Formula of Love (1984) - full transcript
A young aristocrat, Aleksei Fedyashev, is languishing in his family's country estate, spending his days reading poetry and confessing his love... to a statue. Upon hearing that famous Count Cagliostro is touring Russia and has created quite a buzz in high society with his "magic", he decides to ask the Count to bring the statue to life...
Whatever they think,
Whatever they try,
Whatever they make,
Out of whatever you imagine
Spread your nets,
Guess their intentions,
Guess their conclusions,
Just don't stay still.
No time to sit idle,
The fortune can change its mind.
The desires of the human race
are so limited.
Extract your conclusions
Out of tin or gold,
Out of your nets and slough,
From young or old,
From ancient or new,
Skillfuly or not
Extract the gold,
Extract the gold,
Gold, gold,
Get your gold!
Basta!
Enough, segnora, you're in Russia,
Please speak Russian!
No!
The the Great Master expects this of you!
No!
Yes!
I am not can this do!
My head is not remember all of this!
No, it can.
A head can do anything.
Especially, if it's the head of the Great Master.
Am I right?
Yes.
My head nicht...
- Russian language is not more complex than others.
- Absolutely.
Shame on you. Look at Margadon - he's a pure savage.
Even he did. Margadon!
"There is always use for studies",
"A girl should work hard",
"Don't spit in the well - you may need the water".
And "as they say".
Check the installation of the mirrors.
A head can do anything.
Lets start from the beginning again.
O, you all go to hell,
How-do-you-do!
Softer...
Delicately.
Concentrate, even softer, I beg you.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
So, we begin.
It's an ordinary trick.
Just a sulfuric acid.
My name is Giuseppe Cagliostro.
The supreme hierarch of things.
I appeal to the forces of disembodied, the great
mysteries of fire, water and land.
I surrender myself to their power and conjure move
my incorporeal substance
from the current time into the future,
so I could see the faces of the descendants
living many years head.
- Glad to see you.
- Likewise.
I would like to ask you, my sir, about the faiths of
people gathered here
in Saint-Petersburg, of this date,
year 1780.
Are you ready to answer?
Please ask.
Are you ready to tell us the whole truth?
Well... All - not all...
What is your question?
Ask about me, count.
How long will my life be?
I'd love to read the lines of your life,
but it is not clear to me...
I just see number 19... For now.
And how do I interpret that?
The upcoming century, the 19th will receive you,
mylady.
And I was stupid enough to prepare for my death!
Ask please if I should get married once again?
Count, please ask if I should sell the estate?
Count, how long will I live?
and so on and so forth
Ask about the turks.
When is the war going to be over?
He's moving.
Leaving!
Where's he going?
Where-where, to the future.
From the Most Serene Prince Potemkin I am
in junction to arrest Mr. Cagliostro
and transmit him to the office
for further questioning.
It's impossible. He's in the future.
We'll get him out of the future too. Not the first time.
Very fast, Jacob!
Hey-hey-hey! Fortissimo, mamma mia, hey-hey!
A visit to General Bibikov to discuss magnetism?
A visit to the chamber-maid of honor Golovina regarding rejuvination and transformation into a virgin
No time.
Princess von Kisevettre,
making gold out of mercury.
I must warn you though,
we're out of mercury.
You're so merchantile, Margadon?
You should think of the soul!
About soul? Soul... Soul...
Maria.
Maria...
Are you feeling better sir?
Yes, looks like.
Magician... How can we thank you?
No need! Thank the nature. The nature cures you.
I'm just a petty tool in her hands?
A few more sessions, Ivan Antonovich,
and your malaise would have disappeared?
But no! Urgent business makes me leave St-Petersburg?
No way you could stay?
No, Warsaw expects me, Paris,
Copenhagen...
And what about papa?
There is one option but I'm afraid it could be misinterpreted?
I can take with me one of the patient's relative.
I mean a relative.
This way I can cure my patient remotely?
Through a related person.
This happened in my practice before, it was fruitful...
But who do we have? Me and ... Mashenka?
NO! How could you?
A young girl? Along?
Among men?
I knew I would be misinterpreted.
- We knew that.
-Nobody believes in nobility of intentions anymore!
-Not a single person...
It's a pity!
Mister Cagliostro? Wait!
I agree.
And what if I'm lying?
What if I'm in love and want to kidnap you?
What then?
Don't joke. You can tell when a person is in love?
Tell how?
It's in the eyes. But your eyes...
Cold?
Empty?
Very quickly, Jacob!
Hey-hey-hey! Fortissimo, mamma mia!
?From the places of birth,
a River is floating through the kindgom of Life,
It's playing with the boat and disappears into Eternity?
Nicely said, isn't it, Auntie?
About the river? Yeah, it's good...
Go to the river indeed, have a swim.
Or do some fishing.
What are you talking about, Auntie?
The river of life is flowing into Eternity!
What fishing are we talking about?
Well, I thought you wanted some fish soup.
Well, no is no? Noodles are good too!
Oh, Auntie! We both speak Russian,
but feels like we speak two different languages.
What am I trying to convey? About the purpose of life!
What do we exist for?
Tell me!
How can I tell you so fast?
It depends - where one lives!?
If it's here, in Smolensk region, that's one thing? But if in Tambovsk region - that's very different?
Oh, no! That's unbearable!
It's time for you to get married!
That's what I know, my dear.
You cannot stare all your life at an old mushroom like me.
This way something bad will happen to you.
Marry? Why?
And whom?
Well, our neighbors, the Zagosins, have 3 daughters!
Each is better than the other! Blooming with health!
Mashenka, Sashenka, Aglashenka...
Why no good?
Oh Auntie. Is this why I left high society,
ran away from the capital,
To drown in every day life??
I'll get married and what then?
I will be spending all day in my robe...
And my wife, a person who should serve ideals of love,
will order noodles in my presence and will starting eating it!
Why noodles? Ok, no noodles.
Or even if noodles, why are noodles so bad?!
Oh no! Milles pardons, Fedosia Ivanona!
It's not what I'm dreaming of during my solitude?
I know what you're dreaming of!
Shame! Other people will shame you?
What are you talking about?
About whom! About the stone broad, that's whom!
All servants laugh at you!
O Lord, they are spying on me!
This is so low?
There, our lad is having a moment of hypochondria again!
It's about time. Hypochondria always happens at the dusk.
Why at the dusk, Stepan Stepanovich?
Because of stupid doubts, Fimka.
For example, a person is looking at the sun and wondering:
Is it going to rise tomorrow or not?
As they said in Latin, Sic transit gloria mundi.
Thus passes the glory of the world.
Where all of this latin stuff coming from?
You're not very latin.
The former owner had all of his serfs taught latin.
He wanted to imagine himself living in Ancient Rome?
He was a great educator! He used to tell us:
"Aut nihil, aut Cesar!"
And how is "love" in Latin?
Love, Fimka, in latin is amor. And with your eyes like this....
Amor...
O, how much I love you,
oh pretty creation,
I love your delicate features
and this sweet look!
and your stillness,
and paleness, and silence
Tell my soul so much about so many things!
And I feel as if I knew your name
We used to see each other from very far
You're not a piece of marble for me, nor an angel, nor a goddess.
You're the woman I love, oh I love you so much.
Wait! What's that? Where are you taking it?
The madam told me to wash it.
Whom?!
The statue.
Put it back! Wait!
Splash me too.
Not like this! Slowly.
Our boy has a cold, he has a cold, our sweetheart!
Too much swimming.
Stop weeping! He has no cold,
he just lost his mind!
Brought this ugly thing into the house,
forgive me God!
Ma tante! Lets not make a scene in front of the strangers.
I want this piece of art in my office?
It's not art, it's Sodom and Gomorrah!
Is there two fo them? I think it's just one...
- One what?
- One Gomorrah.
Who modeled for it?
Both. My father installed it, God forbid.
And my father was a heartbreaker, sweet memories to him.
She looks like Praskov Tulupova.
She was a daughter of the mill owner.
Wow, quite a beauty...
The moment our owner saw her, he lost his mind.
He said he'd either marry her or make a copy out of marble.
So amor happened to him?.
What?
Amor...
Her name was Praskovia.
Not amor, and not Praskovia...
It's Gisel.
A french girl.
I recognized her.
Her foot.
No, it's not Gisel!
Gisel was a brunette, this one is all white.
Your tongue.
Close. Open up.
Close. Open.
What are his symptoms?
His head is his symptom.
That's good. His lungs are breathing, his heart is pumping.
And his head?
The head is a dark subject and is not up to investigations.
That's wise. Please to the table, doctor, what God sent us.
To the table with my pleasure. If the doctor is well fed, the patient feels better.
He suffers from hyppochondria.
Hyppochnodria is a strong lust,
which keeps the soul in a constantly sad state.
Medicine knows different solutions, the best and the safest of which is - a conversation.
A word can cure, a conversation eliminates thoughts.
- Would you like to converse, mylord?
- What about?
Whatever you'd like.
