Freetime Machos (2009) - full transcript

In northern Finland, men would
rather be stabbed in the back...

...than complain about
woman trouble...

...or say hello to an
unknown neighbour.

They seemed to have inherited
the quiet and reserved gene.

Here, men wanked off, shamed for
the sinful load without a purpose.

Here, the reproduction of life is
more important than life itself.

If you go moose hunting,
you shoot.

If you are in the garage,
you fix the car.

You work for survival,
not for fun.

You live to get ready
for life after death.

In the bedroom,
you sleep or copulate...



...not wank or have sex.

You don't linger in the toilet,
and you empty your plate

You make the best of your job,
whatever it is.

Men did not cry.

They weren't ashamed, even though
they failed in all of these.

Tits in front or back?

Is it our doll?

Is it OK to hold her
like this while blowing?

She looks a bit like my ex-
girlfriend. - Not a bad ass.

No, not at all.

Let's have a battle cry
before we start!

One, two, three...

Oh, shit!

Knock the hell
out of them, goddammit!



Go! Go!

Here, Mikko!

Kill him!

Konsta, tackle lower!

Down with him!

Catch him!

Matti!

Get off the pitch!

Is there a doctor?
Do something, for fuck's sake!

Which finger is it?
- The pinkie.

Do you have any painkillers?
- Yes.

Is Burana 0K?
- Yes.

It's smashed. Don't look.
You'll faint.

- Come on, guys.

Smashed fingers are 0K if you
get treated by a lady like you.

The finger will need
a re-check tonight, right?

By me? All right.

It was nice having her on my lap.
- Looking you in the eye.

Spreading her legs.
- You take the shirt off?

How's it going?
- All right.

Was it necessary
to paint it twice? Is it wet?

Have you done these already?
- A minute ago.

They're under there. You can't
do anything about them now.

Looks awful. See?
- Matti!

Where do you want the mirrors?

These are all wrong.
- I did my best. Don't you start.

It's out of plumb.
- What do you mean?

Well, it's plumb enough.
- That's right.

For a woman...
- Shut up!

Hello!

I'm early today.
- That's unusual.

Is dinner ready?
- Not yet.

I'm a middle-sized monkey.
- And I'm a big monkey.

Not to worry if I miss the gym...
Four, five, six, seven, eight...

Mette is falling!

We played in the snow tournament
last weekend in Jyväskylä.

Was it last weekend?
Oh, I missed it.

Matti was the only player
who hurt himself...

...and he hurt his little finger.

Not a very manly rugby injury,
to hurt your little finger.

You should break a leg or hand or
something, but a little finger...

It means that he's not
even playing properly.

Matti! Try and catch the ball in
these situations in front of you.

Don't catch it against your chest.
Do you understand?

Sorry I'm late, everybody. I've
got parental responsibilities.

As much as I love this sport,
I'm afraid they come first.

Some of the passing I just
saw there was excellent.

Some of it was...

... not excellent.

OK? Everybody has to
be able to handle a ball.

We'll go back to the basics and
get used to handling it like this.

The last two seasons,
we finished fifth...

...out of the six clubs.

The bottom two clubs will drop
down to a new second league.

If we repeat our performances
of the last two years...

...we're not going to be
in the top league.

So our target is to...

...not get the drop.

Finish somewhere in the top four.

Take the loner!
- You take him!

I don't dare to.

Get in contact, will you?

You do it: you're more verbal.

Have you ever considered
playing rugby? - No.

Have you heard about rugby?
- No and I'm not interested.

A straight answer.

Ever thought about playing rugby?
- No.

Hi, there! Ever considered playing
rugby?

No. - It's too violent.

Let's leave the ball there
and see if anybody grabs it.

Hello.

What is that? - The Oulu rugby
team against Jyväskylä in 2005.

Have you played rugby before?
- Yes.

We don't have a girls' team,
but you can join the guys' team.

If it's not too difficult. - But
maybe you are very rude, no?

No, we are gentlemen.

We play in the Oulu hall.
From 9:30 until 11 o'clock.

So one and a half hours.

But it's very late
for Finland, no?

Yes. But then you can
go to the bar afterwards.

OK. See you.
- See you.

OK. Come on in here,
please, everybody.

I hope you are all warmed up.

We got some....

You're Ana?

Nice to meet you.
I'm Roger. How do you do?

Good work, Ana. Very good work.

OK. Let's play.

It's actually working.
Bloody hell.

Has Konsta ever had a girlfriend?
- He said he had a girlfriend...

