Frozen Stiff (2002) - full transcript

FROZEN STIFF

Well? Is he alive?

God, he can't be...!

I am sorry.

Didn't I ask you to keep him
alive until I come?

Didn't I tell you... Goddam!

Please accept my condolences.
- Screw the condolences!

You take MY condolences!
What am I to do now?

What should I do?
Yo, doctor, come out!

Will this be enough to get him
made up and dressed?

Sure, you just have to
bring the suit...



You see we can't buy clothes for
all the deceased. - Yeah, sure.

Look at just have to make
a phone call,

and I'll be right back.
- All right,

I have too check something
out, I'll be back too. - Right.

Why doesn't the jerk pick
up the phone, Goddamn!

Hello?!

Where the fuck were you, jerk?

Fuck! I've been untying myself
from a radiator!

So, Ronny dropped by!

I've been through hell and back

The whole world I've come
to know,

I drank a glass of poison black

The bitter life I've
come to know.

Bayou, where are you?



Tell that scumbag Tin man
that I'm gonna recycle him!

I don't care who he
owes money to!

Yeah, right...!

Where was I...?

"The bitter life I've
come to know." -Yeah!

The bitter life I've
come to know.

All that is and that might be
Is not unknown to me!

All that happens
I'll take my turn!!!

Nah, I tied myself 'cause
I was bored...

Sure he dropped by! I told him
our granddad died

and that we gotta bury him.
No way, the man wants

the money back in three days,
otherwise he'll...

Look, bro, if it's gonna make
things easier for you,

grandpa really croaked.

Croaked, grandpa...
Yeah, croaked!

Your grandfather died,
you asshole!

You're shittin' me?!
- I'm not shittin'...

You called dad?

Nah, you did! The funeral is
the day after tomorrow,

we got get there by then,
otherwise dad is gonna

string us up by our balls
on the main square.

That's precisely how he put it.
Pardon, ma'am.

What a coincidence, that's
exactly what I told Ronny.

Fuck Ronny, we gotta get
granddad a suit.

Why a suit?

We can't put him naked
in the casket...

By the way we have to find
the money to get one.

Why did you have to bet
so much, you idiot!

Stay cool, I'll take care
of that. I'll find one.

Wait for me at the morgue,
I'm coming right over. Stay put.

I'll stay put...

Hey, doc, is there a bar
around here? - A bar? Sure...

Let's go and have a drink.

Shit, there goes my
only business suit.

It's you I've been
waiting for?

Well, I couldn't make
the appointment myself.

You owe me money.
A lot of money.

Yeah, a lot. I'm on my way to
pick up some dough from a man.

I unloaded some golden
trinkets. - Sweet kid.

Anna. Anna say hello
to the nice man.

Say good bye to the nice man.
Bye-bye! - Bye-bye.

Hey, Tin Man don't be like that.
I just wanted to...

What did you want?
To get some for free?

Not for free, I swear.
Just give me a half so I can

pull myself together.
Can't you see I'm on the edge?

Did you see a charity sign when
you passed by the entrance?

I didn't. - Go to the
Red Cross and tell them:

"I'm a junkie, please give a
little heroine". Go on, scram!

Don't be like that...

What do they call me?
- Tin Man.

And why is that?
- 'Cause you don't have a heart.

Well?
- You're not really like that.

I'm even worse. - Right! What
am I supposed to do now?

I don't give a flying fuck,
'bout what you're gonna do!

Get off the dope the hard way.
Maybe you'll wise-up!

You have a kid, stupid!
- Are you preaching to me now?!

You gotta.

C'mon, Tin Man don't be
like that. Gimme some, please.

I'll do anything you ask.
- I just want my money...

If you got the dough, give it
here, otherwise get lost.

Give me just a quarter
to pull myself together.

I'll bring you the money, I swear
on this child's life. Please...

Are you crazy?! Get up, someone
might see us! Get real!

Give me some...
- Get lost!

Look, if you don't trust me,
I'll leave the kid with you

until I get back.

If you don't get back I'll sell
her of to the white slavers.

I'll be back, don't you worry.
Hell, I'm her mother. I love her.

You're not a mother,
you're a junkie.

Look, it's your lucky day.
I'm in a very good mood.

Nice day, ain't it?

I got laid tonight. What
a chick! Incredible!

You know what my horoscope
says today?

That my life will change.
Now get lost!

Mommy doesn't feel good,
but now she's gone to get fixed

and she's gonna be alright.

Wanna soda?
- No.

Wanna candy?
- No.

Do you want...
- I don't.

I didn't say nothin'.
- Anyway, I don't want one.

Give me my grandpa, please!

Well I don't know...
It's not proper...

Listen... We're like...
Jehovah's Witnesses. - So?

Well, according to our
customs...

The dead have to walk home?
- Nah...

That's a good one, though!

According to our rules,
the dead can't be laid

in the casket before a
service in our church.

I thought that Jehovah's
Witnesses don't drink.

It figures! You know nothing
about the alternative

religious communities.
It's a traditon with us too.

To make a toast for the soul
of the deceased.

Okay, but we've been toasting
for half an hour now!

Yeah... It's gotta be done at
least seven times. - Really?

Yeah... yeah. - I didn't know
that. - Now you know.

And the Trinity?
- Yeah... That to... Cheers.

Cheers!

Is this the morgue?
You drunken pig!

Look Sir, it's your
tradition we honored...

What tradition are you
talkin' about?

Well, Jehovah's Witnesses.

What fuckin' witnesses are
you talkin' about?

Oh, you meant us? Yeah, that's
right. Sure, right...

What tradition did you
have in mind?

Our grandpa now looks like
a pimp!

Listen, let's not get offensive
here. Fist of all,

this was my only business suit,
and secondly, don't come near me,

cause you stink of booze
a mile away!

Well I had to get him drunk.

No one normal would let us take
a dead man out of the morgue...

Hold on, where are you going?
- Well, to drive...

To drive in such a state?!
Have you completely lost it?

If you were to blow
the breathalyzer,

the cop would think you're some
kind of a medical freak!

Sit in the back and hold
grandpa upright.

If the cops make us pull over...
Hey are you listening to me?

If the cops stop us, it will look
like you two both got drunk,

and grandpa is sleeping it off.
Where to?! Sit here!

You're not gonna tell me how
old you are? - No!

I wonder where's that mother
of yours...

Yo, Tin Man whatchya doin'?
- Hey, girls!

Is that your kid?
- No way.

Dad, I'm thirsty!
- She's so sweet!

I didn't know you were married!
- It's not what you think...

Come over?
- Nah, I gotta nurse my kid.

Ciao!

Are you out of your mind? Now
they're gonna tell everybody!

Why did you call me "dad"?
- 'Cause it's funny.

Well it is funny.

I'm thirsty.
- Right!

And I'm hungry.
- You got it!

And I have to pee!
- Okay... Hey, Bob!

What's wrong with it?

Well, when I was up
at the hospital,

I kinda hit this garbage
container

and somethin' started smokin'
in there. - Really?

Why did you run into
the container?

Because I was in a rush to get
to him while he's alive!

As if you fuckin' loved
him that much!

I didn't, but the old jerk...
Sorry grandpa...

He didn't tell me where he hid
the life insurance.