About the war with the turks, about peculiarities of climate,
or, for example, about count Cagliostro.
- Whom?
- Cagliostro.
A famous magician of dark forces.
Recently, he made quite a trouble in St-Petersbourg.
As newspapers say - he grew gems and did fortune telling.
Also they say that for Madame Golovina
he created an image of her dead husband from a portrait,
and so well that she felt his presence very well and currently is pregnant?
Materialisaion! It's called
"materialization of senses and ideas".
I read about these misteries!
Why are you so anxious, my friend?!
You should not get up!
Return to bed this same moment!
Auntie, darling! I thought of him, Cagliostro!
I was going to write to him to Paris, London?
And he's here, in Russia!
Moreover, he's within 30 miles from here.
His carriage is broken, the blacksmith is nowhere to be found. So he's in some hotel, feeding bedbugs?
Bedbugs?!
A great man! Master!? Feeding bedbugs?!
But they, my lord, don't care - a master or not a master.
Don't care?!
Bedbugs don't care, but thank God in Russia there are still a few educated people!
I won't let you!
There are still people who value education!
No! No!
Alexis! Alexis!
- Vika! Door keys!
- Just a moment mylady!
Stepan, my horse!
Won't let you!
Some people value education!
Creepy place. No chicks, nobody plays cards.
I stole a silver spoon in a diner. They assumed that it never was there!
Barbarians, wild place,
I want to go hoome.
And where is your home?
No idea. I was born on a boat, but nobody remembers where it was going to and from.
And what about you, Jacob?
- I'm not born yet.
- Not yet?
- Nope.
- So what are you thinking to do?
I'm going to go through a chain of births, as a result I will appear to the world as the prince of Wales.
This won't be soon though,,
in a few centuries, in the 20th century maybe.
But I do! In the future I'll be a cat. So I care about every moment of now.
I don't understand why we're stuck here!
- We're waiting for Lorenza.
- He doesn't give a damb about Lorenza, nor about us!
- Your thoughts are far, my darling?
- I'm thinking of my daddy?
It's me who should be thinking of your daddy
And you should think of me.
And preferrably without dislike?
- What dislike are you talking about?
- Am I so disgusting for you?
- Oh no, Master Cagliostro!
Guiseppe!
I asked you to call me by my first name. Guiseppe
Or just Giusi. My mother used to call me like this.
And caress my hair? Like this.
Your exellency? I'm in your full power?
I didn't care about what people would say.
I live with you in the same hotel.
Why are you torturing me?
I am not afraid even of death now.
I'm not a tyrant mylady.
I need feelings, not obedience.
- You cannot force a heart. That's what people say.
- Your people say many stupid things.
A heart is just an organ, like the rest?
and follows orders from above.
Now it's beating very fast.
And now it's less and less.
And now, voila, it stopped.
Would you order it to stop for good?
Or should I re-start it?
Christ be with you! Re-start it!
Re-start.
- Done.
- Again?
As you saw, the heart followed the brain.
Feelings follow the mind,
Mind follow the feelings...
The vicious circle. We started with the mind, and finished with it.
So it follows that everything is a play of my mind.
If you agree with me...
than of yours as well.
But I don't love you my lord.
Can't you see that?
I see that. But we're at the start of the experiment?
It takes 10 days to turn mercury into gold,
from hatred to love - 15?
We've been travelling for two weeks.
The turning point is coming!
????, ??????????!
???? ???? ????????.
??? ???? ??? ?????????!
????? ????????,
??????? ???????,
????? ??? ???????,
???? ????? ???!
???-???-???-?? ???????
What does this all mean?
It's a song about a poor fisherman, who left Naples and swam into a stormy sea.
And his poor girlfriend was waiting on the shore,
waiting, waiting.
until she gave up. She took off her clothes...
and also jumped into the stormy waters.
And the sea swallowed her in one moment.
Basically, everyone died.
???? ???? ????????.
??? ???? ??? ?????????!
????? ????????,
??????? ???????,
????? ??? ???????,
???? ????? ???!
???-???-???-?? ???????
???-???-??? ??????????
???-???-??? ???????????
?, ??????????, ??????????, ??????????
??????????, ??????????!
- I'm sorry but is count Cagliostro staying here?
Margadon! Why is the door open?
- Excuse me, Master!
- What excuse me?
Barbarian traditions.
They give keys but there are no locks.
I'm afraid it's a bad time...
You were born at the bad time, my dear,
but what can we do now? Come in!
I'm a local landowner, Fediashev,
came here to introduce myself and invite you to have a good time!
You cannot lie, young man.
All people belong to people who need something from me,
and the rest, from whom I need something.
I don't need anything from you.
Tell me now, what can I do for you?
I came to beg for a miracle.
The thing is, I'm in love!
Passionately and hopelessly.
The thing is also that the object of my love
exists only in my imagination.
It's physical contours are only sketched in a
sculpture... But it's just a piece of marble!
Cold marble, my dear Master!
If only you could do a miracle?
I don't do miracles, I act within physical forces of nature?
I'm a materialist.
Oh yes, of course! I mean
"materialization of feelings and ideas"
Make my dream come true, your excellency!
???????? ????? ? ???, ??? ??????? ?????????
???? ???????? ????? ? ???????? ???????.
Please no, mylord, materialization of ideas is the hardest thing for magic.
It requires huge sources of energy.
Take everything I have!
My estate, my house...
- Wealth doesn't interest me.
- Then I am ready to give you my life!
You don't believe me?
I'll prove this to you, this same moment!
- The gun is loaded.
- Great! My life is in your hands!
I'll shoot myself!
Please, no big words, they shake the air but not people.
Helps this young man, Giuseppe.
You see, he's truly in love.
- Oh yeah? How do you know that?
- Can you do me a favor?
They're coming!
S'il vous plait, dear guests,
s'il vous plait...
Je vous prie, allez plaisir...
God forgive me, I lost all my words out of fear...
Alexis, they don't speak our language at all?
They do. Margadon, accept!
Please mylord!
He probably liked it... Good lad!
- Good man...
- He stole the salt shaker.
- without any shame...
Uncle Stepan, their horse driver looked at me through his lorgnette, why is that?
Why-why?
He has bad eyes.
Poor guy.
Gentlemen, here he is, the Great Master.
And this is his companion, Maria Ivanovna.
And you said that italians have difficult names.
Please, dear guests, make yourself at home.
Mister Cagliostro!
Let me introduce myself: local artist, Zagosin Matvey Timofeevich.
I dream about painting your portrait.
Later, mylord, later.
Stepan! Stepan, our guest's carriage is broken.
- I see that, master. The axle is broken.
- And the spokes are to be changed...
- How long will it take you?
- A day.
- And two?
- Well... Can finish in two.
- And five?
- Well, if I try real hard... can be five.
- And ten?
Oh, master, your tasks are hard...
I cannot do it alone in ten days.
I need an assistant. Homo sapiens!
Get assistants, as long as it's not before 10 days!
Funny gentlement, huh?
Are they staying long?
That is up to me.
Alen nobi, nostra alis!
Which means - if one man could create,
someone else can always take it apart!
And why are they making it like this?..
That's an english thing!
Everything is up to me here.
Thank you for the treat, everything was great.
But you haven't touched anything, mylord!
That who eats less, lives longer, since with a fork and a knife we're digging our own grave.
That's wise.
I can ready many questions in your eyes.
Oh, count, we heard so much about you!
People make up so many stories about me,
that I'm tired to refute them all.
At the same time, my biography is simple and short.
I was born in Mesopotamia, 2105 years ago.
You must be surprised to hear my ancient year of birth?
No, no surprise.
We had a clerk in the county, who marked birth years with just one digit in passports.
He was saving on ink!
Then he was discovered, sent to prison,
but the passports stayed as they were.
Since they are legal papers after all.
Efimtzev, a merchant, was registered as born in year 3, Kulikov - in year 2?
Kultiakin - in year 1.
So, we have many old people.
This analogy is inappropriate. I'm not,
as you mentioned, old on paper, I in reality was born two thousand years ago?
That year and that hour, Vesuvius erupted.
It is possible that because of this event some energy was transferred to me.
I hope nothing like this happens in your neighborhood?
Nobody's fingers light up, that's the truth.
But sparks can come out of the eyes...
Once there was quite the fireworks?
All hay burned down. And what hay!
Pure clover?
Stop lying! Pure clover...
Your lands are full of carex and burdocks!
How can you, Feodosia Ivanovna,
a load of my hay costs ten rubles.
Maybe it costs that much but nobody's buying!
Your hay is no good!
It only burns well.
If you, count, would like to buy some hay,
buy it from Feodosia Ivanovna, you won't lose.
No, I have good hay.
What are you all talking about?
What lack of understanding! Our guest is talking about different types of events!
I feel that I'm surrounded by skeptics, so lets go back to the meal.
- See this fork?
- Yeah?
- Would you like me to eat it?
- Please be my guest.
Oh please, count? God forgive you!
