From This Day Forward (2015) - full transcript

[Trisha vocalizing]

[Sharon] Okay. So, what did you
have for breakfast?

Uh, that would be
French toast,

vegan French toast.

[Sharon] Nice.

-Testing, testing.
-[Sharon] And some coffee?

-Coffee. 16 ounces.
-Always.

[soft music playing]

[Trisha] Born in
Denver, Colorado, and...

[Sharon]
You say, "I was born."

Yes, I was.



[Sharon] So you have to say,
"I was born..."

So you say
a complete sentence, okay?

[both laughing]

[Trisha] I grew up there at
a time when the air was clear,

tumbleweeds, rattlesnakes,

horny toads squirt blood
from their eyes.

-[Sharon] Really?
-[Trisha] Really.

[Trisha]
That's the absolute truth.

Check it out.

[Sharon] Is it the Dad truth
or the absolute truth?

No, Google it.

[Sharon] Can I just get
some footage of you

driving for a sec?

Sure.



Won't that be exciting?

[laughing]

Got my 4-wheel drive,
Dodge Stratus...

[Trisha] Oh, shit,
I'm in the wrong lane.

You know what,
maybe this isn't working.

[Sharon] What would you do

if you wanted
to teach me a move

so that I wouldn't
get attacked?

Just lead
with this knuckle.

Okay.

If one hand goes out,

the other hand goes back.

[Sharon] When I was 13,

my dad was driving me
to school, and told me,

"Sharon, whenever
you get married,

"I hope that you'll
let me wear a dress,

when I walk you
down the aisle."

I remember just feeling

this sinking feeling
in the pit of my stomach,

because...

I didn't ever want
that day to come.

[soft music playing]

[Sharon] So, where were we,
I mean, just...

Okay, so you were saying,

-Choosing a name.
-[Sharon] Choosing a name.

[Trisha] Years ago,
as a little child,

uh, when I was introduced

to the first baby
I had ever seen,

a new born baby,
I was pretty young.

I'm gonna say I was four.

I was told that
the baby's name was Trisha.

And, um...

I don't know why.

But I really wished that
my name had been Trisha.

[soft music playing]

[Trisha] I'm sure that
this is probably typical

of anybody who is gay, lesbian,
bi-sexual transgender.

You sense,
you have a definite sense

that something's
not quite right.

How come I wasn't
born a girl?

[Sharon] When I was younger,
I pretty much rejected my dad.

I just didn't want
to deal with the fact

that I had
a transgender parent.

[woman]
Hi there, pretty girl!

[man] Okay...

[Sharon]
For me, I think that

a lot of the past is
kind of unresolved.

As hard as it might be
for my family,

I want to ask the questions
that I couldn't ask back then.

-[Trisha] Hi!
-Hi!

[Trisha]
There's my family.

Gee, am I still filming?

I like a skirt
that has some pleats.

Kinda help gives me some hips
that I don't have.

I've had people tell me,
they say,

"Good God, are you tall!"

[Sharon laughing]

I say,
"Can't that be elegant?"

-[Trisha] Doesn't that
look nice?
-[Sharon] Mm-hmm.

-Shall we?
-[Sharon] Sure, let's do it.

[Sharon] When I was young,
we lived in Chicago.

My mom was a young doctor,

so she was working
all the time.

Mom was
the primary breadwinner

and Dad was
the primary caretaker.

And at first, it was
a pretty average childhood.

Uh, enjoying the evening.

We come over
to read new magazines,

catch up on casual reading.

She's stretching.

[Trisha] I've always wanted
to have children.

And I had a chance
to put you on my hip,

then carry my
diaper bag around,

and hang out
with other mothers

and so vicariously
as close as I could come.

-[Sharon] To what?
-[Trisha] To being a mother.

You know, to being your mom.

[Sharon] Did you feel alone
in that situation?

Oh, yeah. I felt
very, very alone.

Trying to keep
the cross-dressing hidden

from neighbors and relatives,

and going out at night
to events or whatever

and looking both ways,

and changing clothes
in the back of your vehicle,

and large parking lots
with nobody around...

You know, after a while,
that gets old.

[Sharon] It was
a Christmas morning,

and I was really young.

I might have been
in third grade,

and so my sister
was like, first grade.

I remember my sister was
snooping in my dad's office,

and found some photos
that had been glued together,

and she peeled them apart,

and saw dad dressed
as a woman.

And so she brought them
to my mom,

and was like, "Why is
dad dressed like grandma?"

My parents felt that
it was time to tell us

and so, my dad
left the room,

and then came back
dressed in women's clothing.

As children, we didn't really
understand what that meant.

[children laughing]

[woman] Good, Sharon!
That's nice!

But eventually, one day,

my parents sat us down

in the living room
of our house,

and announced that they were
going to get a divorce.

They seemed so heartbroken.

And I don't know what happened
between them after that,

but they ended up
not going through with it.

So we never talked
about divorce again.

It just kind of, went away.

[Sharon] What's the game?