Why didn't you ask me?
- You got it?

No, but I know where it is.
Listen, lets talk serious here.

We won't tell dad about it.

We'll cash in on the insurance,
bury grandpa and pay back Ronny!

Bob, come over here!

Yes please? We're about to close
so if you'd like anything else...

No, no, I just wanna ask you
something. - Please, do.

Is it normal for a kid
of her age

to eat two pizzas and drink ten
sodas? - Eleven sodas!

O.K. Eleven, no problem.
Anyway, is it normal?

Well kids grow, and develop.
They need energy.

I'm kinda worried. I wouldn't
want her to get sick.

You see, I know
nothing about these things.

I only had a turtle once.
You have kids, I guess?

Thank God, my kids don't eat
that much.

If I were to skim three times
as much as I do...

I don't know what to do. Her
mother isn't coming back.

And we're closing.
- Yeah, I know.

Anna, are you alright?
You wanna go home?

I'm fine right here!

I know, but they're closing now
and we have to go.

C'mon, tell me where you live.
- No.

Bob, sit here and keep her
company for a moment.

Sure, Mr. Tin Man.

Look that's half a kilo.
First cut. Pure.

I'll bring it over to
you tomorrow.

Shit, I know that Crazy Ronny
is gonna kill me.

Listen, if you don't tell me
your address right now,

I'll drag you to the toilet and
drown you in the john!

I know he's crazy. I know he
wants to kill me,

but I'll be bringing it to
you tomorrow. I promise.

Trust me. C'mon, cool it.

Is that clear?

No. 9 Dragon Street.
Fifth floor.

How did you get it from her?
- Pedagogy, experience.

Bravo Bob, bravo! C'mon kid,
let's get outta here. Get up!

Bob put this on the tab.
- Naturally, Mr. Tin Man.

What now, my wise-ass brother?
- Nothin' brother, we're going home.

You want me to sleep with
a corpse? No way!

I won't put it into your
bed, you stupid!

Out of the question!

What else can we do?
Leave him in the car, ehi?

With our luck someone is
gonna steal the car

with everything that's inside,

and you know what dad is gonna
do to us then... - I know!

Hang us by the balls in
the middle of town square!

Hey, come over here.

What will we do tomorrow?
- We'll think of something.

That is what I was afraid of.

Good evening, ma'am.

Grandpa, you really shouldn't
have gotten this drunk...

Yeah! At your age!
You should be ashamed.

Do you have your set of keys?
- No.

Maybe some of the neighbors
has the spare key? - No.

Listen...

Stay here. You stay there
and wait for mom.

I'll come back in
a little while.

I don't trust you!
You want to run away!

What are we to do, the two
of us? - I have to pee.

Let's go to my place.
I'll bring you back here tomorrow.

Do you have grandparents?
- A-ha!

Where do they live?
- In Grainburg. - Great!

Let's go. I'll take you to your
grandparents tomorrow. Okay?

I feel sick. - I'll take that
as a sign of approval.

I feel sick! Like throwing up!

Here, now you can throw up.
- I don't want to now! - Okay...

Somebody is ratting on me. Where
are we gonna sleep tonight, kid?

I have to pee.
- So, take a pee.

I can't you'll be watching.
- Go upstairs and pee. Go on up!

Adela has gotten married.
Where do we go to sleep?

This we'll throw out.

Hey, here's Sandy.
With Sandy everything is dandy!

There's some man up there.
He's yelling.

Hooba!

Come over here! Get back!
Get over here if you dare.

Is that the way to bring up
a child, you asshole!

Shut up...
you goddam faggot you!

You'll wake up the entire
neighborhood, you stupid!

Don't draw so much attention...
Damn, you stink of booze!

It's the piss that stinks,
not me!

I know that I'm a heartless
pig, as you once called me.

Life is hard and makes us
that way.

But if you scratch a little bit
under the surface of a harshness

and ruthless guy,
which is my act, I admit,

you will find a romantic soul, a
poet of the pavement and bars...

And above all you will find
a frightened child

that needs warmth and affection.
- I knew it's me you love...

Listen... I really had so
many women in my life,

but you're the first
I'm opening up to.

This child isn't mine at all.
It's a long story. I'll explain.

Doesn't he look a little
too pale?

Hey, don't overdo it. It's not
like grandpa was a faggot.

But he isn't alive either.
It's better if he looks like

a faggot than like a corpse.
Sorry, grandpa.

People all around our grandpa,
but no one can wake him.

As he rides the train,
things are happenin'.

His suit is quite old-fashioned,
his shoes are oversized.

Two guys drag him around,
but he's still a frozen stiff.

No one asks him,
where'd he like to go

against his will he
fell into a field...

Hey, this is the insurance
policy! - Give it back to him.

The best place to hide things is
in the pocket.

No one will look for it there,
especially not dad.

Can you count? Look! One, two,
three, four... Four zeroes, man!

Right. Then grand or a grand...
What's the difference?

Ten thousand Euro! - Lf we bury
him... I got it! - What?

The train! - What?!
- The train! - The train?!

Damn, the kid woke up!
- I can hear.

What is she doing
in the kitchen?

Damn that kid!
- Shut up...

Fuck...! Why don't you turn
the TV on, sweetie?

I'm afraid of being alone.

C'mon, get out of the room.
- No! What are you doing?

Well, nothing.
- Lf you're doing nothing,

can I do nothing with you?
- No you can't! - Why not?

Well not before you grow up...
- Why not now?

You just can't! Get out!

Sorry I yelled at you.

C'mon, let's go.

Ciao.

Call me when you come back!
- Yeah... Sure!

Your ID please! - Certainly.
Sweetie, hold this.

Mister, are you gonna beat him
now? - No. Did he deserve it?

You know how it is,
kid's birthday.

Yeah... Here, let me hold it.
- Here, I even have a ribbon.

Here you are. - Thank you.

Here you are, sweetie.
- Thank you so much.

Don't mention it.
- Good bye.

Hey sis, move over a little...

First of all I'm no "sister" of
yours... you scum.

Secondly, this is my seat,
I have a reservation.

That's quite alright madam,
but I would appreciate

if you could move your suitcase.
- No, I could not!

It might fall on someone!
- Well, I don't care.

It's certainly a bother for
this gentleman. Sir...

Yo, don't you wake up my
grandpa, I'll rip your head of!

Sorry, my brother is young
and rash.

What he wanted to say is that
our grandfather

has an uncommon disease and if
he were to wake up suddenly

his heart might stop. You
wouldn't want him to die?

Is this seat taken? Hello!
Did someone die here or what?

No, it's not taken. Sit down.
Hey, what a sweet little girl.

Hey, what are you doing,
sweetie? What's your name?

I won't tell you, baldy.

Whose trunk is this?
- The old bat's. - Madam's.

It's mine! What do you want?
- Why don't you put it aside.

It might fall on someone.
- Yes, I told her that too.

Shut up, skinny. I don't want
to move it and that's that!

But this man is sitting right
under it. Hey, sir... - No!!!

Look, bro, you're the only
one I didn't tell.

Don't try to wake him, even if
the compartment is on fire!

Why? - He has a condition.

He looks dead to me.

These gentlemen are
his grandsons.

I apologise.
- Never mind...

I know this guy from
somewhere.