You're shaming me as a hostess?
Dessert time now! Fimka! Why are standing still!
Bring the chocolate!
Oh yes! That was sincere? Great.
I'm full of awe.
My patients swallowed spoons many times before,
but like this, at the dinner?
a sharp object for dessert
that's great!
We're sincerely grateful to you for that.
Unless of course you'd be able to consume some china in addition to metal things?
Then I'd be speechless!
Thank you mylord. But I'm full,
Time to get down to business.
So, where is your idol, mister Fediashev?
Show it to me?
Please this way.
Mister Cagliostro, and what about a portrait?
Darling, wait with the portrait, let him deal with a sculpture first.
Bravo my dear! I like your taste!
Do you recognise her, Margadon?
Naturlich, your excellence! Perfect femina!
My life allowed me to watch her many times, at first she was called Helene the Beautiful.
Helene?
- Later - Beatrice.
- Beatrice...
Praskovia was her name.
Praskovia Tulupova modelled for it.
Doesn't matter who modelled.
The true artists follows his inspiration,
not a model.
I think you realize that mylord and you don't expect full resemblance.
Of course... well. On the other hand though?
I was hoping for some resemblance.
Materialization of feelings and ideas has something in common with the fantasy.
And it keeps only the contours with the initial form... Have you dropped her or what?
I told you not to touch her, I told you.
You see, first she was in the park...
And I though, it's raining there, and there are doves?
The idol cannot leave its soil!
You ruined the magnetic connections!
I don't even know how she will look like, your Laura?
Laura? Is it Laura, worshipped by the great Petrarca?
Yes, she used to be her too.
She showed herself to the worl under various names...
Julietta, Laura... I don't even know what her name would be now.
Maria, perhaps? Do you mind, mylady?
Mylady! Do you mind?
Why would I? It's an honour for me.
If not me, than my name will serve someone's ideals of love.
So, you don't mind? And you, mylord?
You don't mind no?
And what would you say?
Pretty name. And the appearance of your companion I would accept with pleasure?
I must disappoint you my friend!
I just had a vision?
Galatea will be call Lorenzia.
I though so, ladies and gentlemen, Please please this way.
- Pardon my rudeness...
- What was so rude?
About dreaming of your features and confessing publicly...
And now you have changed your mind?
Oh no! Maria Ivanovna, I'd be just happy!
But I felt like I violated the courtly ways of behavior...
And the count got angry too.
And the flowers are for him too?
No...
Maria Ivanova, please no...
You're strange Aleksey Alekseevich.
Your speaking manner is so sophisticated.
Even though you live close to the nature
among simple normal people.
But you're dreaming of ideals
fleshless!
But this is how Petrarca worshiped his Laura!
That's not true, Petrarca loved a real woman, who lived next door.
And only then, he worshiped her into an ideal.
You did it exactly the opposite my lord.
Trick and magic won't bring you love!
Tell me how to reach it then?
Don't know.
If I knew how, I'd be happy myself.
I'm losing my agility!
Mushrooms after dinner,
crepes after mushrooms...
Creepy place.
Doors are ulocked.
Yesterday, I asked to borrow 3 rubles from the maid,
she gave it to me, silly thing!
and didn't ask when I'm going to return it!
Would you like to treat yourself?
How's this called?
Pancakes.
Pancakes, pancakes, where are you from - from grandma.
Villager, do you have a grandma?
- No.
- So you're an orphan.
Come over.
Do you want some big but pure love?
Who doesn't?
Then come at the dusk to the haystag.
Will you?
Why not? I will.
But you please show up too.
Because the other day, that gentleman invited me too
and didn't show up.
She won't come alone, she'll come with the blacksmith.
Which blacksmith?
With my uncle.
He's like a father to me, our blacksmith.
Why do we need the blacksmith?
We'll do without the blacksmith.
You think I'm a horse?
Why do we need the blacksmith?
To bless.
You would like to propose to me?
Nope, you can go.
See - we're playing!
Oh no my lord!
You're not holding it right.
You take it, your elbow to the side...
Lightly, gently...
We're being humiliated, Jacob. Your turn, oh prince!
Mister Caglisotro!
I'm dying to paint your portrait! Will you find a free moment for me?
I don't have free moments!
Hello lads!
Why did you show up? They could see you!
Did you get my note?
What the hell?!
You dumped in St.Petersburg,
police is breathin on my neck,
then I'm running alone through the entire Russia,
eating road dust!
And when I arrive, it turns out I cannot be seen!
What the hall is going on?!
The hell.
I'm saying, what the hell.
You shouldn't be seen until I let you!
Oh, I understand why you're hiding me, another materialization!
I have to smudge white paint all over myself and run around naked! Enough!
Margadon!
Yes, mylord.
- Was it you who told her?
- No, mylord! I'm mute like a fish...
- Liar!
- No.
I'll turn you into a fish.
Yucky slippery one...
- But you promised I'll be a cat...
- Too much honor!
- Let him go Guisi!
- OOOOh Mammma...
- Mia.
- Yeah.
It's not his fault.
I learned to read your mind.
We all learn your trade little by little, Guisi.
And we're all bothered with one thought: who the hell needs this?!
When I materialize for some prince in the capital, then I understand.
But here, in thie middle of nowhere...
No money, no fame!..
Is it all to entertain your Russian mademoiselle?
You thought that?! Yes or now?
Yes! No. Whatever this means for me...
Yes! That was my thought!
And yours too, Jacob?
No, sir, no... You know, my thoughts are far in the future...
But to be honest...
if someone, in the Chamber of Lord asks me:
Why have you, dear Prince, spent so much time near Smolensk?
I won't know what to say...
So... it's a coup?!
I've been warned, that spending time in Russia doesn't do well to weak brains.
You nonentities, petty comediants!
I could have turned you into ashes!
But I won't waste my magic energy on you!
Don't waste.
You're not worth it!
I'll do something else.
I'll give you in to the police.
- To whom?
- To the police.
And they will publicly whip you, like tramps, and send you to Siberia to clean the snow!
- All snow?
- Yes!
There's lots of snow there...
Why does he keep scaring me? I'm not easily scared ?
I have three life sentences.
And how is he speaking with you? You are person who reached the bottom of London's society..
Finally, are you going to be a prince or not?
Yes, it is!
Are you still trying to create love, Guiseppe?
How can I compare love to a woman with love to the truth?
The truth is that men are unhappy. God forgot them.
I'm alone...
make them happy.
They want wealth - I brew some gold...
They want to know the future - I do fortunetelling.
But all of this is a trick...
Men want to be tricked - remember that.
Everyone trick someone, he just does it in a primitive way.
I'm the only one who turned a trick, a lie, into an art, and that made me popular.
And finally I discovered the truth...
I think someone from above decided to trick me now.
You know, I'm not capable to experience love.
Fear, awe, respect...
I can cause.
But love...
No.
Hush, nobody should see you.
It's not fair. Why should we uncover complex things, if we don't understand the simple ones?
I want to create a formula of love.
You're insane.
Love is a divine feeling.
Common mistake. Fire used to be divine too,
until Prometeus stole it.
Now we use it to boil water.
I'll do the same with love.
Not for myself only - for all.
People will stop suffering and will become happy.
- All?
- Every single person.
What if someone doesn't want to be happy?
The he'll die.
All wishes should come true.
- I think about transformations more and more.
- Huh?
Transformation of everything. Including love.
The formula takes care of everything: acquaintance,
desire, jelousy, desperation?
All sides and grades.
I'll send this girl through the entire labirynth.
And if the flames of feelings are sparked in the end...
Then it wasn't the God who created it but a human.
and therefore, we're equal.
That's with whom you're competing.
Yes, other competitors are of no interest to me.
Speaking of... You must seduce this young dreamer.
He's in my way and can spoil things.
Yes, Guisi.
I'll do anything you want.
I'll seduce, tempt, kill.
Just not to see you suffer.
- Do we have a deal?
- Yes, prince!
- So, I propose an ultimatum...
- Yes, and I'm approaching from behind.
Well, Guisi..
Look, what night it is Guisi.
Include it into your formula.
If you want to make the entire world happy, start with me.
These Italians.
- If we don't leave tomorrow - I'll escape.
- You won't be scared?
I'm brave enough to escape.
- Hello, villager.
- Oh, how do you do.
- Is the carriage ready?
- Of course. Please this way.
Here it is, your beauty.
This is our carriage?
In a week it will be like new.
"Labor est ipse voluptas"
Which means - Labor is itself a pleasure!
Son of a..., huh? Son of a ....!
So you, instead of working, are studying latin here?
Liberation s perpetum mobile.
Jacob, we'll never leave.
We'll die here.
I got it, Jacob. All invaders of Russia will die near Smolensk.
My lord, is it true that your master is 2000 years old?
Cannot tell for sure, mylady.
I only know for sure that during the last 200 years that I've been surving him, he hasn't changed a bit.
Uncle Stepan, won't you help them? It's a sing to make fun at these poor people, just look at them.
