Guerillas in Pink Lace (1964) - full transcript
An American named Muprhy is in the Phillipines after the invasion of Pearl Harbor and wants to get out but lost all his money gambling. When the Japanese invade, he desperate to get out. Murphy meets a priest who's among the ones that are being evacuated and has a seat on a plane but he prefers to remain. So Murphy takes his place on the plane. But the plane is shot down and he finds himself on an island with five women who were also on the plane. They try to evade the Japanese while Murphy tries to maintain the pretense of being a priest with five lovely women.
(60s Guitar Music)
i go to 1500... and raise you a thousand
I'll go there
well i think i've got the best hand
but i'm a little short on money
i'll tell you what i've got something better
than that i've got a way out of this hell hole
a pass from the military
so? so what do i think it's worth?
with what's in the pot plus another
thousand. winner take all. okay by me
okay by me too
castle full of queens
i'd heard tell that fortunes were made
and lost here in the orient in a matter of
minutes hours. well that point had just been
proven i lost my fortune in about two hours.
before long i was to find out there were still
some who just wouldn't believe that i was busted
(Jazz Club Music)
(Applause)
(Dramatic Music)
vanilla the heart of the far east 27
days after pearl harbor the word for it
chaos do you expect us to wait
here until the japanese take over
madam i am only the desk clerk and
you owe me 2.50 on your bill. i... am not going to pay it! what do you mean?
are you all right?
is there... is there something i can do?
shall i call a doctor? my good
man if i understand you properly
you're suffering from an over indulgence of the
night before now let me let me recommend a remedy
it's a special formula of an old benedictine monk
i once knew take a raw egg and beat it up in a
warm cup of bacon fat and swallow it down
quickly and follow it with a glass of sour milk
i hope i didn't say the wrong thing
hope you didn't mind my uh telling you
about the remedy just don't mention
that old benedictine monk again
ah those poor people all rushing
to find the way out of manila
who wouldn't with a million japs breathing
down their necks they're rushing me out of
vanilla and i don't really want to go you
mean you've got a way out yes i have a pass
you see my parishioners are here
they'll need me at a time like this
how tall are you padre huh oh
something over six foot i suppose why
do you ask oh i uh i was just thinking
nah that would never work i should stay
give the pass to someone more needy i said
you know padre you are absolutely right you know
pretty soon there's going to be a lot of shooting
going on around here a lot of people dying they're
going to need you here exactly you know padre
i have a sudden desire to want to help you out
of your predicament help me yes i know the top
man at the airport one word from me and i know
he'll give that pass to some deserving soul
you're so understanding but you have to hurry play
leaves this afternoon do you happen to have those
papers or pass on you by any chance it's in my
room oh but i'll get it no no no no no i'll be
happy to get it for you how good are you room 18
it's so you just stay there i'll be right back
what a nice man
those passes should have been
here an hour ago would you please
call the embassy excuse me excuse me ah
yes yes i believe that all paid up here ah
and this envelope colonel davis left for you i
think it's those passes for you and the house is
i would like to see those passes oh what seems to
be the trouble he wants to see some passes passive
silently
now remember just take what you
need the rest will be shaped
boy maxine i sure hope the girl doesn't change
his mind but take away our space on the plane
don't worry about it i don't
think he'll welch on it
bless you my good man you are so understanding
oh hello father bless you sister
good afternoon got an idea oh father would
you wait just a moment for me please they're
in luck they can live with this priest and nobody
will bother us praised hey nobody will bother us
father what are you doing on that fire escape
mercy me i could have sworn i smelled smoke
i guess i was mistaken come
along father perfectly safe
now hold it honey i mean the young young
young ladies you you must be more careful
i i think i forgot my car how dare
they i'm going to call my senator
i'm going to call mine too wait
wait now ladies and gentlemen i
i've never had mercy oh yeah all those poor
people rushing to find a way out of manila
what do you mean where have
you been playing come on
come on we only had two days we're playing
then well charlie get upstairs and get back hey
thank you for getting going i'm not going i'm
married i'm legal you're crazy i'm got to get it
oh what a lovely hat you do have where did you get
such a hat i got this hat in the gypsy illinois
poughkeepsie it's a lovely hat i must get one
of those for a friend of mine oh father i forgot
all about you thank you very much for kind of
escorting that well that was my pleasure ladies
you see i told you he wouldn't forget look at
that red cross all right everybody on the bus song
oh i understand that you're
going out of the airport yes
well i perhaps you wouldn't mind getting
in here oh no the top support thank you
uh so miss maxine here i'm
matt being right here uh
fine have your girls get their passports
and all their papers ready to make it
a little easier to check them through the
colonel will be alone in a minute thank you
how about me my good man uh yes you too father
uh we'll hurry your papers right along thank you
hi you got lipstick on your
kernels hey collard colonel i do
you weren't so nervous the
other night sweetheart ugh
if anybody hears about this i'll be
shocked first in court marshall later
the deal's the deal even in wartime get your deals
ready take offs in a few minutes no i'm gonna miss
trigger
your papers are in order miss papers
are anonymous thank you wait for me
hello sister oh father bye buddy
oh sergeant could you see that this gets
back to the hotel please certainly father
it's very important father was good
he's yes yes yes father is good
that that's my brother twin twin
brother i see i'll see that he gets
have you cleared the young ladies yet yes oh uh