[dog panting]

[Trisha] It's where
I stand up here,

and I pretend
to be chasing her...

[dog growling]

And we go around...
Oh, okay, all right.

-[Sharon] Hi, Mom.
-Hi!

[Sharon] I looked through it,
I should put on my boots.

-Mom, are you excited?
-I'm very excited.

How many times have you gone
out mushrooming this year?

None. This is the first time.

[Trisha] Watch out for the dove
when you come out.

So, I'm getting excited.
Oh, here, this is yours.

Yeah, I'll carry this out.

So...

You can follow
us out, okay?

But just keep your head down,
'cause there's this dove

right here nesting
right by the side of the...

[laughing]

-[Trisha] Okay, ready, Marcia?
-[Marcia] Yep.

-Do you see it?
-[Sharon whispering] I see it.

If we go west, we may find
that dirt road over there,

and eventually find
that two track...

Mushroom number one.

[Sharon laughing]

[Marcia] Here we go.

[Trisha] Here, mushroom.

Here, mushroom, mushroom.

Does my hair
look okay, honey?

It does.

Check my make up.

-Beautiful.
-I don't have any on.

Thirty-five years ago,
and you want us to remember

-what we said back then?
-[laughing]

[Marcia]
You were out sunning.

I was just like
a turtle on a log,

trying to soak up
heat on my back,

wearing my tightest little,
little blue cotton shorts...

Yeah.

-And, and...
-That was very interesting.

And Marcia
walked over to me,

and she saw me,

and walked over.

And I was interested, so...

[Marcia] I was moving
shortly after that,

and you decided that
you wanted to help me.

You told me later that
the the reason,

one of the reasons you did it

was because you
wanted to find out what

my new address was gonna be.

[laughing]

I was so sly.

I'm not a real swift person
when it comes
to relationships.

So, it was a lot of sitting
around in a candle-lit room,

listening to old
rock 'n' roll LPs,

and old blues,

that largely went nowhere.

All right, see you tomorrow,
okay, good night.

So, then, there was
a guy at work that I was...

I remember that guy.

Starting to date.

[Trisha] Well, I called up,
I said, "What's going on?

What's happening?"
And you go, "Well,

not tonight,
I have a friend over."

I go, "A friend?"

And then Marcia says, "Yes,
he's sitting here now

with me in the apartment."

And I'm going, "What?"

-[laughing]
-And I hopped in my Delta 88,

my old Delta 88,
and rumbled on over there,

and knocked on the door.

[imitating knocking]

Marcia opens the door
a crack...

[laughing]

I look in there, and
there's this groovy dude

sitting there, he's got
his acoustic guitar,

and he's sitting there
playing some quiet music,

and I thought...

[laughing]

And Marcia said,
"Well, I don't know,

I hadn't heard anything
from you...

I just figured maybe
you weren't interested."

And I decided right
then and there, I said,

"I'm going to exhibit
greater interest."

[laughing]

And I proposed.

But I didn't have a ring...

'Cause it's just like me,

to have not anticipated
to the point of...

I don't think
I had the money.

I didn't go to my dad,
and say,

"Dad, I need money
for a ring."

When we went for rings,

we chose these
little slender bands,

partly because
that's all we could afford,

but also because
we didn't really want

something real
ostentatious.

And I wanted my band slim
to match Marcia's.

[Sharon] There's a fly
on the lens.

[laughing]

And the black flies
are out now.

[Sharon] Could you guys
just blow on that?

Oh, wait, it went off.
No, no, now it's back.

[blowing air]

Hi.

My daughter has asked me

to film some more.

It's not a real
high-priced camera,

so I can't zoom

or do other fun stuff...

Got my jam box,

some of my abused brushes,

my cactus, that I bent over
and put my head into,

the other day, picking up
lids that fell down.

Power tools.

There is my Stelling Banjo.

My cat.

Psycho.

[soft music playing]

I derive a lot of
spiritual satisfaction

from being in front
of my canvasses

and working in that moment.

Making the marks,

and pushing the paint,
and doing the work.

The imagery
within the painting

is highly personal to me.

These are my diary.

These are the events
of my life.

[birds chirping]

I painted Where the Marsh
Meets the Lake

around the time
when I first met Marcia.

The marsh represents Marcia

and the lake represents me.

And it's really
a biologically rich place

with a lot of life,

and very Asian.

I could sense that we were
working together as a couple.

-[Trisha] '81.
-[Sharon] 81 what?

Was the year that we married,

made a commitment...

What?

[Sharon] What do you
mean by that?

You decided to be
attracted to women,

or you just were,
and that's just...

No, I mean, I've always
been attracted to women,

and there've been
plenty of opportunities

for me to be attracted
or to follow through with

uh, attraction to men...

A lot of people
just assume that

if you're transgender,
and if you dress as a woman,

that you want to be
with a man,

and that's not
always the case.

I will go back,
and mention that

on our first or second date,

I told Marcia that
there was an aspect of me

that she should know about
early on.

