Halloween Friends (2022) - full transcript

You came two hours early.

What's going on?

I know, but I couldn't hold my horses.
I found it!

You found what?


Wow, indeed.

I asked a guy at the Burns & Nobels
bookstore to check in the back,

and there you go.

Last book in the whole bookstore.

I thought they burned it all.

Not all!
Please, can you sign it for me?

Of course.

I wanted to ask you.

Why did you titled it Halloween bills?

Hmm... It's a long story.

Come on, we have time.


I see we need to kill two hours.

You are funny.

Kill two hours. Haha, stop it girl.

Okay. So...

after last Halloween,

I was collecting all the bills.

I always decorate our house.

So I bought many fake bones, skulls, legs.

You know, all the parts to make our
house spectacular from the outside.

My final bill was huge.

So I was thinking,

Michael leaves all the bodies
at places where he kills people.

Why can't he just bring them home?

I could some of the dead
body parts as decorations.

No more plastic, cheap, poorly made stuff.

No more bills.

Problem solves.
So I texted him “Bring body home”.

Wow. That was smart, and?

That's it.
That was my inspiration.

That was a pretty quick story actually.


when you have an idea for the book,
the rest is just easier.

All you need is the beginning of the story
and how it should end.

And then you just place
actions and dialogues.

Like in this film.

What film?

Never mind.

Hey, I wanted to ask you. Is she here?

Our guest?


Yes, she is in here.

Can I see her?


It is her lunch anyway.

But first,

hide the knives,
we don't want to scare her.

How sweet.

Fresh meat.

Welcome to prime time, bitch!

Haha, I will you by pretty
and your little soul too.

Okay, that is enough of these quotes
from your husband's movies.

She needs to eat now.

You know the rules.

Wow, she must be hungry.

Yes, and it is going to take a while.

You want to read some stuff
I wrote for my next book?


When I wake up,

I sit and resolve every decision
I am going to make in the day.

What I am going to eat.
What I am going to wear.

How I am going to feel.

If we are honest, I think we all do.

We never surprise ourselves.

I mean you'd have to believe there was a way
your body can do something your mind didn't want.

Or wasn't expecting. I think that is crazy.

We already know
if we are going to skydive or eat octopus.

We already know.

It is just that tipping point of whether or
not we have the courage to say yes.

Or the good sense to say no.

But then again, what do I know?

I am let's say, twenty nine.

I am single.

I don't even own a cat. Is owning slavery?

Are animals slaves?

I suppose we are all slaves.

Slave to our jobs, to society,
to our own fears and desires.

And when you revolt against
even one of those, you lose at life.

You become a twenty nine year old,
with no relationships, no cat,

and a bed that is just
a mattress on the floor.

So why now, this?
It is not like I haven't before.

It is like a bike, right?

Though God help you if you fall off,
it could be painful.

An issue, at the very least.

This is a young person's
game now. Isn't it?

Or maybe that is why I am doing it.

To prove I still can.

To prove I am still in demand,
and can still close a deal.

God, I sound like all those bros making trades and
doing lines of coke from a hookers bleaches asshole.

How do we do this again?

Hi, my name is bla bla.

I am here to bla bla,
your bla, until you bla.

Then I am going to bla and hopefully
I will feel satisfied.

But I won't.

I never do.

I keep trying, over and over again.
This one. This will make me feel important.

Special. No, maybe just alive?

But it won't.

Nothing will.

Or should I say no one thing will.

Need all three masters. Job. Society. Self.

At best, I have one and a half of those.

Look at me.

Jesus fucking Christ. Just look at me.

I am old.

I am getting old.

Is this even attractive anymore?

My hair is like a lightening storm,
I am too short or too tall?

Who even fucking knows anymore?

Am I even pretty? I don't even know.

I used to be.

But now.

Could I even get a guy to
take me home anymore?

How long will he want to say?
What will he say? Will he be a dick?

I feel like that's probable.

How do I respond to him to him
being a dick, when he inevitably is one?

Just smile?

Act like I agree with him?

