Hank Zipzer's Christmas Catastrophe (2016) - full transcript

The movie follows Hank in the run up to Christmas as he prepares for a new baby brother. But Hank's life never runs smoothly and soon Miss Adolf (played by Felicity Montagu) is turning Mr Rock's Rudolph the Rock'n'Roll Reindeer into a one-woman Christmas Carol - two school inspectors are getting injured in a bizarre sleighing accident and Mr Joy (played by Javone Prince) is trying to cancel Christmas altogether. In his attempt to drag triumph from the glittering jaws of doom, Hank will ice skate into disaster, nearly crash a Christmas tree into a crowd, get himself and his best friends arrested, get his favourite teacher sacked and lose the love of his life. This time, he really has let everyone down. Surely even Hank can't get out this one. Luckily for us, there's no way to tell Hank that.


This is now officially
the worst Christmas ever!

Yeah, as disasters go,
this is my biggest one yet!

Let's go back two weeks before
I ruined Christmas.

Don't even think about that
until after breakfast.

Oh, I was just checking
there was one there for later.

Two weeks to go. And he's on
the 99th growth percentile.

Keep up the good work.

No, no,
don't listen to your sister.

You are a good size.

Don't get any bigger.

Studies show babies with larger heads
can grow up

to have higher IQs.

Please don't be a geek like Emily.
Be a normal person, like me.

Dad, the cradle is now five
days behind schedule.

Mum and Dad let her write
a pregnancy timetable

to help them keep on track. Boy,
are they regretting that decision!

I will do it today.

Maybe we should have penalty points
for not sticking to the timetable.

Excellent idea.
We can start with ten points off you

for crossing out your visit to
the maternity ward tomorrow.

Oh, not so cocky now, are we?

I told you,
I'm having a home birth.

But what if there's a complication?

Hospitals have machines and doctors,

and at your age,
you might need them.

- My age?!
- Red alert. - Take cover!

Hospitals are sterilised, safe environments
where less can go wrong.

- Oh, really?

It's a baby boy.

We're calling him Hank.

They let me off cos I was a baby.

Next time,
they weren't quite so understanding.

Hank, come and say hello
to your little baby sister, Emily.

- Hank?
- Wheee!

No hospitals.
I want less equipment around.

Right, um...

where are the gherkins?
I need... I need some gherkins.

Here you go, my love.

- Don't panic.
- Yeah.


Mum gets these weird cravings.
Mangoes, mushy peas, fish skin.

Right now, it's gherkins.
Can't get enough of them!

She loves the mini ones
from Papa Pete's deli.

Nothing but the best for my angel!

♪ In my stocking ♪

♪ Made my list ♪

♪ Hoping Santa hears my wish... ♪

- Who's he into now?
- Hayden Chase.

She's basically a hairspray
that can sing.

♪ The one I love

♪ All I need to make it right ♪

♪ Is to see your face tonight ♪

♪ Fire's warm but I feel cold ♪

♪ Without you here to hold ♪

♪ Won't you grant my wish tonight ♪

♪ And come on home
this Christmas time? ♪

She's shooting a video in London.

Maybe she'll hire me
as a backing dancer.

Ow! Sorry.

Rudolph, The Rock 'N' Roll Reindeer.
Great title, Mr Rock.

Thank you.
You got to have a great title

if you're going to have a great musical.

Did you ever hear Earwax,
The Musical?

Did you ever hear Toe Hair,
The Musical?

- No.
- That's right.

That's why the three of you
have to be at auditions.

- Yes, sir! - All right.
You're going to be fantastic, all three.

- Even me? - Especially you.
Get out of here, get to class!

I love school at Christmas.

No proper lessons,
loads of messing about. It's brilliant!


What on earth
do you think you are doing?!

I know that you're not
a fan of my work,

but I think even you will be up
on your cloven hooves

and dance to this one.

I'm not talking about this,
I'm talking about that!

Oh, isn't that great?

Feel the energy.

It's like when we opened for
the Beatles at Chase Stadium.

Rock 'n' roll, Miss A.

How you ever became a teacher
is a mystery to me.

- You know what? To me, too.
- Mm.


I've got the perfect part
for you in this musical.

Yeah, Grizilla, the evil snow witch.
Everything you look at turns to ice.

See what I mean?
You're perfect.

- Stop everything!
- Headmaster?

I've just been informed.

- We're having a surprise school inspection!
- Oh...

They're due within an hour.

OK, just stay calm.
Stay calm! Stay calm!

Oh, this really is most tiresome.
We've only just had an inspection!

That was before the incident
with the runaway lawnmower.

And the exploding custard!

- Awkward.
- You know what? They're not coming.

They can't come.
It's Christmas!

Christmas is cancelled!

I must be having a nightmare.


Sorry, sorry.


- Shh.
- Oh!

I'm here to help you with the cradle.

- Well, how did you know it collapsed?
- Call it a lucky guess.

Yeah, well, I'm doing this alone.

It's a father-son thing,
you understand.

Of course.
I hand-carved Rosa's cradle

from a solid block of Sicilian oak.

It took me six months

and 77 blisters.

Oh, I loved that cradle!

You're the best, Daddy.

Well, here we go, son.
One hand-assembled cradle

coming right up.

"Go, Dancer. Go, Prancer.
Go, Dasher. Go, Vixen."

"Go, Comet.
Go, Cupid. Go, Donner..."

What are you doing?

Mr Joy has cancelled
your alleged musical.

He didn't do that?
I work all year for this.

The auditions are today.

- Not any more.
- Well, I'm going to go talk to him.

Well, you can't.
He's preparing for the school inspection,

as should you be.

We don't want one bad apple
spoiling the whole barrel.

Well, let me tell you,

this apple doesn't care
what the inspectors think.

I only care that the little apples
have a great Christmas.

Well, what all the other little app...

...pupils need is a first-rate education,

not a second-rate Santa.

Did you just say that to me?

Yes, I did.

Camilla Stevens, head inspector.

What a lovely building.
- Building.

Jonathan Lao, trainee.
This is my first inspection.

Welcome to Westbrook.

What a pleasure having you here!

When I heard I was having
a surprise inspection,

I was like, "Yes! I love inspections!"

"Love them, love them, love them!"

It was like Christmas had come early!
Thank you, Santa!

When you come down the chimney,
I'm going to leave you something!

- Oh, that makes a change.
- Change.

Shall we begin?


Now, can anyone tell me how to
separate substances in a mixture?

What if they're friends?
What if they don't want to be separated?

Miss, can't we do something
more Christmassy than chemistry?

We could do a Secret Santa!

We could all get surprise gifts.

Now you're talking!

Christmas starts on December 25th
and not a day sooner.


The different methods are...

...filtration, evaporation,
distillation, chromatography.

Nick McKelty,
a grade-A student.

A grade-A pain.

Now, this experiment
might go slightly...

...but it's always worth a try.

No! No, no, no!

Part of me knows
it's going to be really bad,

but part of me
really wants it to happen.


Argh! Ooh!

Argh! Argh! Argh!

Here at Westbrook,

we pride ourselves on creating
an atmosphere of calm and serenity.

Henry Zipzer!

Come back here!


- You were saying?
- Saying?

Is there an echo in here?

