Frankenstein General Hospital (1988) - full transcript
Dr. Bob Frankenstein (Mark Blankfield) is the great-great grandson of Victor. Unlike Victor, however, he is working at a Los Angeles General Hospital as an intern under the name of Dr. Robert Frankenheimer. What his coworkers do not know, however, is that he has a laboratory, which is in B&W while everything else is in color (because it has been "drained of color", Bob says) and along with his dimwitted, two left-legged hunch-back Iggy, he intends to create the perfect human to succeed where his ancestors failed. However, as usual, the experiment goes wrong when Iggy steals the brain of a sex and food starved teenager instead of a brilliant mind, and the resulting Monster (Irwin Keyes) wreaks havoc through General Hospital.
[suspenseful music]
[thunder roars]
[howls]
[howling continues]
[thunder roars]
As I near completion of my creation,
I grow weary.
The only thing that keeps me going
is my belief in the genius of my great great grandfather.
Note. Regarding the voltometer I inherited,
when I turned it on to test it,
a strange phenomenon occurred.
All the color was drained from my laboratory.
No one suspects my real identity.
Therefore, I roam the halls freely
under the assumed name of
Dr. Robert Frankenheimer.
I got them, Master.
Boston Marathon Specials.
[laughing]
Iggy.
[chuckles]
How do you do it?
[chuckles]
They're wonderful!
Any problem?
Oh, no problems, Master.
Great.
Boy, you should have seen those two guys.
Whoo. Well, they were squished.
I'm talking pancakes.
I've never heard anything so freaky.
Jogging down the street, and hit by a bus.
Then smashed into a wall.
The only thing in one piece was their legs.
They must've just gone under the bumper
and be just ground up like hamburger meat.
-It was the most... -I get the idea, Iggy.
-Sorry, Master. -Oh, yes.
-These are splendid. -[laughs]
Iggy, you're incredible.
Wait a minute.
Two left feet.
Two left legs.
-[laughs] -Well...
[chuckles]
Only. you.
Only you could make such a
monumentally absurd mistake.
[sighs]
Now you go back there, and you get me a right leg this instant.
I can't! They...
cremated the remains already.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
[sighs]
If I don't give it life soon,
it's all for nothing.
These parts have a shelf life.
They start to decay.
-You have to pay attention. -I'm trying.
But it's hard to learn all this stuff.
It's...it's just so complicated.
-[sighs] -Complicated?
Too legs? A right one and a left one.
-[machine beeps] -It's dark and...
everything was scrambled together. Oh, it's a mess.
That's it.
That's the final straw.
[chuckles]
Whatever gave me the idea
I can make an assistant out of a short order cook?
[chuckles] Why, it serves me right.
I mean, it's all over. I'm sending you back.
Oh, no. Master, no, please.
Please. Here. Here. You can use my right leg.
-Oh, Iggy. -You just slice it off.
-Oh, stop it. -No, no. I want you to.
I will. I do. I want you to. I just want you to slice it off.
Oh. Cut it out, Iggy.
[sighs] I just...
I...I want to please you, Master.
Oh. I know you do, my little friend.
[sighs]
That's all right. We'll use these legs now,
and grant on a new pair later.
[groans]
[siren wailing]
[horns blaring]
[whistling]
Um. Look at that.
I should have been a doctor. My mother was right.
And how.
So, that's a thousand shares of ITT.
-Check. -And I think we should
seriously consider getting into Rollerdime.
-Rollerdime? -Yes.
Skip, have you lost your mind?
That stock plummeted 11 points in two days.
Well, that's the point, Biffster.
You wanna buy low and sell high. Good god.
Where is your fiscal sense?
-Well... -Besides, it's only 25 grand
for a thousand shares.
-25 grand? Huh. -Yes.
Well, I guess I can find another kidney to transplant.
-Somewhere. -[both chuckling]
[both] Exactly!
-[machine beeping] -[inhales deeply]
[gas hissing]
Now, don't you worry.
-You won't feel a thing. -[inhales deeply]
Till he comes to.
[chuckles]
Verna, clamps.
Cigar.
[spits]
Just relax.
And count backwards from 100.
99. 98.
-97. 96. -[body thuds]
[Dr. Saperstein] Scalpel.
[Nurse Verna] Sorry, Doctor.
Now watch closely as I make a small incision here.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
[valve squeaking]
[faster beeping]
[Nurse Verna] Dr. Saperstein.
Patient is exhibiting irregular heartbeat.
What's the reading, nurse?
He's having frequent PVCs and short runs of VTAC.
All I did was make a small incision.
What's going on?
[giggling] He's not responding, Doctor.
Give me a hundred milligrams of lidocaine.
And let's start a drip!
-[nurse screams] -[machine beeping]
[flat lines]
[military drum roll]
[sobs]
-[cries] -What happened?
The patient kicked the bucket.
I know that. How?
Like this. [grunts]
That's the fifth patient you've lost this week!
What have you got to say for yourself?
It's not my week. [cries]
I'm running out of excuses with the Board.
I'm pulling you out of OR.
Oh, no.
You mean, I'm...I'm benched?
Yes. And you're one of the worst batting averages of the season.
You report to Dr. Singleton in the morning.
Oh, no, please no.
[door opening]
-[bubbling] -[door closing]
How's your anti-aging serum coming along, Dr. Dixon?
Couldn't be better.
You're talking to the next boy genius here at General.
That would be phenomenal.
Oh. How's your...
secret experiment going?
[laughing]
-[laughing] -[chuckling]
My secret experiment, as you put it, Dr. Dixon,
is coming along just fine.
Oh, good.
-Thank you. -Good.
-May I? Ow! -No peeking.
Not until I'm finished.
-[glass clinks] -Careful!
-Oh! -That's all there is.
Sorry.
-[glass breaks] -You moron!
-[sizzles] -Who broke my vial?
That was perfectly good acid.
I want someone to lick that up.
Didn't they teach you anything in lab technician school?
Why can't you be more like me?
I haven't dropped acid since the 60s.
My god. It's recombining.
Nurse.
Someone please water this plant.
Yes, Doctor.
Who was that?
Who was that tiny man?
I don't know, Doctor.
Hospital's out of control.
-Doctor. -Doctor.
-Doctor. -Doctor.
I've just been working on my anti-aging serum,
and I believe I'll have wonderful news
for you very soon.
It seems my experiment has unfolded
even greater possibilities.
Well I'm pleased. Eager to hear it.
I'm also eager to hear how your long awaited
secret experiment is coming, Doctor?
[giggling]
-[laughing] -Thank you, Doctor.
I'll be revealing my project very soon too.
Good. Because the Board has decided
to allocate all the available funds
to the experiment with the greatest potential.
We want a full presentation from each of you in two weeks' time.
You'll both be ready?
-Won't you? -Sure.
Yes.
-I'll be ready. -Good.
Excuse us.
[door opening]
[door closing]
I'm concerned about what's going on in the hospital.
I suspect foul play.
-Oh? -Yes.
Dr. Saperstein has lost another patient.
Have you searched the hospital thoroughly?
I mean he's dead, Bob.
Saperstein is dead?
His patient is dead.
Oh.
That's the fifth patient Dr. Saperstein
has lost this week!
Boy. He really is having a bad week.
Yes. He is.
I'm pulling him out of OR.
I'm going to need you to help with the overflow.
Will that be a problem?
- Dr. Simpson... -Well...my experiment...
Oh, no. No problem at all.
Good. I knew I could count on you.
Boy. I'm very sorry about Dr. Saperstein.
[laughs]
I mean, poor guy. [laughs]
He must... he must be beside himself.
True, true. But you know...
The important thing is that this hospital
is run like a tight ship.
-Control, Bob. -Mm-hmm.
That is the key to success.
I'll remember that.
I'm certain you have a schedule, Doctor.
-Hello, Dr. Frankenheimer. -Hi.
-Elizabeth, right? -Right.
Where is that surgery schedule I gave you, Elizabeth?
-Hold on. -[paper rustling]
-I'm sorry, Doctor. -[metal clinks]
I must... It's in here somewhere. Let's see.
Um... um, okay.
Maybe I filed it. That's it.
It's in the filing cabinet and I'm going to find it.
Don't panic. I will find it.
Oh. Thank you.
[metal clinks]
Now if you'll excuse me, Doctor.
There's something I have to attend to.
Sure.
Oh, Doctor. I've been going to night school
to study physical therapy.
-Oh? -Yeah. And well...
you look really tight.
Let me show you how well I'm doing.
Well, I'm really not in the mood. Ah!
Oh! [thuds]
[lawnmower revving]
Come in.
Dr. Crone, please dial the operator.
Please lie down. I'll be with you in a moment.
[stammering] I'm...I'm here because...
-Because... -I know. Dr. Reutgar called.
You've killed five patients...
in one week.
Oh, god!
I don't know what happened.
[blows nose]
[sobs]
Why don't we start from the beginning?
[Dr. Biff] Oh, yoo-hoo. Bob.
Have you met our newest staff member?
Dr. Frankenheimer, this is Dr. Hoover.
[Dr. Skip] This man makes more money in a single day
than the three of us do put together in a week!
Hoover's the name, sucking is the game.
Liposuction.
-I charge them by the pound. -Isn't that incredible?
[Dr. Skip] 34 years old and already a multi-millionaire.
And all from vacuuming fat ladies' thighs.
-[all chuckle] -[Dr. Skip and Biff] Amazing!
So, What do you do, doctor?
I'm... well, working on a secret experiment that...
[technicians giggling]
Excuse me, gentlemen.
[PA announcer] Dr. Swabeninfant to ICU.
Dr. Swabeninfant to ICU.
Dr. Uzbakstele... Dr. Uzbackstely...
Dr. Uzbachstelich... Oh, forget it!
-[door slams] -[gasps]
I know what we can do, Mr. Peterson.
I'll tell you your fortune.
[hums game show theme]
Ooh, I see a tall dark man coming into your life.
He's going to ask you for back taxes.
Ooh, this doesn't look very good.
-[groans] -[thuds]
[gasps] Oops. I forgot to shuffle them.
[laughs, snorts]
Ah, never mind.
Dickson is so sure that his project will outshine mine.
I've got to finish.
I want to see his face
when you show him what you've been doing.
[both chuckle]
[maniacal laugh]
This is a healthy individual.
-[taps] -[Iggy sighs]
Saperstein's bad luck is my good fortune.
Oh...
-It's good color. -Oh, yes.
These are perfect!
Let's put these in the tray.
What about the brain, master?
No, Iggy.
He was an athlete.
I want a genius.
-[crickets chirping] -[distant howling]
[quirky music]
[Cindy singing] ♪ Soaring high
♪ Above the clouds
♪ Where the sky is blue
♪ I want to fly high, high
♪ Flying high
♪ Oh, where, oh, where can I be ♪
♪ With wings I fly...
[Nurse Verna] Hello Cindy. Here's the doctor.
Hello everybody.
Hello sweetheart.
Hmm. Those bandages will be off in about a week.
I hope I will be able to see doctor.
Of course you will.
[Nurse Verna] Here's your orange juice Cindy.
That's a good girl.
[tense music]
Ah, good evening Dr. Who and Nurse Verna.
