Hair High (2004) - full transcript

"Hair High" is a gothic high-school comedy with a "Carrie"-like story. Cherri and Rod are the high-school king and queen and they justifiably rule their domain. Spud, the new kid in town, accidentally offends both Cherri and Rod and so is forced to become Cherri's slave. Naturally, they immediately hate each other, but of course later they fall in love. Cherri and Spud secretly decide to go to the prom together, and on prom night a rejected Rod forces their car off the road and into the lake. In true 50's ballad style, their car sinks to the bottom of the lake as they share one last kiss. While the bodies of Cherri and Spud lie in a timeless embrace, Rod is successful in thwarting any investigation and is able to get away with murder. On the night of the following year's prom, the car magically comes to life and slowly drives out of the lake with Cherri and Spud, as if nothing had happened, only this time their bodies are in an advanced state of decomposition. Their rusty and water-logged car drives to the prom and just as Rod is about to crown himself new king of the prom, Cherri and Spud enter the ballroom - the spotlight follows them as they cross the dance floor, with all the attendees in shock. As they approach the stage, spiders, bugs, snakes, lizards and fish ooze from their sagging skin and skeletal bodies, and the prom attendees freak as they mount the stairs to the stage. Spud takes the crown and places it on Cherri as the animals attack and devour Rod.

♪ Hey, Joe, what do ya know ♪

♪ Your hair's a masterpiece ♪

♪ How do you keep it shiny ♪

♪ Why, I use bacon grease ♪

♪ You know, Gina's absent ♪

♪ I heard she stayed in bed ♪

♪ I guess she didn't
feel like coming ♪

♪ She sent her wig instead ♪

♪ Buzz cuts, crew cuts,
they don't rate ♪

♪ You need a pomp or
a beehive to ♪

screw you, I'm thirsty.

What do you have to drink?

I'm so parched I could
drink Echo Lake dry.

- Buttercup, we're late.

We don't have time for a drink.

I spend my whole life
waiting for you.

- We've only been going
steady for a year!

So go by yourself.

So maybe I will.

Hmm, I
think I'll have the, um--

- Oh, Buttercup, come on.

Gosh, let's see.

I'll have, I want a cherry cola.

♪ He's more than a jock ♪

♪ He don't need a helmet,
his hair is like a rock ♪

♪ Whoo ♪
♪ Ooh ♪

Those flies,
they're having sex!

You, you killed my flies.

They were just young lovers,
like Cherri and Spud.

Cherry and Spud.

- Let's get out of here,

This guy's nuts.

He names his flies.

- Well, I think that's cute.

- Screw you, I'm outta
here, and I'm taking

your corsage.

Hold on there, bucko. - Hey, you, leave my
boyfriend alone,

you, you, you!

- Wait, there's a story
you two need to hear.

It's about a couple
kinda like you two kids.

It's a tale of the prom,
of love,

of Cherri and Spud.

♪ Two young lovers,
no moon above ♪

♪ Driving to the prom
to pledge their love ♪

♪ He parked on the hillside
to give her his ring ♪

♪ For she was his queen ♪

♪ And he was her king ♪

♪ As he bent down to kiss
her, he released the brake ♪

♪ The car slid back
toward Echo Lake ♪

♪ Why did they do it,
why didn't they wait ♪

♪ They were lost in a kiss ♪

♪ On their final date ♪
- Stop!

♪ There was no one to see ♪

♪ Not a soul around ♪

♪ As the car descended and
and the lovers drowned ♪

♪ Every June on prom night
in their watery hearse ♪

♪ They head for the dance
to deliver their curse ♪

♪ Ever since that night,
no one dares ♪

♪ To claim the crown that
shoulda been theirs ♪

♪ Ave ♪

♪ Maria ♪


Thank you, thank you.


Shut up, you!

- Cherri and I would
like to welcome you all

to the first day of school.

Hey, Cherri, are those
pencils in your bra

or are you just happy to see me?

But seriously, it's great
to be back and--

Huh, wuh, uh, uh, uh,

I was driving, very happy.

Driving, wave to the crowd,
further along there's.

I didn't see it there, you know.

- Let me at him, Rod,
I'll strip his gears. - No, Zip, butt out.

All right
students, quit your roughhousing

and come to class.