And worst than that. What if I like him?

What if he is nice?

What if, he opens my door, pulls out my chair, tells
me I look pretty and listens to what I have to say?

I don't need that kind
of fucking complication.

I don't have the time or
energy to deal with something like that.

When will they finally invent mind control?

You know how everyone always says “hey,
they'd say we would have flying cars by now”.

Well, news flash! They
are called airplanes.

So is mind control really
too much to ask for?


Cleavage used to do
it. Perfect mind control.

You could tell a guy you were going to chop his head
off and put it in the freezer with thirty other guys,

and he'd just smile and
stare into the canyon.

Now they want a ridiculously
proportioned Jessica Rabbit,

and a butt job on the table by dessert.


Just treat it like work.

I mean, it is work.

War paint, uniform, script and rules.

Say this, don't say that.
Do this, don't do that.

It's all a hostage negotiation.

Until the end, when
someone inescapably dies.

Then, what a mess.

It is always a mess.

People think that there is a good,
easy, clean, fast way to do it.

But there isn't.

I mean, there is good, easy and fast,
but never clean and it's tough.

No matter how many times you have done it.

I just wish, when I was done with them,
they would just disappear.

I don't know.

Maybe I shouldn't go through with this.

It has been so long.

I am standing here,
second guessing my shoes,

when no man has ever walked away
because of a woman's shoes.

Why do we get dressed up like this at all?

The guy never cares.


I mean, yeah, if you show up to an expensive
dinner in an oversized Mickey Mouse sweat shirt,

he might shy away.

I just mean, within reason.

You think a guy ever goes back to his
buddies and says “She was nice, but damn bro,

those Louboutins were a boner killer”.

Not fucking likely.

I am nervous.



Of this?

What are you talking about, you
already made the decision, this morning.


I just don't know if my
courage will hold out.

What? You didn't hear me honking?

Doesn't matter.

I got to take a shit anyway.

I was out with the boys before.

Got a whole fucking tub of wing,

so I ain't really that hungry anyway.

What's this?


What are you fucking Hamish?

So, you got something for me?


You look good.

Since I am not hungry.

You could clearly stand to miss a meal.

How about we just stay here, and fuck?

I do got to take that dumb though.


That was easier than I thought.

God what is this? Disappointment.

Am I sad about missing dinner? Or am I
sad about that he didn't disappoint me?

Bit, strange.

You could have Uber bring Mc Donalds
to a house you rented on AirBnB,

while you schedule an assassination online.

It is a dangerous world.

It's just convenient, that's all.

Wow, that was something.


And now this.

This is fascinating.

The way she looks.

The way she eats.

You really need to tell me,
why I need to keep her here?

You don't have your own garage or basement?

You see…

Oh, she is here.

Jay Daughter. How are you sweety?

I almost didn't recognize you.

Nice hair girl.

So, why did the hell
raiser lady not come again?

She is at the acupuncture place.


The doctor says that for her migraines
she should come to his office, each day.

So she does.

Seven days a week.

Poor hell raiser lady.

I miss her.

Having the stuff in her face,
she can't even put her makeup on.

Or even a basic base.


I must say ladies our Thursday hangouts, manicure, pedicure
at my house is what I am waiting for the whole week.


The “why we need to kill
each male technician in the city”.

So there will be none.

That's what we are.

You know it could be better
if we order pineapple pizza.


Pineapple pizza is my favorite.

Do you like pineapple
on pizza, Jay Daughter?

Okay. Let me call Papa Jesus then.

Are you sure you want to touch the subject?

It is a delicate matter.

We don't want Miranda to get mad.

I don't know,

maybe when she comes back,

I will ask her.

Okay. Ordered.

One large with double pineapple.

I wanted to ask you something.

Okay. Shoot.

Actually, Jay Daughter wanted to know...

What? It is your idea.


Jay Daughter talks?

I thought she is mute.

She is.

She uses Morse alphabet to communicate.

I am sorry, Alphabet what?

Morse. Alphabet.

You see, she blinks to me
and I read what she says.

