Fun Down There (1989) - full transcript
Fun Down There follows a week in the life of Buddy, a naif who arrives in Manhattan ready to fall in love. The film's dry lends itself to a refreshingly casual quality about the sex scenes-plus there's a happy ending.
RADIO DJ (ON RADIO):
And we're back with you
this Monday morning.
It's 8:05 and you're
tuned to Hot Tru
FM, Trumansburg, New York.
We've got a new hit from
Razor coming up for you.
And this one's going
out to Cheryl from Tommy
in Codunk Center.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[DRUMS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[DOOR KNOCK]
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN): Buddy?
[DOOR KNOCK]
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN): Buddy?
[DOOR KNOCK]
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
Buddy, are you awake?
What are you doing in there?
-Shit!
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
I'm coming in!
-No, I'm sleeping!
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
You are not.
-Don't come in!
Shit!
-Rumor has it that Buddy
might be moving out.
-What?
-I heard it at the
Elbow Room last night.
Joey said he's thinking
about moving out.
-Did he say anything
about where he's going?
-No.
No where, no when.
It's been just rumor has it.
-Do you think it's
something we've done?
-I don't know.
-No?
-I don't know any
of the details.
Ah!
-He's been acting funny lately.
-Oh, that's something
else to worry about.
-There's something.
-Good morning!
-Good morning, Buddy.
-Hi, Mom.
-Don't eat them all!
Hey.
-So what's all the
talk about moving out?
-Jesus!
-I don't want to talk about it.
-He's awful damn moody lately.
[DOOR SLAMMING]
-Maybe it's because he's
breaking up with Laura.
-Laura?
It's Laura's brother he's after!
-Judy, please!
-Well!
[LAUGH]
-I just worry about
him paying for the rent
after quitting his job.
Well, I'm going into town
and get that muffler changed.
-I'm going back to bed.
-If you'll just wait a
minute for me to change,
I'll go in with you.
There's some things I want
to get at the Grand Union.
-OK.
-Give me a drag.
-One.
-Woo-hoo!
Hey, Jeannie and I were at
the Elbow Room last night
and Laura was there.
-Yeah?
-She was with Jack.
-Jesus, you make such a big
deal out of it, Laura and me.
How long is this
going to take, anyway?
-If I don't get it
cold enough, it's
going to hurt when the
needle goes through!
[DOOR__SHUTTING]
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
Judy, are you smoking again?
-No, mom.
Tom was here.
-What the hell are you doing?
-I'm piercing his ear.
-Jesus Christ, what is that?
Some kind of New
York City style?
Hey, remember when we drove
down there to see the Yankees?
You must've been about 12 then.
-I was 13.
-Is that numb enough?
-Yeah, it's fine.
-We had a really good time, huh?
-Yeah.
-Sit still.
-Hey kids, I got a cake
mix and some frosting.
I think I'll put a cake
together this afternoon.
Got a good deal on cookies,
too, three for $1.00.
Usually they're two!
-Sit down.
There, it's through.
Just sit-- don't touch it!
There, it's bleeding
just a little.
Hold it right there.
Don't touch it!
Just leave it in.
Let's get some tunes.
It look all right?
-It's fine.
-Does it hurt?
Ah!
-So where are you moving to?
-You know Laura's brother John?
He's got a house
over in Ithaca he's
renting with a couple guys.
Says they might
have an extra room.
-But Buddy, how are
you gonna pay the rent?
I don't know why you quit
that job on the farm.
They liked you so much.
-I got money saved up, you know.
Besides, it's cheap.
-Hey, that's not
gonna last forever.
-I can get a job in
Ithaca, you know.
-Uh oh, Pete.
We forgot the you know what!
-Oh Jesus, the toilet paper?
-Hey, they're having a sale
on butane over at Kmart.
-Oh really?
-Ha, Dad!
-Hey, you know,
we always told you
that you're welcome to stay
here until you meet a girl
and get married.
-I know, Dad.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
-Boo!
What the hell are you doing?
-"Playgirl"?
I thought it was supposed
to be "Playboy," Buddy!
-Give me that!
-No!
-Get out of here!
-Oh, he's real cute, isn't he?
-Get out of here!
Leave that here!
JUDY (OFFSCREEN): Yeah, sure.
But I don't know what
you're doing with it!
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
-Hi, do you have a cigarette?
-No, I don't usually smoke.
-Want one?
-Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
-This came from the Palladium.
-Hey, little faggots!
Hey, fucking faggots!
Fuck you!
-Hey man, do you want
to go for a walk?
-Uh, sure.
OK.
[? Yeah. ?] Yeah.
[COUGH]
-Coming!
-Yes!
-Hi.
Oh, I woke you.
-Joseph!
-Hi.
-My god, baby, what's wrong?
It's nearly 4 o'clock
in the morning.
-Nothing.
Uh, can, can we just use
your place for awhile?
[SIGH]
-Well, sweetheart, I can't.
I'm sorry.
It's just too late, OK?
-Well, uh, what about the roof?
Is the door open?
-I don't know.
Oh, sweetheart, I have to go.
Mwah!
Here's a kiss for you.
Have a good little wank.
-Hm.
[COUGH]
-You OK?
[CRYING]
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN): You OK?
What's wrong?
[COUGH]
-Shh!
-Huh?
-Go back to sleep, Gary.
Shh!
It's only Joseph
on the roof, OK?
Shh!
-What time is it?
OK, thanks.
Heh!
[SIGH]
-Waiter!
-I gave your number to a
friend of mine, by the way.
She really needs more
headshots and she really
likes the ones you did of me.
-Yeah?
-So maybe you'll get
some work out of it.
-Great.
[SIGH]
-It's pretty fun eating
breakfast outside, isn't it?
-Yeah.
I used to come here a lot.
That is, until I
moved to Brooklyn.
-Yeah?
-So tell me, what was it
like working on a farm?
-Aw, it was really easy.
Pay was pretty good too.
I got $5.00 an hour.
-Well, what kind
of work did you do?
-Um, shoveled out the stalls
and hosed them down, mostly.
-Sounds wonderful.
-Sometimes in the summer
I took the cows out
to pasture, work on the fences.
Sometimes I'd, uh,
help with the milking.
-I can't imagine sitting
on this little stool,
yanking on udders.
-Nobody does it by hand
anymore unless you got one cow!
We use machines.
Hey, which way's the john?
-Uh, back through those doors.
Uh, make a left.
[POLICE SIRENS]
[SIGH]
[COUGH]
-Oh, Paul?
The check, please.
I'm doing a play next month.
No pay, unfortunately.
-"Macbeth."
Uh, what part are you playing?
-Uh, Fleance a, and a frog.
-There's a frog in "Macbeth"?
-Well, no, not
originally, but this
is a sort of children's version.
-A children's
version of "Macbeth"?
-Well, it's a part, isn't it?
-Come on, let's get out of here.
Uh, we'll get you in your
hotel, you can get some sleep.
-OK.
-Maybe you want to go to
that party with me later.
[CONSTRUCTION SOUNDS]
[SINGING IN FRENCH]
"Oh, when at last our
life on Earth is through,
I shall share eternity with you.
If you love me, really love
me, then whatever happens,
I won't care."
[SINGING IN FRENCH]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
-Greta, what are
you looking for?
-Kent, I'm just
looking for my earring.
I was in the kitchen.
It looks like this.
And I was talking to Gary and
I noticed I didn't have it on.
OK?
-Listen.
GRETA (OFFSCREEN): OK.
-Let me finish what I
was telling you about.
[SIGH]
-You know seven people, right?
[LAUGH]
-After you've signed up seven
people, you become first mate.
-Uh-huh.
-When they've
signed up seven, you
become captain of
the submarine and you
start to get checks in the mail.
-Sure, sure, sure.
And that means that
all these seven
people have to put
in $1,000, right?
-Look, I know someone who's
gotten $12,000 already
who's got a very
positive energy.
He's manifesting money.
-Manifesting money.
Kent, I think this is
just another one of your
get rich quick schemes, darling.
Now how the hell do you think
that I am going to get $1,000?
-Look, if you're going
to be negative about it--
-No!
---it's not going
to work for you.
You could borrow the
money, couldn't you?
Maybe from your father.
Kayla!
-He was on the beach
with his parents,
and I watched him
for maybe an hour.
He was exquisitely crafted.
About 16.
Those, those heavy, adolescent
hands that are too big for the,
for the arms--
-Mm.
---weighing him down.
A chest just beginning
to articulate itself.
Cuts just coming to the surface.
Ah, the hollow under
the arm, ending in
ripples over the ribs.
God, he was magnificent.
Just magnificent.
-What about his chest?
Was it smooth?
-He was creamy from
head to foot and--
-Ooh!
---utterly un-self-conscious.
-Did you ever see him again?
[KNOCKING]
-Only that once.
[SINGING]
-Wooh!
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN):
Excuse me, Greta!
Who's this?
-Hi , Greta!
-Joseph!
MALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): Joseph.
FEMALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): Mm, Joseph.
-Ah!
Sweetheart.
Oh, great!
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN):
Do you know Joseph?
FEMALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): No.
-Come in.
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN): Ah.
I'll introduce you.
FEMALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): Joseph.
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN): Ha.
[LAUGH]
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN):
Now this is unusual.
FEMALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): Really?
-Quite different.
What do you think?
-Too young.
-Ah!
He's old enough.
But, uh, has a bigger nose
and brown eyes, I think.
-Um, Joseph, darling?
Um, Buddy?
I want you to introduce
you to Sandy--
-Hi.
---and to Kayla,
and to Catherine.
-Hi.
-There you go.
-Hi.
-Oh, and to Simon and to Paul.
[LAUGH]
-Where's Gary?
-Oh, fuck, shoot.
You know, he's getting dressed.
I'll just-- oh darling, I'll
just go and hurry him up.
Mwah!
OK.
[LAUGH]
-Guys, I have to go tell her
her hair looks great, OK?
Excuse me.
-Oh yeah.
-Joseph, watch out for Kent.
[LAUGH]
-So what do you do?
-I'm a dancer.
-Oh, like ballet dancing?
-No, modern jazz.
Broadway, stuff like that.
-Oh yeah?
-Yeah.
-Have I seen, have
I seen you on TV?
I thought before you
look really familiar.
-No, uh-uh.
-Were you on "Solid Gold" or
on any videos or anything?
-No, no.
-No?
-But, uh, did you see last month
in, uh, Trenton, New Jersey?
The dinner theater?
"South Pacific"?
You know, "Wash that man
right out of my hair"?
-No, I hadn't seen it.
-You've gotta understand, I'm
a little bit nervous, right?
This is my first
Voodoo ceremony.