What kind of a question is that?
-...for two weeks in high school.

Then he realized it's not for him.

So Konsta has only had one
relationship for like two weeks?

When he was in high school.
So back in... how many years?

But he's been single ever since
on the prowl for...

...pussy?

He's too good a man
for just one lady.

Perhaps he should
become a muslim.

Or gay.

Maybe he's already a little bit
gay. - Everybody is a little bit.

Nokia conquered
the world from here.

From here the
winds of invention blow...

...and shed snow on the
media mountains of the world.

Where's the thanks?
Where's the appreciation?

Nowhere. It's a man's duty.

Here they are.
- Yes.

Let's have a look
at the paragraph division.

Is this a new paragraph or not?
It could... - Yes, it is

I meant it to be.

This is the first draft and I
haven't yet paid attention to--

I just want to
finish the text first.

Yes. But then about this Nokia.
We'll have to change the name.

Why?
- I don't want to get sued.

But there's nothing personal
about anybody. - Yes, but--

If I write "Walt Disney",
it'll ruin the whole novel.

Everybody will
understand it anyway

I'll have to phone
a lawyer about this.

Well, go ahead.

You can criticize presidents...

- But not Nokia.

See you later.
- Bye.

Nokia managerial employees will
walk out of the company premises...

...in Oulu and Tampere today.

The employee organizations say
they cannot accept...

...the company's plans to let
hundreds of employees go...

...after a record profit
for the company.

What next? - A good question.
We'll continue negotiations.

You can't change the world, but...

with about 200 internal vacancies
there should be no need...

...for Nokia to let anybody go.

Get back into the cage.
Both of you!

Where's the other one?

The fucking beast has been
gnawing at the wires again.

Get out of there!

Bloody hell!
Now I'm getting angry.

He's in the corner.

I'll give you bread if you
go back into the cage now.

He doesn't want to. Come here.

My girlfriend is going to eastern Finland
for three months next week.

What am I going to do alone?
- You know what to do.

Every night will be a pub night.

Mikko, one of my teammates,
promised to come over...

...for a game of
"Playstation" every night.

In fact, we'll go
chick hunting together.

Are you hungry?
- No.

We'll go and take the
shirts to the rugby boys.

Shall we... - Sure you can get out
of the car and horse around.

Come on out, matey!

Mikko!

Mikko!

Everybody took size L. I'm
stuck with a stack of size M's.

See the sponsor sign?
I put up their Web site

I'm sure you can fit size M.
And you are the only one...

...who fits M,
so you have about thirty shirts.

You sure I'm an M?
Yeah, could be.

This lot are not going to be
practicing with you?

You don't look
like you're ready to--

Yeah, I'm a bit busy.

I'm going to be
missing out a lot...

...because my wife
changed her job.

She's doing some evening
and night shifts, so we are--

And we only have one car now...

...because we changed from
two small cars to one car...

...which we actually can
fit the whole family in.

So it's a lot of changes
in everyday life.

I'll go and join the others. See you.
- Yeah. OK. We'll see.

Hello, there.

I brought you a pizza
and a couple of DVD's...

...you can watch tomorrow
when you're hung over.

It's not adult entertainment.

Press the button!

What did your wife say
about your night out?

She had a night out yesterday, so--.
- I understand.

I took the opportunity
immediately and...

started planning this party
when my girlfriend got on the train.

Do you know everybody?
- Si. Some.

Pekka, Roger--

Matti, are there any
calendars left?

Give one to Ana.

It's on the house.
I'm the manager, you know.

We sell it for ten euros.
You don't have to pay anything.

What about the sauna?
- Sauna? Naked with the lady?

What shall do with her, then?

Well, use your imagination.

"Wait in the hallway
while we go to the sauna.'

Yes, we call ourselves the most
northern rugby team in the world.

It's probably best to write that
I'm the chairman of the team.

Of course we play to win, but
we don't have an official target.

In the top three.
Put it like that.

We've got a lot of
players tonight...

...but on the team sheet
we have a bare fifteen.

I've checked with the tournament
organizer in Finland...

...and...

Women aren't permitted--

Games aren't permitted
to be mixed-sex.

So I'm afraid you--

Whether you wish to be
included or not...

...there's nothing
we can do about it.

I'll be the cheerleader.
- OK.

I thought I might
disappoint you...

...but are you gonna come to the
game anyway? - I'll be there.

You know where it is?
Yes? Pateniemi.

That's good.

Down, down!

Come on forwards! Get there!

Play on! Play on! Play on!

