Freaky Friday (1976) - full transcript

I'd like to be you
for a day

I'd like to be you
for a day

I'd like to be you
for a day

I'd like to be you
for a day

I'd like to be you
for a day

I'd like to climb
into the dreams you hide

To know the grown-up
and the child inside

Whatever makes you smile

I'd like to see it

Go ahead and free it

I'd like to be you
for a day



I'd like to be you
for a day

Are you excited
by electric trains?

And kind of lonely
every time it rains?

To stare out
through your eyes

Would start revealing
all the things you're feeling

What's on your mind
when you hear a tune

Or ride a toy balloon?

Just let me look,
let me read your book

And learn it

Loving every page
as I turn it

I'd like to be you
for a day

I'd like to be you
for a day

There's so much more
I need to understand

It's not enough
to simply hold your hand



And hear
the words you say

I want to touch you

I want to reach you

In every single way

I'd like to be you
for a day

To put you back
on the track

When you go astray

I'd like to be you
for a day

To know your aims

And to share the games
that you play

I'd like to be you
for a day

I'd like to be you
for a day

I'd like to be you
for a day

You're not gonna believe me.

Nobody in their right minds
could believe me.

But it's true.
Really, it is.

15 this morning...
No, wait.

Let me start back further.

My name is Annabel Andrews.

This is my room.

I like it this way.

You don't have to look
for anything.

Good morning.

It's Friday the 13th.
Ready?

No way.

And this is me.

Born in Mountview Hospital
13 years ago.

Give or take a month.

Female, blond.
Natural, of course.

Blue eyes.
Height about 5'2".

I don't remember what I weigh,
but I'm watching it.

Which my mother says
is ridiculous

because I'm not mature
in my figure yet.

Mmm...

Maybe by summer, though.

Gross.

I have one little brother.
Look at him.

Gorgeous hair,
gorgeous teeth,

gorgeous eyes,
gorgeous eyelashes.

He's what you call neat.

Not neat terrific.
Neat neat.

He is so neat it's revolting.

He only does it to show me up.

A goody-goody, you know?

A perfect person and a creep.

His name is Ben,
but I call him...

Ape Face!
Will you get out of here?

Don't come busting in
without knocking.

It's time for breakfast.

So? Come on, beat it.
Get out of here.

I am.

You'll be late for school.

So what do I care?

Actually, I care.
I mean, school is okay.

I got friends, sports.

Yesterday I was made captain
for today's playoff game.

Kind of neat, huh?

I'm also pretty good on water.

We got a super water-ski club.

And we're gonna put on
a real aquacade for my dad.

Oh, yeah, about my parents.

William Waring Andrews.
45.

6 feet tall.
Well, 5' 11. 5".

The hair's too short,
but I've seen worse.

All in all,
a fantastically cool person.

My, oh, my
what a wonderful...

He's with Joffert and Jennings.
Public relations.

And the most beautiful person
in the world.

Almost.

That's Boris Harris.
What a fox!

I mean, he's really
something else.

Mm-hmm.

Unfortunately,
ever since a little incident

that happened a while ago,
Boris leaves me alone.

Annabel!

Time!

Which is more than I can say
for her.

Mom and I haven't been
hitting it off well.

It's not that
I don't love her. I do.

Why shouldn't I?

Everybody knows mothers
are sweet and kind

and lovely and gentle and...

Annabel!

And loud.

Ahh!

Max, you big hamburger.

Annabel, where are you going?

I thought we had this
all out last night.

Who? Me?

I'm not very hungry.

I don't go for that
eggs and bacon stuff.

I want you to be healthy.

That's all, Annabel.

I'm gonna grow up
and be a blimp.

I'm already late.

What about your room?

Perfect.

And your bed?
That's made, right?

I forgot, Mom.
It just slipped through my mind.

I got a lot of things
to think about.

Mmm.

Annabel,
I don't want to be preachy.

But childhood is the best time
in a person's life.

Sure. I'm all for it.

But I got a lot of worries.

Name one.
Just one.

All right.

Worry number one.

I'm late to meet Virginia.

Wish me luck.

Bye-bye.

Bye. Good luck.

Good luck to me, too.

Annabel.
Wait a minute.

Annabel!

Don't forget the orthodontist!

Don't forget the aquacade!

How much you
want to bet she does?

- Forget the aquacade?
- Forgets the orthodontist.

It'll serve her right.

Today Dr. Basinger's
gonna take her braces off.

It was gonna be a surprise.
You think I should've told her?

About the aquacade?

Oh, Bill, honestly.

What do you think of this?

What?

"Friends, respected clients,
and future developers,

we are, indeed, honored
that you could be present

for this formal announcement

of our luxurious,
new Oceana Marina."

It's good.
I don't think the name is good.

It should be
the Isle of Whispering Winds.

- It's interesting.
- Helen, please.

No more help.

You just show up
looking beautiful, as usual.

I'll take care of the rest.

Certainly.

Turkey, where you been?

Where have I been?

I've been waiting for hours.

You and me both, kid.

Give me the usual
and shake the lead out.

Well, I got quiz number 2A
about my room.

It's my room.

I should be able to keep it
the way I want to.

All due to
the extraordinary efforts

of this brilliant...

- ingenious...
- Revolting.

I'm afraid that's
not complimentary enough

to the developer, my dear.

Nothing very complimentary
could be said about Annabel.

No wonder they
call it "the terrible teens."

Have you seen
how she dresses lately?

Without her, I don't have
a water show this afternoon.

Would you like to know where
I have to go this afternoon?

To see Mr. Dilk,
the principal at school.

He's asked for a conference

to discuss Annabel's
lack of academic progress.

What do you think of that?

I'm sure
you can handle it, dear.

I'm up to my neck in this.

Thank you.

She's not gonna let me go
to Hilary's.

She says she knows all we do
there is kissing games.

She's also on my back
to get my hair trimmed.

Last time it was trimmed,
they hacked 6 inches off.

I try to be cool, right?
Parents seem to be immune to it.

Sometimes I blow my top.

Yesterday I said to her,

"What are you trying to do?
Change my image?"

She said, "I wouldn't know
where to start."

Chuckle, chuckle.
That's funny.

If it's any comfort to you,

my mom's even rottener
than yours.

Mothers don't understand
what a person goes through.

I'm an individual.

I can't eat what I want,
wear what I want,

keep my hair and nails
the way I want!

Last night we had it out.

"Listen!" I screamed.

I'm not a screamer.

"You're not letting me
have any fun.

You're always pushing me,
telling me what to do.

How come nobody ever gets
to tell you what to do?"

"Annabel," I said.

"When you're grown-up, people
don't tell you what to do.

You have to tell yourself."

Which is sometimes
more difficult.

"Oh, yeah," I said
in this bitter tone.

That always blows her mind.

"Yeah, you can tell yourself

to watch TV all day,
go to lunch with friends,

eat what you want

or go to big parties
or movies with Dad."

"And do the laundry,"
I reminded her.

"And the shopping
and the cooking.

Make things nice for everybody."

Honestly, Bill, that child has
not got a clue about my life.

Not a single clue.

Sounds like a picnic to me.

