Getting In (1994) - full transcript
Gabriel Higgs has failed to get into Johns Hopkins to study medicine. He's sixth on a list of backup candidates, and must persuade the five people ahead of him to drop out. Gabriel has a family tradition to live up to. Things don't go to plan.
Wrong.
Sorry.
Turn left, turn left.
Ok, good.
Now go straight.
There you go.
Go straight, there.
Why do I feel like
I'm coaching this thing
through foreplay?
Nuh-uh.
Sorry.
That's enough for
you today, Dr. Mengele.
What's going on here?
Gabriel took the zapper.
Get on with the
experiment, Mr. Higgs.
Why can't we give them
a chance to do it on their own?
Because...
that's not the experiment.
Now hit the button.
What about
positive reinforcement?
You said B.F. Skinner
used rewards to, uh...
I know what I said.
That was last week's lesson.
This week, we shock them.
Go ahead.
He'll hardly feel a thing.
No.
You have a lot to learn
about being a doctor, Mr. Higgs.
well, I live on the edge
where it's a little run-down
you should come visit me
next time you're in town
I'm the next James Dean...
There he is, Maggie!
Mom! Dad!
What are you doing here?
Your father
wanted to surprise you.
Don't you realize the medical
admissions test is tomorrow?
That is precisely
why we're here, son.
A-ha.
A-ha, very good.
Very good.
Gabe's application
to Johns Hopkins.
Please, Dad,
I was working on that.
Gabriel...
this can't wait.
For over a hundred years,
we Higgs have
preserved a tradition.
What are you
doing to that plant?
Removing the dead leaves.
It stimulates a growth hormone.
Gabriel...
stop fidgeting with the plant.
Go on, dear.
Son...
the time has
come for you to follow
in your ancestors' footsteps.
Margaret.
The tassel.
Your great-great-grandfather
Ezekiel wore this tassel
when he graduated
with the very first class
from Johns Hopkins
Medical School.
My grandfather
carried it with him
through Johns Hopkins
and my father and I
carried it through
Johns Hopkins with us.
It's yours now.
You will keep
the tradition alive.
Dad's so proud of you.
Do us proud
on that exam tomorrow.
I got it.
The Medical College
Admissions Test
consists of four parts.
It is extremely important
that you follow
all instructions precisely.
Blacken the
appropriate ovals and rectangles
and erase completely
any incorrect or stray marks.
You have one minute remaining.
Stop.
Close your test booklets
and your answer sheets
and put your pencils down.
I said stop!
It was a complete disaster!
75 questions down the tubes
because of
one stupid mistake.
Oh, come on Gabe,
do you think Johns Hopkins
is gonna care
about some boondoggle test?
It's the admissions test!
Higgs, man,
your family practically
founded the
school, all right?
- You're in.
- Not at this rate.
How many times
do I have to tell you?
You want
the beef at the top,
you got to stir
the stew yourself, buddy.
Your whacked-out
Dinty Moore philosophy
isn't gonna get me
into Johns Hopkins!
Hey man, don't fry a circuit.
All right, flunk boy?
It's not my
fault you blew the test.
Junior Mint?
You're right, I'm sorry.
So you blew the MCAT.
All right,
you still got your grades.
You still got your interview.
Sorry.
Take, for example, a battlefield
strewn with casualties.
You have limited supplies,
limited manpower.
Triage...
One man alone decides
who will live and who will die,
Holding the staff
of Asclepius in his hand,
Playing God...
if you will.
Dr. Peters, medicine
is the noblest profession.
Thank you, Mr. Grimm.
Thank you, sir.
Mister... Higgs.
Yes!
Good luck, sport.
Would you hand
me that coat, son?
Thank you.
I see you've studied
quite a bit of botany.
Botany?
Yes! As you know,
most drugs are
derived from plants.
We're not here to
discuss shrubbery, Mr. Higgs.
Let's get to medicine, shall we?
Why did you apply
to this medical school?
Going to Johns Hopkins
is quite a tradition
in the Higgs family.
In fact, it's the
only school I applied to.
My great-great-grandfather was
in the first graduating class.
We know all about
your family tradition.
Why do you want
to attend Johns Hopkins?
I...
never thought of it
apart from at least the, uh...
context...
of... of the tradition.
Um, uh...
I suppose, um...
Isn't tradition important?
shot down dead
shot down most of his life
shot down
and it comes as no surprise
shot down, no choice
everybody's story,
I cried in disbelief
won't you please
help me see...
I got in! I got in!
Cornell Med School,
here I come!
I got in!
was not for naught,
all in vain
Hang in there,
Gabe, baby.
I'm still trying to crack
the Johns Hopkins directory.
Don't waste your time, Ron.
Doesn't matter
where I am on the list.
I'm not in.
I knew it, man.
The bell-z security code!
One Johns Hopkins
waiting list, coming up!
Hey, look!
You're number six!
That's not so bad.
It's all over.
I'd have to be number
one to stand a chance.
Nobody turns down
Johns Hopkins.
Look who's number four.
The elusive woman
of your dreams...
Kirby Watts.
What a co-inky-dinky.
It's fate, Gabe.
The two of you
were destined to meet
at some unaccredited
med school in Grenada.
You don't understand.
If I don't go to Johns Hopkins,
I'm not going anywhere.
Then you're fucked.
Hello?
Gabey, it's Mother.
I was just
talking with Mrs. Fielder.
You remember the Fielders,
the big house on Rosemont.
Anyway, I ran into her
downtown and she said
that Jim just got
accepted at Johns Hopkins!
What?
Now don't tell me anything.
We'll leave it all
as a big surprise, ok?
You know how long your father's
been waiting for this day?
He's so proud of you.
We're all so proud of you.
Gabey?
You did tell him 7:00?
Yes... I told him 7:00.
How many times are you
gonna ask me the same question?
Here he is.
Hello, Gabey!
Hi.
She did tell you...
7:00.
I, uh...
Yes...
Well, what's the
prognosis, Doctor?
Gabey, what's that
on your shoulders?
I thought you
were going to Bermuda.
Well, the conference
can wait one more day...
for this.
Champagne?
Please.
Margaret.
Thanks.
Well?
Well what?
You got the letter.
What letter?
From Johns Hopkins.
What did they say?
What did they say?
They said, um...
well, they...
they said that, um...
they said that
I wasn't accepted.
You had me going there.
Congratulations, son.
Your first semester's tuition.
But be sure you get it in
by the end of the week.
And you'll also
find a little something extra.
Congratulations...
Doctor.
Ooh-hoo! You are
in deep shit, flunk boy.
Maybe I could talk to them.
- Who?
- The people ahead of me.
If they only knew,
they might withdraw from the list.
I could beg, plead,
appeal to their better natures.
Gabe, baby, we're talking
about med students, all right?
They don't
have better natures.
They're just mean, competitive
and greedy, all right?
Now, there's an idea.
Bribe 'em.
Bribe them.
Why not?
It's illegal, for one thing.
I don't see why it would be.
Immoral, then.
Why? I mean,
who gets hurt?
This is ridiculous.
How would I
even find these people?
Hello!
Gabe, I'm in Johns
Hopkins' directory, all right?
Voil?.
Here's their names,
addresses, class schedules,
extracurricular bullshit,
where they work, everything.
I'd never make it.
They turn to the list five
days after the letters go out.
If I'm not number
one by then, I'm finished.
So you got to hurry.
I don't know.
Man, just think of it as a
business deal, just business.
Right. Where would
I find the money?
How much?
11,000.
Oh, man!
How much would I offer them?
It's like the popcorn.
Just depends on the microwave.
It's not like I'd be
forcing them to accept.
I mean, there's really
nothing unethical about it.
Right?
Hey, you don't
have to convince me.
I say we start close to home.
Kirby Watts.
I can't believe
it's over already.
Yeah, yeah.
I swear, I don't
know how I pick 'em.
He thought he was
God's gift to women.
What... a... joke.
Hi.
Juice? Cookie?
Juice? Ok.
He wouldn't know
a clitoris from a thesaurus.
Kirby, hi.
How are you? Gabriel.
Gabriel Higgs from Psych.
