Get to Know Your Rabbit (1972) - full transcript
A young business executive hates the direction his life is taking, and decides to make some changes. He becomes a struggling (but happy) tap-dancing magician. His old boss is financially ruined, but finds a way to bounce back by commercialising his career change.
I haven't checked
the Fairchild
figures.
When Andrews calls,
I'll transfer
that to you.
The newcomb people
have got to see you.
In fact, deal
with Knowles, too.
2 P.M.
In fact, you've
had good luck
with stillwell--
right.
Stillwell, 2:30.
Donald?
Hmm?
Are you all right?
Caletron's calling.
It's urgent.
Well, I can't
put off that memo.
Mr. Rogers, your call
to Hawaii is holding.
Mr. Beeman, Mr. Chandler
has a flight in 40 minutes.
I've got a folder
with everything he needs.
I'll send it over.
[Telephone rings]
[Telephone rings,
intercom buzzes]
Hello, beeman here.
Excuse me, sir.
No, I think
I know what you're--
uh-huh.
Could you hold?
I'm sorry,
but these went out
without a signature
from downstairs.
Tell them
it's pending.
The previous agreement
covers it anyway.
When vacation time rolls around,
too many firms
all too often dis--
[Intercom buzzes]
[Buzz]
Beeman here.
Let me check the date.
24th...
Is an important
factor that is--
[intercom buzzes]
I wasn't
to be disturbed.
There's a lady
on the line
from a firm called
up against the wall,
incorporated.
But, i-i-i-i--
yes, what is it?
Is this Mr. Turnbull,
vice president of
servo-temp, incorporated?
That's right.
Good morning.
This is miss Simmons,
project coordinator for
up against the wall,
incorporated.
Our organization
planted a bomb
in your office building.
It's set to explode
in six minutes.
Let me put you
on hold.
Transfer this call
to Donald.
[Intercom buzzes]
[Ticking]
[Buzz]
[Ticking]
[Buzz buzz buzz]
[Ticking]
[Buzz buzz]
[Buzz buzz buzz]
I thought you
were getting that.
I'll get it later.
Mr. Beeman,
please call the operator.
Mr. Beeman,
please call the operator.
Mr. Beeman,
please call the operator.
What about
the meeting?
Wasn't it supposed
to be in your office?
Not long
and drawn out.
I have the figures
right here.
O.k., good.
Wait a second...
Actually,
it's the amount of our...
[Ticking]
Mr. Beeman,
I have a message
from miss Simmons
of up against
the wall, incorporated.
They said they
never send messages
of this nature
unless the situation
is urgent.
The message is, "60 seconds,
and it's your corporate ass."
Thank you.
...that
the institute...
[Explosion]
[Door buzzer]
[Buzz buzz]
[Buzz buzz]
[Buzz]
Hi! I'm probably
a little early.
I couldn't sleep.
Um...
Is there something
I can do for you?
No. Just lead me to it.
Just lead you
to what?
I'm Mr. Weber.
Oh, good.
The piano tuner.
Oh! I don't
have a piano.
9:00,
Tuesday morning.
Your wife made
the appointment.
Very lovely voice.
Oh, thank you.
I don't have a wife.
No? I don't either.
I am engaged,
sort of.
We haven't set
a date or anything.
We're kind of
engaged.
The mix-up about the wife
is nothing, but...
No piano! I've never
been so far off target.
I don't know
the procedure.
Why don't
you come in,
take a look,
and make sure
I don't have
a piano.
I believe you.
Just a quick look.
It will wrap
this thing up.
Well, I...
I shouldn't,
but I will take
a tiny peek.
Piano. Piano.
Piece of candy?
Oh, thank you.
[Clink]
Oh! Ha ha ha.
Well, it's a wise man
that knows
his own possessions.
There's no piano,
sure enough.
Donald? Donald,
who's out there?
Is everything
all right?
Mr. Weber, do you have
a minute to meet my friend?
I'd be delighted.
Wait. I can make up
for that piano thing.
Oh, that's
not necessary.
Crawl back in bed.
I won't be long.
Donald,
who's that man?
Come in here.
Come on!
Hello? It's me.
O.K. If I come in?
Oh, sure.
I'm Paula frankinheimer.
I live here, too.
I'm Mr. Weber.
Weber! I bet
you're Irish.
I don't think so.
I thought those
were Irish eyes.
Well, Donald.
I thought
a little breakfast
would be
just the ticket.
That's, uh...
Set it right here.
That's, uh...
That's fantastic.
I didn't know
you would do this.
Just the niceties
of life.
That's nice.
Hey, Paula.
Come on over
and have some
of Mr. Weber's eggs.
Come on, Paula.
Come on, honey.
Right over here.
Coffee?
She's a little grouchy
sometimes in the morning.
Have some orange juice.
Oh, just a bit,
but that doesn't mean
I'm having a good time.
Donald,
I've been thinking.
I've done
all right today.
I've really
done o.K.
You have.
You've been fantastic.
Coming
into a situation
unaware like this
has made all
the difference.
It's been a real
eyeopener for me.
Maybe I don't need
pianos anymore.
I mean,
all these years,
I've been using
pianos as a crutch
in my relationships
with people.
You mean you're going
to try to get customers
that don't
have pianos?
It would take
guts, Donald.
It would take guts.
Hmm...
I don't know.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not criticizing,
but I don't know.
Well, I wish you
all the luck in the world.
Thank you, Donald.
Jeez, it's exciting
to think about.
Donald, won't you
be late for work?
It doesn't matter.
It's my last day.
What?
I left
the water running.
There's no
water running.
I left the water
running, Donald.
There's no
water running--
Donald, I won't
marry a drifter.
Drifter?
Paula, I've been
working seven years.
Very few drifters
work seven years
as marketing
analysts
in the servomechanism
industry.
Won't you
tell me what it is
you're going to do?
I'd rather
get into it
a little first.
Then I promise I'll
tell you about it.
[Piano playing]
I shouldn't leave
during a lesson like this.
Donald,
listen to me.
I don't want
you to go.
Perhaps my wishes
mean nothing to you.
Yeah, perhaps
they don't.
Hear me out.
I sure you're not
the sort of man
to go against
the wishes
of those near
and dear to you.
Surprise! Surprise!
Huh--
mom!
Hello, Donald.
Dad, what are you--
what are you doing
in there?
Well, Mr. Turnbull
wanted it to be
a surprise.
What can I say?
I know you
want to be alone
with your family.
I'll wait
in the cab.
I don't know
what to say.
We felt the same way
when Mr. Turnbull
said he was bringing
US to see you.
You know why we're here.
Mr. Turnbull says
you have gotten mixed up
with the wrong
sort of people.
Oh. Mom...
It's none
of his damn business.
Whenever I stop
at the filling
station for gas,
I always tell them,
"from all I hear,
"Donald's
doing very well
as a young executive
in Los Angeles,
California."
That's nice.
Dad, there's nothing
to worry about.
By the way,
they redid
the filling station
in Spanish
hacienda style.
The lube job section
has a cathedral
beam ceiling.
He doesn't care
about that!
I was wondering
what happened to
that filling station.
As long as
you're out here,
we should
spend time together.
We'll have
dinner tonight.
I should have had you
out here sooner.
Could be a nice
long vacation for you.
Oh, it sounds nice.
We've missed
your flight back,
but the train
is just as fast.
We don't want
to overstay our welcome.
You just got here!
Just stay
till this evening.
The dinner
won't be long.
We don't want to cause
any trouble here.
I guess Disneyland
is out.
We'd hoped to see it.
There's no chance now.
Stay tonight.
We'll go to
Disneyland tomorrow.
We really didn't want to
see it much, anyway.
Listen, don't--they've
got a hotel at Disneyland.
We can spend the whole
week out there.
Well, don't worry,
darling.
We'll write
when we get home.
Bye-bye.
[Turnbull]
Hurry up. Hurry up!
All aboard, please.
Now boarding for flagstaff...
Donald?
Donald?
[Telephone rings]
[Ring]
Donald, phone.
Hello?
I can't...
Hold on, just--
sorry, we're in the midst
of the rehearsal. Hello?
This is Paula.
Tell me,
why am I always
the last to know?
You're not last to know.
You must be
second or third,
unless turnbull's
been telling everybody.
Don't expect me
to be here
when you come home.
[Whirring]
Glad to see you.
I didn't think
you'd be here.
You look tired.
Oh, it's...
It's been a long day.
Homework?
Hmm?
I said
is that homework?
Each student is issued
one of these on enrollment.
I brought mine home
because the instructor said,
"get to know your rabbit."
I got a good
rabbit, too.
It doesn't suit you!
Hey, Paula, let's not
go through this again.
I can't help it.
You used to
look so nice
with your
attache case.
It was a handsome
color, too--
burnt umber!
[Machine whirs]
[Turns machine off]
Turn around.
Why?
Just turn around.
Give me a kiss.
No.
No.
No? Hey.
Let me
see that ear.
Remember when you
first moved in?
When I got home
from work,
we could
never decide
whether
we were going
to eat before--
yeah. I think
it's coming back to me.
Yes, it is.
[Telephone rings]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Paula giggling]
Ah...
Yeah?
I am not
going to accept
your letter
of resignation.
I didn't write
a letter of resignation.
I know,
but I assumed one
would be
forthcoming.
I think this
is something
that'll wait till
tomorrow morning.
I'm hanging up.
Who was that?
That was turnbull.
He was trying to get me
to change my mind.
Oh.
Incidentally,
that reminds me.
What's that?
Don't touch me!
Leave me alone.
What the hell's
going on?
I made a rule.
You're not
to touch me
till you give up
this crazy scheme
of yours.
When did you decide that?
Yesterday afternoon.
What about last night?
Last night
was an exception.
[Door buzzer]
[Buzz]
Look, Mr. Turnbull, i--
I forgot the most
important quality
of a top executive.
The ability
to improvise.
Would you let me
lead my own life?
I figured out
how neither of US
has to worry
about a letter
of resignation.
You've taken
a leave of absence--
an indefinite
leave of absence.
Fine, fine.
Well, good night.
I wrote an announcement
to send to the papers.
"Donald beeman,
long-time market--"
do you want your
middle initial in there?
I really don't care.