father say excuse me father you sure look familiar
haven't we met some place before i'm afraid not
colonel you see my my parish is located in the
deepest of jungle this is father osgood colonel
brother this is colonel davis how do you do
that certainly is strange very strange
i could have sworn that that face
well i guess in days like these anybody
can get confused yes confused shanghai
the name wasn't as good no no i can't say is i've
been to that fair city colonel everything's in
order padre you can board now thank you my good
man thank you it's all right father have a good
a trip 74 year old man don't you think colonel
he's 74 years old that's what his papers say
shanghai why you bubble brained idiot will both be
shot but sir what do i remember who this joker is
he took me for 1800 bucks in shanghai
murphy that's a man of the claw ah the only cloth
he's ever seen is a green cloth on a dice table
i'm sure happy we're on our way i can
say that again australia here we come
are you showgirls uh well that's not a special
tag uh actually uh we're exotic dancers
as strippers well i mean that is the term this
is the slang term i'm leaving oh father i think
you have it all bro or we may display a little
agar but we do not exactly bump and grind correct
she's jane she's marguerite
we also zing and i just
we are artists yes i'm quite sure you are
do
oh
oh
your seat belts
um
um
oh
he's got all my legs
i think he's coming too he is father
the plane crashed
are there are any others yes but we must
have used it arguing tonight at least we're
all together thank the lord for that now if we
only knew where we were or where we're going
well if i'm i'm not mistaken we're still
someplace in the philippine islands
it shouldn't be too long before we spot land
hey isn't that land
what is it father i was just wondering
if there were any of our little japanese
friends on that island how do you cook
them well medium or charcoal broiled
i'm so hungry i could eat a cannibal we'll have to
drift out here until after dark and then move in
father would you would you
would you hear my confession
your confession
that's a shame maybe later in private is is
that a real life gun yes it is gee father
i never knew a father who carries a real life gun
father well you see this uh this jungle that i
operate in it was pretty rough well what
i mean is this uh this jungle where where
i had my parish it was it was pretty rough i
guess so i mean the black eye and everything oh
i think we can start rowing in now
uh down eat me over there by the
trees now take everything with you
i'll deflate the raft and be there in a minute
father over here
father are you all right i think we're safe here
we'd better find a place for the night then
we'll look around the first thing in the morning
bobby you're catholic my what
your guesses whoa oh the robe
well good morning sisters
to cut it in half
hey this is really living
isn't it breakfast in bed wow
you know what if he wasn't a priest and he was
alone on this tropical island with all of us
wow and say that again wow you
amaze me father well miss when
when you kicked around i mean when you've had
as many experiences as i've had in this world
nothing would be too amazing and i thought that
the men of the cloth sort of plugged themselves up
in monasteries and just red and red gee isn't it
great i mean all those crocodiles and everything
now listen girls even though
he's a man he's also a priest
i mean he isn't supposed to be a man i mean
he isn't supposed to be uh interested in girls
except in a very fatherly way confession
is okay don't tell him everything okay
well how about some papaya
thank you oh um it's a very nice stream down
below after you young ladies have finished
and you'd like to go down there and cool off but
remember stay close together and if you get lost
around here we can be in real trouble did you hear
that girls i just stay close together and from now
on father osgood is the boss anything he says go
well let's just sort of think of me as sort of a
temporal advisor if i can comfort any of
you in any way well feel free to come to me
you are so sympathetic and kind father i hope
i can always come to you when i need you well
you can certainly count on my confidence
and please do come to me whatever you desire
thank you father i shall i'm ready for
the water oh me too yes i i think we
maybe all had better cool off a little
bit now just remember stay close together
oh oh oh my feet these waters are
hot sister i could carry you oh
thank you anyway father it's not very far is
it no no no it's not much further let's move on
there's the river watch your step
watch these rocks are slippery
easy desert hang on i mean sister
give me your hand sister these rocks are slippery
whoops i have you well last but not least oh
this is like something i would saw in a tarzan
movie well let's just hope he's not here gee
i don't know about this silence plumbing but
the bathtubs are great well we're okay for now
girls if you want to sort of wash up and cool
off go ahead i'll uh keep an eye on the trail
okay girls coolest hallelujah
my feet are killing me
i wonder if i could confess a little something
well you could start with the colonel what
i'll cut it out i was only kidding
hey josie take it easy you may have to
leave it in a hurry oh it's so gorgeous
wow
all that lush and beauty i have to be
father or as good the kindly country priest
a lot of laughs
and the twins margarita strong silent
title their sister jane what a double hero
well there's josie
well i'll just have to kind of break it
to him gently that should be a lot of fun
josie oh booey i don't see what's so terrible
about the human body like to swim in my birthday
so
hey i think something's wrong
hurry hi there's a jeff soldier coming
hurry hurry pick up all your
things we've got to hide fast
crying out loud come out i don't have any clothes
on i don't give a what you don't have on come out
well all right but turn
around are you crazy get out
josie josie come
all of you get down
get down
just
so
this
so
father
oh
then
i'm
he's leaving do you think you could
find a place where we were last night
yeah i'm sure we can meet me
there don't leave anything behind
oh oh thank you father oh thank
you father well thank you sister
thank you sister better get those on