Fucking amazing. Can I try?

She said there is no such word.

I blinked like a hundred times,
it must mean something.

What did you say?

I asked her why her name is Jay Daughter.

I still don't get it.

Her father was a Jason,
so her name is Jay daughter.

I thought you would know by now.


I did not know that.

I know now.

You actually need to learn this language.
Just like any other language.


Fuck it, then.
What did she want to know?

She wanted to know why your brother…

why your brother didn't kill Laurient.

For so many years she seemed to be
unbeatable, untouchable, unbreakable.


I knew this question would
pop out sooner than later.

Don't answer if you don't want to.

I told you she gets upset.

No, I am good.

You are my best friends
and you deserve to know.

So today Lorry, played by actress
Miss Curtis has an appointment down town.

She will be seeing her agent.

Oh, she is play in the new movie.

No it is her advertising agent.

The new yogurt will hit the market soon
and they wanted her to advertise it on TV.

You know, like a new commercial.

New yogurt, huh?

Yup and my brother is
planning to kill Lorry there.

I mean Miss Curtis along
with some members of the agency.

Maybe today is the
day he will finally kill her.

What if he misses?

Then she goes to the beach.

He will follow her there.

What if he misses her on the beach?

Then she goes to the car dealer
and he will follow her each day.

And I know each day is a failure,

but he is strong.

He never gives up.

Once he starts something, he finishes it.

That's just who he is.

Jay Daughter says that
maybe he will fall in love with her.



He would tell me about it.

That's impossible.

I know this photo.

It's old.

And this is when it started, long time ago.

I don't believe it.

It is just photoshopped.


I saw more online.

They make sweaters together.

He brought five sweaters last weeks.

I thought these were victims clothing.

Wow, this is a shocker.

I am going to have to
talk to Michael about this.


Right on time.

Feeding time.

Girls help me out.



It will take some time.

She will eat eventually.

You girls want to read some
other stories in the meantime?

Death. Holy death.


You got this.

This is meant to be.

Pam, you have ten
minutes till we are rolling.


Are you calling me Jess?

I wish I was fucking joking.
I also wish you were not an hour late.

What are you talking about?
Call time is at 3.

No, it was at 2.

Auditions are always just
so nerve wrecking for me. I am sorry.

I told you not to kiss me
in front of people that know me.

Sorry. I forgot.

Be quiet.

Jessie, you painted sixteen lollipops this morning,
we need to double that before we wrap today. Alright.

Fucking, Jesus Christ.

Great feat cell sir. Three ice cubes. Go.

But when exactly should I do something.

I don't care.

Do it during your lunch break, okay?

Honestly, nobody should be eating or shitting,
till the network picks this up. Alright.


fix the fucking lighting.

How many times have I told you
that it is an intel stop fucking…

If I have to paint one more fucking lollipop,
I will burn this place to the ground.

I know. I know. I know.
You are a really hard worker, Okay?

Just know that I wouldn't have made it this
far if it hadn't been my second in the lane.

That's bullshit Kim.
You know you don't need me.

You know you wouldn't have made it
this far, unless the costume director…

I said, don't kiss me in
front of people that know me.

Sorry. I thought we were having a moment.


Wait right here, and do not move.

Jason Carrigan's screen testing right now.
It's between you and him.

Jason Carrigan?

The internet's boyfriend Justin Carrigan.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, just cause he has like a million
followers doesn't mean he is a good actor.

Try to loosen up a little bit.

It is a kid's show.

Death. Holy Death.

Oh shucks.

I sure am sad.

It is okay to be sad some times.

But it is always better
to be with a friend.

And. In. In. Stop. Stop.
That's a fucking money maker right there.

I sure wish I could find
my way out of this candy palace.

Oh, I know.

I will just sing the song
the villager taught me…

Beautiful. Beautiful.
You look so fucking good.

Dungo. Dungo.

Come save the day.

Dungo. Dungo.

Your help's the only way.

Dungo. Dungo.

Come save the day.

Dungo. Dungo.
Your help's the only way.