A good middle initial
can add a lot.
Donald!
"R" for example.
"Donald r. Beeman."
Let's do it now.
I've got to
have it now!
Oh, Donald!
Come on.
That's what
I thought!
I'm packing!
What's going on?
What are
you doing?
Let go! I'm sick
of your crazy games.
You weren't
to touch me
until you quit
those lessons!
You're the one
that suggested it!
That was a test.
That was a test?
I thought it was another
one of your exceptions.
How about it?
"Donald r. Beeman"?
I don't care.
Just leave it
like it is.
Paula, I will stand here
until you come out.
"Donald beeman,
long-time
marketing analyst
"with servo-temp,
incorporated,
"has taken
an indefinite
leave of absence
"to devote more
of his time
to various
personal interests."
Do you like it?
It's not true.
Paula?
You're acting
like a baby.
The only thing
that bothers me,
it's the same
announcement
I released
about Kramer after
he tore the dress
off that secretary.
Don't bother
seeing me out!
Will anyone notice
the similarity?
We can discuss this!
Why--
you're just going
to walk out?
You're really
acting silly. Paula--
ah!
Ah! Paula!
Give me
another test.
I'm sure I'll do better.
Paula,
what about the...
What about all...
Donald,
just say the word
if I've come
at a bad time.
[Meowing]
I noticed you have
rooms by the month.
That's right.
I better warn you,
no loud music
after 10:00.
I think a room here
would fit in
with my new
way of life.
May I help you?
Yes. I'd like to see
something seedy.
Come with me.
[Tap dancing]
No. No.
No, no, no.
Look at your hands.
Look at them!
You're holding your rabbit
all wrong.
1, 2, 3, 4,
1, 2, 3, 4,
1, 2, 3, 4,
rabbit!
[Knocking on door]
[Knocking on door]
Look here,
Mr. Turnbull,
this has gone
far enough.
This must be it.
No doubt about it.
I thought you
were somebody else.
Is this a five-day
party or not?
No, it's not.
Call me Vic.
What do you call yourself?
Uh, Donald.
How the hell
are you?
Donald-baby,
why don't we find the party?
I was going
to rehearse
with my rabbit.
Your rabbit. Ha!
That's very funny.
Put the rabbit down.
We'll go
and find the party.
It would be crazy
to miss this party.
It will be going on
for four or five days.
I guess my rabbit
won't mind.
They can take
care of themselves.
Four-day party, huh?
I'll get the door
so nobody takes your rabbit.
It's a lot of people
from the field of glamour.
Think it will be
a wild one, huh?
It better be!
Yes?
What did I tell you?
Call me Vic-baby.
This is Don-baby.
Sure it's all right?
Oh, sure, honey.
[Crowd is very quiet]
My name's flo.
I'll let you meet
the others on your own.
[Flo humming]
[Flo]
Let's have some drinks.
Hi.
* boo, boo, boo, boo
* boo, boo *
this has been going on
since last night?
That's right!
Ha ha ha!
Chip?
It's going to go on
for four more nights?
That's right! Oops!
Hey, cheers!
Until the booze
holds out.
We may go on
even till Wednesday!
Maybe even Thursday. Boop!
Boop.
Um, are you, uh...
Are you with anybody?
Is that type
of cheap broad
with no brassiere
ever with anybody?
Can you count
on a girl
with no brassiere?
Nowhere.
Go on, ask her.
Tell him.
Hi, my name
is Susan.
Susan! Ha!
I love it, huh?
How do they come up
with names like that?
Ha! Susan.
Let's get out of here.
Wait a minute,
Vic-baby!
I gave you a bum steer
with this party.
There's a wild place
I was saving for later.
Leave it to me!
We're going to
have one hell
of a bash.
I hope
you realize
I got you
in the back seat
with an expert.
You can tell
she's the type
of cheap broad
who knows
what to do
in a back seat.
I don't know how
to ask you this, but...
How long have you
been a cheap broad?
Well, it's
an off-and-on thing.
Don't worry
about me,
Don-baby.
I removed
the mirror
so I can't
see a thing
back there.
It's nice.
It's very nice.
Now, is that nice
or not?
Sweetie,
with that model there,
you can get into any
high-tone place in town.
No, don't, don't primp,
darling.
Nobody likes
a primper.
Now come out.
Let's see what you look like.
That's right.
All the way out.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
That's nice.
That's
very nice.
Is that nice
or not?
Yes, it's very nice.
It's nice.
That's what I said.
Donald, the show's
over here.
Know what I like
about this, Donald?
L and s.
Never forget that.
It lifts, and it
separates, Donald.
It lifts
and separates.
Huh?
Is this all
we'll be doing?
Her just trying on bras?
These are
brassieres, Donald.
Oh, yeah.
Brassieres.
You'll learn.
Don't worry.
I need a clearer
picture of
the situation.
Keep your
hand there.
That's right.
We need
a variation
on the theme.
Something
with, maybe,
mediterranean
overtones,
huh? O.K.?
Just stay here.
I'll be
a little while.
I'll turn on
the muzak.
Don't go
anywhere.
I'll be back.
It's like really...
Wires and pads
It's, um...
Nice weather we've
been having lately.
Yes.
Would you
care to dance
while we're waiting?
Yes, I'd like to dance.
What's wrong?
I just realized
something.
I made changes
in my life
three weeks ago.
You're
the first sign
that
things really
are different.
[Door opens]
Wait till you
see these.
I didn't know
I had these in stock.
Look at this.
Take a look.
Oh.
Look at this model.
Here's a model
that would reflect
your basic earthiness--
basic earthiness
combined with a sense
of breeding.
It's good
the night is young.
I got other models.
It's awfully
nice of you,
but I'm just
not in the mood
anymore.
What do you mean
you're not in the mood?
We were all going
to have a wild time.
It's, uh...I guess
it's just because...
Oh.
Oh.
Just because,
maybe the...
Oh, it's the muzak.
The tango came on.
Bullshit, muzak!
I was just...
I know what's
been going on.
I'm beginning
to get the picture.
Right? Cheap
broad like this,
she's always
up for grabs,
right?
You saw
your chance,
and you took it,
right?
I step out,
you make your move.
I know how
this will end.
It always ends
the same way.
You'll go
to your hotel,
a little small talk,
then powee,
right? Huh?
Spring them
right on her--
those fancy models
with the seamless
lace trimmings.
Give you added
reinforcement
with the underwiring
for enticing push-up?
And those cocktail
brassieres? I know.
With the d.P.C.?
Those deep plunge cups?
Yeah, and the other
freaky models, huh?
Give you extra push-up
for added oomph?
Stuff in your room
that will make
my merchandise
look like crap!
I don't know
what kind of guy
you think I am,
but I wouldn't take
a lovely girl
and do that.
Vic, this is no way
to end the evening.
Yeah,
you're right, kid.
I get carried away
by my fixtures
sometimes.
Hey, no hard
feelings, huh?
No hard feelings,
Don-baby.
You, too, sweetie.
I hope that
sometime, someplace,
I find a girl
that can appreciate
a good medium-priced
brassiere.
See you later.
Yeah.
My ship sails away
tomorrow,
so we must
make tonight
last till eternity.
[Horn blowing]
Is that you,
Mr. Delasandro?
Yes.
For a moment,
I thought it was somebody--
I didn't know
if it was you or not.
Some of your friends
on board?
A former pupil of mine
who performs
for the entertainment
of the passengers.
That sounds impressive.
It's responsible.
She's on 24-hour call
to distract them
in case of emergency--
if the ship should start
sinking, for instance,
or if any ugliness
should occur
during
the lemon dance.
I don't suppose
there'd be
any openings
like that for me.
I wouldn't say that,
Sonny.
Yesterday,
I heard about
a seven-week swing
through
the second-rate bars
and cocktail lounges
of america's
heartland.
That sounds exactly
what I was hoping for.
We'd never get you ready
in time for that.
What if you gave me
extra coaching lessons?
I could work
24 hours a day.
To work that hard
would be unfair
to your rabbit.
But I can see
that you're sincere.
We could start working
this morning.
Then I'll have to be
at my most ruthless
and demanding.
You may even learn
to hate me.
Well, I don't care
for you much anyway.
Later, perhaps,
that hatred may wither
into the dry husk
of admiration.
When you remove
the silken foulard
from the bowling ball,
you must do it
tenderly...
For it is, in a sense,
a farewell.
True, in a moment,
you'll whip off
the scarf,
revealing
a pitcher of milk,
but there must be
implicit in your performance
a lingering
sense of nostalgia
for the bowling ball.
O.k.
This is no time to eat.
I have to be cruel
to be kind.
I told you "tenderly."
Now make it tender.
You'll never get
the shim-sham.
Let's reprise
on the delasandro
special.
Go on.
Now then...
I'm the heckler,
right?
I've been needling you
for the last 10 minutes.
Time now for you
to strike back
with all
the style and wit
at your command.
Up yours, fella!
Not bad.
Not bad.
Well, Donald...
I guess you realize
what this means.
The real thing,
huh?
The incredible
escape sack.
No other feat
can equal it.
Step up
to the podium...
Into the sack.
Once you have
mastered this,
there's nothing more
I can teach you.
Now, imagine,
if you will,
that I am a lovely young
volunteer from the audience.
Now, even though
we are tightly sealed
in the sack, I,
the lovely young volunteer,
will escape from the sack
in a puff of smoke.
I...
Shall I pull this--
I, the lovely
young volunteer,
will escape...
In a puff of smoke!
I'm sorry.
I didn't--
sorry?
Sorry is
simply a word.
Actions are what counts.
This is based on a simple
mechanical principle.
Let me pull
on the--
there's my elbow.
Well, it's
someone's elbow.
It's your elbow
in my face.
I thought it was--
I don't like
an elbow in my face.
In 10 minutes
I'm taking a cab
to the heliport
in Wilshire,
where I catch a chopper
to L.A. international,
where I hop a 727
to Cincinnati.
Believe me,
it's no picnic.
[Delasandro]
Who is it?
Seager.
Is the kid there?
Yes, I believe
he is.
Great, great.
We were just...
Resting.
Don't think
you're getting
a peek
at this contract, kid,
till after
the graduation ceremony.
Mr. D. Knows I don't go
that route, right?