Have you met Dr. Frankenheimer?
Hey, I've heard of you.
Yeah, you're famous where I come from.
Oh, well, thank you. I'm honored.
Of course, the word around this place
is that Dr. Hoover
is sucking out the big bucks, so to speak.
[chuckles] Well, I'm a research doctor.
Money to me comes second.
[all laugh]
[maniacal laugh]
Who is that tiny man? Do anyone know who that is?
-Not me. -[Dr. Reutgar] Damn it!
[Dr. Reutgar sighs] Nurse, get security.
I want to know who that tiny man is.
Yes, Doctor.
-Dr. Reutgar... -Glad for meeting me, Doctor.
Where are you going? Where is he going?
I need you in surgery in an hour!
I've got to get control of this nuthouse.
[panel beeping]
[sighs]
Do you ever listen to my instructions?
I've told you,
no one can know you are here.
If Reutgar were to find out what we're doing
before it's completed,
I don't know what he'd do
but it wouldn't be pretty.
The brain!
-Master, your brain! -I saw the paper.
It won't decompose that fast!
That's the problem!
They're transferring the body out of town tonight!
He was brilliant.
I want this brain.
He's somewhere downtown.
The Tuchman Terminated Teenagers Mortuary on 10th.
I've got to have that brain.
Then hurry master, hurry.
I can't.
I'm due in O.R. in less than an hour
and I'm not even suited up.
-You can do it. -Master.
You have to go, the brain...
The brain is still in the head. I don't know how to take it out.
Bring the whole head. I'll take the brain out here.
Iggy...
Iggy, my dear trustworthy, little friend.
I could never have done this much without your help.
This time I'm asking.
Don't desert me now.
[ominous music]
[gulps]
Okay. I'll do it.
-[beeping] -[door bumps]
What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a doctor before?
You are always welcome to attend my surgeries, doctor.
But don't come near my patient.
Nurse, suction please.
-[clicks] -[vacuum whirring]
[Nurse screams]
[Nurse] Oh, my god!
[rips]
-[rips] -[screams]
-[suction guzzling] -[panting]
[glove snaps]
Hey... why don't you dress like that for one of my surgeries?
How would you like to spend
an afternoon on a gurney with her, huh?
-[blowing] -Know what I mean?
I'm... more interested in the miracles of science
than I am... in a romp on a gurney with her.
Pfft. Wimp.
You're about to see a miracle of science
even you, Dr. Frankenheimer, couldn't have dreamed possible.
-[crickets chirping] -[distant howling]
[distant howling]
[door closes]
[door creaks]
Ooh...
You're too ugly to be a genius.
[door creaks]
[tense music]
[sawing]
Man, what a way to cash in your chips.
Oh!
[scalpel clangs]
[grunts]
-[sawing] -[grunting]
-Poor schmuck. -What?
What happened to him?
The guy gets invited to a beach party
last Thursday night, right?
He figures it's his... big chance to finally get laid.
[laughs] Okay.
He meets a willing chick and he goes out into the water
for a little skinny-dipping.
Well, that sounds great to me.
-The schmuck goes down on her... -No.
Yeah. And she's too busy
screaming through multiple orgasms
-that, guess what. -What?
Nobody notices the bubbles rising to the top.
-[both laughing] -His last air bubbles!
[both laugh]
She must had a knee-lock on his head.
[both laughing]
Oh, what a way to go, man.
-[laughs] -Hey, hey, hey...
It says here that she was still out there
waiting for him yelling, "More, more, more..."
-when the paramedics got there. -[both laughing]
[motor revving]
-[laughing] -[motor revs in distance]
What was that?
[suspenseful music]
I'll go check.
If I'm not back in an hour, call for help.
[maniacal laugh]
That's not funny.
I know that.
[casket creaks]
[footsteps recede]
[casket creaks]
Our genius is resting peacefully.
-[chuckles] -Good.
This guy on the other hand
is probably in search of a celestial piece of ass.
[both laughing]
-[crickets chirping] -[distant howling]
[beeping]
[Dr. Dixon] Thank you for not smoking in my O.R.
[Dr. Saperstein] Mind if I stay?
[Dr. Dixon] Ooh, not at all.
Just don't come near my patient.
[Dr. Biff] Dixon, we'd like to see
this new serum you've invented being put to use.
[Dr. Dixon] Be my guest.
[Dr. Biff and Dr. Skip] Thank you.
This poor woman was brought to me a week ago.
After a thorough examination I've concluded...
there is no cure.
Ouch. But...
Thanks to my brilliant research,
I believe that today I can turn this pitiful,
quivering mass of gelatin
back into a human being.
Thank you! [lips smack]
Thank you so much. Hey, good to see you here.
[lips smack] Thank you. Thanks.
[motor whirring]
[Nurse Verna] Doctor, patient exhibiting rapid heartbeat.
That's because the patient is wide awake Verna.
Where the hell is my anesthesiologist?
Good question.
[Dr. Frankenstein] Oop, there he is.
Well, that figures.
[beeping slows]
[Dr. Dixon] My serum will give this woman...
the ability to speak again.
[PA announcer] Market flash. Rolodyne has dropped
16 points on heavy trading.
-[Dr. Biff moans] -[both] Oh, no. We're destroyed!
-[Dr. Biff] Ruined! -[both] Utterly!
[Dr. Skip] I got dibs on the pay phone.
[Dr. Hoover] Dear god!
I just bought a thousand shares of that stock!
[Dr. Hoover wails]
[Dr. Dixon] That should do it.
Takes about an hour to fully activate.
Got to call my broker.
Somebody stitch her up?
Not you.
[Nurse Verna] Doctors are so cute.
-[Nurse Verna giggles] -[door closes]
[Dr. Frankenstein] Scissors.
[Dr. Reutgar] I know absolutely nothing
about Dr. Frankenheimer's secret experiment.
And I need to know everything that goes on in this hospital.
-Everything! -[Alice sighs]
Well, let me guess.
You want me to find out what the secret experiment is.
Is that it?
You read me like a cheap romance novel,
my little passion fruit.
My subtle psychological,
in-depth study of Dr. Frankenheimer
should reveal everything we need to know.
And if that doesn't work...
I'll shoot him in the ass
with a syringe full of truth serum.
[laughing]
What a team we make.
-No. -Please, just a little.
No!
You know how I feel about
going all the way when I'm not in the mood.
I just get so excited. You tease me and I... I just...
I think I know what you need.
Have we been a good boy today?
[whip snapping]
Yes. [panting]
[Patty humming] Hi. How you feeling?
Oh, gee. I'm sorry.
I forgot to change your bag last Friday.
I'll be right back. [grunts]
[urine splashes]
Eww... Uck.
[urine flowing]
-Whoo! -Alright. Come on in.
-Yeah! -Wooh!
-[dance music playing] -[indistinct chatter]
Whisky and water.
Hi.
How about some company?
Hi. Sure.
Sit down.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
You said I was a nice girl.
Oh. No bother.
I mean... it's...
-What are you having? -Nothing. Thank you.
I hear you're working really hard.
Yes, I am.
But, it will all be worth it in the end.
Oh, really?
In what way will it be worth it?
Well...
I'll probably change the expression,
of the relative values of life as we know it.
So that man's journey through existence
will be altered for all time.
That's incredible.
I'd like to hear more.
I'd love to share it but...
my secret experiment...
[technicians giggling]
[in a hoarse voice] As I was saying...
[choking]
[gulping]
[groans, coughs]
I'm not going to share my new found... miracle
with anyone, until it's completed.
Oh, my god. I got to go.
Iggy must be...
I mean...
It must be... I... was due back at the lab.
See you later.
What the hell is an "Iggy"?
[suspenseful music]
-[paper rustling] -[beeping]
[suspenseful music continues]
What you thinking?
I know.
Nothing.
-[door opens] -[footsteps approaching]
[grunting, panting]
-Your back. -I...
I had to run the whole way.
I had this little bitty scalpel
and this big chainsaw
and this jackhammer that I had on.
[sobs]
-I forgot my bus fare. -Oh.
Did you get the brain?
-The head is in here? -Uh-huh.
Iggy, you did it.
[thuds]
Scrub up, Iggy.
It's going to be a long night.
[ominous music]
[ominous music continues]
Master...
what is this?
Oh, that looks like...
Dr. Dixon's serum.
Doesn't it, Iggy?
Tsk, tsk, tsk... Master.
-Wooh. I'm surprised at you. -Yes.
I'm getting quite daring at my old age aren't I, Iggy?
[both laugh]
Prepare the voltometer.
[tense music]
[buttons clicking]
[electricity buzzing]
[beeping]
Life! Give him life!
No, Iggy. I get to say that.
Oh, sorry master.
I got carried away.
My great great grandfather's dream at last.
Ready?
-[beeps] -[electricity buzzing]
[lightning claps]
[Patty humming]
[lightning claps]
-[thuds] -[glass breaks]
Whoops.
-[beeping] -This won't hurt a bit.
I'm sure glad it isn't me, aren't you?
[lightning claps]
-[faster beeping] -[door opens]
[door creaks, closes]
[electricity buzzing]
And now, we wait.
[birds chirping]
My first meeting with Dr. Frankenheimer
-didn't go as well as I'd hoped. -[creaking]
But...
my second plan of attack should prove to be more informative
[creaking continues]
I'm going to use
what every intelligent woman knows she can depend on.
If and when all else fails.
[Dr. Reutgar] What's that, my sweet?
Seduction, enticement,
lust, vulgarly, smut,
violation, abuse,
and debauchery.
[creaking continues]
Get the picture?
Yes, my little reason for living.
Excuse me, Dr. Frankenheimer,
but it seems my serum has disappeared from the OR.
You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
Serum? Disappeared?
OR?
I haven't seen it. Sorry.
Is that it?
You'll stop at nothing to get that research money, is that it?
Well think again, Dr. Franken-jerk.
I'll find that serum.
And when I do, I'll prove you took it.
Don't you walk away from me.
I'm talking here, buddy.
Don't you walk away from me. [cries]
[sobs]
[grunting]
Ah, ooh...
Ooh!
[chuckles]
-[laughs] -[machine beeping]
-[taps] -[beeping continues]
[growling]
[stuttering] You're alive.
Oh, what? Oh! Oh!
You... you want my breakfast.
Uh. Oh. Oh, I can't believe it.
The Master's gonna be so excited.
Oh! Oh, wait. Oh!
Oh, easy now. Easy, easy. Easy. Easy, big guy.
I can't believe it. You're alive.
The Master is a genius.
He's alive. [passes gas]
Whoa! [screams]
-He's passing gas. -[laughs]
How?
He's got an empty stomach.
'Cause I...I fed him my breakfast, but...
He's not ready for solids yet.
[laughs]
-He's brand new. -But he was hungry!
-But I thought... -How many times
have I got to tell you, Iggy.
When I'm not here, don't think. Huh?
Go buy... baby food!
Lots of it!
Oh. Yes!
Oh!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
We've done it, Great Great Grandpa.
We have done it!
[gasps]
What dexterity!
So perfect,
and curious already.
[laughs menacingly]
I can't wait to see all of their faces.
What have they done?
Nothing!
Their entire lives can compare with you!
