Frownland (2007) - full transcript
About a door-to-door coupon salesman who eats popcorn & eggs off the folded-out-door of his kitchen oven.
Hello?
Ok I'll be right down just...
Um...
You know, um...
You know...
It's important...
It's important to know that...
When, you know when I was, when I was, um...
When I was... when I... when I was a kid.
I mean I guess because I...
I really, I never really...
You know I... I never really...
I never, I never, I never really...
You know, um.
I never really
I never really
You know, cry...
Just cause it wasn't...
Just, I'm sorry, I didn't mean...
I need to use the bathroom.
Young man, there's clearly a sign in front
of this community that says
'No Solicitation'.
Now I watch you go door to door,
and I just called one of the other girls
and asked her if she told you
about our 'No Solicitation' rule.
And she said yes.
Well, m'am, I'm sorry
I thought that it only applied
to her house.
So you saw it and you came anyway!
Well you see, you must have been a mis—
See I must have misunderstood, because...
She only told me after
I went to the house.
- I think you're lying.
- M'am I'm not lying.
Are those my socks?
What?
Your face is, uh...
It's all... red
Do you have a mirror?
What kind of pillows are these?
Cause I'm allergic to down.
I didn't know.
Let me get you something else to lay on
I really, I didn't mean...
Is there anything I can do?
I, um...
You know, um...
When I was a kid,
my mother used to tell me I was
the best at giving massages
and my sister was the best
at everything else.
Magda
I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
Won’t that make that worse?
I'm... I'm...
Look.
No, no, look.
Please stop. Please stop.
Don't touch me!
Small appendages.
Arms, legs.
You'll be there for quite a while.
Plus you know she gets
all pissed off,
and starts throwing grenades at you.
You know what that's like.
It's tough.
Especially in a confined area.
So I put up with her display
pull out my gun...
- get rid of my dark...
- So what I did was, I…
Yeah pretty much
So what I did was put one like that
with my elbow
and then I went like that,
and then it
I went like that.
And then he just
let go of me and then I just
walked away pretty much.
- When you’re in the first person view mode
you see rain comin' on you.
It's like you're in the game yourself.
Also you know, pressure controlled buttons...
Mr. Carmichael
- I'm so disgusted with you right now man.
Get off the van. What do you want?
I just want to speak to you just for a second.
Is that alright?
- Make it quick.
I know I can't understand the type of
stress you’re under.
I wouldn't even try to understand it.
But, you know I've made
a mistake of blaming...
My personal problems affect...
Trickle down to my job and...
- I already told you,
I don't care about your personal life.
You gotta be on.
Just do your job.
I got better things to do than stand here
and listen to you man.
Anybody has better things to do
than listen to me
I understand that.
That goes without saying.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have said it.
You're absolutely right about me not
pouring my emotional garbage on you.
If I was you and some troll just came out
of the water and started pouring...
Stop. Stop.
Alright, stop.
- I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry that's all.
- Alright, fine.
Are you done? Are you done?
- Well, yeah. I just...
- Okay, then just...
- I gotta go.
- I gotta go.
- Listen!
Hi I’m Keith Sontag I’m with the MSA:
Multiple Sclerosis Association
I’m distributing these packages
to raise funds for my brother and other
people with multiple sclerosis.
For just five dollars you get over
a hundred dollars worth of savings
to your favorite stores and over
a hundred and thirty dollars worth of
value towards your favorite products.
- Well, well, well.
You're selling quite a bit of stuff there.
- But I can't be too interested.
- I understand that perfectly.
You have every right to...
I understand that...
You’re not… you’re not
just giving five dollars
you’re getting one hundred dollars
of savings toward your favorite products.
- And who will it help?
- My brother.
Well, not just my brother.
My brother has multiple sclerosis.
I had a cousin who died of cancer
and my husband died of a heart attack.
My father died of a heart attack.
Oh that’s too bad.
When was this?
It was about six years ago
he was um...
walking outside of a Bob’s Luncheonette
and he just dropped.
I really hadn't seen him for six years.
It wasn’t like it was that painful but, um...
I was the one that had to go identify him,
they got a note.
they found a letter that my sister had sent him.
And…
His teeth had been knocked out but,
he was dead before he dropped.
Well at least you have to say
he went fast, that’s one thing.
That's what they told me, so...
- So...
- Well, I can't do anything to help
I can’t really do anything to help my father
but I can do a lot to help my brother
and other people with multiple sclerosis.
- I can understand the suffering but honey,
I have to tell you something.
There are three or four cottages in back of you
and the neighbors are looking right on us.
If I pass any money or a cheque to you
then it would go right back to management.
- I have a deal
I'll just go in there I can go to the bathroom...
- You could just say that...
- I cannot go against community rules.
I understand, you could just say that
I was just coming to go to the bathroom
- and I promise I won't tell anybody.
- You seem to be a very nice boy
and I would love to help you out
I wish you good luck
- that's about all I can...
- I'm very sorry to have bothered you
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to bother you.
That's fourty seven.
Do you want a receipt?
Yeah? Can I help you?
I was just wondering
I know you're busy
but if you could um,
just um...
I have...
I have a friend,
and it's his birthday, and um...
I would... If you wouldn't...
I have a friend,
and if you could um...
Just, if you wouldn't mind.
It would just take a second.
Just tell him...
and of course I'll pay for the call
If you could just...
It would be a nice surprise for him if you could
read this into the answering machine
y'know on the phone.
It would just take a second.
It would really be a nice surprise,
I mean...
It sounds weird but it's not.
I mean trust me, we have that...
It would just take a...
Just, just take a sec...
and uh...
Uh... No.
I don't feel comfortable doing that.
- You fucking get them.
- What?
- He's asking do you take
it or you give it?
- I give it to her.
- Give it what?
Give it to my girlfriend, why?
How?
You gotta be kidding me.
You don't know how you
give it to a girl?
You give her the old Puerto Rican Python?
I guess you could say that.
One new message and
one old message.
Hello, how would you like to earn
high interest on your insurance loans
We are offering high interest loan costs
insurance savings plans for you
and your family.
an education plan,
retirement plan...
Um...
Yeah, that's it.
That's the one.
Wait.
Hi, um, Sandy it's...
sorry to, uh, bother you.
I just wanted to
tell you how much I
appreciated you
having to sit there and
listen the other day.
I've just... I've had...
... I know we don't have a relationship together ...
... but I'd really like to get together ...
... It's just I don't really have anybody to ...
... to really see or talk to, besides ...
... the person I see in the mirror ...
... he told me how annoying I was.
You guys are probably great.
Maybe I should hang up.
Just kidding.
So, um...
Okay so just uh,
call me back and ...
Ok. Thanks, bye.
Hey Sandy, it's Keith again.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I know, uh, called you.
But um... I dunno...
Do it again, do it again
Do it again, do it again
Yeah
It's Andy, sorry to bother you.
I know how busy you are I just
need a couple seconds of your time
It's really important.
How you doing?
- It's Keith
- Yeah, hi.
Yeah I'm really sorry to bother you
I know how busy you are but...
I'm pretty sure the badge I use
fell out of its hold,
like I usually have on my chest.
Do you know what time it is right now?
Yeah, I know I know
I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep...
I really am sorry to bother you
but I couldn't sleep
and I knew you'd probably be
getting home around now
I had to bother you.
- What badge?
- Okay, okay...
I usually wear it in a little
plastic safety thing
and sometimes it pulls up and I'm
pretty sure if fell out at your place.
I don't think you were wearing it.
I'm really sorry and I really
appreciate this but...
I'm pretty sure it is there.
Do you mind looking around?
Where would it be.
It's not here.
I really appreciate this.
It's not there, I'm in my appartment.
I'm looking, it's not here.
Okay... It's... Okay...
Let me just think...
Do you mind checking
on the couch for me?
You weren't on the couch.
- I went on the couch cause I...
I looked on the couch.
You weren't on the couch.
So how is it gonna be there.
You were in the yellow chair.
- And it's not...
- Would you mind checking...
- Would you mind checking on the chair?
- I'm looking
It's not here.
- Did you check under the couch?
- How is it gonna be under the couch
if you weren't on the couch.
Would you mind checking on the table?
It's not here. It's not on the table.
It's not...
There is a really big book.
It's about The Beatles?
The Who.