- It's the first day of school

and I wanna start the
year off right.

- Yeah, with a big fight.

- Come on, let's go.
- Yeah, you wanna--


Alright, misters and misses,

please calm down and
report to class.

Hmm, now then,

let me show you the
joys of biology.

Watch closely now.

Okay, who's next?

Don't worry, he's dead.

- Oh, no, not me.
- Oh, not me.

- No, no,.
- No way.

- Oh, no!
- It's too slimy.

Here, you try it, Zip.

- Wow, you, you really mean it,
Mr. Snerz?

Golly, it's like Christmas and
my birthday rolled into one!

So are these his sex organs, Mr.


♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- Is this biology class, Mr.,
er, Snerz?

- Obviously.

What's your name?
- Ah, you're ruining

- my nails!
- Uh, hi, my name's--

Argh, ooh ,

ooh, ooh.

kid in class.

- Please enunciate more clearly.

I'm Spud, the uh--

The new kid in class.

Bring me that frog.

Ah, crikeys!

- Sit over there next to Cherri.

Don't be shy.

- Hmmph!

Now class ,
the frog's reaction. Why?

Somebody , anybody, mm.

Yes, Zip.

He was a horny toad.

- Okay, class, what
do we call it

when an organism is dead
yet comes to life, Cherri?


- I'm still waiting, Cherri, mm.

- Study.
- Yes, Cherri,

we should all study.


- The new kid was
rude to Cherri.

- He insulted Cherri's honor.

Attention, attention.

This is your principal speaking.

The new kid was rude
to our Cherri.

Rude kid!

- There's the rude kid!
- Rude kid, rude kid,

rude kid, rude kid!
- He's got some nerve.

♪ New kid is a rude kid,
new kid is a rude kid ♪

♪ New kid is a rude kid,
new kid is a rude kid ♪


You're wanted

in the principal's office now.

So are you ready
for the big exam tomorrow?

All set.

I'm wearing my tight orange
dress with a yellow sweater.

It's a boy!

We're comin' in!

- Okay.

No, Darlene, it's me,

Yeah ,

- I know.
- Ooh!


- What's your name, rude boy?

- Uh, uh, Spud.

Spud, let's mash him.

Let's french
fry him.

- Hey, tuber turd, I hear
you're causing trouble.

I hear you been passing
notes to my Cherri in class,

and I thought you were
supposed to be so smart.

Remember this?

Well, it stinks.

You know, dork,
you've made me mad.

Not just mad, but really mad.

I know, I'll make you
Cherri's personal slave.

You like that idea, Cherri?

- Well, remember what
happened to the last one.

- Shh, shh, shh, shh, you
know that was an accident.

But don't think about
falling in love with Cherri.

Actually, you know what, I
hope you do fall for her.

I pray you fall in love
with her, know why?

'Cause if I even see a
hint of affection,

know what I'm gonna do, towhead?

What, no,

Come here, Zip.

This is you, Spuddy boy.

Gosh, Rod,

you're a regular Rembrandt.

- I'm gonna do this.

Then what, Rod?

- Oh, oh, stop, oh,
please stop, please stop!

Oh, please stop, ow, oh!

- And this.
- Oh, ow, oh!

- But most fun.

Yeah, I like fun!

Would be this.

- Ow, ow, oh, oh, the pain,
oh, the pain, the pain, oh, oh!

This sure is

- The pain, no, ow, boy,
this is unbearable, ow, ow!

- Let that be a lesson to you,

Fall in love with Cherri
and that could be you.

Say, Rod ,
could, could you pop off

my other fingernail?

- Cherri, I, I'm just a
new kid in school.

I don't, I don't know
any of the rules,

so what do you say?

Can we just be friends?

♪ Ooh ♪

- Okay, okay, I'll be
your servant,

but, but just for a few days,

Then we'll forget
this whole mess

ever happened, okay, Cherri?

God , I
really hate you.

That's Miss
Cherri to you, slave.

- Ow, ow!




This is your principal speaking.

Remember there are still
tickets available for the prom,

and for you fellas out
there, my daughter Melody,

still dateless, and the
braces come off

two weeks before the big dance.







- Don't panic, if we all
work together,

I, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Can I get some help please,
guys, huh?