And everybody's
going along fine.
The music is lulling-
-Oh fuck!
Look at my hair!
---everybody to sleep.
-Right.
-And wham!
The guy falls on the floor.
Kind of gets up,
writhing like this.
-Yeah, right.
-Sticks a machete
in the floor, and--
-Joseph, really?
Do you really like my hair?
-Yeah, it's great.
-It's awful.
All the people out there,
they're laughing at me.
-Sticks his machete in the
floor, pours rum on it--
-Gary, Gary, look at my hair.
-It's OK.
Your hair's fine.
-I hate it!
It's awful!
Look at it!
Oh!
-It's fine.
-It's not.
No.
-Here, would you take this?
-Mm, I hate it.
It's so awful.
-It's OK.
Relax.
Relax, sweetheart.
[LAUGH]
-You must make a lot of
money dancing, then, huh?
-Um, well, actually, I
work as a waitress too.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-As a waitress?
-Yeah.
Greta owns a restaurant
on St. Mark's Place.
-She does?
-Yeah.
A lot of the people
here work there.
-You know, I might
need some money.
Could she give me a job there?
-Hm, she might, actually.
I think we need a dishwasher.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-Oh, that'd be great.
That's really easy.
-Yeah.
But, uh, I don't think you
should ask her tonight.
[LAUGHTER]
-Why don't you come in tomorrow
and fill out an application?
-Oh, that's a good idea.
-Yeah.
-Want some?
-No thanks.
-Um, you'll be there?
-Yeah, I will.
-Great.
-Yeah.
-Maybe I'll come by.
-OK, good.
-Takes his machete, sticks it
in the floor, pours rum on it.
-Oh bravo.
-Lights it on fire--
-Oh god, there was.
-And starts dancing.
-You want an answer
or an argument?
-An answer!
-No!
-Why not?
-Now you want an argument!
-Uh-huh.
[LAUGHTER]
-It's like she was
studying you or something,
like you was a book or a play!
The way you walk, talk,
what you eat, what you wear.
-Oh, I don't see!
I think it's a compliment.
I don't see anything
wrong with it!
[LAUGH]
-I'm sure that's very
flattering, Betty.
[LAUGHTER]
-I'm sure there's
nothing wrong with this.
-I'm sure there's
nothing wrong with this!
Oh, I love you!
I love you!
You know, I think you are
the fuckingest funniest
man in the entire world.
-Oh, oui, oui!
-Oui, oui!
Would you do me a little favor?
Would you do Ruth Gordon
as Blanche DuBois?
[SIGH]
-Do it for, do it for Joseph!
-Do Ruth, please?
-He hasn't seen it!
-Let me get in my Ruth
DuBois stance, here.
[LAUGHTER]
-So-- hey!
Hey, Stella!
Stella!
Listen, they tell me to
take a streetcar named
Desire, get off on summertime!
[LAUGHTER]
-Boy, was it crowded!
Well, how am I anyway?
[LAUGHTER]
-Stella!
Stella!
Here, you look like shit!
Oh, boy.
I still got my figure!
Oh, oh, fuck, Stella, what
you've done with this place!
Oh my god!
[LAUGHTER]
-Do, do, do, do, do, do
something, do some Hayward.
Um, uh, "Valley."
Do "Valley."
-"Valley of the Dolls?"
-Um, uh, Helen Lewis.
-How you get on.
-I love her.
-Do you like me?
I must say.
[LAUGHTER]
-Oh, whatever.
-Give me a drink.
-They drummed you
out of Hollywood.
[LAUGH]
-So ya come crawling
back to Broadway.
Well, Broadway doesn't
go for booze and dope.
Now get out of my way!
I got a man waiting for me.
I'll go out VIP.
-That's wonderful!
That is wonderful!
Oh, oh!
How I love him!
-Oh, Simon, have you
met, have you met Buddy?
-Wooh, wooh!
-Yeah, yeah we--
-I haven't had the pleasure.
How do you do?
-I haven't either.
Hello, Buddy.
-Oh, Buddy!
How do you do, Mr. Fabian?
Why do they always look
like nappy rabbits?
-(SCREAMING) Because they are!
-Whoa!
[LAUGH]
-Oh god!
-Gary, can we mooch some coke?
Oh god, isn't he amazing?
Isn't he the funniest
man, funniest man
in the whole world?
Here, quick.
Snort it.
Ah!
Ruth Gordon as Blanche
DuBois, isn't he amazing?
Take it.
Sniff it.
That's it, sweetheart.
Up the nose.
Oh!
Oh!
-Who is Blanche DuBois?
-What?
-So anyway, he takes the
sword out of his stomach.
No, seriously!
And-- I'm telling them
about a trip to Haiti.
FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Well,
I think it was a lovely party.
MALE VOICE
(OFFSCREEN): Well, I'm
sorry I missed it in that case.
FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Yeah,
you should have been there.
FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Yes.
MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
-Hi!
-Hi, Cathy.
How are you?
-Good, how are you?
-I'm OK.
-You're filling
out an application?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Good.
Did you talk to Greta?
-Well, she gave
me this, but she's
going to come back and talk
to me after I finish it.
-Oh, good.
She, she's a little weird,
but she's really OK.
-Yeah.
-I think she'll hire you.
-The, uh-- oh, Greta.
Um, your father called.
-Uh-huh.
-That's right,
your father called.
-Oh.
-Twice.
-Twice.
-Angelo, thank you, thank you.
-You're welcome.
-I know.
I just talked to him.
-He said it was important.
-Uh, you want to
know what he said?
-He said he was
spending the last two
and a half hours
waiting for me--
-Really?
---at the Plaza Hotel and where
the hell was I. Thank you.
-You're welcome.
[SIGH]
-I was at the Plaza Hotel,
the stupid old bastard.
I waited for him for
two and a half hours.
[LAUGH]
-Good.
-Did you meet him?
-Mm-hmm.
I was in New York
and he was in London.
I mean, it's no wonder that
we never see one another.
Hmph!
-Sorry, love.
-Can't get dates straight,
let alone the country.
-He was in the Plaza in London?
-Yes.
He's an alkie, darling.
[LAUGHTER]
-Like father, like
daughter, I think.
-So, uh, Greta?
-Mm?
-You remember Buddy from
last night at the party?
-Yeah, you should,
you should have
him take that job
as a dishwasher.
-Bobby?
-Buddy.
-He's kind of cute.
-Bobby?
-He's kind of cute, and I think
he can hold down the job, too.
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-We need a new dishwasher.
-We don't.
-Yeah.
-Yes, we do.
-We do need a dishwasher!
-I don't think they're
hiring anybody.
-He's cute.
-I'm sure he's fine.
-It's the perfect opportunity.
-It's only washing dishes.
He'd be great, really.
-Hire him.
Come on, hire him!
-Guys, calm down.
OK?
I'll think about it.
[LAUGH]
-Um, uh, uh, Billy?
-Buddy!
Buddy.
-Oh, sorry.
Excuse me.
How do you do?
-Is this for me?
-Uh, yes, darling.
-Thank you.
-Uh, excuse me.
OK.
[SIGH]
-Can I, uh, see that?
-Yup.
-Thank you.
Uh, Buddy Fields.
-Mm-hmm.
-Can--
[YAWN]
-Oh god, excuse me.
It says here, nine
months at Pizza Hut
at the Pine City Mall.
-Mm-hmm.
-Oh, that's just fascinating!
Three years at
Richmond Dairy Farm.
[LAUGH]
-Yeah.
-I'm sorry.
Oh, I can't eat dairy.
I can't touch it.
-Why not?
-Really, it's truly,
it's terrible for you.
It's mucus-forming.
Uh, it's bad for your health.
Do you know that yesterday,
I actually, I ate some dairy.
Blew me up like a pig.
Truly, it's awful.
-You look fine.
[LAUGH]
-Thank you.
Um--
-Yeah?
-I'll, uh, start you
off as a dishwasher.
-OK, sure.
[SIGH]
-Thank god that's over.
Mm, tonight!
-Oh, OK!
-Tonight, all right?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Then we'll see.
Ha!
I don't know.
Thank god.
Excuse me, I look
like death warmed up.
[COUGH]
[COUGH]
-Sandy?
-Hm?
-Oh Sandy!
-Yes?
-Show us your tits!
-What?
-Show us the tits.
-Boy oh boy, it's
slowed down out there.
-Come on.
Come on!
-What's going on?
-Sandy's going to
show us the tits.
Oh, come on!
-Oh yeah, sure.
-Oh, no.
Please, I'm sure!
-Oh Sandy, you can do it!
Sandy, I've never
seen you like this.
-Get out of here.
-Come on, you've always
wanted to do that.
-Admit it!
[LAUGH]
-No!
-Come on, Sandy!
Go for it!
-Sandy!
Sandy!
-Stop it!
-Sandy!
Sandy!
-Sandy!
Sandy, please!
-All right!
Here, here, here!
Happy?
[LAUGHTER]
-What a disappointment!
-It looks just like Barbie!
[LAUGHTER]
-Miss me, Barbie doll?
-Oh, jeez!
Jeez!
-She's kind of old, from 1960.
She's in real good shape
too, don't you think?
-Could I have a guacamole
and chips appetizer, please?
-Well, Catherine!
-Yes?
-Yes, I think I can
do that for you.
-Why, thank you!
-But Catherine?
-Yes, Simon?
-Show us your tits!
-Just hurry up with my order!
-Veda, get out!
Get out before I kill you!
Ha ha!
You're going to have to
move faster than that!
-Hey!
-It's his first day!
-Well!
I guess you told me!
-Listen, you should
wear an apron.
You won't get so wet.
-Yeah, I probably should.
-Take this one.
-No.
-Yeah, turn around!
-Ah!
[GROWL]
-Ooh!
That's sweet!
-Oh!
-That looks so nice.
-How's that?
-That's great, thanks.
-Oh!
-Uh, look pretty good to me too.
-Grow up a lot.
[LAUGH]
-Oh my!
-If she could go
back to Brooklyn.
-I had no idea you were so
skilled with your hands!
Oh!
-That was so sweet!
-Ooh!
-I'm embarrassed
for both of them.
-Makes me a little vomitous.
-Now.
Cute.
[WHISTLE]
-Getting hot in here, ain't it?
-Hot?
The hottest boys,
and twice as heated.
-Yeah.
-Whatever that
means, I don't know.
-How come that
never happens to me?
-You ain't got lucky, Chrissy!
[CONSTRUCTION SOUNDS]
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Buddy!
Buddy, are you there?
Buddy!
-Joe!
Hey!
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN): Hi!
-Hi, what are you doing?
[SHOUTING]
-Come on up!
[DOOR KNOCK]
-Yeah, just a sec.