Holy gum drops, it worked.

Can you use your magic
to get us out of this place?

The villagers said you are
the most magical creature in all the world

and I would love to fly away with you,

I am kind of scared here and lonely
and I don't like it one bit.

Can we have friendship forever,

and bonding, and go fishing,
and do things that fathers and sons do?

I will be your little tiny monster.
Haha. Can we hug?


Awww... you are so warm.



Oh, sorry.

I said in your own time, not never. Okay?

Camera speed.

Oh jee, I sure am sad…

Louder please.

Still speeding.

Jee, I sure am sad. It's
okay to be sad.. okay…

Can we try with a little
more charisma, please?

Remember, you have been caught in this candy forest
for days and your tummy is full of gum drops.

You..you want to go home.

Still speeding.

What are you doing?

Oh Jee, I sure am sad.

It's okay to be sad some times,

but it is better to have a friend.

I wish I had a friend.



I wish I had a friend
who could help me out of the candy forest.

Oh, I will sing the song
the villagers taught me.

The Gill is just going to fucking hate it.


Dungo. Dungo. Come save the day.

Dungo. Dungo.
Your help is the only way…



Sorry. I was...
it was at home and it was good.

Your helps the only way.

I can do it again if you want or…

let me just. I will give it another...

everyone is so quiet.

Dungo, it worked.

It worked.

Dungo, can you use your magic to help me?

Now big hug for Dungo buddy. Big hug.

Big hug for Dungo.

Hmmm. You are blowing up.

Huh? Oh. Sorry. It's just spam. You know.

I feel you girl. Agents and stuff. Like.


Hey, errr…

it's a little awkward because
we are wearing the same outfit.

We match. Hmmm… haha...

Uh-huh… this is just the
costume for the production.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. I was making a joke.

Oh, a joke.

Oh... haha...

Oh. That's good.

I am Kim,

by the way. That's my name.

Yeah, Jason.

Well I recognize you.

You were in crime scene Anna High.

Yeah. Yeah. I was.

Oh my God, I feel like this is so weird. I
should be star struck. You are Jason Carrigan.

You were the pervert lady.

Yeah. Yeah. I was.
I was the crazy pervert lady.

Yo. I loved it.

You killed your fiancé and you just
start rubbing your shit everywhere.

All over his body, and stuff. Oh my God.
Did they use real poop in that show?

I am actually.
I think I might be your neighbor.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, I live on Gilbert Avenue.

Yeah, you are on the century Condos.

No, I am actually at Shermen's.

Across the street.

It was like a motel, now it is like, sort
of like condos and sort mostly. Motel still.

Oh, I still approve. I like that.

I am just trying to think of a good caption
for this picture I took with Dungo earlier.

Oh, you got a pic with Dungo.

You didn't?

Oh, no. I am not online,
so I wouldn't have anywhere to post it.


Advice from one artist to another.

All they care about is fucking likes,
followers and shit.

Got to play the game, but it sucks.

Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to say anything
but it is total bullshit.

What the fuck?

Did you just call my job, bullshit?

Oh my God, no.
I am sorry, that was not…I am…

I am just playing with you.

It was a joke, like you did earlier.


Oh, that's funny.

Listen though, I feel you.

I mean on the upside,

I have a platform that raise money for
the kids' charity I started though.

So that's tight.

Oh. Wow, that's amazing.

Kids are pretty much
my target demo right now.

I thought you just did a
collab with Calvin Klein.

Kelvins for kids.

Dude, it is so sick.

So sick.


Yeah. Cool.

I mean by 2025, we want Calvins
on every homeless kid of America.

You know.
Your pants have a home with us.


Yeah, that actually might… that sounds
good, and it would work out for sure.

But, you know, it is shitty that you had
to do all those productions with Dungo.

You know.

I am not…what do you mean?

Oh, just that like,
Dungo is like extremely ugly

and it looks like a fucking like sesame
street like kitchen sink monster.



I don't know. It might as well be my dad.


They want to see you in hair and
makeup again before the dance sequence.

Oh hey. Thanks Jess.