Here's the small intestine,
it goes in first.

Okay, large intestine's next.

The kidneys, then the bladder,

Get the spleen, next
the lungs and the heart.

Yeah, whoo!

All right!
- Awesome, great!

- Way to go!
- A hero!

- Thank you, class,
thanks to you, Spud, and your wonderful
knowledge of biology

I'm alive.

But that doesn't give you any
right to be rude to Cherri.

Attention, attention.

Today's lunch will be sloppy
Joes and creamed corn.


Eeh , hey!

You stabbed me.

- Well, you broke my nail.

- Why do I even
carry your books?

You never read 'em.

- Maybe not, but it makes
me look intelligent. - Let me, um, let me
introduce you

to the wonderful world of books.

I shall be your instructor.

First, you place it in
the palm of your hand.

Then, grasping the
cardboard layer on top,

betwixt thumb and index finger,

This action reveals a
series of white pages

covered, ooh, with black marks.

We call these marks words.

And let me
introduce you

to the wonderful world
of servitude.

- You're a very sad person,

I feel sorry for you.

- Oh, yeah, it so happens
I'm a very happy person. - Ha, ha, ha!
- I've got gorgeous nails,

perfect hair, and I'm captain
of the cheerleading squad.

- And what about Rod?

- Right, and I'm dating
the star quarterback,

and I'm not a spaz like you!

Hey, don't
worry about me.

I've got my books
and my scooter.

- Big deal, I'm gonna be
queen of the prom this year.

I'm 10 times happier than you!

Ha, I, I'm 100
times happier than you.

I'm 1,000
times happier.

I'm a million
times happier.

I'm a
gazillion times happier!

I'm a quintillion
times happier than you.

- I'm so much happier.

I'm a tribillion
times happier than you.

♪ Do do do do, do do do do ♪

♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Do do do do ♪

♪ If you only knew, only knew ♪



- Damn, that made me hungry.

Where's that burger, dork boy?

I'm coming.

- Well, it's about time, creep.

Hey, nerd, did you hear
about the mallard

that flew up a guy's butt?

- Um--
- Yeah, he said,

"Get the duck outta here."

So scram, kid, we've got some
heavy eating to do.

Oh, yeah, baby.

♪ Do do do do ♪

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Yeah, all right.


That's it, Cherri, baby,
squeeze it, tighter.

Yeah, yeah, all right,
yeah, baby, shake it.

All right, now bring on
the extra sauce, ooh!

- Ah!
- Now, Cherri, up and down.

Oh, yeah, ooh!

Call me Rod, faster, baby.

Faster, shake it hard.

Oh, yeah, that's the
way I like it.


Now slap it.

Slap it harder.

- Oh.
- Yeah, just behind the,

and squeeze it, yeah.

Harder, faster, harder.

Faster, harder, faster.

Daddy's coming, oh, boy.

That's it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh.


- Yeah, all right.

That's it, Cherri baby,
squeeze it.

Whoo, eat the goo, eat
it all, that's it, baby.

- Enough, enough already,
that's it!

Stop it, Rod, you sick, oh!

What the pfft?



♪ Hair High, we love
your towers ♪

♪ And your ivy-covered walls ♪

♪ Sons of barbers and
beauticians ♪

♪ Ever roaming
through your halls ♪

♪ Though our shining
locks may fall off ♪

♪ And our tresses turn to gray ♪

♪ Hair High, our alma mater ♪

♪ In our hearts you
will ever stay ♪

- Cluck, cluck cluck.

Hey, Zip, I see wearing a
chicken outfit

gets you all excited.

- Oh, gosh, Rod, you scared me.

Oh, I was just dreaming
about Darlene.

I wanna ask her to the prom!

Ha, you'd have better
luck with Mr. Snerz's frog. - She makes my Twinkie tingle,

but she always rejects me.

I've got just the thing
for you, guaranteed to make

you irresistible.
- Gosh, Rod,

you put the stud in student.

Gee, I thought that stuff
was just a myth.

Careful, Zip, it's
powerful stuff.

Just a few drops is
all you need.

- Uh, Darlene, can I
talk to you in private?

- This better be important.

I've gotta get my
thighs loosened up.

So did Rod put you up to this?