It's not on the table.
Do you mind checking
underneath the book?
Why would it be under the book?
I'm really running out of
change. Do you mind...
I don't have much time left on the thing...
Yeah it's there.
Ok great.
I'm a couple blocks from your house
do you mind if I just stop by?
Just to get it. It's really important.
Only take a few seconds, I promise.
Why are you a couple blocks from my house?
I really appreciate this,
I'm sorry I had to bother you.
Do you mind if I use the bathroom really quickly?
I promise I'll only take a couple seconds.
Thanks.
I'm really happy that you had this.
I don't know what I would've done if you didn't.
Well I'm glad you got it back.
I'm probably gonna get fired anyway so...
Well if you're gonna get fired anyway
why are you waking me up?
- Is that tea?
- Yes.
Do you mind if I watch that with you?
I'm really tired.
Just for a little while.
I promise I'll leave right after.
The second this is over I'm going to sleep.
Well I'll leave the second it's over.
I really appreciate this.
Hey wake up, it's over.
Can I call you later?
I'm going to sleep for a long time, so...
You want me to lock it?
Just pull it shut.
You know he...
was resisting with his Gandhi like
way of not resisting.
You know what I mean?
And... I'm sorry.
She didn't tell you to leave
or anything like that,
she saw you and then she rushed over
to you father
and started to...
- Wrestle.
- Wrestle with you.
And she looked away from me
and then
she looked back and saw that I was still looking.
And my dad had this really
full head of hair, y'know.
That's something I remember
vividly from y'know,
all throughout my time
with him.
That he had this really really
thick head of hair.
And no matter what, y'know...
Just look at my hair and just
imagine the exact opposite.
And...
And...
He had this really vivid head of hair
and even when he would sleep,
it wouldn't move.
And as we were wrestling,
she looked over at me again.
And then she reached for his
his hair.
That's the only time I saw a little
squiggle out of him.
Where he actually started moving,
but not fighting back.
And I, all of a sudden
her hand...
pulled off.
I heard this rip it was like lightning.
You know I...
I thought at first she pulled
off his head.
And then I looked at him.
And it turned out that she had pulled off
his toupée.
And it was almost like she had
pulled the electrical chord out of his socket.
- Cause he just...
- How did that make you feel?
When you saw your father with his
wonderful head of hair
and all of a sudden he's...
denuded in some way.
Betrayal?
By?
Who betrayed you?
Well he kept...
What was the question?
I'm sorry.
Who betrayed you?
You said "betrayal."
And I'm asking who betrayed you.
Your mother tore off your father's toupée,
so you had thought all through the years
that he'd had a full head of hair.
- He gave me great hope for the future.
- Ok.
What... but who did the betrayal?
Your mother or your father?
That's not a rhetorical question.
I don't know what the answer is
It's what you think.
Her?
I don't know is it?
I'm not trying to talk you into anything.
You can see it either way.
Or another way.
But "betrayal" is an important word.
It's very important in what you're saying.
So let's try to get at who betrayed you.
Um...
Charles?
Charles?
Ok.
I know what it must be like...
y'know, one of those ghostly like servants in
in the turn of the century manor houses
in England, where um...
you never even know they're around
until you hear, let's say like a...
till you hear a spoon drop
or something like that.
Y'know, I don't want...
Who drops the spoon?
You drop the spoon?
You're a servant? I'm...
- I'm confused.
- It's just that...
You know, I mean... you know...
The bills...
It's just that...
You know I mean...
You know...
It's almost...
No I don't know.
You said "you know"
about 25 times and I can
promise you one thing,
I don't know.
Let me.. What do you got here?
What's this? What's this?
It's ok. Let me see what this is.
Con Edison. An electric bill.
I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna take care of this.
This is now my responsibility.
And with that, this discussion is over.
Well, I mean, I understand that....
I assure you there's nothing left
for us to discuss.
Just...
That...
I can't stop, y'know, just worrying about...
just... worrying about it is just like...
There's this wheel that keeps going
around in my head
and the wheel just keeps spinning
and it keeps ending up on,
almost like a wheel
that ends up on its face that says
well, my worst possible conclusions
here and there
and that's where the state of... y'know...
free flowing anxiety that, y'know, I feel...
time and time again.
Has it ever occurred to you
that your ridiculous
disjointed splutterings might inspire me
to want to malign you?
That I might deliberately not pay the
bill just to punish you
for torturing me with your pathologies?
- I'm just throwing that out there.
- I appreciate that.
There's no reason to belabor this.
I mean this conversation is over.
We are done.
We have nothing left to talk about.
I understand that.
But I just make a sale which
I have to carry, y'know...
It's just... y'know...
The money doesn't exist in my hand,
it's almost like cotton candy,
you'll bite into it and, y'know
Um...
You've already worn out your welcome.
Tenfold.
I mean, I really just can't handle it anymore
I want you to get out of my room.
We're done.
This bills taken are of,
There's nothing left to discuss.
Please go.
What? What could you possibly
have left to talk about?
So are you gonna pay it?
What are you, deaf?
I've told you ten times
I'm gonna pay the bill.
In fact that's all I've been telling
you since you've come in here.
Well, you see...
It's not, just so you know, um...
That, that....
The... uh... the bill is
y'know it's
- second notice and...
- Aw, you gotta be kidding me.
You're now gonna quiz me
about the procedure
for paying a bill?
- No...
If that's what it came out like I'm sorry
That's not what I was trying to say.
I just, y'know, I just want you to
understand...
- You now have a choice.
You can either persist in
this line of questioning
and run the risk of having
the bills be destroyed.
Or you can trust that I have the
sufficient knowledge to put this
in a mailbox.
Now I want you to disappear.
Uh... No.
I think I'll make my own donation.
I understand but...
it's not like you're just giving a donation
the money you don't know where it's going.
You're giving money towards...
- It's going towards helping.
Helping people that's exactly
what we're trying to do.
- That's all I can do.
- Absolutely.
Really these products are things you need.
And these are products you use
and I think that's very important.
- You know what I mean because it's a two...
- No.
No.
I'm gonna make my own donation.
Let's leave it at that. Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry you're doing the best you can.
- But this is how I feel.
Hello Sir, I'm Keith Sontag with the MSA:
Multiple Sclerosis Association
I'm distributing these packages to raise funds for
my brother and other people with multiple sclerosis
for just $5 you get over a hundred
dollars worth of savings,
towards your favorite stores and over
$130 worth of value
towards your favorite products.
Is that your brother with you?
Uh, no. That's not...
That's Carmine he runs our charity drive.
He drives around the street.
But it is for a very good cause.
I'm doing it for people like my brother
with multiple sclerosis—
Hi Carmine.
What's going on?
I, um.
I gave him the booklet
and he took it.
I think he thought it was free. I don't...
I don't think he was that bright.
- Not bright?
Guy owns his own house.
And he's not the one who's
gonna be walking home.
Better go back and get that money.
I remember you told me a couple of times
specifically that you shouldn't...
have verbal intercourse with a customer
after we already went there.
Shouldn't have it again.
- I'll let you know when you're breaking the rules.
I don't think it'd be that, uh...
You're the boss but I don't
think it'd be that fruitful
for me to go back I don't think that he would...
Do you want a ride home or not?
Well, I don't wanna be rude or anything
but I really don't um...
That's like asking me what I'm more afraid of.
That's really not a fair choice.
Right, how's this.
Go back get the money and I won't fire you.
How's that for a fair choice?
Okay.
Hello sir I'm sorry to bother you again,
it's my fault I wasn't very clear about it.
You get all those values and savings
in the booklet I gave you.
It's for charity.
You get all this value and savings for only $5
It's $100 savings, it's a very good deal but...
It is $5, and um...
- Yes I'm busy...
- I really appreciate. Thank you.
I didn't mean to bother you again.
I started rolling and then I almost
fell on my dog on the way down.
And then I was like I knew something was wrong.
I knew something was fucking wrong.
My dad was like 'oh, nothing's wrong.'
And I thought something's
wrong because I can't get up.
Becky
I just want to tell you how sorry I am.
- But I want...
- You can't stay.
I only need a few minutes, that's all.
I know that if you take away
The fact that I took the...
Just because the money on the table...
Doesn't mean you have the right to take it.
- And if you take away that.
- This really hurts.