Wha'?
- "What" yourself!

Will we ever get going?
- I guess.

Is this seat taken? - Yes,
it's this gentleman's seat.

No, please take it.

But I just wanted to leave my
bag... - So leave it.

What a flirt!

Shut up, old hag.
The girl looks great!

Thank God!

Let her sleep.
I'll just step outside.

Want a cigarette?
- No thank you.

Want to sit down?
- No, I'm fine like this.

Look, I can stand, no problem.
- Just you sit, Sir.

What is this "Sir" about.
I'm not that old.

Sorry, I was raised that way.

Look, let's get one thing
straight. You don't call me Sir,

and you can ask anything
you want from me.

Well, for a start... What's
your name? I'm Maya.

Hello, Maya.

You look like a mighty fine
girl. A country girl?

No, I'm from the city.

I guess you went to all the fine
schools? - You could say so.

And probably had piano lessons.
- No, I went to ballet.

Mhm, to ballet.

And where are you going,
if it's not too much to ask?

To Grainburg. - Really?
I'm going to Grainburg too.

Really? - Actually, we are
going to Grainburg.

My boyfriend is in
the army there.

I'm taking the kid
to the grandparents.

Your daughter? She's sweet.
- No, she's not my daughter.

Don't tell me she's your sister.
- She isn't my sister either.

It's a long story.
- Well, we have time.

Excuse me just a second.

Hey, bro, did they go away?
- They did.

And the girl?
- She's cool.

Tickets please!

Here. And for our granddad.

Hey, is there a snack-bar
on this train?

There is, two coaches back.
- Great!

Hey, where are you heading?
- To the bar.

And I'm supposed to watch over
grandpa, am I?

Well, if you don't mind.
- Hey, Mike!

You go off too.
We won't bother him.

Are you sure?
- Sure! - Thank you.

Come, sit here. Those two
won't be back soon.

Hey, fella, got any cognac?
- Naturally. - Two, then.

Two for him and two more for
me. So you decided to come.

You imbecile, I've come to stop
you from getting drunk.

Did you forget the what we are
supposed to do?

What are you lookin' at?

O.K. We'll have just one drink
and than we go back.

That guy with the kid...
I know him from somewhere.

I just can't remember
where from...

The guy with the kid.
- What guy?

Oh, I'm sorry Sir...
I mean, I'm sorry.

Your hand has gone numb?
- No way. Just you lie back...

I've had enough. Where are we?
- No idea.

We're just going straight.
It's all flat and boring.

What do you do in life, Maya?
- I study languages. And you?

Nothing... Actually I'm
in commerce.

Wanna get a cup of coffee?

I'm not hitting on you I just
hate to drink coffee alone.

Well, okay.
- Let's go.

Cheers!
- Yeah, cheers.

Hey, how is grandpa?
- O.K. He's asleep.

Asleep.
- Yes.

He didn't wake up, did he?
- No he didn't. - Good.

Shut up you stupid...
You're crazy! Cheers!

Cheers. - Cheers brother!
- Let me order.

How are we to make a toast
when you can't see a thing?

You wait a while, stupid.

Damn! What is wrong with
this train?

You stupid! You spilled it
all over me!

C'mon, another double cognac.

Fuck the double cognac,
look at me now!

You're ugly as hell, but I've
grown accustomed over the years.

Waiter!

Honest to God, I'm gonna kill
you one of these days! .

Didn't I tell you this suit case
was going to fall?

So what, It didn't kill anyone.

It did! It killed the old man.
Here, he's cold as ice!

My, he really seems dead.
What are we to do?

Children, you're not going to
say I'm responsible, are you?

No, I am! I told you five times
to move that suitcase.

But, I didn't know... - I knew!
That's why I warned you, I did!

Everyone knew, but you had to
be the wise one.

"I don't care!" What will you
do now, you stupid old bat?

Really, children, what are
we going to do now?

Not we! What will
YOU do now!

We are going to go out
and call the police.

Hey, that's the last thing
we're going to do.

Don't you even think of doing
that! And you too! Is that clear?

So, what do you suggest?

We can say that he woke up
suddenly when the train stopped

and that his heart stopped.
- That's really smart!

And when they discover he's
got a cracked skull? What then?

Then they'll think we hit him
or something!

Yeah, he's right. That would
be stupid, really stupid.

Let ME think a moment...
I want perfect silence.

Only we have to do something
quick, because those two

might be coming back
any moment now.

Silence! Listen what we will do.

We will just throw him out
of the compartment window.

What are you staring at? We'll
throw him out the window,

and we'll tell those two that he
went to the toilet.

Like the old man is senile,
and he can get easily lost.

And he can fall out of a train!
- Sonny, you are a true genius.

C'mon, you and I!
Grab him from the side.

Man, he sure is cold!

Hey, do corpses really get
cold this quickly?

Hold it... Turn him around.
Sideways! - What??

Oh, nothing. Are you ready?
- On the count of three.

One, two, threee!!!

And move that suitcase
this instant!

Sure! Why didn't you say so?

Hey, bro, wanna have another?
- Why?

'Cause it's nice, dammit.
- Yeah, let's not be stingy!

Waiter!

Maybe you'd like a drink?
- No, thank you.

We should be getting back.
- Why, is something wrong?

No, but if your little girl
wakes she might get scared.

Oh, yeah...
See you gentlemen!

Mind our grandpa.

If he wakes up, tell him
we'll be back soon.

We'll just have one more drink.
- Alright.

Tell grandpa we're coming
in five minutes.

I swear I know that guy from
somewhere. - Where from?

I just do!

Where have you been,
you lovers?

Where's the old man?
- Who? - Don't play dumb.

That old guy that was sitting
there in that horrible suit.

The one in the purple suit?

It's not like there were
fifty people here!

What's wrong with you?
- He stepped outside.

To the toilet, I guess.

I'll be right out!
- It's alright, no rush.

Officer, I've found something
in the pocket.

Someone must have slipped it
on me while I was sleeping.

Look, heroin! Half a kilo.
That's 10 years.

Must have been the guy with
the big nose.

He was suspicious right
from the start.

C'mon Anna, we're here.
C'mon wake up.

Are we there already?
- Already! C'mon.

Aren't you going to Grainburg?
- Well, no.

Actually I have to get
something done here.

So, I hope we meet again back
in town. Ciao!

Look at those two.
They're in a rush!

Mike, my brother, that's fishy!
Let's go check the compartment.

He's gone!!!

Where's grandpa?
- What?

Where is our grandpa?
- His gone, son.

Gone where?! What do you mean
gone?! - Gone.

Walked out. He didn't fly out.
He has no wings!

Hold it, Mike I'll settle this!
Where did you say he went?

To the toilet, he had to pee.
- He really had to pee?

Well, yes. - Really?
- He couldn't hold it any more...

And all of you saw this? Him
getting up and walking out. -Yes.

I'll kill every last one of you!
Where's my grandpa?! Where is he?

Who?
- Well, no one.

You don't understand me.
Where is who? - Grandpa.

Our Grandpa.
- What's with him?

Nothing... It seems he's...
- Gone to the toilet. - Yes.

What does he
look like?

Well... A fine elderly
gentleman in a purple suit.

A purple suit?
- Yes. - Like a faggot?