I swear there's an echo.

All right,
what did you do this time?

I threw a paper ball at Miss Adolf.

- Good one.
- You?

Apparently, I'm supposed to have
something called a lesson plan.

I mean, who knew?
How do you plan music?

- You can't.
- See, that's what I think.

I thought you just kind of grab
the guitar,

turn up the volume
and let the reindeers rock.

But the music was so loud that
the whiteboard shattered off the wall.

- That sounds awesome! - Yeah, except
Mr Joy thought it sounded like an orchestra

trapped inside a tumble dryer.

- Zipzer!

OK, listen.

His bark is worse than his bite.

But then they said
that about my grandmother's dog,

and he ate the mailman.

Go get 'em.

You covered Miss Adolf
in green gunge.

It was more a sort of turquoise.

It's not funny, Hank.
Mr Joy says this is your final warning.

One more incident
and you can get suspended.

Hank, you've got to stop
getting into trouble.

- It was an accident.
- It's always an accident, isn't it?

You need to grow up, Hank.

We've only got room
for one baby in this flat.

Emily, what are you doing?

I said I'd get the tree!

When I've finished building the cradle.

Yeah. I thought it'd be nice
to have one before Easter.

Emily, you don't need to be cheeky.
Your father's doing his best.

Oh, thank you
for the vote of confidence!

- So, who wants to help me
decorate it? - Me.

Remember what happened last time
you decorated the tree.


It was an acci...dent.

OK, well,
we can all decorate the tree.

Come on, everybody.
Grab a bauble.

Best not.
I'll only break it.

That's odd.
My head feels breezy.

Oh, that's not good!

- No brain! No brain!
No brain! He's got no brain!

As I always suspected, Zipzer.

You're brainless!

Don't let me ever go back to sleep!

I don't understand how they
make these things so difficult

to put together.

They look simple, the instructions.

Why don't you just ask Dad
to help and be done with it?

- What, be reminded of my failure

every time I put this little guy
down to sleep?

- Did he kick?
- Yeah.

- Play for Liverpool.
- Arsenal.


Dad always wanted me to play football,
but I was never any good.

You sure about having a home birth?

Wouldn't you feel more comfortable
in hospital?

I didn't feel comfortable with Hank
concussing two nurses.

- Hm. - No, this time
everything's going to be perfect.

Nothing is going to go wrong.

I can't wait to meet him.
- Mhm

me, too.

I've got a good feeling about this one.

I think he's going to be a genius.

Maybe he could help me
put this cradle together.

- He's going to do something amazing.

Just you wait and see.

What they really mean is,

they hope he doesn't turn out like me.

Hayden Chase has gone number one
in the download chart!

Ugh. She's spreading like a virus.
I have to find a cure.

Have you seen the inspectors?

They were heading
for Mr Rock's classroom.

- And one can only hope they brought
protective headgear. - Ooh!

♪ Just once I want to hear Santa say... ♪

♪ Go, Rudolph ♪

♪ Tonight you can guide the sleigh! ♪

And then the other reindeers get lost

and Rudolph has to save the day.

- This sounds wonderful!
- Wonderful.

You know, the beauty of music lies
in the ear of the beholder,

and you two, have exquisite ears!

Oh, this is exactly
the sort of imaginative approach

that we're looking for.
I can't wait to see it! - See it.

You know, neither can I.

But the musical has been cancelled.


Mr Rock's musical
is a highlight of the year.

Oh. Staff and pupils
absolutely love it.

It's something that would
never be cancelled, ever!

Must have been
an admin error or something.

You know how wonderful this man is?

He said, "You all get more money
for costumes this year!"

- I did? - You did.
- I did! I did. - Oh.

And then he went on and said,
"A new lighting rig!"

- How generous is that!
- That was unexpected.

But if that's what it takes
to get the show on the road,

then we must do it!

Oh, my goodness, and then this headmaster
of headmasters, he said,

"The entire orchestra
gets a new instrument"

"and a confetti cannon for the finale!"
- I just get carried away!

It's great to see a headmaster
supporting the creative arts.

And this show is the perfect opportunity

to see what Westbrook can do.
- Brook can do.

With all this new equipment,

this better be the greatest
Christmas musical

the world has ever seen!

Rock on!


- Rock on!
- 'K on!

Hey, look.
The show's back on.


I think I'm going to give
the auditions a miss.

Come on, Hankster. You're amazing
on stage, you have to audition.

Roll up, folks!Come and see
the greatest show on earth!

Rudolph, The Rock 'N' Roll Reindeer!

Starring the one, the only Hank Zipzer!

Yeah, maybe.

You're totally right!

This could be my chance to make
Mum and Dad proud of me.

Another day, and still no cradle.
I'll just make a note of that.

♪ Go, Dancer. Go, Prancer.
Go, Dasher! ♪

♪ Go, Vixen! Go, Comet! ♪

♪ Go, Cupid. Go, Donner.
Go, Blitzen! ♪

I can't wait for these auditions!

Has anyone seen my gherkins?

By the sink. Enough nonsense
about the cradle.

Where are we going to put
the birthing pool?

- We're out of gherkins.
- It's the vitamin K your body's craving.

Have some broccoli instead.
- I don't want broccoli, I want gherkins!

No-one make any
sudden movements.

I can trot to the deli
and get you a jar.

- Reindeers do trot, right?
- If you would do that,

you would officially
be my favourite child.

I can report you for saying that.

Go straight to the deli.

No dawdling, no stopping to...
to look at amusing pigeons.

This is an emergency.
Run like the wind!

They're only gherkins, Dad.
I can do this!

I'm not completely useless.

That was Rudolph, not me.

- Hold it!
- Sorry, son. You'll have to wait.

Please, it's an emergency!
My mum needs gherkins.

That's not an emergency.

You haven't seen her in a gherkin rage.

What are they doing, anyway?

♪ Don't want to be a flower girl ♪

♪ A pretty thing for you to twirl ♪

♪ Summer's gone,
you'll dump me fast ♪

♪ I want a love
that's gonna last all year ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Love me not? ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah... ♪

Please, Miss Harris.

All these interruptions are making it
really very difficult to...

Not that it's a problem, of course.

Good. Cos if it was,
we'd be looking for a new director.

Can I just do this in a coat?

And cover up that knockout dress,
Hayden, honey?

You can't sell this song
without a bit of sizzle, sugar.

And you are looking
smokin' hot, girl!

Then why do I have goose bumps?

Because you're excited
about being in London?

Oh, come on. Couple more weeks,
we'll be in Tokyo.

They say it's beautiful at Christmas.

Nothing is the same
as Christmas at home.

And I always spend it
with my mom and dad.

It's all right, darlin'.
Sometimes you want the rainbow,

you got to put up with the rain.

- My eyes!
- This stuff will really make 'em pop.


Not to rush you, but...

the flowers,
they're starting to wilt.

And they're not the only ones.

You want to see your folks?

They're right down that lens.

Now, you make 'em proud
of their little girl.


OK. All right,
well, one from the top.

And action.

♪ Don't want to be a flower girl ♪

♪ A pretty thing for you to twirl ♪

♪ Summer's gone, you'll dump me fast ♪

♪ I want a love
that's gonna last all year ♪

Hey! You!