hurry on up there
oh
me
oh
so
oh
me
vodka
me
time
he has been gone a long time huh
so
think something could have happened to him
what are we gonna do without the father when
you stop with my nerves your being nervous
is making me nervous so don't make me nervous
now if you'll all just relax i'm sure he'll
be back all we have to do is wait wait
hey father all's good father oh father
all's good is everything all right up
here yes we were beginning to be worried
a little what about you well i'm all right
i'm afraid i've got some bad news well there's
a [ __ ] radio shack on the island well that
louses up this little island we might as well drag
out the raft again and look for another sandbox
well maybe not as far as i could tell there are
only two on the island maybe we could capture them
with what you got honey you
could capture a whole regiment
no no i i think for the time being it's best
if we just sort of stay out of their way don't
don't let on that we're even here i don't
think we have too much to worry about
there are only two of them and frankly i think
they're they're both as loony as bed bugs
they're undoubtedly in constant radio contact
with the mainland now if we try to get rid of
them their superiors would figure something
was wrong and come here to check on them see
well we could just be in boku trouble what would
happen then we could probably play musical chairs
with a whole japanese army yeah that's that's
about it so the best thing for now is to sort of
uh play hide and seek with them which means we're
gonna have to maintain a sentry system as a matter
of fact it might be a good idea to sort of study
their habits find out what they do during the day
well if we're lucky we could sort of share
this island without them even knowing it
well um another thing we're gonna have
to do is find a safe place to stay
and i think i've done that so let's move
easy here boy my feet hurt
at this point i'd rather surrender than
take another step well it's just a few
more feet girls if you feel you can make it
so let's go just stay together and keep quiet
well there it is there wasn't a new home
it's not exactly the waldorf astoria
but as long as we're together we
should try to make the best of it
the last one in pull down the
lid come girl follow father
i think the father slipped his
lid our suite is just ahead dear
dear sister all right honey come on
oh i think we are here
oh how crazy i closed the lid father you don't
have a thing to worry about well that's good
oh i just love fresh cut flowers
this is it snazzy
uh honey that was me
well this isn't exactly like home but we'll
just have to call it that for the time being
yeah you're quite right father just how long
would you say the time being will be being
well it's uh that's going to be kind of hard
to say you know i think we can have a fire
here tonight leaves will sort of filter the
smoke i don't think we can be seen i'll uh
go out and round up some wood perhaps one of you
girls should come along and sort of stand watch
the rest of you sisters can sort of clean up
around here and make yourselves comfortable
after you uh father would you mind because
in case of snakes i'm just terrified snakes
snakes do you think we really need firewood
yes father we didn't need firewood definitely
all right girls up up up sooner we clean this up
up the sooner we can rest would
you hang these in the closets
oh we're gonna play house i'll vacuum
you know i could be happy
here for about two minutes
ouch what what is it my hair is cut oh oh
never fear my dear daddy is here oh i mean
father will get a news for you not just just hold
it hold it you really do have that card all right
you know father this could really be fun of
course if it was any other man but who you are
but then the girls would really
hate me who were they well of course
after all we are all girls and no man except for
you father but you don't really can't be a priest
gloria yes father do you have to
call me that well you are a priest
maybe there's uh there's
something i should tell you
suppose i told you that you didn't have to let my
being a priest bother you i don't understand well
i mean is uh suppose we just let well
they sort of accept the fact that
you're a woman and i'm a man and just kind of let
nature take its own course father why father how
could you well no no not don't don't get excited
what i mean is i'm not going on being a priest all
my life please now look i never was a priest
hey you're you're pretty much okay in my book
father i know what it is i know what terrible
desires are racing to your mind oh you do
oh you are so right as i said you're a woman and
i'm a man but i have to for both of us for you and
for me think of your traditional i can't let you
forsake your sacred world in the heat of passion
no no father i know you will try to convince me
give us any kind of an excuse i won't let you
you won't eh no nothing to shave my faith in you
i know it will be very difficult and trying father
you you have no idea how trying and difficult
it's going to be no no no just let's be calm
try to think of mr sister or a cousin or something
even thinking of you as a brother isn't
going to help couldn't we at least hold hands
the father father i must try and
forget that you are a healthy
big warm-blooded man the only
man on this island have a banana
firewood
hmm
we have got to observe our
enemies habits go on and watch
brother habits are the same any matches
no matches not in here either not a match
amongst us well we're gonna have to eat
something besides fresh fruit i guess we have
to figure on being here a while huh father
maybe years we won't get back oh come
on now girls it's not as bad as all that
we don't think of a way out want her
father oh sure sure it'll be no time at all
you know i think i'll run down the
[ __ ] radio shack and look around
maybe i can pick up a couple matches eaten
some food cheer you girls up but what if they
see you what about you i mean i mean us all
alone up here but you'll be quite safe here
just don't go wandering off
anywhere i'll be back in a jiffy
oh
god but i see no games oh
what's up um
oh
oh
laughs
operator
oh shut up
don't disconnect this is emergency this
is emergency we're on a small island
it's called san miguel on the map
latitude about 10 longitude about 120.