Right.
[Donald]
Is there someone
out there
I should meet?
Mr. Seager,
just to test your wits...
How about seeing
if you're clever enough
to unfasten the top
of this?
This is an era
fraught with peril.
Yet I cannot help
but feel
that when a young man
completes his studies
not one, not two, but three
weeks ahead of schedule,
it bodes well
for mankind everywhere.
That young man is here
with US this morning.
Will Donald beeman
please step forward?
Donald beeman...
I hereby designate you
tap dancing magician
magna cum laude.
Pass your hand
through the candle flame.
What?
Pass your hand
through the flame.
It's symbolic.
Was that too quick?
No, it's all right.
My god...
I don't call myself
a sentimental man,
but there's something
about a ceremony like that
that just
tears me apart.
How did you
do that?
Ah, never mind.
As a graduation present,
a card for your wallet
and a tap dancing
magician's t-shirt.
Can I open it now?
I don't care
what you do.
I'll get
the contract ready.
Hoop-la.
I didn't know
you had these.
[Seager]
Contract's ready.
Once I thought
the tap dancing magician craze
would make a bigger splash
than it did.
Get yourself
a manager,
and you won't have
to worry about paperwork.
Sign here and here.
I marked the places
with an asterisk
where you double as
an emcee for the strippers.
Oh.
Seems awfully quick.
I almost forgot.
Here.
He only does that
for guys he really likes.
What's this for?
Travel expenses.
That will put you
on a bus to Elgin, Illinois.
Donald,
before you go...
Would you like me
to look upon you
as the son
I never had?
No, I don't think so.
Thanks.
I hope it's not
a decision...
[Door shuts]
That you shall regret.
Elgin, Illinois.
Thank you.
At gate two,
now loading for flagstaff...
Mr. Turnbull?
Mr. Turnbull.
Mr. Turnbull.
Mr. Turnbull.
You got no right
to bother me.
I got my discharge
papers right here.
Honorable discharge,
1949.
It's Donald.
It's Donald beeman.
Donald.
Donald.
It's o.K.
Let's get out of here.
Donald.
It's going
to be o.K.
[Clears throat]
I must have
dozed off
while I was waiting
for my cab.
Sure you did.
Come on now.
Tell me,
what happened?
Donald...
When you left
the office,
suddenly the work
began to pile up,
and I got
a little behind.
Then a whole lot behind.
So, I began to sip
an occasional cocktail
before lunch.
My secretary was very
helpful and sympathetic.
But you had left
the office, Donald,
and nothing helped me
in the end.
Donald,
I was a top executive
for 14 years.
14 goddamn years.
And now look at me.
Sure I need a shave,
sure I could
use a drink...
But, Donald,
you think about this--
I haven't had
an office...An office
in I don't know how long.
[Sobbing]
Hey, look at me.
Come on.
Look at me.
I got an idea.
The guy that signed me
up for the tour
said I needed a manager.
What about it?
Just an office
would be enough.
I wouldn't expect you
to trust me
with an actual job.
My manager.
It will be fun.
It seems to fit in
with my new way of life.
Here we are.
Here's a contract I got
from Mr. Seager.
His card's stapled to it.
Fine.
Well,
I think we'd better
paper-clip this card
to the contract
so it
doesn't go astray.
Oh, you don't
have to do that.
Oh, this one ought
to do just fine...
Like so.
Yeah, but it's
already stapled--
well, you never know.
What do you mean?
A man must do the best
with what he's got.
All I've got
are paper clips.
Well, I, uh...
I better get going.
I wish I could
spend more time.
I'll send
my forwarding address.
Oh, fine.
I'll, uh...
I'll make a note
on my memo pad
of your first stop.
Elgin.
Don't go slow for me.
Elgin, Illinois.
[Claps]
Come on,
boy.
Come on, come on.
[Barking]
That-a boy.
[Dog whimpering]
[Drum roll]
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
It's great to be
in your fine little town.
Hit it, maestro.
And now,
the grand finale.
[Clapping]
[Clapping]
Whoo hoo hoo!
[Donald]
Dear Mr. Turnbull,
having a fantastic time
on the road.
You should try it,
honest!
My rabbit caught a little cold
but is fine now.
That's fine.
That's fine.
I'm really living life
at the gut level.
Yours truly,
the magnificent beeman.
That's catchy.
That's fine.
Hey, Mr. Executive!
Tired of the rat race?
Live life at the gut level.
Try our 17 day drop-out plan.
Tap dancing magician, inc.
Hotel fair oaks.
Suite 32.
[Soundtrack music plays,
no dialogue audible]
[Cheering]
Come on,
I know you can do it.
I need
a few pointers.
She's the Indiana bombshell.
Every curve,
loaded with dynamite.
Every curve,
loaded with dynamite.
I don't know exactly
what that means.
If you go into it
too deep, it ruins it.
Introduce her
in your own words...Now.
[Music plays]
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like your attention...
For, in just
one short moment,
a lady's
going to come out here
and take off
almost all of her clothes.
There you are,
ladies and gentlemen,
the magnificent beeman.
Thank you very much.
You've been a very warm
and wonderful audience.
For my grand finale,
I will do one of the most daring
and dangerous feats
ever done before
a live audience...
The incredible escape sack.
[Clapping]
I will need a lovely young
volunteer from the audience
to participate
in the incredible escape sack.
A lovely young volunteer
from the audience
will help me
with the escape sack.
Come on, folks.
We need a volunteer
for the magnificent beeman
and his incredible escape sack.
Charlotte, please.
How about you,
young lady?
Oh, come on.
How about you?
Come on, folks.
The magnificent beeman
and his incredible escape sack.
We ought to have
some cooperation.
Isn't there somebody
that would like to volunteer?
How about you,
young lady?
He needs a lovely
young lady.
Oh, i--
won't you volunteer?
Encourage her.
Well--
how about some applause?
[Clapping]
Come on, for this
lovely young lady.
Will you?
Yes, you will.
Well--
you don't have
to do anything.
Will you go?
That's right.
Come on, folks,
some applause.
We have a volunteer
for the magnificent beeman.
Step right up.
Mr. Beeman,
I'm so happy to be here.
Right into
the incredible escape sack.
What are you
going to do?
When you do that trick
with the rabbit,
you are just so good.
It's the best thing
I've ever seen.
Thank you.
I worked very hard on it.
All right, incredible
escape sack trick.
Put your hand
into this.
The young lady
will put her hand
into the incredible
escape sack
spot for the hand.
You're very pretty.
Glad you
think so.
This doesn't hurt,
does it?
You're
a terrific-looking girl.
Really?
Oh, I'm glad
you think so.
Do we--
daring and excitement
in the incredible escape sack.
What do we do?
Take this magic cord.
This won't hurt?
I wouldn't dare
hurt you.
You're so beautiful.
Ohh...
We are ready!
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
the magnificent beeman
and his incredible escape sack.
Maestro...
[Drum roll]
One, two, three,
escape!
Aah!
Aah!
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
for the first time
on this stage or any stage,
the magnificent beeman
and his incredible escape sack!
[Scattered applause]
Maestro.
[Drum roll]
Escape!
And escape!
Ah! Ha!
[Giggling]
Ohh!
Oh ho ho!
[Scattered applause]
[Band plays]
Oh!
Ow!
Hurry.
Hey! Whoa!
I believe
this is our cab.
There's a vicious thing
in a big bag
that's chasing--
thank you.
[Crash]
Come on in.
[Coughs]
Oh, god!
It's them!
What?
Those are
the hands that...
Take the rabbit
out of the hat.
Oh, they just
make me shivery.
Ohh! Ah!
I realize these are hands
that can do magic,
but I'd rather have you
think of them
as just ordinary hands
that just...
Just ordinary hands.
Ohh!
I've never had
any real heroes.
Except, maybe...
Roger.
Roger was the paper boy
when I was in
the seventh grade.
Yeah. I used to deliver
papers in sixth grade.
Roger would
come down the hill
on his bike.
He made these
beautiful tosses.
He could put a newspaper...
Oh, I don't know--
just anywhere he wanted to.
It was beautiful.
I did that, too.
I threw right-
and left-handed.
Hit a mailbox
40 yards away.
When Roger did it,
it was really beautiful.
Always beautiful.
Finally, one Sunday,
I snuck out of the house
and met him
and went on his route
with him.
It was almost light
when we finished,
and we sat
on somebody's lawn
and read the paper.
I read every section.
Everything.
I wanted him to know
I was interested in his work.
When I came home,
my parents were up.
My parents decided
that it was sordid.
They took
the harshest measures
they could think of.
They canceled the paper.
But you know
what I did?
I called the paper
and told them
I was my mother.
I said that
we'd reconsidered.
We wanted the paper,
but could they deliver it
under the back porch?
All summer long,
Roger delivered
the paper in secret.
He even gave me
my own receipt card...
That they punch?
I hid it
in my dresser drawer.
[No dialogue]
Um...
Uh, I didn't
tell you everything.
Sometimes I didn't
have enough money
to pay
for the paper.
So...
I had to pay for it
in other ways.
Does that bother you?
No, no.
That doesn't bother me.
I mean, I remember
I had trouble
budgeting my allowance.
Oh,
and you know what?
Another thing
about Roger is
he always was
a gentleman about it.
And he always
used to...
Punch my card
beforehand...
Rather
than afterward.
[Click]
Ohh!
I--sorry,
I thought--
is Mr. Turnbull
still--
he's in the John.
Don't worry.
He's quick.
Mr. Turnbull,
are you ready for--
oh, I thought
you were Mr. Turnbull.
No, I was just--
he's not back yet.
That's funny.
He's usually very quick.
[Toilet running]
Donald. Donald!
I can't tell you
how great you look.
I thought you'd be
spending your money
on muscatel.
They're ready.
Fine. Send them in.
Gentlemen, please!
Mr. Linder, please.
Oh, thank you.
That's fine.
Let's see your hat.
You look
really wonderful,
wonderful.
Thank you.
All right,
Mr. Reid, yes.
That's very good,
sir, very good.
Fine. Wonderful,
wonderful.
Mr. Greenbaum,
that's fine.
Let me see your cap.
That's good.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
It's
very, very nice.
Now, let's see,
Mr. Colbert.
