From This Day Forward (2015) - full transcript

[Trisha vocalizing]

[Sharon] Okay. So, what did you

have for breakfast?

Uh, that would be

French toast,

vegan French toast.

[Sharon] Nice.

-Testing, testing.

-[Sharon] And some coffee?

-Coffee. 16 ounces.

-Always.

[soft music playing]

[Trisha] Born in

Denver, Colorado, and...

[Sharon]

You say, "I was born."

Yes, I was.

[Sharon] So you have to say,

"I was born..."

So you say

a complete sentence, okay?

[both laughing]

[Trisha] I grew up there at

a time when the air was clear,

tumbleweeds, rattlesnakes,

horny toads squirt blood

from their eyes.

-[Sharon] Really?

-[Trisha] Really.

[Trisha]

That's the absolute truth.

Check it out.

[Sharon] Is it the Dad truth

or the absolute truth?

No, Google it.

[Sharon] Can I just get

some footage of you

driving for a sec?

Sure.

Won't that be exciting?

[laughing]

Got my 4-wheel drive,

Dodge Stratus...

[Trisha] Oh, shit,

I'm in the wrong lane.

You know what,

maybe this isn't working.

[Sharon] What would you do

if you wanted

to teach me a move

so that I wouldn't

get attacked?

Just lead

with this knuckle.

Okay.

If one hand goes out,

the other hand goes back.

[Sharon] When I was 13,

my dad was driving me

to school, and told me,

"Sharon, whenever

you get married,

"I hope that you'll

let me wear a dress,

when I walk you

down the aisle."

I remember just feeling

this sinking feeling

in the pit of my stomach,

because...

I didn't ever want

that day to come.

[soft music playing]

[Sharon] So, where were we,

I mean, just...

Okay, so you were saying,

-Choosing a name.

-[Sharon] Choosing a name.

[Trisha] Years ago,

as a little child,

uh, when I was introduced

to the first baby

I had ever seen,

a new born baby,

I was pretty young.

I'm gonna say I was four.

I was told that

the baby's name was Trisha.

And, um...

I don't know why.

But I really wished that

my name had been Trisha.

[soft music playing]

[Trisha] I'm sure that

this is probably typical

of anybody who is gay, lesbian,

bi-sexual transgender.

You sense,

you have a definite sense

that something's

not quite right.

How come I wasn't

born a girl?

[Sharon] When I was younger,

I pretty much rejected my dad.

I just didn't want

to deal with the fact

that I had

a transgender parent.

[woman]

Hi there, pretty girl!

[man] Okay...

[Sharon]

For me, I think that

a lot of the past is

kind of unresolved.

As hard as it might be

for my family,

I want to ask the questions

that I couldn't ask back then.

-[Trisha] Hi!

-Hi!

[Trisha]

There's my family.

Gee, am I still filming?

I like a skirt

that has some pleats.

Kinda help gives me some hips

that I don't have.

I've had people tell me,

they say,

"Good God, are you tall!"

[Sharon laughing]

I say,

"Can't that be elegant?"

-[Trisha] Doesn't that

look nice?

-[Sharon] Mm-hmm.

-Shall we?

-[Sharon] Sure, let's do it.

[Sharon] When I was young,

we lived in Chicago.

My mom was a young doctor,

so she was working

all the time.

Mom was

the primary breadwinner

and Dad was

the primary caretaker.

And at first, it was

a pretty average childhood.

Uh, enjoying the evening.

We come over

to read new magazines,

catch up on casual reading.

She's stretching.

[Trisha] I've always wanted

to have children.

And I had a chance

to put you on my hip,

then carry my

diaper bag around,

and hang out

with other mothers

and so vicariously

as close as I could come.

-[Sharon] To what?

-[Trisha] To being a mother.

You know, to being your mom.

[Sharon] Did you feel alone

in that situation?

Oh, yeah. I felt

very, very alone.

Trying to keep

the cross-dressing hidden

from neighbors and relatives,

and going out at night

to events or whatever

and looking both ways,

and changing clothes

in the back of your vehicle,

and large parking lots

with nobody around...

You know, after a while,

that gets old.

[Sharon] It was

a Christmas morning,

and I was really young.

I might have been

in third grade,

and so my sister

was like, first grade.

I remember my sister was

snooping in my dad's office,

and found some photos

that had been glued together,

and she peeled them apart,

and saw dad dressed

as a woman.

And so she brought them

to my mom,

and was like, "Why is

dad dressed like grandma?"

My parents felt that

it was time to tell us

and so, my dad

left the room,

and then came back

dressed in women's clothing.

As children, we didn't really

understand what that meant.

[children laughing]

[woman] Good, Sharon!

That's nice!

But eventually, one day,

my parents sat us down

in the living room

of our house,

and announced that they were

going to get a divorce.

They seemed so heartbroken.

And I don't know what happened

between them after that,

but they ended up

not going through with it.

So we never talked

about divorce again.

It just kind of, went away.

[Sharon] What's the game?