Kirby. How ya doing?
Gabe...
No! Uh...
I don't want to
give blood. I just...
Don't you worry.
This won't hurt a bit.
You don't understand.
There. That wasn't
so bad, was it?
Hi, Kirby.
I'm Gabe...
Hi, Gabriel.
Juice? Cookie?
I...
I guess.
Uh...
Bye.
Bye.
She remembers my name.
Sir, are you coming or going?
Gabriel.
Kirby!
What are you doing here?
You already gave blood.
I know you're on the Hop...
I feel all right now.
Uh, you heard the nurse.
You got to stay on I.V.
until blood comes
back to your brain.
It isn't that often
the pre-med students
come in here and give blood.
And never two pints.
Yeah?
You should come
back next week.
Then I'll be working
in the sperm bank.
You work in a sperm bank?
Popsicle?
No... thanks.
Listen, uh, Kirby. I, um...
You took the
MCAT, didn't you?
Yeah.
Where are you
planning on going next year?
I was waitlisted at Hopkins.
Ah, same here!
Actually, that's,
uh... what I came here to
discuss with you. Um...
Kirby Watts, please
report to the ... office.
I got to go.
Wait!
Listen, I want
to ask you something.
It's important.
Um...
I was wondering if, um...
you might be interested in...
How would you feel about...
You know what?
I'd love to.
You would?
Mm-hmm.
Why don't you
pick me up tonight at 7.
Tower 606?
Oh.
Ok.
A date?
All is not lost, all right?
Just fleece her then.
But you better hit
the next one right away.
Rupert Grimm.
He's at Princeton.
I can't. The psych
test is tomorrow morning.
Just chill, all right?
You leave now
and you get back tonight.
But when will I study?
Gabe, my friend,
an "A" in psych
ain't gonna get you
into Johns Hopkins, ok?
This will.
Number five,
Rupert Grimm.
And, um...
try not to fall in
love with him, too? Good.
Thanks, man.
This monkey sits...
Prick!
Invulnerable.
A bold and daring thrust.
On the contrary.
A reckless gambit
indicative of
the lamentable decline
of a once vigorous mind,
and now your blameless
queen would bare your folly.
Are you going to address me
or merely stand there
breathing down my neck?
Me?
Oh, um, I'm sorry.
I didn't want
to interrupt you
while you were
playing with yourself.
I mean,
against yourself.
Who's winning?
You are.
You're Rupert Grimm, right?
Don't tell me.
Johns Hopkins Medical School.
At the interview,
you were after me. Higgs.
Yes, you have
quite a memory.
You were holding
a dead tupidanthus leaf
in your left hand.
That's amazing.
Thank you.
So, Mr. Higgs, I take it
you didn't come here to discuss
strategies of engagement.
Actually, I wondered if you've
heard from Johns Hopkins yet.
Johns Hopkins.
Alas, yes.
I've been waitlisted.
So was I.
Really?
And you see, um...
getting into Johns Hopkins
is a matter of
life and death for me.
And I was wondering, um...
if you weren't
absolutely set on going there...
if there might be
some way I could, uh...
persuade you to
withdraw from the waiting list.
You have the list,
haven't you?
You're number five.
I'm number six.
Very interesting.
Let me see it.
This sorry collection
of vermin is ahead of me?
You know them?
I don't have to,
they're all the same.
Self-interested,
selfish, petty.
A doctor holds
people's lives in his hands.
Hopkins idiots
have insulted me,
and no one
insults Rupert... Grimm.
You mean, uh...
you'll withdraw?
Why not?
Really?
I don't believe it,
that's great!
Frankly, if you ask me,
Johns Hopkins
is a little overrated.
No, it isn't.
Right, when you think about it.
So, uh, I guess that's it.
I assume you have already
asked the others to withdraw.
Uh, no, not yet.
I'm number five, old sport.
You'll have wasted your time,
if a spot opens up
and number one takes it.
New Hampshire?
The first one's
in New Hampshire.
I've got a
psych exam tomorrow.
And my date!
you're taller than me
tall
but I can still
kiss your face
you're taller than me
tall
you're taller than me
tall...
Hello.
You're late.
kiss your face...
Kirby, listen...
Uh...
I... I'm really sorry.
It's ok.
I made other plans.
Oh, you did?
No, that's great.
this is the time
of tell and show...
Excuse me?
I mean, uh,
I can't make it, either.
I, uh, I...
I've got to go, um,
uh, to the library.
I have to study
for the psych... psych test.
Oh, but here,
I brought you this.
Flowers.
How original.
Actually,
this is a, uh, very rare,
Uh... uh...
A cactus?
See, Randall? Lab
practical wasn't that hard.
You just
needed a little help.
Let's go watch the bonfire.
No.
Don't be such an ogre.
Randall, what's the matter?
Look, Tina, I appreciate you
helping me finish the assignment
and everything.
It was the everything I liked.
Yeah, it was fun.
I just wasn't
really figuring on you...
hanging around
all the time, you know?
What do you mean?
Are you...
dumping me?
Oh, no. Usually,
I don't like to use that word,
but in this case,
it's just so...
perfectly apt.
Randall Burns?
Sounds to me like
you got your
balls in quite a vise.
Exactly. So?
I want money.
Ok!
Ok. Good, good!
I'm prepared for that.
Uh, how much
money would you want?
40?
40?
Thousand.
40,000!
Keep your voice down.
That's crazy.
Where am I
supposed to get $40,000?
That's your problem.
No!
Wait, wait.
I have some money.
I'll take it.
Hey!
Ow!
That's $11,000!
Oh, in that case...
what's today, Tuesday?
I'll give you till Friday
to give me the other 29,000.
What?
And if I don't get it by then,
I'll call Johns Hopkins
and tell them
about your little offer.
That's blackmail.
And this is bribery.
I'm dead serious.
Burn! Burn!
Burn! Burn!
Burn! Burn!
Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!
Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!
Poor Tina.
Won't you be surprised?
What happened?
Randall dumped me.
Randall Burns is
such a flaming asshole.
Ah! This is ridiculous.
I should have
never listened to you.
What am I supposed to do?
Where am I
gonna get $29,000, huh?
Hello. You've reached the home
of Dr. and Mrs. Lionel Higgs,
the proud parents
of our son Gabriel
who just got into
Johns Hopkins Medical...
Look.
Jesus.
Where'd you get all this cash?
I sold a painting.
A fine example
of American naturalism.
That's what the fence said.
The fence?
I'm a thief.
I've been consorting
with known criminals.
You outta your mind.
Look at all
this fuckin' money.
Ok.
Ok, who's next?
Cornell University.
Amanda Morel.
Nice name.
The bitch.
It is the only
copy on reserve.
Amanda...
aren't you through
with the book yet?
No.
I'm studying.
Amanda Morel?
You can't have it.
I'm using it.
Oh.
No. I, um...
I need to talk to you.
Get lost.
I'm here to offer you money.
Let's hear it.
I'm willing to pay you
to withdraw from the
Johns Hopkins waiting list.
I see.
How much?
Well...
$2,000.
Get real.
How much did you have in mind?
Guess what?
Mommy got $15,000 today.
She's rich!
And she's hungry.
Could you please turn
down the music, Amanda?
I'm trying to study.
Could you hold
the line, please?
Look, if you want to study,
go to the library.
I'm just gonna
turn it down a touch.
Yes, I'd like a small pizza...
Stupid dog.
Don't you dare attack Bubbles.
He growled at me.
He also shit in my new shoes.
So?
They look like shit anyway.
Now could you be quiet?
I'm on the phone.
Fuck!
I ordered pepperoni,
not mushroom.
Jody?
Jody?
I don't feel so good.
Could you tell me where
I could find Randall Burns?
Yeah, this is it.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
And who can forget
the time he called us
while he was
banging Valerie Kresveldt?
The man's a legend!
I'm looking for
Randall Burns.
Hey.
This guy's here
to see Randy.
Send him up.
Here he is.
Try not to sneeze.
Get out of here.
Get out of here or I'll
smash your fucking brains out!
Hello, father.
You...
Don't we look
dignified this morning?
Almost didn't recognize you
without a bottle in your hand.