i'm stuck here with five american frauds
women the sure you are sisters i'll bet
it's real tough too there's there's a colonel
colonel davis field he could confirm the fight
i could be in trouble
okay
um
dragon
foreign
(Chimes)
(Comical Music)
oh really
boys
oh sisters oh father is everything
okay i've got a surprise for
i managed to sneak into the [ __ ] radio shack and
i contacted the good old u.s
navy and we got some french
what's that fresh meat
you gotta kill them to eat them
well that's ridiculous we can't do
i go
if they miss him you girls can go back to sleep
okay mac your prince charming or something
you come back again i'll take care of
you personally all right mike this time
i want you to stay put see you take care of
your homework i'll take care of mine okay
oh
thinking it's good for you all right
six one two one two one two four
tip from stiff phone yeah i'll believe it
what is it what is it wow we're surrounded by
jacks faster faster faster faster faster faster
during the night a million a million well maybe
not a million but this whole place is covered
what do they do father i don't know we've
just gotta think we've gotta come up with
we'll come up with something
why don't we
surrender
oh no that wouldn't do any good nobody's gonna
surrender at least twice not right now look
i've still got a couple of cards by a couple
of aces this game isn't over by a damn sight
long long shot
we better start praying you lead father greed
in prayer
maybe we'd all better just
pray in in silence or you know
that way we'll have six prayers going for us
when it starts getting dark
another one
father he's too small i don't care
that's all you get but that's only 11.
that's it besides 11 is my lucky number oh
come on get your pants on
that's a lousy fit i don't care just
grab what you can find and let's go
we've got to move out of here hurry get rid
of everything that isn't uniform let's move
keep going grab your pants and start running
foreign
hi
i think they're sending us a
message father that's close
that's close
(Explosion)
um
oh wait a minute oh wow
father i don't think they are very
safe here i think you are right
there is no place safe on this whole damned
island father damned what are we gonna do
i don't know i saw this cowboy
an indian western movement and
and the cowboy he snuck right into
the middle of the indian camp and he
never got caught how much closer to
the middle do you think we could get
shelter please oh josie this is serious
now i always think of his crazy things
hold it hold it hey you know
she may have something there
i think we can get closer look there are a
bunch of crates and boxes and and trucks and
all that stuff and there are many of them i
think we can get closer right into the middle
of it let's let's move out that way get your
helmets away get your hair under the helmet
christopher
father i wanted to talk to you about him
what happened up front i stumbled
all right get your helmet on and from now
on i lead guess your father you are the boss
now as soon as those guards move
out we move in up look like jab suit
i think this box is empty get up underneath
for me
oh it's so hot and stuffy here's a rock raise
the box a little a little more okay okay
ouch sorry oh that's all right father
how long do you think we will be here i don't
know maybe until dawn come on oh i'm so hungry
quiet now remember one thing we're gonna
have to be in here and that is quiet
look i'm gonna try to go back
to that [ __ ] radio shack and
get to that radio maybe i can contact the u.s navy
all right i'm trying to be careful raise it up
ah
shut up
now
so
hmm
come on
so
hi
foreign
oh
mom
uh
ah
oh
don't panic
uh
sorry will you be more careful well
what happened did you get the name
oh sorry i'm afraid we have no chance no chance
just remember that we have but
one life to give for our country
i'm afraid this is it but before we go we're
gonna give them a party that they'll never forget
finally we'll move the box back into the trees
hmm
okay
she
here take the gun
nice
next
thanks
okay move back against the bank
wait here
over here
(Gunshots)
okay
could i join
ah
oh
don't you think you ought to keep one for us
i think we better pray
our fathers who aren't in heaven or
wherever you might be i hope you hear me
i'd like you to to help help them
well if you think you can't
thank you
(Birds Chirping)
shhh
wait here
hmm
foreign
what happened our little japanese friends decided
to leave this island just
for us you girls and myself
hello mother goose this is murphy on
sam miguel come in murphy do you read me
over read you loud and clear sir over i've got
general robinson here he'd like to talk to you
general robinson roger roger put him on general
robinson hello there this is general robertson
mrs murphy recognition of the tremendous job
you and your men are going against the enemy
you've earned a unit citation you're also now
an official combat unit of the armed forces
now aren't your major in the us army your code
name meanwhipping rock we could use a few more
hairy chests and outfits like yours keep up
the good work don't let him get you down yes
sir general we're pulling back to australia he is
murphy he's not father as good well i can i've got
oh maybe i can dig up a box of cigars yeah well
general i um i think a box cars would be just fine
you should have heard what i
was gonna tell him he's he's
just playing murphy it's just a man just a man. oh yes.