Hey!
-Come on in.
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN):
How are you doing?
-I'm OK.
-You see Greta?
-Yeah, she gave me a job.
-Yeah?
-Yeah, washing dishes.
Hey, people there are kind
of funny, aren't they?
-Yeah, they're great.
I brought you something.
This will help you get oriented.
-Oh, what is it?
-It's just a map.
-Oh, wow!
-Hold that thing.
Some tape.
-A subway map!
Oh, it's great.
-Now look.
This is where I live, Brooklyn.
You have to dial 718 first--
the area code-- then the number.
There you go.
-Hey, thanks a lot, Joe.
[EXHALE]
-Hey, um, can I
get you some pop?
-Pop?
-Yeah.
-No thanks.
-You sure?
-Positive.
-Did you just take
a picture of me?
-Yep.
-I wasn't even looking at you!
[LAUGH]
-Don't worry about it.
-You want some chips?
-Ah, no thanks.
-These are good ones.
You sure?
-Very.
Some friends of mine
are doing a performance
piece at, uh, PS 122 tonight.
Would you like to come?
-I've got to go to work tonight.
-Mm, too bad.
So the job is goo--
the job's going OK?
-Yeah, it's great.
It's really easy, you know.
It's not like farm work.
-Look, I've got to see a lot
of people before tonight.
Uh, give me a call sometime.
-You're leaving?
-Yeah.
Ciao!
-Good bye, Joe.
Thank you!
-You know--
[SIGH]
---I don't know how I ended up
owning a fucking restaurant.
I'm an actress.
I want to be in Chekhov.
-Buddy, run downstairs
and get us some rice.
-Where is it?
-It's in the bin downstairs.
-Nice butt on that boy.
-Adorable.
Frankly, I'd have to see it
bare to make a proper judgement.
-Oh, he's so sweet.
-Dumb is more like it.
-Hey, dumb can be fun.
-Yeah, yeah.
I had a cousin like that once.
We had to shoot him.
-Excuse me.
Sorry.
[SIGH]
-Please, please, please,
Angelo, come back to work!
Please!
We're too busy.
It's a madhouse.
-(LAUGHING) It's OK.
Um, listen.
Um, call me tomorrow.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, I should be
home all morning.
But, just in case I'm not,
my mother can take a message.
-OK.
-Angelo.
-Hey, how are you doing?
-Good.
How are you?
-Good.
-How's school?
-Pretty good.
-Good.
-Good night.
-Oh, OK.
-Good bye.
-Keep plugging on it.
-All right.
-Hi, Buddy.
-Hi, George.
-How did it go tonight?
-Hey, it was OK.
-A lot easier?
-Yeah.
-Yeah, it was busy.
I can tell.
-It was.
-Just look at this place.
It's a mess!
[LAUGH]
-I know, I know.
-Yeah.
You're getting the knack of it?
-Yup.
-Good.
-It's getting easier.
-Well, like I said, routine!
-I know.
-We could probably
teach it to a gorilla.
[LAUGH]
-Buddy?
-Yeah?
-Did I ever tell you
about the face on Mars?
-I don't think so.
-The human face on
the surface of Mars?
-There's somebody's head
on the surface on Mars?
-Yeah, you got it.
-How did somebody get up there?
-Well, that's a long story.
You know, when they sent the
probe up, the Viking probe?
-Yeah.
-And they got back these
thousands and thousands
of pictures of the
surface of Mars?
-Yeah.
-They found one
that showed a face.
-A face?
-Yeah, a face.
-A head?
-Yup, a head.
-A human head?
-On the surface of Mars?
-Yeah.
At first they thought,
you know, maybe it's
a reflection off the
stone, maybe it's
a natural rock
formation, or maybe even
a flaw in the lens
of the camera.
You know, these
things do happen.
-Yeah.
-But then they
found another photo.
This one was taken
from a different angle,
but of the same spot.
And there's the same
face staring up at them.
-Wait, is it maybe,
like, a person?
Or is it--
-Yeah.
No, it's got the eyes, the
nose, the teeth, everything.
-It's made out flesh,
and it's, like--
-No, no, no.
Stone.
They figure it's stone.
It's 1 mile long, 1 mile
wide, and 1 mile high.
-It's like craters, right?
It's like the man on the moon.
-No, no, no.
It's a face.
It's a sculpted face.
They ran a computer
readout on this,
and they found out
it was so perfectly
sculpted that an artist
must have done it.
-You should have
Simon's face when
those plates started
coming back untouched.
-Oh!
[LAUGH}
-I didn't want to.
I stayed and didn't
come near the kitchen.
Ah!
-I was afraid to put my
orders up after that.
[LAUGHTER]
-I know!
-One theory is that
one time, there
was an ancient civilization
of Martians there
and they built the face.
-They, that's all that is
left, is just this face?
-Just a face.
Well, a few pyramids scattered
around here and there
on planet.
-Pyramids?
-But then there's--
-Like Egyptians went
to Mars and they
build this face
and their pyramids?
-Yeah, yeah.
In fact, the face looks
a bit like an Egyptian.
It has a headdress around it.
-I don't get it.
-Well, you know,
neither do they.
That's why they're
studying it and they
want to send another probe.
-You have pictures of this?
-Plenty of pictures.
I've got a book on it.
-Bring it in.
I want to see it, because
I don't believe it.
-Definitely.
-It was so busy tonight.
-Yeah, my feet are killing me.
-Yeah, mine too.
So, um, how was it taking caring
of that couple with the baby?
[LAUGH]
-Yeah, horrible as usual.
-Ugh.
They were the worst tonight.
-Yeah, yeah.
That child won't eat anything
that's brought, brought to it.
-How many times did
they return the food?
-I think at least three.
[SIGH]
-Simon was climbing the walls.
He didn't know what to do.
-And between that
and that woman that I
had who returned her food
without even tasting it, Ah!
-I don't think--
-I can't believe it.
-Now, the second
theory, which is
the one that really interests
me, is that we put it there.
-But we've never been to Mars.
-Well, how do you know?
You know, what if there was
an advanced civilization here,
maybe, what?
2, 3 million years ago?
They developed space travel.
So what did they do?
After they go to the
moon, they go to Mars.
And what's the
first thing they do?
-Build a face?
-No.
[LAUGH]
-They set up a resort.
A re--
[LAUGH}
-Yeah.
-No.
No, a resort.
Then with the resort
comes a casino.
Then one day the casino's--
-This--
---not doing too good.
[LAUGH]
-So what do they do?
They figured they needed
a little promo device.
-So they build a face?
-So they build a face.
[LAUGH}
-They got maybe lights
coming out of it,
you know, flashing off and on.
And maybe a laser
message coming out
of the mouth shooting
off into space.
-I don't get it.
I don't think so.
-Why not?
This way, the spaceships
going by, they see it.
And they go down and
spend their money,
and you've got a
successful resort.
But then one day the civi,
civilization just goes kapooey.
You know, like
most civilizations
do sooner or later.
[LAUGH]
-And there's nothing left on
the face of the earth of it.
But then in our time, they
find the face on Mars.
-I think you're shitting me.
-No, no.
-I don't believe a word of this.
-Buddy, would I lie about
something as sacred and holy
as a human face on
the planet lost?
-I, I don't know
you well enough.
--Come on!
-Maybe you would!
-No.
I mean, there's plenty
of things I'd lie about,
but that's not one of them!
[LAUGH]
-But you don't do
that in restaurants.
That was despicable.
-Well, you tell her that.
-Yeah, really.
-Mm-hmm.
-How about, um, Terri?
You know that woman that
comes in all the time?
-Oh, Ms. Mary Kay?
-Hey, Buddy?
-Ugh.
-Telephone!
-That was awful.
-Yeah, what a pain.
[SIGH]
-You know, Ricky?
[SIGH]
-I, I really have the
worst crush on Buddy.
He's really so cute
and he's so refreshing.
-Well, I don't know
how to tell you this,
but, um, he's already
got one boyfriend
and he's working
on a second one.
-Yeah, I sort of figured
that was what was going on.
So, uh, when are we going to get
some good-looking straight guys
around here?
-Beats me!
[LAUGHTER]
-Oh well.
-It's a big question
in this city, you know.
-Yeah, I guess so.
-Yeah.
-Hello?
Hey, Joe.
Yeah, I'm, I'm fine.
Yeah, yeah, it's
getting much easier.
I'm getting used to it now.
[LAUGH]
-Um, well, I just have a
couple more things to do.
You know, this guy
George in the kitchen's
telling me this story
about the man on Mars.
Have you ever
hear-- yeah, really?
Yeah?
So, um, what are you up to now?
Y, you think maybe you want
to get together tonight?
[LAUGH]
-You know, Buddy.
-Yeah?
-You really ought to
call yourself Edward.
-Yeah!
[LAUGH]
-Nobody calls me Edward!
-Well, it is your
real name, isn't it?
-So what?
-People will take
you more seriously.
-Yeah?
-You should be proud of it.
-Yeah?
[LAUGH]
-Give me a break, would you?
[GROWL]
-Hey, look at those
photographs over there.
Some pictures I took.
[LAUGH]
-Let me see.
You can't even tell
what these things are!
Wow, look at these people.
Weird shirt this guy's got on.
Look at these people.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-I've got a couple of shirts.
Too small for me.
-Joe, you don't have
to give me anything.
[COUGH]
-Here, take these.
-You think I'm
going to walk around
the streets wearing this stuff?
-Yes, I do.
[LAUGH]
-Here.
Here, take them all.
[COUGH]
-Yeah, what do you think?
-Looks great.
-This shirt, this shirt's
too small for you?
[LAUGH]
-They're yours, now.
-I think I have to grow
a bit to fit into it.
-Just wear them!
-So Joe, when did
you first come here?
-To New York?
-Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-Oh god.
Let's see, I was 16.
I moved out of my
parents' house.
We just weren't getting along.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-I stayed in Chicago for
about two more years.
Uh, I was in a band
with a couple friends.
We moved here to play.
-Really?
You're in a band?
-No.
We moved out of, uh, Chicago.
New York, we came here,
and that was over.
I went to, uh, art school.
I was painting.
An old boyfriend of
mine was a photographer.
He taught me a lot.
That's how I got into it.
-So you've seen lots of guys?
-Hm.
I lost count years ago.
-What was your first one?
-My first?
-Yeah, your first one.
[EXHALE]
-Let's see.
[SIGH]
[COUGH]
-How old were you?
-I guess I was about five years
old, if you can believe it.
[LAUGH]
-No, I don't believe it.
-Well, I mean, you can't do much
sexually at the age of five.
His name was, was Arthur.
He lived down the
street from me.