A living, my breathing...
creation.
[dog pees]
He fancies himself an imminent physician. Ha!
Imminent quack is more like it.
He's a charlatan, if I ever saw one.
And not only that. He stole my serum.
I know he did. I want something done.
I want my serum back.
I got my eye on Dr. Frankenheimer.
You just go on with your research.
Leave the ruthless, underhanded,
-devious work to me. -[blade clinks]
Gee. That's reassuring.
I hope you know what you're doing.
Because I get that feeling that
seemingly innocent little scientist
is on the verge of something big.
Why else would it be so secret?
I used to worry about Dr. Frankenheimer taking my job.
Perhaps you should think about
whose position he's really after.
I need to see you, Dr. Reutgar.
Dr. Saperstein is here to see you, Doctor.
Yes I know, Elizabeth. He's already in my office.
Oh. Sorry, Doctor.
Something fishy is going on in this hospital,
and I don't like it.
I'm already involved in the investigation
of fishy goings-on, Dr. Saperstein.
Put me back on OR.
I'll be good. I promise.
I can't stand on the sidelines any longer.
It's killing me.
Better you than the patients.
[phone rings]
Hello, Dr. Reutgar here.
Telephone, Dr. Reutgar. It's Dr. Singleton.
Yes I know, Elizabeth. I've picked up.
Oh, hee. Sorry, Doctor.
Yes, I've been conferring with Dr. Saperstein, Dr. Singleton.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Oh, what time?
Yeah. Well, that sounds extremely...
painful.
Yeah, well. Thank you, Doctor.
Goodbye.
I'll be back in an hour.
Okay. Whatever.
These are minor adjustments.
-I can make them later. -Well...
-He's at it again. -Who?
-The love slave. -Ah.
-Here's the food, Master. -Great.
Goo goo ga ga, big guy.
-Goo. -Ah. His first word.
His only word, I'm afraid.
Well, I'm off.
Iggy.
Don't let anyone see you.
Well I won't, Master.
[humming]
Hungry?
-[grunts] -[grunts]
Yeah. I thought you were gonna say that.
-[singing] -What a beautiful day it is!
-[giggling] -Spring's in here!
I'm hungry. I'll...
I'll take the patient to her room.
You take the chart to Nursing Station B.
This is Dr. Dixon's experimental patient.
We want her to live to see the sunrise again.
[PA announcer] Dr. Biff, your Rolls is being towed
from the No Parking zone.
Dr. Biff, your Rolls is being towed.
-[typewriter keys tapping] -[camera clicks]
[snickering]
[PA announcer] All doctors to emergency.
All doctors to emergency.
Except Dr. Saperstein.
You've got to help me.
I've got to get back into OR.
-Get a grip. -[gasps]
What am I supposed to do?
I've got problems of my own.
Dr. Frankenheimer's stolen my secret serum.
I've killed five patients.
And all you're worried about is some silly serum?
[gasps] Oh, god.
I don't believe this is happening.
It can't be! [cries]
I'm telling you, I'm being sabotaged.
Wait a minute. My serum was stolen.
Five of your patients die in one week.
-Of course. -Of course.
[stammers] Of...of course what?
Perhaps Dr. Frankenheimer isn't just a thief.
Perhaps he's also... a murderer.
But why?
That's what we're gonna find out.
Follow me.
[grunts]
-What? -[grunts]
You want...
You want to help.
[stutters] Oh, well. This is something
I've been working on for years.
It...it would seem petty to you.
I mean, I'm sure you're way ahead of me on this.
But be patient.
My IQ's a mere 180.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
This is magnificent.
My own creation assisting me...
Aiding me in the discovery of...
new frontiers.
In molecular biology, biophysics,
biochemistry, phy...
The whole realm of science. My god.
My own work...
completing my own work.
This is mind-boggling.
My god. Let's see.
Oh, I see.
We have a sense of humor.
[both laughing]
Master, I'm back.
Oh, good. It's just about feeding time,
-as a matter of fact. -Oh, oh.
Oh, my god. Look at the time.
I've got to go in upstairs and make an appearance.
What? Oh, no.
Give me that. Give me that.
It's not good for you to see such things.
-Give... -[grunts]
All right.
But now, don't get any ideas.
Iggy.
You keep an eye on him.
Oh, don't worry.
I got everything under control.
And what else did I tell you?
-I don't think... -That's right.
When I'm not here, just don't think.
[mimics airplane revving]
Dr. Frankenheimer, please dial 211.
[elevator dings]
[whistles] Oh.
There you are, Dr. Frankenheimer.
I've been paging you all afternoon.
Where have you been?
Uh, downstairs in my pictures... uh, in my laboratory.
Well, do you have a few moments?
I'd like to see you in my office.
Uh, well, I... uh...
Sure.
No kidneys either.
-Let me see. -No, don't.
I've already killed him.
What possible harm could I do at this point, huh?
You're right.
No kidneys.
No spleen.
What would Dr. Frankenheimer want
with this man's kidneys and spleen?
[door closes]
Please. Lie down.
[sighs]
[hums]
You may lie down.
Oh, no. That's okay. This is fine.
I see. You feel a little uncomfortable,
tense...
possibly even nervous.
-Well... -Because we are alone.
-Is that it? -No. No. Not at all.
-Has denial. -What? Oh, sorry.
Uh, excuse me. [chuckling]
Just... [laughing]
Do you feel better about yourself?
Even superior?
Because you keep a secret that no one else knows about?
No.
Why do you ask?
Why do you think I ask?
I ask you first.
Let's look at some pictures.
Now take your time.
-Look closely. -Mm-hmm.
And then tell me what you see.
Okay.
Oh.
An inkblot.
Okay.
What do you see here?
Um...Two uh...
petri dishes.
-[snoring] -[door opening]
Dr. Reutgar.
Dr. Saperstein and I have put our heads together.
-We have half a mind... -[screams] I've had enough!
[mumbling]
[groans] Oh.
What is it?
Doctors Dixon and Saperstein are here to see you, Doctor.
They're both in my office, Elizabeth.
Oops. Sorry, Doctor.
I think I know what's going on
in Dr. Frankenheimer's secret lab.
You have got to get off this stolen serum kicked, Dr. Dixon.
It's worse than that.
The Sap here and I have discovered
something interesting going on down in the morgue.
Yeah. We think that it's Dr. Frankenheimer
that's been killing my patients,
-and using their body parts. -Yeah.
for some strange, demented experiment.
I see.
Well, I'll get right on this.
-[snorts] -I'll be back in a little while.
-Great! -[door closes]
Question number 256.
Do you ever think twice before touching a doorknob,
fearing it may be contaminated in some way?
-No. -Question 257.
Where is your secret laboratory?
-In the base... -[gasps]
-[gasps] -Oh. Aha! I knew it.
It's in the Base. Tell me more.
I...I....I can't.
I see.
You need some persuasion. Is that it?
Look. Not that this hasn't been fun.
But I...Oh, really. I...I must be going.
Wait.
Has anyone ever told you you have...
beautiful eyebrows?
Why... no.
Oh. Come on.
Someone somewhere must have mentioned them.
[scoffs] Well, maybe once.
You know, when I was younger.
-Girl I once knew... -So you like girls.
How about...
-women? -[gasps]
My god!
Real pearls. Oh, my goodness.
Those are sensational pearls.
What's going on?
Dr. Frankenheimer was just leaving.
-Yes, um... -[clattering]
Oh, sorry.
Um...
Well, um...
Thanks, again.
You ignoramus.
I was just about to find out what the secret experiment is.
-Down. -[sobs]
Punish me, mummy.
I'm so bad.
I didn't know that
you and Dr. Singleton were...
involved.
Oh, we're not.
[scoffs] No.
Alice... [stutters]
Rather, Dr. Singleton, just needed to see me.
Then of course, Dr. Reutgar caught us.
I mean, came in on us.
I mean, he just... came in.
Well, word around the hospital is that
Dr. Singleton is the pushy type.
[chuckles] Yeah. So I've seen.
Uh, you know, heard. [chuckles]
So I guess a girl has to be...aggressive.
-With a guy like you. -Huh?
[sighs]
[rips] God I love doctors.
Um...
Listen.
I've got to get back to my lab...
Don't worry about it.
I have half a dozen rubbers in my shoe.
[giggling]
[PA Announcer]Dr. Fargo to ICU.
Dr. Fargo to ICU. Stat.
[squeaking]
[PA Announcer] Dr. Rodriguez, please dial 243.
Dr. Rodriguez, 243.
[zipper zips]
Excuse me, miss. Did you drop these?
Thank you.
Boy, what a day.
I'm bushed. [chuckling]
How's he doing?
-Oh, great. -Great.
I'm going out to get a few things.
Oh, then. Oh, I thought I'd get him some clothes.
Good idea.
I'll be up working late.
Now make sure...
no one sees you sneaking in or out.
We mustn't be discovered. Or else.
Or else what?
It's curtains for you know who.
Who?
Master, is something wrong with your neck?
Never mind, Iggy.
Master.
I've never been happier.
We're...
We're just like one big happy family.
Night night.
Mm-hmm.
[moans]
Excuse me.
[grunts]
[gasps]
[snoring]
[suspenseful music]
So this is what you've been up to, Dr. Frankenheimer.
[clears throat]
-Who the hell is this? -Ah, Dr. Reutgar.
I'd hoped for a more ceremonious introduction.
But nonetheless,
I would like to introduce you to...
my secret experiment.
[technicians giggling]
Is this some kind of sick joke?
[grunts]
-What did he say? -He said,
[grunts]
It's a catch-all phrase that pertains to many things.
Who is that tiny man?
This is Iggy.
He is my trusted and loyal assistant
in this great endeavor.
[sighs]
So you're the one who's stolen all this equipment.
Incorporated the equipment, Dr. Reutgar.
For what you'll have to agree,
is the most incredible experiment ever attempted.
Look at him.
I gave him life.
Frankenstein.
-My god! -That's right.
Baron Victor Frankenstein, my great great grandfather,
the most brilliant scientist ever born...
until now.
Wait a minute.
I know this guy.
His head.
This is the man Saperstein performed a vasectomy on.
A simple uncomplicated...
teeny little cut.
You're insane.
Insane? [laughs]
We have jumped lightyears
beyond the current level of medical science.
This research laboratory,
your hospital,
will become world famous.
Oh, my god. When they find out...
Can't you see what will result from this?
We will one day,
today,
we can create life.
From death.
-[scoffs] -Wait!
Iggy.
Show Dr. Reutgar...
your fine photographs.
[chuckles]
You murdered a dozen people
just to put one questionable human being back together.
But murder and thievery, not enough.
-Now it's blackmail. -Murder?
-I have murdered no one. -Oh, come now, Doctor.
Those patients didn't succumb because of Saperstein.
I am a doctor. A scientist.
I am not a murderer.
Who then?
Iggy, that was very naughty.
Master, I just wanted to please you.
Ha ha. I should have such loyal employees.
-Nevertheless... -I will stop at nothing...
to keep my creation alive.
You'll thank me.
With great humility.
Someday.
Very well, Dr. Bob Frankenstein.
I will keep quiet about what's going on down here.