What are you saying.
Our granddad was no faggot.

Sure. I saw him a while ago.
Couldn't miss him. Very funny.

Yeah. My partner and I passed
by the toilet just now.

He wasn't there. So, he's
disappeared. - It seems so.

Was he senile?
- He was. Quite old.

Senile and clumsy,
blundering so to say.

He wouldn't have fallen off
the train? - He did.

He did.
- Right. Yes!

They're all suspicious to me.

Who's on patrol?
- Jerry Shaft.

Call Jerry and tell him to
check along the railroad.

And you, let me se some ID.
- Officer why?

Sir, we have nothing to do
with this. - Get it ready.

Look Poirot, what is there
to check?

First of all my name is Tom.
Now give me your ID.

The little girl. They must have
swapped my bag.

And where's this little girl?

Well I don't know,
they've just gone out.

Go after them, then! You expect
me to chase after your bag?

Jerry, come in, over...

Are you in a rush?

Well, it's not like we don't
trust the Police,

but we'd prefer to find our
grandpa on our own.

He's our blood, you know.
- As far as I'm concerned,

I have no objections. Only out
there it's the wasteland.

Right, right. - Jerry, where
are you? Come in!

Have you any idea how long
I've been calling you?

Zak, when you're finished there,
check this guy our for me

on the radio. I have a feeling
I've seen him on an APB.

Jerry here, come in. Jerry Shaft.
Hey Zak, what's going on?

What? A purple suit?
Like a fag?

I said "like a fag"!
O. K, right... Say hello to Tom.

What was that?
Fell out of a train?

No sweat, I'll pick up that fag
for you, I mean that old man...

Don't you worry! No problem,
you hear?

I've been bored stiff
here anyway.

Yeah and you gotta see the
cabbage this year... Great.

Well, as soon as I run into
him... No problem. Over.

What are you doing there,
goddamn you!

Hey, mister...!

Elmer this time you're in
it deep!!! Elmer, you fool.

Why the fuck did you have to
climb over my electric fence.

In that fag suit too!

Now I'll go to jail 'cause I
just tried to protect my field.

Mary, I'm gonna make you pay
for this! Mary!!!

Elmer, don't!

Mary, wasn't it you that made me
put in the electric fence.

Goddam you! What am I to do
with his guy now?

You tell him now that
the voltage

"isn't high and that is merely
stings a little". Tell him!

"You died by mistake, it was
an accident." Accidents happen.

Elmer, don't!
- Elmer, your wife is a fool

and you're even more of a fool
for listening to her.

Our neighbor Stanley put
in the electric fence,

so we had to put an electric
fence too! Stanley... Right!

Mary! Grab him by the feet.

What are you going to
do with him now?

Fuck it, Mary, I'll throw
him over to Stanley's!

He's got the electric fence,
hasn't he?

He could have died on his fence?
Sure he could have.

Let HIM go to jail!

He was the first to came up with
the idea of the electric fence.

C'mon Mary!

You and your great plans!
Where's grandpa now?

Are you sure he was dead?
- Are you stupid or something?

I saw everything, They cut him
up like a turkey!

Then I really don't understand
those people in the compartment.

Are they crazy or what?

Let's catch up with them and
beat them all up!

Keep looking, we have to find
grandpa, you stupid. - Where?!

And how could a dead man
disappear from the compartment?

Well, I really don't know.

Still, that guy with
the little girl stinks.

He was the first to rush
out of the train!

Well, let's beat up on him!
- We won't beat up on anyone,

but we could find him though...
And ask him a couple of questions.

Where did he disappear in
such a small station?

There, no one tried to
get in! See?

You never know, I prefer
you standing watch.

So where's that grandpa now?
- I know. They threw him out.

Don't talk nonsense.
You must have dreamt it.

I didn't. I saw it!
- Hold it.

Why would anyone throw out
of a train a fine old gentleman.

Did he do something to them?
- He did. - And what was that?

Nothing. He just died.

Why didn't you tell me that
right away? - You didn't ask me.

You're right.
Let's find that old man!

Hey, Elmer! - Stanley!
What brings you here?

I was just strolling through my
field. What are you doing?

Nothing... Mary and I were
carrying this poor man.

He fell you know... - He fell
onto your electric fence, right?

How did you guess? - How?
I saw you take him off it.

Well, yeah...

So you were thinkin' of popping
him over here on my fence,

to make it look like it was
my fault. - Stanley!?!

Mary, did you hear what he
just said?

You must be out of you mind...
- I'm not out of my mind,

I just heard you making
the plan.

You heard wrong, Stanley.
I would never dream of...

You'd slip this guy over
to your own mother,

if she were still alive,
that is.

Let's try not to be offensive,
Stanley. - Let's not.

In that case,
I'll go call the police.

Please don't Stanley!
I beg of you!

So, what are we to do then?
- Yes, what are we to do?

Speak up, Stanley...
What is it you're asking?

I want to correct that false
border between our farms.

You stole it when you got
the surveyor drunk.

That's a lie Stanley,
those are my 8 square rods.

Yours? - Mine!
- Oh, alright...

Hold it Stanley,
where are you going!

If we throw it over into
your field

who will the police believe?

Don't kid yourself. They have
ways of finding things out.

They'll check your hands, your
legs, everything on you...

And prove that you two
carried him. So...

Honest to God?
- Listen...

You know I always watch those
police show on TV

and believe you me they're
making great progress! - Elmer.

O.K. You'll get those eight
square rods,

may you choke on them.

But now tell me what should
I do with him?

How do I know that you will
not cheat me out again?

I swear on my children.
- And you?

Okay, you grab him by the
shoulders,

and I'll grab his feet. Your
wife can go prepare the deed.

C'mon Mary, jump to it!

Let's go.

Listen, Stanley...
- What?

You don't have an electric
fence... - I don't...

So, you tricked us. - You're not
thinking of cheating me out?

No, I gave you my word.

Where are you going?
- Me? Nowhere.

What do you mean nowhere?
- Nowhere.

I'm taking the girl to
her grandparents,

and no one was there to meet
us at the station.

I have to manage somehow.

Is this your car? - No it's not.
- In that case, get lost.

Where's grandpa? - So, you're
looking for the old man? - Yes.

I'll break your neck if you
don't tell us

where grandpa is right away!
- What do I have to do with him?

Why should I be interested in
him? - I don't know.

Hold it... Why did you run out
of the train

just when our grandpa
disappeared?

I'm avoiding the cops,
and as far as I could see

you don't like them much either.
- Not a bit, man!

So, are you two really as
stupid as you look?

What do I have to do with your
grandpa? - Well nothing, really.

Wasn't I in the bar with
that chick?

Wasn't I having drinks with her
right behind you two?

How could I have done
anything to your granddad?

You got a point there...
You couldn't have.

There you see! The man is right.
So, what's the plan now, genius?

Where are we to look for grandpa
now? Why did we bother the man?

Hey man, sorry.
- No problem.

Fuck... So he looked suspicious!

You jerk!
- You're a jerk, you imbecile.

When I only think I asked mom
for a little brother,

and not a sister I feel like
ripping my tongue out!

You know so many things!

You have to. When you grow
up, I'll teach you too. - Yeah!

There! Just perfect!