Are you people incapable
of doing anything right?!

Do you know how much
this girl is worth?

Are you OK, honey?

- That's lunch!
- Uh-uh. No way!

We've got to keep shooting. We've got
places to go and people to see!

- I don't mind if we break for lunch.
- I mind. Time is money, honey.

And I'm not going to let this bunch
of clowns ruin my rodeo.

You're fired! Don't you walk away
from me now. You're fired!

Look at you!
You are fired!

Fired! Fired! Fired!

You, you're definitely fired!

Come on! Who wants some?
Who wants some?

You're fired. You, look at you!
You're fired.

That's Hayden Chase.
Frank is going to be so jealous!

Whoa, you're...

I know who you are.
Do you know who you are?

I mean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry
I messed up your video.

No, it's fine.
You got me a lunch break.

I owe you, big time.

- Who is that?
- Tammy Harris, my manager.

Is she always that angry?

She's just...
kind of protective.

Well, it can't have just disappeared
like a catfish up a creek!


You're unfired.
Find him!

I should probably give myself up.

No, trust me. You do not want
to do that. Follow me.

What about in there?

I hate my hair like this!

Looks good to me, but I'm probably
the wrong person to ask.

I like your hair. Maybe
that should be my new look.

It's easy to do. You just wake up
in the morning and you're good to go.

Bed hair.

I love it!

Stop! Stop! He'll be halfway
to Hawaii by now.

Come on!
Back to work!

Or you'll get my rhinestone
boot up your behinds!

Oh, hello there, Mr Takahashi.

Oh, really? Oh, well. I mean,
what is the weather like over there?

OK, I think you can relax now.

Can I take one of these
for a friend? He's a huge fan.

Oh, would this friend happen to be
yay high with cute, messy hair?

- No, Frankie's hair is always perfect.
He spends hours on it. - Oh.

I just thought...
never mind, doesn't matter.

Yeah, I'll write him a message.

So, you don't like my music?

No. No, I mean,
I mean yes.

Yes, I like it.
I... I love it.


It's good, it's so...


Right. So what's your favourite song
off my new album?

- The... the new album?
- Yeah. - I, uh...


You know, it's so hard
to pick a favourite

when they're all so amazing.


I promise I'll download it
as soon as I get home.

It's OK. Save your money.
I'll give you a free download link.

- If you don't like it you can delete it.
- Thanks.

All right. And call me and
let you know what you think,

cos I could really do with some
honest feedback.


Oh, you flatter me,
Mr Takahashi!

Sayonara, y'all.

Guess who sold out in Tokyo?
You are on a roll, girl!

I am never washing this hand again!


- Where are all the gherkins?
- Sorry, Hank. Just sold out.

No! I knew I should have
got here sooner.

- Mum's going to kill me! - Then you'd
better come up with a good excuse.

I bumped into a megastar
- Hayden Chase.

Not bad, but the name needs
some work.

- She's real.
- Of course she is!

Wait, I know how to get Mum
some gherkins.

Papa Pete,
where do you keep the vinegar?

You made these?

Yeah, step away from the jar, Rosa.
They don't even look like gherkins.

I can't.
I'm going in.

I couldn't find any gherkins.
They only had chillies.

Mm, delicious.

- Oh! - Oh,
I'll get you some water.

I told you not to dawdle!

I didn't.
I bumped into Hayden Chase.

First rule of lying:
at least make it slightly believable.

I'm not lying! Look,
she gave me her num...ber.

And she gave me
a signed photo for Frankie.

Oh, you really did meet her!

"Merry Crismus, Frankie."

There's only one person I know
who spells Christmas C-R-I-S-M-U-S.

- That's weird. - Mm. Yeah, you bought
the photo and signed it yourself

to get out of trouble.

Second rule of lying:
don't get caught red-handed.

They didn't believe me.

Nice try, Hank, but
I'm not falling for it either.

Hayden Chase
doesn't have dyslexia.

If she did,
it would be in her autobiography.

She's written her life story?
She's only 16.

Chasing Rainbows.
I have it in hardback and paperback.

- You guys should read them.
- I'd rather wax my eyeballs.

Well, maybe she just doesn't like
talking about her dyslexia.

It's not exactly something
you brag about.

You can keep on selling,
but I'm not buying.

Come on, we don't want to be late
for the Christmas audition.

Why will no-one believe me?

Get your rear in gear, girl.

The day don't wait
for no-one, darlin'.

Hey, Bob!

Can you help me with something?

All right, sweetie pie.
Just try a little louder.

This will be the biggest disaster
since Henry Zipzer

was allowed in the school talent show.

Being able to fart the national anthem
is not a talent!

Do you really want to give the inspectors
front-row seats

to a Christmas catastrophe?
- I had no choice. They want to see it!

Maybe it'll only be a bit of a disaster.

Have you been eating tinsel?

- Shh.
- This is Mr Rock we're talking about!

♪ Just once I want to hear Santa say... ♪

I'm never going to top that.
♪ Go, Rudolph! ♪

♪ Tonight you can guide the sleigh! ♪

I think you've found your Rudolph,
Mr Rock.

- He's perfect. - Yeah, well, no,
come on. A little too perfect.

before Rudolph saves the day,

all the other reindeers
make fun of him.

- Next!
- We-we have our inspectors.

Too perfect sounds
perfect to me.

And there's no next.

Cast him.
He's Rudolph.


I may have been in the Arctic,

but I've never been cool.

That's how Rudolph ended up
on Santa's naughty list.

Stop smiling!
Why are you smiling?

No smiling!
Not Zipzer, no way.

- Now, HE'S funny!
- Funny!

Here's my decision.

I got the part!


Anybody home?

- 'Emily's taking us
to a class on home births.'

'I didn't think you'd want to come.'

'Dinner's in the oven.'

- 'Try not
to burn the flat down, Hank.'

I know how to use an oven, Dad.

I think I'm going to have
salad tonight.

♪ I'm never gonna make the grade... ♪

♪ You make it look so easy ♪

♪ When I follow you ♪

♪ I've got nothing to show ♪

♪ The stars are out of reach ♪

♪ Why do I try? ♪

♪ I want to be like you ♪

♪ I wish I was smarter,
I wish I was brave ♪

♪ I wish I was all the things
you crave ♪

♪ Cos I don't ever want
to let you down ♪

♪ Don't ever want to make
you frown, no ♪

♪ I just want to make you proud ♪

♪ I try hard but I'm still afraid ♪

♪ I'm never gonna make the grade ♪

This album is awesome.

I wish I could tell her.

♪ Go Dancer, go Prancer! ♪
Here we go!

All right, listen, brass,
you're doing great.

A little less spit, or we're going
to have to hand out umbrellas.

Bongos, are you with me?

This noise is intolerable!

I mean,
I can hardly hear myself teach!

I demand silence.

You "demand silence"!

You know what, that's really difficult
because this is a musical.

It's got to be loud!

The noise levels are well over

the maximum levels allowed
in the workplace. - 105 decibels.

Where'd you come from?

Comply with the regulations

or I will have this production
shut down. - OK, OK.

You know what I need? I need some
organisation: that's all.

look at those spreadsheets!

They are so organised.