They are enslaved.
Eat nothing other than fish.
And their songs are so sad...
Why are they singing every n ight?
They'll be gone soon.
Cannot sleep, Aleshenka?
No. I'm getting ready.
Just listen how the Great Piit is saying good bye to his love.
- I refuse to hear that.
- Why?
- Don't like it.
- How come don't like it?
It's the great Petrarca...
- Well, God be with him.
- with Petrarca?
- with Petrarca.
Petrarca had his aunt; he was her problem.
And you, you're my only nephwe.
And that's what I'll tell you.
If you're human - love a human.
Don't imagine a dream without flesh, God forbid!
And this master of yours, whom is he going to create? It's not about eating forks!
Oh, Auntie, don't torture me!
I'm worried already.
Say no. Say no, tell him that you changed your mind!
I'm not comfortable with that, Auntie. I started the ordeal and now I change my mind? It's not masculine!
I thought of something? During the materialization, I'll be thinking of Maria.
Her face, her eyes,
shoulders, hands... And so on.
Sweetheart. Why thinking of her? She's real just next to you!
What are you talking about, Auntie? You taught me - don't desire what's not yours!
Who cares what I say? Plus, a person in love doesn't follow other peoples' advice!
What do you suggest?
To steal her from the count?!
Why not that?
To steal!
You're used to having everything prepared for you.
Created an ideal - and want it delivered on a plate!
And reading someone's poetry - not a big achievement!
That Petrarca of yours - he probably put his Laura on a horse and they ran away.
And you Auntie? Had something like this happend to you too?
If it had, I wouldn't be an old maid here.
I had an admirer, just like you.
He was a strong man. But he wasted all his life on poetry. He destroyed my life.
Go to her, Alesha, she' waiting for you.
She told you?
You're silly, my God.
Who talks of that?
People keep silent about that, and just sigh.
I was passing by her room the other minute -
it's quite in there... It's a good sign.
Go, Alesha.
To steal!
Maria Ivanovna!
Oh how much I love you,
oh wonderful creation!
I love your delicate features and this tender look!
And your stillness, and paleness, and your silence
Tell my soul so much about so many things
Can't sleep?
Yeah, well, I like walks at the dawn.
On two horses at the same time?
Not enough seating?
You, my dear, should prepare for materialization instead of horse riding.
Listen, count. I kept thinking all night. My heart has changed.
Come, go go!
I already have awaken the force of energetic forces, I'm already in contact with the magnetic substances.
Where do you think you are? At the market?!
Sign of the Zodiac.
24 Kabbalah symbols.
This is the key, the gates and seven elements.
Everything is already breathing; it?s been brought to action.
Oh my God, I?m an unhappy man.
What I?m supposed to do now? I?m not dreaming of her anymore. I?m in love with someone else!
Someone else. When did you manage to do that?
Is it a matter of time? Sometimes two minutes is enough, one look.. And everything is upside-down in your heart!
You know how it happens!
You know how love comes!
Don?t know and don?t want to know!
It?s all a delirium, crazy delirium.
You?ll get what you desired,
in accordance with the contours sketched out.
The hell with the contours! I hate them already.
And if you cannot destroy this statue, I?ll do it myself!
Ahhhhh!!
Now go to her.
Your dream awaits for you impatiently.
I got it.
You?re a liar and a villain!
I will kill you!
Mylord, you?re a dishonest person!
- Is this a challenge?
- Yes!
Gentlemen, for the last time I invite you to think of making peace.
- Merci but this is impossible.
- In that case, to your positions.
Why are you lingering, sir?
You?re my guest, you should be shooting first.
Barbarian traditions! Wherever we dueled, in France or Holland
Everywhere it?s quick and civilized ? shoot once and for sure!
Lets equalized the odds! Margadon!
Load only one gun.
Yes, my signor!
Well, one means one!
Choose, your excellence!
That the right of the host. Let the faith be our judge.
I hope that shooting yourself in front of a guest does not contradict your traditions?
- Scared?
- Scared.
And, please, count, don?t mention the duel to the Auntie.
Just tell her that Alesha de-materialized, and that?s all! And to Maria too?
But overall, count, I?m very grateful to you.
You promised to give me my dream, and you gave it to me
What can you do now!
To give my life to her is nothing
Farewell, my dream, Maria Ivanovna!
Congratuulations.
Count, that?s enough! You were hotheads, but now it?s enough!
I forgive you!
Let God forgive, it?s his job, not yours!
My shot sir. Please don?t stand on my way!
Stop it!
Don?t do that!
I really love you!
Your experiment was successful, I fell in love with you and now
ready to go with you to the end of the world
You, count, are clever, tender and most importantly ? unhappy. You?ll get lost without me.
What about me?
That?s the faith, Aleshenka. We?ll suffer.
Sufferring perfects one?s soul.
Daddy always says that consuming only pleasure is indecent
The hell with your daddy with his advice!
Without you, no sense for me to live!
Count, give me your gun!
No, no, count, don?t!
No! If you die, I?ll die too! I?ll stop my heart, the count taught me how.
Oh God, why oh why have I met you?
It?s all because of the stupid statue!
No, Aleshenka, the statue has nothing to do with that!
She?s also an unhappy woman!
She?s in love with the count!
Don?t worry, ladies and gentlemen.
I will leave you alone now and you will continue your scene.
I?m also grateful to you.
You helped me understand a very important thing.
I think, in love the most important thing is to give you life for the other without blinking.
Would be fun to try.
What?s terrible is that death doesn?t scare me.
It?s probably because Cagliostro is already dead.
His feelings and desires had already died.
Just his mind is alive. His poor human brain, which imagined that he?s alone in the universe and is allowed to just anything..
The brain that doubted the basics of the universe.
And tried to install his own ones.
It?s asking me about the last favour, it?s trying to get free.
Margadon. You were supposed to load one.
You?re a dishonest man, Margadon.
Of course. If I were honest,
how many people would have died in Europe. Scary!
In our county there was a smilar case.
I think, count, it would be interesting for you to know now.
Some landowner, Kuziakin, was dueling
Oh!, Santa Maria, where are you?
Well, let me finish...
Some landowner, Kuziakin, was dueling.
He put his gun to his head, pressed the trigger
and nothing! Pressed again, nothing!
He though to himself ? that?s not my faith! And that was true!
He sold his gun, which was an expensive one, with gems
He sold his gun, and to got drunk to celebrate that,
He fell into a snow bank and froze to death!
He?s telling you that because, everyone has his deadline and you shouldn?t rush it!
Absolutely true.
Especially, considering that your body is completely destroyed by your lifestyle.
Your liver is weak, your heart has problems
I don?t get how you lived with it for 2000 years! You should give up your magic, my dear!
Making sparkles with your fingers, eating forks is not a good idea at our age.
And careful with the ladies! Marble, not marble, it?s not our business anymore.
Find a sunny spot and enjoy the warmth!
Herbal therapy would be good too. Chamomile or mint tea. Do you have mint in Italy?
Why would they have mint in Italy? I saw their Italy on the map! It?s just one big boot! That?s all
And here is our Galatea!
You can approach the Master, don?t be scared.
Is he feeling bad?
No, he?s feeling well.
Well?
It?s all going well while you?re alive.
We, count, told the neighbors that the materialization was successful.
So that not to destroy your reputation.
We said that we had a statue before and now we have Maria Ivanovna.
And many believe that.
Where?s Margadon?
I sent him to the city. They said someone is looking for you there, from Prince Potemkin.
So I thought he should go, find out what?s going on.
I invite you, count, to stay with us for a few more days.
Our engagement is on Sunday. I proposed to Maria Ivanovna
But wait. I told you I cannot decide without daddy?s blessing.
Help us, count, you?re our only hope.
Maria Ivanovna said that you have a specia connection with him.
I beg you, ask for his blessing
Alesha! It?s not the right time!
It is, it is. So, how?s our daddy doing there?
The daddy has agreed.
You wanted to dump the Master?
I thought he was dead..
Dead master don?t need servants.
You always played with other people?s lives, not your own.
You?re being chased, and you?re lying here in a robe and thinking about God knows what!
- Chased?
- Yes, chased, your excellency.
That?s great. When you?re being chased, that?s the only thing on your mind.
Time should be full of events,
then it flies unnoticed.
Jacob
Jacob?..
?????????? ?? ???????!
Jacobushka...
Don?t leave. Stay, sweety?..
You would be a prince here already...
I would give you a little baby
And would teach him to sing?.
I?ll come back to you.
I will certainly come back to you.
But I?ll be different.
Really really. Cross my heart.
But very different.
I have an order to arrest Mister Cagliostro.
Grandpa!
Grandpa Cagliostro, is it true that you?ll be reviving my grandma?
And who are you?
Praskovia Tulupova.
Mister Cagliostro!
Excuse me. Are you very busy?
In 1791, Guiseppe Cagliostro returned home to Rome, and unexpectedly for everybody gave himself in to the police.