It hurts me too and that's why I'm here.
I need to speak to you a couple of minutes
so I can explain to you...
- I'm talking about my hand.
Kay.
Okay. Y'know...
You had a really difficult day,
and sometimes...
When I have...
Sometimes when I have a difficult day....
I, um... I go um...
- She's gonna be down in a minute, so.
Okay.
I'll go home on one condition.
One condition that you promise me
that you'll go home and you'll...
Get a good night's rest, it'll do you good.
I know what I'm talking about.
Just, um. So I'll...
I will speak to you later and um...
Yeah, hey there this is uh...
My name's Wes calling about the
one bedroom apartment.
Seems it's still available so I'll tell you what...
I'll try calling you later. We'll make this—
Exactly, why not twelve minutes of
some fucking bionic performance by
the '82 band like The Black...
Like The Black Page, or...
something — yeah!
Or why couldn't he put Approximate or Redunzel
instead of... exactly.
It's like there are these long blues jams
when we could be hearing like Redun...
Yeah but. Well, I kind of disagree with that...
Hey, what's up.
I noticed the sign in the window
said you were looking for
Waitstaff?
- Chop?
- Chop?
Shop?
No no. I'm looking for uh...
Work.
Thought maybe you had some openings.
I'm gonna be taking these.
I have thought about it before.
You make it sound as if I voluntarily
put myself in this position
so that now I'm completely
backed into a corner
and I have no way...
Yes.
Of course!
I don't even wanna argue about this,
this is not...
This is not an issue for debate
I just need help and I need you
to please please just do me
this one favour.
Please!
No!
You just...
I can't believe you're gonna do...
You're...
You've got to be kid—
Fuck!
Jesus Christ!
What's up?
I'm being tested for something here?
Someone's gonna be giving me a test?
Is this for teacher auditions?
- Probably yeah.
- You know which subject?
- Maybe uh...
- LSAT? GRE?
- Yeah that sounds right.
- Which one?
LSAT.
Here, take this.
Take these as well.
And that's just attached.
You have to take it, here follow me.
Come to this room
and I'll time you.
So just take a seat.
It's an official LSAT from ETS,
and you'll have 35 minutes.
So my performance on this test is gonna
make me more or less eligible
to get this job is that correct?
They'll evaluate it in the office.
Evaluate you mean that's a
fancy way of saying grade.
- I'm not really sure...
- They usually run it through a scantron machine would be my guess.
Again, I'm not sure, I mean...
- All I know is you have 35 minutes.
- Okay.
I'll come back in 35, ok?
Great, thanks.
So this is an official LSAT from ETS.
Just take a seat, you have 35 minutes.
I'll tell you when it's over, ok?
Jesus... Christ.
Oh hey, it looks like we're
working on the same question.
Hey you can't write on the board.
You gotta do your test at your desk.
- Can I have some pencils that have lead in them?
- Well yeah you just have to ask me for one.
- Could I have some pencils that have lead in them?
- Yeah.
There you go.
That enough?
- That's great.
- Okay good.
Yeah this thing is really hellish.
Alright guys, time's up.
Whoa, what about the five minute warning?
I didn't say there was a five minute warning.
It's pretty standard,
you get a five minute warning.
- Ok, you want a couple of minutes?
- I don't need five minutes I'm all set.
Alright, you can have a couple minutes.
The guy who scans these is out right now...
If you want you can sit here and wait
or we can mail it to you...
Probably just wait.
- Look I told you that you can't write on the...
- Oh come on, then you should've given me a pencil that writes.
So I filled it out.
Do I have to go downstairs to smoke?
You can just go on the staircase right here.
Boy what a colossal drag that was, huh?
Sucked.
Test bummed you out?
Yeah it sucked.
I was fucking a little bit more hung up
with that cocksucking hegemonic agent that...
That functionary fellow.
Like in exam land.
Yeah. I see what you mean.
It's as if he'd sprung forth from the
world of the test.
This guy's like an emissary
from the world of the test.
That's really clever.
I mean, you see what I mean.
It's as if he's like a delegate
or something from this...
- Kafka-esque world.
- Oh, jesus.
I mean I feel nostalgic for a kind
of a Kafka-esque universe.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I mean the question with the...
the carefully numbered locker doors
and all the children with
their own numbered locker
it was this kind of nightmarish uniformity
each child with its own little cubical.
I felt like I'd been welded into
one of these cubicles
and I needed the functionary to
unlock me, to get me out.
You know I'm talking about that
question with the...
the list.
It was... It was freightening, frankly.
But the, yeah...
the functionary was just a disaster.
I mean were you even able to assemble
any of the diagrams?
For the questions?
The initial, like...
I seem to have a distinct memory of you commenting
- on the fact that I was making room for those diagrams.
- Yeah.
Yeah, were you able to
figure those out at all?
You're talking about Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...
If operations is toured on Monday,
if productions is toured on Tuesday?
- Yeah.
- Huh.
- I couldn't do that my fucking pencils were broken.
- Yeah.
It's perverse the way the test is
set up I mean the...
The diagram they ask you to painstakingly assemble
you find out in the end that each of the
questions is kind of an exception...
to all the rules of the diagram.
It's as if you have to make a diagram that is
fluidly designed to account for
every exception to its own rule.
You're saying that the test is a kind of a trap?
- Yeah the test is a trap!
- That's absurd.
I mean the test isn't a fucking trap.
The test is great. The test is just fucking fine.
It's some sort of excremental symptom of this
absurd ideological complex
that pretty much wants to just sort of
expand its test making technique.
How can you sit there and complain about the
fucking test? That's what you're here for.
You're taking the test so that you
can in turn give the test.
You wanna become a test administrator.
What the fuck right do you have to complain about
taking the test and saying how bankrupt it is?
The whole reason you're here
is to participate in it.
I don't wanna fucking do that.
I don't wanna give this...
- Whoa whoa whoa...
- I don't wanna give this fucking test.
- Of course.
- I see exactly what you're saying.
At some point you've gotta reach a point
when you're in the middle of taking the test
where you acknowledge the time passing
you look at these ridiculous questions,
you just feel...
- Fuck the test.
I don't know why you're talking about the test.
I'm talking about the fact that I don't
want to give them the fucking...
I don't want to teach other people to
take the fucking test.
I don't want to waste my time with this shit.
Listen to me.
Aren't you raptly awaiting the moment when the
time's up and you can just leave the building
and go out and you know...
the next thing you know you're home,
you can rent Robocop
- make a can of spaghettios...
- That sounds worse than getting a fucking job.
Let me try to make this clear. I don't know
if you quite know where I'm coming from.
When the time elapses and test is over
and I leave this ridiculous building
and I go out, go on the street
I'm walking home, I'm on the Brooklyn Bridge
I'm listening to my Walkman
- and you know having a pack of Twizzlers.
- Ugh!
You're telling me that in the middle of this kind
of ontological or epistomological fucking crisis
that your safety net is Trizzlers?
Okay. I'm gonna split.
Keith.
What's happening?
Can we talk about something please?
I'm really tired, I'd like to go to bed.
I wanna have a discussion about
the current living situation.
It's kinda on my mind.
I'm sorry I can't talk about that with you.
What do you mean you can't?
Look I'm asking for five minutes to just sit down
and have a normal reasonable conversation
I mean, I'm looking at being a
homeless person within a week.
I don't want that to happen.
Now, that kind of means that you're
obliged to at least give me
five minutes of your time and try to resolve this.
- Is that so much to ask?
- I'm sorry.
I just can't talk about this with you.
It's not necessary for you to apologize
I'm not asking you...
You don't have to be sorry.
I just want to have a discussion.
You wouldn't be homeless cause you
could always go live with your parents.
That's not an option.
- You do have the safety net.
- I don't wanna hear about it.
- That's not the point.
- I understand.
I understand you're upset.
- If you wanna punch me, I'd understand.
- I don't wanna punch you in the face.
- I just wanna have a discussion about this.
- I'm sorry. I can't talk about this with you.
What do you mean you can't?
Could you clarify that please?
What you're not capable of sitting down
and having a reasonable discussion
for five minutes about something?
No! That's not what I... I've tried to...
I've tried to talk about this with you
month after month
and you didn't listen to me.
Now I'm sorry...
This is the last thing I wanted to do.
I didn't want to do that.