You want a beer or something?
No, thank you.
What's all this stuff for?
Medical school.
Medical school?
Yeah.
That's really something.
I can remember
thinkin' you was...
a little... off.
A doctor.
Yes, a doctor.
I feel like I should give
you a present or something.
You can give me a promise.
A promise?
Yes.
Promise me that when
your whisky-soaked liver
finally turns completely fibrous
and you lie in a cirrhotic coma
hooked up to the
latest dialysis machines,
that you'll allow me,
your son the doctor,
to personally pull the plug.
I'd like that.
Gabriel, this is your father.
Did you wait for the beep?
Yes, I heard the beep.
Gabriel,
I'm calling from Bermuda.
We need you to
drive to the house
to let the pool man
in today. 3 p.m. sharp.
Don't be late.
Gabriel?
You...
sold my painting.
Gabriel? Gabriel.
Gabriel!
That must have
been some dream.
Yeah.
Brought your psych test.
Oh.
Thanks.
You have the Sugar Cubes.
But this is R.E.M.
Oh, check the R.E.M. case.
It's probably on the floor.
You know, I...
I got the weirdest message
uh, this morning.
There's a guy who's on
the waiting list at Hopkins,
And, uh, he got...
Oh, no, it's not in there!
God.
Look on top of the CD player.
Uh...
Anyway, he's trying to get
all the people ahead of him
To, uh, to drop off
of the, uh, of the list.
He's even offering them money.
Well, you gonna
report this sleazebag
or just tell him
to go fuck himself?
To go fuck himself.
I... I guess.
Listen, I, um, I have to
go to my parents' house.
I have to drive to my parents'
house to meet the pool man.
Do you want to come?
I guess we beat the pool man.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
They all went
to Johns Hopkins.
It's a family tradition.
What happened here?
Somebody go to Harvard?
No.
Oh.
You were waitlisted.
Your parents
must be devastated.
I haven't told them.
What?
My father's head
would explode.
Wait, you could still get in.
What about that creep?
What creep?
That guy that you
told me about that was
trying to bribe
everybody off the list.
Oh, that creep. Right.
I mean,
think about it.
If everybody takes the
money from him and you don't,
then that'll bump
you to the top of the list.
Yeah.
You don't have
to feel guilty about it.
It'd be instant karma
for that arrogant bastard.
Why don't we check out the pool?
Um... Kirby,
What if you're
ahead of me on the list?
If it comes to that,
you can just have my place.
You'd do that for free?
I mean, free...
I mean...
You'd do that for me?
I got a scholarship to Cornell.
I couldn't afford to
go to Hopkins even if I got in.
Kirby,
you don't know
what that means to me.
Why don't we...
Go swimming?
Swimming?
Oh!
All right.
Huh?
Ok.
Last one in has to go to
medical school in Guadalajara!
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
Gabriel.
Mother, I...
Hi.
I'm Kirby Watts.
What a nice surprise.
Oh. Thank you.
Down. Down. Down.
Down. Good dog.
Gabriel!
What in God's name...
That painting is irreplaceable.
Irreplaceable!
If I ever get my hands
on the bastard who did this...
by God, I'll tear his stinking
eyes out of their sockets
and grind them into jelly.
What a hideous afternoon.
What else could
possibly go wrong?
Your suit!
They took your suit!
Young man...
Young... lady.
I haven't
finished with you yet.
Let's get out of here.
I am so sorry.
And you and the dog...
Kirby...
there's something
I really need to tell you.
Don't say it.
Whoa!
Gabe, what the...
You did take the
money from that sleazebag.
No! No, no, I didn't.
You are the sleazebag.
It's not what you think.
All right, then what is it?
Huh?
God, Gabe, you make me sick.
I'm gonna call my father right
now and tell him the truth.
- You are?
- Yes.
It's the right thing to do.
The only thing to do.
Atlanta Conference Center.
How may I direct your call?
Dr. Lionel Higgs, please.
Ringing.
I feel better already.
Dr. Higgs speaking.
Shit.
Bookbinder...
Bookbinder.
She's working in the stacks.
Great.
You said she's a relative?
Yes. She's my sister.
Valerie Bookbinder?
Yeah?
I'm Gabriel Higgs. You're on
the Johns Hopkins waiting list
and I'm prepared to
offer you money to drop off.
Pay me?
Will that be cash or charge?
This is a serious offer.
Hey, do you mind?
Let me see that!
If you want a newspaper,
you go and you buy your own.
Here.
Oh, God.
Valerie!
Valerie!
Valerie!
Valerie Bookbinder,
where'd she go?
Valerie!
Valerie!
What are you doing?
Through an unusual
oversight on my part,
I've inadvertently
disposed of a volume
to which I must yet refer.
You mean you threw out a book.
Precisely.
If you could be so kind
as to check the chute for me...
I don't think so.
I believe it's
on the ledge just inside.
Valerie!
I believe it's right there.
But it's way down there.
Indeed.
And so, my dear, are you.
Valerie!
Rupert!
What a pleasant
surprise, old sport.
Some nut's been
killing all the people
on the waiting list!
Really?
Oh, shit.
Why, Higgs, you're
a veritable Hercule Poirot.
Don't do that.
The police will find you.
You are the
one they're looking for.
Me?
You're the one
seen with each victim
moments before
the bitter end.
You're the one desperate to get
into Johns Hopkins at any cost.
But I...
Oh, God.
Precisely.
The gods
placed you in my path
moments after I
learned from Johns Hopkins
I'd been relegated
to the waiting list.
You've been a very
hard-working pawn in my game.
I will... regret
having to dispose of you.
You're a madman.
You're a fuckin' lunatic!
How dare you!
Pardon me.
I'm very sorry.
I got carried away.
No hard feelings, I trust.
I mean, we do still have
one more murder to commit.
That's right,
your own Kirby Watts.
I'll kill you first.
It would be ill-advised to try.
You should've
taken my advice, old sport.
I'll turn myself in.
Pardon me?
If I'm in jail,
you can't pin it on me.
How terribly noble.
And clever.
But you see,
I've already arranged
your precious Kirby's demise.
I've planned
a little surprise for her
at the blood
storage unit at the clinic.
It matters
very little what you do.
The police,
of course, will suspect you.
Please stay
behind the barricades.
Kirby Watts, please.
Kirby! Kirby, thank
God you're in. It's Gabriel.
Kirby?
Kirby!
No!
Macintosh or IBM?
Oh, Gabe, baby!
Yeah, good news, man!
Johns Hopkins just
activated the waiting list.
Stop talking for a second!
Listen, Rupert
Grimm is killing everyone.
What?
He's gonna kill Kirby next.
You have to stop him.
Listen very carefully, Ron.
Here's what you have to do.
Uh-huh.
Right.
You mean, go... out?
Hey, Ron,
where are you going?
Out.
Out?
Forget about her.
Let's find a drive-thru.
The blood storage unit!
Where's the
blood storage unit?
There's a bomb! Move!
Kirby! Kirby, no!
Don't do it!
Kirby Watts. Where is she?
I'm afraid you're too late.
Too late?
Oh, my God.
She left with
the police a few minutes ago.
Is she all right?
Would you
excuse me for a second?
Oh, no.
You have nothing
to worry about, miss.
I'll be right in the hall.
There'll be another
officer downstairs
at the entrance
to the building all night.
Thank God! You're here.
Damn right. It's where I
should've been the whole time.
What happened?
Nothing. What the
hell's wrong with you?
There's nothing wrong
with the blood storage unit.
You're sure?
Positive! I was out
there with trees out there.
You had me
walking under trees!
What, are you
trying to kill me?
He lied to me.
He said he was
gonna kill her at the clinic.
Why would he lie to me?
Oh yeah, Gabe.
Why'd a murderer lie to you?
Because he needed
me here, that's why!
Now that I'm back,
he can kill her!
Just relax. Look, the police are
with her now. She'll be fine.
No, she won't.
He'll get through!
You don't understand
how smart this guy is.
He'll be three
steps ahead of the police.
Damn!
Relax.
He'll kill her.
He'll find a way!
Sure. How?