-What did you do with him?
-Uh, well, we'd mostly,
he'd come over to my house
or I'd go over to his house.
Sometimes we'd
stay out in a tent
and just play around
with each other.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-Uh, we were going to school.
He'd come over and it got
a little more intense.
We were more, we were getting
to become more experimental.
[CHUCKLE]
[SIGH]
-I guess it was towards
the end of grammar school.
We were, like, playing
with each other
and we began sucking
each other off.
[LAUGH]
-Wow.
-He was the head
of the swim team.
He'd come over to my house every
day except for the weekend.
And we were getting,
like, really
involved with each other.
We began, like,
fucking each other
and sucking each other
off on a regular basis.
Last I heard, uh,
he got married.
-Really?
-Well, then I've had a few
long-term relationships.
Uh, Robert the photographer.
And mostly, mostly pickups
in the last couple of years.
-Hey, Joe.
-Yeah?
-Don't you think
maybe you'll get
AIDS seeing so many
different guys?
[LAUGH]
-No, I don't think
I'll get AIDS.
Give me those.
Look, we've got
some things we have
to clear up right here and now.
There's some things you
have to do every time.
The rules.
And if you do, you'll be OK.
-Yeah.
-Masturbation is fine.
Kissing is fine.
If you get fucked, use
a rubber every time.
All right?
Never give anyone blow job.
[LAUGH]
-Listen to me.
These are rules we have to
follow every time with everyone
you're with.
If you do, you'll be all right.
-OK.
-Look, nothing we did
tonight was dangerous.
OK?
-Sure.
[EXHALE]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[EXHALE]
-So when was your first?
-When I was 16 with this girl.
She, um, she got
her father's car
and-- eh, well, she was
more into it than I was.
-Well, what about guys?
When was that?
-It was with you!
-With me?
-Yes!
-You're kidding.
-[SNORT]
-No.
[LAUGH]
[CONVERSATION IN CHINESE]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGH]
[CARS HORNS]
[METAL CLANGING]
[POLICE SIREN]
[CAR HORNS]
-Close the door.
-Sure.
-Ray, some money.
I have enough to get us
some after the movie.
-Oh, I've got some money too.
-OK.
-I guess we're all set.
I'm going to put on
my shoes before we go.
-Sure.
-OK.
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN):
This desk is great.
Where did you get this?
-Isn't that nice?
My great-grandmother
gave it to me.
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN): Anthropology.
You're studying this?
-Yeah.
That's my major in college,
and computer science, my minor.
My uncle works at the, uh,
Museum of Natural History,
and he's pretty sure he can get
me a job there when I graduate.
If I can't get the job,
if I don't like it,
I can always get something with
the computer science, though.
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN):
You're gay, huh?
-No kidding.
-Your parents know?
-Yeah, my mother does.
Actually, it's cool with her.
I think sometimes it
raises me in her eyes.
My father I don't talk to much.
They're divorced and I
just don't talk to him.
How about your folks?
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN): My sister
sort of knows, I think.
-Yeah.
-But I don't think my parents
even know what it means.
[LAUGH]
-I just couldn't take
it up there anymore.
-Why not?
-All these guys and
their girlfriends.
I used to think if I tried
really hard, I could fit in.
I kept waiting to change.
You know, when I
was in high school,
I saw this TV talk show from
New York with these three guys
on it called
"Consultations with Three."
-Consulta-- what's that?
-It's what these three
guys called themselves.
They said they used
to be gay, but they
took some kind of
course or something
and, and now they're,
like, married
with girlfriends or something.
-What?
-They're straight.
-That's, that's not true.
Come on!
-Yeah.
No, what's they said.
-That's television.
-Well no, they said that.
And I wrote down the number.
And I thought, well, someday
I'm gonna come to New York
and I'd check it out, you know?
But when I was
packing last week,
I couldn't find the number.
I lost it.
But I didn't know what
New York could be like.
-Buddy, don't worry about it.
Mm, I just stopped trying to
figure it out a long time ago.
Some people are,
some people aren't.
That's all.
It's, it's not a big
deal in New York.
-Yeah, you're probably right.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): So what
did you do after high school?
-I watched TV for
about six months.
[LAUGH]
-And I got a job
in the dairy farm.
-Really?
What did you do?
-Oh, I did a little
bit of everything.
It was a family farm.
They usually needed a couple
extra guys to help out.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Cows
and stuff like that?
-Yeah, about 200 cows.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): 200 cows?
-Yeah.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Wow.
It must take a long
time to milk 200 cows.
-I didn't do it by myself.
It took about an hour,
usually, you know.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Wow.
-We had five different
milking machines.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Oh,
you use milking machines?
-Yeah, what do you think?
It'd take forever otherwise.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN):
I thought everybody--
-Then we'd have to
shovel out the stalls,
take the cows out to pasture.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Cow shit?
-Yeah, plenty of cow shit.
[LAUGH]
-What would, what would you
do with all the cow shit?
[SNORT]
-You ever hear
about cow pies, huh?
-Mm-mm.
No.
[LAUGH]
-Never mind.
Uh, we'd make a big pile
of it out behind the barn.
We used it for fertilizer later.
Hey, you know, one time, one
of Mr. Richmond's sons-- Mr.
Richmond was the guy
who owned the place.
-Yeah.
-His son was up on top
of the roof, you know--
-Yeah.
---fixing a leak.
Stood up too fast,
got really dizzy,
fell right over like
this into the cow shit!
[LAUGH]
-He died?
-No, he didn't die.
It wasn't that far of a drop.
He didn't even get hurt.
-Oh.
-But he was covered
with it, you know?
It was, like, coming out
of his mouth and his eyes,
up his nose.
He really stank, too.
[LAUGH]
-Buddy?
You want to skip the movie?
Stay here?
My mother's not coming
back until tomorrow.
-You think it's OK?
-Sure it's OK.
[LAUGHTER]
-Hey, let's get undressed first.
[EXHALE]
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN): Look, Buddy.
You know you can't afford to
stay in that room much longer.
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN): It's OK.
I still got money saved.
-I know, but wouldn't it be nice
if you stayed here for a while?
While you're
looking for a place.
-I couldn't do that.
-Why not?
-It wouldn't be fair to you.
-Look, you don't have enough
shifts to cover $120 a week.
I've got lots of room here.
Here, take these.
-That's real nice of you, Joe.
-It's no big deal.
-You know, Sandy at
work says that she
might have a place opening
up in her apartment
at the end of the month,
so I'd only be here for,
like maybe two weeks.
-Stay as long as you like.
[LAUGH]
-Thanks, Joe.
-Sure.
I hope you didn't do anything
dangerous with this kid.
-He knows all the rules.
-Are you going to see him again?
-I don't know.
He's a nice guy.
-Look, I'm not saying
don't sleep with him.
Just make sure everything's
safe, all right?
Come on, do you want
to go to breakfast?
-Yeah, sure.
-Oh, can I call my folks, first?
-Sure.
Uh, I'm just going to
go get some cigarettes.
-OK.
-I'll be back.
-Hi, Judy.
Yeah.
No, I'm fine.
I-- Hi, mom.
Everything's OK.
No, no.
Yes, everything's fine.
Yeah, I'm in New York.
I'm staying with
a friend of mine.
I just met him a
couple of nights ago.
He's really a nice guy.
[SIGH]
-Yeah, mom, I know.
I'm, I'm sorry.
I just, I just had to
get away, that's all.
I don't know.
I think, I think maybe
I'll have to stay
around here a while longer.
I just wanted to see what
it was like down here.
I know, mom.
Look, you don't have to worry.
I even got a job in
a restaurant here.
Well, Joe says I can
crash here for a while
until I find a place of my own.
He's just, he's just a
guy I'm staying with.
Look, mom, mom,
mom, mom, let me,
let me talk to dad
for a minute, OK?
Yeah.
Yes, yes, I understand you.
Hi, dad.
How are you doing?
No, no, no, I'm fine.
Yeah, everything's great.
[LAUGH]
-Yeah, I've got enough
money to live on.
Yeah?
Which, which, Pizza Hut?
Downtown or the mall?
Yeah, salad bar is good there.
Hey, you know something?
I got a job in a
restaurant here.
[LAUGH]
-Yeah.
No, no, no.
It pays fine.
Mm, yeah, you know,
I thought I would
hang around here a while longer.
I've, I've been meeting
lots of nice people.
Sure, sure.
Yeah, I love you too, dad.
OK, put her on.
Hey, Judy.
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm not mad anymore.
Hey, it's, it's OK.
I just don't want to
talk about it, OK?
Yeah, I've been
to lots of places.
You know, as soon
as I got here, I
went to the top of the
Empire State Building.
Yeah, it was great.
And yesterday I went
to, uh, Chinatown
with this guy, Angelo.
He, he works in this
restaurant where I got a job.
Yeah.
Anyway, you know,
Chinatown was really cool.
It was like we're not
in America anymore.
And we went to Little Italy.
Yeah, they do!
[LAUGH]
-It's all Italian this
and that, you know.
We, we sat outside and ate
pastries and had cappuccino
coffee, and we walked around
by the river for a while.
It was-- yeah, yeah.
And I know, I heard.
I heard.
Tell her I'll give it
to me before I hang up.
Hey, I've been meeting
lots of people.
[LAUGH]
-Joe took me to this
party the other day.
He's just some guy
I'm staying with.
He's a great guy!
Leave him alone!
He's a photographer.
He used to be in
his own rock band.
He knows lots of artists, too.
Painters.
Dancers, too.
And performance artists.
Well, I'm not really sure.
I had to work the
night that Joe was
going to take me
to see this guy.
But they put on shows every week
at this old school around here.
Well, hey, you know, Judy,
I went over to this party.
I tried cocaine.
Hey, don't tell her!
Don't tell her!
I'm gonna tell her
about the time-- hey!
[LAUGH]
-Well, I don't know if I could
really feel it, you know.
It was, it was, um, maybe like
I had more energy or something.
Yeah, I spent a
lot of time dancing
with this really nice girl.
Yeah, she's a dancer
and a waitress, too.
Hey, well, you know what life
is like in the big city, right?
Hey, Judy, Judy, Judy,
let me talk to mom
before I get into
any more trouble.
Come on, I've got to give
her the number anyway.
Sure, sure.
And if I'm not around, just,
uh, leave a message with Joe.
He'll be glad to take it, yeah.
Or you can put it on
his answering machine.
Yeah, sure, mom.
Yeah.
I love you too, mom.
Thanks, mom.
Um, bye bye.
Bye, see ya.
Whew!
-Come on, you want to go?
-Yeah, now I'm really hungry!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MR. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
Hey, I don't
care if he falls
for a girl or a boy,
as long as he stays off drugs.