And it is nothing that
I wanted to hide from her,

she was the absolute
first person

that I ever came out to.

I went over to my closet

and I dressed up
as my femme self

and then I asked her
to come out,

and then I tried
to explain to her

why I was behaving
the way I did,

and you just try
to allay any fears...

Initially, I think

she probably thought
it was kinky,

and as long as it stayed
in the privacy of the bedroom,

that would be fine.

Then ultimately,

it was something that

I couldn't just keep
in the bedroom.

[Sharon] How did you
envision your marriage

when you were younger,

like before you met Trish?

Oh, probably I would say,

like a lot of
little kids like me,

born in the '50s.

We grew up
with Walt Disney, right?

And there was like,
the princess,

and your hero,
you know...

And then you would
look at your parents,

and their marriage, and
it's very traditional.

So, the assumption is

that's the way it'll be,
you know?

But I knew I wanted
to go to college,

and be able to make
my own way in the world.

I never thought
that I'd be a mom.

I was never the kind of girl

like, that loved to babysit
and things like that.

[Sharon] That's... I can't
imagine you not being a mom.

It was kind of
an unexpected thing.

[both laughing]

I'm sorry, I was a surprise!

You were a little bit
of a surprise.

[Marcia] Not an
entire surprise, but...

[nursery rhyme playing]

[child giggling]

[Sharon] How did you react
when Trish first told you

about being transgender?

Do you remember
that scene?

[Marcia] I do remember
that scene,

because we were

starting to get serious
about one another.

And then one day

Trish said, "I'm gonna
step out, and I'll come back."

And Trish came back
dressed as a woman.

And I can say that I was...

I can tell you that I had
a very sheltered life.

I had no idea

that men wore
women's clothing,

or there was
this whole thing...

I was totally naive.

[Marcia] It was definitely
very stressful sometimes and...

I mean, honestly,
it was too different.

And maybe from
your perspective, you girls,

I think you were really angry

and felt like I was
not thinking of you

and not caring
about you enough.

But that's where
it's really hard,

it's like choosing
between your children

and your spouse, you know,
and that's really tough.

[Laura laughing]

No, actually growing up,

you were the one who had like,
the plastic horses,

and I wasn't ever
really interested in them.

Growing up, I never had
the dream of like,

riding horses
or owning horses.

[Sharon] Do you remember
that Christmas?

[Laura] Yeah, I was just...

It was a huge shock and...

I feel like, as a family,

we didn't really know
how to deal with it.

I hear dad say that,
you know,

he wanted to be a mom,
when we were growing up.

Well, I feel a little
conflicted about that,

because I have a mom.

It's just hard as a kid.

I do still think at times,

that he definitely thought
more about his satisfaction,

what he wanted,

instead of like,
the larger picture

of how it could
affect his family.

Like, especially growing up,
I had a really difficult time,

um, you know,
for quite a few years.

I was really, you know,
gunning for a divorce.

And you were, too, um...

It just... At the time,

I thought it would have
been so much easier to,

like, grow up and do
what I needed to do

without having, you know,

this other person in my life

who I was really
struggling with.

[Sharon] We didn't want to

have to explain to
all of our friends

what was going on
with our dad.

We just wanted to blend in
with everybody else.

But that became
increasingly difficult.

[Trisha] I started
having electrolysis done

as one of the first things.

Zapping every single
hair follicle.

Then the rhinoplasty, creating
more of a feminine nose.

Tracheal shave,
to help take down

the protrusion of
my "Adam's apple".

And then after a while,

I started taking hormones.

I mean,
can you see that?

Can you see that?

Yeah, sucker.

They wanted this administered

deep on the outside
of my hips.

I don't feel depressed,

I feel, you know, normal.

It's interesting.
I feel normal,

when I'm on the hormones.

When I bring up
this estrogen,

I feel so much better.

My concentration, my being,

my body.

There is an easiness,
where I feel calm.

And it's like,
"Oh, yes, I'm back now.

This is where I want to be."

[Sharon] That was '93.

[Marcia] Oh, wow.

-Thinking, newborns?
-Yeah.

Here's Howard,
his grandpa and grandma.

-[Marcia] Hmm.
-[Sharon] Aww...

[Sharon] This is probably
in East Lansing.

[Marcia] Long haired
hippie-type.

[Sharon] Yeah, long haired
hippie-type.

I like this one.

[Marcia] And here is Trish,
in the blonde years.

[Sharon] Mm-hmm.

[Sharon] When you're in
middle school, or high school,

even if you don't have
a transgender parent,

you don't really want

anything to do
with your parents.

Dad was really hands-on.

Every time we had
a field trip,

or a school dance,

dad would be there
chaperoning.

And it was mortifying.

The kind of thing where you
just wanna crawl into a hole,

or disappear.

It was really
unfortunate timing

that you have two young
children who are like,

just growing up,

and trying to find out
who they are,

and their place in the world,
and then, you yourself decide,

"Okay, this is my time
to figure out who I am, too."

[Sharon] I dealt with
the situation at home

by becoming independent
as quickly as I could.