Thank God. I was afraid no one
would ever come by.

Did you notice he's
missing a shoe?

Screw the shoe,
mind your life!

What are you doing?
- We don't have time.

We're looking for an
old man, dearie.

I want us to pick her up.
- No, we're not! - Stop!

I will not and you can't
make me!

Alright, alright.

Where to, miss?
- Grainburg.

That's in the opposite
direction.

Wrong, I asked around. Anyway,
that's where we came from.

Get in.

That's where we came from,
now you're going the wrong way.

No, it's a short cut.
The road is better.

You asked around too?
- Sure. Why would I lie to you?

When you were a kid, I did
torture you

and threw darts at you after
I watched Robin Hood.

And I tied you up in
the basement

and did all sorts of
things to you...

And you spat in my face
like a real sadist,

and used to tie me up with
the clothes line

and poked me with the
school compass.

Do you remember what you did to
me when "Treasure Island"

was on TV? - I really overdid
it then. - You sure did.

Well, I didn't torture you
enough, asshole!

If I only knew what moron you're
going to grow up to be,

I would have tortured you even
more! - You're an imbecile!

Just think what our father will
do to us when we show up!

That's what I've been thinkin'
about all the time.

Are you sure?
How do you know that?

Through the window I saw that
funny house over there.

Hello!
- Good day.

Are you from around here? - I am.
- Let me ask you something.

Have you seen an old man, rather
short, wearing a purple suit?

Wearing a purple suit?
- Yes. - No I haven't.

Think about it better.
- No, I haven't.

Maybe Elmer
saw him. Elmer!

Stanley, I found it.
- Come over here.

Here is the shoe! - Throw away
the shoe, come over here.

What shoe? - Well, his boy came
back from school without a shoe.

So the two of you came out here
to look for it. - Nah...

The man is asking whether we
saw an old man.

An old man? No we didn't.
- Watch it!

Watch that, please. Now I
remembered, I did see an old man.

Where?
- He went away.

What? He just got up and left?
- No. He hitched a ride.

I didn't see any car coming from
that direction. -A freezer truck.

He hitched a ride on a freezer
truck. - You mean that old man?

You get four dozen old men
passing by every day?

He didn't have a strange suit,
rather pinkish.

And did he look happy? - The old
man was like a spinning top.

He got in and waved from the
car... - From the freezer truck.

...from the freezer! He was
waving. And what's he to you?

He's, my grandpa. - My cond...
well, good luck! - Goodbye!

Let's go for a drink.
- And the shoe?

Well, we will ditch the shoe
somewhere along the road.

Stanley, you're a genius!
Everybody'll think that...

They will say he ran over
the old man

and stashed him in the
freezer... Tough luck!

I'll buy drinks.

So, where are you going now?

To Grainburg. Where else?
I'm taking you to the garrison.

And the shortcut?
- Forget that.

The farmers told me we'll
get there faster this way.

Sorry for meddling,
but farmers are farmers.

And those two looked very
suspicious to me. - So what?

How do you know they
didn't trick you?

And, why would a trick me?
- Farmers like doing that.

Good day.
- Hello.

License and registration,
please. - What for?

You have made a traffic
infraction.

You were driving 73 in a
60 zone... - Where does it say so?

There is the speed limit sign
two kilometers back.

Dear colleague, I have to say
I've been driving through here

often and there is no sign.
- First of all

we are no colleagues, secondly
license and registration...

My dear colleague, I travel
through here often

and there is no sign.
- All right,

step out of the vehicle and
open the back.

What for?

Well, alright. - Let's go!
- All right.

Listen, on your way here, you
didn't happen to see an old man

in a purple suit, fag-like,
you know. - No I didn't.

How much was I doing? Here
take it. - No, I can't!

Go on, take it.
- Well, alright.

But you must know, that you look
mighty suspicious to me.

The old man you're looking for,
is he for a funeral...

I mean is he a criminal? - That's
confidential information.

I have to go. - You really
didn't see anyone?

No, I didn't, honest.
- I'm glad to hear that.

So long.

You're a real buddy. It's rare
to meet someone like you.

Listen, don't you need a receipt
for your company? - No, receipt.

Great! Go on, drive safely.
- So long.

Let's have another one.
This one is on me.

Did Mary get those papers
ready?

Did you happen to see...
- We didn't.

How do you know you didn't, when
you didn't hear his question?

Well, we just didn't.

Why don't you hear the
man out first?

Well, alright but make it
quick. We're kinda busy.

You didn't happen to see an old
man, wearing a purple suit?

Here, this is his shoe.

And what are you to him?
- Grandsons.

How many of you did he have?

Stop fooling around with us.
Just answer the man.

Take it easy. He did not see
him. I did. - And?

Well, he managed to catch a ride
on a freezer truck and left.

What did you say? - He hitched
a ride on a truck and left.

What did he do? - Just like
that? Put his thumb up?

Yeah, up. Up and left. - And you
saw it with your own eyes?

Look, brother, I think these two
hicks are putting us on.

So why don't you sit down and
have a cold beer,

and you can sit and watch me
beat the shit out to them,

so we can see if they will
change the tune.

I would very much appreciate
watching a little violence live,

but listen, we are already
in deep shit, we have to go.

There is no point in beating
them up. - Please!

Get the move on.
- Just a little! - Move it.

Just a punch or two.
- C'mon let's go.

You shouldn't be lying!
That's shameful at your age.

It's not nice to laugh at
someone else's troubles.

Get it?

You got your share too.
- I did.

Serves you right. It's not fair
that only I should get it.

You lied, I didn't.
- So did you.

That's why I got my share. - You
did... Let's have another drink.

Yeah, let's.

And so the famous private
detective Cockney Cole,

dressed as a freezer truck
driver, continued his trip.

He was haunted by the shocking
revelation

that there was a corpse
in his truck.

A dead Caucasian male,
nicely dressed.

Which indicated that this was
the doing of the Russian Mafia

or some other national
non-government

humanitarian organization.

What can I do with him?

Watching his boxing gloves,
which reminding him

off his youth and championship
titles...

detective Cockney Cole
came up with a solution!

We'll dump the stinker
from a cliff.

"What fucking cliff,
it's all flat here" -

mumbled the stupid
detective Cockney Cole...

Hello! It's an automatic?

Hey, why don't you let me
check your board computer.

You know, if it lets you down in
the middle of this wasteland,

you're done for. C'mon step out,
have yourself a cold drink.

Bob, let's check
this computer out...

Stop!

As Cockney Cole and our suffering
nation would say,

"Wheat fields, you are
our black gold."

Hey, a policeman! He can sure
tell us the way.

Stop and we'll ask him.

Good day.

License and registration,
please.

Excuse me, is this the road
to Grainburg?

No, this road goes to Greentown.

You had a turn about
a kilometer back.

License and registration. Step
out of the vehicle please.

Colleague, I'm major Gabriel,
state security.

Please don't salute. The two of
them must not know.

Have you seen a freezer truck
pass by?

Yes, just about ten minutes ago.
Headed that way.

Damn, I should have stopped it!
- No, on the contrary.

So, it went that way?
- Yes, yes...

The driver looked suspicious to
me right from the start.

Don't mention this to anyone,
not even to your superiors.

At least not for some time.
- Highly confidential?