He burned the first one,
poisoned another.
He's crazy! You can't predict.
Just need the pages.
Burned the first, poisoned
the second, impaled the third...
Beat it, geek.
It's you!
You're the Waiting List Killer!
Help!
Help! Help!
Hi.
Want to be number 4?
Sit down and shut up.
Sit!
And don't move.
Is that clear?
God damn, Higgs!
If the cops
spot me, it's all over.
You have to get to Kirby!
I can't! It's worse after dark.
Nothing's going
to happen. Come on!
That's it.
No! Let me go!
This is absurd.
Just 'cause somebody
jumped out a window and died,
for God's sakes.
He landed on my tricycle!
Pull yourself together!
Rupert's going to kill her!
Just get into her
room. You see that light?
That's Kirby's room.
Ready? Feeling ok?
Wait!
He burned Randall Burns!
Bookbinder...
Bookbinder was impaled.
Was impaled in a library.
Amanda Morel.
Morel?
Morel is a kind of mushroom.
That's it!
The mushroom pizza!
Bookbinder in a library,
Burns burned...
he killed them by their names.
Kirby Watts!
Shit!
Roger.
Shit!
No.
What the...
Oh, God.
Good evening.
You scared me.
Who are you?
You may call me Dr. Grimm.
Dr. Grimm?
I, too, am on
the ill-fated waiting list.
I rushed down
here from Princeton
seeking refuge in numbers.
I feared you may
have been dispatched
by the unfortunate maniac.
But, alas,
here you are... alive.
We should get Officer Denby...
We'll be safer here...
together.
So, why the tux?
What do you mean?
Isn't it a little dressy?
I like to dress up.
Even when rushing to meet me?
Maybe I came from a wedding.
Maybe you're not
who you say you are.
Maybe I look good in black.
Right.
That's a stunning retort,
but hardly persuasive.
Just like the rest...
unable to carry out the weight
of professional responsibility,
unwilling to make
difficult decisions,
not ready to face the future.
Do you have any defense?
I didn't think so.
Please. I'll...
You'll...
you'll what? You'll what?
Not quite dead yet?
Your struggles
only hasten your demise.
You've spelled out your fate.
By now,
the alveoli in your lungs
have absorbed the last
molecules of oxygen.
You'll be experiencing
a brief euphoria lasting 30...
Damn. Obviously
ahead of schedule.
Well done, old sport.
You figured it out.
No!
Pity, really.
Should've been electrocuted.
Don't waste your breath.
The little strumpet's
undeniably dead.
I caught him
trying to asphyxiate her.
- Stop him!
- That's Higgs!
Stop him before
the unfortunate maniac
dispatches the rest of us.
No! No!
Let me go! Stop it!
- Go quietly, old sport.
- Kirby! Stop...
You'll be better off.
Please!
Kirby!
Kirby!
It's tragic, officer.
I didn't know what to do.
I got a pulse!
That isn't a possibility.
Couldn't have
gone wrong, really.
It couldn't.
Hold it right there.
Come on, now.
You shall not have me.
The gods are awaiting me.
You want stew at the top,
you stir the beef...
fuck was I talking about?
Say farewell to Rupert Grimm.
Oh, shit!
Shit!
You see? It's not paranoia.
Shit falls on me.
Never gonna try it again.
Easy. Easy!
Hey, call my mother.
Someone call my mother.
Kirby.
I'm sorry.
You can't let us go like this.
I won't let you.
I thought you
were somebody else.
My God. This is a nightmare.
Yes.
It is.
After all the
plans we had for you.
After all we did!
And you...
You just throw it
back in our faces like this?
All right. All right.
Let's just stop and think.
There has to be
some way out of this disaster.
How? Those people
are already dead.
Not them, you idiot!
Johns Hopkins!
After all, I'm not
without influence there.
I'm not going.
I'll call Dean Stiffler.
That's what I'll do.
I said, I'm not going!
Don't raise your
voice to me, young man.
I will raise my voice.
Gabriel.
Why, you little ingrate!
All my life,
you've shoved these quacks
down my throat.
Well, fuck them.
I don't even
want to be a doctor!
Gabriel.
Mom!
You're all right.
You're just stunned.
Are you happy now?
Dad, listen.
I hated psych.
I hated orgo.
I hated those
stupid toy stethoscopes.
This is madness!
You don't have
any idea what you're saying.
I gotta go.
Bye, Mom.
You're going
to medical school next year.
You owe it to this family!
Don't you leave this house!
Mark my words, boy.
Come September,
you'll be at Johns Hopkins!
Mark my words!
I don't know.
Every fall I
wonder the same thing.
Will these new students
do anything for the world?
They seem
satisfactory to me, Peters.
Rather a good lot, in fact.
Ahh, yes. Grunyan.
I'm expecting great
things from this Grunyan chap.
Excellent. Excellent.
Hmm? What's this? Higgs?
You mean
Higgs is coming after all?
Quite a fine
family there, those Higgs.
Of course, the unfortunate
circumstances last spring
rather take
the bloom off the rose,
but, well,
a mark for tradition, I'd say.
Looks like we're going to
have another generation of Higgs
at Johns Hopkins after all.
Evans?
Everett?
Frederick?
Frye?
Gaston?
Gerson?
Haught?
Higgs?
I want religion
to where I relate...
Gittelson?
Jacobs?
While plants may be at
the bottom of the food chain,
they are both
the origin and source of life
on this beautiful planet Earth.
Now, let's take this
white oak tree, for example.
Before we begin
cutting into this cadaver,
I'd like to say a few words.
It is always a pleasure
to welcome
a new class of students.
Each of you
has had to make sacrifices
to earn the
privilege of attending
this illustrious institution.
I know that those sacrifices
have been difficult and painful,
but in the end,
you succeeded in getting in.
Congratulations...
and welcome to
Johns Hopkins Medical School.
get your groove on
get your groove on
listen close,
as I wrote this slam
it has rhyme
you have no choice,
step aside
'cause I'm gonna glide
from side to side
and run my rhyme
through your mind
like a mastermind
that's about to stop time
with the drop
of a dime
my bass is
magnified
and it's booming
through the universe
as you know
now turn around and
listen to my bass blow
as I overthrow
the dance zone
around lonely hoodoo
clubs like a cyclone
now close your eyes
and feel the vibes
of my bass line, runnin'
through your minds
doesn't it make you move,
make you wanna groove?
make you sweat,
let me see you do it
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
he-he-hey, yeah
he-he-hey, yeah
by east and west,
you gotta be down
to go down and shake
your ass all around
from club to club,
from house to house
from car to car,
pump this beat
no matter
where you are
'cause this beat
is rollin'
and it makes you
groove
now to prove your move
that you're rockin'
to this groove
on the dance floor,
it's another word for sweat
now stomp your feet,
and romp with the best
you're throwing
deadly moves
so you rockin' it
down
I've got
the mike around
come back like Jack,
over and over again
pump it up, y'all,
now tell me, my friends
is it a sin to rock
the beat the way I do?
I don't think so,
to my smooth left shoe
as my right shoe
tells me to do it again
I pump it up, y'all,
y'all groove within
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
I can't resist it,
no
I can't resist it
I can't resist it,
no
I can't resist it
now my groove is down and
runnin' from town to town
so I reverse
my track
back to
the first class
so I can sack the rap
with the number one
soundtrack
now get back, 'cause I'm
blowin' like a smokestack
and then I'll take
the title number one
Jack-Jack, yes,
and I'm one of the best
at runnin' all around,
not like the rest
I protest against
throwin' rap sing-yo
my groove is
squeaky clean
so don't get in my way,
'cause I don't play
I walk all over you,
will not say
the same thing,
I'm the king of the ring
and I want the title,
so everybody sing
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on
get your groove on
listen close,
'cause I wrote this slam
it has rhyme
you have no choice,
step aside
'cause I'm gonna glide
from side to side
and run my rhyme
through your mind
like a mastermind
that's about to stop time
with the drop
of a dime
my bass is
magnified
and it's boomin' through
the universe, as you know
now turn around and
listen to my bass blow
as I overthrow
the dance zone
around lonely hoodoo clubs
like a cyclone
now close your eyes
and feel the vibes
of my bass line running
through your mind
doesn't it make you...