Drive forward, Mikko!

This is not working at all.

That's no good. Can I have
the ball, please, Seb?

Turn to face me, Tuomo.
Wait. Wait!

Wait!

Ball's out!

Who are you talking to?

Nobody, apparently.

OK, fellows. It's six against five.

Six against... Steady...

Listen! Six against five.
- Listen!

Fucking hell, Riku!

Step up, guys.

Matti, you tap when you're ready.

Let's get the timing right.

Crouch, pause, touch, engage.

Feed the ball in more quickly.

Matti, keep the foot back.

I'll kick you in the ankle
if you put it forward too early.

We're falling.
- No, no...

- I'm all fucked up here.

Jesus Christ, fellows!
It's two days to the first game.

PITCH CLOSED

How can we play
if the pitch is closed?

Try to start on this side.
The sun is in their eyes.

Wind appears to be... mostly...
across but a bit down this way.

That way.

OK. We'll try to play this way
if we can. If we win the toss.

Hey, Ana.

Matti! In the scrum,
don't let your head go down.

Try and keep it up as much as
possible. Do you understand?

It helps to protect you, ok?

If I fuck it up we'll change, right?
- OK. Come on, now.

Let's open the season with a win.

One, two, three...

Oh, shit!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

Come on, guys.
Back we go. Heads up.

Come on. Close him down,
Jani. Close him down!

It's there.
He's there, Erasmus.

Come on guys, defend!

Oh, Christ alive!

Come on, guys. Keep it going.
Keep it going.

I think that we should try
that one step further...

...if there is a scrum for us
because they have so big guy.

Fuck you, Mika!
- Come on, fellows!

This is completely unnecessary.

This is not gonna
be a yellow card.

That was very violent
on the pitch. Go shower!

Keep your head down
in there, Matti!

Matti!

Get out of there, Matti!
- Quit with that shit.

There's a game going on!
Matti, afterwards!

He knocked on me. - I'm sorry.
I can only ref what I see.

Put your helmet on and play.

Get off the pitch if you can't--

Hey, guys, guys, guys!

The weather's great for a night out.
- True.

Should we go?

I told you already it's the first
free night for me in ages. - Ages!

Fuck, you're no good.
Why can't you go out with me?

You're such a bad influence.

How? - I learn bad habits from you.

Is your wife working tomorrow?

I don't think so.

You can have the romantic
night with her tomorrow then.

It was our engagement
anniversary yesterday.

Doesn't stuff like that mean
anything to you?

Ever since I met my wife...

...she's been pregnant
as much as not pregnant

Pretty impressive, huh?

Did you knock
her up on the first date?

Almost.

Man, you're a stud!

Well, once you find
a suitable one...

It's not a personal choice.

It's a genetic thing for men.

Why don't you go and
knock up my girlfriend, too?

If it's that easy

Right.

The baby would be smarter
than you already at birth.

And lousy at rugby.

So when are you going home?
- In a minute.

Here Matti is being punched
rather heavily in the head.

There's a mess of a line-out.

There's a ruck afterwards.

Which Matti decides to dive into.

You are not going to get the ball.
The ruck was lost.

Not only did it take
you out of the game but...

...Mikko took the responsibility to
try and bring you under control...

...and stop you smacking
one of the Tampere players.

Had you gone and hit somebody,
who's going to get sent off?

Me. - Yeah. It's gotta be
different in the future.

That goes for everybody. If we're
going to be successful as a team...

...winning games, then we need
to do things a bit differently.

I dare say some of you possibly
don't like what I'm saying.

You have the option, if there's
enough of you, to get rid of me.

You have the option
as individuals...

...to do something else
on a Saturday.

Or we have the option to say...

...OK, let's go down
a different road.

Let's do this together.

I posted a message for all
to be here at a quarter past.

Nobody's here yet.

What did he say, four laps?
- Six.

Shall we go?
- It's not practice time yet.

You have a fucking
attitude problem!

Mikko, can we go there?

Mikko, can we go there?
- You can run on the track.

Shall we run the laps now?
- Yes, six laps.

Ready! Change!

Five seconds!

Guys. Keep working!

Ten seconds!

Until the end!

It's much harder on the arms
than on the legs. - And shoulders.

End. Drink break!

Shut the door.

First, I want to welcome Job. He's
played quite a few games in Kenya.

He'll bring quite a bit
of experience to the team.

Just enjoy yourself.
Have a good game!

Job! Watch the fullback!

Fuck!

Job!

He has no idea
what to do as a flanker.

