Halal Love (2015) - full transcript

Four tragicomic interconnected stories about how devoted Muslim men and women are trying to manage their love life and desires without breaking any religious rules.


How are children made?

Raise your hand if you know the answer.

According to God's will.

Obviously according to God's will.
He created laws for everything.

There's an explanation for everything.
So how are children made?

Who knows?

What? What? No answer?

Humans are created from the Alaka.

The Alaka comes out of the man,

is transferred into the woman's body,
and becomes a living being.

I don't understand.
What does "Alaka" mean?

What's the Alaka?

-A hair.
-What kind of answer is that?

-A gift.
-Why bother answering at all?

-It's when people are nice to each other.
-No! No!

You're terrible!

The Alaka is a worm.

A worm, yes, a worm.

A worm that comes out of the man,

and walks, and walks, and walks,

until it enters the woman's body.

And then a baby is formed.

That's the Alaka! That's the worm!


What's wrong?

What's wrong?

-Do you know how children are made?

You don't know?


-You're lucky you're still naïve.
-Tell me!

If I tell you, it'll drive you crazy.

Why would it drive me crazy?
You're scaring me. Tell me how!

There's a worm called "Alaka."

It comes out of the man…
and walks, and walks, and walks,

until it goes inside the woman.
My teacher said so.

You mean Dad has worms?

That's why Mom always tells him
to shower before he goes to bed.

But she doesn't ask us to do that.

That's true. Yuck!

But I've never seen worms in the house.

A long time ago,
when I was little, almost your age,

I used to find a lot and kill them.
But there was one I didn't kill.

Maybe that was you!

Mom and Dad said they wanted a boy.

We must be careful
not to step on our brother and kill him.

What's wrong?

-What's under the table?

Eat quietly.

There they go again!

-Grow up!
-I've had it!

-No, I've had it!
-It's always the same story!

-Every time we go out, we fight after!
-Calm down.

-This can't go on!
-Do you enjoy making a scene?

Last time we went out, it seemed okay.
Then we had a fight, and he divorced me.

Am I lying? Am I lying? Ask Abu Safi.

Please don't involve me in your problems.

You're newlyweds. It's a shame.
Be patient with each other.

It's hard at first, but then…

It gets worse.

-You, go home!
-I don't want to go home!

Later, you'll have kids, homework,

vaccines, in-laws butting in. What then?

Have kids? How? There hasn't
been a single good day in our marriage.

Really? I wonder why!

The other day, we went to a restaurant.
She asked the waiter about every dish.

"How's this made?" She wanted to know
how cheese and yogurt were made!

It wasn't just cheese and yogurt.

She asked about chicken. I thought
maybe she'd never cooked chicken.

She asked about salad.
I thought maybe you'd never made salad.

But cheese?

Mokhtar, we've talked about this before!
Why are you bringing it up again?

-You like flirting with strangers.

You want to prove
you're smart and I'm an idiot.

Stop it, right now!

I'm the idiot for marrying you!
I curse the day we got married!

Now you wear furs. You used to wear rags.

You don't like it? Divorce me!

-Calm down.
-Don't do this now.

-Mokhtar, calm down.
-Don't listen to her.

I divorce you!

Oh, no! What a pity! Oh, no!

Come with me, Abu Safi.

-Go with Dad.
-This is out of control.

What a scandal! What a scandal!

-Go home. Go home.
-It's always the same!

Go home now.

-It's always the same!
-Listen to me, listen to me.

You should cry at home,
not in front of everyone.

Unbelievable. They're newlyweds
and they've already had a million fights.

Must be because their sex life is lousy.

It's always about sex with you.

It's the basis of the relationship
between man and wife.

When they have their first child,
it'll get better.

Remember how we used to fight?
Just like them.

Come on, honey.
We never fought that badly.

We've always had that sweet connection.
A bit of nooky fixes everything.

Plus, I've never made
a big deal out of things.

-I always agree with you.
-Because I'm always right.

No, because I don't want
to make you angry at night

and give you an excuse
to not give me my nooky.


Let's say…

we skip nooky for one night.

That doesn't automatically mean
we're fighting.

See? You're trying to start a fight,
but I won't let you.

But seriously.

-We don't have to do it every night.
-Of course not.



All it means is, sometimes,
I'm exhausted and want to sleep.

Like today, for example.
I got up at the crack of dawn,

boiled the chicken and rice,

fried the onions and pine nuts.

I did all the laundry.
Then I hung it out to dry.

I mopped the balconies,
mopped the bathrooms,

cleaned the whole house,
and even did some pickling.

Great job, darling.
How are you feeling tonight?

I'm done and just want to sleep.

All right. See? I respect your feelings.

What are you doing?