Sorry.
Turn left, turn left.
Ok, good.
Now go straight.
There you go.
Go straight, there.
Why do I feel like
I'm coaching this thing
through foreplay?
Nuh-uh.
Sorry.
That's enough for
you today, Dr. Mengele.
What's going on here?
Gabriel took the zapper.
Get on with the
experiment, Mr. Higgs.
Why can't we give them
a chance to do it on their own?
Because...
that's not the experiment.
Now hit the button.
What about
positive reinforcement?
You said B.F. Skinner
used rewards to, uh...
I know what I said.
That was last week's lesson.
This week, we shock them.
Go ahead.
He'll hardly feel a thing.
No.
You have a lot to learn
about being a doctor, Mr. Higgs.
well, I live on the edge
where it's a little run-down
you should come visit me
next time you're in town
I'm the next James Dean...
There he is, Maggie!
Mom! Dad!
What are you doing here?
Your father
wanted to surprise you.
Don't you realize the medical
admissions test is tomorrow?
That is precisely
why we're here, son.
A-ha.
A-ha, very good.
Very good.
Gabe's application
to Johns Hopkins.
Please, Dad,
I was working on that.
Gabriel...
this can't wait.
For over a hundred years,
we Higgs have
preserved a tradition.
What are you
doing to that plant?
Removing the dead leaves.
It stimulates a growth hormone.
Gabriel...
stop fidgeting with the plant.
Go on, dear.
Son...
the time has
come for you to follow
in your ancestors' footsteps.
Margaret.
The tassel.
Your great-great-grandfather
Ezekiel wore this tassel
when he graduated
with the very first class
from Johns Hopkins
Medical School.
My grandfather
carried it with him
through Johns Hopkins
and my father and I
carried it through
Johns Hopkins with us.
It's yours now.
You will keep
the tradition alive.
Dad's so proud of you.
Do us proud
on that exam tomorrow.
I got it.
The Medical College
Admissions Test
consists of four parts.
It is extremely important
that you follow
all instructions precisely.
Blacken the
appropriate ovals and rectangles
and erase completely
any incorrect or stray marks.
You have one minute remaining.
Stop.
Close your test booklets
and your answer sheets
and put your pencils down.
I said stop!
It was a complete disaster!
75 questions down the tubes
because of
one stupid mistake.
Oh, come on Gabe,
do you think Johns Hopkins
is gonna care
about some boondoggle test?
It's the admissions test!
Higgs, man,
your family practically
founded the
school, all right?
- You're in.
- Not at this rate.
How many times
do I have to tell you?
You want
the beef at the top,
you got to stir
the stew yourself, buddy.
Your whacked-out
Dinty Moore philosophy
isn't gonna get me
into Johns Hopkins!
Hey man, don't fry a circuit.
All right, flunk boy?
It's not my
fault you blew the test.
Junior Mint?
You're right, I'm sorry.
So you blew the MCAT.
All right,
you still got your grades.
You still got your interview.
Sorry.
Take, for example, a battlefield
strewn with casualties.
You have limited supplies,
limited manpower.
Triage...
One man alone decides
who will live and who will die,
Holding the staff
of Asclepius in his hand,
Playing God...
if you will.
Dr. Peters, medicine
is the noblest profession.
Thank you, Mr. Grimm.
Thank you, sir.
Mister... Higgs.
Yes!
Good luck, sport.
Would you hand
me that coat, son?
Thank you.
I see you've studied
quite a bit of botany.
Botany?
Yes! As you know,
most drugs are
derived from plants.
We're not here to
discuss shrubbery, Mr. Higgs.
Let's get to medicine, shall we?
Why did you apply
to this medical school?
Going to Johns Hopkins
is quite a tradition
in the Higgs family.
In fact, it's the
only school I applied to.
My great-great-grandfather was
in the first graduating class.
We know all about
your family tradition.
Why do you want
to attend Johns Hopkins?
I...
never thought of it
apart from at least the, uh...
context...
of... of the tradition.
Um, uh...
I suppose, um...
Isn't tradition important?
shot down dead
shot down most of his life
shot down
and it comes as no surprise
shot down, no choice
everybody's story,
I cried in disbelief
won't you please
help me see...
I got in! I got in!
Cornell Med School,
here I come!
I got in!
was not for naught,
all in vain
Hang in there,
Gabe, baby.
I'm still trying to crack
the Johns Hopkins directory.
Don't waste your time, Ron.
Doesn't matter
where I am on the list.
I'm not in.
I knew it, man.
The bell-z security code!
One Johns Hopkins
waiting list, coming up!
Hey, look!
You're number six!
That's not so bad.
It's all over.
I'd have to be number
one to stand a chance.
Nobody turns down
Johns Hopkins.
Look who's number four.
The elusive woman
of your dreams...
Kirby Watts.
What a co-inky-dinky.
It's fate, Gabe.
The two of you
were destined to meet
at some unaccredited
med school in Grenada.
You don't understand.
If I don't go to Johns Hopkins,
I'm not going anywhere.
Then you're fucked.
Hello?
Gabey, it's Mother.
I was just
talking with Mrs. Fielder.
You remember the Fielders,
the big house on Rosemont.
Anyway, I ran into her
downtown and she said
that Jim just got
accepted at Johns Hopkins!
What?
Now don't tell me anything.
We'll leave it all
as a big surprise, ok?
You know how long your father's
been waiting for this day?
He's so proud of you.
We're all so proud of you.
Gabey?
You did tell him 7:00?
Yes... I told him 7:00.
How many times are you
gonna ask me the same question?
Here he is.
Hello, Gabey!
Hi.
She did tell you...
7:00.
I, uh...
Yes...
Well, what's the
prognosis, Doctor?
Gabey, what's that
on your shoulders?
I thought you
were going to Bermuda.
Well, the conference
can wait one more day...
for this.
Champagne?
Please.
Margaret.
Thanks.
Well?
Well what?
You got the letter.
What letter?
From Johns Hopkins.
What did they say?
What did they say?
They said, um...
well, they...
they said that, um...
they said that
I wasn't accepted.
You had me going there.
Congratulations, son.
Your first semester's tuition.
But be sure you get it in
by the end of the week.
And you'll also
find a little something extra.
Congratulations...
Doctor.
Ooh-hoo! You are
in deep shit, flunk boy.
Maybe I could talk to them.
- Who?
- The people ahead of me.
If they only knew,
they might withdraw from the list.
I could beg, plead,
appeal to their better natures.
Gabe, baby, we're talking
about med students, all right?
They don't
have better natures.
They're just mean, competitive
and greedy, all right?
Now, there's an idea.
Bribe 'em.
Bribe them.
Why not?
It's illegal, for one thing.
I don't see why it would be.
Immoral, then.
Why? I mean,
who gets hurt?
This is ridiculous.
How would I
even find these people?
Hello!
Gabe, I'm in Johns
Hopkins' directory, all right?
Voil?.
Here's their names,
addresses, class schedules,
extracurricular bullshit,
where they work, everything.
I'd never make it.
They turn to the list five
days after the letters go out.
If I'm not number
one by then, I'm finished.
So you got to hurry.
I don't know.
Man, just think of it as a
business deal, just business.
Right. Where would
I find the money?
How much?
11,000.
Oh, man!
How much would I offer them?
It's like the popcorn.
Just depends on the microwave.
It's not like I'd be
forcing them to accept.
I mean, there's really
nothing unethical about it.
Right?
Hey, you don't
have to convince me.
I say we start close to home.
Kirby Watts.
I can't believe
it's over already.
Yeah, yeah.
I swear, I don't
know how I pick 'em.
He thought he was
God's gift to women.
What... a... joke.
Hi.
Juice? Cookie?
Juice? Ok.
He wouldn't know
a clitoris from a thesaurus.
Kirby, hi.
How are you? Gabriel.
Gabriel Higgs from Psych.
Kirby. How ya doing?
Gabe...
No! Uh...
I don't want to
give blood. I just...
Don't you worry.
This won't hurt a bit.
You don't understand.