[dog panting]

[Trisha] It's where

I stand up here,

and I pretend

to be chasing her...

[dog growling]

And we go around...

Oh, okay, all right.

-[Sharon] Hi, Mom.

-Hi!

[Sharon] I looked through it,

I should put on my boots.

-Mom, are you excited?

-I'm very excited.

How many times have you gone

out mushrooming this year?

None. This is the first time.

[Trisha] Watch out for the dove

when you come out.

So, I'm getting excited.

Oh, here, this is yours.

Yeah, I'll carry this out.

So...

You can follow

us out, okay?

But just keep your head down,

'cause there's this dove

right here nesting

right by the side of the...

[laughing]

-[Trisha] Okay, ready, Marcia?

-[Marcia] Yep.

-Do you see it?

-[Sharon whispering] I see it.

If we go west, we may find

that dirt road over there,

and eventually find

that two track...

Mushroom number one.

[Sharon laughing]

[Marcia] Here we go.

[Trisha] Here, mushroom.

Here, mushroom, mushroom.

Does my hair

look okay, honey?

It does.

Check my make up.

-Beautiful.

-I don't have any on.

Thirty-five years ago,

and you want us to remember

-what we said back then?

-[laughing]

[Marcia]

You were out sunning.

I was just like

a turtle on a log,

trying to soak up

heat on my back,

wearing my tightest little,

little blue cotton shorts...

Yeah.

-And, and...

-That was very interesting.

And Marcia

walked over to me,

and she saw me,

and walked over.

And I was interested, so...

[Marcia] I was moving

shortly after that,

and you decided that

you wanted to help me.

You told me later that

the the reason,

one of the reasons you did it

was because you

wanted to find out what

my new address was gonna be.

[laughing]

I was so sly.

I'm not a real swift person

when it comes

to relationships.

So, it was a lot of sitting

around in a candle-lit room,

listening to old

rock 'n' roll LPs,

and old blues,

that largely went nowhere.

All right, see you tomorrow,

okay, good night.

So, then, there was

a guy at work that I was...

I remember that guy.

Starting to date.

[Trisha] Well, I called up,

I said, "What's going on?

What's happening?"

And you go, "Well,

not tonight,

I have a friend over."

I go, "A friend?"

And then Marcia says, "Yes,

he's sitting here now

with me in the apartment."

And I'm going, "What?"

-[laughing]

-And I hopped in my Delta 88,

my old Delta 88,

and rumbled on over there,

and knocked on the door.

[imitating knocking]

Marcia opens the door

a crack...

[laughing]

I look in there, and

there's this groovy dude

sitting there, he's got

his acoustic guitar,

and he's sitting there

playing some quiet music,

and I thought...

[laughing]

And Marcia said,

"Well, I don't know,

I hadn't heard anything

from you...

I just figured maybe

you weren't interested."

And I decided right

then and there, I said,

"I'm going to exhibit

greater interest."

[laughing]

And I proposed.

But I didn't have a ring...

'Cause it's just like me,

to have not anticipated

to the point of...

I don't think

I had the money.

I didn't go to my dad,

and say,

"Dad, I need money

for a ring."

When we went for rings,

we chose these

little slender bands,

partly because

that's all we could afford,

but also because

we didn't really want

something real

ostentatious.

And I wanted my band slim

to match Marcia's.

[Sharon] There's a fly

on the lens.

[laughing]

And the black flies

are out now.

[Sharon] Could you guys

just blow on that?

Oh, wait, it went off.

No, no, now it's back.

[blowing air]

Hi.

My daughter has asked me

to film some more.

It's not a real

high-priced camera,

so I can't zoom

or do other fun stuff...

Got my jam box,

some of my abused brushes,

my cactus, that I bent over

and put my head into,

the other day, picking up

lids that fell down.

Power tools.

There is my Stelling Banjo.

My cat.

Psycho.

[soft music playing]

I derive a lot of

spiritual satisfaction

from being in front

of my canvasses

and working in that moment.

Making the marks,

and pushing the paint,

and doing the work.

The imagery

within the painting

is highly personal to me.

These are my diary.

These are the events

of my life.

[birds chirping]

I painted Where the Marsh

Meets the Lake

around the time

when I first met Marcia.

The marsh represents Marcia

and the lake represents me.

And it's really

a biologically rich place

with a lot of life,

and very Asian.

I could sense that we were

working together as a couple.

-[Trisha] '81.

-[Sharon] 81 what?

Was the year that we married,

made a commitment...

What?

[Sharon] What do you

mean by that?

You decided to be

attracted to women,

or you just were,

and that's just...

No, I mean, I've always

been attracted to women,

and there've been

plenty of opportunities

for me to be attracted

or to follow through with

uh, attraction to men...

A lot of people

just assume that

if you're transgender,

and if you dress as a woman,

that you want to be

with a man,

and that's not

always the case.

I will go back,

and mention that

on our first or second date,

I told Marcia that

there was an aspect of me

that she should know about

early on.