And just really tried
to separate myself

from needing any help.

But Laura was younger,

so she couldn't really
make that choice.

[Trisha] Laura was
in elementary school,

and what a nightmare
that is for her.

Because she has to go through
elementary and junior high

at a crucial stage where
you don't want to stand out,

you don't want
to be different,

and what hell
I put her through.

And I did it blithely
and I regret that.

[Sharon] You went full time

at a time when
Laura and I were so young,

and I just feel like...
I want to know why.

What was the impetus?

[Trisha] I suppose, I was
trying to just, you know,

force myself through
to a situation

where I had a consistent
gender identity.

By that time, I felt like
I couldn't go back.

I was like the genie that got
let out of the bottle.

When you carry around
this feeling

that you're not normal,

and that something's
not right,

in your head,

it's incredibly depressing

and it's a heavy weight
upon your shoulders.

You have thoughts
that filter to your head

where you feel like,
you know,

"This is just never
going to end."

[Trisha] You can move around
a bit, Sharon, it's okay.

You know, it even tapes
your voice, too,

if you
want to say something.

I love you, Daddy.

Oh, I love you, too.

You're a gem.

[Trisha] And I had these
two beautiful daughters,

you know, that I'm
sitting here raising,

and I should be the happiest
person in the world.

But I just wanted to die.

And I get so depressed
that I called a suicide line,

'cause I don't know
what else to do.

[Sharon] So, it was literally
life or death, for you?

[Trisha] It was.

[Sharon] There's a painting
that my dad did in the '80s.

It shows a clown

staring at the viewer with
these very masculine features.

And I didn't realize
until very recently that

that's a self portrait
of my dad as a man.

This person, you know,
dressed as a man,

feels like they're
living a lie.

I didn't really understand

what it felt like
to be in the closet

until I saw the expression
on that clown's face.

I was in fourth grade

and dad was in the middle
of transitioning

when we decided
to move to Michigan.

And that was fraught
with stress for all of us.

Our neighbors just didn't know
what to make of us.

It was very interesting,

because your dad went through
a slow transformation.

I'm gonna tell you
my first memory.

I walked by,
it was a new house,

and I was
a pretty nosy person.

He started to
frequently wear overalls.

And then, we started noticing
things like jewelry,

and his hair,
wearing his hair differently.

He would sometimes walk
dressed in his dress,

and people would
yap-yap-yap about that.

[man] Back then,

if there was somebody new
or unfamiliar in town,

they stood out in every way.

This woman walked in
that I had never seen before,

she hung around,
and had a bowl of soup.

I remember talking to her,

she seemed like a really
interesting person, you know?

Every Sunday, you guys
would come in with your mom.

And then, one day,

your dad came in with you all.

And I'm like,

"Wait a minute." You know?

This...
I knew it was that...

I mean, I could tell

it was familiar enough,
and it was like,

"Whoa!" but, but...
And then,

it gradually
occurred to me that

this person, who
at sometimes,

was going around
as a woman,

was coming around
with you guys as your dad.

And I could ask my friends,
or whatever, "You know this?"

And they'd say, "Oh, yeah,
that's Michael Shattuck."

[neighbor] Everybody
knows everybody.

And I'm sure everybody
in town knows your dad.

Oy, oy, there she goes!

[neighbor]
What's amazed me, too,

and I'm going to be very
blunt with you there, too,

I'm amazed that your parents

have maintained such
a loving close relationship

from an outsider's viewpoint.

I mean,
that's amazing to me.

And I also have
a hard time with

which gender to use.

I still want
to call Trish "Mike",

and my husband, Dave,
still calls him Mike.

He says, "That's his name

that's what it's gonna
always be."

[Trisha] Ultimately,
I changed my name

legally.

I was formerly
Michael Shattuck.

I painted a painting,
and I painted the date,

of my name change
onto the painting,

so, that's what helps me

keep that date in mind.

[Sharon]
Which painting is it?

That is, um...

Into the Stubble,
Before the Storm.

[thunder rumbling]

The gathering storm

and the turbulent clouds
behind it,

I probably knew that
there would be problems.

[Sharon] We knew that my dad
was going to change names.

But, legally,
the name change

had to be announced
in the newspaper.

There's only one newspaper,

everyone in town
is going to see it.

And I think, in our minds,

the headline was going to be

plastered across the front
page of the newspaper.

[Laura] I didn't know
until that morning

that it was going to be
in the newspaper.

To me, that seemed
really official,

and like, I spent the day
in the office.

Oh, I'm like,
in the sick room,

'cause I was
so convinced that

when the newspaper
would come out,

I just thought, all this bad
stuff was going to happen.

[Sharon] My sister
came home from school

crying one day
and she said that

her math teacher had pulled
her aside after class,

and said, "I know what
your dad is doing,

and I don't approve."

I think some people
were just disgusted.

I mean, they just
couldn't fathom...

This is a small community,

and they just thought that

it was probably
the weirdest thing

they had ever encountered.