Affirmative.

So, Grainburg is that way?
The road is shorter this way?

Just go straight.
- You are a fine man.

What a funny policeman. First he
says that we have to turn,

then he tells us go straight.
- He said it's that way.

Such a young man,
and already a major.

And so the detective Cockney
Cole solved the case

of the frozen private eye,

which implies that his colleague
was frozen...

Which further implies that
he could have been frozen

in the freezer truck alone.
Which further implies

that detective Cockney Cole
failed to notice this,

and this further implies that
the said detective is a...

degenerate.

Give me your video-club
membership card quick!

You're not going to...
- No, you are. Watch and learn.

Excuse me, colleague, we are
from the Agency...

Have you maybe seen...
- A freezer truck?

Yes, it passed by a little
while ago. - This one is psychic!

How did you know that we're
looking for... - A freezer? - Yes.

One of your fellows asked me the
same thing ten minutes ago.

So, it passed by here? - Yes,
just go straight, straight...

Right, thank you.

By the way, colleague, is the
situation normal around here?

Hello, central.
This is Jerry.

Jerry Shaft! Did anyone from the
government agency call you guys?

Is there some secret operation
going on here?

Well, yeah... If it's secret why
would anyone tell us. Right...

I apologize... Over and out.

With our luck, the INTERPOL
is after that freezer truck.

That should not interest us...

We're just going to pick up
grandpa. - You're right.

I think I'd make a good
unit commander!

Where the hell is it now?
- Who? C'mon, tell me.

Hey, guys I need to poop.
- Go and poop.

I can't I'm afraid.
- Afraid of what?

I don't know.
- Go on with the kid.

Women!

My, my, as if he were alive.

But he didn't thaw!

Are you okay now, darling?
- Now it's super!

What are you waiting for?
- Why, are you in a rush?

Sort of...

Are you looking for a freezer
truck? - How do you know?

Female intuition. And why are
you looking for it?

It's a long story.

I guess it's time for me
to hear this story.

Maybe some other time.

Only if you swear that you will
explain why we got off the train

and why we are now roaming
this plain... - And?

And if you swear that this
time you will tell me the truth

for a change...
- Then you will do what?

I will tell you where the
freezer truck is. - I swear.

On your mother's life!
- On my mother's life...

And don't keep your fingers
crossed. - I am not! Damn!

I swear on my mother's life.
Where is the freezer truck?

So, he got lost too!
C'mon, get in.

The story!
- What?

You swore!
- Oh, that! Later...

Grandpa... Lookin' good.
Real good.

Listen, grandpa, now I have to
go and find a place

where I can dump you...

So if anyone comes and asks
about Norman or Cockney Cole,

whatever... You just act like
you're frozen stiff, get it?

Here's grandpa. Maya, come
over and help me! - What?

C'mon, help me get him off the
truck... - You can't do it alone?

I guess I can't.

Hello... God, he's cold!
- Well... old age, poor health...

Yeah, but he isn't
even breathing.

He's only unconscious.

Ouch!

I think you owe me
an explanation!

What are we doing exactly?

Secret assignment, State
security. This man is the key.

You can't be a cop!
- Well, yeah...

Too bad!
I kinda started to like you.

Hey, bro, if we keep going
like this,

we'll get across the border.
- Is it possible

that you can't keep your mouth
shut for two minutes? - No way.

Grandpa, grandpa...
Like in a bad crime film!

The body is missing, and the
plot only started to thicken...

Grandpa!
Where are you?

Never mind... Like
Willy Van der Paksho said,

"the scratchy ass will
need fingers".

I can see dad looking
at the clock.

And getting very nervous.

There it is!

C'mon, get out! Move it!

Where's grandpa?

Grandpa, what grandpa?
- Grandpa!

My grandpa! Where's my
grandpa? Our grandpa!

Where's our grandpa?
- Are you fuckin' with me?

I'm not! Honest to God!
- Goddam you! Asshole!

Hold on a minute, Mike.
Hold it.

Lay off me, fatso!

Now we're going to do it
nice and easy. - We are.

Good day. - Good day. Grandpa?
- What grandpa?

An old man in a purple suit.
Where is he?

Speak! I'll get you and your fat
momma! I'll cut up your momma!!!

I like your style.
It's so civilized!

Grandpa! Grandpa...
purple suit... get it?

Oh, grandpa. THAT grandpa?
- That grandpa.

Why didn't you say so!
- Is everyone here crazy

or is it just a bunch of old
men strolling in the fields

and riding in freezer trucks?
- No, no, no...

I just gave a ride to your
granddad. He asked me nicely.

And? - I gave him a lift to
the forest. - Really? - I did.

He asked you for a lift?
- Very politely.

Then he got out and started to
walk. - He got out for a walk?

Yeah, to the forest.

You didn't get to talk on
the way? - We did.

You did...? So what did
grandpa say?

Well, things. Old folk
are all alike.

Did he tell you how is it to
be dead? - He didn't.

Too bad. It will come in handy!

Calm down, my brother is
a little crazy,

but he can't help it...
Runs in the family.

When I was a kid,
everyone called me Crazy.

They did.
- But he doesn't look it.

Well, I'll tell you how
it happened.

I was driving my freezer truck,
and I get stopped by a cop.

So, he tells me to show him
what I have in the back...

So I open up the back of the
freezer and see a dead man.

Your grandpa.

How did grandpa get in there?
- I really don't know. Honest.

So, I see grandpa right away
and I realize,

this is gonna get me a long
stretch in the cooler.

So I stopped to get rid of him,
dump him, stash him and run.

So I go out to look for a good
place, I come back,

and he's gone! -Stop shitting us!
He got off to stretch his legs?

He was gone, I swear!

If you two hadn't shown up,
I would have gone crazy!

Okay, tell me where is that
place you wanted to dump him at?

What place? - Where you wanted
to dump him. - Up, there!

Mike, C'mon let's go look
for grandpa.

And can I go?
- You can. Hold it.

It's not that I don't
believe you,

but just in case you lied
to us,

I'll let Mike work you
over a little more.

No offense meant.
You understand.

It will also do him good
to let of steam!

Maya, come out a moment.
- Why?

So I can slit your throat,
rape you,

burn you with gasoline and bury
you in the forest. - Okay!

What is it you wanted?

Never mind, you don't have to
tell me if you don't want to.

I have, damn it! I can't lie
to you any more.

I've been lying all my life.

Tin Man, that's what they
call me,

'cause I don't have a heart like
the woodcutter in Wizard of Oz.

I've seen the movie.

You'll despise me after this.
- I won't.

You will.
- Okay, I will.

You see, I'm a...
You'll despise me...

Go on, say it already!

Say something, damn it!

What, is that the only problem?
- Only?! Crazy Ronny is "only"?!

So what? We go back, we find
the dope and we split.

Where do I find it?

He should kill me!
I'm a criminal.

My trade is human suffering.
- Well, everybody has a job.

I know, but I'm a bad man.
- Bullshit!

I mean, you're taking care
of the kid.

You could have gotten rid
of her easily,

and instead you picked me
up too. - Man, this is stupid.

I'm telling you that I'm bad
and you keep telling me I'm not.

Listen. You think too much.

What you need is a rational
female brain

to get you out of this shit.
- Meaning what?