And it is nothing that

I wanted to hide from her,

she was the absolute

first person

that I ever came out to.

I went over to my closet

and I dressed up

as my femme self

and then I asked her

to come out,

and then I tried

to explain to her

why I was behaving

the way I did,

and you just try

to allay any fears...

Initially, I think

she probably thought

it was kinky,

and as long as it stayed

in the privacy of the bedroom,

that would be fine.

Then ultimately,

it was something that

I couldn't just keep

in the bedroom.

[Sharon] How did you

envision your marriage

when you were younger,

like before you met Trish?

Oh, probably I would say,

like a lot of

little kids like me,

born in the '50s.

We grew up

with Walt Disney, right?

And there was like,

the princess,

and your hero,

you know...

And then you would

look at your parents,

and their marriage, and

it's very traditional.

So, the assumption is

that's the way it'll be,

you know?

But I knew I wanted

to go to college,

and be able to make

my own way in the world.

I never thought

that I'd be a mom.

I was never the kind of girl

like, that loved to babysit

and things like that.

[Sharon] That's... I can't

imagine you not being a mom.

It was kind of

an unexpected thing.

[both laughing]

I'm sorry, I was a surprise!

You were a little bit

of a surprise.

[Marcia] Not an

entire surprise, but...

[nursery rhyme playing]

[child giggling]

[Sharon] How did you react

when Trish first told you

about being transgender?

Do you remember

that scene?

[Marcia] I do remember

that scene,

because we were

starting to get serious

about one another.

And then one day

Trish said, "I'm gonna

step out, and I'll come back."

And Trish came back

dressed as a woman.

And I can say that I was...

I can tell you that I had

a very sheltered life.

I had no idea

that men wore

women's clothing,

or there was

this whole thing...

I was totally naive.

[Marcia] It was definitely

very stressful sometimes and...

I mean, honestly,

it was too different.

And maybe from

your perspective, you girls,

I think you were really angry

and felt like I was

not thinking of you

and not caring

about you enough.

But that's where

it's really hard,

it's like choosing

between your children

and your spouse, you know,

and that's really tough.

[Laura laughing]

No, actually growing up,

you were the one who had like,

the plastic horses,

and I wasn't ever

really interested in them.

Growing up, I never had

the dream of like,

riding horses

or owning horses.

[Sharon] Do you remember

that Christmas?

[Laura] Yeah, I was just...

It was a huge shock and...

I feel like, as a family,

we didn't really know

how to deal with it.

I hear dad say that,

you know,

he wanted to be a mom,

when we were growing up.

Well, I feel a little

conflicted about that,

because I have a mom.

It's just hard as a kid.

I do still think at times,

that he definitely thought

more about his satisfaction,

what he wanted,

instead of like,

the larger picture

of how it could

affect his family.

Like, especially growing up,

I had a really difficult time,

um, you know,

for quite a few years.

I was really, you know,

gunning for a divorce.

And you were, too, um...

It just... At the time,

I thought it would have

been so much easier to,

like, grow up and do

what I needed to do

without having, you know,

this other person in my life

who I was really

struggling with.

[Sharon] We didn't want to

have to explain to

all of our friends

what was going on

with our dad.

We just wanted to blend in

with everybody else.

But that became

increasingly difficult.

[Trisha] I started

having electrolysis done

as one of the first things.

Zapping every single

hair follicle.

Then the rhinoplasty, creating

more of a feminine nose.

Tracheal shave,

to help take down

the protrusion of

my "Adam's apple".

And then after a while,

I started taking hormones.

I mean,

can you see that?

Can you see that?

Yeah, sucker.

They wanted this administered

deep on the outside

of my hips.

I don't feel depressed,

I feel, you know, normal.

It's interesting.

I feel normal,

when I'm on the hormones.

When I bring up

this estrogen,

I feel so much better.

My concentration, my being,

my body.

There is an easiness,

where I feel calm.

And it's like,

"Oh, yes, I'm back now.

This is where I want to be."

[Sharon] That was '93.

[Marcia] Oh, wow.

-Thinking, newborns?

-Yeah.

Here's Howard,

his grandpa and grandma.

-[Marcia] Hmm.

-[Sharon] Aww...

[Sharon] This is probably

in East Lansing.

[Marcia] Long haired

hippie-type.

[Sharon] Yeah, long haired

hippie-type.

I like this one.

[Marcia] And here is Trish,

in the blonde years.

[Sharon] Mm-hmm.

[Sharon] When you're in

middle school, or high school,

even if you don't have

a transgender parent,

you don't really want

anything to do

with your parents.

Dad was really hands-on.

Every time we had

a field trip,

or a school dance,

dad would be there

chaperoning.

And it was mortifying.

The kind of thing where you

just wanna crawl into a hole,

or disappear.

It was really

unfortunate timing

that you have two young

children who are like,

just growing up,

and trying to find out

who they are,

and their place in the world,

and then, you yourself decide,

"Okay, this is my time

to figure out who I am, too."