I'm sorry.
I don't like that
jacket on you.
Would you change
that, Reynolds?
Of course, sir.
Is he getting
special attention?
Never mind about him.
I have a right
to know.
I'll explain it
to you later.
Look, my contract,
Mr. Reynolds, says--
Donald, be honest.
Isn't it great
to be working
together again?
Do those guys have some--
[power saw]
[Hammering]
[Tuba plays]
Oh, let's see.
I like this one.
This is very good.
This one's wonderful!
I like that very much.
This one is good.
Donald, would you please
help me with these?
Thank you.
Do all these guys
work for you?
Donald, be serious.
These men earn an average
of 55 thou a year.
We don't like to
make deliveries.
That's all we need.
Thank you.
I'll take those back.
Thank you.
Oh! By the way...
I lined up
another tour for you.
Here's your itinerary.
Oh.
"Pathean, Nebraska."
Hello. I'm Donald beeman
for Mr. Reese.
He's over there.
Excuse me,
Mr. Reese?
Hmm?
I'm Donald beeman,
tap dancing magician.
That's going to
have to wait.
My wife just called.
There's a man
under our porch.
Come on.
Well...
Hurry up!
[Burlesque music playing]
[Man]
Hey, you from
beaver falls, honey?
Whoo! Whoo!
All right.
Right away, dear.
Fantastic, huh?
They loved the rabbit
and the American flag bit.
That was my wife
on the phone.
She did
a damn dangerous thing.
W-What thing?
She poked at that guy
under the porch
with a pole.
He ran out
across the street
and up a tree.
Fire engines?
[Police radio]
[Policeman]
Watch out for my car.
[Woman]
Does he look
familiar to you?
[Man]
I don't know.
He moved up to
that branch.
All right, forget it.
Come on down.
What's the matter?
Ladder's too short.
It's too short.
I thought
the fire department
had big ladders.
[Policeman]
Did he look like
an airline pilot?
[Fireman]
I didn't see him
that good.
An airline stewardess is coming
who can identify him.
Nothing here,
nothing there.
Ha!
Ohh! Ha ha!
That's marvelous!
Good evening.
I'm miss Collins.
We think we've
located your pilot.
At first we thought it was
my brother-in-law Ralph.
Follow me, miss.
He was underneath the porch
this afternoon.
Now he's up a tree.
He's over by the ladder.
They brought
the fire truck
with a ladder.
Is that him?
I didn't think he'd get so far.
That's him.
What's the matter
with him?
He gets butterflies
worse than the other pilots.
If you get him down quickly,
you can probably get him
back to O'Hare
in time for his 11:00 flight.
Shouldn't he lay off
for a few days?
No. He should
get back up--
like climbing back on a horse
after being thrown.
I'll get him to
the airport in time.
He may pretend he doesn't,
but he knows the way.
All right.
Everybody move back.
I said everybody back.
It's not good to have
too many people involved
in a situation
as delicate as this.
You dumb bastard,
you got 10 seconds
to get the hell down!
[Door opens]
[Girl]
Aah!
Aah!
Who was that?
Oh, I've seen
him around, but...
We haven't actually
been introduced.
[Coughing]
Young man.
Young man.
Hey, young man!
I'm awfully sorry
to disturb you,
but I can't reach
my pillow.
Thank you.
Oh, no, no!
This is my hard pillow!
I wanted my soft pillow.
[Gunfire]
[Screaming]
We interrupt this program
for a special
on-the-spot news report.
The passengers were trapped
for a perilous 14 hours
until the rampaging
flood waters subsided.
What began as a pleasant,
almost placid, bus trip
turned without warning
into an ordeal--excuse me.
The bus is
pulling in now.
We'll see if we can't
talk to some passengers.
They're lowering crates
for the passengers
to step out on.
Excuse me, sir.
What thoughts--
uh, ma'am.
Excuse me, madam.
I know words often fail
at a time like this,
but if you could
give our viewers
some idea of
your harrowing ordeal.
I don't know what
we would have done
without
that wonderful man.
Yes, a driver who
clearly gave his all.
No. The man who
entertained US.
He danced into
the morning hours.
He performed
magic tricks
that were
simply amazing.
In other words,
a wayfaring troubadour,
as it were,
who took it upon himself
to cheer those
who knew not what--
there he is!
Excuse me, sir?
This way.
According to
this lady...
Are we on television?
You took it
upon yourself
to cheer those
who otherwise--
no. Let's just say,
I like to live life
at the gut level.
Yes, well...
Um...
Could you tell me where
Mr. Turnbull's office is?
Big building.
Huge building.
I haven't seen
a building this big in...
Next!
Pass your hand
through the candle.
Next!
Pass your hand
through the candle.
Next!
Pass your hand
through the candle.
Next!
Pass your hand
through the candle.
[Woman]
The 17-day plan
provides for appearances
at a total
of 10 night clubs
and your rides throughout
the entire state--
I'm looking for
Mr. Turnbull's office.
This is the annex.
You want the new building--
down the hallway
to your left.
Thank you.
Excuse me. Do you know where
Mr. Turnbull's office is?
Anything wrong?
No. I'm just looking
for him.
Take the elevator to
level "b" and level "a."
Uh, what...
Look, I know this is
the workhorse of our line,
but the pilot's project shows
we're just beginning.
Response to our wino prototype
has been tremendous.
I'll show you
the statistics.
Attention! An unidentified
rabbit is loose.
Will the ensnarement engineer
please report to area "j"?
There he is!
Get him! Get him!
Get him! Get him!
No, you don't!
No, you don't!
No, no, no, no!
Mr. Higgins.
You know how we frown
on keeping credit cards.
All right, let's, uh...
Excuse me, uh...
Can you tell me
where Mr. Turnbull's
office is?
Turnbull?
This is processing.
You don't want
processing!
You want administration!
Don't ever come
through processing
when you want
administration!
Attention! An unidentified
rabbit is loose in area "j."
Will the ensnarement engineer
pleasereport to area "j"?
Hello.
You must be
our Mr. Beeman.
Welcome home,
Mr. Beeman.
Oh, thank you.
This tap dancing
magician thing
sure has
taken off, huh?
Yes, and it's all
because of you.
Yeah, well, I guess
I really got it...
Ahem! Is Mr. Turnbull
in, please?
Yes.
He's expecting you.
Why don't you
go right in?
Leave all that here.
I'll watch your bunny.
No.
I got to take him.
O.k. Go on in.
Uh, Mr. Turnbull.
Hello, Donald.
Hi.
Come on in.
Wonderful
to see you.
Um...
What are you
doing in here?
Actually, it's--
it's quite pleasant.
Uh...
The only trouble is,
if I close the door
all the way...
The light goes out.
Ha ha ha ha!
Tell me, uh...
How are things
with you?
Fine. I've really been
enjoying myself.
Hey,
what's the matter?
You can tell
something's wrong,
can't you?
God!
I was hoping that
it wouldn't show.
Donald...
Let me tell you.
Donald, I'm scared.
Scared of what?
The whole thing.
I was o.K.
As an executive
in the servomechanism
industry,
but I can't
handle this.
Go on tour with me
for a couple weeks.
It'll straighten you
right out.
Do you realize
how many people are
depending on US?
US?
Yes! Do you realize
how many?
No.
I don't either.
I've been afraid
to find out
the exact number.
That's just
part of it!
Let me show you something.
I can't go
out there alone.
I'm right behind you.
This is just
the preliminary
groundwork.
You see that company
right there?
It's one of the
largest corporations
in the world.
They're coming
tomorrow to start
negotiations.
That doesn't
sound terrible.
What do you mean?
Just let them
buy US out.
No! You don't
understand.
We are buying
them out!
Oh.
I can't
handle it alone.
Sure you can.
Not with executives
of this caliber!
One of them has
had his picture
in u.S. News
& world report
three times!
I guess...I mean...
It can't be so bad.
I'll sit in
for a while
if you think it'll
make any difference.
Aw, thank you.
Thanks, Donald.
I knew you wouldn't
let me down.
Five minutes to go.
[Intercom buzzes]
Yeah?
There's a long-distance call
from marietta, Ohio.
I don't know anybody
from marietta.
Oh. Ohh!
[Raining]
[Woman's voice]
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
It's just that
I thought that you'd be here.
It's one meeting.
I'll be--
sorry your name
isn't on the door.
That's o.K.
That's o.K.
Well, next week,
I'll be in, um...
Friday--terre haute.
You're not mad
about the door?
Oh, I'm not mad.
Yeah, next Friday.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, me, too.
Hey, got to go.
Bye-bye.
Donald.
You sure
you're not mad?
Positive. I'm fine.
I was just--just thinking.
I do that myself
sometimes,
just drift off
into thought.
Well, we ought to
get on down to
the board room.
Yeah.
Just take a deep breath.
O.k.
Thanks, Donald.
Gentlemen...
I'd like to
introduce to you
Mr. Donald beeman.
Donald?
Mr. Beeman
was right behind me.
I've got a meeting
to go to.
Something much
more important.
You'll
enjoy this more
than that meeting.
I love magicians.
Magic is my life,
Mr. Beeman.
You haven't seen
my tricks, Mr. Beeman.
I want to see
your magic wand.
Miss Parsons!
I won't hurt
your magic wand.
[Crash]
I believe that's Mr. Beeman
preparing in there now.
Donald.
Uh, Mr. Beeman will be
right out, gentlemen.
Sorry.
I'm running
behind schedule.
Didn't you get my memo?
This wasn't necessary.
He agreed to come to
the meeting.
Mr. Beeman
will be right out.
Donald.
Good day,
miss Parsons.
Gentlemen.
Just working
with my rabbit.
Mr. Donald beeman,
Mr. Arthur g. Erickson.
How do you do,
sir?
Mr. Clarence harcourt.
Nice to meet you.
Mr. E.B. Webster...
Morning, Donald.
How are you?
You wouldn't believe
that freeway today.
I was practicing
some routines--
lunch is out today,
but tomorrow for sure.
[Typing]
[Telephone rings]
Mr. Beeman's office.
No, I'm sorry.
He's in conference.
No, I don't--
Harrisburg?
So far as I know,
he's scheduled to remain here
in Los Angeles all week.