I've tried to listen to you month after month
and I've tried to decipher what you
come to me with these...
These are unmanageable jumblings
that you come to me with...
this is mangled syntax...
Frankly, I don't have the energy to continue
to meet you 4/5ths of the way...
just to try to figure out what it is
you're attempting to communicate.
I'm not... What I'm trying to commu—
I'm not trying to distort...
What I'm trying to communicate is that I walk
around with everyone else's shit all day.
Oh come on! You're not gonna go into
another one of these inane analogies now please!
Spare me, please!
I'm not going into another inane analogy!
I'm just trying to describe what
it feels like for me— Ow!
Every single day, y'know to get up...
and walk around with everyone else's shit...
Now I get up every day and I go into a van
where people hate me.
Well have you thought about how you're
gonna feel when you realise
that I hate you a thousand times more
than any of those people in the van?
Cause you turn me into a
street walking savage?
On what grounds would you hate me?
I mean...
Y'know, if the situation was reversed
you would've had me out the first month...
Why do you insist on permuting the circumstances?
Reversed? This situation is not reversed.
It's as it is.
I am not permuting the circumstances,
y'know I mean...
You left me no choice you've been
disrespecting me.
- How have I ever disrespected you?
- Ok. Charles.
You give me one example of when I've
disrespected you.
Without invoking a chair or your
grandmother or a fingernail
or a piece of shit.
Oh come on, Charles.
When I'm waking up at 6am in
the morning to go bust my hump
and I know you're sleeping till noon.
I'm sorry, I know that's not my business.
How dare you judge my work patterns
and my work habits!
The work I do is completely different
from the work you do!
I mean it's not my fault that I'm
more ambitious than you.
It's not my fault that I've got myself
in the miserable arrangement of have to
scrape my sorry ass out of bed at 5:30
in the morning only to go...
come back 8 hours later...
miserable and beaten into exhaustion.
Don't blame me for that.
I'm not talking about this with you Charles,
I'm sorry...
You know what baffles me?
What baffles me is that you've somehow
managed to will yourself into a position
of sole arbitrator around here.
It's a complete enigma, I have no idea
how you've managed to...
That's not true.
Do you think I wanna be in this position?
And then I have to come to you with this shit?
- Why don't we take...
your idea of paying the rent and...
go tell landlord.
If we paid the rent when you wanted to,
we'd both be on the street.
That's pure speculation,
you can't prove that.
While we're at it, how bout I inflict my
ideal living situation on you, ok?
Like every time I bring a girl back here
for a prospective lay
and all I want is a nice, low-key,
inviting household...
and if she happens to look over
her left shoulder...
she's gonna see a burbling troll in his underwear.
You think that's my ideal living situation?
Of course it's not, but would I
ever come to you with this?
Would I ever come to you bitching about it?
No I would never do that because I would
never disrespect you in that way.
But you grill me every chance you get,
won't you?
Fine! You should be happy now,
you won't have to see me anymore.
I mean I have to leave my apartment
based on the judgment
of some diseased freak?
I mean you are fucked!
You are so backward, man.
I have never met a more fucked up...
confused, diseased motherfucker...
You are a worthless piece of shit!
I just wanna live in a place
where the bills are paid.
- They are paid!
- On time!
Sick fuck!
Hello?
I made myself a promise when I was a kid
that I would never ever ever...
to be on the same dehabilitation, of having to
listen to them play the boom boom being done...
see it's the pots and pans food that
I would never get a chance to eat...
Hello?
Hello?
Pick up... Listen...
I'm really sorry...
I promise... I...
If you just pick up. I'm calm.
I promise I'll explain everything and
it'll all make sense.
I'm in a terrible state,
now I know you're there...
I'm not saying that to be accusatory.
I would never say that.
I just need to speak with you
just for a couple seconds.
Speak up.
Come on!
Listen! I know you're there listening.
Now, I need to speak with you!
I know you're there listening.
Now pick up!
Your place is not Fort Bragg...
If I have to,
I'll find my way into your building...
I'll knock and I'll kick and scream at your door...
Just pick up the phone!
Buzz me up I'll come right up
I'll be right up ok?
Just buzz me up.
Keith, do you know what time it is right now?
Yeah well, that just underscores the
fact that I need to speak with you.
Just buzz me up, ok I'll be right up.
I'm sleeping right now
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Well you're not sleeping right now
so just buzz me up!
I'm in bed right now I'll see you tomorrow...
Perfect you can stay in bed
I'll tell you what I have to tell you...
it'll be in and out in and out...
So buzz me up, ok?
Keith I'll talk to you later, c'mon...
No... No...
I need to speak with you now.
- Then say what you have to say now.
- I can't.
I can't speak through a contraption,
I need to see you face-to-face!
Ok? Now buzz me up.
Look, Keith,
I'll see you face-to-face tomorrow...
- I'm in bed. I'm sleeping.
- No... No...
I want you to listen to me...
I want you to understand.
We are speaking tonight.
Ok? Your place is not Fort Bragg...
if I have to, I'll find my way
into your building...
I'll go to your door...
I'll kick and scream if I have to.
- Hold on just give me a second...
- Give me one second, alright?
- Fine that's all I need...
I really appreciate it.
I see two people coming I'll be right up ok?
- Wait, wait, wait...
- Look I'm...
In fifteen minutes I'll meet you
on the corner of uh...
Ok great, I really appreciate...
thank you so much.
You don't know how much I appreciate it
and you're really doing me a favour...
as soon as you see me you'll understand...
But could you do me favour...
Why don't you let me give me the pleasure
of returning the favour...
and just buzz me up, ok?
- Forget all this. It's stupid.
- Wait. No no no...
- I'll see you tomorrow...
I'm just trying to do you a favour!
- I'm in bed. I'll see you tomorrow.
One question...
Just one question before you go...
What?
- What?
- Where do you wanna meet?
- On the corner of 9th Street and 5th Avenue.
You know I don't know your neighborhood.
- It's two blocks away.
- If you're leaving my building, you make
a right turn and you walk two blocks.
- Wait a second, ok if I'm leaving your building...
...do I pass the Blockbuster?
- Make a right turn.
You don't pass it, make a right turn.
If you made a left turn you'd hit the Blockbusters.
Leave my building and make a right turn,
you walk two blocks.
If I'm leaving your building... what's it called?
If I'm leaving your building...
If my back's facing your
building I make a left turn?
I need a glass of water.
I never ask you for anything...
You know I don't...
You know I don't know where you...
I just need to speak with you.
I made a promise when I was a kid.
I would look in the mirror and I would...
I made myself a promise that when
I was a kid that I would...
I would look in the mirror and I would
tell myself I would never let myself live...
- Keep your voice down. Back up.
- I made myself a promise...
I made myself a promise I'd never be...
I would n—
When I was a kid I made myself a promise
I would never live under the same persecution...
Keep your voice down,
do you understand what that means?
Where are we going?
Why would we go any place it's late!
- It'd be so much easier...
- I don't want you in my house.
I made myself a promise and I had to sit there
every single day...
and watch as they dragged him out...
she just dragged him out,
like he didn't mean anything...
- Keep your voice down.
Look you're not making any sense right now.
Back up.
Touch the pole.
- When I was a kid I made myself a promise...
- Touch the pole.
Touch the pole. Keep your hand on it.
Keep your hand on the pole.
She always had a place to go,
and she would come away...
- Keep your voice down.
- Just calm down!
- I'm calm...
and annoyed as hell. I'm calm,
keep your voice down.
That she always had a place to go
and she would come over with her black teeth...
and would she sit there and tell
him that he should kill himself.
She'd drink a cosmo...
and she'd tell him to give his clothes to
goodwill and he should kill himself.
And then she would look at him straight
in the face like he wasn't even a person.
and she would say
you're snoring, you're snoring.
Appease! Appease! Appease!
Goddamn, cover your mouth!
Don't cough on me.
Get a hold of yourself.
- Where're we going?
- Let's go.
Let's go.
Wait where are we going?
Wait, no! I don't wanna go!
Let's not make it tense, alright?
You realize I've been awake for 15 seconds,
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
You're not making any sense.
You got two minutes to tell
whatever you have to say.
Listen, you have two minutes and you're
out the door, alright?
And this counts as your two minutes.
It's bullshit...
I need to use the bathroom.
I'll be right out.