OK. Ilkka. Tell Jani to warm up.
We need him on the pitch.

Right. Now what the
hell do I do? Job off

Daddy, I want...

Just a second, matey.

Someone else
has to go to the flank.

Come on! Go Reijo, go go!
Get on with it!

Can I make a replacement, ref?

Job! You're off!

Go to the left wing.
Reijo! Go to the flank!

Take it steady, mate.
- I can't do anything.

Keep yourself warm.

There's too much violence.

Come on, guys! Drive!
It's a maul. Drive!

You want something
to drink, darling?

Let's go, Oulu!

This is a game we need to win.

He's got it!

It's lost.
No, no, no. It's a scrum.

Come on, guys. Get it back!

Oh,Jani. Poor Jani!

His moment of glory.

OK, guys! Heads up!

Who's disappointed?
- I am disappointed.

But we got a tie. - Yeah,
it could have gone either way.

It was close but the wind...

Let's go and find mommy.

See you next week.

How long will you be here?
Until the end?

I'm leaving next Thursday.

You going to the party? There's
a sauna... - No sauna for me.

Because you're the only girl?
- There are others.

Good, because... - We are
the official cheerleaders!

I can't decide if I should get
drunk or pissed or go home.

Me neither. Actually, I should go
and do some serious writing.

My girlfriend ditched me
yesterday. - Or did you ditch her?

She walked out on me.
- You don't seem too depressed.

Three and a half years down
the toilet. - That's a long time.

Before her, I dated a girl
for two and a half years.

One wreck after another...

Uhum...

Give me a beer.

Anything you ask, Janne.
Ass, too.

Wow. You might have to
deliver on your promise.

Did you hear what Janne said?
He might come after you tonight.

It's three months since
I had... - Pussy, you mean?

Internet porn is better than pussy.
- In a long-term relationship.

It is! - Yeah.

After four years of dating it's nice to
fist your mister every now and then.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Three months without getting laid.
I should have guessed.

It's not about getting laid, -

It's the glorious feeling of love inside.
Feeling good.

Bullshit. - You wait for your
girlfriend to come home.

Then she comes home,
and you go and hug her.

Seriously? Is it like that
after four years?

Well, at least not for me.

Do you know Reijo's phone number?
I want my engagement ring back.

You proposed to him?
Is this the end of a summer fling?

No comment.

Have you now officially switched
over to male relationships? - Yes.

Bullshitter.
- Go home, granny.

Careful! Bloody hell!

Stop the horseplay, guys.

Reijo! Thank God my girlfriend
wasn't home. You've got my ring.

I didn't fucking notice anything
was missing until I got to sauna.

Thank you.
- Is it the right one?

Yes, it is.

Did you get the ring back?
- Yes, I did.

You ready? Now this is
a proper hooker throw.

Was it good enough?

I'd make a good maypole.

Talk about poles
with your balls in my face!

I don't understand why you
can't lift him by his asshole?

Take a firm hold now.

By the front.
I'll be here in the back.

One, two, three,...

Are you serious?
- Of course. Tighten your ass up.

By the shorts?
- As you please.

Should I be the jumper?
- Now!

You push me up when I'm
trying to bend my knees!

Let's try for real now.

Now!

Come on! Let's do something else.
Practice tackles or something.

How about a beer at the gay bar?
- Suits me.

Speaking of gay, when
I first started dating Niina...

and if the topic came up
somehow, I was like:

Fuck those fucking cocksuckers
should all be shot in the neck.

But she taught me
gays are all right.

As long as they leave
my ass alone. - Right.

What if I was gay? - We could be
friends, just like now.

As long as you didn't ask me
to suck your cock.

But if we were like
wrestling for a laugh...

...would you think I'm coming
on to you? - Not really.

Bloody mosquitoes!

Did you want this?

Yes. It's ok.
- It might be dirty.

At least one of the guys
touched me. - Pardon?

At least one of the guys
touched me to say goodbye.

Thank you for everything.
- Thank you. Bye.

One, two, three...

Ladies and gentlemen! I appreciate
you coming to see the game today.

Unfortunately, the opposing
team is not present.

Yes, we are celebrating
our first win!

Thank you

70-0

Yes, yes.

We rocked and
wiped the floor with them.

I suppose we succeeded
in attacking today.

We haven't scored
before so I guess...

...scoring has been the
biggest problem for us.

In rugby, it's not a touchdown:
it's a try.

Yes, we're having a sauna
party here, all night long.

Did it sound credible?