Well, Donald, back to
the old grindstone, huh?
Connors,
let's get cracking
on that interoffice memo.
1, 2, 3, escape!
[Applause]
the Fairchild
figures.
When Andrews calls,
I'll transfer
that to you.
The newcomb people
have got to see you.
In fact, deal
with Knowles, too.
2 P.M.
In fact, you've
had good luck
with stillwell--
right.
Stillwell, 2:30.
Donald?
Hmm?
Are you all right?
Caletron's calling.
It's urgent.
Well, I can't
put off that memo.
Mr. Rogers, your call
to Hawaii is holding.
Mr. Beeman, Mr. Chandler
has a flight in 40 minutes.
I've got a folder
with everything he needs.
I'll send it over.
[Telephone rings]
[Telephone rings,
intercom buzzes]
Hello, beeman here.
Excuse me, sir.
No, I think
I know what you're--
uh-huh.
Could you hold?
I'm sorry,
but these went out
without a signature
from downstairs.
Tell them
it's pending.
The previous agreement
covers it anyway.
When vacation time rolls around,
too many firms
all too often dis--
[Intercom buzzes]
[Buzz]
Beeman here.
Let me check the date.
24th...
Is an important
factor that is--
[intercom buzzes]
I wasn't
to be disturbed.
There's a lady
on the line
from a firm called
up against the wall,
incorporated.
But, i-i-i-i--
yes, what is it?
Is this Mr. Turnbull,
vice president of
servo-temp, incorporated?
That's right.
Good morning.
This is miss Simmons,
project coordinator for
up against the wall,
incorporated.
Our organization
planted a bomb
in your office building.
It's set to explode
in six minutes.
Let me put you
on hold.
Transfer this call
to Donald.
[Intercom buzzes]
[Ticking]
[Buzz]
[Ticking]
[Buzz buzz buzz]
[Ticking]
[Buzz buzz]
[Buzz buzz buzz]
I thought you
were getting that.
I'll get it later.
Mr. Beeman,
please call the operator.
Mr. Beeman,
please call the operator.
Mr. Beeman,
please call the operator.
What about
the meeting?
Wasn't it supposed
to be in your office?
Not long
and drawn out.
I have the figures
right here.
O.k., good.
Wait a second...
Actually,
it's the amount of our...
[Ticking]
Mr. Beeman,
I have a message
from miss Simmons
of up against
the wall, incorporated.
They said they
never send messages
of this nature
unless the situation
is urgent.
The message is, "60 seconds,
and it's your corporate ass."
Thank you.
...that
the institute...
[Explosion]
[Door buzzer]
[Buzz buzz]
[Buzz buzz]
[Buzz]
Hi! I'm probably
a little early.
I couldn't sleep.
Um...
Is there something
I can do for you?
No. Just lead me to it.
Just lead you
to what?
I'm Mr. Weber.
Oh, good.
The piano tuner.
Oh! I don't
have a piano.
9:00,
Tuesday morning.
Your wife made
the appointment.
Very lovely voice.
Oh, thank you.
I don't have a wife.
No? I don't either.
I am engaged,
sort of.
We haven't set
a date or anything.
We're kind of
engaged.
The mix-up about the wife
is nothing, but...
No piano! I've never
been so far off target.
I don't know
the procedure.
Why don't
you come in,
take a look,
and make sure
I don't have
a piano.
I believe you.
Just a quick look.
It will wrap
this thing up.
Well, I...
I shouldn't,
but I will take
a tiny peek.
Piano. Piano.
Piece of candy?
Oh, thank you.
[Clink]
Oh! Ha ha ha.
Well, it's a wise man
that knows
his own possessions.
There's no piano,
sure enough.
Donald? Donald,
who's out there?
Is everything
all right?
Mr. Weber, do you have
a minute to meet my friend?
I'd be delighted.
Wait. I can make up
for that piano thing.
Oh, that's
not necessary.
Crawl back in bed.
I won't be long.
Donald,
who's that man?
Come in here.
Come on!
Hello? It's me.
O.K. If I come in?
Oh, sure.
I'm Paula frankinheimer.
I live here, too.
I'm Mr. Weber.
Weber! I bet
you're Irish.
I don't think so.
I thought those
were Irish eyes.
Well, Donald.
I thought
a little breakfast
would be
just the ticket.
That's, uh...
Set it right here.
That's, uh...
That's fantastic.
I didn't know
you would do this.
Just the niceties
of life.
That's nice.
Hey, Paula.
Come on over
and have some
of Mr. Weber's eggs.
Come on, Paula.
Come on, honey.
Right over here.
Coffee?
She's a little grouchy
sometimes in the morning.
Have some orange juice.
Oh, just a bit,
but that doesn't mean
I'm having a good time.
Donald,
I've been thinking.
I've done
all right today.
I've really
done o.K.
You have.
You've been fantastic.
Coming
into a situation
unaware like this
has made all
the difference.
It's been a real
eyeopener for me.
Maybe I don't need
pianos anymore.
I mean,
all these years,
I've been using
pianos as a crutch
in my relationships
with people.
You mean you're going
to try to get customers
that don't
have pianos?
It would take
guts, Donald.
It would take guts.
Hmm...
I don't know.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not criticizing,
but I don't know.
Well, I wish you
all the luck in the world.
Thank you, Donald.
Jeez, it's exciting
to think about.
Donald, won't you
be late for work?
It doesn't matter.
It's my last day.
What?
I left
the water running.
There's no
water running.
I left the water
running, Donald.
There's no
water running--
Donald, I won't
marry a drifter.
Drifter?
Paula, I've been
working seven years.
Very few drifters
work seven years
as marketing
analysts
in the servomechanism
industry.
Won't you
tell me what it is
you're going to do?
I'd rather
get into it
a little first.
Then I promise I'll
tell you about it.
[Piano playing]
I shouldn't leave
during a lesson like this.
Donald,
listen to me.
I don't want
you to go.
Perhaps my wishes
mean nothing to you.
Yeah, perhaps
they don't.
Hear me out.
I sure you're not
the sort of man
to go against
the wishes
of those near
and dear to you.
Surprise! Surprise!
Huh--
mom!
Hello, Donald.
Dad, what are you--
what are you doing
in there?
Well, Mr. Turnbull
wanted it to be
a surprise.
What can I say?
I know you
want to be alone
with your family.
I'll wait
in the cab.
I don't know
what to say.
We felt the same way
when Mr. Turnbull
said he was bringing
US to see you.
You know why we're here.
Mr. Turnbull says
you have gotten mixed up
with the wrong
sort of people.
Oh. Mom...
It's none
of his damn business.
Whenever I stop
at the filling
station for gas,
I always tell them,
"from all I hear,
"Donald's
doing very well
as a young executive
in Los Angeles,
California."
That's nice.
Dad, there's nothing
to worry about.
By the way,
they redid
the filling station
in Spanish
hacienda style.
The lube job section
has a cathedral
beam ceiling.
He doesn't care
about that!
I was wondering
what happened to
that filling station.
As long as
you're out here,
we should
spend time together.
We'll have
dinner tonight.
I should have had you
out here sooner.
Could be a nice
long vacation for you.
Oh, it sounds nice.
We've missed
your flight back,
but the train
is just as fast.
We don't want
to overstay our welcome.
You just got here!
Just stay
till this evening.
The dinner
won't be long.
We don't want to cause
any trouble here.
I guess Disneyland
is out.
We'd hoped to see it.
There's no chance now.
Stay tonight.
We'll go to
Disneyland tomorrow.
We really didn't want to
see it much, anyway.
Listen, don't--they've
got a hotel at Disneyland.
We can spend the whole
week out there.
Well, don't worry,
darling.
We'll write
when we get home.
Bye-bye.
[Turnbull]
Hurry up. Hurry up!
All aboard, please.
Now boarding for flagstaff...
Donald?
Donald?
[Telephone rings]
[Ring]
Donald, phone.
Hello?
I can't...
Hold on, just--
sorry, we're in the midst
of the rehearsal. Hello?
This is Paula.
Tell me,
why am I always
the last to know?
You're not last to know.
You must be
second or third,
unless turnbull's
been telling everybody.
Don't expect me
to be here
when you come home.
[Whirring]
Glad to see you.
I didn't think
you'd be here.
You look tired.
Oh, it's...
It's been a long day.
Homework?
Hmm?
I said
is that homework?
Each student is issued
one of these on enrollment.
I brought mine home
because the instructor said,
"get to know your rabbit."
I got a good
rabbit, too.
It doesn't suit you!
Hey, Paula, let's not
go through this again.
I can't help it.
You used to
look so nice
with your
attache case.
It was a handsome
color, too--
burnt umber!
[Machine whirs]
[Turns machine off]
Turn around.
Why?
Just turn around.
Give me a kiss.
No.
No.
No? Hey.
Let me
see that ear.
Remember when you
first moved in?
When I got home
from work,
we could
never decide
whether
we were going
to eat before--
yeah. I think
it's coming back to me.
Yes, it is.
[Telephone rings]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Paula giggling]
Ah...
Yeah?
I am not
going to accept
your letter
of resignation.
I didn't write
a letter of resignation.
I know,
but I assumed one
would be
forthcoming.
I think this
is something
that'll wait till
tomorrow morning.
I'm hanging up.
Who was that?
That was turnbull.
He was trying to get me
to change my mind.
Oh.
Incidentally,
that reminds me.
What's that?
Don't touch me!
Leave me alone.
What the hell's
going on?
I made a rule.
You're not
to touch me
till you give up
this crazy scheme
of yours.
When did you decide that?
Yesterday afternoon.
What about last night?
Last night
was an exception.
[Door buzzer]
[Buzz]
Look, Mr. Turnbull, i--
I forgot the most
important quality
of a top executive.
The ability
to improvise.
Would you let me
lead my own life?
I figured out
how neither of US
has to worry
about a letter
of resignation.
You've taken
a leave of absence--
an indefinite
leave of absence.
Fine, fine.
Well, good night.
I wrote an announcement
to send to the papers.
"Donald beeman,
long-time market--"
do you want your
middle initial in there?
I really don't care.
A good middle initial
can add a lot.
Donald!
"R" for example.
"Donald r. Beeman."
Let's do it now.
I've got to
have it now!