- How would you like...
- No, not doing it.

Well, of course, you would get
extra marks on your school report.

I'll take the job.

Are you two related?

Can I see the production timetable?

- Can you see the timetable?

The timetable!
Of course you can.

As soon as you write them,
you can see them.

You know...

What an apple.

OK, here we go, kids.
From the top!

The label want new promo shots
for Tokyo.

Picking you up in ten minutes.
Want to see you in this.

Do we have to do this right now?

Don't you give me the diva, darling.

You want the folks at the label
thinking you won't play ball?

Oh, come on. Put it on.
You'll look real cute.

Brad. How are we looking
for Australia?

No, I want Sydney Opera House!

You know we can sell it.

- This won't get me in trouble, now, will it?
- I won't tell if you don't.

♪ I fly around the world
singing my songs ♪

♪ Spreading the joy
and righting the wrongs ♪

♪ A reindeer that rocks
is nothing to fear ♪

♪ I light up the night with joy
and good cheer ♪

♪ I never get picked
for the sleigh ride team ♪

♪ Just seeing the world
is forever my dream ♪

♪ Go Dancer, go Prancer ♪

♪ Go Dasher, go Vixen ♪

♪ Go Comet, go Cupid ♪

♪ Go Donna, go Blitzen ♪

♪ Just once I want to hear
Santa say ♪

♪ Go Rudolph ♪

♪ Tonight you can guide
the sleigh ♪

♪ This time it's you ♪

Rudolph's the name,
pulling sleigh's the game.

Wrong number.

- 'Hayden?'
- Hank? Is that you?

Yeah! I was just...
pretending to be a reindeer.

- Wow, I can't believe it's you.
- 'You never called.'

Did you hate the album that much?
- 'I loved it.'

It's just I lost your number
in a gherkin-related incident.

I guess you're forgiven.

- Hayden, get out here!
We've got work to do.

Sorry, I've got to go, Hank.
Tammy's hollering.

Time to be her dress-up doll again.

- Can't you get out of it? Do something
fun instead? - I wish!

Say that you've had an idea for
a hit song that you need to work on.

Then sneak out
when she's not looking.

That could actually work.

Hank, you're a genius!

People don't often call me that.

If I do escape, I'll need someone
to hang out with.

are you free tonight?

Are you still there?

Yeah! Yeah, I was just
checking, um, my calendar.

I think I might
have a window free.

Great! OK,
I'll text you where to meet.

See you later, Rudolph.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!
It is, it is, yes!


You've skated before, right?

No, but how hard can it be?


I don't have to do that with my arm

I just think it looks cool.
- Ah...

- Oh!
- Don't worry, I've got you.

I'm going to have a fun time tonight,

and I'm not going to let anything
ruin it.

How's it going in there, hun?

Sugar, you in there?

Stop being so terrified!
It's supposed to be fun.

Have you seen how sharp
these skates are?

All right, look, whenever I get
nervous before I go on stage,

I just imagine I'm...
somewhere else.

Like, making pancakes
with my mum.

It relaxes me.
You should try it sometime.

The last time I made pancakes
with my mum,

I set off every smoke alarm
for about a mile.

- You don't like your family?
- I love my family, it's just...

...my sister wants me
to be put in a lab and tested,

my dad wishes I could score
the winning goal at the World Cup,

my mum still basically thinks
I'm a work in progress.

I'm kind of a disappointment.

I'm sure they love you really.

This Christmas they're replacing me
with another boy.

- No way!
- Yeah. My mum's due any day now.

My baby brother's all they can talk about.

- OK, I thought you were being serious.
- I am!

I bet you they call him Hank 2.0,
new and improved.

OK, then forget about your home

and think about somewhere else
that makes you happy.

- Where'd you go?

The Spicy Salami, the family deli,
with my grandad.

It's my favourite place.
- Well, it worked: you're skating!

That's amazing!
How did you do that?

- Whoa!
- Whoa!


I'm so, so sorry.

Are you OK?
Please be OK.

Skating is SO not your thing!

"Oh, help me!
I'm Hank!"

And I was really starting
to like you.

- Hey!
It's Hayden Chase!

Those are your fans?
I thought they'd rip us apart!

Well, it's all part of the job,
I guess.

It was like one of those
wildlife shows

where the hyena jumps
on the cute gazelle.

Are you calling me cute?

I'll take that as a yes.

Did you see that?
Please tell me you saw that!

Did I ever tell you
I grew up on a ranch?

My daddy gave me a pony
for my tenth birthday.

Her coat was so white,
I called her Snowflake.

I loved her so much,

some nights, I used to sneak down
and sleep in the stable with her.

Then one night, out of the blue,

she bit my hand.

She near took my finger off.

My daddy said she'd gone bad,

that we had to send her
to that big ranch in the sky.

I begged him not to do it.

But in the end, like he said,

when they turn on you, you've got
to show them who's boss.

Don't you ever bite me again.

Do I make myself clear?

Now, give me your phone.

We don't want you running off
with that boy.

Zipzer, was it?

Guard this door,
don't let her leave.

Look, there's my arm.
See, I WAS with Hayden.

- That could be anyone's arm.

You are losing it, seriously.

OK, first positions, everyone!

You'll never be able to pull the sleigh
on your own, Zipzer.

You're too weak.

OK! One house down,
two billion to go!

Rudy! Can you pull
the sleigh by yourself?

All aboard, Santa.

We've got plenty of presents
to deliver all across the world.

Let's go!

I'm in!

Whoa! Argh!


So sorry!

Oh! Oh!

Ho ho! Ho ho!

And if you have any questions,
my door is always open.


It gives me no pleasure
to tell you I told you so.

Who am I kidding?
I've never been happier.

Now, will you call an ambulance,
or shall I?


- How dare you! Despicable!
Everything about you!

- He fired me. From my own musical!
- What?! He can't do that.

What's going to happen to the show?
- I don't know, and he did.

Lose the sleigh.
Much too dangerous.

We're going to try
something different.

Miss Adolf.
Anybody but Miss Adolf.

Silence at the back!

I've got a lot of work to do

knocking this monstrosity
into shape.

This is a masterpiece.

Don't you change one note.

That would be like painting
a moustache on the Mona Lisa.

Beethoven's Fifth is a masterpiece,

The Nutcracker Suite is a masterpiece.

This is an assault on Christmas.

I'm begging you, don't ruin it.

I'm going to rescue it.

That would be like
the iceberg rescuing the Titanic!

- Hm!
- Hm!

Toodle-loo, Mr Claus.

You can't give up.
This is your show.

Hank, sometimes you win,
sometimes you lose.

Sometimes you play Glastonbury,

sometimes you get stuck
in a portaloo

and you never make it
to the stage.

Oh, yes, that happened.

What if I say I won't do it?
They can't put it on without Rudolf.

This is your moment to shine.

I need you to make that show fabulous.

'I wil' by getting you your musical back!

Wait! Wait!

No. No, Hank!

Oh, I have to work on this
teacher-pupil obedience thing.

- Why?

- Hello?

Oh, yes.
There's a lot of dust.

Just checking... for dust.

I know how to impress the inspectors.

Oh! You're moving to a new school?

No, but I can get Hayden Chase
to sing in the Christmas show.