Sorry.
Hey everything's cool man.
Just stay in place, ok?
Ok I'll be right down just...
Um...
You know, um...
You know...
It's important...
It's important to know that...
When, you know when I was, when I was, um...
When I was... when I... when I was a kid.
I mean I guess because I...
I really, I never really...
You know I... I never really...
I never, I never, I never really...
You know, um.
I never really
I never really
You know, cry...
Just cause it wasn't...
Just, I'm sorry, I didn't mean...
I need to use the bathroom.
Young man, there's clearly a sign in front
of this community that says
'No Solicitation'.
Now I watch you go door to door,
and I just called one of the other girls
and asked her if she told you
about our 'No Solicitation' rule.
And she said yes.
Well, m'am, I'm sorry
I thought that it only applied
to her house.
So you saw it and you came anyway!
Well you see, you must have been a mis—
See I must have misunderstood, because...
She only told me after
I went to the house.
- I think you're lying.
- M'am I'm not lying.
Are those my socks?
What?
Your face is, uh...
It's all... red
Do you have a mirror?
What kind of pillows are these?
Cause I'm allergic to down.
I didn't know.
Let me get you something else to lay on
I really, I didn't mean...
Is there anything I can do?
I, um...
You know, um...
When I was a kid,
my mother used to tell me I was
the best at giving massages
and my sister was the best
at everything else.
Magda
I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
Won’t that make that worse?
I'm... I'm...
Look.
No, no, look.
Please stop. Please stop.
Don't touch me!
Small appendages.
Arms, legs.
You'll be there for quite a while.
Plus you know she gets
all pissed off,
and starts throwing grenades at you.
You know what that's like.
It's tough.
Especially in a confined area.
So I put up with her display
pull out my gun...
- get rid of my dark...
- So what I did was, I…
Yeah pretty much
So what I did was put one like that
with my elbow
and then I went like that,
and then it
I went like that.
And then he just
let go of me and then I just
walked away pretty much.
- When you’re in the first person view mode
you see rain comin' on you.
It's like you're in the game yourself.
Also you know, pressure controlled buttons...
Mr. Carmichael
- I'm so disgusted with you right now man.
Get off the van. What do you want?
I just want to speak to you just for a second.
Is that alright?
- Make it quick.
I know I can't understand the type of
stress you’re under.
I wouldn't even try to understand it.
But, you know I've made
a mistake of blaming...
My personal problems affect...
Trickle down to my job and...
- I already told you,
I don't care about your personal life.
You gotta be on.
Just do your job.
I got better things to do than stand here
and listen to you man.
Anybody has better things to do
than listen to me
I understand that.
That goes without saying.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have said it.
You're absolutely right about me not
pouring my emotional garbage on you.
If I was you and some troll just came out
of the water and started pouring...
Stop. Stop.
Alright, stop.
- I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry that's all.
- Alright, fine.
Are you done? Are you done?
- Well, yeah. I just...
- Okay, then just...
- I gotta go.
- I gotta go.
- Listen!
Hi I’m Keith Sontag I’m with the MSA:
Multiple Sclerosis Association
I’m distributing these packages
to raise funds for my brother and other
people with multiple sclerosis.
For just five dollars you get over
a hundred dollars worth of savings
to your favorite stores and over
a hundred and thirty dollars worth of
value towards your favorite products.
- Well, well, well.
You're selling quite a bit of stuff there.
- But I can't be too interested.
- I understand that perfectly.
You have every right to...
I understand that...
You’re not… you’re not
just giving five dollars
you’re getting one hundred dollars
of savings toward your favorite products.
- And who will it help?
- My brother.
Well, not just my brother.
My brother has multiple sclerosis.
I had a cousin who died of cancer
and my husband died of a heart attack.
My father died of a heart attack.
Oh that’s too bad.
When was this?
It was about six years ago
he was um...
walking outside of a Bob’s Luncheonette
and he just dropped.
I really hadn't seen him for six years.
It wasn’t like it was that painful but, um...
I was the one that had to go identify him,
they got a note.
they found a letter that my sister had sent him.
And…
His teeth had been knocked out but,
he was dead before he dropped.
Well at least you have to say
he went fast, that’s one thing.
That's what they told me, so...
- So...
- Well, I can't do anything to help
I can’t really do anything to help my father
but I can do a lot to help my brother
and other people with multiple sclerosis.
- I can understand the suffering but honey,
I have to tell you something.
There are three or four cottages in back of you
and the neighbors are looking right on us.
If I pass any money or a cheque to you
then it would go right back to management.
- I have a deal
I'll just go in there I can go to the bathroom...
- You could just say that...
- I cannot go against community rules.
I understand, you could just say that
I was just coming to go to the bathroom
- and I promise I won't tell anybody.
- You seem to be a very nice boy
and I would love to help you out
I wish you good luck
- that's about all I can...
- I'm very sorry to have bothered you
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to bother you.
That's fourty seven.
Do you want a receipt?
Yeah? Can I help you?
I was just wondering
I know you're busy
but if you could um,
just um...
I have...
I have a friend,
and it's his birthday, and um...
I would... If you wouldn't...
I have a friend,
and if you could um...
Just, if you wouldn't mind.
It would just take a second.
Just tell him...
and of course I'll pay for the call
If you could just...
It would be a nice surprise for him if you could
read this into the answering machine
y'know on the phone.
It would just take a second.
It would really be a nice surprise,
I mean...
It sounds weird but it's not.
I mean trust me, we have that...
It would just take a...
Just, just take a sec...
and uh...
Uh... No.
I don't feel comfortable doing that.
- You fucking get them.
- What?
- He's asking do you take
it or you give it?
- I give it to her.
- Give it what?
Give it to my girlfriend, why?
How?
You gotta be kidding me.
You don't know how you
give it to a girl?
You give her the old Puerto Rican Python?
I guess you could say that.
One new message and
one old message.
Hello, how would you like to earn
high interest on your insurance loans
We are offering high interest loan costs
insurance savings plans for you
and your family.
an education plan,
retirement plan...
Um...
Yeah, that's it.
That's the one.
Wait.
Hi, um, Sandy it's...
sorry to, uh, bother you.
I just wanted to
tell you how much I
appreciated you
having to sit there and
listen the other day.
I've just... I've had...
... I know we don't have a relationship together ...
... but I'd really like to get together ...
... It's just I don't really have anybody to ...
... to really see or talk to, besides ...
... the person I see in the mirror ...
... he told me how annoying I was.
You guys are probably great.
Maybe I should hang up.
Just kidding.
So, um...
Okay so just uh,
call me back and ...
Ok. Thanks, bye.
Hey Sandy, it's Keith again.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I know, uh, called you.
But um... I dunno...
Do it again, do it again
Do it again, do it again
Yeah
It's Andy, sorry to bother you.
I know how busy you are I just
need a couple seconds of your time
It's really important.
How you doing?
- It's Keith
- Yeah, hi.
Yeah I'm really sorry to bother you
I know how busy you are but...
I'm pretty sure the badge I use
fell out of its hold,
like I usually have on my chest.
Do you know what time it is right now?
Yeah, I know I know
I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep...
I really am sorry to bother you
but I couldn't sleep
and I knew you'd probably be
getting home around now
I had to bother you.
- What badge?
- Okay, okay...
I usually wear it in a little
plastic safety thing
and sometimes it pulls up and I'm
pretty sure if fell out at your place.
I don't think you were wearing it.
I'm really sorry and I really
appreciate this but...
I'm pretty sure it is there.
Do you mind looking around?
Where would it be.
It's not here.
I really appreciate this.
It's not there, I'm in my appartment.
I'm looking, it's not here.
Okay... It's... Okay...
Let me just think...
Do you mind checking
on the couch for me?
You weren't on the couch.
- I went on the couch cause I...
I looked on the couch.
You weren't on the couch.
So how is it gonna be there.
You were in the yellow chair.
- And it's not...
- Would you mind checking...
- Would you mind checking on the chair?
- I'm looking
It's not here.
- Did you check under the couch?
- How is it gonna be under the couch
if you weren't on the couch.
Would you mind checking on the table?
It's not here. It's not on the table.
It's not...
There is a really big book.
It's about The Beatles?
The Who.
It's not on the table.
Do you mind checking
underneath the book?
Why would it be under the book?