-Going to sleep.
-You want to sleep?


-No, you have to sing first.
-Oh, God.

Sing for me first.

Salim, let me sleep. Please!

I'm not asking for sex.
If you want to sleep, that's fine.

Just sing a little for me.
You don't have to move.

O my, O my!

O my, O my!

O my love!

O my love!

O my tormented heart!

I'm dying!

I'm dying for my love!

-I am dying…
-I am dying…

O my tormented heart!

-And my love!
-And my love!

-And my love
-And my love

Oblivious to me…

-For my love…
-For my love…

Salim, the kids!

Maybe the worm will get lost
and come to us instead of Mom.

Hiba. Hiba.

Wake up, it's time for school.

Nasma, get up! Get up!

Get up! Come on!

-My bag came off in the night.
-Did the worm get inside you?

I don't know. I was asleep.

-Do you feel anything?
-I feel dizzy, a bit sick.

What's the matter?

-I feel dizzy.

-Does it hurt here?

Yesterday your sister and now you!
Back to bed!

God help me!
I wondered where these garbage bags were.

Stay in bed and don't move today.

When your sister isn't sick, you are!

Garbage bags in their bedroom?

To top it all off, there's garbage bags
in their bedroom!

Are you pregnant?

Come on, Nasma!

Let me see your uniform.

-Good morning.
-Good morning.

-You're smiling. You seem happy.
-Yes, I am happy.

-Have you two made up?
-He loses his temper.

But he has a good heart.

You should sort out your problems at home
and not in front of the entire building.

-What can I do? He's a bit too jealous.
-A bit?

You've got divorced twice.
One more divorce and you can't remarry.

But we got back together.
We can't live without each other.

I love him to bits. What a night!

-You're still here?
-My sandwich?

Okay, here. Take it.

Use the stairs. Quick now!

I'll tell you everything!

Hiba's sick. I have to go to the pharmacy
and then I'll come round.

-Don't take too long!
-Brew the coffee.

-What a night!
-Brew the coffee!

Miss! Miss! You dropped your bracelet!

-I didn't notice.
-It's a beautiful bracelet.

It was a gift from my brother
in Australia. I'd be sad to lose it.

-Thank you, dear. You're very sweet.
-Thank you.

This isn't the first time it's come off.
I need to get it fixed.

There won't always be a nice girl
like you to bring it back.

Where are you heading, my dear?

To school! I'm late. Bye.


Amazing clementines!
You can smell them all along the street.

-Well, hello.
-How are you, Abu Ahmed?

Better, now that you're here!

The fruit came in fresh today.
I'll pack some fresh apples for you.

I'll give you a kilo of my pineapples.
You'll love them.

Your divorce papers?

Congratulations! Finally!

Thank God!

We have to celebrate. Take the day off.

-I can't. I've got too much to do.
-That's so pretty!

-The bracelet?
-I meant your hand.

You want it?

I asked for it years ago.
Your parents said no.

I was young then. I didn't have a say.

But I'm an adult now.

-Can I ask for your hand now?
-Here? Surrounded by fruit and veg?

Would you prefer courgettes and lemons?

Or bananas and cucumbers?

What's wrong? Why aren't you eating?

-Maybe she's sick.
-I am sick.

I said maybe. Maybe.

Just eat and keep quiet!

Why are you angry?

Angry? Who's angry?

-No, you're not angry at all.
-No, I'm not!

That's it! That's it!

Did you see that?

Don't tell me to be calm!
Who's going to clean up this mess?

Go to your room! You, too! Go!

Just before 4 p.m.,
Abou Afif gave me five files

and asked me
to do an account statement by tomorrow.

Is that reasonable?

Of course not.

He asked me to take five files home

and have them done by tomorrow.

And I said…


You scared me! I wondered where you were!

-I was talking to myself like an idiot.
-I'm totally exhausted.

-I want you to sing for me…
-Not tonight.

I'm dead tired!

O my, O my!

O my, O my!

My love!

I'm tired and my back hurts. Stop it!

-How about a massage?
-I said no!

I don't want a massage!

Wait a second. Calm down.

How about…

How about us getting another woman?

What do you mean?

Well, that you take a second wife.

Take a second wife?

That's not a bad idea!

I'm serious! What do you think?

-About what?
-Do you want a second wife?

-What for?
-What for?

So that…

She can help out when I'm tired.

Is that necessary?

Yes, very necessary! Because…

-I can't carry this burden anymore.
-Shall I get you a porter?

-Hang on!

-Okay. Just for emergencies.

I want to sleep.

Stop it, I want to sleep! Stop it, Salim!

Salim, stop it! Cut it out!

Stop it, Salim!

Turn to the left.
That look really suits you!