Oh, and I can get the Queen
to tap dance with penguins.

You can?!


But I really can get Hayden to sing.
She's my friend.

What are you, six?

You're nothing.

Stars like Hayden Chase don't even know
you exist, lucky for them.

Now get out my sight
before I give you detention

for a whole year!

If I can get Hayden to do it,

will you put Mr Rock
back in charge of the show?

Oh, I'll do one better.

If Hayden Chase sings in our musical,

I'll eat my socks in front
of the whole school.

You heard it here first.

Out with the new and in with the old.

You can't go wrong with a classic.

But the show's on Saturday.

I've got an IQ of 146

even I couldn't rehearse
a whole new play in two days.

Where there's a will
there's a way, Emily.

Now, let's show the inspectors
what Westbrook really stands for.




Hi, Hayden.
It's me, Hank...again.

Are you getting any of these messages?

I need you to call me back.
It's kind of urgent.

- I've got a massive favour to ask.
- Dude, it's not even funny any more.

You know, it actually wasn't that funny
to begin with.

Why isn't she calling me back?

Maybe her phone's broken.

Maybe you need to leave Planet
Hank and join us back on Earth.

I know, I'll go to the hotel
and ask her face-to-face.

Hank, getting into more trouble
isn't going to help Mr Rock or you.

You're wasting your time.
She's singing in City Square tonight.

Tell Mum and Dad I'm rehearsing late.

"She's singing in City Square tonight."

Why didn't you just call him a cab?
- I don't sound like that, Justina.

Come on, big mouth. We need
to find someone to stop him.

Wait a minute, this is like looking
for a snowball in a blizzard.

We should split up.

No, no, no, no, the last thing
we need are more snowballs.

We're going to stick together.

- My guess is he'll be near the stage.
- All right, that's a good idea.

If that's true,
we're going on old school.

Ow! I want my phone back.
I need to call my mum.

I called her for you.

Told her you were having
the time of your life.

She and your pops say hi.

Now make the magic happen.

- What are you doing?
- Making pancakes.

Thanks for coming out tonight.
It's so good to see all of you.

Hayden! Over here!
It's me, Hank.


♪ Snow is falling... ♪
- Hayden, it's me!

♪ Christmas Eve and children sing ♪

♪ I should feel joy but not tonight ♪

♪ Cos you're not here
and that ain't right ♪

♪ We were king and queen of prom ♪

♪ My first love, where have you gone? ♪

♪ I hold you close here in my heart ♪

♪ Was always you... ♪
- Over...!

♪ Right from the start ♪

♪ I've hung my stocking, made my list ♪

♪ Hoping Santa hears my wish ♪

♪ Snow falling from above ♪

♪ Far from the one I love ♪
- Over here!

♪ All I need to make it right ♪

♪ Is to your face tonight... ♪

- How can you not like this one?
- I think I'm allergic to her voice.

All right, coming through.

Excuse me. Wow! Great shoes.
Great shoes. Hank!

♪ ...this Christmas time ♪
- ♪ Come home this Christmas ♪

- Hayden, over here! Ow!
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Choirs singing, snowball fights ♪

♪ Mistletoe and fairy lights ♪

- Ugh! Hayden!
♪ I'd give up all of these ♪

♪ I'd even give up Christmas trees ♪

♪ I've hung my stocking, made my list ♪

♪ Hoping Santa hears my wish ♪
- Hayden!

- ♪ Snow falling from above ♪
- Hayden!

♪ Far from the one I love ♪

♪ All I need to make it right ♪

♪ Is to see your face tonight ♪

- Hank! Hank!
♪ Fire's roaring but I feel cold ♪

He was right here. Hank!

♪ Could you grant my wish tonight ♪

♪ And come on home
this Christmas time? ♪

- Hank!

♪ So come on home this Christmas... ♪

- The wire!
- Ugh!

- Uh-oh.

- It's like Bumfire Night.
- BON-fire. - Oh.

Is that you?

What in the blue blazes
is that rodeo clown doing here?!

Grab him!

I told you my life was a disaster,

and I never want to see
a snowman ever again!

You three,
you're coming with us!

This is not the way
to Buckingham Palace?

You're fired.

And I mean it this time!

- Oh, yes, this is lovely.
- Yeah. - You were right.

We're going to need a bigger pot.

- Oh...

Hello, maternity ward.
Nurse Stanley Zipzer on duty.

What do you mean
he's been arrested?!

- Oh! Oh!


- Dad?
- Yeah, that's my boy.


Well, this is a new low, isn't it?

Even for you, Hank.

You let me down.

You let your mum down.

You let the birthing pool down.

Why can't you just stop
and think for once

before you launch yourself
into these stupid escapades?

You see these walls?!

Do you want this to be your future?!

Sorry, Dad.
It was an accident.

Yeah. Yeah.

I suppose it probably was.

Come on, son.
Let's get you home, eh?

Well done.
Finally made the news.

- 'Oh, well. Hayden wants
y'all to know

she's A OK
after last night's rumpus.'

'As for the loser that caused
all this hullabaloo,

I'm happy to say that Hayden
doesn't know him from apple sauce.'

'It seems he's a stalker.'

They must be talking about someone else.
Hayden knows me!

'He goes by the name of Hank Zipzer.'

Maybe there's another Hank Zipzer.

- 'A pupil at Westbrook School
was arrested last night...'

You can't even be
a successful criminal.

So, it wasn't enough for you
to send the school inspectors

on a sleigh ride to the hospital?

- I didn't mean to do that, I...
- You didn't think.

You went far enough to ensure

that Westbrook Academy's reputation
was in ruin.

You know what I was trying to do.

So what does he go and do?

He goes and gets himself arrested!

With three pupils!
In school uniform!

To be perfectly clear,
I was not in school uniform.

This may be the season of goodwill.

Look at that: "Christmas Crackers!"
That's very smart.

But not for you, music man.

Under the power vested in me
as commander-in-chief of this school,

I declare that you...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's talk this out.

I love these kids, I love my job,
I love this school.


Don't fire me.

I'm asking you.

I thought I fired you already.

Me? No, that would have been
one of the other security guys.

'He goes by the name of Hank Zipzer.'

OK, darling.

We got a conference at ten
for the launch of your toy doll.

Put on an outfit to match.

Why did you say he was a stalker?
He's my friend.

That boy's dumber than a box of rocks.

I'll bet he can barely write
his own name!

I want to go home for Christmas.

And I want to look 20 years younger,

But even my plastic surgeon says
that ain't going to happen.

I really need to see my family.

And you will...

just as soon as this tour is over.

Cheer up, honey.

I'm sure they've got tinsel
in Tokyo.

- Ah!

Great job on the doll.

Huh? Well, how much shelf space
are we getting?

I know exactly how you feel,
trapped in there.

I'm so, so sorry, guys.
What did your parents say?

Look at Zipzer, loser.

How's Hayden, stalker?

Ha, loser.

A stalker?! At Westbrook?!
The shame of it!

And during an inspection.

Sadly, I cannot expel you because
it wasn't an official trip.

But one more mistake like that, Zipzer,

and you are O-U-T O-F H-E-R-E.

You work it out.

Hi! How are you both?

You're moving to a new classroom?