Oh, Donald!
Come on.
That's what
I thought!
I'm packing!
What's going on?
What are
you doing?
Let go! I'm sick
of your crazy games.
You weren't
to touch me
until you quit
those lessons!
You're the one
that suggested it!
That was a test.
That was a test?
I thought it was another
one of your exceptions.
How about it?
"Donald r. Beeman"?
I don't care.
Just leave it
like it is.
Paula, I will stand here
until you come out.
"Donald beeman,
long-time
marketing analyst
"with servo-temp,
incorporated,
"has taken
an indefinite
leave of absence
"to devote more
of his time
to various
personal interests."
Do you like it?
It's not true.
Paula?
You're acting
like a baby.
The only thing
that bothers me,
it's the same
announcement
I released
about Kramer after
he tore the dress
off that secretary.
Don't bother
seeing me out!
Will anyone notice
the similarity?
We can discuss this!
Why--
you're just going
to walk out?
You're really
acting silly. Paula--
ah!
Ah! Paula!
Give me
another test.
I'm sure I'll do better.
Paula,
what about the...
What about all...
Donald,
just say the word
if I've come
at a bad time.
[Meowing]
I noticed you have
rooms by the month.
That's right.
I better warn you,
no loud music
after 10:00.
I think a room here
would fit in
with my new
way of life.
May I help you?
Yes. I'd like to see
something seedy.
Come with me.
[Tap dancing]
No. No.
No, no, no.
Look at your hands.
Look at them!
You're holding your rabbit
all wrong.
1, 2, 3, 4,
1, 2, 3, 4,
1, 2, 3, 4,
rabbit!
[Knocking on door]
[Knocking on door]
Look here,
Mr. Turnbull,
this has gone
far enough.
This must be it.
No doubt about it.
I thought you
were somebody else.
Is this a five-day
party or not?
No, it's not.
Call me Vic.
What do you call yourself?
Uh, Donald.
How the hell
are you?
Donald-baby,
why don't we find the party?
I was going
to rehearse
with my rabbit.
Your rabbit. Ha!
That's very funny.
Put the rabbit down.
We'll go
and find the party.
It would be crazy
to miss this party.
It will be going on
for four or five days.
I guess my rabbit
won't mind.
They can take
care of themselves.
Four-day party, huh?
I'll get the door
so nobody takes your rabbit.
It's a lot of people
from the field of glamour.
Think it will be
a wild one, huh?
It better be!
Yes?
What did I tell you?
Call me Vic-baby.
This is Don-baby.
Sure it's all right?
Oh, sure, honey.
[Crowd is very quiet]
My name's flo.
I'll let you meet
the others on your own.
[Flo humming]
[Flo]
Let's have some drinks.
Hi.
* boo, boo, boo, boo
* boo, boo *
this has been going on
since last night?
That's right!
Ha ha ha!
Chip?
It's going to go on
for four more nights?
That's right! Oops!
Hey, cheers!
Until the booze
holds out.
We may go on
even till Wednesday!
Maybe even Thursday. Boop!
Boop.
Um, are you, uh...
Are you with anybody?
Is that type
of cheap broad
with no brassiere
ever with anybody?
Can you count
on a girl
with no brassiere?
Nowhere.
Go on, ask her.
Tell him.
Hi, my name
is Susan.
Susan! Ha!
I love it, huh?
How do they come up
with names like that?
Ha! Susan.
Let's get out of here.
Wait a minute,
Vic-baby!
I gave you a bum steer
with this party.
There's a wild place
I was saving for later.
Leave it to me!
We're going to
have one hell
of a bash.
I hope
you realize
I got you
in the back seat
with an expert.
You can tell
she's the type
of cheap broad
who knows
what to do
in a back seat.
I don't know how
to ask you this, but...
How long have you
been a cheap broad?
Well, it's
an off-and-on thing.
Don't worry
about me,
Don-baby.
I removed
the mirror
so I can't
see a thing
back there.
It's nice.
It's very nice.
Now, is that nice
or not?
Sweetie,
with that model there,
you can get into any
high-tone place in town.
No, don't, don't primp,
darling.
Nobody likes
a primper.
Now come out.
Let's see what you look like.
That's right.
All the way out.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
That's nice.
That's
very nice.
Is that nice
or not?
Yes, it's very nice.
It's nice.
That's what I said.
Donald, the show's
over here.
Know what I like
about this, Donald?
L and s.
Never forget that.
It lifts, and it
separates, Donald.
It lifts
and separates.
Huh?
Is this all
we'll be doing?
Her just trying on bras?
These are
brassieres, Donald.
Oh, yeah.
Brassieres.
You'll learn.
Don't worry.
I need a clearer
picture of
the situation.
Keep your
hand there.
That's right.
We need
a variation
on the theme.
Something
with, maybe,
mediterranean
overtones,
huh? O.K.?
Just stay here.
I'll be
a little while.
I'll turn on
the muzak.
Don't go
anywhere.
I'll be back.
It's like really...
Wires and pads
It's, um...
Nice weather we've
been having lately.
Yes.
Would you
care to dance
while we're waiting?
Yes, I'd like to dance.
What's wrong?
I just realized
something.
I made changes
in my life
three weeks ago.
You're
the first sign
that
things really
are different.
[Door opens]
Wait till you
see these.
I didn't know
I had these in stock.
Look at this.
Take a look.
Oh.
Look at this model.
Here's a model
that would reflect
your basic earthiness--
basic earthiness
combined with a sense
of breeding.
It's good
the night is young.
I got other models.
It's awfully
nice of you,
but I'm just
not in the mood
anymore.
What do you mean
you're not in the mood?
We were all going
to have a wild time.
It's, uh...I guess
it's just because...
Oh.
Oh.
Just because,
maybe the...
Oh, it's the muzak.
The tango came on.
Bullshit, muzak!
I was just...
I know what's
been going on.
I'm beginning
to get the picture.
Right? Cheap
broad like this,
she's always
up for grabs,
right?
You saw
your chance,
and you took it,
right?
I step out,
you make your move.
I know how
this will end.
It always ends
the same way.
You'll go
to your hotel,
a little small talk,
then powee,
right? Huh?
Spring them
right on her--
those fancy models
with the seamless
lace trimmings.
Give you added
reinforcement
with the underwiring
for enticing push-up?
And those cocktail
brassieres? I know.
With the d.P.C.?
Those deep plunge cups?
Yeah, and the other
freaky models, huh?
Give you extra push-up
for added oomph?
Stuff in your room
that will make
my merchandise
look like crap!
I don't know
what kind of guy
you think I am,
but I wouldn't take
a lovely girl
and do that.
Vic, this is no way
to end the evening.
Yeah,
you're right, kid.
I get carried away
by my fixtures
sometimes.
Hey, no hard
feelings, huh?
No hard feelings,
Don-baby.
You, too, sweetie.
I hope that
sometime, someplace,
I find a girl
that can appreciate
a good medium-priced
brassiere.
See you later.
Yeah.
My ship sails away
tomorrow,
so we must
make tonight
last till eternity.
[Horn blowing]
Is that you,
Mr. Delasandro?
Yes.
For a moment,
I thought it was somebody--
I didn't know
if it was you or not.
Some of your friends
on board?
A former pupil of mine
who performs
for the entertainment
of the passengers.
That sounds impressive.
It's responsible.
She's on 24-hour call
to distract them
in case of emergency--
if the ship should start
sinking, for instance,
or if any ugliness
should occur
during
the lemon dance.
I don't suppose
there'd be
any openings
like that for me.
I wouldn't say that,
Sonny.
Yesterday,
I heard about
a seven-week swing
through
the second-rate bars
and cocktail lounges
of america's
heartland.
That sounds exactly
what I was hoping for.
We'd never get you ready
in time for that.
What if you gave me
extra coaching lessons?
I could work
24 hours a day.
To work that hard
would be unfair
to your rabbit.
But I can see
that you're sincere.
We could start working
this morning.
Then I'll have to be
at my most ruthless
and demanding.
You may even learn
to hate me.
Well, I don't care
for you much anyway.
Later, perhaps,
that hatred may wither
into the dry husk
of admiration.
When you remove
the silken foulard
from the bowling ball,
you must do it
tenderly...
For it is, in a sense,
a farewell.
True, in a moment,
you'll whip off
the scarf,
revealing
a pitcher of milk,
but there must be
implicit in your performance
a lingering
sense of nostalgia
for the bowling ball.
O.k.
This is no time to eat.
I have to be cruel
to be kind.
I told you "tenderly."
Now make it tender.
You'll never get
the shim-sham.
Let's reprise
on the delasandro
special.
Go on.
Now then...
I'm the heckler,
right?
I've been needling you
for the last 10 minutes.
Time now for you
to strike back
with all
the style and wit
at your command.
Up yours, fella!
Not bad.
Not bad.
Well, Donald...
I guess you realize
what this means.
The real thing,
huh?
The incredible
escape sack.
No other feat
can equal it.
Step up
to the podium...
Into the sack.
Once you have
mastered this,
there's nothing more
I can teach you.
Now, imagine,
if you will,
that I am a lovely young
volunteer from the audience.
Now, even though
we are tightly sealed
in the sack, I,
the lovely young volunteer,
will escape from the sack
in a puff of smoke.
I...
Shall I pull this--
I, the lovely
young volunteer,
will escape...
In a puff of smoke!
I'm sorry.
I didn't--
sorry?
Sorry is
simply a word.
Actions are what counts.
This is based on a simple
mechanical principle.
Let me pull
on the--
there's my elbow.
Well, it's
someone's elbow.
It's your elbow
in my face.
I thought it was--
I don't like
an elbow in my face.
In 10 minutes
I'm taking a cab
to the heliport
in Wilshire,
where I catch a chopper
to L.A. international,
where I hop a 727
to Cincinnati.
Believe me,
it's no picnic.
[Delasandro]
Who is it?
Seager.
Is the kid there?
Yes, I believe
he is.
Great, great.
We were just...
Resting.
Don't think
you're getting
a peek
at this contract, kid,
till after
the graduation ceremony.
Mr. D. Knows I don't go
that route, right?
Right.
[Donald]
Is there someone
out there
I should meet?
Mr. Seager,
just to test your wits...