There. That wasn't
so bad, was it?
Hi, Kirby.
I'm Gabe...
Hi, Gabriel.
Juice? Cookie?
I...
I guess.
Uh...
Bye.
Bye.
She remembers my name.
Sir, are you coming or going?
Gabriel.
Kirby!
What are you doing here?
You already gave blood.
I know you're on the Hop...
I feel all right now.
Uh, you heard the nurse.
You got to stay on I.V.
until blood comes
back to your brain.
It isn't that often
the pre-med students
come in here and give blood.
And never two pints.
Yeah?
You should come
back next week.
Then I'll be working
in the sperm bank.
You work in a sperm bank?
Popsicle?
No... thanks.
Listen, uh, Kirby. I, um...
You took the
MCAT, didn't you?
Yeah.
Where are you
planning on going next year?
I was waitlisted at Hopkins.
Ah, same here!
Actually, that's,
uh... what I came here to
discuss with you. Um...
Kirby Watts, please
report to the ... office.
I got to go.
Wait!
Listen, I want
to ask you something.
It's important.
Um...
I was wondering if, um...
you might be interested in...
How would you feel about...
You know what?
I'd love to.
You would?
Mm-hmm.
Why don't you
pick me up tonight at 7.
Tower 606?
Oh.
Ok.
A date?
All is not lost, all right?
Just fleece her then.
But you better hit
the next one right away.
Rupert Grimm.
He's at Princeton.
I can't. The psych
test is tomorrow morning.
Just chill, all right?
You leave now
and you get back tonight.
But when will I study?
Gabe, my friend,
an "A" in psych
ain't gonna get you
into Johns Hopkins, ok?
This will.
Number five,
Rupert Grimm.
And, um...
try not to fall in
love with him, too? Good.
Thanks, man.
This monkey sits...
Prick!
Invulnerable.
A bold and daring thrust.
On the contrary.
A reckless gambit
indicative of
the lamentable decline
of a once vigorous mind,
and now your blameless
queen would bare your folly.
Are you going to address me
or merely stand there
breathing down my neck?
Me?
Oh, um, I'm sorry.
I didn't want
to interrupt you
while you were
playing with yourself.
I mean,
against yourself.
Who's winning?
You are.
You're Rupert Grimm, right?
Don't tell me.
Johns Hopkins Medical School.
At the interview,
you were after me. Higgs.
Yes, you have
quite a memory.
You were holding
a dead tupidanthus leaf
in your left hand.
That's amazing.
Thank you.
So, Mr. Higgs, I take it
you didn't come here to discuss
strategies of engagement.
Actually, I wondered if you've
heard from Johns Hopkins yet.
Johns Hopkins.
Alas, yes.
I've been waitlisted.
So was I.
Really?
And you see, um...
getting into Johns Hopkins
is a matter of
life and death for me.
And I was wondering, um...
if you weren't
absolutely set on going there...
if there might be
some way I could, uh...
persuade you to
withdraw from the waiting list.
You have the list,
haven't you?
You're number five.
I'm number six.
Very interesting.
Let me see it.
This sorry collection
of vermin is ahead of me?
You know them?
I don't have to,
they're all the same.
Self-interested,
selfish, petty.
A doctor holds
people's lives in his hands.
Hopkins idiots
have insulted me,
and no one
insults Rupert... Grimm.
You mean, uh...
you'll withdraw?
Why not?
Really?
I don't believe it,
that's great!
Frankly, if you ask me,
Johns Hopkins
is a little overrated.
No, it isn't.
Right, when you think about it.
So, uh, I guess that's it.
I assume you have already
asked the others to withdraw.
Uh, no, not yet.
I'm number five, old sport.
You'll have wasted your time,
if a spot opens up
and number one takes it.
New Hampshire?
The first one's
in New Hampshire.
I've got a
psych exam tomorrow.
And my date!
you're taller than me
tall
but I can still
kiss your face
you're taller than me
tall
you're taller than me
tall...
Hello.
You're late.
kiss your face...
Kirby, listen...
Uh...
I... I'm really sorry.
It's ok.
I made other plans.
Oh, you did?
No, that's great.
this is the time
of tell and show...
Excuse me?
I mean, uh,
I can't make it, either.
I, uh, I...
I've got to go, um,
uh, to the library.
I have to study
for the psych... psych test.
Oh, but here,
I brought you this.
Flowers.
How original.
Actually,
this is a, uh, very rare,
Uh... uh...
A cactus?
See, Randall? Lab
practical wasn't that hard.
You just
needed a little help.
Let's go watch the bonfire.
No.
Don't be such an ogre.
Randall, what's the matter?
Look, Tina, I appreciate you
helping me finish the assignment
and everything.
It was the everything I liked.
Yeah, it was fun.
I just wasn't
really figuring on you...
hanging around
all the time, you know?
What do you mean?
Are you...
dumping me?
Oh, no. Usually,
I don't like to use that word,
but in this case,
it's just so...
perfectly apt.
Randall Burns?
Sounds to me like
you got your
balls in quite a vise.
Exactly. So?
I want money.
Ok!
Ok. Good, good!
I'm prepared for that.
Uh, how much
money would you want?
40?
40?
Thousand.
40,000!
Keep your voice down.
That's crazy.
Where am I
supposed to get $40,000?
That's your problem.
No!
Wait, wait.
I have some money.
I'll take it.
Hey!
Ow!
That's $11,000!
Oh, in that case...
what's today, Tuesday?
I'll give you till Friday
to give me the other 29,000.
What?
And if I don't get it by then,
I'll call Johns Hopkins
and tell them
about your little offer.
That's blackmail.
And this is bribery.
I'm dead serious.
Burn! Burn!
Burn! Burn!
Burn! Burn!
Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!
Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!
Poor Tina.
Won't you be surprised?
What happened?
Randall dumped me.
Randall Burns is
such a flaming asshole.
Ah! This is ridiculous.
I should have
never listened to you.
What am I supposed to do?
Where am I
gonna get $29,000, huh?
Hello. You've reached the home
of Dr. and Mrs. Lionel Higgs,
the proud parents
of our son Gabriel
who just got into
Johns Hopkins Medical...
Look.
Jesus.
Where'd you get all this cash?
I sold a painting.
A fine example
of American naturalism.
That's what the fence said.
The fence?
I'm a thief.
I've been consorting
with known criminals.
You outta your mind.
Look at all
this fuckin' money.
Ok.
Ok, who's next?
Cornell University.
Amanda Morel.
Nice name.
The bitch.
It is the only
copy on reserve.
Amanda...
aren't you through
with the book yet?
No.
I'm studying.
Amanda Morel?
You can't have it.
I'm using it.
Oh.
No. I, um...
I need to talk to you.
Get lost.
I'm here to offer you money.
Let's hear it.
I'm willing to pay you
to withdraw from the
Johns Hopkins waiting list.
I see.
How much?
Well...
$2,000.
Get real.
How much did you have in mind?
Guess what?
Mommy got $15,000 today.
She's rich!
And she's hungry.
Could you please turn
down the music, Amanda?
I'm trying to study.
Could you hold
the line, please?
Look, if you want to study,
go to the library.
I'm just gonna
turn it down a touch.
Yes, I'd like a small pizza...
Stupid dog.
Don't you dare attack Bubbles.
He growled at me.
He also shit in my new shoes.
So?
They look like shit anyway.
Now could you be quiet?
I'm on the phone.
Fuck!
I ordered pepperoni,
not mushroom.
Jody?
Jody?
I don't feel so good.
Could you tell me where
I could find Randall Burns?
Yeah, this is it.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
And who can forget
the time he called us
while he was
banging Valerie Kresveldt?
The man's a legend!
I'm looking for
Randall Burns.
Hey.
This guy's here
to see Randy.
Send him up.
Here he is.
Try not to sneeze.
Get out of here.
Get out of here or I'll
smash your fucking brains out!
Hello, father.
You...
Don't we look
dignified this morning?
Almost didn't recognize you
without a bottle in your hand.
You want a beer or something?
No, thank you.
What's all this stuff for?
Medical school.
Medical school?
Yeah.
That's really something.
I can remember
thinkin' you was...
a little... off.