i'm gonna call you baaaaack
yes... I mean no general, no. Age before... beauty
okay okay okay i i give up
i go to 1500... and raise you a thousand
I'll go there
well i think i've got the best hand
but i'm a little short on money
i'll tell you what i've got something better
than that i've got a way out of this hell hole
a pass from the military
so? so what do i think it's worth?
with what's in the pot plus another
thousand. winner take all. okay by me
okay by me too
castle full of queens
i'd heard tell that fortunes were made
and lost here in the orient in a matter of
minutes hours. well that point had just been
proven i lost my fortune in about two hours.
before long i was to find out there were still
some who just wouldn't believe that i was busted
(Jazz Club Music)
(Applause)
(Dramatic Music)
vanilla the heart of the far east 27
days after pearl harbor the word for it
chaos do you expect us to wait
here until the japanese take over
madam i am only the desk clerk and
you owe me 2.50 on your bill. i... am not going to pay it! what do you mean?
are you all right?
is there... is there something i can do?
shall i call a doctor? my good
man if i understand you properly
you're suffering from an over indulgence of the
night before now let me let me recommend a remedy
it's a special formula of an old benedictine monk
i once knew take a raw egg and beat it up in a
warm cup of bacon fat and swallow it down
quickly and follow it with a glass of sour milk
i hope i didn't say the wrong thing
hope you didn't mind my uh telling you
about the remedy just don't mention
that old benedictine monk again
ah those poor people all rushing
to find the way out of manila
who wouldn't with a million japs breathing
down their necks they're rushing me out of
vanilla and i don't really want to go you
mean you've got a way out yes i have a pass
you see my parishioners are here
they'll need me at a time like this
how tall are you padre huh oh
something over six foot i suppose why
do you ask oh i uh i was just thinking
nah that would never work i should stay
give the pass to someone more needy i said
you know padre you are absolutely right you know
pretty soon there's going to be a lot of shooting
going on around here a lot of people dying they're
going to need you here exactly you know padre
i have a sudden desire to want to help you out
of your predicament help me yes i know the top
man at the airport one word from me and i know
he'll give that pass to some deserving soul
you're so understanding but you have to hurry play
leaves this afternoon do you happen to have those
papers or pass on you by any chance it's in my
room oh but i'll get it no no no no no i'll be
happy to get it for you how good are you room 18
it's so you just stay there i'll be right back
what a nice man
those passes should have been
here an hour ago would you please
call the embassy excuse me excuse me ah
yes yes i believe that all paid up here ah
and this envelope colonel davis left for you i
think it's those passes for you and the house is
i would like to see those passes oh what seems to
be the trouble he wants to see some passes passive
silently
now remember just take what you
need the rest will be shaped
boy maxine i sure hope the girl doesn't change
his mind but take away our space on the plane
don't worry about it i don't
think he'll welch on it
bless you my good man you are so understanding
oh hello father bless you sister
good afternoon got an idea oh father would
you wait just a moment for me please they're
in luck they can live with this priest and nobody
will bother us praised hey nobody will bother us
father what are you doing on that fire escape
mercy me i could have sworn i smelled smoke
i guess i was mistaken come
along father perfectly safe
now hold it honey i mean the young young
young ladies you you must be more careful
i i think i forgot my car how dare
they i'm going to call my senator
i'm going to call mine too wait
wait now ladies and gentlemen i
i've never had mercy oh yeah all those poor
people rushing to find a way out of manila
what do you mean where have
you been playing come on
come on we only had two days we're playing
then well charlie get upstairs and get back hey
thank you for getting going i'm not going i'm
married i'm legal you're crazy i'm got to get it
oh what a lovely hat you do have where did you get
such a hat i got this hat in the gypsy illinois
poughkeepsie it's a lovely hat i must get one
of those for a friend of mine oh father i forgot
all about you thank you very much for kind of
escorting that well that was my pleasure ladies
you see i told you he wouldn't forget look at
that red cross all right everybody on the bus song
oh i understand that you're
going out of the airport yes
well i perhaps you wouldn't mind getting
in here oh no the top support thank you
uh so miss maxine here i'm
matt being right here uh
fine have your girls get their passports
and all their papers ready to make it
a little easier to check them through the
colonel will be alone in a minute thank you
how about me my good man uh yes you too father
uh we'll hurry your papers right along thank you
hi you got lipstick on your
kernels hey collard colonel i do
you weren't so nervous the
other night sweetheart ugh
if anybody hears about this i'll be
shocked first in court marshall later
the deal's the deal even in wartime get your deals
ready take offs in a few minutes no i'm gonna miss
trigger
your papers are in order miss papers
are anonymous thank you wait for me
hello sister oh father bye buddy
oh sergeant could you see that this gets
back to the hotel please certainly father
it's very important father was good
he's yes yes yes father is good
that that's my brother twin twin
brother i see i'll see that he gets
have you cleared the young ladies yet yes oh uh
father say excuse me father you sure look familiar
haven't we met some place before i'm afraid not
colonel you see my my parish is located in the
deepest of jungle this is father osgood colonel
brother this is colonel davis how do you do
that certainly is strange very strange
i could have sworn that that face
well i guess in days like these anybody