Nice haircut. Keep it like that.

Any news about the visa?

Thanks for the compliment, dear sister.

It's all good.
They just need the extra documents.

Send them as soon as possible,
so they can issue your visa.

Maybe we shouldn't be in such a rush.

Look who's talking!

I've dreamt of being with him for ages.

I just want to give this relationship
a real chance.

My dear…



You're still dreaming
about that greengrocer?

At least we'll get free fruit and veg.
You've changed your mind about coming?

No. I haven't changed my mind.

It's your life and your decision.

But if you get the visa,
you should use it.

I'm not used to seeing
all my dreams come true at once.

You have to decide
what your priorities are.

Easier said than done.

Don't throw away your chance
to get a visa.

Be patient with me. I'm a bit confused.

I'm not used to all my wishes coming true
and having to choose between them.

-I need some time.
-I'll always be there for you, sis.

You're a sweetheart. So will I.

I'll prepare all the documents
after work tomorrow

and send them to you.

-Is that mirror over there new?
-Which mirror?

No, I've always had that.
Nothing's changed here since the divorce.

I'm saving my money
for when I come to Australia.

Yes, come!
We can start a project together!

A clothes shop. I've been planning it.

We'll work something out.
Just come! I have to go.

Take care.

You too.
Take care and keep that look. I like it.

See you soon.

I won't open my own shop at first.
I'll find shops that will buy my clothes.

They'll be lucky to have your stuff!

Tell them each item is a one-off.

When you've sold everything,
I'll send you the next batch.

Then we'll open our shop.

Two shops!
One in Sydney, one in Melbourne.

Nicole Kidman is there.

Convince her to become your client.

I'll miss you.

I've waited so long for this moment.

But now, I'm not so excited about it.

Something more important on your mind?

A man?

You Muslims are so lucky!
You get another chance.

For you, it's like,

"Your phone line's dead, try another one."

For us Christians, "Your line's dead,

you're stuck with it
till you're dead too."

A woman in my community has to live

with a decision she made
when she was reckless and headstrong,

and spend the rest of her life
realizing what an idiot she's been.

Great. Switch the generator on, dear.

-How are you, dear?

-Tell your mom it's Awatef.
-She's here! She's here!

-Unfortunately, the electricity's off.
-Where's the bride?

You're very funny!

Come closer, dear. Sit next to me.

She's the eldest.
She didn't marry like her sisters did.

Her late father loved her so much
and didn't want her to.

He named her Bardot
because she looks like Bargir Bordot.


What do you mean?
You don't know who Bardot is?

-She's a really pretty Russian actress.
-Really pretty.

He wanted to name his daughter after her.

He put pictures of her on the wall,
so the baby would look like her.

When she was born,

she was the spitting image of Bardot.

But the registrar
didn't let us name her Bardot.

He said people would have dirty thoughts
whenever they called her name.

So we called her Mahroussa, "Protected."

We thought it would ward off the evil eye.

But we kept calling her Bardot.

God bless her! God bless her!
Her silicone lips are natural!

You'll like Salim, our husband.
He's generous and respectable.

He has a house and land in the mountains,

a shop, and we own our house in Beirut.

And pardon my French,
but his thing is this big!


Whoever invented that word,
hasn't seen Salim.

-We call things like that "nunu."
-As you wish. "Nunu."

It's strange for a woman to be looking
for a bride for her husband.

"If you want to marry off your daughter,
just ask the one who tried him first."

Never heard that proverb.

It's inspired by my own experience.

I'm not his mom or sister.
I know every side of him.

I'm talking from experience.
I know him when he's… and when he's…

"Nunu," I said, "nunu."

He's active, energetic, and supportive.

At night, he's better at "nunu"
than any other man.

Then why are you looking
for a bride for him?

I can't take it anymore.
"Nunu," every night!

I need a hand with the "nunu."

-Are you mad? You should be ashamed!
-But you agreed.

-I thought it was a joke.

What woman tells her husband
that she's looking for a second wife?


You're allowed four wives.
We'll only get one.

"We"? You've definitely lost it.
I'm married. I don't want a second wife.

I'm tired of working all hours.
Your daughters are driving me mad.

My daughters are angels!

All kids are angels when they're asleep.

You only see them then.

-Please take a second wife to help me!
-Awatef, shut up!

Don't make me angry!

She'd be my friend and companion.
She'd help me with the housework.

At night, you could alternate between us.

"If you can't treat your wives equally,
take only one."

Treat us unequally then.

You'll like her more at first
because she's new.

God help me! Awatef, you're my queen!

Exactly! Here, take this!

I'm your queen
and I'm telling you what to do.

I've found you the prettiest woman.