A doctor.
Yes, a doctor.
I feel like I should give
you a present or something.
You can give me a promise.
A promise?
Yes.
Promise me that when
your whisky-soaked liver
finally turns completely fibrous
and you lie in a cirrhotic coma
hooked up to the
latest dialysis machines,
that you'll allow me,
your son the doctor,
to personally pull the plug.
I'd like that.
Gabriel, this is your father.
Did you wait for the beep?
Yes, I heard the beep.
Gabriel,
I'm calling from Bermuda.
We need you to
drive to the house
to let the pool man
in today. 3 p.m. sharp.
Don't be late.
Gabriel?
You...
sold my painting.
Gabriel? Gabriel.
Gabriel!
That must have
been some dream.
Yeah.
Brought your psych test.
Oh.
Thanks.
You have the Sugar Cubes.
But this is R.E.M.
Oh, check the R.E.M. case.
It's probably on the floor.
You know, I...
I got the weirdest message
uh, this morning.
There's a guy who's on
the waiting list at Hopkins,
And, uh, he got...
Oh, no, it's not in there!
God.
Look on top of the CD player.
Uh...
Anyway, he's trying to get
all the people ahead of him
To, uh, to drop off
of the, uh, of the list.
He's even offering them money.
Well, you gonna
report this sleazebag
or just tell him
to go fuck himself?
To go fuck himself.
I... I guess.
Listen, I, um, I have to
go to my parents' house.
I have to drive to my parents'
house to meet the pool man.
Do you want to come?
I guess we beat the pool man.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
They all went
to Johns Hopkins.
It's a family tradition.
What happened here?
Somebody go to Harvard?
No.
Oh.
You were waitlisted.
Your parents
must be devastated.
I haven't told them.
What?
My father's head
would explode.
Wait, you could still get in.
What about that creep?
What creep?
That guy that you
told me about that was
trying to bribe
everybody off the list.
Oh, that creep. Right.
I mean,
think about it.
If everybody takes the
money from him and you don't,
then that'll bump
you to the top of the list.
Yeah.
You don't have
to feel guilty about it.
It'd be instant karma
for that arrogant bastard.
Why don't we check out the pool?
Um... Kirby,
What if you're
ahead of me on the list?
If it comes to that,
you can just have my place.
You'd do that for free?
I mean, free...
I mean...
You'd do that for me?
I got a scholarship to Cornell.
I couldn't afford to
go to Hopkins even if I got in.
Kirby,
you don't know
what that means to me.
Why don't we...
Go swimming?
Swimming?
Oh!
All right.
Huh?
Ok.
Last one in has to go to
medical school in Guadalajara!
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
Gabriel.
Mother, I...
Hi.
I'm Kirby Watts.
What a nice surprise.
Oh. Thank you.
Down. Down. Down.
Down. Good dog.
Gabriel!
What in God's name...
That painting is irreplaceable.
Irreplaceable!
If I ever get my hands
on the bastard who did this...
by God, I'll tear his stinking
eyes out of their sockets
and grind them into jelly.
What a hideous afternoon.
What else could
possibly go wrong?
Your suit!
They took your suit!
Young man...
Young... lady.
I haven't
finished with you yet.
Let's get out of here.
I am so sorry.
And you and the dog...
Kirby...
there's something
I really need to tell you.
Don't say it.
Whoa!
Gabe, what the...
You did take the
money from that sleazebag.
No! No, no, I didn't.
You are the sleazebag.
It's not what you think.
All right, then what is it?
Huh?
God, Gabe, you make me sick.
I'm gonna call my father right
now and tell him the truth.
- You are?
- Yes.
It's the right thing to do.
The only thing to do.
Atlanta Conference Center.
How may I direct your call?
Dr. Lionel Higgs, please.
Ringing.
I feel better already.
Dr. Higgs speaking.
Shit.
Bookbinder...
Bookbinder.
She's working in the stacks.
Great.
You said she's a relative?
Yes. She's my sister.
Valerie Bookbinder?
Yeah?
I'm Gabriel Higgs. You're on
the Johns Hopkins waiting list
and I'm prepared to
offer you money to drop off.
Pay me?
Will that be cash or charge?
This is a serious offer.
Hey, do you mind?
Let me see that!
If you want a newspaper,
you go and you buy your own.
Here.
Oh, God.
Valerie!
Valerie!
Valerie!
Valerie Bookbinder,
where'd she go?
Valerie!
Valerie!
What are you doing?
Through an unusual
oversight on my part,
I've inadvertently
disposed of a volume
to which I must yet refer.
You mean you threw out a book.
Precisely.
If you could be so kind
as to check the chute for me...
I don't think so.
I believe it's
on the ledge just inside.
Valerie!
I believe it's right there.
But it's way down there.
Indeed.
And so, my dear, are you.
Valerie!
Rupert!
What a pleasant
surprise, old sport.
Some nut's been
killing all the people
on the waiting list!
Really?
Oh, shit.
Why, Higgs, you're
a veritable Hercule Poirot.
Don't do that.
The police will find you.
You are the
one they're looking for.
Me?
You're the one
seen with each victim
moments before
the bitter end.
You're the one desperate to get
into Johns Hopkins at any cost.
But I...
Oh, God.
Precisely.
The gods
placed you in my path
moments after I
learned from Johns Hopkins
I'd been relegated
to the waiting list.
You've been a very
hard-working pawn in my game.
I will... regret
having to dispose of you.
You're a madman.
You're a fuckin' lunatic!
How dare you!
Pardon me.
I'm very sorry.
I got carried away.
No hard feelings, I trust.
I mean, we do still have
one more murder to commit.
That's right,
your own Kirby Watts.
I'll kill you first.
It would be ill-advised to try.
You should've
taken my advice, old sport.
I'll turn myself in.
Pardon me?
If I'm in jail,
you can't pin it on me.
How terribly noble.
And clever.
But you see,
I've already arranged
your precious Kirby's demise.
I've planned
a little surprise for her
at the blood
storage unit at the clinic.
It matters
very little what you do.
The police,
of course, will suspect you.
Please stay
behind the barricades.
Kirby Watts, please.
Kirby! Kirby, thank
God you're in. It's Gabriel.
Kirby?
Kirby!
No!
Macintosh or IBM?
Oh, Gabe, baby!
Yeah, good news, man!
Johns Hopkins just
activated the waiting list.
Stop talking for a second!
Listen, Rupert
Grimm is killing everyone.
What?
He's gonna kill Kirby next.
You have to stop him.
Listen very carefully, Ron.
Here's what you have to do.
Uh-huh.
Right.
You mean, go... out?
Hey, Ron,
where are you going?
Out.
Out?
Forget about her.
Let's find a drive-thru.
The blood storage unit!
Where's the
blood storage unit?
There's a bomb! Move!
Kirby! Kirby, no!
Don't do it!
Kirby Watts. Where is she?
I'm afraid you're too late.
Too late?
Oh, my God.
She left with
the police a few minutes ago.
Is she all right?
Would you
excuse me for a second?
Oh, no.
You have nothing
to worry about, miss.
I'll be right in the hall.
There'll be another
officer downstairs
at the entrance
to the building all night.
Thank God! You're here.
Damn right. It's where I
should've been the whole time.
What happened?
Nothing. What the
hell's wrong with you?
There's nothing wrong
with the blood storage unit.
You're sure?
Positive! I was out
there with trees out there.
You had me
walking under trees!
What, are you
trying to kill me?
He lied to me.
He said he was
gonna kill her at the clinic.
Why would he lie to me?
Oh yeah, Gabe.
Why'd a murderer lie to you?
Because he needed
me here, that's why!
Now that I'm back,
he can kill her!
Just relax. Look, the police are
with her now. She'll be fine.
No, she won't.
He'll get through!
You don't understand
how smart this guy is.
He'll be three
steps ahead of the police.
Damn!
Relax.
He'll kill her.
He'll find a way!
Sure. How?
He burned the first one,
poisoned another.
He's crazy! You can't predict.
Just need the pages.
Burned the first, poisoned
the second, impaled the third...
Beat it, geek.
It's you!