can get confused yes confused shanghai
the name wasn't as good no no i can't say is i've
been to that fair city colonel everything's in
order padre you can board now thank you my good
man thank you it's all right father have a good
a trip 74 year old man don't you think colonel
he's 74 years old that's what his papers say
shanghai why you bubble brained idiot will both be
shot but sir what do i remember who this joker is
he took me for 1800 bucks in shanghai
murphy that's a man of the claw ah the only cloth
he's ever seen is a green cloth on a dice table
i'm sure happy we're on our way i can
say that again australia here we come
are you showgirls uh well that's not a special
tag uh actually uh we're exotic dancers
as strippers well i mean that is the term this
is the slang term i'm leaving oh father i think
you have it all bro or we may display a little
agar but we do not exactly bump and grind correct
she's jane she's marguerite
we also zing and i just
we are artists yes i'm quite sure you are
do
oh
oh
your seat belts
um
um
oh
he's got all my legs
i think he's coming too he is father
the plane crashed
are there are any others yes but we must
have used it arguing tonight at least we're
all together thank the lord for that now if we
only knew where we were or where we're going
well if i'm i'm not mistaken we're still
someplace in the philippine islands
it shouldn't be too long before we spot land
hey isn't that land
what is it father i was just wondering
if there were any of our little japanese
friends on that island how do you cook
them well medium or charcoal broiled
i'm so hungry i could eat a cannibal we'll have to
drift out here until after dark and then move in
father would you would you
would you hear my confession
your confession
that's a shame maybe later in private is is
that a real life gun yes it is gee father
i never knew a father who carries a real life gun
father well you see this uh this jungle that i
operate in it was pretty rough well what
i mean is this uh this jungle where where
i had my parish it was it was pretty rough i
guess so i mean the black eye and everything oh
i think we can start rowing in now
uh down eat me over there by the
trees now take everything with you
i'll deflate the raft and be there in a minute
father over here
father are you all right i think we're safe here
we'd better find a place for the night then
we'll look around the first thing in the morning
bobby you're catholic my what
your guesses whoa oh the robe
well good morning sisters
to cut it in half
hey this is really living
isn't it breakfast in bed wow
you know what if he wasn't a priest and he was
alone on this tropical island with all of us
wow and say that again wow you
amaze me father well miss when
when you kicked around i mean when you've had
as many experiences as i've had in this world
nothing would be too amazing and i thought that
the men of the cloth sort of plugged themselves up
in monasteries and just red and red gee isn't it
great i mean all those crocodiles and everything
now listen girls even though
he's a man he's also a priest
i mean he isn't supposed to be a man i mean
he isn't supposed to be uh interested in girls
except in a very fatherly way confession
is okay don't tell him everything okay
well how about some papaya
thank you oh um it's a very nice stream down
below after you young ladies have finished
and you'd like to go down there and cool off but
remember stay close together and if you get lost
around here we can be in real trouble did you hear
that girls i just stay close together and from now
on father osgood is the boss anything he says go
well let's just sort of think of me as sort of a
temporal advisor if i can comfort any of
you in any way well feel free to come to me
you are so sympathetic and kind father i hope
i can always come to you when i need you well
you can certainly count on my confidence
and please do come to me whatever you desire
thank you father i shall i'm ready for
the water oh me too yes i i think we
maybe all had better cool off a little
bit now just remember stay close together
oh oh oh my feet these waters are
hot sister i could carry you oh
thank you anyway father it's not very far is
it no no no it's not much further let's move on
there's the river watch your step
watch these rocks are slippery
easy desert hang on i mean sister
give me your hand sister these rocks are slippery
whoops i have you well last but not least oh
this is like something i would saw in a tarzan
movie well let's just hope he's not here gee
i don't know about this silence plumbing but
the bathtubs are great well we're okay for now
girls if you want to sort of wash up and cool
off go ahead i'll uh keep an eye on the trail
okay girls coolest hallelujah
my feet are killing me
i wonder if i could confess a little something
well you could start with the colonel what
i'll cut it out i was only kidding
hey josie take it easy you may have to
leave it in a hurry oh it's so gorgeous
wow
all that lush and beauty i have to be
father or as good the kindly country priest
a lot of laughs
and the twins margarita strong silent
title their sister jane what a double hero
well there's josie
well i'll just have to kind of break it
to him gently that should be a lot of fun
josie oh booey i don't see what's so terrible
about the human body like to swim in my birthday
so
hey i think something's wrong
hurry hi there's a jeff soldier coming
hurry hurry pick up all your
things we've got to hide fast
crying out loud come out i don't have any clothes
on i don't give a what you don't have on come out
well all right but turn
around are you crazy get out
josie josie come
all of you get down
get down
just
so
this
so
father
oh
then
i'm
he's leaving do you think you could
find a place where we were last night
yeah i'm sure we can meet me
there don't leave anything behind
oh oh thank you father oh thank
you father well thank you sister
thank you sister better get those on
hurry on up there
oh
me
oh
so
oh
me
vodka
me
time
he has been gone a long time huh
so
think something could have happened to him
what are we gonna do without the father when