She's classy, but her father
wouldn't let her get married.

He drove away all her suitors.

-What changed his mind?
-He's dead. Good riddance.

She's the spitting image of Bardot,
so everyone calls her Bordot.


You don't know who Bordot is?

She's the pretty Russian actress,
famed for her beauty.

-Now, I'm going to marry Bordot?
-Yes, just imagine!

Together, we'll make you happy.

When you get bored with her,
you'll come to me.

-I'll come to you?

Cut it out! I'm married
and I don't want a second wife!

I want a wife!

The type of marriage we have is the best.
It's all about pleasure.

Thank you for the nice meal.

Did you like it?

-Thank you, my lovely.
-You really liked it?

-I want to cook just the way you like it.
-The food was really delicious.

-But could you make it less salty?
-You don't like salt in your food?

It's better without.
You can add salt later.

Anything else?

Use less oil.

The food was too oily.

Then say, "Your cooking is too salty
and oily, and I don't like it."

I like everything you do.

That's why I want to make you food
just the way you like it.

I want you to really enjoy eating.

As the proverb says…

"The way to a man's heart
is through his stomach."

Why do you need my stomach
when you already have my heart?

Tomorrow, after work,
I'm dropping by Um Hashem's,

but I'll be home later
if you want to come round and see me.

Sure. I'll text you before I come.

We're together at last, against all odds.

Remember when we used to pass each other
and didn't dare say a word?

You didn't dare. I always smiled at you.

I could stay like this until the morning.
This is so nice.

-I'm not bothering you, am I?
-No, not at all.

Batoul, I'm home.


You're home earlier than usual today.

-How was your day?

-Do I smell of onions?

-I'm making spaghetti.

-You like spaghetti.
-What's the sauce today?

-Tomato sauce is tasty.

It's different from yesterday's.

-What's up?

-No. I can wait.

We'll wait a bit.
Why don't you get changed?

-In a minute…
-What is it? What's wrong?

-We can't pay the mortgage on time.
-Why not?

-Know what?

-We should have got a smaller place.
-Smaller than this? Why?

Do you think this place is just for us?
It's for the whole family.

-Your parents are moving in with us?
-No! Don't be silly.

This is our family home
for the kids we're going to have.

-We're going to have kids?
-Of course!

-How many?
-That depends on God's will.


-God wants us to have three?
-I do.

-You want three kids, not God.
-We'll see how it goes.

So you and God agree, and I have no say?

No! You're the one
who's going to make it happen.

You're my husband, my life,
the father of my children.

-You're the most important woman to me.

After my mom.

Who else?

And my sister Fawziya.

-Don't start!
-And Salam.

-And Afaf, Wiam, Nidal, and Hiba.
-Don't tickle me!

-And Rasha.
-And our neighbor Elham?

-Morning, Madame Batoul! Nice to see you.
-Good morning!

-Here to pay the mortgage?
-We're here about the insurance.

And to ask if we can delay
the mortgage payment.

-My husband.

Hello, Mr. Walid.
I'm usually very busy during the day.

That's why my wife
takes care of the payments.

And she's doing an excellent job. Really.

-How late will the payment be?
-Two months.

That's too long.

You shouldn't default.
Can't you pay any sooner?

You know our situation, Mr. Walid.

We're loyal customers. You can help us.

Usually the bank
is very firm about payments.

I'll give you the insurance papers
for you to sign.

Then we'll see
what we can do about the delay.

Anything to help you, madame.

You'll miss two payments?

Address your questions to me.

We'll delay the payment for two months.
Here's the file number.

Don't bother, sir, I know it by heart.

I can't stand it anymore.
It's always the same!

-Why does he know it?
-I don't know!

-No? You know why he knows the number?
-You tell me!

Because you were smiling at him,
like this!

-He was talking to me. I shouldn't smile?
-No! You're a married woman!

Men can interpret smiles the wrong way.

-That guy's a jerk!
-You're insane! He helped us!

He delayed our payment! How is he a jerk?

-Why are you defending him?
-I'm not.

-What's going on between you two?
-What do you mean?

-You tell me!
-Don't start! There's nothing between us!

I go to the bank, pay, and come back.
What could possibly happen?

You're supposed to help me,
not have affairs with bank clerks!

-I'm having affairs with bank clerks?

-Me? How dare you?

-You're a slut.
-That's it!

I'll never set foot in that bank again.
You can do it!

No need! If he knows your file number,
he knows your phone number!

-Where's your phone?

Where's your phone?

-Don't touch me!
-Where's your phone?

-Let go of the bag!
-What's got into you?

-Here's your phone!
-Calm down! Stop it!

-Happy now?

It's broken.

-Call him now!
-Stop yelling!