I wish I could
switch places with her

for just one day.

All right, what's going on
out there?

Something really freaky.

Wait a minute.

That's not my voice.

That's Mom's voice.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Good grief.
What am I doing here?

That's not my voice.
That's Annabel's voice.

Are you okay, Annabel?

Annabel?

You all right, Ellen?

Ellen?

Hey, whose foot is that?

That's not my foot.
That's Mom's foot.

Good grief.
That's not my hand.

That's Annabel's.

Mom's legs.

And her stomach.

And her, uh...

uh...

Wow.

Mom's body has got
my mind in it.

Annabel's body
has got my mind in it.

I'm Mom.

I'm Annabel.

Hi, Mom.

I love your teeth.

Annabel, say something.

Who can talk
through all this scrap iron?

Could I trouble you
for a dime, dear?

"Could I trouble you
for a dime, dear?"

Sure.

Wow!

Ellen?

You all right?

All right?

I'm great!

Hello?

Hello, Bill?

Yes.

Who's this?

This is...

Annabel, is that you?

Well, yes and no.

Please, if this
is some kind of a joke,

I don't have any time.

Button up and listen, Bill.

Who are you telling
to button up?

Since when do you
call me "Bill"?

What's got into you?

A lot more than you can imagine.

Please, Bill.

Annabel, stop that!

I am not "Bill" to you!

All right.

Dad.

All right.
Now, that's better.

What do you want?

- How's Ellen?
- Ellen?

Mom, I mean.
Is she all right?

Feeling all right?

Annabel, please, if this
is some kind of game...

No, it's very important.
Would you take a look?

Hang on.

Yeah, she is acting
a little funny.

She's blowing bubbles
and hopping up and down.

Hopping?

I suppose it would look like
hopping to the waltz king.

Who's that on the horn?

Oh, that's Annabel.

She wants to know
if you're feeling all right.

Are you, honey?

Oh, I feel terrific.

How does she feel?

She's worried about you.
Maybe she ought to come home.

No, tell her absolutely not.

Childhood is the best time
in a person's life.

Today I want her
to enjoy every minute.

Especially the big typing test.

Oh, yeah.

Tell her I hope she does
well in the hockey game.

That is an important playoff.

If she messes up,
everybody will hate me.

Her.

Dear, your mother says...

I heard her, Daddy.
Goodbye.

- Hi, Virginia.
- Hi.

Come on, Annabel,
let's move out.

You guys are my friends, right?

- I've got to talk to you.
- So talk.

Now, girls, you're not
children any longer.

I feel I can speak
with you as adults.

You're intelligent enough
to grasp

exactly what I have to
say to you right now.

What is this?

It's your usual "Rum Raisin
Banana Split" breakfast.

Figures.

What else would the junk-food
junkie eat for breakfast?

That is about the most
revolting concoction

I've ever put inside my mouth.

You see something different?

Something different?

You see I am
diametrically different

from the Annabel you know.

Correct?

All right.

Listen very carefully.

I'm not Annabel.

Who are you?

I'm her mother.

Oh, that's sensational!
Today we'll be our mothers.

Virginia, dear,
do something with your hair.

Don't scuff your shoes.

No, I mean it.
I'm Mrs. Andrews.

Oh, me too, darling.

I'm not Jo-Jo.
I'm Mrs. John Mayberry.

I love it.

Give me a pack
of menthols, please.

Are you kidding?

Don't be fresh with me,
young man.

I'll report you to the manager.

Oh, no!

You're terrific, Annabel.

You ought to be in Drama class.

Hurry along, children.
You'll miss the bus.

There's only one thing wrong
with this routine.

Our mothers couldn't get through
the day like we put in.

What did you say?

- Right on, Annabel.
- Our mothers couldn't hack it.

Your mother wouldn't make it
through first period, Bambi.

For sure.

I can just picture my mom
trying to handle Miss McGuirk.

Or Ms. Murphy in typing.
They'd freak out.

My mother would not freak out.
Believe me.

You're really weird.
Just a few minutes ago...

Young lady,
a great deal has transpired

in the last few minutes.

You really have that down.

I like this game.

- Children, don't tarry.
- Yes, we mustn't miss our bus.

Are they kidding?

What's so tough
about a simple school day?

You coming, Annabel?

You bet she is.

I am.

Okay, what'll it be, lover boy?

You said scrambled eggs.

Sorry. I don't have time
to wash a messy scrambled pan.

Fried?

Cooking's not my thing today.

You can eat this.

Oh, I can't.

That's Annabel's sugar-coated
Snappy Krackles,

which she bought with her money

to eat when she watches
television.

She'll kill me if I eat them.

What a nerd.

Annabel wants you to eat

her sugar-coated
Snappy Krackles.

- She does?
- She does.

I ought to know.

Move it.
You'll be late for school.

Bye, Mommy.

Yuck!

Hon, I want you to do
something for me

for the ceremony.

Besides water-ski?

- What?
- What?

You've never been on water skis.

I was only kidding, Daddy.

"Daddy"? You never called me
"Daddy" before.

No. I never will again,
Bill, dear.

Are you feeling all right?

- Never better.
- Good.

Hmm.

Better bring me a change
of wardrobe for tonight.

White slacks.

A maroon tie.

See if you can find
my matching socks.

Are you sure
you're all right?

Fine. Fine.

Where was I?

I was finding
your matching socks.

Oh, yeah.

- My white shoes.
- White shoes.

- Blue blazer.
- Blue blazer.

It might need a trip
to the cleaners.

That shirt with
the ruffles down the front?

Be careful when you press it.

It's pure silk, you know.

Anything else?

Now that you ask.

If the shoes need a polish,
I'd appreciate it.

Of course.

Thatagirl.

I do my job,
you do yours, right?

Oink, oink, Daddy.

Well, maybe Mom will enjoy
being in my shoes.

No wonder Annabel
runs around barefooted.

These sneakers feel
like they're full of marbles.

You're right about your hair.
My mom had mine all hacked off.

And now look at me.

To tell you the truth,

it's much more becoming
to you short.

Whose side are you on?

How can you expect me
to sympathize

about your horrible,
mean mother?

That's uncalled for.

I'm using your words exactly.

Is that so?

Come on, girls.
Pay now, talk later.

You're holding up everything.

I don't have one
of those cards.

It's okay.

Money's perfectly acceptable.

Virginia, could you possibly?

No, I couldn't possibly.

I know you have
more change on you.

I could tell by your walk.

My walk?

Oh, of course, my walk.

Oh, my God. Jeez.

Excuse me.

Sir? Thank you.

- There you go.
- Thanks.

I don't believe
how dirty this foot is.

I doubt it's ever seen
a bathtub.

Hmm.

But why should it?

The sock isn't much cleaner.

Ooh.

Dumb, dribbly gook.

Yuck!

Who needs hand lotion, anyway?

Let them get old and wrinkled.

Now. What next?

How about a little makeup
for the cheeks?

Yeah, why not?

Hmm.
Sadie the painted lady.

You're lovely, my dear.
Simply lovely.

Wait till they see you
this afternoon at the marina,

sipping champagne.

Ooh, I love champagne.