Meaning that I'm taking over
the command.

First we're gonna return
grandpa. - Where?

To the cemetery. That's where
he should be, right?

We'll spare the relatives
the transportation expenses.

And your boyfriend in the army?

Look, I wouldn't pass this sort
of adventure

for anything in the world! Let's
head for the cemetery. - Jawohl!

It's dark.
- It is.

No trace of grandpa.
- None.

We're screwed!
- You're right.

Fuck...
- Yeah, fuck...

Hey genius!
- Fuck you, asshole!

Genius, I just wanted to
ask you...

Shut the fuck up, will you!

Stop breaching my
civil rights!

What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Screw you! Stop hitting me!

Noooow, I remembered who the guy
in the train was!

He's a dealer for Ronny.
- Who is?

The guy with the kid! - What does
he do? - He pushes dope.

He stole grandpa to cut him open
and smuggle dope inside him!

Let's go!

He ain't gonna use my grandpa
for smuggling.

Let's celebrate.
- What are we to celebrate?

My new eight square rods.
- Hey, yeah. I nearly forgot.

Don't you forget that!

Did you see those two? And who
the hell was that grandpa!

Forget it! Good thing we
got rid of them.

You're right. Let them chase the
guy in the freezer truck.

That's their problem.
- The tall one hits really hard.

He should be ashamed...
Beating on older people...

Completely innocent.

Well, cheers.

Station commander, major
Jerry... Shaft.

Doesn't sound bad at all!

Hey, look at this!

Here they already know
he's dead.

It says: "After a long
and consuming illness..."

But he was alive today!

Hold it! Could it be? Now
I understand everything.

You mean...?

I'll explain it to you later.
Let's put him in the casket.

That's the only explanation.
- But why did everyone lie?

No one wants to have anything
to do with a dead man,

and particularly not with the
police. - Poor grandpa.

Poor me! Where am I to
find the dope now?

Is it a small packet? - Yes
sweetie, a little packet.

A man took it.
- Which man?

The one without any hair.
- The bald one?

On the count of three.
- Yes.

Why didn't you tell me
right away?

You didn't ask me. - I know!
The traveling salesman.

The one that sat opposite.
He went to Grainburg.

How do you know? Someone's
gonna get it for this!

No! I have a plan. We agreed
that I'm in command now.

Aye, aye!

So, you're here! And when they
were beating me up,

you weren't around. Look what
they've done to me.

I get it... - First thing...
- Where's grandpa?

Second thing...
- I mustn't lie to you.

Third thing...

I mustn't lie to you when I tell
you where's grandpa.

So, where's grandpa?
- I don't know!

But you posture clearly
indicates that you are ready

to hit someone. Since I'm the
only one here, that would be me.

And that gives me the strength
to continue.

They were two degenerates...

Where are those two?
- I don't know, but...

So, you always preferred older
men? - Well, yes.

I mean, at school I had some
problems because of it.

You know, the classmates full
of acne,

and always ready to shoot their
mouth off. - Well yes...

But their fathers,
and the professors...

I always liked mature men, with
a bit of gray hair,

or thin hair... Sorry!
- Never mind...

You know, I've heard it's
a hormonal thing.

I mean men with plenty of
male hormones,

the manly types, they loose
their hair faster.

Well, probably. Actually, you're
right. It is so!

That would mean that they
make better lovers, true men!

Not those faggots with hair.

I always say that,
but no one believes me.

Waiter! Two more cocktails.

You see, I don't drink,
but here I'm a little Ionely.

Really? I feel Ionely too.

I have to confess, I noticed
you back at the train.

I realized you were looking
at me! - Really?

Damn!

A real maniac! A D-cup!

Well, Simon...

Thank you for these wonderful
two hours and 22 minutes!

Now I have to go to bed!
I get up early in the morning!

Hold it, wait! Stay for just
one more drink.

Oh, no, really. - Forget it.
Simon here isn't naive.

"No, no" but you really
do want!

You're not gonna try
to rape me?

No... But you can't imagine
what a good fuck I am!

Stop playing games and teasing.

I guess I will never know
what I missed.

Good night and so long.
- Come back here!

I said, so long!

Where were you?! He could
have raped me! - No chance!

I thought you were
an innocent girl

and you're into martial arts!
Where did you learn that.

In ballet classes?

In solfeggio! Did you find
the dope?

The maniac is hiding it
somewhere... In the shoes!

Where's the heroin?
- Where?! - I don't know.

You don't know, but you managed
to throw grandpa off the train.

Where's the package you
snatched from him?

Some whore took the package.
- Gimme a coat hanger.

What are you doing here? Didn't
I tell you to stay downstairs?

I was bored, and some people
were looking for you.

What people?

Us!

My, my it's the whole group
from the train!

Now we're gonna get
some explanations!

And there's some beating
to be done!

What's up, baby?
- Where's our grandpa?

Look guys, you're looking
for your grandpa.

You don't have to thank me,
your grandpa is...

I'd like to know that too!
Where's this grandpa.

Who is he? What the hell
is happening here?!

Look, colleague... - You're no
colleague of mine, you jerk!

What kind of a moron do
you think I am?

I checked up on all of you.

This is much nicer
and more elegant.

Now let's all take a stroll
down to the station

and we'll clear everything
out there. C'mon!

Are you arresting us?

I'm taking you out for
a drink! Move it!

Look, he's got nothing on us.
They don't stand a chance.

Even cops don't take this guy
seriously.

They realize he's a fool.

You seem to have a lot of
experience in the matter.

You sound like you got
through law school.

When we get out of here,
unless we kill you on the spot,

you can get a job with our
company as a lawyer!

Get out of here, you stinker!

Now, where's the fuckin'
grandpa?

Don't talk about grandpa
like that, you moron.

Look as far as grandpa is
concerned, it's all finished.

We took him to the cemetery

and all you have to do is
to get him buried. - No shit?

Wha'? - Seriously. The two
of them can confirm it.

We owe you one for this.
You're a real pal.

Though you were the most
suspicious at the beginning.

Actually, this one here is to
blame, this bald stinker.

Goddamn you!

Man, am I gonna kick your but
when we get out!

Don't Mike. We have to get to
the cemetery in time.

We gotta get changed!
- But we're under arrest!

Watch me!

Ladies and gentlemen, we are in
a rush, so good bye.

It was nice meeting you.
I wish you the best of things.

Hey, wait for me!

What a police station! Everyone
gets in and out as they please.

Shall we?

Down from the second floor?
No, thanks.

May I?
- Sure...

If someone had told me...!

If someone had told me I'd fall
in love in a police station,

I wouldn't have believed him.
Do you come here often?

It's my first time here.

Thank you...

What about your boyfriend?

Screw the boyfriend,
what about the dope?

Screw the dope,
love is important!

What are you yelling for,
you made me jump!

The deceased is here.
- We know he's here.

Thank God he is! We gotta get
dressed quickly,

the relatives are about
to arrive.

I don't think this is a proper
place for that...

Shut up, or I'll set my
brother on you!

Get lost. Here, take
a necktie.

Where did you get
such awful ties?

Pat the Jailbird gave
them to me.

Pat the Jailbird? - Yes...
- Well, if he gave them to you...

He told me they're the
latest fashion...