And we're back with you
this Monday morning.
It's 8:05 and you're
tuned to Hot Tru
FM, Trumansburg, New York.
We've got a new hit from
Razor coming up for you.
And this one's going
out to Cheryl from Tommy
in Codunk Center.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[DRUMS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[DOOR KNOCK]
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN): Buddy?
[DOOR KNOCK]
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN): Buddy?
[DOOR KNOCK]
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
Buddy, are you awake?
What are you doing in there?
-Shit!
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
I'm coming in!
-No, I'm sleeping!
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
You are not.
-Don't come in!
Shit!
-Rumor has it that Buddy
might be moving out.
-What?
-I heard it at the
Elbow Room last night.
Joey said he's thinking
about moving out.
-Did he say anything
about where he's going?
-No.
No where, no when.
It's been just rumor has it.
-Do you think it's
something we've done?
-I don't know.
-No?
-I don't know any
of the details.
Ah!
-He's been acting funny lately.
-Oh, that's something
else to worry about.
-There's something.
-Good morning!
-Good morning, Buddy.
-Hi, Mom.
-Don't eat them all!
Hey.
-So what's all the
talk about moving out?
-Jesus!
-I don't want to talk about it.
-He's awful damn moody lately.
[DOOR SLAMMING]
-Maybe it's because he's
breaking up with Laura.
-Laura?
It's Laura's brother he's after!
-Judy, please!
-Well!
[LAUGH]
-I just worry about
him paying for the rent
after quitting his job.
Well, I'm going into town
and get that muffler changed.
-I'm going back to bed.
-If you'll just wait a
minute for me to change,
I'll go in with you.
There's some things I want
to get at the Grand Union.
-OK.
-Give me a drag.
-One.
-Woo-hoo!
Hey, Jeannie and I were at
the Elbow Room last night
and Laura was there.
-Yeah?
-She was with Jack.
-Jesus, you make such a big
deal out of it, Laura and me.
How long is this
going to take, anyway?
-If I don't get it
cold enough, it's
going to hurt when the
needle goes through!
[DOOR__SHUTTING]
MRS. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
Judy, are you smoking again?
-No, mom.
Tom was here.
-What the hell are you doing?
-I'm piercing his ear.
-Jesus Christ, what is that?
Some kind of New
York City style?
Hey, remember when we drove
down there to see the Yankees?
You must've been about 12 then.
-I was 13.
-Is that numb enough?
-Yeah, it's fine.
-We had a really good time, huh?
-Yeah.
-Sit still.
-Hey kids, I got a cake
mix and some frosting.
I think I'll put a cake
together this afternoon.
Got a good deal on cookies,
too, three for $1.00.
Usually they're two!
-Sit down.
There, it's through.
Just sit-- don't touch it!
There, it's bleeding
just a little.
Hold it right there.
Don't touch it!
Just leave it in.
Let's get some tunes.
It look all right?
-It's fine.
-Does it hurt?
Ah!
-So where are you moving to?
-You know Laura's brother John?
He's got a house
over in Ithaca he's
renting with a couple guys.
Says they might
have an extra room.
-But Buddy, how are
you gonna pay the rent?
I don't know why you quit
that job on the farm.
They liked you so much.
-I got money saved up, you know.
Besides, it's cheap.
-Hey, that's not
gonna last forever.
-I can get a job in
Ithaca, you know.
-Uh oh, Pete.
We forgot the you know what!
-Oh Jesus, the toilet paper?
-Hey, they're having a sale
on butane over at Kmart.
-Oh really?
-Ha, Dad!
-Hey, you know,
we always told you
that you're welcome to stay
here until you meet a girl
and get married.
-I know, Dad.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
-Boo!
What the hell are you doing?
-"Playgirl"?
I thought it was supposed
to be "Playboy," Buddy!
-Give me that!
-No!
-Get out of here!
-Oh, he's real cute, isn't he?
-Get out of here!
Leave that here!
JUDY (OFFSCREEN): Yeah, sure.
But I don't know what
you're doing with it!
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
-Hi, do you have a cigarette?
-No, I don't usually smoke.
-Want one?
-Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
-This came from the Palladium.
-Hey, little faggots!
Hey, fucking faggots!
Fuck you!
-Hey man, do you want
to go for a walk?
-Uh, sure.
OK.
[? Yeah. ?] Yeah.
[COUGH]
-Coming!
-Yes!
-Hi.
Oh, I woke you.
-Joseph!
-Hi.
-My god, baby, what's wrong?
It's nearly 4 o'clock
in the morning.
-Nothing.
Uh, can, can we just use
your place for awhile?
[SIGH]
-Well, sweetheart, I can't.
I'm sorry.
It's just too late, OK?
-Well, uh, what about the roof?
Is the door open?
-I don't know.
Oh, sweetheart, I have to go.
Mwah!
Here's a kiss for you.
Have a good little wank.
-Hm.
[COUGH]
-You OK?
[CRYING]
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN): You OK?
What's wrong?
[COUGH]
-Shh!
-Huh?
-Go back to sleep, Gary.
Shh!
It's only Joseph
on the roof, OK?
Shh!
-What time is it?
OK, thanks.
Heh!
[SIGH]
-Waiter!
-I gave your number to a
friend of mine, by the way.
She really needs more
headshots and she really
likes the ones you did of me.
-Yeah?
-So maybe you'll get
some work out of it.
-Great.
[SIGH]
-It's pretty fun eating
breakfast outside, isn't it?
-Yeah.
I used to come here a lot.
That is, until I
moved to Brooklyn.
-Yeah?
-So tell me, what was it
like working on a farm?
-Aw, it was really easy.
Pay was pretty good too.
I got $5.00 an hour.
-Well, what kind
of work did you do?
-Um, shoveled out the stalls
and hosed them down, mostly.
-Sounds wonderful.
-Sometimes in the summer
I took the cows out
to pasture, work on the fences.
Sometimes I'd, uh,
help with the milking.
-I can't imagine sitting
on this little stool,
yanking on udders.
-Nobody does it by hand
anymore unless you got one cow!
We use machines.
Hey, which way's the john?
-Uh, back through those doors.
Uh, make a left.
[POLICE SIRENS]
[SIGH]
[COUGH]
-Oh, Paul?
The check, please.
I'm doing a play next month.
No pay, unfortunately.
-"Macbeth."
Uh, what part are you playing?
-Uh, Fleance a, and a frog.
-There's a frog in "Macbeth"?
-Well, no, not
originally, but this
is a sort of children's version.
-A children's
version of "Macbeth"?
-Well, it's a part, isn't it?
-Come on, let's get out of here.
Uh, we'll get you in your
hotel, you can get some sleep.
-OK.
-Maybe you want to go to
that party with me later.
[CONSTRUCTION SOUNDS]
[SINGING IN FRENCH]
"Oh, when at last our
life on Earth is through,
I shall share eternity with you.
If you love me, really love
me, then whatever happens,
I won't care."
[SINGING IN FRENCH]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
-Greta, what are
you looking for?
-Kent, I'm just
looking for my earring.
I was in the kitchen.
It looks like this.
And I was talking to Gary and
I noticed I didn't have it on.
OK?
-Listen.
GRETA (OFFSCREEN): OK.
-Let me finish what I
was telling you about.
[SIGH]
-You know seven people, right?
[LAUGH]
-After you've signed up seven
people, you become first mate.
-Uh-huh.
-When they've
signed up seven, you
become captain of
the submarine and you
start to get checks in the mail.
-Sure, sure, sure.
And that means that
all these seven
people have to put
in $1,000, right?
-Look, I know someone who's
gotten $12,000 already
who's got a very
positive energy.
He's manifesting money.
-Manifesting money.
Kent, I think this is
just another one of your
get rich quick schemes, darling.
Now how the hell do you think
that I am going to get $1,000?
-Look, if you're going
to be negative about it--
-No!
---it's not going
to work for you.
You could borrow the
money, couldn't you?
Maybe from your father.
Kayla!
-He was on the beach
with his parents,
and I watched him
for maybe an hour.
He was exquisitely crafted.
About 16.
Those, those heavy, adolescent
hands that are too big for the,
for the arms--
-Mm.
---weighing him down.
A chest just beginning
to articulate itself.
Cuts just coming to the surface.
Ah, the hollow under
the arm, ending in
ripples over the ribs.
God, he was magnificent.
Just magnificent.
-What about his chest?
Was it smooth?
-He was creamy from
head to foot and--
-Ooh!
---utterly un-self-conscious.
-Did you ever see him again?
[KNOCKING]
-Only that once.
[SINGING]
-Wooh!
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN):
Excuse me, Greta!
Who's this?
-Hi , Greta!
-Joseph!
MALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): Joseph.
FEMALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): Mm, Joseph.
-Ah!
Sweetheart.
Oh, great!
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN):
Do you know Joseph?
FEMALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): No.
-Come in.
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN): Ah.
I'll introduce you.
FEMALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): Joseph.
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN): Ha.
[LAUGH]
MALE PARTYGOER (OFFSCREEN):
Now this is unusual.
FEMALE PARTYGOER
(OFFSCREEN): Really?
-Quite different.
What do you think?
-Too young.
-Ah!
He's old enough.
But, uh, has a bigger nose
and brown eyes, I think.
-Um, Joseph, darling?
Um, Buddy?
I want you to introduce
you to Sandy--
-Hi.
---and to Kayla,
and to Catherine.
-Hi.
-There you go.
-Hi.
-Oh, and to Simon and to Paul.
[LAUGH]
-Where's Gary?
-Oh, fuck, shoot.
You know, he's getting dressed.
I'll just-- oh darling, I'll
just go and hurry him up.
Mwah!
OK.
[LAUGH]
-Guys, I have to go tell her
her hair looks great, OK?
Excuse me.
-Oh yeah.
-Joseph, watch out for Kent.
[LAUGH]
-So what do you do?
-I'm a dancer.
-Oh, like ballet dancing?
-No, modern jazz.
Broadway, stuff like that.
-Oh yeah?
-Yeah.
-Have I seen, have
I seen you on TV?
I thought before you
look really familiar.
-No, uh-uh.
-Were you on "Solid Gold" or
on any videos or anything?
-No, no.
-No?
-But, uh, did you see last month
in, uh, Trenton, New Jersey?
The dinner theater?
"South Pacific"?
You know, "Wash that man
right out of my hair"?
-No, I hadn't seen it.
-You've gotta understand, I'm
a little bit nervous, right?
This is my first
Voodoo ceremony.
And everybody's
going along fine.
The music is lulling-
-Oh fuck!
Look at my hair!
---everybody to sleep.
-Right.
-And wham!
The guy falls on the floor.