- No, uh, I wanted to, uh--

Uh, do you

find me attractive, you know,
in a romantic kind of way?

'Cause I wanted to ask you--

way too weird.

- Wait, Darlene, wait!

Ah, I wanted to ask you to the--

To the prom!

I wouldn't date you


- Well, folks, it's a
wonderful fall afternoon,

and it looks like we've
got a full house.

It's the game of the year,
our Echo Lake Fighting Cocks

versus the hated crosstown
rivals, the Beavers.

- Hut, hut!
- Hut, hut, hut!

♪ Halls, though our shining ♪

- And there's the kickoff!

And here we go.

- Go, you guys!
- Yay!

- Come on, let's go!
- Ooh, yeah!


Oh, dear, ouch!

Well, it doesn't look so
good for our Fighting Cocks.

Come on, move it,
move it!

- Hey!
- Oh, the humanity!

How much longer can
this carnage last?

It's halftime, thank God!

♪ Hair High ♪

- Go, you guys!
- Yay!

- Come on, let's go!

♪ Ivy-Covered walls ♪

♪ Sons of barbers and
beauticians ♪

♪ Ever roaming
through your halls ♪

♪ Though our shining
locks may fall off ♪

♪ And our tresses turn to gray ♪

I'll catch you,

I'll catch you!

♪ Our alma mater ♪

♪ In our hearts you
will ever stay ♪

- No!

- We've got a terrific
halftime show, oh, what's this?

Looks like some kind
of mayhem on the field.

- Get away from me,
you sick cluck.

Oh, my, I don't
see this act in the program.

♪ Well, come on baby,
I'll show you how ♪

- I wanna watch the
funny chicken.

♪ We'll do it hot and
we'll do it fast ♪

♪ Come on, baby, do the
chicken chicken walk ♪

Oh, oh, oh yeah, oh, oh!

Oh, yeah!
♪ Push in and a push out ♪

♪ Push in and a push out ♪

♪ Push in ♪

- I think this chicken's
broken every law in the morals code
of this state.

Uh-oh, now what?

Wow, look at that chicken go!

How does he do it with
those bulky chicken feet?

In all my years of
broadcasting, this is certainly

the most entertaining
show I've ever witnessed.

Oh, yeah,
yeah, oh, God, oh, God, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, yeah, oh!

♪ Head to toe and do yourself ♪

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah,
oh, oh, yeah, oh, God!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

♪ Do your stuff
wherever you go ♪

♪ Come on, baby, do the
chicken chicken walk ♪

Hey, wait a minute,
I'm human,

so why am I having a
chicken's flashback?

♪ Hair High, we love
your towers ♪

♪ And your ivy-covered walls ♪


- Gee, Miss Cherri, I, I had
no idea you loved Zip so much.

- Are you kidding, that horndog?

I needed him for my
dance routine.

I know, you be the chicken.

Uh, gee, I--

Are you
refusing my wishes, lackey?


- I don't know.
- I order you

to put on the chicken head,


I, uh, I, I, I
just don't think

I'm mascot material.

Come on!

Let's see some defense,
hit somebody! There is no I in team!

Hut one, hut two,

hut three.
- Rod fades back to pass.

He's hit.

Holy huckleberry, all is lost!

All is lost!

- Don't worry, Rod, I can fix it.
- - Get in there, number nine!

- Coach, you're out of players.

If you don't replace
your quarterback,

you'll have to forfeit the game.

- You!
- Um, me?

Get in there now!

But, but, but,
but, but wait,

I'm not, uh, I, uh, I don't,

- Either the coach
has a trick play

or he's gone totally nuts.

Uh, uh.

What, uh, uh, hike?


Ah, oh, mm!

Get him up,
somebody help him up.


- Get up, slave!
- Whoa!

- Echo High needs you!

Get back in there now!

Hut one,

hut two, hut three, hut,
hut four,

hut five, hut six.

So do you
want the ball or what?

All right, move it,
move, move, move, come on!

- Just look at that
crazy chicken run!

In all my years of broadcasting,

I've never seen a
chicken run so fast.

Huh, uh-oh, he's
dropped the ball!

The Beavers have it!

Wait a minute, it was
just an egg!

♪ Na na na na na ♪
- Ha, what a clever deception.