OULU BEAT THE BOTTOM TEAM

Why is it that women's rights
are positive feminism...

...and men's rights
horrendous male chauvinism?

A man is supposed to be
both soft and hard.

An attentive listener
and a macho-man.

A gentle family man
and a crazy lover.

A bohemian philosopher and a hunk.

A responsible provider
and an impulsive adventurer.

A well-off gentleman
and a penniless poet.

How many books have
you published now?

Three. The fourth one is coming.

Are they all fiction?
- No, not this one.

Not this one? - No. It's
a novel, but it's not fiction...

...because I have been working
eleven years at Filtronics.

That company. - Yeah.

My publisher said that we have
to have it checked by a lawyer.

Because I say so many times...

...that Nokia does this
and Nokia does that.

What about your place?
Is it safe?

My job in Nokia?

I've pretty much accepted
that it's gone.

I mean...

Pretty straightforward, Jarmo.
I'm an ASIC designer.

IC chip designer,
whatever you wanna call it...

...and Nokia is no longer
interested in IC design, so...

One minute you're working and
then the next minute... you ain't.

You get some smug bugger
in a suit telling you...

...your job is
no longer cost-effective.

It'll look like this.
This size and look.

There's nothing in there.
- You haven't done much writing.

What's the motivation for bringing
real-life characters into a novel?

I think that it's the only way.
I don't want to write fairy tales.

And that's a true story. We
are in a cafeteria, like now...

...and then there is three guys,
and one huge guy...

...and they said,
"Olavi, come with us."

And Olavi said, "Why?"

"Come!' And Olavi said, "I don't
want to come. Why I have to?"

Then they like this... and...
"Come!'

And then we go with Olavi
at his working place...

...and his computer is there.
And there's some pictures.

Olavi said:
"I shut down my computer."

"No. Leave it that. Take
something. You have ten minutes."

What had he done? - Nothing.
That's normal way in that time.

And it stops when...
- That's normal?

Normal. It ends when...

... two people make suicide.

One is my friend.

Jesus Christ, Jarmo.
Bloody hell!

And that who is my friend...

...makes suicide because
they have buy some house...

...and he has a wife
who is working home...

...and she thinks that most
important thing for a man...

...is that he can bring money
home. And that kind of thing.

Right.

And they have two children and...

And that's too tough.

Who's the referee for today?

Esa will be wearing
a different-coloured shirt.

Assuming he's finished
building his house.

When will you build yours? That's
part of being a Finnish man.

You have to build your own house.

Everybody can buy a house,
but you have to make it yourself.

"Yeah, I'm building my house now."

They're more of a man than the guy
who just buys a house, like you.

You are a lesser man.
- What about you?

Well, I'm obviously a lesser man
because I live in a row house...

...and not in an actual house.

I'm like a sub-species
in the Finnish male social system.

Come on, now, Mikko.

I remember the first time...

...I was on the bus headed for
a game and sat next to Mikko.

He was watching a movie and I
happened to glance at the screen.

They were sticking a huge dildo
with all the trimmings...

...in the lady's ass

He asked me if I was interested
and told me he was, kinda.

If it had been pure porn... But
all the trimmings in every hole...

Do you remember?

Our friendship is based on that.

We're so like-minded.

"Oh, you got Anal Fisters 6?'

By the way, is it true that sex
gets better when you get older?

Has it gotten better for you?

It gets premeditated!

Do you have to get older
to dare suggest sex toys?

That might be true,
but on the other hand...

When you're younger,
you don't need anything special.

Now I notice I've started thinking
a new position might be nice.

You didn't convince me.
- Really?

One reason for sex getting
better at an older age is...

A young man is
always willing, you know.

Later, the roles
may be switched...

...so that the woman
is more active.

And the man gets
to play hard to get.

A young man is just looking
for a chance to get lucky.

When you're having sex, do you
ever close your eyes...

and think of someone else
instead of your wife?

No, never.

I would be the first one
if I didn't.

Is there no limit to bad jokes?

No limits for us.

Jyväskylä is a familiar field.
I've been here quite a few times.

I've never come away
with a victory.

Today I wanna make it different.

Today we've got one of the best
teams we have ever put out.

I'm looking for you lot
to win the game for us.

One, two, three...
Oh, shit!

What the fuck are they doing?

Matti! Help him, help him!

It's gone dead,
it's gone dead, it's gone dead!

Stand still!

Oh, fuck...

Straight back, fellows!

It's another three points.

Okay Oulu! Time to get some points
on the fucking board! Let's go!