No, no, no. I'm starting a new life.
They fired me.

This is all my fault.
You must hate me.

I don't hate you!

I never thought
I would make it this far.

I thought they were going to fire me
after the first week.

Hey, want a harmonica?
Bob Dylan gave it to me.

I never got the hang of it.

I'm so useless.
I mess everything up.

1973, Denver.

Look at that.
Believe it?

Me and The Flaming Rhinos
were on tour.

It's my turn to drive the van,
we get out, stretch our legs.

And nincompoop here forgets
to put on the handbrake.

All of a sudden,
I'm watching in horror,

the bus is going down the hill
into the lake.

Glub, glub, glub...

Do you ever see
a bass guitar drowning?

It's heartbreaking!

We didn't give up. Oh, no!
We begged, we borrowed.

We got a new van, got new equipment,
and we toured again.

We did not give up,
and neither will you.

Hank, you are a clever,
inventive, smart young man,

and just because reading, writing
and maths might be hard for you,

it has nothing to do
with how brilliant you are.

I'm starting a new life,

and you are going to be OK.

♪ I feel like a sleeping beauty ♪

♪ Black thorns are closing in ♪

♪ Locked in my perfect palace ♪

♪ Wishing my life could begin ♪

♪ But wishing never works ♪

♪ It just adds to all the hurt ♪

♪ And the truth is ♪

♪ I'm under your spell ♪

♪ Can't ever break free ♪

♪ But you're not here ♪

♪ To fight my fear
Don't leave me here ♪

♪ I'm under your spell ♪

♪ Can't ever break free ♪

♪ But you're not here ♪

♪ To fight my fear
Don't leave me here with me ♪

♪ Can't ever break free ♪

♪ Oh, no... ♪

OK, honey!
The car is...

- Eurgh!
- Fired?

- Why, I...

This play sucks!

Why can't we do
Rudolph The Rock 'N' Roll Reindeer?

For so many reasons.

You do realise it's aerodynamically
impossible for reindeer to fly?

Who cares?
It's more fun than this!

- Christmas isn't about fun!

It's about celebrating good,
old-fashioned values.

Like not firing Mr Rock just because
he was trying to help Hank?

Like obedience to authority,
and respect for your elders.

Oh, yeah? Well, we're going on strike
until Mr Rock is reinstated!

We want Rock! We want Rock!

We want Rock!
We want Rock! We want Rock!

- Silence!
- We want Rock!

- Back on the stage,
all of you right now!

This is your last warning!
- We want Rock! We want Rock!

We want Rock! We want Rock!

Very well.
We'll do the show without them.

But... Nick can't play
all 16 parts by himself.

I AM very versatile.

You're really not. Please, Miss,
go outside and talk to them.

I refuse to negotiate with anarchists.

OK, let's take it from the top.

One at a time!

Don't make me use the squirty cream!

Hank! My hero!

Clear those plates and wash up,
will you?

At least Papa Pete's still pleased
to see me.

- Get off! My last panettone
is for Mrs Trapani!

Save yourself while you still can,
Mrs Trapani.

Oh, you're so kind.
My darling. - Ciao, ciao.

Do you know a Hank Zipzer?


Hayden... I don't...

What are you...?
It's so good to see you.

I just really wanted to apologise
for the whole stalker thing.

Tammy was way out of line.

How did you find me?

You told me this was your happy place,

So what were you doing
crawling under the stage?

I, uh, needed to ask you something,
but it doesn't matter now.

What? Tell me.

I messed up.
It's what I do.

I mess up people's lives
and make them worse.

It's the one thing
I'm really good at.

Well, that and rocking an apron.

Here, let me help you with the dishes.

You've got much better things to be
doing than washing up here with me.

No, I don't.

You know, I really like
hanging out with you, Hank.

You're the only person I know
that doesn't want anything from me.

Tammy'll be furious
if she finds out you're here.

I just realised Tammy's ALWAYS mad.

And I'm going to choose
who my friends are, not her.

I choose you.

- I am the ghost of Jacob Marley!

It cannot be, you died seven years ago
this Christmas Eve.

Whoa! You will be visited
by three ghosts.

I can't do this.
It's impossible.

Impossible is winning the '88
Fencing World Championships

with a broken epee
and chronic diarrhoea.

- Then you do it!


Children today have no backbone.


Don't even think about asking.

Uh... very well.
Then I shall play all the parts.

At least with my performance,

Dickens's words will be enunciated
with perfect clarity!

- A little something for you.

You two saved my life!

Papa Pete makes
the best pasta in London.

The world.

My grandson says the nicest things!

Wow, this is amazing!

And he has excellent choice in friends.

- Hayden Chase!

Hayden Chase!

Check this out!
It's Hayden Chase!

♪ Don't want to be your flower girl,
a pretty thing for you to twirl! ♪

I'm so sorry I didn't believe you.

I will eat my socks...
right now!

Sorry, no consumption of food
not purchased on the premises.

I'm so excited!

You're going to be singing
in our school show!

- What show?
- Hayden Chase!

Everyone, she will be singing
at Westbrook's Christmas show,

get tickets, tell everyone!
It's Hayden Chase!

Oh, one more.

Hayden Chase!
It's Hayden!

Just... Aah!

Hayden Chase!
Zipzer, what a result!

You came through.

what was he talking about?

I was trying to help
my music teacher, Mr Rock.

I thought if you could sing
in the show, then...

So, that's what all this
has been about?

You just wanted something from me?

No. No, it's...
it's not like that.

I thought you were different.

Now, you're just like all the others.

Please, let me explain.

Don't, OK?
I've heard it before.

Goodbye, Hank.

- She's going!

She doesn't like my pasta?

She doesn't like me.

Adolf out! Adolf out!
Adolf out!

I feel so bad about not believing Hank.

- I feel bad we don't have a show
for Hayden to sing in.

And for Hank, obviously.

Well, it's not over yet.

We want Rocky, he's on our list,

hoping you will hear our wish!

That's Hayden.
You're singing her Christmas hit.

We want Rocky, he's on our list,

hoping you will hear our wish!

How did that get in my head?
She's a witch.

It's the magic of Hayden.
No-one's immune.

- 'Later on in the show, we've got
the queen of pop, Hayden Chase,'

'singing live in the studio.'

'She's going to be right here.'

'How's that for another
Christmas present, eh?'

I told you we should have believed Hank.

Really? I must have missed
that piece of parenting brilliance.

Well, OK. Well, I thought it.

If that Tammy knew they were friends,

why would she call him a stalker?

She didn't think that Hank was
good enough for her precious star.

I tell you, if I ever see
that massive-haired madam,

I'm going to...
- Go into early labour, so calm down.

Keep breathing.
In, out.

In, out.

Big breaths.

This won't take a minute.

These instructions make no sense.

- Thank you!
- What, so now we've got no cradle?

So, so where are we
going to put the baby?

Because he can't live
in here forever!

Uh, I will buy you another one.

I'll help you choose!

I am the ghost of Jacob Marley!

That cannot be! You died
seven years ago this Christmas Eve.

Wah! You'll be visited
by three ghosts.

No, no!

The ghost of Christmas past.

No, no! The ghost
of Christmas present.