I'm really running out of
change. Do you mind...
I don't have much time left on the thing...
Yeah it's there.
Ok great.
I'm a couple blocks from your house
do you mind if I just stop by?
Just to get it. It's really important.
Only take a few seconds, I promise.
Why are you a couple blocks from my house?
I really appreciate this,
I'm sorry I had to bother you.
Do you mind if I use the bathroom really quickly?
I promise I'll only take a couple seconds.
Thanks.
I'm really happy that you had this.
I don't know what I would've done if you didn't.
Well I'm glad you got it back.
I'm probably gonna get fired anyway so...
Well if you're gonna get fired anyway
why are you waking me up?
- Is that tea?
- Yes.
Do you mind if I watch that with you?
I'm really tired.
Just for a little while.
I promise I'll leave right after.
The second this is over I'm going to sleep.
Well I'll leave the second it's over.
I really appreciate this.
Hey wake up, it's over.
Can I call you later?
I'm going to sleep for a long time, so...
You want me to lock it?
Just pull it shut.
You know he...
was resisting with his Gandhi like
way of not resisting.
You know what I mean?
And... I'm sorry.
She didn't tell you to leave
or anything like that,
she saw you and then she rushed over
to you father
and started to...
- Wrestle.
- Wrestle with you.
And she looked away from me
and then
she looked back and saw that I was still looking.
And my dad had this really
full head of hair, y'know.
That's something I remember
vividly from y'know,
all throughout my time
with him.
That he had this really really
thick head of hair.
And no matter what, y'know...
Just look at my hair and just
imagine the exact opposite.
And...
And...
He had this really vivid head of hair
and even when he would sleep,
it wouldn't move.
And as we were wrestling,
she looked over at me again.
And then she reached for his
his hair.
That's the only time I saw a little
squiggle out of him.
Where he actually started moving,
but not fighting back.
And I, all of a sudden
her hand...
pulled off.
I heard this rip it was like lightning.
You know I...
I thought at first she pulled
off his head.
And then I looked at him.
And it turned out that she had pulled off
his toupée.
And it was almost like she had
pulled the electrical chord out of his socket.
- Cause he just...
- How did that make you feel?
When you saw your father with his
wonderful head of hair
and all of a sudden he's...
denuded in some way.
Betrayal?
By?
Who betrayed you?
Well he kept...
What was the question?
I'm sorry.
Who betrayed you?
You said "betrayal."
And I'm asking who betrayed you.
Your mother tore off your father's toupée,
so you had thought all through the years
that he'd had a full head of hair.
- He gave me great hope for the future.
- Ok.
What... but who did the betrayal?
Your mother or your father?
That's not a rhetorical question.
I don't know what the answer is
It's what you think.
Her?
I don't know is it?
I'm not trying to talk you into anything.
You can see it either way.
Or another way.
But "betrayal" is an important word.
It's very important in what you're saying.
So let's try to get at who betrayed you.
Um...
Charles?
Charles?
Ok.
I know what it must be like...
y'know, one of those ghostly like servants in
in the turn of the century manor houses
in England, where um...
you never even know they're around
until you hear, let's say like a...
till you hear a spoon drop
or something like that.
Y'know, I don't want...
Who drops the spoon?
You drop the spoon?
You're a servant? I'm...
- I'm confused.
- It's just that...
You know, I mean... you know...
The bills...
It's just that...
You know I mean...
You know...
It's almost...
No I don't know.
You said "you know"
about 25 times and I can
promise you one thing,
I don't know.
Let me.. What do you got here?
What's this? What's this?
It's ok. Let me see what this is.
Con Edison. An electric bill.
I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna take care of this.
This is now my responsibility.
And with that, this discussion is over.
Well, I mean, I understand that....
I assure you there's nothing left
for us to discuss.
Just...
That...
I can't stop, y'know, just worrying about...
just... worrying about it is just like...
There's this wheel that keeps going
around in my head
and the wheel just keeps spinning
and it keeps ending up on,
almost like a wheel
that ends up on its face that says
well, my worst possible conclusions
here and there
and that's where the state of... y'know...
free flowing anxiety that, y'know, I feel...
time and time again.
Has it ever occurred to you
that your ridiculous
disjointed splutterings might inspire me
to want to malign you?
That I might deliberately not pay the
bill just to punish you
for torturing me with your pathologies?
- I'm just throwing that out there.
- I appreciate that.
There's no reason to belabor this.
I mean this conversation is over.
We are done.
We have nothing left to talk about.
I understand that.
But I just make a sale which
I have to carry, y'know...
It's just... y'know...
The money doesn't exist in my hand,
it's almost like cotton candy,
you'll bite into it and, y'know
Um...
You've already worn out your welcome.
Tenfold.
I mean, I really just can't handle it anymore
I want you to get out of my room.
We're done.
This bills taken are of,
There's nothing left to discuss.
Please go.
What? What could you possibly
have left to talk about?
So are you gonna pay it?
What are you, deaf?
I've told you ten times
I'm gonna pay the bill.
In fact that's all I've been telling
you since you've come in here.
Well, you see...
It's not, just so you know, um...
That, that....
The... uh... the bill is
y'know it's
- second notice and...
- Aw, you gotta be kidding me.
You're now gonna quiz me
about the procedure
for paying a bill?
- No...
If that's what it came out like I'm sorry
That's not what I was trying to say.
I just, y'know, I just want you to
understand...
- You now have a choice.
You can either persist in
this line of questioning
and run the risk of having
the bills be destroyed.
Or you can trust that I have the
sufficient knowledge to put this
in a mailbox.
Now I want you to disappear.
Uh... No.
I think I'll make my own donation.
I understand but...
it's not like you're just giving a donation
the money you don't know where it's going.
You're giving money towards...
- It's going towards helping.
Helping people that's exactly
what we're trying to do.
- That's all I can do.
- Absolutely.
Really these products are things you need.
And these are products you use
and I think that's very important.
- You know what I mean because it's a two...
- No.
No.
I'm gonna make my own donation.
Let's leave it at that. Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry you're doing the best you can.
- But this is how I feel.
Hello Sir, I'm Keith Sontag with the MSA:
Multiple Sclerosis Association
I'm distributing these packages to raise funds for
my brother and other people with multiple sclerosis
for just $5 you get over a hundred
dollars worth of savings,
towards your favorite stores and over
$130 worth of value
towards your favorite products.
Is that your brother with you?
Uh, no. That's not...
That's Carmine he runs our charity drive.
He drives around the street.
But it is for a very good cause.
I'm doing it for people like my brother
with multiple sclerosis—
Hi Carmine.
What's going on?
I, um.
I gave him the booklet
and he took it.
I think he thought it was free. I don't...
I don't think he was that bright.
- Not bright?
Guy owns his own house.
And he's not the one who's
gonna be walking home.
Better go back and get that money.
I remember you told me a couple of times
specifically that you shouldn't...
have verbal intercourse with a customer
after we already went there.
Shouldn't have it again.
- I'll let you know when you're breaking the rules.
I don't think it'd be that, uh...
You're the boss but I don't
think it'd be that fruitful
for me to go back I don't think that he would...
Do you want a ride home or not?
Well, I don't wanna be rude or anything
but I really don't um...
That's like asking me what I'm more afraid of.
That's really not a fair choice.
Right, how's this.
Go back get the money and I won't fire you.
How's that for a fair choice?
Okay.
Hello sir I'm sorry to bother you again,
it's my fault I wasn't very clear about it.
You get all those values and savings
in the booklet I gave you.
It's for charity.
You get all this value and savings for only $5
It's $100 savings, it's a very good deal but...
It is $5, and um...
- Yes I'm busy...
- I really appreciate. Thank you.
I didn't mean to bother you again.
I started rolling and then I almost
fell on my dog on the way down.
And then I was like I knew something was wrong.
I knew something was fucking wrong.
My dad was like 'oh, nothing's wrong.'
And I thought something's
wrong because I can't get up.
Becky
I just want to tell you how sorry I am.
- But I want...
- You can't stay.
I only need a few minutes, that's all.
I know that if you take away
The fact that I took the...
Just because the money on the table...
Doesn't mean you have the right to take it.
- And if you take away that.
- This really hurts.
It hurts me too and that's why I'm here.
I need to speak to you a couple of minutes
so I can explain to you...