Come on, move it,
hit somebody!

- You gotta admit, that
cock's full of spunk.

No, no, no, no,
this other team.

- Oh, no, they have
him surrounded.

Oh, no!

Somebody hit somebody!

That's right, go, go!

I can't, I
can't make it.

I can't, I can't make it, I can.

- Hold on, that's just too
absurd, a flying chicken mascot?

- It could be true.

- You, you're a gullible goose.

- And you're a malicious moose.

- I'm leaving.
- Whoa, relax, hot shot.

So go,
see if I care.

- Let me finish the story.

You gotta hear this.

So there was Spud, making a
mad dash for the goal line.

Go, go, go!

Come on, go, no, no, no,
move it, move it!


Go, go, go, yeah!

- Well, folks, it sure
looks like a touchdown.

♪ Hair high, we love ♪

- It must be a touchdown.

- Come one, let's go!
- Yay, whoo!

- What's all the ruckus, Rod?

- Just a little
after-game celebration.

- Well, I'm gonna have
to give you a ticket, mm.

Whoa, what's this?

What kind of kink fest is
going on here?

Where are your clothes, pervert?

- But, but, but, but I, er--

- Aw, come on, Sarge, we're
just letting off a little steam.

- That's okay, Rod, but
I'm gonna have to give

this young fella here a
ticket for indecent exposure.

- Well, here we are, babe.

After the school year,
we'll be here for real.

- Do you love me, Rod?

I mean really love me?

Course I do,
Cherri baby.

We screw like pistons, don't we?

Gosh, Rod,
you're so romantic.

Rod, let's lay off
the slave kid.

Why, you ain't
getting soft on him, are ya?

No, I'm
afraid he might get hurt.

You know
what he told me?

Your hair was ugly.

- Ew, well, maybe a
little longer.

You know, I heard
that Cheddar has a huge organ.

And there it is.

- Welcome to this sad
occasion as we gather together

to bear witness to a
wonderful life.

I'd like to read a sacred text

I think is appropriate
for the occasion.

The tawny
youth eagerly placed

his dewy thighs around
the quivering member.

that's not right.

I think now it would be
fitting and proper

to hear remembrances from his
closest friends, Mr. JoJo?

- Oh, uh, me, uh, I don't think,

well, uh , he came
into my shop many times,

and he was certainly, uh,

- And you, Mr. Snerz?

- Ah, yes, well, I can't say

he was a great student,

he was certainly, um, different.

- Look at that new kid
he's Zip's best friend.

And now you,
Miss Darlene.

What have you got to say?

- You know, I hate to be
a wet blanket,

but that guy was just
a creep with a hard-on.

A little reverence,

I find those remarks

- You know, honestly, I
never liked the guy either.

He always skipped out
on his check.

- Me, either, he had an
irritating personality,

kinda like, you know that sound,

fingernails on a blackboard.

Irritating is right.

He was a terrible mascot, too.

♪ Uh la la ah oh uh ♪

Spud, I wanna
ask you a personal question.

Let's not destroy

the sanctity of the occasion.

It's true, I'm
kind of glad he's dead.

He was a real pain in
the keister.

I find those
remarks inappropriate.

So you
think my hair is ugly, do you?

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

I saw you
flirting with Cherri.

You better watch it,
squirt, I got my eye on you.

- And where are my sprinkles,
pea brain?

- Cherri needs more sprinkles.

- You know I don't like
brown sprinkles,

you useless flunky.

Ew, there's a brown
sprinkle in my hair, ew!

You can't sit there,
I'm telling Rod.

- Go ahead, there's no more
he can do to me anyway.

- Relax, enjoy it.

- Yow!
- This is for the sprinkle

in my hair, and this is
for saying my hair is ugly.

- And this is for the
midnight chicken ride. - You're breaking my hair!
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,

ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Oh, God in heaven,

please help me.

- Get off of me, twerp.

How dare you touch me,
you creep!

- Hey, I like your
hair like that.

- What happened in there,
don't tell Rod.

Hi, Rod,
how's it going?

Hey, Darlene, what's up?

like a messy job.

- Yep.
- Gee,

you're so good with tools.

- Uh-huh.
- Did you ever work

on anyone else's car?
- Nope.

Well, let's
say a close friend

had a car that needed a
lot of attention.