Get his number from your phone.
Or do you know it by heart?

-Listen to me!

If you call him, I'll kill you!

My brother told me not to marry you!

-Fuck you both!
-Don't insult him!

-Fuck your parents!
-You don't like them?

No, you slut!

I'm a slut? Divorce me then!

Why the hell did I marry you?

I'd divorce you in a second.
I don't give a damn!

Get out! I will divorce you! Get out!

-Mokhtar, wait! Calm down!
-Get out!

Mokhtar, stop embarrassing us!
Stop embarrassing us!

Mokhtar! Mokhtar, calm down!

Mokhtar, calm down! How humiliating!

Dirty whore!

She's a bitch!

-You're insane! You're insane!
-Get out of my sight! Get out!

You're newlyweds!
Why are you doing this to each other?

-What's going on, Mokhtar?
-Calm down! Calm down!

Just get out of here! She's a bitch!

What's wrong, Mokhtar? What happened?

You bitch!

I don't want to be with you anymore!
Do you understand?

I don't give a damn! You slut! You whore!

-Calm down. Calm down.
-Go back to your fucking brother!

I wish I hadn't shared so much with you.

Life with you is unbearable!
I'll show you!

I don't want to live with you anymore!
Do you understand?

I will divorce you! I will divorce you!

-Let me talk to my wife!
-Let him talk to her. Go on then.

I divorce you!

Oh, no! What a pity. How tragic!

Come on, Abu Safi!
Let's get the divorce papers ready!

What a mess.

We have to go on dates like this
every once in a while.

But we can't be seen together in public.

I'm the one who should be scared,
not you.

I'm married with children.
You're a divorced woman.

I mean, you're freer than I am.

Anyway, we're far away from home.
No one we know will come here. Trust me.


My assistant
is looking after the shops today.

I need time off for myself.

And for your new marriage too.

This is how every marriage should be,
for pleasure.

-If only!
-The minute I'm home,

she starts nagging about everything.

When we got married, she was slim.

One day, I noticed she'd got fat.
When did that happen?

My ex-husband was very jealous.
He used to spy on me.

When I wanted to visit my brother,
he went mad!

He took away my passport
and locked me in the flat.

He said I had an insatiable sex drive.

-He's right about that.
-Look who's talking!

I'm not that wild with her.

Sure. You need a woman
who can keep up with your fantasies.

With her, I always do the same things.

With you, I dare to do things
I'd never do with her.

She's the housewife, the mother.
We used to talk about love and sex.

Now, we talk about zucchini,
minced meat, and clogged pipes.

I need a woman
I can talk about love and sex with again.

Knock, here I come.

-Is it okay if I go to the toilet?
-Of course!

Loubna, what are you doing here?

You're here alone, aren't you?

-Yes, I'm alone.
-So come and sit with us.

No, you're with your family. But thanks.

I'm meeting a girlfriend.

I see. But you're a divorcee.

You should learn how and when to go out.

-How's your mom doing after the surgery?

-Have you moved back in with her?

-You're still living alone?

You're joking?

Just for a while. I'm moving
to Australia to join my brother.

-Do you have your visa?
-No, but any day now.


All right, dear, I'll leave you be.

-If you want to join us, we're over there.
-Thank you.

But reconsider moving in with your mom
until you leave.

It's inappropriate for you to live alone.
People talk.

-You've gotten prettier, dear.
-Thank you, dear. Goodbye.

Those people know me.

-Who are they?
-Her mom knows mine.

And you wanted to go out!
What if someone tells my wife?

That's all you care about?
What about me?

You're divorced.
You have a bad reputation anyway.

I have a family!

-You'd sell me out this easily?
-No, I'd never do that!

Let's just sort this out.
Why didn't you warn me?

I signaled to you to stay away,
but you didn't get it.

I thought you had something in your eye!

What now? I'm scared. What should we do?

I'll pay and wait in the car.
Finish up with them and follow me.

-It's her fault, jerk!
-You're the jerk!

-She's always making me jealous!
-So you get jealous and divorce her!

-Batoul! Batoul!
-Come back here!

-You can't go in there.

-I want my wife!
-You don't have a wife here!

Get out or I'll hit you!
Why do you want to see her?

-I want to see my wife!
-Go or I'll smash your face in!

What's the problem?

-I want to see Batoul.

-I'm not some stranger. It's me!
-A stranger could see her, but not you!

I beg you, mother-in-law!

It's okay, Mustafa.
You can see her. Just a moment.

-Would you leave us alone for a moment?
-Come on. Leave them alone.

Batoul, I love you.

I beg you not to leave me.

You mean the world to me.

-Forgive me. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

-Let's talk.
-Yes, Batoul.

-Stay calm.