Wait a minute.
I've never had champagne.

Maybe I won't like it.

Oh, well.
I'll try everything.

I wish I hadn't tried this.

Come on! Stick!

Stick, you hairy,
little monster!

Maybe I can cover them up.

Ah, forget it.

Just a touch of color.

Beautiful.

Oops.

Perfect. Just gorgeous.

It's not real.
No, it can't be.

Ridiculous.

Impossible!

What is?

Nothing.
I was just thinking.

Well, I wish you'd stop it.
Everybody's staring.

You look crazy,
talking to yourself

and waving your hands around.

Sorry.

I wonder what she's doing?

She probably thinks I
spend my day snacking,

watching TV.

She'll find out.

Ha! Will she find out!

What's with her?

Something wrong with her noggin?

How would I know?

I've never seen her before
in my life.

Oh, ain't that so cute?

What's the big deal
about housework?

How tough can it be?

Toss in a little stuff here.
Toss in a little stuff there.

If it doesn't want to go,
you make it go.

That wasn't so bad.

Now for some potato chips.

A little of the boob tube.

Come on, Max.

Whoa.

The makers of Phos Free,

the newer, brighter detergent,
bring you "Sewing with Susie."

So long, Sister Susie.

Adios, muchacho.

Wiggling, friends.

Can you wiggle like Wiggly?

Let's go.
Come on, wiggle.

Don't let go, Wiggly.

Wiggle this way.

Wiggle!

Wiggle!

It's alive!

Whoa, there!

Take it easy!

You're gonna be fine.

Just a little case
of the hiccups.

Hello?

Wait!
There's too much racket!

I'll have to take it
in the hall!

Thank you!

Hello?

Hang on. I got to hang up
in the other room.

Holy cow!

Couldn't you pick
some other day to break down?

What was the matter
when Mom was around?

You had to shake yourself
to death on my big day?

Come on, now, shape up.

Ulysses' Repair and Plumbing.

Four.

Hey, there! Hello?

Hey, Ellen! Ellen?
What's happening?

Hello? Operator?

Sir, this
is a cross-wire connection.

Simply hang up.
Redial your number.

You will be able
to reach your party.

This is a recording.

Is this my home?

Well, slow down, Mack.
Who is this, anyway?

Bill. It's Bill.

Bill? Bill who?

Oh. Oh!

Hello?
What's going on?

My husband.
Hi, there, Billy Boy.

How's it going
in the salt mines?

Never mind.
What's happening there?

Just rinsing out
a few things. Why?

Oh, okay.

Joffert, Jennings,
and the entire board

may be dropping by for drinks.

You better drive down
and pick up booze.

Booze?

Drive?

Honey, what's the matter?

Nothing.
It's just I didn't intend

to drive anywhere today, Daddy.
Bill.

At noon, after you pick up
Ben from school.

Ben?

Oh, Ape Face.

You know that slinky
black dress?

Why don't you wear that?

I got to run.
Anything else, I'll call you.

Booze?

My husband, Bill.

Iron this, polish that.

Go here, go there.

As a dad, you're super.

As a husband, you're more
like a traffic cop.

Annabella couldn't find
a steady fella

For pity's sake.

I got a rise
out of metal mouth.

You did not.

I can lead some people
around by the nose.

Her you can lead by the teeth.
All you need is a magnet.

One thing you need, young man,

is a good,
old-fashioned spanking.

- Give me mercy.
- Come on, Annabel.

Forget that silly game.
It's not like you.

Hi, I brought
your favorite today.

- Tuna fish and peanut butter.
- Tuna fish and peanut butter?

And grape yogurt.
Meet you at lunchtime, okay?

Sure. Okay.

How sickening. No wonder
she never eats at home.

You can't eat with Gordy.

Remember we have
band practice at noon?

What a shame.

Now let's see
how tough this really is.

Wait a minute.
Where am I going?

Oh, schedule, schedule,
schedule.

Let's see.

I'll be lucky if I can read
her writing, that's for sure.

"Friday, first period.

The Principles
of Still Photography."

Oh, sure.

The cornerstone
of a good basic education.

Well, at this stage,

the developing action
has almost been halted,

but the film
is still highly sensitive.

The safe red light continues
to serve its purpose.

And extreme caution
should be taken

to avoid any outside light

for fear of ruining
the exposed film.

Now, the next step is to...

Is this Still Photography?

Sorry I'm late.

What about the windows?
You want me to get the shades?

I think we've goofed.

Sorry about that.

That's 555-3069.

And only 2 more calls
this hour

to solve the K6500
musical mystery medley

and win over $5,000
in prizes and trips.

All right here on your music,
music, music station.

K6500.

Morning.

I said, "Good morning"!

Mrs. Schmauss, you scared me!
I didn't hear you!

No wonder!

What with this rock 'n' roller
stuff blaring.

It gives you a headache!

That's better.

Now I don't have to yell!

Ah, what a shame.

You ruined that precious outfit.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Well, where do I start, honey?

In the kitchen.
We had a problem this morning.

What happened?

The washing machine
went bananas.

Let's take a look
and see what's going on!

Oh, no, no!

No wonder!

You're gonna cram your shirts.

And your rugs.

Ohhhh!
And your hose.

And your sneakers.

And some little tin things.

And...

What are these
little tin things?

Oh, jacks.
That's cute.

That's cute.

And all your jacks
in here together.

Not to mention,
you used too much soap.

That is your problem.

Well, that's what comes

of letting Annabel help
with the laundry.

That sweet thing,
trying to be helpful.

A genuine first.

Mrs. Schmauss,
get ahold of yourself.

I want you to
finish this laundry

and then sew up this
dress for tonight.

Hold it, honey!
Hold it!

When I came to work for you,

there were a couple of things
we agreed upon I don't do.

Number one is, I don't do
no personal maiding.

I see.
What is the number two thing?

Do we have to
go into that again?

Just give me a refresher on it.

What is the number two thing
you won't do?

The number two thing
I don't do is,

I don't pick up pigpens.

That's an honor I reserve
for the mother of the pig.

Well, look at this.
Dirty clothes.

Ahh.

Banana peel.

Half a paperback.

And now we get to see

what's behind
curtain number three.

A bicycle pump.

A broken water ski.

A tin shovel.

All right.

Begin.

This is a snap.

Hey, Bambi.
Psst! Bambi.

There's something wrong
with my machine.

Well, turn it on.

What do you mean?

It's a typewriter,
not a television.

An electric typewriter
needs electricity.

Dummy.

Electric?

Oh, well,
how different can it be?

This is ridiculous!

Annabel, what's the trouble?

Small mechanical problem here.

Go use one of
the other machines.

I'll give you
a few extra minutes.

Mrs. Schmauss, would you...

That's another thing
I don't do. Answer doorbells!

All right, already!
I'm coming! I'm coming!

Right over there, baby.

Your car, Mrs. Andrews.

Washed, lubed,
and I changed the oil.

Oh, thanks...

Lloyd.

$14.50.
A check will be good.

Check?

How many years for forgery?

Will you take cash?

Yeah. Some people
still use that.

Okay, just a second.

I have to get my mother's...
my purse.