He received a life sentence. Lorenza was visiting him often.
Not long before his death, she gave him a painting of an unknown artist from Russia.
Historians have never identified the people on the painting and their roles in the life of the Great Master.
Whatever they try,
Whatever they make,
Out of whatever you imagine
Spread your nets,
Guess their intentions,
Guess their conclusions,
Just don't stay still.
No time to sit idle,
The fortune can change its mind.
The desires of the human race
are so limited.
Extract your conclusions
Out of tin or gold,
Out of your nets and slough,
From young or old,
From ancient or new,
Skillfuly or not
Extract the gold,
Extract the gold,
Gold, gold,
Get your gold!
Basta!
Enough, segnora, you're in Russia,
Please speak Russian!
No!
The the Great Master expects this of you!
No!
Yes!
I am not can this do!
My head is not remember all of this!
No, it can.
A head can do anything.
Especially, if it's the head of the Great Master.
Am I right?
Yes.
My head nicht...
- Russian language is not more complex than others.
- Absolutely.
Shame on you. Look at Margadon - he's a pure savage.
Even he did. Margadon!
"There is always use for studies",
"A girl should work hard",
"Don't spit in the well - you may need the water".
And "as they say".
Check the installation of the mirrors.
A head can do anything.
Lets start from the beginning again.
O, you all go to hell,
How-do-you-do!
Softer...
Delicately.
Concentrate, even softer, I beg you.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
So, we begin.
It's an ordinary trick.
Just a sulfuric acid.
My name is Giuseppe Cagliostro.
The supreme hierarch of things.
I appeal to the forces of disembodied, the great
mysteries of fire, water and land.
I surrender myself to their power and conjure move
my incorporeal substance
from the current time into the future,
so I could see the faces of the descendants
living many years head.
- Glad to see you.
- Likewise.
I would like to ask you, my sir, about the faiths of
people gathered here
in Saint-Petersburg, of this date,
year 1780.
Are you ready to answer?
Please ask.
Are you ready to tell us the whole truth?
Well... All - not all...
What is your question?
Ask about me, count.
How long will my life be?
I'd love to read the lines of your life,
but it is not clear to me...
I just see number 19... For now.
And how do I interpret that?
The upcoming century, the 19th will receive you,
mylady.
And I was stupid enough to prepare for my death!
Ask please if I should get married once again?
Count, please ask if I should sell the estate?
Count, how long will I live?
and so on and so forth
Ask about the turks.
When is the war going to be over?
He's moving.
Leaving!
Where's he going?
Where-where, to the future.
From the Most Serene Prince Potemkin I am
in junction to arrest Mr. Cagliostro
and transmit him to the office
for further questioning.
It's impossible. He's in the future.
We'll get him out of the future too. Not the first time.
Very fast, Jacob!
Hey-hey-hey! Fortissimo, mamma mia, hey-hey!
A visit to General Bibikov to discuss magnetism?
A visit to the chamber-maid of honor Golovina regarding rejuvination and transformation into a virgin
No time.
Princess von Kisevettre,
making gold out of mercury.
I must warn you though,
we're out of mercury.
You're so merchantile, Margadon?
You should think of the soul!
About soul? Soul... Soul...
Maria.
Maria...
Are you feeling better sir?
Yes, looks like.
Magician... How can we thank you?
No need! Thank the nature. The nature cures you.
I'm just a petty tool in her hands?
A few more sessions, Ivan Antonovich,
and your malaise would have disappeared?
But no! Urgent business makes me leave St-Petersburg?
No way you could stay?
No, Warsaw expects me, Paris,
Copenhagen...
And what about papa?
There is one option but I'm afraid it could be misinterpreted?
I can take with me one of the patient's relative.
I mean a relative.
This way I can cure my patient remotely?
Through a related person.
This happened in my practice before, it was fruitful...
But who do we have? Me and ... Mashenka?
NO! How could you?
A young girl? Along?
Among men?
I knew I would be misinterpreted.
- We knew that.
-Nobody believes in nobility of intentions anymore!
-Not a single person...
It's a pity!
Mister Cagliostro? Wait!
I agree.
And what if I'm lying?
What if I'm in love and want to kidnap you?
What then?
Don't joke. You can tell when a person is in love?
Tell how?
It's in the eyes. But your eyes...
Cold?
Empty?
Very quickly, Jacob!
Hey-hey-hey! Fortissimo, mamma mia!
?From the places of birth,
a River is floating through the kindgom of Life,
It's playing with the boat and disappears into Eternity?
Nicely said, isn't it, Auntie?
About the river? Yeah, it's good...
Go to the river indeed, have a swim.
Or do some fishing.
What are you talking about, Auntie?
The river of life is flowing into Eternity!
What fishing are we talking about?
Well, I thought you wanted some fish soup.
Well, no is no? Noodles are good too!
Oh, Auntie! We both speak Russian,
but feels like we speak two different languages.
What am I trying to convey? About the purpose of life!
What do we exist for?
Tell me!
How can I tell you so fast?
It depends - where one lives!?
If it's here, in Smolensk region, that's one thing? But if in Tambovsk region - that's very different?
Oh, no! That's unbearable!
It's time for you to get married!
That's what I know, my dear.
You cannot stare all your life at an old mushroom like me.
This way something bad will happen to you.
Marry? Why?
And whom?
Well, our neighbors, the Zagosins, have 3 daughters!
Each is better than the other! Blooming with health!
Mashenka, Sashenka, Aglashenka...
Why no good?
Oh Auntie. Is this why I left high society,
ran away from the capital,
To drown in every day life??
I'll get married and what then?
I will be spending all day in my robe...
And my wife, a person who should serve ideals of love,
will order noodles in my presence and will starting eating it!
Why noodles? Ok, no noodles.
Or even if noodles, why are noodles so bad?!
Oh no! Milles pardons, Fedosia Ivanona!
It's not what I'm dreaming of during my solitude?
I know what you're dreaming of!
Shame! Other people will shame you?
What are you talking about?
About whom! About the stone broad, that's whom!
All servants laugh at you!
O Lord, they are spying on me!
This is so low?
There, our lad is having a moment of hypochondria again!
It's about time. Hypochondria always happens at the dusk.
Why at the dusk, Stepan Stepanovich?
Because of stupid doubts, Fimka.
For example, a person is looking at the sun and wondering:
Is it going to rise tomorrow or not?
As they said in Latin, Sic transit gloria mundi.
Thus passes the glory of the world.
Where all of this latin stuff coming from?
You're not very latin.
The former owner had all of his serfs taught latin.
He wanted to imagine himself living in Ancient Rome?
He was a great educator! He used to tell us:
"Aut nihil, aut Cesar!"
And how is "love" in Latin?
Love, Fimka, in latin is amor. And with your eyes like this....
Amor...
O, how much I love you,
oh pretty creation,
I love your delicate features
and this sweet look!
and your stillness,
and paleness, and silence
Tell my soul so much about so many things!
And I feel as if I knew your name
We used to see each other from very far
You're not a piece of marble for me, nor an angel, nor a goddess.
You're the woman I love, oh I love you so much.
Wait! What's that? Where are you taking it?
The madam told me to wash it.
Whom?!
The statue.
Put it back! Wait!
Splash me too.
Not like this! Slowly.
Our boy has a cold, he has a cold, our sweetheart!
Too much swimming.
Stop weeping! He has no cold,
he just lost his mind!
Brought this ugly thing into the house,
forgive me God!
Ma tante! Lets not make a scene in front of the strangers.
I want this piece of art in my office?
It's not art, it's Sodom and Gomorrah!
Is there two fo them? I think it's just one...
- One what?
- One Gomorrah.
Who modeled for it?
Both. My father installed it, God forbid.
And my father was a heartbreaker, sweet memories to him.
She looks like Praskov Tulupova.
She was a daughter of the mill owner.
Wow, quite a beauty...
The moment our owner saw her, he lost his mind.
He said he'd either marry her or make a copy out of marble.
So amor happened to him?.
What?
Amor...
Her name was Praskovia.
Not amor, and not Praskovia...
It's Gisel.
A french girl.
I recognized her.
Her foot.
No, it's not Gisel!
Gisel was a brunette, this one is all white.
Your tongue.
Close. Open up.
Close. Open.
What are his symptoms?
His head is his symptom.
That's good. His lungs are breathing, his heart is pumping.
And his head?
The head is a dark subject and is not up to investigations.
That's wise. Please to the table, doctor, what God sent us.
To the table with my pleasure. If the doctor is well fed, the patient feels better.
He suffers from hyppochondria.
Hyppochnodria is a strong lust,
which keeps the soul in a constantly sad state.
Medicine knows different solutions, the best and the safest of which is - a conversation.
A word can cure, a conversation eliminates thoughts.
- Would you like to converse, mylord?
- What about?
Whatever you'd like.
About the war with the turks, about peculiarities of climate,
or, for example, about count Cagliostro.
- Whom?
- Cagliostro.
A famous magician of dark forces.