I just want a word with her, please.

-Don't get worked up, Batoul.
-I'm not!

Don't make me raise my voice! Move aside!

Batoul! Come to me!

-Get out!
-Step aside!

-You can't go near her! Get out!
-Step aside. Step aside!

-Get out!
-Calm down.

-Just calm down.
-Get back.

No matter what happens,
you'll come back to me!

-Hello, sir.
-Hello. Please take a seat.

He's divorced his wife for the third time.

You have?

I warned you.
I told you to control yourself.

I was weak! I'll never do it again!

After three divorces,
you can't remarry her anyway.

-We're here to solve that.
-She has to marry another man first.

You're like an animal. So instinct-driven.

Is there no other way?
I could pay a fine or sacrifice a lamb.

Religion is not a game.

The strict rules were made
for loose cannons like you.

-That's too strict!
-No, it isn't.

It's for idiots who take divorce lightly.

Okay, okay. Marriage and family
are the best things in life.

But I'm jealous.
I go crazy if she looks at anyone else.

Know what you have to do now?

Find her another husband.

-Then you can remarry her, idiot!

If you're wise,
then what does an idiot look like?

-Can she just marry someone on paper?

The marriage needs to be consummated.

-I'd kill anyone who slept with her!
-Stay divorced then.

But she's the mother of my kids!

-Your kids?
-The kids we'll have.

You're ambitious! Great.

So hurry up and find your wife a groom,
wise guy.

Don't find her a younger husband.
She might like him more than you.

-Don't you look behind you?
-Calm down.

-Calm down!
-Stop it! It's not that bad!

Hey, my car!

-What's your problem?
-How's wrecking your car going to help?

-Man, calm down!
-What's wrong with you?


-I've missed you!
-You're only good at sweet talk.

We shared a home together.
Now we meet in secret, like thieves.

I promise we'll go back home.

-Are you cold?
-Yes, I'm very cold.

Take this.

I wish I could go back home.

I can't stand it here anymore.

It's horrible. There's so much fighting.

-What are you doing?
-Just a little bit.

No. We can't hold hands
or touch each other.

It's sinful.

Remember the last time we were together?
It's not a sin to remember.

When we were married, you mean?

No, it's not sinful. It was halal then.

Do you remember our last kiss?

When you kissed me and tripped over?

I didn't trip. I slipped because
of the shoes you got me for my birthday.

For Valentine's Day.

-You're my valentine.
-Stop it, Mokhtar.

Remember the last time I kissed your neck?

You didn't kiss it right away,
you smelled it.

Then I kissed it.

-I've missed that tooth there.
-This one?

Okay, then.

I love you.

I love you, too.

So tell me
about that guy with the oud…

Come on, tell me…

Wait a moment!

I sent the girls to bed early.

Meet the prettiest Russian actress,

Look at our groom. What a prince!
Isn't he just like I described him?

-He's a real man.
-It shows.

But you've only just met him.
Or is it "nunu" at first sight?

No. I just trust you completely, co-wife.

Salim? Now tell me…

Isn't she the spitting image of Bordot?

-What did you cook?
-Stuffed zucchini.

-You don't usually do that.
-I don't usually have the time.

It takes too long.
But today Bordot helped me.

We did them together.

Next time, we'll clean the house as well.
Eventually, you'll learn everything.

-I want to be your student.
-Hear that? She wants to be my student.

And I'd do anything for you too, Salim.

-But you have to get my permission first.
-Of course…

You're the boss.
I wouldn't do anything without you.

This is so nice.

It's so nice to have a wife.

And two wives are even better.

-You. Yes, you.
-Come here. Come here.

Come here. Come here.

-Your mom thought you were asleep.
-Don't tell her.

Okay, I won't tell her.
It'll be our secret.

Will you be working for us?

You could say I'll be helping your mom
with the housework.

-Yes. I'll help her out with you, too.

I've heard a lot about you. Let's see.
Which one of you is the naughtiest?

-We're as naughty as each other.
-Mom says we drive her crazy.

You're so sweet.

-Where's your plastic bag?
-In my bed.

Put it on, quick!

What's that for?

We'll answer your questions
when you answer ours.

-You ask!
-No, you.

-No, you!
-No, you!

-No, you! The teacher explained it to you.

So, ask away.

Do you know how children are made?

Want a plastic bag?

What now? We just talked to each other.

Don't bring this up on the phone.
We'll discuss it later.

I said later!

Listen, I'm with friends now.
I'm busy. I'll call you later.

-Hello, beautiful!
-More problems with the wife?

The same ones.
I don't want to talk about that.

I'm here to escape that and have fun.

Did you like the minced meat I sent you?

Is it our turn to talk
about minced meat now?