Hey, by the way,

hope this is not like awkward, we are
going out for the same role and everything.

You know. Take it easy.

You know I am a good dancer,

and I botched that first part,
but I am going to kill it in this.

I am going to focus, it is going to be really
good and I promise I won't disappoint you…

Kim, I am sorry. I am really sorry.
This is just as far as I can take you.

Jess, can you fit Jason
into his dance unit, please.

Yes, of course.

Weren't you the pervert lady,
from crime scene Anna High,

who like to smeer shit
over her dead fiancé,

and all over the walls and
threw it at the cops and all that.


And now you are auditioning
for a childrens program?

Yes, sir.

Can we get the casting director…


It was Dungo.
If the design is tweaked a little bit, I…

Kim, it is not Don Go.

I just can't keep doing this.

I can't keep getting you jobs on productions
and.. and…just have you tank them.

Like, is this what you really want?

Okay, it was Don Go.

And he's so fucked up looking,
I couldn't concentrate. It is not my fault.

It is not Don Go.

Okay, why doesn't nobody
else realize that this monster looks crazy.

Like, I feel like I am going crazy.

Okay. You need to leave,
you are embarrassing me.



Please, no. You know I can do this.
You know I need this.

I need this, please. Please. Please.



What do you mean they can count
with negative.

No mom, listen, I just got back
from very promising audition and…

What if you just came back home?

No, I am not gonna come home.
I just need a couple more months.

I have gone on TV, didn't I.

Jesus Fucking Christ!

No, it is acting. I didn't really eat poop.

What do you mean, dad's embarrassed?

Does he know that Crime Scene Anna High
right in passage with Hollywood?

Okay, I will talk to you tomorrow mom.

I will talk to you tomorrow.

Oh Jee, I sure am sad.

But it is okay to be sad some times.

Boys and girls.


sure helps to have a friend some time.


I wish I could find my way
out of the candy palace.

Oh, I know I will sing the
song the villagers taught me.

Dungo. Dungo. Dungo.
Come save the day.

Dungo. Dungo.
Your help is the only way.

Fucking trash.



I can hear someone. You better watch out.

If you are in here. I will…I will get you.

Who the fuck are you?

Okay. I don't know what is going on.

I know you think this is funny.
But, I..I have had a really shitty day.

And you just have to take
the Dungo costume and go.

This. This isn't costume.

Jesus Christ.

Did I hit you hard?

Jesus Christ. Okay let me.

Let me take that thing off your head.
And let's see what is going on.

How did you.. okay, I am going to Yank it.

What the fuck?

Is this…

Wake up. This isn't real.
You are high. This isn't real.

I am real Dungo. What the fuck?

What is happening?

You called me ugly.


You said I am kitchen
sink sesame street monster.

Maybe you monster.

Okay. Okay, maybe I am. Can you go?

Jason is strong.

He not monster.

Jessie likes Jason more.

Okay, he has like a million followers and also it
is LA, you don't get everything you audition for.

Jason does.

You are the one who fucked it up for me.

I did good job.

You f-word it up.

You f-word everything up.

Well fine, I will move back to
Gary Indiana with mommy and daddy.

Is that what you want Dungo?
Does that make you happy?

I just..I…

I want an act.

I thought maybe I could get a part
as a sassy best friend, in a rom-com.

Or a guest appearance on a real show.
But, maybe I am just not meant for this.

What does Dungo do?


What does Dungo do?

I don't know Dungo. What do you do?

You sing Dungo song.

Dungo saves the day.

Dungo is the only way.

Dungo is here to save you.
I am the only way.

Okay, I don't know what you are talking about.
This is crazy. I am just going to go home.

They win if you go back to India.

It is Indiana. Plus,
what are you going to do anyways?

Call Jason Carrigan and
beg him to give me the job.

Jason goes away.

It is not Jason, it is me.
I don't have what people want.

I wasn't meant for this.

You were meant for this.


You were meant for this.

Dungo's palace.


I was meant for this.

You were meant for this.

I was meant for this.