[Trisha] I lost friends,
I lost close friends,

neighbors who had
hustled their kids away.

I've had two neighbors who
moved out of the neighborhood

next door.

During one surgery,

where I had
my eyebrows ground down,

I lost a lot of blood.

And late at night,
I couldn't sleep,

and I'm all bandaged up.

I was surprised at
how many nurses

at the hospital would have
nothing to do with me

and would not answer my calls,

because, basically,
it was like,

"Why on earth
would a person

"elect to have
these surgeries done?"

Um, and, uh...

There is one gay nurse,

who was the only person
who came

to help me that night.

You enjoy!

[Sharon] I was wondering if you
could first introduce yourself.

Um, my name is B. J. Sean

and I used to be
your employer.

[laughing]

[Sean] There's a lot of
conservative people here

politically, but, um...

I was brought up
with the idea

of the golden rule
and tolerance.

And I think, one of the things
that Trish has provided is

an enlightenment about
what her struggle has been.

You were going through
the process of acceptance,

and my biggest struggle

was how to let you know
I already knew,

when you were telling me
she was your aunt...

[laughing]

And I was saying, "Gosh,

I wish you trusted me
enough to tell me

what was really going on."
because I cared,

and I'm the type of person...
I don't care

who a person is
as long as they are good.

[Sharon] I think for a lot
of kids of LGBT parents,

you're just as much
in the closet

until you start coming out
about your parents.

I was on a mission to not
tell anyone about my dad.

Every time I brought
a boy home,

they would just
kind of, show up,

and sometimes, Trish would
surprise us in a dress,

and I wouldn't say anything,

and then we'd go out
on our date,

and I just
wouldn't talk about it.

When I went away to college,

I was able to start
telling people

about my dad
on my own terms,

instead of having
everybody in town

already know and
gossiping about me.

And that was really liberating.

By the time I met John,

I told him pretty much
right away.

This is John Eves,

eating breakfast.

-Hello.
-Where are we, right now?

We are in Maine,

outside of a campground

in Acadia National Park.

[John] This pointing up,
is zooming in?

[Sharon] Uh-huh.

[John] Pointing down
is zooming out.

Run up.

[Sharon] In 2012,
we were hiking in Maine,

and we were at the top
of a mountain,

and he knelt down in front
of me with his backpack.

And he said, "Hey,
I have a question."

This is where John
asked me to marry him.

Just now.

See? That's happening.

[giggling]

Oh, God.

Oh, we're so excited
for both of you!

I love you!

[Sharon] Thank you.
Thank you, Mom!

Hi, sweetie.

Congratulations.

[hill-billy song playing]

[laughter]

[Trisha] Thank you, Mark.
See you another time soon.

Make it sooner than later.

[Mark] Absolutely.

[Trisha] Bye, Sharon.

[Sharon] Bye, mom.

I guess this thing is on.

I'm a landscape architect.

I graduated with a degree
in landscape architecture.

And...

One of the reasons why
I ultimately chose to do that

was because
I could plant trees.

I grow a lot of little trees

and then I put them
on people's lawns.

Sometimes I ask them,
sometimes I don't.

Here is one.

I'll put a little tag on it.

It's got the the type of tree.

This tree over here
was planted from an acorn

about 18 years ago.

This spruce over here...

-[Sharon] You planted that?
-That's one of my babies.

Sometimes I'll put on my
reflective bright orange vest

and I'll grab
the wheelbarrow.

Okay, do I look
sufficiently forestry like?

I know a lot of what is filmed

is about transgender lifestyles

and me, I guess.

Kind of... I'm probably
a poor representative

of a transgender individual.

They way I behave
is kinda unpredictable.

So,

I kind of lead
two separate lives

with my... The way
that I present myself

in public.

I shift back and forth a lot

between masculine
and feminine.

So psychologically,

I'm kind of, in a bind.

[Trisha] Taking on
the persona of a woman

is a lot of work.

It's the slips,
it's the make up,

it's the nylon,
it's the shoes.

And heels hurt my feet.

I'm trying to speak
a little higher,

and you know,
try to pass yourself off

by doing kind of,
this constrained,

um, vocal chord approach

where everything
just goes higher,

and are you going to try to
sing in a high voice, too,

and does this feel real?

Or am I being just
as real as I can be.

Sometimes, people will say

you know, "What are you?
A man, or are you a woman?

What are you?"

You ask yourself, "Well,
aside from being born male,

what kind of woman

or what kind of a transwoman
would I be?"

[Sharon] Are you good
with you being you, too?

Uh, you know, what?
In terms of my expression?

Part of me, you know,
wants to express

more of my femininity

and wants to put my dresses
and my outfits,

my skirts and
my stuff on periodically.

But, um...

Also, my concern has to do,
you know, with my spouse.

[Sharon] How do you feel
seeing Trish wearing a dress?

I mean, does it make you
question your identity?

[Marcia] Yeah, you do.