I told you! No body, no case!

Where do we go now?
- Now?

You two get in the car, I have
something to finish up.

Then I'll take you out.

Hey, Eight ball, aren't
you ashamed of yourself?

First you throw a man off
a train

and then you pick
his pocket too!

You wouldn't dare beat me up

here in front of the police
station, would you?

Would you like us to go over
to the public library?

Just joking. Why would
I pick on you?

Where is his shoe?

How would I know, I threw it
away somewhere.

Where did you throw it away?

I don't remember.
Somewhere along the road.

We can't bury grandpa without
a shoe, you idiot!

He doesn't need shoes
now anyway.

Get your shoes off!
- My shoes?

Not mine, for sure! Get
them off! - No way, man!

Is that so?

You're a dead man!

Would you like some potato
chips? - I want a big one!

Here you are.

I want some to!

Let the kid enjoy her chips.
- Hey, it's a big bag!

Where were you?! I was
looking for you for days!

Are you crazy or what?

Anna, let's go, sweetie.
- I don't want to!

Honey, mommy's here.
C'mon, let's go.

I'm sorry Anna, you have to.

Let's go, child.

They should take her away
from you!

Why don't you go to the cops
and report me? Tell them:

"She's a drug addict, I know
that, 'cause I'm her dealer."

Get lost, freak!

By the way, I almost forgot.

Do you know who has been looking
for you lately? Ronny!

That means you're an ex dealer...
And an ex-living person.

Ciao Anna.

Anna... look what mommy
brought you.

Where did you get it?

From a bald guy that tried to
hit on me at the hotel.

And what's inside?

No idea. Judging by the
wrapping, its something for kids.

So, there you are! Where's
your grandfather? - He's here, dad.

Where else would he be?
- Here's grandpa, dad.

First a slap 'cause you're
grinning and your grandpa died.

You'll get more because you
shamed me like no one ever did!

Why, dad?
- What do you mean, dad?

What do I mean?!
I took out all our relatives

to the train station,
to kill some time!

We had nothing better to do
than to hang around

there for three hours waiting
for you two imbeciles!

And them we were waiting
for you here!

What did I do to deserve you
two morons for sons...!

Asshole, that's no way to behave
in front of my dead father...

you motherfucker you!
- Honey, please.

I told you a hundred times

not to hit me in front
of the children.

And you two ought to be ashamed!
You're big boys now...

And yet you show no respect to
my dead father, your grandfather?

Hell, you're as bad
as your father!

You want all these
rotten relatives

to laugh behind your back...
Is that what you want?

Woe!!! My dear papa.

Why did you leave me
so suddenly...!!!

Aha!
I got you now!

What is the matter?

Here's the body!
Well, ladies and gentlemen...

What do you want?

As of this moment you are
all under arrest.

Follow me! Move it!

C'mon, get moving! Evacuate the
premises! Faster!

Regroup over there!
Snap to it.

Faster!

There are so many of you!

And you too father!
You're particularly suspicious!

I wonder which organization
you belong to!

So, it's you I've been
waiting for!

Well, I couldn't make
the appointment myself.

I unloaded some golden trinkets.

I'm on my way to pick up
some dough from a man. - And?

Well, I thought you could give
me just a half,

to pull myself together.

Hey, if you don't trust me,
I'll leave the kid with you

until I come back with the
dough. I'll bring it all,

even what I owe you
from before.

Okay, here's a quarter...

Come back soon or the kid will
get old quick.

Sure I'm coming back, I'm
her mother, aren't I?

Scram!

Thanks.

Let's go to the seaside.
I got a friend down there.

Perfect! But I don't have
a swimming suit.

What do you need one?
- And the money?

Now that there's no dope,
there's no money.

Screw the money!

Hi guys!

Look at this! You ran away or
something? - I did not.

She pawned you again?
- I'm coming with you.

No way! Who is gonna look after
you? Out of the question!

And if I give you this?

What a genius! Bravo.
Where did you get this?

Mommy gave me. She got it from
that man without any hair.

You know what...! We must make
a kid like this pronto!

You already have me!

We're taking you to your
grandparents and that's final!

Then I won't give you
the packet.

She's a blackmailer now! - She
deserves to go to the sea.

That's kidnapping.
Ten years minimum.

With my previous record,
I'd get at least twenty!

Take her, please.

Out of the question! Gimme that!
Don't make me use force!

Give it!

You little worm!

Silence! Silence, all of you!

Who brought you here?
- I did!

On what grounds, may I ask?
- They were burying a corpse.

Come over here.

Boss, this is no ordinary corpse.
The INTERPOL is looking for it!

Really?

What INTERPOL are you talking
about, you hoodlum?

No INTERPOL is looking for
my father-in-law.

He was a fine and honest man!
- To the office! - Yessir!

Darling, you go straight
to the cemetery!

And the rest of you... aren't
you shamed of yourselves?

My poor father had probably been
buried three times by now!

How come there's no one
at the funeral?

Maybe he was a scrooge.

The insurance policy!!!

This isn't funny.
- It isn't funny?

What do you mean it isn't
funny buddy...?

Do you know what
happened to me?

I was off with my freezer
truck... Okay, it isn't funny...

Why did you do that for?

Well... It makes the crops
grow taller. - And Ronny?

Here, read this.

"Crime lord killed..."

That's him?

I guess there is a God!

Now you're my mommy
and daddy.

Where did you pop up from?

You can't leave her now here in
the middle of nowhere.

We have a deal? You're my
new mom and dad!

I don't know, sunshine,
maybe we are.

Just what I needed. You two!
Sit back. Let's sing!

"The little train started
across the fields

the little train left at
the break of dawn.

That little train that leaves
choo-choo clouds behind.

And in the fields there's
always some cow amazed to see

that little train pass and leave
choo-choo clouds behind. "

Now it's riding across
a flowery meadow

where the sweet smell
covers all.

To let the flowers know
its joy

the little train leaves
choo-choo clouds behind. "

Once I'll head across
the fields

and leave at the
break of dawn.

I'll get on the little
train that leaves

choo-choo clouds of smoke...

Why do I have to dig,

while you're standing there
like a jerk?

You imbecile! Because we have
only one shovel,

and I have to keep watch!
- I always do all the work!

I'm the older one and
therefore smarter.

You are junior and
therefore a moron!

You're a moron!

You forgot the insurance policy
in grandpa's pocket!

You've been getting on my nerves
all my life! Dig!

Whenever you don't know
what to say,

you either hit me or yell at me.
- So what?

Either this or that.

Well, I won't stand for it any
more. I'm no slave of yours!

You won't?
- No!

You won't?
- No! - Okay.

Good.
- Fine.

And now what?
- Nothing.

What do you mean nothing?
Who's gonna dig this?

Who do you think?

You're a moron by definition
so you have to dig!

See, now I've hurt my
hand because of you.

Look what you're doing to me!
- Sorry.

Sorry my foot!
Sorry isn't enough.

You think you can just say sorry
and that's it? - Sorry, man.

You never wonder how I feel.
You get on my nerves;

I have to hit you and
that hurts.

It hurts me deep down inside,

but I have to hit you 'cause
you're a real moron! - I'm sorry.

Go apologize to your momma!

You talk too much.
No, really!

THE END