[Sharon] I dealt with

the situation at home

by becoming independent

as quickly as I could.

And just really tried

to separate myself

from needing any help.

But Laura was younger,

so she couldn't really

make that choice.

[Trisha] Laura was

in elementary school,

and what a nightmare

that is for her.

Because she has to go through

elementary and junior high

at a crucial stage where

you don't want to stand out,

you don't want

to be different,

and what hell

I put her through.

And I did it blithely

and I regret that.

[Sharon] You went full time

at a time when

Laura and I were so young,

and I just feel like...

I want to know why.

What was the impetus?

[Trisha] I suppose, I was

trying to just, you know,

force myself through

to a situation

where I had a consistent

gender identity.

By that time, I felt like

I couldn't go back.

I was like the genie that got

let out of the bottle.

When you carry around

this feeling

that you're not normal,

and that something's

not right,

in your head,

it's incredibly depressing

and it's a heavy weight

upon your shoulders.

You have thoughts

that filter to your head

where you feel like,

you know,

"This is just never

going to end."

[Trisha] You can move around

a bit, Sharon, it's okay.

You know, it even tapes

your voice, too,

if you

want to say something.

I love you, Daddy.

Oh, I love you, too.

You're a gem.

[Trisha] And I had these

two beautiful daughters,

you know, that I'm

sitting here raising,

and I should be the happiest

person in the world.

But I just wanted to die.

And I get so depressed

that I called a suicide line,

'cause I don't know

what else to do.

[Sharon] So, it was literally

life or death, for you?

[Trisha] It was.

[Sharon] There's a painting

that my dad did in the '80s.

It shows a clown

staring at the viewer with

these very masculine features.

And I didn't realize

until very recently that

that's a self portrait

of my dad as a man.

This person, you know,

dressed as a man,

feels like they're

living a lie.

I didn't really understand

what it felt like

to be in the closet

until I saw the expression

on that clown's face.

I was in fourth grade

and dad was in the middle

of transitioning

when we decided

to move to Michigan.

And that was fraught

with stress for all of us.

Our neighbors just didn't know

what to make of us.

It was very interesting,

because your dad went through

a slow transformation.

I'm gonna tell you

my first memory.

I walked by,

it was a new house,

and I was

a pretty nosy person.

He started to

frequently wear overalls.

And then, we started noticing

things like jewelry,

and his hair,

wearing his hair differently.

He would sometimes walk

dressed in his dress,

and people would

yap-yap-yap about that.

[man] Back then,

if there was somebody new

or unfamiliar in town,

they stood out in every way.

This woman walked in

that I had never seen before,

she hung around,

and had a bowl of soup.

I remember talking to her,

she seemed like a really

interesting person, you know?

Every Sunday, you guys

would come in with your mom.

And then, one day,

your dad came in with you all.

And I'm like,

"Wait a minute." You know?

This...

I knew it was that...

I mean, I could tell

it was familiar enough,

and it was like,

"Whoa!" but, but...

And then,

it gradually

occurred to me that

this person, who

at sometimes,

was going around

as a woman,

was coming around

with you guys as your dad.

And I could ask my friends,

or whatever, "You know this?"

And they'd say, "Oh, yeah,

that's Michael Shattuck."

[neighbor] Everybody

knows everybody.

And I'm sure everybody

in town knows your dad.

Oy, oy, there she goes!

[neighbor]

What's amazed me, too,

and I'm going to be very

blunt with you there, too,

I'm amazed that your parents

have maintained such

a loving close relationship

from an outsider's viewpoint.

I mean,

that's amazing to me.

And I also have

a hard time with

which gender to use.

I still want

to call Trish "Mike",

and my husband, Dave,

still calls him Mike.

He says, "That's his name

that's what it's gonna

always be."

[Trisha] Ultimately,

I changed my name

legally.

I was formerly

Michael Shattuck.

I painted a painting,

and I painted the date,

of my name change

onto the painting,

so, that's what helps me

keep that date in mind.

[Sharon]

Which painting is it?

That is, um...

Into the Stubble,

Before the Storm.

[thunder rumbling]

The gathering storm

and the turbulent clouds

behind it,

I probably knew that

there would be problems.

[Sharon] We knew that my dad

was going to change names.

But, legally,

the name change

had to be announced

in the newspaper.

There's only one newspaper,

everyone in town

is going to see it.

And I think, in our minds,

the headline was going to be

plastered across the front

page of the newspaper.

[Laura] I didn't know

until that morning

that it was going to be

in the newspaper.

To me, that seemed

really official,

and like, I spent the day

in the office.

Oh, I'm like,

in the sick room,

'cause I was

so convinced that

when the newspaper

would come out,

I just thought, all this bad

stuff was going to happen.

[Sharon] My sister

came home from school

crying one day

and she said that

her math teacher had pulled

her aside after class,

and said, "I know what

your dad is doing,

and I don't approve."

I think some people

were just disgusted.

I mean, they just

couldn't fathom...

This is a small community,

and they just thought that

it was probably

the weirdest thing

they had ever encountered.