Like a tuneup?

Or maybe just
tightening a few bolts.

- No, this is the only
baby I touch.

What if the other
car were a sexy racer model?


- Well, what if I told
you someone else

was working on your car?

- Impossible, no one
touches this baby but Rod.

- I'm afraid right now
someone's working on your baby.

What, where?

- Relax, every hear the
words double entendre?

Of course,
it's one of those

fancy French manifolds, right?

- Well, Rod, think about it.

Maybe one day you'll get tired

of that same old car.

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ What I would do for you ♪

♪ Carry your books from
school each way ♪

♪ Give you my sweater
on a windy day ♪

♪ If you could only see ♪

♪ Just how much it hurts me ♪

♪ When you're out with
the other guy ♪

♪ Everyone knows you've
been telling lies ♪

♪ But when we're alone ♪

♪ The world turns right
for a little while ♪

♪ And I believe the
things you say ♪

♪ When I look in your
eyes and see you smile ♪

♪ But when we're alone ♪

♪ The world turns right
for a little while ♪

- Spud?
♪ But I believe ♪

♪ The things you say when
I look in your eyes ♪

♪ And see you smile ♪

♪ You may never know ♪

♪ How much I love you so ♪

♪ But I'll always be your fool ♪

♪ And you will never
be so cruel ♪

♪ To one who feels
the way I do ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- Okay, we need the entire
prom court onstage now.

Right, where's the king,
where's Rod?

Who knows where King Rod is,

He's at football
practice, Miss Crumbles.

- People, people, please,

we can't have a rehearsal
without the king.

You, young man, we
need a stand-in.

- Me, but I'm just a slave.

I'm not a king.
- Well, you'll have to do.

Okay, queen and slave,
or king, up on the stage.

Good, good, ladies first,
that's it.

Okay, the king makes an
acceptance speech.

Blah, blah, blah, now bow,

first to the court, then
to the audience.

Then you kiss.

- Uh, do we have to?

- Of course, it says it
right here in the program.

King and queen K-I-S-S.

You call that a kiss?

The king and queen
represent romance!

You can do better than that.

Come on now, kids.

Let's pretend there's a little
romance between you two,

and kiss, dammit!

♪ Ooh ♪

- Louis, save the
confetti for the prom.

- But I didn't touch a
thing, Miss Crumbles.

- Get away from me, you creep.

And don't you ever
touch me again.

- You been changing the
oil in my car, twerp?

You been tightening her bolts?

- What, what bolts?

- I just found out what a
double entendre is, lover boy.

- I'll take care of him, Rod.

- You're not so tough.

If you were really tough,
instead of your mouth,

you'd stick that toothpick
somewhere else.

- Oh, ah, ow, ouch, Mommy!

- Oof!
- My eye, my eye!

Spud, Spud, Spud!

What's the answer?

Spud, do you know the answer?

- Study.
- Ah ,

that's correct, mm,
study and observe.

- Ah, excuse me, Mr. Snerz.

May I ask a question?

- Very good, Spud, that's
the inquisitive spirit

we like to see here at
Echo Lake High.

- Cherri, will, will you
be my date to the prom?

She'll never

go out with him.

She's Rod's girl.
- Oh, well, did you hear what--
- You can't ask Cherri to the prom.
- No, our darling Cherri!

♪ Are you waiting, now
you've made it ♪

♪ You'll be prom queen soon ♪

♪ You won't need a car
to drive there ♪

♪ When he kisses you,
you'll fly there ♪

♪ Quick, get ready for
your steady ♪

♪ Now he's on his way ♪

My goodness,
wherever could Rod

and Cherri be?

- Gee, Miss Crumbles, if
Cherri doesn't show up,can I be the prom queen?

- You know, Darlene, in
some cultures,

instead of proms, they
throw virgins down volcanoes

as a sacrifice, but then I guess

you wouldn't have to
worry about that.

Well, I never!


- Don't worry, you two
get along to the prom.

- Thanks, JoJo!
- I'll clean up.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ooh ooh ♪

- I want my Cherri back!

- She's my queen now!

He's going over the
edge, I gotta save him!

♪ Ooh ♪


You go to hell, Rod!

After you, new kid!