And you will remain oblivious to...
what's going on up there.
Deal?
It's a deal.
Good day, Doctor.
-[thuds] -[sighs]
[tense music]
Will he keep quiet, Master?
I don't know, Iggy.
I just... don't know.
Oh, am I wrong. His... his first step!
-Quick. Get the camera. -Oh.
[laughs]
He did...Come on. Come on.
You can do it. One more step. Come on, big boy.
You can do it. You can do it.
Come on, come on.
First your left leg. Come on.
Now you... left leg.
[giggling] Yeah!
Come on. Wait...
Whoa. Whoa. Okay. Okay, big boy.
That's enough. Come on. Okay.
Sit down. That's enough for you today.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that's such a good boy. Yeah.
Oh, Master, you're gonna spoil him.
Oh, everyone spoils their first monster.
[door opens]
Is Dr. Reutgar in?
We're have you been?
Huh? Uh... busy.
Well, I missed you, my favorite subject.
I just learned spinal tension relief.
-Hmm. -Feel it?
Oh, god. Yes!
Oh, I do.
If bodily fluids don't course freely up...
and down the spine,
it gets kinda like a dirty pile.
Here. Try it on me.
[door opens]
Well, if it isn't Mr. Plunder and pilfer.
What does that supposed to mean?
Oh, just that me and El Sapo here
did our own little autopsy on a recently diseased patient.
Ring any bells, Doc?
We know you're up to no good.
And we've got proof.
-Tell him, Dr. Reutgar. -Yeah.
Tell him all we know.
Well, I can tell you one thing, gentlemen.
There's only one man in-charge in this hospital.
And that man...
is me.
Control. Stem to stern.
As we used to say in the days when men were men,
"He who shuffles the cards,
controls the deck."
What the fuck is he talking about?
-Excuse me. -Dr. Reutgar.
-I need to see you. -I'm sorry.
Dr. Frankenheimer's not going to get away from this.
You wanna give me a backrub?
I'd rather light my hair on fire.
[groans]
[grunts]
What is it, big guy?
-[grunts] -Oh, oh!
Oh! I bet you're hungry.
[phone clatters]
Oh. Don't kill me. But I...
I forgot your baby food.
Whoa. Hey. Whoa, whoa.
-[grunts] -All right. Calm down now.
I'll get you some more. Oh.
Let's just calm down.
Oh. Oh. The Master's not gonna like this.
-Oh. -[grunts]
[door opens]
[moaning]
[door crashes]
[grunts]
[growls]
[clattering]
Hello, Doctor.
Oh, someone new.
How are you, dear?
Did you bump your head?
-[groans] -Oh!
Doctor. Charades. [gasps]
Now, now. Let me see now. Don't tell me.
A stony, frozen face.
I know.
You're the Statue of Liberty.
-[growls] -Oh, Doctor!
Good grief. It's only a game.
You new doctors are so dramatic.
Is that supposed to be funny?
I wasn't finished with that.
[screams]
[growls]
[shrieks]
[gasping]
[door opens]
[blows raspberry]
I need to talk to you about...
my secret experiment.
[technicians giggling]
God, I really hate that.
Can't this wait?
I've got a few things to say myself, Dr. Reutgar.
I can either say them to you, or to the Board.
-Which will it be? -[door slams open]
Doctor, doctor.
[urine dripping]
[scoffs] The monster's loose.
[dance music plays]
[rips] Ah!
[glass breaks]
-[shrieks] -[glass breaks]
Are they here?
Don't feel sorry for me.
Huh?
I guess I wouldn't have anything to say either.
But don't worry. I have my imagination.
I've been using it a lot too. You know.
To dream.
Maybe I'll be a writer.
Or a teacher.
I could do that.
I hope you throw me out. I wanna fly home.
High, high in the sky.
I know she's afraid.
Ooh, I'll teach her. We'll go out next to God.
He'll take care of us.
Oh, soaring high.
Flying away, flying away from all my sadness.
I wish I can really fly.
Wouldn't it be fun to really fly?
Yeah.
I'd fly far above the clouds.
Where nothing's gonna matter except the air and the sun.
Huh? Oh, what?
Oh, I'm gonna fly.
Okay. Here we go. Wee!
Higher than the birds.
Higher than the clouds.
-Whee! -Whee!
Whee!
-Ah! -[laughing]
[loud screeching]
[loud splash]
I can see!
I can see!
-I can see! -I can see too.
[quirky music]
[screams]
[sighs]
Alice!
-My little commando queen. -Shh.
One may hear you.
Do you want the whole hospital to know about our...
relationship.
I'll have to talk to you about that.
Later. By the way, you're very photogenic.
-What? -Oh, never mind.
Listen, there's a very bad monster
on the loose in this hospital.
Oh. And he's been a naughty boy?
-Does he need.. -No, not me, for god's sake.
A real monster.
A living creature that Dr. Frankenheimer has built
in the basement out of... [sighs]
stolen body parts.
Why don't we talk when you're sober?
Oh! Hello.
I didn't realize I had a patient this afternoon.
I'll be with you in a moment.
No. That's not for my patients.
Get away from that.
Give me that. It's mine.
[grunts]
Give me that this instant!
[whips]
Ooh. You are a real man, aren't you?
-[grunts] -[metal crashes]
-[whips] -[Dr. Singleton moans]
-[crashes] -[grunts]
[groans]
-[door closes] -[zipper zips]
Hey!
Ooh. Well.
Whatever happened to holding your own?
Sharing a cigarette when we're finished?
Wait a minute!
Wait.
There you are!
-[screams] -Quiet everyone!
Don't upset him!
He's very sensitive!
Come to me.
Come on.
Come here, baby.
How you doing, my love?
Somebody call the police.
-[grunts] -No!
No!
Hi, baby. It's all right.
How you doing?
What's going on?
Huh? What's new, my love sweet?
It's all right. I'll protect you.
[groans]
This monster must be destroyed.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
No. Don't hurt him.
Why not?
Because he knows how to make a woman
feel like a woman.
[growls]
You... you mean?
You and he?
The monster and you?
Yes, Frank.
We went all the way.
[all] Ooh.
Who is this guy?
Is he a doctor? I love doctors.
[all] We know.
Dr. Reutgar told me
Dr. Frankenheimer built this monster in the basement
out of stolen body parts.
-[gasps] -Dead body parts, Dixon.
And the name is Frankenstein.
[dramatic music]
Dr. Bob Frankenstein.
And I'll have you know...
that the House of Frankenstein is restored.
And the whole world will know
that true genius exists.
Look at him!
Look at my creation.
I gave him life!
I am his mom.
[all] Aww...
He's really just a harmless little kid.
-[slaps] -All right.
[gasps]
You've made your last moves, you horny brute.
Ten-to-one on the monster.
-How much? -A grand.
-You're on. -[both] Cool.
[grunts]
Time to kiss your ass goodbye, lover boy.
[whimpers]
Don't you dare touch my creation.
Back off, Bob, or die with him.
Give me the whip.
-That's mine. -Give me the whip now.
You pushed me to the limit, Frankenstein.
En garde.
[suspenseful music playing]
-Ha! -Ha!
Don't kill him.
I'll never find my serum.
I'm sick of your serum crap.
I want back in OR.
-Get a life. -Ah!
Give me my hair.
All right, Reutgar.
[laughing menacingly]
Say your prayers, Frankenstein.
Wow.
So this is home.
Home.
Well, it's... a really nice place you have here.
It's so... colorful.
Oh.
Thank you.
Good.
[screams]
-[screams] -What?
What's the matter?
[screaming]
-What are you doing? -[screaming continues]
-What are you drinking? -Ah! Ah! Ah!
-Oh! Oh! -What?
Oh. No. Oh.
You probably shouldn't. I don't think you should drink that.
-I don't think... -[screams]
Oh, no. Don't drink that!
No! You...you can't.
[smoke hissing]
[police] Freeze!
Drop that sword.
I said drop it.
What are you doing?
Arrest him, you idiot. Not me.
He's the madman around here.
Ha! That's questionable.
And that tiny man... is always under foot.
And he's been taking photographs...
Never mind.
This man is Dr. Bob Frankenstein.
He built a monster in the basement.
Where everything's black and white.
And that monster has wreaked havoc on my hospital.
And as if that weren't enough,
he's had his way with my girlfriend.
[laughing]
Don't you laugh at me.
This is my ship, and I'm still at the helm.
Cigars. Cigarettes.
Condoms.
Insurance form.
-[nurse screams] -[doctors gasp]
What's this about a monster?
That's him.
That's the monster that Frankenstein built.
Ask Alice. I mean, Dr. Singleton.
She'll vouch for me.
Do you know anything about a monster on the premises?
No.
Alice. What are you...
-What are you doing? -Come on, buddy.
-You remember our rules. -No, I can explain everything!
You can't understand it. It's all a matter of control.
I just have to get things under control.
This is a tight ship. I can run it like a tight ship!
I just have to get things under control!
You don't understand. Control!
My god.
-How? -This.
It goes down very smoothly.
My serum!
What have you done with my serum?
I'm afraid I drank it, dear boy.
[whimpers]
[sobs] My serum! My serum.
No! No, no.
You drank it?
I want your urine. Save your urine.
Don't piss it away!
I want your urine. Your urine is serum!
Don't piss it away, you monster.
Piss on me! [cries]
Ooh. That guy's a mess.
Poor guy.
Oh, well.
My dream has become a reality.
-Together, we'll... -Together?
Yes. You and I will work together.
-We'll... -I am sorry.
It is time for me to go out into the world on my own.
Oh. They grow up so fast.
Wait!
-Skippo. -Yes, Biffy.
Just what are the odds on this sort of thing happening?
I don't know. I figure you've got...
You got 4,000 hospitals in the United States.
-225 doctors per shift. -Check.
-147 nurses and... -Uh-huh.
[both] Amazing.
I'm really gonna miss him.
So will I, Iggy.
What am I gonna do with myself?
Uh... Master?
Iggy.
I know where I can get a pair of legs that come to here.
-No. -She was a dancer.
Iggy, where are we gonna get that kind of money?
-Can you get those legs tonight? -Tonight.
-We can do the feminine model. -Yeah.
[Dr. Frankenstein] Wait a minute. Stop the music.
It's not quite the end.
You're probably wondering what happened to all of us.
My creation and Alice were married.
It was a nice little ceremony.
Iggy was the best man. We were so proud.
The newlyweds opened their own business downtown.
I'm sure they'll do well.
Reutgar actually did time for assault and battery.
But he escaped after just three weeks.
I don't know what it is,
but something tells me, we haven't seen the last of him.
Oh, yes. Then there's Saperstein.
[laughs]
Poor guy.
I think he's better off
for Puss and Boots Animal Hospital, don't you?
And what can I say about Nurse Verna
that we don't already know?
Oh, there is one bit of news.
Rumor has it she's installed a Murphy bed
in one of the elevators.
Biff and Skip have run into some rather bad luck.
They lost everything in the October crash.
But they'll survive.
They almost had me convinced last week
that I needed a kidney transplant.
Patty's doing much better.
She only killed five patients last month.
Next thing you know, she'll be asking for a raise.
And I don't know who the hell this is.
And Dixon.