You were meant for this.

I was meant for this. Come on.

You were meant for this. Come on.
I was meant for this.

You were meant for this.
I was meant for this.

I was meant for this.

I was meant for this.

I was meant for this.

I was meant for this.

What the fuck Cam?

You should have called
if you were gonna show up like this

I got rid of my phone.

We need to have this
conversation but not here

Jesse I was meant for this

Dude what are you talking about
Richie's probably shutting down production


Jason couldn't show up for the
dance sequence he's like in the hospital

I know

Wait. Wait. Why did you say I know?

I didn't say anything
Oh god Cam tell me you didn't do anything

I didn't do anything

I don't think I'll go back to the village now
because of Dungo this candy palace is my new home.

Dungo is my best friend and you know that when
you have a best friend you always want to dance.

Ah hey um Cam

Can you do that a couple more times for us?


Yeah I can


That's what I have right now

Yes I like it

Jay Daughter?

Huh that's weird she ate like crazy for
the past 30 days and now she stopped

Just like that

Maybe she's a vegan.

Don't you think I would have known
that by now something is wrong.

Are you a vegan?

Maybe she just became one.

You know some people stop
eating meat in a flash of a second

they eat meat their whole life and
then they're vegan just like that

Did you just become a vegan just like that?

Jay daughter thinks
our guest might be ready.

Ready for what?

To show her skills.

Read it

Have a nice day Michael happy killing.

What the Fuck is this she sounds like me

Hello she can do all of our voices

Hello Miranda.

I want to play a game.

No fucking way.

Yes fucking way.

Can she do yours?


Well this is my other mask
my original mask is at the cleaners.

This is insane so she
can do Jay Daughter's too.

Oh I forgot she can't.

But she can blink the same way as J
Daughter. She knows morse alphabet.

Unbelievable she has a freaking talent.

We have the real deal here.

Okay but why is she here?

What's the point?

You see your brother Michael
already read the script for this film.

What film?

Never mind.

The important thing is that Michael already knows
that we know that he fell in love with Laury

and now he is on the
way back here to kill us all.

This person here will survive.

Only her.

She will later go to a film post-production
studio to record all her voices for this film.


Yeah that's true I read the script
I survive and the rest of you don't.

Shut the fuck up.


Nobody asked you about anything.

What is going on here?

The director of this movie…

What fucking movie?
Franny is this some kind of prank?

No prank Miranda.

Your next story is written by itself.

Don't worry you're not
going to see the end anyway.

The director just changed the title from
“Halloween Ends” to “Halloween Friends”.

I thought you were my best friend.

I'm still your best friend.

Stop it Franny. It's not funny.

Stop what Miranda?

You know I have never ever pranked on you
and this is just fucking with me.

Okay. It's not a prank.

Okay so it's not a prank is
there anything we can do?

No I read the whole screenplay
and whatever we do is just pointless.


we'll just have to wait for
Michael to come home? Huh?

Yes do you have another story to read?

Of course I have tons of them.

Can I read?

Sure. Come closer.

Are we recording?

Yes you can start by introducing yourself.


It's me Dracula.

I'm just playing it's the Dracula.
Nosferatu. Prince of darkness.

Pokel for the family back home in Romania.


T-town baby.

So we all decided to move from Transylvania
to a nice community in Florida.

If you've never been to Florida in the summer,
it feels like the nether regions of hell.

You would know, right?

I'm sorry what was that?

Uh I said, you would know
what the nether regions of hell feels like.

I'm Dracula.

Not Satan.


Are you guys trying to blend
into your new surroundings?

Yes. Yes we are.

For example I just recently
joined the book club.

Okay everybody this week's book
was Twilight by Stephanie Meyer.




Amy would you like to begin?

Found it to be a great
modern twist on a classic story.

Thank you Amy.


I don't know.

I kind of thought it was,
you know, very romantic.


Yeah. A little erotic.


A 465 year old man falling
over the high schooler?

You don't find that a little creepy?

Okay am I right?

Mr. Dracula everyone is entitled
to their own opinion.