Hang in there, Lloyd.

I have to...

Let me go see who's
at the other door.

Hi, Mrs. Andrews.

Right on time.

Yes, right on time.
What are you on time for?

The carpets, remember?
It's Friday.

Sure. Sure.

Just slipped my mind.

Cool it, Max.

Care where we start?

Just pick a carpet.

Can I get my $14.50,
Mrs. Andrews?

Yeah, I forgot.

I'll get the $14.50.
Excuse me, fellas.

I'll find it, Lloyd.

Any of you fellas got $14.50
you could loan me?

Hey, you got $14.50?

Come on.

There you are.

And while we're on the subject.

I have something else
to tell you, Mrs. "A."

That kid has no discipline.

And a kid without discipline

is the fault of the mother
and the father.

Not necessarily, Mrs. Schmauss.

What am I saying?

Hi!

Oh, how do you do,
Mrs. Gilbert?

Oh, feel free to call me
Mary Kay anytime.

Oh, yeah. Mary Kay!

Listen,
I need the hair drier.

Sure. Borrow mine.

No, yours is broken.
You borrowed mine yesterday.

Yeah! Here.
Hold Max.

It must be
around here someplace.

- In the kitchen?
- I'm sure it is.

I've seen it time and again
with you saucy liberals.

That kid'll be on dope
before you know it!

Oh, what makes you so sure,
Mrs. Schmauss?!

Mrs. Andrews, can I...

Oh, yes, $14.50
and the hair drier.

You got a pair of pliers?

Ohhhh!

Listen, you, here.
You hold Max.

While you're looking
for the hair drier,

find this gentleman the pliers.

I have to find the door.

I wanted my hair drier.

- Hi, Mrs. Andrews.
- Hi.

Bet you thought
you'd never see us again.

Brought your nice,
clean draperies back.

Pick a window that's empty
and put them on it.

Just in case
you're interested, Mrs. Andrews.

You want to know how it starts?
I'll tell you how it starts.

Remember Wednesday
when you asked me

if I saw that half bottle
of gin on the bar?!

I suppose that was your way

of accusing me
of drinking your liquor.

Yes, probably was.

Aha. Well, I have
a secret for you.

Excuse me.

Mrs. Andrews,
we've run into a problem here.

Grab a number!
Get in line!

But do you know
who's drinking your gin?!

Annabel, huh?

You said it.
I didn't.

Hey, action city.

You're fired!

That suits me fine!

Not now, Mrs. Schmauss!

After you finish
my daddy's shirts.

Do them yourself!

You traitor!
Your mop stinks!

Could I just get my $14.50?

What about my hair drier?!

Here's your dog, lady!

Maybe we'll come back
some other time.

Ellen, my hair drier!

We got to move
the china cabinet.

You owe me $14.50.

My hair drier!

The hair drier!

Ellen!

That typing teacher
was highly indignant.

She just could not accept

that it was
an unfortunate accident.

Sorry I missed it.
Sounds like it was a blast.

What a trying day.
I don't know what to expect.

Nothing, as long as
you're ready for McGuirk.

"Mc" who?

McGuirk.
English. Term paper.

Oh, no.

What's wrong, Annabel?

It's due today.
Don't you have one?

No. What'll I do?

You better cut English.

I'll tell McGuirk you went
to the nurse with a headache.

Should I actually do that?

No, you nerd.
She might send you home.

That's a good idea.

You can't go home.

The big hockey game's today.
Everyone's counting on you.

Hockey?!

Those kids will kill me.

I think I do feel
a sick headache coming on.

Hey, we're up.

Annabel!

Do you know where you are?!

No. But if you hum a few bars,
maybe I can pick it out.

The buffet is set up onshore.

But I thought that our clients
and the investors

would have more fun
with the show itself

by watching it from this float.

There's an overall picture
of the property.

A good view of the shoreline.

And there's an excellent
viewing position

for the fireworks display
and, of course, the aquacade.

I think we should've held out

for the professional
water-skiers.

I can assure you there's
gonna be a top-notch show.

My daughter and her club
have been rehearsing.

This is a big account.

You're sure these kids
aren't in over their heads?

Mr. Joffert, I can assure you

it's gonna be
very, very, very good.

And, well, if I
do say so myself,

my daughter Annabel
is the star of the show.

You really should see her.

I can hardly wait.

Excuse me.

Hello?

It's my wife.

Hi, honey.

Well, if you fired her,
you fired her.

I don't understand
why you're worried

about how upset
your mother's gonna be.

Your mother lives in Dayton.

I could've told you
she was a heavy drinker.

That's not her mother.

That's someone else.

Listen, honey, I'm busy now.

Mechanic, too?

The carpet cleaners?

And the drapery man?

Is the dog still there?

No, I know that's
not funny, Ellen.

Now, look, I'll take care
of everything later.

Honey, I got to go!

No, look, no.

I'll see you
at the marina at 5:00.

Don't forget my clothes.
Yeah, goodbye.

What do you think, Max?

At least there's no ring
around the collar.

Okay.

Oh, great.

He's gonna kill me.

I quit!

I really quit.

I'm with Mrs. Schmauss.

I don't do personal
maiding either.

Everybody around here
has had breakfast but me.

Rotten Ape Face!
I'll clobber him!

All right,
macaroni and cheese.

Breakfast at last.

What a morning.

I'm bored.
Really bored.

Hmm. Bored.

I wonder if Boris is home.

Hey, Annabel.
Now's your chance.

I can make a pitch for me
when I'm not gorgeous.

I mean, when I am gorgeous
and not me.

What'll I say?
Let's see.

What's happening, man?

Hi, lover boy.

Hello, Boris?

This is Mrs. Andrews
across the street.

I was wondering,
could I borrow a cup of...

Sugar's too corny.

...kibble?

Kibble. K-l-B-B-L-E.

You know, the stuff dogs eat?

Yeah, cat kibble.
That'll be fine, too.

When Max is hungry,
he'll eat anything.

He's not a kibble quibbler.
Not he.

So I wonder, could...

No.

Annabel's not home.

Terrific.

See you.

Oh, wow.
He's coming over.

I can't let him see me
like this.

I've got to
find something devastating.

Sexy, slinky.
Velvet maybe.

Door's open!

Come in, Boris!

I'll only be a moment, Boris.

Do make yourself
extremely comfortable.

Shut up, Max!

No, that'd be overdoing it.

Boris!

Oh, this is good of you.

Do come in.
Come in.

Hi, Mrs. Andrews.

Far out!

"Catty Kibbles with horsemeat."

And a ten-cent coupon
for a little flea collar.

I can only stay a minute.
I got homework.

Oh, Boris.
I'll treasure it for life.

I got to go.

Yum-yum. Oh, Boris, that's
a dreadful cold you have.

Oh, no, no. Let me get you
some vitamin "C."

You don't have to.

I'll put this away.

You don't have to.

In the jewelry box.

You know, Boris,
this, I believe,

is the first time
you've had a chance,

to see our lovely, lovely home!

It's simple but elegant!

Boris? Boris?
Where are you?

Who lives in here?

My son, Ben.

With a canopy bed
and a dollhouse?