How about seeing
if you're clever enough
to unfasten the top
of this?
This is an era
fraught with peril.
Yet I cannot help
but feel
that when a young man
completes his studies
not one, not two, but three
weeks ahead of schedule,
it bodes well
for mankind everywhere.
That young man is here
with US this morning.
Will Donald beeman
please step forward?
Donald beeman...
I hereby designate you
tap dancing magician
magna cum laude.
Pass your hand
through the candle flame.
What?
Pass your hand
through the flame.
It's symbolic.
Was that too quick?
No, it's all right.
My god...
I don't call myself
a sentimental man,
but there's something
about a ceremony like that
that just
tears me apart.
How did you
do that?
Ah, never mind.
As a graduation present,
a card for your wallet
and a tap dancing
magician's t-shirt.
Can I open it now?
I don't care
what you do.
I'll get
the contract ready.
Hoop-la.
I didn't know
you had these.
[Seager]
Contract's ready.
Once I thought
the tap dancing magician craze
would make a bigger splash
than it did.
Get yourself
a manager,
and you won't have
to worry about paperwork.
Sign here and here.
I marked the places
with an asterisk
where you double as
an emcee for the strippers.
Oh.
Seems awfully quick.
I almost forgot.
Here.
He only does that
for guys he really likes.
What's this for?
Travel expenses.
That will put you
on a bus to Elgin, Illinois.
Donald,
before you go...
Would you like me
to look upon you
as the son
I never had?
No, I don't think so.
Thanks.
I hope it's not
a decision...
[Door shuts]
That you shall regret.
Elgin, Illinois.
Thank you.
At gate two,
now loading for flagstaff...
Mr. Turnbull?
Mr. Turnbull.
Mr. Turnbull.
Mr. Turnbull.
You got no right
to bother me.
I got my discharge
papers right here.
Honorable discharge,
1949.
It's Donald.
It's Donald beeman.
Donald.
Donald.
It's o.K.
Let's get out of here.
Donald.
It's going
to be o.K.
[Clears throat]
I must have
dozed off
while I was waiting
for my cab.
Sure you did.
Come on now.
Tell me,
what happened?
Donald...
When you left
the office,
suddenly the work
began to pile up,
and I got
a little behind.
Then a whole lot behind.
So, I began to sip
an occasional cocktail
before lunch.
My secretary was very
helpful and sympathetic.
But you had left
the office, Donald,
and nothing helped me
in the end.
Donald,
I was a top executive
for 14 years.
14 goddamn years.
And now look at me.
Sure I need a shave,
sure I could
use a drink...
But, Donald,
you think about this--
I haven't had
an office...An office
in I don't know how long.
[Sobbing]
Hey, look at me.
Come on.
Look at me.
I got an idea.
The guy that signed me
up for the tour
said I needed a manager.
What about it?
Just an office
would be enough.
I wouldn't expect you
to trust me
with an actual job.
My manager.
It will be fun.
It seems to fit in
with my new way of life.
Here we are.
Here's a contract I got
from Mr. Seager.
His card's stapled to it.
Fine.
Well,
I think we'd better
paper-clip this card
to the contract
so it
doesn't go astray.
Oh, you don't
have to do that.
Oh, this one ought
to do just fine...
Like so.
Yeah, but it's
already stapled--
well, you never know.
What do you mean?
A man must do the best
with what he's got.
All I've got
are paper clips.
Well, I, uh...
I better get going.
I wish I could
spend more time.
I'll send
my forwarding address.
Oh, fine.
I'll, uh...
I'll make a note
on my memo pad
of your first stop.
Elgin.
Don't go slow for me.
Elgin, Illinois.
[Claps]
Come on,
boy.
Come on, come on.
[Barking]
That-a boy.
[Dog whimpering]
[Drum roll]
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
It's great to be
in your fine little town.
Hit it, maestro.
And now,
the grand finale.
[Clapping]
[Clapping]
Whoo hoo hoo!
[Donald]
Dear Mr. Turnbull,
having a fantastic time
on the road.
You should try it,
honest!
My rabbit caught a little cold
but is fine now.
That's fine.
That's fine.
I'm really living life
at the gut level.
Yours truly,
the magnificent beeman.
That's catchy.
That's fine.
Hey, Mr. Executive!
Tired of the rat race?
Live life at the gut level.
Try our 17 day drop-out plan.
Tap dancing magician, inc.
Hotel fair oaks.
Suite 32.
[Soundtrack music plays,
no dialogue audible]
[Cheering]
Come on,
I know you can do it.
I need
a few pointers.
She's the Indiana bombshell.
Every curve,
loaded with dynamite.
Every curve,
loaded with dynamite.
I don't know exactly
what that means.
If you go into it
too deep, it ruins it.
Introduce her
in your own words...Now.
[Music plays]
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like your attention...
For, in just
one short moment,
a lady's
going to come out here
and take off
almost all of her clothes.
There you are,
ladies and gentlemen,
the magnificent beeman.
Thank you very much.
You've been a very warm
and wonderful audience.
For my grand finale,
I will do one of the most daring
and dangerous feats
ever done before
a live audience...
The incredible escape sack.
[Clapping]
I will need a lovely young
volunteer from the audience
to participate
in the incredible escape sack.
A lovely young volunteer
from the audience
will help me
with the escape sack.
Come on, folks.
We need a volunteer
for the magnificent beeman
and his incredible escape sack.
Charlotte, please.
How about you,
young lady?
Oh, come on.
How about you?
Come on, folks.
The magnificent beeman
and his incredible escape sack.
We ought to have
some cooperation.
Isn't there somebody
that would like to volunteer?
How about you,
young lady?
He needs a lovely
young lady.
Oh, i--
won't you volunteer?
Encourage her.
Well--
how about some applause?
[Clapping]
Come on, for this
lovely young lady.
Will you?
Yes, you will.
Well--
you don't have
to do anything.
Will you go?
That's right.
Come on, folks,
some applause.
We have a volunteer
for the magnificent beeman.
Step right up.
Mr. Beeman,
I'm so happy to be here.
Right into
the incredible escape sack.
What are you
going to do?
When you do that trick
with the rabbit,
you are just so good.
It's the best thing
I've ever seen.
Thank you.
I worked very hard on it.
All right, incredible
escape sack trick.
Put your hand
into this.
The young lady
will put her hand
into the incredible
escape sack
spot for the hand.
You're very pretty.
Glad you
think so.
This doesn't hurt,
does it?
You're
a terrific-looking girl.
Really?
Oh, I'm glad
you think so.
Do we--
daring and excitement
in the incredible escape sack.
What do we do?
Take this magic cord.
This won't hurt?
I wouldn't dare
hurt you.
You're so beautiful.
Ohh...
We are ready!
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
the magnificent beeman
and his incredible escape sack.
Maestro...
[Drum roll]
One, two, three,
escape!
Aah!
Aah!
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
for the first time
on this stage or any stage,
the magnificent beeman
and his incredible escape sack!
[Scattered applause]
Maestro.
[Drum roll]
Escape!
And escape!
Ah! Ha!
[Giggling]
Ohh!
Oh ho ho!
[Scattered applause]
[Band plays]
Oh!
Ow!
Hurry.
Hey! Whoa!
I believe
this is our cab.
There's a vicious thing
in a big bag
that's chasing--
thank you.
[Crash]
Come on in.
[Coughs]
Oh, god!
It's them!
What?
Those are
the hands that...
Take the rabbit
out of the hat.
Oh, they just
make me shivery.
Ohh! Ah!
I realize these are hands
that can do magic,
but I'd rather have you
think of them
as just ordinary hands
that just...
Just ordinary hands.
Ohh!
I've never had
any real heroes.
Except, maybe...
Roger.
Roger was the paper boy
when I was in
the seventh grade.
Yeah. I used to deliver
papers in sixth grade.
Roger would
come down the hill
on his bike.
He made these
beautiful tosses.
He could put a newspaper...
Oh, I don't know--
just anywhere he wanted to.
It was beautiful.
I did that, too.
I threw right-
and left-handed.
Hit a mailbox
40 yards away.
When Roger did it,
it was really beautiful.
Always beautiful.
Finally, one Sunday,
I snuck out of the house
and met him
and went on his route
with him.
It was almost light
when we finished,
and we sat
on somebody's lawn
and read the paper.
I read every section.
Everything.
I wanted him to know
I was interested in his work.
When I came home,
my parents were up.
My parents decided
that it was sordid.
They took
the harshest measures
they could think of.
They canceled the paper.
But you know
what I did?
I called the paper
and told them
I was my mother.
I said that
we'd reconsidered.
We wanted the paper,
but could they deliver it
under the back porch?
All summer long,
Roger delivered
the paper in secret.
He even gave me
my own receipt card...
That they punch?
I hid it
in my dresser drawer.
[No dialogue]
Um...
Uh, I didn't
tell you everything.
Sometimes I didn't
have enough money
to pay
for the paper.
So...
I had to pay for it
in other ways.
Does that bother you?
No, no.
That doesn't bother me.
I mean, I remember
I had trouble
budgeting my allowance.
Oh,
and you know what?
Another thing
about Roger is
he always was
a gentleman about it.
And he always
used to...
Punch my card
beforehand...
Rather
than afterward.
[Click]
Ohh!
I--sorry,
I thought--
is Mr. Turnbull
still--
he's in the John.
Don't worry.
He's quick.
Mr. Turnbull,
are you ready for--
oh, I thought
you were Mr. Turnbull.
No, I was just--
he's not back yet.
That's funny.
He's usually very quick.
[Toilet running]
Donald. Donald!
I can't tell you
how great you look.
I thought you'd be
spending your money
on muscatel.
They're ready.
Fine. Send them in.
Gentlemen, please!
Mr. Linder, please.
Oh, thank you.
That's fine.
Let's see your hat.
You look
really wonderful,
wonderful.
Thank you.
All right,
Mr. Reid, yes.
That's very good,
sir, very good.
Fine. Wonderful,
wonderful.
Mr. Greenbaum,
that's fine.
Let me see your cap.
That's good.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
It's
very, very nice.
Now, let's see,
Mr. Colbert.
I'm sorry.
I don't like that
jacket on you.
Would you change
that, Reynolds?
Of course, sir.
Is he getting
special attention?