There's opinion and
then I mean it's not erotic.

It's creepy Stephanie

Mr. Dracula I have to ask you to leave.







I know I'm not wanted.

Good day.

Dracula is a lot of things
but a pedophile he is not.

I'm doing pretty well than
I was doing in Transylvania.

I have started modeling.

I don't get it.

What? The modeling?


Isn't Dracula supposed to be the sexy one?

You've seen Braum
stoker's uh Dracula, right?

Look at this.

One big ball of hair.

It's like the 70s all over again.

All right wolfie give me
some more teeth now.

Come on let's get in there.
Very good. Alright, show me some chest.

Alright bring it out bring it out.
There you go.

Come on. Let's go.

You're looking great.
Wolfie you're looking great.

I don't know if you heard
but I got a DUI recently.

What happened?

I didn't know what a blood mobile was.

You know the bus where you donate blood.

Well I smell something cooking one day
and just wandered onto one.

I ended up going on a pretty heavy bender
and tried to drive home.

It wasn't my best moment.

How are the neighbours
reacting to you guys?


Well there was an incident with
the camp girl yesterday.


Hello would you like to buy some cookies?

You can try some.

More. More cookies. More.


They were pretty understanding
about the whole ordeal.

Yo. Wait, what are you doing?

Hey, what?

No. This is makeup.

Okay. Okay.

I sometimes like to you know wear
makeup that's not weird right?

Everybody wears makeup, right?

Alright. Alright.

You guys can come back later just not now.


Do you think the neighbors
are starting to accept you?

Yeah I think the neighbors
are starting to come around.


Give me a second I think
somebody's at the door.

I'll be right back.

Hey there.

I'm Chaz president of the
homeowners association.

Are you Dr Acula or is it DR acula?

Yeah that's me. What's up?

Well we've had some complaints.

See your neighbors saw you walking your dog
and he wasn't on a leash.

Wait a dog?

I don't have a dog?

What dog?

Well see one of your neighbors
sent me this picture. Right here.

That dog.

Yeah listen I know it's embarrassing.

My wife dresses our dog up to…

I'll tell you what?

This one it's on the house okay.

Alright you got me I promise I'll have him
on the leash from now on. No problem.

Hey thanks buddy and also if you could
just get this cleaned up that'd be great.

Anything. Right away.

You have a happened to help them alright.
Thanks buddy. See you next time

Hey Wolfie come here boy.
Time to go for a walk.

I mean let's be honest,
the bride of Frankenstein.


But, for a very long time now I've been
trying to figure out what she sees in frank.

I mean. I don't get it. I mean…

I mean what is that?

Like I don't understand like
how is this guy functioning?

This is what she likes?
I don't know.

I don't get it I just don't get it.

Come to bed Frankie

Show not over.

I'll give you something better to look at.

I guess it's just one of those
great mysteries of the world.

Frank have you seen the remote?

What are you watching?

Frank the remote.



We go through this every night with this.

Are you sitting on it again?

What is this a zucchini?

Frank how many times
I have to tell you not to eat upstairs.

We have an infestation of bugs.

I gotta do everything around here.



Why is it stuck?


What the…

What the fuck?


Mystery solved.

So today I'm on set on a talk
show called pay up or shut up.

Some girl Wolfie, used to go out with is trying
to say that he's the father one of her kids.

You believe that?

Do you think he's the father?

Of course not.

I mean, could you imagine?

Look at him.

He's disgusting.

I'm just kidding.

I'm here for you buddy.

And welcome back to another
episode of pay up or shut up.

Our next baby daddy…

well he won't even acknowledge his own son.

Oh I know. I know. I know.

He won't pay child support.

He refuses to pay child support
because he says the baby isn't his.

I know but we are going
to set the record straight.

Ladies and gentlemen please
welcome to the show Mr. Wolfman.

You know that's your baby.

You know that's your baby.
No, not possible.

You need to admit that's your son
and start paying child support.

No. No.

That is not even mine.

I'm over 400 years old.

It's not possible.