Well, one picture's worth a thousand words.
That brings us to my dear trustworthy little friend, Iggy.
He's still faithfully assisting me
while he attends medical school at night.
And of course, there's me.
I got the grant, I'm happy to say.
And I'm running the hospital
and you wouldn't believe
what I'm building in my laboratory now.
[woman moans]
[laughing menacingly]
[closing theme music playing]
[thunder roars]
[howls]
[howling continues]
[thunder roars]
As I near completion of my creation,
I grow weary.
The only thing that keeps me going
is my belief in the genius of my great great grandfather.
Note. Regarding the voltometer I inherited,
when I turned it on to test it,
a strange phenomenon occurred.
All the color was drained from my laboratory.
No one suspects my real identity.
Therefore, I roam the halls freely
under the assumed name of
Dr. Robert Frankenheimer.
I got them, Master.
Boston Marathon Specials.
[laughing]
Iggy.
[chuckles]
How do you do it?
[chuckles]
They're wonderful!
Any problem?
Oh, no problems, Master.
Great.
Boy, you should have seen those two guys.
Whoo. Well, they were squished.
I'm talking pancakes.
I've never heard anything so freaky.
Jogging down the street, and hit by a bus.
Then smashed into a wall.
The only thing in one piece was their legs.
They must've just gone under the bumper
and be just ground up like hamburger meat.
-It was the most... -I get the idea, Iggy.
-Sorry, Master. -Oh, yes.
-These are splendid. -[laughs]
Iggy, you're incredible.
Wait a minute.
Two left feet.
Two left legs.
-[laughs] -Well...
[chuckles]
Only. you.
Only you could make such a
monumentally absurd mistake.
[sighs]
Now you go back there, and you get me a right leg this instant.
I can't! They...
cremated the remains already.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
[sighs]
If I don't give it life soon,
it's all for nothing.
These parts have a shelf life.
They start to decay.
-You have to pay attention. -I'm trying.
But it's hard to learn all this stuff.
It's...it's just so complicated.
-[sighs] -Complicated?
Too legs? A right one and a left one.
-[machine beeps] -It's dark and...
everything was scrambled together. Oh, it's a mess.
That's it.
That's the final straw.
[chuckles]
Whatever gave me the idea
I can make an assistant out of a short order cook?
[chuckles] Why, it serves me right.
I mean, it's all over. I'm sending you back.
Oh, no. Master, no, please.
Please. Here. Here. You can use my right leg.
-Oh, Iggy. -You just slice it off.
-Oh, stop it. -No, no. I want you to.
I will. I do. I want you to. I just want you to slice it off.
Oh. Cut it out, Iggy.
[sighs] I just...
I...I want to please you, Master.
Oh. I know you do, my little friend.
[sighs]
That's all right. We'll use these legs now,
and grant on a new pair later.
[groans]
[siren wailing]
[horns blaring]
[whistling]
Um. Look at that.
I should have been a doctor. My mother was right.
And how.
So, that's a thousand shares of ITT.
-Check. -And I think we should
seriously consider getting into Rollerdime.
-Rollerdime? -Yes.
Skip, have you lost your mind?
That stock plummeted 11 points in two days.
Well, that's the point, Biffster.
You wanna buy low and sell high. Good god.
Where is your fiscal sense?
-Well... -Besides, it's only 25 grand
for a thousand shares.
-25 grand? Huh. -Yes.
Well, I guess I can find another kidney to transplant.
-Somewhere. -[both chuckling]
[both] Exactly!
-[machine beeping] -[inhales deeply]
[gas hissing]
Now, don't you worry.
-You won't feel a thing. -[inhales deeply]
Till he comes to.
[chuckles]
Verna, clamps.
Cigar.
[spits]
Just relax.
And count backwards from 100.
99. 98.
-97. 96. -[body thuds]
[Dr. Saperstein] Scalpel.
[Nurse Verna] Sorry, Doctor.
Now watch closely as I make a small incision here.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
[valve squeaking]
[faster beeping]
[Nurse Verna] Dr. Saperstein.
Patient is exhibiting irregular heartbeat.
What's the reading, nurse?
He's having frequent PVCs and short runs of VTAC.
All I did was make a small incision.
What's going on?
[giggling] He's not responding, Doctor.
Give me a hundred milligrams of lidocaine.
And let's start a drip!
-[nurse screams] -[machine beeping]
[flat lines]
[military drum roll]
[sobs]
-[cries] -What happened?
The patient kicked the bucket.
I know that. How?
Like this. [grunts]
That's the fifth patient you've lost this week!
What have you got to say for yourself?
It's not my week. [cries]
I'm running out of excuses with the Board.
I'm pulling you out of OR.
Oh, no.
You mean, I'm...I'm benched?
Yes. And you're one of the worst batting averages of the season.
You report to Dr. Singleton in the morning.
Oh, no, please no.
[door opening]
-[bubbling] -[door closing]
How's your anti-aging serum coming along, Dr. Dixon?
Couldn't be better.
You're talking to the next boy genius here at General.
That would be phenomenal.
Oh. How's your...
secret experiment going?
[laughing]
-[laughing] -[chuckling]
My secret experiment, as you put it, Dr. Dixon,
is coming along just fine.
Oh, good.
-Thank you. -Good.
-May I? Ow! -No peeking.
Not until I'm finished.
-[glass clinks] -Careful!
-Oh! -That's all there is.
Sorry.
-[glass breaks] -You moron!
-[sizzles] -Who broke my vial?
That was perfectly good acid.
I want someone to lick that up.
Didn't they teach you anything in lab technician school?
Why can't you be more like me?
I haven't dropped acid since the 60s.
My god. It's recombining.
Nurse.
Someone please water this plant.
Yes, Doctor.
Who was that?
Who was that tiny man?
I don't know, Doctor.
Hospital's out of control.
-Doctor. -Doctor.
-Doctor. -Doctor.
I've just been working on my anti-aging serum,
and I believe I'll have wonderful news
for you very soon.
It seems my experiment has unfolded
even greater possibilities.
Well I'm pleased. Eager to hear it.
I'm also eager to hear how your long awaited
secret experiment is coming, Doctor?
[giggling]
-[laughing] -Thank you, Doctor.
I'll be revealing my project very soon too.
Good. Because the Board has decided
to allocate all the available funds
to the experiment with the greatest potential.
We want a full presentation from each of you in two weeks' time.
You'll both be ready?
-Won't you? -Sure.
Yes.
-I'll be ready. -Good.
Excuse us.
[door opening]
[door closing]
I'm concerned about what's going on in the hospital.
I suspect foul play.
-Oh? -Yes.
Dr. Saperstein has lost another patient.
Have you searched the hospital thoroughly?
I mean he's dead, Bob.
Saperstein is dead?
His patient is dead.
Oh.
That's the fifth patient Dr. Saperstein
has lost this week!
Boy. He really is having a bad week.
Yes. He is.
I'm pulling him out of OR.
I'm going to need you to help with the overflow.
Will that be a problem?
- Dr. Simpson... -Well...my experiment...
Oh, no. No problem at all.
Good. I knew I could count on you.
Boy. I'm very sorry about Dr. Saperstein.
[laughs]
I mean, poor guy. [laughs]
He must... he must be beside himself.
True, true. But you know...
The important thing is that this hospital
is run like a tight ship.
-Control, Bob. -Mm-hmm.
That is the key to success.
I'll remember that.
I'm certain you have a schedule, Doctor.
-Hello, Dr. Frankenheimer. -Hi.
-Elizabeth, right? -Right.
Where is that surgery schedule I gave you, Elizabeth?
-Hold on. -[paper rustling]
-I'm sorry, Doctor. -[metal clinks]
I must... It's in here somewhere. Let's see.
Um... um, okay.
Maybe I filed it. That's it.
It's in the filing cabinet and I'm going to find it.
Don't panic. I will find it.
Oh. Thank you.
[metal clinks]
Now if you'll excuse me, Doctor.
There's something I have to attend to.
Sure.
Oh, Doctor. I've been going to night school
to study physical therapy.
-Oh? -Yeah. And well...
you look really tight.
Let me show you how well I'm doing.
Well, I'm really not in the mood. Ah!
Oh! [thuds]
[lawnmower revving]
Come in.
Dr. Crone, please dial the operator.
Please lie down. I'll be with you in a moment.
[stammering] I'm...I'm here because...
-Because... -I know. Dr. Reutgar called.
You've killed five patients...
in one week.
Oh, god!
I don't know what happened.
[blows nose]
[sobs]
Why don't we start from the beginning?
[Dr. Biff] Oh, yoo-hoo. Bob.
Have you met our newest staff member?
Dr. Frankenheimer, this is Dr. Hoover.
[Dr. Skip] This man makes more money in a single day
than the three of us do put together in a week!
Hoover's the name, sucking is the game.
Liposuction.
-I charge them by the pound. -Isn't that incredible?
[Dr. Skip] 34 years old and already a multi-millionaire.
And all from vacuuming fat ladies' thighs.
-[all chuckle] -[Dr. Skip and Biff] Amazing!
So, What do you do, doctor?
I'm... well, working on a secret experiment that...
[technicians giggling]
Excuse me, gentlemen.
[PA announcer] Dr. Swabeninfant to ICU.
Dr. Swabeninfant to ICU.
Dr. Uzbakstele... Dr. Uzbackstely...
Dr. Uzbachstelich... Oh, forget it!
-[door slams] -[gasps]
I know what we can do, Mr. Peterson.
I'll tell you your fortune.
[hums game show theme]
Ooh, I see a tall dark man coming into your life.
He's going to ask you for back taxes.
Ooh, this doesn't look very good.
-[groans] -[thuds]
[gasps] Oops. I forgot to shuffle them.
[laughs, snorts]
Ah, never mind.
Dickson is so sure that his project will outshine mine.
I've got to finish.
I want to see his face
when you show him what you've been doing.
[both chuckle]
[maniacal laugh]
This is a healthy individual.
-[taps] -[Iggy sighs]
Saperstein's bad luck is my good fortune.
Oh...
-It's good color. -Oh, yes.
These are perfect!
Let's put these in the tray.
What about the brain, master?
No, Iggy.
He was an athlete.
I want a genius.
-[crickets chirping] -[distant howling]
[quirky music]
[Cindy singing] ♪ Soaring high
♪ Above the clouds
♪ Where the sky is blue
♪ I want to fly high, high
♪ Flying high
♪ Oh, where, oh, where can I be ♪
♪ With wings I fly...
[Nurse Verna] Hello Cindy. Here's the doctor.
Hello everybody.
Hello sweetheart.
Hmm. Those bandages will be off in about a week.
I hope I will be able to see doctor.
Of course you will.
[Nurse Verna] Here's your orange juice Cindy.
That's a good girl.
[tense music]
Ah, good evening Dr. Who and Nurse Verna.
Have you met Dr. Frankenheimer?
Hey, I've heard of you.
Yeah, you're famous where I come from.
Oh, well, thank you. I'm honored.
Of course, the word around this place
is that Dr. Hoover
is sucking out the big bucks, so to speak.
[chuckles] Well, I'm a research doctor.
Money to me comes second.