He's got his hands on it.
Defend!

Dear, oh dear, oh dear!

This is hopeless.
- Fucking hell!

Five points to them.

In rucks and mauls, we've got
10 or 12 players going in.

We've got to limit it
to four or five, okay?

The referee is missing a lot
both ways. Forget the kick.

Way to go!

Don't kick the ball to that
fullback. Keep it away from him.

Crouch, touch, pause, engage.

Matti! Support!

Matti, Matti, Matti...
I don't know what he was doing.

Go, Matti! Run!

Right! Well at least we got some
points on the board this time.

What's the score, please, Esa?
- Thirteen to eight.

Thirteen to eight?
- One try.

Let's see if we can get more
than that. Hopefully we can.

All right boys.
I want to see the ball now.

I was just calculating
and it's even now.

Go on. Get on. Get on!

There was just a beep in my head.

I fucking dislocated my finger.

Fuck. Have we got cold spray?
- Can you play on?

Have we got some cold spray?
Atte is down injured.

If Atte can't play anymore
we're fucked.

Bloody hell.

For once we have a proper team...
- And everyone's down injured.

The last five minutes!
- Two, one, three, one, red...

Go now!

Get with him! Support!

Dig it up. Push, push!

Go! Drive!

Now, fucking hell!

Down, down!
- Forward, forward!

I offer you gentlemen two
minutes. Jarmo, wakey wakey!

Riku scored. Come on!

We're leading
fifteen... uh...by five points.

Good pressure, Matti!

Man injured! Referee!

Help him!

Way to go, Matti.
- A circle around him!

Got the wind knocked out of him.
- Go Matti!

What's his problem? - He got
the wind knocked out of him.

Matti, Matti, Matti!

Stand still, Matti.
OK, you managed it.

That was a hell of a good tackle.
You stopped the bastard dead.

He was on his way to score there.

This is my last free Nokia phone.
- Everybody in? Pussy!

God, it's slow. Am I really
part of the design team of this?

I get a bit closer, I think.
- Fucking Nokia!

You got a hairy mole on the bun.
Why don't you shave it?

Where?

Anybody got a mirror?

Stop touching each other's asses!

Guys! Is that a pimple or a mole?
- It's a mole.

Matti! Down with the pants!
- He's unzipped them already.

No limits between us. - Oh, yes,
there are limits between us.

If you love a man, like Mikko,
you just love him.

Even if he has a dick between
his legs, I just love him.

Even if he has a mole...
- Cut the crap!

A hairy mole right next to his
anus, and I love him all the same.

I have nothing against gays
as long as they don't shag me.

But I get to shag them. I mean...

As long as you get to shag them?

No, no. I love women,
all of them. I really do.

Matti... umm... Forget it.

Keep the shirt on!

And keep the pants on!

It's up to you now.
It's now or later.

I am open to all suggestions.
- Yes, of course.

So what's the next step?

We just sign the papers
and that's it.

Didn't we decide to sell it?
- I think so.

It's paperwork, then.

Are you feeling sad?

When would you like to
show the house?

Is it usually on weekdays..?
- Weekends.

Next weekend I'm working.
Then I'll have a free weekend.

After that, I'll be
on maternity leave.

The pants look
much tighter on Mikko already.

Nice, everybody's here.

How are you? - I was fine
a second ago. Now I'm not so sure.

You haven't been around at my
place for ages. What's wrong?

I'm at work in the evenings.

Is the Helsinki team here already?
- Yes.

Can we turn the hinges of that
door, please? - Lock the door.

I turned up late today 'cause I
was convinced you didn't need me.

You can win games
on your own.

Yeah. Cheers, next door.

They got something that they...

They probably
didn't really deserve.

All of us know this is a game we
could have and should have won.

We had space
on the outside several times...

...but what does the runner do?

Cut back inside, cut back inside,
cut back inside. Why?

There's 20 meters outside
over here or over here.

And you cut back inside.
Why?

There's space! Run into it!

You proved last week
what a good team you are.

I really hoped today we could put
up a good score against Helsinki.

Well, it's not a defeat
but it's still a disappointment.

We're not playing enough
with our brains, fellows.

It's the kick-and-go!
Come on, wakey wakey!

Why the hell am I having to do
this every bloody Saturday?

Bloody hell!

Shit!

We'll tell Mummy
you had a proper meal, ok?

Listen up!

Is there anybody
who wants to stay longer?

Or shall we start back home
right after the game?

Do we have to stay late?

It's always the same.