You're the Waiting List Killer!
Help!
Help! Help!
Hi.
Want to be number 4?
Sit down and shut up.
Sit!
And don't move.
Is that clear?
God damn, Higgs!
If the cops
spot me, it's all over.
You have to get to Kirby!
I can't! It's worse after dark.
Nothing's going
to happen. Come on!
That's it.
No! Let me go!
This is absurd.
Just 'cause somebody
jumped out a window and died,
for God's sakes.
He landed on my tricycle!
Pull yourself together!
Rupert's going to kill her!
Just get into her
room. You see that light?
That's Kirby's room.
Ready? Feeling ok?
Wait!
He burned Randall Burns!
Bookbinder...
Bookbinder was impaled.
Was impaled in a library.
Amanda Morel.
Morel?
Morel is a kind of mushroom.
That's it!
The mushroom pizza!
Bookbinder in a library,
Burns burned...
he killed them by their names.
Kirby Watts!
Shit!
Roger.
Shit!
No.
What the...
Oh, God.
Good evening.
You scared me.
Who are you?
You may call me Dr. Grimm.
Dr. Grimm?
I, too, am on
the ill-fated waiting list.
I rushed down
here from Princeton
seeking refuge in numbers.
I feared you may
have been dispatched
by the unfortunate maniac.
But, alas,
here you are... alive.
We should get Officer Denby...
We'll be safer here...
together.
So, why the tux?
What do you mean?
Isn't it a little dressy?
I like to dress up.
Even when rushing to meet me?
Maybe I came from a wedding.
Maybe you're not
who you say you are.
Maybe I look good in black.
Right.
That's a stunning retort,
but hardly persuasive.
Just like the rest...
unable to carry out the weight
of professional responsibility,
unwilling to make
difficult decisions,
not ready to face the future.
Do you have any defense?
I didn't think so.
Please. I'll...
You'll...
you'll what? You'll what?
Not quite dead yet?
Your struggles
only hasten your demise.
You've spelled out your fate.
By now,
the alveoli in your lungs
have absorbed the last
molecules of oxygen.
You'll be experiencing
a brief euphoria lasting 30...
Damn. Obviously
ahead of schedule.
Well done, old sport.
You figured it out.
No!
Pity, really.
Should've been electrocuted.
Don't waste your breath.
The little strumpet's
undeniably dead.
I caught him
trying to asphyxiate her.
- Stop him!
- That's Higgs!
Stop him before
the unfortunate maniac
dispatches the rest of us.
No! No!
Let me go! Stop it!
- Go quietly, old sport.
- Kirby! Stop...
You'll be better off.
Please!
Kirby!
Kirby!
It's tragic, officer.
I didn't know what to do.
I got a pulse!
That isn't a possibility.
Couldn't have
gone wrong, really.
It couldn't.
Hold it right there.
Come on, now.
You shall not have me.
The gods are awaiting me.
You want stew at the top,
you stir the beef...
fuck was I talking about?
Say farewell to Rupert Grimm.
Oh, shit!
Shit!
You see? It's not paranoia.
Shit falls on me.
Never gonna try it again.
Easy. Easy!
Hey, call my mother.
Someone call my mother.
Kirby.
I'm sorry.
You can't let us go like this.
I won't let you.
I thought you
were somebody else.
My God. This is a nightmare.
Yes.
It is.
After all the
plans we had for you.
After all we did!
And you...
You just throw it
back in our faces like this?
All right. All right.
Let's just stop and think.
There has to be
some way out of this disaster.
How? Those people
are already dead.
Not them, you idiot!
Johns Hopkins!
After all, I'm not
without influence there.
I'm not going.
I'll call Dean Stiffler.
That's what I'll do.
I said, I'm not going!
Don't raise your
voice to me, young man.
I will raise my voice.
Gabriel.
Why, you little ingrate!
All my life,
you've shoved these quacks
down my throat.
Well, fuck them.
I don't even
want to be a doctor!
Gabriel.
Mom!
You're all right.
You're just stunned.
Are you happy now?
Dad, listen.
I hated psych.
I hated orgo.
I hated those
stupid toy stethoscopes.
This is madness!
You don't have
any idea what you're saying.
I gotta go.
Bye, Mom.
You're going
to medical school next year.
You owe it to this family!
Don't you leave this house!
Mark my words, boy.
Come September,
you'll be at Johns Hopkins!
Mark my words!
I don't know.
Every fall I
wonder the same thing.
Will these new students
do anything for the world?
They seem
satisfactory to me, Peters.
Rather a good lot, in fact.
Ahh, yes. Grunyan.
I'm expecting great
things from this Grunyan chap.
Excellent. Excellent.
Hmm? What's this? Higgs?
You mean
Higgs is coming after all?
Quite a fine
family there, those Higgs.
Of course, the unfortunate
circumstances last spring
rather take
the bloom off the rose,
but, well,
a mark for tradition, I'd say.
Looks like we're going to
have another generation of Higgs
at Johns Hopkins after all.
Evans?
Everett?
Frederick?
Frye?
Gaston?
Gerson?
Haught?
Higgs?
I want religion
to where I relate...
Gittelson?
Jacobs?
While plants may be at
the bottom of the food chain,
they are both
the origin and source of life
on this beautiful planet Earth.
Now, let's take this
white oak tree, for example.
Before we begin
cutting into this cadaver,
I'd like to say a few words.
It is always a pleasure
to welcome
a new class of students.
Each of you
has had to make sacrifices
to earn the
privilege of attending
this illustrious institution.
I know that those sacrifices
have been difficult and painful,
but in the end,
you succeeded in getting in.
Congratulations...
and welcome to
Johns Hopkins Medical School.
get your groove on
get your groove on
listen close,
as I wrote this slam
it has rhyme
you have no choice,
step aside
'cause I'm gonna glide
from side to side
and run my rhyme
through your mind
like a mastermind
that's about to stop time
with the drop
of a dime
my bass is
magnified
and it's booming
through the universe
as you know
now turn around and
listen to my bass blow
as I overthrow
the dance zone
around lonely hoodoo
clubs like a cyclone
now close your eyes
and feel the vibes
of my bass line, runnin'
through your minds
doesn't it make you move,
make you wanna groove?
make you sweat,
let me see you do it
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
he-he-hey, yeah
he-he-hey, yeah
by east and west,
you gotta be down
to go down and shake
your ass all around
from club to club,
from house to house
from car to car,
pump this beat
no matter
where you are
'cause this beat
is rollin'
and it makes you
groove
now to prove your move
that you're rockin'
to this groove
on the dance floor,
it's another word for sweat
now stomp your feet,
and romp with the best
you're throwing
deadly moves
so you rockin' it
down
I've got
the mike around
come back like Jack,
over and over again
pump it up, y'all,
now tell me, my friends
is it a sin to rock
the beat the way I do?
I don't think so,
to my smooth left shoe
as my right shoe
tells me to do it again
I pump it up, y'all,
y'all groove within
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
I can't resist it,
no
I can't resist it
I can't resist it,
no
I can't resist it
now my groove is down and
runnin' from town to town
so I reverse
my track
back to
the first class
so I can sack the rap
with the number one
soundtrack
now get back, 'cause I'm
blowin' like a smokestack
and then I'll take
the title number one
Jack-Jack, yes,
and I'm one of the best
at runnin' all around,
not like the rest
I protest against
throwin' rap sing-yo
my groove is
squeaky clean
so don't get in my way,
'cause I don't play
I walk all over you,
will not say
the same thing,
I'm the king of the ring
and I want the title,
so everybody sing
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on,
baby
get your groove on
get your groove on,
baby
yeah
get your groove on
get your groove on
listen close,
'cause I wrote this slam
it has rhyme
you have no choice,
step aside
'cause I'm gonna glide
from side to side
and run my rhyme
through your mind
like a mastermind
that's about to stop time
with the drop
of a dime
my bass is
magnified
and it's boomin' through
the universe, as you know
now turn around and
listen to my bass blow
as I overthrow
the dance zone
around lonely hoodoo clubs
like a cyclone
now close your eyes
and feel the vibes
of my bass line running
through your mind
doesn't it make you...