[all laugh]
[maniacal laugh]
Who is that tiny man? Do anyone know who that is?
-Not me. -[Dr. Reutgar] Damn it!
[Dr. Reutgar sighs] Nurse, get security.
I want to know who that tiny man is.
Yes, Doctor.
-Dr. Reutgar... -Glad for meeting me, Doctor.
Where are you going? Where is he going?
I need you in surgery in an hour!
I've got to get control of this nuthouse.
[panel beeping]
[sighs]
Do you ever listen to my instructions?
I've told you,
no one can know you are here.
If Reutgar were to find out what we're doing
before it's completed,
I don't know what he'd do
but it wouldn't be pretty.
The brain!
-Master, your brain! -I saw the paper.
It won't decompose that fast!
That's the problem!
They're transferring the body out of town tonight!
He was brilliant.
I want this brain.
He's somewhere downtown.
The Tuchman Terminated Teenagers Mortuary on 10th.
I've got to have that brain.
Then hurry master, hurry.
I can't.
I'm due in O.R. in less than an hour
and I'm not even suited up.
-You can do it. -Master.
You have to go, the brain...
The brain is still in the head. I don't know how to take it out.
Bring the whole head. I'll take the brain out here.
Iggy...
Iggy, my dear trustworthy, little friend.
I could never have done this much without your help.
This time I'm asking.
Don't desert me now.
[ominous music]
[gulps]
Okay. I'll do it.
-[beeping] -[door bumps]
What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a doctor before?
You are always welcome to attend my surgeries, doctor.
But don't come near my patient.
Nurse, suction please.
-[clicks] -[vacuum whirring]
[Nurse screams]
[Nurse] Oh, my god!
[rips]
-[rips] -[screams]
-[suction guzzling] -[panting]
[glove snaps]
Hey... why don't you dress like that for one of my surgeries?
How would you like to spend
an afternoon on a gurney with her, huh?
-[blowing] -Know what I mean?
I'm... more interested in the miracles of science
than I am... in a romp on a gurney with her.
Pfft. Wimp.
You're about to see a miracle of science
even you, Dr. Frankenheimer, couldn't have dreamed possible.
-[crickets chirping] -[distant howling]
[distant howling]
[door closes]
[door creaks]
Ooh...
You're too ugly to be a genius.
[door creaks]
[tense music]
[sawing]
Man, what a way to cash in your chips.
Oh!
[scalpel clangs]
[grunts]
-[sawing] -[grunting]
-Poor schmuck. -What?
What happened to him?
The guy gets invited to a beach party
last Thursday night, right?
He figures it's his... big chance to finally get laid.
[laughs] Okay.
He meets a willing chick and he goes out into the water
for a little skinny-dipping.
Well, that sounds great to me.
-The schmuck goes down on her... -No.
Yeah. And she's too busy
screaming through multiple orgasms
-that, guess what. -What?
Nobody notices the bubbles rising to the top.
-[both laughing] -His last air bubbles!
[both laugh]
She must had a knee-lock on his head.
[both laughing]
Oh, what a way to go, man.
-[laughs] -Hey, hey, hey...
It says here that she was still out there
waiting for him yelling, "More, more, more..."
-when the paramedics got there. -[both laughing]
[motor revving]
-[laughing] -[motor revs in distance]
What was that?
[suspenseful music]
I'll go check.
If I'm not back in an hour, call for help.
[maniacal laugh]
That's not funny.
I know that.
[casket creaks]
[footsteps recede]
[casket creaks]
Our genius is resting peacefully.
-[chuckles] -Good.
This guy on the other hand
is probably in search of a celestial piece of ass.
[both laughing]
-[crickets chirping] -[distant howling]
[beeping]
[Dr. Dixon] Thank you for not smoking in my O.R.
[Dr. Saperstein] Mind if I stay?
[Dr. Dixon] Ooh, not at all.
Just don't come near my patient.
[Dr. Biff] Dixon, we'd like to see
this new serum you've invented being put to use.
[Dr. Dixon] Be my guest.
[Dr. Biff and Dr. Skip] Thank you.
This poor woman was brought to me a week ago.
After a thorough examination I've concluded...
there is no cure.
Ouch. But...
Thanks to my brilliant research,
I believe that today I can turn this pitiful,
quivering mass of gelatin
back into a human being.
Thank you! [lips smack]
Thank you so much. Hey, good to see you here.
[lips smack] Thank you. Thanks.
[motor whirring]
[Nurse Verna] Doctor, patient exhibiting rapid heartbeat.
That's because the patient is wide awake Verna.
Where the hell is my anesthesiologist?
Good question.
[Dr. Frankenstein] Oop, there he is.
Well, that figures.
[beeping slows]
[Dr. Dixon] My serum will give this woman...
the ability to speak again.
[PA announcer] Market flash. Rolodyne has dropped
16 points on heavy trading.
-[Dr. Biff moans] -[both] Oh, no. We're destroyed!
-[Dr. Biff] Ruined! -[both] Utterly!
[Dr. Skip] I got dibs on the pay phone.
[Dr. Hoover] Dear god!
I just bought a thousand shares of that stock!
[Dr. Hoover wails]
[Dr. Dixon] That should do it.
Takes about an hour to fully activate.
Got to call my broker.
Somebody stitch her up?
Not you.
[Nurse Verna] Doctors are so cute.
-[Nurse Verna giggles] -[door closes]
[Dr. Frankenstein] Scissors.
[Dr. Reutgar] I know absolutely nothing
about Dr. Frankenheimer's secret experiment.
And I need to know everything that goes on in this hospital.
-Everything! -[Alice sighs]
Well, let me guess.
You want me to find out what the secret experiment is.
Is that it?
You read me like a cheap romance novel,
my little passion fruit.
My subtle psychological,
in-depth study of Dr. Frankenheimer
should reveal everything we need to know.
And if that doesn't work...
I'll shoot him in the ass
with a syringe full of truth serum.
[laughing]
What a team we make.
-No. -Please, just a little.
No!
You know how I feel about
going all the way when I'm not in the mood.
I just get so excited. You tease me and I... I just...
I think I know what you need.
Have we been a good boy today?
[whip snapping]
Yes. [panting]
[Patty humming] Hi. How you feeling?
Oh, gee. I'm sorry.
I forgot to change your bag last Friday.
I'll be right back. [grunts]
[urine splashes]
Eww... Uck.
[urine flowing]
-Whoo! -Alright. Come on in.
-Yeah! -Wooh!
-[dance music playing] -[indistinct chatter]
Whisky and water.
Hi.
How about some company?
Hi. Sure.
Sit down.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
You said I was a nice girl.
Oh. No bother.
I mean... it's...
-What are you having? -Nothing. Thank you.
I hear you're working really hard.
Yes, I am.
But, it will all be worth it in the end.
Oh, really?
In what way will it be worth it?
Well...
I'll probably change the expression,
of the relative values of life as we know it.
So that man's journey through existence
will be altered for all time.
That's incredible.
I'd like to hear more.
I'd love to share it but...
my secret experiment...
[technicians giggling]
[in a hoarse voice] As I was saying...
[choking]
[gulping]
[groans, coughs]
I'm not going to share my new found... miracle
with anyone, until it's completed.
Oh, my god. I got to go.
Iggy must be...
I mean...
It must be... I... was due back at the lab.
See you later.
What the hell is an "Iggy"?
[suspenseful music]
-[paper rustling] -[beeping]
[suspenseful music continues]
What you thinking?
I know.
Nothing.
-[door opens] -[footsteps approaching]
[grunting, panting]
-Your back. -I...
I had to run the whole way.
I had this little bitty scalpel
and this big chainsaw
and this jackhammer that I had on.
[sobs]
-I forgot my bus fare. -Oh.
Did you get the brain?
-The head is in here? -Uh-huh.
Iggy, you did it.
[thuds]
Scrub up, Iggy.
It's going to be a long night.
[ominous music]
[ominous music continues]
Master...
what is this?
Oh, that looks like...
Dr. Dixon's serum.
Doesn't it, Iggy?
Tsk, tsk, tsk... Master.
-Wooh. I'm surprised at you. -Yes.
I'm getting quite daring at my old age aren't I, Iggy?
[both laugh]
Prepare the voltometer.
[tense music]
[buttons clicking]
[electricity buzzing]
[beeping]
Life! Give him life!
No, Iggy. I get to say that.
Oh, sorry master.
I got carried away.
My great great grandfather's dream at last.
Ready?
-[beeps] -[electricity buzzing]
[lightning claps]
[Patty humming]
[lightning claps]
-[thuds] -[glass breaks]
Whoops.
-[beeping] -This won't hurt a bit.
I'm sure glad it isn't me, aren't you?
[lightning claps]
-[faster beeping] -[door opens]
[door creaks, closes]
[electricity buzzing]
And now, we wait.
[birds chirping]
My first meeting with Dr. Frankenheimer
-didn't go as well as I'd hoped. -[creaking]
But...
my second plan of attack should prove to be more informative
[creaking continues]
I'm going to use
what every intelligent woman knows she can depend on.
If and when all else fails.
[Dr. Reutgar] What's that, my sweet?
Seduction, enticement,
lust, vulgarly, smut,
violation, abuse,
and debauchery.
[creaking continues]
Get the picture?
Yes, my little reason for living.
Excuse me, Dr. Frankenheimer,
but it seems my serum has disappeared from the OR.
You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
Serum? Disappeared?
OR?
I haven't seen it. Sorry.
Is that it?
You'll stop at nothing to get that research money, is that it?
Well think again, Dr. Franken-jerk.
I'll find that serum.
And when I do, I'll prove you took it.
Don't you walk away from me.
I'm talking here, buddy.
Don't you walk away from me. [cries]
[sobs]
[grunting]
Ah, ooh...
Ooh!
[chuckles]
-[laughs] -[machine beeping]
-[taps] -[beeping continues]
[growling]
[stuttering] You're alive.
Oh, what? Oh! Oh!
You... you want my breakfast.
Uh. Oh. Oh, I can't believe it.
The Master's gonna be so excited.
Oh! Oh, wait. Oh!
Oh, easy now. Easy, easy. Easy. Easy, big guy.
I can't believe it. You're alive.
The Master is a genius.
He's alive. [passes gas]
Whoa! [screams]
-He's passing gas. -[laughs]
How?
He's got an empty stomach.
'Cause I...I fed him my breakfast, but...
He's not ready for solids yet.
[laughs]
-He's brand new. -But he was hungry!
-But I thought... -How many times
have I got to tell you, Iggy.
When I'm not here, don't think. Huh?
Go buy... baby food!
Lots of it!
Oh. Yes!
Oh!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
We've done it, Great Great Grandpa.
We have done it!
[gasps]
What dexterity!
So perfect,
and curious already.
[laughs menacingly]
I can't wait to see all of their faces.
What have they done?
Nothing!
Their entire lives can compare with you!
A living, my breathing...
creation.
[dog pees]
He fancies himself an imminent physician. Ha!
Imminent quack is more like it.
He's a charlatan, if I ever saw one.
And not only that. He stole my serum.
I know he did. I want something done.
I want my serum back.
I got my eye on Dr. Frankenheimer.
You just go on with your research.