♪ When a boy and girl
find their own true love ♪

♪ No one else on Earth
can keep them apart ♪

♪ For she wore his ring
and he gave her his heart ♪

♪ Now they'll always ♪
♪ Now they'll always ♪

♪ Be together ♪
♪ Be together ♪

♪ Ever after ♪
♪ Ever after ♪

♪ Be together ♪
♪ Be together ♪

♪ Now they'll always ♪
♪ Now they'll always ♪

♪ Be together ♪

- Okay, let's go, Buttercup,
story's over.

- No, wait, he's not finished.

- But we're missing
our own prom.

The heroes are fish food,
end of story.

- Is it, is the story
really over?

- No, so anyway, back
to the prom.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm proud to present

your king and queen
and their court.

King Rod

and his beautiful queen, Cherri.

Cherri, Cherri?

- I have some sad news.

Spud, the new kid,

stole my Cherri.

And moved to Mexico.

- Ooh.
- Whoa.

There, there. She'll be back.

This is a very sad moment,
but our prom can survive.

The pageant bylaws state
that when a queen

abdicates the throne, the
first princess

becomes the queen,
Queen Darlene!

I'm proud to crown King Rod.

- No, it's not right, not
without Cherri.

Please, Rod.

- No.
- Please?

- No, no, no, no, no!
- Please, please, please,

please, please?
- No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.
- Okay, we'll have to

give it to our next--
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

if you insist.

- Ladies and
gentlemen, the royalty of Echo Lake High, King
Rod and Queen Darlene!

- Hey, I got a bite!

- No, you're snagged.
- No, it's a big one.

I'll bet you a beer.

- Hold on, you're
rocking the boat.

- Ah, you're right,
it's snagged.

Get to shore, quick!

- One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Wow, that means you can have

continuous sex for eight
hours , amazing.

Ooh, what's all the excitement?

- Hey, Sarge, what's going on?

- Well, these boys claim they
found Cherri and Spud, mm.

- That's impossible, I just
got a postcard from Cherri.

They're in Mexico.

- See, boys, here's the proof,

- Hey, Sarge, want a brewski?

- Sorry, boys.
- Wait!

I swear I really saw them.

- Yeah, just come on the boat.

We got beer!

- Can I get some fishing in?

- Sure, they're really
biting today.

Mind if I tag along?

- There's the floating
buoy thingie over there.

Slow it down.

- Ow, ow, ow, whoa!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, whoa!

Stop the engine!

- I can't, it's stuck!

I don't understand machines.

- Out of my way, idiot!

Whoa, oh, my God, I don't
believe it!

- Grab the oar.
- Ooh!


Sarge, what
did you see?

- He swallowed too much water,
stand back. I know artificial respiration.

- Stop, stop, for God's sakes,
I'm awake.

- Well, what, what, well,
what'd you see?

- Hmm, I don't remember.

A big oar.

- Let's go back to the marker.

- No need, it's right here.

♪ Prom queen, prom queen ♪

- Welcome to the Echo
Lake High Prom!

Let's welcome the reigning king
and queen, Rod and Darlene!

Before we crown this
year's new king and queen,

let's let Rod and Darlene
have a final dance

as reigning king and queen.

Let's hear it for King
Rod and Queen Darlene.

It's 81 degrees

and a perfect evening
for the prom.

Let's hope all you guys
and gals out there

in radio land are just up
and ready to rock and roll.

♪ Two young lovers,
no moon above ♪

♪ Driving to the prom
to pledge their love ♪

♪ He parked on the hillside
to give her his ring ♪

♪ For she was his queen
and he was her king ♪

♪ As he bent down to kiss her ♪

♪ He released the brake ♪

♪ The car slid back
toward Echo Lake ♪

♪ Why did they do it,
why didn't they wait ♪

♪ They were lost in a kiss ♪

♪ There was no one to
see, not a soul around ♪

♪ As the car descended
and the lovers ♪

Eh, can I help you?

♪ Drowned ♪
- Ah, yes, please.

We'd like one JoJo's
special supreme.

- It almost sounds like,

nah, they're in Mexico, yet,

what the, huh?

- Hey, relax, JoJo, it's
us, Spud and Cherri.

We need a bite to eat,
we're famished.

- You're not Spud and Cherri.