Recently, he made quite a trouble in St-Petersbourg.
As newspapers say - he grew gems and did fortune telling.
Also they say that for Madame Golovina
he created an image of her dead husband from a portrait,
and so well that she felt his presence very well and currently is pregnant?
Materialisaion! It's called
"materialization of senses and ideas".
I read about these misteries!
Why are you so anxious, my friend?!
You should not get up!
Return to bed this same moment!
Auntie, darling! I thought of him, Cagliostro!
I was going to write to him to Paris, London?
And he's here, in Russia!
Moreover, he's within 30 miles from here.
His carriage is broken, the blacksmith is nowhere to be found. So he's in some hotel, feeding bedbugs?
Bedbugs?!
A great man! Master!? Feeding bedbugs?!
But they, my lord, don't care - a master or not a master.
Don't care?!
Bedbugs don't care, but thank God in Russia there are still a few educated people!
I won't let you!
There are still people who value education!
No! No!
Alexis! Alexis!
- Vika! Door keys!
- Just a moment mylady!
Stepan, my horse!
Won't let you!
Some people value education!
Creepy place. No chicks, nobody plays cards.
I stole a silver spoon in a diner. They assumed that it never was there!
Barbarians, wild place,
I want to go hoome.
And where is your home?
No idea. I was born on a boat, but nobody remembers where it was going to and from.
And what about you, Jacob?
- I'm not born yet.
- Not yet?
- Nope.
- So what are you thinking to do?
I'm going to go through a chain of births, as a result I will appear to the world as the prince of Wales.
This won't be soon though,,
in a few centuries, in the 20th century maybe.
But I do! In the future I'll be a cat. So I care about every moment of now.
I don't understand why we're stuck here!
- We're waiting for Lorenza.
- He doesn't give a damb about Lorenza, nor about us!
- Your thoughts are far, my darling?
- I'm thinking of my daddy?
It's me who should be thinking of your daddy
And you should think of me.
And preferrably without dislike?
- What dislike are you talking about?
- Am I so disgusting for you?
- Oh no, Master Cagliostro!
Guiseppe!
I asked you to call me by my first name. Guiseppe
Or just Giusi. My mother used to call me like this.
And caress my hair? Like this.
Your exellency? I'm in your full power?
I didn't care about what people would say.
I live with you in the same hotel.
Why are you torturing me?
I am not afraid even of death now.
I'm not a tyrant mylady.
I need feelings, not obedience.
- You cannot force a heart. That's what people say.
- Your people say many stupid things.
A heart is just an organ, like the rest?
and follows orders from above.
Now it's beating very fast.
And now it's less and less.
And now, voila, it stopped.
Would you order it to stop for good?
Or should I re-start it?
Christ be with you! Re-start it!
Re-start.
- Done.
- Again?
As you saw, the heart followed the brain.
Feelings follow the mind,
Mind follow the feelings...
The vicious circle. We started with the mind, and finished with it.
So it follows that everything is a play of my mind.
If you agree with me...
than of yours as well.
But I don't love you my lord.
Can't you see that?
I see that. But we're at the start of the experiment?
It takes 10 days to turn mercury into gold,
from hatred to love - 15?
We've been travelling for two weeks.
The turning point is coming!
????, ??????????!
???? ???? ????????.
??? ???? ??? ?????????!
????? ????????,
??????? ???????,
????? ??? ???????,
???? ????? ???!
???-???-???-?? ???????
What does this all mean?
It's a song about a poor fisherman, who left Naples and swam into a stormy sea.
And his poor girlfriend was waiting on the shore,
waiting, waiting.
until she gave up. She took off her clothes...
and also jumped into the stormy waters.
And the sea swallowed her in one moment.
Basically, everyone died.
???? ???? ????????.
??? ???? ??? ?????????!
????? ????????,
??????? ???????,
????? ??? ???????,
???? ????? ???!
???-???-???-?? ???????
???-???-??? ??????????
???-???-??? ???????????
?, ??????????, ??????????, ??????????
??????????, ??????????!
- I'm sorry but is count Cagliostro staying here?
Margadon! Why is the door open?
- Excuse me, Master!
- What excuse me?
Barbarian traditions.
They give keys but there are no locks.
I'm afraid it's a bad time...
You were born at the bad time, my dear,
but what can we do now? Come in!
I'm a local landowner, Fediashev,
came here to introduce myself and invite you to have a good time!
You cannot lie, young man.
All people belong to people who need something from me,
and the rest, from whom I need something.
I don't need anything from you.
Tell me now, what can I do for you?
I came to beg for a miracle.
The thing is, I'm in love!
Passionately and hopelessly.
The thing is also that the object of my love
exists only in my imagination.
It's physical contours are only sketched in a
sculpture... But it's just a piece of marble!
Cold marble, my dear Master!
If only you could do a miracle?
I don't do miracles, I act within physical forces of nature?
I'm a materialist.
Oh yes, of course! I mean
"materialization of feelings and ideas"
Make my dream come true, your excellency!
???????? ????? ? ???, ??? ??????? ?????????
???? ???????? ????? ? ???????? ???????.
Please no, mylord, materialization of ideas is the hardest thing for magic.
It requires huge sources of energy.
Take everything I have!
My estate, my house...
- Wealth doesn't interest me.
- Then I am ready to give you my life!
You don't believe me?
I'll prove this to you, this same moment!
- The gun is loaded.
- Great! My life is in your hands!
I'll shoot myself!
Please, no big words, they shake the air but not people.
Helps this young man, Giuseppe.
You see, he's truly in love.
- Oh yeah? How do you know that?
- Can you do me a favor?
They're coming!
S'il vous plait, dear guests,
s'il vous plait...
Je vous prie, allez plaisir...
God forgive me, I lost all my words out of fear...
Alexis, they don't speak our language at all?
They do. Margadon, accept!
Please mylord!
He probably liked it... Good lad!
- Good man...
- He stole the salt shaker.
- without any shame...
Uncle Stepan, their horse driver looked at me through his lorgnette, why is that?
Why-why?
He has bad eyes.
Poor guy.
Gentlemen, here he is, the Great Master.
And this is his companion, Maria Ivanovna.
And you said that italians have difficult names.
Please, dear guests, make yourself at home.
Mister Cagliostro!
Let me introduce myself: local artist, Zagosin Matvey Timofeevich.
I dream about painting your portrait.
Later, mylord, later.
Stepan! Stepan, our guest's carriage is broken.
- I see that, master. The axle is broken.
- And the spokes are to be changed...
- How long will it take you?
- A day.
- And two?
- Well... Can finish in two.
- And five?
- Well, if I try real hard... can be five.
- And ten?
Oh, master, your tasks are hard...
I cannot do it alone in ten days.
I need an assistant. Homo sapiens!
Get assistants, as long as it's not before 10 days!
Funny gentlement, huh?
Are they staying long?
That is up to me.
Alen nobi, nostra alis!
Which means - if one man could create,
someone else can always take it apart!
And why are they making it like this?..
That's an english thing!
Everything is up to me here.
Thank you for the treat, everything was great.
But you haven't touched anything, mylord!
That who eats less, lives longer, since with a fork and a knife we're digging our own grave.
That's wise.
I can ready many questions in your eyes.
Oh, count, we heard so much about you!
People make up so many stories about me,
that I'm tired to refute them all.
At the same time, my biography is simple and short.
I was born in Mesopotamia, 2105 years ago.
You must be surprised to hear my ancient year of birth?
No, no surprise.
We had a clerk in the county, who marked birth years with just one digit in passports.
He was saving on ink!
Then he was discovered, sent to prison,
but the passports stayed as they were.
Since they are legal papers after all.
Efimtzev, a merchant, was registered as born in year 3, Kulikov - in year 2?
Kultiakin - in year 1.
So, we have many old people.
This analogy is inappropriate. I'm not,
as you mentioned, old on paper, I in reality was born two thousand years ago?
That year and that hour, Vesuvius erupted.
It is possible that because of this event some energy was transferred to me.
I hope nothing like this happens in your neighborhood?
Nobody's fingers light up, that's the truth.
But sparks can come out of the eyes...
Once there was quite the fireworks?
All hay burned down. And what hay!
Pure clover?
Stop lying! Pure clover...
Your lands are full of carex and burdocks!
How can you, Feodosia Ivanovna,
a load of my hay costs ten rubles.
Maybe it costs that much but nobody's buying!
Your hay is no good!
It only burns well.
If you, count, would like to buy some hay,
buy it from Feodosia Ivanovna, you won't lose.
No, I have good hay.
What are you all talking about?
What lack of understanding! Our guest is talking about different types of events!
I feel that I'm surrounded by skeptics, so lets go back to the meal.
- See this fork?
- Yeah?
- Would you like me to eat it?
- Please be my guest.
Oh please, count? God forgive you!
You're shaming me as a hostess?
Dessert time now! Fimka! Why are standing still!
Bring the chocolate!
Oh yes! That was sincere? Great.
I'm full of awe.