Leave the ruthless, underhanded,
-devious work to me. -[blade clinks]
Gee. That's reassuring.
I hope you know what you're doing.
Because I get that feeling that
seemingly innocent little scientist
is on the verge of something big.
Why else would it be so secret?
I used to worry about Dr. Frankenheimer taking my job.
Perhaps you should think about
whose position he's really after.
I need to see you, Dr. Reutgar.
Dr. Saperstein is here to see you, Doctor.
Yes I know, Elizabeth. He's already in my office.
Oh. Sorry, Doctor.
Something fishy is going on in this hospital,
and I don't like it.
I'm already involved in the investigation
of fishy goings-on, Dr. Saperstein.
Put me back on OR.
I'll be good. I promise.
I can't stand on the sidelines any longer.
It's killing me.
Better you than the patients.
[phone rings]
Hello, Dr. Reutgar here.
Telephone, Dr. Reutgar. It's Dr. Singleton.
Yes I know, Elizabeth. I've picked up.
Oh, hee. Sorry, Doctor.
Yes, I've been conferring with Dr. Saperstein, Dr. Singleton.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Oh, what time?
Yeah. Well, that sounds extremely...
painful.
Yeah, well. Thank you, Doctor.
Goodbye.
I'll be back in an hour.
Okay. Whatever.
These are minor adjustments.
-I can make them later. -Well...
-He's at it again. -Who?
-The love slave. -Ah.
-Here's the food, Master. -Great.
Goo goo ga ga, big guy.
-Goo. -Ah. His first word.
His only word, I'm afraid.
Well, I'm off.
Iggy.
Don't let anyone see you.
Well I won't, Master.
[humming]
Hungry?
-[grunts] -[grunts]
Yeah. I thought you were gonna say that.
-[singing] -What a beautiful day it is!
-[giggling] -Spring's in here!
I'm hungry. I'll...
I'll take the patient to her room.
You take the chart to Nursing Station B.
This is Dr. Dixon's experimental patient.
We want her to live to see the sunrise again.
[PA announcer] Dr. Biff, your Rolls is being towed
from the No Parking zone.
Dr. Biff, your Rolls is being towed.
-[typewriter keys tapping] -[camera clicks]
[snickering]
[PA announcer] All doctors to emergency.
All doctors to emergency.
Except Dr. Saperstein.
You've got to help me.
I've got to get back into OR.
-Get a grip. -[gasps]
What am I supposed to do?
I've got problems of my own.
Dr. Frankenheimer's stolen my secret serum.
I've killed five patients.
And all you're worried about is some silly serum?
[gasps] Oh, god.
I don't believe this is happening.
It can't be! [cries]
I'm telling you, I'm being sabotaged.
Wait a minute. My serum was stolen.
Five of your patients die in one week.
-Of course. -Of course.
[stammers] Of...of course what?
Perhaps Dr. Frankenheimer isn't just a thief.
Perhaps he's also... a murderer.
But why?
That's what we're gonna find out.
Follow me.
[grunts]
-What? -[grunts]
You want...
You want to help.
[stutters] Oh, well. This is something
I've been working on for years.
It...it would seem petty to you.
I mean, I'm sure you're way ahead of me on this.
But be patient.
My IQ's a mere 180.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
This is magnificent.
My own creation assisting me...
Aiding me in the discovery of...
new frontiers.
In molecular biology, biophysics,
biochemistry, phy...
The whole realm of science. My god.
My own work...
completing my own work.
This is mind-boggling.
My god. Let's see.
Oh, I see.
We have a sense of humor.
[both laughing]
Master, I'm back.
Oh, good. It's just about feeding time,
-as a matter of fact. -Oh, oh.
Oh, my god. Look at the time.
I've got to go in upstairs and make an appearance.
What? Oh, no.
Give me that. Give me that.
It's not good for you to see such things.
-Give... -[grunts]
All right.
But now, don't get any ideas.
Iggy.
You keep an eye on him.
Oh, don't worry.
I got everything under control.
And what else did I tell you?
-I don't think... -That's right.
When I'm not here, just don't think.
[mimics airplane revving]
Dr. Frankenheimer, please dial 211.
[elevator dings]
[whistles] Oh.
There you are, Dr. Frankenheimer.
I've been paging you all afternoon.
Where have you been?
Uh, downstairs in my pictures... uh, in my laboratory.
Well, do you have a few moments?
I'd like to see you in my office.
Uh, well, I... uh...
Sure.
No kidneys either.
-Let me see. -No, don't.
I've already killed him.
What possible harm could I do at this point, huh?
You're right.
No kidneys.
No spleen.
What would Dr. Frankenheimer want
with this man's kidneys and spleen?
[door closes]
Please. Lie down.
[sighs]
[hums]
You may lie down.
Oh, no. That's okay. This is fine.
I see. You feel a little uncomfortable,
tense...
possibly even nervous.
-Well... -Because we are alone.
-Is that it? -No. No. Not at all.
-Has denial. -What? Oh, sorry.
Uh, excuse me. [chuckling]
Just... [laughing]
Do you feel better about yourself?
Even superior?
Because you keep a secret that no one else knows about?
No.
Why do you ask?
Why do you think I ask?
I ask you first.
Let's look at some pictures.
Now take your time.
-Look closely. -Mm-hmm.
And then tell me what you see.
Okay.
Oh.
An inkblot.
Okay.
What do you see here?
Um...Two uh...
petri dishes.
-[snoring] -[door opening]
Dr. Reutgar.
Dr. Saperstein and I have put our heads together.
-We have half a mind... -[screams] I've had enough!
[mumbling]
[groans] Oh.
What is it?
Doctors Dixon and Saperstein are here to see you, Doctor.
They're both in my office, Elizabeth.
Oops. Sorry, Doctor.
I think I know what's going on
in Dr. Frankenheimer's secret lab.
You have got to get off this stolen serum kicked, Dr. Dixon.
It's worse than that.
The Sap here and I have discovered
something interesting going on down in the morgue.
Yeah. We think that it's Dr. Frankenheimer
that's been killing my patients,
-and using their body parts. -Yeah.
for some strange, demented experiment.
I see.
Well, I'll get right on this.
-[snorts] -I'll be back in a little while.
-Great! -[door closes]
Question number 256.
Do you ever think twice before touching a doorknob,
fearing it may be contaminated in some way?
-No. -Question 257.
Where is your secret laboratory?
-In the base... -[gasps]
-[gasps] -Oh. Aha! I knew it.
It's in the Base. Tell me more.
I...I....I can't.
I see.
You need some persuasion. Is that it?
Look. Not that this hasn't been fun.
But I...Oh, really. I...I must be going.
Wait.
Has anyone ever told you you have...
beautiful eyebrows?
Why... no.
Oh. Come on.
Someone somewhere must have mentioned them.
[scoffs] Well, maybe once.
You know, when I was younger.
-Girl I once knew... -So you like girls.
How about...
-women? -[gasps]
My god!
Real pearls. Oh, my goodness.
Those are sensational pearls.
What's going on?
Dr. Frankenheimer was just leaving.
-Yes, um... -[clattering]
Oh, sorry.
Um...
Well, um...
Thanks, again.
You ignoramus.
I was just about to find out what the secret experiment is.
-Down. -[sobs]
Punish me, mummy.
I'm so bad.
I didn't know that
you and Dr. Singleton were...
involved.
Oh, we're not.
[scoffs] No.
Alice... [stutters]
Rather, Dr. Singleton, just needed to see me.
Then of course, Dr. Reutgar caught us.
I mean, came in on us.
I mean, he just... came in.
Well, word around the hospital is that
Dr. Singleton is the pushy type.
[chuckles] Yeah. So I've seen.
Uh, you know, heard. [chuckles]
So I guess a girl has to be...aggressive.
-With a guy like you. -Huh?
[sighs]
[rips] God I love doctors.
Um...
Listen.
I've got to get back to my lab...
Don't worry about it.
I have half a dozen rubbers in my shoe.
[giggling]
[PA Announcer]Dr. Fargo to ICU.
Dr. Fargo to ICU. Stat.
[squeaking]
[PA Announcer] Dr. Rodriguez, please dial 243.
Dr. Rodriguez, 243.
[zipper zips]
Excuse me, miss. Did you drop these?
Thank you.
Boy, what a day.
I'm bushed. [chuckling]
How's he doing?
-Oh, great. -Great.
I'm going out to get a few things.
Oh, then. Oh, I thought I'd get him some clothes.
Good idea.
I'll be up working late.
Now make sure...
no one sees you sneaking in or out.
We mustn't be discovered. Or else.
Or else what?
It's curtains for you know who.
Who?
Master, is something wrong with your neck?
Never mind, Iggy.
Master.
I've never been happier.
We're...
We're just like one big happy family.
Night night.
Mm-hmm.
[moans]
Excuse me.
[grunts]
[gasps]
[snoring]
[suspenseful music]
So this is what you've been up to, Dr. Frankenheimer.
[clears throat]
-Who the hell is this? -Ah, Dr. Reutgar.
I'd hoped for a more ceremonious introduction.
But nonetheless,
I would like to introduce you to...
my secret experiment.
[technicians giggling]
Is this some kind of sick joke?
[grunts]
-What did he say? -He said,
[grunts]
It's a catch-all phrase that pertains to many things.
Who is that tiny man?
This is Iggy.
He is my trusted and loyal assistant
in this great endeavor.
[sighs]
So you're the one who's stolen all this equipment.
Incorporated the equipment, Dr. Reutgar.
For what you'll have to agree,
is the most incredible experiment ever attempted.
Look at him.
I gave him life.
Frankenstein.
-My god! -That's right.
Baron Victor Frankenstein, my great great grandfather,
the most brilliant scientist ever born...
until now.
Wait a minute.
I know this guy.
His head.
This is the man Saperstein performed a vasectomy on.
A simple uncomplicated...
teeny little cut.
You're insane.
Insane? [laughs]
We have jumped lightyears
beyond the current level of medical science.
This research laboratory,
your hospital,
will become world famous.
Oh, my god. When they find out...
Can't you see what will result from this?
We will one day,
today,
we can create life.
From death.
-[scoffs] -Wait!
Iggy.
Show Dr. Reutgar...
your fine photographs.
[chuckles]
You murdered a dozen people
just to put one questionable human being back together.
But murder and thievery, not enough.
-Now it's blackmail. -Murder?
-I have murdered no one. -Oh, come now, Doctor.
Those patients didn't succumb because of Saperstein.
I am a doctor. A scientist.
I am not a murderer.
Who then?
Iggy, that was very naughty.
Master, I just wanted to please you.
Ha ha. I should have such loyal employees.
-Nevertheless... -I will stop at nothing...
to keep my creation alive.
You'll thank me.
With great humility.
Someday.
Very well, Dr. Bob Frankenstein.
I will keep quiet about what's going on down here.
And you will remain oblivious to...
what's going on up there.
Deal?
It's a deal.
Good day, Doctor.
-[thuds] -[sighs]
[tense music]
Will he keep quiet, Master?
I don't know, Iggy.
I just... don't know.
Oh, am I wrong. His... his first step!
-Quick. Get the camera. -Oh.
[laughs]
He did...Come on. Come on.