Kind of gets up,
writhing like this.
-Yeah, right.
-Sticks a machete
in the floor, and--
-Joseph, really?
Do you really like my hair?
-Yeah, it's great.
-It's awful.
All the people out there,
they're laughing at me.
-Sticks his machete in the
floor, pours rum on it--
-Gary, Gary, look at my hair.
-It's OK.
Your hair's fine.
-I hate it!
It's awful!
Look at it!
Oh!
-It's fine.
-It's not.
No.
-Here, would you take this?
-Mm, I hate it.
It's so awful.
-It's OK.
Relax.
Relax, sweetheart.
[LAUGH]
-You must make a lot of
money dancing, then, huh?
-Um, well, actually, I
work as a waitress too.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-As a waitress?
-Yeah.
Greta owns a restaurant
on St. Mark's Place.
-She does?
-Yeah.
A lot of the people
here work there.
-You know, I might
need some money.
Could she give me a job there?
-Hm, she might, actually.
I think we need a dishwasher.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-Oh, that'd be great.
That's really easy.
-Yeah.
But, uh, I don't think you
should ask her tonight.
[LAUGHTER]
-Why don't you come in tomorrow
and fill out an application?
-Oh, that's a good idea.
-Yeah.
-Want some?
-No thanks.
-Um, you'll be there?
-Yeah, I will.
-Great.
-Yeah.
-Maybe I'll come by.
-OK, good.
-Takes his machete, sticks it
in the floor, pours rum on it.
-Oh bravo.
-Lights it on fire--
-Oh god, there was.
-And starts dancing.
-You want an answer
or an argument?
-An answer!
-No!
-Why not?
-Now you want an argument!
-Uh-huh.
[LAUGHTER]
-It's like she was
studying you or something,
like you was a book or a play!
The way you walk, talk,
what you eat, what you wear.
-Oh, I don't see!
I think it's a compliment.
I don't see anything
wrong with it!
[LAUGH]
-I'm sure that's very
flattering, Betty.
[LAUGHTER]
-I'm sure there's
nothing wrong with this.
-I'm sure there's
nothing wrong with this!
Oh, I love you!
I love you!
You know, I think you are
the fuckingest funniest
man in the entire world.
-Oh, oui, oui!
-Oui, oui!
Would you do me a little favor?
Would you do Ruth Gordon
as Blanche DuBois?
[SIGH]
-Do it for, do it for Joseph!
-Do Ruth, please?
-He hasn't seen it!
-Let me get in my Ruth
DuBois stance, here.
[LAUGHTER]
-So-- hey!
Hey, Stella!
Stella!
Listen, they tell me to
take a streetcar named
Desire, get off on summertime!
[LAUGHTER]
-Boy, was it crowded!
Well, how am I anyway?
[LAUGHTER]
-Stella!
Stella!
Here, you look like shit!
Oh, boy.
I still got my figure!
Oh, oh, fuck, Stella, what
you've done with this place!
Oh my god!
[LAUGHTER]
-Do, do, do, do, do, do
something, do some Hayward.
Um, uh, "Valley."
Do "Valley."
-"Valley of the Dolls?"
-Um, uh, Helen Lewis.
-How you get on.
-I love her.
-Do you like me?
I must say.
[LAUGHTER]
-Oh, whatever.
-Give me a drink.
-They drummed you
out of Hollywood.
[LAUGH]
-So ya come crawling
back to Broadway.
Well, Broadway doesn't
go for booze and dope.
Now get out of my way!
I got a man waiting for me.
I'll go out VIP.
-That's wonderful!
That is wonderful!
Oh, oh!
How I love him!
-Oh, Simon, have you
met, have you met Buddy?
-Wooh, wooh!
-Yeah, yeah we--
-I haven't had the pleasure.
How do you do?
-I haven't either.
Hello, Buddy.
-Oh, Buddy!
How do you do, Mr. Fabian?
Why do they always look
like nappy rabbits?
-(SCREAMING) Because they are!
-Whoa!
[LAUGH]
-Oh god!
-Gary, can we mooch some coke?
Oh god, isn't he amazing?
Isn't he the funniest
man, funniest man
in the whole world?
Here, quick.
Snort it.
Ah!
Ruth Gordon as Blanche
DuBois, isn't he amazing?
Take it.
Sniff it.
That's it, sweetheart.
Up the nose.
Oh!
Oh!
-Who is Blanche DuBois?
-What?
-So anyway, he takes the
sword out of his stomach.
No, seriously!
And-- I'm telling them
about a trip to Haiti.
FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Well,
I think it was a lovely party.
MALE VOICE
(OFFSCREEN): Well, I'm
sorry I missed it in that case.
FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Yeah,
you should have been there.
FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Yes.
MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
-Hi!
-Hi, Cathy.
How are you?
-Good, how are you?
-I'm OK.
-You're filling
out an application?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Good.
Did you talk to Greta?
-Well, she gave
me this, but she's
going to come back and talk
to me after I finish it.
-Oh, good.
She, she's a little weird,
but she's really OK.
-Yeah.
-I think she'll hire you.
-The, uh-- oh, Greta.
Um, your father called.
-Uh-huh.
-That's right,
your father called.
-Oh.
-Twice.
-Twice.
-Angelo, thank you, thank you.
-You're welcome.
-I know.
I just talked to him.
-He said it was important.
-Uh, you want to
know what he said?
-He said he was
spending the last two
and a half hours
waiting for me--
-Really?
---at the Plaza Hotel and where
the hell was I. Thank you.
-You're welcome.
[SIGH]
-I was at the Plaza Hotel,
the stupid old bastard.
I waited for him for
two and a half hours.
[LAUGH]
-Good.
-Did you meet him?
-Mm-hmm.
I was in New York
and he was in London.
I mean, it's no wonder that
we never see one another.
Hmph!
-Sorry, love.
-Can't get dates straight,
let alone the country.
-He was in the Plaza in London?
-Yes.
He's an alkie, darling.
[LAUGHTER]
-Like father, like
daughter, I think.
-So, uh, Greta?
-Mm?
-You remember Buddy from
last night at the party?
-Yeah, you should,
you should have
him take that job
as a dishwasher.
-Bobby?
-Buddy.
-He's kind of cute.
-Bobby?
-He's kind of cute, and I think
he can hold down the job, too.
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-We need a new dishwasher.
-We don't.
-Yeah.
-Yes, we do.
-We do need a dishwasher!
-I don't think they're
hiring anybody.
-He's cute.
-I'm sure he's fine.
-It's the perfect opportunity.
-It's only washing dishes.
He'd be great, really.
-Hire him.
Come on, hire him!
-Guys, calm down.
OK?
I'll think about it.
[LAUGH]
-Um, uh, uh, Billy?
-Buddy!
Buddy.
-Oh, sorry.
Excuse me.
How do you do?
-Is this for me?
-Uh, yes, darling.
-Thank you.
-Uh, excuse me.
OK.
[SIGH]
-Can I, uh, see that?
-Yup.
-Thank you.
Uh, Buddy Fields.
-Mm-hmm.
-Can--
[YAWN]
-Oh god, excuse me.
It says here, nine
months at Pizza Hut
at the Pine City Mall.
-Mm-hmm.
-Oh, that's just fascinating!
Three years at
Richmond Dairy Farm.
[LAUGH]
-Yeah.
-I'm sorry.
Oh, I can't eat dairy.
I can't touch it.
-Why not?
-Really, it's truly,
it's terrible for you.
It's mucus-forming.
Uh, it's bad for your health.
Do you know that yesterday,
I actually, I ate some dairy.
Blew me up like a pig.
Truly, it's awful.
-You look fine.
[LAUGH]
-Thank you.
Um--
-Yeah?
-I'll, uh, start you
off as a dishwasher.
-OK, sure.
[SIGH]
-Thank god that's over.
Mm, tonight!
-Oh, OK!
-Tonight, all right?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Then we'll see.
Ha!
I don't know.
Thank god.
Excuse me, I look
like death warmed up.
[COUGH]
[COUGH]
-Sandy?
-Hm?
-Oh Sandy!
-Yes?
-Show us your tits!
-What?
-Show us the tits.
-Boy oh boy, it's
slowed down out there.
-Come on.
Come on!
-What's going on?
-Sandy's going to
show us the tits.
Oh, come on!
-Oh yeah, sure.
-Oh, no.
Please, I'm sure!
-Oh Sandy, you can do it!
Sandy, I've never
seen you like this.
-Get out of here.
-Come on, you've always
wanted to do that.
-Admit it!
[LAUGH]
-No!
-Come on, Sandy!
Go for it!
-Sandy!
Sandy!
-Stop it!
-Sandy!
Sandy!
-Sandy!
Sandy, please!
-All right!
Here, here, here!
Happy?
[LAUGHTER]
-What a disappointment!
-It looks just like Barbie!
[LAUGHTER]
-Miss me, Barbie doll?
-Oh, jeez!
Jeez!
-She's kind of old, from 1960.
She's in real good shape
too, don't you think?
-Could I have a guacamole
and chips appetizer, please?
-Well, Catherine!
-Yes?
-Yes, I think I can
do that for you.
-Why, thank you!
-But Catherine?
-Yes, Simon?
-Show us your tits!
-Just hurry up with my order!
-Veda, get out!
Get out before I kill you!
Ha ha!
You're going to have to
move faster than that!
-Hey!
-It's his first day!
-Well!
I guess you told me!
-Listen, you should
wear an apron.
You won't get so wet.
-Yeah, I probably should.
-Take this one.
-No.
-Yeah, turn around!
-Ah!
[GROWL]
-Ooh!
That's sweet!
-Oh!
-That looks so nice.
-How's that?
-That's great, thanks.
-Oh!
-Uh, look pretty good to me too.
-Grow up a lot.
[LAUGH]
-Oh my!
-If she could go
back to Brooklyn.
-I had no idea you were so
skilled with your hands!
Oh!
-That was so sweet!
-Ooh!
-I'm embarrassed
for both of them.
-Makes me a little vomitous.
-Now.
Cute.
[WHISTLE]
-Getting hot in here, ain't it?
-Hot?
The hottest boys,
and twice as heated.
-Yeah.
-Whatever that
means, I don't know.
-How come that
never happens to me?
-You ain't got lucky, Chrissy!
[CONSTRUCTION SOUNDS]
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Buddy!
Buddy, are you there?
Buddy!
-Joe!
Hey!
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN): Hi!
-Hi, what are you doing?
[SHOUTING]
-Come on up!
[DOOR KNOCK]
-Yeah, just a sec.
Hey!
-Come on in.
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN):
How are you doing?
-I'm OK.
-You see Greta?
-Yeah, she gave me a job.