With a canopy bed
and a dollhouse.

He's a peculiar boy.
He's liberated.

I'll say.
He's also a slob.

Excuse me, Boris.

Boris, here.
Vitamin "C."

Take two.
They're chewable.

Thank you.

Hmm. They're good.

- Delicious.
- Mmm, mmm.

I don't really have a cold.
It's adenoids.

Or an allergy to my mother.

Anyway, it comes and goes.

It keeps me home from school.

Well...

Boris! You want to hang around
outside for a while?

Being cooped up in here
just gets me crazy.

Sure.

But aren't you dressed kinda
funny to be hanging around?

You're right.
I'm gonna put on some shoes.

You and your boy
have the same size feet?

Yeah, I told you he's peculiar.

Okay.

Let's go.

...Which indirectly led
United States intervention

into what, class?

Korean Conflict.

Yes.

And that took place when,
children?

In June or July of 1950

with the naval air and ground
forces leading the way.

Precisely.

Didn't anyone else do
their preparation for today?

Go on, Annabel.

Brownie points coming right up.

Well, in order to fully
comprehend the Korean Conflict,

it is necessary to review
all the events.

Is that very hard to throw?

Not if you know how.

Want me to show you?

Mm-hmm.

Come here.

Okay.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Okay, you just swing
your arm back.

- Then bring it forward.
- Mm-hmm.

- Swing it back.
- Mm-hmm.

Then you bring it forward.

- Then you swing it back.
- Mmm...

Then you bring it...

Try it by yourself.

Okay.

Say, I bet you do
great for a lady.

If you think I'd be good,
you should show Annabel.

She'd be so good.

I'd rather show you.

Not Mom. Me, dum-dum.

Actually, Boris, lately,
Annabel is completely changed.

She's no longer the same person
who cut your head open

with a tin shovel in the
playground five years ago.

Four.
I've still got the scar.

Okay, four.

Anyway, if you'd seen
her lately,

you wouldn't recognize her.

Does she still have braces?

'Cause if she still has braces,
I'd recognize her.

I mean, now Annabel is so nice.

She's nice-nice nice.

- Well, I'm sure she is.
- Extremely nice.

But, Miss Andrews,
to be perfectly frank,

that's not saying much.

Boris, you turkey.
I can't bear it.

Split!

It didn't turn around
and come back.

Did it ever do that with you?!

No, I just got it today.

I never thrown it.

The responsibility fell on
the Eisenhower administration.

"Open me"?

"Clam up and"... Hmm.

Very cute.

Go ahead, Annabel.
You're doing just fine.

Responsibility fell on
the Eisenhower administration,

which was the first Republican
administration in 20 years.

The most salient characteristic
of the Eisenhower years was...

What's going on back there?!

I'm sorry, Miss Benson.
I seem to have dropped a book.

I gotta get some books
at the locker.

I'll meet you after class.

I have an even better idea.

Come on.
I'll show you.

You're too much!
I just can't believe it.

What's wrong?

One day you don't know
about history.

Today you made us all
look like dummies.

I don't understand, Virginia.

I was just doing
what I was supposed to do.

What do you want me to do?
Pretend I didn't know?

- See you later, Annabel.
- Let's get out of here.

Bye-bye, Brains.

How do you win?!

One bunch thumps you
if you don't do well.

The other bunch snubs
you if you do!

Oh! What a zoo!

Sorry about that accident.

My fault. I just owe Mary Kay
a hair drier and a window.

Yeah, well, anyway, thanks.

Okay.

It's really nice.

Maybe we should do it again.

I mean, we could play Monopoly,
something.

- Well, I'd like that.
- Yeah?

Most grown-ups
don't want to play games.

They're always too busy
or something.

But, then, you're not
the same as most grown-ups.

Go on. I love it.

You're...

- Yeah?
- Well.

Did you notice
my allergy is completely gone?

Yeah.

Maybe I'm allergic to my mother.

But I'm certainly
not allergic to you.

In fact, I kinda wish
I was 20 years older.

And I wish I were
20 years younger,

or something like that,
I guess.

Oh, well, see you, Boris.

- And Mrs. Andrews?
- Hmm?

Well, you shouldn't
blame yourself.

It's not your fault
that Annabel's the way she is.

I mean, she's probably what
they call a bad seed.

Oh!

I wish I was dead!

Team, listen up!

Listen up!

I don't have to tell you
what this game means.

They're out to kill us!

I want you guys to get out there
and hit 'em high! Hit 'em low!

I don't believe this.
I've joined the Marines.

Yeah!

Can we beat these cream puffs?

Yeah!

Are we gonna beat 'em?

Yeah!

Let's get out there
and knock their blocks off!

Where's your team spirit,
Annabel?

Never seen you so down before.

You haven't?

I guess I'm just
a little nervous.

Don't be silly.

All you gotta do

is make your usual zillion
goals, and we got it made.

Oh, yeah? No problem.

Andrews!

Uh-oh.

Andrews, why aren't
you changed yet?

Get on the stick!

Sure, but which one's
her locker?

Andrews, move, move, move!

My locker's stuck.

You'll just have
to perform without me.

Perform without you?

What's with the big words?

Here!

Don't you ever take
anything home to be washed?

Never!

Now, suit up and get out there
on the double.

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up, you guys,
and listen!

Now, remember our game plan.

Get the ball to Annabel!

If anybody's gonna win it
for us, it's our tough,

rock-'em, sock-'em,
superjock Annabel Andrews!

Get your butts out there
and kill, kill, kill!

Now, listen, girls.

I taught you to play fair,

to play clean,
and with good sportsmanship.

Still, the name of
the game is winning.

And we can only win this one
if you remember one thing.

Get Annabel Andrews
and get her good!

Look, I'm gonna try
my best today,

but if anything
should go wrong...

Well, why should it?

Well, I told you.
I'm not the same person today.

So I've noticed.
You have to snap out of it.

This is a real important game.

I'll try.

But I mean it.
I'm not the same person.

Forward in the "centa"!

Center.

Oh!

Hey, that's you.

Go get 'em, Annabel.

I played this once
in eighth grade.

Ready to bully!

Bully!

Come on, let's go!

Ow! Ow! Oh!

Don't worry. I'm all right.
Don't worry about me.

Go get it!

How come you didn't bring
the car?

How come I didn't bring
the car?

Quit griping, will you?

I thought we could use
the exercise.

We'll never make it home
for lunch.

Sit here. It just happens
I brought lunch with me.

It's a pickup lunch.
Pick up anything you want.

Throw the rest
back in the bag.

- Gin?
- Aaah!

That's the wrong bag, honey.

No lamb chops, baked potato,
and string beans?

Not unless you want to
cook it yourself.

I fired Mrs. Schmauss.

Yahoo!

You didn't like her either.

Like her?
Mom, I hate her!

She talks cross
and smells funny.

But mostly I hate her

because she says Annabel's
a spoiled brat and a pig.

I heard that once today.
I don't have to hear it again.

Besides, does it make sense?

You hate Mrs. Schmauss because
Mrs. Schmauss hates Annabel.

But Annabel hates you.

By rights, the person
you should hate is Annabel.