You're sort of, like, "Okay,
I'm in this relationship,

"I'm attracted to men,

and my spouse is now
looking very feminine,"

and it becomes
really confusing, you know?

Then who am I?

What does that mean to me
and to my femininity?

You just become disoriented.

You know, the attractions
that you have

are pretty ingrained.

It's not like you can
turn it on and off readily.

Sometimes, I wouldn't say
there is a revulsion,

but it's just kind of, like,

"Well, I'm not necessarily
that attracted to you

when you look
really, really feminine."

[Trisha] I describe it
as being on the fence,

and kinda, tip-toeing
and doing the tight rope,

on the top of the fence,

and one side is male,
and one side is female.

And which side you're
going to go down on,

'cause it is really hard
to straddle the fence.

[playing blues tune]

You ought to try
some high notes.

[continues playing]

[Sharon] Nice.

Laura is doing her best
to guide me into stores

and trying to help me

decide on what it is I'm
going to wear at your wedding.

-[Sharon] Really?
-Yeah.

And she is showing me
all sorts of stuff,

and, I have
a heck of a time

in stores.

[Sharon] What kind of stuff
is she showing you?
I'm curious.

Um, it runs the gamut.

Sooner or later,
I have to make the decision

about what it is
I'm gonna be wearing.

I'm going to leave it
totally up to you,

because I don't want to,
um, be a distraction.

I don't want to be a topic,

and it's whatever you want.

[Sharon] As much as I hated

the idea of my dad
wearing a dress

to my wedding, when
I was in middle school,

it doesn't bother me now.

I just want her to be happy

and I think that what she
would really want to wear

is a dress.

Does it say what time
the reception starts?

6:00.

Well, this is going to be
a lot of flaps.

Mm-hmm.

Would you hold that?

We're only going to get
these two right here.

This is just a test.

Yeah.

This is a test,
this is a test.

From the Emergency
Broadcasting Network.

[Marcia] Oh, honey...

[Sharon] She's very booksmart.

[Trisha laughing]

Ooh, that's
a pretty low blow...

I think that was an insult.

[laughing] Ouch.

[Laura] They look very festive.

They do. Wow!

[Trisha] Not everything's
gonna go as you plan,

beginning right on the day
of your marriage.

There would be things
that would arise

that you don't anticipate.

Some things could be
extremely challenging

and will test the bond
that you are forging

between yourselves.

[Sharon] For ten years or so,
when dad was really full on

or very feminine,

I kind of felt like dad was
pushing very hard for that,

and I felt like, maybe

you didn't have as much
of a voice about it.

Um, yeah, I would say that
that's probably the truth.

I would say
that's probably true.

I mean,
there was a time when,

I think your dad
really considered, you know,

sex reassignment surgery,
and all of that, and um...

I mean, there is a part of me
that just said, "Well,

whatever you feel like
you really need to do,

you need to do it."

I don't know that
I can stay in a relationship

in that situation.

And there's a part of me that
just felt really resentful

and just like,
"How could you do this?"

You know, "How can you betray
our marriage and our family?"

You know, it felt
very much like that.

I was seriously considering
leaving the situation, um...

But I don't know,

I just couldn't.
I just couldn't leave.

We had some differences,
we had our arguments,

we definitely had
a lot of tears.

We went to
various therapists,

which was unfortunately
not very productive.

They just really
didn't understand.

So, it's like, sort of,
you're finding your own way.

And I think, we're still,
sort of, are finding our way.

[Trisha] You have
two cats meeting.

And you know that
there's about to be a fight,

and they start
circling one another.

And all of a sudden,
they're at it with each other,

and fur is flying,

and one of them's
gonna get hurt,

or they're both
gonna get hurt.

Marcia had a lot of issues

with this
trying to live full time.

Initially, I thought that

I'd probably just go
the whole nine yards,

and have the sexual
reassignment surgery,

but I started
talking to Marcia,

and Marcia's going, "No!

No! I didn't marry a woman,
I married a man."

[Marcia] I really tried very
hard to be more empathetic.

See how would I feel?

What would it
be like for me?

If I were
the one transitioning,
how would that be?

I've asked your dad that.

What would you think if I
were the one who transitioned,

and you were the person

who was staying the same,
how would that...

Would you be able
to handle it?

That was kind of,
an interesting question,

because not that I've ever
got a straight answer,

like, "Would you
stay with me

if I were transitioning
to a male?"

And your dad said, "Well,
probably not, you know?"

[Sharon] I don't know if
I could do what my mom did.

And I've talked
to other couples,

where one person
is transitioning,

and the other one
misses their spouse,

you know, like,
misses their husband.

Even though the person
is still there,

they don't have
the man anymore.

[Trisha] What I
should have done

is probably just
gotten a divorce

and moved off
on to my own somewhere.

[Sharon] I mean,
the big question for me
is why didn't you?

You could have moved away
and been yourself

and not had to worry
about us or mom.

[Trisha] If I was without her,

if I was like, cast out
from this relationship,

I wouldn't want to survive.

I couldn't see myself
living without her.