-Yeah?
-Yeah, washing dishes.
Hey, people there are kind
of funny, aren't they?
-Yeah, they're great.
I brought you something.
This will help you get oriented.
-Oh, what is it?
-It's just a map.
-Oh, wow!
-Hold that thing.
Some tape.
-A subway map!
Oh, it's great.
-Now look.
This is where I live, Brooklyn.
You have to dial 718 first--
the area code-- then the number.
There you go.
-Hey, thanks a lot, Joe.
[EXHALE]
-Hey, um, can I
get you some pop?
-Pop?
-Yeah.
-No thanks.
-You sure?
-Positive.
-Did you just take
a picture of me?
-Yep.
-I wasn't even looking at you!
[LAUGH]
-Don't worry about it.
-You want some chips?
-Ah, no thanks.
-These are good ones.
You sure?
-Very.
Some friends of mine
are doing a performance
piece at, uh, PS 122 tonight.
Would you like to come?
-I've got to go to work tonight.
-Mm, too bad.
So the job is goo--
the job's going OK?
-Yeah, it's great.
It's really easy, you know.
It's not like farm work.
-Look, I've got to see a lot
of people before tonight.
Uh, give me a call sometime.
-You're leaving?
-Yeah.
Ciao!
-Good bye, Joe.
Thank you!
-You know--
[SIGH]
---I don't know how I ended up
owning a fucking restaurant.
I'm an actress.
I want to be in Chekhov.
-Buddy, run downstairs
and get us some rice.
-Where is it?
-It's in the bin downstairs.
-Nice butt on that boy.
-Adorable.
Frankly, I'd have to see it
bare to make a proper judgement.
-Oh, he's so sweet.
-Dumb is more like it.
-Hey, dumb can be fun.
-Yeah, yeah.
I had a cousin like that once.
We had to shoot him.
-Excuse me.
Sorry.
[SIGH]
-Please, please, please,
Angelo, come back to work!
Please!
We're too busy.
It's a madhouse.
-(LAUGHING) It's OK.
Um, listen.
Um, call me tomorrow.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, I should be
home all morning.
But, just in case I'm not,
my mother can take a message.
-OK.
-Angelo.
-Hey, how are you doing?
-Good.
How are you?
-Good.
-How's school?
-Pretty good.
-Good.
-Good night.
-Oh, OK.
-Good bye.
-Keep plugging on it.
-All right.
-Hi, Buddy.
-Hi, George.
-How did it go tonight?
-Hey, it was OK.
-A lot easier?
-Yeah.
-Yeah, it was busy.
I can tell.
-It was.
-Just look at this place.
It's a mess!
[LAUGH]
-I know, I know.
-Yeah.
You're getting the knack of it?
-Yup.
-Good.
-It's getting easier.
-Well, like I said, routine!
-I know.
-We could probably
teach it to a gorilla.
[LAUGH]
-Buddy?
-Yeah?
-Did I ever tell you
about the face on Mars?
-I don't think so.
-The human face on
the surface of Mars?
-There's somebody's head
on the surface on Mars?
-Yeah, you got it.
-How did somebody get up there?
-Well, that's a long story.
You know, when they sent the
probe up, the Viking probe?
-Yeah.
-And they got back these
thousands and thousands
of pictures of the
surface of Mars?
-Yeah.
-They found one
that showed a face.
-A face?
-Yeah, a face.
-A head?
-Yup, a head.
-A human head?
-On the surface of Mars?
-Yeah.
At first they thought,
you know, maybe it's
a reflection off the
stone, maybe it's
a natural rock
formation, or maybe even
a flaw in the lens
of the camera.
You know, these
things do happen.
-Yeah.
-But then they
found another photo.
This one was taken
from a different angle,
but of the same spot.
And there's the same
face staring up at them.
-Wait, is it maybe,
like, a person?
Or is it--
-Yeah.
No, it's got the eyes, the
nose, the teeth, everything.
-It's made out flesh,
and it's, like--
-No, no, no.
Stone.
They figure it's stone.
It's 1 mile long, 1 mile
wide, and 1 mile high.
-It's like craters, right?
It's like the man on the moon.
-No, no, no.
It's a face.
It's a sculpted face.
They ran a computer
readout on this,
and they found out
it was so perfectly
sculpted that an artist
must have done it.
-You should have
Simon's face when
those plates started
coming back untouched.
-Oh!
[LAUGH}
-I didn't want to.
I stayed and didn't
come near the kitchen.
Ah!
-I was afraid to put my
orders up after that.
[LAUGHTER]
-I know!
-One theory is that
one time, there
was an ancient civilization
of Martians there
and they built the face.
-They, that's all that is
left, is just this face?
-Just a face.
Well, a few pyramids scattered
around here and there
on planet.
-Pyramids?
-But then there's--
-Like Egyptians went
to Mars and they
build this face
and their pyramids?
-Yeah, yeah.
In fact, the face looks
a bit like an Egyptian.
It has a headdress around it.
-I don't get it.
-Well, you know,
neither do they.
That's why they're
studying it and they
want to send another probe.
-You have pictures of this?
-Plenty of pictures.
I've got a book on it.
-Bring it in.
I want to see it, because
I don't believe it.
-Definitely.
-It was so busy tonight.
-Yeah, my feet are killing me.
-Yeah, mine too.
So, um, how was it taking caring
of that couple with the baby?
[LAUGH]
-Yeah, horrible as usual.
-Ugh.
They were the worst tonight.
-Yeah, yeah.
That child won't eat anything
that's brought, brought to it.
-How many times did
they return the food?
-I think at least three.
[SIGH]
-Simon was climbing the walls.
He didn't know what to do.
-And between that
and that woman that I
had who returned her food
without even tasting it, Ah!
-I don't think--
-I can't believe it.
-Now, the second
theory, which is
the one that really interests
me, is that we put it there.
-But we've never been to Mars.
-Well, how do you know?
You know, what if there was
an advanced civilization here,
maybe, what?
2, 3 million years ago?
They developed space travel.
So what did they do?
After they go to the
moon, they go to Mars.
And what's the
first thing they do?
-Build a face?
-No.
[LAUGH]
-They set up a resort.
A re--
[LAUGH}
-Yeah.
-No.
No, a resort.
Then with the resort
comes a casino.
Then one day the casino's--
-This--
---not doing too good.
[LAUGH]
-So what do they do?
They figured they needed
a little promo device.
-So they build a face?
-So they build a face.
[LAUGH}
-They got maybe lights
coming out of it,
you know, flashing off and on.
And maybe a laser
message coming out
of the mouth shooting
off into space.
-I don't get it.
I don't think so.
-Why not?
This way, the spaceships
going by, they see it.
And they go down and
spend their money,
and you've got a
successful resort.
But then one day the civi,
civilization just goes kapooey.
You know, like
most civilizations
do sooner or later.
[LAUGH]
-And there's nothing left on
the face of the earth of it.
But then in our time, they
find the face on Mars.
-I think you're shitting me.
-No, no.
-I don't believe a word of this.
-Buddy, would I lie about
something as sacred and holy
as a human face on
the planet lost?
-I, I don't know
you well enough.
--Come on!
-Maybe you would!
-No.
I mean, there's plenty
of things I'd lie about,
but that's not one of them!
[LAUGH]
-But you don't do
that in restaurants.
That was despicable.
-Well, you tell her that.
-Yeah, really.
-Mm-hmm.
-How about, um, Terri?
You know that woman that
comes in all the time?
-Oh, Ms. Mary Kay?
-Hey, Buddy?
-Ugh.
-Telephone!
-That was awful.
-Yeah, what a pain.
[SIGH]
-You know, Ricky?
[SIGH]
-I, I really have the
worst crush on Buddy.
He's really so cute
and he's so refreshing.
-Well, I don't know
how to tell you this,
but, um, he's already
got one boyfriend
and he's working
on a second one.
-Yeah, I sort of figured
that was what was going on.
So, uh, when are we going to get
some good-looking straight guys
around here?
-Beats me!
[LAUGHTER]
-Oh well.
-It's a big question
in this city, you know.
-Yeah, I guess so.
-Yeah.
-Hello?
Hey, Joe.
Yeah, I'm, I'm fine.
Yeah, yeah, it's
getting much easier.
I'm getting used to it now.
[LAUGH]
-Um, well, I just have a
couple more things to do.
You know, this guy
George in the kitchen's
telling me this story
about the man on Mars.
Have you ever
hear-- yeah, really?
Yeah?
So, um, what are you up to now?
Y, you think maybe you want
to get together tonight?
[LAUGH]
-You know, Buddy.
-Yeah?
-You really ought to
call yourself Edward.
-Yeah!
[LAUGH]
-Nobody calls me Edward!
-Well, it is your
real name, isn't it?
-So what?
-People will take
you more seriously.
-Yeah?
-You should be proud of it.
-Yeah?
[LAUGH]
-Give me a break, would you?
[GROWL]
-Hey, look at those
photographs over there.
Some pictures I took.
[LAUGH]
-Let me see.
You can't even tell
what these things are!
Wow, look at these people.
Weird shirt this guy's got on.
Look at these people.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-I've got a couple of shirts.
Too small for me.
-Joe, you don't have
to give me anything.
[COUGH]
-Here, take these.
-You think I'm
going to walk around
the streets wearing this stuff?
-Yes, I do.
[LAUGH]
-Here.
Here, take them all.
[COUGH]
-Yeah, what do you think?
-Looks great.
-This shirt, this shirt's
too small for you?
[LAUGH]
-They're yours, now.
-I think I have to grow
a bit to fit into it.
-Just wear them!
-So Joe, when did
you first come here?
-To New York?
-Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-Oh god.
Let's see, I was 16.
I moved out of my
parents' house.
We just weren't getting along.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-I stayed in Chicago for
about two more years.
Uh, I was in a band
with a couple friends.
We moved here to play.
-Really?
You're in a band?
-No.
We moved out of, uh, Chicago.
New York, we came here,
and that was over.
I went to, uh, art school.
I was painting.
An old boyfriend of
mine was a photographer.
He taught me a lot.
That's how I got into it.
-So you've seen lots of guys?
-Hm.
I lost count years ago.
-What was your first one?
-My first?
-Yeah, your first one.
[EXHALE]
-Let's see.
[SIGH]
[COUGH]
-How old were you?
-I guess I was about five years
old, if you can believe it.
[LAUGH]
-No, I don't believe it.
-Well, I mean, you can't do much
sexually at the age of five.
His name was, was Arthur.
He lived down the
street from me.
-What did you do with him?
-Uh, well, we'd mostly,
he'd come over to my house
or I'd go over to his house.
Sometimes we'd
stay out in a tent
and just play around
with each other.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-Uh, we were going to school.