you stop with my nerves your being nervous
is making me nervous so don't make me nervous
now if you'll all just relax i'm sure he'll
be back all we have to do is wait wait
hey father all's good father oh father
all's good is everything all right up
here yes we were beginning to be worried
a little what about you well i'm all right
i'm afraid i've got some bad news well there's
a [ __ ] radio shack on the island well that
louses up this little island we might as well drag
out the raft again and look for another sandbox
well maybe not as far as i could tell there are
only two on the island maybe we could capture them
with what you got honey you
could capture a whole regiment
no no i i think for the time being it's best
if we just sort of stay out of their way don't
don't let on that we're even here i don't
think we have too much to worry about
there are only two of them and frankly i think
they're they're both as loony as bed bugs
they're undoubtedly in constant radio contact
with the mainland now if we try to get rid of
them their superiors would figure something
was wrong and come here to check on them see
well we could just be in boku trouble what would
happen then we could probably play musical chairs
with a whole japanese army yeah that's that's
about it so the best thing for now is to sort of
uh play hide and seek with them which means we're
gonna have to maintain a sentry system as a matter
of fact it might be a good idea to sort of study
their habits find out what they do during the day
well if we're lucky we could sort of share
this island without them even knowing it
well um another thing we're gonna have
to do is find a safe place to stay
and i think i've done that so let's move
easy here boy my feet hurt
at this point i'd rather surrender than
take another step well it's just a few
more feet girls if you feel you can make it
so let's go just stay together and keep quiet
well there it is there wasn't a new home
it's not exactly the waldorf astoria
but as long as we're together we
should try to make the best of it
the last one in pull down the
lid come girl follow father
i think the father slipped his
lid our suite is just ahead dear
dear sister all right honey come on
oh i think we are here
oh how crazy i closed the lid father you don't
have a thing to worry about well that's good
oh i just love fresh cut flowers
this is it snazzy
uh honey that was me
well this isn't exactly like home but we'll
just have to call it that for the time being
yeah you're quite right father just how long
would you say the time being will be being
well it's uh that's going to be kind of hard
to say you know i think we can have a fire
here tonight leaves will sort of filter the
smoke i don't think we can be seen i'll uh
go out and round up some wood perhaps one of you
girls should come along and sort of stand watch
the rest of you sisters can sort of clean up
around here and make yourselves comfortable
after you uh father would you mind because
in case of snakes i'm just terrified snakes
snakes do you think we really need firewood
yes father we didn't need firewood definitely
all right girls up up up sooner we clean this up
up the sooner we can rest would
you hang these in the closets
oh we're gonna play house i'll vacuum
you know i could be happy
here for about two minutes
ouch what what is it my hair is cut oh oh
never fear my dear daddy is here oh i mean
father will get a news for you not just just hold
it hold it you really do have that card all right
you know father this could really be fun of
course if it was any other man but who you are
but then the girls would really
hate me who were they well of course
after all we are all girls and no man except for
you father but you don't really can't be a priest
gloria yes father do you have to
call me that well you are a priest
maybe there's uh there's
something i should tell you
suppose i told you that you didn't have to let my
being a priest bother you i don't understand well
i mean is uh suppose we just let well
they sort of accept the fact that
you're a woman and i'm a man and just kind of let
nature take its own course father why father how
could you well no no not don't don't get excited
what i mean is i'm not going on being a priest all
my life please now look i never was a priest
hey you're you're pretty much okay in my book
father i know what it is i know what terrible
desires are racing to your mind oh you do
oh you are so right as i said you're a woman and
i'm a man but i have to for both of us for you and
for me think of your traditional i can't let you
forsake your sacred world in the heat of passion
no no father i know you will try to convince me
give us any kind of an excuse i won't let you
you won't eh no nothing to shave my faith in you
i know it will be very difficult and trying father
you you have no idea how trying and difficult
it's going to be no no no just let's be calm
try to think of mr sister or a cousin or something
even thinking of you as a brother isn't
going to help couldn't we at least hold hands
the father father i must try and
forget that you are a healthy
big warm-blooded man the only
man on this island have a banana
firewood
hmm
we have got to observe our
enemies habits go on and watch
brother habits are the same any matches
no matches not in here either not a match
amongst us well we're gonna have to eat
something besides fresh fruit i guess we have
to figure on being here a while huh father
maybe years we won't get back oh come
on now girls it's not as bad as all that
we don't think of a way out want her
father oh sure sure it'll be no time at all
you know i think i'll run down the
[ __ ] radio shack and look around
maybe i can pick up a couple matches eaten
some food cheer you girls up but what if they
see you what about you i mean i mean us all
alone up here but you'll be quite safe here
just don't go wandering off
anywhere i'll be back in a jiffy
oh
god but i see no games oh
what's up um
oh
oh
laughs
operator
oh shut up
don't disconnect this is emergency this
is emergency we're on a small island
it's called san miguel on the map
latitude about 10 longitude about 120.