And then we're gonna put
the mushrooms in here, too?

Mm-hmm.

-Do you think that's enough?
-[Sharon] Yeah.

Wonder why all these chipmunks
are running all over the place.

We got to put them.

So these are hot,
we can't touch 'em.

[Trisha] Bad smell.

[Sharon]
That's really hot corn.

This is like charcoal burnt.

-Yeah, it's like...
-[Trisha] Horse manure.

No, no, we're done.
We're done with this.

Come on, everybody.
Let's go out to dinner.

I screwed up.

Well, we got potato salad
and cous-cous.

I'm so sorry, honey.

[Sharon laughing]

[Sharon] With all
these big issues

that we were
dealing with as kids,

it's strange that we never

talked about pronouns
as a family.

At the time,

my sister and I didn't
really want to know

what Trish preferred,

because that would
have meant

really coming to terms
with her decision.

So, we didn't ask.

What's you feeling
about the pronouns?

Well, I would
really prefer, um...

You know, feminine pronouns,

to answer your question.

It's something that I've
allowed the family

to coast on
for many, many years,

waiting for everyone
in the family, all of us,

to get to the point where you
could relate to me as I am.

[Sharon] It took me a while
to get used to saying "she"

when referring to my dad.

And it's difficult, because
some members of my family

still use
the wrong pronouns,

or they don't use
pronouns at all.

[Laura] When I was living
in Ann Arbor, it was

my first introduction to people
who are transgender,

besides dad,

so that really put things
in perspective a little more

to be able to relate

to somebody who was
closer to my own age

and see their struggles
and listen to them,

and for these friends
who I've met,

I have no problem calling them
by their preferred pronouns.

But it's just so different

when it's your own parent.

[Sharon] It's hard because
I also ask dad point-blank,

"What would you prefer?"

and dad said, "I would prefer
feminine pronouns."

I didn't really
know that, actually...

-[Sharon] Really?
-That there was a preference.

Would you just prefer me
to go all the way

and say "Trish" and "she"
and not "dad"?

Well, it's...

I told you girls years ago,

that "dad" was always okay.

"Dad" doesn't
really bother me,

but I prefer
feminine pronouns,

'cause then that gives me
the opportunity

to get off the fence.

Up in the corner
of this painting up here,

you know, there I am,

with all the stuff
popping out of my head,

and one of the lenses
of my eye glasses is...

[Sharon] Cracked or something?

[Trisha] You feel that there
is one aspect of your being,

you know, your lens,
that which you're perceiving

this environment through
is just not quite right.

[Trisha] I am
a spiritual person.

So, that's how
I get closer to God.

I lose myself in the art work.

And I draw the analogy
to giving birth.

I'll never have
an opportunity to give birth.

But I am capable of
giving birth to my artwork.

My artwork can stand
on its own

and then move out
into the world

and have its own existence.

I've always been impressed

with this artist's work.

He covers cracks with tar

in our neighborhood.

Inspiration abounds
wherever we go.

[Trisha] I'm with
my walking partner today.

-Hi.
-[Trisha] Hi, honey.

Marcia is a trooper.

I mean, she knows...

She sees a slope like this
and she goes,

"Yeah, this is
a workout right here."

My guess is
they are a little tart.

[Marcia] Yeah, maybe I can...

-Mmm, tart.
-[Trisha] Tart.

That's what I thought.

[Sharon] When a person
changes in a marriage,

how did you maintain your love
and attraction for dad?

[Marcia] You just realize
there's this connection,

and it's not always something
you can definitely describe.

And it's all sorts of ways,

it's physical,
it's emotional,

it's just spiritual
attraction and connection.

It's this inner being

that is the attraction,

and it's, you know,
it's just always there,

and there's nothing really
that can break it

if it's there for you.

And it's just really
comforting to know

that there is
that person for you.

And that's your
biggest champion, you know,

that's the person who,
at least in our situation,

has always encouraged me
to be the best I can be.

And ultimately, if you
really love someone,

you have to let them be
who they are.

Marcia, would you agree

that this is one
of my favorite places

and your favorite places?

And sometimes,
there's something

that comes out of nowhere
and it's just so funny,

and I love that
about our relationship.

It's so important
to be able to laugh

at each other, at yourself.

[grunts]

[Marcia laughing]

Not everybody can do that.

[laughing]

[Marcia] I think there are
certainly some negative things

that people, you know,
shouldn't accept

in an individual.

I mean, I wouldn't
accept violence,

or being diminished

in any way
by another person.

I wouldn't consider that
to be a good relationship.

I think, ultimately,

I'm stronger
for this relationship

and I'm a better person
for the relationship.

[Trisha]
When I came out to her,

there seemed to be
some acceptance of me

approaching her
in a feminine way.

[Sharon] Still,
you guys are still intimate?

-Yes.
-[Sharon] That's awesome.

Okay, that's all I want
to know about that.

[both laughing]

[All] Wow!

[Sharon laughing] Wow, mom!

That's beautiful.

You want me
to hold that for you?