Fucking changes
at the last minute.

When are we going?
- Right after the game.

Really?
- No, we'll do the usual schedule.

So after the game?

It sucks big time if you're just
about to get laid and we're off!

If the other option is sitting
in a bar from six to eleven...

...which is actually not
the greatest time of the night.

I mean, what's the point in it?
I understand if you have agreed...

Fuck you, Mikko!

When I joined the team you used to
be the last one to leave a party...

...and now you're like...

They're kicking.
We play on this side.

Who's the stinker?
- Tero.

Not me.
- Me, neither.

Guys, focus now.
- It was Lassi.

I need to shit real bad. - What
are you doing on the pitch, then?

Take a dump, man.

Need to shit like hell.
- Go and shit, damn it!

I'll rather shit my pants.
- Bloody hell!

Oh, shit!

Our battle cry sounds like a
bunch of morons. - That's right.

Balls in place and
ready to hit the scene.

When should we alert the driver?
- Between ten and eleven.

I've had to change my opinion
about lady rugby players.

They've probably got the most
balls on the Finnish rugby scene.

What do you mean,
the most balls?

You drink hard liquor...

...and talk dirty.
- Tough gals.

We just discuss
human relationships.

That's right. When we're
blow-drying after the sauna...

...we always talk about
our relationships.

You think we're too masculine?
- Perhaps.

It's a bit scary...

...and threatens our
masculinity.

On the other hand, it's quite
exciting and... - Challenging?

I go to away matches to avoid
getting bossed around at home...

...but now I get
bossed around here, too.

Mikko always makes sure...

...we all get warm muffins
to eat in the bus. - Why?

He's the woman on our team.

I would have gotten laid.
That's the point!

Hop on, and we'll hit the road.

I would have gotten laid, but
Mikko said no. It's all his fault.

For your information,
Matti would have gotten laid...

...by a fairly good-looking
blonde, but her friends said no.

How good-looking?
- Matti, how good-looking?

Well, not too good,
but her tits were this huge...

...and her ass was
as tight as my mother's.

What time are you coming?
Six?

I'll skip the floors.
- No way: we're bringing the rugs.

What else?
Dusting, hoovering, mopping?

The bathroom and washing up.

That's probably all
you can do here, anyway.

I could think of a dozen
other things for you to do.

Bye, then!

This is worse than a hangover.

That should have been
a piece of cake.

Are you going to the sauna?
- I might, for a short while.

I think I'll go home.

You should wear an apron.
- It was too small.

Ketchup? Mustard?

This is called Mikko's special.
- Thank you, mother.

You need a glass?

There was a troublemaker
outside the bar. I knew him.

It was Veikko Määttänen.

He used to work for Nokia mobile
phones and was a frequent contact.

He got sacked in a retrenchment,
and went slightly mad.

"We are suckers in the Nokia
vampire's pocket. "

"The vampire is on its way
to the investors'asses."

"No matter if we are
subcontractors'subcontractors..."

"...or employed by Nokia itself,
we all have broken wings."

Says, not Jarmo Stoor, but
Veikko Määttänen, a novel character.

Mikko sucks big time.

I called him yesterday to hear if
he's going to play the next game..

...and he said
he couldn't because--

Do you really prefer your wife
to rugby? - I got duped.

I won't listen to
your explanations.

She asked me if rugby was
more important than family.

That's tough.
- I said of course not...

...so she said
I wouldn't play the next game.

Was the game cancelled?
- And because of you we didn't go.

Let the aggression out.
I can deal with it. - No...

I'll go out with the guys
and get wasted. - Yeah, right.

Come on,
let it out of your system.

Fucking bitch!
Where are your balls, man?

OK. Let's do some work.

That's not the place for you.

How is your wife?

Got a huge belly?
- Enormous.

Last night, we were talking about
the future and I asked her...

...if it's necessary to make
plans in such a detail...

...as she would be pregnant
again soon, anyway.

She said she wouldn't,
that this baby is the last one.

Is a pregnant mother sexier,
with the big belly, I mean?

Do you have sex as often?

As often as we used to? - Yes, or
is sex somehow different for you?

Well, yes, because of
the physical changes.

But our working hours are
so different at the moment...

...and we're both so tired in the
evenings that it's more like...

"Should we have a fuck?" "I'm
too tired. Let's sleep.' "OK."

I wish I had kids, too. Then we
could all go jogging together.

Is there something in my eye?

Well, I was moved by your words.

Have a look!
- No, there isn't.

In the right corner.