My patients swallowed spoons many times before,
but like this, at the dinner?
a sharp object for dessert
that's great!
We're sincerely grateful to you for that.
Unless of course you'd be able to consume some china in addition to metal things?
Then I'd be speechless!
Thank you mylord. But I'm full,
Time to get down to business.
So, where is your idol, mister Fediashev?
Show it to me?
Please this way.
Mister Cagliostro, and what about a portrait?
Darling, wait with the portrait, let him deal with a sculpture first.
Bravo my dear! I like your taste!
Do you recognise her, Margadon?
Naturlich, your excellence! Perfect femina!
My life allowed me to watch her many times, at first she was called Helene the Beautiful.
Helene?
- Later - Beatrice.
- Beatrice...
Praskovia was her name.
Praskovia Tulupova modelled for it.
Doesn't matter who modelled.
The true artists follows his inspiration,
not a model.
I think you realize that mylord and you don't expect full resemblance.
Of course... well. On the other hand though?
I was hoping for some resemblance.
Materialization of feelings and ideas has something in common with the fantasy.
And it keeps only the contours with the initial form... Have you dropped her or what?
I told you not to touch her, I told you.
You see, first she was in the park...
And I though, it's raining there, and there are doves?
The idol cannot leave its soil!
You ruined the magnetic connections!
I don't even know how she will look like, your Laura?
Laura? Is it Laura, worshipped by the great Petrarca?
Yes, she used to be her too.
She showed herself to the worl under various names...
Julietta, Laura... I don't even know what her name would be now.
Maria, perhaps? Do you mind, mylady?
Mylady! Do you mind?
Why would I? It's an honour for me.
If not me, than my name will serve someone's ideals of love.
So, you don't mind? And you, mylord?
You don't mind no?
And what would you say?
Pretty name. And the appearance of your companion I would accept with pleasure?
I must disappoint you my friend!
I just had a vision?
Galatea will be call Lorenzia.
I though so, ladies and gentlemen, Please please this way.
- Pardon my rudeness...
- What was so rude?
About dreaming of your features and confessing publicly...
And now you have changed your mind?
Oh no! Maria Ivanovna, I'd be just happy!
But I felt like I violated the courtly ways of behavior...
And the count got angry too.
And the flowers are for him too?
No...
Maria Ivanova, please no...
You're strange Aleksey Alekseevich.
Your speaking manner is so sophisticated.
Even though you live close to the nature
among simple normal people.
But you're dreaming of ideals
fleshless!
But this is how Petrarca worshiped his Laura!
That's not true, Petrarca loved a real woman, who lived next door.
And only then, he worshiped her into an ideal.
You did it exactly the opposite my lord.
Trick and magic won't bring you love!
Tell me how to reach it then?
Don't know.
If I knew how, I'd be happy myself.
I'm losing my agility!
Mushrooms after dinner,
crepes after mushrooms...
Creepy place.
Doors are ulocked.
Yesterday, I asked to borrow 3 rubles from the maid,
she gave it to me, silly thing!
and didn't ask when I'm going to return it!
Would you like to treat yourself?
How's this called?
Pancakes.
Pancakes, pancakes, where are you from - from grandma.
Villager, do you have a grandma?
- No.
- So you're an orphan.
Come over.
Do you want some big but pure love?
Who doesn't?
Then come at the dusk to the haystag.
Will you?
Why not? I will.
But you please show up too.
Because the other day, that gentleman invited me too
and didn't show up.
She won't come alone, she'll come with the blacksmith.
Which blacksmith?
With my uncle.
He's like a father to me, our blacksmith.
Why do we need the blacksmith?
We'll do without the blacksmith.
You think I'm a horse?
Why do we need the blacksmith?
To bless.
You would like to propose to me?
Nope, you can go.
See - we're playing!
Oh no my lord!
You're not holding it right.
You take it, your elbow to the side...
Lightly, gently...
We're being humiliated, Jacob. Your turn, oh prince!
Mister Caglisotro!
I'm dying to paint your portrait! Will you find a free moment for me?
I don't have free moments!
Hello lads!
Why did you show up? They could see you!
Did you get my note?
What the hell?!
You dumped in St.Petersburg,
police is breathin on my neck,
then I'm running alone through the entire Russia,
eating road dust!
And when I arrive, it turns out I cannot be seen!
What the hall is going on?!
The hell.
I'm saying, what the hell.
You shouldn't be seen until I let you!
Oh, I understand why you're hiding me, another materialization!
I have to smudge white paint all over myself and run around naked! Enough!
Margadon!
Yes, mylord.
- Was it you who told her?
- No, mylord! I'm mute like a fish...
- Liar!
- No.
I'll turn you into a fish.
Yucky slippery one...
- But you promised I'll be a cat...
- Too much honor!
- Let him go Guisi!
- OOOOh Mammma...
- Mia.
- Yeah.
It's not his fault.
I learned to read your mind.
We all learn your trade little by little, Guisi.
And we're all bothered with one thought: who the hell needs this?!
When I materialize for some prince in the capital, then I understand.
But here, in thie middle of nowhere...
No money, no fame!..
Is it all to entertain your Russian mademoiselle?
You thought that?! Yes or now?
Yes! No. Whatever this means for me...
Yes! That was my thought!
And yours too, Jacob?
No, sir, no... You know, my thoughts are far in the future...
But to be honest...
if someone, in the Chamber of Lord asks me:
Why have you, dear Prince, spent so much time near Smolensk?
I won't know what to say...
So... it's a coup?!
I've been warned, that spending time in Russia doesn't do well to weak brains.
You nonentities, petty comediants!
I could have turned you into ashes!
But I won't waste my magic energy on you!
Don't waste.
You're not worth it!
I'll do something else.
I'll give you in to the police.
- To whom?
- To the police.
And they will publicly whip you, like tramps, and send you to Siberia to clean the snow!
- All snow?
- Yes!
There's lots of snow there...
Why does he keep scaring me? I'm not easily scared ?
I have three life sentences.
And how is he speaking with you? You are person who reached the bottom of London's society..
Finally, are you going to be a prince or not?
Yes, it is!
Are you still trying to create love, Guiseppe?
How can I compare love to a woman with love to the truth?
The truth is that men are unhappy. God forgot them.
I'm alone...
make them happy.
They want wealth - I brew some gold...
They want to know the future - I do fortunetelling.
But all of this is a trick...
Men want to be tricked - remember that.
Everyone trick someone, he just does it in a primitive way.
I'm the only one who turned a trick, a lie, into an art, and that made me popular.
And finally I discovered the truth...
I think someone from above decided to trick me now.
You know, I'm not capable to experience love.
Fear, awe, respect...
I can cause.
But love...
No.
Hush, nobody should see you.
It's not fair. Why should we uncover complex things, if we don't understand the simple ones?
I want to create a formula of love.
You're insane.
Love is a divine feeling.
Common mistake. Fire used to be divine too,
until Prometeus stole it.
Now we use it to boil water.
I'll do the same with love.
Not for myself only - for all.
People will stop suffering and will become happy.
- All?
- Every single person.
What if someone doesn't want to be happy?
The he'll die.
All wishes should come true.
- I think about transformations more and more.
- Huh?
Transformation of everything. Including love.
The formula takes care of everything: acquaintance,
desire, jelousy, desperation?
All sides and grades.
I'll send this girl through the entire labirynth.
And if the flames of feelings are sparked in the end...
Then it wasn't the God who created it but a human.
and therefore, we're equal.
That's with whom you're competing.
Yes, other competitors are of no interest to me.
Speaking of... You must seduce this young dreamer.
He's in my way and can spoil things.
Yes, Guisi.
I'll do anything you want.
I'll seduce, tempt, kill.
Just not to see you suffer.
- Do we have a deal?
- Yes, prince!
- So, I propose an ultimatum...
- Yes, and I'm approaching from behind.
Well, Guisi..
Look, what night it is Guisi.
Include it into your formula.
If you want to make the entire world happy, start with me.
These Italians.
- If we don't leave tomorrow - I'll escape.
- You won't be scared?
I'm brave enough to escape.
- Hello, villager.
- Oh, how do you do.
- Is the carriage ready?
- Of course. Please this way.
Here it is, your beauty.
This is our carriage?
In a week it will be like new.
"Labor est ipse voluptas"
Which means - Labor is itself a pleasure!
Son of a..., huh? Son of a ....!
So you, instead of working, are studying latin here?
Liberation s perpetum mobile.
Jacob, we'll never leave.
We'll die here.
I got it, Jacob. All invaders of Russia will die near Smolensk.
My lord, is it true that your master is 2000 years old?
Cannot tell for sure, mylady.
I only know for sure that during the last 200 years that I've been surving him, he hasn't changed a bit.
Uncle Stepan, won't you help them? It's a sing to make fun at these poor people, just look at them.
They are enslaved.
Eat nothing other than fish.
And their songs are so sad...
Why are they singing every n ight?
They'll be gone soon.
Cannot sleep, Aleshenka?