[Trisha] I lost friends,

I lost close friends,

neighbors who had

hustled their kids away.

I've had two neighbors who

moved out of the neighborhood

next door.

During one surgery,

where I had

my eyebrows ground down,

I lost a lot of blood.

And late at night,

I couldn't sleep,

and I'm all bandaged up.

I was surprised at

how many nurses

at the hospital would have

nothing to do with me

and would not answer my calls,

because, basically,

it was like,

"Why on earth

would a person

"elect to have

these surgeries done?"

Um, and, uh...

There is one gay nurse,

who was the only person

who came

to help me that night.

You enjoy!

[Sharon] I was wondering if you

could first introduce yourself.

Um, my name is B. J. Sean

and I used to be

your employer.

[laughing]

[Sean] There's a lot of

conservative people here

politically, but, um...

I was brought up

with the idea

of the golden rule

and tolerance.

And I think, one of the things

that Trish has provided is

an enlightenment about

what her struggle has been.

You were going through

the process of acceptance,

and my biggest struggle

was how to let you know

I already knew,

when you were telling me

she was your aunt...

[laughing]

And I was saying, "Gosh,

I wish you trusted me

enough to tell me

what was really going on."

because I cared,

and I'm the type of person...

I don't care

who a person is

as long as they are good.

[Sharon] I think for a lot

of kids of LGBT parents,

you're just as much

in the closet

until you start coming out

about your parents.

I was on a mission to not

tell anyone about my dad.

Every time I brought

a boy home,

they would just

kind of, show up,

and sometimes, Trish would

surprise us in a dress,

and I wouldn't say anything,

and then we'd go out

on our date,

and I just

wouldn't talk about it.

When I went away to college,

I was able to start

telling people

about my dad

on my own terms,

instead of having

everybody in town

already know and

gossiping about me.

And that was really liberating.

By the time I met John,

I told him pretty much

right away.

This is John Eves,

eating breakfast.

-Hello.

-Where are we, right now?

We are in Maine,

outside of a campground

in Acadia National Park.

[John] This pointing up,

is zooming in?

[Sharon] Uh-huh.

[John] Pointing down

is zooming out.

Run up.

[Sharon] In 2012,

we were hiking in Maine,

and we were at the top

of a mountain,

and he knelt down in front

of me with his backpack.

And he said, "Hey,

I have a question."

This is where John

asked me to marry him.

Just now.

See? That's happening.

[giggling]

Oh, God.

Oh, we're so excited

for both of you!

I love you!

[Sharon] Thank you.

Thank you, Mom!

Hi, sweetie.

Congratulations.

[hill-billy song playing]

[laughter]

[Trisha] Thank you, Mark.

See you another time soon.

Make it sooner than later.

[Mark] Absolutely.

[Trisha] Bye, Sharon.

[Sharon] Bye, mom.

I guess this thing is on.

I'm a landscape architect.

I graduated with a degree

in landscape architecture.

And...

One of the reasons why

I ultimately chose to do that

was because

I could plant trees.

I grow a lot of little trees

and then I put them

on people's lawns.

Sometimes I ask them,

sometimes I don't.

Here is one.

I'll put a little tag on it.

It's got the the type of tree.

This tree over here

was planted from an acorn

about 18 years ago.

This spruce over here...

-[Sharon] You planted that?

-That's one of my babies.

Sometimes I'll put on my

reflective bright orange vest

and I'll grab

the wheelbarrow.

Okay, do I look

sufficiently forestry like?

I know a lot of what is filmed

is about transgender lifestyles

and me, I guess.

Kind of... I'm probably

a poor representative

of a transgender individual.

They way I behave

is kinda unpredictable.

So,

I kind of lead

two separate lives

with my... The way

that I present myself

in public.

I shift back and forth a lot

between masculine

and feminine.

So psychologically,

I'm kind of, in a bind.

[Trisha] Taking on

the persona of a woman

is a lot of work.

It's the slips,

it's the make up,

it's the nylon,

it's the shoes.

And heels hurt my feet.

I'm trying to speak

a little higher,

and you know,

try to pass yourself off

by doing kind of,

this constrained,

um, vocal chord approach

where everything

just goes higher,

and are you going to try to

sing in a high voice, too,

and does this feel real?

Or am I being just

as real as I can be.

Sometimes, people will say

you know, "What are you?

A man, or are you a woman?

What are you?"

You ask yourself, "Well,

aside from being born male,

what kind of woman

or what kind of a transwoman

would I be?"

[Sharon] Are you good

with you being you, too?

Uh, you know, what?

In terms of my expression?

Part of me, you know,

wants to express

more of my femininity

and wants to put my dresses

and my outfits,

my skirts and

my stuff on periodically.

But, um...

Also, my concern has to do,

you know, with my spouse.

[Sharon] How do you feel

seeing Trish wearing a dress?

I mean, does it make you

question your identity?

[Marcia] Yeah, you do.