Yes, I liked it.

Food is very important.

Didn't you say the way to a man's heart
is through his stomach?

Yes. Now it's my turn to find that way.

Wow! Chinese food.

So you can't compare it
to your wife's cooking.

Why do you always listen
to Farid al-Atrash?

It's so gloomy.
Put on something cheerful.

-You don't like Farid al-Atrash?
-No, he's always whining.

It's not whining.
It's love, longing, and passion.

-I thought you liked him?

Not at all. Whatever made you think that?

You once told me
you loved his song "With You."

Maybe I meant it's the only song I like.
It's the only cheerful one.

I've been listening to his music
all these years, thinking you liked it.

Dig that, Mr. Farid!

I'm sorry. His voice gets on my nerves.

That's not funny.

I have a work trip to Tripoli next week.
Want to come with me?

What's that look?

Our temporary marriage ends today.

-I have to observe the waiting period.
-Why? Let's stay together.

-Is something wrong?

You don't seem to like the idea.

I need a break.

A break from what?

I don't want to feel married.

There must be someone else
if you don't want me.

Don't talk to me like that.

Every woman wants to be married
and live with her husband.

There's a reason
if she wants to live alone.

A woman wants a husband
who loves and respects her.

See? We're only in a temporary marriage
and look how you're treating me.

If you really want to know, I'm going
to join my brother in Australia.

I didn't know you were serious about it.
You've hardly mentioned it.

Because we only talk about your wife
and nothing else.

How she's an amazing housewife,
great at everything!

Not everything.

-Make love like we do. She'll be perfect.
-Don't get angry.

-I said that because I love you.
-This is the kind of love I hate.

Don't touch me.

What now?

Okay, I'll come right away.


Wait a moment.

If only you knew
how much I've loved you all those years.

Thinking of you gave me the strength

to get through the bad times.

I loved you so much.

I even preferred you to Australia.

I won't let our last night together
end like this.

-I'll see what she wants and come back.

You were much more inspiring to me
as a dream

than you are now, as a real person.


This relationship isn't working.

Don't come back.

With you, with you

Life is sweet
When it's with you

When you draw me close
When you pull away

Your joy, my love, is my joy

With you, with you…


-Abu Naim sent me. Can we talk?
-Okay, come in.

Go ahead. Go on.

What's wrong?

Where is he?

You're going out with a man,
having a secret marriage.

By permissible actions.

It's considered permissible for others,
not for my daughters!

With religion, you can't just pick out
the bits you like.

So what I've heard is true.

Shame on you!

Stop spying on me and leave me alone!
It's all your fault!

You forced me to marry
someone you chose for me.

Now I'm in my thirties
and trying to fix the life

which you destroyed.

Because you're stubborn.
You insisted on divorcing your husband!

You want to sleep around
because you're a divorced woman!

We've never had divorced women
in our family!

That's all you care about.
It's okay if your daughter's miserable,

as long as she doesn't get divorced.
Your daughter doesn't matter.

Not divorcing is what counts!

Who doesn't have problems
with her husband?

But we keep our mouths shut to preserve
our family and our reputation.

Reputation is all that matters to you.

You don't care
if your daughter's miserable!

No one should know
that your daughter got divorced

from the man you picked for her!

If I hadn't picked a husband for you,
you would have ended up a spinster!

You were waiting for your dream husband,

the perfect man!

-The dream husband doesn't exist!

You're right about that.
The man of my dreams doesn't exist.

-You're coming home with me!
-I'm going nowhere!

I don't give a shit about any of you!

I'm getting as far away as I can!

I'm off to Australia!
Leave me alone! Get off my case!

Great! Go and join your brother!

Go and join your gay brother!

Because only a faggot
would put up with a slut like you!

You raised us!


Hello. How are you? Good? Get in.

Hello! Hello!

-Hello, Awatef.
-Sorry we're late, dear.

No problem.

Look at this, it's called Dina.

What a pretty dinosaur!
And a bubble blower!

-Don't make too many or Mom will be angry.
-Not so many!


-Aren't you helping me with the tabbouleh?
-Of course.

Then stay focused.

No, no, dear.

Cut it into thin horizontal slices,
then dice it.

Like this?


-You seem to be getting along well.
-They're starting to get used to me.

They're starting to warm up to me
and feel like they can open up to me.

-Who are you talking about?
-The girls.

I meant Salim.

Oh, Salim.
We're also getting used to each other.

What's all this nonsense about them
opening up? You only just met them.

That's true.

-I like how you make tabbouleh.
-I'll teach you everything.

You must do everything my way.

Salim and the girls are used to it
and won't accept anything else.

I love learning from you.

I've also noticed something.
Salim really loves you.