[laughing]

It goes well
with your hair.

You know, and
your complexion.

[all chattering]

The beading looks so superb.

It may look nice, very '30s.

It's got a lot more weight,
you know, it's got that glass.

Plus some pearl.

Nice detail.

[all chattering]

Mmm.

Long time ago,
I bought myself a book

on body language,

that gave all sorts of clues

about how people
were really thinking,

when they said "yes".

When I pulled out a dress
that I had purchased

for the wedding,

and I had shown my spouse,

and she asks, "When were you
thinking of wearing that?"

And I said, "Well,
I thought maybe, you know,

"the rehearsal dinner."

And I could see
a cloud, you know,

pass over her face.

And her immediate
response was,

"I don't wanna
influence your decision."

She'll look splendid.

You know, sometimes a woman

just wants to dance
with her husband.

It's an odd psychology,
sweetheart,

it's always feeling
this nagging need

to express your femininity.

You may try to fight it...

I know I try to fight it.

Boy, did I try to fight it.

For years, I suppressed
my persona and, um...

You end up carrying

a lot of depression,
a lot of sadness,

if you're trying to conceal

some aspect
of your personality.

[all chattering]

It's after the ceremony...

It's gonna take
some more dancing lessons.

[birds chirping]

[people chatting]

[priest]
Well, good evening.

Thank you for coming

to share this
joyous celebration

where we're about to join
John and Sharon in marriage.

We're asking you
to reflect once more

upon the importance

of the covenant
you're about to make.

What you do here
binds you together

for the whole of your lives.

May your marriage bring you
all the exquisite excitements

a marriage should bring.

And may life
grant you also, patience,

tolerance and understanding.

If you have quarrels
that push you apart,

may both of you hope to
have good sense enough

to take the first step back.

[Priest] So, by the authority

vested in me
by the state of Michigan,

and the Probate Court,

I pronounce you
husband and wife,

and I present to all of you,
John and Sharon.

[all cheering]

[Sharon] I wanted you to wear

what you wanted
to wear, you know.

I mean, it feels to me,
like you made a sacrifice

at my wedding.

I kind of, feel
like a bit sad.

Okay, well, let me tell you.

When I put on the tux,

and when Marcia
and I were like this,
side by side.

Uh, I felt good.

It was okay.

And when we were with you,

that moment, you know,
in the wedding,

it was the happiest day
of my life so far.

[Trisha]
Test, test, test, test.

Folks, are you having
a good time tonight?

[all cheering]

I want to tell you

that,

even though there's a lot of
work to put on a good party,

there's even more work
to put in on a good marriage.

And if your marriage is

really built on that
foundation I spoke of,

and if you know how to
communicate with each other,

and if you know how to

smile your way
through your arguments,

you come back and try to
work on your differences,

then you'll go far.

Thank you so much.
Thank you, thank you.

[all cheering]

[man] I would like to invite
Sharon and her father

to the dance floor
for a father-daughter dance.

[all clapping]

[dance music playing]

[Trisha] In my own life,

on any given day,

I have a very fluid concept

of what my gender
presentation may be.

As I started meeting women
who were mucking up barns,

working barefoot
in their gardens,

getting dirty,

I decided there are
all different kinds of women.

If I'm going
mushroom hunting,

I can throw on some camo,

and I can slip in
and out of a tire.

Really when it
comes right down to it,

when you start letting go
of preconceptions,

I feel like a lot
of the weight is gone.

[whistling]

Oh, got it. Wet dog.

But I'm not saying
I'm completely happy.

So, it's not like I have

resolved, um...

You know,
my transgender being.

I haven't.
I don't think I ever will.

So, I just kinda
take it as it is.

Um, try to get by.

[Marcia laughing]

[Sharon] You want to go
by the water?

[John] Yep.

[Sharon] When my parents
got married,

I don't think that
they ever imagined

how difficult it would be
for them to stay together.

As a family, we're still
working through things.

It's going to be
an ongoing conversation.

And I think that
that's okay.

So, I was just going
to ask you one last thing.

Do you have any advice...

Like, what are the things that
have helped you stay together?

[Marcia] Well, I think...

You know, maybe
I was just really selfish.

I just, I couldn't see me

without Trish.

It's sort of, like,
deciding between yourselves

that your life together
is so important,

it's so valuable
that you will do

pretty much
anything to keep that.

And...

If you have
that kind of commitment,

there is nothing that
you can't get through.

[Trisha] Once you start
putting down those years

with your mate,

and they start rolling by
with the seasons,

and you make your ventures,

you go out into the world,
and put the miles under you,

you develop a history.

And it's that history,
that shared history,

and the shared memories

that end up
stitching together our lives.

I feed the cats,
I pull the weeds,

I fill the bird bath,

I take care
of the little things.

She likes to cook,
I like to cook.

I know that doesn't sound like
much of a love story,

but all of these little things

amount to what love is.

[Sharon] All right, Dad,
that's it.

Bye-bye, folks.

[instrumental music playing]