i'm stuck here with five american frauds
women the sure you are sisters i'll bet
it's real tough too there's there's a colonel
colonel davis field he could confirm the fight
i could be in trouble
okay
um
dragon
foreign
(Chimes)
(Comical Music)
oh really
boys
oh sisters oh father is everything
okay i've got a surprise for
i managed to sneak into the [ __ ] radio shack and
i contacted the good old u.s
navy and we got some french
what's that fresh meat
you gotta kill them to eat them
well that's ridiculous we can't do
i go
if they miss him you girls can go back to sleep
okay mac your prince charming or something
you come back again i'll take care of
you personally all right mike this time
i want you to stay put see you take care of
your homework i'll take care of mine okay
oh
thinking it's good for you all right
six one two one two one two four
tip from stiff phone yeah i'll believe it
what is it what is it wow we're surrounded by
jacks faster faster faster faster faster faster
during the night a million a million well maybe
not a million but this whole place is covered
what do they do father i don't know we've
just gotta think we've gotta come up with
we'll come up with something
why don't we
surrender
oh no that wouldn't do any good nobody's gonna
surrender at least twice not right now look
i've still got a couple of cards by a couple
of aces this game isn't over by a damn sight
long long shot
we better start praying you lead father greed
in prayer
maybe we'd all better just
pray in in silence or you know
that way we'll have six prayers going for us
when it starts getting dark
another one
father he's too small i don't care
that's all you get but that's only 11.
that's it besides 11 is my lucky number oh
come on get your pants on
that's a lousy fit i don't care just
grab what you can find and let's go
we've got to move out of here hurry get rid
of everything that isn't uniform let's move
keep going grab your pants and start running
foreign
hi
i think they're sending us a
message father that's close
that's close
(Explosion)
um
oh wait a minute oh wow
father i don't think they are very
safe here i think you are right
there is no place safe on this whole damned
island father damned what are we gonna do
i don't know i saw this cowboy
an indian western movement and
and the cowboy he snuck right into
the middle of the indian camp and he
never got caught how much closer to
the middle do you think we could get
shelter please oh josie this is serious
now i always think of his crazy things
hold it hold it hey you know
she may have something there
i think we can get closer look there are a
bunch of crates and boxes and and trucks and
all that stuff and there are many of them i
think we can get closer right into the middle
of it let's let's move out that way get your
helmets away get your hair under the helmet
christopher
father i wanted to talk to you about him
what happened up front i stumbled
all right get your helmet on and from now
on i lead guess your father you are the boss
now as soon as those guards move
out we move in up look like jab suit
i think this box is empty get up underneath
for me
oh it's so hot and stuffy here's a rock raise
the box a little a little more okay okay
ouch sorry oh that's all right father
how long do you think we will be here i don't
know maybe until dawn come on oh i'm so hungry
quiet now remember one thing we're gonna
have to be in here and that is quiet
look i'm gonna try to go back
to that [ __ ] radio shack and
get to that radio maybe i can contact the u.s navy
all right i'm trying to be careful raise it up
ah
shut up
now
so
hmm
come on
so
hi
foreign
oh
mom
uh
ah
oh
don't panic
uh
sorry will you be more careful well
what happened did you get the name
oh sorry i'm afraid we have no chance no chance
just remember that we have but
one life to give for our country
i'm afraid this is it but before we go we're
gonna give them a party that they'll never forget
finally we'll move the box back into the trees
hmm
okay
she
here take the gun
nice
next
thanks
okay move back against the bank
wait here
over here
(Gunshots)
okay
could i join
ah
oh
don't you think you ought to keep one for us
i think we better pray
our fathers who aren't in heaven or
wherever you might be i hope you hear me
i'd like you to to help help them
well if you think you can't
thank you
(Birds Chirping)
shhh
wait here
hmm
foreign
what happened our little japanese friends decided
to leave this island just
for us you girls and myself
hello mother goose this is murphy on
sam miguel come in murphy do you read me
over read you loud and clear sir over i've got
general robinson here he'd like to talk to you
general robinson roger roger put him on general
robinson hello there this is general robertson
mrs murphy recognition of the tremendous job
you and your men are going against the enemy
you've earned a unit citation you're also now
an official combat unit of the armed forces
now aren't your major in the us army your code
name meanwhipping rock we could use a few more
hairy chests and outfits like yours keep up
the good work don't let him get you down yes
sir general we're pulling back to australia he is
murphy he's not father as good well i can i've got
oh maybe i can dig up a box of cigars yeah well
general i um i think a box cars would be just fine
you should have heard what i
was gonna tell him he's he's
just playing murphy it's just a man just a man. oh yes.
i'm gonna call you baaaaack
yes... I mean no general, no. Age before... beauty
okay okay okay i i give up