You're sort of, like, "Okay,

I'm in this relationship,

"I'm attracted to men,

and my spouse is now

looking very feminine,"

and it becomes

really confusing, you know?

Then who am I?

What does that mean to me

and to my femininity?

You just become disoriented.

You know, the attractions

that you have

are pretty ingrained.

It's not like you can

turn it on and off readily.

Sometimes, I wouldn't say

there is a revulsion,

but it's just kind of, like,

"Well, I'm not necessarily

that attracted to you

when you look

really, really feminine."

[Trisha] I describe it

as being on the fence,

and kinda, tip-toeing

and doing the tight rope,

on the top of the fence,

and one side is male,

and one side is female.

And which side you're

going to go down on,

'cause it is really hard

to straddle the fence.

[playing blues tune]

You ought to try

some high notes.

[continues playing]

[Sharon] Nice.

Laura is doing her best

to guide me into stores

and trying to help me

decide on what it is I'm

going to wear at your wedding.

-[Sharon] Really?

-Yeah.

And she is showing me

all sorts of stuff,

and, I have

a heck of a time

in stores.

[Sharon] What kind of stuff

is she showing you?

I'm curious.

Um, it runs the gamut.

Sooner or later,

I have to make the decision

about what it is

I'm gonna be wearing.

I'm going to leave it

totally up to you,

because I don't want to,

um, be a distraction.

I don't want to be a topic,

and it's whatever you want.

[Sharon] As much as I hated

the idea of my dad

wearing a dress

to my wedding, when

I was in middle school,

it doesn't bother me now.

I just want her to be happy

and I think that what she

would really want to wear

is a dress.

Does it say what time

the reception starts?

6:00.

Well, this is going to be

a lot of flaps.

Mm-hmm.

Would you hold that?

We're only going to get

these two right here.

This is just a test.

Yeah.

This is a test,

this is a test.

From the Emergency

Broadcasting Network.

[Marcia] Oh, honey...

[Sharon] She's very booksmart.

[Trisha laughing]

Ooh, that's

a pretty low blow...

I think that was an insult.

[laughing] Ouch.

[Laura] They look very festive.

They do. Wow!

[Trisha] Not everything's

gonna go as you plan,

beginning right on the day

of your marriage.

There would be things

that would arise

that you don't anticipate.

Some things could be

extremely challenging

and will test the bond

that you are forging

between yourselves.

[Sharon] For ten years or so,

when dad was really full on

or very feminine,

I kind of felt like dad was

pushing very hard for that,

and I felt like, maybe

you didn't have as much

of a voice about it.

Um, yeah, I would say that

that's probably the truth.

I would say

that's probably true.

I mean,

there was a time when,

I think your dad

really considered, you know,

sex reassignment surgery,

and all of that, and um...

I mean, there is a part of me

that just said, "Well,

whatever you feel like

you really need to do,

you need to do it."

I don't know that

I can stay in a relationship

in that situation.

And there's a part of me that

just felt really resentful

and just like,

"How could you do this?"

You know, "How can you betray

our marriage and our family?"

You know, it felt

very much like that.

I was seriously considering

leaving the situation, um...

But I don't know,

I just couldn't.

I just couldn't leave.

We had some differences,

we had our arguments,

we definitely had

a lot of tears.

We went to

various therapists,

which was unfortunately

not very productive.

They just really

didn't understand.

So, it's like, sort of,

you're finding your own way.

And I think, we're still,

sort of, are finding our way.

[Trisha] You have

two cats meeting.

And you know that

there's about to be a fight,

and they start

circling one another.

And all of a sudden,

they're at it with each other,

and fur is flying,

and one of them's

gonna get hurt,

or they're both

gonna get hurt.

Marcia had a lot of issues

with this

trying to live full time.

Initially, I thought that

I'd probably just go

the whole nine yards,

and have the sexual

reassignment surgery,

but I started

talking to Marcia,

and Marcia's going, "No!

No! I didn't marry a woman,

I married a man."

[Marcia] I really tried very

hard to be more empathetic.

See how would I feel?

What would it

be like for me?

If I were

the one transitioning,

how would that be?

I've asked your dad that.

What would you think if I

were the one who transitioned,

and you were the person

who was staying the same,

how would that...

Would you be able

to handle it?

That was kind of,

an interesting question,

because not that I've ever

got a straight answer,

like, "Would you

stay with me

if I were transitioning

to a male?"

And your dad said, "Well,

probably not, you know?"

[Sharon] I don't know if

I could do what my mom did.

And I've talked

to other couples,

where one person

is transitioning,

and the other one

misses their spouse,

you know, like,

misses their husband.

Even though the person

is still there,

they don't have

the man anymore.

[Trisha] What I

should have done

is probably just

gotten a divorce

and moved off

on to my own somewhere.

[Sharon] I mean,

the big question for me

is why didn't you?

You could have moved away

and been yourself

and not had to worry

about us or mom.

[Trisha] If I was without her,

if I was like, cast out

from this relationship,

I wouldn't want to survive.

I couldn't see myself

living without her.