He wouldn't do anything
without your approval.

Of course not.

Listen, dear…

I'm the decision maker round here
and it'll stay that way.

Of course. You're the first wife.


-Thinner than this?
-Yes. We're not making fattoush!

Come here.


I want you to taste this.

It's not that hot.

Tasty, huh?

-A little hot.
-Just a little.

-I want some too!
-One second. Here it comes!

-You want some, too? Watch out. It's hot.
-A little hot.

-You're great at barbecuing.

-Sure I am.
-It's so tasty!

Who wants more?

-No! Me! Me!
-No, I want it! Me!

Me! Me!

Stop it!

Here's the first batch. Work with it
until I've prepared the second one.

When you've sold them, let me know.

I'll send you the second batch by plane.
Let's show poverty the middle finger!

If I wasn't leaving,
we'd open a shop together.

I told you, stay here
and we'll join forces, and open a shop,

and call it "Look At Me."

But going international is better.
Elie Saab, please step aside!

-We can open the shop when I come back.
-Come back?

Only a crazy person would come back!
Go! Good luck!

Sure I'll come back. And I'll visit you.

Don't bother! Send me a ticket
and a visa and I'll visit you!

-I'll miss you.
-I'll miss you too.

You don't leave till next week. Stay!

I have to shop and pack my stuff.
I need time to get ready.

-Take care of yourself.
-You too.

-One more!
-One more!

I'm really going to miss you.




-Can you hear me?


Hi, Ayman.

-How are you, sister?
-I'm great. How are you?

-Good, good. Is that a new shirt?
-Do you like it?

-And the earrings? Show me.
-No, these are old.


I've missed you.

-How's everything with you?
-Great. Perfect.

Life's better when everything's clear
and you know what you want.

How's Mom?

Ask her yourself.

I'm thinking of bringing her to Australia.

You want her to follow me there?
Let me enjoy my life in Australia first.

-If she came, it'd make things easier.
-What things?

-The visa.
-What visa?

Your visa was rejected.

I went to pick up the visa today
and to book you a flight for next week.

I was surprised they rejected it.
Your file was perfect.

I just don't get it.


How are things with Abdallah?



I'm feeling dizzy. I'll talk to you later.

Okay, we'll talk later.


Repeat after me,

-"You're my representative…"
-What are you doing?

-Your marriage contract.
-And then?

-Then I'll leave you two alone.
-What for?

You've forgotten why we're here?

You're really going through with this?

I thought we were here
to find another solution.

There isn't one.

I'm not marrying a stranger
to fix your mistake!

We're going to follow sharia.

-It says I have to marry someone else?

-Can't I at least choose the person?

We'll be spending time together.

We'll be married.
Shouldn't I be attracted to him?

-Want to study his personality too?
-Why not? He'll be my husband!

Forget the husband bullshit.
He'll do the job and we're out of here.

Mokhtar, listen to yourself!
How can you put me through this?

I don't want to remarry you anymore.

This rule was made so a woman can see
if her husband is a real man!

Apparently you're not and never will be!

Please don't make this any harder!

Mokhtar, you got us into this dead end.

-I'll start my life over.
-Let's start a new life together.

And find myself in another janitor's room
in a few years? No!

I've changed.

Nonsense! You don't see
how crazy you get when you're jealous!

I've got my temper under control!
I count to 1,000 before I utter a word.

Let's get this over with and go home.

Don't you want to go home with me?

And have three kids with me?

And eat pasta?

Your delicious, mushy pasta? Well?

Come on.

Jimmy, my mother says
don't forget the boxes in the car.

Madame? What a surprise!
How nice to see you.

And how are you, sir?

What's going on?

O my, O my!

O my love!

I'm dying

I'm dying for my love

I am dying
Of my tormented heart

O my tormented heart
And my love

And my love is oblivious to me

And for him, I'd die

I am dying
Of my burning heart

O my tormented heart
And my love

And my love is oblivious to me

And for him, I'd die…




Who are you?

Good morning, Madame.
I'm from MC Real Estate.

I'm showing the apartment
to your new neighbors here.

Nice to meet you.


I'm on the balcony drinking coffee alone.

Has your wife left you all alone?

She's out exercising.

Today's my day off from school.

I'm here and walking along the corniche.

What do you want?
I'll be home when I'm done.

Who knows what you were up to
when you left me alone.

Let's forget the past.
What counts is the present.

You're a domesticated husband now!
What are you cooking for us today?

I'll do anything but cook.
No one cooks like you, Um Ahmad.

I know you can't live without my food.
We'll see.

Now go. Your time's up.

-Where are you going?
-Just let them go and play.

Right, let them play.

-Hey, man.
-What do you want?