No. I'm getting ready.
Just listen how the Great Piit is saying good bye to his love.
- I refuse to hear that.
- Why?
- Don't like it.
- How come don't like it?
It's the great Petrarca...
- Well, God be with him.
- with Petrarca?
- with Petrarca.
Petrarca had his aunt; he was her problem.
And you, you're my only nephwe.
And that's what I'll tell you.
If you're human - love a human.
Don't imagine a dream without flesh, God forbid!
And this master of yours, whom is he going to create? It's not about eating forks!
Oh, Auntie, don't torture me!
I'm worried already.
Say no. Say no, tell him that you changed your mind!
I'm not comfortable with that, Auntie. I started the ordeal and now I change my mind? It's not masculine!
I thought of something? During the materialization, I'll be thinking of Maria.
Her face, her eyes,
shoulders, hands... And so on.
Sweetheart. Why thinking of her? She's real just next to you!
What are you talking about, Auntie? You taught me - don't desire what's not yours!
Who cares what I say? Plus, a person in love doesn't follow other peoples' advice!
What do you suggest?
To steal her from the count?!
Why not that?
To steal!
You're used to having everything prepared for you.
Created an ideal - and want it delivered on a plate!
And reading someone's poetry - not a big achievement!
That Petrarca of yours - he probably put his Laura on a horse and they ran away.
And you Auntie? Had something like this happend to you too?
If it had, I wouldn't be an old maid here.
I had an admirer, just like you.
He was a strong man. But he wasted all his life on poetry. He destroyed my life.
Go to her, Alesha, she' waiting for you.
She told you?
You're silly, my God.
Who talks of that?
People keep silent about that, and just sigh.
I was passing by her room the other minute -
it's quite in there... It's a good sign.
Go, Alesha.
To steal!
Maria Ivanovna!
Oh how much I love you,
oh wonderful creation!
I love your delicate features and this tender look!
And your stillness, and paleness, and your silence
Tell my soul so much about so many things
Can't sleep?
Yeah, well, I like walks at the dawn.
On two horses at the same time?
Not enough seating?
You, my dear, should prepare for materialization instead of horse riding.
Listen, count. I kept thinking all night. My heart has changed.
Come, go go!
I already have awaken the force of energetic forces, I'm already in contact with the magnetic substances.
Where do you think you are? At the market?!
Sign of the Zodiac.
24 Kabbalah symbols.
This is the key, the gates and seven elements.
Everything is already breathing; it?s been brought to action.
Oh my God, I?m an unhappy man.
What I?m supposed to do now? I?m not dreaming of her anymore. I?m in love with someone else!
Someone else. When did you manage to do that?
Is it a matter of time? Sometimes two minutes is enough, one look.. And everything is upside-down in your heart!
You know how it happens!
You know how love comes!
Don?t know and don?t want to know!
It?s all a delirium, crazy delirium.
You?ll get what you desired,
in accordance with the contours sketched out.
The hell with the contours! I hate them already.
And if you cannot destroy this statue, I?ll do it myself!
Ahhhhh!!
Now go to her.
Your dream awaits for you impatiently.
I got it.
You?re a liar and a villain!
I will kill you!
Mylord, you?re a dishonest person!
- Is this a challenge?
- Yes!
Gentlemen, for the last time I invite you to think of making peace.
- Merci but this is impossible.
- In that case, to your positions.
Why are you lingering, sir?
You?re my guest, you should be shooting first.
Barbarian traditions! Wherever we dueled, in France or Holland
Everywhere it?s quick and civilized ? shoot once and for sure!
Lets equalized the odds! Margadon!
Load only one gun.
Yes, my signor!
Well, one means one!
Choose, your excellence!
That the right of the host. Let the faith be our judge.
I hope that shooting yourself in front of a guest does not contradict your traditions?
- Scared?
- Scared.
And, please, count, don?t mention the duel to the Auntie.
Just tell her that Alesha de-materialized, and that?s all! And to Maria too?
But overall, count, I?m very grateful to you.
You promised to give me my dream, and you gave it to me
What can you do now!
To give my life to her is nothing
Farewell, my dream, Maria Ivanovna!
Congratuulations.
Count, that?s enough! You were hotheads, but now it?s enough!
I forgive you!
Let God forgive, it?s his job, not yours!
My shot sir. Please don?t stand on my way!
Stop it!
Don?t do that!
I really love you!
Your experiment was successful, I fell in love with you and now
ready to go with you to the end of the world
You, count, are clever, tender and most importantly ? unhappy. You?ll get lost without me.
What about me?
That?s the faith, Aleshenka. We?ll suffer.
Sufferring perfects one?s soul.
Daddy always says that consuming only pleasure is indecent
The hell with your daddy with his advice!
Without you, no sense for me to live!
Count, give me your gun!
No, no, count, don?t!
No! If you die, I?ll die too! I?ll stop my heart, the count taught me how.
Oh God, why oh why have I met you?
It?s all because of the stupid statue!
No, Aleshenka, the statue has nothing to do with that!
She?s also an unhappy woman!
She?s in love with the count!
Don?t worry, ladies and gentlemen.
I will leave you alone now and you will continue your scene.
I?m also grateful to you.
You helped me understand a very important thing.
I think, in love the most important thing is to give you life for the other without blinking.
Would be fun to try.
What?s terrible is that death doesn?t scare me.
It?s probably because Cagliostro is already dead.
His feelings and desires had already died.
Just his mind is alive. His poor human brain, which imagined that he?s alone in the universe and is allowed to just anything..
The brain that doubted the basics of the universe.
And tried to install his own ones.
It?s asking me about the last favour, it?s trying to get free.
Margadon. You were supposed to load one.
You?re a dishonest man, Margadon.
Of course. If I were honest,
how many people would have died in Europe. Scary!
In our county there was a smilar case.
I think, count, it would be interesting for you to know now.
Some landowner, Kuziakin, was dueling
Oh!, Santa Maria, where are you?
Well, let me finish...
Some landowner, Kuziakin, was dueling.
He put his gun to his head, pressed the trigger
and nothing! Pressed again, nothing!
He though to himself ? that?s not my faith! And that was true!
He sold his gun, which was an expensive one, with gems
He sold his gun, and to got drunk to celebrate that,
He fell into a snow bank and froze to death!
He?s telling you that because, everyone has his deadline and you shouldn?t rush it!
Absolutely true.
Especially, considering that your body is completely destroyed by your lifestyle.
Your liver is weak, your heart has problems
I don?t get how you lived with it for 2000 years! You should give up your magic, my dear!
Making sparkles with your fingers, eating forks is not a good idea at our age.
And careful with the ladies! Marble, not marble, it?s not our business anymore.
Find a sunny spot and enjoy the warmth!
Herbal therapy would be good too. Chamomile or mint tea. Do you have mint in Italy?
Why would they have mint in Italy? I saw their Italy on the map! It?s just one big boot! That?s all
And here is our Galatea!
You can approach the Master, don?t be scared.
Is he feeling bad?
No, he?s feeling well.
Well?
It?s all going well while you?re alive.
We, count, told the neighbors that the materialization was successful.
So that not to destroy your reputation.
We said that we had a statue before and now we have Maria Ivanovna.
And many believe that.
Where?s Margadon?
I sent him to the city. They said someone is looking for you there, from Prince Potemkin.
So I thought he should go, find out what?s going on.
I invite you, count, to stay with us for a few more days.
Our engagement is on Sunday. I proposed to Maria Ivanovna
But wait. I told you I cannot decide without daddy?s blessing.
Help us, count, you?re our only hope.
Maria Ivanovna said that you have a specia connection with him.
I beg you, ask for his blessing
Alesha! It?s not the right time!
It is, it is. So, how?s our daddy doing there?
The daddy has agreed.
You wanted to dump the Master?
I thought he was dead..
Dead master don?t need servants.
You always played with other people?s lives, not your own.
You?re being chased, and you?re lying here in a robe and thinking about God knows what!
- Chased?
- Yes, chased, your excellency.
That?s great. When you?re being chased, that?s the only thing on your mind.
Time should be full of events,
then it flies unnoticed.
Jacob
Jacob?..
?????????? ?? ???????!
Jacobushka...
Don?t leave. Stay, sweety?..
You would be a prince here already...
I would give you a little baby
And would teach him to sing?.
I?ll come back to you.
I will certainly come back to you.
But I?ll be different.
Really really. Cross my heart.
But very different.
I have an order to arrest Mister Cagliostro.
Grandpa!
Grandpa Cagliostro, is it true that you?ll be reviving my grandma?
And who are you?
Praskovia Tulupova.
Mister Cagliostro!
Excuse me. Are you very busy?
In 1791, Guiseppe Cagliostro returned home to Rome, and unexpectedly for everybody gave himself in to the police.
He received a life sentence. Lorenza was visiting him often.
Not long before his death, she gave him a painting of an unknown artist from Russia.
Historians have never identified the people on the painting and their roles in the life of the Great Master.