- I'm talking about my hand.
Kay.
Okay. Y'know...
You had a really difficult day,
and sometimes...
When I have...
Sometimes when I have a difficult day....
I, um... I go um...
- She's gonna be down in a minute, so.
Okay.
I'll go home on one condition.
One condition that you promise me
that you'll go home and you'll...
Get a good night's rest, it'll do you good.
I know what I'm talking about.
Just, um. So I'll...
I will speak to you later and um...
Yeah, hey there this is uh...
My name's Wes calling about the
one bedroom apartment.
Seems it's still available so I'll tell you what...
I'll try calling you later. We'll make this—
Exactly, why not twelve minutes of
some fucking bionic performance by
the '82 band like The Black...
Like The Black Page, or...
something — yeah!
Or why couldn't he put Approximate or Redunzel
instead of... exactly.
It's like there are these long blues jams
when we could be hearing like Redun...
Yeah but. Well, I kind of disagree with that...
Hey, what's up.
I noticed the sign in the window
said you were looking for
Waitstaff?
- Chop?
- Chop?
Shop?
No no. I'm looking for uh...
Work.
Thought maybe you had some openings.
I'm gonna be taking these.
I have thought about it before.
You make it sound as if I voluntarily
put myself in this position
so that now I'm completely
backed into a corner
and I have no way...
Yes.
Of course!
I don't even wanna argue about this,
this is not...
This is not an issue for debate
I just need help and I need you
to please please just do me
this one favour.
Please!
No!
You just...
I can't believe you're gonna do...
You're...
You've got to be kid—
Fuck!
Jesus Christ!
What's up?
I'm being tested for something here?
Someone's gonna be giving me a test?
Is this for teacher auditions?
- Probably yeah.
- You know which subject?
- Maybe uh...
- LSAT? GRE?
- Yeah that sounds right.
- Which one?
LSAT.
Here, take this.
Take these as well.
And that's just attached.
You have to take it, here follow me.
Come to this room
and I'll time you.
So just take a seat.
It's an official LSAT from ETS,
and you'll have 35 minutes.
So my performance on this test is gonna
make me more or less eligible
to get this job is that correct?
They'll evaluate it in the office.
Evaluate you mean that's a
fancy way of saying grade.
- I'm not really sure...
- They usually run it through a scantron machine would be my guess.
Again, I'm not sure, I mean...
- All I know is you have 35 minutes.
- Okay.
I'll come back in 35, ok?
Great, thanks.
So this is an official LSAT from ETS.
Just take a seat, you have 35 minutes.
I'll tell you when it's over, ok?
Jesus... Christ.
Oh hey, it looks like we're
working on the same question.
Hey you can't write on the board.
You gotta do your test at your desk.
- Can I have some pencils that have lead in them?
- Well yeah you just have to ask me for one.
- Could I have some pencils that have lead in them?
- Yeah.
There you go.
That enough?
- That's great.
- Okay good.
Yeah this thing is really hellish.
Alright guys, time's up.
Whoa, what about the five minute warning?
I didn't say there was a five minute warning.
It's pretty standard,
you get a five minute warning.
- Ok, you want a couple of minutes?
- I don't need five minutes I'm all set.
Alright, you can have a couple minutes.
The guy who scans these is out right now...
If you want you can sit here and wait
or we can mail it to you...
Probably just wait.
- Look I told you that you can't write on the...
- Oh come on, then you should've given me a pencil that writes.
So I filled it out.
Do I have to go downstairs to smoke?
You can just go on the staircase right here.
Boy what a colossal drag that was, huh?
Sucked.
Test bummed you out?
Yeah it sucked.
I was fucking a little bit more hung up
with that cocksucking hegemonic agent that...
That functionary fellow.
Like in exam land.
Yeah. I see what you mean.
It's as if he'd sprung forth from the
world of the test.
This guy's like an emissary
from the world of the test.
That's really clever.
I mean, you see what I mean.
It's as if he's like a delegate
or something from this...
- Kafka-esque world.
- Oh, jesus.
I mean I feel nostalgic for a kind
of a Kafka-esque universe.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I mean the question with the...
the carefully numbered locker doors
and all the children with
their own numbered locker
it was this kind of nightmarish uniformity
each child with its own little cubical.
I felt like I'd been welded into
one of these cubicles
and I needed the functionary to
unlock me, to get me out.
You know I'm talking about that
question with the...
the list.
It was... It was freightening, frankly.
But the, yeah...
the functionary was just a disaster.
I mean were you even able to assemble
any of the diagrams?
For the questions?
The initial, like...
I seem to have a distinct memory of you commenting
- on the fact that I was making room for those diagrams.
- Yeah.
Yeah, were you able to
figure those out at all?
You're talking about Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...
If operations is toured on Monday,
if productions is toured on Tuesday?
- Yeah.
- Huh.
- I couldn't do that my fucking pencils were broken.
- Yeah.
It's perverse the way the test is
set up I mean the...
The diagram they ask you to painstakingly assemble
you find out in the end that each of the
questions is kind of an exception...
to all the rules of the diagram.
It's as if you have to make a diagram that is
fluidly designed to account for
every exception to its own rule.
You're saying that the test is a kind of a trap?
- Yeah the test is a trap!
- That's absurd.
I mean the test isn't a fucking trap.
The test is great. The test is just fucking fine.
It's some sort of excremental symptom of this
absurd ideological complex
that pretty much wants to just sort of
expand its test making technique.
How can you sit there and complain about the
fucking test? That's what you're here for.
You're taking the test so that you
can in turn give the test.
You wanna become a test administrator.
What the fuck right do you have to complain about
taking the test and saying how bankrupt it is?
The whole reason you're here
is to participate in it.
I don't wanna fucking do that.
I don't wanna give this...
- Whoa whoa whoa...
- I don't wanna give this fucking test.
- Of course.
- I see exactly what you're saying.
At some point you've gotta reach a point
when you're in the middle of taking the test
where you acknowledge the time passing
you look at these ridiculous questions,
you just feel...
- Fuck the test.
I don't know why you're talking about the test.
I'm talking about the fact that I don't
want to give them the fucking...
I don't want to teach other people to
take the fucking test.
I don't want to waste my time with this shit.
Listen to me.
Aren't you raptly awaiting the moment when the
time's up and you can just leave the building
and go out and you know...
the next thing you know you're home,
you can rent Robocop
- make a can of spaghettios...
- That sounds worse than getting a fucking job.
Let me try to make this clear. I don't know
if you quite know where I'm coming from.
When the time elapses and test is over
and I leave this ridiculous building
and I go out, go on the street
I'm walking home, I'm on the Brooklyn Bridge
I'm listening to my Walkman
- and you know having a pack of Twizzlers.
- Ugh!
You're telling me that in the middle of this kind
of ontological or epistomological fucking crisis
that your safety net is Trizzlers?
Okay. I'm gonna split.
Keith.
What's happening?
Can we talk about something please?
I'm really tired, I'd like to go to bed.
I wanna have a discussion about
the current living situation.
It's kinda on my mind.
I'm sorry I can't talk about that with you.
What do you mean you can't?
Look I'm asking for five minutes to just sit down
and have a normal reasonable conversation
I mean, I'm looking at being a
homeless person within a week.
I don't want that to happen.
Now, that kind of means that you're
obliged to at least give me
five minutes of your time and try to resolve this.
- Is that so much to ask?
- I'm sorry.
I just can't talk about this with you.
It's not necessary for you to apologize
I'm not asking you...
You don't have to be sorry.
I just want to have a discussion.
You wouldn't be homeless cause you
could always go live with your parents.
That's not an option.
- You do have the safety net.
- I don't wanna hear about it.
- That's not the point.
- I understand.
I understand you're upset.
- If you wanna punch me, I'd understand.
- I don't wanna punch you in the face.
- I just wanna have a discussion about this.
- I'm sorry. I can't talk about this with you.
What do you mean you can't?
Could you clarify that please?
What you're not capable of sitting down
and having a reasonable discussion
for five minutes about something?
No! That's not what I... I've tried to...
I've tried to talk about this with you
month after month
and you didn't listen to me.
Now I'm sorry...
This is the last thing I wanted to do.
I didn't want to do that.
I've tried to listen to you month after month
and I've tried to decipher what you
come to me with these...