I know.

I try, but I just can't.

Why not?

Well, for one thing.

Let's see.
She gets neat ideas.

Like the time we filled up
balloons with water

and threw them out the window.

Oh, that was really neat.

Want to tell Mommy some other
neat things Annabel thinks up?

There's Billy and John!
Can I go play with them?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

He's not as finky as I thought.

Don't just lie there, Annabel!

Get up and hit 'em back!

We're gonna lose if she
don't get off her duff.

Time-out. Time-out.

I gotta tie my shoelaces, here.

No, hold on!

Who did that?

You're gonna get it this time.

Foul!

Yes, definitely a foul.
Questionable.

Two years and $2, 000 to
get these teeth straightened,

and they want to knock them out
in one afternoon.

I quit!

Annabel, come on back!

Annabel, where are you going?

The game's not over.

The score is tied.
We can still win.

Where are you going, Annabel?
Can't you take it?

She's probably changing
from blue to yellow.

Annabel, yellow?

Sloppy, yes.

Yellow, never!

All right, give me
that broomstick,

and get out of my way!

We're gonna win this game!

I got this!

I got it!

Ahh!

Yeah!

Wow!

No way!

Yay!

You're out!

What do you mean, I'm out?

- You're out!
- No, I'm not.

- I was safe.
- You're out!

What do you mean, I'm out?

Go take a walk!

Okay. Mmm!

Strike three!
You're outta there!

Whoo!

All right!

No, no.
That's the wrong goal!

Come back, Annabel!

Don't do this to me!

Hey, way to go, Annabel!

Good move!

No, Annabel.
No! No!

No! No! No!

Oh!

Time!

Winning goal by blue captain,
Annabel Andrews!

Final score.

Reds, eight.
Blues, Seven!

Where did I go wrong?

I know it's hard for you
to remember.

I'm Jo-Jo, and you're Annabel.

And we both play
for the same team.

Oh, good grief.
I've goofed again.

Boy, Mom, that was terrific.

That's even better than Annabel.
She's a super ballplayer.

Really?

- And she's beautiful.
- She's what?

I think she's beautiful.
And I love her braces.

I hope when I get that old,
I'll have braces, too.

With your luck,
you won't need braces.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Then Annabel's gonna hate me
more than she does now.

Well, why does she
hate me so much?

Because there's nothing
more annoying

than a little blue-eyed saint
with perfect teeth

who's always on time,
never has a messy room.

Do you hate me, too?

Don't be a jackass.

I'm trying to tell you
why Annabel hates you.

But I can't help those things.

I can't help what I look like.

And about being neat.
I can't help that, either.

Listen, if I thought
she'd like me better,

I'd be messy.

I've even tried being messy.

Once I took all
my piled-up blocks

and the books on the shelves

and the big bag of marbles
and the LEGOs and threw them

so Annabel wouldn't be
the only one getting in trouble.

That stinky old Mrs. Schmauss

said I was too young to know any
better and picked everything up.

So no matter what I do,
Annabel keeps on hating me.

Well, why don't you
hate her back?

That's a good idea.

I told you before.

I tried.

But you can't hate someone
and love them.

Can you, Mom?

No, I didn't use to think so.

But maybe you can.

Now blow.

- Feel better now?
- Uh-huh.

Come on, let's go home.

Honey, where have you been?!

Never mind.
We've got problems.

That rat-fink Mary Kay.
She called you?

Told you about the boomerang
through the window, did she?

I've got a real problem.

Will you listen
for half a minute?

We have no buffet
for the marina tonight.

Mrs. White thought Mrs. Matthews
was gonna handle this.

Mrs. Matthews thought Mrs. White
was gonna handle this.

Who's gonna handle it?

- You are!
- Me?!

There's only gonna be 25 people.

I've already told them
what a great cook you are.

- No! But I...
- Honey.

You got three whole hours.

Thanks, love.
Goodbye.

Whew!

Bah!

Male chauvinist pig.

Mommy, why did you call Daddy
a male chauvinist pig just now?

Because that's what he is.

But what is one?

A male chauvinist pig is a
husband who spends three months

taking bows for a shindig
he's gonna throw,

and he gives his wife
three hours to save his skin.

Oh.

Yes, Mr. Andrews?

Uh-oh.

Where did she come from?

Uh-huh.

Oh, could you hold on
a minute, please?

May I help you?

Could you tell Mr. Andrews

that his daughter
would like to see him?

Mr. Andrews?

Your daughter is here.

Fine.

Would you walk this way, please?

You've got to be kidding.

You're the new secretary,
I suppose.

Enjoying your work?

Oh, very much.

How is Mr. Andrews to work for?

Oh, he's just a doll.

We get along.

He's pleasant
and very professional.

I can't complain.

I can.

You know, Miss...

Gibbons.

Miss Gibbons, yes.

My father is an extremely
devoted family man.

Extremely devoted.

Oh, I know he is.

He talks about you and
your mother all the time.

She must be a lovely person.

Darn tootin'.
She's quite a doll, also.

Dangerous lady to lock horns
with, if you know what I mean.

- Hi.
- Huh?

Oh, hi, Honey.
What brings you here?

Oh, nothing much.

Why didn't you tell Mom
about your secretary?

What's there to tell?

But, darling,
you always used to tell me.

Too late, Miss Gibbons.
I've already seen your action.

Mr. Andrews, you wanted to sign
this as soon as it was ready.

Thanks.

Lucille, you're
not going somewhere?

Oh, no.

It's just a bit chilly
in here, don't you think?

Oh, yeah.

Hadn't noticed.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Now, what can I do for you?

Look at me.
Aren't I revolting?

You look like
a typical teenager to me.

And I think
it's time for a change.

You came to ask me that?

Well, no, not exactly.

You know, I'm getting my braces
off this afternoon.

I thought I'd get my hair done
and my nails.

What's left of them.

You don't need
my permission for that.

Oh, I know.

But I thought I'd go out

and get some new clothes
to go with the new me.

I wondered if I could borrow
your credit cards

with a note of authorization.

I think we can do that.

Miss Gibbons
can take care of it.

I'll bet she can.

I think I hate Miss Gibbons.

Yes, Mr. Andrews?

Yeah.

Would you take
a short note, please?

Yes, sir?

To whom it may concern.

"To whom it may concern."

Please allow my daughter,
Annabel Andrews,

whose signature appears below,

to use my credit cards,
et cetera, et cetera.

Sincerely yours.
Got that?

Certainly.

Have it ready for you
in a jiffy.

Ugly-looking thing, isn't she?

I'll tell you the truth.
I've seen her look better.

She's got a lot on her mind.

She better not have.

Such as?

Husband's out of a job,
sick kid,

and a difficult mother-in-law.

Annabel, I don't have time
to spend on this.

Anything else I can do?

No, nothing.
This is fine.

- Yeah.
- Thanks a lot, Dad.

Ellen Andrews, you are a
conniving, suspicious old bat.

Thanks a lot, Daddy.

Okay.
Preheat oven to 325.

How do you do that?

Turn it to preheat, stupido.
Sweetie.

Preheat on our stove

is when the oven
and the broiler are on.