Whoa, whoa, WHOA!

I am the ghost of Christmas productions
yet to come.

Who am I?

I am a soul of the night
where I travel with...

Just take a look at what the audience
thinks of what you've done.

Not exactly laughing in the aisles,
are they?

You know what they're all thinking?

- They love Dickens?
- How quickly will this be over?

Don't be a Scrooge, Miss Adolf!

Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!

Are you all right, Miss Adolf?

No! I need to find Mr Rock.

I have to save Christmas!

If I was a washed-up old music teacher,
where would I go?

Do you want me
to help you fill it with water?

- No, it's fine.
- All right.

I mean,
I wouldn't be the one filling it.

You know, knowing me I'd probably
flood the flat or something.

I mean, I'd just stand over here
and watch.

Yeah, no, you can fill it
when the time comes.

Just for now, your baby brother
doesn't seem in any hurry to arrive.

Oh, right.
I thought...

Are you OK?

I'm sorry we didn't believe you
about Hayden.

It doesn't matter, anyway.
We're not friends any more.

If that's because of that manager of hers,

I'm going to find her and I'm going...

No, it was my fault.

I messed up.

What happened?
Come on, tell me everything.

♪ I fly around the world
singing my song ♪

♪ Spreading the joy,
righting the wrongs... ♪

Of all the subways in all the world,

you have to choose mine
to walk through!

Mr Joy thinks he's made
a mistake firing you

and thinks you should come back
and put on your musical tonight.

Oh, he's not a Dickens fan?

We felt, on reflection,
it was perhaps a little too...

...highbrow. - Had nothing to do
with the kids striking, eh?

Oh, yeah,
I heard about that.

Go on, then. Have a gloat.
Let's get it out of the way.

Roll up, roll up, and hear all about
Miss Adolf's Dickens disaster!

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to shout at you.

I've been under an awful strain.

Please come back.

The production needs you.

I didn't catch what you said.

- The school needs you.
- What?


I need you!

All right?
- Almost. A little louder!

I said, I NEED YOU!

Not the production, not the school!

Me! I need you!

Well, why didn't you say so?
Of course I'll help.

Where are you going?

I'm in the middle of a gig,
I can't just walk away!

I could use a little help.
- Oh, no. - Y-E-S.

Pick it up.

Come on.

Hit it against your thigh! Go on.
- Alright.

I'll tell you something,
dancing would be great.

You make a lot of money dancing.

You are an insufferable little man
and I curse the day we ever met!

We shouldn't be here, Mum.

You need to talk to her
before she flies out tonight!

I really don't.
Please, can we just go?

Listen. If you don't tell her
how you feel, you'll regret it.

I'm starting to regret
being here with you.

Oh! Oh, sorry,
I just had to do that.

Ow, um...

No, I think it's started it.

I'll have to sit down.


Shouldn't Rudolph have bigger antlers?

I AM the star of the show.

What do you think?

Your show, your decision.

We're going to stay with your antlers.

You know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking we should go
with much bigger antlers.


when you first come out,

the other reindeers have...
no respect for you.


be tentative.


You must feel what Rudolph feels.

You must become a reindeer.



From the top!

"Hi, Mom. I'm sorry I'm not
going to be home for Crismus."

"I'll call you from Tokyo."

She DOES spell Christmas
wrong like me.

Oh, muffin!

I'm not going to sing
in your school's show,

so you might as well leave.
- I don't care about the show,

I care about what you think of me.

That's private!

You've got dyslexia like me.

You should probably go, OK?

You're the one with the problem, not me.

I get it.

You're a big pop star.

You don't want to damage
your perfect image.

I never said I was perfect.

Deep down, I'm just as messed up
as my spelling.

I didn't tell you about the show,


I didn't want to be another person
asking you for something.

You weren't using me?

Only to help with the washing up.

I'm sorry, Hank.

Oh, no, your grandad must think
I'm really rude!

I didn't eat his pasta.
- He's a mess.

The only way to make it up
to him is to come back with me.

I wish I could,
but we're flying out tonight.

Well, you don't have to if you don't want to.

Try telling Tammy that.

Well, maybe it's time
we just stood up to Tammy.

- And maybe it's time you stopped

sticking your snout
where it's not wanted.

Get this loser out of here.

Get moving, honey.
You are on in five!

- Hank!
- Hayden!

Ouch, get off me!

Ow, ooh!

Get your hands off my son!

You were faking!

Who even does that?

I told you to keep him away
from my star.

She's worth a lot of money to me
and I won't see her sidetracked

by a loser like him!

The only loser around here is you,

lying about my son being a stalker.

You knew they were friends!

I don't have to listen
to this trailer trash.

Throw her out along with
her dumb kid.

Oh, trailer trash?

I'll give you trailer trash!

What are you...!

Get off!

Don't just stand there!

Do something!
- I am not fighting a pregnant lady.

- Aaah!

You're fired.

Fired, fired, fired, fired,

fired, fire, FIRED!


It's OK, Mum.
You can stop pretending now.

No, I'm not pretending.

The baby really is coming!

- I'll call Dad.
- Oh!

Lift, lift, lift, lift, lift!
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Oh! No, no, no, no.

I told you it was too big!

- Oh, shut up!



- Oh! - You couldn't answer
that for me, could you?

It's going to voicemail.

- I've got to get home!
- I'll call Emily.

No, no, no, no. She'll just
boss me about. It's you, Hank.

You're my birth partner now.

Mum, you don't want me.

I'll mess up,
something bad will happen.

It always does!
I'll get help!

The baby's coming!


Bethlehem's a bit far, love.

But I can drop you at St Thomas's.

- It's just over the river.
- No, no, I need to get home.

I'm having a home birth.

It's all going to be perfect this time.

We won't make it, Mum.
It's too far.

Take us to hospital.

OK. No, no, you need
to lift your end higher!

No, you need to lower
your end and twist.

No, it won't twist!

I said, "Don't choose a big one!"

But what did he do?

You said this cradle was fit for a king!

Yes, but you don't live in a castle!

- Oh!
- Rosa's having the baby.

Rosa's having the baby!
I've got to get out! Let me out!

Oh, what about the cradle?

- It looks good there!

- Dad's on his way.
He won't be long.

I don't want to be here,
I want to be at home.

You'd be better off without me,
I'm a total failure.

Don't say that!

Don't EVER say that.

You know, what's important is not
good grades and all that stuff.

What is important is that
you have a good heart, and

you've got a great heart.



Mum, my hand.
I think it's going to snap.

Oh... Ooh!

♪ I just want to hear Santa say ♪

♪ "Go, Rudolph, tonight..." ♪

♪ "Tonight..." ♪

Did he just lose his voice?

I thought so.
My Rudolph has lost his voice.

What am I going to do now?

You're exactly right,
this show is a disaster.

Oh, if only Hank were here!

Not a thing I expected to hear
from a teacher.

Or anyone, ever.

Mum's having the baby!

Excuse me. Excuse me,
I know this is not the time.

- Where is Hank?
- Helping deliver the baby!

Well, as far as excuses go,
that's not a bad one.


Close your eyes.

Now is not the time for a nap, Hank.

It's a trick that Hayden taught me.
You close your eyes

and imagine that you're
in a place that makes you happy.