And then we're gonna put

the mushrooms in here, too?

Mm-hmm.

-Do you think that's enough?

-[Sharon] Yeah.

Wonder why all these chipmunks

are running all over the place.

We got to put them.

So these are hot,

we can't touch 'em.

[Trisha] Bad smell.

[Sharon]

That's really hot corn.

This is like charcoal burnt.

-Yeah, it's like...

-[Trisha] Horse manure.

No, no, we're done.

We're done with this.

Come on, everybody.

Let's go out to dinner.

I screwed up.

Well, we got potato salad

and cous-cous.

I'm so sorry, honey.

[Sharon laughing]

[Sharon] With all

these big issues

that we were

dealing with as kids,

it's strange that we never

talked about pronouns

as a family.

At the time,

my sister and I didn't

really want to know

what Trish preferred,

because that would

have meant

really coming to terms

with her decision.

So, we didn't ask.

What's you feeling

about the pronouns?

Well, I would

really prefer, um...

You know, feminine pronouns,

to answer your question.

It's something that I've

allowed the family

to coast on

for many, many years,

waiting for everyone

in the family, all of us,

to get to the point where you

could relate to me as I am.

[Sharon] It took me a while

to get used to saying "she"

when referring to my dad.

And it's difficult, because

some members of my family

still use

the wrong pronouns,

or they don't use

pronouns at all.

[Laura] When I was living

in Ann Arbor, it was

my first introduction to people

who are transgender,

besides dad,

so that really put things

in perspective a little more

to be able to relate

to somebody who was

closer to my own age

and see their struggles

and listen to them,

and for these friends

who I've met,

I have no problem calling them

by their preferred pronouns.

But it's just so different

when it's your own parent.

[Sharon] It's hard because

I also ask dad point-blank,

"What would you prefer?"

and dad said, "I would prefer

feminine pronouns."

I didn't really

know that, actually...

-[Sharon] Really?

-That there was a preference.

Would you just prefer me

to go all the way

and say "Trish" and "she"

and not "dad"?

Well, it's...

I told you girls years ago,

that "dad" was always okay.

"Dad" doesn't

really bother me,

but I prefer

feminine pronouns,

'cause then that gives me

the opportunity

to get off the fence.

Up in the corner

of this painting up here,

you know, there I am,

with all the stuff

popping out of my head,

and one of the lenses

of my eye glasses is...

[Sharon] Cracked or something?

[Trisha] You feel that there

is one aspect of your being,

you know, your lens,

that which you're perceiving

this environment through

is just not quite right.

[Trisha] I am

a spiritual person.

So, that's how

I get closer to God.

I lose myself in the art work.

And I draw the analogy

to giving birth.

I'll never have

an opportunity to give birth.

But I am capable of

giving birth to my artwork.

My artwork can stand

on its own

and then move out

into the world

and have its own existence.

I've always been impressed

with this artist's work.

He covers cracks with tar

in our neighborhood.

Inspiration abounds

wherever we go.

[Trisha] I'm with

my walking partner today.

-Hi.

-[Trisha] Hi, honey.

Marcia is a trooper.

I mean, she knows...

She sees a slope like this

and she goes,

"Yeah, this is

a workout right here."

My guess is

they are a little tart.

[Marcia] Yeah, maybe I can...

-Mmm, tart.

-[Trisha] Tart.

That's what I thought.

[Sharon] When a person

changes in a marriage,

how did you maintain your love

and attraction for dad?

[Marcia] You just realize

there's this connection,

and it's not always something

you can definitely describe.

And it's all sorts of ways,

it's physical,

it's emotional,

it's just spiritual

attraction and connection.

It's this inner being

that is the attraction,

and it's, you know,

it's just always there,

and there's nothing really

that can break it

if it's there for you.

And it's just really

comforting to know

that there is

that person for you.

And that's your

biggest champion, you know,

that's the person who,

at least in our situation,

has always encouraged me

to be the best I can be.

And ultimately, if you

really love someone,

you have to let them be

who they are.

Marcia, would you agree

that this is one

of my favorite places

and your favorite places?

And sometimes,

there's something

that comes out of nowhere

and it's just so funny,

and I love that

about our relationship.

It's so important

to be able to laugh

at each other, at yourself.

[grunts]

[Marcia laughing]

Not everybody can do that.

[laughing]

[Marcia] I think there are

certainly some negative things

that people, you know,

shouldn't accept

in an individual.

I mean, I wouldn't

accept violence,

or being diminished

in any way

by another person.

I wouldn't consider that

to be a good relationship.

I think, ultimately,

I'm stronger

for this relationship

and I'm a better person

for the relationship.

[Trisha]

When I came out to her,

there seemed to be

some acceptance of me

approaching her

in a feminine way.

[Sharon] Still,

you guys are still intimate?

-Yes.

-[Sharon] That's awesome.

Okay, that's all I want

to know about that.

[both laughing]

[All] Wow!

[Sharon laughing] Wow, mom!

That's beautiful.