It gets hot faster.

Oh.

For a 20-pound bird,
that will take 61/2 hours.

Do we have time?

Only if you double everything.
Turn it up full blast.

Answer that, will you?

Hello?

Hang on.
It's for you.

Can't you see I'm up
to my armpits in gunk?

Who is it?
What do they want?

Who are you,
and what do you want?

Okay, I'll tell her.

That was
the principal's office.

He says you're 15 minutes late
for the conference with him.

Mr. Dilk?

What does he want?

Wow!

What does he want?!

Oh!

Male chauvinist pig!

Mr. Dilk, too?

No, still your father
for getting me into this mess.

Who are you calling?

Hello, Boris?

This is Mrs. Andrews.

How would you like to babysit
a small boy and a turkey?

Let's see, what else
can I tell you?

The bird's in the oven.

Just don't touch it,
whatever you do.

And, Boris, you don't say

you could whip up a dessert
for about 25?

Oh, you know, Jell-O,
something like that.

I made a chocolate mousse once.

Do that again.

He's gonna cook?

Isn't that sort of
a sissy thing to do?

Look who's talking.

The kid with the canopy bed
and the dollhouse.

- I don't have a...
- Your nose is runny!

I wouldn't mention that.

He's sensitive on the subject.

I can imagine.

Everything fine?

Okay, I'm off and running, kids.

Don't worry.
We'll be all right.

- Got your car keys?
- Car keys?

For the car, you mean?

Oh, no.
No, no, no.

In the state I'm in,

I'd probably kill
myself if I drove.

I can take the bus.

I've got bus fare.

I'll put this on in the bus.

Annabel!
Where have you been?!

We've been looking all over!

I got some new clothes.

Come on.
We have to hurry.

Come on, Annabel!
Hurry up!

Why didn't you tell us
where you were going?

You look different.

Your dad's gonna be mad.

Let's get this hearse moving.

How could you come up
with a grade like that?

Doesn't she talk up in class?

All the time.

Doesn't that add up
to something?

It does. 37.

But Annabel has
an extraordinary I.Q.,

and her verbal aptitude is
higher than a college freshman.

Nobody ever told me that.

Why didn't you tell me that?

I'm really a whiz?

I admire and love
your little girl.

She's the child

every teacher dreams of
discovering in her classroom.

When you finally do and can't
get through to her at all,

then you have to face the fact
that perhaps I am the failure.

And that Annabel,
in more capable hands,

would learn to implement the
gifts that God gave her.

But I don't have that ability,
I guess.

And it just breaks my heart.

Come now, Miss McGuirk.
Don't cry.

It's not your fault.

She's sometimes a bit
of a flaky chick, that's all.

This is your daughter
we're discussing.

Yes, I know.

She's suddenly changed
from a model student

to a flaky chick.

Yes, flaky. That's it.

There has to be a reason
for her behavior.

A variation in her environment?

The emergence of a heretofore
suppressed sibling rivalry?

Will you run that by me
in plain English, please?

Does your family favor
your son over your daughter?

Ape Face?
No, he's just a kid.

Well, she's obviously
rebelling at something.

I think she just wants to do
her own thing, that's it.

Naturally, that's
the normal teenage...

Could it possibly be you?

Are you an attentive mother?

Too darned attentive, I'd say.

Are you understanding?

Never.

Overdemanding?

You bet.

Hey, this is fun!

With all due respect,
Mrs. Andrews,

do you consider yourself
an able parent?

Yeah.

I'm not number one
on the charts,

but I'd say I'm in the top ten.

You are loving to
your daughter, aren't you?

Of course I am.
What kind of question is that?

That's a dumb question.

Yeah, what kind of
a dumb question is that?

This is going to be a little
more difficult than I...

Tell me, is there trouble
between you and your husband?

Now, hold on, Charlie!

Charles, please.

Charles, this is
getting out of hand.

We're here to talk about grades,
not my father.

Oh, ho ho! Mrs. Andrews.
Did you hear what you said?

Yes, I called my husband
my father.

Big deal!

Revealing, don't you think?

I think you have
an awful lot of nerve

prying into people's
personal affairs.

Attaway to go, Mom.

We're interested in getting at
the root of Annabel's problem.

She needs help.

And she's not the only one.

Besides, I think
she just got that help.

Come Monday morning,

you're going to see
a brand-new Annabel.

We mustn't expect her
to change just like that.

Stranger things have happened,
McGuirk.

You think
we ought to turn it off?

Sounds like it's gonna explode!

Your mother said
not to touch it.

Now what happens?

The chocolate gets blended
with the egg whites and brandy.

I'll do it!

No!

Turn it off!

Creep!

Oh, man! Now I gotta
start all over again.

Sorry!

Hey, that's kinda good.

Boris, look!

Yeah, yeah, I see you're a mess.

Come on.
You need a bath.

But, Boris...

Come on!

Hi, guys.

Ape Face. Ape Face.

It's nice to see you
looking dirty.

Making mud pies?

- Mousse pies.
- Yeah?

It blew up by mistake.

Blew up?
You're joking.

The turkey's about to...

That's enough, Max.

Let the chocolate soldier
go get washed up.

Ooh, great.

Come on, you two.

You clean up the walls.
You clean up the body.

To the showers.

Go, go to the showers.

You to the kitchen.

What's that smell?

Oh, no.

Open a window,
if you can find it.

Oh, my goodness.
Oh, a vent.

I can't breathe.

Exploded mousse
and burnt turkey!

Boris, how could you
do this to me?

Sorry.

What now?
Get myself together.

Just pretend.

Hello?

Yes?

Ellen, where are you?!
Where's the food?!

Right here.
It's all around me, actually.

Where's Annabel?
I need her help now.

She's getting ready
for the aquacade.

What?
She's going to water-ski?

She'll be killed!

She's one of the best
water-skiers in the state.

She may have been this morning,
but she isn't now.

You've got to stop her, Bill.

Honey, you just let me handle
this end of it, will you?

You get down here
with that food!

Counting on you both.

But you're counting
on the wrong both!

I want my Mommy!

It's all right.

Let's make this
a creative enterprise.

Boris, let's start all over.
Forget this thing.

We have some Catty Kibble left,

some green noodles,
Tabasco sauce.

We'll make a New Orleans
casserole.

We'll sprinkle
a little bread crumbs.

I think I have some olives.
It'll be wonderful.

Parsley!

Let's get going, Boris.

Come on, Annabel.
Get your skis on.

I'm not going through
with it, Bill.

Don't start that.
I've been bragging for weeks.

Don't let me down now.

I'm not the same person
you think I am.

You sound just like your mother.
Let's get into your skis.

You don't care whether
I live or die.

We'll talk about that
after the aquacade.

I'll help you.
Come on, into the skis.

There we are.

First the foot.

Have we got everything?

Where's the turkey?!

You're gonna eat that thing?

You ever heard of smoked turkey?
Go get it, tiger!

Listen, Boris.
I haven't got much time.

There are a few kooky things
you should know.

Try and understand.
I need your help desperately.

You name it.

Well, to begin with,

I know it's hard to believe,
but I don't know how to drive.