You just wanted to
look me in the eyes.

There's nothing there.
And I'm not a doctor.

Now that the whole
team is present...

...I would like to have a word.

As many of you probably know...

...we're going to have
another baby soon.

The fifth in the family.

It means less free time for me...

...so, as a result...

...this is my last game in the
ranks of the Oulu rugby team.

We'll probably move
to Tampere, too...

...at the end of December.

But I'd like the last
game to be a victory...

...for a new rise
and a new beginning.

You haven't asked for permission.
- You haven't said a fucking word.

Man, you're incredible.
Just a look at your wife...

...and the next thing you know,
she's pregnant.

Haven't you heard
about birth control?

Fucking hell!

This really pisses me off!

I'm so fucked up I'm going to cry!

There should be a fucking law
against games like this.

And the last fucking game
of the season, too. Fuck!

Everybody goes: 'I wanna play wing:
I wanna play hooker". Fuck it!

Bloody hell. Wing or hooker,
we always get beaten the shit out.

Fucking hell!

A game like this makes
no fucking difference, but...

I know we all did our best,
but the attitude sucked.

We were all so fucking sure.
A fucking piece of cake.

We played all right. The final
score could've been worse.

We didn't get any
chances to score really.

My engagement ring

Of course, we're not happy.
Third place would've been nicer.

Anyway, we proved our
right to play in this league.

I mean, if there are
questions about it.

Mikko is moving to Tampere...

...for family reasons.

And he told the team today.
Just before the last game.

Fuck it!

Well, no, but Mikko is Mikko.
He's done everything for the team.

All that he can.

Of course I'm fucked up.
He was a good friend.

I mean: is a good friend.

That's what fucks me up.

But this call is getting expensive
for Mikko. It's his phone.

Right, bye then. I love you.

Fuck this! I get to hear about it
with the rest of the team.

And I thought I was special.
Fuck it.

Have you ever bought
a bottle this expensive?

No.
- Me, neither

And this won't be opened at the
sauna party. - Don't say...

Mikko will of course offer to
open it, but we won't let him.

All right. Bye.

Was it somebody from the college?
- Actually, it was my boyfriend.

I see. I was wondering about it.
- Did you know? How?

I knew it ages ago.
- How?

From the way you act on the pitch.
- What?!

What?
- Nothing.

Don't fuck with me.

What?

How did you know?
- What?

The thing.
- What thing?

You know. That thing.
- I didn't know. What thing?

That I'm gay. That thing. - From
the way you act on the pitch.

The way you run after the ball...

...with your pinkie up in the air.
- For fuck's sake.

End of Season Party 2007.

Are you busy? I'd like to
have a word with you.

He got a call when we were
shopping for the presents...

...and I asked him
who he was talking to.

He said it was his boyfriend.

I told him I'd been wondering
about it. Then he said he is gay.

And I told him I knew he was,
and he thought I was serious.

And he asked me if I was serious.

Well, I said yes because
I thought he was joking.

"I've seen you running on the
pitch with your pinkie like this."

I just couldn't sleep or anything.
- Why? Is it a problem for you?

It isn't, for me.
- Who for then?

Well, nobody. I've always
thought about stereotypes.

I have nothing against it.

Well, I know
Roger knows, Jarmo knows...

...and Tero and Pauli and Pekka.

We were just wondering
when you would find out.

You're the last mohican.

It's true he
doesn't talk about it...

...which is understandable
in a crew like this.

But I couldn't sleep, I was so up-
set, thinking about stereotypes...

Yes, yes...

Well, perhaps it would...

Did he tell you himself?

Yes, he did.
- I see.

Thank you.

Cognac. X0 is the only
grade for Mikko.

"Thai massage has taken money
from Mikko's friends."

"He can come for service."

I thus transfer the
chairmanship to Tuomo.

It's time for a new regime.

"Mobile..."
- Mobile phones.

"To the pioneer
of mobile phones..."

"...set aside by business.'

Thank you, Jarmo. You're a
gentleman, as always. - I try to.

I walked ten meters in the hallway
and dropped my book...

...fresh from the printing house,
in the boss's mailbox.

A two-way business gift.
That's what my book was.

The names were close to real.
The places and the plot were real.

If I got sued,
I would win the case.

And my reputation would grow.

I walked out.
It was almost summer.

Little birds were nesting.
The air was full of nature sounds.

My woman was waiting in the car.
We had packed a lunch.

What a wonderful morning!

What's the matter? Tell daddy.

We'll play rugby together,
won't we?