You want me

to hold that for you?

[laughing]

It goes well

with your hair.

You know, and

your complexion.

[all chattering]

The beading looks so superb.

It may look nice, very '30s.

It's got a lot more weight,

you know, it's got that glass.

Plus some pearl.

Nice detail.

[all chattering]

Mmm.

Long time ago,

I bought myself a book

on body language,

that gave all sorts of clues

about how people

were really thinking,

when they said "yes".

When I pulled out a dress

that I had purchased

for the wedding,

and I had shown my spouse,

and she asks, "When were you

thinking of wearing that?"

And I said, "Well,

I thought maybe, you know,

"the rehearsal dinner."

And I could see

a cloud, you know,

pass over her face.

And her immediate

response was,

"I don't wanna

influence your decision."

She'll look splendid.

You know, sometimes a woman

just wants to dance

with her husband.

It's an odd psychology,

sweetheart,

it's always feeling

this nagging need

to express your femininity.

You may try to fight it...

I know I try to fight it.

Boy, did I try to fight it.

For years, I suppressed

my persona and, um...

You end up carrying

a lot of depression,

a lot of sadness,

if you're trying to conceal

some aspect

of your personality.

[all chattering]

It's after the ceremony...

It's gonna take

some more dancing lessons.

[birds chirping]

[people chatting]

[priest]

Well, good evening.

Thank you for coming

to share this

joyous celebration

where we're about to join

John and Sharon in marriage.

We're asking you

to reflect once more

upon the importance

of the covenant

you're about to make.

What you do here

binds you together

for the whole of your lives.

May your marriage bring you

all the exquisite excitements

a marriage should bring.

And may life

grant you also, patience,

tolerance and understanding.

If you have quarrels

that push you apart,

may both of you hope to

have good sense enough

to take the first step back.

[Priest] So, by the authority

vested in me

by the state of Michigan,

and the Probate Court,

I pronounce you

husband and wife,

and I present to all of you,

John and Sharon.

[all cheering]

[Sharon] I wanted you to wear

what you wanted

to wear, you know.

I mean, it feels to me,

like you made a sacrifice

at my wedding.

I kind of, feel

like a bit sad.

Okay, well, let me tell you.

When I put on the tux,

and when Marcia

and I were like this,

side by side.

Uh, I felt good.

It was okay.

And when we were with you,

that moment, you know,

in the wedding,

it was the happiest day

of my life so far.

[Trisha]

Test, test, test, test.

Folks, are you having

a good time tonight?

[all cheering]

I want to tell you

that,

even though there's a lot of

work to put on a good party,

there's even more work

to put in on a good marriage.

And if your marriage is

really built on that

foundation I spoke of,

and if you know how to

communicate with each other,

and if you know how to

smile your way

through your arguments,

you come back and try to

work on your differences,

then you'll go far.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, thank you.

[all cheering]

[man] I would like to invite

Sharon and her father

to the dance floor

for a father-daughter dance.

[all clapping]

[dance music playing]

[Trisha] In my own life,

on any given day,

I have a very fluid concept

of what my gender

presentation may be.

As I started meeting women

who were mucking up barns,

working barefoot

in their gardens,

getting dirty,

I decided there are

all different kinds of women.

If I'm going

mushroom hunting,

I can throw on some camo,

and I can slip in

and out of a tire.

Really when it

comes right down to it,

when you start letting go

of preconceptions,

I feel like a lot

of the weight is gone.

[whistling]

Oh, got it. Wet dog.

But I'm not saying

I'm completely happy.

So, it's not like I have

resolved, um...

You know,

my transgender being.

I haven't.

I don't think I ever will.

So, I just kinda

take it as it is.

Um, try to get by.

[Marcia laughing]

[Sharon] You want to go

by the water?

[John] Yep.

[Sharon] When my parents

got married,

I don't think that

they ever imagined

how difficult it would be

for them to stay together.

As a family, we're still

working through things.

It's going to be

an ongoing conversation.

And I think that

that's okay.

So, I was just going

to ask you one last thing.

Do you have any advice...

Like, what are the things that

have helped you stay together?

[Marcia] Well, I think...

You know, maybe

I was just really selfish.

I just, I couldn't see me

without Trish.

It's sort of, like,

deciding between yourselves

that your life together

is so important,

it's so valuable

that you will do

pretty much

anything to keep that.

And...

If you have

that kind of commitment,

there is nothing that

you can't get through.

[Trisha] Once you start

putting down those years

with your mate,

and they start rolling by

with the seasons,

and you make your ventures,

you go out into the world,

and put the miles under you,

you develop a history.

And it's that history,

that shared history,

and the shared memories

that end up

stitching together our lives.

I feed the cats,

I pull the weeds,

I fill the bird bath,

I take care

of the little things.

She likes to cook,

I like to cook.

I know that doesn't sound like

much of a love story,

but all of these little things

amount to what love is.

[Sharon] All right, Dad,

that's it.

Bye-bye, folks.

[instrumental music playing]