You're right.
I don't believe you.

Do you drive, Boris?

Kinda, but I don't got a
license. I can get arrested.

It's better than getting killed.
I can't drive.

I'm only 13 years old.

Oh, sure, and I'm only 38.

Please, Boris,
don't you believe me?

I'm not my mother.

I'm Annabel Andrews
in my mother's body.

You understand?
Don't ask me how it happened.

You don't believe me, do you?!

I think you're crazy.

Boris, I can't argue that.
Not in the very least.

I am a fruitcake.

But what kind of
irresponsible person are you

to let me, a fruitcake,
drive a car?

I might get killed.

Don't you care?

Well, yeah, I care.

All right.

If you care, get into this car
and drive me to the marina

so I can save my Dad's neck
and my Mommy's life.

I don't care that much.

Boris, buzz off.

Go ahead! Go away.
Who needs you?

I got the turkey, Mom!
Let's go!

Wait a minute! 'Cause I
don't want to go to jail

doesn't mean I don't
want to help.

Creep, get in.

Onward and upward!

Listen, let me put it this way.

Number one,

I'm not gonna make
a fool out of myself,

let alone break every bone.

Annabel, you can't
do this to me.

My job may depend on this deal.

I'm sorry.
But I just can't do it.

Okay, okay, I give up.

Here, sit down.
We'll talk about it.

Here, hold this.

Hit it, Charlie!

I'm sorry, honey!

I had to do it!

Bill, you dirty louse!

Oh! Help!

- Which way do I turn here, left?
- Right.

- Right?
- No, left.

- Left?
- Right.

- Right?
- Left's that way.

Uh-oh.

Hey, I think we got company.

I wish I had my own body back!

Right body, wrong place!

Annabel, where'd you come from?

- Where did Mom go?
- Don't ask me.

How'd you do that?

- Could you do it again?
- I hope not.

Wait, wait, wait!

Andrews, isn't that
your wife out there?

Yeah. What?

Yes, sir, yeah.
I believe it is.

What is she doing out there?

What? Well...

It's a mother-and-daughter
act, Jennings.

Yeah, that's it.

That's exactly it.

Where's the daughter?

Huh?

Hey, Annabel,
what are you doing?

Why don't you stop
before somebody gets killed?!

Mom needs us.

And if I'm here,
she's worse off than we are.

I find that hard to believe.

Oh, oh, oh!
Whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo!

Hey, what are you doing?

No!

Hey, where'd everybody go?

Coming through.

No, no, right.

- No, the other way.
- No!

Look out, Mister!

Look out, everybody!

Get your mitts off the wheel.
Take this thing off my head.

- They're getting closer!
- More of them!

Yeah, I see 'em.

Whoa, whoa!

Whatcha doing?

Wait a minute!

Hold it!
No, no, no!

Why aren't you driving the boat?

She's amazing, Andrews.

Why didn't you tell us
about her?

Well, I want it to be
a surprise, sir.

Well, it sure is to me.

That makes two of us.

Three of us.

- Huh?
- Huh?

Good show!

Would have been better at night.

Nonsense.
You had it planned that way.

Yes, I did.

What's next?
What's next?

Well, I think the
next trick's out there

somewhere in the water.

Road hog!

Neat wheelie, Mrs. Schmauss!
Don't lose it!

Stop this thing!
I want to get off!

Coming through, fellows!

Excuse me!

Pardon me!

Look out behind you!

Down! Down!

Oh, no! No! No!

- Pardon me, young man.
- Whoa!

Can you help me, please?

Watch out, lady.
What are you doing?

Let go of me!

C'est bizarre!

What?

What?

- Huh?
- Hey, what? What?

Don't take your eyes
off him, folks.

He's the daredevil of Bay City.

I believe you've got
your sexes mixed up.

Beg pardon?

It's not a he.

It's not a he.
She's my wife!

She's up in the air!
She's on a kite!

She's so young!

Ellen!

Honey!

Don't "honey" me!

Hurry up.
We're gonna miss the kiteflyer.

Look out!

Did you see that pile-up?

Really gross!

Uh-oh!

Yippee!

Stop!

Quick, Annabel.
Put it in reverse!

- Mrs. Andrews?
- Mom?

- Come on, Mom!
- Oh, Annabel!

I thought you were gonna
wipe out.

So did I.

It's nice to know
you care, my darling.

It's nice to know I do.

Believe me, I do.

Oh, Mom, I really love you.

I love you, too, darling.

Hey, Mom, can I take
driving lessons from Annabel?

Not on my street, you're not.

We'll see, Benji.

Right now, I'm so glad
to be me again.

Hey, right on, Mom.

How do you like yourself?

I don't know.

Annabel, about your hair.

They only took off
an inch and a half.

I bought you a new outfit.
You don't have to wear it.

Your teeth.
Don't you like your new teeth?

Not the way I look.

I was talking about
the way I am.

I am so much smarter
than I thought.

And so much dumber.

Oh, my darling, aren't we all?

Oh, Annabel.

Your family is
a bunch of comedians.

That's one of the funniest
shows I have ever seen.

Yeah.
I guess it was, wasn't it?

You bet it was.

No way to top it.
Right, Jennings?

I think we should have held out
for professional...

That doesn't quite
explain it for me, Ellen.

I don't quite understand
how you got on the kite.

Darling, all's well
that ends well.

Yeah, but that doesn't...

- You look great, Annabel.
- Thanks.

Yeah, you're not the same way
you used to be at all.

Is that good or bad?

Well, no.
What I mean is,

you're a completely
different person.

Well, maybe not completely yet,
but I'm working on it.

Stew, stew, stew.

You're being less
than direct with me.

I'm a little worried
about your mom.

She's acting kind of weird.

You don't think she's what they
call a bad seed, do you?

Well, I think
you'll be noticing

some changes in her, too.

I like a more level-headed
woman like you.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I think I know
what you mean, Boris.

Where are you guys all going?

We're gonna get some pizza.

Oh.

You want to go with us?

Me? Really, me?

Really. Come on.

Oh, man.

Ellen, what I saw you do today
was impossible.

How can you sit there?

We're gonna go get some pizza.
Anybody want any?

I can't get a straight answer.

Would you explain
what happened today?

Please, will you?

Look, did I or did I not
force you into the water?

Well, yes and no.

Great.
You're just like your mother.

- Thanks.
- Thanks.

Mom, Boris and I are gonna go
to the beach tomorrow.

Can you drop us off?

Sure.
That's very nice.

I could do it.

I've got to get started
on my motorcycle campaign.

What am I gonna do
while everyone is busy?

Tomorrow's Saturday.
You ice-skate, right?

I hate ice-skating.

My feet get cold,
and my ankles hurt.

When I was a boy,
I used to love ice-skating.

You get all the fun stuff
to do, Dad,

like kiteflyers
and ride motorcycles.

As long as we're comparing,
I'd like to be in your shoes.

And I'd rather be you.

Bill, I wouldn't pursue
this any further if I were you.

You would not want to change
places with Ben, believe me.

Yeah, you don't want to change
places with Dad over there.

- Oh, yes, I do!
- Oh, yes, I do!

Help!