Alright. Well, hey, Mr. Wolfman
we've got a little surprise for you.

Let's bring up that
picture of baby Wolfgang.

Bring it.

Oh hell no.

No way.

Doesn't even look anything like me.

What you think?

Dude, that's your baby.

Dude, that's your baby.

That's your baby. That's your baby.

My friend here will tell
you that's not my baby.

Alright. Well let's ask your buddy.

Dracula, what do you think?

Do you think that baby is his?

I'm sorry man that's 100 your kid.

- Oh well there you have it folks.
- There you have it.


I told you that was your baby.

I told you that was your baby.

No. No way. That's your baby.

That's your baby.

The Wolfman hasn't gone to trial
but it's not looking good.

The prosecutor's last name Vanhelsing.

That's a bad sign.

With wolfman being gone
we had to bring in a new roommate.

The mummy decided to come join us.


Hairy bastard.

She just keeps going.

You got to be kidding me. Wolf man.

Hate you.

He's okay.

Not again.

Fucking. No.

You are a lot faster.




What happened to my laptop?


So are we done here?

We're good. Good. Okay.

Oh actually, uh, have
you seen our intern Eric?


Eric our intern he's been carrying
a lot of stuff on the set?

No I can't say that I have.

Hey I haven't seen Eric anywhere.
Have you?

No, dude last time I checked
he was grabbing a quick bite.

Gosh. Wait. What the…
No. No. No. No. Eric. Eric.

Ouch Ouch. It hurts.

Oh…uh-umm... oh.


I will not surrender like this.

My brother will not kill us.

We will fight.

Each story can be changed.

You can add scenes.

You can delete scenes.

Nothing is permanent.

This story can have more
additions and versions.

Who said this is the last version?

I got it from the director
he asked me to learn my lines.

Screw that.

All my life I've wanted to avenge Judith.


Judith, my older sister.

Michael killed her and she
was a role model for me.

I kept it in my heart for too long.

None of my friends are going to die today.

We'll kill Michael.

I'm not sure.

I'm getting tired.

I'm paying for 10 hours to be here so.

I still don't know
what you're talking about nor do I care.

My brother is a monster and
we need to end this today.

Jay daughter are you with me?



Person in the chair with no name.

Well my name's Kristen Lunberg
and I'm a commercial actress.

I've been in a few commercials here
and also stand up comedian,

voice over actress and film festivals.

Listen nobody cares.

Are you with me?

Is there more chicken?


Okay I'm in.

By the way, why did I have her
here for 30 days in my garage?

Wouldn't it be easier to just pay
the lady for her voiceover service?

She wanted a hundred dollars for her
voiceover service and I'm unemployed.

Freddie didn't film anything new.
We don't have the money.

You could just ask me.

You're my friend.

I would never ever, ever ask you for money.

Yeah. That's true.

Now are you with us or not?

It's a long day,

but yeah I'll stay with
you for an hour or two.

That's the spirit.

Can I have something too?

You could but you might kill me for
keeping you here for so many days.

Are you kidding me?

You guys fed me well and
this is actually a pretty good gig.

Other directors just pay after the shoot
or it's copy, credit, meal.

Besides I really like this place and
I already got money for the gig so.

Oh see…

There's my direct deposit now.

Okay. Good. Here.

Happy killing Christina.

Oh it's Kristen Lunberg.

Sure. Whatever.
Let's just kill that bastard.

He should be here any minute now.

Traffic is heavy on the 405.

He takes a pulveter or
just walks through the mountains.

Yeah walking through
the mountains is sometimes faster.

Shh... He's coming.

Fuck. I forgot eggs.

What? What just happened
why is he not coming in?

He said, fuck, I forgot eggs.

Wait. What did he say?

He said, fuck, I forgot eggs.

Oh my God these are his first words


He never said anything before.

This is his first.

So cute.

So, we're not killing him?

No, maybe some other time.

I'm going to cry any second now.

Okay so what now?

Maybe we could read another story?

Fine. Why not? I'm paid for
the rest of the day so let's do it!