You're too thin.

Watch this.

- Well, I'll be damned.

- You've never looked
more beautiful.

- You really like my hair?

- I've always loved your hair.

Oh, I see you saved our
favorite booth.

We've been waiting
a long time for this night.

We're going
to the prom.

We, er, missed it last year.

So, uh, are you alive
or dead or undead or what?

- We're in love.

- Yes, we're in love.

Tastes great.

How's Rod?
- You mean King Rod

and Queen Darlene?

That bitch,
some friend she is.

Want anything else?

It's on the house.

- No, thanks, time to go.


Thanks, JoJo, we have
got a date to finish.

- Don't be strangers now,
be careful!

- Ladies and gentlemen, the
court of Echo Lake High!

And of course, you know 'em,
you love 'em,

you can't live without 'em,

last year's king and
queen, Rod and Darlene!

- I had a great year
as your king,

and I'm, I'm excited to--

Hey, shut up in the back there.

I'm trying to have a
sentimental moment here!

Stop those freaks,
they're crashing our prom!

Hut, hut, hut, hike!

- Leave these dumb jocks to me,

- Yay!

- Ah!


Someone please
stop this madness.

They're ruining our prom.

Stop those ghouls!

♪ Two young lovers,
no moon above ♪

♪ Driving to the prom
to pledge their love ♪

♪ He parked on the hillside
to give her his ring ♪

♪ For she was ♪

♪ Towers and your ♪

your name, rude boy?

- Whoever you monsters
are, don't come near me!

Somebody save me, somebody!

♪ Why did they do it,
why didn't they wait ♪

- Hello, Echo High.

I'm Spud, and this is
Cherri, my beautiful fiancee.

We're your rightful royalty

and we've come back to
claim our crowns.

- That can't be Cherri and Spud.

They crashed off the road
and drowned in Echo Lake!

- Oh, Rod, what's the matter?

Oh, have I lost too much weight?

Oh, please, Rod, look
into my sockets.

Tell me you still love me.


- You've made me really mad.

The king is
dead, long live the king!

- Hmm, I don't see any rules

against the king and
queen being skeletons.

I guess it's okay.

A big hand

for King Spud and Queen Cherri.

Okay, Echo High, let the
prom continue.

♪ When a boy and girl
find their own true love ♪

Oh , it's
such a beautiful story.

- Okay, it's a nice story,
but what's the point?

Don't play football in
a chicken suit?

Don't close your dress in
the door of your car, what?

- The point, the point?

You can't see the point?

Kids these days, sheesh.

You see, love, like
life, is a creative act.

Cherri and Spud were
decomposed skeletons,

yet their romance was a
beautiful and powerful thing.

In their short, tragic lives,
they created a masterpiece,

a masterpiece like this.

And this is what your
romance is like.

- But that's just a
broken cookie.

our romance?

- You must think we're
pretty gullible.

Here's to Cherri and Spud
returning as skeletons.

Oh, yeah, sure thing.

- Believe me now?

- Well, I guess so, but
I have one question.

Who made up this story?

♪ Two young lovers,
no moon above ♪

♪ Driving to the prom
to pledge their love ♪

♪ He parked on the hillside
to give her his ring ♪

♪ For she was his queen
and he was her king ♪

♪ As he bent down to kiss
her, he released the brake ♪

♪ The car slid back
toward Echo Lake ♪

♪ Why did they do it,
why couldn't they wait ♪

♪ They were lost in a
kiss on their final date ♪

♪ There was no one to
see, not a soul around ♪

♪ As the car descended
and the lovers drowned ♪

♪ Every June on prom night
in their watery hearse ♪

♪ They head for the dance
to deliver their curse ♪

♪ Ever since that night,
no one dares ♪

♪ To claim the crown that
shoulda been theirs ♪

♪ Hey, Joe, what do ya know ♪

♪ Your hair's a masterpiece ♪

♪ How do you keep it shiny ♪

♪ Why, I use bacon grease ♪

♪ You know, Gina's absent ♪

♪ I heard she stayed in bed ♪

♪ I guess she didn't
feel like coming ♪

♪ She sent her wig instead ♪

♪ Buzz cuts, crew cuts,
they don't rate ♪

♪ You need a pomp or a ♪