit.

Aliyah, wait!

Open, open.

So glad I caught you.

I brought you some goodies
to take home.

-Oh, thank you.
-You're welcome.

It was really nice meeting you.
I'm so sorry about the mess.

What mess?

Oh that?
Don't worry about it.

Good.

I hope to see you soon.

Oh, thank you.
I would love to come again.

You know you're always
welcome in our house, right?

Right?

Right.

Good.

-Good.
-Good.

-Good.
-Good.

-Bye.
-Bye.

What are you doing here?

Your cousin has officially lost it.
She's trying to kill me.

Why is your shirt all...

Wait, what?

Yes. Yossi and I had a little
argument...

He might not have survived it.

It's the best news I heard all night.

You must talk to Sigal.
Calm her down, she'll listen to you.

Sure. Can you give me a hand here?

Come.

Three, four...

Now what?

Help me put him in the kiln.

Noya, can you open the door?

Are you guys for real?

What?

We got to get rid of the evidence.

Slowly, Avner. Slowly.

-What happened?
-Michael happened.

Son of a bitch!

Don't touch it. Let me.

Leave me a little...

Can I have some?

-Push harder.
-It won't move.

How do you turn this shit on?

Did you hear that?

He's alive!

No, it's just the kiln.

You're burning him alive!
What's wrong with you?

Shut up for a second,
I'm trying to hear.

No no...

-Don't get hysterical?
-Hysterical? He is alive!

You are high, It's in your head.

-Move!
-Wait, what are you doing? No!

Why do you always get involved
in other people's business?

If you weren't trying to be Chuck Norris
and take his rifle

we wouldn't be in this mess.

-Hila
-Hila, Hila!

I know what you're going to say,
but you know I'm right!

You're like a child.

Because you had to get involved,

now we have a problem that you can't
solve with three programmers from India.

Enough! You dragged me on this
anthropological adventure.

Shh, don't let them hear you.

What? Are you still
trying to impress these people?

Ouch! Goddamnit!

Holy shit.

I'm telling you brother,
it's a damn shame.

How dare you...

What the fuck?!

Nobody kills my husband but me!

Are you out of your mind?

One inch to the left
and you would've hit me.

Coffee?

"What blessing do we say for that?"

Look, it won't stop.

Hashtag yummy yummy.

I thought your audition was tomorrow.

Don't you worry. I'm here.

We survived the Pharaoh, right?

Mati!

What a pleasant surprise!

Sigal, didn't you hear me knock?

It's a party.
We drank too much and danced.

Avher, look who's here!
We were worried something happened.

Everything's fine.

An accident on the 405.

Some party.

Why don't we all go to the kitchen?
We were just about to have dessert.

What happened there?

He's a light weight.

Let me tell you what I tell my pupils,

We may not alway
agree with each other, but

at the end of the day, you know,
"All Israel are friends."

-Coffee, Avner?
-Not this late. He can't sleep after.

By the way, where is Yossi?

Yossi wasn't feeling so well,
so he went to lie down.

-I hope it's not serious.
-No, just his stomach.

That's good to know, because
I really do have to talk to him.

I don't think we've been introduced.
I'm Rabbi Mati.

Yes, this is my cousin, Michael.

Michael?

"Who is like God" - "Mi Cha El"

I really hate to bother you, but...

Yossi did tell me that he would
have a check ready for me.

Yes of course,
I'll check with him in a minute.

This coffee went right through me.

I gotta go to the little boys room.
- You need to use the one in the...

Ilan fixed it already.

Just use the one upstairs.

-He's not buying any of it.
-He is. Don't worry.

Buying it, or not,
how do we get rid of him?

-Michael!
-I can kick him out.

Feeding him doesn't help.

-If we didn't, it would be suspicious.
-Exactly.

All this stress is not helping.

-He will eat and leave.
-Right.

If he starts asking questions again,
I'm dropping him. Avner?

I got you.

Are you guys crazy?
Wait a second. I have an idea.

Mati, I have a check from Yossi.

He couldn't remember how much.
So he just left it open.

-I hope that's ok.
-Of course it's ok!

Thank you very much.

Something smells delicious.

Is that your famous roasted chicken?

Yes it is.

Would you like some?

If it's not too difficult.
I did miss dinner, you know.

Avner, are you okay?

Yes, yes.

Okay, okay.

By the way,

Where is Ilan?

You said he fixed the bathroom earlier.

Did he catch the same bug
that Yossi had?

Yes, yes.

-He left early?
-Yes, it was really bad.

-Well it must have been very bad.
-Bad bug.

He left his Jeep in the driveway.

Look guys,

I may be a man of god,
but I'm no strager to the sins of man.

Obviously,
you're not telling me something.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Buba'le,

I'd hate to see little Eli, miss out
on the basketball team this year.

That's it. Enough.

Easy, Michael.

What's he threatening you for?
He ate, he drank, he got his money,

Now he can leave.

What are you looking at?

Suddenly you can't
understand Hebrew?

Sigal, are you going to
let him talk to me this way.

I want to see Yossi right now!

I told you Yossi is resting, now listen,

we all had a really long night
and it's a bit late,

so I would say, how about,
we will talk tomorrow.

Ok?

Alright, I'm gonna go,

but let me be clear,

the Purim party that you
two girls were planning,

I'm giving it to Amanda.

-No, no. Wait, why?
- You are so digusting

You only have yourselves to blame.

-Sigal, do something.
-I'm trying.

-Let this bloodsucker leave.
-Shut the hell up.

You ruined the whole night
with your dirty mouth.

Talking non-stop
and spewing poison.

-What do you want from me?
-Leave him alone.

-Why should I leave him alone?
-Don't scream at me.

-Who are you to tell me what to do?
-Calm down, Hila.

I've been kissing her ass for
a year, but I've had enough.

Her crazy cousin,
her trashy husband throwing punches

and she makes out
with a twenty year old guy.

but acts like her shit don't stink!

And you just stand there and do
nothing.

You solve everybody else's problems,
but when it comes to me or your kids,

suddenly you have nothing to say.
I gotta do everything alone.

Why do I deserve this?

I gave up my career for you.
I left my family for you.

What else do you want?
A blowjob on your birthday?

Why are you quiet? Check your
phone, maybe you got an email.

Maybe somebody from work
found your spine. You wuss.

The man I married!
I'm sick and tired of it.

I'm done with this abuse.
Who do you think got rid of the cops?

Me! I did it!
I've had enough.

I'll...

What blessing do we say for that,
Rabbi Mati?

Move!

Avner, take it easy.

Avner, no!

Help. Don't.

Avner, I'm stuck.

My payos...

it's stuck in the sink.

Help!
Avner, I'm stuck.

Avner, no!

Keep the check.
I don't care about the money.

Take the money.

"Why all this violence?"

Michael, listen.

Mati in the sink.

Avner hits the drum.

Avner?

-Are you alright?
-I'm excellent...

Say Michael,

Why did you smash that
sculpture on my head?

-Avner!
-What did I ever do to you?

-Avner don't come near me.
-Why all this violence?

Where are you?

Let go of me!

Let go of me!

Hi Eli. How's the sleepover?

Mommy's a little busy right now.

Okay, let me talk to Aidan then.

Aidan, honey,

I don't want the two
of you fighting.

Do you remember what we said about
equal play time?

-Now I want you to go to sleep.
-Avner.

It's a little bit late and I don't want to
have to talk to Amanda...

Okay? I love you.

Come here.

Good night.

Sigal, run!

Stay with me.

Everything will be fine.

Sigal.

Maor?

-Sigal!
-What happened to you?