I'm in hospital,

surrounded by machines.

Nothing can change that.

Please, Mum.


Imagine the flat.

Cushions on the sofa,
trophies on the book shelf.

Gherkin jar in the kitchen.
- Um,

can you make that pickled chillies,

cos I'm liking them now.

- Don't get distracted, Mum.
- OK.

Now, imagine that you're
in the birthing pool.

The water is lovely and warm.

Dad's standing by your side,
holding your hand.

Yes, I can see him!

You are doing great, love.

I am so proud of you!

Keep breathing.

Big breaths.

Through the nose.

Oh, that chilli smells good!

Now, we really need you
to start pushing now, OK?

- OK. - OK. Now, you're heading
for the home straight, OK?

The finish line is in sight.
The crowd are going wild!

No. No, no, no sport stuff now.

Got it. OK.

One big, last push.

- You can do it!


Oh, wow!

Look, isn't he gorgeous?

My two lovely boys.

Oh, che bello bambino...

Oh, he is beautiful, love!

I am so sorry I wasn't with you.

Well, you were,

thanks to Hank.

I'm so glad you're here!

But we do need to talk about
the importance

of sticking to timetables!

Hey, if you hurry,

you can still make it back to school
before curtain up.

But I'm not in the show any more.

Well, you are now.

We're just heading to the airport now.

Well, as soon as we're wheels down
in Tokyo,

let's talk turkey
on those extra dates in Sydney.

I want top dollar, Brett, OK?

Don't you lowball me.

Come on, darling. Let's hustle,
we've got a plane to catch.

I said come on.

Like NOW!

What do you mean
Hayden Chase isn't coming?

She had no choice,
she had to go to Japan.

- Man, it would have been great
to sing with her. - And get a selfie.


I had 5,000 of these printed!

The audience are expecting
Hayden Chase!

The inspectors have arrived,
I've shown them to their seats.

They can't see this!
I'll lose my job.

OK. We must empty the hall!

But how?
What if we had a sudden fire?

Oh, no, you don't.
The show must go on.

Never admit defeat.

The show must go on.

How about here?
Can you see the stage OK?

Er..., the cravings
are supposed to stop

after the baby's born, you know.

Just shush and zoom in on the stage.

Welcome to Westbrook Academy.

We are delighted
to have you here with us,

within these hallowed halls of learning,

where education is the name
and excellence is the game!

Christmas is a time for love,
peace and understanding.

Definitely not a time for
throwing things at headmasters.

And, on an unrelated matter,

Hayden Chase
will not be appearing tonight...

And another tiny cast change.

The hugely talented lead
Nick McKelty has lost his voice

and will be replaced by
the marginally talented Hank Zipzer.

- Stalker!
- Stalker!

- Stalker!

Hank and Hayden ARE friends!

She's eaten at my deli.

- Yeah.
- The Spicy Salami.

It's very good.
Two-for-one lunch deals!

So, without further ado,
sit back and enjoy.

Enjoy the very first and possibly
the very last performance

of Rudolph The Rock 'N' Roll

Be aware, no refunds
will be admitted.

- No throwing things!

I'm the headmaster!

- Good luck, Rudolph.
- You can do this.

No, I can't.

Hold it.


you know, I don't care
that much about my musical.

What I care about is
that you're willing to walk out

because of those people
out there?

You're Hank Zipzer, right?

You're made of stronger stuff, right?

The answer to that question is yes.

So, here is the question you've got
to answer for yourself.

Are you a reindeer that ROCKS?

Or are you a reindeer that rolls?

- Get off!

- Get off!
- Get off!

Why doesn't he speak?

Come on, Hank.
You can do it!

- Get off!
- Get off!

Shut up and let him sing!

I take it back, none of you
are welcome at my deli!

Room for one more elf?

It's Hayden Chase!

What are you doing here?

- I wanted to see you again.
- What about your tour?

- What tour?
- Hey!

Get away from that loser!

He's not a loser.

We don't like her,
she is not a nice lady.

You're getting in that car

and you're getting on that plane
to Tokyo.

No, Tammy.
I'm going to the airport

and getting on a plane
to go home for Christmas.

I built you up from nothing.

You're no-one without me.

You do as I say or I will destroy you.

Remember me?
I work for Miss Chase now.

- You're fired.
- Stings, doesn't it?

Get your dirty hands...!

Yes! Haha,
who's the loser now, missy?

Say bye-bye to the nasty lady.

These are my best friends,
they're big fans.

Hello? Are we doing
the show or what?

- Are you ready?
- Where's the mistletoe when you need it?

Happy Christmas, Hank Zipzer.

That's my boy!

Look, that's your big brother.
Isn't he amazing?

♪ Snow is falling Sleigh bells ring ♪

♪ Christmas Eve and children sing ♪

♪ I should feel joy, but not tonight ♪

♪ Cos you're not here and that ain't right ♪

♪ We were king and queen of prom ♪

♪ My first love, where have you gone? ♪

♪ I held you close here in my heart ♪

♪ It was always you right from the start ♪

♪ I've hung my stocking, made my list ♪

♪ Hoping Santa hears my wish ♪

♪ Snow falling from above ♪

♪ Far from the one I love ♪

♪ All I need to make it right ♪

♪ Is to see your face tonight ♪

♪ The fire's warm, but I feel cold ♪

♪ Without your hand to hold ♪

♪ Won't you grant my wish tonight ♪

♪ And come on home this Christmas time? ♪

- ♪ It's Christmas time ♪

♪ Choirs sing and snowball fights ♪

♪ Mistletoe and fairy lights ♪

♪ I would give up all of these ♪

♪ I'd even give up Christmas trees ♪

♪ I've hung my stocking, made my list ♪

♪ Hoping Santa hears my wish ♪

♪ Snow falling from above ♪

♪ Far from the one I love ♪

♪ All I need to make it right ♪

♪ Is to see your face tonight ♪

♪ Fire's warm, but I feel cold ♪

♪ Without your hand to hold ♪

♪ Won't you grant my wish tonight ♪

♪ And come on home this Christmas time? ♪

♪ I can't forget, I can't move on ♪

♪ I know for sure you are the one ♪

♪ Hometown boy,
it's now or never ♪

♪ Make this Christmas last forevermore ♪

♪ Fire's warm, but I feel cold ♪

♪ Without your hand to hold ♪

♪ Won't you grant my wish tonight ♪

♪ And come on home this Christmas time? ♪

♪ So come on home this Christmas time ♪

♪ I'm flying round the world,
singing my songs ♪

♪ Spreading the joy
and righting the wrongs ♪

♪ A reindeer that rocks
is nothing to fear ♪

♪ I light up the night with
joy and good cheer ♪

♪ I never get picked
for the sleigh ride team ♪

♪ So seeing the world
is forever my dream ♪

♪ Go, Dancer!
Go, Prancer! ♪

♪ Go, Dasher!
Go, Vixen! ♪

♪ Go, Comet!
Go, Cupid! ♪

♪ Go, Donner!
Go, Blixen! ♪

♪ Just once,
I want to hear Santa say ♪

♪ "Go, Rudolph!" ♪

♪ "Tonight, you can guide the sleigh!" ♪

This time, it's you!

The End