You can do it. One more step. Come on, big boy.
You can do it. You can do it.
Come on, come on.
First your left leg. Come on.
Now you... left leg.
[giggling] Yeah!
Come on. Wait...
Whoa. Whoa. Okay. Okay, big boy.
That's enough. Come on. Okay.
Sit down. That's enough for you today.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that's such a good boy. Yeah.
Oh, Master, you're gonna spoil him.
Oh, everyone spoils their first monster.
[door opens]
Is Dr. Reutgar in?
We're have you been?
Huh? Uh... busy.
Well, I missed you, my favorite subject.
I just learned spinal tension relief.
-Hmm. -Feel it?
Oh, god. Yes!
Oh, I do.
If bodily fluids don't course freely up...
and down the spine,
it gets kinda like a dirty pile.
Here. Try it on me.
[door opens]
Well, if it isn't Mr. Plunder and pilfer.
What does that supposed to mean?
Oh, just that me and El Sapo here
did our own little autopsy on a recently diseased patient.
Ring any bells, Doc?
We know you're up to no good.
And we've got proof.
-Tell him, Dr. Reutgar. -Yeah.
Tell him all we know.
Well, I can tell you one thing, gentlemen.
There's only one man in-charge in this hospital.
And that man...
is me.
Control. Stem to stern.
As we used to say in the days when men were men,
"He who shuffles the cards,
controls the deck."
What the fuck is he talking about?
-Excuse me. -Dr. Reutgar.
-I need to see you. -I'm sorry.
Dr. Frankenheimer's not going to get away from this.
You wanna give me a backrub?
I'd rather light my hair on fire.
[groans]
[grunts]
What is it, big guy?
-[grunts] -Oh, oh!
Oh! I bet you're hungry.
[phone clatters]
Oh. Don't kill me. But I...
I forgot your baby food.
Whoa. Hey. Whoa, whoa.
-[grunts] -All right. Calm down now.
I'll get you some more. Oh.
Let's just calm down.
Oh. Oh. The Master's not gonna like this.
-Oh. -[grunts]
[door opens]
[moaning]
[door crashes]
[grunts]
[growls]
[clattering]
Hello, Doctor.
Oh, someone new.
How are you, dear?
Did you bump your head?
-[groans] -Oh!
Doctor. Charades. [gasps]
Now, now. Let me see now. Don't tell me.
A stony, frozen face.
I know.
You're the Statue of Liberty.
-[growls] -Oh, Doctor!
Good grief. It's only a game.
You new doctors are so dramatic.
Is that supposed to be funny?
I wasn't finished with that.
[screams]
[growls]
[shrieks]
[gasping]
[door opens]
[blows raspberry]
I need to talk to you about...
my secret experiment.
[technicians giggling]
God, I really hate that.
Can't this wait?
I've got a few things to say myself, Dr. Reutgar.
I can either say them to you, or to the Board.
-Which will it be? -[door slams open]
Doctor, doctor.
[urine dripping]
[scoffs] The monster's loose.
[dance music plays]
[rips] Ah!
[glass breaks]
-[shrieks] -[glass breaks]
Are they here?
Don't feel sorry for me.
Huh?
I guess I wouldn't have anything to say either.
But don't worry. I have my imagination.
I've been using it a lot too. You know.
To dream.
Maybe I'll be a writer.
Or a teacher.
I could do that.
I hope you throw me out. I wanna fly home.
High, high in the sky.
I know she's afraid.
Ooh, I'll teach her. We'll go out next to God.
He'll take care of us.
Oh, soaring high.
Flying away, flying away from all my sadness.
I wish I can really fly.
Wouldn't it be fun to really fly?
Yeah.
I'd fly far above the clouds.
Where nothing's gonna matter except the air and the sun.
Huh? Oh, what?
Oh, I'm gonna fly.
Okay. Here we go. Wee!
Higher than the birds.
Higher than the clouds.
-Whee! -Whee!
Whee!
-Ah! -[laughing]
[loud screeching]
[loud splash]
I can see!
I can see!
-I can see! -I can see too.
[quirky music]
[screams]
[sighs]
Alice!
-My little commando queen. -Shh.
One may hear you.
Do you want the whole hospital to know about our...
relationship.
I'll have to talk to you about that.
Later. By the way, you're very photogenic.
-What? -Oh, never mind.
Listen, there's a very bad monster
on the loose in this hospital.
Oh. And he's been a naughty boy?
-Does he need.. -No, not me, for god's sake.
A real monster.
A living creature that Dr. Frankenheimer has built
in the basement out of... [sighs]
stolen body parts.
Why don't we talk when you're sober?
Oh! Hello.
I didn't realize I had a patient this afternoon.
I'll be with you in a moment.
No. That's not for my patients.
Get away from that.
Give me that. It's mine.
[grunts]
Give me that this instant!
[whips]
Ooh. You are a real man, aren't you?
-[grunts] -[metal crashes]
-[whips] -[Dr. Singleton moans]
-[crashes] -[grunts]
[groans]
-[door closes] -[zipper zips]
Hey!
Ooh. Well.
Whatever happened to holding your own?
Sharing a cigarette when we're finished?
Wait a minute!
Wait.
There you are!
-[screams] -Quiet everyone!
Don't upset him!
He's very sensitive!
Come to me.
Come on.
Come here, baby.
How you doing, my love?
Somebody call the police.
-[grunts] -No!
No!
Hi, baby. It's all right.
How you doing?
What's going on?
Huh? What's new, my love sweet?
It's all right. I'll protect you.
[groans]
This monster must be destroyed.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
No. Don't hurt him.
Why not?
Because he knows how to make a woman
feel like a woman.
[growls]
You... you mean?
You and he?
The monster and you?
Yes, Frank.
We went all the way.
[all] Ooh.
Who is this guy?
Is he a doctor? I love doctors.
[all] We know.
Dr. Reutgar told me
Dr. Frankenheimer built this monster in the basement
out of stolen body parts.
-[gasps] -Dead body parts, Dixon.
And the name is Frankenstein.
[dramatic music]
Dr. Bob Frankenstein.
And I'll have you know...
that the House of Frankenstein is restored.
And the whole world will know
that true genius exists.
Look at him!
Look at my creation.
I gave him life!
I am his mom.
[all] Aww...
He's really just a harmless little kid.
-[slaps] -All right.
[gasps]
You've made your last moves, you horny brute.
Ten-to-one on the monster.
-How much? -A grand.
-You're on. -[both] Cool.
[grunts]
Time to kiss your ass goodbye, lover boy.
[whimpers]
Don't you dare touch my creation.
Back off, Bob, or die with him.
Give me the whip.
-That's mine. -Give me the whip now.
You pushed me to the limit, Frankenstein.
En garde.
[suspenseful music playing]
-Ha! -Ha!
Don't kill him.
I'll never find my serum.
I'm sick of your serum crap.
I want back in OR.
-Get a life. -Ah!
Give me my hair.
All right, Reutgar.
[laughing menacingly]
Say your prayers, Frankenstein.
Wow.
So this is home.
Home.
Well, it's... a really nice place you have here.
It's so... colorful.
Oh.
Thank you.
Good.
[screams]
-[screams] -What?
What's the matter?
[screaming]
-What are you doing? -[screaming continues]
-What are you drinking? -Ah! Ah! Ah!
-Oh! Oh! -What?
Oh. No. Oh.
You probably shouldn't. I don't think you should drink that.
-I don't think... -[screams]
Oh, no. Don't drink that!
No! You...you can't.
[smoke hissing]
[police] Freeze!
Drop that sword.
I said drop it.
What are you doing?
Arrest him, you idiot. Not me.
He's the madman around here.
Ha! That's questionable.
And that tiny man... is always under foot.
And he's been taking photographs...
Never mind.
This man is Dr. Bob Frankenstein.
He built a monster in the basement.
Where everything's black and white.
And that monster has wreaked havoc on my hospital.
And as if that weren't enough,
he's had his way with my girlfriend.
[laughing]
Don't you laugh at me.
This is my ship, and I'm still at the helm.
Cigars. Cigarettes.
Condoms.
Insurance form.
-[nurse screams] -[doctors gasp]
What's this about a monster?
That's him.
That's the monster that Frankenstein built.
Ask Alice. I mean, Dr. Singleton.
She'll vouch for me.
Do you know anything about a monster on the premises?
No.
Alice. What are you...
-What are you doing? -Come on, buddy.
-You remember our rules. -No, I can explain everything!
You can't understand it. It's all a matter of control.
I just have to get things under control.
This is a tight ship. I can run it like a tight ship!
I just have to get things under control!
You don't understand. Control!
My god.
-How? -This.
It goes down very smoothly.
My serum!
What have you done with my serum?
I'm afraid I drank it, dear boy.
[whimpers]
[sobs] My serum! My serum.
No! No, no.
You drank it?
I want your urine. Save your urine.
Don't piss it away!
I want your urine. Your urine is serum!
Don't piss it away, you monster.
Piss on me! [cries]
Ooh. That guy's a mess.
Poor guy.
Oh, well.
My dream has become a reality.
-Together, we'll... -Together?
Yes. You and I will work together.
-We'll... -I am sorry.
It is time for me to go out into the world on my own.
Oh. They grow up so fast.
Wait!
-Skippo. -Yes, Biffy.
Just what are the odds on this sort of thing happening?
I don't know. I figure you've got...
You got 4,000 hospitals in the United States.
-225 doctors per shift. -Check.
-147 nurses and... -Uh-huh.
[both] Amazing.
I'm really gonna miss him.
So will I, Iggy.
What am I gonna do with myself?
Uh... Master?
Iggy.
I know where I can get a pair of legs that come to here.
-No. -She was a dancer.
Iggy, where are we gonna get that kind of money?
-Can you get those legs tonight? -Tonight.
-We can do the feminine model. -Yeah.
[Dr. Frankenstein] Wait a minute. Stop the music.
It's not quite the end.
You're probably wondering what happened to all of us.
My creation and Alice were married.
It was a nice little ceremony.
Iggy was the best man. We were so proud.
The newlyweds opened their own business downtown.
I'm sure they'll do well.
Reutgar actually did time for assault and battery.
But he escaped after just three weeks.
I don't know what it is,
but something tells me, we haven't seen the last of him.
Oh, yes. Then there's Saperstein.
[laughs]
Poor guy.
I think he's better off
for Puss and Boots Animal Hospital, don't you?
And what can I say about Nurse Verna
that we don't already know?
Oh, there is one bit of news.
Rumor has it she's installed a Murphy bed
in one of the elevators.
Biff and Skip have run into some rather bad luck.
They lost everything in the October crash.
But they'll survive.
They almost had me convinced last week
that I needed a kidney transplant.
Patty's doing much better.
She only killed five patients last month.
Next thing you know, she'll be asking for a raise.
And I don't know who the hell this is.
And Dixon.
Well, one picture's worth a thousand words.
That brings us to my dear trustworthy little friend, Iggy.
He's still faithfully assisting me
while he attends medical school at night.
And of course, there's me.
I got the grant, I'm happy to say.
And I'm running the hospital
and you wouldn't believe
what I'm building in my laboratory now.
[woman moans]
[laughing menacingly]
[closing theme music playing]