Never mind about him.
I have a right
to know.
I'll explain it
to you later.
Look, my contract,
Mr. Reynolds, says--
Donald, be honest.
Isn't it great
to be working
together again?
Do those guys have some--
[power saw]
[Hammering]
[Tuba plays]
Oh, let's see.
I like this one.
This is very good.
This one's wonderful!
I like that very much.
This one is good.
Donald, would you please
help me with these?
Thank you.
Do all these guys
work for you?
Donald, be serious.
These men earn an average
of 55 thou a year.
We don't like to
make deliveries.
That's all we need.
Thank you.
I'll take those back.
Thank you.
Oh! By the way...
I lined up
another tour for you.
Here's your itinerary.
Oh.
"Pathean, Nebraska."
Hello. I'm Donald beeman
for Mr. Reese.
He's over there.
Excuse me,
Mr. Reese?
Hmm?
I'm Donald beeman,
tap dancing magician.
That's going to
have to wait.
My wife just called.
There's a man
under our porch.
Come on.
Well...
Hurry up!
[Burlesque music playing]
[Man]
Hey, you from
beaver falls, honey?
Whoo! Whoo!
All right.
Right away, dear.
Fantastic, huh?
They loved the rabbit
and the American flag bit.
That was my wife
on the phone.
She did
a damn dangerous thing.
W-What thing?
She poked at that guy
under the porch
with a pole.
He ran out
across the street
and up a tree.
Fire engines?
[Police radio]
[Policeman]
Watch out for my car.
[Woman]
Does he look
familiar to you?
[Man]
I don't know.
He moved up to
that branch.
All right, forget it.
Come on down.
What's the matter?
Ladder's too short.
It's too short.
I thought
the fire department
had big ladders.
[Policeman]
Did he look like
an airline pilot?
[Fireman]
I didn't see him
that good.
An airline stewardess is coming
who can identify him.
Nothing here,
nothing there.
Ha!
Ohh! Ha ha!
That's marvelous!
Good evening.
I'm miss Collins.
We think we've
located your pilot.
At first we thought it was
my brother-in-law Ralph.
Follow me, miss.
He was underneath the porch
this afternoon.
Now he's up a tree.
He's over by the ladder.
They brought
the fire truck
with a ladder.
Is that him?
I didn't think he'd get so far.
That's him.
What's the matter
with him?
He gets butterflies
worse than the other pilots.
If you get him down quickly,
you can probably get him
back to O'Hare
in time for his 11:00 flight.
Shouldn't he lay off
for a few days?
No. He should
get back up--
like climbing back on a horse
after being thrown.
I'll get him to
the airport in time.
He may pretend he doesn't,
but he knows the way.
All right.
Everybody move back.
I said everybody back.
It's not good to have
too many people involved
in a situation
as delicate as this.
You dumb bastard,
you got 10 seconds
to get the hell down!
[Door opens]
[Girl]
Aah!
Aah!
Who was that?
Oh, I've seen
him around, but...
We haven't actually
been introduced.
[Coughing]
Young man.
Young man.
Hey, young man!
I'm awfully sorry
to disturb you,
but I can't reach
my pillow.
Thank you.
Oh, no, no!
This is my hard pillow!
I wanted my soft pillow.
[Gunfire]
[Screaming]
We interrupt this program
for a special
on-the-spot news report.
The passengers were trapped
for a perilous 14 hours
until the rampaging
flood waters subsided.
What began as a pleasant,
almost placid, bus trip
turned without warning
into an ordeal--excuse me.
The bus is
pulling in now.
We'll see if we can't
talk to some passengers.
They're lowering crates
for the passengers
to step out on.
Excuse me, sir.
What thoughts--
uh, ma'am.
Excuse me, madam.
I know words often fail
at a time like this,
but if you could
give our viewers
some idea of
your harrowing ordeal.
I don't know what
we would have done
without
that wonderful man.
Yes, a driver who
clearly gave his all.
No. The man who
entertained US.
He danced into
the morning hours.
He performed
magic tricks
that were
simply amazing.
In other words,
a wayfaring troubadour,
as it were,
who took it upon himself
to cheer those
who knew not what--
there he is!
Excuse me, sir?
This way.
According to
this lady...
Are we on television?
You took it
upon yourself
to cheer those
who otherwise--
no. Let's just say,
I like to live life
at the gut level.
Yes, well...
Um...
Could you tell me where
Mr. Turnbull's office is?
Big building.
Huge building.
I haven't seen
a building this big in...
Next!
Pass your hand
through the candle.
Next!
Pass your hand
through the candle.
Next!
Pass your hand
through the candle.
Next!
Pass your hand
through the candle.
[Woman]
The 17-day plan
provides for appearances
at a total
of 10 night clubs
and your rides throughout
the entire state--
I'm looking for
Mr. Turnbull's office.
This is the annex.
You want the new building--
down the hallway
to your left.
Thank you.
Excuse me. Do you know where
Mr. Turnbull's office is?
Anything wrong?
No. I'm just looking
for him.
Take the elevator to
level "b" and level "a."
Uh, what...
Look, I know this is
the workhorse of our line,
but the pilot's project shows
we're just beginning.
Response to our wino prototype
has been tremendous.
I'll show you
the statistics.
Attention! An unidentified
rabbit is loose.
Will the ensnarement engineer
please report to area "j"?
There he is!
Get him! Get him!
Get him! Get him!
No, you don't!
No, you don't!
No, no, no, no!
Mr. Higgins.
You know how we frown
on keeping credit cards.
All right, let's, uh...
Excuse me, uh...
Can you tell me
where Mr. Turnbull's
office is?
Turnbull?
This is processing.
You don't want
processing!
You want administration!
Don't ever come
through processing
when you want
administration!
Attention! An unidentified
rabbit is loose in area "j."
Will the ensnarement engineer
pleasereport to area "j"?
Hello.
You must be
our Mr. Beeman.
Welcome home,
Mr. Beeman.
Oh, thank you.
This tap dancing
magician thing
sure has
taken off, huh?
Yes, and it's all
because of you.
Yeah, well, I guess
I really got it...
Ahem! Is Mr. Turnbull
in, please?
Yes.
He's expecting you.
Why don't you
go right in?
Leave all that here.
I'll watch your bunny.
No.
I got to take him.
O.k. Go on in.
Uh, Mr. Turnbull.
Hello, Donald.
Hi.
Come on in.
Wonderful
to see you.
Um...
What are you
doing in here?
Actually, it's--
it's quite pleasant.
Uh...
The only trouble is,
if I close the door
all the way...
The light goes out.
Ha ha ha ha!
Tell me, uh...
How are things
with you?
Fine. I've really been
enjoying myself.
Hey,
what's the matter?
You can tell
something's wrong,
can't you?
God!
I was hoping that
it wouldn't show.
Donald...
Let me tell you.
Donald, I'm scared.
Scared of what?
The whole thing.
I was o.K.
As an executive
in the servomechanism
industry,
but I can't
handle this.
Go on tour with me
for a couple weeks.
It'll straighten you
right out.
Do you realize
how many people are
depending on US?
US?
Yes! Do you realize
how many?
No.
I don't either.
I've been afraid
to find out
the exact number.
That's just
part of it!
Let me show you something.
I can't go
out there alone.
I'm right behind you.
This is just
the preliminary
groundwork.
You see that company
right there?
It's one of the
largest corporations
in the world.
They're coming
tomorrow to start
negotiations.
That doesn't
sound terrible.
What do you mean?
Just let them
buy US out.
No! You don't
understand.
We are buying
them out!
Oh.
I can't
handle it alone.
Sure you can.
Not with executives
of this caliber!
One of them has
had his picture
in u.S. News
& world report
three times!
I guess...I mean...
It can't be so bad.
I'll sit in
for a while
if you think it'll
make any difference.
Aw, thank you.
Thanks, Donald.
I knew you wouldn't
let me down.
Five minutes to go.
[Intercom buzzes]
Yeah?
There's a long-distance call
from marietta, Ohio.
I don't know anybody
from marietta.
Oh. Ohh!
[Raining]
[Woman's voice]
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
It's just that
I thought that you'd be here.
It's one meeting.
I'll be--
sorry your name
isn't on the door.
That's o.K.
That's o.K.
Well, next week,
I'll be in, um...
Friday--terre haute.
You're not mad
about the door?
Oh, I'm not mad.
Yeah, next Friday.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, me, too.
Hey, got to go.
Bye-bye.
Donald.
You sure
you're not mad?
Positive. I'm fine.
I was just--just thinking.
I do that myself
sometimes,
just drift off
into thought.
Well, we ought to
get on down to
the board room.
Yeah.
Just take a deep breath.
O.k.
Thanks, Donald.
Gentlemen...
I'd like to
introduce to you
Mr. Donald beeman.
Donald?
Mr. Beeman
was right behind me.
I've got a meeting
to go to.
Something much
more important.
You'll
enjoy this more
than that meeting.
I love magicians.
Magic is my life,
Mr. Beeman.
You haven't seen
my tricks, Mr. Beeman.
I want to see
your magic wand.
Miss Parsons!
I won't hurt
your magic wand.
[Crash]
I believe that's Mr. Beeman
preparing in there now.
Donald.
Uh, Mr. Beeman will be
right out, gentlemen.
Sorry.
I'm running
behind schedule.
Didn't you get my memo?
This wasn't necessary.
He agreed to come to
the meeting.
Mr. Beeman
will be right out.
Donald.
Good day,
miss Parsons.
Gentlemen.
Just working
with my rabbit.
Mr. Donald beeman,
Mr. Arthur g. Erickson.
How do you do,
sir?
Mr. Clarence harcourt.
Nice to meet you.
Mr. E.B. Webster...
Morning, Donald.
How are you?
You wouldn't believe
that freeway today.
I was practicing
some routines--
lunch is out today,
but tomorrow for sure.
[Typing]
[Telephone rings]
Mr. Beeman's office.
No, I'm sorry.
He's in conference.
No, I don't--
Harrisburg?
So far as I know,
he's scheduled to remain here
in Los Angeles all week.
Well, Donald, back to
the old grindstone, huh?
Connors,
let's get cracking
on that interoffice memo.
1, 2, 3, escape!
[Applause]