He'd come over and it got
a little more intense.
We were more, we were getting
to become more experimental.
[CHUCKLE]
[SIGH]
-I guess it was towards
the end of grammar school.
We were, like, playing
with each other
and we began sucking
each other off.
[LAUGH]
-Wow.
-He was the head
of the swim team.
He'd come over to my house every
day except for the weekend.
And we were getting,
like, really
involved with each other.
We began, like,
fucking each other
and sucking each other
off on a regular basis.
Last I heard, uh,
he got married.
-Really?
-Well, then I've had a few
long-term relationships.
Uh, Robert the photographer.
And mostly, mostly pickups
in the last couple of years.
-Hey, Joe.
-Yeah?
-Don't you think
maybe you'll get
AIDS seeing so many
different guys?
[LAUGH]
-No, I don't think
I'll get AIDS.
Give me those.
Look, we've got
some things we have
to clear up right here and now.
There's some things you
have to do every time.
The rules.
And if you do, you'll be OK.
-Yeah.
-Masturbation is fine.
Kissing is fine.
If you get fucked, use
a rubber every time.
All right?
Never give anyone blow job.
[LAUGH]
-Listen to me.
These are rules we have to
follow every time with everyone
you're with.
If you do, you'll be all right.
-OK.
-Look, nothing we did
tonight was dangerous.
OK?
-Sure.
[EXHALE]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[EXHALE]
-So when was your first?
-When I was 16 with this girl.
She, um, she got
her father's car
and-- eh, well, she was
more into it than I was.
-Well, what about guys?
When was that?
-It was with you!
-With me?
-Yes!
-You're kidding.
-[SNORT]
-No.
[LAUGH]
[CONVERSATION IN CHINESE]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGH]
[CARS HORNS]
[METAL CLANGING]
[POLICE SIREN]
[CAR HORNS]
-Close the door.
-Sure.
-Ray, some money.
I have enough to get us
some after the movie.
-Oh, I've got some money too.
-OK.
-I guess we're all set.
I'm going to put on
my shoes before we go.
-Sure.
-OK.
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN):
This desk is great.
Where did you get this?
-Isn't that nice?
My great-grandmother
gave it to me.
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN): Anthropology.
You're studying this?
-Yeah.
That's my major in college,
and computer science, my minor.
My uncle works at the, uh,
Museum of Natural History,
and he's pretty sure he can get
me a job there when I graduate.
If I can't get the job,
if I don't like it,
I can always get something with
the computer science, though.
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN):
You're gay, huh?
-No kidding.
-Your parents know?
-Yeah, my mother does.
Actually, it's cool with her.
I think sometimes it
raises me in her eyes.
My father I don't talk to much.
They're divorced and I
just don't talk to him.
How about your folks?
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN): My sister
sort of knows, I think.
-Yeah.
-But I don't think my parents
even know what it means.
[LAUGH]
-I just couldn't take
it up there anymore.
-Why not?
-All these guys and
their girlfriends.
I used to think if I tried
really hard, I could fit in.
I kept waiting to change.
You know, when I
was in high school,
I saw this TV talk show from
New York with these three guys
on it called
"Consultations with Three."
-Consulta-- what's that?
-It's what these three
guys called themselves.
They said they used
to be gay, but they
took some kind of
course or something
and, and now they're,
like, married
with girlfriends or something.
-What?
-They're straight.
-That's, that's not true.
Come on!
-Yeah.
No, what's they said.
-That's television.
-Well no, they said that.
And I wrote down the number.
And I thought, well, someday
I'm gonna come to New York
and I'd check it out, you know?
But when I was
packing last week,
I couldn't find the number.
I lost it.
But I didn't know what
New York could be like.
-Buddy, don't worry about it.
Mm, I just stopped trying to
figure it out a long time ago.
Some people are,
some people aren't.
That's all.
It's, it's not a big
deal in New York.
-Yeah, you're probably right.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): So what
did you do after high school?
-I watched TV for
about six months.
[LAUGH]
-And I got a job
in the dairy farm.
-Really?
What did you do?
-Oh, I did a little
bit of everything.
It was a family farm.
They usually needed a couple
extra guys to help out.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Cows
and stuff like that?
-Yeah, about 200 cows.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): 200 cows?
-Yeah.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Wow.
It must take a long
time to milk 200 cows.
-I didn't do it by myself.
It took about an hour,
usually, you know.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Wow.
-We had five different
milking machines.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Oh,
you use milking machines?
-Yeah, what do you think?
It'd take forever otherwise.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN):
I thought everybody--
-Then we'd have to
shovel out the stalls,
take the cows out to pasture.
ANGELO (OFFSCREEN): Cow shit?
-Yeah, plenty of cow shit.
[LAUGH]
-What would, what would you
do with all the cow shit?
[SNORT]
-You ever hear
about cow pies, huh?
-Mm-mm.
No.
[LAUGH]
-Never mind.
Uh, we'd make a big pile
of it out behind the barn.
We used it for fertilizer later.
Hey, you know, one time, one
of Mr. Richmond's sons-- Mr.
Richmond was the guy
who owned the place.
-Yeah.
-His son was up on top
of the roof, you know--
-Yeah.
---fixing a leak.
Stood up too fast,
got really dizzy,
fell right over like
this into the cow shit!
[LAUGH]
-He died?
-No, he didn't die.
It wasn't that far of a drop.
He didn't even get hurt.
-Oh.
-But he was covered
with it, you know?
It was, like, coming out
of his mouth and his eyes,
up his nose.
He really stank, too.
[LAUGH]
-Buddy?
You want to skip the movie?
Stay here?
My mother's not coming
back until tomorrow.
-You think it's OK?
-Sure it's OK.
[LAUGHTER]
-Hey, let's get undressed first.
[EXHALE]
JOSEPH (OFFSCREEN): Look, Buddy.
You know you can't afford to
stay in that room much longer.
BUDDY (OFFSCREEN): It's OK.
I still got money saved.
-I know, but wouldn't it be nice
if you stayed here for a while?
While you're
looking for a place.
-I couldn't do that.
-Why not?
-It wouldn't be fair to you.
-Look, you don't have enough
shifts to cover $120 a week.
I've got lots of room here.
Here, take these.
-That's real nice of you, Joe.
-It's no big deal.
-You know, Sandy at
work says that she
might have a place opening
up in her apartment
at the end of the month,
so I'd only be here for,
like maybe two weeks.
-Stay as long as you like.
[LAUGH]
-Thanks, Joe.
-Sure.
I hope you didn't do anything
dangerous with this kid.
-He knows all the rules.
-Are you going to see him again?
-I don't know.
He's a nice guy.
-Look, I'm not saying
don't sleep with him.
Just make sure everything's
safe, all right?
Come on, do you want
to go to breakfast?
-Yeah, sure.
-Oh, can I call my folks, first?
-Sure.
Uh, I'm just going to
go get some cigarettes.
-OK.
-I'll be back.
-Hi, Judy.
Yeah.
No, I'm fine.
I-- Hi, mom.
Everything's OK.
No, no.
Yes, everything's fine.
Yeah, I'm in New York.
I'm staying with
a friend of mine.
I just met him a
couple of nights ago.
He's really a nice guy.
[SIGH]
-Yeah, mom, I know.
I'm, I'm sorry.
I just, I just had to
get away, that's all.
I don't know.
I think, I think maybe
I'll have to stay
around here a while longer.
I just wanted to see what
it was like down here.
I know, mom.
Look, you don't have to worry.
I even got a job in
a restaurant here.
Well, Joe says I can
crash here for a while
until I find a place of my own.
He's just, he's just a
guy I'm staying with.
Look, mom, mom,
mom, mom, let me,
let me talk to dad
for a minute, OK?
Yeah.
Yes, yes, I understand you.
Hi, dad.
How are you doing?
No, no, no, I'm fine.
Yeah, everything's great.
[LAUGH]
-Yeah, I've got enough
money to live on.
Yeah?
Which, which, Pizza Hut?
Downtown or the mall?
Yeah, salad bar is good there.
Hey, you know something?
I got a job in a
restaurant here.
[LAUGH]
-Yeah.
No, no, no.
It pays fine.
Mm, yeah, you know,
I thought I would
hang around here a while longer.
I've, I've been meeting
lots of nice people.
Sure, sure.
Yeah, I love you too, dad.
OK, put her on.
Hey, Judy.
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm not mad anymore.
Hey, it's, it's OK.
I just don't want to
talk about it, OK?
Yeah, I've been
to lots of places.
You know, as soon
as I got here, I
went to the top of the
Empire State Building.
Yeah, it was great.
And yesterday I went
to, uh, Chinatown
with this guy, Angelo.
He, he works in this
restaurant where I got a job.
Yeah.
Anyway, you know,
Chinatown was really cool.
It was like we're not
in America anymore.
And we went to Little Italy.
Yeah, they do!
[LAUGH]
-It's all Italian this
and that, you know.
We, we sat outside and ate
pastries and had cappuccino
coffee, and we walked around
by the river for a while.
It was-- yeah, yeah.
And I know, I heard.
I heard.
Tell her I'll give it
to me before I hang up.
Hey, I've been meeting
lots of people.
[LAUGH]
-Joe took me to this
party the other day.
He's just some guy
I'm staying with.
He's a great guy!
Leave him alone!
He's a photographer.
He used to be in
his own rock band.
He knows lots of artists, too.
Painters.
Dancers, too.
And performance artists.
Well, I'm not really sure.
I had to work the
night that Joe was
going to take me
to see this guy.
But they put on shows every week
at this old school around here.
Well, hey, you know, Judy,
I went over to this party.
I tried cocaine.
Hey, don't tell her!
Don't tell her!
I'm gonna tell her
about the time-- hey!
[LAUGH]
-Well, I don't know if I could
really feel it, you know.
It was, it was, um, maybe like
I had more energy or something.
Yeah, I spent a
lot of time dancing
with this really nice girl.
Yeah, she's a dancer
and a waitress, too.
Hey, well, you know what life
is like in the big city, right?
Hey, Judy, Judy, Judy,
let me talk to mom
before I get into
any more trouble.
Come on, I've got to give
her the number anyway.
Sure, sure.
And if I'm not around, just,
uh, leave a message with Joe.
He'll be glad to take it, yeah.
Or you can put it on
his answering machine.
Yeah, sure, mom.
Yeah.
I love you too, mom.
Thanks, mom.
Um, bye bye.
Bye, see ya.
Whew!
-Come on, you want to go?
-Yeah, now I'm really hungry!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MR. FIELDS (OFFSCREEN):
Hey, I don't
care if he falls
for a girl or a boy,
as long as he stays off drugs.