These are unmanageable jumblings
that you come to me with...
this is mangled syntax...
Frankly, I don't have the energy to continue
to meet you 4/5ths of the way...
just to try to figure out what it is
you're attempting to communicate.
I'm not... What I'm trying to commu—
I'm not trying to distort...
What I'm trying to communicate is that I walk
around with everyone else's shit all day.
Oh come on! You're not gonna go into
another one of these inane analogies now please!
Spare me, please!
I'm not going into another inane analogy!
I'm just trying to describe what
it feels like for me— Ow!
Every single day, y'know to get up...
and walk around with everyone else's shit...
Now I get up every day and I go into a van
where people hate me.
Well have you thought about how you're
gonna feel when you realise
that I hate you a thousand times more
than any of those people in the van?
Cause you turn me into a
street walking savage?
On what grounds would you hate me?
I mean...
Y'know, if the situation was reversed
you would've had me out the first month...
Why do you insist on permuting the circumstances?
Reversed? This situation is not reversed.
It's as it is.
I am not permuting the circumstances,
y'know I mean...
You left me no choice you've been
disrespecting me.
- How have I ever disrespected you?
- Ok. Charles.
You give me one example of when I've
disrespected you.
Without invoking a chair or your
grandmother or a fingernail
or a piece of shit.
Oh come on, Charles.
When I'm waking up at 6am in
the morning to go bust my hump
and I know you're sleeping till noon.
I'm sorry, I know that's not my business.
How dare you judge my work patterns
and my work habits!
The work I do is completely different
from the work you do!
I mean it's not my fault that I'm
more ambitious than you.
It's not my fault that I've got myself
in the miserable arrangement of have to
scrape my sorry ass out of bed at 5:30
in the morning only to go...
come back 8 hours later...
miserable and beaten into exhaustion.
Don't blame me for that.
I'm not talking about this with you Charles,
I'm sorry...
You know what baffles me?
What baffles me is that you've somehow
managed to will yourself into a position
of sole arbitrator around here.
It's a complete enigma, I have no idea
how you've managed to...
That's not true.
Do you think I wanna be in this position?
And then I have to come to you with this shit?
- Why don't we take...
your idea of paying the rent and...
go tell landlord.
If we paid the rent when you wanted to,
we'd both be on the street.
That's pure speculation,
you can't prove that.
While we're at it, how bout I inflict my
ideal living situation on you, ok?
Like every time I bring a girl back here
for a prospective lay
and all I want is a nice, low-key,
inviting household...
and if she happens to look over
her left shoulder...
she's gonna see a burbling troll in his underwear.
You think that's my ideal living situation?
Of course it's not, but would I
ever come to you with this?
Would I ever come to you bitching about it?
No I would never do that because I would
never disrespect you in that way.
But you grill me every chance you get,
won't you?
Fine! You should be happy now,
you won't have to see me anymore.
I mean I have to leave my apartment
based on the judgment
of some diseased freak?
I mean you are fucked!
You are so backward, man.
I have never met a more fucked up...
confused, diseased motherfucker...
You are a worthless piece of shit!
I just wanna live in a place
where the bills are paid.
- They are paid!
- On time!
Sick fuck!
Hello?
I made myself a promise when I was a kid
that I would never ever ever...
to be on the same dehabilitation, of having to
listen to them play the boom boom being done...
see it's the pots and pans food that
I would never get a chance to eat...
Hello?
Hello?
Pick up... Listen...
I'm really sorry...
I promise... I...
If you just pick up. I'm calm.
I promise I'll explain everything and
it'll all make sense.
I'm in a terrible state,
now I know you're there...
I'm not saying that to be accusatory.
I would never say that.
I just need to speak with you
just for a couple seconds.
Speak up.
Come on!
Listen! I know you're there listening.
Now, I need to speak with you!
I know you're there listening.
Now pick up!
Your place is not Fort Bragg...
If I have to,
I'll find my way into your building...
I'll knock and I'll kick and scream at your door...
Just pick up the phone!
Buzz me up I'll come right up
I'll be right up ok?
Just buzz me up.
Keith, do you know what time it is right now?
Yeah well, that just underscores the
fact that I need to speak with you.
Just buzz me up, ok I'll be right up.
I'm sleeping right now
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Well you're not sleeping right now
so just buzz me up!
I'm in bed right now I'll see you tomorrow...
Perfect you can stay in bed
I'll tell you what I have to tell you...
it'll be in and out in and out...
So buzz me up, ok?
Keith I'll talk to you later, c'mon...
No... No...
I need to speak with you now.
- Then say what you have to say now.
- I can't.
I can't speak through a contraption,
I need to see you face-to-face!
Ok? Now buzz me up.
Look, Keith,
I'll see you face-to-face tomorrow...
- I'm in bed. I'm sleeping.
- No... No...
I want you to listen to me...
I want you to understand.
We are speaking tonight.
Ok? Your place is not Fort Bragg...
if I have to, I'll find my way
into your building...
I'll go to your door...
I'll kick and scream if I have to.
- Hold on just give me a second...
- Give me one second, alright?
- Fine that's all I need...
I really appreciate it.
I see two people coming I'll be right up ok?
- Wait, wait, wait...
- Look I'm...
In fifteen minutes I'll meet you
on the corner of uh...
Ok great, I really appreciate...
thank you so much.
You don't know how much I appreciate it
and you're really doing me a favour...
as soon as you see me you'll understand...
But could you do me favour...
Why don't you let me give me the pleasure
of returning the favour...
and just buzz me up, ok?
- Forget all this. It's stupid.
- Wait. No no no...
- I'll see you tomorrow...
I'm just trying to do you a favour!
- I'm in bed. I'll see you tomorrow.
One question...
Just one question before you go...
What?
- What?
- Where do you wanna meet?
- On the corner of 9th Street and 5th Avenue.
You know I don't know your neighborhood.
- It's two blocks away.
- If you're leaving my building, you make
a right turn and you walk two blocks.
- Wait a second, ok if I'm leaving your building...
...do I pass the Blockbuster?
- Make a right turn.
You don't pass it, make a right turn.
If you made a left turn you'd hit the Blockbusters.
Leave my building and make a right turn,
you walk two blocks.
If I'm leaving your building... what's it called?
If I'm leaving your building...
If my back's facing your
building I make a left turn?
I need a glass of water.
I never ask you for anything...
You know I don't...
You know I don't know where you...
I just need to speak with you.
I made a promise when I was a kid.
I would look in the mirror and I would...
I made myself a promise that when
I was a kid that I would...
I would look in the mirror and I would
tell myself I would never let myself live...
- Keep your voice down. Back up.
- I made myself a promise...
I made myself a promise I'd never be...
I would n—
When I was a kid I made myself a promise
I would never live under the same persecution...
Keep your voice down,
do you understand what that means?
Where are we going?
Why would we go any place it's late!
- It'd be so much easier...
- I don't want you in my house.
I made myself a promise and I had to sit there
every single day...
and watch as they dragged him out...
she just dragged him out,
like he didn't mean anything...
- Keep your voice down.
Look you're not making any sense right now.
Back up.
Touch the pole.
- When I was a kid I made myself a promise...
- Touch the pole.
Touch the pole. Keep your hand on it.
Keep your hand on the pole.
She always had a place to go,
and she would come away...
- Keep your voice down.
- Just calm down!
- I'm calm...
and annoyed as hell. I'm calm,
keep your voice down.
That she always had a place to go
and she would come over with her black teeth...
and would she sit there and tell
him that he should kill himself.
She'd drink a cosmo...
and she'd tell him to give his clothes to
goodwill and he should kill himself.
And then she would look at him straight
in the face like he wasn't even a person.
and she would say
you're snoring, you're snoring.
Appease! Appease! Appease!
Goddamn, cover your mouth!
Don't cough on me.
Get a hold of yourself.
- Where're we going?
- Let's go.
Let's go.
Wait where are we going?
Wait, no! I don't wanna go!
Let's not make it tense, alright?
You realize I've been awake for 15 seconds,
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
You're not making any sense.
You got two minutes to tell
whatever you have to say.
Listen, you have two minutes and you're
out the door, alright?
And this counts as your two minutes.
It's bullshit...
I need to use the bathroom.
I'll be right out.
Sorry.
Hey everything's cool man.
Just stay in place, ok?